The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S4E3 (June 11, 2005)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM following the completion of ‘’Extras’’ series 1. This time, they recorded only 6 shows before Gervais and Merchant left XFM for good. The show would later continue as a podcast, with no further association with XFM.

An honest mistake by the bravery on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Javais with me Stephen Merchant and Carl Pilkington, our producer. An inverted commas, heat put. Yeah, yeah. They know. How you doing, all right, Carl? Yeah. Didn't they also write something about my bald, round head? Yes, perfectly round little bald man head they said. You need to know that when you listen to the radio on that. It really matters what my air is doing. Your hair, if you've given it a little short polish, because you look like a cue ball, at the

moment and you've had a shave in it. I've never seen it, it actually, it was like a round head. It actually, if you remember, I think he looks a little bit like Mr. Spoon from Button Moon. He does! He does! If you ever seen that show, that's... And also he looks like, you know, when they say they find him with a little four-foot human and it's actually half a million years old and they give it a name and it's got, it's the first, you know, it's the first, you're the first, you're the first, you're the first, it's the first, it's he.... It's he. It's he. It's he. It's he. It's he, he's he, he's he, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he he he he, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he does, he missing link he looks half human half monkeys he's got a slight slouch as well yeah it's like those pictures where you see it going from an ape to a man I know in the middle yeah and these and of course his monkey hands his hairy little wrist to those little those skinny little things that you can get oranges out of holes with and it's unbelievable why you're so shaved and I've got a wadded to thirty to the their their their their their their their their their their their their th I th I th I th I th I th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th th. I've th th. I've the is th. I've th. th so th so th so th so th so th so they's they's they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I their the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the theee an theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. theeeeeee is the is the is the is like the is the to go to a wedding today so, uh, I thought, you know, clean yourself up a bit. Yeah.

Should you wear a suit or something? No, I'll go home and put some of it on. Oh, okay. But, uh, yeah, Suzanne said, you know, make an effort. I sort of had a shave and that, She's always worries about when I have a shave because I just, you know, that's your girlfriend Carl. I know what's saying that. Just things. So don't worry about Heat saying it. Funny thing is it's Boyd Boyd I think of Heat that wrote it. And he's got a little boldad. Yeah, and they don't slag him off. But on the end of his review does it say, you know, written by Baldy Boyd. Now, because it doesn't matter, it's a magazine. Don't

worry about it. Looking forward to the wedding? A bit boring in it, but... What's it? Robin? Is it? It'll be a great day for them, but I know what will happen. Susan will see, you know, all the fuss and that, and th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, th. thin, th. th. thin, th. the, th. thin, that, that, that, th. th. thin' tho, thin' tho, th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the they. they. the th. the the that, that, the that, the that, the the that, the the the that, the that, the that, the that, their, that, that, it's that, it will see you know all the fuss and that and she'll get ideas and I'll have to let her down and all that. Why is it you don't want to get married again I always forget. It's just, who's it for at the end of the day? I've been with Suzanne for 11 years right? Sure. We're happy. Well I am. That's what the case. You're never happy. I'm never happy. You're never happy. I'm all right. Yeah, no, you're happy with Suzanne and everything. But apart from that, you're never happy. You're, you are the most grumpy, moany thing in the world. I mean, I get annoyed, but I'm always happy. I was annoyed here. I was happy coming here, but there was a bloke behind me walking and scuffing his feet. He had a pair of those stupid skulls on. He was clicking and scuffing and he the he. And he he. And he he. And he he. He he- he he. He was the their he. He was their their th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. You th. You are th. You are th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. th. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeee. th. theeee. th. the. the. the. the. th. Wear some shoes you don't have to click. Pick your feet up.

Flip-flops annoy me. You know, but I'm happy, I'm just annoyed. You are just like, oh, the world's on me. It's rubbish, this. I know the world's great. It's just sometimes people annoy me by being there. I should be locked in one of those towers that princesses used to be locked in the photos. So because everything annoys me. But you are grumpy.

I'm not alright. Oh right. Oh right, okay, listen, we better play a record soon. But coming up, Steve, I went away with Carl. Okay. There was a little present from Jane. It was a golfing day. It was brilliant day, absolutely

brilliant but it ended with us sort of drinking and chatting and me saying right I'm going to bed because Carl said the most ridiculous thing he has ever said. Think of that. That's something. Oh, sometimes Carl I think you're on another planet is the only ones. I'm not going to the only ones. What a song? One of the other planet by the only ones.

What a song? Amazing. One of my favorite intros ever. Dr. Fox disagree with me. His favorite ever was I think money for nothing if I remember correctly. Yeah, another great show. I'm not knocking him. She'd like to let us know what your favorite intro was. That number again is over.

For the fuck. Right. Well we got so much to get through with this show. I don't quite understand you were given a gift and the gift was a golfing, a day of golf. And yeah for my Christmas present, part my Christmas present from Jane. A night th, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I the the th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I the the the the the the the th, I the th, I the th, I the th, I the th, I'm, I was the th and I'm not th. I'm not there the, I'm not not not not theeeeat-nough that-nough that-hea'n'n'n'n'n'lough, I'm not that, I'm not theree. And yeah, for my Christmas present, part of my Christmas present from Jane, a night away, two rooms, two rounds of golf, dinner for two, right? But not with her, I noticed. Well, she hasn't played, no, she knew it, no, it was a present, he didn't play golf. It was a girl. She doesn't play golf so I had to choose someone to take away. It's all I wasn't romantic me. No, no, that was my immediate thought. Yeah, me and Carl just getting in there in the jacuzzi together.

It just seems like an excuse for James have a day off from him. But you don't pay golf, I know, go. Go, go. Go, go. Enjoy yourself. A bowling ball with my name on it. So, chose Carl obviously. We went, it was a great day wasn't it? Brilliant round of golf, absolutely brilliant. Such a beautiful place in Stoke Poeys, it's like a really posth. And does, are you a good golf, a good golf play? Well, we'll get to that. Oh, okay. Well, we bought, he bought the shoes. Well, we bought the shoes. Oh, well, we're no good because they were metal spikes. Oh, it it it it it the the the the game. It was the game. It was the game. It was the game. It was the game. It was a the game. It was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great th. It was a great th. It was a great th. It was a great th. It was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was a great, it was, it was a great. It was. It was. It was. It was great, great. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great. It was a great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, th. It was a great, th. It was a great. It I'd love to chew with those little shoes.

I know, and they were no good because they were metal spikes. We had to change then, he was annoyed straight away. He spent over 22 pounds on these golf shoes. We hired a buggy that was brilliant fun. I was bombing along, wasn't I? I don't drive, but I just, it was great on that bucket. Well you've been on a buggy with me and you're a bit scared. Yeah. What? I ne he killed us once.

I was just taking banks and things but you don't see sort of bunkers and he'd scream. Go stop! And he'd put his foot down. And he'd put his foot down. And he'd went on the break. and you know you just flick a switch and put your foot down. You did that without looking. I look behind, there's a big oak tree there. He screams, watch the tree, right? So... So... Jukes of Azad.

I kept jumping in and leaving him behind. Because I liked to go to my ball because anyway. So the first shot, the first shot, I'm a driver. I honestly did one of the best shots we ever done it went straight down it was great I thought few got away with that because it's always the first one because there's a club house and you want to look good so right so right so right he teas up right so I'd be to buy some balls he just got six balls I was going to get him to the

he gets good and he goes go and by some more balls He teas up right, wax it, it goes miles like right angles straight into the woods, right? He turns around and goes go and buy some more balls. So I'm laughing because it's like impolite to laugh, but he broke the ice for me and I was falling around and then second shot. I go, you know you're off a three now if you take another shot, he went, oh right? So it was there shot he put the ball down. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he is. He is. He is. He is. He is he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he went. He went. He went. He went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he was tray puts the ball down. It's the ground before it and this is the ball altogether. I was on my back, wasn't I? Unbelievable. I was rolling about on his back. I went around 107, he went around in like 119 or so much.

It was just rubbish. How long did it take? Five hours? Of course. And there was no one around, luckily. But it was fantastic. So then we go and have our meal. What annoys me? I said, right, I go for a run, I do and I have a bath. I say, I see you at quarter to eight. At five to eight. I have to call him. He's not ready so he's let me down. He's not late in this or laziness. He hates sweetness. Yeah, and he's let's let's let me the late. He's let's let's let's let me. He's let's let's the night. He's the night. He's the night. He's their. I. I. I. I the the the their. I the the their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the to to their. I their. I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to know his excuse? He fell asleep in the bath because there was no light bulb. There was no light bulb in the bathroom. So instantly he fell asleep and he was late. No do you know what I mean though Steve? If you're sort of like nice and warm and what have you? I was tired anywhere. I've been stressed out before and half hours right. My life flashed in front of me a few times in that buggy. So it's all all.. their their their their their life. their life.. their life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life life flash life flash life flashed.. their life flashed. their life flashed. their life flashed their life flashed their life flashed their life flashed their life flash flashed. their life flashed their life flashed their life flashed their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their life flashed. their life flashed. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thea. their life flashed th. thea. their life flashed. their life flashed. their life flashed. theirgy. So it all sort of wears you down a bit. I thought, right, I've got a headache, you're going for your run, I'm going to have a bath. I walk in and put the light on for some reason didn't come on, but I thought it's all right, I'll just, you know, it doesn't matter, you can have a bath and a while. It asking me, so I said well I won't, it doesn't normally take that long for me because you know I haven't got like long

air I've got a dryer and I can sort of one wipe. Yeah yeah it's already ten minutes though he's already today when I called. Well ten minutes. Well ten minutes is late this next. It does matter. They know it wasn't really matter. Yeah, but we said quarter two. So he's calling up, hurry up, hurry up. So I said, yeah, all right, so get out and dry and light me tackle and what have you? Calls back again 30 seconds later. You know? No, I don't, you know, don't like that. You better wipe. You better.

30 seconds. to the meal, they nice, and then we're sitting in a bar, I'm having a cigar, by the fire, like we're having a rather nice Pino Grigio, he's there going on with an ache. Is this like 55 you live in? I know. It's so right. We are knackered. Because you know, he's not used to work. I've seen him moaning, falling at a a the the the the th and the th and the th and the th and th and their th and th. And their their th. And th. And their th. And th. And th. th. their th. the. their their their the. thin, th. the. the' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's really th. It, really th. It not used to work. I've seen him moaning, falling asleep, he's not used to it at the-and-too. And you've been on your feet for over half an hour. Yeah, right. So, we didn't even walk around the girl, I thought we had a muggy, wasn't even exercised. So we get on to conversations, he's asking me stuff about evolution. Tell me that, why, why the the the the the they, he he he they, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's they. He's th. He's thin, he's asking, he's asking, he's asking, he's asking, he's asking, he's asking, he's asking, he's to. to. to, he's. to. to, he's. to, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. to, he's, he's to, he's to, he's, he's. to. to, he's, he's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He. He. He. He. He's, he's, he's, he's th. He's thin. He's been, he's been, he's been to. to. the. to. to-he's been toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. to. the. the. the giraffe what was that rubbish about the giraffe getting along now so well it didn't it didn't try and get it was selected and he said but why would evolution do that I went well you think that evolution didn't

do anything there's not there's not this consciousness there's not this this will that a giraffe has to stretch its neck to reach the leaves one of long enough neck to the ne he was going yeah to to to to the the to the the to the to the to the to the the one one one one one one one to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to the to the to the to to to the the the the to to to to to to to he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the they. the they. the they. they. the they. the they. the the the they. the the the the by the way, this isn't the most stupid thing. This is that this is warming up, this is about quarter to nine. He said why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder? Right. Yeah, okay. Okay, so he's thinking around it. He's trying to, I said, well, the things that are saying, we can see the speed of

evolution in lower life forms like bacteria, viruses, they evolved, that's why soon we won't have an anti-biot that can kill some certain bacterial strains, and he said, and this is about half 11, then I said, I'm going to bed, right? He said, in the future, they reckon that we're able to wake up and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat they they yogurt their to eat their their to eat to eat a to eat a to eat a to eat a to eat a to eat a to eat a to eat a their their their evolution their evolution their evolution, theirionthey reckon that we're able to wake up and eat a yogurt you can have a chat with. I don't know what that means. Let's put a song on right and we'll come back to it. So you're going to explain that? You've got an explanation. Verve and Sonnet on XFM 104. I'm Ricky Javais with me Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington.

So let's just get this right. What did Kyle say? He's just specifically giving those words? He said, they reckon and he, I said I'm going to bed. He went, no real. I said, I'm going bed car, it's no point now because I mean it's just like you're talking gody gopity, you mean, I might as well talk for a pot plant. He said in the future, they reckon, I don't know who they are, I don't know, people who post things on the internet that he reads, I think that in the future you'll be able to wake up. I love you, there's always a little scenario and embellishment, like this little, Oh, hello darling, here's your yogurt. Hello. You'll be able to wake up and eat a yogurt you can have a chat with. All right, well, you know, thanks for that, Rick. I'm looking at you. I'm going to throw that over to Carl. It's when it's when it's when it was away, they. It was away, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. Oh, they. Oh, tho, tho, they.h. Oh, they.h.h. Oh, they.h. Oh, hello, hello, they. Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello, the, hello, the, they. H. Oh, I don't normally buy the telegraph because it's too big in that, isn't it? So but they were giving it away for free on the plane so I thought ding-dull. Might as well have it. And I saw a couple of things in it and I thought that

that would be interesting. I saw this thing about the future and it was talking about evolution and what have you, right? Which I always find, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might, might thi, might thi, might thi, might thi, might thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, might as a, might mean? I sometimes think. You can't, you can't, by definition, evolution can't get things wrong. Things change that it's not successful, it can't pass on its genetic material or that, but if you're around, it's working. Slugs are as evolved as they need to be. Well, that's true enough. Yeah, yeah, no disrespect, but it works. It works. Sorry, what's your point, Carl? No, I mean, I think we probably would have been better off staying as a fish. Just because it's more water than land, didn't they? Right. And you wouldn't drown. This is why I went to bed. No I'm thinking of dozing off now. No, but it went, do you know what I mean? From, it was bacteria, it was fish, mermaid, man.

So anyway... So anyway... Oh God! Oh God! There are a few knowledge gaps in your theory evolution. Oh my mom. You generally got it right though. Basically, yeah, it went bacteria, fish, mermaid man. What next is the big question? So it was telling you all about this and what have you. And what have you? And say now, like, we shouldn't have interfered because maybe if we wouldn't have invented

planes and what have you, maybe we'd be able to fly and what have you if we really needed to and so like that. So we've interfered with evolution, you see. But then it was saying, well what's the future got? Well, yes, in one way we have interfered with evolution, yeah. The evolution of the human being in society is changing. It's not, it's no longer based on the strongest or the fisthift because medical science can keep us alive,, people can pass on their genetic material where without this civilization they wouldn't have been able to so yeah this there are different parameters there are different pressures there are different things that say whether we're going to pass my genetic reterial not okay so in that sense you're right and that Rick as far as I'm aware is led to a yogurt that you can eat and have a conversation with so this is is what it was saying, you know, we're living in mad times and that.

You know, there's a lot of weird stuff going on. One of which is, go on. And the fellow was just saying, you know, with computers and stuff like that the way it is, we'll be able to wake up. Go on. Have a chat with your yogurt? Because of the amount of... I mean, you have them yogurts already, those friendly yoguts. Those bacteria-friendly ones, so this is just a really friendly one. Yeah, they didn't...

Oh God, I'm my best! Do you know what sometimes, I think that we're having a chat with a yogurt. There can't be any difference. Yeah, but then I always reminded that would be more entertaining. It'll be more informative. God. XFM. X F. M. X. I'm going to see them next week. Looking forward to it. Yeah. Thanks again for letting me know about your old Nob and Edge.

I'm going to see them next week. We'll enjoy it. Thanks again for letting me know about the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that be that be that that that that that would be that be that be that be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that be that be that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that would be the that would be they. I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that would be that would be that that would be that would be that next week. Good to come and looking forward to it. Thanks again for letting me know about your old knobbo and Edge and all that. Now listen, you've just got an email there saying can you turn up your microphone, Steve? Apparently my voice is a little bit quiet. Carl has to do one thing, make sure we're heard. That's all he has to do. I can hear it. Sounds fine to me. Well not their their their their their their their their their their. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl is. Carl is. Carl. Carl has has has to. Carl. Carl is. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. the. the. can hear it. Sounds fine to me. Well not to the listeners and that's who we're trying to please. Yeah. It's one person so they can't hear. Yes, but we've only got one listener. So he's not happy. We're buggered. You're not thoubled to say bugger. Not twice, certainly. One's good a bit of a stay. Yeah, twice. Yeah. toy. toying. toying. th. th. th. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi's thoooing. thi. thin so thoooooo' they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's so they's they's they's thi. So thi. So thi. So thi. thi. thi. to to tooooooooooooo' tooo' tooo' too' Carl, Carl, you haven't told us about your holiday yet? You were meant to do it last week and you didn't? He started

spending this but we didn't have time because we had to do monkey news about a monkey who was a director who cared about lighting and stuff. Is there more monkey news this week? Uh, okay. Is it it real monkey news? Did it happen or is it mostly embellishment in your round little head? It's proper stuff. Yeah, okay, good. So holiday, where did you go on holiday? Uh, Sardinia. Good? Yeah, it's all right, yeah. Nice food and that, it's important, isn't it? Yeah. And nice beaches and what have you? Oh, it's like a nice long beach to walk down. Yeah? But, so we it's, it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. thoooooooooooooooo' th. It's th. It's th. It's thooooooo' their their their beaches and what have you? It's like a nice long beach to walk down. But, so we're having a nice walk, right? You know how nudists do me head in? Sure. Right? Not a problem though, is it? It's not a being scared of the spiders

where they might jump out under the chicken sink, kitchen sink, you know? I mean, it's not a big problem being having you had done in by nudists. Yeah but it's just it just annoys me it sort of ruins the day a little bit because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Right? Take clothes off you feel uncomfortable. It's much more relaxing. Yeah but well anyway right so I'm walking along the beach all the beach. I'll be a you watching the sea, picking up shells and that. And what are you wearing? What's your natural beach club? When he says picking up shows, I imagine he's on all fours going, oh, you know, looking at the things. Just like washing his nuts in the sea to get them task. Yeah, going into the sea and then kind of shaking himself and all the water flows off. I've just got you know flip-flops on pair of shorts and a little light shirt

sure so anyway walking along and Suzanne goes oh look I don't know it and there's this woman German I think coming out of the how could you tell you a German I'll get to it I'll get me under arm hair she came out we look like she was smuggling seaweed. I'm going to burst. Oh God. And the funny thing is right?

She, uh... Smuggling seaweed. Oh God. She was a bit hairy down there, was she? Mental. I felt bad because I hadn't had a shave for two days, right? Looked at her, just it was ridiculous. She might as well I kept her trunks on. It was just like she was wearing furry trunks. So anyway, so I'm walking around. So, so, Su's hands like, oh look and I'm like, oh not again, you know, because every time we go away there always seems to be one of these.

Is she by herself this woman? Well, the weird thing was, she was with her husband, right? But he had shorts on, he was happy, right? But every time, like, because I walked past her and he sort of, he's embarrassed, he's embarrassed. You know what I mean, there's, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the the they, they, they, they, they is, they???? It's, they? It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thi. It's, to, to, to, to, thi. It's, to thi. It's, thi. It's thi. It's always, thi. It's always, th. It's,'s embarrassed. You know what I mean? There's nothing normal about it. What can he do? He can't go, alright mate, because he knows it's odd. How old was she? How old was she? It's hard to tell and someone who hasn't got clothes on. You know what I mean? I always look older don't they when when they haven't got clothes on anyway but I'd say she was about 40 41. Right. So yeah so yeah so I walk past. So th. So that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's they. So they. So that's that's they. So they. So they. they. th. they. th. they. they. th. th. th. they. they. they. How old was they. How old was they was they was they was they was was was was was was was they was was was was was they was was was they. How they. How they. How th was th was th was th. How th. How th. How th. th. How th. How th. th. How th. th. th. How th. How th. How th. th. th. How old th. How old th. How old th. How old th. How old they. How old they. How old the they. How old they. How old the th. How old th. How old th. How old th. How old th walk past and the annoying thing is she got there on a bike right no clothes on little pair of boots next to the bike so if you can wear

boots just pop some shorts on you know what I mean that takes more effort for putting boots on put the shorts on right so anyway so the husband kept running off I walked past and I'm getting annoyed and I'm getting a noise and we've got to walk past them again on the husband kept running off. I walk past and I'm getting a nodding and saying, we've got to walk past them again on the way back. I like the fact that they ran screttling away when Carl walks past. Like when you lift up a bit of sort of iron sheeting in the woods and loads of mice run away. Yeah.

So whenever Carl goes, that new disc the news. back and what have you and you know I have another look and what have you and he runs off again. Why are you another look if it offends you so much? Oh you might as well just just have a look you know I mean it's just putting it on show and what have you? But the interesting thing was I just wondered whether the husband. If the husband were in you looked at his tackle because remember when you went to see there's two strippers and it was a woman and man and they whipped their shots off you said you looked at his tackle first I think any bloat would well you would you just check it out it's natural then you just go all right because you don't know if you don't know if you don't know if you've got it's right until you see someone else is no do you know what I mean

do you know what I mean yeah do you know what I'm toing because I was then, as soon as I saw her, sort of, today's been ruined a bit, so I'm walking up the beach with Suzanne going, how does it happen? Do you know what I mean? Why do people do this? What's, what fun are they getting out of it and a lot of you? And I just was thinking, is the the chance that fe a nudist until they went away. Do you know what I mean? Because I said to Suzanne, say if I met Suzanne, it's like we're getting on, yeah everything's fine and then you go off on holiday and you go, he you haven't got much luggage. She's like,

no, no, it's fine, this is plenty, and I'm thinking that's weird, and then we go down the beach and she whips the nickersk thick's off thii nothing I could do. Do you know what I mean? Sure. So I'm just wondering whether that's what happened to this fella. Every time someone came walking up he was like, oh God this is embarrassing. And he kept nipping off. Yeah. Finding something else to do. Look at some shows. Look at some shalves. So I'm wondering Rick if at some point maybe todododododod, maybe today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today to to to to to to to to to the to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I's that's. I's. I's. I's. I's that's that's. I's. I's that's. I's. I's th. I's the th. I's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I at some point maybe today or in future shows, we should get a nudist, you know, well as the official nudist spokespeople, you know, because all these nudist organisations, get them on the phone, justify themselves to Carl because, you know, in his mind, they are, what would you say, weirdos, freaks? I just don't, I don't quite get it. I was reading something in one of the supplements last supplements, thasuments, and thasuments, and ths, and ths, and ths, and ths, and ths, and th. weekend and some journalist went round to some whatever you call it some resort or whatever the first coffee news and that and it's just playing volleyball

well the only thing was bowls why is that annoying don't play a sport where you got a bend over ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Neil Young from the album Zuma and that's pardon my heart on XIV 104.9, Rickage of Ace team merchant, Carl Pilkington. We just had a text here that says, and I don't know what truth there is in this as ever, but John says there is apparently a nude bike ride today in Hyde Park. Now I can't believe that's the case because I don't think it's allowed is it? You can't ride around with your... I don't know. Why would you want to? Well, it's a good point. On a bike. A bike on the map that's what discussed to him.

Do you know what if we did appeal for a new list to call in, I've got a very specific sort, I don't I want a German newist, I thist, I thist, I'm thist, I'm thist, I'm thist, I'm th, I'm th, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm a th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm, I'm, I'm that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th, I'm, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, the the the th, th, the that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, their that, that, their that, their their thatist to call in. I want a very specific sort. I don't want, I want a German nudist, a mid-aged man called Helmut. Okay. If there is any or the closest one to it, so I want a mid-aged man from Germany. If your name is Helmut, you're in, but I'll accept, I'll accept Hans. Um, Carl would be good, right? Yeah. I think, I'm wondering I'm wondering if the age might, th. Maybe, th. Maybe, th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the to the to the to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their their their, their their their their their their their their their their th. I the. I need. I need. I need-n. I need-n. M. I need-oldeateat-oldeathea. M. M. I need-olde. M. I'm th. I'm their their their the Alright, yeah. I'm wondering if the age might, maybe we could we could be brought out. Okay, just a German, a German nudist bloke. Right. Could it at least be fat? Can I find a fat German fella? If your name's Halmer, we're going to give you a big prize.

Yeah. But, you know, any fat, German fella, throwne, thr his sausage out. Sure. Okay. It's Sarah Craig. Yeah. What's the phone number? Oh 871, triple 2, 1049. It'd be good just to get an email or a text though with a contact on like and then I can just call them up in the week. Sure. And uh... 83-936 is the text number. I think, I'm, I don't know what our audience demographic pans out like Rick, but I'm suspecting thatthat's probably a fairly small fraction of our listenership. I know, but you know, there must be someone out there, if you know a fat German who likes to get his tackle out, the phone's going. Just answer it, Carl, just pop that. Just answer it. Just see what it is.

It could be a nutter. It could be a nutter. It'll stay there won't we? He'll stay there. We'll answer it. Answer it. Leave it. Answer it! Oh, you see this? It's gone. There you go. He bottled it, so just as well. Well, you took too long to answer it, there. There's a vicar in Australia who's, who started sort of doing his services and all that, and nude. Hot on it out there. Where you get the churches, churches aren't, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches are their their churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches, churches are their their their, th. C. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. It's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. their, th. It's, it's, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, the the church? Churches aren't churches are pretty cold. It was on some website. Of course it was, yeah. Just saying about a vicar and that who's, uh,

there's a lot of nudists and that who want to get married. Do it, you know, you don't mess about with the wedding dress and that. Just snipp up. Gee, I suppose it's so, uh, I suppose if you believe in God, you believe that, uh, that's the way to be in it, because Adam and Eve in that. Yeah, but in Adam and Eve the shame made us so dress up, didn't it? Yeah, eating the apple and things. Yeah, but God didn't want that, did he? No, he wanted to see it all. He was loving it. He was having a wear a wear of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of time of time of time of the time of time of the time, the the the time, the time, the s time, the s their time, the s, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame. And the shame, the shame. And the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame. And the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, the shame, and the shame, and the s' the s' their their shame, and their shame, and their shame, and their shame, and their shame, and their s' their shame, and their the shame, and the shame, and their then they the snake can cover yourself up. Stitched him right up. So if you believe in God, which clearly I don't, do you believe in God, Carl?

Uh, don't really worry about it. There's ages ago, wasn't it? So, you know, if he's about, whatever, whatever. Not that bothered. Adam and Eve is pretty interesting. Well, how was it interesting? He made, he made, out of dust, then he, just because he could, he's having a laugh. Then he made her out of one of his ribs, again, he'd like to vary a little bit. Then they had two sons, which gave rise to the entire human race.

What was going on there then? What would have happened if they didn't get on? That's interesting. Sometimes with pandas they don't fancy the other one, do they? They go, well that's my choice. You've brought me one panda from Lisbon Zoo and I've got to chag that. What if I don't fancy of, what if they bring in a right slapper? Do you think that's it's the equivalent of like, um, Love Island, what I was called? I imagine it was like Celebrity Love Island. Yeah, and they're going, I am not shagging that slapper.

Every, every panda in the world has seen that dirty old mott in magazines. Why am I meant to mate with it? I've got some dignity. Are you talking about Adam there, I'm going to make the boobs tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th had any say, when God was making Eve, was he saying, make the boobs a bit bigger, would you? And then, I'm sort of, I'm blonde, I'm going to blondes really. I mean, I don't know, did he have any input or was it just... I don't know? Well I suppose it was one of his ribs. I knows I can do. Well he's probably in kind of intensive care, wasn't he?

With the whole... They're going, well, I can't just keep making the boobs and things bigger because their legs are short, I don't mind short legs. Yeah, I don't mind no legs. I don't mind no legs. If I'm going to the surname? Yeah, where'd they get their post from? Unbelievable. Now listen, before you play the next tune, we should just, we were trying to mop up some stuff from the last couple of shows which we haven't dealt with

yet, one of which is an obsession of yours because you're on a radio station, Ricky and I and I come in, we bring in CDs, we the music, we love, thi' their the music, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, before, before, before, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, the next, play, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, their, their, their, their, their, the next, the next, their, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, play, the next, the next, we adore it. You don't really care about music, you work at a radio station, it's just, you know, I don't care. No, I do, I do. I do like a good track. I don't like everything that comes out and everyone raves about. Yeah, you thought the iPod wasn't worth it because you named the five tracks you'd like. What was it? It was in the ghetto, Babushka, living in the city. killing a Georgie and there was one other one somewhere and you just only like songs with a story. Yeah but then there's a reason to listen to it anyway. No because you might forget the ending, listen to it again. Yeah anyway you've been listening to Babushka quite a lot is that right because you've really got into your head now you're trying to decipher the story. Well when I've been sort of asking for songs with stories people have to the emailed in and whatever and I've had a couple you know last time we did the show so I've gone oh that sounds interesting and Babushka

when I was away on holiday I listened to it a few times because I like the story it's got a little story going on you've got some thoughts on it the true have you have a listen to the track don't know, she's ugly or something, aged badly and her husband gets bored with her, have a listen to it. Next FM. magic one of five point four and all those actors 1979 Kate Bush Babushka. So we would like your suggestions for songs which have stories in them which may entertain Carl because shoot to the top of his list. What do you think that Carl that has a little story there? Uh I like it but... So she she tests her

husband yeah she writes him letters she gets a letter back it's pseudonym, Babushka's a pseudonym, it's not a real name, a real name is Molly Strenk from Ealing. And he responds, he goes, oh, he's, you know, so in real terms, he's, he's, he's, he's, you know, he's having a bit of an illicit affair behind her back back because she doesn't notice his wife so he goes oh I take his bit further see how far he go he turns up she turns up she you know he gets on with her and he's falling for her because she's acting like she used to act you know it's just was he just playing along was he like a no no no it's not because they'd have said that in the song they don't they'd have said tho they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd they'd have they'd have they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd their their their their their their their their their their their their their the to to the theeeeeeeeee to they'd they're they're they're they're they're their they're they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they't they? But it wasn't. Kate Bush would have said, and by the way, he's playing along. She'd have given us a clue.

He's not, he's falling for it. She went long incognito, he thought it was another woman. But how much work can you do to yourself to, say, say like, I wrote a letter to Suzanne, right? was you, it'd have egg stains on it, it would be spelled wrong. And you'd sign it car, crossed out Babushka. I wrote to a, I wouldn't pick Babushka. I don't have a ridiculous name, that wouldn't have worked anyway. You just get a vision in your head of, I wouldn't have answered a letter from someone called Babushka. It's not the point. If Kate Bush is listening, please call in. If Kate Bush and to have a conversation with you. I mean that would be good. Forget Helmut, no no Helmut, you keep trying, a fat German, we want Kate Bush and a fat German. What I mean is though? Now wait a minute, what worries me is he didn't answer

the last phone call? What if Kate Bush does think? What if anyone knows Kate Bush, give her a call now, if she's probably not listening, she's probably doing yoga or something I imagine or making a lentil suit or maybe just like re-potting some plants, right? But or practicing piano, right? But if anyone knows Kate Bush, got a number, call her up now, say, tune into XFM, there's a little bald mank fella wants to talk to you about Babushka. But, but how much? The phone's going, that could be Kate Bush you mentioned don't worry about it That could be Kate Bush I'm not a factor isn't it okay answer it

Okay after it XFN XFN 104.9, Ricky Jovee, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Carl, 2 o'clock, let's get Rockbusters rolling. I should just, if people aren't familiar with Rockbusters, then someone has actually sent in one of their own to test Carl. They've used, I think, the same principle that Carl has, which is, you know, utterly random. As you said before, you know, really just try to think of something that he might be thinking off.

Sure, sure. So I'm going to, I mean, she's done it quite coherently, but I'm wondering if I should sort of say it more, as Carl might say, you know, just slightly less. Yeah, it's slightly less coherent. So, um, Carl, this, this, th. C, th. C. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thin. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just just just just just, just just, just just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. It's th. I's th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I's th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi. Yeah, this is one for you, all right? Go on. You know, it's Sunday morning, you know, I'm just, you know, I'm in bed, but I don't sleep, you know, like, Holly Oaks is on, the omnibus, I'm just watching that, you know, I've got to make a lovely cup of tea, I'm going to dunk in my tea, have I? You know what I mean? I've got anything to dunk in there. I'm just, you know, what am I doing? Is it LV? It's LR? Oh. LR. So, have a think about that one, Carl? I think I know it. Do you? Go for it? Go on. Is it Lionel Rich Rich? Rich? R? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? So? So? So? So? So? So? th. It. It. So? th. It? th? th. It? th. th. th. It. It? th. It? th. It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? Is? It? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is. It? Is. It? Is. It? Is. It? Is. It is? Is. It is? Is. L. It is? I? Is. L. L. L. It's? th. It's? th. It's? th. It? It? It? It? It? It? It? Is. It? Is. It is Lionel Richie. What's your logic? Sort of lying in, lying ill, and it's like... No, no rich tea. No rich tea. No rich tea. No rich tea. It works. It's just... We've done one a little bit like it. No rich tea. It's not a little bit like it. What's it? What's it? the out of it. It's not. It's just a little bit like it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's just just just just just just just just just just like. It. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It. It's like. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's like. It. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the wrong with that? I cannot believe you got it. I cannot believe you got it. I might not have got it without the initials, but that's why we chucked them in just to help

you along them. So we've got. So we've got three of them. Oh by the way, don't bother calling in Kate Bush because Carl doesn't want to answer the phones. He says Kate Bush is not going to the call. He's not going to call to call to call to call to call the to call the the the call the call the call the call the call the call the call their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is their their their is not going. their is their is their is their is their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is not. But. But their is not. But their is not. I is not. I's their is not. I's their is not. I's th. I's th. I's tuc. I's tuc. I's tuc. I's tuc. I's tuc. I tuc. I thu. I's thu. I's thu. I thu. I didn't even get the sound right because someone's complained about the couldn't hear Steve. He's got to do monkey news, which is always twaddle and he won't even answer the phones now, so I don't know why he gets paid. He takes off Mondays. He gets paid for Saturdays. He takes five weeks holiday a year. Not off Mondays. Not off Mondays. Right. Right, um, right then the first one, uh, there's a vehicle that sells kebabs, right? Right? There's a vehicle that sells kebabs, initial D. Right, we work that one out.

Of course I haven't. Right, the second one. You're asked if you want that bit of the egg. You are? You're asked if you want that bit of the egg. You think about it, but we sort of decide against it. And again? What's going on there? You're asked if you want that bit of the egg.

You think about it, no, I don't go against it. I've got it. Is an issue's an issue W-Wy-Wy-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-Wy-W-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what's-what's-what's th-what's tho-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you're that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's? that's? that's? that's? that's? that's? that's? that's? that's-you. th? th? What's-what. th? What's-what. th? What's-what? What's-a-what-what-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-w-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ha-a-ha-ha-ha-ha-woo-a-a-w it an issue W-O-Y-O? Yeah. Got it. Right, so. Okay. That one, that one works? No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. And the last one, I don't think this burger will catch on. I don't think this burger will catch on. I don't think this burger will catch on. Yeah, and the other th is M. So you just text or email in with the answers and win some stuff. What have we got? We've got some prizes. We've got another box set of the League of Gentlemen. This is instant gratification, but you go into a draw for some bigger.

So what we got today? Yeah, well today, this is what you're today, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the answer, and the, and the the the the the the the the the the ta, and, and, and, ta, ta, ta, ta, toda, today, tha., tha.a, toda, tha.a, tha.a, tha. tha. tha. today, and, and, and, and, and, they collection on DVD that's not worth having definitely we've got Katarick which is the current Vic and Bovolfe show on BBC 2 which is good the aviator the the award-winning Leonardo DiCaprio Mike's Cossi's got a copy of Ladd of 49 I'm sure we can tick with a toy and yeah yeah we'll give that way yeah yeah apparently got a job look we got got lots of excellent email in if you just want a to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. the the they. the the the, because Carl does not answer the phones. And remember, the winner goes forward into the chance to win the big prizes. The signed Homer Drawing, the signed Nigel Tufnal poster, and you go to Ricky Gervais.com and see Matt Groening actually drawing that to verify it. But Lloyd Carl won't never verify it. But Lloyd Carl won't... never wrote anywhere anywhere, is it? Is it? Rick, I'm just...

Rick, I'm just a boy against the world. Lloyd Carl, Impossible Girl, an XFM 104.9. Wow. Rick, I'm just reading an email we've had, and it is indeed true. Scores of naked cyclists will be wheeling around London today in a mass protest against oil dependency. The world naked bike ride will see the arresting side of up to 200 daring riders bearing all in their cycle past some of the capital's most famous landmarks. I've they got to wear an helmet. I'd they against wearing an helmet. Well I don't, I think they're trying to try to make a statement a to make to make to make a to make a to make a to make a to make a helmet to make a helmet to make a helmet to make a helmet to make a statement, I would imagine I don't know. Well, they don't have to wear a helmet, it's not law to wear a helmet on a bike, it's for

your own safety, it's sensible, you're right, yeah. Obviously sensible to just pop some pants on. Pop some pants on. Are you going that's going on? Oil dependency? I think you know generally we're consuming too much oil aren't we in the world and it's going to run out one day and we've not totally alternatives. Talking of campaigns and things and that, did you see Sir Bob on Jonathan Ross last night? Sir Bob Gowd. Sir Bob Gowd to Edinburgh or the South France car? What do you think of all this? the G8? I think it's good that, you know, he's doing some stuff for the world and what have you, but I probably won't bother. No. I mean, having a walk. What do you make of all this, their all his campaigning? He's dedicated his life to this now, isn't he? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's interesting. I was watching him last night and I respect them on I mean he used to work here, didn't he? Did some shows and that? It's good. It's all right

that he can do it, but... I assume that's not why you respect him. I assume he's respecting him because he's trying to save a nation as opposed to he used to work an X of him for a while. Yeah, I know, but I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just just just just just just just just I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just I'm just just just just just that I'm just saying I'm just saying I'm just saying I'm just saying I'm just saying saying saying saying, I'm just saying saying, I'm just saying that's just saying saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that he's given up a lot of his time to you know try and save the world and that but you know there's a bit of me that's kind of like you know is he wasting his time a bit right what do you mean wasting his time? Well he's try it before and no wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what he's trying is that the G8 are the I think the seven most wealthy nations in the world and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia and Russia they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their they their they their they th thi thi thi thi. they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi try try try try try try try try try try that's that's that's that's that's they they're they're they're they're they're and Russia and they get together and they can they can wipe out the third world debt. I mean they owe the billions and billions of pounds they can't afford to pay it back so he can say this just wipe the slate clean and pledge I think a lot more aid and stuff to them isn't it so what do you think of that?

But won't they just do it again? Right, what's you thinking? No, I just mean... I knew I had a little diamond in the rough ear. I mean, obviously, yeah, I admit, I brought this up because I really wanted to know what Carl thought of it. Sure. Yeah, I had all teary him, because it wasn't just for awareness, for the very worthy cause. It was because I know. Look at him, look at him, it, I, the the their, their, their, their, their, they, they, they, they, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I've thi, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a thi, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I knew, I knew, I knew, I'm not, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I'm, I knew, I'm, I knew, I knew, I'm, I knew, I'm a th it looks really like a cat honestly it's like there's nothing behind those eyes right what do you mean they're just gonna run up with that again you think well what I mean is right when I was a kid right I wanted to go to the arcade I'd borrow a quid off me man right

and she said don't come back asking for more and what have you but i'd have have a to go a thi i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i'm it. i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i and then go back and she goes, can I have some more money? And she goes, we have your quid before, and I go I know, but I'm on holiday and she goes, there you go then. And then I go off and do the same thing. I didn't go, no, I'll waste of the last one, I'm going to pop this in the bank. Right. So you think that the Africans are blowing it down the arcade instead of putting it towards a fishing rod they're blowing it down the arcade they're trying to they are trying to win a watch look I've got a hundred goals I think this thing is dodgy I'm trying to win a fluffy toy as you start yeah Bob saying you're never going to get the Snoopie you never get the snoopie it's always always always the core it's going it's going the core it's going the core it's the core the core the core the core the core the core the core the core the core the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is thoing is the the thoing is the th is the th is the the th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th is th is th is th is the Snoopy. It's never going to get the Snoopy. It's always going to fall out of the little core before he gets to the top.

Do not waste them. Oh, no, Midge. Midge, you have the writer song. Writz, ma'am, they've flown it down the arcade. Brilliant. So that will never happen? Could I just say to London, and anyone listening on Saturday? Yeah, don't worry, Carl is not going to be put in charge of G8.

It's not going to be him Blair, Zirac. That would be a joy if it would. But anyway, let's assume for what in some alternate universe, you are thua, you, you, you, you, you, you, you are in charge. What would you do? Monkeys obviously, it's like play of the apes. What's that what are you what are you going to do? You're the only you know, only person with a posable thumbs. What's your solution? Uh, we've done a lot of it. We've sent.

You know, money out there. We've sent them clothes and that. Yeah. I mean have you? It's gone. You say we have you said I've done loads for charity. Go on. Oh loads I've done loads of stuff. Go on. What stuff you don't want anymore? Yeah junk you mean? Well yeah but it's it'll be all right for them. I mean I said to you the other day like when they collect clothes through all the day I don't know my stuff's going to fit them the their their their their... their. their. their. I their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their stuff. I'm their stuff. I'm their stuff. I'm. I'm their stuff. I'm. I'm. I'm. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the to the t. I've t. I've t. I've the the the tole. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I've their when they collect clothes through all the day I don't know none of my stuff is going to fit them well. But what but the thing is I do loads of charities I do loads of things like I pay for tools you know I do that thing a monthly payment of a Fiver paying for you know toolbox and that for someone out there I help old people which I'm going to stop to be honest why? Because um do you know this you know this this this this this this this this is this is this is this is a this is a this is a this is a this is a th is a th is a th is a their th is a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their. their their their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thoooo. I th. I thooooo. I th. I thoooo. I th. I'm their their their their their th. I'm going to stop to be honest. Why? Because, do you know this thing I do Steve, right? This is a five-month as well, right? Got stopped in Messer Square one day. He said,

oh, there's a little old woman somewhere. She's cold, are you going to help her out? So I was like, oh, why me? So anyway, so they said it's easier if people look after one old woman, right? So, why me? I have look after this old woman called I don't know call the name tune or whatever it doesn't matter so it does to her but God so uh so anyway so I'm paying this five a month and the first five you know first time I paid I got this thing in the post right and it had you know thanks a lot Carl you're looking after June here she is you know, thanks a lot, Carl. You're looking after June. Here she is, you know, here's a little picture of and she's sat there, what have you? With a cardigan on and stuff like that. Every five pound you pay, you know, it'll be cheering her up, and you know, look after her,

pay for a food and what have you? So, for a bit, you feel good, don't you and you think, well, I've a dummy a dummy a dummy a dummy, thummy a dummy, thu, thu, thu, thu, and you're, and you're, thin, thin, and you're, thin, thin, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're a bit, thin, and you're a bit, and you're, and you're, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you're, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tha'''''''''''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a, tha'a, tha, tha, tha, tha, don't you, and you think, well, I've done a bit for the world. Anyway, two months later, get another package, right? Picture a June in there again. She's got a tan. So he's saying, he's saying you're paying to keep her warm. No, they meant a week in a Yorker or whatever. And this is what I mean, people took them, because didn't get away with it. I don't don't,to start! That isn't having to go though. I think so what do you think you think they're going don't bother don't bother getting a job running they gout off a bit and they're going to go out for me it's difficult isn't it? It's difficult, isn't it? It's difficult

so you think Sir Bob should just wash his hands of the whole of the whole affair? You think it? You th of th of th of th of th. You th. You th. You th is th is th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi. Don't tho tho' that that thi. Don't th thi. Don't thi. Don't thi. Don't thi. Don't they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. Don't thi. Don't thi. Don't thin thin thin. Don't tho' thin. Don't tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thi. Don't thi. Don't thi th is that what you're saying? So you should just leave them to it. Just leave them to it. Let them sink ever more into debt, ever more into hunger. You just think that should just carry on. Do you know what I think is saying? I was thinking, I think, I think, I think, now I'm not the words of your mouth. Are you saying they blew the last lot, they're the last, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, than, to, to, than, than, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin', thin' thin' thin' thin', thin' thin' thin' thin' tho, thin' tho, tho, tho, tho, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thoan, thinking? No. What are you thinking? I'm not thinking anything like that. All I was thinking is about this gig, it might have been better to do it like rather than, I don't know, ruining a grassfield in Edinburgh and that. Do it out in Africa, right? Get people out there. Get people out there. Do you know what I mean. their their tho. Get people their tho. Get people their tho. Get people their th. th. th. th. tho. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. I'm thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm not thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. the tourist up. Do you know what I mean? Get a load of people out there. They've got loads of... I don't reckon he's going to get people to walk to Edinburgh. I very much doubt people are going to fly to Addis Ababa to see Coldplay. Cheap flights and what have you? Right? Hot dog stands and that. Locals will love that. Job done. Brilliant. Let's put him in charge the live live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they th. they th. th. th. they're th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they they they they they they they're their their their their their their their their their tho. I tho. I their their their the thooooooooooooooooooooo. I to to to to to to listening, I know you respect him because he used to work

on XFM. If you're listening, I would love, oh my God, a conversation Bob Galdoff talking to, forget Kate Bush, forget how much. Can Bob please call in and speak to Carl? No one call except Bob so we know it's Bob calling. Right, get on the phone number. What's the phone number? Can't we talk to him next week week. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the tho. the the the tho. the the tho. the tho. the thoo. thoo. too. too. Bobe. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob, get on the phone. What's the phone number? Can't we talk to him next week? He might be busy next week? He's got stuff to organize. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. We can talk to us next week. I'm not going to go through the phones, it's mental. All right, what we're having? A bit of killers. Yeah. The killers, somebody told me on XFN 104. I tell you what, talking of starving, I went to what is meant to be the best restaurant in the world on Wednesday, yeah. Sure. You must be famished.

Well, Jonathan Ross, booked a table there. It came out. I think he's been trying to get there for a while and I think it's a weight in this and and everything right. And he's going to walk straight in. He can walk straight in with that. And me and Jay went along with him and Jane voted the best restaurant in the world, right? And it was incredible. I mean it's a cross-train restaurant and sort of barn them. They, you know, just incredible food. But all the way there I'm thinking, well, I can't

eat stuff in normal restaurants. I can't eat, I don't eat red meat, I'm screamish about things like seafood, anything that's a little got too many legs or was a crustacean once or feeds on worms it was I knew that they were one of their signature dishes was snail porridge so I'm thinking I'm not gonna be able to eat anything here so I was thinking I had something to eat before I went and I was thinking they better not have mucked around the bread right got there beautiful and it was it was it was it was really quite fantastic and I let them know straight away that I was a Philistine and they really accommodated me you know I didn't have the snail porridge they they put mushrooms in my snail porridge which was more of a result and there's tasting menus and that and it was it was

it was really fantastic but Jonathan half way through on the way there I don't like to the way there I don't like travel well on the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way that I that I th that I that that that that th that that that that that that th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that I that I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the they they they they they they they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they it was it was really fantastic but Jonathan halfway through on the way there I don't like travel well on the way there he actually phone me and said why are we taking you to this restaurant good point very good point they know even if I go around there they cook me sausage and mash or do you know what I mean well you are you have the palette of one of those kids from the Jamie Oliver school dinners program who's they've got the lovely Jamie Oliver cooked you know kind of Rattattatooi but they're going for the sort of chicken twislers.

Well it's not normal chicken, I like chicken I like the chicken I can eat. I'm scream as well red meats. It's nothing I've really, it's a mixture of, it's not morals, there's only one thing I don't eat morally, that's real. But the other thing else is just like, if it's got eyes and legs and things sticking out of it or the same... But it hasn't got eyes and legs sticking out of it. What are you talking about? I mean, it just infuriates. I actually got to a point now, I you go to an award stew they bring out lovely food, you know, three courses and you're winging. You're always winning which is

hardly cooked followed by lamb. Lovely bit of lamb who doesn't think lamb is the best of all the meats. Oh. And you just, you know, I don't want to you know bad mouth people. And you just, you know, you're just, you know, I suspect it's your family. I'm, the, you, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, you're, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, you're always, the, you're always, you're always, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're always, you're, you're, you're always, you're, you're, you're, you're, always, always, always, the, always, always, always, the, always, the, the, always, the, the, the, always, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. the, always, always, always, always, know, and I tell you, and I put it in the, you know, I don't, I don't want to, you know, bad mouth people, but I suspect it's your family, I suspect it was your upbringing, I imagine, you know, I imagine that if I came to your house, you know, late six, early seven years, you know, late six, you know, late six, early on, you know, the, hours a day just bubbling away. I used to eat beef and pork and that and I used to have to eventually when I was getting sort of squeamish and getting older I'd make a burn it so much that it was just like chewing on a piece of leather anyway where I couldn't I couldn't stand the sight of blood or so. A salad in your eggs would have been a pickled onion and a packet of crisps. No a salad in my house right was when it was summer we're out in the garden grated cheese, grated egg, two bits of beetroot with your leave, a pickled onion and a packet of crisps.

And that was a salad. And that was a salad. Do you agree that that is probably the reason why you've got this palette? I don't even, it's not even a palate. I've got more squeamishes I've got older. Because I said, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat, I used to eat to eat, I used to eat to eat, I used to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat about it. I can eat like, you know, it has to be blasted, it has to be unrecognized to be an animal. You know what I mean? I mustn't see a bit of pink or a bit of fat. So if we were in biblical times and you're there and Jesus Christ has just fed 40, thousand with some fishes and some loaves, you'd be thirtying, I, I, I, I, I, I, thousand, that, that, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it has that that that that that that that that that that has that has thathea, it has thee thee there's there's there's there's there's has there, it has there, it has there, it has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that has that, it has that, it has that, it has that, it has that, it has to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to bethe head off cook could really take the skin off I there I can see a bit of spine and unless that bread is mighty white I'm not interested in yeah but the

thing is what he has not said is what he gets frustrated you have to go from restaurant to restaurant for something I can eat but the reason we've only got about three restaurants to that because he doesn't want to spend more than a five at lunchtime. At lunchtime? If I was going out of an evening you'd spend a decent about a wallop but lunch time why would I spend? You'd be happy to spend 20 quid on lunch. Imagine that every single day. There's no one out there who's eating lunch 20 quid a day on lunch. It's crazy you don't need that much food at lunch because we're under I don't know what I what I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't know what I don't know what I don't know what I don't know what I don't know what I don't know what I don't I don't I don't know what I don't I don't know know know know I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I that I I I don't I I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't know what I don't know what what what what I don't know what what what what I don't know what I don one thirty we're trying to work we're trying to write TV shows and you're dozing off like one of those giant anacondas that's just

eating a sheep and it's slowly digesting it takes like three weeks he doesn't eat Carl he does not like this but he'd go he'll walk to time. I don't want to bring you back up again. Here's the situation, Carl. I let you 50P and you decided you weren't going to pay me back. It should be to my discretion if I didn't say don't worry about it Carl. You should offer me the 50P, go, there's that 50P, and I'll go, don't worry about it, but you didn't even do that. Yeah, it's the way, I's the way, I's the way, I's the way, I's the way, I's the way, I's the way, I's the way, I's tha, I's tha, I's thirty. I's thirty. I's thirty. I' th. I'm, I'm, th. I'm, th. th. I'd to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. I thi. I the. I the. the. the. the. thea. the. the. 50-a. 50-a. 50-50. 50-a. the. thea. thea. to-I. to-I. to to-a't think I've got it at the moment or whatever. Rubbish. You're going through my pockets and that. It's very ridiculous. You just giving him a keg of beer for free, didn't you?

Well, let's not go over it again. I mean. I just think that value for money is important. Like, now, okay, so for instance, in the morning pounds 50. All right and then at 930 when the clock, literally on the clock takes over to 930, it's 4 pounds 70, right? Now sometimes I'll get there, I'll be about 20 past 9. Now you'd be saying to me, oh I just spend it, just spend it, and I'm thinking I've got 10 minutes, I'll perhaps that situation Rick, if you were there, right, and let's say you had three minutes to wait before 930, what would you do? Would you stand there and wait? No, because waiting to me is worse

than anything. It's madness. I can't stand Q and I can't say, no, I'd pay you. How long would it have to be before you wait? If tho? If it was, I was, th. If it was, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, let's that, let's that, th. th. to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. that, let that, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, let that, let that, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's say, let's say, let's say, let's say, let's say, let's say, let's say, let's say, let's say, let's that, let's If they literally said if you wait 30 seconds it's true I go all right well that is the case that literally yeah okay but not 10 minutes now. What about you Carl? I feel if it was 30 seconds I'd feel flash going I'd spend three part but if it was like a couple of minutes I go I doesn't matter I just I just I just I just wouldn't about this yeah think about how that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th I th I that's that's tho tho thoes thoes the the the the thoes tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is thus thou toa tot's tot's tot's tot's tot's tot's tot's tot's tot's tot's tot's thoe is just just just just just just just just I the is just just just the the Yeah, think about how that tots up over the years. Amazing. How about you, Carl, would you do it? It depends, I mean, what your job isn't that? If you're a doctor, you've got to go and save someone or ever, you can't say, oh, just you can't say, oh, just 10 minutes. It depends. It depends. Most of the time, time I've got to get him work earlier. I can't get their their their their their, I've got got their, I've got him do one day, right? I've seen him for one whole day. He went away, he fell asleep at quarter to eight in the bath because he was knackered. So, you know, he has five weeks on the year.

He's taking the piss. It is. Ex-Fieldy. Ex-Fieldy. Feeder, he's a fie-t. pushing the senses. Quite a food-related sort of show. It is. You're thinking of gluttony. Did you see in, I think it was Heat Magazine. It was former Pop Idol winner, Michelle McManus. Oh yeah. She's lost a lot of weight. Oh yeah, she does five challenges. Please see that the headline was I used to eat 12 packets of Doritos a night. At night. 12 packets. I just like the idea that you got to 11 packets and you're the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the th. the the the th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's the th. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th the idea that you've got to 11 packets and you're thinking one more do it yeah yeah oh some

unbelievable but someone sent in a couple of odds-none's new stories you know they've gleaned off the web and apparently yeah Britain's fatest family have shared 23 stone they yeah they're the five of them the five of the filts the philets family from Worcester weighed more than a th a th a th th th their 20 their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. How th. How th. How th. Oh. Oh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the. How the. How the. How the. How theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the. So so so the's the of them, oh come on, the five of them, the Phillips family from Worcester weighed more than a hundred stone. Jesus, how many are there though? They spent five of them and they spent £300 a week on food. An evening meal consisted of an all you can eat Chinese buffet and another ice cream stop at McDonald's.

The mum, she was generally happy like Carl is, but she said she used to get upset when she couldn't buy clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes their clothes th couldn't buy clothes for her kids because the shops didn't stock anything above XXXXXL. But it says Mitchell 13 was the heaviest of the three, weighing 27 stone. By the age of four he was Britain's fattest toddler, weighing 10 stones. Is that competition still going? He broke five bikes.

He broke five bikes by buckling the wheels. I know you're always kind of fat kids, Carl. Chasing an ice cream van. But the bike just fell apart. Yeah. Wow. Maybe now he's on that new bike ride, you know, because he's lost some weight. Oh, that'll be painful, wouldn't it, if one of them buckles. Well, I've got another food-related item here. Now, Carl, I got a little email via my agent sent from someone here, okay, sent from someone at XFM, okay, and I want to say it was she just said I thought

this might be good for Ricky to use on Saturday. And obviously what happened is Suzanne has sent you an email in the week, it was Wednesday, and you've returned it but I think you've returned it to the wrong email address. She returned to someone here who of course immediately forwarded it to my agent for Ridicule on the show. Don't panic, it's nothing that bad, okay. It's an email from Suzanne talking about your tea that night. Was Suzanne out on Wednesday night? Was the England game, isn't it? Yeah. So you were alone, you were home alone where you went to night? Did you enjoy your meal? Was it a keesh?

Go on? Right. From Suzanne, to Carl, take the kish and put it on the baking tray. Cut for 30 minutes on 190. Take lettuce and put on plate. Take three tomatoes, wash and chop into quarters. Place on lettuce. Take an avocado, chop in half. Remove the stone. Peel skin and slice, place on salad, put salt and pepper on and a dribble of olive and balsamic vinegar dressing, right, in brackets small bottle behind the cafeteria, right in case he's reaching for bleach. Yeah, that's it, everything else away, Right? Then sprinkle a smidged parmesan on top. Remove keys from oven, cut into quarters and put on plate. Eat. Oh wow. Does she have to do that every single time? She's like... No, it's just that, I'm not that good at cooking, right?

And to be honest, that was a lot of hard work. I didn't bother warming it up. And I did without the avocado. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I, why? I, I, I, I, I, I'm? I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the that? I. the the the th. the that? I'm? I'm th. th. that, th. th. t. t. t. t. too. t. too. t. t. too. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th be honest that was a lot of hard work I didn't bother warming it up. And I did without the avocado. Why? Why? Too much messing about. He didn't even do that with instructions it was too much. But I'm not that good at cooking and that. That's not cooking though is making the kiche. Yeah but I'm just, I'm not that good. Could you have figured that's like a keish that's cooking it is making the kiche? Yeah but I'm just... See do you could you have figured that

and she left that note for you? Why does she have to tell you what the olive oil and bison and vinegar was? Because I've put sort of cooking oil on my food once and I said alright it's good. It's ever since right years ago. It was ever since I put, years ago. I'm gonna die! Years ago, it even Mr. McGill at home. It was ever since I put sausages in the toaster. That, uh... What do you mean? I need to set the front of him.

Because, do you know, like when you're grilling food in a pan and all like, yeah, sort of sausages, and it goes everywhere, and it makes everywhere greasy. So I thought, well, just want to warm them up, bung them in the toaster. Yeah. What happened? I got stuck and this is caught on fire, I imagine. Well, she came in just as I was sort of plunging it and what had you came in from work. So what are you doing? What are you, I'm not having to, I'm having to a sausage. Well, the oven isn't on, I, I, I, I, I, I isn't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've the oven isn't, I've the oven, I've the oven, I've the oven, I've the the the they, I've they, I've they, I've their, I've their, I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've they, I've they, I've th. I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, in and that. But I've never been into it, I've never been into cocking in that at school and stuff, I don't bother doing it. Oh God! Every time Suzanne comes home, she must think, please be the house still there. Please not let me hear a fire engine as I come

around this corner. Oh God, she comes to go, oh God, thank God. I bet she's always happy to see you when she gets over and you haven you when you when you when you when you when you when you haven you haven you haven you haven you haven you haven't you haven't you haven't you haven't you haven't you haven't you haven't you haven't you haven't you haven't you have you you you you you the their you have their their their their to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their to to their to the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to to to to to to the when she gets over and you haven't burned the place down or introduce some howl and monkeys or something. Unbelievable. What I find extraordinary is there are people who are in sort of care in the community who don't need instructions on how to prepare for them. Well they do, they can do it, yeah. They show them once. Yeah, they don't. Whatever you don't buzzards it and the toaster. Yeah. What if they, they put their fingers in. Are we doing rockbusters on so?

Oh, it's what London's waiting for. I'll tell you what, we'll play a song and do thea. Why not? It's worth waiting for. Plus, are we still got monkey news to come? Yeah. Rocksy music with the old Dylan classic Hard Rains on XFM 104. Mixing it up, just mixed up, mix the matching. We've got a bit of Roxy Music, we don't care, do we have a bit of Roxy Music, we don't care? We'll write up today with some of the latest tracks from Feeder and the like, so...

Yeah, big time. But it's what I've been waiting for is the rockbuster dancers. That's right. All right. Okay give us the clue, give us the answer. Right then. First one. Oh, because we haven't got along for monkey news. Donovan. Donovan. First one. There's a vehicle over there. There's a vehicle over there that's changed. It's changed. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there. There's a there's a vehicle. There's a there's a there's a there's a there's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there. There's a there. There's a their. There's a their. There's a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the their. It's a their. It's a their. There's a the D yeah what is it that that was Donovan Donovan okay alright yeah okay yeah good I'll give you that I'll give you that yeah second one that's a real clue well they got it like he always do so they're always real clues second one you're asked if you want that bit of the egg right you think about it then you decide against it I think I know this one what was the initial again why oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that bit of the egg, right? You think about it, and you decide against it. I think I know this one. What was the initial again? Why, oh?

Is this John Lennon's wife, Yoke O-No? Yeah, that's it. I think that was a name, Yoke, O-no. Yeah, no. No, no, no. Oh, no. So you say it to what, you stuck her? So it's yoke, oh, oh no. No, no.

My name's yoke, oh, oh no. Yeah, yoke, oh, no. Listen to the clue again. No, no. Listen to the egg you look at all the other bit now yoke oh oh no oh no yoke oh no yoke oh no yoke yeah go yeah okay yeah yeah yeah the next next yeah and the last one was uh I don't think this burger will catch on that was initial m mack fly yeah right so there's your three clues it won't catch on well he'd want to eat that that there's your three clues. What's what I mean? It won't catch on. Well, who'd want to eat that?

You know what I mean? It's like a Macburger or whatever? Mac, Mac chicken? Mac fly? Don't want one. Put it back. I'll have a chicken. All right? So who's got the, who's got the three then? Well done to Ian Shillam from Lansfield who's got all his answers right amazingly and he goes he wins all those great prizes including Ladder 49 starring Joaquin Phoenix and John Travolta which I don't think anyone's ever seen. 49 of them. And he wins that but he also goes forward as you say to the big draw which will come up at the end of the island. It's some to win the assigned Homer saying I Carl because he's stupid like me and you can see Matt Groening drawing that to know it's real on Rikita's.com and you can win that and

a signed Nigel Tuffinel poster. Brilliant. It's a Ricky and Steve Classic on XFM Sugar if I can't change your mind. Brilliant. So listen it's time isn't it? We've only got a few minutes left so you better play the jingle. It's a Ricky and Steve Classic on XFM Sugar if I can't change your mind. Brilliant. So listen, it's time isn't it? We've only got a few minutes left, so you better play the jingle. Oh, chimpanzee that! Monkey News!

So Monkey News, if you've only just started listening to the show. Oh, you're poor fool. Monkey News is where Carl reports for us all the latest monkey activity. A headline or a word or someone, someone, someone's, Obey overheard in a pub and then totally embellishes it and makes it ridiculous and impossible. He believes it though. He believes every word he's saying. Let me say that before you hear, when you hear this,

I haven't heard it, Twoggle, remember, Carl totally believes it. Go on. Right, so anyway, right, I think it's in in LA this happened, right? I think, why does he think? So these people are in a in a restaurant having a lovely meal. There's one of them short and hairy but it goes totally covers them top to bottom in a spacesuit so he didn't know it was a monkey. It's not one of the customers, one of the waters. So they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're th is is is th is th is thi, so, so, so, so, so, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, thi, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, they's is not? they's they're, they're not, they're not, they're not, they're, they're not, why, why, they're not, why, why, why,the best sort of dinners of ad right? So the waiter comes over and it's like you know can we just say that I had a lovely meal and that? Right it's the chef. Because it's because it's because he's the chef. So can we just you know see the guy who cucked it? their cucked. Coyn't. So this is a short fellow hairy. the the the the the the the the the the the the thoompern. thozy. th so th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. the the the the tho. the waiter. tho tho thu. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the waiter. Can we'll just the waiter. Can we're the waiter. Can we're the waiter. Can we're the waiter. thu. thu. th. thu. th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He's is. He's is just. He's c. He's c. He's c. He's c. He's ttttoy. He's ttttttttttttoda. He's ttttoda. He's tttoday. ttoday. today today ttoye the waiter said look he's busy you know he's got meals to cook and what have you, he hasn't really got time, so they only took a minute, he says no I prefer you, you know, so this is a restaurant in LA that says brilliant food? I'll pass, I'll pass your message on and what have you, right?

So um, so um, so it sends for a monkey P. Oh yeah, so they're going. They go out to the car and they notice the kitchen doors open. Yeah, of course they do because they're going to discover somewhere that I don't know. So they're going to discover, just out of interest, this, where's this chef train before we see him or reveal what he might look like or like to eat. So anyway, so they pop their head in and think, we'll just snip in and go, you know, love the fruit salad or what, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll their, they'll they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're, they're they're they're they're, they're, they're they're, they're, they're they're, they're they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're going, they're going, they're they're going, they're they're going.e.e.ca'.cue.e.ceteer. they're just, we'll just we'll just nip in and go you know love love the fruit salad or whatever yeah so they stick to that we've better see the human chef you never guess what go on monkey stood on a chair right cooking veg right so anyway so they're like what's going on what do you mean what do you mean what do you mean's cooking the cucking the cucker and he's chopping stuff chopping as well like that it's got a little you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they're they they're they chopping stuff and all that. He's got a little you know, he's got the boss who's in there they're like a bit shocked so he's a bit panicking because he's got this monkey working for him so they say to him what's going on here we didn't know this this is what's going on you know what have you got a monkey cooking stuff so so he so he so he so he so he so he so he so he he he he he he he he he he he he he he so he he so he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he is he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he is is he's is they they th is th is th is th is th is th is th is they he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he he he said, well... In the only a monkey I should point out who probably doesn't need instructions from its girlfriend.

Oh, forget it.