The Ringer NFL Show - Free Agency Part 2: Rodgers Blue Balls, Danny Dimes to Indy, Depleted 49ers, Najee to LAC, and Lying to Children

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

Before getting into the latest NFL free agency moves, the guys air their grievances with Aaron Rodgers. Then, they discuss the Colts signing Daniel Jones, the Chargers landing Najee Harris, a mass exodus from San Francisco, Joey Bosa to Buffalo, rumors of Russell Wilson to Cleveland, and some confusing moves from the Jaguars. Plus, they throw out some potential landing spots for Cooper Kupp before answering emails about the biggest lies listeners tell their kids. CHAPTERS: • Aaron Rodgers is teasing us (00:00) • Daniel Jones to Indy (02:36) • Sad Fantasy Corner (13:13) • Bills sign Joey Bosa (31:18) • Cooper Kupp landing spots (50:00) • Emails (01:02:08) Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Craig Horlbeck and Danny Kelly Producer: Troy Farkas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Bill Simmons, and I want to tell you about my movie podcast, The Rewatchables. We're each week, I'm joined by Ringer movie lovers, Chris Ryan, Sean Van Van Lathen, Kyle Brandt, Matley Rubin, we have a whole bunch of people on. We talk about movies. We can't stop rewatching. And now you can watch us cover these movies on video in the Spotify app. We have covered over 350 movies, including Keat, Goodfellas, Boogie Nights, Pulp Fiction. We have some real heavy hitters coming up here in 2025.

Make sure to follow us on Spotify, where you can, watch every new episode right now. Just head to the rewatchables on Spotify, now on video. Welcome to the Rigger NFL Draft Show. My name is Danny Hyvitton. I'm joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Worldbeck, and we're going over all the things that are happening on day one of free agency, day four.

I don't really know where you start the clock because technically it's 3.30 Eastern and hasn't even started at all yet, but it also kind of started on like Friday when the Raiders traded for Gino Smith. So who knows when this started, but we're to go through everything that we did not touch on on Monday. We were also on Bill's show on Tuesday. So you can check at the Bill Simmons pod. We went on that as well.

I kind of want to just start honestly where we started Bill's show, which is Craig. Aaron Rogers is still edging us. This man is making me get on my knees and beg. You guys get mad at me for saying skeet when it comes to blue sky and then Kifitz just comes in with edging us. Well, that's because I'm using it the way I meant it. And he is edging us.

We're gooners. That's what I meant. You just say skeet. I'm, you know, I don't know what I want people to say. for Rogers against my will. Oh, God. It's going to be so funny. It's going to be so funny, Craig, when Aaron Rogers just signs with the giants and

Hyphitz is distraught. And Craig actually wants Aaron Rogers on his team. There's only one thing more sad than wanting Aaron Rogers in a team. It's wanting Aaron Rogers and not getting him. Spurned. I actually kind of do think at this point, if I had to guess, Aaron Rogers actually is just holding this out for the attention. He's had so long to think about this.

Yeah. It's, we'll see, maybe he signs today. But I kind of think the fact that he has it, if he doesn't sign by the time this episode's over, like once we're healthily past 430 Eastern, I don't, I don't know when he'll do it. He might do it next week. This guy's just going to hold out and I, I'm just so mad. He's waiting for his Pat McAfee show appearance. When's that happening?

Isn't that every Tuesday? When does he do that? I don't know. Tuesdays. Should we even talk about this or just move on? I just don't, I hate that. We should just move on. I hate you guys.

I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of talking to him. I know he's talking about. I know you're listening, Aaron, and we're going to move on. Let's talk about my real quarterback here. Daniel Jones signed with the Indianapolis Codes for one-year contract for $14 million. Every reporter is basically just saying they all seem to have gotten to talk to people from the cults who are like, Danny Dimes, we'll get to compete for the quarterback job. And so I just want to ask you guys a question here.

Am I understanding this correctly? The whole plan here is basically that because Anthony Richardson was so not unprofessional, but not professional, but like not professional too young. So he's not needs to practice more. needs to work with his receivers more, needs to fix his mechanics, need to take on time to meeting, take this all more seriously.

So they're signing Daniel Jones to scare Anthony Richardson straight. Is that not right, D.K.? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like this is a signing that has enough plausibility where Daniel Jones could become the starter.

The money is plausible enough that he could become the starter. What was it that he got? $14 million. Yeah, I mean, that's not nothing. And I think this is a pretty good job by the Colts of Thurting the Needle because I don't think

Dimes is actually better than Anthony Richardson. I know you guys maybe feel a little bit differently. I think Anthony Richardson has... I look. I think Craig maybe does. I want to kind of walk that back. I said that on Bill's pod and then I was like, do I actually believe that? I'm not sure I do.

I think I, yeah. I think I'm just so scorned by Anthony Richardson that I no longer believe in any way. And I'm like, I've seen Daniel Jones be competent. I don't know if I've seen Anthony Richardson be competent. I want to tell the Craig that I knew after week one last year when Anthony Richardson through that pass from the logo where he slipped. I want to tell him that he's going to say by the end of the year, Daniel Jones is better than Anthony.

Oh, God, yeah. The Colts bring in Daniel Jones to scare straight Anthony Richardson is one of those situations where five years from now, what do you guys think the odds are that five years from now? We're like, yeah, so Anthony Richardson was this guy, played like 12 games in college, and they drafted him fourth overall, and he came in. First year, he, like, pretty scattered, got hurt, missed most of the season. second year he came in, wasn't very good, took himself out of the game because he was tired, got benched by Joe Flacco, who's 41 and retired and came back.

And then year three, they brought in Daniel Jones as competition to kind of scare him. And it totally worked. And then Anthony Richardson is now kind of a perennial fringe all pro, and they're making the playoffs. That's a lot. There's a lot of variables you threw in there. I just don't know. 20% that's going to have it. Year three being like, yeah.

So the thing that finally worked, it was not working for two street. And then it finally, we brought in Daniel Jones. And that was enough. And now Anthony Richardson has reached his potential. Craig, I understand exactly what you're saying. Like, this is definitely underwhelming in terms of, you know, the realistic factor in terms of Daniel Jones really pushing Anthony Richardson. But I think it is actually, like I said, you kind of have to thread the needle because

you don't want the, you don't want the fan base, like pining for Daniel Jones. You don't want the band base pining for the backup and thinking the backup is actively better. And I think Daniel Jones, what he has going for him right now is not that great of a reputation. That's actually good. That's a good thing for Anthony Richardson. Honestly, I think they did a pretty good job in terms of getting a guy who's plausible enough that he could end up being the starter. But he's not going to be a type of guy that the fans are like, we got to get, we got to get Daniel Jones in there. Like, this is we're blowing this season because Daniel Jones is not in the lineup right now.

Isn't that what's so funny, though, about this is that they went with it, like, basically, put it this way. We have a bunch of amazing emails later in this episode from all the parents who we asked for people, what lies you tell your children to get them to do stuff. There's an element of that here. And Danny Kelly, you had this great example of like, oh, the Paul Patrol meet. Oh, no Paul Patrol. It's broken. The machine's broken. Sorry.

All of them. And then we have all these great emails later about how parents, oh, the ice cream machine. Actually, when it's the music's playing, it's because they're out of ice cream. And, you know, just a bunch of emails like that. Isn't that basically what the cults are doing where they have to find someone plausible enough? Oh, Anthony, you know, if you don't work out, we're going to play Daniel Jones.

Meanwhile, if Anthony Richardson doesn't work out and they play Daniel Jones, they're super fired. Everyone with the cults super fired if Daniel Jones has to play and it's not incredible. So they need Anthony Richardson to win. This is just lying to your child. For what it's worth, I have heard a couple of whispers this offseason

that like Anthony Richardson getting benched last year did actually help in terms of like getting him a little bit more focused and I guess like realizing the gravity of his role in the in the organization. I have heard some whispers of positivity about that. So I'm really hoping that he kind of, you know, figures out and does this this leap that we were kind of expecting him to do last year in year three instead. And I'm heavily on record that benching him was smart and I don't know.

I didn't ever, never understood the criticism of people benching him for that of just him taking himself out of the game where I went both ways with that where I was like, am I being a boomer for being really mad at him for taking himself out of the game? But I've gone completely the other direction. Like, I've never seen that before. That is ludicrous to take yourself out of the game as the quarterback. The starting quarterback raises his hand, like taps his helmet and comes out of the game.

That is so absurd. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. My take, I think, was on the fantasy rewatchables, was that it's fine to do that. The problem was telling the truth about it in the mess or after. It's true. Just say you got kicked in the dick or something. You got the wind knocked out of you. Yeah.

But again, I think that the reason it resonated is the players, it's kind of like Survivor. These stories that come out, I don't watch a ton of Survivor, but my friends do explain it as basically I was confused why they liked one player, one guy to win instead of the other. And they were like, look, Survivor is seeing, what is it, an hour a day? And it's 23 other hours that those people spent with each other that you didn't see. So if there's vibes you're getting in the interviews about who likes who, there's probably a bunch of stuff they don't like about that person you've never seen or do like about that person you don't see. They have to listen to him eat. Exactly. So if DeForest Buckner, who is the captain of the cults,

says to Richardson after that, I, like, signed here to win a Super Bowl with you and you're, like, just, like, making me feel like I'll never win a Super Bowl. Like, because of the bet. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, I don't think it's just that. It's clearly representative of, like, everything else they're seeing. And if they need to do it, they need to do it.

But the point being, yeah, he's 22, going on 23 years old. That's wild. He's so young. Almost 23. Yeah, 22-year-olds. They're late for shit sometimes. I think that's the thing we're obsessed with youth. Youth is wasted on the young.

There's a reason that's saying is like 4,000 years old. The only thing I'll say... I was thinking that the other day. I will say this... Is this 4,000 years old? Is that right? I kind of just assumed. I don't know.

I didn't really check that. I assume. Great. Can I just give you a haunting... I don't think we were around 4,000 years ago. The aliens brought us here. The aliens gave us that saying.

Can I give you guys a scary scenario in thinking about? Because obviously, if Richardson plays great this year, I'll be happy. I want Richardson to play well. Is this leading to an RFK Jr. impression from Craig? Are you ready, Craig?

No, no, we're going to get there. My fear with Richardson... I can't do that this way. No, yeah, he's going to kill him. That'll set me back three days. Craig's got measles. I think here's the problem with Richardson. If he doesn't work out and they cut him,

you know who's going to sign him, the fucking Eagles. And the eagle's going to plant Richardson's ass behind Jalen Hertz. And he's going to win like two Super Bowls with them. He's going to replace Jailen Hertz. Look, when it's working for Anthony Richardson, it's working. It looks good. Like when he does roll out and complete a pass and like shed a 350 pound lineman.

Oh my God. It is enticing. It's tantalizing. I think, yeah, the frustrating part about him and watching him and I think the reason a lot of people are high on him still and were really high on him going into last year is like he does the hard stuff at times really well in terms of like avoiding. And, you know, he avoids sacks even when he's under pressure. He's a really good job of, you know, he has a good feel for the pocket, all those things. but the easy stuff or the stuff that should be easy, like completing a five-yard out,

and he just chucks it over the guy's head. It's like a footwork thing. It's a reps thing. I'm hoping that this can be improved and fixed. The problem is, is the Colts are not a disaster. The Colts have a good offensive line, theoretically, like a good coach with a good play caller. I mean, there's like a decent,

for a guy going in the top five, this team, to me, is a team that a good quarterback should be able to be okay on. And look, I would say if I could describe the Colts last year in one sentence. It's Jim Ursae, the owner of the cults tried to teach Anthony Richardson about maturity. By the way, Troy points out, youth is often wasted on the young, is attributed to

George Bernard Shaw, an Irish playwright who lived from 1856 to 1950, so about 4,000 years ago. I bet I can find someone to tell me it was Greek. It might as well be 4,000 years ago. I'm just going to find some ancient Sumerian. By the way, George Bernard Shaw is my dog's name.

I just want to point that out. And that's totally... George's last name is Shaw. Yeah. Yeah. Skippy Shaw. And Bernard's his middle name, of course. Yeah.

The other thing I want to mention with the cults, while we're talking about the cults being solid, I like actually what they did elsewhere in free agency. So they signed Traverius Ward from San Francisco. He's a cornerback. He hit it down a year last year. He hit a terrible year in his life personally. And I think that he just needed a reset.

But I think he's a good player. Cam Bynum, the safety from Minnesota came over. And this is important for two reasons. The Lou and of Ruma is the defensive coordinator for the Colts. And they have more complex, defensive stuff in the secondary. And I think that those guys are going to be able to do it. More importantly,

Cam Bynum from Minnesota is the Vikings rom-com, turnover celebration guy. Cam Bynum's the safety who did the white chicks dance. He did the parent trap dance. He did the Olympic break dancer dance. He was honestly at the cutting edge of dancing. He brought frankly like celebrations back. I feel like they had stagnated and he just upped at a level.

So, I mean, that's in Indianapolis now. I love that. I love that. that Australian break dancer I mean she's going to live on for a long time for what she did and what she gave to us I thought though she was the best

Halloween costume of the year I had a friend shout up my friend Jenna who was that it for Halloween and it was like it was so good and then she like did it in the middle of the party it was pretty great because it's great because it's actually very easy to replicate

because it's not it's not hard brutal oh my God it's on the ground spinning in a circle my God also wait before we move on gone to your head

do you think Daniel Jones plays well for multiple games for the Colts this year? Talk yourself back into him, yes or no? No. Craig? Because of a benching or an injury? He's going to play and when he plays, you'll be like, oh, Daniel Jones.

Yeah, that'll happen this year. Yeah, you're going to talk yourself into him. Other fantasy stuff or just other free agency stuff that happened. I want to just do sad fantasy corner really quickly. Yeah. Because, man, it's kind of sad. The dregs. Baltimore signs DeAndre Hopkins.

to a deal, one-year deal for $5 million. It really is the drag. I would have taken fucking Hopkins right about now, by the way. Marquez Valdez-Skantling? Is it moving the needle? Oh, yeah, so the Seahs got Valdez Scantling? Which is like a D.K. Metcalfe was emaciated and had no hands. You ever heard the expression, the chickens have come home to roost?

I've made fun of, and I've turned Marcus Valde Scantling for some reason. This is more of just a bit than anything into kind of like my arch nemesis. For whatever reason, I just always, he just drives me nuts with his very timely drops. The entire run of the show. It's one of the few threads of like all, every season's show is you hate Valdes Scantling. I hate Valdes Galing,

even though he's done nothing to me and he's a fine player. He's a fine role player. But anyway, Gino Smith throwing to Tyler Lockett, D.K. McHaff and Jackson Smith and Jigba, and now you have Sam Darnold throwing it to Marcus Vald. So you know what's funny too about it? Great.

That's it so bad. You know what else is funny about it? You know that episode is it's always sunny? Don't say it. Don't say it all together. It just ruins it. Do you guys know that episode of it's always sunny in Philadelphia when they go to the Eagles practice

because they want to meet Donovan McNabb and then a guy shows up and he just pretends to be Donovan McNabb but he doesn't even look like him and he just pretends he's McNap. That's kind of like Valda Scantling showing up to some, and he's just like pretending

his DK Metcalf. He needs to do a lot of steroids. Yeah, like you're not. You want to hear my Cope version of this and why I'm predicting at some point in week nine we're going to be talking about NVS as a waiver wire pickup. He's going to play the Rashid

role for the Seahawks in that offense where he just catches like one touchdown bomb every third week. And we think he's good for some reason. Anyways, it makes sense because he's coming over with Clint Kubiak, but it is not a move that instills confidence in me. Okay, this is way too much Valdo Scantling talk. DeAndre Hopkins went to the Baltimore Ravens.

One year deal, $5 million, another million dollars of incentives. Are the Ravens the team that just, I guess it's a Super Bowl chasing team? But they're kind of the aging superstar graveyard for why it's like a hundred Every year, it's like we had Odell Beckham. Dude, Steve Smith was there, Des Bryant was on the Ravens at the end of his career. Well, that's the thing that Hopkins. I'm curious, he was so bad last year, but he tweaked his knee in August. And I feel like they said it was a tweak, which, but maybe an MCL injury or a tweak.

And I'm like, that sounds to me like, yeah, but a tweak, isn't that mean you're still, you're tearing something, even if you tweak is what you say when you don't want people to know that you're hurt. But I don't know if you can't tweak a ligament without tearing it. Like, every time I thought, when you pull, when you pull a ligament, when you pull a ligament, you, when you pull a ligament, you're tearing. That's tearing. Also, sprain is a tear, which I also don't know

if people know, but a sprain, if you sprain, you tore a legament of some degree, to some amount in your, anyway, Dejah Hopkins' MCL

or something when his knee was hurt, torn something in August, and then he looked so done throughout the whole year. And then, I mean, the AFC championship game

versus Buffalo, dude, Hopkins played 12 snaps in that game. Like he was, so I guess what I'm curious. Dude, some of these veteran receivers late in the season

just completely fell off. like a cliff. Remember Amari Cooper on the bills? Yeah. Yeah, also playing like 15 steps. So I think, do you think Hopkins actually could be

impactful? Do you think Hopkins is impactful though? It gets healthier and is like better than last year? Or do you think that actually he's like done? No. I also struggle with these guys like fitting in in the Baltimore offense. It feels like it's like some vet wide receiver that's going to have some like back shoulder connection with Lamar Jackson.

Doesn't feel like that's what they need in the first place. I feel like that's not how they operate anyway. Them with their tight ends, the running game and Zay Flowers is kind of working and like DeAndre Hopkins playing 20 snaps. It's like maybe you get one great play with him. But to me, that doesn't feel like what the Ravens need. I would agree with that. I think for him it's probably just he gets the opportunity to go chase the Super Bowl. For the Ravens, it's a reliable third option that could come in and, you know, give them some snaps if a guy gets hurt.

I mean, if you look at the other guys on their roster right now, Deontay Johnson, remember that? That was an absolute disaster. Deonti Johnson. I'm not kidding. He has been on three teams since the Steelers. He went to the Panthers, they caught him, the Texans caught him, and the Ravens got him. But the only other receiver that is not a free agent right now on the Ravens roster is DeVontes Walker, a rookie from last year, who barely played. Tyler is a free agent.

Steven Williams and Deontay Hardier, the two guys, or the three guys that are on that roster that are free agent. So basically, this is just a depth play. They're hedging. They don't have to take a guy in the draft to fill out their roster. it's a smart play and I would honestly be really excited if to see Oxid signed Hopkins so I'm saying this is a good move for them. He has a cool, the cool story that

his dad who passed away when he was like really young, his dad left him this like firm mink coat and it was he said Hopkins was like going to wear it either on his wedding day or when he made the Super Bowl and he wore it to the Super Bowl and it was like there was a really cool honestly the chiefs were like not the easiest team to root for for this year but like man that was a pretty

cool story so like I kind of do want him to go to the Ravens and maybe wear that coat again but at the same time I do think all these ring chasing receivers have this problem where they're on the decline because they're injured so you don't practice as much, but you don't get the report. So the actual value you have is like IQ, but you need to be on the same page of the quarterback. So like you look at Hopkins, you're like, man, why didn't he like have the report with Bahams? They're not really able to practice.

Yeah. And so that's really the death knell is they're not getting any reps. So they're not, they don't look like they're part of the office. A vicious cycle. Yeah. The vicious circle. This is circle. Cycle.

Yeah. Circle. Well, I mean, cycle. Cycle. Cycle really is just a circle. Now I got you. Well, Vicious Circle was the name of a Dane Cook stand-up special. Yeah.

I had that. Oh, it's Vicious Circle. I had that on the iTunes store, Vicious Circle. It's not Vicious Cycle. I know the stand-up special was Circle, but I thought the saying was Cycle. It's definitely vicious cycle is the saying. Dane Cook. Dude, that I'll, yeah, Dane Cook had some bangers.

Nobody wants to talk. Nobody will acknowledge that. I'm seeing it on Wikipedia, vicious cycle. Sorry, Vicious Circle. On Dictionary.com, Vicious Circle, but there's also an option for vicious cycle. I think it's one of those things that people just say wrong. But that phrase has been around for like 4,000 years. Yeah.

George Bernard Shaw. So, uh, Naji Harris signed with the Chargers, $5 million, up to $9 million in incentives. This is one of those, I mean, talk about Sad Fantasy Corner. I think not everyone's going to be like, I don't want Naji and then he's going to score 18 touchdowns. I will say, though, I didn't know this full story. Did you guys know the story of Jim Harbaugh trying to recruit Naji Harris in college?

No, but I love these things. I just found this out. I didn't really know this. But so Naji Harris was like one of the, like, a top 10 recruit. He was like the number two running back in America. And Harbaugh was obsessed. Yeah.

Say again? Yeah. Was he from the Bay? Yes. He's in the Bay. And so he commits to like Alabama as a sophomore. And then Jim Harbaugh decides that he wanted, he had just gotten Rashon Gary. He was the number one prospect of America and he wanted Najee Harris.

So he like goes full tilt after Najee, including Jim Harbaugh went to Najee Harris's high school, dressed in all high school clothing and announced the prom king and prom king. Queen at a football game. Whoa. What? And he literally like, it was shameless. It's insane. And he's just sitting there and just announcing the prom queen votes.

Is that football recruiting? Is that a dick? I think it's way too much. Came on too hard. So, it's like somebody's dad like coming downstairs and playing beer pong with the kids. It's like, we don't, we actually don't need that. Yeah, that's kind of weird.

Tell me how much money you're going to pay me under the table. That's what I really want. So Najee Harris is at the Under Armour, like, All-American Game and all the prospects fly from that to like where they're going. going to college and start getting in like spring stuff. Najee Harris has not decided between Bam or Michigan. They, Bama gave him a plane ticket.

Michigan gave him a plane ticket. He hasn't talked to either and he doesn't know what flight he's going to get on. So he's there and he's in the hotel lounge and like the day before. And Tua is just there. Tua is just there reading the Bible. And he's like, are you going to Alabama? Tua's like, yeah, I am. You should come to Bama.

And Naji's like, all right, I'll go to Bama. And then he just got on the plate and went to Alabama. So Tua is responsible? Or is it God? The Lord, really. Both. Well, some would say Tua as a vessel. But they won the championship the next year, but now she's like, I watch this video

from him. He actually is like, that's how I made the decision. Yeah, but now, now Harbaugh going after him, how many years later? Ten years later. That's like, you know, the girl you thought was hot in high school, you kind of look back now being respectful. But oftentimes, you know, you look back and it's like, man, things have changed a little bit. Respectfully.

That is not how I once perceived them. I'm sure people feel the same way about me or whoever. So, you know what? That's how, that's just how it goes. Digging himself out of this hole. Look, I think everybody's experienced that.

But, you know, being a single 30-year-old being like, I'm going to go back to the girl from high school 15 years ago. It's kind of what Harbaugh is doing. In reality. It's like a Thanksgiving after college. Exactly. But it's Thanksgiving at the one bar. It's just like, oh, my God.

And it's like, this is like, this is. is cool and, you know, Harba's probably going to give him 30 carries a game. But to me, I'm like, don't the Chargers need people who can outrun other defenders? They need fast players. This is the antithesis of a fast player. It's literally Najee Harris.

Their other running backs are Hassan Haskins, who also went to Michigan and then Kamani Baddell, who honestly is just like the Kirkland brand, Kirkland brand Blake Corum, because the Blakeorum went before the charges could take him. Yeah, I mean, Najee is like the definition of fine. He's a fine.

running back. Does this mean that the J.K. Dobbins era is over? I think so. I think what it really means... They might not resign him now. I do think what it really means is I do think the Chargers are going to have a two to three-year window where they draft really well. It's kind of like the Seahawks when Pete Carroll came back just because the Harbour recruiting... He's obsessed with this stuff. It's such a silly story, but it matters. He put the five-star, everyone's star ranking on their locker in the Chargers locker in the Chargers locker. This is, to be serious for a second, like this happens all the time in the NFL, especially when you have, have coaches that come from the college game to the pros. But even just scouts that have been, you know, they've been in the scouting ranks and

then they turn into GMs or whatever. They remember back in the day when a guy was a five-star. Even if he's done absolutely nothing since being a five-star recruit, they will remember that five-star recruit. There's like a mythol- not a mythology, like a mystical. No, I always mix this word up. It's like a mystical feel. Mystical.

You're looking for mythical. No, I'm looking for mystical. It's like there's almost like a mysticism or mystical. this about it when you're this five-star guy. Circle. A mysticality, if you will. A mysticality. That's like that video, have you guys seen that video of Bobby Altaff talking to that musician?

And she's like, no. I actually don't know who this woman is, but she's like, oh, so as a musician and the woman's like, what did you call me? She's like a musician. She goes, I don't do magic. And Bobby's like, no, no, I think you're misunderstanding me. Like, you're a musician. She goes, hold on.

I don't know what you think I do, but like, I act. I make music. I write songs. I sing. Correct. So you play music, right? She's like, yes. So then that would make you a musician.

And she's like, no, I don't know what that is. That's an incredible video. That's how I just felt. Anyway. But you still don't know what you were trying to say. There's something mystical about a five-star ranking. Speaking of which, give this show five stars in Spotify, boom. Yeah, there we go.

Great one. Five stars. Love those stars. All right, we can move on. Yeah, it's fine. Naji, we have all six. A lot of time on the most mid-star guy. Giovante William's signed with Dallas

one year $3 million. Who cares? Sorry, let's just use this. We'll take the time back here and be like, you know what, he won't be the starting running back for them. And if he is, that's kind of funny. I feel like it's funny that you're glossing over

the one thing that might actually matter in fantasy here. We just talked about mythical. Rico Dowdell is not signed. He's not on the team. He's a free agent. I think there's an indication now that they're not bringing him back. Javante Williams could be the starter. Why are we glossy over this?

It could be a fantasy guy. He's underwhelming enough that he could, he's feasible to start. He's the year after the year after the injury. He is year after the year after the third. Is this the third year after? No, it's the year after. It's the year after. So yeah, we're in.

You're right. I guess I'm in on Jevonty Williams. I don't know. I feel like it was, I think it was further back. Hold on. When did Javent? It was a bad injury. It was 2022.

But they got hurt again. We're going to do this now. He tore his ACL in October of 2022. It's now going to be October of 2025. I'm just saying. It's three years ago. But that's fine. You know what the sun is almost a year in advance.

It's true. Yeah. Okay. Other free agency stuff. So the 49ers lost eight guys this week. They really lost eight guys one day. And honestly, this is just like saving private Ryan, but it's like saving private Purdy.

Like all these 49ers guys just died so they could just pay Brock Purdy's contract. Jeez. Like is that wrong? Am I wrong? I mean, no, but they're not dying, literally. Well, I know. You're right. We lost a lot of good men out there.

No one actually died to my knowledge for Brockport. Yeah, you know, free agency. Because there was probably a lot of people driving who thought that nine San Francisco 49ers were murdered. Died. So Bradford could get paid. Killed in action. It's a metaphor.

It really happened, though. But so the 49ers backup left tackle Jalen Moore and the backup running back Elijah Mitchell went to the chiefs. The linebacker, Drake Greenlaw and Talao will find. went to Denver. Traveris Wardes, as I said, went to the Colts, Aaron Banks, the guard went to the Packers for like $70 million. Josh Dobbs even left him for the Patriots.

They cut Javan Hargrave, the defensive tackle. They cut Kyle Eusecheck the fullback. Man, the Ushchequer era is over. That is wild. And they signed Luke Farrell, the random Jags tight end fullback guy to be Ushek. But Bill Barnwell had the stat. Of all the free agents who signed a $15 million

per year deal on Monday, a fifth of the guys were just former 49th players. They're just going to get a ton of comp picks after this year. There's also rumors or some whispers that they're going to trade Iyuk. They're doing like a full reset. That makes it. I can literally look at his contract right now, but like I don't.

I know. They just resigned him and he tore his ACL. And like, for what? Who is going to pay? Probably nobody. I mean, if they, I'll look right now. Like if they, maybe watch him be traded by the time this goes up. But I'm like, if they traded him, it would be 40 million dead cap.

Oh, dude. I don't also who's doing that nobody all right well that was easy no one but overall though I feel like of all the ones with the Niners though I think Dre Greenlaw hurts them the most because honestly he was like the juice on that defense also nineers offense oldest offense in the NFL last year by snapweighted age and then on defense he lose green law who I mean he's you know he's obviously the guy who like Torres Achilles running on the field for the Super Bowl came back was actually awesome in the Rams game he got hurt again but he's really but when he's on the field he's been one of the better linebackers in the whole league.

The vibes are really low for Niners fans. A lot of my friends are officially deciding that the window is closed. The team has been pillaged and it's over. I have nothing to say about all this. Yeah, you're right. Dekin. Dekin doesn't want to comment because they just like jinx it. I don't believe in jinxes,

but I don't want to say anything about this. I had an argument with Austin Gale this morning about this. My take is basically like the Niners are not an S-tier NFL team anymore. Like, they're still a 10-win team. They're still a team that can beat, like, they still can beat anyone in the league. Like, they can beat the Eagles in a game. they've kicked the shit out of the Eagles actually in recent years.

But I don't look like the depth that they're losing. I just, they're just not a top tier Super Bowl contender right now. And the way these things go, like I actually think I'm optimistic that Shannon could reintegrate like, like Ricky Parasol and Joanne Jennings and like rebuild this offense on the fly. But overall, I mean,

the only people from that first Super Bowl left on the team is four guys. It's George Kittle. It's Nick Bosa. It is, oh no, I'm forgetting the third guy. Trent Williams? No, no, not even Trent Williams. It's Fred Warner and then the punter, Mitch Wichnowski,

four guys from that Super Bowl, the first one they lost to the Chiefs. But, and I just, I don't know. I think that there's something where it weighs on Kyle Shanahan. I just really do think that there's an Andy Reid parallel where it's like, there's going to be a slow death to the Shanahan era over three or four years. And I think there's going to have to be a separation. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't know.

Because like what satisfies you? Like a wild card win, like, I don't know. I think they're going to get further. But, I mean, Purdy's going to get like $250 million. Wild. It's bleak. How high. That no man's land.

position, which is the hardest to be in, I think, as an NFL fan. How high are we going to rank Joanne Jennings next year? That is the question I have right now. I do love Joanne. I think Peresol is the guy. I think Jennings is going to outscore Pierceall. I think they're both really good values. Like, I almost think that part of me, a small part of me wants to rank pretend their

their names are Debo Samuel and Brandon Ayu could just rank them. And then, you know what I mean? Right. Jennings was quietly one of the most consistent underrated receivers in the league last year and was like their third down go-to guy they could always depend on. Yeah. Third in Jawan. Third and Juan.

The Denver side, anything else in the Niners? Brock Purdy eventually going to get quarter of a billion dollars. It's up with Chris McCaffrey. Killy's another big question. It's kind of weird. Yeah. It's got no working legs. He's got the rot.

Denver side of this. I mean, just getting Afonga and Greenlaw, yeah, I know. Just getting a Fonga and Greenlaw, they're just literally taking the Niners good, injured defenders because it's like Greenlaw had the Achilles thing in Fuonga. He was actually an all pro in 2022. He's like the Pookaikua of defense where he's the fifth rounder, because he's 40 time was slow.

And then he got drafted. Everyone's like, oh, damn, he's really good. We should have took him. First team all pro 22, towards ACL 2023, and then now he's on the Broncos. If Oofango Greenlaw are healthy,

like this is pretty incredible for Denver. Like, we'll just see. It feels like things are moving in the right direction in Denver. Doesn't it feel like every year? Yeah. It's like Sean Payton, his vision is coalescing. And this team is kind of like getting in a better spot every year.

The other one here, bills sign Joey Bosa pass rusher from the Chargers so the bills cut Von Miller and signed Joey Bosa and honestly it's like the same thing like the bills the whole thing the reason the bill's got John Miller was to be like their closer like limited snaps pass rusher

please just stay healthy through regular season close games out for us in the playoffs honestly Von Miller thing kind of cost them maybe a Super Bowl and now they're just doing this with Joey Bosa again this is weird this is a weird vibe to it I don't know why What do you mean?

I don't know. It's just weird that Joey Bosa is now like released and on the Buffalo Bills. Like it felt like not very long ago he was an absolutely elite player. I know that he's just been hurt a lot. He said these, I mean, he's groin. Like,

I think he's played 16 games in like three years. He's just never held. And he leaves games early. I was at the rim's joint practice when he heard his hand on like the last play of the practice. Like it was terrible luck. But do you think it's more likely that this has looked back on as a mistake that didn't work out or a steal and this guy's 29 years old and physically one of the more gifted people

as a pass rusher. Probably the former. I don't know. He's kind of like Drake London to me. It's like, what's your favorite Joey Bosa memory? But Drake London's good. I don't think it'll end of looking.

It's your Drake London then got good as soon as I said that. Like, I don't know. Joey Bosa, this is, this is Bill's fans going to be mad at me, but I look back at the Von Miller trade. They gave up a second round pick to Denver from Von Miller. They used the pick on Nick Benito.

And then Nick Benito for Denver was third in Sacks this year behind Miles Garrett and... These sliding doors things are hard. They're hard to take. It's a tough beat for the older brothers out there. We were talking on the phone last night. We kept getting Nick and Joey confused.

We like literally on the text we sent, we had it as Nick Bosa was on the bills, even though it's Joey Bosa. Usually the older brother always wins. Chris Hemsworth, James Franco, although he's in a tough spot right now, but in terms of fame. Ben Affleck, it's like always the older brother.

Joey Bosa. That's tough. he also he's the third pick in the NFL draft and he's just like his brother's brother like it's kind of weird I also have a crazy thing we've I think we've alluded to but I actually went that and tracked it down way honestly Joey Bosa's super boring who cares can I tell you guys something I don't know if you remember this I'm going to read from the San Francisco Chronicle hmm okay Nick Bosa and Joey Bosa's great grandfather was Al Capone's bodyguard whoa right there's like some mob connections here

so we had alluded to this and then I was afraid that would get murdered. And I actually found the report. I'm just going to read from the San Francisco Chronicle. Nick Bose's great-grandfather is Tony Ocardo, who took over as a mob boss from Al Capone in 1943. He lived in a 22-room mansion in Illinois with two bowling alleys and a pool in the basement. People loved to have an indoor bowling alleys back then.

That was like a thing you did when you were rich. Like we got all this space. What do we put in it? Like, what's the coolest thing we can think of? Put a fucking bowling alley in the basement. Would you rather have a pool or a bowling alley? A fucking pool. A pool.

A bowling alley. How after are you like, Man, I wish I could bowl right now, but they're not going in my house. More specifically, I wish I could bowl at my house. With a bunch of women at one of the morning. That's like 50 things I'd rather have in a bowling alley in my house. Like half of the fun of going bowling or like 75% of fun of going bowling is like leaving your home to do something. Yeah.

It's like I need to leave my home. What can we do? Well, I'll go bowling. Also, he had a bathtub car that had a black onyx stone. And then so their great grandfather, he caught the attention of Al Capone for his cruelty with a baseball bat, earning the nickname. earning the nickname Joey Batters. Whoa. Christ.

I wonder if he's been in, like if there have been characters in like Scorsese movies based off this guy. Probably, right? Probably. Probably. You just didn't think those as interesting

as I thought you would. I thought it was really interesting. Haiface, I'm just trying to be careful about what I say. Yeah, I gave it a big resounding wow. I value my kneecaps. I just think it's crazy

that like Al Capone's like successor to running the Chicago Mafia is just like, I don't know. Isn't there? Hyphids, there's a mob connection to the Cardinals, the Arizona Cardinals. Michael Bidwell, owns the Cardinals. His father or Granford River bought the team ran Al Capone's racetrack in Chicago.

And then they bought it on a boat for $5,000 in cash, which I don't know what that means. That's sick. I got to go back. Have you guys ever seen The Untouchables? That movie's about where De Niro plays Al Capone. I actually think there is a baseball baton that. Again, not that that's that. Joey Batters.

But maybe there was a Joey Batters reference. in there. Joey Belson. Not even the most violent Joey in his own family. Guys, Russell Wilson is scheduled to fly to Cleveland to visit with the Browns on Thursday. Oh, boy. According to Adam Schifter. I will say,

the rough thing, I also, I thought Kirk Cousins go to go to Cleveland. I'm worried that I was wrong about the Falcons cutting Kirk Cousins too. He might just hang out. This is what I'm saying. Their whole point is that they want to have two quarterbacks. I also was wrong about the money.

And some people misreported it. I won't say anyone, but like the basically, well, but also I should have dove deeper, got it wrong. But basically, I thought they were to pay him $10 million in cash in St. Patrick's Day. That's not what it is. It locks in his 2026 bonus to guaranteed money next year, which is long story short, the difference is they don't have to cut him because they're not actually going to end up

paying him the money because basically they could cut them. They're going to have to pay him $27 million dollars this year, whether Kirk Cousins plays for Atlanta or not. And I was like, well, why would they do in the end up? extra 10 million. But if it's next year, they could cut them next year and a different team will pay him the $10 million. He has,

he has kind of asked the team for a trade or release though, hasn't he? Well, that's the thing is. I think someone might have to trade. I actually think, like, because I was like, oh, the Giants get Kirk Cousins for a million bucks. I'm like, no, I think the Giants might have to trade a fifth round pick to get him for $27 million. So I think that's why Russell Wilson might be going to Cleveland. Yeah, I mean.

Well, he's going to Cleveland for the record. The full tweet is he's going to Cleveland. then he's going to New York the same day. Do you think he's just going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Sure. I think he's just trying to squeeze a little bit more money out of the Giants, probably. Dude, if, uh, honestly, Russell Wilson doesn't make me feel a fraction as bad as Rogers.

Because Rogers, I genuinely would talk myself into and think that I would have hope. Like, I would actually think the Giants were going to make the playoffs eventually, and I would root for him. Russ, I'm going to keep like a low. Because, because right now there are, Titans, Giants, Steelers, Browns are the only four teams that, like, technically don't really have a starting quarterback, right?

Titans, Giants, Steelers, Browns? Yeah. Yeah. And there's Russell Wilson, Aaron Rogers, Cam Ward and Shador, theoretically. Those are going to be the four. It's just like... Like the musical chairs or whatever.

Yeah. If it's kids, it's so sad. I just... And also, it's just like other sports are failing me. The Knicks haven't beaten any of the good NBA teams to even let yourself pretend they could do anything in the playoffs. Yankees lost Garrett Cole to Tommy John.

Poor Yankees fan. Oh, shut up. Tommy John literally like Tommy John is just the weirdest injury because it's like, yeah, he'll be back in like two years. I'm like two years. I'm like two years. I think I should just start getting the surgery before they even go pro. It's like every pitcher goes through.

You have to get it out of the way almost. Yeah, just do that instead of going to college. Just get your Johnny John. Just get you Tommy John. I mean, everyone should just start throwing slower, Craig. I like a week or two ago, the Knicks were playing the Warriors. And I think they were up like 10 at halftime. and Hyford's texting me some snarky brag

and then the Warriors won and he was like whatever March Madness is starting soon. Dude, I was so, it was the most predictable thing ever was stuck. He can't be fucking I wasn't even watching. I don't even know what I was doing. I was like, the Warriors won. He's like, whatever, fuck you. It's like a tick. He just like has to talk shit if he has the opportunity. Oh, please. You didn't even know who won our fucking fantasy league

because I don't talk shit. You didn't even know who won the league. Oh, please. Now I know. Because you were asked. You didn't even know. And then I was so mad. That's a thing. it's infuriating to win a league be polite about it and then no one remember who won last year no one remembers

this is yeah it is a it's an absolute conundrum God I have the most mediocre no one likes no one likes when you brag about winning a league it's the most annoying thing ever but also no one knows what knows you won the league if you don't do it especially because the team's tanking

don't give a shit like they're just like in their own world they're scouting draft prospects of 2028 they went about living their life yeah speaking which Jacksonville Jaguars I'm going to try to do the Ted Lassau thing and be curious, not judgmental. Because they went... Barbecue stocks.

I think we need a Ted Lassow jar. If I'm the Warriors, I think Hyvitz is Ted Lassow. You want to compare how much I bring up Ted Lassow to how much you bring up the Warriors? It's more than you think. Is it really? Yeah. I want the listeners to weigh in because this man... I can't remember, to be honest.

Do you think he brings up the Warriors on the same level that I bring up Ted Lassow? No, not the same level. No, but I think there is a threshold that you have crossed. There's a minimum velocity you have reached of Ted Lassau references. You did bring up the cookies the other day. Yeah, you talked about the, yeah. And then you did the dart thing as well. Well, this is the dart thing.

This is the dart thing. No, he brought up the dart thing on a previous show, like recently. Well, the curious, not judgmental is the dart scene. I know that's right now, but I'm saying an episode or two ago, he talked about the whole dart thing. He's obsessed with these darts. And he used the other hand. It is a great. I feel like a moron hyphids's side on this because I love Ted Lassow.

Look, look. Why does that matter? You can love the Warriors. My whole point is that he brings it up a lot. You're closer to Bill with the Celtics, with the Warriors, then you're closer to me with Ted Lasso. Well,

mine is like a generational franchise in Dynasty and yours is a random show. Wait, what's my thing? If Hyfitz's thing is Ted Lasso, do I have a thing? Case it is? It's probably quoting movies

you guys have never seen. And then I get like random ghosts telling me they heard what I said and Hyphitz and Craig didn't get it. I think I get one of those like once a show. show. What does D.K. Bring up a lot? I don't know.

D.K., I don't think it's stuff D.K. I don't want to know what it is, to be honest. I think you're pretty balanced. Okay. You're perfect. Probably just the Seahawks, something stupid like that. It's why you work, because Hyvitz and I are always bringing up the same annoying shit, and then you're just like Mr. Easygoing in the middle, having a great time.

Anyway, we could do a jar, but I, Hyphitz, for the record, I like the Ted Lassow quotes. Again, that's not what this is about. By the way, Austin's in the chat just saying yes, yes, yes. No, no, no, no, no, no. I could make a great step. Hurry point.

That's not the point, though. No fucking way. Craig hates Ted Lasso the show and Austin hates Ted Lasso the show. They just don't like when I bring up Ted Lasso. That is a, that's what they're, that's what Austin's talking about. That's different than I bring it up all the time. He just hates the fucking show. Look, Austin just texted us.

You bring it up once a week. I believe that. You bring up Ted Lasso a lot. I will do it. Lassso audit. And I will check, but also... It's fine. Just put a money in the jar

and move on to your life. I didn't mind Ted Lassow season one. Just when everybody started calling it the greatest television show of all time, I kind of backed off. It's just comfort food. It's fine. Yeah, I didn't even watch it till later.

I'm just, I just, I'm mostly just blow... Hey, Fitzhens, we all like the Ted Lassow stuff, so keep going. Keep doing it. I'm just blown away that it could compare to the Warriors thing because I... Again, I'm not saying you mentioned Ted Lassow as much as I mentioned the Warriors.

All I'm saying is I think there's a minimum jar threshold that you, You've reached with Ted Lassel. I'm at the high end of the threshold, but you have still passed it. Okay. Oh, okay. I love this. This is funny.

Anyway, fuck Ted Lassel. I like it when I'm not the one fighting. Oh, so we have no jar. Like, there are no jars. There's a jar behind. We should have a VEMO. We should have a Venmo. That's a jar.

I have to Venmo you guys a dollar. That's actually a great idea. Yeah, Venmo's a jar. It's like a beer, it's like a beer fund. And we just pay one $1 to the jar. Email us at Ring your Fantasy Football. at all gmail.com for what you think our jars should be. I think Craig's the Warriors.

I feel like there are way other and more annoying things I do than Ted Lassow, but maybe I should stick to Ted Lassau for my jar. It's also funny because you mention these quotes as though everybody knows them. You know? It's like some season three quote. And I'm like, who's, no. That's why I say, as they say in Ted Lassow and then I explain the seed. But still, I think that's a harder connection for anybody to make because they don't have

a reference point. Like a famous basketball team with a famous player to me, he's like, oh, that's a reference people can connect to. Troy brings up, Hyphitz also mispronounces words. I was gonna say that happens like, I also do it. Definitely be mispronouncing.

I don't think you should get jarred for doing something on accident, but, well, it's actually by accident, so that's kind of meta. Got you. Got you.

Anyway, fine, fuck Ted Lasso. I'm just gonna judge the shit out of the Jaguars. Fuck being curious. I think the Jaguars had the weirdest after all that.

He just changes his mind. Fucked him. I just think the weirdest move I've ever seen. I think Diomby Brown was the weirdest. signing a lot of agency. I can't overstate how weird this was.

Diami Brown is a receiver for Washington. Jaguars paid him a year, one-year contract for $10 million. Just start with the $10 million. Diami Brown had 300 receiving yards last year. Like 300 yards. They give him $10 million. Brian Thomas Jr. had more receiving yards after week seven than Diami Brown has had it his entire career.

And Diami Brown now makes more money than Brian Thomas Jr. Like that's kind of insane. And then on top of it, if you're like, well, well, you know, he's 25 years old, Danny Brown. We liked him in December. We'll project him forward. He's a young developing talent.

Why the fuck is it a one-year deal? You don't have to give him a $10 million either for that. Why would you give him a $1-year deal for $10 million? Who were you negotiating against? Who were you negotiating against? I don't know. And it's like, so part of me is like, did they copy and paste?

Because James Duky Hauser, the Jaguars GM, James Gladstone came from the Rams. It's like the same deal they gave Tutu Atwell, one year, $10 million dollars. Was it copy-pasted? I don't understand. But again, this guy's 34 years old. I genuinely am wondering if they just took Trent Balke's work because, I mean,

this guy was hired two and a half weeks ago. Trent Balke, like they have all this pro personnel. What are you going to do? Overhaul your entire, like, they have the same people working there. They even hired our new scouting staff. It's the same scouting staff. And I'm like, you walk into this office and you have two options. Tell everyone that's been working on their pro personnel board for months.

We're like, yeah, I'm not going to use any that. Or you kind of look at it and you're like, man, do I really want to do a whole new one of these in like two weeks? And they just looked at the board And they're like, screw it. I'll pay these guys. It doesn't make any sense. If you guys had to guess, and you can just ballpark it,

where 308 yards receiving ranks among just receivers in the NFL last year, where would you say? 32 teams. I think three guys hit that on every team. 81st. I think probably 120th, 130th. You guys, you're dialing in on it.

It was 98. 98th among all receivers, just receivers. That doesn't even include tight ends. Hi, Vince, you're glad. I'm going to add tight ends to see what it is here. That's like a George Costanza bit where like he shows up to the office and realizes he has no ideas and finds the binder of the person that came before him and just uses all of his ideas. Dude, yeah. And I'm not even, but like, if you include tight ends, it's 134th.

Dossin Knox had more yards than him. That's crazy. Jatavian Sanders. Greg Dorch. David Moore, Matt Collins, Parker Washington. Parker Washington's on the Jaguars.

Parker Washington's on the Jaguars. You could have just kept him. Foster Moreau. Gavante Turpin. Noah Gray. There's some insane. If you believe it in time, why would you pay a 25,

like you pay one year 10 million for production? If it's a 25 rule with no track record of production, why would it be a one year deal? It just doesn't make any sense. To your point, Greg, there's a reason teams don't fire their GM. as late as the Jaguars did. Because there's all this work you have to do to do the job.

And so that's why teams actually fire guys after the draft because the GM's job restarts in May when you have to start scouting next year's class, it's just free agent class, and next year's draft picks. So I do think there's something, the idea of you're going to walk in and just do the whole board again and just re-scout all these guys. I don't know.

Jordan Lewis to the Jaguress, a cornerback. They gave him 20 million fully guaranteed to a 30-year-old slot quarterback who does man coverage. He's 30 years old. He has the most guaranteed money of any 30-year-old cornerbacks. in the NFL. Why would you do that? The cornerbacks age like milk.

Why would you do that? I don't know. Why would you do that? The Jags are an... The Jags should just like be like a Globetrotters, WBE team, and they just like go around and it's a show, you know? They already got the Con family involved. Yeah.

Don't even be a real team. Speaking of the Jags, we got another like live signing here. The Broncos are signing Evan Ingram to a two-year deal, according to Adam Schaefter. Oh, that's kind of interesting. The Broncos, once again, I'm kind of liking what they're doing. So is he Jimmy Graham, basically? feel some kind of way? And a lot of people were projecting Colston Loveland,

the tied end out of Michigan to Sean Payton and Denver, right? Honestly, Evan Engram's kind of like if Jimmy Graham couldn't do the contested catch thing, I guess that was Jimmy Graham's whole thing. But I do think he does that kind of thing. Evan Ingram is his Marcus Colston or, yeah, Jimmy Graham. Yeah. Yeah, because I think Sean Payton always talks about having a Joker, just guys that you can kind of move around the formation and create mismatches with.

And I think that's probably going to be the role that Evan Ingram plays. I like Evan Ingram plays. I do too. Hyphitz doesn't. Heifitz hates him. No, I was just mad because he dropped their crucial catch against the Eagles since they're sent for the 45 years ago. Overall, though, Evan Ingram's a reminder of like how many tight ends end up

good for their team? Even if they end up good. That's the thing, Hyphids. Yeah. I feel like they end up better somewhere else. I don't know. It's, it's... Well, Michael Mayer is on the trade block right now.

I'm actually really interested to see where he ends up. Somebody should gobble him up. He seems like a great, great trade target right now. Gobble him up. Former, he was like the second or third pick of the second round, a couple years ago. Really good player. And obviously with Bowers now,

they don't really need, you know, a backup tight end or whatever, a second tight end of that caliber. So getting something from it now would make sense. No, go to the Chargers or something. Craig,

who do you think should gobble up, Michael Mayer? Gobble that up. Gobble up. Dude, tons of chargers? Get him with Justin Herbert. Get him on that. He can block a little bit too,

right? D.K., he's big boy. Oh, yeah. He's like a, he's a true Y tight end. Yeah. I think there's, I think, because he had that weird,

he was like, on the non-football injury list, it just didn't play for long time. I don't know what's going on. There's some kind of situation there. I don't know if it's personal or what, but he was basically on the non-football injury list and there was like no injury.

So like no one, you know, we don't really know. And we never really got reporting on what happened there. So sometimes people just need a fresh start. Uh-oh. News. So I go.

Well, it's just like the Rams have officially released Cooper Cup. Where do you want him to land other than the Steelers? Because I think the Steelers makes sense, I guess. but the charge, for fantasy

and for Cooper Cup resurgence, like an actual chance for him to get just for fantasy or like on a good team where they're actually good and winning?

No, just for fantasy. I feel like he has to be on the team where he's not like the number one guy. Honestly, like Dallas. I mean,

the Patriots just need a receiver. Just get a receiver. If I were the Patriots actually would sign Cooper Cup and here's why, the same way. way that Cooper Cup mentored Pooka Nakuwa and was like, hey, their young buck, maybe instead of like eating Jack in the Box and Wendy's on the way to practice every day, like, how about

you come to my house at six in the morning, run until you throw up and then we'll like eat kale and then go to practice. I honestly would bring Cooper Cup solely to see if the Patriots, like young receivers who didn't do shit last year can with the new regime just be professionalized? Like I would almost look at Cooper Cup as a very highly paid position coach slash trainer slash nutritionist who will just like take your young. And like, Javon Baker for the Pats was a nice. like he did nothing.

Like Jalen Polk did nothing for the bats. And I would almost bring him in just to like see if he could help those guys. The Raiders? Let Gino Cook? I don't know. There's actually a lot of teams. I think that would make sense for Cooper Cup right now. I don't have like a ton of faith that he's going to come back and be anything close to what he was before.

There's people talking about Seattle. That's one team that's in the rumor mill right now. Do you think Cooper Cup could beat out Cody White for the Seahawks third receiver, I don't know, man. It's tough. It's tough. Yeah, I would be, I would be super stoked if Cooper Cup can't see a ox. You have to temper your expectations, but I would be stoked.

Him and MVS would be a problem. I think it's, the issue, though, is, is, is JSN is kind of, he's a slot guy. He's kind of in a similar role, I guess, than Cooper Cup, although I'm sure they could play. They could figure it out. Maybe Cooper Cup will just beat him out. It doesn't solve anything. Should we, should we, like, put that on Instagram and just be like, Marquez Valde Scantley in Seattle is going to be like a problem with the Steve emoji.

It's going to be a problem. Problem. Vikings, I mean, they let Sam Darnal go. They let Daniel Jones go. So, I mean, I feel like JJ McCarthy's just healthy and we should just expect them to be the starting quarterback of Minnesota, which I know was obvious. But also there was all this stuff that he lost like 20 or 30 pounds during his recovery, which is normal, but also concerning for someone that hasn't played in the NFL really yet. But I actually kind of like what they did. I don't know.

I like Jonathan Allen for, they signed him at defense. of tackle for like a lot of money, but I kind of like that a lot. I kind of weirdly think just a good player. Yeah. And then Will Fries and the Colts, which is like a funny name. Seahawks are absolutely apoplectic right now that they didn't get Will Fries. That's the state of the Seahawks right now. Will Fries is what sent them over the top.

Just to give you a glimpse into Seahawks fandom right now. The Seahawks just desperately need offensive linemen. Join the club. Welcome to the party, pal. The Giants signed Javon Hall on the safety. from Miami. You said you like this move and I'm going to make you

I do nice about the Giants. I mean, look, two years ago, he was an elite safety. Last year he definitely had a down year, but this is the type of thing that's happened sometimes where, I don't know,

whatever it is, nagging injuries or maybe there's something going on in his personal life. I still think he's a good player. And so I think this is a smart gamble to take him and see if you can like

get him going back to where he was. So I don't know. I don't have like a huge take on Javan Holland, but like two years ago, he was really good. I have a theory, and I might be wrong, and just be a fan who's talked myself into this.

But my theory is basically, so Miami, they hired Anthony Weaver is the defensive line coach for Baltimore, and then he used the defensive coordinator for the Dolphins last year. And the, not on Anthony Weaver, but in general, defensive line coaches have a struggle

to become defensive coordinators for a similar reason. Running back coaches have a similar issue to be offensive coordinators where can defensive line coaches see enough of the holistic passing game to like, you know, run the entire defense,

similar with running back coaches in the whole passing game. And whether that's fair or not, that's like the knock. Zooming all the way out, I see Javon Holland being incredible at 24 years old in Miami in 2023 under Vic Fangio. And then a defensive line coach comes in and suddenly Javan Holland is the worst season of his career. Yeah. I don't want to say anything by Anthony Weaver. And maybe Anthony Weaver's a great coach.

Part of me is just like, I kind of think that might be related. I don't know. Maybe it wasn't the right fit for him. Yeah. I think this is exactly what I'm saying is like if you can try and recreate whatever that magic, you know, that lightning in a ball that you captured two years ago where he was, again, like one of the top safeties, according to,

you know, PFS grading and he was just all over the place. And then he fell off the map last year. Maybe, yeah, I don't know. So, DK, my underrated thing in addition to being mad about losing Sequin was the Giants lost Xavier McKinney. Right. It was a safety they drafted and then made a captain. He was the defensive play caller as a safety.

And then the Giants just let him go to the Packers. How much better or worse do you think, Javon Holland is than Xavier McKinney? I mean, I don't know. think McKinney's a really good player. So I think probably McKinney's better. But if they can get Holland back to what he was before, you have, I mean, you have some semblance of the same deal.

He's a versatile guy. Betting on a 25-year-old guy who you've already seen be very productive in the NFL, I feel like is a solid bet. Right. Okay. Otherwise, just offensive line stuff, I just feel like this is the Mitch Hedberg-Logs joke of just, well, they need logs and lady logs. If people miss this, Mitch Hebrer has a joke where it's basically like,

saw two log trucks pass each other on the highway the other day. And I thought to myself, well, if they need logs, and if they need logs, you think a phone call would have saved a lot of trouble. I think there's, this is my joke is that this is what you get with kickers. There's no fucking difference between any kicker. All kickers are the same. They're going to make a lot of their kicks. And that's it? And sometimes they don't.

Did you say Mitch Hedberg? Isn't that Brian Regan? Sorry, did I say Mitch Hedberg? Yeah, Brian Regan. Yeah, yeah. Brian Regen. And then I was wrong. I actually said Brian Riegen, I just mispronounced it.

I do quote Mitch Hedberg a lot too, Hyvitz, for the record. I don't know if it's quite the same with offensive linemen, but you could probably make the argument with like old offensive linemen. I think that it's not, but it feels that way. I think that's the truth. It's like it's not that way with offensive linemen, but as a fan, it kind of feels that way. Like your team's signed to lineman, sick, he's going to be awesome. It's like, you don't know.

You just hope. How many people are like offensive line gurus and, and all that. It's like the giant son John Runyon Jr. last year and I'm like, fuck, all right, whatever. See, this is what I'm talking about with Will Fries. Yeah, Will Fries. People are like, oh, see, no he is.

I know. Teams are just like, so depressed. I wanted Will Fries. Fans will take any offensive linemen and treat it as positive news. They have no idea who the fuck they are. Dude, no. It's ridiculous. Drew Dolman.

It's like love is blind. They don't anything about these people. But the, so the Texans, they demolished their offensive line. We talked about how they traded Laramie Tonsel to Washington for a second, and then they traded. Kenyon Green. It was the first run pick for Houston to the Eagles for Chauncey Gardner Johnson. I mean, I did this rant on Bill.

I think that's actually why the Eagles stayed really good is they just are just keep swigging on other teams failed first round offensive linemen and are just like, hey, Jeff Stoutland, you can fix this. And they just have the best offensive line coach in the entire NFL. And the same way they took Mikai Bechtin, who basically left the Jets. It was the first round pick. And they just started him at right guard. He was incredible.

And then just put Kenyon Green at right guard and they're going to fix him. Because if you're a first round pick, that usually means that you have like the physical tools. You have like the, you know, the spark score, all that stuff is there. It's just like didn't all work on whatever team you're on. And then a good team snatching up those guys who are super raw and talented and then molding them under their infrastructure that is proven like the Eagles have. It makes a ton of sense. It happens in every sport. This is the game within the game.

This is the really nerdy thing that I think Howie Rosen is better at than everyone is like the game within the game is they are just taking. what was two or three years ago, a first round pick, someone that you, I mean, was impossible to acquire, getting them for even cheaper than they were earlier,

but still, I mean, he's like 23 years old. Kenyon Green, it's like 23 years old. And like, they now have the chance to just make like a first round starting guard

for Johnson who, he's the guy who the receivers keep punching in the face, even though he's wearing a helmet. Like he's the most annoying, he's literally a single most annoying player in the NFL. Like literally, I know someone.

He's a habitual, yeah, line stepper. He's just constantly like... Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world? Yeah. He can't shut up. Like he can't stay in the same team for two or three years.

Like literally everyone gets sick of him. So the Eagles just got rid of this guy. I think that line was improvised, by the way. Yeah. And that sound, certainly. Hey, do you want to know the most annoying sound in the world? Guys, guys! He almost shoots him.

Oh, God, I love that movie. Yeah, these like picks that haven't worked out going to the Eagles and then working is like a... a bad actor who works with a good director and a good script. And it works. It's like Michael Madsen in every Tarantino movie. That guy hasn't worked in any other movie, but he's in Kill Bill and Reservoir Dogs in Hateful 8. And you're like, this guy's kind of killing it.

And you realize he has no career outside of Tarantino movies. Yeah, that's really good comp. Like, I know that maybe it sounds really nerdy to talk about Jeff Stout and the Eagles run game coordinator. But I'm like, we almost don't talk enough about like, Jordan Milata, their right tackle. Sorry, their left tackle for the Eagles. It was a seventh round pick who would like never played football.

Yeah. he's from Australia so I don't want to get that wrong with the Australian list of New South Wales Australia which I think is Australia I don't know I assume I think it's like a not state but I don't know but he's from he's from the other side of the world

and had not played he played rugby and he's just like a top six left tackle the NFL they just taught him to leave the ball it's like if you guys ever see they do call him states there all right stight have you guys ever seen Sylvester Stallone in the movie Copland. He's great in it. Great actor in the movie.

Directed by James Mangold. I like Southland, though, the TV show. Oh, yeah. I remember that. It was about South Central L.A.? Yeah. Yeah. Copland is an awesome movie. James Mingold. It's the same dude who directed the Bob Dylan movie with Timothy Chalameh. It's a good movie about like a little town in the politics with like the police. Great Stallone. Edie Falco. De Niro. What are your top five movies you've seen on the rewatchables because of the rewatchables that you're like, I would recommend other people? The big chill I love.

It's a movie from the 80s about a bunch of 30-year-olds who get together at a lake house after their friend dies. That movie's awesome. I had never seen a league of their own. Copland, I loved. There's a lot of, like, random 80s movies, or 90s movies, like Disclosure that are really fun and, like, just could never exist today.

Disclosure. Is Disclosure? John Grisham book? Wait. I'm not sure. Whenever I hear that word, I think about my cousin Vinny, she's like, it's called Disclosure. you dickhead.

No, it's, no, I was thinking of like the, you know how they, there was a bunch of Grisham movies, like the firm and, ooh, you know what's one I loved is, risky business I had never seen with Cruz.

That movie's fucking awesome. Oh, sorry to, sorry to hang on this, but Disclosure was written by Michael Crichton, who also wrote, Jurassic Park and Westworld, baby. Anyway, continue.

Michael Douglas is one of those faces where I'm like, I don't understand why he's hot. Why was he like a sexy actor? Well, no, I don't know. When you watch him, I get it. If you watch like, I don't know, romancing the Stone, I think you're like, I get it. Okay.

He's in the category of how men don't know what women want a man to look like, like men think, you know, there's no hair, everything. Yeah, I mean, look, the Pete Davidson thing will forever allude me. There's a certain Geneseecois, if you will. Okay. Any other's free agency stuff you guys want to do, or can I read the emails about parents lying to their children? Any of the free agent stuff that ticklish your fancy? No, let's do the lying.

I called this one a gusher and you guys got really mad at me. But it's like when there's an email prompt and then I like, I open it and I see like a hundred. I'm like, okay, this is a gusher. We got a gusher. We got a, okay. That doesn't rub me the right one. It's an oil. Oh, well.

I understand. Craig phrasing. It's an oil thing. You hit the gory hole. You get a gusher. I thought he was saying like a geyser. It doesn't rub you the right. But he's right.

Guser is an oil discovery. So. Yeah, just watch them land. man, you know. Yeah. Anyway, again, we were so... I can't enter the Sheridan universe. Also, if you're listening right now with your children, you can stop.

Although I assume, well, I don't know if anyone was listening to this with like their three-year-old child, but I wouldn't let them, I wouldn't let young children listen to this. Don't let them in on the lie, the conspiracy. We're going to talk about all these lies. But, um, so anyway, we were so, Craig and I were so tickled by the fact that D.K. Just told Calvin that the Paw Patrol machine is broken and he has to watch, you can't watch it anymore. that we just were like, email us your other stories that things you lie to your children to make your day today life easier.

I'm so excited. I can't tell you how many we got. I'm so thrilled to go through these. Just rip through them. I want to get through as many as we can. All right. Can you guys be ready when I read the name to be like, math?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. This one's from Matthew. Matt. There's a toy store in the center of town that we pass by every time we walk with our son. So when he was four years old, we told them that it was a looking store

and that nothing in there was actually for sale. Genius. Smart. Lisa. Savvy. Lisa. When our toddler wants to watch a show like Cocoa Mellon for the 800th time, but we don't want to watch Cocoa Mellon for the 800th time,

we just tell her all the characters are sleeping. Oh. That's actually nice. I like that. Listen to some Christian. Christian. Sorry, I screwed up. It's all right.

I forgive you. When my kids go to Wisconsin to visit their grandparents. Very Christian of you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When my kids go to Wisconsin to visit their grandparents, they always buy them lucky charms. We live in San Diego, so I just told my kids they don't sell lucky charms in San Diego. Sure.

Nothing wrong with that. Regional difference. Also, it makes visiting the grandparent's more fun then. Uh-huh. Which I love that email because now we got one from Joseph. Joey. Joe. Who said, I paused your last podcast as soon as it got brought up about lies with kids.

I called my mom. Asked her, she told me any lies. Oh, no. And then I realized that when I was sick, she told me they don't sell cocoa pebbles in California. And this guy realized they're at like 40 years old, but that was a lot. That's just like my mom saying I was allergic to dark colored soda, you know? Yeah. Look, they're worried about the sugar intake of their children.

This one's from Sanoop. Snoop. So I said, I got my daughter to root against Green Bay because I told her the Packers hurt Elsa. Oh, Jesus. Oh, man. That's specific. They were mean to Elsa. And then also anything he wants his daughter to eat, Elsa's favorite food. food is that food.

Yeah, that's good. Oh, God, that's, oh, I need to, that's actually, I might use that. Calvin's really into Pokemon right now and I'm going to be like, this is Charzar. Charzard. Charzarsars are the other thing. People were mad. I didn't know that one. Garboo.

Garados. Gerados. People were like, you're a liar. You're 30. You know Gerdos. And I was like, I really, like, I can't be clear. I was shocked. I mean, he's like a famous Pokemon.

I'm shocked. They were saying, high fits was a liar for not knowing it. Yeah. They were saying, like, you don't have to pretend. that you're cool by not knowing it. I was like, to be clear. My story was that I read fantasy football magazines alone. Like, I don't think there's anything cool about that.

Look at you now. But even when you were like eight or nine, you were reading fantasy magazines? That's what I'm saying. When I was eight, like, yeah, I had a fucking magazine alone. So was your generation the first Pokemon generation? Because I feel like it didn't really hit my generation.

Depends to you define generation, but we're... I'm not familiar enough with like the boom of Pokemon to answer that. But I know it was popular when I was young. I think it's exactly how. halfway between us. You're 12 years older. I think it's like, probably like, I think Craig, Craig's brother and my brother, like 34-ish. In 1996 to present, it says. Yeah, right. So if it started in 96, I was two. So my brother was six. Yeah. Anyway, I didn't have any Pokemon cards. Also, mom, if you're listening to this, like, why the fuck wouldn't you buy me the Pokemon cards?

I know. What's wrong with Pokemon cards? I don't know. Maybe she just wanted you to do something outside. Yeah. But I mean, damn, can you imagine how sick it would be, though, if I could have had a Pokemon podcast. Imagine if you had a level 100 Geardos. Ugh. Damn, if we get into Pokemon. Imagine if I just get into that.

This one's from Adam. Adam. We've told our son, candy, soda, and juice all contain sugar bugs. So once you have too many sugar bugs in your mouth, they eat your face.

Oh my God. So many of these are about limiting sugar. I love it. Eating your face? They're going to eat your face? That's horrifying. They're going to have nightmares. This one's from

Rob. Robbie. It's illegal to have a light on in the car at night. Illegal. I like that. I like that's the legal. Dude, you know what? I,

my parents definitely told me that. There was a whole, I just now remember, like, driving to my grandparents' house as a kid. And if my brother, I put the fucking roof light on in the car, they freak out. Turn that off.

You can't do that. I don't know. I never understood why they cared. Now, I don't give it. If I was driving, that doesn't bother me at all. Well, you can't see all the windows very well. I know.

It's like there's glare, but it's like, all right, relax. Well, no, because it kills the car battery. That's the number of it. While you're driving. While you're driving, if you left it on when you're parked for three hours. You don't check when you, like, get out of the car.

Like, you, it's easy to, like, if you open the door, the lights are on. So if the kids hit the light and you close the door, you might not realize that the light's still on your car battery. That's fair, but I don't think my parents are doing it because they're worried that car is going to die. I think it was about glare inside. Yeah, you can't see as well when you're driving. Well, maybe my parents told me that and that was alive. Did you try. Just send us a text.

Wait, that's not true? That's not a lie. Wait, wait, holy shit. I mean, I don't know if I knew if it was legal or not. I just thought it was annoying. Super legal to turn the light on inside your own car. They're going to put up a roadblock.

I kind of want Troy to come in here first. They're throwing out like a spike strip. What do, officer? I noticed that light was on inside your car. What were you doing? Looking for something? Nothing? You're going downtown.

I, I just, I met multiple people in college who thought that. Jackie, Jackie thought her mom told her U-turns were illegal because when she was learning driving, she was like, I don't want you doing that. Dude, I'm going to write these down. So the illegal excuse is good. Just say stuff is illegal. Oh, wait, there's another one. What was the other one that was really good? We just said it. The characters are asleep.

Oh, yeah. The characters are asleep. Yeah. Paul patrols asleep. The other one that's, speaking of illegal, this one's kind of funny. This one's from Nick. Nicky. When I was younger, so Nick had five siblings. And so he's like, when we were acting up and refusing to listen, one of my parents would leave the house

and go run an errand. And my other parent would call the cops. And they were actually, and so they would knock on the door and the police would be there. But it turns out they were actually just calling the other parent who would leave the house

and that parent would just use a fake voice and pretend to be a police officer that would come and arrest us if we didn't get our shit together. And he said it worked every time until they were like 13 years old. That's really good. genius actually

that might be illegal that's impersonating a cop on the phone I think that is actually illegal what about also this is like I'm going to double and triple reminder if you're with kids of a certain age to stop listening now because now I'm going to get into territory

this is the good stuff this one's from Sean Sean without a doubt the most useful lie is you can tell your child is that you have Santa's phone number and you can hit them up whenever yeah yeah we used to do, my parents used to do the thing where they would write Santa letters on our behalf

or against us. You want me to get Santa on the horn? Huh? Tell him what you just did? I'm telling you, kids are so gullible. It's amazing. I got Santa here on Speedow, ready to hear about what you did in the kitchen this morning. Dude, Sean says a six-year-old is never more remorseful than when he hears an outbound call to the North Pole on speaker phone. Fuck Santa. No. You said, you should take it a step further. The same way they had the neighbors impersonating the police, you should just have a friend. Name Santa in your phone. Yeah, name Santa in your phone.

And they know that if that number is ever called, they just have to pretend their Santa on Twitter. Literally, you, Craig, you literally took the words out of my mouth. Sean was like, his kid got suspicious once. So he had one of his boy's answer. And he was just like, his boy was just like, oh, ho, ho. He's like, ho, ho, hello. Buddy elf, what's your favorite color?

That's a great way to answer the phone. I actually have done this. Santa's office. Buddy the elf. What's your favorite color? I think this is the best one. And of all the parents willing to steal stuff, I wish my parents had done this with me.

I think this is brilliant. A lot of these serve the purpose of day-to-day survival. This one's really smart. Matt says, we told our youngest son that every birthday, he gets a whole new set of taste buds. And so he has to try and eat new things and new foods because he has had been taste buds now. Wow.

That's fucking good. These are actually really helpful because, Calvin does not, he just refuses to eat anything new. So you get a new set of taste buds every year and you have to try new stuff. All your taste buds are different now. Oh, wow. That is fucking brilliant. Which isn't even like totally a lie.

Yeah, right. I mean, true, sure. They change as you. It's like 93% lie. I like a million things now that I didn't like 20 years ago. I felt I felt old when I like liked olives. I don't know why. Yeah.

But that, I hate it. That's one of the only things Calvin does eat. Oh, olives? Olives. Black olives, which I think are absolute garbage. Can I tell a quick story about my taste buds? Please. Yes. Okay. So I like most things. There's pretty much no food I don't like. The one thing I couldn't really deal with is blue cheese. I hated blue cheese growing up. The cheese is intense. It's very specific, right? You kind of either love it or you hate it. And there's a restaurant in L.A. that I love called Father's Office. I don't mind shouting them out because they're great. There's two of them. one in Culver City one in Santa Monica. The Sannemonica one is the original great burger. The thing

about the burger, very specific. The first time I went when I moved to LA, I ordered the burger because I heard it was great. And I said, can I get it? It comes with blue cheese. So I'll have the burger, no blue cheese. And the waiter was like, I'm sorry, we don't do substitutions. And I said, well, then just remove the blue cheese. He said, I'm sorry, we don't do alterations. And I said, no, no, but I'm just going to, I'm saving you cheese. I'm saving you extra cheese. I'll pay the same price, but you keep you. I'm saving you money. I'm saving you money and saving you cheese. I'll pay the same price. He said no. And so I basically didn't really eat the burger for a couple years. Well, everybody kept talking about how goddamn good the burger was. So I started to just order

the burger and muscle my way through it. And now seven years later, since I've been in LA, eight years later, I now love the burger, get it all the time. And honestly, I kind of don't mind blue cheese anymore. And it really is like immersion therapy of just forcing it over and over and over. it does work and your body will adapt. 100%. I think it's like, it's different, but it's like when you first pick up coffee or beer. I think I remember the first time I had both of those, it was absolutely disgusting. And I was like, why do people drink this? This is horrific.

And then once it hits your lips, it's so good. You just need more. I had that moment in the pandemic. I remember we get the supermarket and thinking, what beer do I even like now? Yeah. Because, and I just, and I realized that I actually like, like the idea. P.A's more than beer is weird though, because beer is more of a feeling than it is taste. Like, I still

don't know if beer tastes good. It's like word association. But the feeling of beer is unparalleled. Well, it's so, all right, wait, I was at a bachelor party a couple months ago. Shout out my friend Bobby, his bachelor party and his brother-in-law was there. His brother-in-law was actually a beer distributor. And so it's so funny. Like, we were at this, like, we were in New Orleans, actually. It was like, when we were in New Orleans, like, the week before New Orleans. And we had this, like, nice cocktail place. If it switched to New Orleans twice in like two and a half week. Two weeks.

And we flew to fucking New Orleans. People were skating in the French. People playing ice hockey in the French quarter. But, wow. And I'm like, they had this like duck, fat, washed bourbon. It was insane. And I like, go to take a sip. And his brother-in-law says, you're on the beach.

You're on the beach. Sand between your toes. Picture it. Picture being on the beach. Ocean sounds. Vacation. Paradise. And I took a sip. And I sit down.

I look at him. And I thought it was crazy. And I look at him. And I'm like, that was the best sip of alcohol I've ever had in my entire life. And I was like, it was so weird, but it worked. And it made me realize, like, I don't think that's the best drink I ever had, but there was something about sometimes you're just in the right moment and somewhat like, it's a feeling. Yeah. I mean, it's the reason why I'm not, to be honest, I probably wouldn't drink non-alcoholic beer. I don't need the taste that much.

It's the feeling. It's, you know, it's what it brings you. Sometimes you got to just hold something. You know, at the end of the day, we're like animals that were supposed to walk on fours, and now we're on twos. And I think that deep in our lizard brain, we still feel kind of weird that we're just teorexing up here and talk, talk to your doctor. Talk to your doctor. Talk to your about a couple of beers. That was really funny. Maybe a little bump. It comes with a key.

If you're starting to feel a little drowsy, try a little bump. It comes with a key. Oh, it's so good. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that was Shane Gill is SNL skit. Super funny.

You're right, though. It's about holding something. Like, when I'm at an event, I don't really know many people, you need a drink in the hand can go, can take you a long way. What do you do with your hands, too? It's just like alternative?

like it's a nightmare. Like, away here, I got more of these things here. Oh, this one, oh, Eli.

Eli. Mitchell. Eli Manning. When my son turned two, he started using Alexa to play songs and says he's two and not very good at talking. It would always take him a few tries. So I told him that he had,

if he slows down and says, please, uh, Alexa will play him the song. And now he actually says, please when he talks. Oh. Which is smart.

Isn't funny, but just seemed like a really good one to share. That is like that hits, that hits close to home because Calvin. because Calvin, there's time, like, I'm trying to teach him to be a polite child, and there's times where he'll just, like, be watching a show and scream, water. I'm just like, dude, no. That is not here.

I'm like, that is not how you ask. Anyway. The other one I like is Mike email, Mike, Mike. Mike E. The classic parenting lie that works in the winter for daylight savings is, of course, it's bedtime, it's dark outside. Yeah. Breaks their brains.

It's like 4.45. What are you going to do? Tell time. Yeah, so depressing. God, I ate that. All right. Please email your other parenting lies at ringer fantasy football at gmail.com. My personal favorite is still the ice cream machine.

The ice cream music means the truck is out of ice cream. That is, that's borderline cruel. That's so, dude, there are so many good ones. That's borderline abuse. And like, we'll really cause trouble when that kid's at school and he's, He's like feeling gaslit by everyone else convinced that the music means they're out of ice cream. You're playing music so the ice cream resupply van will find them. Dude, there's so many good ones.

Jared had one that was like, we tell our kids that Chuck E. Cheese only let you in if you're invited for a party or taken by grandparents. But parents are not allowed to bring their kids. Only the grandparents. That's super smart. Parents can't just bring their kids to Chuck E. Only grandparents rule. I like that.

I'm literally writing these down. Dude. Oh, wait, one more. Matthew says when I was a kid, my parents told me we couldn't get a trampoline because if we did, their homeowner's insurance would drop them. And I, being a child,

who did not know anything about insurance, accepted this at truth. Never asked for a trampoline again. My neighbors had a trampoline. My sister and I used to play on it. My parents did not really get along with the parents who owned this house. And at the time,

I fully believed it was because their parents had chosen to get a trampoline instead of homeowners insurance. My parents were very anti-trampling. I was not like that. Same. My mom. Yeah. I think every story is the same where it's like,

your mom knew someone who broke their neck on a trampoline. Right. Yeah, I think so. It's like some terrible injury. And to this day, I've never really been a big trampoline person. No. It kind of just seemed like not worth the fun.

Like the risk is not worth the fun. Craig's been indoctrinated. Yeah. I'm out on trampolines too. trampolines are fun as fuck What do you talk about? I did jump on a trampoline the other day And it's like made me realize how old I am

Because I'm like, damn, I'm landing hard This like hurts my back You know, I just always got afraid of the edges Where the cords are connected And there's the holes that you can slip through Freaked me out. A lot of the trampolines these days, Craig, have pads over the sides

And then they have also like netting around that So you can't fall out. I know, but there's just something Slightly safer. Or you just like blow out your knee or land on your head. I was just like, there's neck injury issues, yeah. My brother, one of his birthdays, they got like a little bouncy castle and my mom got

in the bouncy castle at the very end of the party and then she like tore her meniscus. Oh, Jesus. And what age should you stop jumping? Oh, that's a great question. We should have Bill that. 31? Oh, God. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Fuck. No, it's probably more like 41. I will say I have a deep-seated fear. I've started playing beach volleyball in Washington, D.C. is like a great just in jeans. Rec league. Top gun style?

Yeah, honestly, yeah, it's pretty sick. But I'm pretty terrified of jumping now. Like, I'm 30 and I'm just like... Yeah, but at least when you're on the sand, you can't get high off the ground. It's forgiving. I would say that's the safest place to jump is the sand. Is it?

Yeah. Not the safest, but it's up there. I mean, I don't know. Jumping in basketball, you could come down on somebody's ankle. It's a hard one. I think, I mean, you get like a foot off the ground, when you're jumping on the sand. There's nothing harder than jumping from sand.

I mean, I got like a 35-inch vertical. There's nothing that makes you feel less in shape than doing anything on sand. Dude, even like... It can't fucking move. I used to run on the beach a lot barefoot. And after like two jobs, your Achilles tendons and your calves

are so much more sore than when you're on pavement. There was a video of Joe Biden trying to walk on sand. Oh, yeah. Well, I told you guys, so I have really flat feet. Like when I say flat, like I don't have an arch. So when I've got on the beach, when I've like done runs, I've like seen like small children looking at the footprints I left behind and being like, what an animal is that?

A seal? A moose was here. Oh, my God. All right. Anything else? Those are all great. Emails that ring your fancy football gym go. Please email more parent lies.

Things your parents lie to you about or you lie to your children about. We want all the lies. Should we get dicey here and be like, What are the lies you tell your spouse? Oh, my God. That's the, I will, the, the memes of just like how long golf takes is really funny. Oh, yeah. I was talking to Craig the other day and Mad Men came up and I was like, I got to rewatch Madman.

So I started watching it, Craig. I think it's like episode three or four. They're advertising, they're working with a bank and their, like, advertising gimmick is that you could get your own bank away from your family so they can't tell what. the fuck you're doing with your money. That's the name of the bank. Infidelity. And they call it like the executive account or something like that. That's a business idea.

Yeah. Infidelity insurance. And the bank guy was like, this is brilliant. We've been doing this forever. We haven't figured out how to charge for it. Introducing your own credit card. Private checking account.

I still want to see Don Draper do Mad Men, but like we find my friends on an iPhone. Just see how he gets away with that shit. It's tough now. You couldn't. You couldn't. Like we said before, is it possible to buy any fucking engagement ring

without getting tracked? It's the most ironic thing. The Find my friend stories are good. Dude, I almost left my phone at a driving range just so I could go buy a ring. So she'd think I was golfing. That's hilarious.

That's actually, Craig, I think the biggest generational difference between our generation and DKs is that I don't think anyone his age uses is fine my friends with an all, like I don't even iPhone. We do, we do.

Well, because you would use it for your children. It's far less common, I'd say probably, but there's a handful of people that I do find my friends with. I will say, though, like, growing up and being in that world where no one even had phones, you didn't know where the fuck anyone was at any given time. That was the same with us. I think it's just wild, like, now to think about that. I can tell you what street my brother is on in a Canadian ski town right now. Of course.

At some level, we know too much about it. It's like one of my buddies lives in Hawaii, and I can just see him out in the middle of the fucking Pacific Ocean, like, at all times. weird. I know. And now... Just surrounded by thousands of miles of water. You can't just lie to your friends anymore about going.

Like, you have to... I actually think it's made more honesty because you can't just say, I'm out of town or I'm doing so. Like, no, you're at home. I fucking see you. I don't share locations with friends. But then how are you going to...

You're going to stop sharing, though, and still see theirs? I never started. I keep it to family. Honestly, I respect that. It's probably better. Friends, it's like, I care about where Liz is. It's like my mother and my father. I don't need anybody else.

probably for the best. You know? I'll also take find my friend's stories and I find just email, email those too. Thank you, DK, thank you, Craig. Thank you, Troy. Shout out to Troy learning that it's not illegal to have light onto the car.

Fucking awesome. Thank you, on that commute home today. He's just going to be blatant. Turn out of the grass. I do think the battery thing's real. I think you leave the light on the car. The battery's good. I mean, that's real.

If you park and leave for a couple hours, leave the light on, you're screwed. But while you're in the car, it's like. No, no, it's not, no, but you're going to forget to turn it off. Anyway, thank you, Lorne. Lauren. Thank you, Night Ranger.

Remember Sister Christian? Yeah. Sister Christian, the times I've come. Well, motor red. What's your prize for fun? That song is in buggy nights. Fucking great. I think it's in buggy nights.

Is it? It's a very, very famous song. We used to play that at parties all the time. I didn't really, I didn't know the name of the artist. Yeah, Sister. nursing rips. I don't know if Night Ranger really did a lot of other stuff, to be honest.

The first five albums sold more than 10 million copies. Wow. 40 years old? Damn. That's as a year ago. So 41. I don't like how time passes. Oh yeah, it is.

Boogie Nights. Oh, yeah, 20s at the drug dealers. What is the song? Can you sing it one more time? Womotoran. Hard electric guitar. What you're a prize. for flight

Finding Mr. Wright will be all right tonight. And there's like piano and stuff. Yeah, it's good, dude. Oh my God, dude. I was at...

80's anthem. I was at my friend Drew's last night who's a fan of the show and he... Shut out Drew. They have... Big ups to Drew. Him and his family

and they have like a big fun family situation at their house. And we're there with like, um, his sister-in-law, her husband and everything. And they have like the young daughter who's like, uh,

like, I think two years old. And she like hated me. And so the moment I walked in, she hated me. And so the moment I walked away from her, she starts playing with Jackie and everything. And Jackie and her get along great.

And she's showing Jackie, your favorite toys, everything. And she did what anything do with me? And then, you know how I have the worst singing voice ever? Mm-hmm. I actually sang to her and I was like,

do you want to build a snowman? And everyone's like, that's terrible at making fun of me. And then she cuts through the noise and she's like, sing more. I'm like, I don't know the word. So just like, again, I'm like, do you want to build a snow man? And she's just like, keep going, keep going. I'm like, line, line, what's next to the song? I don't know.

That's hilarious. There's something for everyone out there, you know? That's great. It was like the best compliment. I've ever gotten because I'm the worst singer of all time. You got to learn that Frozen song now. Who's like the worst singer that is a singer? You know, who has like the worst voice?

LMFIO. Yes, I mean the list goes on and on. You can't really go with like rapper types, right? We're talking about like people who sing. Yeah, I think there's a difference. Like is it like a Tom Waits? Yeah, like I don't think Jay Z's singing voice is what we're talking about here. This is going to sound bad.

but like Bob Dylan? Right. It sounds like he's making fun of someone who would be singing. Yeah. Like he's like, smar me. Wait, D.K., are you going to sing espresso? You sang espresso before we got on this recording.

I don't know the words very well. Craig, you know the words, but it was like, shit, what was the, now I got like sister Christian. Oh, yeah. An espresso. That's all I know. D.K's like 10 months late. Yeah, yeah.

It's a good song. No, that's like actually very true with almost everything. I'm always like 10 months late to every pop culture thing. I just wait for like almost a year to watch anything that's popular at any given time. Oh, because you've got to learn. You have such limited time, your dad, and then you can't learn something and then it goes away. You're like, oh, my God. It's like I also can't really consume much pop culture during the NFL season.

I'm just like too busy with work. And so it's just, I kind of just put it off till the summer. And then I catch up. Anyway, Sabrina Carpenter has some really catchy tunes. Tell you that much. Yeah. I'm not singing anymore, though. Check about me.

Check out the rest of her album. What is it? Thinking about me or thinking about you? Thinking about me. But it's like Max Martin. It's like, I want it that way. The lyrics don't make any sense. It's just like, it just popped out.

What do you mean? She's espresso. She keeps enough. But have you read, but the words don't make sense. Oh. It's like, I want it that way. It's like, what does that even mean? Sexual innuendo.

Well, I want it that way. Yeah, it was literally just like Swedish, translated to English and it just doesn't make sense. Wait, hold on. So who do we land at is Bob Dylan? I feel like people are going to get mad about that. Austin said, I'll fucking kill you. But like, in the traditional sense,

Bob Dylan does not have... It's a weird question. It's like, who's the worst football player who's good in the NFL? It's like, it's a hard question. Someone's got to be the answer. I really like Bob Dylan, but he's not exactly Frank Chinatra. They do different things The dulcet tones of Bob Dylan.

Bob Dylan is a poet, but you know. Debating saying something is absolute sacrilege. I like a kid. This might be the end of the show if I say it. I mean, are you going to say Taylor Swift? No. Oh. You're right.

That one at the show. Craig wants to you. Cut that, cut that, cut that. Gleep. What are you going to say, Marais Carey? I say this is someone who, like, it's like one of my absolute top five favorite artists than I've been to actually more of their concerts than anyone.

Wait, don't tell me. Man or woman? Man. Give me an age range. Over under 45. Oh, old. He's been to a bunch of concerts? Bruce Springsteen?

Yes. Springsteen, like, it's a vibe. It's fair. That's fair. The voice is not like what I would lead with. This pot has veered into sacrilege territory. I know.

People just scream. Name them. icons who can't sing. Michael Jackson sucked at singing. You know where we were that thing of the three kids sitting around the coffee? Like 12-year-olds who are sitting around doing the bottom. MD foodies? Yeah.

Those kids are blowing out. I don't know if Bob Dill. I don't know if these beloved singers can sing. It's like the ACDC guy. I'm like, Paul McCartney. Yeah. Well, there's a reason those songs are like 4,000 years ago.

All right. Goodbye, everyone. Thinking about me. Thank you.