The Ringer NFL Show - All the Funny or Important NFL Headlines You Missed

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck revisit a handful of recent NFL story lines from the past few weeks, including everything from DeAndre Hopkins getting cut and his potential landing spots to Jimmy Garoppolo failing his physical (2:36). The guys also talk through the top headlines out of OTAs as well as more “gossip” around the league (22:39). Finally, they close with emails (48:05). Check out our 2023 Ringer Fantasy Football Rankings here! Email us! [e-mail] Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Producers: Craig Horlbeck and Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, I'm Erica Ramirez, founder of Ili, and host of What About Your Friends? A podcast dedicated to the many lives of friendship and how it's portrayed in pop culture. Every Wednesday on the ringer dish feed, I talk to my best friend, Stephen Othello, and your favorites from within the ringer and beyond about friendships on TV and movies, pop culture, and our real lives. So join me every Wednesday on the ringer dish feed where we try to answer the question TLCS back in the day, what about your friends? Football show, my name is Danny Hyphen, I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Coralbeck, and we are back. We are world traveled. We are cultured now.

We know so much about Europe. It's insane right now, you guys. Ask me anything about Europe. Go. Where did you all go? Where'd you guys go? No, no. We're going to give all our Europe experiences and our Europe trips and takes and stories and dumb American thoughts at the end of the show. So you can stick around if you actually have any thoughts on what we think about the world, which I don't know. you probably don't want to hear it. We were talking about Live Golf before that. We'll spear that too.

So we have been here on this feed, but we've actually been gone. We banked those episodes. So a lot's happened the last few weeks while we've been traveling. So today, we're going to go through all the stuff that happened while we were gone because there's OTAs, you know, there's off-season practices, there's mini-camps, a lot of stuff happening. Also, is there, though, is there really stuff happening? Honestly, there's like a handful of important stuff.

stories and a lot of funny headlines. And that's really what we're going to do today. We're going to hit like four things that happen that you should know about. And like 10 things that were really funny that if you missed, you should definitely know about. And that's really it. Right. And then we're going to do some dumb emails. So we can start with a little.

We're also just going to rip off kind of what Craig's fiance, Liz. They do tea time, their podcast, where they basically just cover everything you need to know in the world of entertainment. And that's really what we're doing today. So shout out to Liz and Kate and Amelia. for letting us kind of steal their format. Yeah, like the kind of the rapid fire celebrity news gossip corner. We're kind of just taking that over for the NFL right now. It's the summertime.

Like, nothing really matters that's going on in the news right now, but it's still interesting. We're going to talk about it. All right. So we can start with the one thing that I actually think was a big deal that happened while we're gone, which is DeAndre Hopkins got cut by the Cardinals. Sure. It's not like he sucks now. It's basically the Cardinals are tanking and cutting salary because they're cheap.

And DeAndre Hopkins was one of the most expensive players in the NFL. Today is his 31st birthday also. Happy birthday D'Andre. I believe. Wow. So explain to me why you tank when you just paid your quarterback $250 million. Well, because you're a bad team. Now that Dan Snyder's gone, the Cardinal, Michael Bidwell, the owner of the Cardinals is the worst owner in the NFL.

They're like culturally, like, the Cardinals were tied with Washington, that NFLPA survey. We're like, they were charging players for box lunches. The wait room players said was unsafe. They're being, they've had multiple executives say he's awful. and also like they're just cheap. Like they're just a cheap team. I think for the Cardinals, honestly, Craig, to answer your question, anything is on the table going forward. Like they might move on from Kyler.

That seems like what they have to do, right? Yeah. I mean, they've loaded up absolutely freaking loaded up on 2024 picks. They have incredible amount of draft capital next year, including what might be the top overall pick. And, you know, one of the most highly anticipated quarterback prospects in a while here with Caleb Williams coming out of U.S. And so they could absolutely move on from Kyler. I think they're basically just treating this year as like, you know, any new regime comes in. They're just basically resetting everything.

And anybody, there's no sacred cows as Hafeitz likes to say. And so I could absolutely see them moving on from Kyler after this year. And Kyler might not even play this year, honestly, depending on how his injury rehab goes. So we'll see. If Kyler Murray is as similar to Ben Simmons as I think he is, I do think there's a chance he's healthy. But then he's like, why would I come back for this show? Right. He's just like, eh, we'll wait till next year.

He's definitely going to be on like the bucks next year and the Cardinals are going to draft Caleb Williams. I can see that. He'll pull a Jamie Tart. He can just go on like Love Island or something. But so Hopkins gets cut. He's a free agent and he can sign anywhere. Teams are interested.

I wouldn't say they're beating down the door for Hopkins. As D.K said, he's 31. Hopkins actually has the most catches through age 30 of any player in NFL history. So, I feel like a few years ago, he was elite of the elite. Like he traded the Cardinals. He had that incredible. the Hale Murray catch. Like he was a top six fantasy receiver,

14-00 yards, six touchdowns. Last two seasons, Cardinals are disaster. Cliff Kingsbury's fired. Kyler Terrace's ACL. Hopkins misses 15 games in the last two years, including six for a BED suspension. He's 31.

And I'm curious, like, I guess D.K. doesn't really count because you're good receivers. But, like, how good do you think DeAndre Hopkins is? Like, he's not as good as Cooper Cup and Jefferson, but, like, I want him on the Giants. Like, he's still incredible. He's still good.

Here's the deal. And I don't know if he's ever really been a burner, take the top off the defense type of guy, but what he does is create separation late in his routes. He's just so good at, you know, using little push-offs, little tugs. He's really, really good in terms of, like, boxing guys out. So, like, he doesn't really need to get open, quote-unquote, get open as much as a lot of other receivers. And that's kind of how he's always been. I think now in the twilight of his career, he's 31 years old.

He's probably not as explosive as he used to be. Certainly not as explosive as he used to be. But he still could be a high volume, like chains move. having type receiver good in the red zone. I mean, I would want him on my team. Absolutely. I think the question, the reason he's not signed yet is probably just because he wants to get the most possible money going forward.

And he's just kind of like trying to play his cards, right? Make sure he gets on a team that's going to win. I think is the other thing that's probably like holding him back. He just wants to like kind of wait and see. There's no huge rush to get him on a team. He's probably not super excited to go do like OTAs and stuff. I kind of think he's a bigger deal than people are giving him credit for. I think he should be a hotter commodity.

and maybe he is and he's just trying to get the most money like D.K. said. But DeAndre Hopkins is still in my mind, I think, like one of the elites and could easily have one of his classic seasons this year if he's on the right team. He's basically, yeah, he missed 15 games in the last two years. One of them, like you said, was for the PED suspension six games? And then he like, was it his foot he hurt last year, his ankle or something? And he missed like seven games. That's it. His whole career, he's played 16 games in every season but one.

and in that one he played 15 games until last year. Like he doesn't get hurt. The guy is incredibly healthy. He's tough. Well, he does get hurt, but he plays through it because he's tough. Right, sure. Like, the man is on the field producing every single week. And I would kill to have, like, when O'Dell Beckham has been a free agent like the last two years,

I don't see this as the same thing at all. Right. Like, Odell, I'm like, he's washed. He's coming off multiple bad injuries. Dr. Andrew Hopkins is like healthy, 31 years old. I think people should be chomping at the bit to get him. Where do you think he ends up? I have no idea.

The teams we know we're not interested. Make a guess right now. Make a guess right now. Isn't he only going to go where he can win? I doubt he's going to go to like some shit team. The Cowboys and Jags basically already rolled him out for cap purposes. And basically I think that if you, it's basically, is he going to take a discount to go somewhere that's cat that's, because teams have spent their cash. It's either a team that's cashed out, but he can win a Super Bowl like Kansas City or a team that can pay him and like try to win a Super Bowl.

I honestly, Cleveland, like obviously play with Sean Watson forever. they actually do have cap space. I don't know if he fits with Amari Cooper. I don't know if the Browns want to pay that much money. But fits with Amari Cooper. Like, this is what I'm asking. Who cares?

Get him on the team. Like, let him do his thing. It's DeAndre have to fit with these other guys. Honestly, like, the Patriots. Amari Cooper fit with Yondrey. It's not just DeAndre fit with Amari Cooper. I'm saying, yeah. The Patriots need it.

Honestly, the Patriots and the Giants, I think, need him as much as any team. Does he want to catch passes from Daniel Jones? That's exactly what I was wondering. I kind of think no. I don't, but New York City is probably pretty cool for him, but like that's about it.

And honestly, the Patriots, it's like, he literally basically already said he wouldn't go to the Patriots. He was asked, someone asked him to don't answer

the questions, just tell us with your body language. He was like, New England Patriots. And he was like, mm. And then it was like, Buffalo Bills.

And he's like, yeah. It's got to be the bills, right? Well, because Bill O'Brien, the Patriots, the Patriots,

yeah, I think the bills, but the Jets. But the Jets. go play with Josh Allen. Dude. Maybe. That's, I don't know, man.

What about the, there's rumors connecting him to the Texans, which I think is a little bit interesting. Does he really want to go to a team that's going to win five games? Probably not. I think it's got to be the bills. The Texans could pay him to just like, you know, make C.J. Stroud, like, help him learn as a rookie. But, like, I don't know. It's weird to go back to the Texans. What does this do for Marquise Brown on the Cardinals?

How do we feel about him now? Oh, he's going to go off. Well, who's going to be playing quarterback? I guess it's the first question you ask. Well, is Colt McCoy to start the season and Kyler Murray at some point he'll take over. So the Cardinals, I want to just know for the Cardinals. So right now, I don't know if these guys would actually play together

at the same time. However, if the Cardinals did Adam Levitton to establish the run, pointed this out. If the Cardinals trotted out, they're starting through receivers. In theory are Marquis Brown, Ron Dillmore and Greg Dorch. That would probably be the smallest group of play. Dorched. That's probably the smallest group of receivers in the 21st century,

maybe ever. Brown's 5-9, Rondale Moore and Greg Dorcher 5-7. Those are the top three receivers. And then tossing jockeys. It's the munchkins. It's ridiculous. Like, these guys, like, they're a high school basketball team.

They change the aspect ratio of the TV or whatever. It's like everybody's really squished down and short. There are middle school basketball teams with people taller than the receivers. Oh, easily. Well, it's insane to think about. I like that. All right.

So we have Hopkins ranked 47th on fantasy football. Rear.com, check it out. But honestly, we have not updated that. And we obviously, when he signs somewhere, we'll have a much better idea of what he's going to do. Right. Okay. Next person, probably going to get cut.

Dalvin Cook. So he has not been released yet from the Vikings. I think he's going to. Something has to change. The Vikings are a very analytics-based front office. And obviously, analytics is like they don't want to pay running backs. Problem. Right now, Minnesota, poised to pay the most cash to running backs this season.

That's not going to work. So a cut is coming. It's either Dalvin'Raefts. Cook will take a pay cut to stay or he will just get cut period and go. And if he gets cut, everyone just assumes it would be the Dolphins because they've had trade talks and also Dalvin Cook's from South Florida. He trains in South Florida. He like lives in South Florida and Miami's the team.

So everyone, I would say that's certainly the leader in the clubhouse is that Dalvin Cook would go there. We could talk about Dalvin and how good he is or honestly, I'm kind of intrigued. I think Alex Madison, who has just been like the Tony Pollard north behind Dalvin Cook years, Alex Madison might be a top 40 player and that might be shorting him if Dalvin Cook gets cut. I was going to ask you this. Do you guys think he's good?

I don't really think he's that good. I think he's just kind of like a guy. I was just going to say, I never knew if his numbers he was putting up in fantasy was because he was good or just because he was getting all the touches. He was like the rare backup who would come in and literally take like 99% of the touches when Dalvin was out. He's like a poor man's David Montgomery. It's just a guy that will get, he's kind of good at everything but not great at anything

kind of deal. He was just there. To your point, this is from ESPN, Alex Madison has 404 career carries. One of those 400 has gone for more than 24 yards. Yeah, see, definitely not explosive. So therefore, not really much like Paulor. I know what you're saying, basically, the guy behind the guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like the handcuff that when the guy ahead of him got hurt, he actually was a top five fantasy option every week. But stylistically opposite players. But to your point, they did pay him like he's, going to be their starter in the soft season. I think they gave him, what was a two-year deal? Six million guaranteed.

Which doesn't sound like much, but that's a lot relative for like the running back position right nowadays, especially for a guy who hasn't really gotten a lot of volume over the years. Yeah, I mean, the writing is on the wall. If you read or if you follow the money, obviously Madison looks like the starter and we're going to have to bump him up a lot. Can I add to that on the money? Madison actually was asked about why he signed the contract and he decided, understanding how it's all laid out

and how it's all going to work out, end quote, as in Dalvin's getting cut. That's very, you know, illuminating. And if you read between the lines, obviously he thinks he's going to be started. But if Dalvin Cook finds that his market is very small, because Cook didn't really have that great of a year last year. Like all of his underlying numbers really fell off

in terms of his efficiency, elusiveness, explosiveness. He just wasn't himself, quote, unquote, himself. But I, if he played all 17 games, It was his most healthy season of his career. It's the only season he's ever played every game. Right. But if he finds he doesn't have a market,

I could see him taking a huge pay cut to return. And then Madison's like, well, fuck. Yeah, I think that what happened was Dalvin Cook was like, yeah, sure, cut me, I'll be a starter. And then now Dalvin Cook's like, oh, Zeke hasn't signed, Kreme Hunn hasn't signed, Letterford hasn't signed.

The Dolphins drafted Devin A-Chain and signed two other guys. It's like maybe they don't need me anymore. You know, there's a lot going on. About Dalvin Cook, this is from our guy, Billy Barnwell, who we love, but definitely just not listen to this podcast. Billy B. A third of Dalvin Cook's carries

gained positive rushing yards over expectations. So basically if you account for the context of blocking everything, like how much a running back is supposed to get. Only a third of Dalvin Cook's carries gained positive rushing yards over expectation, which is bottom two among all running backs to 200 carries.

And then on top of that, Dalvin Cook had the most rushes in the NFL, 62 rushes, that went zero or negative yards. A quarter of his carries did not gain yardage or lost yardage. Somebody was sharing a replay of a play and the tweet was essentially like, this is the exact point in which

the Vikings realized they were going to move on from Dalvin Cook and it was like, he took a handoff from like the five yard line, chopped his feet really, really quickly for like way too long and then just like tipped over when the guys hit him. It was just like the most pathetic run. But it's, but I love using just one play to like encapsulate the entire season.

But still like obviously he's he's fallen off from his massive efficiency early on his career. And I mean, that's, again, why I don't think there's much of a market here for him right now. I feel like Dalvin Cook and Alexander Madison are like Ricky Bobby and Calton. And Alexander Madison's just like, what if maybe I could win one. And Dalvin Cook's like, yeah, but then how am I going to win if you? Good point. Good point.

Could I be the starter? He's like, yeah, but then I wouldn't be the starter. Alex Madison's on the phone, Dalvin Cook. Like, how do I turn on the stereo in the TV at the same time? Why am I talking to you, man? I like to party. All right. We'll talk a lot more about Madison, Davencook, whenever that happens.

This is, this one was wild. This one was ridiculous. All right. Speaking of news, Jimmy Gropel got secret foot surgery. I missed this one, the story. This is crazy. So Jimmy G. So he signed with the Raiders, like March 17th, and they postponed the press conference.

The contract was delayed. It was weird. The Raiders were like, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. When they say don't worry about, that's when you start to really worried. Panic is when everyone's like,

you should panic when people's like, don't panic. Turns out, right after Jimmy G. signed he got foot surgery and he would not have passed a physical.

So like, you know what? We want to take a physical. So Jimmy G. had to sign an addendum to his contract. And this is from pro football talk.

And I'm quoting the passage they added to his contract. In the absence of this waiver, Garapolo would not pass the club's physical examination

because of a pre-examination because of a pre-execis, existing medial and middle cuiform and a fracture of the base of the second metatarsal in the player's left foot end quote and then going on player also understands that such condition has decreased his ability to play professional football basically what that means the raiders signed made him sign a new deal because his foot's broken they took away his entire signing bonus made its salary and the nut of all this the raiders can just cut jimmy jr he want any they want whenever they want unless he can pass a physical they don't owe him a dollar so the raiders can just

caught him at any point if he doesn't improve and they don't have to pay him anything. So Jimmy G might never play for the Raiders after all this. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Come on now. Come on, come on, Tom. What are you doing? If not Tom Brady, Kyler Murray

is going to be an awesome raider next year. Oh, I can see that. So, all right, I was going to do, like, definitely not ominous headlines. Because literally, next to this is the headline, Tom Brady, quote, certain he's retired

quote dream is to buy into the Raiders right around when Jimmy G might never play again Raiders could use a cash infusion right now dude it all works out I have no idea what the rules are for people owning a team and playing but Tom Brady's sure trying to like make this happen 24 owners have to vote that he can play

and then he if he could buy he has to be approved to be a minority owner he's got to whip up the owners to get him in there so you can be a minority owner and a player on the team Yes, the owners would have to vote And so it'd be like, the team The AFC West teams would be like fuck that And everyone else would be like Tom Brady's probably good for business

Right. But like, dude, right now, right now if I asked you Jimmy G or Tom Brady Under your head who plays week one. Jimmy G. Jimmy G. But I wanted to be Tom Brady. Dude, I don't know.

Dude, I don't know. Tom Brady coming out of retirement as like he's also Jimmy G's boss so he could fire Jimmy G personally and then take his job. Oh my God. Can you imagine? Hey, Jimmy, we need you in the owner's box. Brady's just like the Vince McMahon now of the NFL.

Yeah, exactly. He just comes out. Because here's the thing, though. Here's the thing. Oh, that's the Tom Brady music. And Brady comes out at halftime. It's just shrug. Romo's already like a WW announcer anyway.

He's like, Jim! Jim Brady's coming out. That's Tom Brady music. Oh, my God. Okay. More realistically, with Tom Brady action. Maybe Brady does want to stay retired. Is this Brian Hoyer time?

Are we talking about Brian? God, throwing passes to Devante Adams this year. The other quarterbacks the Raiders have. Brian, Brian, who is an assistant coach. He's literally an assistant coach

who gets paid to coach the other quarterbacks on Josh McDaniel's system. Aiden O'Connell, who's like a rookie they drafted, and Jay Monaghan. Those are the quarterbacks. Who's Jay Monahan? Yeah, I've never heard of that person.

I was saying if you'd catch that. No, he's the commission. Is that the PGA going? Yeah, no. I was trying to see if we can slip that by you. They do have a fourth stringer. His name is Chase Garbers. Oh, my Lord.

I figured I would just see if it's a fourth string name ever. Chase Garbers. Chase Garbers is not a real person. That's a fake name on our spreadsheet. Filler. Here's what I'm going for, though, with the Brady stuff. I'm like, one, he's addicted to football. Like, he can say whatever he wants that he'll quit.

But, like, in September 1st, I'll believe him. But also, he's too old. Nobody's like, I'm all in. Like, you have to do it 12 months a year. I think Brady's going to be amazed to be like, you know what? It's August 1st. Tom Brady after actually taking a vacation to Disneyland for the first time in his life

is still better than Aiden fucking O'Connell. Easily. Like he's Josh McDaniel's team. He steps in. It's like Jimmy G's too hurt to play. Who's better? Tom Brady after a vacation or Brian Hoyer and Aiden O'Connell? Brady's actually going to be the best option for this team.

Look, I thought Brady, my prediction was that Brady was going to be on the Raiders like four months ago before he retired. But now, I don't know, man. This guy's going to be 46 in two months. He led the league in yards two years ago. Like 14 months ago, he led the NFL in passing. He was actually, like, fine last year, too. I don't know.

I was saying he's lighting the world on fire. It was a fine. Craig, you've seen Brian Hoyer play football. Look, the vibes weren't great, Craig, but like his arm was okay. I don't disagree that he would be better than Aidan O'Connell on the Raiders. I should hope so. Dude, that would be insane if the AFC West was Mahomes, Herbert, Wilson and Brady, those four personalities.

And I mean, Brady already walked back his Fox deal, his broadcasting deal. This is very true, Craig. Good point. This is, this dude, I'm telling you, man. Like, Brady's going to call Garoppolo in. It's going to fire his ass and walk out in the field. All right. Super Bowl's in Vegas this year. Can you imagine?

It's all coming together. Should we do more like definitely not ominous headlines or do you want to do some hype? No, I like these headlines. So the high, again, it's just check off headlines. It's like any gun in the first act is going to fire in the third. It's like any headline of these. These are all headlines in May and I want to know how confident you guys are that we're going to come back around in September.

Other than Josh McDaniels says, quote, no anxiety over QB's situation, which is hilarious. That means he knows something. He said, I have no anxiety. You guys may have anxiety. I have no anxiety. Don't put it in a newspaper that I have anxiety. Don't have anxiety.

What's the arrest of development quote with Job? Oh, don't put this on the news and recreate it so it says, I killed that man. Craig, I think that's the first time we've referenced that line this entire podcast, which is saying something. And then it cuts to on the news, him saying, I killed that, man. Just like perfectly out of context. Next headline, definitely not ominous. Falcons expect Carol Pitts to be ready for start of season. Okay.

What happened to Pitts? How is he not ready? I thought he was, I thought he was fine. I got to be, because I kind of forgot he had like a serious MCL injury. I kind of just blocked that out. Tour his MCL and I mean, this is kind of grotesque to say, but we weren't upset. We were like, all right, let's just mercifully like, let's just put this thing down for the year. I'm like, thank God.

I can't seriously. And so now it's like, I don't honestly, dude, I'm out. It's like when Westworld ended. I was like, finally. You think you were happy. Yeah. Jesus. That thing, yeah, that was definitely the Kyle Pitts of TV shows.

There was so much promise. All right. totally not ominous headlines. All the NFL players gambling. Don't worry. We just got one guy who's a cornerback for the Colts. We got them. The special teamer slash safety that is going to be the Patsy for the entire rest of the league. He started nine games. So Colt's cornerback, Isaiah Rogers, investigated for placing about 100 bets, approximately 100 bets replaced in the account over an undisclosed amount of time, including on Colts games. Most of the bets were in the $25 to $50

range, although there was at least one low four figure bets. So like something about that. He bet on his own team. All right. Here's my question. Which I still think should be allowed. We're going to get to that in a moment. Obviously, the follow-up here is that the Detroit Lions obviously had this issue early in the year. We're including James and Williams, the rookie receiver, or last year's rookie. They didn't bet on games. They just bet on games at the facility, which people in the NFL didn't really know was a problem.

They bet on NBA games or whatever at the facility. But my question is what Craig said. What's the problem of betting on your own games other than it looks bad? But like, there's no moral issue with betting on your own game other than you're adjacent to the problem. You can materially affect the outcome? What are you talking about? But you can't material effect to win. It's your team.

The entire fear is of throwing a game. But if you're betting against your own team. Yeah, no. No, we're saying you can only bet for your team. If you're betting on your team to win, honestly, there's no problem with that in my mind. The only problem is you're adjacent to all the problems. And they're trying to put around yourself.

That's usually like a really good thing. Pete Rose has only been on his team. What did he do wrong? So stupidly. You know what? Everyone who's not betting on their team, you probably don't, you probably don't love the game enough.

You're not confident enough. How often does the term bet on yourself get thrown around in sports? This is what I'm saying. It's like a good thing. All these guys get, yeah, all these guys get Super Bowl bonuses,

like thousands of dollars. Sean Payton, the year of the NFC championship game, like 2018, his motivation tactic, he walked in to the locker room before the NFC championship game with the Lombardi trophy

that they had won in 2009 and $2 million in cash because that was the, Super Bowl, but I forget the exact number, but that was the bonus that they would all earn if they made the Super Bowl. And he literally was like, go get your money! And then they ran out in the field.

But like, what's the difference between that? What is the difference? Or like when a, you know, if you play more than X amount of games, you get more money. Like what they have with Aaron Rogers and his contract? Like, isn't that essentially, we're getting really close to gambling here? Email us at ringer fantasy football at gmail.com if you want to explain to us why that's a dumb take.

But like, I, yeah, bet on your own games. It's fine. like Carlson wins his contract like he's incentivized to play because he gets paid more so why can't he be incentivized to win and then he'll get paid more. Well this quote says he's he's betting on games including on Colts games it doesn't say

he's betting that the Colts will win I guess that's no specification we don't know if he's betting on them losing however I feel like if that it was to win yeah if that was a thing I think that would be the headline player would be a much bigger deal special team or agrees to throw game may oh dude maybe this what Cadarious Tony was doing for the Giants

the short thing with the gambling stuff, I always think about the MLB commissioner before Bud Seleague was interviewed about the astro scandal and all the devices and stuff. And they was asked basically about the punishments and why certain things happen. And he was like, he ignored all the details. He's like, look, every now and then in business,

you just need a public execution. It's like the pirates, ye be warned. And like, that's honestly what they're doing with these players. Like the NFL, I understand it sucks that like Jameson Williams miss six games. The NFL's like, hey, see that? I mean, Calvin Ridley, right? Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Other totally not ominous head, lines. Brock Party on pace to start week one. Well, I really, I got to look into what's going on with his elbow a little bit more because everything it sounded like at the end of the season was that this was like a terrible injury. This was like essentially Tommy John and that he's like barely going to be able to throw a football come mid-August.

So he opted not to get Tommy John. Mm-hmm. And he basically opted for a different kind of super less invasive. I don't even know if it's technically is a surgery, but basically a type of procedure that would allow him with like just basically a lot of recovery and therapy to start throwing again. So he is on time. Like he's on time right now. He's supposed to come back in the first week of June, which was with the 49ers OTAs and

start throwing. I think we'll have a better. This was like the first of many steps that are good. And he checked the box off, but there's still a bunch of boxes to be checked until, you know. Honestly, at the end of the day, we're going to give Brock Pardt all the credit for going 11 and O. But honestly, it was also like Christian McCaffrey.

And I think any of these. Keyhill. Yeah. The defense helped a little. Can I just say, I'm a little surprised that this, that this Brock Purdy thing, that him starting and like perhaps being the starter week one, I can't believe this is real and actually happening. It didn't lose a game. At the end of the day, it's like just basic, like if they start someone else and they lose,

like you're fucked and everyone's going to be like put the guy who never lost him. I guess I'm just surprised that this kind of didn't, I kind of thought this was going to end up being a Mike White thing where it's like fun and everybody has a fun month. Oh, Jeremy Lynn was good for a little bit. And it's like, all right, but he's not actually like a starting quarterback in the NFL. I'm just surprised that even with this like pretty complicated injury, that they're still like we want him to be our weak one starter, even though they have fucking Trey Lance and I guess Sam Darnold or whatever.

But I just can't believe that this is real and everyone's decided officially. Like Brock Purdy, Mr. Irrelevant is the starting quarterback on like a very, very good NFL team. All right. Next up here we got Cowboys likely to add a kicker before training camp. Remember Brett Marr? Remember Brett Marr? Miss 4. Oh my God.

I forgot about that. Yeah. Ms. 4. They cut him. Stephen Jones, who's obviously Jerry's son. We don't see,

talking about kickers. We don't see the guy that we want to trigger on yet. We'll work through that. But we don't have anything that's dialed in. Nothing ready to go right now. Kinker. Okay. Five months.

They haven't fixed this. This is like me in fantasy drafts with kickers. I'm like, I'll just take one at the very end. I don't know. Somebody interviews you round 13. You're like, we'll likely add one.

To be honest, honestly, we're not going to pay a guy to go out there and practice kicking. He can just do that at home. I usually don't draft a kicker in my fantasy draft. I add him a week before the season.

Wait until like the Friday before the game start. Incredible. I also, you want to do heat checks from some incredible quotes from training camp, but you want to do hide.

Yeah, let's do heat checks. The heat checks. All right. So this is just a bunch of quotes that I've collected from the last few weeks that I've got to tell you are just tickled me.

Bengals receiver Tyler Boyd, quote, still to this day, I feel like if I would have played the whole AFC championship game, I was the key factor. We would have won the game. Which is the equivalent of the guy, it's the equivalent of the guy, you know, who says I would have gone D1 if coach didn't hate me. It's literally, it's literally it.

It was a close game. It came down to the last play. But yeah, deep thrive bruise for He's saying I was the key factor. I was the key factor. I was the key factor. I was the key factor. It's incredible.

Not Jbar Chase. Not Joe Burrow. Not T. Higgins. Keep going. Joe Mixing. You can argue with some OJP Ryan. I don't know. This is that this is like the, is this how Cantavius

Caldwell Pope thinks? It must be. This is how you have to think if you're a professional athlete, honestly. Well, that's, yeah, that's always, for quarterbacks especially, you have to be a little bit insane. You have to be a little bit fucking crazy to play this position.

Play this sport. Yes, you do. All right, this was my absolute favorite one. Not even close. This was my favorite heat check. So Tony Pollard, obviously last we saw him. He's in an aircast. He broke his leg in the 49ers game.

He broke his tibia, fibula. Asked how he's feeling. Tony Pollard, quote, honestly, I feel faster. He's like the rookie of the year kid from the movie, you know? He's got the surgery and he's like got the whip now. He can just like run even faster. I just...

Sure. Yeah, sure, sure, Tony. Is he even going 100% yet? No, he's not practicing. He's going 110. I think he said he can run in full speed, but he's not practicing.

I'm like, oh, cool. Can I just say, I think we need to just take tibia and fibula and just make him the same. Tibia fibia. What do we do? Tip fibia. Tibia or tibula fibula.

Whatever it is, just pick aside. We can't do this forever. Do you guys see how, like, Some men during the pandemic would break their legs to try to get taller. Oh my God, yeah. Should we do that with Najee Harris, break his legs, make him faster? Oh.

So it was brought to my attention. I forgot about this. He had like a foot injury for a large portion of last year. Yeah, it's like since the beginning of the year. So he'll be faster this year. Like maybe he was healthy. He was faster. That was a conversation during training camp last year.

Yeah. That's why we kind of dropped him in our rankings. It had like planar fasciitis or whatever. I mean, that matters. I'm just saying. You forget these things. He'd check. Eagles tried to trade for Russell Wilson.

He said no. This is a talk about your all-time backfires. My God. Holy shit. Also, don't forget the Eagles tried to trade. Russell, to be clear, Russell Wilson vetoed it. He said no. He nixed the trade.

Unbelievable. Also, Eagles tried to trade for Alan Robinson. Couldn't get him at an upsetting for AJ Brown. So the Eagles almost, the Eagles tried to get Russell Wilson throwing to Alan Robinson fell ass backward and Jaylon Hertz during AJ Brown. That reaffirms my confidence in Alan Robinson that the Eagles wanted him over A.J. Brown.

It reaffirms my theory of success that most of our Ws and L's of life are beyond our control. Everything is fucking random. Most GMs don't know what the fuck they're doing. So fucking amazing. Russell Wilson, like, it's actually crazy.

But, like, if he went to the Eagles, maybe they wouldn't have been the Eagles and they would have just sucked and been the Broncos, you know? I don't know. I think it was, actually smart of him because I think he made this sober and correct decision that he did not have thick enough skin to go to Philadelphia, which was accurate. There was no home in Philadelphia that had

enough bathrooms for him. So he opted for Denver. Eagles fans would have booed him even more mercilessly than the freaking Broncos fans were immediately booing. Like game two second half. We're like, we're good. Hey, aye, aye. I love impatient fandom. I think it's one of the best part of sports. Fuck this. We're out. Dude, they were counting down the play clock. I can't, there's nothing more just like demeaning than that. Well, I think the other Philadelphia sports teams have so much pressure because the sixers with the process just put all the pressure on the other teams like 10fold because like it all

came out. All right. James Connor running back for the Cardinals asked about, you know, Cardinals being like the odds on favorite to get the number one pick. James Connor quote, nobody believes in us, but that's okay. That's the exciting part to prove people wrong. Who you're trying to convince, buddy? got to be fucking crazy to play in the NFL

a little bit. That's the exciting part. In a good way. Yeah. Usually like the nobody believes in this thing is cool when you're like a you're like a six seat or you're a wild card in the playoffs. Not when you're projected to be dead last.

Dead last. I think yeah, that's the thing. It's like you forget that all the other teams that are awful also those guys believe that they would make it and prove the doubt. We released the Andre Hopkins, but that's the exciting part. Cole McCoys are starting quarterback, but that's the exciting part.

Maybe he's just cool with it because James Connor is like eight inches taller than every other skill player on the Carls. Oh my God, he really is. What is he like, 6-2, James Connor? 6-1. I mean, I don't know. He's at least a foot taller than Kyler. Can't tell him anything different.

Not a headline, but did you guys see Travis Kelsey literally grab the microphone at the White House? I actually didn't see what happened here. They were at the White House yesterday. They're doing that thing in front of the Rose Garden, whatever, in front of one of the White House things. And Biden is, like, doing the actual photo op with Mahomes and holding up the 46 jersey. And then Kelsey sees his, like, in the photo op. And then he ditches the photo op, runs to the mic. And it's like, I've been waiting for this moment.

And then Mahomes darts in like a secret service agent, it grabs him and, like, pulls him away from the mic. He's like, Beyonce had the greatest video of all times. It's like Forrest Gump when he's talking at the, at the D.C. thing. just pulls the mic out. Joe Biden was super confused. But he had gotten super canceled? Like what was going to happen to Travis? Why was Mahomes so worried about that?

Honestly, Mahomes rid is so quick. Honestly, it's the fastest I've ever seen Mahomes move. When he runs on the field, they didn't look as fast. I wonder if Kelsey was drunk or something because I've never seen Mahomes move so quickly. He's like, I didn't vote for this guy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Oh.

There's an incredible video going on Stefan Diggs dancing with a bunch of Hasidic Jews. I don't know why or where, but instead of going to Bill's OTAs, he's just like at some... But they're not having the context, I feel like it's more fun. Way better. But he's just not at Bill's OTAs.

That was incredible. Also, did you see that Russell O'Coon, who's a former left tackle for your Seahawks? This is wild. Yeah, this is wild. Obviously, offensive tackle for like eight, nine, 10 years, 300 plus pounds. He lost 100 pounds.

he lost 100 pounds and there's a photo of him you can go to his Twitter if you want Craig you got to click on this link if you haven't seen it there's a side by side it's actually insane like obviously there's always those photos of like a left tackle loses weight

this is the craziest whatever it's crazy than Joe Thomas it's crazy than Alfanica he looks you would never in a million years think this person plays offensive line and this week he was like you're wondering how I did this the answer is simple I fasted for 40 days with nothing but water

that's a lie yeah I'm sorry Sorry. It is. He didn't eat food? I've heard all my life you could only live for like 30 days without dying without food. He's so committed to the bed. He literally launched Okunfast.com.

So this is like the crypto thing that he was hawking really, really hard, didn't really work out. Now he's going to fasting for 40 days. Yeah, that's what crypto does to you. I mean, Googling it, there's kind of conflicting results here. Like he goes on the show alive. You know the show alive? Are alone. It says it is likely that a person could survive between one and two months without food.

Look, I guess if you're a heavier guy, your body can survive by, you know, using the energy that your body has been storing in a lot of its fat. So maybe that's why he was able to do it. But no food for 40 days is fucking crazy. Here's my secret diet thing. That's super easy and anyone can do. Don't eat for 40 days. And then do another 10 days. Like, I feel like this is not a good advertising for people trying to.

to lose weight. And just like in general for like young people. Sending the wrong message. I'm sorry. Can you imagine? Fast for a day. Imagine if we didn't eat between free agency and the drafts. We just didn't eat food.

I just I don't get it. I don't, I actually would love to talk to him about this because he looks incredible. And he also doesn't even, you know some people when they lose a lot of weight, like you can see like the leftover skin. He looks like tight. It's because he hasn't eaten for 40 days.

Yeah, I was going to say. In Judaism, if you drop the Torah, actually you're supposed to fast. for 40 days, which I believe Stefan Diggs just learned. If you drop it, like if it slips out of your hand? Yeah, you're not supposed to drop it.

40 days feels a bit extreme. That's what I thought when I almost dropped it. What if you drop it? Just don't fucking drop it. Picked it and dropped it again. Is that 80 days? What if you drop it and kick it when you're trying to like catch it and then you like fumble it a little bit and you keep kicking it?

If you're on day 39 and you drop it, do you have to add another 40? Wait, hold on. I'm going to throw this back. Can you have a snack first? Wait, I have to tell you guys the story. And my flex, my girlfriend, Jackie, is going to be mad. I tell this, I don't care. Nice.

This is my favorite kind of story. It's always good where that starts that way. It's like, hey, listen, don't let the wife know, but I got a story for you. I might have told the story, but she actually once dropped the body of Christ getting community at church. She dropped it. And it, you know, it's like a little way for it. So it fluttered. And everyone in the priest and everyone just watches it and it just lands.

And then the priest made her pick it up and eat it. Oh, wow. The body of Christ, the five second rule counts for body of Christ. Five second rule for Jesus. The priest. Are we out of crackers? Five second rule. Oh, my God.

Blow on it. There's a three-day rule. There's like so many. This is, yeah. But I was just like, because I'm, you know, I'm Jewish. I haven't been in that situation. I'm like, they do this every Sunday, don't they? You think they would have been more, like, this has to happen a few times a year.

In some churches, High Fitz, they just, the priest will just put it in your mouth, just go doink and like put it on your tongue. Oh, like an alley is like like a baby bird like a mother bird. Really? Doink right on your tongue. You like go up and you stick your tongue out. Those probably all the priests who've seen people drop it. I grew up Catholic for the record.

You know, I've done that. You know how in tennis there's like the ball boys and girls who stand on the side and the second the ball hits and that they run across and grab it? They should have one just ready to go. That's the altar boys. Yeah. Got to be, just give your head on a swivel. Yeah, right.

Just to put Deontre Hopkins. just like huge hands. We're really off the rails now. What else we got? Russell O'Cundt. Kenny Pickett got his car stolen and the new Steelers' playbook was in it. Oh, no.

Yeah, but it was all right. The car was found soon after. It was kind of a, it was like a crazy guy stole his car. But, um... Yeah, George Pickens. George Pickens wanted another place. Listen, this, I'm going to put it

more than just like go routes. He's like drawing them in with a sharpie. Straight lines and red crayon. Is this like a manifesto? the Utabobobber? Who did this? Look, I'm happy that, I'm sorry, the dog that I'm living with right now, it's not my dog. It's Liz's family dog. It's just going to be a kid. The dog that I'm

living with. Your roommate? What the fuck? Your dog roommate? It's not my weed, mom. He's actually a great dog, but he's somebody just walked in. He's barking. It's a dog that I'm living with. I love how you put that. But anyway, I'm happy, I'm happy Pickett's got the playbook in his car. You know what I mean?

That means he's studying up. Yeah, he's taking it to a positive boss around the, a lot of positive buzz around the Steelers. I feel like Kenny Pickett. What's going on right now? The new playbook, the kind of evolution of the offense and kind of like taking the training wheels off, Kenny Pickett. It just seems like people really, there's a lot of

haven't you guys noticed? There's a lot of like buzz around him being like ready to be a leader and he's a leader for how young he is and he's like taking over this Pittsburgh offense as like a real leader. I feel like there's a lot of stories about that. I also think the playbook will be different. Matt Canada, the office coordinator, we have winged a lot about the Steelers, but I actually

think what happened was Tomlin gave an edict on how they were going to play to minimize turnovers for picket and give him not that much at his plate. And I think the Steelers offense, I mean, Mason Rudolph, who's been there for what feels like forever now, a very long six years, basically said that the offense is way different. And it's just like a real fucking offense. That was his point. So we're going on year three of giving Matt Canada an excuse for why the offense sucked, right? The first time it was, oh, Ben Roblesburg is not letting him run anything.

They have to sit in shotgun. And now it's like, oh, Mike Tomlin actually is the reason why the offense was so played this year. true, though. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. So I think the Steelers are pretty obvious bounce back team. Bounce back. They were 9 and 8.

DK., what was the Michael Thomas headline you sent me? I don't know what the actual headline is, but legitimately, Saints Twitter is a buzz today, you guys. The boys are buzzing, as Austin likes to say. You sent us some tweet. Because Mike Thomas was at practice. Stop. Hold on.

he didn't. He didn't practice. He didn't actually practice. He was at practice. There's a difference there. He didn't. What even happened to this guy? He doesn't own the dog.

He's just living with the dog. Per Mike Triplett, Mike Thomas worked off to the side with all the QBs and took mental reps during other drills as he worked way back from last year. I was also taking those. The use of mental reps is going to give me an aneurism. It's been 700 fucking days.

Since this guy was like a regular participant in games and he's taking mental reps. What is wrong with him? What's going on with this injury? He's the Kuwaiter to football. Who's more frustrating? Kauai Leonard to Klippers fans or Michael Thomas to Sade's fans? No, Kauai, because Kauai actually does play sometimes. Michael Thomas is 40 catches in the last like 1,200 days.

Per Katherd Terrell. He simulated some routes. Simulated some routes. What was chat GPT? even mean? Him and Rosa Wilson are out there just throwing fake passes and catching him. Oh, my good Lord. I just can't handle this Mike Thomas stuff anymore.

I'm just, I'm out. I'm done. I was out last year. I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to hear about him simulating routes or taking mental reps. I don't, I'm done. I don't want to hear about him anymore.

Also, a lot of people were calling him Mike Thomas on Twitter today. Did we, did I miss the memo that we're also called Mike now? Twitter handles can't guard Mike. Okay. I understand that. But everyone's called him Michael Thomas for his entire career. until this today. What are we doing?

DK, I can tell DK. fucking hates this guy because he's like, Michael, why is it Mike? Fibula. What is it? DK.'s like,

Michael or Mike, pick one. What is it? Which one is it? That's the straw that broke the camel's back. He's like, all right, now I've had it.

Mike. I mean, I understand like off the cuff calling him Mike Thomas, but like I saw on like pro football talk, they're calling him Mike Thomas. When did he change for Michael Thomas? Sounds like a problem with Mike Floreo. I don't know what to tell you.

The guy who wrote that's name is probably Mike. Anyway. I don't know what to tell you, Dan. Fair enough. This is for the Tea Time gang. Josh Allen is dating Haley Steinfield. Yeah. Seinfeld?

I fuck, damn it. Had one chance. Never going to let us do this again. Did you just read her name for the first time? No, I just know someone from college. His name was a whole thing. I don't want to get into it. I've been conditioned to say,

it doesn't sound like a whole thing. the fields. When you get it wrong, they get really sensitive about it. So anyone out there, especially my Jewish brethren who know a field or a feld, and you get it wrong, they get really upset. So it's just deep in my brain. I'm always curious how these type of relationships come together because they're obviously both famous people, but like I can't imagine they run in any of the same circles or I just don't know how you can't imagine. Why? It's because Josh Allen's like a golden retriever. I don't know. I guess I don't see Josh Allen as like an L.A. Hollywood guy. And he's probably working out in Buffalo

a lot of the time. I just don't know how I don't know how this happens. They're like at a party and they just like strike up a conversation or was this kind of like a one person says, are you asking how human courtship happens? Well, they're rich young and talented. I think celebrity courtship is different.

They're rich young and talented. So that's a small world. And then also Josh Allen's rep by CIA. So I don't know. There's events and. Like when you see that like Brad Pitt and Emily Rodakowski are on a dinner date, that's not just because they like ran into each other.

You know what I mean? Like that is definitely like, a highly manufactured and highly choreographed situation that they put together. Are you saying Pete Davidson hasn't just like matched with all these people and Hinge? You know, Pete might be the only one I actually might disagree. All the reports say that Pete is just like a good time and women just like hanging out with them. Good hang. Yeah, straight up.

The new John Mullaney special, he's like, everyone playing Pete Davidson for my cocaine problem because he has tattoos. But I like Josh Allen and Haley's stuff. Damn it. I'm just, I can't say it. Steinfeld. I know. I know. You said it that time, right? We don't have a lot of, um, we don't have a lot of NFL player celebrity, uh, partners, right? Who do we have? It's like all Aaron Rogers.

Honestly, Brady and Giselle took it up and Rogers and his various, like, you know, we had, we had Romo with Carrie Underwood. Yeah. Roma with, um. Faith Hill took, no. No, it was, uh, no, Faith Hills with Tim McGraw. Uh, was Carrie Underwood and who else was it? So many people. are screaming right now at this podcast.

It was Jessica Simpson. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Sure. But like, I'm trying to think, like, in the last 10 years, has it really been a celebrity relationship? You know, bring your fantasy football at gmail.com if there's like, if you're a celebrity matchmaker, tell us how that whole industry works. Well, because there were, Craig, who was the couple that was very obviously set up by their, um, managers? It was, um, who's the girl did Havana?

Tom Cruise? Well, that one. They're still together, dude. I know. but I felt like that was at a spite because everybody thought that was fake, but they've been dating for like fucking three or four years. Camila Cabello and Sean Mendez.

But it was fake and then they were like, no, it's not. And then they actually liked each other. It's like a rom-com on it. That would be a good rom-com. It's like a reality TV show where you like have to pick somebody to marry at the end but then you actually stay married to them.

But yeah, I don't know. Like, you know, Mahomes, Borough, like most of these big names in the NFL are not with celebrities. Good couple. Jimmy G. Come on. Jimmy G's women are famous in their own right.

for a minute. Different kind of saying. He was with the movie star for a minute there. So. Motion pictures. He's a fespian. A film star, if you will. All right. I guess we want to do some emails?

We haven't been doing emails. Oh, okay. This went off the rails like hours ago. How long? Okay, we're good. Went off the rails somewhere when Mike, when DeK was like, Michael, and you know what he goes? Buy Mike.

Everyone's calling him Mike. now. I didn't get the memo. You're writing Mike in articles. I didn't know that we're doing that yet. He didn't write it, though. I don't want to defend him, but that's not him. He didn't do that. Well, I'm not mad at Mike. Anyway, last episode, Craig was nailed it when he was like, why do old people always say, no offense, mom, but why do old people say quarter to five? And we got so many emails. Shout out to you and the dozens of British and Australian people who pointed out that they also do. And there's something about the, I forget the name, I'm sorry, the English Empire, whatever, like the English

diaspora of, I don't know if they teach it in schools, but young people in those countries also do it. But apparently, it's not just them. We got an email from Mickey. Talk about an old person name. Mickey, who's in his 20s. Love that name. Nicky.

I think of Rocky. He says, my wife and I moved to the Netherlands a few years ago, and to this day we were still frustrated any time our Dutch friends talk about time. because basically the entire culture talks about time in that older way of like quarter two, quarter past, except they make it more convoluted. First of all, talk about something like 530. The Dutch actually just say half six.

That means 530? The British say this too. I want to say I mentioned this. I don't know if it made it into the pod last time, but yes. Maybe. So 730 is half eight, but then the entire time telling is based on half marks. So 640 is actually 640s 10 past half seven. There's no way they say it.

Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here. 425 is it's five before half five. Dude. Don't. Sally sell seashells. It's five before half five. Shut up.

They don't really do that, do they? Dude, that's the netherlands. This makes my dad saying like, oh, we're going to leave about 10 to sound like nothing. It's a riddle. We also asked people to email it because one of us, I don't remember who said, take it for granted. And we started talking about phrases that you say wrong. and we asked people to email them stories

of the phrase you got wrong. Oh my God. Shout out to everyone who emailed us these phrases. Honestly, the vulnerability that was displayed was incredible. I thought we'd get a lot of people

making fun of their friends. We actually got a lot of people admitting that they did something. So thank you to everyone emailed in. I want to shout out a few. Ben, my grandpa Bob has been yelling Stack him instead of sack him

at football games for his entire life. That's great. Thank you, Ben. I love that. Ben also said that until I was about 12 years old, I didn't know that obese was a word. I thought people were saying, a beast.

I like the, yeah, I especially like the ones where people think that they're saying something completely unrelated. Not even just like saying it, but people think it's something totally different like this. A beast. Justin wrote in to say, my mom and dad always pronounced hors d'oeuvres wrong. And that caused me to say it wrong my whole life. my parents and I would say whore divorce. Were they doing it like ironically?

Is my question. No, they just thought it was horridor. Like horse yovores. Yeah, like I've heard people jokingly say that. Definitely not jokingly. He says, Hors divorce. I said it my whole life,

never thought anything of it. And the first time it took my then girlfriend, now wife, to my parents' house for Christmas. I said, we're not having a traditional mural. We just have a lot of whore devors. And she's staring at me dumb. My God.

Hore divorce. Tanner says I dated a girl in high school who couldn't say the and at Eminem's and just called him MM. What? That's a bit weird. Levi, who wants to know to grow up in the deep south, Levi. Levi.

Until I was about 24 years old, I said Chester drawers instead of Chester drawers. I've heard this one. I thought some guy named Chester invented drawers. Best parts my mother is a speech therapist and never noticed. Oh, man.

Speech therapists don't always know all the idioms, I guess. They just know how to pronounce things. Derek says, I've been saying a phrase wrong my whole life and my wife just corrected me a few months ago. For context, I think I'm an intelligent person. I'm a pharmacist. I'm married. I have children. However, I was making dinner. I decided to tell my wife I was going to make her dinner a little fancier. I told her I was going to jizz it up. My wife looked at me puzzled from across the room. It's so fucking that's unfortunate. She looked at me puzzled from across the room while feeding our toddler and asked me to repeat.

myself. I said, I'm going to jizz up your dinner. That's just when they make you say it slower. Sorry, what? She says, did you say it back? She says, did you mean josh? He says, my whole life, I've been telling people I was going to jizz it up. I'm 33 years. How has no one, like, how's no one corrected it before his, before that?

I think what's, what's jush? I've actually never heard this expression. Is that a, juz it up? Like, uh, put it this way. I have recently started adding chives. fresh cut jives to my eggs, you're juzzing it up. I'm going to jizzed up a little.

You know, you're adding garnish or spicing. Yeah. You're jizzing it up, okay. Jizzing it up. Got it. Semantics. Did I tell you guys this?

I don't remember this honor off the pot. I didn't know what running train meant. I just thought it meant to run over by a train. Excuse me? I used that in college to a professor to their face. I was like, yeah, that test really ran train on me. Because I thought it meant like you got to run over by a train. Are you kidding me?

You know, like, you know the old time? Like they tie up a woman, put her on the train tracks and like those weird old cartoons and then someone have to go and like untire. I thought that's what it meant. Like, oh, yeah, you're going to get run over by train. So I told the professor that I, the test ran train on me. What did the professor say to you on? Luckily, they probably had no idea, right? Did they say, can you say that again?

Slower? What did you say? Mouth agape, stunned, really changed the tenor of the conversation and our relationship. And then I walked home, told me, asked my friends what it met. I had a friend who used to. used to think floor to ceiling windows was Florida ceiling windows. I don't know why these are so funny. We got an email from someone.

I'm sorry, forget your name. Someone said until they went to college, they did not realize that when you walk up to a restaurant, like party of four, but everyone just says it so fast. They thought it was a different language. They thought it was French. Like, party of four.

Didn't matter how many people you had, you just say party of four. This is, this is, this one's incredible. This one's from, this one's great. This one's from Darren. Darren. Darren. He says, I honestly thought I would take this one in my grave, but I can't not share this.

I grew up in the early 2000s, so my middle and high school years took place during the days of downloading rap songs from Napster or Limewire and then porting them over to iTunes so they could go on my iPod. And the combination of the random internet downloads and the tiny iPod screen made the artist names all kinds of wonky. worse, the Napster songs often left out punctuation. So you download a song and it's by... It looks like J.Z. Feet, Lil Wayne, T.I. Kanye West. Mm-hmm. I remember this. Now, most of us are smart enough to know what that means. J. Z. Feet, Lil Wayne, T.I. Kanye West.

But young Darren wasn't smart enough. Young Darren saw this feet guy everywhere. And young Darren couldn't, for the life of him, figure out how or why, feet was on every freaking song but nobody was talking about him. That's good. I figured Feet must be the guy that makes the beats or something because he never got a verse.

And it took me five years, five years, until one day I looked closely and saw there was a period after Feet. And that's when it dawned me that Feet stood for featuring and that I was an unbelievable idiot. Feet was just the original Metro Boomin was Feet. Feet would actually be a good name for a... Feet, feet for a producer.

feet. It's so good. To this day, I've been so embarrassed about this that I've never actually told a soul. But now as a 30-year-old man, I think it's time to come close. That's honestly, we, that's very, we really appreciate that, Darren. I emailed the back. I told him it's a safe space

that, you know, between us and everyone listening. And millions of people listening. Yeah. Emails at ringerfancy football at gmail.com. If you have more mispronunciation stories, it's really good. we'll be coming to you next week running back tears

or running back just thoughts interesting running backs interesting running backs all right thank you DK thank you Craig thank you producer Kai well thank you Lauren thank you James Brown

oh or thank you Europe the band wow great one of that nice final countdown final count down I think I've already done this one already but that's okay

are you probably done most of the artists. You've probably repeated like 100 times at this point. Just driving the guy who keeps track insane. He hates you. He's like, first it's Danny, now it's Dan. They're even writing Dan. The guy's done Drake six times.

My mom calls me Daniel. If you really want to get a little crazy. Is that right? Yeah. When she's mad at you or just kind of normally? No, it's just like I grew up Daniel until high school. Weird. I feel like you kind of took the opposite.

path as traditional. I went the other way with it. Yeah. I had the opposite where it was like, I was in college and I started writing things and they were like, all right, wish you're bothering going to be Danny? And I was like, you know, they were basically like, you know, like a loser, idiot child, Danny? You're time for Daniel, son. I was like, I, I like, I like being idiot childs. Let's do Europe next week. All right. Just because this, you know, just getting a little fat. Getting a little long. wrap it up. This podcast needs to fast for 40 days. Jesus. It's the new diet craze. Super easy. You can do it in your normal life. Just don't eat for 40 days. There's no product we can

sell you. You can't make money off it. That's why it's not popular because you can't make money off this diet craze. Simply stop buying food. Can I ask a stupid question? Save a ton of money. Your body's got the fat store. That is what it's for, right? Yeah. You know? Yeah. What's the problem? So, like, you know how whales have like all the blubber on them? Because like, what if a whale just stopped eating for like three years? Would it be really skinny? Well, they do hybridation.

First of all, I'm not a doctor. Second of all, you're the, they would. Yeah, I think so. And you're the bulk pod guy. I, thank you. I am. So is my official title. This is the antithesis of the bulking pod.

No, it's a gain-lose. Right, cutting and bulking. What was his? energy like. You know what I mean? Like, how did he have energy to do anything? Was he drinking juices? That's a good question. Just water. It's very clear on Okunfast.com, Craig. It's just water. Also, it's give your email and the button is not submit. It's tap in. I'm going to tap in right now. Like, how did he get out of bed? Like, how did he stay awake for 14 hours a day? I don't get it. We're so spoiled too in America. It's like, have you ever actually been hungry? Like, hunger, like, is actually painful.

Yes, I have been hungry. No, but like the way we think of it. Not Okung, Hungry. But we haven't actually been hungary. Not Okungry. Oh, there we go. All right. I'm on the Aukun website.

The bottom, not a medical professional. My advice should not replace medical advice or treatment. Yeah, don't not eat for 40 days. I think that's pretty safely. What was his first meal back? That's it. God, should we get her? I don't think we, I actually think we have a better chance of getting,

we were going to get AJ Brown on to tell him he doesn't donate enough to charity with the $100 bills. We have a better chance of that happening. I wonder if you over eight and then threw up. That happens all the time on Survivor when they get to go off and enjoy a feast because they want to challenge. They always overindulge and then they puke it all up because their stomachs are so small and they get sick. This kind of reminds me of like, you know, your friends. I actually have a friend. Shout out.

My good friend Woodrow. He's a new Finland. He's a dog. They got like my friends have a dog influencer Woody. Woody. Woodrow is the, is your friend the dog?

So now we've got a roommate dog and a friend dog. Oh, Woodrow is the dog or your friend? Oh, Woodrow's the dog. Okay. Woody. It's great. He's huge. He's like 150 pounds.

Crazy big guy. Oh, I think I've seen this guy on your Instagram. I did. I just love the dog. I just love the dog, man. That, okay, that kind of usurps my weird phrase. Yeah, you just said a dog is your friend. You said my friend Woodrow.

Who is a dog. You just casually mentioned that my buddy Woodrow and I were hanging on a walk. I tripped over my own feet. My four-year-old son introduces me to my dog, George. I was in the middle. This is my friend George. Daddy, this is my friend George. That's what he says to me.

You just literally did that to us. I was in the middle saying my friend's dog. And then I pivoted to talk about the dog Instagram account. So I just said my friend, the dog. You know, should I even say the thing at this point? It's not my dog. It's just my friend. Go ahead.

Say the thing. all I was going to say is like, you know, the dog influenced your life. You go on Instagram and it's like, oh my God, I want a dog. It's so great. And all these amazing, look at the, you know, the dog everywhere. But like what doesn't make the Instagram is like when the dog gets diarrhea and you're sitting at three in the morning shaving the hairs around its butthole, like that's also part of dog ownership.

No one puts that on the gram, though. Yeah. Yeah. I don't make the story. I think there's a lot of parts of this Russell Okun fast that may not, you know, have made the blog. Yeah. It's hard on the body to fast for 40 days.

Also, real question here, do you stop going number two? I would say probably. Yeah, after a while. I think this is part of like the reason he thinks it's a good thing is because you're like cleansing your body of. Okay, but also this, hear me out. If your body is eating itself to lose weight, right? Like it's using the fat storage to gain energy. Is there a byproduct?

Is there a waste of byproduct that you would poop out? Like are you shitting out your own fat? That's a good question. That's a good question. Well, it's like chemotherapy, actually, it breaks it down to the molecular level. You actually piss out your cancer. So are you pissing out your fat or are you shitting out the fat? Like, it can't be like a perfectly efficient cycle with no, with no waste product.

If you're right. You're right. There has to be some type of waste. He's drinking the water. Right. Yeah. He's definitely peeing. So, yeah.

Kai just texted us. This is truly riveting. It's a good question, though. right. Like your body's, what's the operating questions we all want to know here, Craig. Do you poop out your fat?

All right. We have so many doctors. Email us at ring of fantasy football at gmail.com. Can we get actual doctors like preferably from your work email or something? So I don't have to like make sure I know you're a doctor. And someone's work email be like,

yes, you do poop out fat, Mr. podcast. Ring your fantasy football at gmail.com. Seriously, please email us about pooping out fat about Phrases you're not using correct language. Also about football if you want actual football things. We can do that too here.

Thank you, everyone. I did the thank you. It's cool. Goodbye, everyone.