The Ringer NFL Show - Combine Coach-Speak Translator, NFLPA Team Grades, and Doogie Howser

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

The guys are live from the 2025 NFL scouting combine to translate what the coaches and general managers really meant in their press conferences (1:33). Later, they talk about the NFLPA survey results (59:04), and emails (1:07:06)! Check out our 2025 Ringer NFL Draft Guide here! Email us! [e-mail] The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit www.rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Social: Kiera Givens Producers: Carlos Chiriboga and Tucker Tashjian Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, it's Bill Simmons letting you know that we are covering the White Lotus on the Prestige TV podcast and the Ringer TV YouTube channel every Sunday night this season with Mallory Rubin and Joanna Robinson. Also, on Wednesdays, Rob Mahoney and I will be sort of diving deep into theories and listener questions. So you can watch that on the Ringer YouTube channel and also on the Spotify app. Subscribe to the Prestige podcast feed. Subscribe to the Ringer TV YouTube channel. And don't forget, you can also watch these podcasts on Spotify. Spotify. White Lotus. Let's go. Welcome to the Ringer Fantasy Football Show.

My name is Danny Hypton. Today I'm joined by Danny Kelly and Craig. We're in Indianapolis in person, Craig. You have never been here before. That's right. We had to drag you kicking and screaming. Yes, I'm here for the combine. A lot of teams ask for my test scores. So I'm here. I'm going to do a lot of drills. People want to know what I'm doing. Are you going to be participating? You're not a friday. Like, Shadair Sanders?

Are you going to be? Well, he's not participating. I'm going to give them the full gamut. I want them to fully see me. The problem was is I tried to run a 40 after I had the St. Elmo's shrimp cocktail. which is like the most intense thing I've ever eaten in my life, which we can get to at the end of the show. But it's been great to be here. I like Indy a lot.

Yeah, so, I mean, free agency is in two weeks. NFL draft is in like six weeks. Don't quote me on that. I can't really count weeks. It's kind of harder than you think. But I think the offseason is like a poker game where you try to not let anyone know your cards, but I think the combine is the first week

where you actually start to see what people might actually be holding in their hand. And so we're going to go through, but coaches are liars. and they're honestly, they get up, there's like 40 press conferences. There's like three quarters of leagues coaches, three quarters of leagues, general managers get up and they do this pretty lengthy press conferences. And they're all trying to lie or give coded messages,

but sometimes the truth seeps out of your pores, either by accident or you're very purposefully trying to communicate something without saying it. Right. Is it basically a test of how media trained are you? Yes, which is why you always go to the new ones, because they're kind of, yeah, they're so nervous. And so I.

app to like fuck up. So you two were there at most of these. I was not. I was flying out here and so you guys are going to kind of give me the rundown of what they said and less what they said, what they meant. Well, that's like, so a few years ago we did this and we realized all the quotes are really boring. So then two years ago, we came up

the anger translator thing. So Obama, we stole that from, we stole that from Key & Peel. So Key and his Obama translator sketch, that's basically like, like, Keyes Obama and he's just sitting there like, and we should unite the whole world. And then Luther's is anger translator. Just screaming like, Get a lot, motherfucker.

And it's great. It's absolutely incredible. So we're going to do that. So one of us is going to read a quote from the press conferences, and then one of us will translate. DK is going to be my anchor translated. I'm going to try. And he's going to translate what the coaches are actually trying to say.

And then Craig is just going to, you're kind of going to vibes and explain what's actually interesting or what's boring. I'm going to act like I'm at this press conference for the first time. Yeah, exactly. So I want to start with actually literally the beginning. The actual first question. So they come in waves. The first guy to get up to the press conference.

conference was literally Joe Shane, the Giants GM. And the first thing that anyone said to Joe Shane was they literally, like, Joe Scho got up there and said, hello everyone. And so was like, Joe, Joe, so Sequin Berkeley won a Super Bowl and you let him leave. Do you think that was a mistake, Joe? Is that really how it was worse? Yes. That is, that was the vibe.

I don't think that's verbatim. And so Joe Shane's like, I'm happy for Sequan. Obviously, he went on to win the Super Bowl. We wish him nothing but the best. always going to evaluate all the decisions you make and we were at we were at a different place in our build which say one the best yeah which translation translation

I fucking hate hard knocks those fuckers maybe look like an asshole I will never forget hard knocks fuck them I gotta say that's a classy quote from Shane he ended that well I'm sure I mean that is probably his team like that is the number one question he's been prepped for probably a hundred times so like that answer actually is is quite tasteful I would say well he probably gets practiced because his kids probably get bullied for it in schools. Kids have to go to school in Jersey and every day

they're like, your dad covered a sake one. It's like the other guys when he's like, you shot, you shot Derek you should have shot A-Raw! I'm like, you know, hear that every day in school. The others, but literally on the, he actually was actually, Joe Shane, the Giants' GM was also asked about Hard Knocks specifically, and he literally was asked, have any other GMs contacted you about

whether they should agree to go on Hard Docs and what it's like? And so Joe Shane said, this is quote from Joe Shane, I haven't gotten any calls. I think I know what I would tell them, though. Translation. Again. Hard knocks made me yearn for the sweet release of death. Honestly, probably.

Fuck hard knocks. Do you think it's even will do it? No, they would have started filming by now. No, that thing's over. I don't think it's ever. I think it's like 20 years. People have to forget. The Lara Shane conversation where he was like,

oh, God, I'd hate to see Sequin leave. He's, you know, he's the favorite, or he's the fan favorite. That, like, that line and that, that quote, like, ruined Hard Knocks forever. It's so brutal because it's not even like that was leaked audio that, like, somebody accidentally caught of, like, them in a bathroom. It was, like, just straight up. I know.

It was in the shepherdsman. Oh, God. It's going to, you're going to have to wait for everyone who's there in the moment to die out as a generation for it to come back. Like, then, then it'll happen. I could see Wood Johnson doing it. Brooke Johnson? Well, his name's Wood.

Right? Oh, his least, Woody Johnson, the Jetter's son. Woodie's the owner Whose name is Wood? Brick is a nickname I think they're both wood. I thought Brick's name is wood. They're all just building materials, right? Yeah. I mean, it's a far mistaken.

That is kind of funny that, yeah. Brick Johnson. I thought his name was Wood. No, I think you're right. No, Woody Johnson's name is No, his real name is not brick. His real name is Robert Wood Johnson. Woody Johnson Jr.

His name is Robert Wood Johnson. How did we even get on this? Yeah, yeah. I was saying that I think Brick would be down to have the camera. Once he takes over the Jets, I can see him kind of inviting all that in and doing, like, honestly, the real housewives of the New York Jets. That's actually a good idea. The other thing that Joe Shane said, which I think is less Mimi, but more just actual news, is Joe Shane was asked, like, basically, are you going to trade for Matt Stafford or what?

Yeah. And he said, you have to ask the Rams that. Oh. He said, I can't talk about that. He's under contract. Which translation, what do you think, D.K.? Hell yes. We're trying to get Matt Stafford.

We don't have a quarterback on our roster. Just Tommy Cutlets. Yeah. Matt, he's like a futures contract. Yeah, the Stafford thing is crazy because I know we talked about this on Monday, which really was on Thursday because we recorded that episode in advance. So I think in a week, the Stafford thing, even since we had that discussion, the Rams actually gave Matt Stafford's agent permission to talk to other teams about a trade in the contract.

Gaging your value is the kind of thing that happens when there is a chasm between how much a player thinks it's worth. This is what the Ravens did with Lamar Jackson. When the Ravens, that wasn't about money. It was about guaranteed money, where Lamar was like, I was like five years, $300 million fully guaranteed. And the Ravens were like, you know what? If anyone will give that to you, let us know. And then the one went to that like.

It was like arguably collusion. It was definitely collusion. We're not doing the distrauding. There was, I guess I should say allegedly, because I'm talking about 32 billionaires who could sue us. But like, yeah, allegedly that was definitely collusion. But now the Rams are like, yeah, go ahead, Matt. And so I don't, I think there is, this is one of those stories that the first time I heard

Stafford might be traded. I was like, this is just off-season clickbait. I actually think it might be more likely than not at this point. Obviously, you could still resolve it. But I think Stafford's like, I am playing really well. We almost beat the Eagles. I would like $60 million a year. I can't be paid less than Brock Purdy.

And the Rams are like, you're falling apart. You're throwing elbow, you're back. And like, we're going to give you $60 million. Who's their quarterback can be then? Well, they have Jimmy Gee. Well, Jimmy G. He's a free agent. I wonder about Kirk Cousins, who's going to get cut from the Falcons.

No, that makes me know. I mean, I know he'd be incredibly cheap. He's a minimum, though. He's a million dollars. Yeah, man. I don't know. It's weird. But again, like, again, this was a story that even if week ago were like, no.

And I was like, the Rams are letting him talk to other teams. That's how bad it is. There is a lot of buzz here that, like, this is real. You know, like, get the combine. It feels like the Rams are getting too cute. And I understand that they're actually kind of young now and planning for the future and not in win now mode. But they're so close to still win the right now.

They were the closest team to beating the Eagles in the playoffs. McVeigh and Savard, I think, probably still have a very good relationship. and why can't you keep this as a short one to two year thing? Pay Matt Stafford what he deserves and then figure it out. Your team is young. You can afford that. I don't know. I think that clearly I think Stafford wants a lot and the Rams don't want to meet it.

Whether the actual, maybe Stafford's being reasonable. The Rams actually are being stingy. Maybe the Rams are being a little more realistic. And Stafford just wants to be the highest paid player. Like that's it. I mean, Stafford's been the highest paid player a lot. Like he's, he's the last, he's one of the last quarterbacks that got, we were stuck with the quarterback CBA in 2011.

Stafford was before that. So Stafford was the highest paid player in NFL history when he got drafted. So, I mean, he's always been, you know, getting a lot of money. But I will say, someone said we should have a dollar every time we bring up the Golden State Warriors in the show. The Rams have this two timelines thing, like the Warriors tried. We're going to have our whole core of Draymond and Clay Thompson and Steph, and we're also going to have all these 19-year-olds. And then predictably, you try to do two things you get neither.

Well, yeah, they did win the title, but that's the reason why the Warriors doubled down so heavily after that is because they thought, if we can do it once, we can do it forever, which is not the game. Well, the Rams are similarly where you had Stafford. cup, Aaron Donald, and then Donald Retire's, and then Donald Retire's, and then they're going to get rid of cup, and it's like, Stafford's this last vestige of like, are you resetting a window or are you trying to run it back? He said last vestige?

Yeah, is that how you say it? Vestage. Vestage? Yeah, vestige. But you say prestige? You don't say Prestage. Yeah, once again. Vestage? Because it's vestigial. Like, a vestigial work. Is that what I'm saying when I say vestige? Destige? It's not. What did I even say?

It's not vestige. I think of it like, prestige. I think of it like prestige because when call duty, like you get to level 50 and call duty four, you would prestige and go back to the bottom. And that was called prestige. We're alive. What? What? Prestige.

Worldwide. I know. But it is vestige. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I think, well, honestly, it's a deal. I think that their issue is that Stafford has like vestigial limbs left.

You know what I mean? Like, it's just like his elbows hanging on by threads. I do think that if Stafford were to get traded to a team like the Giants, I feel like the Giants could almost quickly become what the Rams were like. last year or a few years ago where it's like the giants kind of had, or did I say the Rams, the Giants could become kind of what the Rams are in, where the Giants have a couple of pieces already. Like they have some talent. You have Malik neighbors.

You have a lot of good guys in the defensive line. And it's like, you have the third pick in the draft. You could go take a Travis Hunter or something like, or Abdul Carter if he falls. And then you slot in Matt Stauffer with Malik neighbors. And it's like the Giants are kind of immediately like a frisked wild-hards. Shout out Fendl's sports book. They made a mistake on the Super Bowl because the Giants are listed at 200 to 1. I don't know why, but something happened,

and the Giants were listed at 470 to 1, which, that's not a thing. To what? To win the Super Bowl? That's not a thing. Like, teams are not listed lower than, like, 250 to 1. So I put $10 down to win $4,700 at the Giants win the Super Bowl. Because I was thinking, if they get Matt Stafford.

I mean, they're not going to win the Super Bowl. No, but you think I just lose the $10? I mean, they're not winning the Super Bowl, but that's cool. It's about that. It's about getting to stare at the 4,700 for, like, I get nine months to stare at that. Because if they make the playoffs, then I can just hedge. Totally. You don't think they're going to win the Super Bowl?

No. No, I don't. Do you think they're going to get Matt Stafford? I don't. If they get Matt Stafford, I feel happy and confident. They're going to not finish last in touchdowns again. Thanks. So there's that.

But I do think the Giants are a team that actually makes sense for Matt Stafford. Honestly, I think the Steelers do as well. The other team's the Raiders, because Brady apparently already, you know, was getting involved. And I'm like, I actually think the Raiders are kind of retrieving. I think, you know, those are the two teams. I think he takes Shadur, Giants or Raiders, and I think one of them gets Shadder or Cam Ward.

And I think the other one gets Stafford. I get... From Pete Carroll's perspective, I would understand why he wants Matt Stafford. But the Raiders in general, to me, seem like they should get a young guy and, like, build up. Well, if you're Stafford, do you want to play with Brian Dable and Malik neighbors? Yeah, it's like, if you're Stafford and you're looking at it, the Giants' offensive line's tough, but at least you actually have a... I mean, the Raiders' offensive line, probably on average, it's better.

Just like, they have more, like, reliable players, but like, Malik neighbors and neighbors. I don't know. Anyway, others... That'd be fine. So I do think Kirk could be the guy in the Rams because here. So the other one here was Terry Fontenow, the general manager of the Falcons, who somehow went from being in the marketing department to running the team. But so the Kirk Cousins, Fonteno was asked if Kirk Cousins will remain the backup entering this season.

Yeah, and he essentially said the plan at this point, that is the plan at this point, that they're going to pay him his bonus and he'll be on the team. I think What how do you translate that? When I hear the plan, that's the plan at this point. I hear, fuck no. That's the plan. Absolutely.

So precisely when we have a different plan. Anytime you hear like right now that's the plan. Dude, that was like when Cliff Kingsbury went up there and they're like, when they had the first pick in the Kyler Murray draft and they were like, it's Josh Rosen your quarterback? He said, right now. Right. Yeah.

With Steve Kimes said it. We could be dead tomorrow. We could be dead tomorrow. So yeah, Kirk, they're going to cut him. It's $10 million to keep Kirk cousins like for no reason. So, like, they're going to cut them. I think the other interesting thing that fuck. So it's just $10 million more.

It's 10 million more. Yeah, no, no, no. It's what? If they've already paid him what? So he had 100 guaranteed, right? The timing, so 90 million guaranteed. And that's basically money. He's going to get $90 million for 14 games.

Like, that's already going to happen, which is crazy to think about it. He has finesse. He's the king of finesse. Good work if you can get it. He's finesse the contract structures in the NFL for so long. Well, it's funny because all guarantees, like guarantees, guarantees. But the irony is, it's actually his willingness to bet on himself. And also other teams

He played under two friends times, right? He's the perfect storm of he's not good enough that a team's ever been like, this is our guy, for sure, but he's good enough to get paid on an open market. So it's like, if Patrick Wellman had the balls to just go to free agency and just be like, I want to be,

he'd probably make like 90 million a year. You know what I mean? Someone would just do it. But no, good quarterbacks don't make it. But anyway, so Kirk, the interesting thing to me was Kirk a few weeks ago said, on NFL Network, he said that against the Saints in week 10, he got hidden the shirt,

shoulder and his elbow and then he was dealing with it all year and he was never right or healthy after that and so fontino the gym of the falcons was asked about this and terry fontino said and i quote kirk was on the injury report that one week when a player's injured we put him on the injury report that's the only time he was on the injury report so as far as we're concerned that's the only only injury we're aware of okay hmm which i translated it's what's going on with all these injury well people are lying about injuries a lot so kirk i think kirk cousins got put on and he was mad about He called it a clerical error when he was asked why he was on the injury report, which I think is basically players don't want to admit when they're hurt.

Also, like, are you hurt is subjective because the answer is like almost always yes. But it's like, how banged up are you? What is the threshold to where you're actually officially hurt? And also they lie about it. Again, like Christian McCaffrey, like was ruled out. He had Achilles tendonitis. And he missed seven weeks. They put him out 90 minutes for the game time.

So it's like, I think Kirk was lying about it. And then the Falcons were like, also there's no love loss there because Kirk is mad at that. Basically, I think Kurt's went for the Falcons under the bus. and like, yeah, I was playing hurt because he's mad that they signed him and then drafted Pennick. So he's mad about it. And then the Falcons kind of look at it as like, okay, bro, you wanted us to lie for you then, but like we're not going to admit that we were lying later.

So it's weird. But overall, Kirk basically wanted to lie then, but now he wants to act like he was hurt because he needs the market and get a starting job. So Kirk's going to make like 40, $40 million this year no matter what? No, oh, you have the numbers in front. So what's going to happen? So when it says base salary is $27.5 million, the Falcons are going to have to pay that because they guaranteed it.

They guaranteed him in the contract they gave him. So then, but what happens is, but what happens. happens in St. Patrick's Day is there's a 10 million roster bonus. So if he's on their roster on St. Patrick's Day, they have to give him $10 million cash direct deposit. So it's like, why would the Falcons do that for a backup quarterback? You're already giving them 20s. Just cut him and save the 10 million. Yeah, but I guess like if I was playing Devils Advocate, they could pay that bonus, wait until a team has an injury at quarterback or whatever and then have much more leverage to trade him, right? You wait until active free agency maybe and if the team is stuck without a

quarterback? But that's like a $10 million gamble. I don't think anyone's going to take him under his current contract because they're playing chicken with the Falcons. What's going on is the team, it's honestly like in fantasy football, it's actually very similar where it's like, which sounds funny, but it's true. You ever have a guy that's like kind of good you don't want to cut on your fantasy team, but you're going to cut him? And then you ask other people like, do you want to trade for this guy? And they're like, you're going to fucking cut him. Yeah.

Like, no, I'm not trading for that guy. Like, you're going to cut him. That's what's going on. Like, the Falcons are trying to convince people that they'll trade for, that they'll keep Kirk. But they're lying because they're going to cut them and they want. And so teams would rather just wait, pay him $1 million because why would you trade for him when you're going to pay him $27 if you could just wait and you can sign you? Which is, I think, what might be going with the rent. Well, it's funny that they did.

So they draft Michael Pennix after signing Kirk Cousney because they're like, we actually love the idea of having a strong backup. And now the roles are just reversed. Why don't you still just want a strong backup? Isn't it the same thing? So the whole thing that you wanted the insurance if one of these injury prone quarterbacks goes down and now you don't have that? You know, I didn't think about it like that. Maybe they fucking keep them. Isn't that the whole calculus of why he dropped to Michael Pennings is to have two?

It's kind of like the Daniel Jones thing when like when the Giants cut him and then ran out of quarterbacks and we're like, who's going to play? And they're like, if only someone knew your system. Yeah. It's like Pennix who had the six injuries or whatever. And it's like now he's going to get hurt one time. They're like, oh, I feel like the whole point is that you have somebody behind Pennix or Kirk. Just because Penix is starting doesn't change their philosophy, right? It just makes it messy.

It makes it messy from the locker room point of view because the Kirk Presidents is making $100 million guaranteed to be the backup. I think that alone is just kind of weird. Yeah. It's just funny. They better get a good backup then. I know. The other thing that happens, so in New York, so the Jets general manager, the new Darren, the new general manager is Darren Moogee.

And so I googled how to pronounce M-O-U-G-E-Y, and then I googled it, and it just said, it's like moo-G-E-E-E-E. And I was like, so is G-E-E-E-G or is it a G? M-E. It's M-E-G, right? It's M-U-G-I. No, I think it's Mugie. I think it's M-E.

But Aaron Glenn called a M-M-G-E-E-E-E. Oh, well, in that sense. So I'd call him Darren? Jets'I. Anyway, Jets'M. Mugi? What do you think that? But you're reading it?

That doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't help. To be like G-E-E. I'm like, how do you pronounce G-E-E-E-O-O-O-O-D-E? Moos like a cow. It needs to be a J-E. Yeah, if it's G-E-E-E-E-E-E. But isn't it weird that to get the letter G, you would want a J

for the letter G? Is that kind of weird? Well, because if you're going to say G-willikers, how do you spell G-W-Lekers? Oh, I think it's GEEE. But is that whoever wrote that in Google Gemini? Did they know that? Nobody wrote that on Google Gemini. No.

So anyway, the GM of the Jets was asked about Devante Adams being on the team, and the GM said, Devante Adams is on the team right now. Got it. What do you think that means, D.K.? Once again, translation, Devante Adams will shortly not be on the team. Very soon. Everyone, they're so sick of Rogers.

Even the coach, Aaron Glenn, who's, I would run through a wall for that guy. I heard him talk for five minutes. I'll die for you, Aaron Glenn. but Aaron Glenn was like, I don't know how many times more he could have said, I really want to talk about anyone other than Aaron Rogers. Like, I literally would like anything other than Aaron Rogers I'd like to talk about.

And they can save $30 million cutting Devante. But the other... That's interesting. But the other thing that was so funny to me was, so Rogers is going to get cut. Devante's probably going to get cut, unless someone wants to trade for him. But the other thing that I thought was so funny

was the GM of the Jets comes out, and he gives an opening statement. He's like, I am not here to address any specific rumors or anything because it was a rumor that the Aaron Rogers they had offered to let him stay if you would stop doing Pat McAfee and show up to mandatory minicamp instead of figuring out of the stuff aliens built the pyramids. Yeah it's like don't investigate

aliens building pyramids during mandatory minicamp. Right, right. So there was a report. So Darren Mugi Mugi, whatever comes out and says I am not here to address specific private conversations or confirm or deny rumors. However, we did not have any

specific conversations with players. is just stipulate. I'm like, okay, cool. So you actually are here to deny rumors about private. That's a denial about a private conversation. Got it. Okay. Jets are fucked. Purging. The other one here that I thought was really funny was the Brown's general manager, General Manager Andrew Berry, who I'm adding to the list of energy vampires. I think there's three energy vampires among the general managers. I feel like there's a lot of benefit being the most boring

person at the, you know, the podium or whatever. Are you explaining the energy vampire? Sick of it and just leave. Can you explain the energy vampire thing to people who don't watch what we do in the shadows? Energy vampire is from what we do in the shadows. Basically, instead of biting their prey, they just like suck the energy right out of them. There's like one of the favorite scenes is like the energy vampire gets back to work on a Monday. And he starts like he corners like his co-worker and starts.

In a cubicle. He starts talking to him about like his cue tips. He's like, man, this weekend, I don't remember exactly. He's like, I lost, all right, I broke my cuttips. And then, and then, and then you can see, like, you're not supposed to go to outer ear because you can push the wax down into the canal. He can see his face just start, like, melt. She, like, dies.

The guy you wish you didn't get stuck in a conversation with you. It's also great because one of his best ways to do the energy vampire thing is just troll people on Twitter. Oh, yeah, he just replies. Like, he replies to doctors being like, that's not what I read. Exactly. It's so fucking fun. So there are three general managers who I'm convinced her energy vampires. It's Nick Casario for the Texas.

who I almost fell asleep. Monty Austin for for the Cardinals, who I once talked to for the Cardinals, who I once talked to for five minutes, then I was like, I have to get out of this. I can't. I have to go out of the door. Right before you're talking, like,

oh my God, I'm about to talk to a G. I don't get so much good information. You're like, God, I got to go. Who's nice? The concert goer? Yeah. Man, actively enjoying concert, can't wait for it to be over.

So, anyway, I'm adding a third, which is Andrew Barry for the Browns. I'm just, and I'm like, oh my God, I feel a life force draining from it. But I'm going to, he starts out talking about Miles Garrett. And I'm just going to read, literally these are all different. In the first five minutes, he said all of these things, because Miles Garrett requested a trade. We can't imagine a situation we're not having Miles as part of the organization is best for the Browns. We appreciate Miles.

And like I said, we're not interested in moving him. Kept asked again, ultimately my responsibility is to make decisions that are best for the Browns. Miles is a part of the organization is a huge piece of that. Again, our interest isn't keeping Miles. What's best for the Browns is that have Miles in the roster? Stop fucking asking me about Miles Garrett. Or the translation is like, you better hit me with a fat offer.

I know. Two firsts plus. Because I disagree with this. I don't think it is in the Brown's best interest to have 30-year-old Miles Garrett. At the end of the day, he should get rid of them. Sell it while it's hot. I mean, he's not two years from now.

He will be diminished. He's peaking right now. He probably already has peaked a little bit. This is similar to the Sequan thing, where it's like the problem with the Giants, to Sequin is not actually letting him go to the Eagles. It was letting Sequin leave for nothing. That was a mistake.

Either keep Sequin Barkley on your team or trade him at the trade deadline or the previous year, tag him and then trade him again, get something in exchange. And this is kind of like if Seekwan was a defense event instead of a running back. We're like, Miles Garrett, frankly, I don't think a player has been, Bill Barnwell over at a good column on the CISPN. I don't think there's been a player available at a premium position that's as good as Miles Garrett with potentially as much left. Probably since Reggie White, when Free Agency first opened,

Like, this is the version of it where it's like Reggie White was a free agent. I think it was 2930. And then he had like four more. I mean, you know, ended up being one of the, but maybe the top four defensive ends in the history of the NFL. Dude, I think this is all the Seekwon effects. Like, this is like bad, or great players and bad teams saw Sequin go and immediately just have the best season. Any skill players ever had probably.

2,000 yards win the Super Bowl. And I think Miles Garrett's like, why isn't that my life? Dear God, I see what you give others that I want that for me, too. What is it? He's like, dear Jesus. Dear Jesus. I've seen what you do for others, and I want that for me, too. I mean, I get it.

I completely agree. They should just get three first for him and call it a day, draft Kim Ward at 2 or whatever, and start over. So this is the thing. I understand that at some point with first rounders, it's like you want good players, but it's also about cost-controlled good players, so you could put a price on it. So it's like, oh, like, for example, if you get the Jags and you get a Brian Thomas. And I hate Brian Thomas, it's seven million years. Is that more valuable than Jamar Chase at 30? And I understand that that's like part of it.

So when they, oh, you have to give up two first and pay miles. It's kind of like you're having two giant contracts, basically. Having said that, do you guys ever just go and look through players your team is drafted? I would find two in a row first rounders you wouldn't trade Miles Garrett for? Because I'm like, I don't know, if you go through like Washington's picks and you take out Jayden Daniels from it. I'm like, what two Washington first round picks in a row would you not trade Jayon for? I'd give two first and a second, which is like technically too much, but who gives a shit? Yeah.

I'm like, I know that's like probably, you know, if you hit the picks, that's bad, but I'm also like, He's missp-ed. Emmanuel Forbes was a first-round pick. It's a 50% hit rate on first round. It's the mystery box. You're selling hope. I think the issue is that he had two-foot injuries last. He had flat feet and he got surgery to correct it.

He's like, I think that's kind of fucking me now. Like when he was a kid. He was a flat-teeat. Yeah, she has two feet-ish. That's why he was bad this year because he had these multiple fit issues. But I don't think they're going to go away. How do you surgically repair a flat foot? Dude, my feet are so flat.

I know they are. Those things are like flippers. They look like McRib buns. They do. How do you add an arch to a foot? I think you cut out the arch. Did I ever tell you guys that like so... Out the arch?

There is no arch. It's flat. You sculpt one. I guess it's not on muscles work. Yeah, I guess it's not how feet work. I'm not sure. That's something I'm curious to, if any email, there's no. If anyone knows how much...

If anyone knows how Miles Garrett fixed his feet, let me know. Okay. Someone will figure it out. This one's really important. This one's important to me. So the Jaguars General Manager, for those who don't know, the saga, the Jags tried to hire Liams from the Buccaneers to be their head coach, and he was like,

nah, your GM trend Balky's crazy. So they fired the GM and they hired Liam Cohen as their coach. But they didn't fill the GM spot until like five days ago to the point where literally

on the materials we get for the combine with the press conference times, it said Jaguars General Manager TBD on the paperwork for the combine, which is insane. So anyway, I wanted to see who this guy was. They hired a guy named James Gladstone

from the Rams. I think he's, I don't want to call him analytics guy, but he's not a traditional scout. 34 years older. Cool. Good work if you can get it. So I'm waiting for the Jags. He can come up to the podium. And a public relation staffer for the Jags comes up and adjust the microphone. And then he just starts talking.

And my jaw draw. I'm like, what the fuck? And he's the GM. This is the youngest looking guy I have ever seen. He looks like Ben Solax, older brother. Yeah, he does. Dude, look at this. This guy runs a team. He honestly looks like a kicker. He can't grow a mustache. No, he doesn't, I have more facial hair than this guy.

He runs a team. He looks like he works for Musk at Doge. He's like big balls. Yeah. He should be running the government. He didn't do himself any favors with the clothes he wore, too. It's like he's got like a hoodie on with like a shacky. Yeah, yeah.

So that's, yeah. Well, so I'm at this press conference. And again, I don't think I'm overrating this. I literally cannot believe this guy runs an NFL team. So anyway. This is just like up there gawking. I was a little unprofessional. I'm not going to lie, I was unprofessional.

My jaw dropped. I did not have a like, what are your favorite video games? So no. So everyone starts asking him football

questions and I'm like, what? And so I just raised my hand. I'm like, so you were hired four days ago like, where do you live? He's like,

I'm living in Indianapolis in this hotel right now. And then he says, so where my wife is pregnant and do the first week of May, which is after the draft. Oh,

And so he's like, we have a month-long window. I'm going to read the quote. He literally said, my wife is in fact pregnant. She's due at the end of May. So we got about a 30-day travel window that we can work with here. Bring it all the life. So there's a shock clock for sure. I thought you weren't even supposed to fly in the final trimester.

That's what he's saying. He has to get his wife. They have to get a house and then like get his wife, move his pregnant wife to Jack from L.A. to Jacksonville. And then also do free agency in two weeks. For sure. This guy, I literally wasn't sure. I should feel less accomplished about my entire life.

The fact that this guy probably is getting carded at Bard still is going to run the team. Or like, I don't know. Isn't this the worst three months of his life? Or best? Both. Yeah, he's stressed, but it's good stress. He'll look back on this very fondly. He had a baby.

He got hired as to Jim. Yeah, he slept in his office while his wife is, yeah, slept in his office. Somebody tweeted this is the Jack's new GM, Duggy Gladstone. Did you guys remember Dugie Houser, the show from the 80s? I never watch it. That's actually my go-to thing for if I know someone's a lot older than me. They say Doogie Hauser. I actually know someone says Dogey Hauser-J.

Dogey. He's the GM of the Jets. Duke. Who is Duke-Hauser? Did you guys get like... Oh, is this is the child doctor? Oh, this is what people call Solek. Yeah.

Oh, do they? Oh, now I get it. See, Dukey-Hauser. I used to watch that show. It's pretty good. What is it like House, but with kids? Who's the actor in that? He's famous now.

He was in a Neil Patrick Gress. Yeah, yeah. He was on... Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, he's Doogie Houser. Wow. Okay. Dogey Housy.

No, it's not dogy. I think it's like, it's like Darren Moogie. The radio guys in Chicago are laughing at us because, dude, you want to come here? You want to come here and talk? You know what do you? They can't hear here. I'm Danny. Did you watch?

Silverman. Did you watch Doogie Houser? I love Dugie Houser. Yeah. Great show. Yeah. Great show. So what is Dugie Houser about? Dugie Houser is a child doctor.

He's like 13 or 14 years old. and he's the type of kid that went to college because he was so smart. And now he's practicing medicine and he's solving the world's problem. Why? It's just like young Sheldon if he was a doctor. I feel very uncomfortable right now. I just had one of those Italian wraps in it and onions and peppers. That's all right.

And I'm leaning close to him. Wait, first of all, you're fine. Garlic-e onion bread. This is Chicago legend. You're the legend. Why? Where did you get lunch? We didn't have any lunch.

Upstairs. And the, uh, the nose knows, the free lunch. I had the worst Caesar salad I've ever had my life up there. but I'm willing to go back and give it another shot. The Italian rap is where it's at. Wait, can I ask you a question about Dugie Hauser? Why is his name Dugie? Yeah, why is he named Dugue?

I'm a nickname. It's a nickname? I would think it's a nickname. Interesting. You'd think as a doctor you want to go by something a bit more professional than Dugie. I think you wanted to put people at ease because he was a child doctor. And so people saw him and they were... I think I'd go the other way.

They were worried. Oh, really? Like, if it's a child doctor, I want him to walk in and be like, hello, my name's Mr. Harrison. I'll be taken care of me. I'm Dr. Harrison. And not, hey, I'm Doogie. Like the little girl in Severance.

His name was Dr. Douglas Duggeyhouser. The girl in Severance, by the way, is freaking me out. Yeah, she's free. And now I'm not totally caught up. I'm like four episodes in. I'm a little behind. Spoiler alerts. It's no spoiler.

It's in the first scene. It's like there's like a 15 year old girl interning at Severance this season. She's not a 15. I don't know really bad with your child. I think she's like 12, but she's quite tall. She's lanky. I don't know. I'm going to go on a child down.

I'm going to get kids. slip with this doogie. Yeah, calling him doogie. That's only because of Darren Mugi or Mugi, we don't know his name. Doogie. No, no, Mugi. Mugi.

We got our own problems in Chicago. There are cousins, the Jets. The bear's cousin is the Jets. So we have our own problems. That's incredible. Thank you so much. Thank you. Did you guys get vibes when he was

talking about like his pregnant wife and moving into a house and everything of like, you remember the, uh, the Will Ferrell skit like, I drive a Dodge Stratus. Of course. You must respect.

I drive a Dodge Stratus. Yeah. Kind of had that vibes. It was a little bit like, you'll treat me with her. I am an adult. I have a pregnant wife, therefore I've had sex with her.

I am an adult. I have a cost of card. You will treat me as an adult. His, his air of like being like, no, this is totally normal. I'm not worried.

I'm not my own Netflix account. Anyway, the Duke has a thing. When I saw that tweet, someone said, Doogie, whatever his last name, Clayte. What's his last name? Gladstone.

Glaston. I thought it was a joke. I was like, okay, but really, who is the Jags GM? So why did they hire this guy? Well, they were just like, oh, the race are smart. Most teams had hired their GMs, but at times they fired theirs, and I think they'd, you know. You didn't know, the real answer? Was William Cohen just like, hey, hire the Rams people?

The real answer, which we probably should talk about more, is because he has the same agent as Liam Cohen. And the biggest part of hiring that we probably should talk about more on the show is that coaches and GMs often now are packaged. kind of actually like movies, right? That's how movies are made now, where it's like an agency is giving a roster of like, oh, you want Chris Evans in this movie. Like, you also have to pull from other CAA clients or whatever or like to fill the movie.

That's kind of how teams are feeling coaching now. Packaging deals, which are you can't do anymore in Hollywood. Those have been outlawed. Is it? How do they do that? The union. It was the... The union got rid of it? Because the agencies were essentially like stopping other people from being, like, freely

trying to audition and like have a chance to be in movies. They basically sold these pre-packaged CAA movies to a studio without letting other people, like, have a chance to contribute. The coaches and gyms don't have a union, so they're still packaged. So it's like, like, an agent, it's like if you want this coach, so Lee, like, and also there's just a relationship element to it of like, you're a coach. You have to move your whole life and you're like, oh, I need a GM and that's kind of your agent's job, too, is to like have a good candidate. So it's not just like nefarious. It's like, oh, like your agent also wants to set up the coach for success. But yeah, that's kind of how it goes.

There's a lot of these guys share agents. It's like, when you finish a television show and it's like, if you like stranger things, You would also like Wednesday. Exactly. It's a recommendation. You like Leighton Cohen, you would also like... I don't know who else to hire. Dugie Houser.

Yeah. Guggy's fucking Houser. Oh, my God. All right. So, shout out Dugie. All right. Other ones here... Matt you're having a 13-year-old doctor.

I was going to say he walks... He looks 10. He walks in. He looks at a 10-year-old. He was like a house, but with a 13-year-old. Doogie house? I said that earlier. You said that.

A dugi house. Oh, that's good. There you go. All right, next one here. We're bringing in producer Carlos because he's a dolphin sicko and honestly we're kind of mean to you about the dolphins I'm not going to lie yeah the dolphins are kind of mean to you about that's true

my first season that I went to the dolphins uh games as like a season ticket holder they went one and 15 is that when nick Saban bailed on you no that was before that was Cam Cameron I grew up like hating Nick Saban because he abandoned the dolphins after he said he was never going to leave how'd that go for you hating Nick Saban it did not go well but then he gave me to us So, you know, but maybe that's a punch in the face too honest. So you brought this one to my attention. So I want you to give the context around what's going on with the Dolphins

and that I want you to give us the quote for this one. Yeah. So basically all the Dolphins drama is about Tyree Kill right now. Did Tyree Kill have wrist surgery? Does he want to quit the team? Does he want to be traded? All this stuff. The biggest question is, first of all, the wrist surgery thing.

Let's talk about that. So Tyree Kill, like, he maybe had wrist surgery. surgery was like what we were thinking the past couple weeks because he had a video where he claiming he had for surgery but then and at the end of the season he claimed he had he hurt his wrist and that was why he sucked this year which he did didn't he claim he heard it uh getting arrested i think so but then even in that arrest video he talked about how he just had surgery oh god so like yeah i don't know the entire situation is very strange right it should be easier to know if somebody had surgery should it yeah yeah that seems private well don't you have to report injury

HIPAA. That's HIPAA. Yeah. Don't you, teams have to report what's going on with their players. The injury reports are for gambling because they don't want

injuries to be like an inside track, but it's kind of weird. You just want access to everyone's medical information? If Tyreece is like, yes. Only Doge can have that. If Tyreek has had wrist surgery, I would like to know that.

I think we're actually, we're obligated to get that information. Yeah. Should we pass a bill where you actually have to disclose your medical information? What's the opposite? It's just, it's the NFL, though.

They're supposed to tell us the shit. The Duolipa, you're duos. There's no joke there. Anyway, what's going on to do? So, yeah. Mike McDaniel confirmed that Tyree Kill did, in fact, have research during this off-season. And he specifically said that it was a ligament issue, which is very strange because the dolphins don't give information about injuries ever. Like, they give the bare minimum.

Right. So it is very strange that McDaniel is giving this information openly and very willingly in this press conference. And then beyond that, there's the question of, you know, he had this whole mess at the end of the season where he left the game in the middle of the game, remember, where even though. Sometimes they call it quitting. Yes, they technically had a chance of the playoffs, right? And then at the end of the game, he said he doesn't know if he wants to be here, right? No, he's like tweeting about it. And he was like talking about like, see you later, thanks, Faye.

Exactly. At the beginning of the conversation, he was very wishy-washy. He's like, well, I don't know what's going to happen. By the end of the three minutes, he's like, you know what? I'm done. I'm done. I'm out. So that's all going on with Tyreek, going in or after the season, right?

And then all that happens. And then it comes out in like local Miami radio. like Joe Rose, who is like a well-connected Dolphins personality down in South Florida, he says that Tyree Kill got Wes Welker fired. The receivers coach for the Dolphins last season, and that he was the reason that West Welker got fired. Now, does that mean that Tyree Kill, like, specifically requested West Welker get fired, or does that mean that Tyree Kill's antics at the end of the season

and the fact that Tyree Kill was constantly late to meetings all season, which is another thing that came out, was the reason that West Walker got fired. Would you rather have Tyree Kill or West Walker, though? That's true. I mean, that's true. That's true. That's true.

But then, but honestly, you have to think about it. At this point. But if this is a player who is, like, on his way out, he's got a foot out the door already. Right. And he'll leg him out of the door. Yeah. Then why are we bending to his will for a position coach?

Like, that seems very strange to me. So what did McDaniel say about this? So McDaniel flat out denied this. He said, and I quote, I could see why one could come to that conclusion. However, not at all. In coaching specifically, sorry, in coaching specifically,

I have high regard for West Welker. And that is true. Mike Medo and West Walker are friends. So it is very strange that West Walker got fired. To me, it's not strange at all. To me, it's like the dolphins really want to keep Tyree Kill because if they don't have Tyree Kill, they will be way worse. And yeah, he may be a huge diva and the Dolphins weren't that good this year.

Last year and he quit on the team. But it's like, you're kind of stuck where you are. And it's like, you need Tyree Kill. So if Tyree Kill doesn't want West Walker, you pick Tyree Kill over West Walker. If I was like, I'm going to quit this podcast and then Danny Kelly was like fired a week later. And then I was asked, did you get Danny Kelly fired? And it's like, I could see why one. could come to that conclusion.

But not at all. But not. The actual translation is, I could see why one could come to that conclusion. I can see why one could come to that conclusion. And just stop that at all. That is correct. That's correct. I can see why someone would come to that conclusion.

Stop right there. It's perfect. Carlos, thank you. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'll go back to my dolphin's sentence. I've been, by the way, I've been loving talking to you about the dolphins drama this week. It's been great.

Just, just constant drama with that. Is there any rebuttals to anything we've said about the dolphins where you didn't get to interject in the last six months? I'm sure there were. I don't remember specifics. It all kind of blends together. Do you want Tyree Kill back? Yes. What do you mean? What does that mean? Are you just mad that he is clearly a huge pain in the ass? She sucked last year. Yeah. He was terrible last year.

But wasn't your whole team mad? Yes. Corn Rock was hurt half the year? Yeah. You want Tyree Kill. I guess. I don't know. You want Tyree Kill. Yeah, I mean, as opposed to what they would trade away for it. Like, they get like a second round dick. Who cares? Like, I don't know.

Yeah. Well, you're in a great place with Miami. Oh, yeah, totally. Translation, he wants Tyree Kill. It's never boring. Yeah. So is that. We're really getting bully gate to this offseason.

I don't know if you caught that. I did see that. Yeah, because that was something we needed. Yeah, exactly. I actually read the whole story and I was kind of like, I don't know. I don't know why we're real letting it. Just because Richie Cognito's, like, angry or whatever. But whatever.

Good times. Good times. Thank you. On that night. See him. Other translations, the Titans general manager, Mike Borgonzi, who has, I don't, wait. Yeah. Where is he from?

Mike Gonsie. His accent is crazy. His accent. Oh, it sounded kind of boss. He is the most Boston accent. I'm not, I'm going to say this, and it's going to sound like I'm being offensive. I'm being accurate. He said, idea.

Idear. Right, right. With the, like, the most R I've ever heard in the, word idea. Like, anyway. Yes. I'm a big Boston guy. Morgonzi is my favorite shape of pasta. Next Pope. Yeah. So, Pizza Bala?

Pizza Bala. Borgonzi said anytime you're the number one picket, so it's going to be a topic of conversation, I would say we've had some phone calls about trade yet and I'll keep those phone calls to the vest. We've had some calls. Which, Dek, how does that translate to you? Somebody call me. Keep calling. Call more. Phone lines are open. Call more. Ring her on.

the Titans need to do the best they can to make it seem like Cam Ward is awesome and they really want to take it more. That's the thing. I don't understand why the Titans aren't coming out and doing what Andrew Barry said is like we love the quarterback in this drafts. We're really high in them. We think Cam is a once in a generation talent. And we look forward to having the opportunity to take him or Shador Sanders, both who are great and deserve to be number one overall picks. I would be saying that. I mean, you want other teams to say, Jesus, I've seen what you've done for other people. Yes.

Yeah, I think the, I think Titans are going to try and trade. I'd be like people are banging down our door to try to get number one, and I won't let them. Yeah. The other one, the GM of, by the way, imagine being a first-time GM, new GM, and you have the number one overall pick. Like, that's a lot of pressure. It's a lot. That's crazy. Yeah.

That'd be a big decision. Is it also, you know, you also just skip a bunch of work and some other people, you know? I think it's, what I think about is this guy James Gladstone, who, again, it's like, you know, I'm sure he's prepared. I do think, Dugie Hauser will be good at the job. Doogie. But suddenly it's like, you're on the phone and, like, you're negotiating with, like, like, like, you know, Eric DeCoster or someone. Your balls drop mid-negotiation.

Let's say, because you know who the first person to call him is? I bet it's going to be. It's going to be like Howie Roseman. Like, imagine Howie Roseman calling you and you're 34 years old. And you still haven't gotten your wife to Jacksonville. And how he's like, so, I would actually block him. I wouldn't let Howie talk to him. It's like making a fantasy trade with the smartest guy in your league where you're like,

even though this seems like a good deal, I don't want to make a trade just in case you're pulling one over on me. Exactly. Yeah. You cannot make a trade with Howie Roseby. You can't. Under no circumstances. He calls Hang up. So the other ones,

so the Steelers GM, Omar Khan, TK. You said this to me. He said, ideally, I'd like to keep one of the quarterbacks

we had last year. Translation, ideally, we'd have a fucking quarterback and I have to deal with this free agent slop at quarterback. This sucks.

Ideally, we'd have a good quarterback. Ideally, we'd like to keep, I love, something about not specifying which one is so funny to me. Like,

whichever. It's very weird. Rough, you sucked, and fields who did we didn't play. I did actually think it's pretty interesting that he said they want to have one of those guys back. Because I didn't know if that was out there. So we knew that they preferred keeping Fields over Russ.

And I'm actually surprised he admitted it, but they admitted it. Art Rooney actually said it. Art Rooney, the owner, just straight up was like, Rick Pryor reported the C-SPAN, that Art Rennie straight up was just like, yeah, we probably would rather have Fields than Russ. Like, all right. I think it makes sense to keep field, sign him to like a two, three-year deal, and then bring somebody in and try to develop them and throw that route, to be honest. Or get Matt Stapford, which I would do immediately.

That to me is the one that still makes the most sense. The Steelers being like... The Steelers could win the Super Bowl next year with Matt Stafford. The Steelers are the team where if any... Again, if Aaron Rogers is going to play anywhere this season, I think that Pittsburgh, you could argue, obviously, Aaron Rogers is like a cancer and probably will destroy whatever team he's on. But if any team could handle it, I kind of think, like, the Steelers,

but also Stafford, like, I don't know. The Steelers have had a first-round pick in every draft they've had since, like, 1965, except they traded for Minka Fitzpatrick. That was it. I don't think they didn't have to. to give up a first. I don't know. It's not Steelers like, but part of him he's like... I don't think you have to give up a first for him either. No, it's probably... It's probably actually like the Rogers deal,

where it was like a third, but if he plays 80% of the snaps, it's like a second, and then obviously it didn't, so they only gave him a third. I mean, come on, dude. If you're in win now mode with the Steelers, why are you not doing that? What is the argument? Well, you're paying a 38-year-a quarterback, like $120 million. He's not $30. He is $30. He's going to be $38 for the season. It's 37 now. I know. I actually thought he was 36. He's actually going to be $38, which is crazy. he's 37 he just turned 37 oh i guess it's not a big deal i'll go fuck what but if but if

well it's a spring chicken just go get yeah you go so that changes everything was already on the steelers and he was asking for a 120 million dollar extension you would do it sorry i wasn't the statement i was trying to see if take it was wrong about the staffer was already on the stealers this is what it says on fucking his congenopedia no you're right i was just hoping you were wrong all right sorry what's your question if matt stafford was already on the steelers and his contract was coming to an end and he wanted a two-year extension for $100 million. You fucking do that immediately. It's not my money. I don't give a shit.

I think that that's the thing though. The question that matters is why are the Rams not paying him? What do they know? And they probably, frankly, see him limping through the goddamn locker room every week. Like, that to me is the thing that you don't see like the drudgery of what it takes from him to go out there. And maybe it is that coupled with less need being like, our team is super young

and talented. We don't need to spend all this money in this age and quarterback. We want to be good for the next five, ten years and we can like start building at the same age with the entire roster, which I get. The Steelers are not in that situation right now. The Steelers could win 12 times. Can we just say something also that I don't know if other people are going to say? Matt, I'm going to get the number right because I'm going to look this up. The Steelers have 36-year-old Cam Hayward. They have 30-year-old McEvac-Fatrick. They have 30-year-old T.J. Watt. Yeah, they have a

defense that could, in theory, get them to the Super Bowl. They just need an offense. Can I throw something up? Matt Stafford has made in his career in salary, not endorsements, $364 million. So after taxes, let's call that in the bank. After taxes. vaccinated, 150 million cash he has been paid in actual salary, $150 million. Don't you just want to win another Super Bowl? What the fuck is he doing? Like, just holding out to $60,000, whatever,

$60 million is my conjecture. But I'm like, I don't know, you see younger, Patrick Mahomes took a lot less money than he could to try to build a Super Bowl window, and guess what? Patrick Mose went to three Super Bowles, one, two, almost got three in a row. And I'm like, why is Matt Stafford holding the Rams to like this crazy, like, high number out of ego person? How much did Stapford make

last year? I think he's been bitter about his deal for a long time. He's signed it. He's making $40 million average. He's four for $160. Maybe he saw Kurt Cousin sign a four year, $180 million. He's like basically paid at the average right now. He's been bitter about it for a long time, but I also think it's kind of wild. I don't know. Dude, have you seen Kirk Cousins's contract? I would be pissed if I was Stafford too. Matt Stavard's going to be like, so you're telling me I'm going to make less than Sam Darnold will next year? That's ridiculous. Cousin's got a most, I don't know. Part of me is also like just win another Super Bowl and like Stafford, if he won two Super Bowl is Matt Stafford's like kind

like an upper tier hall of famer. I don't know. It's your last chance to have a big contract. That's true. I think you, I don't think it's Matt Stafford's responsibility to take the pay cut. It's not his responsibility, but also if he ends up in a, I don't know. But if it, but I don't know, it's hard to speak to the relationship.

I mean, also, don't forget, McVeigh burned out on golf too. Like, I think this probably cop the truth is it's probably like Stafford not like the classic, incredibly talented guy who's like aging and like the Rams see that before Stafford does. But also, also. also the Rams are probably like really confident that they can compete without him. You know what I mean? Like I think that in Staff, it's probably like,

I'm doing more of this than you probably think. So I think, I don't know, that's probably nuanced. I think the Rams would be bad without Stafford. I think there's a lot of stuff we don't know here on both sides. I'm curious. I'm sure the health stuff is a big deal.

But what so the Rams are going to pay Sam Darnold, 75% of what they gave. No, I think the whole point is, I think the whole point is to either get one of these rookies or like Jimmy G and someone, Kirk and a rookie, Jimmy G and someone for like, you know,

combine, get two quarterbacks for eight million instead of Stafford. Because I think they... They can have Russ and Justin Fields. They could do that and then we'll take Stafford. That's what they want. Honestly, they should. All right. Other stuff here. The Falcons, right you know, sorry, D.K., Pete Carroll,

I would... Pete Carroll's presser, one, would also run through a wall. Yeah, I was at CETAC with Pete Carroll. Just remember, he's now the head coach of the Raiders, which is insane. Which is weird. Seattle, Tacoma Airport.

You said you can learn everything about a person, by the way. They board a way. You learn about Pete Carroll. I mean, Pete Carroll, he was so polite, so gracious.

There were so many people coming up to him in the airport. And he actually talked about this in his press conference here at the Combine, like about how after he got fired or whatever they want to call it,

after they parted ways with the Seahogs. You know, he stayed, he lives in Seattle. He still has a house in Seattle. He said he's really felt from the, the family. base like an incredible amount of you know um love and support and whatever like people go up to

him and I saw this like firsthand the other day so many people just go up to him and like give him fist bump say thanks Pete you know and he's like really gracious about it as for getting on the plane uh I don't understand how this happened but he was actually in a group behind me I don't he must have like got you had a better boarding yeah I don't understand how that happened yeah I was like shocked but here's the thing he is a man of his own ticket though there's not I don't know if you guys heard? Craig, Craig, maybe you heard. Pete Carroll hosted a podcast called Flying Coach for the ringer.

And he just wanted to live that truth. Live up to the name. He did fly coach? Yeah, he flew coach. What was his boarding? Did he have to check his bag? Like, what happened? I honestly don't know how he was in coach. I think honestly, this is, and this is like hilarious and kind of sucks, but I think all the Seahawks

had all the first class. John Snyder is like in first class. In first class, like all the Seahawks crew. He has to walk by. And they like had bought all the first class on that flight. But Pete went up and hung out with him in first time. Do you think Pete Carroll did that to cropped us the first class as he walked by, just with his old ass farts, just like cropped us to all the people? If I had to bet my life savings on which coaches 100% guarantee raw dog their flights,

I'm putting my money on Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh. You beat me to it, yeah, 100%. They're just sitting there thinking. Just thinking about what they're going to do with their day. Take it all in. I love Pete Carroll, though, man. And like I said, he was really gracious. Everybody, like, went up to him.

I literally took the tram that goes from terminal to terminal with him. So I was like getting to sort of just watch him in the wild. And there's like so many people that are just coming up to him, giving him fist bumps, like saying thank you. It's like he's like the fucking Pope or something walking around. You know, everyone's like wanting to touch him and get like his blessing. It still does it make sense that he's the head coach of the Raiders? It's so weird. I'm going to tell you though, I'm kind of being at that press conference, I'm kind of in on the Raiders.

Like obviously the Raiders have the hardest path there is because, I mean, there's never. been anything like the AFC West. And I know we said that a few years ago, we were wrong. But it is pretty insane that you have the Chiefs with Mahomes and Andy Reid. And then you, again, Andy Reid's the winning his coach in history of the Chiefs and the Eagles. And then you have Sean Payton and the Bonix with the Broncos for Sean Payton, obviously, I mean, almost a third of their budget was dead buddy. And they made the playoffs. You have Jim Harbaugh and Justin Herbert.

Now you've Pete Carroll and Chip Kelly is the offensive coordinator. I know. I love that. With Tom Brady as the minority owner. Like, it's pretty crazy. There's some crazy. It's like a mad lib. Yeah.

It's like, like Pete Carroll in Vegas with Mark Davis and Tom Brady's in the front office. It's actually like trying to get trade up for Shador Sanders. So you get Dion involved. Like it's just going to be the weirdest thing. But the rate, I will say that. GM's name is John Spitech. I have been extremely down if pissed off Austin Gale is a Raiders fan here. I just pissed off all the fans of the people who work here.

But like the Austin Gale has been hard. Like mad that I keep saying the Raiders were a bad job. And I will say this. Pete Carroll will bring a competitiveness week to week that like the Raiders aren't going to be as easy to play anymore. And I will say, I think there's an optimism that the Raiders could crush the draft because when Pete Carroll came from college to the NFL, this Legion of Boom was built based on large part because Pete Carroll brought this recruiting knowledge where he had understood the draft class and more context on it and then anyone else did. So like that Legion of Boom class is built on his college knowledge. Guess who just did something like that.

I think the charges kind of crushed their draft. You know what I mean? It happens a lot. Chip Kelly, having just done it. I mean, he was at UCLA for six years, and then he was at Ohio State for a year. I'm like, I mean, that's 14 players in the draft right there that Chip Kelly just coached. So I don't know. I think that would be shocked at least.

I can't wait to watch the Raiders this year. I think they're going to be fun to watch. Or at least maybe not the actual, like, on-field product be fun, but they'll be competitive. Yeah. They'll compete. And obviously that's like Carol's whole thing is like always compete, win forever. Hyphids, you asked them a question that I thought was funny. Can you rephrase?

So I asked him, basically I was like, your book is called Win Forever, and he was talking about his sabbatical. Right. Like the year off he took. He also, someone asked him if he retired. He said, didn't retire. Yeah. Never used the language to retire. And he was like, so I said, your book is called Win Forever and you're talking about things you learned and you're off.

And it's like, there's a saying that like, if you want to learn something, it has to hurt your wallet or hurt your ego. So what is something that you learned? You're saying, did you learn something this offseason that, like, hurt your ego, but you think is going to help you win forever? He kind of smiled and just smirked and said yes And then like went to the next question It was like next good It was like great I was like all right

Thanks Pete The funny thing is that This is Pete Carroll Is the oldest coach in the NFL He's 73 years old I believe But he doesn't look old No He doesn't like have an old energy at all

And I went to a John Schneider's combine He's never been around Monta Austin for it Or Nick Casera He's the opposite of an energy vampire He brings energy to everyone That's like John Schneider said that his presser They asked him What is it that Carol

because I think this was a Raiders big guy or something like that. He was like, what is it that Carol brings to an organization? And Schneider, it's so funny and ironic because he's so old, he's like energy. Just every day, he's bringing energy. It's like Harbaugh. You walk in a room and it's like, all right,

the vibe in here is different. Like, literally the makeup of the air is different with this guy. Carol, every day, he has like this philosophy where he never wants anyone to get comfortable. And so, like, and this was in his book, one forever, every day he comes in with like a new thing. a new twist to like keep people on their toes you can't go in and just expect to go through the motions on any given day ever sometimes he wears like a funny hat the rubber baron hat do you guys remember that there was like a gift back in it it was like 2012 or 2013 of Pete carroll like walking up the sideline like smirking to himself and just like being really like full of himself and someone put like a bonnacle and a big like top hat on it and they called the robber baron p. Carroll I'm picturing Tim Robinson with the I think you should leave with that hat no not it's

Well, not in that context. Oh, okay. It was a good hat. It was a funny hat. All right. Other stuff from Pressers, Rahim Morris, who's the head coach of the Atlanta Falcons,

also on flying coach, actually came out and just said it. Like, I appreciate, he talked with the Tish Push, because the, quote, unquote, on the team, it was the Packers

tried to submit a rule to ban the Tush Push. The Packers are trying to ban the Tush Push, whatever. Rahim Morris actually came out and said it and was like, yeah, I thought it should have been illegal

three years ago. The Tush Push play, I was never a big fan. There's just no other player a game where you can absolutely get behind somebody and push them. And you know what? I think that that is probably really whiny, but I respect that he said it. Yeah, the translator here would be, if I can't have happiness, neither can they.

This is like, this reminds me one of those things where it's like I had to go through, you know, 10 years of school to do this and everyone else should have to do that too or whatever. It's just kind of like a grumpy old man. Yeah, I feel like my response is, well, then why don't you just learn how to do this. Okay, this is my thing with the tush push. I think that there are a couple past, fail tests in any industry, and it's like, I really am skeptical of any team that's not trying to do the tush push push push push. Like the Eagles found, the absolutely, the one thing I'll give them is, it is a loophole.

The NFL, it was illegal to push players in your team. And in 2005, Mike Pereira, actually, who's now in Fox, the rules guy was like, it's too hard to legislate pushing players. Pulling is illegal. Pushing, we're not going to enforce it. And then no one figured that out for 15 years. So it's like, I get that it is kind of a, weird loophole, but like, fucking

like, I, I was like, oh, stop it. It's physically not possible to stop because they go first. That's why they mess with the hard count. It's because as long as the tush push team does the technique right and goes first, you can't stop them. It's not physically really possible unless you go around the back and pull Jill and Hertz backward. But like,

I don't understand, like, there's so much better at it clearly, like the technique is clearly better. By the way, it feels kind of like it's going to get outlaw. I think that that's so loser shit. I'm sorry. I'm learning to do it. I'm not. I'm not saying that, but don't you think it feels like it's going in that direction? No, I think, because you need 24 teams.

Nick Siriani was asked about this. Nick Seriani's asked about the push push. And again, so the quote and the translation, the quote is, the fact that the tush push is a successful play for the Eagles, and people want to take that away, I think it's a little unfair. I almost feel a little insulted, which I actually don't think needs a translation at all. Right.

I almost feel a little insulted is actually some, here I go, Nixiriani, emotional vulnerability. It's funny, because I think every team should just learn how to do the tushush. Just learn to do it. It's so unstoppable, then learn how to do it. But also, then I don't want to watch an NFL game where it's just push pushes every third and fourth and one. That's not a terrible argument to me of like the fact that, like, honestly... Rather than it being unfair, it's actually just not a good product.

They're using player. They're using player safety. The irony of the NFL talking about player safety to change a role, they don't like, where it's like, you know, there's a lot of things you can change. And it's like, well, Chris Jones got him in the Super Bowl. Chris Jones fucking lined up sideways. And he got his neck hurt. I'm like, yeah, maybe because you went into a fucking 1,100 pound pile drive sideways. Like, that wasn't a good.

idea. But like the players seek to things bullshit. I mean, it's not, but like there's no proof that the tush push is worse than any of the football play. But it's just, it will be a bad product if every team is running the tush push on every short down play. That is genuinely to be a more fair argument than like, honestly, she's winching. It's like, it's like the Hardin swipe or something where it's like, it's a smart play. It works every time, but it's not fun to watch. But at least that. Well, Hardin's like a basketball, like Saul Goodman, where he's just like a skeevy lawyer just like, nah, that's the rule. At least, I don't know. This is not a flag.

I don't know. I let the Eagles do it. It's fine. All right. There's the anger translation. We have to get to a very important thing now, which is one of the best days that happens in the entire NFL is every year. These NFLPA surveys come out. Yeah.

Which is the NFL, the Players Association, the union for the players, had the brilliant idea to let the players at the end of the season when everyone's pissed off do a survey on how good is your team's facilities. And the whole is to inform free agents on where they want to sign. And it happened actually because I believe Tom Colford and the Jaguars were so awful to the players that they were like, we're actually going to do this for every team. Well, they have like a bunch of categories. Treatment of families, food, dining area, nutritionist, locker room, training room, training staff, weight room, and strength coaches. It's incredible. And it's amazing. It's a grade from A plus to F minus.

They literally wait to all the pressers are done for the coaches and GMs because it's so embarrassing if they have to get asked about it. Oh, also team travel head coach and ownership. Which I didn't see there. Craig, do you have any highlights? There's so many. There's so many things to come out on this. Generally, first, we'll do the winners quickly, then the more fun part of the losers.

I would say the most respected franchises in terms of these categories is the Minnesota Vikings and the Miami Dolphins. Which Minnesota, I kind of understand, Miami surprised me a little bit. It does, too. Miami was literally first out of 32 teams in five of the eight categories. I think it's because Stephen Ross, the owner of the Dolphins, is a huge booster to Michigan. And I think that he actually understands what the Michigan locker,

like what he probably has donated a lot of the Monty, the Michigan Athletic Department. He's put it in his own team, too. The Dolphins got an A or an A plus in every category. It's unbelievable. And then the Minnesota Vikings, who just continue to seem like the most professional, perfect franchise, were also among the top two or three in every single category. Yeah, they got one B plus, and otherwise A's, A minus is A plus. My favorite, there are so many. The Bengals. The Bengals got, I think, an F for treatment of families.

And I'm reading quoting for the report, the Bengals are one of only three. three teams that do not offer daycare during home games. You have to pay for it. Yeah, they have to find child care. And one of only 10 teams that do not offer a family room during home games, which... That's nuts.

Not your family room specifically, breastfeeding or whatever, but just like a place to have kids or whatever. And so anyway, but the Bengals are the only team in the NFL that neither offer daycare nor a family room on home games. They just don't give a fuck. Imagine just showing up and you're like, what do I do with my kids? And like, no, my problem.

I don't pay your kid. I pay you. The other one, I love the food for the Bengals. The Cincinnati Bengals, the players rated the taste of their team's food a 4.82 out of 10, which ranked last. I love the idea of these. 4.82. Just having shitty flavored food. It's like they should have got, what was the Italian?

The Sylvie was just talking about. They should have the Italian. They just give them these, like, boxes. They got the Caesar wrap. The Cardinals are another one that were terrible. So the Cardinals are dead last. Yeah, they're worse. I want to say they were worse last year, too, or like one of the worst.

They are dead last. I guess all of the players complain about. the facility being too small. Maybe they made it for Kyler only. But it's like men in black. You know, they're like the little room with all the other guys. It's like the ceiling's like four feet tall. Yeah.

And he said everything is way too small. There's no. What is this a building for ants? No. There's no center for ants. There's no locker room for ants. There's no pregame sideline passes for their families, which feels again, what?

For the Cardinals? Yeah. So if Carly Murray's like, I want my girlfriend. So this is why Cliff. That's why Cliff needed to DM McVey. For his Instagram girlfriend. The Cardinals are notorious, though.

Derek Gannerson, the quarterback, who used to be on the Browns, but also played for the Cardinals. He said it's the most dysfunctional team he's ever been a part of, and that in the past, the Cardinals used to force their players to pay for water, Gatorade, sweats,

and they got charged for lunch. Dude, that was, we paid for water. They had to, they got deducted. If they took box lunch, they would have box lunch out for players that to practice. They were taken home. They deducted it from their paychecks.

It was like vending machines. They're trying to get Baterade. Do you imagine paying, the Cardinals were paying like Larry Fitzgerald, like $14 million a year and then charging him like $14 for lunch. That's unbelievable. There's so many of these. The specifics are so funny when you think about how much. This is what I don't even get me started, but it's funny to look at the Bengals and be like, Bengals players wish more meals would be provided throughout the week.

The team does not provide three meals a day is one of only two teams in the league that does not provide three meals a day. And then the Bengals began offering dinner on Wednesdays. And this year they began offering breakfast. Like Taco Tuesday. Yeah. They began offering breakfast players who come into the facility on their off day for additional training and work. They wouldn't even have breakfast at the facility. They started offering dinner on Wednesdays?

Just one day. That's their thing. It's dinner Wednesdays. The other, honestly. So if you wear a Hawaiian shirt, you can come and have dinner with everyone. Man, Joe Burrow deserves twice the money he's getting for what he's doing for the reputation. You got to remember, these guys are coming from these locker rooms. and other, like, literally they're in college

and Ohio State or at LSU, Oregon. These are palaces, Bama, palaces at Georgia. And then you get to Kansas City, like, oh, I'm with the Super Bowl champions, and you walk in, and it's the sewage leaks. Your locker rooms are closer. Like, there's not, it's like Ted Lassel. There's no hot water.

Like, it's crazy. The Washington locker room smells like sewage. That was on the Washington one where they're like, we love the new owners, but like it still smells like literal shit in a lot. Can wait, can you do the Jets one? The Jets is the best one. So they got, um, they got an F,

from ownership, which was dead last. Does that refer to Woodie, or Brick? Woody, the fourth. Not Brick. Brick is getting PS-5s installed in every single order. Yeah, he's taking notes. I think Brick will actually improve this.

But the funny thing is here, so last year, Woody Johnson, sorry, last year, they got a really bad grade. And then this year, Jets players said things got even worse. This is quoted from the NFLPA. Rather than addressing concerns,

players believe that management responded to feedback by making conditions worse. For example, after receiving... You thought that was bad? Watch this. Oh, now your fingers are? You just smoked the whole back of cigarettes. Now your back's going to hurt.

For example, after receiving low grades for their food program last year, players felt that the team cut the food budget and did not retain their longtime dietitian, who was previously their highest rated staff member. So, they fired the one person that had a good grade. And that person went to the fucking chiefs. Well, I thought you're saying went to the Eagles, like Sequin. Did they really? Yeah, he went to the chief.

Oh, my God. Anyway, I think it's... It blows my mind. They're so cheap. The fuel that they put into their body is so important. I know. How are you not prioritizing three meals a day to healthy as best foods that are to eat? It's unbelievable.

There's a, the NFLPA report said, according to, or of the Jets, it's a culture of fear here. Like, what? Literally like... And then Aaron Rogers came. Right. I know this is the other thing to do with Rogers. They were 29th out of 32 at overall score. Dude, pretty hilarious.

They were A-plus, though, in treatment of aliens. Yeah, no, it's true. They said in the locker room, the carpet is stained and worn out, as if it's been there for decades. Probably had. That's, dude. Carpet is, like, the easiest thing to report.

If there are any other funny things in the NFLPA report that we missed, emails at ringer, fancy, football, g-email.com, nothing quite as good as the Jaguars locker room, having rats the first year they did. did this. That was an all-time. And the Jaguars just like, you know, when people talk about rats sometimes in a way where it's like, no, like they live with the rats. Like they refer to, you know, like their

roommates, like they're so, like too used to the rats. It's like people live in New York. Yeah, exactly. The Jags were like, just talked with the rats. Like they were like 54th place. I'm disappointed. The Steelers are like C-C-minus across the fucking board. Yeah. You would expect more. You'd expect more. You'd expect more from that.

The Giants, 67% of players in the Giants said they get an individualized nutrition plan, which ranks 30th. So it's like one out of three Giants players don't get an individualized nutrition plan, which is like, okay. Why not? Sure. It just feels like such an obvious thing to do. The nutrition thing blows me. I don't understand.

All right. I want to do a couple of emails. Emails. So first of all, I'm letting you guys know tomorrow. We got a lot of emails about the post-malone Oreos dropping. I bought them and I brought them to Indianapolis. So they're post-malone flavored Oreos? Well, no, they don't think so.

I don't think so. I believe he chose the flavor, which I believe is like a salted caramel situation. It's smart for them to do the Ben and Jerry's thing where it's like random people can get it, but like, oh, so wait. Okay, no. That was a joke, right? I realize now, you think I actually thought it tastes like Post Malone? He's the one who thinks

cannibalism should be legal. Altruistic cannibalism. Right. Altruistic cannibalism. I think we're wasting a lot of food. That's how FTCS went down. We are wasting valuable food. Okay. Useful meat. The other one The other one is so... You can be an organ, don't know? Why can't you be a... There's so many other things. Meat we could use besides humans.

We eat all the other meat No, we don't. There are all the other species. We don't eat all the other meat. We kill them out. There's not a surplus of animals from the earth right now. To kill as many animals as we can to eat them.

And all I'm saying is, again, this was set on the hottest take, which is like a show about being insane. So this is not my real measure. The take was basically, but when you fill out a driver's license, you could donate organs and eyes. You should also get to show,

is it basically get a cream at you or you want to feed, you know, give back? Yeah, or can I help? Can you make some, tasty tacos out of my thought. Taco Tuesdays. So fritas? I don't think it's that crazy.

You're already dead. If they're taking all your organs, grab a couple muscles. While you're there. So the other thing that happened was last time we did an episode, we were talking, we were talking about Hooters and how weird it is

that Hooters exist. And between us recording that episode and now, Hooters literally went bankrupt. They filed for bankruptcy. Hooters files for bankrupt fires. Hi. Texarkers. bankruptcy. Do you think we killed Hooters? There's one of awesome.

The nicest restaurant in Indy is St. Elmo and across the streets at Hooters. And I think, I mean... We're going there. PK's gone. I think I've done. You guys are coming with me. I also learned that Hooters first opened in 1983. He was at 7 a.m. this morning. Yeah. I keep wondering if we walk in how many coaches we're going to say.

Yeah. Which coach do you think we all see? You know who I, you know. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. You know what you're open. You don't want to get in trouble for LaBelle or? libel? Did you just call it LaBelle? That's worse than Vistage.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. What are the two? I'm sorry for saying that. What are the two that? Slander. Slander is spoken and libel's written. You don't want to do slanderous stuff.

I say Vestige once and it's like, oh my God, the world's any. He gets the thing we can be sued for, Ron. If it's, you know, you know the situation here. Lebel, Lebel is worse than Vestinege. Okay, that's fine. Frade de Satee. Vestige. Also, I don't think you used vestigial. Clearly, I wasn't up on it.

You know? He said vestigial. He brought vestigial. No, you said it first, pal. You said it's a vestige of something. I didn't realize, honestly, because they're pronounced differently, I thought they were different words. I didn't realize vestige is related to vestigial. Because I didn't pronounce it that way.

Now I get it. A vestige organ that you could donate along with your flesh. Yeah, you could eat it. Anyway, it's more like a top loss, though. It's probably small. Anyway. All right. Two workplace apps and a lie.

Shout out everyone to email these. Ringerfancy Football at Gmail.com. I can't get over how many of these are good. Okay. I want to read an email here from Tony. Tone. Anthony. Tony says I'm a tech salesperson, formerly at Kupa.

And I was a shame to recognize every company you guys mentioned. When you're in the tech world, you think nothing of it. But yeah, they're stupid as far. Here is a few I threw together that were in his email inbox the day he wrote the email. God. And then did you make up a third one or did he? He did. Okay. Mind tickle, come on. Blippy and Squizz.

One of those is fake. Two are real companies. Wait, wait, can you tell me what line of work he's in or no? He's just a tech sales person at Ku Klip. Mind tickle, blippy and squiz. Two of those are real companies. I think blippy is fake. Yeah. Blipy is a kid show. It makes me very upset that

mind tickle might be real. Mind tickles don't really real. Wait, so you know Blippy's a show? Yeah, yeah. Oh, all right. I didn't know that. I'm guessing Blippy's terrible. It's terrible show. Don't know. Your kids' much. All right, fine. I'll do another one. Tony had another one. I'll do another one. Wait, what is mine tickle? What the fuck is squeeze? I don't know. You want to do, find it mind tickle.

And I'll give you one more. We have so many of these. Squids. Mind tickles sales enablement and revenue productivity. Yes, we're going to Google that for other people. Squizz app. God, I hate all these apps. Squizz prop. It's a property listing app. Why is mine, why did they name a sales enablement and revenue product productivity platform mind tickle? Here, there's one more. You said you that. Zip. Okay.

Kip and Glipp. God damn it. Quip feels real. Quip feels real. Zip feels real. What's the last one? I think Glipp has to be fake. I would say clip is fake.

Zip is like a way to, like. Shit. Glipp is your team's conversation platform to play and share and organize work. That's Glipp. Glipp. God damn it. Glipp sounded real to me. What are all these companies?

Everybody, why don't we make one of these? We're not like, like, App. Quip is the toothbrush people. God damn it. You know everything?

Oh, that's right. Damn it. You know everything now? It's like, if you name something like Monday, it would be like M, N, D, Y,

you can't have any vowels in it or everything has to be one little cute word. Yeah. Onomatopoeia. I hate it. We're in a terrible place in a name.

Yeah. I agree. You know what I mean? I do. I like it. I do. Microsoft. Good name.

Microsoft is the one you went with? Yeah, whatever. Microsoft, the combination of those two words together. It's terrible. It's called Microsoft. Never thought about it? Oh, my God. I just think it's funny that you chose that.

Like the paragon. The paragon of the paragon of names. Okay, I've never thought of this way. How is a company called Microsoft worth $2 trillion? It's a good example, though, of what? what I'm saying because it was not like a market tested, perfect little advertising branded name. It's just like what they

thought in the moment worked. But that's also because there was no internet to make fun of that for like the dick jokes at the time. When Microsoft later did the internet, then they never would have existed later. You couldn't now launch a company called Microsoft. You get laughed out of the building. That's my issue with nowadays. And all the fruit are taken. It's like Apple and I guess that's the only one.

Do you think Google where that started the shit? Google? Yeah. Honestly, probably. Google? They want to be some version of Google. Yeah, I guess you ever think about it of the fact that I like it's just like J.P. Morgan. That was just a guy. We should name things after a guy. Goldman Sachs.

Just what names? J.P. Morgan. Yeah. You guys ever think about Google's motto was don't be evil for 25 years? They changed it. And then they just changed it. It's okay to be evil. They just changed the motto.

My cousin works there and has like a big problem with it. What a crazy thing to take. We get a $2 trillion market cap. And you're like, you know what? Now's the time. Time to be evil. Time to be evil. We've found this long enough.

All right. Google Gemini when you transcribe this. Wait, so was Zip? Was it Zip? Zip? Is it fake? I think Quip was fake because Quip's a toothbrush company, not a tech company. Zip is real. Zip is like the thing that you can like make files smaller. I don't know if that's a name of the actual company.

That's a zip. I don't know. Like a zip file. I don't know. Buy now, pay later with Zip. Oh. Millions of stores online. You got Zip recruiter. It's a financial company.

Zip is like you're getting payday loans. Oh, I guess that is what that is. Hmm. Oh, maybe, you know, Zip helps business. I think it's paid loans for businesses. Zip helps businesses procure faster, control spending, reduce risk, no code, workflows, budget, and approval transparency.

This whole thing is just free ads for these terrible companies, isn't it? Fuck. Whatever. We should be getting paid by these three. No one's going to remember any of these names. They all mold. Glorbo sold for $3 billion to sales force.

We're talking about blippy and glick, blip and quit. God. All right. Eventually someone's going to email us that I work in these companies. Okay. Email us the best old school company names.

Yeah, emails old school company names in a line. Standard oil. That's a good one. That's cool. Yeah. Do you know the heat? That's cool.

Now it would be called like oil, but it'd be spelled weird. Do you know that, um... I think it was that... I'm not sure. We got to go. We have to go right now. All right, I'm going to whisper into the mic. Andrew Barry, who I was talking about before as an energy vampire, is right next to us talking.

I'm so bored. We have to go. We, I'm going to die. All right, we, uh, thank you, D.K., thank you, Craig. Thank you, Craig. Thank you, Carlos. Thank you everyone for the help. Um, this is the last show I'm ever going to do. Um, thank you, Lorne. Lauren. Thank you, Bono. Or you too. You too kind of ruined my life, but, so the first song I listened to at my iPod was, ruined your life. The second that stupid album dropped on Apple music.

The one that I forced you to have to get forever. I still, yeah, you have to get forever. I still, if I click my phone wrong sometimes, it starts playing. And I'm like, how is this still here? It's like, it's a mind virus that I can't get rid of. Did I ever tell you guys, the first song I listened to my iPod ever was Vertigo by YouTube? And he starts that song with Udo, Dos, Trace, Cotorce. I thought Cotorce was four in Spanish until I was like 15 years old. Why don't you do that?

Just because it sounds like, oh, it's vertigo. Like, you know, he lives in track of stuff. I don't think it. But I didn't know that because I was seven. I feel like you just didn't know, quattro. I think you know. I also thought that I also thought he was

but I also thought he was like from Spain forever because the first thing I ever heard him say was Spanish so I thought Bono was Spanish because and then later when I found out he was not I felt very silly How did it get the name Bono? Well, it used to be JP Morgan JP.

Paul David Hewson Other names Bono Vox? Oh, it must be Latin. That makes sense. But I don't know what that means. Guys, I'm kind of dragging. You're feeling a little, who,

I feel a little sleepy. Yeah, we probably should get out of here. No, Vox means good voice. That's a little presumptuous. It's fine. No, it's good. Quantum computer services. Now that's the name of a company.

It's a real company. I like that. J.P. Morgan. Goodbye, everyone. What a weird way to end. John Pierpoint Morgan's senior. We could keep going. Target.

What was Target? Target used to be called Goodfellow Dry Goods. I love that. That's Goodfellow Dry Good. Target's better than Goodfellow Dry Good Good Good. That's like Russell Wilson's brand. Good Man Brand. That's his brand?

I think. Russell Wilson's brand is called Good Man Brand. That's pretty terrible. You know, Pepsi was originally called Brad's Drink. What? Get out of here. Before the bubbly service, station was known as Pepsi. It was called Brad's Drink. Caleb Bradham? Yeah. Brad's drink.

Created a carbon-inted a beverage. He called Brad's Drink. He served the concoction from the soda found in his pharmacy on the corner of Pollock and Middle Streets. Wow. Brad's Drink. Shout up, Brad. Well, thank you for listening to Danny and Craig's Pod. That's the name of our show. Brad's Pod. Goodbye, everyone.