The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E51 (August 16, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Five past one then already over Saturday so I'm Ricky Javais that was placebo yeah with special needs which brings me to my next point with me Carl Pilkinton there he is Steve Merchant 104.9 that's it we're back then well for one last time well it's certainly the end of the season we're away for at least you know two months we're doing the. Well it's certainly the end of the season we're away for at least, you know, two months we're doing the office special and possibly forever depending on whether Carl decides he wants to carry on with this because I mean we do this for fun, we don't need to do this, we don't need to do this for, you know, money, um, money, obviously not. The kind of money you're earning, Rick, Rick, you don't the kind the kind th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the kind, the kind, the kind, to th. the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind. We're, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We, th. And, th. And, th. And, the th. And, th. And, the th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, toge. And, together. And, th. And, the. It's quite honestly beneath me, you know. We don't need to do it to further our career

because it's embarrassing B&XFM. Do not even bother cashing those XFM checks? It's not worth your while. No, it's not, it's not, yeah, the time it took to sign them. It wasn't, it wasn't Carl on a large sort of platform I say large platform Yeah, exactly No other no other way station will have us roughly the same as standing up in McDonald's I imagine so but other lunchtime though. Yeah, yeah Or when it's just the cleaning stuff mopping up. Yeah, so and if Carl doesn't come back. He's breaking up the three-way three-way partnership. He's very much sting isn't he? Yeah, yeah, the? Exactly. He's going to go off and sort of make some quite poor sort of jazz-inflicted white man's soul and leaving us to go about our business. Play pizza places. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, well I'm going to go into sort of saying say, Dad, why can't I be in the CIA? You don't know anything about it, you're a drummer? Yeah, so we'll have to see. I mean, thi'a. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin' thin' th th th th th th th th thin' thin' thin' th th th th thin' th thin' thin' to to to to to thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. Yeah, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, to to thuu. to to to to to to to thoooooooooooooooooooooooooo' th. And th we'll have to see. I mean, do you think anyone cares? I wouldn't have thought so. Because I think if someone was interested in having some good chat and some

great laughs, they spend more time with their friends. Yeah. Or listen to another radio station. Or listen to a decent radio. I think they listen to XFM for some music to have on the background that's loud enough so they can hear it while they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to th. th. to th. th. th so so thin thin the the tho to tho tho tho tho tho tho thoo thoo tho the the thi th Oh true. I think you've got to have a house. Yeah, yeah. I tell you what I do, what though, some great music. They'll be saying since you've been gone. See that? That's the sort of link I can do if we, if we stay together. If you could cut out all the other drivel you speak, you'd got a... Come on. You've got a... I know, you've got a rainbow something, haven't you?

You got a rainbow something? It's rainbow. Well, I mean, for a last show, that song had everything. It's got two guitar solos, it's got a key change, it's got bad grammar since you've been gone by Rainbow and that's for Canfield, the Prince of Rock. He's going to be the king when Vance, you know, just hands over his crown. And you've still got that on XFM. So, you know, don't going oh you weren't oh okay then no one cares no one cares this is our last show that's my good one let me give out the email address because I imagine there's gonna be a flood of emails saying please Carl's the

team together yes it's a John O dot Coleman to Coleman's not a team he he's just a big lad. Right, come on. What do you mean come on? I've got nothing. Ricky Dot Jovee at XFM. Or Carl Dot Pilkington, because you can do it throughout the week, you can do it throughout the two months. And what's the phone number for XFM? O2.7? Is it 7,000? to 7,6, 6,000? And then just asked people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people, if people, if people, if people, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to? to? to, is? to, is? Oh, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it? Oh, is it? Oh, is it? Oh, is it? to, is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their? their, their, their, their? I. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to, to asked people through the car and leave a message on his voicemail. Yeah. So emailed him a lot. 0207, 7266, 6000 I think and just asked for Carl Pilkington, little at Kyle Pilkington, little baldy mink twit and say

please stay. Carl. Say so, then. This is your last show. Say hello. What are your feelings, Carl, so far? I mean, are you cheerful? You upset. Not at all. No. Can't wait for 3 o'clock.

Sure. You see, it's interesting how Ricky was saying, he only does it for the fun. I haven't even got that bit. I am paid peanuts to work Saturdays which wrecks me weekend. Pay peanuts you get monkeys. I have no fun. Right? You are a laugh. You love this. You love this.

You love me coming in and having a little chat beforehand and after. Yeah, but that's the funny thing and it's just their funny and it's just annoying him just on a Saturday. Yeah it's not just of a Saturday. It's in the the the the the annoy you? How do I annoy you? How do I annoy you, Carl? So you can't, if you be specific? See? The first thing that springs to mind, when I'm trying to work with Steve before saying, come on let's, you know, find some interesting stuff to talk about. I think you're playing the accordion? Was it the accord the accord the accord the accord the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi? thi thi thi, thin, the the the thin, how thi, how thin, how tho tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, how, how, how their, how their, how their, how, how their, how their, how their, how their, how their, how thin, how thin, how thin, how thin, how thin, how thin, how thin, how thin, how thin, how thu? Howe. Howe. Howe. Howe. Howe. Howeanananananananananananananan, howe. Howe? Howe. Howe. Howe? Howe? Howe. Howe? Howe? Howe? How. I think you were playing the accordion in the air. Was it the accordion? It doesn't really matter they get the idea. Although I can't play the accordion so it wasn't very good was it? Where did you find an accordion? I just saw it was out there right? And then I saw the drum kit you started playing with it. And then

I had a loud speaker and I put the accord. Then it loud. Then it's loud. It loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud. Those they're they're they're loud's going to stop just because we're not on air anymore? He's not going to see you on a Saturday so he's just going to come in even more off. Yeah I can just drop him. He won't bother me as much though. I think he will. And he'll have his fob taken off him so he won't. And he won't be he'll have a bit of try and he won't. they're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're not. They're going. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're going. They're not. They're not. They're going. They're not. They're not. They're going. They're not. They're going. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. th. they're. they're. they're. they're. th. they're. th. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. th. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're, yeah, we're having a bit of trouble, what do you think? I say, lose that off the playlist, put that one on, sack then. Yeah? Let's have a little bit of FEDA. FEDA. FEDA, forget about tomorrow. At least we're here today, Steve. The three of us for an hour and a half more the last time ever possibly is up to little baldy head manky. It's for Carl Pilking Todd.

A number of emails, Rick. This is from Matthew Davis. I think he very much captures the mood of the email public. His email is just simply titled, Go! It says, why wait till three. Why not leave immediately and stop subject us to this abject misery. Well. the the he had to get a train. Of course. So that's never happened on radio before. But who knows? I mean stay tuned we might shoot off at 20 to 2. Or we might get better? Or we might get better? We might get better. We might get better because we've done a bit of planning because I got to do some planning on. And I didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, their, their, their, their, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, so that, so that, so that, so that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. So, that's that's that's th. So, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's threat. So, that's that's that's that Steve? No I wasn't talking about it. I called him up and say why what we're doing he said well you can come round and you know have a chat

maybe get some ideas and that for tomorrow so I said is Steve there yeah Steve will be coming yeah so go around it's close next next to his flight it couldn't the pub couldn't be closer yeah all right unless there was sort of spirits spirits not in the lift they couldn't have got closer. The turn up, you're not there, he's lied. Yeah. Well, I mean he wouldn't come out if it was just like you thought I was going to muck around. I had to pretend it was work to get you out.

So you weren't there Steve. Anyway, so he says, oh, come in the flat, you know, got an interesting book that you're that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thue, thue, thue, thue, thue, th flat, you know, got an interesting book that you'll like. So I think, well that's kind of work, you know, he's trying and that. So I'll go in thinking we're going to get some good ideas and that from this book. I couldn't find the book. He looked for about 40 seconds. Oh, I don't know where it is. Come on, let's come in here, let's have a wrestle. So I'm sat in th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. He, th. He, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, th Sat there just chatting to his girlfriend and that, just chatting. He comes wandering out in his underpants. Yeah. Well, I was comfortable, yeah. I don't know if you were comfortable because he was sort of pulled up. Right

between the crack. Right. Look like, uh, probably like a gay sumo regular. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, probably like a gay sumo regular. Yeah! And I did a little dance for you, didn't I? Because there was a little dance for you, I was doing a little dance, the ta'n' thanks to Elton's new one. Yeah! Yeah! And what did you say when I was doing a little dance for you in my pants pulled up?

Like, do you remember what you said? You went, I'd put him a drink, he's in my home, I'm entertaining him, he goes, are you sure you're not a blender? Is that any way to treat your hoax? I think it was a right time to ask. But we did do some work, didn't we? Because you then you got confused and you said he said you know oh god it's like a child or a cat when it's confused he went Steve reckons in ancient Greece right it was better to shag a bloke than a woman and I went well yeah I mean that's about the male being sort of a first-class citizen

yeah I'm sort of a first-class citizen much better wasn't it an aspiration to sleep with a beautiful man than a beautiful woman? Women were lower class citizens so therefore men were seen as a hierarchy, I said to have sexual relations with a man was there was no shame in that. No. And I said well it was ancient Rome I said um he didn't know Nero he used to sit in his big jacuzzi and he used to get you know pretty boy men to go into the water and just nibble at his testicles while he was having a watch. He did! Yeah. And he's not a gay fella?

No, well no, I mean, you know, I don't know about Nero, but I mean it wasn't, it wasn't a case of a big delineation between what was heterosexual and what was gay. It was just, you know, whatever you... So what did this fella do then, this one who's having his... Well he was pretty much top boy, Nero for a while. He was in charge. And you know, you did what you did what you're told if Caesar or... But why were people going around though? Why didn't they go, oh? No, they weren't dropping in.

It wasn't like the door was open, I was going to see what the th opening I was just gonna see what Nero's doing it's not like when I pop in here to see you. Normally what would happen is you'd say come back to my place I got a book for you. Yeah you pop in but he'd come out in his pants help and John and be on. You'd have probably been like a delivery boy or a stable boy or something you know and you'd have popped around there are you right here? Pop under, I don't know why he's French, I don't know why he's French, just pop under the water and nibble at my testicles and you'd have done it. Because he was nearer, I wouldn't. He would have, he would throw away or I would have done. What you would have? What if I don't, I've dropped a pizza off? What you would have done the sort of tip I wanted. What. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I? I? What? I? I? I? I? I? What? I? What? What? I? I? What? I? What? What? What? I? I was? I was? I've? What? What? What? What? I've? I've? I've? What? I's? I've? I've? I've? I' is? I's? I's? What is? What is? What is? What is? What is? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I'm. What? I'm. What, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I'm trying to pita. I'd say I've done my job, that's not the sort of tip I wanted. No, either said, get the little baldy chap to never lot of testicles and you'd be around the wall.

I wouldn't have done it. Well, you'd have had me, I'd have done it, you'd be going either guy I didn't ask you to do that you'd have been going mentally they'd have been chewing slurping smacking poking he'd have chopped you'd have you'd have gnawed his packet oh you think you're eating water crisps there'd be bubbles there all it'd be horrible You're a horror source for him. The Beatles from the soundtrack to the Yellow Submarine actually and that's Hey Bulldog. On XFM, 104.9, our last show maybe? Me, Ricky, Steve and Little Carl. All right, Carl?

But that book, that wasn't a fake. It wasn't like just a ruse to get you back to show you me and dancing him in pants to Elton John. It's that... What was your girlfriend doing, during that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, the th, the th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, the, the, the, the' theatlou, theatlieta, thea, thea, toge'l.e'l.e'l. Beatles, theatl. Beatles, thea, thea, the' the' that wasn't a fake, it wasn't like just a ruse to get you back to show me and dancing him in pants to Elton John. It's that I... What was your girlfriend doing during that instantly? I think she was just getting on with sort of like packing up boxes because we were moving since I don't think... What you've seen all before? Yeah, it's kind of like a Guinness book of records of men? Yeah, do that, do that, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, it, that, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it.. What, it, it, it, it, it, it. What, it, it. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, that, what, what, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, and it's just like loads of stats and there's one in there it's kind of like a Guinness Book of Records of Men yeah yeah there's one section there that was a sorry hang on it's not a

ginnis book of records of men that just sounds a little bit like you and I recite around your house looking at a big book big man book the big man he is a big man isn't he he should be on the front cover yeah it was a book a book a book a book a book the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the th of of of of of of of of of of of of of of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th th of th of a th of a th of th th of th of th of th of th of th of th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's is th. It's is th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's theeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It's theee. I was the. I was the. I about the kind of physical body and about statistics. Yeah, biology and social and you know, sex and all that sort of stuff. And that was where we got the knob news for today from, right? This is true, right? I read that the, oh, you'll have something thought out, knob news. Then he's got the jingle. I read that the smallest ever functioning penis, right, was under three quarters of an inch when erect. That is bad luck, isn't it? It's a micro-peniase, so it's perfectly scaled down. Just a little look at Carl's face. Well, couldn't the fella have said look, right? I'm not happy about it. So don't print it. It's not the sort of press people want, is it? There wasn't a picture

of him. It was anonymous. They didn't read the book and at work next day go, look at this, Frank. What? Smallest ever penis, half an inch. He didn't go, it's me he just went yeah loser yeah you know I mean anyway let's have a shower I'm all right I'm all right he must have had to have a little jod with a pair of tweezers yeah presumably because you couldn't even get a fist I mean no that is bad luck in it was a good looking fellow what would you do right if if he invited you around and said right and he was like the king right and he went oh car could just go down just nibble at it and you've gone under the water and you just about to nibble it and you go you come

up and you go that's tiny would you be disappointed or relieved right well well that wouldn't happen no to that would you go that the. Carl I'm saying if it did would you would be the the the th I would th I would that if I would they would that if I'm they would that if I'm they. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that that that that that that thi. I'm they. I'm th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd they. I'd heed hee. I'd hee. I'd hee. I'd heed heed heed heed he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the he's the the the the the the the the the the the the they. He's the the the thin. He's thin thin the. He's the. He's theeeeeeeeeeee' he'd he'd he'd he'd they was the. He'd he'd he'd he't even get, I don't know way to start with that, or would you go, oh thank God it's not a big one? You've got to remember that he's the Emperor, so you've got to do what he says or have you killed? What would you do? Would you go, oh, I love lovely set a tackle? Or, oh, it's not as big as I wanted. I'm not that great. I'm not even going to think about it because I wouldn't do it. I know I wouldn't do it. Even back then. Even back then? What did you? What? When was Nero at it?

Well, the Roman Empire was sort of like 2000? Well, it stretched for you. Yeah, yeah. So, uh. It's a long time ago yeah I wouldn't I want to do it you'd have to you'd have to I always remember we're still doing knob news yeah yeah yeah just the no news extra no news extra well in you know I didn't do that well that theynob news extra well in that right but we had biology and I didn't take much of it in but there was one day when it was about you know knob news and stuff and it was all about how blood you know is what makes and gorges the erectile tissue sure yeah it was all about that and uh there's this girl in our class

called Paula right we sat there watching it and she fainted. You just heard to go, oh! And she hit the floor, right, because we're all sat on top of the desk watching this. I wasn't really, I wasn't interested in that. I wasn't looking at it and that. But Paula, right? She, she fell over. And the funny thing was, right? What was it a video? Yeah, a video of thio thio thio th. A video of th. A video of th. A video of th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. There, th. There, th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, the. And, thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. tha. thea. And, the their, the the the? Yeah a video of like this this club doing doing the business to this fellow's member right and she fell over like and everyone's like oh what's up with her and the teacher was trying to like wake her up and give her water and that and it was really weird because then the nurse came in and yet this video was still playing and the nurse came in what happened well you seen this? and you could this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this was this this was was this this was this this was this was this was this was this was this this was this was this was this this was this was this was this this this was this was this was this this this was this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this was this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this was this was this was this was this was this was this was this was this was this was this was this was this was was this was this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this f. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this. This. This. This. This. This nurse came in and yet this video was still playing and

the nurse came in what happened well she seen this yeah and you could hear like you know then it was going on to like sex education on the video it's all done from start to finish what happens and by the end and she was still out cold by the time it got to like and then the other baby yeah yeah yeah right and actually that just reminded of it so it seems to me that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th was th was the was the was the is the is ttttte is tea. tea. te. the the te. So it seems to me that that was a sex education class. She fainted when the penis got erect and when she woke up a baby was born, that's probably what she thinks happens. She's wandering around now. And the whole class just missed out of it because that car car car car but she was that everyone was like what's it with her now not as she's not

not seen it before but just reminded me then weird but anyway yeah so I would I wouldn't I wouldn't be never yeah well let's leave yeah the other thing in this food play record and come back yeah isn't an interesting fact there was a more facts we're running over it but but what we're not we're not not we never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never we we we we we we we'll anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're they they they're we're we're we're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to other thing in this, should you play record and come back? There is another interesting fact. There is some extraordinary facts. Yeah, more facts. We're running over. It won't be nob news. It won't be nob news. There's be all different types of news.

All right. All right. Liberteens. Don't look back into the sun. On XFN 104. I'm Ricky Jombe, with me Steve, and Carl Pilkington for possibly the last time ever. I was coming in today, Steve, and I was walking just past, um, about Shaspery Avenue, the beginning of Shasper Avenue, and uh, it's sort of a little bit of tramps corner going on there. And there's a couple of tramps, proper tramps, proper, proper, proper, proper, proper, proper, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tramps, tra, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, th, th, th, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, their, their, their, they, they, they, they-a''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a, thi, thi,'s a couple of tramps proper tramps already had a few and about sort of like 40 maybe right all that they could be

30 they could have a hard life they probably have but he was going to they're thought and they're thrown their leisure they've got you know they've got they don't just drink by themselves yeah they're ever oh what we doing tonight I thought we get drunk and sleeping as are we did that last night but I just like the idea that they're they're planning it and they've got mates and they do stuff and they go all how's it going yeah well you know it's going yeah I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm the I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they're they're they're they're th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. I was also thinking, do you think they ever wake up? Like, before they've had anything, like 9 o'clock and go, oh, I was pissed last night. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you were talking absolute rubbish. What was I doing? You were just going, I've

was it, was I really embarrassing? Yeah. Well, you were pretty drunk? I'd tell you this. I'm never going to do that again. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was I th. Was, was, was I was, was I was I was, was I was I was, was just just just, was I was I was I was, was I was, was, was I was, was, was I was, was I was, was, was, was I was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was I was, was, was, was a th. Was, was th. Was, was th. Was, was th. Was, was th. Was, was th. Was, was th. Was, was th. Was, was th. Was, was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was really really really really really really really really really really really really really really embarrassing? Was I was I was I was I was a really really really really really really thi? Was I was I was I was really really really really thi? Was I was really really really really thi? Was, was really th. I tell you this, I'm never going to do that again. Oh but at least I didn't make a pass at Dirty Agnes. Oh God what did I do? You're just going, yeah, what is your? Just love the idea they have no little little conversations and that. Okay. I imagine one of them going, uh, I'm not coming out of the money. Nor are we yet. I'm just going to go and dance outside McDonald's. I only made 18P to go. You know, because I always, you know, I've always had a soft spot for the homeless, but do remember that time I was walking over to yours once? And, um, see there's the homeless people, there's those ones that, they try to retain a certain dignity by, they won't just come up and ask you for money for their, their, their, their, their, tha, tha, tho, tho, tho, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tho, tho, thin, thin, thin', thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thoomomoomorrow, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, they'll come up and maybe try and start a conversation

before introducing the fact. I don't know that but what what you despise and annoy you is the try that the thing they're trying to hold on to is a little bit of pride. I know And you what would you want to do? Just be crushed in a skip going going I'm just like just give me I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. to to just. to just. to just. to just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just just just the the the the the the the the their just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just look at me. I just think come out and say it, you know, come out and say it, but don't try and fool me because sometimes I feel like I've been tricked, I get annoyed because I feel like I didn't see you're coming. You came out of left field, you know, I don't know you're a tramp.

I imagine the fact that they're slightly older and they've got a full suit Tom. They wear a complete suit like a pinstripe suit or something, with maybe trainers, admittedly. And I sometimes think to myself, you know, at what point in that moment before they finally left the house for the last time did they think, well what, well I'm going to be homeless. I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, I'm, I'm, I'm, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, th. th. th. thi. thi. thrown, thi, thi, thi, thrown, thi, maybe, thi, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe or weeks. Anyway, listen, I don't, I'm not begrudging the fact that he asked for money, that's fine. I just felt a little bit annoyed because I thought he was an ordinary person. Right. And he came up to me and he said to me, and he said to me, excuse me, mate, if you got any money? And he said to me, to me, to me, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, that, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the fact, that, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, I.... I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm, I'm. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. t t t t that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that, I'm. that knew that I was annoyed and it annoyed me because I thought I should have known straight away I mean a homeless person you know I sensed it senced it straight away yeah excuse me if you got the time I wanted to say to him where have you got to be well yeah what appointments have you got well they go quarter to four, you know what I mean? Then he goes, oh, give us his money.

It's three o'clock. Right. Maybe there's the mornings off. It might be his day off, he was doing half day or you know, shift work. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I just think, when you see those people from shelter or from family, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, their, their, their, their, their, their, their ma, their ma, their ma, their ma, their mo, their mo, their mo, their mo, their mo, their mo, their, their, their, their, their, their, their mo, their mo, their ms over their clothes that say where they're from or at least some kind of name tag. So you know when you're stopped by them you know what to expect. They got a clipboard. I know. These homeless people who come out of there they look like regular people, they come lurching out like zombies. You go, oh you think that's an attractive woman. She's just come over, oh no look, look, she's got a dog. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. They's, their. They's, their. They's, their. They's, their. They's got, their. They's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's got a. They's got a. They's got a. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They're. They're their. They're their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. These. These. These. These. These. These. These, you know, be proud. Those people with a thing sometimes annoy me is where they stand right in the middle

of the pavement. I have to zigzag, I have to cross the road four times to get through them. It's like it's like playing getaway on video, avoiding all the house and it's just like people are trying to take my money from them. Between my house and the tube there's just swamers of people trying to take my money from me at any cost. Carl's got his first little direct debit haven't yeah? Five quid a week or something? Yeah I've joined some something to help Africa to the right right right right right right right right right right. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the to the to the the the to to to the to to the to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me me me to me to me me me to me to me to me to me the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their to their to their their to their to their to their to to their to to to to to to to to... She was talking to her for about 40 minutes? Yeah, just making sure your money was going to the right place. I was saying, you know, why have I got to give you me bank details? This is the thing and I was saying to, I'm sure you'd make more money, right? If you just had a little thing that you put money in, I said, I want to help you out out, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the their their their their the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, to to to to to to to to to to the fact I've got to give you bank to yourselves and she's saying no, this is the way we guarantee we make money and you know we can help places out because we could be out all day

and we could only earn like 50P whereas you know we know that it's worth us standing around. So it's like well fair enough so what's my money going to be doing then? And I think it's called a care of the care of the world or something and she's they's they's they's hammers and we're not just going to give them money to blow in and stuff they've got to like work and they don't give them money well what do you think of these people just like how and these these drought planes like it's a gift voucher for being cute so they have to buy a hammer no they go over the buckets and go oh and they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th they th th they th th th is th is tho they they they tho they they they tho tho they tho they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they have to buy a hammer. No, what's the name of it. They go with the buckets and go, all right? And they throw it up and they go, bundle! She was making out anyway, right?

She was nice enough, she was selling it to me. She said, you know, we give them the tools and they feel good because they're building had a tenor off me already. I'm checking it, making sure they're not ripping me off. If I ever go to Africa and I need a hammer and there isn't one, I'll be livid. You'd be livid. Because, you know, it is a lot of money, every month Fiver. And you know, you're talking about people hassling you and that in the street. I actually moved flat, and the last flat I lived I lived I I I I I I I I lived I I I I th I th I th I th I th. th. th. they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're they're they're they're they're th. they're they're th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've tied. I've today. I've te. I've te.ededed. I've te.ed. I've te. I've te.ed. I've te. I've the. I've they're not th street. I actually moved flat and the last flat I lived in I moved from there because of the hassle. That was, yeah it was a high street and you couldn't, like you were saying you nip out for a loaf and spend about 40 quid. It's just just on people saying give us the money for this, Samaritans, tramps, heart attacks, old people or whatever. It's like, it ended up pushing me off that street. No, I can't handle this.

It's getting crazy out there. They may as well those little stalls. Yeah. Hey, but listen, let's make the world a better place with a little bit of music. Oh, thank you very well. Yeah. Boughhouse's version of David Bowery's Ziggy Stardust on XFM 104. Ml.Av.S. Miffordian Carpilk, and possibly for the last time.

And as a special treat, a return, sort of like a summer special and end of term well a gift to the fans Carl is bringing about rockbusters. No. Do you want to explain it? Rockbusters is basically blockbusters, completely ripped off done with music, that may or may or may not be a cryptic clue and may or may not be the actual bad name and male may or may not be the actual letters he said they were in the first place do you want to sort of describe one though in case someone's a new listener

well exploding pet was atomic kitten yeah okay but basically for those of you the new to the show this is the final show Carl reads out what he considers to be a cryptic clue it's just some words just a strange of the word of the word of of of of of of of a the same of of the same of the same of the same of the same of the same same of the same same of the same of the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the the the the the the the the the the actual the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. the. the. the. the the show, this is the final show. Carl reads out what he considers to be a cryptic clue. It's not a cryptic clue, it's just some words. Just a strain of words. And from that you are supposed to deduct the name of an artist or a group or a band. We've had things like the Jamaican fellow swinging a fish round, that was detrault spinners. So that's the sort of, that's the level, the level, the level, the level, the level, the level, the level, the level, the level, the level, the the the the the the th. That's the, the, th. That's th. That's th. That's supposed, throat, throat, throat, th. That's supposed, throat, you're supposed, th. th. th. th. the, you are supposed, you are supposed, you are supposed, you are supposed, you are supposed, you are supposed, you are supposed, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's supposed, the th. That's supposed, th. That's supposed, the the the the the the throut, throut, throut, throut, thrown. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. You're supposed, throwne. You're supposed, you're supposed, throut, you're supposed, thr level of intellect you are getting from Carl Pilkington. Just do the competition what? I was thinking you was it the she fell down in Texas? She fell down into a puddle in Texas on a knee, wet knee Houston. Yeah so you said it twice it's not cryptic so just do it right so there's three of them and you email in your answers we got some some good prizes to their prizes right they're th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the. theat the. the. the. theat's the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th the the the the the that's the that's that's the the the that's the. that's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. She's thee. She's the. She's the. She's the the the prizes. We're through it because this, you know, the competition's bad enough, let alone just list them.

What's it got? Three DVDs, brilliant. It's got the young ones and all that, like TV things. There's some great CDs, yeah, go on. Right so the first one, uh, cryptic clue, um, this vegetable started life down under. Right? This vegetable started life down under. The initials K-O. Right? K-O. This vegetable started life down under. Second one. The things that you normally find on the beach, right? I've been found floating around the moon. Right? That's, I thing it's T.S. I think it's T.S.

I think it's T.S. You set the questions but you're not sure. So the things you normally find on the beach have been found floating around the moon, right? And the last one, well, if you put that many in the post, I'm surprised I didn't receive one. He thinks they're great! He thinks he's brilliant! Well, you know, if you put that many in the post, I'm surprised I didn't receive one. Is it like Tin? He did all that, hmmm? Yeah. The initials there, F.C. F. C. Right. So you email in the answers, Ricky. Ricky. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you put the the the the the the the the the the they, the they, they, they, th. I th. If you put that, if you put that, if you, ifC. FC. All right? So you email in the answers, Ricky. Dochivace, XFM.C. that stuff.

Hey, let's slam dunk in some sounds. Well, slam dunk some ads first. Okay. That will be the next single from DMX that's called Where the Hood at on XFN 104. It bloody better be. I know you're a fan. You've enjoyed it. You've never be the hip hop don't you? XFN 104.

Yeah, it'd be hop. So, yeah, sweet man. It's that kind of lingo and that kind of patola that they won't be hearing next week. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's that, that, that, that's that's that's tha. that's that's tha. that's that's that's tha. that's that's tha. that's th week. No I know. I'm off making some bling bling. All right? So that's the store. Yeah, yeah. Sweet. It's weird all that, uh, all that talk and that, isn't that? Brilliant. Excellent. What do you mean? No, just all that, bing, bling and all that, I didn't understand it. I didn't understand it. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's all. that's all. that's all. that's all. that's all. that's all all all all all. that's all all all. that's all all. All. All. All. All. All that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's all. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. Brilliant, that's what you should do if you don't understand something. Yeah, I mean that's what I did. I always do that though, you know I do that. No, I'm giving your props we were even doing it.

Yeah, I'm massive respect and bick you up. Yeah, go on. But, um, it's all. But, um, thrown. Romeo and Juliet but then... So you didn't you didn't speak like that when you went to Oxbridge? What? Never mind. But no I did a bit of research into it right and one of the things that they use is uh oh I was out last night did a 187 yeah that's a murder yeah but why you slang, right? Because apparently 187 is police slang. Yeah. Well it's not slang, it's a code. Well don't use what the police know you're talking about.

Yeah, I don't think they do it with police around. Probably not. Carry on then. Yeah. I always remember the cockney rhyming slang supposedly originated because, you know, East end villains or whatever would make up their own slang so that if they're overheard in conversation then they won't know what they're talking about. But just look, you know, just look it up in some kind of cockney rhyming slaing. Yeah, I like that idea of the, okay, where is he's hiding up the apples and pears. Why not what that means? Well leave the house then? If you don't know that he's hiding up the apples and pears, you might as well shoot off.

Exactly. Well I can't possibly figure that out so I just don't have to shoot off. Yeah, where was he last seen? He was last seen with his trouble and strife. I don't that means. Yeah, more words and slang soon becomes the norm. There's no not real words and real words, you know, do you know what I mean? They're just as valid if they're common parlance. So they all become part of the thing, oh they fade away and they're not used because they're a fad. Yeah, like whazz up.

That's probably in the dictionary. Yeah, or that, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, I I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no dictionary. That is that, yeah, or soon to be. I was reading, was it a couple years ago, you're going to like this not a lot? Right. Got into the, yeah, so popular things got in there. Imagine that. You're going to like this, not a lot. Zig-Zig-R I think got in or something. Oh no, girl power got in. Girl Power as a common phrase. Sorry, go on. No, no, no, you have to hear me. No, it's just that with the slang thing. Did I tell you, I was trying to read that book about the governor. Oh yes. And that was full of that and it had a page on the front that you had to keep going to, you know what I mean when he used a bit of slang, you had to sort of go right, I don't know what he means. Just knit back, have a look.

I thought you meant, when you said there's a page at the front, I thought you meant the cover with his face on. I can't remember I'm reading that. Oh, there there is. Is this the book that you nearly finished reading about this bloke and he went from jail to school. And then he went to the page numbers and they were all out of order. How annoying is that? How annoying is that?

You never read books do you? I never read one right? And Suzanne it was we come and we were going to go into Astin's because you two had done the head in. Right Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. to set. to set. to set. to set. to set. to set. to set. to set. to set. to set. to set. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the page. And the page the page their the page the page their the page their their the page their their to to their like putting a juke-saw together. I started reading it on the train thinking loving this. It's really interesting story about this fellow who you know didn't have a great life of the kid, starts getting into a bit of crime what have you, turns out to be the governor. But it wasn't as easy as that, because like you say it was started off at school. Then he was in prison. He was like, th. th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was thi. It was thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's really really really really really thi. It's really really thi. It's really really thi. It's really th. It's really th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's really th. It's really th. It's really th. It's really thi. It's really teeeee. It's really today, today, today, today, thi. It's really thi. And then next thing is like married, and he's like 12. And then he's had a heart attack. And then like, but I just saw it was part of the thing because I read chapter 1 and then it did say chapter 12, but I thought right, it's like

that sort of done in that stylish way that everyone's doing. What kind of a biography? I was born in the East End. Take one, the the the the the the the the one, one, one, one, one, one, one, the one, th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like,? I was messing with the medium. I was born in the East End. Take one onion. Add some, this is the idea that an East End villain's going to write his autobiography, but think, yeah, I'm just going to play with the form a bit. I'll get quite post-mond with this. Oh, but, yeah, I mean. He's barely able to write him probably, you can't say that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the to the to to say to to the to to one one to to to one. Take to to to to to to to one. Take one. Take one. Take one one. Take one one. Take one one. Take one one. Take one one. Take one one. Take one one. Take the the the the the the the the the one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take the the the the the the the the the the the the the ta. Take ta. Take ta. Take ta. Take one. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. t go on next Carl yeah just because it was like two for a tenor that shouldn't be like oh well you know you got you got a good offer so no that's rare that I'm sure the bloke selling it did not know that the page is out of order let's face it Carl you read it and didn't realize so you've got almost half the way before you realised. Yeah. But anyway, you know. Still, that teacher, and that's put you off books for life, hasn't it?

Well, I don't like getting into books now. I just read snippets of information. Play record. Play record. No, I'm just going to tell you about a bit of information that was reading. I can't. Well, I don't like to play a tune and come back for drivel because I think the people are tuning for drivel so let's tease them. Okay.

Let's have a record then some absolute shite from Carl Pilkington. Excellent. I look forward with that. Long view. Long view. I love that one. On XFM, 104. .

. .. long view and further. I love that one. On XFM, 104.9. I wish you raised, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. All right, Carl, what did you learn? Right, uh, like I said, I don't like reading books, there's too much. Too much word. I'm busy and that. Yeah. I don't like reading books actually, but go on. So, go on. Right. So, I was looking in this magazine, right? And it was more about, do you know I'm not that impressed with Einstein and Newton and that lot. No, what should you be?

What have I ever done? Go on. No, but you know the fact. You see, the Columbus thing, he's another one, in a their that? their point. Yeah. Right? And yet, news this week, they've found two new types of frog, right? No one's making a fuss. And look how small they are, compared to what he bumped into. And that's what I'm saying. People make a big deal out of all these people who are finding stuff, right? So the next person... I mean, on my head's buzzing but I can't be bothered I actually can't

be bothered don't think this reaction's a good reaction I don't know where to start with this drivel but carry on. Right so anyway the next fella who the next fella who... See I don't know you talk in riddles the next fella I'm the next fella I'm going to talk about him all the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to the to the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho thin' thin' tho. tho. I'm tho. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin' thin' thin' thin' to to to to to to to to thin' to thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thee. I'm going try. I'm going try. I'm going try. I'm going try. I'm going try. I'm going thin' thin' thin'dles? The next fellow I'm going to talk about, Einstein, everyone raves about him all the time, so I'm trying to get into my head, like why is amazing and that, right? Okay. So, did a bit of reading up on him in this Times magazine, right? Now I read it, it's only, only, you know, I don't know, 200 words whatever try to get across what he worked out out, right, right, right, right, right, right, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, that, thi, thi, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, like, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi's thi's thi's thi's, thi's, thi. thi. thi. thi's, why, why, why, like, like, like, like, like, like, whatever, try to get across what he worked out. But I read it last night. Is it relativity you're talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Well to say yeah like I just made that word up. Yeah. Yeah. That was as big as. Okay so the 200 words as far as you recall. So anyway so I read it and I was like I don't I don't know what what is going on about here right. So Suzanne was was with me so can you read this th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to to to to to to to to to say I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm to say. I'm to say. I'm to say. I'm to say. I was. I was. I was. I was. I to say I to say I to say I. I I I I. I I I. I. I I I. I. I. I. I. I to say I to say I was I was I was I was I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm can you read this? She said, I'm watching sex in the city. I said, right? I said, right, but can you read it?

And explain to me what I don't understand here? This is why am I don't understand? It's great. It's like, she's thinking, I haven't got kids. Yeah. And yet he still wants me to help with his own work and I'm watching teli. I've. I. I. I. the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. to explain, their. And I said, to explain, to explain, to explain, to explain, their. their. their. And explain, their. And explain, their. And explain, their. And explain, their. And explain, their. And explain, their. And explain. And explain. And explain. And explain. And explain. And explain. And explain. And explain. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I'm their. And I'm their. And I'm their. And I'm their. And I'm to. And I'm to. And, to. And, to me, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And I'm, they. And I the the the the they. go in the bedroom read it out loud to yourself maybe it made more sense of you read it out loud Yes, I said right I'll go and do that and it was good because it's cool in there anyway right so I went in there so I went back and I said I don't get it still So she said right wait 10 minutes and I saw it out so I was sat there looking at it try to work it out before she had to look at it I was like no forget this now what he was saying is if you send a man to the moon yeah right he was saying to the fella in in the rocket it would seem like 20 years to him yeah not the moon but yeah no it was that's what it said it. Yeah, not the moon, but yeah. No it was, that's what it said, it said the moon. Well it wouldn't because it's only about... No, but listen, listen, so it took 20 years to the fella, yet people who are on the earth, it would seem

like 2,000. Yeah, because time is relative, not, don't what what do you mean right well well listen the fact is that it's tending towards the speed of light where it really makes a difference they've even done it with atomic clocks where they've sent one up even in Concord and it's like point nor one of a second difference what what is the watch yes yes yeah because the greater speeds but the the speed is the speed and it's like the the the the th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the the fact. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the fact. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fact. the fact. the fact. What is the watch? Yes. Yeah, because the greater speeds. But why does speed affect our watch works?

Right, I don't this is a conversation. Speak, s' Spea, I don't think this is a conversation to be had on a Saturday afternoon on a radio show. It is you. You went quiet, Steve? No, because I'm not going to explain it to you I would explain it to you. I would explain to you right it's it's speed equals to basically velocity equals students over time when velocity doesn't change and nor does

the distance time has to that's his theory yeah yeah we just got what's your point? I'm just saying I'm just to I I I'm just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say I'm just saying it's to say I'm just saying it's to say I'm just saying it's saying I'm just saying saying saying saying saying saying saying I'm just saying it's to explain I'm just saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just saying... Because you don't understand it, it's worthless. I was trying to explain to Newton that basically formulated the laws of the universe, the three laws of the universe. Even playing snooker I'm trying to drop something. I was going, well, equal opposite reaction and all these sort stuff, right? And he was going, what did he do apart from the apple on his head with the gravity? And I went, well, what do you mean? And he went, well, why was it a problem? If we were floating round, I'd have called him in, but since we're not, we don't need him.

That's what he said. Play a record, you're a buffoon. So there's two new kinds of frogs. You're joking. I believe in the thing called Love by the Darkness on XFM, 104.9. Last show, possibly the last ever show, it's up to the Cayman. Little Pilky, Baldy Pilky, Little Wynjy Dimu Mancou, as he's called his Latin name, Dimas Mankoid. All right, Carl? You're going to miss this, then, no.

Nope. Good show though, enjoying the last show? Yeah, yeah, it's all right and, you know, I hope it gets better because Telegraph are listening today. The Telegraph, the paper? Why do you say they? Why do you say that? Just Jenny, the PR woman said to me yesterday, she said, you know, do some good topics and that so you don't have to worry there.

What do you, what they phoned up to say, hello, it's a telegraph here we'll be listening tomorrow? I don't know what they're they're they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. W, tha, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why they're they're thathea' they're thoing, why they're thoing, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, their their? their? their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they're their they're they're their they're they're their they're their thoomorrow, why're thoomorrow, why're their thoomorrow, their, don't know what they what they do and they did a review of it or something I don't know why would they do that with there's no reason to I'm a bit why didn't you mention this earlier well telegraph have said uh why would they call up to say we'll be listening it's a free country because they said they'll be listening but also can't you make sure you record it the their their their their their their their their their their their their they'll they'll they'll they'll their they'll their they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll their they'll be they'll be they're they're they'll be they'll be they're they're they're they're they're they're they'll be they'll be they'll be they'll be they'll be they'll be they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're be listening but also can you make sure you record it because if we can't listen to it because of the pirate stations that are on at the weekend because it affects our signal and stuff whoever's listening must listen and know there's a problem with pirates and they said can you well they're probably just doing a feature about radio shows or something they're gonna

they're gonna they're gonna serred they're to make of it? That's the broadsheen newspaper. I think I know what Monday's headlines is going to be. I don't think it's going to be like, you know, they're going to forget about the power cuts. It's not going to be about, you know, the inquiry or terrorism or anything. It's going to be no more told you know a newspaper was going to be listening, I wouldn't have turned up today. Because I mean I'm an award winner, you know, and I respected television writer and I've you know won awards, sort of classy. Don't worry though. And what have we talked about? Knobbs, we've had the worst quiz on radio.

We've had you try to explain relativity, you didn't even understand the word to understand to understand to understand to understand to understand to understand the word. You read that article four times twice out loud Why you could we could hear sex in the city music right and yet you that I'm That word might be like a clumful instance you hadn't heard it before so I don't know do you look between the lines? Do you actually look at the words No, there's too many words though There's too many words though The telegraph are going to love that. Because there's loads of words. The telegraph got loads of words. I mean there's covered with it, words. Which way up do you hold the magazine when you read it? No but there is too many words. I mean yeah there's

too many words. There's too many words in the world. Do you know what this one means right? This is one I learnt the other day. I there. I there. I there. I th. I th. I th. There. There th. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is. There is the there. There is too. There is too. There is too. There is too. There is too. There is too. There's too. There's. There's. There's too. There's too. There's too. There's too. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there's there's there. There's there's there's there's there's there's there's the other day. I think it's, uh, anti-do Ian. No, what does that mean? Sorry, how do you spell it? I don't know how it's... Of course you don't! Antidue Ian. No, I've never heard that word. It means old.

But the annoying thing is, it takes longer to say, um, and it's the fact, and it's thiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, that, that's that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th word. It means old. But the annoying thing is it takes longer to say and it's the fact that if you use that words people. Where do you hear that word and on what context? Someone told me about it. I was talking to someone about long words and that because you mentioned something when we're out drinking and I said to you why did you say that then what word what word does that mean and then you had to explain it and I I I I I I I I I I I to explain.. to explain why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why you to explain. to explain. to explain. to say I to say I to say I was to say I was to say I was to say I was to say you were to say you were to say you were to say you were to say you were to say you were to say you were to say you were to say where where where where where where where did. to say w. to say you were did you were were were were were were were were were were were were were were were were were were were were were. to say w. to say w. to say w. to say w. to say w. to say I was. to say I was. to say I was. to say I was. to say I was. to say I was to say I was to say I was to say. to say, where where where to say, where did. to say, where did. to say, where did to say, where did. to to to to to say, where did. to to to to to their blah blah but can I say Steve I wasn't sort of trying to catch him out or being pretentious it must have been just a normal word in my vocabulary that he didn't know. Wait a minute what vocabulary pretentious I and they lost me you like he's like yeah I'll tell you what you're scared by syllables yeah I'll tell you the to the telegu I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the told I'm told I'm to to tolde. I'm told I'm told I'm told I'm told I'm told I'm told I'm told I'm told I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I'm I'm I'm try. try. try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm not just just. I'm not tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you're told I'm about this. It's funny you should say it, I was going to do a feature. My next feature I'd written down is how good the telegraph is, the newspaper. It's bloody brilliant. I love it. Because it's informative, it's impartial, it's research,

good. I think it's a lovely layout, the photography. I love, do you know, I love the bloody font? I love the bloody font. I love. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's. I love it's the, I love it's it's, I love it's the, I love it's, I love it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, because it's, because it's, because it's, because it's, I' it's, I' it's, I' it's, I' it's, I' it's, I' it's, I' it's. I' it's. I' it's. I'm the, I'm the, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, love, I love, love, I love, love, love, love, I love, love, love, love, I mean there isn't because it's a political, but I love, I love, I love it's not like, you know, I love it's not like you know, slag us off. No, no. But also I think it's because they understand that you know, I just like the to their toy. I just like, you know, their that you know we don't really care and so we can't be blamed for anything they hear on the radio. It's probably our fault. It's more to make that we said that was like you know a bit nasty or stupid was probably sort of like some clever sort of ironic postmodern. Yeah. I'm satire. Play a telograph. It's really fairly priced.

Don't you think? I know. The cult there, she sells sanctuary. Um, on XFM, one of four point nine. I'm Ricky DeVay, with me Stephen Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Now if the telegraph are listening and they're you know whoever is they're writing their article and they're coming up with sort of words like cheap, smutty, low brow, yeah, in our defense could I just say that we're pandering to our listenership? Yes. You know I mean this this station draw I mean without exception the people who work here, the executives,

the DJs are alcoholics, drug users, sex offenders. Check the register. You know, and we're trying to fit in with that for two hours a week. So we really have to sort of really bring it down. But if you want, we should do our normal stuff, what we talk about usually. Well, yeah. Satire is we talk about usually. TIT. Well, yeah. Sattire, is what you need political satire.

Social and political satire. Yeah. If you listen any other week, that's what you would have heard. Well, we and Steve are like quite, you know, political. And, you know, oh, Proust. Oh, I love it. It's all so brilliant, lovely. So, uh... Oh, politics, I mean, what do you make of politics, Rick? I'm sorry, I was just planning on going to the English National Opera tonight to see... that brilliant.

To see, um, politics is brilliant. It's my favorite thing. Say something, say something say something's tyrical and comical about, say John Prescott. Oh he's got, stop eating pies Prescott. Oh I wouldn't like to be him about now. So that's the sort of stuff. What do you make of George W. Bush is stupid, isn't he? Well, that's the dangerous thing. He's a most powerful man in the world and I just think, I hope he's sort of thinks about stuff he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the.. Oh, he's, he's to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Oh,. But it's about his name and a woman's family. So I was going to bring those two together. I think it's fine though I don't think that because I think that's still quite high

brown because you've incorporated Bush. Which means me meaning the president. It means fan of not. So I think is the sort of thing what people have. You're brilliant. You're brilliant. Too many words for Carl. But what about some adverts? I'd love them. By the Telegraph.

Excellent. Black Rebel motorcycle club. Stop on XFM 104.9. Well, the telegraph are listening they'll be they'll be loving the music. They've been loving knob news coming up coming up just to keep listening because monkey news is coming up and to do the results of rock busters the the worst quiz the best quiz on radio do that the try to tho'er. Isn't it time that we do their usual roundup of what's been happening in the news? Yeah,

which we always do every week. We always do something which is, I mean basically if you're listening and you're a new listener, say you work at a newspaper, we always try to be informative, just try and put stuff out there that just educates people in form. What are you thinking? Well I said I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said. said I said I said I said monkey. th. th. th. th. th. th net there and just found a couple of quite important news stories probably worth mentioning Policeman caught photographing... I don't know why it makes me laugh it's just the phrasing I suppose he's the headline policeman caught photographing up a woman's skirt. No he wasn't up there taking a picture of Big Ben he wasn't going to just sit up here just going to take a picture of that seagull over there. He was facing the camera up a woman's skirt. He was indeed. Right. A policeman in Japan is facing disciplinary measures after he was called photographing up a woman's skirt with a hidden

camera while on duty. The 42-year-old sergeant who's not been named used a digital camera to secretly snap the shots when the woman was reporting a stolen bicycle. So he was actually doing his proper job. He'd obviously thought to himself, I'll bring him a digital camera today, on the off-trance a beautiful woman comes in to report a crime or robbery, I'll have it ready, I'll have it positioned, you know, in such a way. But this is interesting, this is how he got caught, okay? The woman became suspicious after she saw a flash go off. Brilliant. I mean this... Not a secret at all. Sorry, did I just see your shoe?

Your shoe just spring into life. It was light. Yeah, I think I've had some, someone set fire some magnesium that was on the end of it. It won't happen again. But it's only you and I in there and your shoe was just sort of like between my feet. There's no reason this is how I always stand. Just where what did the bike look like flash? Are you taking pictures to my family? No, no, no, no, no, and no, no, no, and you should be wearing nickers anyway. Well how do you know that? What? How did you know I know? I know what? I don't know what you've got up there. Well I don't know what it looks like and I never there. It's a th. the there's no there's no the there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no no there's no no no no no there's no no no no no there's no no there's no there's no way. I no. No there's no no. No way. No, no no. No, no, no, no, no, no, and no, and no, and there there there there there there there there and there and there and there and there there and there there there there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I know, yeah. You just mentioned there about sort of no knickers and that. Is it going to be your auntie Nora?

No, no, no. It's just, you know, like the last flat that I lived in, I always had a good view across the road and I could see, it was the airy, airy Chinese kid, actually. Yeah. Because that's the the that's that's that's the that's the the th th th th th th th th th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thirty thirty th. It's just th. It's just, you're thia thia. It's just, you're th. It's just. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just just just just just just. It's just the the thirty. It's just the the thirty. It's just just the thirty. It's just the thirty. It's just just thirty. It's just. It's just. It Chinese kid actually. Yeah. Because that's rare, isn't it? Air at Chinese kid's very rare, isn't it? There's only one official sighting, isn't there? In one of those shit little magazines that you buy? Yeah, he was running around in his underpants. Sorry, you just swore ironically.

I mean, I imagine if there's any newspapers listening. the news, they woman who didn't move, she was just sat there reading the book holes. Who we think possibly died and no one came round for weeks? Yeah. But, and now I've moved, right? And it was quiet for a bit. I always look at what view I'm getting, right? Looks across and it was just sort of empty flats, right? Anyway, I'm sort of washing up, just having a look out the window....... We've, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, thap, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. th. th. that, that, that, that, th. th. that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, and, and, and, and now, th th th to. And, and now, th th to. th th th th that, and now, and now, that, th that, th th th th, but I haven't put any curtains up. So anyway, I'm sort of washing up, just having a look out the window.

Right? Girl sort of wondering about, you know, a knickers on. You mean naked? Well, she had a brow on, right? But, uh... She probably looking for a knick. So, I thought, oh. And I don't know how long it was looking. No. Right. But anyway, she looks across. Oh God. I think, oh, God. I felt really bad. Yeah. I said to Suzanne.

Sorry, is this some sort of peeping toon confession while the telebra is listening? Oh, I don't. That's the telebron for listening. I have no idea. Well it's not, that's the thing though. If I was peeping she was peeping as well because she was looking over, works both ways on it. Yeah, but yeah, all she could see of you was your bald head. Yeah, no, and your hands are moving as you were washing up. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's a white looking substance for off the t stubborn stain on this class. Oh God! Imagine that, imagine she looked across. I'm assuming your sink is lower, down the window. But, but didn't she just like, just cover up or something? Oh, she looked back and go, you're looking at my bunny?

Well, the thing I did, I thought, oh, just sort of dropped me, boxer short. What? What you're talking about? What are you talking about? No, just so they can see me cheeks of me. What are you talking about? No, they said, because I thought, if she thinks I am walking about in the nude as well, then we've both got something out of it. Carl?

This sounds like a bad excuse in court. I know. I know. This is... Or the plot of a film on Channel 5. I mean, this is like the doctor who got done, right, for exposing himself to a patient and set and brought and then then painted that little thing that you looked down there throughout a pink and going and going, this is what they saw. Yeah. No. So sorry, you immediately, so you were looking at a woman dancing around naked, right? So the only thing you could do was immediately drop your boxer shorts. So she looked across, saw you fully closed, saw you took your box. No, she wouldn't have done because it's sort of just the top half and the sink's at a side angle. So I was sort of looking around around her.

So she wouldn't have seen your in front of the window? To show up, you're naked lower up. Suzanne said, what are you doing? What are you looking at? What are you looking at the window? What are you doing? I'm just taking my trouser down, stand up with the window. Why? Because there's a naked woman across the road.

What do you think I'm doing, Suzanne? I'm exposing myself while looking at some free funny! Leave it, leave it. What's up with you, Suzanne? Leave it, then, leave it. Christ. Are we doing rockbusters? Yeah, she sent you in there to read up all Einstein. Oh, brilliant. Oh, brilliant. Wait a minute, I just got a final question. What did the woman across the way?

I didn't look again. I just just just just just just, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What, you've. What, th. What, what, what, th. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What? What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What? What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What? What. What? What.. What. What. What? What? What? What? What. You. You. You. You. You. You. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. What? What, you've. What, you've. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What. What. woman across the way? What happened? I didn't look again. I just thought, you've seen a bit of action as well. We're both happy. Let's leave it. So were you waddling around like a penguin? We do traces when you ring. I just was walking around.

I just was walking around. I just was walking around you right. I said, I'll explain they've gone one more. Anyway, brilliant. Right, play a record, come back to Rockbusters and Monkey News. We haven't got enough time do rockbuster, oh God almighty. Hanging round of transformer, a little bit of Lou Reed. Nearly finished, nearly finished. 12 minutes until we are no more.

Don't forget the monkey's still to come. Well, yeah, don't forget that. The monkey new still to come. But now the answers to... Rocklusters. Right, do the clues. All right, the first clue was this vegetable started its life down under. The initials were K-O. That was Collie Osborne, all right? Collie Osborne. The second one was... No, no, what are we letting that go? Yep. We haven't got time, Rick. Well it's just not the word. Also, Collie Flowers don't start, uh, don't start, down under, they're, they're, the, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the not the word. Collie Flowers don't start down under, they're on top. It's not like carrot.

No, Gone Under is in Osborne. Osborne, Osborne. Osborne. Right. Collie? I thought you meant start, but her name's not Collie! Right, the second one was the things that you normally find on the beach, right they've they've they've they've they've th. th. thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty ths that you normally find on the beach, right, they've been found floating around the moon, that's the space shells, right, specials. We're going to just tweak it a bit. This is rubbish. I mean, I'll tell you, no, this isn't even funny though. I mean, they're no good at all.

Cryptic. It's not cryptic. The last one was, uh, well, if you put that many in the post I'm surprised I didn't receive one. Go on. That's FC, 50 cent. Right? What? 50 cent? I didn't receive any sale.

So he's... Collie. Her name's not Collie. the name is not Collie. It does matter. Well done to Gina Ferry, who has emailed in, she's got all those answers right. And just emailing your address and that. Yeah, email that and you're such an idiot, Carl. As are you, Gina.

All right? Ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks a little. Luce on your hold by South. That's great. On XFM 104.9. Well, that's nearly it. Rick, can I just say thanks to everyone who's emailed in over the weeks and months we've been on because obviously we're too lazy to even send them a response or reply, but we do appreciate we do appreciate that. We do appreciate it. We're getting to say that all the letters

and stuff. People send stuff in all the time and they say they like the show or they don't or they contribute little ideas and stuff and we do appreciate it. It's just that we, when you've got someone like Carl Pilkington in the studio, you just need to pick his brain constantly and you've got no real time for admin, but thank you for sending in all the nice letters and responses and stuff. Brilliant. They're standing in for us this time next week. What? You say standing in, but possibly replacing full-time unless Carl. Possibly. What do you think, Carl? You enjoyed today's show, I know? Yeah. It's been all right. Any attempted to come back when we finally return? Maybe a little rest to make you sort to forget how annoying I am. Because that is my secret weapon. Sometimes, you know because it's the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, possibly, to, to, to, possibly, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their together, their their together, together, their, together, together, together, together, together, possibly, together, together, together, secret weapon sometimes, you know, because it's the thing that you can, you can fleece a sheep as many times as you want, but you can only skin it once.

So what I do is sort of like, I fleece you, I never actually completely lose a friend. I tease them and talk to them to the point where they're going to leave me, and I go, oh anyway, how are you doing? I'll sort of, how, how, how, how, how, thapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap, tha, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiase thi, th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as you as you th as you th as you th as you th as you th as you th as you th, you th, you th as you th as you th as you th as you thi, you thi, you thi, thi, you thi, you thi, thi, you thia, thia, thia, to thia' to thia' to thee thee thia' thia' thia' thia' thia, you can thia, 'll sort of confuse them. And that's what I've done with you today. And I think over the next couple of months when I'm sort of nicer on the phone, I'm not squeezing your head, you'll go, he's all right, Rick, and then I'll get you back into it and then I'll absolutely rip you the pieces again. So but hopefully and also unlike a lot of my friends who are clever I don't have to worry about you because you will forget. I mean because you've got such a, you've got a tiny little intellect. Do you know what I mean? You'll forget this conversation even took place? Anyway, it's what everyone's been waiting for.

It's what Carl exists for, for the last time, it's the, it's monkey news. Oh, chimp' a jingle. Oh, chimp'a! Chimpanzee that! Monkey News Right, are you familiar with Undruth monkey? The what? Undroth monkey? Undrith? Yeah, like as in like, one more than 99th. 100th, the 100th monkey.

Yeah, are you familiar with that? No. No. Uh, anyway, thanks. That was the one. What do you mean? What do you mean I'm going to leave that? Well, I thought it was a popular phrase or something. What, what, what, what, what, why? What? Because you were going to do songs of phrase with it next week.

We've said it was before, 100th monkey? No, it's just a, it says the expression, 100th monkey. Well, do it anyway. And the way they got it because they were following some monkeys about, right? And they started... Who was? Who was it? Who was it? Who was it?

Who's it? Just to say what? What? What? What? What? What? ?

their Come on! Come on! One of them washed some potatoes. Right? Okay. Right, let's leave that, right? What just wait a monkey washing potatoes? Can we leave that one? No! No!

You've got to do it now. They're following a, what is it, like, sort of a family? Is it a family? It was just one chimp and it was washing a potato and they thought that's a bit odd, right? And then it turns out that that ended up teaching another monkey how to wash a potato. No, they do it, they go down and wash them in the sea because they like the taste of salt. The weird thing is though, when it got to the do you mean? It was in them. It was in them that they knew that when they get a potato they had to wash it. That isn't the monkey news. I'm just saying that's where the expression comes from, but you only even know that.

Well there's a couple of things there that it could be another upshot and instinct is you know an instinct is part of your genetic. the. But you can't pass on acquired characteristics. So that's nonsense. If you mean that someone was taught they had a child and it knew it. There's no chemical memory as such in some other. So that wasn't it the monkey news. No, the monkey news, you know we've covered a lot of stuff. They were sad, sad stuff they. Yeah. There's some funny stuff in there. Yeah. Do monkey news! Do the the the th. Do th. Do monkey. Do monkey. th. th. Do monkey. th. th. Do monkey th. th. Do monkey th. th. th. Do monkey th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, the thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. Sothere, you know. Yeah, yeah. Um... Do monkey news! Playing Robbers and that. Um, football team.

A monkey football team? Yeah, in Costa Rica. Oh yeah. Uh, got all the, uh, got all the team members here, right? All the different things. Um, little goalkeeper. Apparently he's on transfer from some the the the the the the the the different things. Um, little goalkeeper. Apparently he's on transfers from some other club. But the bit that got me attention is,

apparently he's a holder of PhD of physics. Do you want to have a go keeper? Yeah, just the girlkeeper. The other hasn't done that much. Well, I believe that he's got a better exam results than you, Carl, but I don't believe he's got a PhD exam results than you Carl but I don't believe he's got a PhD in physics obviously do you know what the name of the team is? What? What? Is this?

Oh so if the telegraph are listening that is the sort of quality entertainment you get? Well you don't anymore. Yeah that's the end. Goodbye everybody have a lovely summer yeah the rest of it and uh the that that is the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do that that that that that that that that that that that that the the that that that that that the the the th th the the- the- th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thenn't then't then't then't the the the that's the end. Goodbye everybody. Have a lovely summer, the rest of it. And we might see you in October, we might not. It's up to Carl Pilkington. So call 0207, 766, 6,000. That's for Carl Pilkington. Or email him. Or Tim Buckley to end with, I think you'll enjoy this. It's called Once I Gove. Oh, Andrew Phillips. Call Andrew Phillips. See ya.