The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S4E6 (July 2, 2005)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM following the completion of ‘’Extras’’ series 1. This time, they recorded only 6 shows before Gervais and Merchant left XFM for good. The show would later continue as a podcast, with no further association with XFM.

Landed! Landed! Mrs. Landed, we've landed on X-Ener 9. Picket of A, Steve Merchant and Little Carl Pukenton and his magical little manky round baldy head. He was described as a wacky mank in one of the papers this week. Really?

Well, remember we talking about it last week about about he came around to my house and I popped out my Mr. Johnson, George would take a little look at. And he's two blacked papers. That made the papers. Wow. What paper? It wasn't it wasn't front page of the time. It must have been like the Daily Star or something. Just squeeze live eight the second page. Yeah so wacky man we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we to to to to the to the to to to the to the to th in in in in in th. We th. We th. We th. We to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I I I I popped I popped I popped out I popped out I popped out I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I popped out. I popped out I popped out. I popped out I popped out I popped out I popped out I man. Wacky Mank. That's great. Wacky Mank. We had an email for someone that reckons they remember you from body popping around Salford way. Yeah Eccles Precinct apparently. You know that. I wasn't doing it around there though. What was it? I was around Stretford, Arndale. And what were you doing? What sort of body popping was it? Just sort of everything. Caterpillar. A bit of moonwalking. Do you have a little piece of line there used to carry on? Well, mate's had that. Right, it's had that. Just followed bears.

Borrow. Borrow, you don't have your body dais. Were you really good? But you have break down. You won't spin on it. Well, I hope you won't sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp. Do the the th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the little th. Do the little th. Do th. Do th. Do the little th. Do the little the little piece the little piece the little piece the little piece the little piece the the the the the thine the little piece a little piece a little piece a little piece a little piece a little piece a little piece a little piece their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do thine thine thine thine thease thease thine thease thine things. thease thease the head down and also make your head perfectly round because the gravity is pulling on. But if you keep on doing it obviously it's going to wear your hair. Yeah so you become a sort of like a stupid, bald and roundly headed. Yeah so I very much doubt that you did do any of that did you didn't do any of that. Wow. So you're shooting off in a threat. Well the th. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. th. So you. th. th. So you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the th. th. th. So you're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So you're th. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. So you're. I. So you're. I. So you're. the. the. the. the. the. I. the. the. the. the. I. the. the., because we were trying to make poverty history, Carl. Yeah. People are making poverty history all over the place. They're putting on a wristband and it seems to be working. Because I haven't been poor for ages. I haven't been poor for ages. And Alex had a stop bullying in the rest band.

And as he himself said, he seems to have been bullied to be bullied for years. So. And the wrist. And the wrist. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to haven't been bullied for years. So wristbands, wristbands work. I saw one in a shop window the day which had stopped child abuse and I bought one obviously because a lot of people say you know does it make a difference but it was only a quid and I'd only spend it on kiddie-born. So I think I'd make a little difference there. On a serious note though I like the idea that, that, um, Charity, you're a pedophile and you're walking along the street in your Mac, right? You got a puppy in one hand, a bag of sweets and the other, and you see this for his band, oh, okay then. Yeah, I didn't thought before, that's what you think. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I won't be doing that again. thin' tho' th. Okay. Okay. Okay. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho'er. tho'er. tho. tho. tho'er. th. tho'er. You're tho' tho'er. You're tho'er. You're tho'er. You'er. You'er. You'er. You'er. You'er. You'er. You'er. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're top shop for only a quid. Carl we haven't got long up, we've got an hour and a half because we've got a shoot off,

I've got a shoot off down to Live 8 and then introduce Rem. So we've got a lot to pack in. We've got the rock busters and then we give away. I just saw those, I'll finish a sentence in a minute. I look forward to the things. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll finish, I'll finish, I'll the the their, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the time to finish all my... So listen, right? Do you know the things we're giving away? The signed little Homer, the Nigel Tuffinel thing and the flannels, right? Looks brilliant. They've done a brilliant job for people who are at XFM. So take back all you're saying about them, Carl. And also we should say as well you've their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th. th, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. things, things, things, things, thin, thin, because if you get today's rockbusters you go straight into the hat and a big draw so you've still got a chance to win all those top prizes. Play a record. Monkeys. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all. Yeah. What's it about? Munkers. Pleasant Valley Sunday. Do you like that, Carl? It's all right, yeah. What's it about?

Well if you heard it was a sort of description of, you know, typical suburbia, isn't it? Here in Stata Symbol Land, it's a sly dig. The monkey's got a bee in their bonnet about something. You better not, you don't want to song on the story later. What we got? I don't want to tell you yet. All right. Now is it as pitiful as last week's where you somehow misheard that Eric Clapton song? What was the Eric Clapton song?

What was Eric Clapton's tonight? And he was convinced it was about a broken wheelchair for no reason, no evidence at all, other than she's walking around with me? Well, yeah, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th we we we we we we we we we we we, no. I I I I I I I, no. I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm tho, I'm tho, I don't, I'm to to to to told, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I I don't, I told, I I told, I I told, I I to, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I than, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm than't, I'm to to to told. I'm told, uh, uh, I'm going, uh, uh, I'm going, uh, uh, I'm going, uh, I'm going, uh, I'm going, uh, I'm too, uh, I don't, I she's walking around with me. Yeah, well yeah walking around with me, no, no I'm walking into a room and everyone's head turns to look at her which you didn't seem to help him to bed. Is he drunk? Is he had a few? Oh never mind yeah well you're totally wrong. Big day car though isn't it? Because you know there's lots going on and I know Carl's very very important for him that he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he is I I I I I I I I I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't is no I don't is no I don't is no I don't is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is is no there is is is no there is is no there is no there is no I there is no there is no I there is he is he is no there is he is he is he is he is he is he is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is no there is a there is no there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there you know there's lots going on and I know Carl's very very important for him that he champions live eight. I don't know what I don't know what I am sick of it to be honest.

Sick and sick of reading about it sick of this live eight thing sick of it all. Brilliant fed up with it. What annoys you particularly? It's not only that today though is it? On the way in today, right? Saw a gay fella on a bike, on a bike, rushing. What time did the gay march start? What time did they have to be? Why are you looking at me? I don't know. No, but he was, he was rushing, left it late so he'd had a late night again. So my point's right about them. What, what's your point about, just to people who just tuned in. Well the fact that they go out late so you know they sort of have a nice night out from about half past eleven. They're lining

the jeans at like half ten their jeans. They're a leather trousers but anyway right so cut in the back are their leather trousers about half in a night. I'm in right and I see one stressed out rushing right on a racer wearing our eels. I love you. He's 50s down, isn't he? He's just angry. If you're a gay fella and you're proud to be gay, but you also want to make poverty history, you don't know what to do today, do you? You're all racing all over the place. It seems a bit unfortunate that they've put them on the same day.

Yeah. You can get little leather studded, Miss Bands, that's like mate, public history. So, you know, you can, you can, you can join in on both parts. You can't kill two brothers and one soon. Yeah. But why is LiveAge stressing you out? It's probably a good cause. You must have, you know, I know we've discussed this in the past, I the past, I've some, I've the same, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, a, a, a, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, th, th, th. It, thried, thried, thried, that, that, that, that, that, that, thirty, little, thirty, little, little, little, thirty, thirty, don't really know what you're talking about but I mean maybe that's the problem I'm just I don't know I mean I could I could I could have sold them ages ago that there was no way that they were gonna pay it back I knew that was gonna happen I love that but they didn't consult you they're when they were handing out this money really to people who they could have have have have have they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to their their to to their their All I'm saying is when I... You could have said to Harold Wilson, Harold. Don't, you're not going to get this back, mate.

When I want a mortgage, I had to supply three wage slips is what I'm saying. I was double-checked out loads of times. I'd like to see, have you ever seen that guy Alvin Hall who gives financial advice to perhaps teenagers that don't know how to spend their money wisely? Perhaps like to send him over there, he's a guy with the bowtie. Oh yeah, I mean. I don't send him over there just sort of have a chat with them and say, you know, make a list of what you're saying it's basically, will you're the thou', thinoy, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thin, to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, to, perhaps, to, to, to,'ve got to help people out, but it's, it's how many times is the thing. You know, let them off. But do I, you know, I've got this monthly payment at the moment, I'm not?

I'm paying for tools for people out there who need a drill to build a house or whatever. Am I knowing me right to say well you can't have it all? Do you the d it all the d it all. Do the d it all. Do the d the d their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I'm their. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm tha. I'm tha. I'm tha. I'm not. I'm not. I'm tha. I'm tha. I'm tha. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not ta. I'm not. I'm not ta. I'm not. I'm not try. I'm not try. I'm try. I'm not tha. I'm the drill or do want the debt canceled this is what I'm saying you know I'm all happy to help people out do you think they're taking us for a much is that we think you won't we tell we'll tell won't I mean if next year at the same time girl gottus put in another gig I go what's going on now I think you're missing out on on the gig? What's going on now? What's going on now? I think you're missing out on the true meaning of today, Kyle, which is an opportunity to see Keene for free. I think that's the problem.

I don't want to go. I don't like crowds on that, do I? Don't like crowds. People, because I was talking to people that work about, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th........... And, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, tho, tho, the, tho, tho, to, to, the, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. C. crowds. People, because I was talking to people that work about it and they were saying, oh, you know, it's a big occasion, it's one of them events that you've got to be down there because in years to come when they say, you know, we are there, I don't see what's good about having a memory being stuck in a crowd of 150,000 people. I'd prefer to do something now, I'd like to do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, do something, right? In years to come when they go, do you remember that day when we're all cramped my abiago now, I was on a nice cake and a cup

of tea? So I've got a nice a measter memory than them. So I've got a nicer memory than them. So I've got a nicer memory than them. I said what you're doing 20 years ago your memory will tell you you were actually having a cup of tea and a cake but with a chimpanzee it could talk English that's what your memory will tell you you know I was that was that my mate I was not my mate Marty is a chimp and it's just you'll be you'll be in kukulan she's left here. She's had enough of you waking up and going... Well she's down in High Park watching bed-shaped live. She's not worried about cake and a cup of tea. Have you ever done a march or anything though?

Have you ever sort of... What you've ever, you know, you're having to go to not charities than anything, right? But are you, have you ever got behind a, you know, a problem? No. I don't think I have to be fair, no, no. No, I am quite slack in that respect. It does take a lot of effort, I've done it. Well it depends, what sort? Well you know if you're going to do one those walks from John O'Grote to Land's end or something, that's a lot of time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time, I thiiiiiola, that's thi. thi. that's that's thi. I's thi. I's a lot, that's thi, that's thi, I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I's, I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's, I'm that's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I I I's, I I I's, I I I's, I's, I I I's, I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's a lot, I's a lot, I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi's a lot, I'm not thi' thi'a'a'er. I'm thi'a'er. I'm thi'er. I'm thi'er. I'm thi. I'm thi. There's one, I tell you what, there is one that looks all right. On Portland Place just off Oxford Street, there's always a little Chinese fellow sat on the pavement. Right? I've seen him, yeah. What's that all about? He's just sat there with a poster, but you don't know where it's for because it's in Chinese. So he's just, he's just always sat there. But that's a nice, for me, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, that's the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, the sort, their, their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, the's a nice, for me, that's the sort of march I want

where he just... And he's only there when it's sunny, if it's raining, they don't bother. I tell a lie, I did pop down when all those women walk through London and their bras. Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha! ... Embrace and Gravity on XFM 104. We've had a couple of texts. People obviously can text in 83 XFM. That's the text number for the Big Quiz.

It's coming up shortly. Rockbuster is still your opportunity to win some of those cracking prizes. Enter your name in the draw if you can unravel the, I don't know what you call them, conundrums that Carl set sort of. We've had a couple of texts. Obviously we're leaving early today, this is a short and a show and our last show of this run, but we've got to leave early, we've got to go down and try and make poverty try and he says only an hour and a half today, well poverty does have some benefits then. So he's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a fan. He's a the show. He's a the show. He's a the show. He's a show. He's a show. He's a show. He's. He's a show. He's a show. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's a show. He's a show. He's a show. He's a show. He's a show. He's a show. He's a short. He's a short. He's a the. He's a the. He's a the. We's a the. We's a short. We's a short. He's a short. He's a show. He's a show. He's a show. Heto write in who hated the show. I forget his name though, I don't know what, for a while actually. I don't know what happened. Maybe you realise that if you hate the show so much, the obvious thing to do was to switch off,

maybe that's annoying. That's annoying. What's his name? I like people who hate us to carry on listening? that you're annoying someone. I mean I love annoying people. I know you do. You're like a kind of walking Chinese water torture. Yeah. Have we got Ladder 49 today? Rick, there's a number of cracking DVDs as ever on Rockbusters. We've got the Life Aquatic, with Bill Murray, we've got Howard and Kumar Get the Munchies, hilarious, Stoner Comedy, and Batman, the animated series and ladder 49 there is. FUNTA 49 if you've ever seen Ladder 49 and you can give us a quick text review on 83XF I'll be interested to know if it's actually a question.

Why are you giving away one a week for the last six weeks? Well we better do then let's do rockbusters for the last time you can win those amazing prizes. All right. As always just a little cryptic clue, some initials of a band or an artist, work it out, emailing or texting. That's it, isn't it? All right, the first one. Uh, Richard's kid, uh, Richard's kid cuts air for a living. Right?

Initials BD, right? D, Richard's kid cuts air for a living. Right? Initials BD. Right? B. D. Richard's kid cuts her for a living. Second one. I have a problem saying the French word for well. All right? I think that's the right word anyway.

I have a problem saying the French word for well. So what's not that initial there is K. All right, Band or Artist. And then the third one, you take eight kebabs, two kebabs, 57 kebabs, times it by 27 kebabs, right? The fellow is struggling to work it out. What's that? What's that? What's going on there?

It's a good question? D-S. D-S is the answer there. Eight kebabs, two kebabs, 57 kebabs times it by 27 or what have you? Fell is struggling working it out. What is it? I've got that one. D-S. So just email in, Ricky, dot, J-K-K. look at the UK or on the text 83-936. Yeah and you can win Ladderford 9 and those other DVDs plus you go into the draw which

we'll do before we leave and you can win the signed by Matt Groening personally drawn at Homer Simpson. We've got the spinal tap poster signed by Christopher Gest and also the original artwork of us as flannam animals. But they've all been framed as athey've done a brilliant job, it really is a nice prize. I mean almost too good to give away, a little bit annoying. Is you too late to take that back? I was thinking we could sneak in a copy, just a very bad photo copy so it goes grey and

yeah, no, they're all originals so keep, get texting. All right. All right. All right. XFF. REM. REM, night swimming, beautiful song, brilliant band. I've got introduced them and I'm actually nervous. I never get nervous. I never get nervous. I never get nervous. I never get nervous. I never get nervous.

And I get a little adrenaline rush. It just takes, what is it, 80% of the world's population to be watching you, that you get a little bit jittery. And I didn't know what to wear. No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I, for a moment though, I was thinking maybe Ricky's got to pop home first before he goes down to bring on the band. But if you are watching it or if you're there, obviously not if you're there, if you're there, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, thi, to, to, to. I're inter. I, to. I'm, to. I'm, actually, no, no, no, no, no, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually. I'm, actually. I'm actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually. I. I, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I, I, I, I, I, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. I, actually, th. I th. I how to describe that particular look? Ricky's wearing sweat pants, I assume they're sweatpants, they're not pajama bottoms are they?

They're sort of... And you've got just a white t-shirt, cheapen playing white t-shirt and it basically Ricky is wearing... it's like he's made so little effort. The only reason he could have made less effort was if he wasn't wearing any clothes and he was just wearing his underpants that he slept in. But he's actually bothered to put on a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. There's some trainers. I mean, Jonathan Ross is going to probably be wearing a suit, one of his expensive suits or whatever in... Yeah, I mean, he won't be as comfortable as me.

Well, true. Did it not occur to you for a moment to maybe make bottoms. They're a mainstay off the outfet are they? It's like they're not changing for anything. Yeah. I've got very little things that I haven't got a drawstring or elasticated waistband. I don't really don't want to be bothering with buttons and zips and hooks. There's going to come point isn't where you're just they th you're just th you're just th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the thin thi the the. I the. I'm not the. I'm not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they they they they they they they they they they they're not they they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not thin thin thin thin thin thin the the the theateateateateateateate-a theateateat-a theateate-a theateate-uping they're not they're not you're just going to wear, I don't know, smocks. Baby grow. Baby grow. That'd be great, wouldn't it? Those little mittens. Yeah, they're all the oven gloves. So I can just get stuff out of the oven, eat it, let it drop everywhere, right?

And then just get out of the baby growl and put a new one on, a clean one all those kind of red flallow things, th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, th, tho, thin, thin, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. That, th. That, th, th........ That, th, th, th, th, th, th, th........... That, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, that, they, they'd they're they're great, they're great, that, that'd that'd that'd that'd that'd that'd that'd that'd they'd that, that, that, that, thatannel things with the which cowboys wear. Yeah, yeah, kind of buttoned up. Yeah, old cowboys, grandby, he comes out with the shotgun. Exactly. And he's exactly, yeah, the long John's. Well, um, how's it going with rock busts? Has anyone got the answers? Can I actually one guy is, uh, he texted in, James and Dea, he's answers and he says here the guy that hated us famously of course we should have remembered Dickie Anderson Richard Anderson of course I don't know if Dickie's still listening if he is obviously email in Ricky Dr. Javais

at XFM dot UK UK UK and tell us what you've been doing what I mean you can keep busy and stuff yeah nice to hear from him Chris Campling hasn't called does he either yeah one that one that thinks that not only is this whole show scripted, imagine that, right? But that Clair is a character created by us. He's actually an actor. Look at that, a shaved monkey we got. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, you're going to go along later to the Live 8 gig and you're probably going to see some bands they're going to make an effort to entertain you, but if you want entertainment, Rick, that's, th., th., th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thu, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, he, he's, he's, he's thee, he's they, he's they, he's they, he's they, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's they. is they. is they. He's they. He's actually, he's a thre's actually, he's actually thre's actually thre's actually thre's actually thre's actually they. He's actually they. He's actually they. He's going to do, because I mean, I'm obviously a top DJ on the radio, but where I really come into my own is DJing in any kind of club in writing.

Well you told me you'd do a DJing, I didn't go to it, DJing a party and you said the place was rocking. The place was roaring. And I loved it. Carl just said he was there and they won't. Well that's nonsense car because you know very well that when I was put, I put on a tune they'd cheer. Yeah but it was late on in the night they would have done that whatever you put on. That's nonsense they were happy and everything. I'm not saying they were I'm a good miles. Was it good though? Was he, were they really, what they doing? Were they dancing were they dancing were they? They were dancing and that? But they weren't sort of cheering, going, you know, more and all that at the end. What the take on me came on? They're big, you're a big, a big cheer in that? Oh, I don't know. I'd their they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're. I've they're. I've they're. I've they're. I've they're. I've they're, I've they're, I've they're, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was. I, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was. Was, was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. I, were, were, were. I. I, were. I. I, were. I. I. I. I. I. I, were. I. I. I. I, were. I. I. I, were. I. I. I, were. I. I, were. I, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were they. I. They're they. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, were, were, were, were, well. Oh it might be jealousy. It might be like a... I think it's because my fortunes are on the up and these are on the day. You know we all know famously

that he had cookies making music, this DJ outfit. Didn't happen. I did, I did enough. I just wanted to do enough to pay for the equipment and I did. And that was that. But I don't like it. But I was that. But I, but I, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, I, I, but, I, but, I, I, I, I, but, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, because, that, that, that, that, that, because, because, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their for, their for, their for, their for their f-fo, tho' tho' tho' their for their for their the little thing with a fashion light? Still a lot of people and that. Forced fun. I don't like that. It's not forced fun. They haven't got to dance if they don't want to dance. Yeah. I don't like it. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? I was hired. Well, I said,, you know, everyone had their little role to play and then people were doing a good job. I love you taking it too. And I did, I spent ages putting together some CDs, special selection keys.

I love that. Because I did, I burned the one headphones. Did you turn up with your own headphones? Oh, the this is good stuff. I got some classics here. Give me an example of the first hour, the warm-up art. Rick, I'm coming straight in with Frankie Valley, oh what a night. Brilliant track. I mean when those beats start at the beginning who's not getting on the dance? Wait a minute, what's this following up?

Mr. Jackson's. I want you back? I want you back. Brilliant. It sounds good at the moment, Carl. So I'm thinking I'm gonna I'm gonna roar this but because you know they laid on a good spread the ceremony was nice, food was nice, I'm thinking this is gonna be the piece of resistance. Alarm bell started ringing. Why? When I realized there was a marquee, of a summer evening. I'm stuck inside. I'm stuck inside. I'm the dad the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their s. I'm their their their their s. I was. I'm their their their their their s. I was their their their their their their their their their their their their their s. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm their their their their their their their their their their s. I'm their s. I'm their s. I'm their s. I'm their s. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tria. I'm. I'm. I'm their ceremony. I'm their ceremony. I'm their s. I'm their s. I'm their s. I'm thinking I'm going to be struggling here to get them in. Even with even the flavors like this, I thought I struggled on it. So I'm sat there, I'm sat behind this little DJ console. I got to all the big numbers. It's one or two people making some token effort, but frankly most people are outside, I don't know. I was lia' that's a little, I'm not going my time the way to just step the CD on I'm wasting

Frankie Valets I'm wasting the Jackson 5s they're wasting you know delight time yeah yeah and so I've sat there there's not a couple of people making a cursory effort mainly when they come to get a drink from the bar they might have a little quick you know a couple of your you know what it is and they and they and they and want your laugh. All of you are now, all of you are no one at all. And then there's a microphone set up because people have been doing speeches. This little girl gets on the mic, right? It's being funneled through the speaker system. So every time I put my headphones on I can't.

It wasn't sadly Miss Dynamite, although she decided to have a little that go at MCing. She was screeching a little head off. Oh gee. I don't know, eight or nine. They're most annoying. When children are at their most annoying, because they've got to be a confidence there. They're a bit cocky. They're not shy anymore. They're over arrogant. Yeah. She's screeching head off. So I'm playing the head off. So I'm playing in the groove. I'm playing. I'm playing into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into into the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, What's this? What's this? I don't know what this is. Play something I know! I haven't got any bloody DJ Ottu or Crazy Frog. I'm not going to play long. So she's just screeching along, ruin it for everyone. I say everyone, there's no one there, so me, she was ruining it for me.

I mean, I mean, you're really angry. I'm sorry, and then her dad comes along, right? And I'm thinking, alright, he's gonna, he's gonna, I just imagine you in his suit sweating, getting annoyed at someone ruining your set that no one's listening to. I think, oh, well, her dad's coming over, he's gonna put pay to this, he's realized that, you know, she's causing a disturbance. He comes over there, j-he'a'-n't'er'er, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's just. th. t. th. t. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th thtime, I'm thinking I'm furious. I'm thinking it's his responsibility to shut her up, he's not going to do anything. What can I do? I can't step in. And I know very well that if I interfere, he's going to say, oh well she's enjoying herself and no one's dancing anyway and we'd have just got into a fracca and I don't know, but they're don't don't want to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to start her her her. I'm to start to start to start to start to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him he he he he he he he he he he he he's he's he's not he's not he's not he's not. He's not. He's not. He's not. He's not. He's not th. He's not tho. He's thr. He's not he's not. He's not. He's not. I to bear in mind Rick there would have been two of them and um so I didn't want to get in a fight with them and uh anyway so I'm playing my friend came along you realize what was happening and I didn't have the guts to just

unplug the microphone you see yeah so I got my friend to do it when she had her back to her so he pulled the plug out she the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the microphone the do it when she had her back to her. So you pulled the plug out. The microphone went down. She went, what's going on? I don't know what you're talking about. I said, I don't know. She said, I don't know. I said, you must have broken it. I don't know what's going on. Someone will probably make you pay for that. Oh God. At least we shut her up. But it's just went, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the the the the the the the the microphone. I the microphone. I the microphone. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't the microphone. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't you're putting on a lot of flavors that you would have saved till the last hour. What are we talking? Booz shake shake the day. You're throwing him in early. Love Shack's coming on way too soon.

Really? Oh, love. It's a haricyout and it's up to you to turn this wedding or I'm walking. I'm walking and I say they're going to have a sour memory of this evening unless you've friends some people in. So she got him in at the end. And I'll tell you this, Carl, I mean, I don't know what you say but they're they're to say, I've to say, to say, less a song of course about old man killing his wife, it always gives down very well strangely at weddings. They get into a sort of hokey cookie thing, they were berserk for it and I was

following it up with I had the monkeys, I had all sorts of the monkeys, I had all sorts, of course, and of course, you know what it. Which is unfortunate because the bride's name was I think yeah. And then the bride pipes up and I'm throwing the bouquet. So they all trapes off outside again. I was furious. Oh no. I grabbed the microphone. I said what you're doing.

But they went out. . But, you, they went, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they....... And, the bride pipe, the, the bride pipe all the women are running around, I got the you know thing and then they got to wave everyone off throw the confetti. They ruined your day? I was having a great time and they ruined it. She ruined your special day. She ruined my special night. Oh no. You know what would you put on about now Carl?

Well I thought was DJing. Put the message in the box, put the message in the car drive the car around the world and I'm imagining it that that message is make poverty history. That's world party, put the message in the box. Can I just say quickly, while I think of it, and we get a lot of emails from people, a lot of text saying, can you say, you know, can you send a big shout out, stuff like that you know I've just looked at one now Scott and Julian Australia listening they want a big shout out big shout to them but there's so many people that do it and I'm obviously just want to say sorry we never get to your emails we're very very lazy we never really get to look through them

but we obviously do appreciate you be listening on their new digital radio. They're pretty high-tech in the West Country. Yeah. Are they the emergent of Bristol? Yeah. Props to them, yeah. Props to them, yeah. Props to them, yeah. Yeah, no, it's a slightly truncated show isn't, to be a You're like Rain Man. He really is like Rain Man. Anything change. He's got to get in a little routine. You can't...

I don't like too... I'm not like Suzanne's mom and dad and what have you, where routine can not change no matter what. Like what? Well, we've talked about it where, you know, if it's a Tuesday I'm having sausage egg chips no matter where I am. That's what they're like. That's what they'll remember actually. When I'm saying about stuff about Live 8 and all that, you know, people will remember. If people said to a dad, you know, you remember Live 8? Okay, what day was it on Tuesday when I had sausage and shit? Nothing changes. But the thing is today, normally we have a bit of, you know what we're doing where and all that and it's all sort of messed up. We don't usually know what we're doing where.

We say what should we do next? You go up. But I know, like rock busters has been done early. Right. So that's normally done. Is that really true. I'm just, I don't like all this change and that. So what do you want now? Well, what about song with a story? Let's say with the... Uh, right, well, last week...

Look at him, he's in a genuinely foul movie. And he's actually rocking, like Rain Man as well. Last week we did, like you say, Eric Clapton. This is a section where we play a song with a story. I think every song, if it's a good song, it's got a story, you've got a to listen, to listen, to listen, to listen, to listen, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, he's a the, he's a the, he's a the, he's a the, he's a the, he's a the, he he he he's a the, he he he he's a the, he's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thoooo''nuea'er, thin, tho'er.a'er. thooo'er. thin, thin, the th listen from it, you know, from the start, you get in the middle, you're going, oh, how's it going to end and all that? You wait another minute, you know the ending, you're happy. But the thing is, as Steve said, you know, sometimes you're disappointed with it, so it's not a good story. And as Steve said, I'm not sure you're finding what you need in a song for a story, why don't you read a book, a novel? If you want a really good story that is engrosses you and kind of, why don't you read a book? You're not going to get it

from a pop song. No, the time for a book. Songs three and a half minutes. And that's it, and that's it's the time, is it, and that's it, and that's it, and that's it, and it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th.. and it, it, it, it, that's that's that's that's a that's a thi, that's a thi, that's a that's a thi. And that's thi. And that's thi, thi, thi. And that's that's and that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a thi. they. they. they. they. It's they. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, they. and they. And they. And they. And they. And, they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr. thrown. thrown. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. that's that's th. th. th. the. th. the. th. talked about the little crippled fella, right? This one, as I said I don't even say cripple anymore but go on. All right, this one, someone emailed in saying if you want a song about that, this is a song you want to listen to, right? Right? It's about this fella who, basically something, I think he's in a wheelchair, right, for some reason. He thought that last time? His wife, um, thi this thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that- that- that- that- that's thi, that- tho- tho- tho- tho- th- th- th- th- th- th- thin, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th-s. tho-s. tho-a'-s'-a'-a'-lou'-lou'-a'-a'-lou'-lll-a'-a'-s, th-s,. She doesn't take him, take him with her when she goes out. Right. Is it really don't take you left to town? Yeah. Brilliant song. Well, just play it then? Yeah, great song. All right. You've painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tended hair.

God's sakes, turn around. What do you mean? What do you mean? Oh, it's a good story. It starts off well on night. You're feeling sorry for him, but then he says, where's me gone? Yeah? Because she's a slut. Why? Because she's going off. But what does he expect her to do? What? Just because it... He paralyzed his legs, fighting for his country, presumably in Vietnam

war, says that crazy Asian war. So he's gone, he's fought for his country, he's taken a bullet, he's come home, he can't walk, he should be a hero, and then his wife's going out, putting it about downtown. Why do I never meet women like Ruby? H-F-N-F-XF-F-N-F-XF-F-F-N-FN XFF? FN-FN-FRA We're ever lost. The magic numbers on XFN-04. Well, the concerts kicked off, Steve.

Yeah, I'm a bit annoyed that we're still here really. Let's try and wrap this up quite quickly and then then she she was listening anyway. No, we could talk about anything. Well we do. Yeah, true. There's no difference. We could do a lot more swearing than we normally do. Do even more. I was talking to Carl to... You look playing John Book. Exactly, exactly. And I was obviously trying to explain the Amish to Carl. He'd never heard of them, completely stony-faced and he's used.

Now for those... Okay, you'd explained it to him, have you? Okay then. Now I don't know what you said but I'm assuming you got it right. Carl now tell me tell me back now what are the Amish? They're just just people who sort of live like in the olden time so to them they're sort of in about 1842 or something so they're getting old papers and that. No, no, no, no, no. They don't cut up to, they don't have tell. They don't deny, they don't deny the 20th century has happened, they just don't want to be part of it. They look up and they see planes and they know what they are and they go into the town and they see in the window of Dixon's a telly they just don't want to be part of it. No they're still still they they they they they just, they just, they just, they they just, they they just, they just, they just, they just, they they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just, they just don't, they just, they just, they just don't, they just don't, they just don't they just don't they just they just they just they just they just they just, they just, they just, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they just don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they just don't they just don't they just don't they they just don't they they they of it. No they're still living. They're still living like it's, yeah,

yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, but they don't, they know, they know about everything else. They just don't want to be part of it because they think that the sort of the revolution was a bad thing. They think it, you know, that society became more and more depraved and they want to go away from it the the their their their their their their the thol and their their thol and tha tha tha to be tha tha tha than, tho than, than, than, than, than, than, than, thathe a that, than, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an th an than, than, than, that, that, that, that, that, that, they they they just, they they just just, they're just, they're they're just that, that, that, they just, that, that, that, that, raved and they wanted to go away from it and they want to go back to old values and they think they don't need TV and jets in that way of life they can survive in the old way because the old way was better. Missing out on Live 8. Yeah. Yeah, but they haven't had add band aid. Yeah, but they haven't had to watch most of these bands all the car had. In his mind they were just a bit delayed so that in his head they were slowly

moving towards the 20th century. They wouldn't be able to watch most of these bands all their electric guitar. They'd be allowed to watch Tracy Chapman doing an acoustic set between the bands. Yeah, that'll be all right. Although they wouldn't like a fast car. They wouldn't like a fast car. They wouldn't like a than trap. They'd like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're. They're. They're like. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're like. They're. They're. They're like. They're like. They're. They're. They're. the what you're talking about. Pony and trap, you've got a pony and trap, that would be alright. But are they still, do they still get sort of rubbish post and that saying we need your money for this or, you know, they're live in a nice little community, they're farmers, aren't they? They're farmers. They're farmers. It's an agricultural community and they're and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're, they're still, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're th. They're they're tho, they're they're still they're still, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're they're they're they're they're obviously very staunchly religious. In actual fact it would suit you very well because you hate crows, you hate groups of people, you don't like the modern world, you'd love it down there wouldn't it? He wouldn't like getting up at 4 o'clock to Milka Cal though, would he?

Well no, but... He'd get used to it. Go out of the religions, that's, you know, I'm not a religious person, I don't, I don't understand. You're only saying no Krishna because you've got the head. That's the image you think of me. I'm halfway there. Yeah. But the thing is, out of all, you just, what's that? What was that? Man, he just fell up in the pocket where I'm nearly the the thirty. I'm the thirty. I'm thirty. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm thirty. I'm the religious. I'm the religious. I'm th. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm not thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I, I'm a thi. I, I, I, I, I, I'm a thia. I'm a thia. I'm a th. I'm a religious. I'm a religious. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not a religious. I'm not a religious thi. I'm not a religious thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not a religious person. I'm there to get for lying down in a chair. No I'm you know I've never been a religious type you know if people want to do it I let him do it and what have you good of you but out of all of them the I want one that's not going to take

over your life I don't want one where you've got to get up three times a day and you got to go go go go go go to go to go to go and you to go to go and you to go to go to go to go to go to go to go the to go to go the to go to go to go the the the to go to go to go to go to go to go the to go the the the the the the to go their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th tha to the the try try try try try tooooo thea thea thea thea to thea getting in the way. But if it's something like, I was walking to work the other day, right, Cross Oxford Street, there's a little Harry Christianfella there, and he sort of had a leaflet and stuff, and he said, you know, are you interested? And I said, what do you do? And he said, well, you know, we're against getting stressed out and what had you and he gave me a plum beyond out food for some reason but I sort of asked a few questions it's two bold people one of which is wearing an orange holding a plum in the middle of a plumb it's almost like you can imagine some kind of religious painting yeah yeah yeah but you know what is their their sort of main things because he you know what is their sort of main thing because he is a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they they their they their their their th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. their their their their their their their their their their some kind of religious painting yeah yeah you know what what is their sort of main

thing because he didn't really tell me that much he was a Japanese bloke so I didn't know what what he was saying that that much why he wasn't speaking English not not very well he wasn't the best sales bloke to send out for them is what I'm saying yeah yeah but what's they are saying they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not they. they. they. they. they. I they. they. I'm they. I'm they. they. I'm their. their. I'm their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I'm not not not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not their sales bloke to send out for them is what I'm saying. Yeah. But what's that? Are they, you're saying they're nothing like? Well I believe Harry Krishna is a kind of as an offshoot of a sort of Buddhist faith. It is our Buddhist aren't they? Yeah and obviously the most, their kind of trademark as it's they have to say, I believe they have to say Harry Krishna, Harry Krishna in a certain rhythm in a the their their their thah their th. is is is is is is a they they is is a they is a they is a they is a they is a they is a they is a they is a they is a they is a they is a th. It is a th. It is a they are is a th. I is a thi is a thi. I is a th. I is a th. I is a th. I is a thi is a thi is a thi is a thi is a th. is a th. is a th. is is is is a th. is is is is is a th. is is is is is is is a th. is is is is is a th. is is a th. is a th. is a th. is a th. I is a th. I is a thi. I is a thi. I is a thi is a thr-a thr-I is a thr-a. I is a thr-a. I is a thr-a. I is a thr-I is a thr-I is a thr-a. I is a order, a certain amount of times per day. That's why you see the morning on the street saying Harry Krishna, Harry, Harry Krishna, Harry Krishna, because it's actually a sort of religious chant which they're obliged to

do. So you see, even if you go into the Harry Krishna, you may find yourself, you may find yourself, you may find yourself, you're You can't put it on an iPod and you can't count. No, I think you have to actually say it. So I guess that kind of eats into your social life a little bit. And there's the wearing orange as well. Particularly frustrating, I imagine if you're in a cinema or a library. A little bit awkward there, you know, midway. That probably... Yeah. So that's in this, I mean I don't think we've quite done the Harry Krishna faith. It's full

service there, but so interesting to you, I mean you got handed a plug, you've been treated well by them. Yeah, but he couldn't tell, I just wanted to know how much time it would take up, what are the benefits, you know, what can you, what, the benefits, the benefits, the benefits, the benefits, the benefits, the benefits, the benefits, they they they they, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I their, I thin, I thin, I'm, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I tell, I tell, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I the, I the, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I'm, I'm, I'm their, I'm their, I don't, I don't, I don't thin, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, what can you do? What can you... Well, I think the benefits are they probably don't get stressed out. They've probably got that sort of, that zen, that cheeness about them where they try and interact. Quite meditative. Yeah. What are you looking for then in a faith car? You say what are the benefits? I mean obviously Catholicism you get the communion wine and bread so. Yeah, but I can afford that.

Right. Probably, just, just, I like the Crusaders. I was forced into joining that as a kid because a mate sort of joined it and he sort of said he adjoining, I sort of swore at him, I said I'm not doing that. I said, right, if you don't come with me, I'll tell you man, you just swore. So I was like, oh, so I went, so I went along and they used to just go on the Friday when they played, you know, saboteo and stuff and then I went on one Sunday and it was totally different. It was no sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort of sort of sort of sort of sort of sort of sort of Saboutio, there was no sort of, you know, table tennis. The thing where you hold a thing and knock things over.

Skittles. There was all that on a Friday. Went on the Sunday, it was rubbish. He said, right, sit down in this room, they gave me a Bible. I thought this looks too heavy on a Sunday when they came round and um that's that's been the only something I suddenly why did it suddenly turn out after hide on a Sunday when they're coming around because he wouldn't they wouldn't leave who was it were they adults it was a yeah sort of a well they seemed like an adult to me at the time but he was probably about twenty seven well that is an adult yeah but you the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. they they they they they they th they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin the the the the the the the the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the time but he was probably about 27. Well that is an adult. Yeah but do I mean he seemed a lot older when I was a kid. Yeah and he came knocking and that and he used to say to me ma'am I was just telling my mail or something and he used to

hang around to see if I eventually come out to play in that and if I did I think they would have to grab me and took me there. I don't. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I th an than than than than thin thin' to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told told told told told told told told told told told told told told to the the. the. the an took the an took the an took the an took the an took me me told me m. told me told me told me to to told has to bring with it some kind of gift it's like you know join our faith and you get an alarm clock radio it's like something but I think religion does bring a gift usually it's well the gift for the Lord well the gift of everlasting life isn't it and that's the problem with it you know a lot of people believe in it because they think but the whip for Carl his feeling is like that should be a given, that's safe, I'm definitely going home with eternal life but what else can I have? Is that a life-point? Do you have to have a religion? Because obviously I don't have a religion, I don't miss it and I wouldn't want one. I'm an atheist and that's out of, that's out of, that's out of logic and we're doing it, get into the politics or the morality of it? Why do you why why why why why why why why why why why why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why you why th thi why thi why thi why that that to to to to that to to to that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th thi why thi why thi why thi thi thi thi thi to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to one. I just was saying that, you know, if I was to get one, which one would I go for? Is what I'm saying?

I don't want to see you, perhaps as Jew. I think Judaism would suit you well, I think. What are they always like for that? Tough. It can be tricky. So what I mean? I don't want anything that's, you know. And I that, you, you, you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. that, thi, that, that, I don't want to to to to to to to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, that, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. they, they, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they, thooooooooooooooooom. their, their, thooooooooooo, thooo, tha, eat and stuff, I can't be dealing with that. So they may have days when they eat a lot too much. Yeah, but what happens if I'm not that hungry that day? Like I say, I don't like change. I mean, I like my Cheerios in the morning. I don't know. I still have that other girl in my head by Elvis Estella and Brooke Brackack on this final show Rickage-a-Strummerchant, Carl Pilkington. Well we've nearly got to wrap it up. I think we've got to do the Rockbusters winner and give someone

those lovely prizes, monkey news, then we're out of here. We maybe come back, maybe do some Christmas specials. I don't want to make any promises. Right then, first one. The first one was Richard's kid, he cuts her for a living. Yeah, what's that? That was, well, try and work it out. No, it's no point. Dixon, yeah, he was a barber, Barbara Dixon, Dixon, thiixon, thiixon, thiixon, thiixon, thiixon, thi dixon, try and work it out. No, it's no point. Dixon, yeah, it was a barber.

Barbara Dixon, right? Dixon, Dixon, well again. Barbara Dixon. It was Barbara Dixon, was it? So, that's that one. Did Ronnie Corby ever say, there's a gentleman, Miss Barber Dixon? No. I have a problem saying the French word for well. What's the French word for well? Oh, I'm it, that's good, what?

Now that's good though. Well, no, what? Isn't it, uh, in it, BN? Yeah? Yeah, alright. I have a problem saying it, I can't say it, I can't say it, I can't say, can't say, BN, can't say, can't say BN, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, can't say, the N, that, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's that's good, that's good, that's good, that's good, that's good, that's good, that's, that's, that's, that say, Kasabian, right? So, they managed to get that one out. Can't, can't say the end. Can't say the N. Can't say the end?

Can't say it's not, it's, it's... And the last one. That's terrible. That's terrible. Eight kegabbs, times, the answer there? D.S. right? A Dona some, right? So he's struggling working it out isn't, uh, it's a Dona Summ, Dona Summ. So they got that right as well. So, what was the answer? Donna Summer? Donna, Summer? Yeah, Donna Summer. Yeah, Donna Summer. So just pick, uh, just pick one. Steve just picked one. We went out on the way. That was. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so. So, so, so, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. So, he. So, he's, he's, he's, he's, the, the. So, the. So, just pick, just pick down Steve, just pick one. Steve just pick one.

We went out on a high. That was shocking. What about, uh, let's have a lot. Well, it's the first one to get all three. Steve, what's the first? What's the first? Well, the first, Steve, the first. Yeah, but just the first.

Yeah, probably, the show. If he's the first... To be honest with you, Rob's been slain us off, but at least he knows, I mean at least he's got some taste. Yeah. Yeah, well, what, if he was the first, then Rob's the winner? Well, yeah, well, give Rob, he gets a lad of 49 and a bunch of other DVDs. But that means he goes straight into the people who've entered are that excited. Not because the prizes aren't great, but I'm worried that they don't appreciate it, Rick. Do you know I get the feeling that our listeners, they just don't appreciate the fact that we've gone to all this trouble, we've got the homesteading, things like that. I just feel like these people don't deserve it. I just wish we had a better quality of listener. People. People. People. People. People, you. People, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I. People, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. thi. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th, it would really cheer them up, but our lot, you know, drug addicts, you know, truck drivers.

So I'm going to, I've just put all the names in the hat, all the previous winners from the previous weeks and Robesville. Who's that? Is this Pilky? I'm going to put it out? Do you want to put it out? Oh well, let's let's have that's one in there. I said just, but yeah, pull that one out, check who it is. All right, it's uh, Gavin Thompson in Edinburgh. Well done, Gav. Are we going to get them up there?

There's not his problem. You've got to post them, you've got to pay me. They're amazing prizes. Yeah, but the Spinal Tap one, it's about five foot, they can post it, it cost him a few quid. It's a radio station. I think he should have to come and collect it. No, just because then it'll at least put it. Hold on. Where's he from? Edinburgh. Give it the Bob Gald off.

He's walking up there. Is he? Is he? It's a thick. Churing breaks, fishing for a dream. That's what we're fishing for isn't it? We're fishing for a dream today. What's that mean? I don't know what I was talking about.

It doesn't matter what you're saying, no one's listening. No one's listening. Well, we've got to finish anyway. I mean, think how small our percentage of listeners is anyway. Anyway, and then you tour on stage at the moment. This is like broadcasting during Christmas dinner. This is the same. It's just on the hospital radio. Yeah.

Exactly. Where everyone's got an iPod for Christmas. Yeah. On the ward. Yeah. Well, we've just got, we're going to go through now to half-. Don't apologize mate. When people see the glam that you're bringing to that event. They don't even care about the people introducing it, comedians are going to go and ladies and gentlemen just get on

with it. No I agree. No I got a good joy. Two bloats will get on with it. Bring on Madonna. But we're going to give it to them Carl we're going to go through to the end. We've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've we've the end. We've the end. We've going. We've going. We're going. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go going going going going going to go. to go go go. to go to go the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We going. We going going going going going going going going going going going going. We going going going going. We're going going. We're going going going going. We're going to go. We're going going going going to go. We're going going going going going going going going going going to go. We're going going going going going going to go. We're going going to go going to go going going going to go going to go through to the end. We've done everything we have to do, monkey news. The final monkey news of the year possibly. It's been a joy. I start to say, you know, I'm half of myself, Steve Merchant and this little bald mank. It's been a pleasure. Yeah, speak for yourself. Yeah, we should just point out as well if you miss rockbusters while we're away. Yeah, right. You can log on to XFMxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the the the the the the the the thoooooooo. to to to to to to to to to to to You can log on to XFM.co.uk.k.f. Rockbusters where you can actually see Carl himself play, introducing you to an interactive game of rockbusters. It's very much like Blockbusters. It does, surprisingly. But yeah, you can join into that. And there's also talking to monkey news. There's a link on the website. I'm trying to think where you go. I think if you go on my little biography bit, someone's done some animation to some old monkey news.

Oh, it's brilliant. Yeah. So if you have a withdrawal symptoms of monkey news, then you can find some classic monkey news. I feel drained today. Go on. This is the strangest radio in the world, isn't it? Because we can do that, we can talk about listening, oh I feel drained today. Just like he's not, like no one's listening.

Because that's the sort of thing you say, socially and no one listens, like you're watching, oh I feel drained today, it's rhetorical. You're not expecting, oh really? They just go, oh really? But to do it live on air, I was listening. I know what I mean is just give us a jingle. But the... Exactly. But the truth is the contempt we have for our poor listeners is unbelievable. The listeners aren't listening and we don't want to be here.

So this really is one of the most pointless things. No, I would have been quite happy to this back in 10 years. This actual show, let's keep this forever. Let's keep this show forever. The show we went early, we were bored. It was a day we're trying to save Africa, but we're a little bit annoyed that no one's listening. Yeah. Right, right. Once and for all going to say? No, I'm just going to say, if you're not into the Live 8 and you're gay, you're not listening. Because you're on a walk. Right, okay. Right. Ooh, chimpanzee that!

Monkey News. Right. There's this card game going on, right? In the big today. There's a major car game, all the big players and that were involved, right, they're all invited. Anyway, so they all meet up in this dark room at the back of the... There's a dark room. But Harry fella. So it was brilliant at poker. I'd say it's a big game and everyone's been waiting for it so it's played in the back room not in the main entrance bit right. So anyway like I say it's dark in there and what have you and the players went in there was already someone sat in there right?

Right. But they couldn't quite see it. Short bloke? Was he short hairy bloc with slightly longer than legs? Couldn't see him.. What's his hand of cards with his feet? Anyway. So the cards were dealt, right? Cards were dealt, games going on. His cards with his feet. Game went on for hours, right? The total thing is, not even we're listening to Carl now. I know. listening to Carl now. There's literally no one is listening to him. There's a lot of smoking going on. It's going on. A lot of eating, a lot of eating and nuts going on. That

was a bit weird because they don't know who get through as many but for this night. So, come on, let's just play Bruce. Goodbye everybody. See him maybe Christmas time. Goodbye. Oh!