The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S3E5 (November 29, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

During the hiatus, Pilkington signed on with Gervais and Merchant’s talent agent, and negotiated a deal with XFM to get Mondays off in exchange for continuing to do The Ricky Gervais Show on Saturdays. This was a frequent topic of contention during this run with Gervais repeatedly accusing Pilkington of being lazy for demanding an entire day off on exchange for doing 2-hours of work on Saturdays.This show began airing again in November 2003 and broadcast for 12 weeks until January 2004 when Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film series 1 of their new show, ‘’Extras’’.

Don't just do you know son, please lads, thrills on XFM 104. I'm Ricky Joveys with me Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Yeah. Little Carly Pilkington, little Boldy Mink winging little twiart. Oh are you? What are we doing? Happy? I've been a bit happier today. Look, as full of spunk as they are saying in America. Yeah, I'm all right. Just a bit of a miserable day though, isn't it? Yeah. I'm miserable. Walking in today, right? Do you know I walk through like the sort of the gay district of London and that? Right. Well, you don't walk, you mince, don't you? I'm just walking through on the way to work and I'm always interested in their little shops and stuff, right? They're little shops.

That's no, no, no the shame, love you want to, if you want to go in and buy something. I'm just having a look at, you know, looking at it, the entrance, that's meant to tease people in to make people go, that sounds good, I'll nip in. Right? Little postcard, free butt plugs with every sale. That's great. How did we get from 5p off milk to free butt plugs with every sale? What society come to? Yeah, you know, it's an open state.

What did you buy to get them? I didn't, I didn't, I, I, I, I, I, but, I, but, I, I, but, I, but, I, I, but, I, but, I, but, I, but, but, but, but, but, but, I, but, but, but, but. But, but. But, but. But, but. But, but. But, but. But. But, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. A. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, a. Little, you know it's an open to buy to get them? No I didn't, I didn't know, but what's the purpose? What of the poster or of backplugs? But plugs, because I really honestly don't. You shouldn't make your ass don't you? Whoa, slow down, bum. Yeah. But when? Is that just like when you're doing whatever doing stuff around the house? I think it's is it to kind it's not to keep things out is it like you would use a plug in the sink to keep you know the water in the sink? Oh if you're not gay. Oh yeah I know what you mean yeah I don't know what I mean. I don't know what is it? I don't know what I mean? I don't know what I mean. I the the the they they they they they they they they they they they the they they the they th is I th is I th is I th is I th th is I th th th th is I th is I don't th th th th th is I th. I don't th is it is it is I don't to to to to that I that I that I that I that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't I don't I don't I don't that I don't that I don't th is I don't th is I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I th. th. I don't know know I don't know know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don or or are they, I've got to be careful here, or are they sort of like breaking it in? Do you know what I mean?

Like, it's like a shoehorn. Or you know, or you know, it's like when you stick paper in your shoes if they're a bit tight. Or, um, or those people who sort of like put little bits of wood in their lips and then they're big plates in their.......... they're, they're, they're, their, they're, their, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they... Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right, the. Right, thea. Right, tho, tho. Right, tho-a'. Right, tho-a'. Right, they're, they're, they're, they're, theythen assume they got big plates in their lips. So that was the butt plug. It means you can, you know, you're ready for anything I don't know, do I? And then Carl's face! Well if you know what but plugs are used for, then if you don't, if you dodge, you're losing? What do you think if there's anytoday't believe we're already on this subject. I know, I know. I was going to say then if there's any people who use butt plugs and I was thinking that Carl would have said

well they're not up yet because they go out like. No but... But what is it? We're award winning people we've written us TV shows not on radio. We're not on radio we've got nothing to lose. But I always say to you Steve that I like. the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their. their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I. I's. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. th. I'm. th. I's. I's. there. I's. there. I'm. there. there. I was. I'm. there. there. there. I was. always say to you Steve that I like educating people and that now the way I say it is I didn't know what they were and let's vote go it someone about about butt plugs all right well get him on get them on get ask them no because they might say something dodgy oh yeah whereas yeah we just take a chance take a chance and tell him not to swear well you tell them okay that that they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their too tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell the the the the they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're a chance and tell him not to swear. Well, you tell him. Okay. Alright, Steve, do you have my headphones on? Hello, who's there?

Oh, my name, hold on. Who's sorry? Nicholas. Hello, mate. Are you not going to swear, are you not going to swear? to you keak them. to keep them keen. about your plugs? About, well not my plugs, but sure plugs in general. What, do you know much about them? Are you a plug using yourself? No, I'm just thinking if maybe you've got

some gay friends and you're spending the night at their place you might want to use one. Right, what, you mean experiment with them or? No, so you can make sure they're not going to do anything while you sleep. Could I suggest, could I suggest, you know, just lock the door? I mean, that is easier to me. Can I make a bigger suggestion? That's probably the most homophobic thing we've had said on the show today. Thanks very much for your call. Right, okay, good. Well, that's why we shouldn't put people on the fly, just, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. I think Carl's made a good point.

That's the kind of listener we've got. God gave rock and roll to you by Kiss on XFN 104.9 Records of AST merchant. I'm bloody glad he did, Steve. Thank you, I am. Cheers. Carl Poginton's with us as well. He's learned some stuff while their songs been on. He's had a couple of calls, one from a bloke, one from a woman who worked in a sex shop and you learned quite a lot. I could see your eyes widening, what have you learned, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'. thrown, thrown, th. I'm, th. I'. I'. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I's. I's. I'm................................................. you know it spices things up a bit. Yeah. Well what do you need to do that for? The end result is always the

same I think so I complicate it. Do you know what I mean? Are you with me though? These people who say you know they do stuff all night it's like what's the point? That's why I like short stories and that. Oh, brilliant. Excellent. I wish people could see what he looks like when he's talking about it. Oh, in fact, he's in heat next week, Steve. Right. Yeah, yeah, they've put a picture of him. They could do the grab off the DVD and he's running the scenes and he's got his little picture in heat and he hates it don't you? Well I'm a bit annoyed because I didn't want it in.

Why you're worried? I just don't want people knowing what I look like and that. Why? Were you on the DVD? Yeah, but... It's to public domain. Anyone can take it off then, I put it on the paper now. But that's extras on a DVDd. thi DVD, thi DVD, thi DVD, thi DVD, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I's thi, I's tho, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm that, I'm just, I'm tho, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's th. I's, I. I's th. I. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. thi. I'm thi. thi. tho, I'm thin, I'm tho. tho. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thoooooooo. tha. tho. th th th th th th now. But that's extras on a DVD and I'm just thinking not that many people if they watch it they won't take it in and stuff like that. What do you mean if they know what you look like now? They've just got to imagine little Carl Pilkington with no hair?

No, I've changed quite a lot because they work hard don't I so I've aged quite badly. All right. And I'm just thinking if they... You start the hair of Chinaman, isn't it? Why is it a problem for your brother and sister to see you and to... Because I don't see him anymore, do it? And they'll come out of the woodwork now. What? What? What, what are? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? They're? They're? What? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? They. They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They. They? They? They're? They're? They're? They're? They're? They're? They're? They're? they're? they're? they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're looking at heat and there goes carpool is it oh my brother my brother oh maybe I'll go and see him I don't I don't want to hassle but they could find out where you are in time what's the hassle then it's just hassle

of having friends and family in that you mean this don't you yeah yeah is you know that I'm not not into be you having you know if I that your brother or your sister came to your door, would you not welcome them in and give me a cup of tea? Do you know what? He bumped into her sister, right, after about seven years, in a car park, somewhere, right? And she went, oh, I got a picture of my new kid. Do you want to see it? You went not really, the toldk, the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, thk, to, thk, thin, to, wi, wi, wi, wi, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, wo, and their. And, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and, their, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their.. And, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooomk. Do. Do. Do. Do, to to to to their, their, their, the problem though, isn't it? She hadn't seen me for years and years. That's the way I am. I'm not like being rude or anything. I'm just says what comes in my head.

Oh, don't give me that. Don't do that. I'm not rude. It's what comes in me, no, me, no, me, no way. Yes. that. the right. Let's look at it's Obama's cakes, know me nor'm a ways, get out your twiddle flunt. What is that? What sort of philosophy is that? Know me, I'm rude and take it, I'll leave it. I'm not being rude. You are being rude! What's it? What's it?

You didn't even bother to have it? She's got loads of kids. Oh, fair enough. What kind of woman is she? What kind of woman is she? David Bowie, Lady Stardust from Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. I went to see him Tuesday, no you went to see him Wednesday, Steve. I mean, obviously I'm a mental fan, but I think objectively that was one of the best shows I've ever seen. Yeah, it was brilliant. He's got the best band in the world.

He played all the hits. It was an amazing show. The sound was incredible. Do you what I I I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. It th. It was th. It was th. It was thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that th. I th. I thi. I that that th. I th. I'm th. I'm, th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. was an amazing show. The sound was incredible. He... Do you know what I mean? His voice as well. I think people don't realize that quite all his voices. It was absolutely... Brilliant. Yeah, it was absolutely brilliant. Yeah, it was absolutely brilliant.

You don't give it, you don't care, you don't care about this. You never really go to gigs, you, Carl? You never really go the live, the live, the live, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, thin, thin, their, their, tho. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's just, tha. It's, tha. It's, tho. It's, someone else who went to the Bally thing said that he sort of messed with the songs a bit which would annoy me. No he didn't, not really. Hardly at all. So when they did life on Mars instead of saying something about just just the tune of it, he messed with it so it wasn't the same. That would annoy me. What would you do? I mean we're not talking Bob Dylan or

Sinatra. He is the he had lived a little bit I suppose and it's his song but it was you know totally faithful it was he was singing the songs. What do you mean? Well it's just don't don't mess with stuff. It's like if you went to see Titanic and then the boat didn't have a crash you go what they're doing it's like I fanc- I I I I I I I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't they don't to to to to they don't don't don't to to to to to to he he he he he he he he he he he they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't to to to they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're's like if you went to see Titanic and then the boat didn't have a crash you go what they're doing. It's like, oh I fanced messing with it. I'll tell you, he didn't mess with it. Relatively speaking, he did not mess with the songs. They were brilliant renditions. That would be a hell of a film though where ty, they're absolutely fine. Oh, Carl. Oh, oh, you you you you you you you you you you you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're th. Oh, you're, you're th. Oh, you're. th. th. th. th. Oh, you're th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. I' that. I that. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't. I don't th. I don't th. the. the. the. the tot. tell. tell. tell. tell. the. the. the. the. the. the.'s because I work here though and there's a lot of gigs going on all the time and then you get to a point when, you know, you just go

a bit fed up with that. When was the last time you went to a live experience? Uh, well I've been to gigs, but the one that springs to mine probably is when I first sort of tried a gig out and it wasn't a music one it was it was bottom you know with bottom bottom the live thing with Rick Merlin and everything yeah where was that years ago because it was it was in in Manchester about I don't know 87 88 something and I was set up for a like a blind date right this a mate of mine sort of set me up to see this what so you said to the bottom that the that that the the th. what th. what that that that that that that that that that the the that that that that the that the the that the the the the the the that the the the the the the the the the the that th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that things things things things things things probably probably probably things things things things things things that that that that that that that the mate of mine sort of set me up to see this. What so you said let's go to bottom? Well I didn't tell I just had meet us at the Apollo. I bet she was over the moon wasn't she?

I met her there, said right. Romantic? Going to see some middle-aged men run round in pants. Brilliant. Well, it's good things. It's that's that's that's that's that's it's one of the things that afterwards you've got something to talk about aren't you? And stuff. So it was a good gig? Yeah it was all right. Sort of bought some, bought some April fruits and that at the start of the night. Yeah I think she liked that and then we watched bottom then afterwards

had a bit of a chat and then... You didn't see her again I take it. I would have done right because she was all right looking and everything. But when we were chatting she said uh... she had a problem with a marrow or marl and that? She had a problem with a marrow. Yeah. You mean her a bone marrow? Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant she had one stuck of her fanny. No, just, just the... Thanks for that, Rick. That's an image I take out of my head. No one did what. Oh, I see. A marrow. I think it's a marrow. I think it's a marrow. Her

marrow. And is that serious? That? I just was put off it because I thought... I think it's more serious than the problem with a marrow. I mean... With a marrow, a marrow and that. It's an idea if you're bored with butlers. I love it. Everything he says it's like someone from Kes. It was just that thing that... You didn't want to go out with a girl who might be ill in some way. Well yeah I thought what's the point in spending time whether spending money on her and stuff and then she's going to die on me. Oh! No, no, no, but seriously, no, but I'm just, but see this is what annoys me? You're asking for the honest, but I'm just saying what's the point in me getting upset and stuff. No, but what's the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point tho. tho. that. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the the the the tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. tho. S. S. tho. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thoooooooooooo. thooooo. tho. No. S. S she's going to die anyway? Do you got to realize that's not a normal thing to say? No but what's the point in getting to really like to know you know knowing someone and thinking oh that she's really nice

want to spend my life with her? It's good that she told me when she did. Oh said! But what do you... Don't you understand what I'm saying? But no, because... Well, firstly, it's the assumption that she's going to drop down. And you're going to think... I'm not a doctor's a moment. I don't know what it means when you've got a problem with a marrow and that, but she looked pretty serious when she was so bad about that. I'll tell you, I'll explain to you during the break.

Play a record. And Libertines? Yeah. If you're morally objectionable, if you're not email on Wikipatchez at XFM. to you can't. It's okay, he's an idiot. True. Molly Chambers, Kings of Leon and XFM, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington.

Steve, I want to talk to you. I think it was, it might have been Wednesday night. I was in the pub, Rick Joveys with me, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkton. Steve, I want to talk to you. I think it was, uh, it might be Wednesday night. I was in the pub, the phone goes, the car goes, he watches nothing about parasites. I went, no I'm out, he went, oh, fell with a maggot in his head. Fellow with a maggot in his head. Yeah, he'll go, oh no, he's pulling it out now. Oh, oh, I'll say, well, yeah, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get later, I get a message on my phone, a look at it, it just says,

oh no, there's a fellow with his fish up his cock now. There's a fellow with a fish up his cock? Yeah. Right? Okay. Do you want to explain that, Carl? Is it one of those little ones that swim up if you're having a slash in the Amazon?

Yeah. Yeah. That's weird, that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's weird, that's weird, that's weird, that's weird, that's weird, that's weird, that's weird, that's weird, that's that's weird, that's weird, that's weird, th. That's weird, thi. That's the thi, thi, tho, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. That's, they. That's their. That's their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. That's tho. Oh, thooooooooooom. Oh, thooooooooomorrow. Oh, thooooooomorrow. That's their, their, their, he was, it was like stuff like that, he started off with a... What does the fish do when it gets in there? Just sit there. So why, why? Well what else can it do? No, but why does it go up there? Uh, don't know, I didn't listen to that bit. But listen, there's a bit, there's a bit, he started off with a that and got a tape worm inside him. He grew it for however long and it came out at the end it was about seven foot long. On purpose? Yeah, he did it on purpose,

yeah for the program, right? I think, yeah, probably slimming, isn't it? Well I was thinking that, could, you know, I mean you're a fan of Waller, could he purposely have about eight of them? What Rick Waller? Yeah. It's a good idea. Because they were saying they eat, you know, a lot of stuff when they're in you, they just eat all them. Well they take enough so you don't die and nor do they, yeah. But I mean you've got to keep taking them out, haven't you? Because you still have the same weight, because it it it it it it's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're they're. they're. they're. they're they're they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their. their their tape. their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to do is like let them eat you and me and then take them out. Do you think we're and watchers okay catch on? Yeah.

So anyway so that happened right and then uh yeah there was a woman with a maggot in her head. A woman with a maggot in her head. Yeah it just she went on holiday it got in there somehow and uh... Stow away. It just just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the' they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's they's okay. they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the and to thoing to thoing to thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing tho-a' tho' tho' tho' theering they're they're... it was massive and the thing is that she had a hole in her head and she's there being interviewed with the doctor like and you can see it just sort of sticking its head out like like do you know when you see a cartoon with a maggot in an apple yeah and it looks out and looks around like that yeah why don't they just take it out it. Right that's libelous. That is libelous. But I found it weird why not just grab it.

Oh because there must be a reason. There must be one of those medical reasons that you don't really know about Carl. And another bit this this was the best one right. Right there's this fella and he was he was on his bike right cycling cycling to work whatever and he sort sees this thing in the corner of his eye literally in the corner of his eye or you mean he just said he saw something he saw something okay what's that yeah so he thought oh it doesn't matter whatever and he stops off at a cafe right get a little little scone the tea or whatever and he goes in in there and he's sat down and the waiter comes over, he says, yeah, what do you want? He says, I'll have a scone and the tea, he goes all right.

So he goes to get it, comes back, as he puts the tea and the scone down, his face is like, what, what, what, what, what, the their??????, their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the, is, is, is, is, the, is, the, is, the, is, the, the, the, the, the, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says? says? is, says? is, says? is, says? is, says? is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the, the, the, they? He? He? He says, they? He says, they? He says, they? He says, the, they? He says, says, the, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, is, says? Like a look of frightenness on his face, right, drops a tea and legs it, so the fella's going, what, what, so he legs it after the bloke and goes what? And he says, something came out of your nose, that was massive. Sorry, something came out of the guy's all true, because people would have watched it, so don't start saying it happened. But hang I just need to clarify. I don't believe he he ran't. What the the the the he le le le le le le le le le le le le le le le le le le the th. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. So. th. So, what's. So, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, what is. So, what is. So, what is. So, what is. So, what is. So, what is. So, what's th. So, what's th. What is th. the. the. the. the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the-a-he-he-he-a, what's the. So, what's the. So, what's all true because people would have watched it, so don't start saying it happened. Sorry, but hang on the bike. I don't believe he ran away. I don't believe he legged it. I don't believe he had a look of frightenedness on his face and I don't believe he said, massive came out of your nose.

And I don't even believe he had a cup of tea in the scone. These the things thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks the tho I the the the. These are the. These are the. These are the. I the. I the. I the. I tho tho tho tho the the the the sco- I don't he he he he he he he he the sco- he the sco- he their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I don't theateate. I theate. I tho-I theate. I theat the. I one who was on the bike who ordered the scon? Yeah! But what was it? It came out of his nose? What was it? It came out of his nose? What was it? It came out of his nose? It came out? It came out? He came out of his nose? It just came out of his nose? was like the maggot in the head. He just popped his head out, had a look around and went back in. Why did the bloke, why did the blow stop the tea and run? Well, it's weird, isn't it? Right, so, so he goes home. He goes home, oh, God, you know. So he sits in front of the mirror and he sat there waiting, this thing comes out, again, looks around, goes back in again,

so he goes, oh, no skoats. Right? So he goes, I've got something out, it goes to the doctors, it says to the doctor, I've got something up my nose, it just keeps coming out and having a look around going back in. So the doctor's like, oh, I haven't heard of that before. Right? Didn't say that? So, sat there, it does it again. The doctor looks, you know, frightened again. He ran's away?

He didn't he's took. Well, he's got a look at frightening. He had a to look at medical frighten miss. He dropped his stethoscope and legged it. No. He said, I know what, so. He had a leech about that long. What's radio? Well how long's that? Four inches? Four inches coming out of his nose. Next time it stuck it said out he grabbed it, pulled it out. That's horrible though, isn't it? In it? Can I just remind people, just let people know when Kyle was saying it was about that long and Ricky said four inches he was using his fingers?

Oh yeah, it didn't have his... No. So he had a leech up his nose? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th tho th th th th th the th th the th. He the th. He the th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He had the the. He had theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat theeat theeat theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. He yeah he didn't have his no. Something else. No. So he had a leach up his nose. How did he get the leach up his nose? I don't know. I'm not that bothered about that bit. Oh the footage and stuff. Oh player record. It's just the same he just sees that he gets fast he doesn't read on his education is just sound bites and self-embellishment in his own head. It's like he gets all his news from Ananova and he just reads the headline and he just doesn't bother reading that. You know he he considers that education. He gets annoyed if you think that that more information is useful. So you don't get going to to talk about that later if you can say that I'm going to go right okay after okay we're gonna play a song now and I'm gonna tell tell to tell to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the the to the the the the to the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. I'm their their their their their their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to. I'm tell. I'm to. I'm tell. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'll. I'm. I'm. I play a song now and I'm gonna tell London

Carl's confusion over evolution. Right. That are you two? Oh, brilliant. Sweet, good. It's a good place. I'm a 4.9 actually one for a minute. You too, the sweetest thing on XFM, Ricky Jovey, Stephen Richard and Carl Pilkington. So, we're with Carl in the week, so what can we can do this week? I'm saying, well, don't do rockbusters, that's dead in the water. I hope the, I hope the, listening public, agree with me.

So, we're with Carl in the week. So, what can we could do this week. I was saying, well don't do rockbusters, that's dead in the water. I hope the listening public agree with me. He's going, well, you know, when I teach stuff again, remember what I taught you last week? I went, no, I'm no idea. Where you're joking? I went, I went, the terrible. I went, theyribbun, the terrible guy. I was, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I was, and I was, he. He, he, he, he, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he, he was, he. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He. He. He, he. He, he. He. He, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he's eyes. Yeah. He actually said I for the Terrible at the time. Yeah. So I can't remember this was a man who had built something for Ivan the Terrible and then Ivan. But his idea of education is telling someone something that knows more about the subject of him so they can correct him when he's telling them it. And so I said, well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, and, uh, and, uh, uh, and, uh, and, uh, uh, uh, uh, and, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th, th, th. And, th, th. And, th. And, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. But, th. But, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, thi. But, is, is, is thi. But, is the. But, is the. But, is the. But, is th against monkeys who perform bank robberies and he goes but you believe in Newton. He doesn't know the difference. I was trying to explain the laws of the universe, right?

It was going what do you do? And so all I come up with is, I thought some were interesting. You know when you tell a child maths, you say you've got three potatoes and you've got four potatoes and you've got four potatoes. I have to do that with science to ca. So I that that with that with that with that that that that that that that that that that that that that the science the science the science the science the science to to the science to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tryususususususususususususususus., Iananananananan. the tryususususususus. tooananananananananus bricks. If you throw the house bricks out, you'll go the other way. He loved that. Right. He apped, didn't you? Hmm. Because I didn't know that that would happen. And it's sort of useful to know, it sort of explained a bit to me and stuff. Right? And that's why I like doing stuff every week. I think listeners go away, go in, well I th and I thi w I thi wI thi wI thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's tho tho' tho' thi. thi' tho' thoomome' thoom-I' thoom-a' tho' tho' tho' tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thin. I'm thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I tha go away going well I didn't know that I mean Carl told me something there they forget it instantly just like we do we're friends of yours and we forget it instantly no the annoying thing we use Steve not so much Rick at least they'll listen now and again you'll just dismiss stuff straight away I told you loads of stuff

but Carl what you consider education I consider title tattle well it's not education you seem to to you you you you you you you you you you you you you to you to to to th you to to th you th you th I th I thi thi thi thi thi thi the tho tho the the the the the tho tho the the the tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho tho tho tho thoeeeeeeateate. to. to. I to' to' they're they're they're they're their their their their their tittle tattle. Wow. It's not education. Do you know what I mean? You seem to think it's education. It's just kind of gossip, stories you've sort of half read. Right, all right. Example of yesterday. Goalfish have longer memories than people think they do. Yeah. You said no, it's rubbish. No, we didn't. We said where to get information from. Yeah. There's not enough information there for to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that's to that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their th. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's their their their their their their their their their their their the. I. It's the. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's? Yeah. There's not enough information there for it to be educational because you, what you said is longer than you think. Because because that has a statement, it has no objectivity. Goldfish's memories are longer than some people think. That isn't a fact. Because we don't know how long do people think of Goldfish's memory is. Do you see what that isn't a fact? Whereas Newton's laws of physics in the universe are? Right. Yeah, but it was just a little thing. And I talked you more than that. I said, I said about there's loads of Chinese people, if you put them in a line,

you can't get to the end of it. I don't know what that means. There's loads of Chinese people. We know that, but what? If we put them in a line, we can't get to the end of there. We just say there's about a billion Chinese people in the world. But what really annoys me is right? I read something on the internet the other day because I'm always trying to learn stuff. Yeah, no you are. Right? And you're having to go at me because, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, or BBC news website it said the world may

end in 32 million years right first of all it says may doesn't say it will and 32 million is gonna argue with that and yet they they're allowed to put that they're not having to go out of them no but but you didn't read on there's more information that wasn't that wasn't that wasn't meant be a news flash to worry people that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was like that was that was that was that was that was the the the that was the the the they. that was that was they. the that was that was that was that was th. that was was was was was was was they. they. the the the the the the that was was was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th was th was th was th was the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. oh scientists have discovered that possibility there. That was just like... Yeah, but again possibility. No, but Carl, but there's eight other paragraphs that you haven't read. You see that will have to give explanations to why they think that might happen. So therefore it becomes a news item, it becomes educational. It's not just the headline, the headline is supposed to draw you into the story so you that's supposed, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's supposed, you're, it's, it's, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you th. It's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th. It's, you, you th. It's, you th.. It's, you th... It's, you the, you the, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the eight, eight, it's the the the the other, it's the other, it's supposed, it's the, it's, it's all the information. But then I was trying to come up with things to excite him and I realised that I was opening a can of worms.

I was trying to come up with facts where he's going, give me facts. So I said, oh, okay, why can't an owl? Why does an owl have to turn its head at 180 degrees? And I said it's because the eyes are so large, that's a huge, that's a that's a that's a that's a thea, thea, thea, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, tho, their, their, tho, I their, I tho, I'm a huge, I'm their, I'm tho, I'm thrown, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm, I'm their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's they.... I'm they. I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, thin, thin, thin, try.a.a.a.a. I'm going, thin, thin, thin, thi. I'm going, they. I'm going, that they can't move within the skull. And he went, well why'd they do that? Why don't they just do it, give them normalize and let, and then after I have turned their head? What do you mean? Why didn't that? He went, well whoever did that? I went, well it was evolution, it was a little, he went, it's like girths, I grewir necks to eat for. So I didn't grow their necks to get the food. The ones that added up shots lived longer and so got the food and passed on their, he went, yeah,

but why didn't they just give them wings? I went, why didn't who just give them wings? He'd got angry and went, whoever gave him the necks! This, his understanding of evolution, thi. Well who the thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and so their, and so their, and so their, their, their, their, their, and so their, and so their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their? lathe. And, their. And, their. So, their. We's their. Weu. We've their. their. their their their their, their their, their, their, their, their on the floor. Who do you imagine is there? Because you don't believe in God do you? So who is it you imagine is they? Well, whoever made us, sort it us out. Who? I don't know, it just happens, don't it? Yeah, it just happens, theyxin? There's no will to evolution. It's natural selection. I still don't get it though. We talked about an hour about an hour, about an hour, I, about, about, about, about, about, about an hour, I, about, I, I, about, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. tho, th. thi. thi. tho, who. tho, who. tho, who. tho, who. Who. Who. Who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who. Who. Who. th. Who, who, who, who. th. th. th. th. th. Who. th. th. th. Who, who, who, who, who, who. th. th. th. th. th. Who, who, who, who. th. th. th. th. Who. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the th. Who. Who's. Who's. Who's. Who. Who. to. the the th. Who. Who. know. I watched as Ricky tried to give you actually what was quite a concise and educated version of that evolution. He tried to explain it to you and I have never seen a person lose interest quicker. But I used, I tried to use actual fact, then I tried to use metaphor and analogy, then I showed you some computer programs to show what biofeedback is and they're tried all these things and Steve's right, you were looking out the window. Have you ever spoken car to someone who's got Alzheimer's disease?

And you try to explain who you are and they're listening and then they, that's what you're like. It's extraordinary. But listen, seriously, I went out, I found this book, I found this. I found a couple of facts and trivia. The Egyptians trained baboons to wait on tables. That's interesting to you in it. Yeah that's pretty good. Have you got any more there? I'll see what I can see what he's interested? Yeah can get the staff. That did happen yeah you pay pay peanuts you get monkeys. And then what did they go off and do after that? Well it doesn't say... I love the fact that he think, right, okay, so in his mind, it's the other monkey going,

it's 5.30, I'm off, you know I was going early today, and they go off maybe dancing or something, oh they come in late. No, I think he, I think, I think, just one more before you play a record. You'll like this. Peter the Great, you ever heard of Peter the Great? No. Okay, well anyway, Peter the Great had his wife's lover executed. Oh, you'll love this Carl. Right, so his wife had a lover, he had him executed,

and he put his head into a jar of alcohol and his wife had to keep it in her bedroom. Do you understand that's every time she saw every morning she'd wake up and there was her lover's head? He took his head off he took his own head off No, oh my god Play a record, she had a lover and I'll never get it Never get it Mad World on XFM, we just had a text Rick from Andrew Barnes. He says he did, he watched the same documentary it would appear as Rick Carl did in the week. And he says he, just to clarify, the leech-nosed man got it up there when drinking from a muddy stream. He goes on, one can only imagine the frightenedness he experienced. Oh, Carl. Explain to him once more what happened only imagine the frightenedness he experienced. Oh, God!

Explain to him once more what happened with Peter the Great. All right, so we've got Peter the Great. Yeah. Okay. And his wife had a lover. That's another man. Not Peter the Great. She was having an affair with someone else. And Peter the Great, he found out about that, okay? So he sliced off this bloke's head, he killed him, he executed him. Right.

Were you with me so far? But the fellow who, she was seen for a bit. Yeah, there's only two fellas involved, there's two people involved. One's Peter the Great, the other one's not. The guy that's not Peter the Great, Derek, the Terter, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the guy, the the the the the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.e, was, was, who's, who's, who's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the otheroo, woomber.e.e Peter the Great's missies. So Peter the Great slices off his head, puts it inside a jar of alcohol to preserve it, and puts it in his wife's bedroom. So every morning she wakes up, she sees her dead lover's head. You'd have thought he would not want her to remember, wouldn't you? Best put bury the head so she can't, don't remember. It was a reminder so it's not to put it about. And did it work? Oh, I don't know.

I love that again. That to me is an amazing thing to do. And you go, did it work? I mean, you've got quite an interesting mind actually. I mean, you are in some ways, I one of the cleverest bloke in some ways that I know it says I've got common sense. Well, yeah. And that's more important than knowing about you know. But it's what, it's what, you really, you,

it's like you follow the subplot, which is quite an interesting thing, do you know what I mean? It's like you tell you tell you the their you you you you you you you you you you you tell you a story, you'll always pick up on some of it that I didn't even think was an important bit. It's like you're always, you're looking out of the window all the time. So what's important about that Ed thing? What do you mean? What's it? It's a grotesque thing to do. It shows ego, power, cruelty and revenge.

Although I think it probably did work, because, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, and revenge. Although I think it probably did work because he is called Peter the Great. Yeah. So you'd assume he got it right. Yeah. I don't see how you can query that that's the sort of facts you give us. You see now you're on the other side of the fence and you've got questions just like we've always got questions. No but in Carl's thing it would have been, turns out some weird up and right and he was still the the th.. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to be to be to be to be the the the the th. the the th. th. th. th. their th. their th. to be to be to be to be their to be their their their their their their their their their. So. So. So. So, their. So, their. So, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. So, th. So, th. So, their th. So, their th. So, their their their th. So, their their their, some weird happened right and he was still alive. And so she was still having sex with body and his head was watching and Peter the Great didn't even know. See how he's perked up?

I understand what you're saying. Now I've learned some other stuff so we'll, I'll see if I can educate you a bit before three. But I want to know, I'll tell you what education I want, I want to know what sort of things I can buy this weekend. What plugs? No, have you got any adverts? Oh, fair. Ex-F-M.

X-F-M. X-F-O-N-O-F-N-F-N-T-FM the version of the Talk Talk song. Love it. Love it. You've enjoyed that Rip. On XFM, 104. Right, Carl, this is where he shines. This is what Carl gets Mondays off for. Um, RUr.

Okay, Carl, what is it? You want to explain this? It's a bit when I'm in a film and sort of edit me into it so I'm like an actor in a major film. We've done Kez, we've done one flew over the cook's nest, shining stuff like that. This week it's a few good men. Brilliant film, brilliant film. So you listen to this and we'll give the question later on probably... Let's give it after the... we'll give it after the... All right. I'm really got one the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha the the the the the the the the the actor the the actor the the actor the the the actor the the the the the the the the the tha tha tha to this and we give the question later on probably... Let's give it after this yeah we'll give it after the... we've read the clip. I'm really got one sorted but

I think I'm on whilst it's on. So have a listen to this tech everything in and then the question at the end so it's a scene where it's the court case yeah all right all right all right all right all rise Call your witness. Yeah, he's just coming now. All right, Jack. Colonel.

What? I'd appreciate if he would dress me as Colonel or Sir. I believe I've earned it. Defense counsel will address the witness as Colonel or Sir. All right, Colonel. A bit smart today with all the all the army stuff on. You ever served in an infantry unit, son? Nah. Brother did. He was in the army.

He got kicked out though, because he went for a packet of fags in a tank. Weird that, isn't it? No, it's not. It's tragic. I won't say it's tragic. I'll show you something tragic. They always carry this book around with me. I always show it to people. It's got like the top 50 weird people in the world in it, right? It's all sorts of weird stuff in it. Look at this one here. It's a fella, right? He's got two heads. And the weird thing is, right? It's the top 50 weird people in the world. He's at number 50, he's got two heads. Right? Makes you wonder what's going to be at number one, don't it? Are these really the questions that I was called here to answer? No, but look at th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th that they their their the questions that I was called here to answer? No, but look at it. Imagine if you were his mate.

You wouldn't get a word in edgeways, would you? Maybe you didn't have any friends. Hmm. Probably right, they say, don't they say? Two's company, three thrown. So. Please tell me that you have something more, Lieutenant. Yeah, I got loads him. Three legs. Little fellow with three legs, right?

Guess what his job is? My answer is I don't have the first damn clue. Well, I'll tell you. He's a juggler. I'll tell you, thrown. This is ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous. You're probably thinking what I'll answer the question. You want answers? It's just that I'd like to know the truth, but you can't handle the truth.

Gentlemen. Well I've paid for the book so I think I'm entitled to know why you... I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to. You better get somewhere fast with this lieutenant. What about this one then? This lad here is 12 years old. he he he he he he he he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he he is he he he th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. that thi. that is thi. that is that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi the. the. the. the. the. the. that that that that's that that's that's that's that's that that's that's that? This lad here, it's 12 years old, he looks 48. What do you think? Why not though? You said you didn't want to know anymore about the juggly. You didn't say you didn't want to know what I said. I don't have to have it read back to me like I'm... All right. Lieutenant, do you have anything further for this witness? Well, I just wanted to'd say that now, won't you? Forget it.

Well, I don't know what to say really. That's Carl Pilkinson in the film A Few Good Men with Jack, acting alongside Jack, and I have to say giving him a run for his money. I think Carl is a really good actor. I genuinely think that. Should you put him in some up? Yeah definitely. Okay. What's the question? What's it what's his foretage do you think? Just sort of playing that sort of stuff. Okay. Deep stuff. Yeah, okay. We could talk that up. Think of a question there out of that little lot. You not got one? Well, what I've got, what, um, who was at number 36? Whatever it was. What was it?

I don't know. Let's let's... Who's at number 50? Who was at number 50? What? Yeah. What was all about the guy who was at number 50? 50 weirdest people on that list? Just text in, uh, 83XFM and put your address on there as well and that. What places are there, loads of stuff? Yeah. Let me yourself a good one. Oh, that's actually not bad. There's Lord of the Rings on there, Michael Palin's around the world in 80 days. If you're not had a chance to see that yet, it's been repeated about 80 times. Look around you which is an excellent show. That's pretty brilliant. That's a good good show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's actually. It's actually. It's actually. It's actually. It's actually. It's actually. It's actually. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's actually. It's a that's a that's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. that's a lot. that's a lot. that's a lot. that's actually. that's actually. Oh, that's a lot. Oh. other concern, it's not too bad, and also the relatively poor stand-up DVD, Ricky Gervais is live and the show which is mediocre. Can't give him away. Yeah, all right.

And yeah, you can win all those prizes. If you can answer which question again? Who was the failure, who was at number 50, what was up with him? All right, so let's go to play, uh, Thorns. Some Thorns. That's the most beautiful track I've been, I can't get enough of this. Isn't it? You'll love it. You'll love this. Carl, come on. What's the matter with you? What? Thorns? No, no blue sky. Beautiful, isn't it? Isn't that a great track.

It's all right, yeah. Just had an email, you know. That woman who opened the office script could have a head cut off. Apparently. When a letter is posted it becomes a property of the Queen until it reaches the person it was meant for. By opening it, she's committed treason and could be killed. I don't know if you're familiar with this story, Carl, are you? Go on. Apparently, some copies of the office Christmas specials, scripts, got sent to the wrong address, some woman. And, uh, instead, I mean, I don't know what you do in that situation.

Normally if I get a mail that's not addressed to me, I just give it to the postman, or or put it backto the Sunday so we read it we read the plot of the office tomorrow in the Sunday papers which ruin it for some people. But the other thing is yeah I mean if it was sent to her obviously her name wasn't on it if that's if that's true in which case I think that's quite a serious offense isn't? I would hope that yeah if I said I was I was I was I was I was I the I the I the I the I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th. th. I th. I the. I thi thi the. I the. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. tho. tho. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'd the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. theeeee. theee. the. the. the serious offence. I would hope so. I mean I would hope that yeah if I said something in an envelope it was... But the BBC, Ash, actually, the BBC, thinks that because the person, they said it was meant to be sent to who got his,

maybe thinks maybe that's an excuse. Maybe someone gave her the script and said, don't say it came from me. Yeah, yeah, so I don't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the BBC, maybe, maybe, maybe, the the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, th. th. th. th. th. th. the BBC, th. th. the BBC, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, the script, the the the the the the the the the BBC, actually, actually, the the the the the BBC, the the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the the BBC, the the BBC, the BBC, the the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, actually, the BBC, actually, the BBC, actually, actually, the BBC, actually, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the BBC, the Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know, maybe she's protected someone, I don't know. Yeah, well I don't know, if that is... Well either way, don't sell it to a newspaper. Well, I... Yeah. It's just, it's just the kind of mercenary nature of it that I loathe. You know, it's the fact that, and the fact that it's only just now, it's only just the the office, inher the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the news news... in newspaper their their thosea' thiase. It's thiase. It's thiase. It's thiase... in thiase... in thiase... in thiase... in thi. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news. In newspaper their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the news. the the the the the the news.o the the think it's, I don't think she's going to get a lot for it, because people are going to see it soon. It's not like it's the hit the diaries. Why I'm not very well written. But I mean, I don't know, I don't know. I don't tell you what I'm frustrated by it's just the fact that it's like we they've not got what they wanted. We're trying to cheer up, give a bit of happiness. Yeah, but I think she'd be happy if she gets a lot of money. True. I don't know. I think it's, I think it's just tacky really. It's like, well I just say if you're a fan of the show and you don't want to know what happens, then. Theets the the papers. the papers. the papers. the papers. their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin's thin's thr-I. thrown. thrown. thrown. thin. thrown. thin' thin' tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. It's just, I tha. It's just, I's just, I's just. It's tha. It's tha. It's tha. It. It's tha. It. It. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thae. I's just. I's just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just a nice gesture. But I can say is it's a good job that I send out the prizes. Because that Michael Palin around the world in 80 days will be going to the person who won it. Yeah. Yeah. And if someone else receives it, they better not try and, do you know what I mean, keep it, it should go to the winner. Yeah, exactly? That is a very good point. So be warned. Don't open things things things things things things things things things thin things thin things thin things that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's be warned. Don't open things that weren't addressed you. Yeah. Pandora's box. There's some sort of lesson there. What happened? All

the evils of the world, wouldn't it? Pretty much. What? Yeah. Oh, brilliant. No, Pandora's box. Well, told not to open it, opened it, opened it, released all the evils that are in the world now. But did the person say if you open it loads of evil will come out? It's not true. It didn't really happen. It's not like evolution, it's not the truth. But you remember that? Yeah, you won't listen to some of my stuff. That goldfish and stuff. No, it's not that we don't listen to it to it to it to it to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to it to listen to it to listen to it to it to listen to it the to it. It the the the the the the the th th the th the the th the the the the the the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. tho. Loa. Loa. Loa. Loa. thooo thooo thoooo thoo thoo thoo thoo thoo that that that that that's that that that tho. all the evils in the world got here, because on and over it would be, Pandora opens box! Actually, speaking of headlines. Oh, here we go. Okay, imagine if Pilkington was on News at 10, okay.

We should just explain, you cannot be bothered to read an entire news story. You get everything you need from a headline, don't you? Well, I think it's enough. I think if they did... Well let's see, let's see if this is enough. Let's see if this, if Trevor Mdonald just read this on the news of tele, it'll be shorter and you get back to the football whatever, there we go and here is the news at 215 with Carl Pilkington. backwards around lake falls in. BONG. Chinese woman eats dirt. BONG. Uh, man lives in rubbish dump for 10 years. Brilliant.

BONG. Czech family says they've got a rabbit with three knobs. Right? Right. Sorry. Can you just read a little bit more of the Czech family with three knobs? Uh, just about a family. Not read it to yourself.

You can't read it to himself. I tell you to read it to himself, we still hear it. No, he was just like I could see his lips moving. Yeah, go on. Just this fella who, uh, add three rabbits. Right, just think of this is Trevor McDonald. Okay, carry on Carl. Okay. Here's the news, right? Brilliant, go on. There's a fella, he's got three rabbits and that, and then he checks them out, right?

Two of the rabbits, I've got two knobs each. And he goes, that's a bit weird, isn't it? And they're throwing him around, you know, showing them around the family, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, he's, he's, thr, he's th, he's got, he's got, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's thr, he's thr, he's thr, he's got, he's got, he's got, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thro' thr, thro' thro' icks up the third one it's got three. Yeah so they at the two we two because they thought the best keep the third one because a little bit lucky in that. Yeah yeah it is lucky three knobs yeah yeah now is the sports news and that's how it would work yeah okay brilliant when we either the Chinese woman I'm interested in said that said that's it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the is the is thi thi thi. I theeeeeeeeeeyse is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is that is the story then. What more do you need to know? Well I want to know a little bit more. Can you just embarrass it? 78 year old Chinese woman, she says she's 78. It makes you wonder, yeah, my theory. Carl's theory is that Chinese people don't age well. And so those Chinese people that are saying they're 112 are really only 33. That's why he doesn't want to walk out from here into Chinat a their their to to their in to to their in to their in their in in in in in their in their in their into into into into into into into into into into into into into into their into their into their into their into thi into thi in thianananitinin' their in thioln't thioln't thiol-a' thiol-a' thiolomea' thiolomea' thiolite. thiolite. thiol and she's thiiiol. She's thii. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's their their their their their their their their their their their thi. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's thiole. She's thiole. thiole. She's thiolue. She's thia'a'a only 33. That's why he doesn't want to recognise because he doesn't want to walk out from here into Chinatown. Yeah. It just says she's been eating soil for 70 years, she's at about 10 sons of the stuff and it's done on no arm. Kept her grounded. It's probably

a work for you, isn't it? Did it pass through, doesn't it? Well they say don't, if you're having a kid, let it play in soil and that because... Well that's to get it immune, yeah, to get it, yeah. But lots of, like, things without, with them sort of birds and reptiles sometimes swallow soil and stones because it grinds up stuff, breaks down cellulose for them. Doesn't do you any harm. One more fact from this book for you Carl. C, Carl, Carl, th. C. C. C. C. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. It, the. It, the. It's, the. It's, the. It's, the. It's, the. Well, the. Well, the. Well, the. Well, the. Well, the. All right then. One more fact from this book for you, Kyle. Apparently, officially, the Second World War is not over. It's not actually over because there's never been an official treaty signed between Germany and Russia. So it's still going on. Interesting or not? Uh, not as good as the monkey one and the... And the... The people are great and that, sure. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, th, the, th, the, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, officially, the, officially, the, thi, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, the, officially, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the their, their their their their their thean, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, officially, the, the, the, the, the good as the monkey one and the winter weeks do it. And the great and that, sure.

But, yeah, it is over, isn't it? Isn't it, though? That's, I get, that's what I mean about, you annoying me with stuff that you go, oh, that's interesting. I don't think that is interesting. Okay. It was, uh, what was it I learnt? What was it I learnt? Think of that as a question. Well we're all trying to figure that, isn't it? Yeah, go on. Leonardo DiCapria? The painter.

Da Vinci. He could write with one hand, draw with the other at the same time. Right. Yeah, that's good. That's interesting isn't it? Yes it's all right. Well if you have an interesting fact for Carl Pilkington that you think you might be intrigued by email Ricky Dr. Javais at XFA. What we got coming up? What we got coming up? More education stuff. Good tunes and that. Yeah. And uh, a bit of outcast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What we're th th th th th th that th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It that's that's that's. It that's. It that's. It that's. It that's. It that's. It that's. It that's. It that's. It that's. It that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's all that's all that's th. It's that's th and that. Yeah. And uh, a bit of outcast. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Outcast. My baby don't mess around me. She9, I'm Ricky Gervais, with me Steve Merchant, and over there, Carl Pilkington. Now we've got a new feature. Well, let's, I don't know if it should become a feature every week, Rick, I'm not sure it's got legs for that. Maybe in the absence of rock

busters. Basically, I was looking through the pigeonhole and we got a lot of stuff sent to us, a lot of stuff stuff, the their their thuke.. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thri. to to theea. to thea. thea. thea. thea. thea don't really want. And a lot of people, for some reason, they said this, begging letters, a lot of that. We get sent a lot of CDs by people, bands, artists who have not yet been signed, maybe they've knocked something together in their bedroom, they got a band and they just, for some reason they want our feedback. They want us, to sort, to sort, to sort, to sort, to sort, to sort, to sort, to sort, to sort, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, where they're going wrong, stuff like that. And I just thought, basically I was having to clear out, and I thought, why not just give them a little chance, you know. Yeah, just throw them a bone, Rick. Honest, honest critique are some of the artists that are certain of stuff. Okay, go on the bands. It's exciting.

Okay, name the music business you've got a good general knowledge of rock and the test big time and also Carl Pilkington's views as well yeah we know what to think of them so so this first band is called Kelton Road I'm sure they're very excited as I said their name then they probably can't believe it they're phone in their phone in they're getting so excited all friends they they can they can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can they can can can can can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can they can they can they can they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can a track from them. God's your fingers that you call, maybe after all, secretly alone. So that's Kettleton Road, I think that's a track called Secretly. And looking on the back here, there's six of them in the band. They all pretty much look the same and they got the long hair the usual sort of look and what you make of them Rick yeah yeah I mean bit generic the chorus is a little

bit simplistic I like good production good yeah good yeah good reminds you something maybe like the thrills and that sort of thing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean I'm a to you the to the thrown. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the thr thr thr thr thr thrown. thrown. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. th. the thr. the thr the the the box? It's just, I'm just trying to make it same snappy. Do you don't, don't, don't, because you haven't got it. Don't ever stick to what you're good at. Okay, what's it? Um, what's it? Um, just sort of watching? the toockle? too.

the, th. th. th. th. car what were your thought yeah yeah that's it is it is that why you no longer write for the enemy go ahead so what's next when you got for us then car toughy toffee it's called born depressed oh dear brilliant is it about you Like you I want a poor lover, before I give it that I know. I'm not like you I was a more clever, we're born nally never been a better than your best I swear before you're a killer. For a thriller! I quite like that, a bit, a bit glamy, a bit underground.

Yeah, a bit, yeah, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a tough, yeah. What do you make of the name, Toffy? Not, I don't like the name. It's not great, is it? No, but I quite like that, that. Quite the track. I'm just looking at the feature on there completely nude. What do you know what we think of that, what do you think of that car? Let's have a look there.

That's no point is it? There's quite a lot of bloats and there's one naked lady. Just having a look though. Well, you're looking at the bloke though. Why are you looking at that. That's a bloke car. Yeah that's what you've been going wrong. Yeah that's what I was looking at that one, the woman's knob so that's all right. Yeah, good. So Rick, a hit parade or shit parade? I don't know if it's gonna be, I don't think it's gonna be a hit yeah because I haven't got

back up but I think we're looking more about whether they get a record deal. a they do do do do do do do do they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I that. I that. I that. I that I that I that I that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I that's. Yeah. I that's that's that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what I that's that's that's what I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's looking more about whether they get... A record deal. Do you think they deserve one? Yeah, I like, yeah, I like, yeah, I like, yeah, thumbs up for both them. Okay, excellent. All right, well done. And Carl, I'll play the last one then. Uh, what did you make? Sorry, we didn't ask your opinion. We weren't interested. Um, nice think is this right, Picture Centre? Yeah. Picture Centre. picture centre. Picture Centre. My favourite. You like that? Yeah, that's my favourite of all of them.

Good, there's a bit of Amy Man in there, a little bit cock-toe twins. Yeah, yeah, really good. Really intriguing that. Yeah, it's all right. If he didn't like it, what would you say? Um, it's weird though, isn't it, music? No, do you know what I mean? It's like, it depends what you're doing. You know what I mean? That's all right.

If you're just having a game a crib or whatever, it's just on in the background. Uh, that's the thing with music. I don't think you can sort of times and it's depends what mood you're in and stuff. So, uh... So it's a point-this feature, it's a point-treat. We're doing it then. Well, I didn't come up with it. No, I don't, alright, don't slake it off. Okay, we'll do that again then. I was quite enjoying that, but, okay.

No, do you understand what I'm not that bothered. I'm just saying... Imagine the news on the panel of fame are going to be a pop idol. That'd be great. It would go along. And Nikki Chapman. Go, yeah, you've really improved. I really like that. I don't know what you're wearing. Dr. Fox, you were hot, baby. I loved it. Like, look, like your legs, like all your boobs and all that. Brilliant. Come to Carl. Not bothered. All right. Brilliant. Oh, well keep it up, you know. Play record.

Yeah. Oh, come on. This is my favorite. Can I try to this is my favorite out of all four of them? Linners. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Slam dunk this pussy. Jack and Rollover DJ an XFM 104. All right. Carl, I'm just an email, a question for you. Can you please let me know which school Carl went to.

What school do you go to? Cessav. What school do you go to? Cessav? What? Cessav? Yeah. What does that mean? It was on Cecil Avenue. Cessel Avenue in Manchester. It's just he says, I'd like to know so that I don't send my kids to the same place.

He also says, uh, he says, P.S. Does Carl look like Gollum in Lord of the Rings. Yes. He does, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, that's very good. Yeah, in fact I was just putting a little board rig on you, wasn't I? Like he needs one. Yeah. So, yeah, if you want to pick up. Just some of the fun and games we're out. Yeah, did it hurt?

Just a little bit. The bit that worried me is when you said, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, trying to get it under your chin because it looked funnier and he was scared. Oh, I really saw it. Do you remember I did that thing with a tea towel? Have you told Steve about that? I don't think I have. It's not something I'd shout about to be honest.

Go on. Uh, went round his place. And he said, oh, before you go, I must, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th... th. th. th. th. th. Did. Did. Did. Did, I did. Did, I did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, did, did, did, do. Did, did, did, did, do. Did, do. Did, did,to hurt him anymore now or am I? I think I can take it a bit more than I could at the start. Yeah so I wanted to squeeze his head more so what did I do? So he said just hang on I've got a tea towel he brought a towel in now I need something long and thin what can I get? It manages to sort of put the spatula in and turn it round so that the tea towel is tightening on my head. Using little pressure would you say from you? Yeah, it's just little.

It's brilliant. It was like a tornado and I just turned it was good? When would you need to use that tool? And yeah I did it on my other board mate, Robby was over and he screamed as well. Because he just put a tea towel around like a little bandana, just stick the wooden spoon down the back, just turn it and it's even half a turn, isn't it? And it really... Hopefully children listening will be trying that on the house. No, no No, no they won't, don't try that at home. I've got other fact for you, Carl. It might be of interest to you, just the final one. The ancient Babylonians had few...

What? What? What? What? What's a Babylonian? What's a Babylonian? What's a Babylonian? What you mean what to Babylonian? I've never heard of one. No, we'll think, work out, what's a Nevetonian? Someone who supports Evan? Well, or from? From Liverpool? Yeah, so what's a Babylonian?

It's from Baba. Ha ha! Oh, God. Yeah, well anyway, people from Baba, ancient Baba, they didn't have any, very many doctors in those days, all. th. th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. What thi. thi. their, their, their, their, their, their, what thi. What, what's their, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's. What's. What's. What, what's. What, what's. What, what, Baba, ancient Baba, they didn't have very many doctors in those days, all right? Because they felt that illnesses should be left to the wisdom of the public, right? So if you were sick, okay, you were placed in the city centre, right? And then a pass by, outside Baba. And a pass-by who would suffer from the same ailment or he would seen it treated in the past, they would pass by, they would give them advice on how to be cured.

Do you understand? So they'd be not a doctor, it's just people passing by, would say, what's wrong with you? And they'd say, blah, blah, I've had the same and prescribing for it if they knew how to. So hang on, so there's someone ill, outside the town hall, people walk past go what's up with you, they go over my foot hurts and they go, you've got to do this to get rid of that. Yeah. And were they ever right? What would you evi? What are they ever right? What? What are they ever right? What are they thrown? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? to? to? to? to? to? to? thi? to? to? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? W? W? What? W? W? W? W? W? Are? W? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are? Are the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th? Well, how do we know? What are you telling me? What have you just told me? What am I meant to take from that?

You just said strangers sort of say, you've got that wrong, were you? I think he's sulking. I don't think he's ever going to take anything we told him again, because we don't... No, but I don't understand what the problem is. But how is that different from telling me that a Chinese woman ate dirt? How is that not the same sort of thing? Because that's weird. Someone sat in Trafalgar Square going I've got a day can I go take some Euryafen isn't isn't shocking. I'm not a doctor I've given a bit of advice. I'm just trying to give you an example of the same sort of drivel you feed us every week. Would you sort of have tea around at our house? It's weird. The Chinese woman. Right, so it's weird. Okay, now we're getting somewhere. It's weird. It's

it's weirdness that you're interested in. See I thought that you're actually interested in sort of interesting sort of stuff. Well, but if it's weird it helps. If it's weird it helps. Yeah I mean it doesn't have to be major news. The other day there was something about this this fella who I think he wanted to be an actor right and he was trying all his life to be an actor, couldn't get a gig anywhere, right? So when he died, he said, right, I'm going to leave all my money to the theatre as long as that theatre uses my skull in that play they do with the head. Hamlet? In Amlet. So that's that sort of news, and it's weird. Right. What money did he have if he's been struggling an actor? He had some money and that. What did he do? I don't know. That's what I'm interested

in what he did, yeah it doesn't matter though. Yeah and that's what me and Steve are. that's what? Yeah and that's what? Yeah, because you were going to educate us this week with some interesting facts. Yeah come on you got more? Well that's weird. But that's not educational. You didn't give me his name, you didn't give me Wayne, you didn't be what theatre? No, but also to take from it, do you know what I mean? If people listening and go, I'm a bit like that. It's like if you've got to be dead and have your school on stage, that isn't a job for you. That's what I I I I I I I I I I what I that what I that's what I that's what I that's what I that's what I that's what that's what that's that's that's that's that's not that's not to to be to be to be to me to me to me to me to me, to me, to be to be to me, to me, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not. to me, you're not. to me, you're not, you're not, you to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to me, you're not. to me, you're not. to me, you're not, you're not, you're not, to me, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not. to me, you? I don't know. You haven't taught me anything? See, we'll just have to sort of... What, agree to disagree? Right. I don't know what you can sort of learn from this. Go on, then. Uh, seven up, the drink. Yeah. Right. This is, we're actually on air now, aren't we? Yeah. This is a radio show that we're paid for. No, come on, seven, seven, seven, seven, se, se, se, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to see, you, you, you, you, you, you, we to see, we'll to see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, we, see, see, see, to to the the to to the to the th. See, to to the, to to to the, we to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the aren't we? This is it, this is a radio show that we're paid for.

No, come on, no, come on, seven up. It's not really, not important. It's not important. Go on, no, come on, come on, come on, the little dot, that's above the seven on the can, you know, it's a little red dot. Yeah, it's a red dot, that's that's their. It's thebino and he had red eyes and he had that little thing there to his little trademark. Is that true? It's true. That's quite interesting. Right then. So that's what I'm saying. It's not that important but it's interesting. If it's true that's interesting. It isn't, it's? No they were medicines. I read that tomato ketchup and Coca-Cola started off as medicines.

Probably not on medicine, probably more of a tonic because it probably a pick me up wasn't it? If I had coconut and caffeine and sugar and same as ketchup probably lots of vitamin it was probably more of a tonic wasn't a medicine. They didn't say cancer. This on HP? Wasn't a medicine? the the the tha the tha tha tha? tha? tha? tha? tha? tha? tha? tha? tha? tha? tha? tha. It was a tha. It was a tococococococococococococococococockea. It was tomatoa. tococockecockecockecockecockecockecockecockecockecockecockecococococococoa. tockecococococococococococococococococococococococococo c cc. It was tococococococococococococococococococococococococococococ. It was th. It was t t. It was t. It was a t. It was a t. It was a t. It was a t. It was tap. It was t. ttaua. And ttaucoa. And ttaucoa. And ttaucoa. And ttaucoa. And didn't say cancer, have this on your chips? It's an HP. Wasn't a medicine? Well it was kind of. All right, okay let's agree to disagree on that particular way. Okay, all right. Yeah. Is that it? Well, you've given us a seven-up thing, okay? I've told you about the goldfish. Not really, the fact. You know what? Goldfish might have the tol-I I tol-I I tol-I I tolf. I tolf is tolf is tolf is tolf is tolf is thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I've thi, I've thin, I thi-I wasn't thia. It was th. It was, it was th. It was, it was, it was, it was th. It was, wasn't tho, wasn't th. It was, wasn't th. It was, wasn't th. It was, wasn't th. It was, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, wasn't th. It was, wasn't thi, wasn't thi, wasn't thi, wasn't thi-a. It was thin, wasn't tho. It was tho. It was the the thateateateat-a' tho-a' thateat-a' tho. It was that-a. It wasn't that-a. He didn't tell anything about Goldfish. This is your fact. You know what? Goldfish might have longer memories than some people think.

That's not a fact. That under no circumstances would imagine, Imagine, Imagine Magnus Mag saying, what animals might have longer memories than most people think, this is goldfish, correct? Imagine that as a question. How is that a fact? If you ever have children, are you going to educate them with this kind of drivel?

Is this how you're going to raise your kids? So then mine's just pumped up. That'd be my job. I'd keep him interested leave the book there. And then if you read it, I'd go, that's good. That is... What, what would you say? What, the fiftiest, most freakyest people ever to be born? Give him that to start with. What would you tell me your favorite was, the little fellow, the little fellow was the little fellow, tholer, tholet fellow, thoer, thoer, thoer, thoer, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that, that's that, that's that, that's that, that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooo, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the three-legged fella. Yeah, okay. So he's learnt that. That's the first day at school. What was you teaching the second day at school? I don't know. Why do I have to turn 190 degrees to look the other way? Because they've got big eyes. Yeah, and what's that mean?

What do you mean? Can I just, I don't think you, you know, she'd like to hear tiny feet running round the flat. Yeah. I just said, let's get a little midget cleaner. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Right, haven't got long. You better give the winner. We've got monkey news coming up.

What do you mean? There's nothing going on, don't, what do you mean? But don't, no, no, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, th. to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to, to, to. to. 't, what do you mean? The last few weeks I've kept telling you. Right, right, this really annoys me when you say there's something going on because you call it monkey news but it's not monkey news. You have stories, dubious stories, but shut up a minute about it's always chimps which it's always chibs which are the monkey news. Because they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is their is their is their is their is their is their is really really really really their is. It's their is. It's their is. It's their is their is really their is really their is annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoys an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an a th no. It's thoiena. It's thoi. It's thoi. It's th. It's th. It's thoiena. It's thoiena. It's thoiena. It's thoiena. it's not news anyway so don't tell me there's no monkey news this week if there's monkey news worth doing I'll know about it

and there isn't anything right right okay you are gonna give me some monkey news or okay but I tell you I'm telling you you are gonna give me some monkey news or we're not leaving right well my mom sent me some right I got a little letter from her doing the usual sort of stuff telling me what she's been up to and that. It was a little thing about somewhere in Lincolnshire or something. Right, good. Do a bit of a monkey throwing. Oh God, what do you mean? Because some fella got attacked by one once and sort of to remember him on this certain day they go oh it was today on it and that fella got tap by a little monkey and that and the something about chucking monkeys about that's horrible I don't know if they're

real I think it's just like to remember all right but that's that's the only sort of stuff that's knocking about out but it's not that's not the one that's not that's not what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not what that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not what's not not not not not not not not what what what what what I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I's not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not what I I I I I'm I'm not not not not not what I'm not what I'm not what I'm not what I'm not not what I'm not what I'm not not what I'm that's not not not what I'm not not what I'm not not going I'm not going I'm not going I'm not not not going I'm not not, well, that's not, I've got my ma'am and dad on it, looking all the time. There must be more monkey news than that. There isn't nothing, I mean, these bits and pieces, there's a bit about Donoreir, how when she has a kid, she's gonna let a gorilla look after a try or something. But apart from that, it. Well it's not true. She's not going to let a gorilla look after a child. Apparently a fellow works with him or something and uh... This is rubbish! It's not rubbish. How can she let a gorilla look after a baby for a week? Well, forget it.

Sorry, have you ever heard her speak? Can I just give you a little fact to someone's emailed in for you, they've said an interesting fact for you, I think you're going to be interested in this, don't read it on the email, let me read it for you, I think you'll be excited. An interesting fact from Carl, that's from Toby, he says, Attila the Hun, punished some fella who annoyed him by cutting off his arms and legs. You'll love this and stitching his arms back where his legs. That is the kind-a fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact fact the kind kind the kind th. I th. I that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. that. the. that. the. that. that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that at a little smile that's just cracked on his lips. That is the kind of fact you've been waiting for all day, isn't it? So go on again, so...

A tillet the huntie, right? Some guy didn't like, he cut off his arms and his legs, and he stitched his legs on where his legs should be, and his arms where his legs should be. Look him, look at his body, trying to picture him. Yeah, I'll let it sink him for a little while, then I'll ruin it for him. Carl, what are you thinking? I'm just pitching it. Right, he would have died. It would have been tokenistic. There's no way that person could have lived through it. So it was just for, as the Hun's fun, he probably put him on a stick outside his gate or something.

There's no way in those days that he could have gone through complete limb amputation and... So what do you have wore a jumper for pants? Who's the winner of the competition? From all them stoics, Joe Ogden, well done Joe, you got the correct answer which was what? The fellow with two heads, number 50. Is that it? We are? Yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Cheers. Bye. Bye.