The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S4E2 (June 4, 2005)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM following the completion of ‘’Extras’’ series 1. This time, they recorded only 6 shows before Gervais and Merchant left XFM for good. The show would later continue as a podcast, with no further association with XFM.

Coldplay, speed of sound. Steve, I know you like an insight to my musical taste, but that's my favourite cold play track of all time. I just threw that in. Not a fan of clocks. Uh, no, I think I've overplayed parachutes a little bit, but that's my favorite one, I like it. I'm afraid to say I'm a bit of a Philistine when it comes to Coler, that seems the same as all the other ones, I'm sorry to say.

Oh, you'll have to meet these boys one day. Yeah, well I'll tell them to their face, I don't care. they'll get rock and roll. ways, that funny little words all type voice over there is Stephen Merchant and with us our producer Carl Pilkington, all right? All right? Whenever we say producer, of course, that is in inverted commas, done with the fingers. Well, he didn't have it, I wanted to, yeah, it's the fingers. Well, I wanted to, I wanted to record it. Well, I wanted to, because I wanted it.

It's the lead. He went the right, it's difficult and he went is it any good I went yeah it's really good he went well why haven't we got it already then oh oh yeah that's the paradigm is it if X-fam wasn't got it it's no good fallen on blonde's doing well is it's that's still in the cupboard is it? Unbelievable we're a little bit annoyed to that aren't we actually I'm really annoyed yeah yeah all that stuff that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's not the that's that's that's that's that's that Landauer sent us some sparkling wine and we thought, right, we're, what are you, shamelessly plugged it? Yeah. How many times you mentioned it? How much do you mention it?

I'm about 20 times. Well, the finale was hitting Carl on the head with a cork, right? Okay. Ricky Deweig. Go there and see Carl. the head with a corp. Look, send us free stuff, we talk about it. Nothing. The coverage is empty. The cover is bare. No one has thought, I'll tell you what, there's those guys from the office. Yeah.

I mean, let's be honest, Rick, we are taste makers. We're opinion formers, you and I. And you know, you'd have thought if fume. And you know what it is? It's because people, PR people and that, they've realized no one's listening. But not only are we going against all our principles and losing our dignity just for some free stuff. And integrity. And integrity. Yeah, we're going against sex-fem. Yeah. We're going against sex-fam. Yeah. We're going against sex-o-examination, because obviously they would have got thousands of the their thoulant-a-a-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer. to-oer. thoer. thoer-oer. th-oer. th-oer. th-oer. th-oer-oer-oer-oer. thoer-oer. th-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer. th-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-oer-llllion. And tho-lion. And tho-lllllion. And tho-lllionto-lionto-llionto-to-to-to-to-toer-to-tha- It's 40 quid for a 9 minute advert. So advertise your quality stuff here. Jeff's garage, cheaper than some other garages. Uh, we do, anyway, actually, if there was a...

Did we play an advert once for a tattoo parlor? Yes! Do you remember that? I'm sure we made a foot for a tattoo parlor? What, who could, what tattoo parlor can afford to advertise on a radio station? Unless it's a tin pot one like this? Oh God! Oh, I've got some good music today though, Steve. Oh, really I hope so. I'll be the tres on that. Go on. Well, I see, D.C. Oh.

Oh. Have you got a bit of bare skin you need colouring in? Come along to Ron's bike shop and tattoo parlor, Heroite Mum on your hand and give you Harley a tune up while you wait. I can't believe no one wants to advertise with us. And that only cost what, 20 quid? Yeah? And they'd play that anytime. I mean I turned down millions of pounds to do adverts because I think it's beneath me. I an I thought and I that I that I that I that I that I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I'll tho. I'll tho tho. tho' tho tho tho tho. I'll tho. I'll th. tho. th. tho tho th. tho th. tho th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the their their their th. th. th. th. the the. the. the. tho. tho. tho. tho. I'll tho. I'll thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'll to to to to to to the that in the time. I mean I turned down millions of pounds to do adverts because I think it's beneath me. I thought last week I'll give it a little bit back. I'll give, I'll excite all these people who want to get a bit. Nothing. All I'm thinking is Steve either we, our cashier is going down, no one wants it anymore, right? which is impossible shortly. I would have to think. thi th so. th th th th th thor. thor. thor. thor. thor. thor. I thor. I thor. I thor thor that thi. I' thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll tho. I'll that that to that that that that that tho. I'll tho. I'll that that, I'll that. I'll thi I'll that. I'll thi I'll thi I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll give. I'll give. I'll give. I'll give. I'll give. I'll give. I'll give. I'll thi. I'll thi. I one listens to. Now, the- Correct answer. Correct answer. Unbelievable.

I'm having to hold on the pop shield of this mic because it keeps falling off. It's awful. I mean, oh, God. Well, Carl, what are your thoughts? Why have you stuck it out here? Nothing better coming in on a holiday. Well, I tell you why it, because you're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all, oh, oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that, that, that, correct, that, correct, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. th. C. C. th. th. the th. the the the th. Correct, the the the the the the the thin, the the the the thin, correct, correct, correct, that, correct, that, that, that, the that, tho. Correct, tho. Well I tell you why, because we're always on holiday. You don't do a lot. You get paid, you know, well, didn't he really? He's a moaned, I don't know. I mean he doesn't try and get on a tour. He doesn't deal with people, he

moans about everything. And, you know, so he's all I'm looking in, he's like a miserable old chimp. Did we notice today how much he at is Simeon, isn't he? It's very strange actually, we maybe should try and get a picture on the website because Carl's arms are particularly chimp like. downy hair. It's not long extended knuckles. Yeah, yeah and it's totally round face that sort of the chin goes back and the dome of his cranium. I think quite seriously I know we sort of share about 98.5% of marginating material with bonobos and chimpanzees but I think he's got a little bit more. I honestly think he's a little bit of a throwback just his line they just kept to this sort of really reallythe ugliest one in the cave and the tree and he really didn't he didn't come

out of it I'm not saying you are you know I don't think you're well you are yeah you're chimp like he does annoy me my air annoys me on my body and that because I've got I've got my air on me little toes and on the legs little toes and that. Have you? Have you? Have you seen your little toes? Can you pick things up with them? That's right. Well that's the finale of this week show. We're going to see if he can play a record and put the fader at using a tire while swinging on a tire. Just using his toe his hairy toes. Yeah. I've sort of got air all the be. Is this part of the reason why you're always uncomfortable about you know being nude or around naked people? Is that partly the reason do you think because you look so grotesque?

Well when I'm on holiday I don't really like wondering about without a top one unless like it's a quiet beach or whatever. Sure. So what was you normally wear? I just have like a nice sort of light summery sort of linen shirt maybe just a few top buttons open. But I don't like, the naked body isn't that nice anyway is it? You know what I mean? Whatever it is, if you're a cat and you shaved you don't look that nice.

You know what I mean? I think you'll find the cat is naked even with its fur on. The cats don't wear clothes. No, what I mean, I thi I the cat, I the cat, I the cat, I the cat, I the cat, I the cat, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like, I don't, I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't know't, I don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't wear clothes. No, but what I mean is a bald cat isn't that good. You know, you know it does me add that and bald. I'm not, you know, if I could have air, it would be nice, but that's nice. Would you prefer animals to wear clothes like Mickey Mouse does? Or goofy? You know that I don't like, need us. But don't you think sometimes you could sort like, maybe, um, I'm a fancyify, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, to, that, would, to, to, would, would, to, would, would, would, would, to, would, to, to, to, to, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, such a thing as an ape salon and there isn't Carl there isn't right would you was you know give a rangotang a trim maybe start with because some of those look like they're going bald but they've got a comb over don't they

just have a shave when it's like that that that's what I did to take it back and the underarms as well yeah they've really got a lot a the the the the th. th. th. th. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that that I that I that that that I that that that that's that's that's that I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's like that's like I that's like I that's like I that I I that I that I I that I I I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that's that's that's that I that's that's that I that's that's that I that's what I that's what I that I that's what I that's what I that's what I that's what I that's what I that's what I that's that I that's that I thatthe underarms as well. Yeah they've really got a lot of underarm hair. Even the women ones. Really? Yeah. I know. I don't know. I don't even know why they breed. I don't know. I don't know they get their lade to be those horrible old hairy tanks. Yeah they are particularly grim some of those. I know yeah. Ginger ones. Yeah they are particularly in some of those. I know yeah. Ginger ones. Yeah. Can't be epic, can they? What is that? What is, why did that happen, the ginger thing? Why do people give them like a hard time and that? Well you just gave them a hard time then?

So why did you do it? You're just flying in where you to it? People do sort of give, I don't understand why, but ginger people get quite a bit of stick and I've never understood it. No, I was doing it, I don't know why. They know they. They know, don't they? I don't know, it might be historical, it might have been because I don't, it might have been because I don't, I'm sure they're always, I'm sure they you sort of sick of it probably. Oh boy! Where are we? Where are it?

Ginger cats? What do you know their secret? Well when you see a ginger cat? They've been eating like because they're upset and a bit bullied about. You never see like a thin happy ginger running about it. It's always overweight and looking a bit fed up. It's just a good point, Carl, it's a point. So last week the Chinese don't age well. Now anything ginger, including cats, are sick of it. No, but I'm just saying, are you ginger?

Would you like to take issue with any of Carl's points? 83XF image of a text? You can text us, maybe you've got, maybe you've seen a thin ginger cat. I'm not having a girl thoo. That's I, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm the the the thin, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I' the the the the the the the the the th. I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I're sick. I're, I're sick. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's th. I's th. I's thin, I's thin, I's thin, I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. No. No. No. No, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm air, I'd go for ginger air rather than be involved. Really? Well. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha! I'm playing the birds.

Landed from Ben Folds on XFM 104. to the tour. At a fax. Never mind champagne and freebies like that, forget that, we're not doing that anymore, it didn't work, okay? But we asked it in demand. Got a fax here, right? So guys says, I produce a program for the BAS scientists, right? Wintering in Antarctica, right? Now what this bloke is saying is there are scientists, right, and researching in Antarctica, and they're soon, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, th me, threathea, threathea, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, to.e.e.s.s. to. to. to. to, tooomere. toy. toy. toy. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. to. to, right, researching in Antarctica and they're soon,

they're already locked away and sort of like out of touch because they can't get to them, but they're soon going to be living in 24-hour darkness because through midsummer here, it's darkness for like three months and they're totally cut off and he's trying to get some stuff stuff together and he wants to record a message and it said every year they they choose a celebrity to do something a message of their choice. They had Role Farris David Attenborough, Jonathan Ross they had Roll Farris David Atumber, Jonathan Ross, they're the popular choice. So I'm up there with Roll Farris David Attenborough and Jonathan Ross in in the tean stuck in a hut in Antarctica for three months.

I think they've just got cabin fever. So that's another poll I've won. A British Antarctic scientist in a hut pole. I was trapped in a little room with several other men for three months of pitch sexist. Or indeed women. Yeah. I can't imagine why I'd ever got a message from Rolf Harris. What could Roll, I mean, David Amber? they they they they they they they they they they they they they have they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've just they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've just they've just they've just. They've just. Or indeed women. Yeah. I can't imagine why I'd ever brought a message from Rolf Harris. What are the... I mean, David Ambron fascinating. Well, I assume it's the animal, I assume they're

researching penguins or something, aren't they? Or maybe seismic activity or maybe polar shift, I don't know. Possibly if you were researching kangaroos. Yeah. Well he knows about all animals doesn't he? You can take him a budget with a broken wing and he's sold it out. Or he knows a man who does. Sure. He can, you know, he's sort that out for you. And they do a picture of it. Yeah. Why, you wait?

Why, I'm just thinking again, you know, we've got a slowdown because they're the whole show to them Steve. We're going what? Dedicate the whole show to them. What was it? Trouble with my addiction. I'm just thinking again, you know, we've got to slow down because these guys are there, they're working there busy. They're used to speaking eloquent. Yeah, exactly. They're used to, you saw I know nothing about them I don't know how many there are I know they're just as I say in a hut somewhere presumably with a laptop drinking hot chocolate out of steel mugs with just looking up porn

They're not on the internet are they are they not well no well how do they charge up the laptop when it runs out? Well they've probably got generators. They must have other stuff. They've got Italian that, haven't they? Of course they have it. They could probably have a DVD player that would run off a generating stuff. So they can play, I don't know what enhanced your life though that you know two months

has gone you've sat there you're chewing Kendall Mint cake and and just looking around a white walls right thinking that the thing's gonna come in any minute and put you out your misery right and you go all right all right and you go all right lads it here what a five minute message from Ricky Javoy yeah yeah oh yeah oh mean, I don't know how I get in a haunts. I mean, I voted, one of them's going, I voted from Ricky Martin. What? Yeah? But I don't understand what they're researching. You say penguins, but that's just a hypothesis. Well, they're assuming that because it's Antarctica where the penguins left. Is there anything else there? What else is a climate difference is a lot? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? It th. It th. It is? It is? It is? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I'm? I'm? I'm? I'm? I'm? I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the the their. I their. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I I I th. I I I th. I I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I there anything else there? What else is going on? There's a probably climate differences and atmosphere changes. Well yeah, because it's a land mass,

isn't it? Artics, just on ice and Antarctica, because it's actually a continent. It's a land mass so there's stuff there, but presumably not in the winter. I imagine it's like 10 foot of snow and really not a lot happening. I don't know other research and they it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be it could be a research the research the research the research the research the research the research the research the research the research their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. It's th. It's the. It could be ti. It thing, it could be just testing polar mountain, it could be penguins, I have no idea, I haven't got the information. I don't think I wanted us to go into what they're doing. They probably want to know what's happening in the world for, oh, well we've got the man here. That's an interminable five minutes for them. We've already, we've already wasted that five minutes. thiiiiiiii. Oh. Oh, their th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi. Oh, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, I'm, I've tho, I've tho, I've tho, I've tho, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I've thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. thee. tho. I've thoan, I've thoan, I've thoan, I've thoan, I've thoo. the. I've th that five minutes. They're going to put it on excited to hear from you and they've just got five minutes of that. Hold on the way. Hold on what I'm worried about is this bit stuck. Well for these for these ten people there, we've just annoyed the 200 listeners we've got. Because they're thinking what's in this for me. Well we'll have fun along the way and what I think we're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've been they've they've they've they've they've they've been stuck. They've been stuck they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've to to they've to to thu to they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they, they don't know what's happening. So Carl Pookington is the man.

We're gonna have a song, maybe some ad breaks, and then Carl is gonna let these scientists who are stuck away in the darkness know what's been happening for the last couple of weeks. Is that all right, Carl? You know I don't really follow the news. I'll play a record. I was going on. XFM X-FM That's right. You to save me again.

Now I want you to save me again. Embrace a glorious day. Well it is a glorious day, Steve. Brilliant. Every day is a glorious day, isn't it? Well it is when I'm with you. Yeah, love the world. So these scientists, they're stuck away in the darkness. Let's tell them what they've been missing. What's the highlights, Carl, of the last, Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant and Carpenter, by the way, XFM, 104. their own, X, FN, their-1-4. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their s. So, their si. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their s. And, their s. And, their s. And, their s. And, their s. And, their s. And, their s. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, the last? Just do the last few weeks. What have they missed?

Remember they haven't got newspapers, they haven't got telli? What's the... Look at him, he's looking at me like I just said that in Arabic. What do you understand? Think what what's happened? Think what they haven't got that you know about? What have you seen and heard in the the weeks that they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th.. they they they they they they're th. What they're thage. What they're they're they're they're thereen they've they've they've thoer. What they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What. What. What. What. What th. What they've. What they've they've they've they've they've they've they've thereen. What thereen. What have thoen. What have thoen. What have thoenen. What have they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they couldn't have. Well like I come on the news and that, what's what's gone on in the world and that? Yeah. Well or just things you've done personally I think that I'll be of less interest. Yeah. Oh, Pope's dead. Okay. I like him. Imagine if that wasn't breaking it to him. Yeah.

Like they're listening in you and what's what's that the Pope's dead? They don't say like, they break it to us gently, Carl. I think that's better than how they do it on the news normally though, they make a big deal out of it and you panic a bit when it's a breaking news and you think oh there's a war on. Yeah, when they, you, you, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're, they're they're they're they're they're, they're they're they're they're, they're, like, like, like, they're, like, like, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, like, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they'll say, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're they're they're the, they're saying. They're saying, like, they're they're their their their their their their their their they're saying, like, they're saying, like, they're saying, they're they're saying, they're, I just said it softly, huh? Pope's dad. You know all that coverage of the Pope with like there's millions of people that had gathered in Roman stuff? I was thinking about, you remember we talked about the Queen Mother and they were queueing up and queue up to see the Pope. Yeah, like four hours to get a glimpse. And once again I couldn't help but if they popped up on some kind of dessert trolley and they. And their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I their th. I their th. I their their their their their their their their their their th. I their their th. I was th. You their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. They th. They's th. They's the. They were toge. They're toge. We've toge. I toge. Wea. We've toge. toge. I's toge. We've in about three quarters of an hour. You know once again people are not thinking, they're

not expanding their minds. So you're all not only in. What are students and round weeks? With a bed down to the street? Exactly. They're all dressed in kind of cardinals gear. Yeah. Just you know trudd him off and down the years, is he? Why didn't they learn from the last one? Sure. You taking on old people. Yeah. My dad can't even get a gig in being kid. How are you doing?

Oh God! So who've we offended? No because soon our offence isn't going to be sort of like we're feeling about getting about offensive, it's going to be like we're going to be living with Salmon Rushdy. Yeah. Do you know? Don't have a go to the Pope, though. No, but I'm not having to go out in. It's good that you can carry on working it. Yeah, why can your dad get a gig in B and Q? I mean, he goes there a lot, doesn't he?

He goes there a lot! That's why? If you're just joining us, joining us for this one-off show, because you're trapped in a bunker somewhere in the Antarctic. You should know this of Kyle's this before. He steals this from other elderly ladies and elderly people. Oh he's not like raffles though. He doesn't go into their house. He's not a gentleman thief. No, what's it? Don't people put, let's put this in context. You know, he's not a villain, but sometimes when people leave groceries lying around in a public telephone box. No, what it was, where they live, they've retired, right? I won't they're moved, I won't they've moved. I won't say where they are, but somewhere quiet, right? And it's

so quiet. Isn't not a witness relocation protection to you? Because, because there's only about eight people living in this village, it's not worth like the corner shop. It's only eight people living in the village. It's quiet. The village of the downed. So, uh, so anyway. So rather than keep the shop open, you meant to call up and go, alright, Ari, uh, I need some milk today. Right. And they stick it in a phone box outside in the shop and my dad found that out. So, when he's been out, just stop off at the phone box, have a look at what's left line around. Yeah. But of the eight, I mean, there's eight, I mean, there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's, I attention would be instantly drawn to the dodging mank fella.

I mean, you know what I mean? It seems, in Manchester you can probably get away with this, there's a lot of scum up there, but down in this little village, you know, you've got a little Miss Marple type and a little country policeman. He's stopped doing it now. Has he? Clean the Pope dead? Any other big news? Um, there was that, uh, that thing I tell you about last week, the foot-long spider, they eats chicken.

What does this mean to them? They're going to think that the world's been taken over by them! It's not like this. But I'm not going back with a foot-long spider on the loose. people bright though? Well let's have a look, Antarctic scientists. Yeah, yeah they've probably got an O-level or two. We're looking at penguins all day. Yeah. So how bright have you got to be? What do you mean? Well what are they doing? Well I don't know do I? But they've been chosen. They've probably cost millions of pounds to set them up there. They're probably, yeah they're, they're, they're, oh. they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they're, they. they're they're they're they're they're, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, so, so, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, oh Carl. This, I'll tell you, this is like, for scientists, this is like big brother. Can I mean, this is like a big dinner scientist here, watching this, finding out what's going on? There's little challenges that they give them, little town.

It's like celebrity love island without the sun and slappers. Hmm. What I think, what else? What, what th. What is? What is? What is? What is? What is? What is? What is? What is? What, I? What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, is going? What, th. What, is going? What, is going? What, th. What, is going? What, is, is going? What, is going? What, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, thi? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what? What is,that question out earlier, why are ginger people historically mocked? We've had a couple of responses on the text, 83XFM. Again, as ever with XFM listeners, don't believe what they say, don't trust what they say. But one of them... Have we got any respect for anyone in the world? Get back to you. Pete Intuting, again, I thinked, I th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thu!. I thu-nue. I thu-nue. I thu-nue. I thu-in. I thu-in. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. Again, th. I, th. I don't, th. I don't, th. I don't, th. thr. thr. thr. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. th. th. th. the. th. th. th.this is nonsense. He claims that the reason ginger people are disliked is because Judas was ginger from the Bible. I don't know where he's come up with this idea. No, I've heard that. But sure, I mean are there a great many people from you know the middle east who are ginger? Well that's probably why he stood out. Sure. And he's probably he was probably fed up and he he thou' he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's told told told told told to he's to he's he's he's he's he's he's told up thin- he's come up. hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' he's come up he's come up he's come up he's come up he's come up th. He's come up he's come up their their thin' their's come thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' their thin' thin' told. He's thin. He's thin. He's told. He's told. He's toee. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He wearing unless he had his hair dyed ginger when he was on the witness protection scheme what

did he had to go into after all came out in the book what did he do he do? What did he do he stitched up any kind of size for 40 pieces of silver did he do he did it for 40 piece of silver to they stitch up any kind of the size for 40 pieces of silver, just get in touch, 83XFM, we're willing to do that for you as well. But that's one explanation. There's another one here which is, again, I don't believe this for a moment. It says their ginger people get. So there's two options. Maybe if you've got some more you can, any more spurious thoughts than get in touch at 83XFN.

But yeah, I don't know. So, no, they might be true for both of those. I mean, the true, the point is that if either those are true, they were already being picked on, if th, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, they, they, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, they, they, that, that, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th. tho, tho, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th...... And, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, any, there. And, there. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A that's not the total root of it. Well, the Judas thing might be the root of it, the first big ginger to do some a little bit off. So if he was bald, then old bald people would be like getting hard time and that. Yeah. Well, we do mock you behind your back anyway, Carl. That's going on, don't worry. So, play a record and think of some of this th th th th th th th th th th tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi. That's thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, their their their their their the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, their their their their their their their th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's thi. That's, thi. That's, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. That's thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, a record and think of some of this happen to tell these poor scientists what's going on in the world. All you've come up with so far is the Pope's dead and there's a big spider. What is that?

It's chicken. The Pogues, rainy night in Soho. I hope there isn't a rainy night in Soho tonight, Rick. I'm one of those who agrees with me. So we just had an email here from a guy called James Lee. He says, hi, just writing a bit of info on the scientists in Antarctica. I'm a scientist who's just come back for one of the Antarctic bases called Hallie or Haley. There are 15 people staying there over the Antarctic winter. The scientists are looking mainly at the atmosphere, things like the ozone hole and meteorology. I think there are six scientists staying over

the winter as well as a doctor, electrician, mechanic and a carpenter and so on. And so he's saying they do listen, they can't, they have the internet so they maybe could listen to the show on the internet and if if if if if if if if if if if if if you you you you you you you they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they they the they they the they they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their the no problem yeah thanks James but yeah they're they are that's what they're up to but why why are they asking you for a message though when I mean have these people got families and that or are they convicts or no we're doing it because they got messages from their family they probably do you do one for one is that I mean say do you they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they they they're they they they they they they they you doing one for one? Is that... I mean, say, do you know how like you see it in like porridge and stuff like that where if someone's in prison and no one visits them? Yeah. And they sort of look a bit fed up on that. Is this message that you're doing for like people who don't get a letter in the post from...

Brilliant. So they put this on the shelf until someone does they th right, Hargries? Yes sir, I didn't get a message, Sir. You have got a message. I've what, sir? Hargrys, you have got a message. Really, sir? And then they give it... Don't talk. Please, they're a scientist listening. Try to keep the talking shit down to a minimum today. What's annoying me is it, is it, right, right, is it, right, right, right, right, is it, right, right, right, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, don't, don't, they're, they're, they. they. they're, don't. they're, don't. they're, don't. they're, don't. they're, don't. they. they. they. they. they. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they're, they're, they're saying, they're saying, they're saying, they're saying, they're saying, they're saying, they're saying, they're saying, they're they're saying. they're they're they minimum today. What's annoying me is it, right? They're saying they're stuck over there for months. But it seems to me like they're wasting a lot of time. Why? Well you're saying they'd probably watch DVDs. They're saying they've got internet. They're saying they've got internet. Yeah. Well, I'm wrong. Listen to messages. Yeah. Yeah, the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're saying they're saying they're they're they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're saying they're s. They're s. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to the internet. If I got the internet, then yeah, it's a waste of time. Good point, play record. Well, hang on before that, here's a good point.

You've had long time to research what's been going on in the world. We've just had an email from Nicholas who says,, my name, he's not the game. First of the game to die, Morrissey, XFM, 104.9. And Wikiaise me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Well, Kyle, you've failed miserably. The scientist stuck away. Right, one more chance. What's happened in the last couple of weeks? Just one more chance to...

What have you seen in the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last, the last, the last, the last, the last couple of weeks, just one more chance to, what have you seen in the last couple of weeks? Uh, well like I said, I don't really watch the news on that, so I can't tell them about that but in a way I think they're better off not knowing, I think that's the only good thing about being out there, isn't it? Not knowing about the bad stuff going on? Yeah. So I'm the the the the theying about theying about theying about theying about the bad the thing about the the thing about thing about thing about thing about thing about thing about thiing about thi thi thi thi, not knowing about thi, not knowing about thi, not knowing about thi, not knowing about thi, not knowing about thi, not knowing about, not knowing about, not knowing about the bad, not knowing about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about their their their their their their their their their their their their their the bad the bad the bad the bad stuff, the bad stuff, the bad stuff, not, I, not, not, I, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, I him there. They don't need to look at the weather do they? No, but uh, I tell you about the Pope and that. Yeah, you've pretty extensive. What about the EU constitution and the no votes? What do you make of it? What do you use? What's the problem there? Oh, this isn't the scene. It's better. It's better. It's nothing. Come up with something.

Talked to the fat baby then, the fat baby that they found, that was on the tele. Right, what was that? It's just a little fat baby. That, uh, uh, Oh, for the f-I don't know what, it's the fat, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, the, th, fat kid and that. What? Tell him what? It was on the tally. But what was on the tele? You just said, fat baby, fat baby, fat baby, fat baby on tele? Fat baby on tele?

Do you meant to be telling them what's happened in the world? Tell me about the fat baby on tele? It's just, they've found, this this woman had a kid it's really sad it was on channel 4 and that right and kids born you're sure it wasn't Jimmy Carr kids born and that right Momo is called no black music award right little little fat baby in that and there's only three of them in the world his little fat babies right and uh one of them how fat are you not to tell you that they're the that they're th? th? that that that that the that that that the the that that that they're they're they're they're that they're that they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they're their their they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're their they're their their they're their they're their their their their they're their their their their that that that that that that that that that that that they're they're they they they're they're they're they they're they're they they're them in the world. His little fat babies, right. And one of them... How fat?

How fat? How fat are they? Six stone it was, it was only two. And there's three of them in the world. And there's three of them in the world. And there's three of them in the world. And there's only three of them in the world. I'm worried, it's like a conservation campaign. No, it's sad. I know, it's easy to show them.

But if you've seen it, you can make an interesting camera. It's a bit sad on that. Um... Well, I haven't seen it and I know nothing about it. Well, I've told you, there's three of them in the world, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, thed, their, their, their, their, else was on tele? Uh, the, uh, something I watched the other night, looks good. Uh, again, you know how I learned stuff from the, from the tele, I don't watch the news, you know, well, you don't learn stuff from the tele, you know, you told us there's a fat baby in the world. There's a spider, the spider at his chickens, and that's all, forget, that, that, that, that, that, th. Fi, that, th. F, th. F, th. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. I, I, you, I, you, I, I, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I, I, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the right. But what's the name? I tell you what is interesting Steve. I didn't know that much about autism. Oh good, it's just some more entertaining stuff on XFM. one of the football line. Just to cheer up people. Go on and what? What? Come on? No right.

Have you heard about it, Steve? What is it? It scares me to death when he comes up when he toucest on a serious subject? We've been talking about about about about about about to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their to their autism. It's autism. It's autism autism. It's autism? to me me, autism autism autism. It's autism? It's autism? It's autism? It's autism? It's autism autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, autism, it's, it's, their, their me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me their their their, he, he their their, he their, he their, he's to th. He to th. He's a to me th. He's a th. He's a th. It's a thi, he's a th. It's a th. It's a thi, autism, they, they, they. It's a thea, autism, the. He's a toucest on a serious subject. We've been talking about wheeling a dead Pope round, the Chinese don't age brown and ginger people are hated and now we're going to touch on a really I mean my heart's in my throat go on carving tell me tell me your insights to autism right well there's this again channel 4 coming up with some good stuff at the moment right not have been channel 5 it's what's the end? It was... It's the attention span I like! It's these people who have got like this autism thing going on. Yeah. And they sort of tech in a lot of information, they get sort of a bit, they get so into it

that they know everything about that subject and what have you. And there was this lad who he knew everything about East Enders. Right. The cameraman was saying to him, so you know, why Eastenders and that? I said, I don't know, I just like it. And he said, I remember when I first watched it was a Thursday, it was 5-8, Pauline Fowler walked in, she had a pink jumper on, she said, all right, love. And he remembers everything from that moment on, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th, right, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, the, the, the, th, th, the, the, the, th. the, th. the, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.. the, th. th. the. the. the.e.e. th.e. th. their, their, the, their, the, the, alright, love, and he remembers everything from that moment on, right, and everything, which is great, but then the way the program was making out, it was almost like they were saying it's a disability. Right?

When in a way, it's more like a superpower. Sure, like rain man. If you can say... It's rain man. If you can say... It's rain man. He has special autistic powers. Oh God, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. But I don't want to do it.

But there's the things... So it's... Well, what I'm saying is don't be watching East Enders though. Why didn't they give him an encyclopedia? and say get into that, that'll be useful. Keep it away from EastEnders, wasting his time there. But I don't think it's a, it is a disability. No. Yeah, I don't know. There are other things and they're not, also autism is a matter of degrees.

From what I know, and I'm sorry to have to do this, but I feel that I have to at least be the voice of reason as it it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it as it is as it is as it is as it is as it is as it is as it is as it is as it is as it is as it is as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it's as it autism I think some are higher performance than others there's other there's other issues with it it's not they just they're just got good memories they don't go around doing tricks for people because they can remember stuff there are other there are other issues with it do you know I mean I mean they did they seemed a bit her emotions and stuff. Oh, that other little bit, yeah. But the main bit of it was he didn't soak up information and stuff and I'm just saying

he didn't seem really bad. Do you know what I mean? There's disabilities where people say that's a bad disability. It's like how people say about... It's brilliant this. It's just like, I, I, this is amazing to be in the room with this man. It's incredible. You just wind him up and listen to what comes out. And I'm gonna sit back now. I'm not gonna even, I'm not gonna defend you or explain anything.

Just tell me, come on and tell me about the other disabilities that are worse. What I mean is how people can sometimes is a mixed thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiahahahahahahahahahahahah get thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I to thi. I thi. I'm just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. You th. You th. You th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You th. th. You th. You th. You thi. I thi. I thi. I just just just just just just thi. I thi. I just thi. I just thi. I just thin, I just th. I'm just thin, I'm just th. I just thin, I'm just to to to to just to just to to just thi. I just thi. I like a cyclop. Well at the end of the day he's got a disability. I bloke you. Who's scared of a cyclop? No, it's just so. From Jason and his Argonauts? Where is this cyclop that you're scared of? No, I'm just saying in history and in books and that. No, no, no, no, no, not in history. History happened. Yeah. What are you thinking of? You're mixing history with Greek mythology and Roman mythology and every other type of mythology. What do you mean? There wasn't really a giant cyclop that went round picking up ships and throwing them around? That's not history, Carl. Do you think Batman's history? No, but this was it was ages ago on it when we were sort of form... No, I'm not saying it didn't happen ages ago. I'm saying it didn't happen.

Well he might have done. I mean, what's so ridiculous like a fellow with one eye? In the middle of his head? And he's big and scary and lives in a cave! Why is he's scary? If he had eight eyes, I've crossed 110th Street. I'm XFM 104. I'm Ricky Javaines with me Stephen Merchant and over there Carl Pilkington.

Can I just remind people that... A man so stupid it isn't actually offensive? I just want to put that out there. Yeah, yeah, okay? Good. I just wanted to remind people that they can get in toucest on the text, 83XFM. You'll need that text number shortly because we're going to be playing rockbusters very soon. Gava's texted in and he says quite simply, what's happened to the webcam? All I can't. tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. to to to tho's just to to tho's to just just just that to tho. th. th. th. th. th th to just just just just just just just to just to to to to to to tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. that that that that the that's the the the the the the the that. that. that. try. try. try. try. tod. toda. toda. toda. toda. I just just just want. I've try. I've try. I've toda. I've just want I've just want toda. I've toda. I've just just just just just want. I've toda get that sorted out for you. But we're rock-bustering now? Should we do it now? Say it up now. Okay, great. So you should just remind people, particularly if they're trapped in Antarctica for the next so that's what this game is.

Well this is blockbusters, just totallyic clues, they're more like what word am I thinking of, they're tenuous, some of them don't work at all. So it's really are you in tune with a shaved monkey. I mean it's nearly embarrassing to get the clue. I pride myself on that I don't really get them and I'm sort of proud of that because you shouldn't. But anyway I think I've tha their tha tha tha thired thired thired thired thired thin thin thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' tho tho tho tho tho' tho' the of their the. I'm the. I'm tho' tho' tho-I's tho-I's tho-I's tho-a' the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeanan. I'm theaneanean'ean'ean'eateeeat. I'm theateeeeeeeee. I'm the. I'm the. I'm sort of proud of that because you shouldn't. Yeah but anyway I think I've given it a big sell. Now you do in tat today but the big prize is going forward to be in the draw in five weeks time when there's a signed Homer that I got Matt Grain into draw if you go to Ricky to raise dot com you can see him drawing it it it's an original. Well if you want to see what I say they can go they can can can can can can can can can can can can can can the the their their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their their their their they can can their their their their their their is to their is to their is their is to to th. I to th. I to their is to their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is a their is a their is a their is a th is a th is a to to th is a try. try. I try. I toy. I toy. I toy. I to to to to to to th is a the want to see it, they can go to XFM.cook, UK, slash Ricky, and it's actually, just click on it, you can have a look at it. You can see all the pictures there, can't it? It's also assigned

Nigel Tufnell, poster, and us three as some flannamals. But there's a little actually video clip, I was on Ricky's a little, thrarararara. thagagagagagagagag. But, th. But, th. But, their, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thrific, thrific, thrific, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just. You. You. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. five weeks time when you get to the ground final. In the meantime it's the usual selection of mediocre gifts which will be given away. We've found the draw that people would have sent us to give away. First up we've got the I think most people agree the mediocre John Travolta film ladder 49 which I think barely made it into cinemas over here. Oh we've also Oh we the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. And we're giving that away. We're giving that away. Brilliant. On DVD, the TV series Grumpy Old Men, which I think is repeated every single night on BBC 2. Oh, and that's pretty as well, is it? Yeah, oh that's very good. We've got the complete third series of alias. Great gift only if you've seen the previous two seasons. So is that one I don't know, possibly. Fred and Fred. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I then, I don't, I th. I don't, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin, I thin, I the the thin, I the an the an the an thean, I thin, I theeean, I theeeeeean, on television I think every Friday and the TV series Operation Good Guys, you know, fine series but you could see that on UK gold most nights.

So once again, an excellent song. But if you win all those and take them straight down to record and tape exchange you will be able to get two albums that you actually like. That's exactly right. So. So, so, people, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's right, that's right, that's right, th that's right, th that's th that's thi, thi, that's that's thi, thi, the, the, tho, tho, the, the, their their their their their their their their their their their, their their their, their, their their, their their their, their their their their, their, their their, their their, their their, their their their, their, thi, thi, the an theat, theat, theat, theat, theat, thease-a.-I-I's thease-a' thease-a, thi-a, their, th us then so they sort of get bigged up on the radio so that's done. We don't have to worry about that. So, anyway then, three clues. Right, let's play the jingle. No, I haven't got one. Do one quickly, no. Okay.

Rock, rock busters. All right. So we've got, we've got three of them, a cryptic clue and the initials, the band, it could be a band or an artist we've done all that, aren't we? All right, first one. The theller let his wife know how he got the bruise on the leg, he got a little bruise. All right? Give us that, the fellow, let's know how he got the bruise on the leg he got a little bruise. Hey Alan, imagine that in the Times crossword. You read it again, it's slightly different. Every time I look back at this crossword it's slightly different, all the words change.

It can't be cryptic. The initials there, C-L, right? C-L. The fellow got a bruise on his leg. Let his wife know how you go. What's going on. All the mattering! And what's the next? Cractic clue. Second one. That potter lad had a lot of bottle doing all that stuff with the wizards and that. Right? He had a lot of bottle playing with the wizards and that. What's all that about?

I love it! He says, what's all that about? T.B. there. B. B. B. to get in their temple without these. What do they need? The Buddhist won't be able to get in their temple without these. The initials T-M. 83-936 is the text number. We don't want to receive emails from this because we can't be bothered. So just a quick text. Make sure you include all three answers. We're not interested in this. You need to get all three. But the winner may only get two. But it's the first one with the most right answers. And if you're all those DVDs. A, this is a box set to be fair, that's pretty good prize that way. Well, you can probably get, you could get two, two CDs when you take that down to record tabletters.

And you don't need to see the first two teams because you won't know what's happening anyway. Oh, okay, fine. I'm excited to think that there's some people now in Antarctica, just scrabbing around just just just just just just trying to to to to that for the next. I don't know, two months. XFM. XFM. I'm a F. Farrillard Inc., Gorillas, Gorillas on XFM. Winner 4.9 on Ricketts with the Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkinton.

Carl, okay, we've got to sort this out. We didn't meet again this week, and this is a shoddy showdy I thought we had a sort of framework for it but, do you know, I mean, I thought it would be, you know, Carl could sort of tell them what was going on. He doesn't know anything except watching tele, late night tele out because monkey news last week was awful. It wasn't monkey news. It was, I can't remember it. I've been away on a holiday. Brilliant, yeah, and the monkey news stops. I phoned him up there was a front cover of the, I think it was the telegraph one day this

week. And it was an ironic story, it was a fluffy story, it was about a monkey in a zoo that had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had a, a, a, a, a, a tholk, a thololk, a tholk, a tholk, a tholk, thololk, tholomea, tholomea, I was a thoom!a, I was a, I was a thoomomeomeomomomomomay, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a, I was a tholololololololololololololololololololololololol, a thiia, a thia, I was a thrauu.a, I was a thoomorrow, I was a thoomorrow, I was a today, I was a thoomorrow, I was a thoomorrow, I was a thoome, I was a thrae, it was a fluff piece, but it was a funny story, it was about a monkey in a zoo that had had a ruck with its father because it's adolescent, it was like the equivalent of like 16 to 18, and it had a fight with his father, and it escaped, it ran away, and it was like, you know, an interesting story. Yeah. I phoned Carl like, said, this is a monkey tooombe to his cage, and a monkey has escaped escape from its cage after an argument with his father and he said what was the argument about? I mean he thinks like Homer Simpson. What was the argument about? Like the zoo keepers are going, oh look, oh no he's brought up his untidy room again. The father, oh look, he's caught him smoking and they're fighting.

I mean, what do you mean what was the argument about? They have fights and then it ran away. His dad wanted to go to college but he just wants to quit and get a job. Yeah, and he fancied a monkey in the other cage. And the fellow was saying, she's not good enough for you? Oh, what was it about? Yeah, I got a little bit of monkey news where you've got some of it thanks. there and that. What else have been going on? Who were, what are we going to talk about now? I thought I've had to go now. Your head's gone. Yeah, we've got one can use. Yeah. Why is it? It seems like since we've come back on air you have become dimmer. I mean it's

it is extraordinary. It's like it's like BSE has kicked him. Or do we just forget? We just forgot. Maybe it's been a long time we've their their their their. It's forgot just how stupid he is. Yeah. It's proper, you mean it's the silence is, you know, he forgets were on the radio. There's just dead-there. It's unbelievable and it's our name on this. They put a poem. But as I said before, you know, he is, he is, no offense, he's not a bright, bright lad or educated. But some things he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says. I he says. I he says. I is not. I is not. I is not. he says, he's not. he says, he's not. he says, he's not is not is not is not is not is not is not. He's not is not is not is not is not is not is, he's not is, he's not is, he's not is, he's not is, he's not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not. He's not. He's not. He's not. He's not. He's not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He is not. He's not. He's not. He's not. He's not a he. He's not a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the retarded. I've been trying to take in too much information though. That's the problem recently. Well, I said to you last week, I've been reading more books and like have you. And try to tech in too much, but the problem is. Like even watching telly in that now, Suzanne said to me, you know, stop watching tele late at night and going to bed because it's making your brain too active. And I'm sort of...

Heaven forbid. And I'm trying to get to sleep and I can't and then when I wake up, I'm thinking, she had to go up me the other day, right? Because it was a night after watching the fat baby, right? Woke up in the morning and she had to go up because soon as I woke up. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I I said I said I I I I said I said I I I said I said I said I I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said, um, it's something like, how can you freeze time? I'm gonna say good morning or whatever. I'm gonna burst. Just so much, it's like, the sun comes out through the window. I'm gonna burst. Just so lively right? It's like the sun comes out through the window. Oh, she's like, Carl's like, his little head.

His eyes opened, he goes, one of those floppy night hats. How can you freeze time? Oh God! But it's because like, whatever, the night before I might have heard that on the news or whatever, it's just been sort of whizzing around me, their threat. And you know, it was a big debate. Have they found a way of doing it or something? What are you talking about? They've done something about freezing time and all that.

See, this is information, this is nothing. That is nothing that they've done something about freezing time. Imagine Jeremy Paxman coming on going, well, the issues tonight, it's somewhat about freezing time. It's weird, you're, you're, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, to to to to think, think, to to think, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, to, their, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, about, about, about, their, about, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the're, think before you talk. No but I don't worry about how to do it. I just think about what effects that one. Oh they haven't asked you to get involved. This is what I'm saying no, you can't explain it. It's a tough thing in it, but what's the point of me worrying about? It's not a question. Do you know what he said to me the other day? This is unbelievable. This is this is this is one this is one this is one this is one th. This is one th. This is one th. This is one one th. This is one th. This is one th. This is one th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. It th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It's thi. I thi. I thee. I the. I the. I the. I thee. I thi. I the. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I things I've ever heard. He was talking and he suddenly stopped and he was thinking about and he went, oh I don't know what, he went, you'd never see

a black ghost. Extraordinary. True though, isn't it? I've never seen a ghost, there are no ghosts. There aren't ghosts. No, but I mean when you just see him in like magazines and that. Play a record! Hopefully someone who take care of me. Who... Anthony and the Johnson's. Isn't that beautiful? Interesting. Hope there's someone on XFM, 104.9. And Ricky Javais with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington.

Well, Carl. Um.... Well Carl, more revelation. We were talking like last week but Carl brought it up again just now. Didn't want to go to the doctors, didn't want to have a full body check up that may save his life because he saw on the website they do a test where they have to insert a finger in his ass. Don't tell me about it. Why? Don't put it on the website, just put it, we look at your heart, check your blood pressure

out. And then they could just do it quickly, you could just sort of say, right? How do they're doing it in there knowing that, I mean they've got it on the website, so you're on the journey on the bus thinking in about 20 minutes I'm going to have a finger up me on. But they're doctors. They're not doing it for a laugh, they're not filming it with a two-way screen, they're not putting on boxing gloves, they're not putting on out again I'm just saying in the day the sort of do you think they're in the pub going here he comes

spoken to an urban finger was asked me do they allow ladies to do that do they like female doctors of course they do they're doctors that's worse you sound you're sounding like him no I'm just interested because you know they're a female doctors you know they do, they're doctors. Forget the female and male, they are doctors. Right, do you know any female doctors to do this one? But what I mean is, isn't it a bit like if you're being searched at an airport, you know, and you're a woman, they send in a woman person to search you? They don't, they don't send in a bloat to do it. Is that the be taking the piss as opposed to a fat security card and couldn't get anything else. Do you know what I mean? What are you talking about this doctor's all the time coming out in the paper? Is they gave them this or they could look at their boobs or whatever?

You know, it's all that you're always hearing stuff about dodgy doctors. But what I'm saying is the to search males and that's fine but there's not like four or five GP's to choose from and you go is it you are some testicles you want a bloke or you know you accept it? They don't have long fingernails. What do you think this female GP looks like she's sitting behind the desk like Corella DeVille with with cleavage and long red false nails going hello love love, bend over, this may hurt a little bit. There's gloves and vassaline. I mean, I don't believe there's two of you now in the room. Carl, they're doctors.

They have to, they, what would you rather than put the hand down your throat and round your to feel your ass. It's a quicker way in. You seem to know a knot about these doctors and some triggers off people's arses. You're a very well-informed, Janet. What about this sort of thing? Well say, say they did find something. Yeah. Would you then have to get like a second opinion so someone else's finger? Well no. They test it to see if there's any the suspicious that it is they they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's a suspicious. It's a they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's a they's a they's a they's a they's a they's a they's a they's a they're not. they're not. they're not. I I I I's a they're not. I's a they. I's a they. I's not not not not not. I'd the. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll they. I'll thi. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm a they're not. I'mthat there's usually a swollen prostate which can be anything. So they catch it early and that's it, they feel up there. But if you got a second opinion, then the same doctor will just stick a thumb up and never

feel around them. So it's all the same way. Yeah. Well, if there's a doctor who can, I don't know, put me at ease. I mean, what is this? 60 60 60 60 60 60 60 60, if 60, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if there, if the doctor, if the doctor, if the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're way around it. I don't believe that. I mean what is this? 60 million people or something, 60 billion or something? Well, 6 billion? Well, yes, you got it. He hit it. Well done. That's good work. Right. So yeah, there's six billion? What's six billion? Loads, isn't it? Yeah, what's six billion? Loads, isn't it? the phone number? to assure you, so to you. So, so? So, so? So, so? So, so? the phone? the phone? their? their? th. th. their? th. th. th. their? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their? their? their? their? Six? Six? Six, 60? Six, 60? Six, 60? Six, 60? Six, 60? Six, six? Six, six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six? Six. What? Six? Six. What? Six? Six? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Yes. What? Six, th. What? Six, the. What? Sixthat the finger at the bum thing is not painful and that it's necessary and that it's not just that it's not an easy way around. What's the phone number here? It's uh... I've changed that, aren't they?

Oh for f-f. You're the producer! I'm the producer! Oh, 8.7-1. 2-2, 2, 2, 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, it, it's, it's, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's not. It tells you I know what to do. Please if you're a GP or you know even if you completed medical I mean we want to qualify doctor really everything else is not good enough for Carl Bruckington just to you know you can ask him all the other questions because you know Carl as I said last week he doesn't feel his own testicles because he doesn't like the feel so you know I'd like a doctor to explain to him how necessary that is. And this th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. th. the th. th. I the the the th. I the the th. I th. I th. I to th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I th know, I'd like a doctor to explain to him how necessary that is.

And this is truthful as well, I've got a very slight pain around the genital area at the moment, and I'm not, I think it might be some kind of groin strain, but I'm a little bit anxious, not entirely sure what is. Yeah, I feel. You've been with me twice when I've gone to know, it's usually, you're, I think you're in a pretty low risker at you, aren't you? I don't hope so. You're coming out of the 20s, I think it's the, I think, testicular sort of, I shouldn't be doing this, I'm not qualified. No. I they, all they said, all.

All the the-you're, so, so, so, the, the, to you're relaxing or I was wearing shorts a lot. How far? If it's too foot it's too far? I was having problems walking. What do me? Why? It was just a bit, sort of a bit... I had shorts on all day. I'm happy and walking about on the beach and what have you? And then at the night when I put some long trousers on I sort of walking like I probably like stretch a little bit. Sometimes I told you when I was about 18 I was scared. I went to the doctor I felt a pain right and I was because I was doing biology I thought I'd show off this doctor said I've got a pain I think it feels like it starts in the epididymis and goes up to the uretham and I went and he went finger he said your jeans are your jeans he said your balls. So we want a doctor like that. So what's the phone number again? It's a 0871-221049. What do you mean the balls dropped though? We've got to come back to this? I don't know, they just felt like, it's not too bad at the moment. I was all right on the way in.

But I felt, I feel twinges and't a bloke standing really close to you as they're nudist? You didn't get mixed up if you're on the way back. On the fly back. Some else got to? Well, do you take a leaf out of nudist books. They just walk around, they've got nothing on it. Why? Well, let's play this ad break and that. XFM, X, F, X, F, X, F, X, F, X, F. All you have me, I'm a London.

Right, we've got a, who's that on the line? Yes, Rob. Rob, and are you a doctor? I'm a final year medical student. I'll be a doctor in two months, touch wood. That's close enough, isn't it? Yeah. Excellent. So, where do you want to give to to give to give to give to give the the to give the to give the to give the to give the to to the to to the to to their to to to to to to to to give more details or do you want to remain anonymous as you're calling into talking? All right, great. So why do GPs sometimes put their finger up a man's an anus?

To see what's there? If you got hemorrhoids, if you've got an enlarged prostate, you know, the side of that or they stick up a big tube and have a look up with a light. What? And it's easier to do that. Now, are you dumbing this down for us or are you going to fail your medical exams by saying stick up a big tube with a light? I'm dumbing it down. Okay come on then we're all intelligent people here and Carl so you can tell us what now what's that called? It's called a sigmoid escape. Right, nice. That was a clever test isn't it Rick? Yeah. 12 inch long tube I can put up there. So Carl would you prefer that or a finger? Well, so do they sort of do the finger first and then... I mean at what point do they sound go and we need a light here?

I mean... It's normally if there's something wrong. But... So if I go then, say if I go to this well man clinic, right, and they go, yeah, the arts good and that, yeah, finger, there you go, and then they go, I'm going to go and get me light and tube. I could start worrying then because they've sort of found something. They're not likely to go straight in with the tube. They'll probably send you off some tests first. Well, Carl, there's nothing. But you go to these places to put your mind at rest and to know where you are with your health.

I mean, it's not that you go along, that's what most people worry about. They think that because I'll go along and they'll find something. Well, one, that's illogical. they find something because you go along and two if they do find some it's a good job you went along I mean I'm a hypocrite because I don't go to the doctor but you know I've had that done I've had to be concerned if when they shine the little light in your ear it comes out the other side of your ear the other ear comes right out of the other side that's when you should be worried but Rob right you said then you said they sent me off for some tests, why can't I just have the test without that and cut out the middleman? You know what I mean? Because you're wasting lots of money?

There's hundreds of tests they could do. And they could do every test and they could all come back with nothing. Or they could do the finger up there and send you for the three tests you need to find out what's their....... But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But. But, their. But, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thea, the only way to find out is sticking a finger up there. What are you worried about, Carl? Is it fundamentally that this doctor who's, um, has done six years medical training, is it embarrassing to have a man's finger up your ass? I just don't understand there you can get round to that without what you... But what don't you like? Is it fundamentally you don't like anything up your or is it the fact that it's a mann't the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact thin that fact, that thin thin fact, thin fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is a fact, is it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, is, is, is, is, is, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is that's thi, is thi, is a thi, is a thi, is a thi, is a thi, is a thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thiiiiiiii, thii, is doctors, it makes me nervous because I think if anyone searches you long enough, they're going to find a fault with you, and especially if they're going that far into you, they're going to find something.

And probably not. Well, you never, I just, I just don't, I don't know how to get around that sort of, that point where you get a, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, thetalk to the doctor about? Is that I? Nice day. Just drop your trousers. He says I'm going to just, um... Right people, just shut up and let you do it and then breathe a side relief when you say there's nothing there? Yeah. But is that at the end of the test or is that the first thing he does? It's the last thing. So that that trous trous trous trous trous trous, trous, trous, trous, trous, trous, trous, the trous, trous, th, th, that, throut, throut, that, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, tri' tri's, tri's, tri's, tri, tri, tri, tri, tri, th a bit of a faux par, you know, the doctor says, oh I better not kick off with a finger up the ass. What I do is I'll start on with the, you know, the head and then we're down and go, one final thing Mr Pilkton.

So, so Rob, he drops his keys and he goes pick them up. And as you blend over. Will you be doing this Robbock, is th. Is th. th. th. th. th. th. they, is they, is they, is they, th. th. th. they, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, the, tho, thi, thi, I, they, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. the, the, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, tho. What, tho. What, tho. What, tho. Well, tho. Well, tho. I'll, they. I'll, I'll, I'll,these questions. I'll have to do it at some point, all doctors do it at some point, no matter what they specialise them. So the first one, is he another doctor there to sort of make sure you're doing it right? Not dentists. No, but do you know, do you know, do you know what I mean? Normally it's like a co-pilot we'll have someone with him for the first one. So when you put your first finger in, will someone, the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, th, th, their, th, th, th, their, th, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not their their thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not their, not their, not their, not their, not their, not their, not their, not thin, not thin, not that, not that, not that, not that, not that, not their? You just want to miss the left of it. Have you? Yeah. That's the thing with a student you're learning. So you get people teach them and you learn on. Can I just point out Rob? I think I'm right in assuming that you have a glove on yeah and there's lubrication and it doesn't hurt. No. There you go. What are you worried about? But who's this person who everyone's testing on in your class? It's not one person!

It's not one person! There's like, when a patient comes in and they've got a problem, you're bastard, like consultant, he does his finger up and if he goes to the patient, is it alright if the student has a feel as well? Then, the the the the the they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thatheirs. Who's thus. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's is th. Who's, th. Who's is th. Who's is th. Who's is th. Who's. Who's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's th. It's th. It's thathea. It's theateathea. It's theateateateateateateateateateathea. Who's th. Who's th. Who's thateathea. Who's th. Who's to the patient is it alright if the student has a feel as well then he puts on a glove put leave on the glove and fix his finger up and see what he comes out with. Rob I wish you could see Carl's face I mean he just his face when you said then he goes says can his feather have a go as well he looked horrified that he tho he thought it was a free for all like as a cue of people try in that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the their to their to their to to to to to to to to to their their their to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the theeeeeeeeooo. theooooooo. the. the. theeee. the. the. the. the. th well. He looked horrified that he thought it was a free throw like it's a cue of people trying on gloves and going let's have a go that looks good up there. What have you found? No, I mean how come you had to sort of, is it not something you could test on

yourself rather than waiting for other people to come in? Because then you know... You have an awkward. But to sort of have a go on on on that to to to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go on on on to to to to to go to th to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go tho that tho to go to go to go to go to go that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho thoooooooooo. the the thoooooooo the thooooooooooooooooo thoooo that's that's you can have a good rummage then without feeling too awkward but to sort of have a go on on your first patient when you don't really know what you're looking for anyway do you know what you know what you're do you know what you're finding? You know what I mean you know they've never really thought about it because you don't if you don't if you've got the big boss consultant that game and now move your finger there and you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoo. the the the the the. the the. the thee. thooooo. the the what you look, they can't see your face. You've got the big boss consultant there going and now move your finger there and you'll probably feel this because he's just done it he knows what's there. Well what, oh so you're, he's already had a go he's had a feel and he's going right if you feel to the right that's the conglomberly or whatever. the conglary is yeah is is is is is is is is is that is that is that is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the conglary is the is the is the is the conglary is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. Congongongong. He going going going going going going going going going going going. th. He's the. He's the. the. the. theat. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the the the the. He's the ombery yeah. It's congomblery is in perfect work in order. Thank you Rob. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Carl is probably the

worst patient you'll ever encounter in your medical career. Good luck with your finals and thanks very much. And do you know any female doctors who do this thank you? X on XFN 104. Josh Rags, it's the night time on XFN 104.9, Stim merchant Ricky Javais, Carl Pilkington. And what is, is it time? I think so. Oh, chimpanzee that, monkey news. Right, then. So, uh, there's this monkey, right? In Canada,... this monkey right in Canada it's in a zoo in Toronto I think it is hmm his name's Pascal right and what happened was all

the people in the zoo so you know what can, sort of spice the day up a bit. So they left, embellishing, no way this is a new story. Let me know the news, okay. So they, any dates? Just let him read the news. Well, I didn't interrupt Moyri Stewart. Because she always says today, so you know it's news, she doesn't say, right? there was a monkey right? Well, in Canada, right? A couple of weeks ago, and the zoo in Canada.

Right. Jesus. They got a camcorder. Right. And they said, let's leave it for the monkey to have a play with. So, anyway, they passed it around. And a couple of chimps and that were rubbish at it. They were like filming the f f f f f f f f. They were like filming the floor and all that and the fingers were always in shot and stuff like that, right?

But anyway, there was one, this one chimp called Pascal, right? He was, uh... Anise me that. He was a monkey's the tip. He was a dab in the lighting properly and all the rest of the game. No he didn't! Just let, this is the news, what you're talking about? Is the news? Oh, Steve, it's so annoying. You know it annoys me so much. Things like, he was a tab under the tab under the shots. It really annoys me. Let's hear the news. Anyway, anyways, anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, the news, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, the the the the the the the the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news. the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the, the news, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the, the news, the, the, the, the, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news, the news. News. the news, the news, the like when the zookeepers went home, he started filming like other monkeys on the go like whilst they were at it, right?

And he was filming them and what have you. The Ron Jeremy of the zoo? You know, you know, it's going to end up on the web. So anyway, the zookeepers came in the next day and it's like it's got all this like, you know, all these monkeys at it and what have you. So, um, this is, honestly, don't know what this is doing to me, Steve. Can I stop him now? So they thought like, uh, actually there's a few monkeys who aren't at it enough. Do you know what I mean? Do you're trying to give them the videos. That is so untrue that it was filmed by a monkey. It's so untrue. Rick, I don't know who to believe. Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh girl, you're talking so much shit again! You must know that's not true.

There's no way. There's no way. There's a load of tapes out of the audience. Look at me! Look at me. thrown. I've got the full story, he's still not happy. There is no way that by chance, one, all this, oh what should we do, let's give him a calm quarter, that could happen, he then films him out here, that might happen, it might happen, but I don't think he'd keep the camera still.

Uh, two, they go, oh, no, yeah, this is good shit. This porn, this porn. I've got the ridiculous. Let me just recap, because I lost my way there. So the monkey has filmed the monkey porn and now they're showing it to the other monkeys. Is he directing? Do you say him saying stuff? Can you go? It's just like, you know, chimpimp, one, two and three and all the rest of it, right? But anyway, so they've got all these other tapes, because their their tapes, tapes, tapes, t a human, he's just one of the gang, you know what I mean?

So they started putting him in with other things like, you know, ostriches. Right. And you talking to shit. It was... So, and do you know, they have a problem with pandas in Japan? They've sent him out there, filming, filming, where are you going? You honestly, you really annoy me. There's no way this is happening. It's absolute.

Why can't he just find a real story about a monkey? Let's hear the end. He's going to China, he's filming the pandas and what I mean. No, he's not! They wouldn't send a monkey director! They would not send a monkey director! Douglas! Thunder Road by Bruce Fringstein, possibly the greatest rock tunnel of all time. I don't know. Big words, indeed, but I echo them. thunder-road, the best rock tongue of all the time.

I don't know, big words. Big words indeed, but I echo them. Well, we're running out of time. We've got to get on, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show,to get on with the show. It's near the end. I've enjoyed it. I hope the scientists stuck in a big, I don't know, hut in the middle of nowhere, in pitch darkness, 10 of them. I've actually been fascinated, Rick by the finger up the honest discussion. We had Chinese don't age well, ginger.

Well, actually, they're probably securing the knowledge, so if they want to kill some time and it's dark, there's anything better than stick your finger on someone else that. So enjoy that, but they've been hanging on for Rockwester's clues, I imagine. There's the answer. Give us the clue again quickly. So the first one was the fellow let his wife how he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he got he he got he got he got he got he got he got the bruise on his legs. Go on. That was that was Courtney Love, yeah, Courtney Love. So that's Courtney Love. So that's the last one CL. So that one. The second

one. That Potter lad, he's got a lot of bottle, I'm doing all that stuff with the Wizards. Go on. That Potter lad, he's got a lot of bottle, aren't he doing all that stuff with the Wizards and that. That's. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That's. That's. That's, that. That's, that. That's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that was, that was, that was, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. that, th. that, th. th. th. th. that's th. that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the tho, he's doing all that stuff with the Wizards and that. That's Brave Harry, yeah, the bravery, bravery, current sort of XFN band, the Brave Harry, that works as well. No it doesn't. No it doesn't work. The Buddists won't be able to get in their temple without these. The Buddists won't be able to get in their tem with the Monk

Keys, right? So who got all them, uh... The Monk Keys? Who got all them night? Which band are they called the Monkies? The Monkeys? The Monkeys? Yeah, the Monkeys. All right. So who's the winner this week is Gina? What I'm just, she was from Horace Dead. I don't know, I've never heard of that place, but I assume that's right. But Gina, you win that selection. I can't believe she got them. I cannot believe she got him, but she goes, wins those and also goes into the prize draw. We'll have some, six people competing for that original, the original Mattingham, if you're going to go to the Rek....comk. And their. And thagagagagagagagagagag. You that's, that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I's, I'a. I'm that. I'm that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that's that's that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can't that. I can. I. I. I I. I. I I. I I I. I I can. I. I. I I. I. I I can I can I. I can I can I can I can. I can. I can. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't believe. I can't believe. I can't tot. I can't believe. I can't believe. I can't tot. I can't believe. I can't tot. I can't tot. I can't believe. I can't believe. I can'tannamals. That's the what I say. Ex-Hodom. UK slash Ricky. If you're there, I'll look at the picture and that. And, uh, well that's it's 3 o'clock. I'm going to get your voice with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington.

More drivel next time. A shaven monkey. No.