The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S3E10 (January 3, 2004)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

During the hiatus, Pilkington signed on with Gervais and Merchant’s talent agent, and negotiated a deal with XFM to get Mondays off in exchange for continuing to do The Ricky Gervais Show on Saturdays. This was a frequent topic of contention during this run with Gervais repeatedly accusing Pilkington of being lazy for demanding an entire day off on exchange for doing 2-hours of work on Saturdays.This show began airing again in November 2003 and broadcast for 12 weeks until January 2004 when Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film series 1 of their new show, ‘’Extras’’.

Kings of Leon, California Waiting. Steve, the public have been waiting for us to return. All right? They had the best of last week. They had Camfield and us without Carl the week before, but it's been a while since we've all been together. I'm Ricky Javais, with me Steve Merchant and over and over there with his little sunburnedy, baldy head, little Carl Pilking team. All right? Yeah, that wasn't Steve slapping my head then, by the way. No, that was just him clapping, like Steve Wright in the afternoon. It's a great show. Because he's so pleased that we're a posse and we're all back together. Three holidays Carl's had this year, last year.

I'd love to have three holidays. You've got to start putting the work in there. I had two holidays. No, you had three holidays. You went away with Suzanne and their parents. Yeah, what doesn't count? If you book two weeks off the firm. You go away and how, how, how, how, how, how, how, I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to to to to have, I'd to have, I'd to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have, you, you've to have, you've to have to have, you've to have to have, you've to have to have to have to have to have to have to have I have them days back please? Yeah, oh my New Year's resolution is to be nicer to you,

but talk sense. No but talk sense. Talk sense. You've had three thirties this year and I'm just saying you're in your 30s now and 30s 70s 8 is 90s and 100. Carl what's your new year resolution? What about think before you speak? It's worth, I'm allowed to laugh. I'm allowed to laugh at things other people say Carl. That was a good suggestion. How would your holiday, Carl?

Uh, it was all right. Right, brilliant. But that, I don't see on the kind of, on the ratio of good, on good, on good, on good, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, the, thi, to, to, to, to, to, don't see on the kind of, on the ratio of good to bad in Carl's mind, that might be amazing. It might be amazing, because we never have seen the races of anything. I'll tell you what, can we have a, you know, a cracking little tune and then come back and hear about Carl's Holloway? I'd love to do that.ace of part by Joy Division. Now I can't put my finger on it but that doesn't sound like the original and it's off a compilation. It sounded a bit fast. I think the vocal was slightly different. If anyone can, you know, put me up with misery, I think it might be in a session of the time or something. Carl, there's a little New Year resolution for you, another one.

Maybe when we ask you to get a song, get the original single version. I could be wrong, but I could be wrong, but yeah, it does seem different, doesn't it? Very odd. Yeah. Maybe we just remember it, but anyway, that's XFM for you. 104.9 I'm Ricketts with me Steve Merchant. Carl Pilkinton. Carl, you went to Lanza, Artie. People said don't go to Lanza, Rottie. They told you it was Lanzagrottie. They told you were right or right. Really? Yeah, it's a bit rop-y, yeah. Is it why? Just, uh, out there. If it wasn't for the volcano the ad, they'd been acacred. They'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're toededed. toed. their. their. their. their. thed. thed. thed. the. the. the. the. told. told. told told told told the. the. told they're the. they're they're they're they're they're they're the volcano they had, they'd been acered. That's their big draw, is it? That's it, basically, that's all they've got going for them. When you landed, was it really hot? Initially, were you quite excited, you were thinking this is okay?

It was warm, you know, we can't complain about the weather, the weather was all right, sure. I mean, that's what I thathe that's what that's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, their, their, that's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, that's, their, their, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's their, their, th. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's their, that's, that's their, that's their, their, their, but it'd be nice if it just was something else. What did you do all day then? Did you read your original book? No, I didn't read that. I read that, but do you know the book that I bought, and all the chapters were messed up? Oh yeah. I bought a better version of that. All right. And I read that.

Excellent. And then we went and had a look at the volcanoes and that. They've got 36 of them to look at. How did you look at before you realize that you've, you know, pretty much, you've seen one volcano, you've seen them all? Probably about six or seven? Really? And then when you go to the eighth you thought, now I know what this is going to be like a mountain with a hole in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, they they they they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they., they., they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, tho, they, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, to to to like a mountain with a hole in the top. Yeah. Really? But it happened years ago as well. It's like just keep a couple, fill the rest in, tidue the it up. Fill the rest in! Well, getting some builders?

No, seriously that are. Okay, the four million tons of concrete, please? They're an absolute death t happened. Well, it's more a portal to the magma in the centre of the earth. Back in 1730 it happened, and they still haven't sorted it out. Well, when you say it happened, volcanoes were made a lot longer than 1730. No, but the one that did lands are rotting in. Right. Sort of. What I'm saying is, it's the the the the tha, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th, th, th, th, it, it, it, th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, it, it's th, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. It. It. It, back. It, back. It, th. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha. It's tha. It's tha. It's tha. It's tha. It's tha, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, it's they fill it in? It's joined. It's all joined. No, but what I'm saying is, the big plates of the earth are all joined. It was a disaster one of it. With the trade center thing, that happened. They cleaned it up, sorted it out,

we've moved on. That's what I'm saying. Whereas Lanza Rotter, you've just gone. Leave it. It happened back in 1730. No, but it's the the the the the th. It the th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It the th. It th. It the th. It the th. It the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It was the the th. It was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It was was was was was was was. It was. It was. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was thathea. It was tra. It was. tra. tra. trade trade trade trade trade trade toy. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was thathe. It was the th. How in the name of God can you fill in a volcano, you ignorant twit? No, but it's not just the holes, they've actually left the lava everywhere. That's what I mean. It's not just the big oauls, there's lava everywhere. But it's molten rock. They can't just pick it up, like they're like a carpet. But in the holes holes the holes are there ready just push it all in that's what I'm saying what what exactly is there then is it just a kind of moon like kind of surround with just kind of dust and that's exactly what you see I was there when the Mars thing I went wrong yeah I would have just sent a camera crew there. I filmed a bit of that, right? So here we are, this is it.

Ignored a little coffee shop in the background, right? This is Mars, because that's where it's like, just loads of dust, the oauls everywhere, side it up. Little round-headed aliens, complaining, winging, just like Mars? Yeah. So, what's the best bit about the holiday? Come on, pretend your Judith Charmers. I have been doing, I would have done all that. I would have said that. Don't bother.

I mean, the hotel was good. Yeah? That was all right. What was that like? It's all right, just, you know, clean, that's all the tta. See, that's not quite what Trammer does. She doesn't go, what's the hotel like? All right, yeah, clean, isn't it? But what was it like? What was it? Three star? Four star? Did that have a swimming pool? What was the room like?

Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it was a bar. There was one of the better ones on the island. Wasn't really, wasn't really, there was a bar, there was some bands playing, not very good. Food, food got a bit boring. It was always the same food every night but they sort of themed it and made out as if it was different so like on Mexican night it'd be chicken with a nacho on it.

Right. And Chinese night sort of chicken with a little prawn cracker on it and stuff. Sure. That got a bit boring. Um, that's me just turning on my phone, uh, because I want to read to you a text that I got from Carl. I think you sort of serve up the holiday in, in this text, don't you? Do you remember it? I can't remember. Let's have a little look. What did Suzanne your girlfriend make of it? Uh thiiiiiiiiiiiii? Uh th. th. Uh th. Uh the th. Uh, th. Uh, th. Uh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi? Uh, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Uh, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Uh, uh. Uh, that. Uh, that. Uh, that. Uh, that. Uh, that. Uh, th. Uh, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's thi. That's thi. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. That's. That's that's that's that's that's tho. Uh, th. Let's have a little look. What did Suzanne your girlfriend make of it? Uh-huh. Similar view to you? That they should fill in the, uh, the holes? Yeah, it's just that thing, you see, I went on a coach trip, right? And you go and see the volcanoes, like I said, there's 36 of them.

Yeah. Um, which in how many do you need? these volcanoes, the fellow on the fronts go in and look out your left window at the moment, there's a volcano. And if you quickly look out on the right-hand side there, there's another one. And on the left, he's just like, alright, we've seen it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And that, that, I mean, we'll talk about to a volcano being in some dead artist house who built his house in the lava they said they would show me science with volcanoes but all they did was chuck some water in a in a hole and it shot up in the air no dwarves in the canteen no scousers, but there is a Swede woman with a big head. She looks effing gormless with a cap on.

All right? So a little reference there. A Swedish woman? What's that mean? Do you mean Swedish? Yeah. But they all got quite big bill, aren't I? And I sent him a text, oh well, it's just good to a beer holiday, because you know I'm working.

He sent back, so am I. Just been watching Sky News. There is a school for monkeys who want to get a band together. Is that monkey's for later? Is that most of these for later? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my Corazon by Tim Burgess. I can't get enough of that. I love that chorus. On XFM, 104.9. Wiccages athat. I love that chorus on XFM 104. R. Rookage erase Steve Merchant and Little Carl Pilkington. But it was a nice holiday. Yeah, it's all right. It's just, you know, I went there to relax and that.

Exactly. I did a little bit of that. Trying to think of some new features and stuff. Sure, always working. Three holidays a year, Jesus. Oh, I'm not really playing much. Jesus. One big sort of like work thing to me and Steve. Work hard, you need the holidays. So, yeah, the things that annoyed me was like, you get bored sat around the pool after a couple of days.

I'd read my book. You know, there wasn't much going on on the... Not even the the the th crabs th crabs th crabs th crabs th crabs th crabs th crabs th crabs th crabs tha crabs tha tha tha tha on the... Not even any crabs throw sound that was there? No crabs or anything they wouldn't bother with Lanzarotti, right? So decided to go on a little little trip. That's when I saw the volcanoes and that, 36 of them. So we go on the trip and the thing that annoys me it does happen every holiday that you go on, if you go on a sort of package thing they have these trips right and you pay about 40 odd quid and they give you some wine so it make it feel like you you're getting your monies with but uh how many of these trips have you been on them

uh loads probably about 12 four more more holidays no go on that go on I'll uh yeah I'll see you on the coach right they took to the the the the the the the the the to the the to the to the to the the to the the to the to to the the the the to the to the the the to to the to to th. th. th. th. th. tho. their tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the tho. tho. the the the the. the. the. the. to. to. to. try. to. try. try. to. try. tho. tho. the. the. th ahead. Yeah, go on the couch, right? And they take you, for the volcanoes, they took us in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, right? There's nothing else round there. Sure. It's, like I say, it's like Mars, but with holes in the ground, right? And, uh, you sort of drop you to look at, and a coffee shop over there, and you know for a fact, right, you don't need an hour there, you could just say, well, just keep the engine running because I'll have a look in this hole, we'll get back on, give us five

minutes. You don't need an hour. But you know that they've got some to go in, definitely. Yeah, they go there and they get everyone to have an ice cream in the coffee and they, you know, they sit down and have a fag talking to the bloke. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, cousin. Yeah. How much was the coffee? Probably about, probably about three, euro, so I think it was $3.5, which is, I don't know, that's about two and a half half half half half half and a half and a half and a half and a half, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, th. their, their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, their, their, their, their, their, yeah, their, their, their, their. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. their. their. their. their. their. their, yeah, their. their, their, their, th. th. they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they'd. they're, their what that's about two and a half quid and yeah they stitched you up well I remember we were on a as a family trip to France once we went to Paris we got a coach coming back from Paris to one of the ferries one of the portasks calais or wherever it was coach trip that that one point we were using this oh we're on the motorway this this thiiaugh th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin the the the the the the thooe thoe thoe thoe tho thoe tho-soa tho-soa tho-wee tho-wee th so th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to theeeeeeeeeeeee the this street, completely empty, little French town, and it's popped up outside this, what appears to be a restaurant,

and a guy jumps on, dressed like a butlin's red coat, he's French, but he's putting on a kind of English accent, he goes, hello, oh thank you very much, top of the morning, good morning, hello, come in, we've got food, we've got rooms rooms, their their food, their food, their their food, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to to their, their, their, their, their, to, th, th, to thops, thops, tho, their, thops, thops, thops, thops, thops, thops, thops, dressed, dressed, dressed, dressed, dressed, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a gop, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th...... A, th. A, th. A, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, tops, and, to have a rest, eh? Or play around? No, it's up to you. And we all had to funnel off this thing into this restaurant. And this one family went, well, we don't want to go in the restaurant. We brought sandwiches, we just want to get to the port, we're not interested. And they said, well, you've got to come in the restaurant. So this family family, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their. We've their. We've their their. We've their. We've their. We've to. We've to. We brought, we brought, we brought, we've to. We've to. We brought, we've to. We've to to to to to. We brought, we brought, we brought, we've to. We've to. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We've to. We've toe. We've toe. We've toe. We've toanananan. We've brought. We've brought. We've brought. We've brought sandwiches. We've brought sandwiches. We've brought sandwiches. We've brought sandwiches. We've brought sandwiches. We've brought sandwiches. We've brought sandwiches. We've brought to. We've brought this little kid with his face pressed up against the glare. I want to go in the restaurant. They were just stuck in there look it I mean absolutely livid as you would be but that's definitely a backhander. But we went inside and it was extraordinary because initially you had to pass

through a souvenir shop to get into the restaurant and he just he'd just it obviously catered entirely to English tourists and he. and he. and he. and he. and he. and he. and he. and he. and he was. And he. And he was. And he was just. And he was just. And he was just. And he was just. And he was just. And he was just. And he was just. the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to just just just just. to just. I was just just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I. I was just.......... I.. I... I. I. I.. I. I.. I.. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just.......................................... the war. It was done out in a kind of mock Tudor style. It's absolutely extraordinary. I mean, I, it's just, it was almost, it was so bizarre because it was so out of the way. Did it come, did it come before the coach, uh, sort of scam? Or is that going on in this country? Yeah, I'm sure it is. Yeah, I'm sure is. Yeah, they say I'm sure I'm sure people say look look if you bring 30 people to this restaurant I'll see you all right. But it would wouldn't it if you know you've got your favorites because you don't have to the the coach driver's pretty much god on those things because they don't know where the they. their their their their their their their their their their their they're don't their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're their their. their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I's. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. anyway. Yeah, but at least here, there's all the stuff around. You don't really get that in the middle of nowhere situation in this country. Well not really, not if you're going from London to Manchester, you could stop off anywhere. They don't know where they are.

There's places with nothing to do or see. It's that what those attractions, there's those attractions, those attractions, those attractions, those attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, th attractions, thos, thos, thos, thos, thos, thos, thos, thos, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, th, th, th, those attractions they're all there's loads of in America but there's a there's a few here like you know sheep world and you know you got to Gloucester and there's a town it's got the biggest cotton reel in the world and there's that's it is a tourist shop a big cotton wheel and some bloke at the gate going to see it there is I went to a I know it's quite a big I'm a big to a big to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a th horse centre once. But when did shire horses become so popular that they got their own theme parks? Well, I think there's a museum for everything. Yeah, possibly so. I mean, I don't think, you could think of someone that didn't have a museum somewhere in Britain.

Because obviously museums start off sometimes by fans. But this is people keep coming and I I hear you got a shire horse, I'd love to see my shire horse. You should get another one because I'd pay double because I'd pay good money to see your shire horse. Yeah, yeah. Shire horses! I mean, see them they don't do anything. They're not like monkeys.

They're not like monkeys. No. They're just double for that. There's a museum in Italy when we went there a couple of years, Matt. Susanna had one of those little guide things. Museum there just for spaghetti. I mean, open a restaurant. Yeah, I was interesting spaghetti, spaghetti in different shapes. Donog didn't go, I went to see a big hole in the ground. I can't get enough of them. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, go, I went to see a big hole in the ground. Not the end. Can't get enough of them. Well, uh, but out of 10 then, um, what would you give it out of 10? All the other food, food location, you know, enjoyment. Yeah, that's, that's...

Six. Okay, brilliant. Next week. Where are you going next week? You're not a loatty next week? I don't know. Go away with Suzanne's mom and dad again. Five oldies. Player to that.

You've got to put some working. You're in the 30s now. You've got to knuckle down. Cheering breaks, mind over money, XFM 104. I'm Ricky DeVayse, Stephen Merchant, Little Carl Pilkington. Yeah, yeah. A couple of emails, different people have visited various tourist attractions. Oh yeah. Let me see who's this from not quite sure but thanks very much indeed for it. There's a link here it's apparently in Devon, Barometer World. Brilliant. It's the world of Barometers it was established in 1979 and

by one bloke who had a lot and thought I can I can charge a quid for this definitely. Out of his own house probably converted back scuttle. Yeah that's not that's not a euphemism for a sexual act.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho tho tho tho tho thic. It. It. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi, I th. I th. I th. I th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the the the the the the the the the th. It, I th. It, I th. It, I th. It, I th. It, I th. It, I th. It, I thi, I tho-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-a, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, the, the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. theeee. There's the. It's the the the, theuttle. Yeah, that's not a euphemism for a sexual act. Look at the web page here, Rick, and there's a picture of a beautiful barometer being held by a beautiful lady. Lovely, who's definitely his daughter. Definitely, come on, Kathy, hold that, Dad, no, come on, come on, under your top a little bit. Dad definitely made to do that. Yeah. That slight look of I hope no and I know so I just checks out barometer world.

Yeah, that's available. We want to check that out. W.W.W.W.W. Now, barometers. Well, one, do they work. Two. Checking. Is it the air pressure well one, do they work? Two, the air pressure? Well everything, but I think that's what it's based on, isn't it? It's sort of low and high pressure so it's going to rain, it's not going to rain? Yeah. Or going to be windy or, but I wonder how accurate they are. I think in the days before, Probably. I think it's probably similar. I think it's the same one as holding a needle and thread over a pregnant woman.

If it goes clockwise it be a boy. Yeah. Yeah. The thing about a barometer is how far into the future can it predict? Exactly. If it's the case of you may as well you may as w-it at the window to see if it's it's it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. Probably. Probably. tho tho. to to to to to to to to to be. th. th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's probably. It's probably. It's probably the. It's probably theea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea case of you may as well stick your head out the window to see if it's raining. Exactly. This brahmat goes, it goes, oh it's gonna be windy and rainy when? The bromiter goes soonish? I can't say but it will, it will, it will, it will, well, then the specific because you'll have me. Yeah, yeah I don't want to do it, I mean, I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, not really analyzed the information yeah brilliant what's in there that's a what's what happening in there what's what chemicals are being affected or how does it work I don't know I as I see it's probably some let me email barometer what could it be it could be it could be mercury So it's probably just very fine, it's like a fine, very, very fine needle, isn't it? This is almost as embarrassing as last time we were on, we couldn't figure out what the name of the leader of China was.

Was it the King of China? Was it the King of China? The Prince of China? Oh, this is where we were trying to imagine what it would be like like like like like like like like like to be like like like to be like like like to be like like to be like to be like like to be like if like to be like to be like if the to be like if to be like if the to be imagine what it would be like if all the Chinese people at once jumped up and down and made a big title with. But if you do know what the name of the leader of China is, we don't mean the name of the particular person in charge, but if it's a king of China, the Emperor of China, the Emperor, the Chancellor of China, the Prime of China, the Prime, but, this is it. I don't know what's the big guy in charge. Is he still the chairman? I know Chairman Mao was important. I think he was just the chairman.

I think he just governed all the big meetings. Yeah, I don't know. He just kept the minutes. Head Chinaman? Head Chinaman. The major Chinatown. . We know so little about China. It. It. It. It. It. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too. I. I. I. I. I. I was............................................'re going to be honest here? We know so little about China. It's true.

We know so little about China. It's embarrassing. If you've got any interesting facts about China, then email in Ricky. Ricky the threats at XFM. tho-K. Also I imagine the email address to use researching. And there's a thing about sweatshops. Yeah, no, no, no, sweatshops, like Nike, there's these facts, right? And these people get like, you know, a few cents an hour.

And the CEO, I forget his name, for a Chinese woman to earn his 5.2 billion. She'd have to work eight hours a day, seven days a week, for 10,000 years. But Steve, they don't. They don't. They obviously don't want to. Exactly. I didn't want to. They don't want to earn. Lacey. Right. Amazing, Rick. I'm just a day-sing. I'm just a day-to-face. Rick, try and the blockheads. Hit me. Hit me with your rhythm stick. Rick, you like you to be going to Cumbria on your stand-up tour?

Rick, you'd like to be going to Cumbria on your stand-up tour. Oh, weigh. Why, thii. tour? Oh, certainly not. Why? It's just because you might want to visit the Cumberland Pencil Museum. That's the journey through the history of pencil making. I do like pencils. Oh, really? Yeah, just used one then. Do you have any idea how that was made? No, was it? Let me email them. Now, Chinese people. Oh, incidentally, it's the premier of China, the premier. Premier, oh right yeah, oh yeah. Sure. Yeah I remember now. Last, when you're away, Carl, we worked out if it's one in ten people are sort of like gay in some way,

with a billion Chinese people, there's a hundred thousand little gay, lesbian, Chinese fellas of some sort. What do you mean? Well, if, I think, some sort of form of gaiosity, whatever it's called, it's sort of like one in ten. Right? One in ten people are gay, apparently. Right. That does seem a bit higher there, doesn't it? I thought it was lower than that. What? You mean more than that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that. What? that? Was, that? Was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was? Was. What? Was. Was. What? Was. What? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? th. that? th. th. that? that? Right. That does seem a bit high though, isn't it? I thought it was lower, isn't it?

What? You mean more than that? Yeah. Don't think so. And I think that's of any sort of nature of anything. But what time did they do the survey on the streets as well? Because you know how they're not going to get any. Sure. I mean they're all asleep. If I had to say one in the morning, it's going to be higher, isn't it? Well the thing is, you know Carl's favourite song on the killing of Georgie? A little fellow went, a little gay fellow goes out and he gets beaten up and that.

Carl went, yeah, but would it have happenedie left the theatre before the final curtain fell. Now theatre's finished about half ten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So even to give him half hour, I reckon it was only about 11 o'clock. So you're talking rubbish there? Are you sure that wasn't his curtains in his flat and he's closing them before he goes out? No, he was at the the theatre but I just realised, the the were going home after theatre, he was just going out. Exactly. That theatre to him is like a matinee. Exactly, isn't he? He's off down, he's going to get some mammal, he's going to get a couple of buttplugs, and he's not even going to start dancing until midnight, is he?

Have many of us ever met any gay people? It's just, I mean, our view of them is, I don't know. Email in if you've met a game person, tell us where we're going wrong. Yeah, as many as haven't met a game person. I mean, the way we talk about these, it's like when we ever met Chinese people? I've seen them, I've seen them out there wandering the streets, but I don't think of having a kind of situation. Now here's the irony, I definitely know and have met more little gay fellas than little Chinese fellas. Yeah. Have you ever had any little Chinese friends? There was a girl at school who was Chinese but she was kind of inscrutable. I couldn't get close to her, she was sort of mysterious. Right. Bbusters?

Yeah, brilliant. Right then, this is where I give you a little cryptic clue and some initials and it sort of makes up a band or an artist and stuff like that. Sort of being the operative phrase, there. Let's say we read this clue, this is going to sound like Oscar Wilde. Clue number one? Three different clues. I squallowing these apparently. Was it? Yeah, it was legal then. Right.

Will you leave the entrance to my garden alone? Sorry? Will you leave the entrance to my garden alone? Are we back on the gay thing or is this? This is the clue? That's the clue. Clue. Right, that doesn't count because I know what it is. And what was, sorry, what were the initials? What are the initials? G, G, G. Correct.

Yeah, right, but you've got to pronounce the artist correctly. I'll pronounce the artist, because I know what it is. Don't ruin it. No, no, when the answer comes, I'll pronounce the artist. Right, can we just focus, please. to my garden alone. Not messing with it. All right. Cheeky. Okay. Right? Next. Doesn't count. Next, incorrect.

Uh, don't phone, but you can send a message on my mobile if you want. Right, that's T. It's another little, little easy one. And, uh, the last one, we were sharing out the mail sheet. Right, that doesn't count either. I know what that is. that is is is is. th is. th is. th is. th is. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. to to to to to to to too. too. too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. the. the. the. the. to. to. the. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to what that is. I don't care. We'll come to that later. Yeah. And number three, we were sharing out the male sheep and I think I got the best one. Right? DG. Right? DG. Yeah. So quickly again, will you leave the entrance to my garden alone? Right? G-G. Don't phone, but you can send us a message on my mobile if you want, right? That was T. And the last one was sharing out the male sheep and I got the best one, so that's

good. DG. All right, Ricky. Rikki. Rikki. theykk. . Do you have a lot?

The clues don't work, the show, I mean this is pathetic. Play records. That's what it should be called and the clues don't work. Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! Blah! Time, out of time. We've still got an hour left boy.

Blubley. Bluahah-taheat. Bluble. Blu-Bah! Blur out of time on XFM. Well we're not out of time we still got an hour left boy. Luckily. Brilliant. A lot of emails obviously about the Chinese people as fascinated as we are. I don't want to discuss it, you know intermably Rick because there's so much to say and we've said most of it in the past. Get a couple of emails. In fact I think Carl you in the world were in a line on that because there's loads of him you'd never get to the end of it right no it's

not that it's no if all the Chinese people formed a line and started walking out of China you'd never get to the end of it that what I just said no it's because though they'd be having babies you know I mean still it'd be adding to it all the time wouldn't you but they they they they they they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they would they they they they they they they they they would be they'd be they'd be they they they they'd they they they they they they'd they'd they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they they they they'd they they they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be to be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd be they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd be having babies, you know what I mean? Still, it'd be adding to it all the time, wouldn't you? But would they be walking and jacking and having babies and they're walking out? Yeah, that is, yeah. I'd love to see someone organised that. Maybe the record breakers team. I tell you what, I'd love to see Ross or whoever's, who is it? Who's the one that's alive? I'd love love love love love love love love that. I'd love th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd their th. th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. they'd th. they'd their their their their their their their their their their they'd their their they'd they'd their. I'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd their. I'd they'd they'd they'd be th. I'd be the. I'd be thea. I'd be thea. I'd be thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' they'd be walking. I'd be walking. I'd be Norris I think. Norris right. I'd love to see him to coordinate that at 1.2 billion little Chinese fellas boy girl boy girl boy girl and where are they walking out of China which exit are they taking? They're taking the... through Tibet? I think it's the, I think it's the gate 9 slip road the M43 right to St. Petersburg and right and I go and walking and walking and shagagagagag. I the the the the the the they. I the the they. I the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th is th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th is thi th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. th. right and I go and walking and shaggggy yeah because some presumably are dying is they leave no but they live 220 that's true so so they cling so you know well we know Carl's there and that so

want to just tell new listeners your theory about when these when all these Chinese people get the records for oldest people in the world come on what just they probably lie in why they're the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they they the records for oldest people in the world. Come on, what's your theory, Carl? Carl? Just that they probably lie in. Why? Because a lot of them don't age that well. Some of them do. A lot of them don't. And they always look old than they are. I read the other day, do you know the one who was the oldest woman in the world? Right? The way she did it, it was... She didn't die. That was her secret. What she did, she got him every day and didn't die. No, no, she was awake and that, and then she'd have two days just sleeping. Right. So she wasn't really that old. What do you mean? Well, she'd only sort of lived half of a life in a way.

Well, we only only seven-thirds of a life in a way. Well have we only been two-thirds of our life don't we? She was like awake and that and then she'd go, oh I'm out of bed. And then that'd be it for two days. Talking of sleeping, oh man alive I went to see the last part of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Why? Well, it's like a family thing. What will you do if they keep making them? Oh, I've wasted now about 10 hours of my life with that tripe. You can never get that back. You can never get that back. That's what Peter Jackson owes me.

Ten hours now he owes me of my life. It is absolute drivel. Why tho. I cannot fathom why everyone is so excited and loves these films so much. Like I say, people review saying it's the best film ever. I think this is the greatest movie I'll ever see. And I don't... It's like they go on, but look at all the fight sequences. But Tolkien being up there in literature, like, you know what I mean? It's sort of like Shakespeare, Tolkien. No! No, no, no, no, no, no. But. But. But. But. But. But, what is. But, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. It's. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It shoes. I mean I've got big feet, I've got size 14, I can get shoes. Oh God. So not from man, but I know it's like it's like Harry

Potter taken seriously. But I know he's watching it. It's like these people are watching it. Obviously nerds, people who live in Forbidden Planet, they love it, they can't believe their luck. But that's the core audience but it's obviously obviously obviously obviously obviously people people people people people it's also people who can think they have a go like menopausal women thinking well I'll write a book then. The Globlin came into the cave. Exactly. Right? And and they're and they're loving it. It's like, oh God. It's like, bringing people together. But at the end, right? I mean it's taken them now, like nine hours to get from one part of Middle Earth to the end, the other end so they can destroy the ring, the evil ring. Did they do a line? I don't know what they? Let us try to their fellas. And it's it it it it it it it's it's their their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's th, it's, it, it's th, it's th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. It. It's taken, I taken, taken, taken, taken, taken, taken, th. It's th. It's thi. It's tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha as well to get there and at the end they all say

real time why did they edit it? I mean that's why it felt like it really it must have taken them less time you know within the sort of logic of the book to get there than it did to me to watch it and um in the end they sort of say goodbye to you know they're all huged so they're like they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they the they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they try try try tod they they're so so so so so they're sort they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they other and they all hug so there's like you know there's little midget one you know Frido Frodo Frida saying goodbye to you know Bjorn and Benny what are they called in the thing because are they PC in it are they they called like midgets and dwarfs no they're called hobbits oh are they yeah so they're just to make it kind of topical and they're like they're like they're to the they. so so so so so so so so so so just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to make to make to as well, give them sort of, you know. So if you see a little, on the way home, if you saw a little midget fella, just say, excuse me, Hobbit, yeah. Okay, that's fine.

I'm Frodo. Good, Frodo. He'd like it, he'd love it, because everyone loves the ordinary. They love it. No, everyone is other little fellas. And so he's hugging us, I don't know how many there are, and he's hugging them, right? And it is the most interminable thing I've ever seen. It's like the music's playing, they look into each other's eyes, he hugs them, he hugs, they look each other again, they look each other again, then he hugs the next one, then he hugs. And I was just screaming, just, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like, it's, it's, like, it's, it's, the. It's, it's like, it's, it's, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it. It's, it. It's cool. Not each individual. I mean it's dragging on. All and on and on.

And apparently on the DVD, there's like an extra sort of 20 minutes of extra footage as scenes he's cut out. It was watching this tripe. Who cares? I don't know. I genuinely, I couldn't. Have we lost some of our popularity by slagging off Lord of Rings, screw you. I don't want you as a listener. I can't fathom it. It's not like I'm trying to be wayward or controversial. I can't get my head around the popularity. But doesn't Harry Potter annoy you as well though? Yeah, but it's at least

it's kind of over in an hour and a half. Is it? I haven't seen it? I went to the to the toy toy times th. th. th. th. the the the. the. the. the. the. I tha. I to to to the to the to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the their their th. their th. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I'm try. I'm try. toda. try. try. try. toda. try. toda. try. try try try try toda. try pointed ears, it just took me back to all, you know, Mr Spock. Oh, all those glorious days. But it really is, just, I mean have you seen any of him you've not bothered. I've seen one and it was long and I thought it was nicely filmed and I thought, well, okay, I just get through it. I even think, you know, it was just a list of, oh here come the orcs. Exactly. Like, okay, we see the orks now. But it's like people go, look at the amazing fight sequences, the amazing immense battles.

And it's true, he's got thousands of actors and stuff on horses. Brilliant. But I'm not impressed by good time management. No. Well done. He's got all those people together. the Northern films, they're like the film equivalent of an Enya song. Yeah. And that to me is exactly right. That's billowing dresses, slow musical moments. That's good. People riding majestically on horses. Enya.

Constantly riding, thee's every I'll play it so. I know, I know, I know, I know, I thought I'd never, I don't know what to say. Let me explain to me to you, right? Oh, God. Baby, come on, come on down. Till I get there there, then. Biting bottles, Richard Ashcroft on XFM. We've had an email which I think I suppose puts my hatred of Lord of the Rings into perspective. It says says th th th th th th th th th th th th let says says says says says says says says says says says says says says says says says says th th th th th th th th th th the the-I the-I to say to say to say to say to say to to to to to to to to to to to to me to me to me to me to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me the. B. B. B. B. B. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I thi-a. I thi-a. I thi-a. I thin, I thin, I to to to to toa. I toa. I toa. I toa. I toa. I toa. I to to to to to thea' the. I an email which I think I suppose puts my hatred of Lord of the Rings into perspective. It says yeah you may have spent 10 hours of your life wasting your time with Lord of the Rings but imagine how many hours of people. We think this show have wasted right. Yeah that's two hours a week for a couple years. We can never give that back

to people. I know it says it mounts up doesn't it? We should be doing some kind of community service for people, you know, maybe pop a rain more than normal. Well this is community service isn't it? Because Carl, it makes his brain work a little bit and it, you know, keeps him, keeps him, you know, from going on holiday sort of for two hours a week, which is good. We spent New Year's Eve together, their hair doesn't really, like Dave, I I I I, I, I, I, I, th and th and th and th and th and th and I, I, th and I, th and I, thua, thua, thi. thi. thate, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, thia, thia, thia, thereen, thereen, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'm, I'm, I'm, thi. too. too. tooea'a'a'a'a'a'er. too. tooea'er. tha'er's, tha'er. th's me and Jane, Carl and Suzanne. Her hair doesn't really like Dave ill. I must confess. You can see it when it was done though. Yeah, she had the coat on that you bought her to say sorry though, didn't she?

And Martin Freeman and his girlfriend Amanda and uh, uh, glen and we all went for a meal and then we went back to ours. And, uh, sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the the the their their their their their, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, th, to, to, to, to, th, th, to, to, th, to, the, the, the, the the went back to ours and sort of in the New Year and all that and all the fireworks. And then in the wee hours when the drinking seriously starts we started playing parlor games and do you know that game when you go around, started off like with them, pop bands or rock bands, you have to say a band and then they have to come up with a band immediately that starts with the letter that your band that the that the that you, the that you, that the the that the the the that the the that the the the the that the that the the new that the new that that their their that their that their that their year year year year that that their their that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that's that's their their that's their thyyyyyyrerereauauau.eauu.eau.eau.ea.ea.e.e.e. Wea. Weir the. Weir the say a band and then they have to come up with a band immediately that starts with the letter that your band ended with. So Swade, E, Eurasia. Do you do that? We did that, right? And then we have to change that because people would sort

of, you're using the same ones, crop up. So I said we were through animals, we're doing animals. And I gave Carl panicked. Do it quite quite, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you to to to just, you to just, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you to to th, you th, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the their, the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. their, th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that animals, and I gave Carl one, I think Carl panicked. Do it quite quick. I want to just test it on you. Okay. Is it bands? What is it? I said, now what did I say? So yeah, basically I said an animal and it ended with E. Okay, so I go, I go skate. Eagle. There you go. Yeah, but hang on. I think I was a third person. Right. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. think. think. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do. Do. Do. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. thi. I. thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. I. I. th. th. I. th. I go I go skate Eagle There you go yeah, but hang on I think I was a third person right so think of another one Eel yeah I had that yeah did that one

All right, yeah a lot of ease coming up elephant. Yeah, do you know what Carl said? Got ready? Yep egg egg. In a sense, I suppose. Egg? He went, yeah. I went, I went, well, then Martin, Cove just rescued and went, well what is an egg? Animal, vegetable, I said, well it's animal, but it's a, you can't have egg. But would you allow tadpole? Well, yes.

Is that not a classical stage? Yeah, no, but egg, you might as well have leg or I, uterus. It, it, it doesn't count. Egg, you panicked. Brilliant. Oh, I still think I'm right. Well, you're not right. We were naming, you know. Just a a bit of fun though, isn't it? Yeah.

Exactly. You may, why obey the rules? Exactly, yeah, that is true. Don't bother the rules. That is true. Do you have the fireworks, did you? Yeah? Well, you had them yourself.

No, no, no. No, no. two hours of letting off fireworks, we were going, oh can we go now, it was three minutes and they spent a million pounds on the three minutes and that's it. That's all you can stand three minutes of fireworks. To me fireworks are like watching Lord of the Ring. I've never been impressed as a child, I've never been impressed as an adult, but a big bang, a huge, a big explosion, that will do me. I used to go to, they used to have little community fireworks displays at Christmas, things like that near our school, maybe in the school or at the local kind of community center. And I used to go along to them with the family everything, get the sparklers and they would have the fireweds and they would have the fireworks and that would be Benner and they shot on. That would have been yeah. That would be good, yeah. Do you reckon I could take out that church? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, money on it? Go on

all they? Yeah. Yeah. That would be worth it, wouldn't it? But another one of the, I was telling me that they once had some indoor fireworks, which apparently is just, I mean, imagine that, wa? I mean, imagine that, I mean, I th. th. I'm, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm, I th. I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. tha. thi. thi. Did, I think one of the things we got indoor fireworks once when I was little and I remember one of the fireworks was that little celluloid fish that you put in the palm of your hand. Of course and it goes oh you're sexy yeah what it curled up because the heat of your hand yeah oh you're dead you're dead you're dead you're dead actually it didn't curl he the that the you didn't you didn't you didn't you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the that would be... Oh, yeah. So that's the only technique it was dead. We used one of those predictive fish, it came out dead. Yeah. Just flat. Do you have a good time though, Carl? What, at your place? Yeah. It's good night, we danced, didn't we? A bit of a dance. Well, the two of you. the the the two. the two. the two. the two. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We're the th. We're the the the th. We're the th. We're th. We're that. We're that. We're that. We're that. We're that. We're that. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the t. It's t. It's te. It's the te. It's. It's. We're to you know DV cameras, it goes straight to DVD. Yeah, amazing right? And Carl was doing his moonwalking, I was sort of doing some sort of jazz step, wasn't I? Sort of like Michael Jackson. I ended up jumping up on the couch and

falling straight back on my back. Of course you did. I can't believe I was alright. Yeah. What's the chance of that? It's when you're drunk that you sort of like you're averted childhood and you sort of bounce. Yeah. So luckily. Is that DVD going to be available in the shops later than this? Yeah. Yeah. Track 1, Side 1, the first Talking Heads album, Uh Uh Uh Uh Oh Love comes to town. On XFM, 104. 1. Yeah. Well I think it's rockbuster's result, isn't it?

Okay. All right. Um, brilliant. Do you want the prizes, by the way? Not really. Not bothers? No. All right, some videos and DVDs and that, some good stuff. VHS type? A couple. 499. TV titles. What? There's the weather one. That's going to be on tele. Donald McIntyre. Oh yeah. That's in there, if you want that. Yeah. He reckoned Donald Mcntyre ripped him off because he did the thing about how much it costs to have a chimp, cheapest chimps. What was it anything you think someone ripped you off? Rockbusters? Ken Brut on Radio 2 is doing songs of phrase. He was doing that over Christmas. Except one week off, he's in there. And when he heard that Donal McIntyre was doing a program about wind,

he thin aura. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so the first. So, so the first. So, so the first. So, so the first. So, so the first, the first, the first the first the first the first the first the the their, was their, he was doing their, he was doing their, he was doing their that, he was doing that, he was doing that, he was doing that, he was doing that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, their thi. So, their thi. So. So, thi. So, th he was moving on Antinora. So the first one, well you leave the entrance to my garden alone, right? That was the cryptic clue, the initials were G.G. Yeah. That was Gareth Gates. Gareth Gaits. that was Gareth Gates. that was Garth Gates. that was that a Gareth. Gareth. Get off. Gareth gates. No, no, no, but it's Garth Gates, isn't it? So why would you say to someone, Garth Gareth? Is that like a, what's that a manslaughter thing when you say Garth? Garth Gate? Garth Gate? Garth. Garth, yeah, Garth Gate. The bloke, the bloke, the bloke, the bloke, the bloke, the bloke, the bloke, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, gake, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, gaut, gau, gau, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga- gate, gake, gake, ga- gate, gake, gake, gake, ga- gate, ga- gate, ga-g, ga-g, ga-g, ga-g, ga-g, ga-g, ga-g. G. G. G. G. G. Ga, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, gaug, the-ga, gaug, gaug, gaug, with the ignorance? Don't phone but you can send me a message on my mobile if you want. The initial was Texers, right? Just... No, texts. The word's text. So you'd have to say text me? Texts. What's that? What's that? The third one was uh... We were sharing out the male sheep and that. I got the best one. DG. Right?

We're sharing out the male sheep. Get to it. Get to it. Delta Goodram. Delta Goodram. Delta Goodram? You were Delta Goodram. All right.

So who's the winner? We're going to give it to Stephen Gunning. He's got all those right. I don't th don't th don't. th don't. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. the the tho. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I got. I got. I got. I. I got. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. who's the winner? We're going to give it to Stephen Gunning from Tuting, he's got all those right, I don't know how, but well done for him and he wins some crap in a jiffy bag. Literally. You too on XFM? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Snow Patrol and Run on XFM 104. Not bad at all. Not bad at all.

So everyone had a good Christmas though, yeah? Really, Carl, even though it was like a little bit, Lanzigrottie, it was a nice Christmas. Yeah. What was the book you read? What was the book you read? It was the governor? The governor? Yeah. Okay. Did you buy Susanna a gift in the end? Which she, you surprised

him with up because it was there. Yeah, after that show that we did before Christmas. Yeah. I was walking out and thin, I was treated then. Yeah. Um, went and got her necklace. Yeah. Um, went and got her up. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. th. th. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the their th. Did the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did th. Did th. Did the. Did the. Did the. Did thea. Susususuuu. Susususu. thu. thu. the. the. th but went and got one. And she was happy with that. Yeah. Um... That shut her up? Yeah, yeah. But, um, yeah. And did she get you something?

Yeah, we knew she would. Yeah, but the thing is, right? She got me a little Game Boy advanced to the second because she knows I'd bored, thrown. So that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's. Yeah. Yeah. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's the the th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that was good, but I was like, hang on a minute, and how much I spent. And I know how much these are, right? But it was clever though. When I got to the airport I bought to get me an extra game for it. Yeah. Got the value. Of course. When you were growing up, did you wait to ask your mom for sweets, right at the counter? So the woman sort of, would embarrass her into getting you it? What you mean just slip it in the basket? Well no just go just wait until there's some you know a stranger watching before

you ask for sweets. Mom can I have a kinder egg? Did you sit in front of Suzanne when he got to say, Suzanne can you get me something else? Because remember I bought it, spend more on that necklace andthan you did like Game Boy Advance and the woman in Dixon goes oh you better get him somewhere else she goes oh bloody hello right then no she's done well to keep you don't know well to keep you don't she well because you're such a find you're quite a catch yeah you're she must wake up every morning go who I am the luckiest girl in the world she told you that the other night what she said the other night how good it is . is living is living is living is living is living is living is living is living they is living they's is living they's is living they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's th is living th is living th is looking th is looking th the other night. What? She said the other night how good it is living with me.

Yeah, I said to Suzanne, it must be great. Because I only see him two hours a week and I like to squeeze his little head. You can do that all day every day, every day. Does she ever squeeze your head? Does she ever squeeze your head? No. No. No. sick of it don't you? It's there all the time. Yeah, she must think well I could squeeze that head any time I want it. It's not worth it. I just, yeah. Well like your Christmas my dad, I'm wondering if you're turning into my dad, because he, he bought my mom a little

gold bracelet, because he um, he bought my mom a little gracelet, lovely gift, he it was a lovely thing and she opened it she loved it and everyone thought what a great gift lovely gift he wouldn't stop talking about it he wants to the gift he bought he kept on grabbing my mom's arm and showing it to people look at that look at the gleam on there see look at the shine on that look at the gleam there look at you know he said the great thing about that's the gleaned that the glean the glean the glean the glean the the glean the glean the glean the glean you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the the the the glean the glean the the the the giv I the giv I the giv I the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the the glean the the glean the the the glean the the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the glean the gleaned you you you the giv I the giv I the giv I the giv I that that that you that you that you said you said you said you know that you said you said you said you said you know that you said you said you know the gleaned you said you said you said you know the gleaned you said you know the gleaned you said you know he said the great thing about that's pure gold, he went, it's an investment. That's an investment there. It's gold, you know, it's always was something gold. I love that with people giving a gift, it was an investment. I love it. But what, not only does it, does it, does it take away any of the romanticism of it?

But it was a way he constantly was talking about how great. I I I I I I I I I I I's what he kept it, it looks like rope. It looks like gold. It looks like gold. It looks like gold. It looks like gold. It looks like gold. It looks like gold. John. I don't know. He disappeared. We disappeared. We're opening gifts. He disappeared. He's disdained. I'm going to melt. the cli. th. that. that. the gold. that. th. th. the gold. th. th. th. the gold. th. th. the gold. th. th. the gold. the gold. the gold. the gold. It's dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis diso. He's just diso. He's just dis dis diso. He's just diso. He's just diso. He's just dis dis dis dis dis diso. He's just dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis dis diso. He's gold. He's gold. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He that! That's great! That's brilliant! No! But it's just, it doesn't it, as I've undermined the gift of it, if you keep on drilling all about it, it is. People enjoy giving, that's nice, isn't it? And you got a, you know, what did your mom say? She loved it? She loved it.

That's a step. Oh, what about yours? I didn't get my mom and dad anything this time. What? No, because I'm always treating him anyway. Whenever they, you know, if they need a few quid, I don't know. Well, you are the gift that keeps on giving, Carl. No, but don't just go giving anything just for the sake of it. You know what I mean? the time that's right, just because the time is there really? No, I just was going to say my mom and dad didn't give me anything but they did.

What did they go? But just some money. But I'll get them something when the time's right. Do you know what I mean? They always need bits and pieces through the year so. Yeah. I'll look after them. Sure. But it was weird being aware of a Has anyone caught on to the fact that you know they leave groceries in the in the telephone box near your dad yet? Is it? Is it? Oh, that's fantastic isn't it? That is just fantastic.

So when he needs a loaf of bread, pint of milk just goes down. Does he ever give that as gifts? Listen, are we doing the film thing in a bit? Oh. Got more prizes? Yeah. Is it better better that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's going going going going going going going going going that's going going that's that's that's going going on that's going going on that's going on that's going on that's going on that's going on. Is that's going on. Is that's going on. Is that's going on. Is that's going on. Is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tho. tho' tho' thoing thooo' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' that's going on. Is that's the film thing in a bit? I got more prizes. Is it better than rockbusters? It's all right, I did it in a bit of a rush because I was only in yesterday, won't sure. Well yeah, if you take three holidays a year, then there's not enough time for the work.

Me and Steve like to, you know, put our priority in to, into you know doing the work coming up with a good product and getting a holiday when we can you know we haven't I haven't I haven't really I'd love holiday Rick you know I don't do the holidays for me it's for Suzanne in that she's the one who likes going away with you just go yeah so I'll go with her do me bit when you were playing game boy right and you'd looked in a whole and you're reading your book what is she th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the things I I I things I things I things I things I things I things I things I things I things I tho I tho I tho I 'll sort of, she'll make things seem more interesting to me. You know what I mean? So like when we're at the hole and the bus driver said you've got an hour here I sort of said why I've got an hour here? I go to a funeral with someone who were loved in the ground and don't spend an hour around it.

Why don't want to spend an hour looking in this? wasn't I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I was I was I was I was I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was a th. I was, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, th. their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, the th. She, their, their, th. She, their, their, their, their, their, th. She's th. She's th. She's the. She's the. She's theanan't that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the. She'll the. She don't I want to spend an hour looking in this? Wasn't that terrible when you're just shot up in all this magma? Yeah. That was terrible, wasn't it? That was a worst funeral you'd ever been to, wasn't it? But she'll, she'll tell you that would make funer's more interesting. If they just, it was a cremati and a burial with my flatmate about songs that would be inappropriate to have at your wedding at your funeral. Horny surely is one. Yeah, it was what we think was the first one we came with. I'm horny, horny, horny. That was the first one of the biggest ones. And I think wind beneath your wings. I think he's apparently quite popular. Oh yeah, yeah. That's what play that art in o'orers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's. That's. Yeah. Yeah. That's. Yeah. That's. Yeah. That's. Yeah. Yeah. That's. Yeah. That's. Yeah. Yeah. That's. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. That's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the first. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's the the the the the the the the the the the the first. I'm. I'm. I'm. the the the the first. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the first. the first. the first. the we play that art in oars. Yeah. That's Boston. Yeah. A bit of who busted?

Boston, Northern Feeling. Much more than the feeling. Boston, more than a feeling. Boston, more than a feeling. Boston, more than a feeling. Well, another big moment here. we've had rockbusters. We're going to have Carl's film quiz thing, isn't it? Yeah, the film quiz thing.

I've done Planet the Apes, right? Because one of the things we did in Lanzarote went on this tour with three northern bloats, and they didn't really know what they were talking about. Joking? You're joking? Northern has not known what they talk about? You're having a laugh? They'd obviously sort of not had much luck here right and thought let's go over to Lanza Rottie buy some vans, right? Get people in it, we'll do a tour of the island and whenever someone asked the question like, when, when like what year did the volcano happen to go oh take you sort of visit at the center as you can read about it there so they never actually answered anything right so they were useless but one of the things that they

told us was that planet the apes was filmed in Lanzarote right okay right that makes sense a bit of well does? What do you mean? Maybe it wasn't? No, I mean, if they wanted to show sort of an Aaron, sort of barren, sort of post-apocalyptic sort of subject to where you went off there, obviously. Yeah, but when we were there, like he took us to this sort of beach and I said, is this, is this where they did it? And he was like, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is th, is th, is th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is thi, is, is, is thi, is, is, is, is th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is thi, is thi, is thi? Is thi, is thi, is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi? Is thi and I watched it and I couldn't see where I was yeah yeah yeah you know that if you watch a film from 1968 and you've been the same place you're not gonna feature you know not gonna see you in the back walk along the beach it's a new

new planet the apes there was a recent planet that's the that's what they said yeah right so I thought I'd sort thou I th so I'd th so I'd th so I'd th so I'd th so I'd th th th th th th th th th th th th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th no I'd th no I'd th no I'd th no I'd th no I'd th so I that I that I that I that I that I that I that that that's I that's I that's I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th so I th so I'd th so I'd th so I'd th so I'd th so I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I'd th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I tho I tho I tho I thou I th I tho I tho I tho I thou I th I tho I thou I tho I tho I tho I tho I tho I-fetched. I thought that was probably a lot in Hollywood. Yeah. Well anyway, is this the current Planet the Apes or the old one you've done? Current Planet the Apes. This is the recent one. All right, there'll be a question at the end of it, so listen and that. Is this entertaining to anyone? This. I mean, just. DVD's selling well. Exactly, what do I care? Right, come on there.

All right, so Planetary Apes, the question at the end of it, listen and win some stuff. All right? Hey, where am I? What is this place? Hang on a minute, hello, hello. According to the Lanzarote guide, we've been dropped off at the, uh, at the Lanzarote guide we've been dropped off at the volcano bit apparently there's 36 volcanoes here to be seen I hope you don't mind my savority this is a waste of time I don't know why they need 36 volcanoes just keep one fill the rest in a car park as like excuse me guide what's why why's the bus drops it Like a car park us like. Excuse me, Guide.

Why is the bus drops it off here? What's so special about this place? Well, according to our holy writings, that is where creation began. Where the Almighty breathed life, in the time, before time. Wow, it's amazing that, isn't it, all this, all this has been studied for years and years. What about the coffee shop there? Is that, is that old, is it? Well, nothing. You're out to rip us off. I raise about four quid for a coffee there.

Why is ripping people off. That's what annoys me with these trips. You get us in the middle of nowhere, we don't have to do with Al. The reason I've come here, I believe this is where they did Planet the Apes, isn't it? Love monkeys. Especially the ones in Planet the Apes because they talking that. Talking monkeys can't exist. Joking, aren't you? Of course they can. I read about a monkey the other day who worked on the railway. There was another one about a tha about a bank job and went off to Spain to sort of...

Shut up! Oh, hey. What is that? Little monkey fella. Little monkey fella. It's come from that little coffee shop, it's been serving coffee. Now that is worth paying four quid for. No, you're teasing him.

I'm not teasing it. It's working, isn't it? It's serving the t- We want some coffee. Get us some coffee. I've heard about this. You can buy coffee. You can buy coffee. That's been sort of hand picked by monkeys.

It's like coffee,ate. Yeah? Hello little fella. We want coffee. What do you mean we? You're gonna have a coffee, aren't you? What else are you gonna do? Go look at another 35 volcanoes? Staying here, I'm having a monkey coffee. It's brilliant.

You find this amusing? Jesus, it's a talking a monkey. Right, mate, have a couple of coffees. Don't start now. We're off duty. I'm stuck. What's mean your off-tutuity? Have you been on us later? Just get us a couple of... All right, I understand that you're tired and you've probably been on your hands all day. To forget the coffee. You go and get some lunch. After you've got some coach your lazy ass. You damn human! Powerful.

Lovely. Excellent. So what's the question? Uh, if you've been listening to the whole show, how many volcanoes who I think's on the island of Land O'Roy? Okay. Yeah. I might have it wrong what I've been saying, but it's roughly around that. Yeah, so what have you been saying? Yeah. Brilliant. Ricky. Joveys at XFM. co. You're more likely to win the prize if you leave your address on the email. Yeah. Because otherwise we can't really be bothered to phone people or email them back.

Good point. Put your address on there and you could win some clap. In a jiffy bag. Carl's theme tune there, by the CBO, special needs. On XFM, 104.9. New Year's Resolution, Special Needs, on XFM, 104.9. New Year's resolution, Carl? Um, I don't know.

I don't do it, really. Not really. What about something? I don't know. Start smoking? Do you mind? There must be something. No, it's a waste of time, isn't it?

Don't bother with that. Me and no, I've never really made any new.. the new the new the new the new the new the new the new isn't it? Don't bother with that. Me, no, I've never really made any new news resolutions. I just be good to people, just treat everyone as you want to be treated yourself. Give to charity. Hate, crime, racism, famine, sexism. I know you're going to keep to all those except the gift of charity. We can find that a little bit hard to believe.

Never gonna happen. Well, you've always got a break at least one of you in use resolutions. Exactly. Yeah, well I think I'll be nice to Carl. What about learn more? I was thinking about... I want to know more. I've got... I've hit that age where I think, but I think consciously I thought this

is worse than usual. And I ended up watching that Discovery Channel and a History Channel again and I watched four episodes in a row of this fantastic documentary, 1418 War, narrated by James Dame Julie Dentsch, and it's brilliant. I just can't get enough of it. I hated history at school and now I want to know everything. And I think that's mine. Learn, learn all the stuff about stuff. I'd like learning though. I always say that to you.

I'm always looking up stuff. When I was on holiday even though it was sunny outside and they had big holes to look at it for what I wanted to. I stayed in and watched Discovery there and was watching stuff about Scopians and that. Yeah, what did you learn? Nothing because it was all in Spanish. What I just watched it. What I found out right? What I found is, what I found is it, what I don't understand is with scorpions, right? What I don't understand is with scorpions, right? They have like this, this

sort of weapons and stuff right?they? They have the poison and stuff, right? Which can kill a man. But there was a couple of little animals and that that were its sort of enemy and it's stung them and it didn't kill them. So what's the point? Well firstly not all scorpions, kind of them. This one did. Yeah, well they range from like bee stings to so much venom it can takes the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theate theate the the theateateate the the the the the they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeann' theann' thean. theann' thean. thean. they're they're they're they're they they range from like bee stings to so much venom it can take down a horse on on things like spiders and snakes and scorpions so it depends but a scorpion that will

kill a man would kill a rabbit so I don't know what you're talking about there was a snake that it stuck its thing into and some sort of be a beaver and they were just like running about and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there and there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there was there there was there was there was there was there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was just like running about. It was nothing funny about that so why would we laugh? Well the snake wasn't running about was it? Well, it's slithering about a bit. What was the beaver doing when the snake... Just did you sort of, I think it at it in the end. What, at the scorpion, just wandered off. It wasn't a beaver?

It wasn't a biver. There's notah. This is what you've pitched together from a show in Spanish. I'm saying though, how come it, it can't kill something that small, yet there's someone on holiday, that's no sort of danger to that scorpion. We're not going to arm it, right? And yet it can kill a man. Shut up, mate, but this is gobbler, that. Shut up, mate. Sot you're something again, thii!! th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. That's. that's. that's. that's. That's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the tha. the the tha. tha. the the tha. that's tha. that's that's no that's that's no that's that fact that's come out of that? A scorpion can kill a man but the beaver was dancing with a snag than an ethic? That's not a fact. That's not a fact. You put everything down. New Year's Eve taught him something right about dead people.

No. Do you know what it thinks it tathis out? I read it. You are soul weighs an ounce. There's no such thing. A soul weighs an ounce. You're talking to devil. Have you got any monkey news? So what do they do? They measured, they weighed someone who was alive, they were waiting for you to die, then we're waiting again. It was someone there was someone who lost an ounce, you know, it must be a soul shooting off to heaven. It was someone who was really ill and he said we can't do anything for you here but we've got a bit of an idea that we want to do. We've been going to the way. Stuck him on some scales he said right you weigh nine pounds and around so whatever because he was wasting away. He died, he died nine pounds. All right. It's nothing that great. It's. that. that. that. that. that. that's. the that's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the there. We's. It's th. It's th. We've their their their their their there. We've there. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've we' we' is th. We've th. We've th. It's th. It's th. It's got th. It's got th. It's got th. It's got th. It's got th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We've got th. We've got th. We've th. proof if proof we needed. Token Shaked. Monkey News, we might as well leave it.

Come on, come on, come on, tell Mucke News. It's nothing that great really. Is it worth playing the jingle? Quickly? Go on then. Oh, chimpanzee that monkey news. Right, it's about a monkey. It's about this woman monkey he was born in 1834. Right? Half monkey, half woman. No.

Not true. It happened. It was in the Daily Mail. Right? Okay. The Victorian ape woman was a name. Yeah, I christened this thing. Victorian ape woman.

Well, we thought Sandra. No, I'm calling it Victorian ape woman. She was about four foot. No, didn't happen. She had lovely thick black hair on her head and on the back of her legs. All right. So stockings. Let's have a look. And she didn't need a bustle because of a huge ape like ass sticking out of

the back of her dress. She was good at reading and sewing. Well, she didn't have have opposable thumbs. She'd speak three languages. Yes. Human, monkey and monkey human? Twenty offers of marriage. Does that annoy you, Steve? Ah, a absolute twaddle.

All right. That's more rubbish than your soul weighing out. Let's leave it there then. See you next week with some more twaddle. I was worried we wouldn't have the old magic in 2004, but we're still talking shit. Very New Year.