The Ringer NFL Show - Boring Players Who Will Win You a Title

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

We spend so much time talking about players, sleepers, the sexy guys with upside—we’re going to do the opposite—we’re going to put together the All-Boring Team, a.k.a. the most boring fantasy team possible that could still win your league. These players will not turn any heads during your draft, but they will after you win your league. Check out The Ringer’s Fantasy Football Draft Guide! Email us! [e-mail]. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Producer: Craig Horlbeck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Are you tuning in to the Challenge USA on CBS? Well, tune in to me, Tyson Apostle, as I break down each and every episode with my co-host, Amelia Weddemeier. I'm also a contestant on the show, which gives you all the insider scoop. Amelia, how stoked are you to do this? Tyson, I'm freaking excited. I cannot wait to sit my butt down every single week to watch the show, then come here and recap it with you on The Ringer Reality TV podcast. Welcome to the Ringer Fantasy Football Show. My name is Danny Hypefitz and I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Warlbeck and today we're doing the all boring team.

But in a fun way. We spend so much time talking about sexy players and sleepers and have fun guys and it's like no, enough of that. We're going to do the most boring team humanly possible that you could still win your league with. Yeah, because this is what big fantasy wants you to think. They think, they want you to think that you have to take sexy players. But that's not true. You don't have to win your friends over at your draft. You don't have to be the coolest one.

You don't have to take the sexy players. No, there are perfectly fine, boring players that you can get for a fantastic price that you can win your fantasy league in. On the contrary. Like, everyone will tell you that you want to feel good about your draft. You want to, like, get excited about the players you took. I think actually it's the opposite. The teams that I've had that are the best are the teams that are actually,

I feel terrible about this draft. It's a bunch of old guys. They're all probably going to get. hurt, whatever the case may be. And then that team ends up smashing. And also, by the way, I just wanted to mention this is a play on Robert Mays from The Athletic has done the most exciting or the most fun fantasy team you can draft for years. So we went the other way with it.

I'm sure that we're not the first people ever to do this. But we're just going with the most boring, blazee, bland, blah players that are actually good. They have to be actually good. Because you know what? The guy who takes AJ Brown this year in your industry. your draft. Everyone's going to go, ooh, AJ Brown, oh, he's so talented. This is

finally going to be the year. Oh, he's in Philadelphia. Or you could just take Keenan Allen and no one will say anything at your draft and he'll be better. So that's what we're here to do today. Before we get to the old boring team though, we figured in the theme of today, we're going to do some boring news. Yeah. So luckily we have

the most boring news probably of the whole football season, which is Nikiel Harry, Patriots receiver, traded to the Bears for, and I shit you not, a 20-24 seventh round pick, which I always feel... The only thing better is, like, the conditional future seventh round pick, which is like we were going to cut you, but actually we just wanted to send you to the bad team.

But I don't really have any thoughts. I mean, the Patriots can't draft receivers. There's nothing to talk about. So instead of talking about this, I wanted to play a game with you guys, because the Bears' receiver core is so bad. Can I read you a list? I'm going to read you a list of names. Half of the people I'm going to read are

actual wide receivers currently employed by the Chicago Bears. Half? The other half will be actors whose names I found on the IMDB page for Top Gun Maverick. Oh. I'll remove myself from this because I just was doing research on the Bears, so I know they're receiving court, and I have seen Top Gun and Just the ReWals on it. So, D-K, this will be for you.

Okay. Okay. So, Dick, you got to guess. Okay. Tom Cruise. No. Okay. Tom Cruise would be like the fourth best receiver on the Bears right now. He's too short. He's like Rondo Moorhead.

I don't know. All right. Isaiah Coulter. Greg Davis. Chas Ingram Das Newsom Nisimba Webster Austin Bowerman

Brandon Rush Okay Das Newsom is a Bears receiver Yes What were the other ones David Moore Isaiah Coulter Coulter and Moore

are Bears receivers Although David Moore just got arrested So maybe not for long Oh okay We'll see Isaiah Coulter We got Greg Davis We got Austin Bowerman

Chaz Ingram Brandon Rush. I don't know who those people are. The Bears receiving court is a nightmare. Yeah, it's unbelievable, honestly. I mean, I say that in Jets. In Jets, I don't say Jets, but that's almost as worse. But in Jest, but the actual Bears' depth chart,

I mean, even the top, they have Darnel Mooney is the number one. They have Byron Pringle. Yeah, I was going to say, isn't Pringle on that team? I mean, that's their number two receiver, the guy who couldn't play for Kansas City. Veles Jones Jr. who's the rookie they drafted,

who isn't he like still... He's older than Nikiel Harry. He's older than Nekele Harry. He's almost done with his rookie contract. Their pick is older than him. I mean, I mean, Das Newsom, yeah, I thought, I even got myself confused.

He's actually on the Bears. Tage Sharp, it's like the who's who of like the sixth receiver on a bunch of teams. You never even had to know for fantasy purposes. So Bears, Justin Fields. Good luck. Anyway.

Do you think Nikiel is going to make the team? well I mean you know they give up a seventh round 24 seventh all right so there's the boring news we have nothing further to say about that but we're going to go to the old boring team and again there's only two rules for the all boring team you have to be boring and you have to be good yeah and now some players are boring and not good some players are good but not boring and you have to be both that's the key to being on the all boring team that is exactly right and who's an example of boring and also not Good. Damian Harris, the Patriots running back. There you go. Like, he's boring, and he's also,

like, not, like, you don't want him. He might not be good. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Matt Ryan's boring and not good. I think Matt Ryan's the most boring player in the entire league.

I've, I've had this theory. I fit says just, like, a vendetta. No, I don't. My theory of Matt Ryan is no one knows anything about him. He's been an NFL quarterback,

there's 32 jobs like that. And for, like, 12 years, and he went to Boston College. He's in his Super Bowl. He won the MVP. And, like, no one else, Maddie ice.

No one knows anything else about him. He doesn't exist. Anyway. So we're going to do the All-Boring team. Again, we're going to an actual lineup here. We actually narrowed it down to a real lineup, so we have a quarterback, two running back. Like we could draft it, right? You could draft his team.

In theory, draft this team. Yeah. So we're going to go through. We do the quarterbacks first. So I chose the quarterbacks. It's very difficult. And there were two very obvious quarterbacks to pick from. It's Kirk Cousins or Derek Carr.

And I decided to go with Kirk Cousins. It's Kurt. and you know what the boring because they both have upside Derrick Carr obviously is Devante Adams and you know what the tiebreaker for me was Kirk is more boring than Derrick Carr because Kirk Cousins is so boring that Bruce Allen who's the team president

for Washington while Kirk Cousins with the quarterback didn't know Kirk Cousins' name he didn't know his first name called him Kurt so that's the tiebreaker but did you know Kirk Cousins Kurt was QB 11 last year on a run first team he was the QB 11 year before that too and now they're a past

first team he's an absolute done. Hi, Fitz. Can you just start all of your analysis on this podcast? Did you know? Did you know that Kurt? Kurt? Is it Kirk or Kurt?

I mean, the sad part is it doesn't matter if you say it. No one will care that much. Any other player you get their name wrong. People will be like, you got the name wrong. No one cares. I like this. This is perfect. But I think that in all seriousness,

you can be the last person to take a quarterback in your draft this year. And he's like the epitome of this exercise in that no one, actually, you'll probably get shit if you draft Kirk Cousins, but he'll probably just be better than Dak Prescott this year. But realistically, Kirk has, he doesn't have the rushing upside. But even though he seems like a middle-of-the-road player, Kirk is actually really streaky. But now that he's on like this past first offense,

it's not crazy to me to think he is Justin Jefferson. We've talked about how we think Justin Jefferson's, our number one receiver, he will be by the time we update our rankings. Everything about the Vikings running this Rams system, we're like, well, Justin Jefferson, be pretty good in it. Adam Thielan we're into. Dalvin Cook's going to catch passes. Ernst Smith, like sleeper tight end of the year.

At some point we're like, well, Kirk Cousins might just play well for a whole season. Yeah, and like all the Vikings used to do is run like 21 personnel. They would always just have two wide receivers out there. And I think the biggest difference in this year's offense is that they're going to be running a lot of 11 personnel, which is what the Rams do all the time. And like, if you actually look at it,

I was listening to a PFF pod and Ian Hardis was talking about how the actual amount of passes versus runs that Minnesota ran last year for the Rams was actually exactly the same. They were 61% past 39% run. Like it was the same. Which is kind of surprising to you considering what you thought the Vikings were and what you thought the Rams were. But the difference in what the Rams do

is that they're just way more creative. Play action, screens, motions. And if you're an 11 personnel, Kirk Cousins is honestly, we've been saying let Russ cook. Russ might not be that good. Let's let Kirk cook because this dude has not been able to cook in Minnesota for the last four years. And that's why he's been a fringe quarterback one.

When he was in Washington, his last three years in Washington, QB8, QB5, QB6. That's a Oh yeah. Let Kirk cook. Craig,

letting him cook. Have you seen the picture of him cooking the steaks? He grilled the steaks and it looked like venison. It was so,

it was like, it looked like it was like plastic wrap. Did it look good? Did we really? No. Let me pull up the picture. Look like he's suvita.

If you're, you know what? Maybe he did. That would actually make sense. No. If you, if you're able to, if you can Google Kirk cousin's, yeah,

Kirk cousin's stakes is like the first thing that comes up. Look at this, Greg. Look at these steaks. The first rule of the internet is never show people what you're cooking. That's pretty bad. Because they will fucking roast you. Those look like baseball mitts.

If anyone has a theory of what Kirk Cousins could do, trying to do the Ted Lassow thing, curious, not judgmental. If anyone knows why Kirk Cousins' steaks look like this on the grill, can you email at Ring Your Fantasy Football atcom? It looks like rocks. Yeah, this is like a, this is literally the color of like a leather shoe. Why do they look like that? Like a leather dress shoe.

Or like bread, like dough for bread. I don't know, two-thirds of the way. I don't know. I don't know explain it. Anyway, Kirk is probably a perfectly good quarterback. Congrats, Kirk, you made the all-boring team. All right. Next up, oh, right, so that's a quarterback running backs. Yeah, right. So you can obviously get Kirk late in your drafts, like really late. But going through the first round, the most boring pick that you can make in your first round, who is a great pick is Joe Mixen.

Joe Mixon, running back on the Bengals. He was third in total touches last year, sixth in touches per game. The O-line is way better. This dude was third in goal-line carries. In the playoffs, he showed he could be a receiver. There's no one else on the team at running back who could steal touches from him. Genuinely, like, he has one of the most secure positions out of any running back in the league. What about Captain America? Chris Evans?

Yeah. I was like, where are you going with that? I forgot. Yeah. I'm good on Chris Evans. I'm not worried about Chris Evans. Okay. I feel like with Mixen, we've always been hearing about, like, the Mixon breakout year is going to come.

Mixon is so talented. And it kind of never happened. He was hurt a lot. The team wasn't very good. but it happened last year but nobody cared because Jamar Chase and Joe Burrow were on the team.

Yeah, exactly. Jamar Chase stole Joe Mixon's limelight, but we're not all understanding the fact that Joe Mixon was the number four running back in fantasy last year. No one cares. And the Bengals are better this year and they didn't bring in anymore running back.

The lines better. The lines better. And not just that, but it's also Joe Burrow literally saying we're going to get way more too high this year and we're not going to be able to throw deep and take the shots we did. And part of that means

not just throwing shorter, but also the Bengals are going to have to run the ball more, which they couldn't really do because the line was so bad. They swapped out. I forget, it was it all five or just basically four of their five linemen. I mean, they got Lel Collins from the Cowboys. Like, the Bengals are such a better line.

But also, I think every other first, the reason this is good for the all boring team is every other first rounder you would take in fantasy are all remarkable. Like you would remark upon them. Jonathan Taylor, Cup, Eckler, Henry, McCaffrey, Jamar. All of them, when you take them, there is a remark to me. And Joe makes sense is like, okay. Everyone's like, okay. There's not, is, yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah. But like you can get him at literally like the 11th or 12th pick in the first round And he was the RB4 last year and like nothing changed So sure Okay Hold on I can't see you guys Oh yeah our feet cut out Do we want to mention that you guys are together

Motion sensor? Should we keep this in? So yeah so I'll explain So I'm actually in LA for the NFL meeting So Craig and I are actually in studio And DK is remote and the TV has stopped stopped working. Oh, we're back. There you are.

All right. Yeah, it's scheduling conflict, so I couldn't make it to LA this week, and I'm super jealous. Well, DK, like, put child care above content, which is, I mean. That's questionable. That's pretty disgusting.

All right. Calvin is a lucky man. All right. So you already a man? He's got Jeff Stair. He's three. He's a man. Joe makes him welcome to the all boring team.

Yeah, this one makes sense. All right, other running back. We have two other running backs. We're going to do one as a flex and one as a, or other starting running back. DK, do you want to take the next RB just because I just like this guy.

Yes, I think generally you're probably going to have to take this guy earlier. And the answer is James Connor for the Cardinals. Beautiful. Again, I don't think people have ever really sort of,

the talent that he has doesn't really match the hype. Like, people just don't get that excited about James Connor for whatever reason. Maybe it's just because he's kind of a plotter. Maybe it's because, well,

he does plot. He has no visual characteristic. that are like appealing. Like no signature. He doesn't have a move. Yes, he has no thing. Also, one, plod,

one of those words that sounds like exactly what it means. Yeah. And then two, I think the thing with James Connor is, it reminds me that Stephen A. Smith rant about Kwame Brown.

He's like, got no hands. Can't catch the ball. Can't really move. Like, got to move, but can't commit to memory. And I'm like, yeah, I don't know.

James Connor's style who gets the ball, runs, tackled. I'll be honest. The first thing I think about when I think of James Connor, though, is he did have this one ridiculous,

awesome one-handed catch last year. And that's like why I'm like really wanting to draft him this year. Also, by the way, he scored 18 touchdowns. Did you know, hey, Hifetz, did you know that James Connor scored 18 touchdowns last year? That's actually kind of insane. Third most in the NFL. I like our reverse players in the NFL. But in fantasy bizarre a world, a lot of touchdowns are bad.

And few touchdowns are good because it'll reverse. But so Chase Edmunds left, the other running back for the Cardinals left from Miami. me. So the Cardinals just have, what is? It's James Conner and, like, Eno Benjamin is related to be the number two, I guess, Keanuza Ingram of rookie sixth rounder. You know, there's like, he's going to get the vast

majority of the touches I think in this offense. But Eno Benjamin's 5-9, 207. You guys, James Connor was the running back five last year. Five. Well, from week nine on after Edmonds got hurt, Connor was the RB2, only, second only to

Jonathan Taylor. Like, he has legit top two, top one upside if he stays healthy. Obviously, that's the big question mark. Because he hasn't, his track record has been like not great in terms of the injuries. But, like, all the volume that he's going to get, you're going to be in a good offense. He's going to inherit probably most of the passing down work. He has, like, legit potential to be like a top three guy. I'm not even kidding.

And like, people don't really seem to be talking about him. Like, he's just boring. So funny. Somebody needs to be just a fucking. and man and put James Connor in like their top 10. Well it's just, you know, it's Jonathan Taylor, it's McCaffrey. It's James Connor. But actually though, I mean, not really, but

kind of. His ADP, he's going as the running back 19. What? You know what I mean? Like, this doesn't make any sense. He's just boring. Okay, I'm looking at our ranks right now, you guys. And we haven't updated these for a couple weeks, so we'll get them updated. My ranking, half PPR. I have them at 10th overall.

Good for you. We have them as a set. We have him the 13th. That's, I stand by that. I think, you know, I don't know what his ADP's going to end up as we get closer

this season. I think, I guess, I would guess that his ADP is going to rise just because people are going to realize that he's getting, people are going to get like, 25 touches a game.

But I don't know. I just like, what am I missing other than the injury thing, I guess? That's ridiculous because the guys, we have Sequin Barclay going ahead of him in ADP, Christian McCaffrey.

Every other player in this damn list gets hurt all the time. James Connor had like one injury's riddled season and he's kind of boring and he's like a fringe top 20 running back he's going right before josh jacobs and he after zeke he's a perfect bore this is like the i'm going to say this for every player but he's like the epitome of this exercise just boring people at no one also i like as a framework for this exercise what i liked about it we were talking about this we uh doing this and craig was like i want the team i want to build the team that

if you sent your roster to your friend your friend would be like ah Oh, okay. No, yeah. No, yeah. I mean, this looks solid. Cool, cool, cool. And then you're like six and two to start the year.

Tight, tight, tight, tight, tight. Because every single player puts up like 16 a game. James Conner and Kirk Cousins. Okay, all right, so we've got Kirk Cousins, Joe Mix and David, James Connor. I just spoiled it. But, yeah, next up, David Montgomery. So David Montgomery's our flex.

This might be the most, I'm not kidding. This might be the most boring. Serious question. I mean, well, Craig, this one's for D. Can I ask you serious? question, you're a father, you've got going on. When was the last time you thought about David Montgomery?

Considered his existence. I mean, it's been a while. It's been a little while. Nobody wants to draft this man. Nobody wants David Montgomery. People are trying to tell us that Khalil Herbert is better, and by the way, he might be. We took off all the, the Bears running back. We ticked off all the receivers, the Bears

hat, or lack thereof of receivers and or actors from Top Gun Maverick. And in theory, David Montgomery just should be like a really good player. I don't know. There's like a world where he's a three down back. He had 278 touches per season since 2019. 278. Last year, only seven running backs had more than that.

And this is going to be a team with Justin Fields that you would expect to be extremely run heavy. Hopefully they use him a lot more in the read option, which is great for the running back. David Montgomery has had 54 catches in a season. He's actually like a pretty good receiving back. Yeah, he has Khalil Herbert and Darrington Evans and Tristan Ebner behind him. Who? Yeah. Exactly.

I didn't know that last thing. You mentioned the touches. He was 10th last year among all players in total touches, 267 in 13 games. He didn't even play the whole slate. And he was 10th. Also, I know that people would probably say, oh, well, if Fields is the quarterback, you know, he's not going to catch passes anymore because, like, running quarterback, you typically don't check down.

When Fields was playing, Montgomery saw his career high in targets per game, almost five. So, I guess the argument is that like the bears are going to suck and if you're losing a lot, you don't run a ton. But like, has that not been the case the last three seasons? And he's like racking up 280 touches every single year. This is the most boring player you could have who's going to get you like, I don't know, 14 points a game. Like he will be solid. Yeah, he's going in the range where it's usually like older backs that we don't really know what to do with anymore, except he's just not that way. He's just like pretty good.

He's just forgettable. You know why people don't like him? It's literally the easiest answer in the world. It's he's slow. He's slow. And he's not even that slow, but he has a reputation for being slow. Sam,

is our next episode the all-slow team that can win your fantasy? The slowest team you can put together. The best players in fantasy football are slow. Hilton Schultz, Keenan Allen, DeAnd Andre Hopkins. And he, no one faster than a four-five.

Corlin Sutton ran a 454. Love it. Give me all the guys who are, above Keenan Allen. Honestly, if you made the fastest team and the slowest team, I do wonder if the slow team would be... I bet the slowest team would beat the fastest team.

Patrick Mahomes is like low-key kind of slow. Yeah. The memes about what Patrick Mahomes runs like are so good. Like, I saw someone say he runs runs like he's trying to not... He's carrying a beer and trying not to spill it.

He does have a weird shuffle. He like keeps his feet as close to the graph. as he can. He walks weird. I mean, you know what he walks like? If you ever watch Patrick Holmes, not running,

but walking to the huddle, walking around, he walks like Pablo Escobar and Narcos. Oh my God. He really does. He's also got a head tilt that he always is rocking. No, the next time you watch the cheese,

he walks like Pablo Escobar and Narcos. I'm telling you. He walks like someone's like barefoot on gravel. It's like, ow, ow, out. Like he's walking over hot coals. But was fun. is he has like, when they won the Super Bowl,

he had, was it three games in a row, one of the best scrambles I've ever seen from a quarterback in the playoffs, and he basically did it three games in a row. But the entire time, he looks so unathletic, and yet he's making, like, defensive ends on the Titans

just whiff, but also at the same time I'm watching him, I'm like, that looks like what I would do if I were out there. That's how I would run. He's consistently, like, one of the best playoff bets every year is the over on Patrick Mahomes' rushing yards. there's always two of them okay

I don't remember oh yeah the all slow team David Montgomery welcome to the all boring team he the rare he could get the all boring and the all slow team well this next receiver also could make both teams

the leader of our wide receiver core on the all boring team is Keenan Allen who I am just passionate about this man is the biggest suffer of the West Coast time zone I love this theory ever

this man balls out every afternoon and nobody cares because nobody's watching. And it's honestly different than a lot of the other wide receivers on the West Coast because you have the running back hybrid Debo Samuel in the San Francisco market.

Then you have like D.K. Metcalf, the biggest freak of all time up in Seattle with Russell Wilson. You have like the L.A. buzz, the glamour, Sean McVeigh with Cooper Cup. And this is why Keenan Allen down in San Diego, I know he's in L.A. now, but for most of his career in San Diego,

he is the personification of San Diego. Because he's the best city in California, but nobody knows it. and that's what Keenan Allen is. If Keenan Allen were a stock, he'd be like a mutual fund. He'd be like if you invested in the S&P 500.

And the other guys around him that you would draft is like Tyree Kill on Miami, T. Higgins and Sincy, AJ Brown and Philly. That's like Netflix, Kathy Woods shit. NFTs. NFTs, crypto. And drafting Keenan Allen, it's not fun.

Nobody likes the guy in like the stock market group chat who's like, actually, I think I'm just going to invest in the S&P and wait 10 years. That's boring. I'm just going to hold this for my entire life. I'm just going to get a 9% return every year from the S&P. That's Keenan Allen.

Be an adult. Get off Robin Hood and draft Keenan Allen. Can't go broke making a profit, right, Craig? Nope. Taking a profit? Making a profit? Whatever. This man averages 104 catches per season over the last five seasons. 104 catches per season over the last five seasons.

People have made a lot about how he's kind of starting to decline. He doesn't look quite as fast. His yards for catch has gone down. Don't care about any of that. So I'm looking at it though His yards per reception Was 10.7 last year It was 9.9 the year before

He had 106 catches for 1100 yards That's slowing down I'll take that I know but I'm like looking at some of his early Like when he was 22 he averaged 10.2 yards per catch When he was 23 10.8 When he was 24 10.5

He's never been like a deep down the field explosive guy this is who he is Because you could argue that he's He's like your favorite receiver's favorite receiver's the most tactical route runner probably in the entire league. And so I think a lot, the question is like, is Mike Williams going to, I almost said Mike Davis, just out of muscle memory,

but is Mike Williams going to take over as like the number one there? But really what happens, Mike Williams, maybe spiritually is like maybe the number one than the Chargers, like he's quote unquote scare his defenses more. But when they're focusing on Mike Williams, they're kind of saying, we'll let Keenan Allen take a lot of underneath stuff. But it also means Keenan Allen's going to get the 100 catch season in perpetuity. And now he's got Justin Herbert.

And everyone is probably going to simultaneously say, Justin Herbert is going to, you know, a legit MVP candidate. I think the charges probably could win the NFC West, take over the Chiefs. But, like, King Allen's going to be there. He's going to get the 100 catches. It's money in the bank. Head down to San Diego, folks. It's lovely down there.

Nobody knows. Kathy would shit. Some people know. I was really good. Okay, I, this is not as pure as that, but I do have a guy that might be even more boring for the, for the receiver course. after Keenan Allen. It's Brandon Cooks, man. It's Brandon Cooks to the Texans.

This one's perfect. I don't know if there could be a more boring receiver. Like last year we had so many jokes. I mean, especially it was like, somebody has to catch passes in Houston. And I was like, no, but you don't have to have them on your team. And I was like, you know what? Brandon Cook caught passes in Houston.

He did. He called the passes. He was a top 20 fantasy receiver. But if you cut out like week 18, I mean, Brandon Cooks beat Michael Pittman for, for the Colts, he beat DJ Moore for the Panthers, he beat Jalen Waddle for the Dolphins. Like, this happened. One year ago,

it happened. With Davis Mills. One year ago. Now, I'm not saying you should take him over those guys this year, but when he beats them again, can I give you as a stat? Did you know? Three players have hit a thousand receiving yards

in six of the last seven seasons. So six of the last seven seasons. Is Tyler Lockett one of those? No, six last seven seasons. Three players. have gotten 1,000 yards, six of the last seven seasons. Is one of them, I guess DeAndre Hopkins didn't do it last year, did he? Nope, not Hopkins. Mike Evans.

Yes, Mike Evans, because he's got the streak. It's like his whole career, basically. Was it Julio before that? No, Julio has five. There's a lot of players with five, but Julio does not have... You said six of the last seven seasons? Yeah, three players have 1,000 yards in each, in six of the last seven years. Devante?

No. No. No. Remember, we found out? How are we not getting this? He was 26 when he finally had his first thousand-yard season. I'll give you, well, the hint will ruin it. Oh, is it, it's not Antonio Brown.

No, it's not Antonio Brown. Tyree Kill? Close. It's not a receiver. Travis Kelsey. Kelsey. Mike, so receivers, players with a thousand yards, six out of last seven seasons. Travis Kelsey, Mike Evans, Brandon Cooks.

What? Brandon Cooks, man. Like, this is crazy shit. And it's like, you know what? He's not famous by any measure. He probably is production to fame literally the most skewed ratio of any player in the NFL. he's been on so many different teens he went from the Saints to the Patriots

to the Rams lost two Super Bowls to teams that then went immediately and won a Super Bowl without him and then he went to the abyss of Houston and I mean another one for you he's been a top 16 fantasy receiver top 16 in the fantasy receiver six of the last seven years too

he's literally been between nine and 16 all of those six years and the other year he just got hurt I have no memory of him being on the ring Did that happen? Are you sure? He played with the Rams for two years? He did.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, pandemic was wild. And I think about all this with Brandon Cooks because he, man, he pulled another thousand-yard season out of his ass. Admittedly, they had an extra game this year. He did that with the Texans, worst situation in the league. Davis Mills was a rookie.

He didn't know he was going to be playing. How could they not be better? Like, how could Davis Mills and Brandon Cook's connection? not be better with Davis Mills having an offseason. It has to get better, and the Texans' receiver room did not get better. There's still nobody else to catch passes in Houston except Brandon Cooks. And he's also, oh, I mean, also give you a trillion dollars. But he's not going to be ready.

We'll also give you a trillion. What did you say? I said they drafted Mechie, but he's not going to be ready. He's coming off in ACL. I'll also give you a trillion dollars. You can tell me how old Brandon Cook is. A trillion? He's 28.

Fuck. All right, yeah, he's 28. But, okay. You had like a one in four shot right there to win a trillion dollars. Tack it on to my bill for the Todd Gurley. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'll pay you on that. But regardless, I mean, doesn't it kind of blow your mind that Brandon Cooks is 28 years old?

He's been on like five teams. Yeah. He had 90 catches last year. I know. 90 is boring. 90. Good Lord. He had the most targets of his career last year.

Career high. Again, Mike Evans, Kelsey Brandon Cook's 1,000 yards. This exercise, like, I want to tell the people at home here, if you take this into your draft, it's not going to be easy. It is so hard to draft a boring player.

Your finger will quiver. You don't want to do it. You have the fear of missing out. Yes. You'll get tremendous fomo drafting Brandon Cooks, and everybody will say, that was the lamest pick of the draft. Congrats.

We also had to do this whole episode, bottle them all together, because we're so afraid to recommend these freaking people like morons ourselves. Like, we're the people who told you to take freaking Brandon Cooks, like, you know, don't want that on my conscience, but here we are.

You'll win. Cooks, welcome. All right, yeah, welcome Brandon Cooks. Another one for you. This is the guy who actually inspired this entire episode. So this is our wide receiver three on this team. Yeah, so, yeah. It's Alan Lazard for the Packers.

And admittedly, there's no track record here, like, of Alan Lazard being like, oh, you should take him. But he's like, again, Alan Lazard, with Devante Adams gone for the Packers, and also Marquez Val de Scantel. left for the Packers. Al-Mazar just is the number one, like, in name.

We'll see if it's in practice, but he's probably talent-wise, like, Mike Davis. Like, he's probably the Mike Davis of receivers. He's just not the kind of breakout receiver. And yet, he's, like, probably the number one wide receiver for Aaron Rogers and the Packers. And we just, no one gives a shit at all. I mean, he is young, unlike Randall Cobb.

He knows the offense and what Rogers wants. which is probably 75% of the job. Like Sammy Watkins signed, he doesn't know that. And then he's also an actual developed NFL receiver. And I know they drafted Christian Watson in the second round. But Christian Watson is not an NFL player yet. And like, we do know that, look, there has been more rookie receivers being successful immediately. I admit that.

But not with like veteran quarterbacks like Aaron Rogers. Like I don't, D.K., correct me on the fly if I'm wrong. I don't think we've seen the quarterbacks like Aaron Rogers or Tom Brady or the veteran guys. with who have like a much more meticulous, demanding style in nature, had like a rookie jive with them immediately. I can't think of one. And so, Aaron, I mean, he's so relatively cheap. Alan Lazzard is consistently going to be there in like the 80s, 90s.

And honest, I'm sitting here. I still don't even know if I formally want to recommend him. Honestly, I just keep looking at this. Well, shit, what if he is the number one guy? Yeah, when the rubber meets the road, are you actually going to take Alan Luzard? Hi Fitzts. I'm, to tell you the honest to God truth, I'm still thinking about it,

because I read this, like, Aaron, I'm not even recommending him right now, but I read this Aaron Rogers quote, and I don't even know what to make of anything Roger says or gets tattooed in his body, but he said, I like production over potential. We have some production. We have a lot of potential.

He says, we need a temper expectations and heightened accountability. He goes on, goes on. And he says, he goes, he's asked about the receiving core, and he said, Alan Lazard's been our dirty work guy for most of his career here.

Now he's getting an opportunity to be a number one receiver, so I'm not worried about him at all stepping into that role. I like to hear that. Hey, hi Fitz. Did you know that Alan Lazard is 10th all time in Big 12 receiving yards? He was actually a really good college receiver. Like, he has a history of high volume production in college in the big job.

We got an email from someone who said everyone in their league calls him Alien Lizard. That's mostly the Alan Lizard thoughts I've been having all day. Okay, let me ask you guys this. if Alan Lazard plays all 17 games and he's the number one or two wide receiver on the team he plays all 17 games what do you think is a reasonable stat line by 70 something catches for

1,060 yards what did Devante have last year 180 targets 130 catches yeah Devante had 169 targets 123 catches but my point is is that Like, if you look at like Terry McLaren last year, Terry McLaren had 77 catches,

1,053 yards and five touchdowns. Holy shit, I just gave you his, I gave you basically Terry McLaren's, like, stat. That was the wide receiver 25. Yeah. Wow. Like, you know, Kendrick Bourne had 55 catches for 800 yards and five touchdowns.

He ran a little bit. That was the wide receiver 30. Yeah, I guess. Shit, we should have put Kendrick Bourne on this list. No, well, I think here's, no, for the Patriots. I don't like him, though. Here's the difference. Here's the thing.

Al-Nazard, like, as an athlete, has none of the profile of someone you think of sense. And I understand that for rightful reasons, it's easy to look at a Christian Watson for, you know, he's a much more, he's a larger, much more athletic receiver coming in, and it's sexier and he's a rookie, and you want that to be good.

However, part of me just keeps coming back to, what if the guy who Aaron Rogers says is getting the opportunity to be Green Bay's number one receiver, is Green Bay's number one receiver, is Green Bay? number one receiver. And we all ignore him because we don't like him. This happens in fantasy all the time. We're manifesting something that isn't there.

Like Aaron Rogers is telling us, this is the only guy who's been on the team. This guy has been in the playoffs for three straight seasons. He's 6'5. He's performed before when players have been hurt. All of the signs are there. We're just refusing to accept them. Well, yeah, I mean, Aaron Rogers got the, also he's a Sagittarius like Rogers. That's right. It's huge. It's huge. he's just boring Alan Lazzard

No his name's Alan That's the problem Alan Robinson and Alan Lazzard They don't get any respect King and Allen Yeah We could do the all Allen Whoa something there

There's a theme That a lot of these names are boring Can we just call them Al Alazar So that is our team Honorable mention Tim Patrick Well no we got a tight end Oh yeah right sorry

Honorable mention at why This guy's so boring Craig forgot about him completely Tim Patrick. Tim Patrick is our honorable mention bench wide receiver. Yeah. He's been the best receiver on the Broncos for the last two years.

And his name is Tim. All right. Do you get in a fight about who should be the boring tight end for the all boring team? I mean, I think both of them work. I just think Zach Ertz, my pick, is going to score more points

than your pick, Col Commet, for the Bears. I got to say, in terms of boring, Zach Ertz is more boring than Cole Commet. What? Zach Ertz scored the game-winning, like, catch in the Super Bowl. How many years ago was that? Like four, five?

I don't know, it was pre-Demic, so time is a loose construct. No, Zach Ertz is so boring because I think every, I mean, he seems like a shell of himself physically, and everyone jokes that he like can't. D.K., what's the Twitter account about him breaking tackles? There's a Twitter account dedicated to asking the question of whether Zach Ertz broke a tackle, because he's never broken a tackle in his life. He is the quintessential, the prototypical, the botanic ideal of a catch-and-fall-down tight end. like you can you can rely on him to catch the ball but he'll immediately fall down sometimes i'm kidding i remember this and i think i remember specifically solac losing his mind there was one play in particular a couple years ago where he caught a ball and had like 30 yards in front of him and then

he like ran towards another player and fell down like he can't he can't run with the ball in his hand you're really selling me on why he should be on our team however however here's why he should be team. After joining the Cardinals last year, he averaged five catches in 52 yards per game. That made him the tight end six from week seven. God, tight end is in their wasteland. He's like, he averaged 50 yards a game, making him the best tight end in the league. Look, this is the all boring list. 52 yards a game. Goodness. This is the all boring list, fellas. Right. DeAndjadjadkins is suspended for this first six weeks. I think that boosts Earths immediately.

He got a three-year, $31.5 million contract, which is 10th most in average annual value. So he's, like, up there and pay. He's going to catch the ball and fall down, but he's going to catch a lot of balls and then fall down immediately. So, I don't know. To me, he is literally the quintessential most boring tight end,

but he's also good in fantasy. I just disagree on the grounds that he's boring. I think that, like, a guy who used to be a top three, top four fantasy tight end is exciting even after it gets old. I think Cole Komet, is worthy, more worthy of the all boring team name, or the all boring team,

because Cole Commet, I mean, he's Colt Comet, like right now, close your eyes. Do you know what his face looks like? No. No fucking chance. There's no chance, you know, what Cole Comet's face look like.

And if you say so, you're a liar. And like, could I describe him? No. No. Do you know anything? I don't know. But I think, so, J. G. G. Cacharie's in a great stat

that basically Cole Comet is the only tight end of the last decade to get 85 targets in his season and not score a touchdown, which like the 52 yards a game, not a rousing. However,

it's like they had bad luck. The Bears were, again, the Bears couldn't really have, Justin Field specifically couldn't have been in a worse situation with what they put him in last year. However,

you know, I'm not putting too much stock in it, but as Bill would say, like the bingo card of like, you're hearing everything you want to hear of the Bears, like Justin Fields getting chemistry with Cole Komet,

they had the offseason to work together. And like, again, there's no one there. We went through the freaking receiver room. It's just Darnell Mooney, who is good. as the number one receiver. Then the cast of Top Gun.

The cast of Top Gun. Again, Tom Cruise is too short to really make an impact in the Red Zone. And then they've got Cole Commet, who's like the big body guy. And I really do think Cole Commit, again, with tight end, you want a guy, ideally, if you're trying to pick a guy

outside the top eight, whatever, you don't want to pay premium. You're trying to pick a guy who's at a minimum, the top two option on their offense. Ideally, like, who could be the number one option in some weeks, but at least you want them top two. Cole Commet, if you go through all

these dudes, like Mike Gisicki for the Dolphins, not about to be a top two option on that offense, but Cole Commet is probably top two option for the Bears, and he's boring as hell. Yeah, because there's a lot of, there's a lot of boring tight ends, to be honest, like, but it's hard to pick one that you actually would want on your team. Like, Pat Friermouth is boring, but like

he's not a top three option. Deonti Johnson, Chase Claypool, and Naji Harris are all going to get targeted more than Pat Fragermis, so he doesn't count. I also think Friam's value last year was entirely because he earned Big Ben's trust. And I think Steelers fan, I mean, you're a Steelers friend, Craig. My read of it was Ben trusted him, so he had value.

But if that doesn't translate with Trubisky, the Fraymuth is like borderline useless. Yeah, I don't disagree with that. So, like, I understand, like, I bet you will get emails saying like Dalton Schultz. He's pretty boring. But he's being drafted too high because he's going in like 60s. Right. I think Ertz, okay, here's my question, hyphitz.

When you're in a draft with your friends and someone drafts Zach Ertz, and another person drafts Cole Commit. Which guy is more likely to get a bunch of groans, like, ooh, nice. Zach Ertz, you're going to love that one. You know what I mean? Like, I think Zach Ertz, to me, has the wash label to him. He's old.

He falls down. Like, to me, that is, like, the least sexy, most boring. But that's exactly my point. Well, Comit's, like, young and athletic. You have opinions on Zach Ertz. It's exactly my point. You think he's what? You don't think about Colquette at all.

It's because he's boring. I just think he's unproven more than he is boring Yeah fair but I just Yeah we don't have to split hairs here I mean Colcomic can be on the bench for the team I just for arguing about who's more boring I just think yeah I just think you've heard of Zach Earth This is good content

It's great good cause that's the all boring team Okay other honorable mention for the all boring team Want to mention real quick Melvin Gordon for the Broncos I mean no one's getting hyped about that No one cares and yet and yet he had the same men it carries as Javante William. Literally the same. And then everyone's just so excited about Javonte Williams.

Understandably, obviously there's a world where Javante Williams the much younger running back takes over and becomes like the great running back for this Broncos Russell Wilson team. It's the goal line back. And just like, it's such a fun running style. And Kyle Brant's out here talking every week about how his angry runs. And like he could totally be a star. Also, maybe the reality plays out where Javante Williams said,

our roles are the same. And then their roles are just the same. Yeah, like I feel like what people want, Giovante Williams to be is like the normal world of Stranger Things and then what's likely going to happen is the fucking upside down, which is Melvin Gordon actually splitting carries with him like he did last year. It's not the upside down. It already happened.

It's real life. It's just more like everyone's like it won't be that way, but the person saying it will is Giovante Williams. Last year, Javante was the RB17 and Melvin was the RB18. One's going like 75 picks after the other, just because we don't like Melvin Gordon. Yeah, he's a great one. It's true that it's like, I understand the upside of Javante Williams, but also sometimes we just

get roped into wishcasting. Also, do you know how old Melvin is? Yeah, his name's Melvin. That's such a theme. All these guys have such boring names. There's something here. David Montgomery. Name bias is a huge factor.

Alan Lazzard. Luzard's a very interesting last name, but Alan. No. Yeah. David Montgomery, James Connor. James Connor. Well, James Connor. Every one of these guys has first, like, two first names.

Keenan Allen. David Montgomery, James Connor. Keenan Allen. Kurt Cousins. a bunch of boring people. But a few of them have two first names. Okay, so that's the all-boring team, and we're half kidding, but we're mostly serious.

Should we run through it again? So quarterback, all-boring teams, Kirk Cousins, Honorable Mimitchin, Derrick Carr, running backs are Joe Mixin for the Bengals, David Montgomery for the Bears, James Connor for the Cardinals, receivers are Keenan Allen for the Chargers, Brandon Cook for the Texans,

Alan Lazard for the Packers, Zacherts for the Cardinals, a tight end and honorable mention to my guy called Komet for the Bears. If you guys actually... And Melvin. I'm running back. Yeah, Melvin Gordon, honorable mention. If you guys are actually going to walk away from your drafts, one of these guys, not saying you should, but

as Craig alluded to earlier, where you actually gather the strength to hit the draft button. Because let's be real, none of us have the strength to take all of these people. Who is the guy that you actually kind of think you'll be strong enough to walk away with? I will 100% be taking some James Connor.

Keenan Allen, confidently. I think it's Cole commit for me. Really? None of us want Brandon Cooks after all that. Damn it. No, I don't want, no. No, it is Brandon Cooks for me probably. No, I'm not going to do it.

Listen, if anybody out there drafts this exact team. No, don't encourage people. No, I have to. Oh, I absolutely want people to be. If anybody does that, we will do a lot for you. You can come on the pod. I don't know what. People are going to do it.

Dude, if they're going to draft this exact team, one, that's really hard to do because Well, you gotta get it. There's 11 other or 9 other guys. You gotta get all the boring players? Well, I'm just saying like, odds are you're probably not gonna even have the opportunity at every round to have these guys available. But if you do,

good Lord, we will praise you. And you'll win your league, so you'll say thanks. Craig will praise you. He'll have to check the email account. Like we should. Yeah. Okay. One last piece of news we want to hit and then we'll do emails. Really important. The Steelers changed their name of the stadium.

I kept believe we didn't hit this earlier this week. So they were Heinzfield. And now they're, see if I can do this. Acrecher. I don't even know. I haven't even put in the energy to look it up because I don't, I'm refusing to believe it. I don't know how you say it. Accreisure, acrissure.

I don't know. It might be the worst possible name. Somebody ran a poll asking if you'd ever heard of Accresure before, what was it, Tuesday or Monday. And it was like 96% said no. Well, that's why you buy the naming rights, right? I guess. It's kind of like the Warriors. I remember the Warriors

that sold their jersey rights, like the little patch on the jersey and was Rakuten? Rakuten? I can't pronounce words, never mind company names. But I was like, who's that?

Because there's so many companies in San Francisco I thought would do it. And I was like, oh, it's because no one knows who you are. I mean, I know Rakuten is like a massive company. But that's the point.

Having said that, how long until we figure out how to say this name? Is, I don't understand how, so what is Accure? Oh, I'm glad you asked. I'm on Steelers. com.

Acresure is a fintecher is a fintech, which operates a top 10 global insurance broker. The company provides a broad array of AI-driven solutions across insurance, real estate services, cyber services, asset management, and more to millions of clients. Grown from 38 million in revenue to 3.8 billion in just eight years.

Like, is Craig and I all of a sudden going to go, like go put our business with Accresure? You're asking about what the purpose of advertising is? Yes. Yes. I mean, I don't disagree with you. Well, I'm not going to lie. the funniest moment.

I think it was last year. It was on like vacation or something like I just at the beach and my girlfriend asked me to like get a frozen pizza and I just and I went and I just You were at the beach and she said go get a frozen pizza? Well just to have them, I don't know, drunk and you're like you want something I don't know. Okay.

A frozen pizza? I don't know. We're at the supermarket. You know, you do the supermarket run before the beach. We're getting tripped up on this. You're right. Sorry. Supermarket run before the beach. You do like the supermarket run. You get all the stuff for the beach week. Oh, okay.

All right. I thought you were more like we were at the beach or going to the beach. No, not literally. No, beach, all right, good clarification. We're at the beach,

but you're doing the supermarket run and there, I was like, all right, but get frozen pizza. And I don't really get frozen pizza because I'm a total fucking snob from New York. And I, obviously.

Your body's a temple. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And I was in the frozen pizza aisle and I just had such brain freeze of like, like, you know, when you're scrolling through Netflix,

you don't want to get, and I was looking at all the brands. And I just, I vividly remembered a DeJorno commercial from 12 years ago that I saw on TV, and I got a Dejorno pizza. And I remember thinking, that's why you do advertising. Yep, that's right. Yeah, but that's frozen pizza. It's not AI-driven fucking whatever it is. Like, that's for, like, giant corporations.

They're marketing to giant corporations. Well, a lot of corporations buy football tickets and watch football games. I don't know. Corporations do? People who work at them do. I don't know. Phil Mickelson, before he did. this whole live golf thing. He had, you know,

was workday. I don't think they're advertising workday to like regular people. People who like own companies watch golf. We use workday here at Spotify. Did you know that? Okay. So you guys don't think it's weird? Oh, it's incredibly weird. No, it's weird until you think about it. You're like, actually, if everyone knows your company, why buy the naming rights?

True. True. You know what I mean? Also like, I just talk advertising. I'm like, hmm, what's the point? I really do believe in, we're a real geniuses about advertising. Craig literally asked me, so are you asking the point of average? Can I ask you guys a question? What's the largest company was in America by market cap that you don't know how to pronounce their name?

Oh boy. I think Rakuten or the Warriors Choice Company. You know what? I think it's Rakuten. They're a large company and I don't really know how to say their name. Yeah, that's probably a good. If you have any thoughts on that, the largest company in America that you do, don't, that people probably don't how to pronounce the name.

Could you email us at ringer fantasy football at e-mail.com? Kathy Wood would know. Their revenue is $1.6 trillion. That's going to be hard to be. Who is freaking using this company? Rackington, they're electronics, commerce, and online retail. I think technically they're Japanese company. Yeah, they are.

So. 1.6 trillion will be hard to beat. Okay. Emails. Marcus send us a great email. Headline. This is how you get our emails. read. Subject line.

All caps. Mariah Carey Jingle authorization. I shit you not. I was like texting somebody on my phone. I got the little drop-down notification with the preview of this email that says Mariah Carey Jingle authorization immediately abandoned my text and clicked. And I was like, this works. This is a great advertising.

Got you. Yeah. And then what did it with the email body read? And then it said, just kidding, Elimeo. Here's some Zach Wilson memes. Which is funny. Because he could have just said Zach Wilson memes is the title and we would have clicked. But I respect that he did the Mariah Carey prank.

That's really good. So yeah, if you wanted to reach your email, just send us, ringer fantasy football at Gmail.com. Although now we're going to get flooded, so you'll have to kind of pivot. Wasn't the person that sent us the original Mariah Carey thing named Marcus, too? Oh, that I don't know. Oh, my God. You think... Really?

I don't remember that. We'll have to investigate. Or Mark, maybe. Okay. That's all we got. thank you to him for listening we've got I mean we're getting we're gearing up for seasons so like we're gonna have

a lot more fun stuff coming how to get the boring stuff out in July we're gonna have actually exciting things going forward our whole fantasy football draft guides coming like big update coming very soon later in July training camps right around the corner so we're I mean incredibly excited for this season thank you DK thank you Craig thank you to Marcus for the memes thank you Zach Wilson really for the memes

I mean I can't actually think of enough for the whole scenario thank you for your service yeah incredible thank you to the boring guys Thank you to Brandon Cooks. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you, Justin Timberlake. Oh, DK. What's your favorite Justin Timberlake song?

Cry Me a River. Is that really your favorite? I don't know. Or you just name the first one you can think of it. I think it's a pretty good song. My favorite, this is cheating. It's like one of his first records? One of them?

Yeah. Oh, I think. You know what I, wait, Cry Me River specifically? Well, what he was solo. You know what my favorite, my favorite stat I unearthed so far in my career as a professional writer is that is that the Bengals hired Marvin Lewis

like it was a month after Crimea River came out and it was before the Iraq war started and that's how long Marvin Lewis was the coach of the Cincinnati Bengals and he didn't win a playoff game like he outlasted the United States invasion of Iraq that's saying something too this is pretty incredible the second one or the first no not no not the he wasn't in the 90s

what yeah I'm just checking There are several Persian Gulf Wars. No, in the 2000s. I'm not as tapped in as D.K., no, geopolitical. Wasn't there in the 90s? Anyway. I like how Hyvitz called himself a professional writer.

Do you guys say, I'm a pro writer? What do you do? I'm a pro writer. Yeah, that was kind of douchy as a setter, wasn't it? Well, like, is there a difference between saying, I'm a writer and I'm a professional writer? Yeah, one's if you want to sound douchier. That's it.

I'm a pro writer. But my favorite Timberlake song, he does it amazing. There's a, was I think it's the C&M. I forget what, he did a duet with Chris Stapleton. Tennessee whiskey. Yes, Tennessee Whiskey and Drink You Away. Yeah. And that, if you just want like a great six minute YouTube video, it's fantastic.

Yeah, Drink You Away is, I think the best song on Mears part two. Not Mears. No, is that what the album's called Mears? I don't remember which one's from. Oh, no, it's called 2020. Yeah, yeah. So 2020 Part 2. Mears is on part one.

Haifitz, they just had a crazy realization that you were not alive for the first goal for. Yeah, no, I wasn't. That fucking blows my mind. No, you know what actually messes with me? The first thing that's making me feel old is like, now every athlete entering all the drafts was born like way after 9-11. That's messing me up. When you click on someone's draft profile and you just see like born 2002. Chet Holmgren was born in 2002.

Yeah, I hate that. That's messing me up. That's really messing me up. Yeah, that's very weird. Well, on that note. Goodbye, everyone.