The Ringer NFL Show - Live From Chicago: Caleb Temp Check, D*ckhead Mock Draft, and Fred Durst

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

The guys talk all things NFL draft in front of a sold-out crowd in Chicago! They open by discussing what feels like a lack of buzzy rumors ahead of Round 1. Next, they run through the dickhead mock draft, where they make predictions based on both their head and their heart. Later, they close with a special (in-person) edition of emails! (0:00) Intro (1:34) The lack of notable draft rumors ahead of Round 1 (4:52) The dickhead mock draft (43:05) In-person emails! Check out our 2025 Ringer NFL Draft Guide here! Email us! [e-mail] The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit www.rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Producers: Kai Grady and Carlos Chiriboga Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the brand new Zach Lowe show. That's right. I'm back to have the same in-depth NBA conversations you're used to. We're going to talk about the games. Yeah, the games, the X's and O's, the drama, the trades, the playoffs are coming up. And now you get to see every episode in full on video on Spotify and on my own YouTube channel. Episodes drop every Monday and Thursday with a collection of guests you're going to love. So make sure you follow and subscribe to the brand new Zach Lowe show.

on Spotify or wherever you watch or listen to your podcast. Let's go. Welcome to the Ringer NFL Draft live show. My name is Danny Hyfitts, and I am joined by Danny Kelly, Craig, Rolbeck, and a few hundred of our closest friends. Honestly, thank you guys so much for coming out. This is amazing. Like, this never gets old.

Like, it is so cool for us to, like, see everyone here. Like, seriously, bottom of my heart, like, thank you to everyone for coming. Like, please give yourselves a round of applause because this is. Oh, come on. Better. It's for you. So you're a round of applause. Yeah.

And also thank you to Fandall for sponsoring this. Fandall made this possible. Yeah, gambling. Yeah, love gambling. I thought he said family. And I was like the same thing. Family. Yeah, it's all in the family.

Yeah. So we were talking. So we did the take perch. We recorded it on Thursday. And we were like, what do we want to open the show with? And we were like, well, this Thursday afternoon. We're going to record. this like, you know, the live show is Tuesday night.

There's going to be a lot of news that's going to happen between now and then. No problem. We should save it. Nothing has happened. Maybe this is the wrong way to start a live show about the drafts, but D.K., does that mean that the draft sucks? What's going on? Is everybody nervous? What's going on? I mean,

it's kind of boring, to be quite frank. I think that's kind of the nature of this draft, though. There's not a lot of like superstar, big time players, blue chip players. And I think you're seeing the result of that in the lack of action right now. Also, I think, Hyphids, you've brought this up, like Adam Schaefter is saving everything he's got for Thursday morning or when does he do his like big jump of a lot of stuff for Thursday.

So to get ratings, frankly. Contract. Sometimes the day of. Yeah. So sometimes the ratings on the day of the draft, the Rogers thing a few years ago. He saves it. But there's also just less stuff happening. I couldn't believe this.

There was, he's been stats and info at this thing that, um, no first rounders have been traded or the fewest amount of first rounders have been traded up to the draft. No, there's been none. Zero. Yeah. Zero first round trades. Literally. Yeah.

Well, yeah. It's zeroth percentile. Zero first round trades since 1967. Literally the common draft era. Since the draft became a thing, basically. It's the fewest draft picks ever dealt, which does that just mean the teams are like, yeah, I don't want any of these guys. Like a 32 teams want to trade down?

The players are, like, sad. Is it that all the players are bad? Or is it that nobody knows which players are good because it's so deep? No. I don't think that's it. The first one. Okay. All the players are bad.

Yeah, it is kind of like a fantasy league this year where, like, it's a bunch of new people and nobody knows who to pick so no one makes any trades. It's like, I don't want to be the dumb one. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, Howie Roseman comes calling and it's like, I'm not answering that phone. Yeah, the bottom line is outside of the top three. So you got, well, Cam Ward is going one, almost,

surely it feels like Hunter second Abdul Carter third and then after that basically none of those players are worth trading up for everybody in the draft wants to trade down yeah sorry but that's just the bottom line does it I so I Daniel Jeremiah made this point last week that because of the nature of that and like this belief that like the 10th pick is probably like might be 40th on some team's boards and the 40th pick might be like 11th in some teams boards that it's kind of actually like the team needs draft where it's like I feel like I mean I do the team needs for the draft guide. Shout out NFLDraft.3.com. But it's funny because I'm like, team needs, team needs. And then we're like, well,

you should really take the best player available unless you're stupid. So sometimes we talk about it too much. But this is actually, I think, the most team needs draft there's going to be because you're going to have teams. Like if it's a tiebreaker, you're going to have a lot of that. Well, because there's so much parity, right? Like everybody, it's like, there's like the top five, seven, eight guys. And then from 10 to 40, they're all kind of interchangeable. Somebody could have a guy who's 39. Another guy has them at 10. So you probably should just go with what you need. And because you can think about it and think about it, overthink it. But then sometimes, you know, there's other urges that kind of come in as you're thinking about taking a pick.

So I think if you guys are ready, we have a really, we have one of our dumbest ideas we've ever had. And we thought, why not live? Yeah. And so, yeah, nothing like trying out a stupid clunky bit, like in person for the first time. So you guys, is it cool if we just try it the dumbest thing we've ever tried? Okay. We're going to do something called the dickhead mock draft. to quote the immortal Robin Williams,

God gave man a brain and a penis, but not enough blood to run both at the same time. So we're going to do a draft where we're going to have someone out here is like kind of making the decision, the heart, if you will, and we're going to hear appeals from your brain and your dick. And then the heart will decide.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Yeah, and we're going to hear from both heads. And it's like, you know, we're going to, that's how it works at times. And we brought props this time. Yeah, we have props. We just desperately wanted props. Yeah, we wanted props. So without further ado, you know, we could try.

You know, Craig, I think you're going to start out being the heart here. Yeah, we're basically going to go through like the 10 most interesting teams in the first round. Teams that have picks in the first round. We're going to go through each one. And we're going to have the penis make the case. We're going to have the head or the brain make the case because head can go either way. And then we're going to have the heart decide which pick they should go. So we're going to start out with the Giants.

We have our props. So we're going to... D.K. is going to be the brain. Yep. Hyvitz is going to be the dick. So you have to dress up for that. You want me to be the dick? Yeah, you have to be the dick.

Get the pit vipers out. And I'm going to be the heart, which means I'll just wear the rob low. It's just neutral. You just hope everyone has fun. I'm not a flat bill guy. How does this look? That's not flat.

Yeah. Wait, hold my mic. I'm going to drop the shit. It's going to make one of them sounds. Okay. Hyvitz is going to put on his... We have these black cloaks that we bought. So Hyvich is going to pop one of those on.

Dark Kermit? But this is perfect. While he's doing that, D.K. Yeah. The Giants with the third pick in the draft. Right. What is my brain telling me that I should do? If I'm a Giants fan, if I'm the Giants general manager, if I'm Joe Shane,

like what is my brain saying I should do? I mean, I think this one's pretty obvious. It's Abdul Carter, Edd Rush, out of Penn State. premium position that typically does go in the top three. Twitchy, explosive, productive, very versatile, immediately gives the Giants the opportunity and the potential to have the best defensive line in the NFL right away. I mean, you got Brian Burns, Dexter Lawrence, Kevon-Tibodeau.

I don't know if that matters or not, but. Who, Tibadoe specifically? Yeah. Okay. But yeah, I mean, this is how the Eagles just won a Super Bowl. They are in your division. Let's not overthink this. This is a no-brainer.

Great case from the brain. Take you. Now it's, now it's 3 a.m. We're five drinks in, maybe 10 drinks in. Still can't get the hood. Fuck, you can't see the hood. I swear to have any of it. There we go.

Fuck. Yeah, yeah. Get it. Shit. Is it upside down? No, you. Oh, I got it? It's still up there.

All right, good, good. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. All right. This is going even better than I thought. This is actually better than I expected. I've, it's, tell me. me, uh, what's my dick saying right now?

Travis, Hunter. Hunter. Okay. Travis. They said going both ways was just a college phase. You can keep, you can stick with it. They said it couldn't be done. That's all.

All right, Craig. Oh, that's compelling. That's compelling and rich. Altitude, just think of the cardio. Right. Yeah, he's built for it. Wow, this is a tricky one. This is the weirdest one because like, Travis Hunter probably won't. be there at three, so even if I want to think with my dick, I can't. Trade up. I'll do anything.

Trade up. Trade up. Do what you got to do, Craig. I think you know, D.K. and I have, have, if you listen to the take birds, you know D.K. and I's darkest, deepest thoughts about Travis Hunter, and we know Hyvitz's thoughts about Travis Hunter. The best non-quarterback of all time. Future Hall of Fame was Hyvitz's prediction. The heart is saying that Abdul Carter is the correct pick. That's what the heart's telling me. What the fuck? You made me look like this. I put it on the hood.

What are you talking about? Come on. You can have the best E-line in the league. Oh, Gares. I want Deltani. You're going to have a slot corner and a slot-wide receiver, get injured and miss two positions now? I imagine what if he's good and you didn't take him?

That's fine. Is he going to change? Is he going to change a friend? Life is full of regrets. Is he going to change a free? He's not a blue chipper. He's in a blue chip position. We were at a casino.

You didn't know what color was what for the fucking chips. He's a black chip. And we won. Yeah, we did. that's what the heart wants. All right. That's bullshit. All right, fine.

So the next one here, I'll take off my thing. I'm the heart now, so I think I get that. Was that thing sweaty? Here, you get it's going to be sweaty. I'm going to take my... Do I take the same? Wait, I thought I was the heart. Oh, yeah, he's the heart.

Oh, no? You're the brain. This is going great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. This is D.K.'s hat, so it'll work out for him. Here, watch me. Can I open the sleeves?

Here, grab the sleeve. To pull it off? Yeah, I need help. Yeah. This is, yeah. Oh, fuck. All right, here, I'll just do it like this. It's like trying to put your coat on in a plane.

Yeah, arm behind my back. Arm behind my back, yeah. I like plan. I plan way ahead, because you know how I get on planes. No, he's smarter than me. Okay. You guys wear, like, when you have to pack a large jacket, do you wear that on the plane so you don't have to pack it,

or do you just jam it in the suitcase? No, because you can't be on a plane, you know, heavy jacket or else it's hot as hell. I think there's split opinions on it. Some people like to wear the boots in the big jacket. I bring a sweatshirt. I bring a sweatshirt and then I put it in my backpack. I want to take it off.

Do you raise your hand? Do you wear the bulkiest items? Wow. That's not bad. That's a lot. I wear a, my sister-in-law got me a waffle house sweatshirt. Sister-in-law? I am...

Flex. It's not official yet. Sorry, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it that way. It is a little presumptious. All right, we got to get to the Patriots or Bill's going to fire us. All right, T. You're the Roblo brain here.

All right. So the Patriots have the fourth pick, which is the result of Joe Milton beating the bills late in the season and fucking everything up. They immediately trade him away. Now fucking everything up. He can't get the sleeves either. It's not just me. We didn't practice. It's harder than it looks.

We did not practice this. Now very likely, I'm dual Carter, Travis Hunter, both off the board, which leaves far less exciting options at the position or at the at the pick. let's start with the brain. Hyfitz, are you ready to give the logical, reasonable answer for what the Patriots should do? This is really easy. Like, the Patriots have Drake May.

He is your future. He's a developmental quarterback. He's a developmental quarterback. The Patriots are the worst left tackle in the NFL. How can you go into a season? Vedarian Lowe with the worst left tackle in the NFL. Craig's not getting any closer, by the Yeah. See, it's not me.

I think that's the bottom. You put it on upside down. Oh my God. Yeah, the hood's down the bottom there. No, but really, like, how could the Patriots take an offensive line? How are you going to do this? Is this? You look like a scarecrow.

No, but really, like the Patriots just need to take an offensive lineman. Yeah, yeah. That was the biggest applause of the night. We have to do this like several more times, by the time. We're going to have to figure something. I'm not taking this on. It's tight around your waist. No, so that's the brain.

What is my dick? Wait, did you finish? I didn't, I didn't hear any of that. Did you listen? Did you listen? Offensive line, right? Okay, that makes sense. All right.

Dick. What do you got for me? Don't be a bitch. Take Ted McMillan. Oh, yeah. Let's spend the fourth pick on a guard or on a tackle who's probably just going to be a guard. That's cool. You do who has longer arms than Will Campbell?

Ted McMillan. Just have him play tackle if you need to. I hate all the talk. Is he soft? Is this, is this, volleyball slander. I don't know if you know, Ted McMillan, big volleyball player, great volleyball player. Volleyball player's on soft. You've seen Top Gun? You're telling me those guys aren't trying? You tell me those guys aren't awesome? Hold on, hold on, hold on, fucking caveat to this. I learned,

I didn't know this until a month ago. Craig got offered a D3 volleyball scholarship. Big deal. Big deal. Not bad. You didn't have to say D3. could have just said college college maybe that is why I have the weird interest in Ted McMillan because he's a volleyball player and I've never heard of a football player did you know Will Campbell also played volleyball though?

False. No, that's not a guy holding up the net. Also like if you're the Patriots I was like oh yeah cool build up the offensive line who is Drake May going to throw to? We're going to go into two years straight with Drake May having nobody to throw Rodo. His receivers, Kishon, Booty, DiMario Douglas,

32-year-old Stefan Diggs coming off in ACL, Jalen Polk. That's the plan? Give him a playmaker. Give him somebody to have a connection with. This is year two. Drake May is a playmaker. Get him a big playmaker. Give one of them big ones. Yeah, let's do another shot. All right. What is the heart think over there, Rob Lo? So literally, Craig, just reading the names of the Patriots receivers, I feel like is enough for me to just go Ted McMillan. What about Fedarian Lowe?

Who's that? No, I don't know. Honestly, I think... They won't do this, but they should. Right, right, right, right. This is what the heart wants what the heart wants. Everybody here knows. I love Ty McMillan. Craig loves Ted McMillan.

Not everybody agrees with us. But you just cannot go into year two with that collection of names as Drake May's receivers. You can still get an offensive line. in the second round, whatever. I just think he is, he is a blue chip player in this draft. And you said it, Craig, Will Johnson, or sorry, Will Campbell. He might be a guard.

I mean, I don't know. I think you probably can play tackle, but he has the smallest wingspan of any tackle of like. To me, these pass catchers is a classic rookie quarterback pass catching crew. Not a, not a second year. Especially when you know the quarterback's good. And the page it's in a tough spot. Wouldn't you say the fourth pick is the worst pick in the first round or like the most tricky pick? Right, right.

The dick here is going to have real postnut clarity when Drake make it sacks 60 times. Do you remember? I'm never going to sleep. Who cares? Tomorrow's never coming. We'll never die. Do you remember when I text last night? Do you remember the meme with Jamar Chase and Penae Sewell for the Bengals back in the day where it was like who's going to pat?

He can't make the pass without protection and no one downfield can't. It's like explaining a meme. We always do. If it catch 22, you get it, you get it. I kind of feel like that's the Patriots right here, but I just think Ted McMillan's better. All right, so next one here, I'm the heart for the Panthers. I'm the Rob Lowe.

So here. I'm just doing this. Yeah, no, we can't. We can't take them on and off every time. They're going to be a night. I want to watch you put on, I want to watch you put on the cloak. Yeah.

I was going to talk through it, but now I kind of want everyone here to just watch him to do it. It's not my first rodeo, guys. I'm the one here with a kid for the record. All right, so the Carolina Panthers, they got the eighth pick in the draft. They have the Rams second rounder, but Carolina does not have their own second router

because they went to, Do bears! Also, if I do like the whole Duh Bears thing, is that like, do you guys not like that, or is that cool? Oh, you like it? Do you like when other people do it, or is it like kind of only you guys can do it? Okay.

Okay. Dah bears. Yeah, it feels like I'm appropriate in your culture. Anyway, so the Panthers, they got the eighth pick. Yeah. Craig, you're the... I just look like fucking Harry Potter. I would say something, but I don't know what he says.

I don't know what he says. I'd love to make a joke about that someday. So I'm the head. I'm the brain. Hermione, what do you do with my broom? Ron's been splitched. Ron's been splenched. I don't know what that means.

Honestly. I don't know what it means, honestly. I assume that's negative. You don't want to be splinched, right? No. Splinch sounds like what it is. It's one of them. Splinch is when you're telep-does anyone care?

Oh, it's when you're teleporting in Harry Potter, but you have to focus really hard. Has anyone in here not seen or read Harry Potter? Yes. Two. This doesn't. No, there's not a dozen. There's under 12. Well, that's a minute.

We're doing just fine. We're doing all right. Imagine being proud of never seeing the cultural touchdown of generation. I'm not proud of it. It's just I'm sick of being ridiculed every day. I'm not proud of it. I'll watch them. No, you won't.

Anyway. Who has the time? So, yeah, so Panthers. All right. I'm your brain for the Panthers. For my any, yeah. Yeah, okay.

The Panthers, this is simple. If you're the brain, this is simple. The Panthers gave up the most points in NFL history last year, right? Details. They gave up four details. And a flesh wound. They gave up 47 points to the Saints and made everybody think that Derek Carr and Clint Kubiak were Joe Montana

and Bill Walsh. Yeah, go Hawks. For three weeks. And how many defenders can you name on the Panthers? I mean, it's honestly like the best defender available. It's simple. It's what you should do. They need everything.

Take a defender. It's pretty good. Yeah. What does the dick think of that? You ever heard of a motherfucker named Psycho T? Tyler Warren? Mechanicsville, Virginia? 100-4 catches, 12.

100 yards, eight touchdowns. He threw a pass for a touchdown. Okay. He snapped the wall. He did throw a pass. Does he even have long hair? Yes. Oh. Shit, I think. That's your pitch?

That's your pitch is dark Kermit. That's your pitch. Psycho T. Psycho T. Okay. I kind of like the defense for the worst defense ever. No offense. I'm going to go with that. I'm going to go with literally any defender. Again, though, it's tough for, for Carol. line it because they just need so much.

You could make an argument that they should take Tyler Warner, Tet. I mean, there's nobody he's throwing to, Bryce Young. Do you think if they have such a issue trading back, should they just trade up and take Abdul Carter? No, that's dumb. No. That's stupid. I retract that.

Craig was too busy thinking about Harry Potter. All right. Next one here, here. Dekah, you're Roblo. If I throw this, you're going to catch us? No, I'm going to fuck up the throw. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

I dropped the glasses because I was so happy you guys applauded for that throw. Am I the penis? Yeah. Yeah, you're the dick. So, okay. By the way, this hat was the best purchase I ever made. You bought that? Did you buy it like six years ago when the Roblo thing happened?

That's why you bought it? Yeah, yeah. I can't tell if that's cooler lame. Thank you. All right, now we get the Buffalo Bills. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the Bills. How do I, I don't even know how to introduction and intro this. I'll give it your best shot.

You start the Buffalo Bills. The Buffalo Bills, you know. trying to get over the hump, trying to become a Super Bowl team. Sure. Doesn't seem to happen for them, you know, for whatever reason. What is the, what does the head tell me is going to, sorry, what does the brain tell me? Yeah, there's multiple heads going to be the best way for this team to get back to get to the Super Bowl. Like, it always says the bills need defense.

Like the bills have, you know, DeKwan Jones is starting defensive tackle for them. He's 33. They have Joey Bosa on this team. Like Greg Rousseau is a good defensive end, but they have Joey Bosa as their other one. And I mean, he's, I mean, he just can't play a full season. The other one, A.J. Up, Vanessa, like, is in a contract year and probably not going to resign. You have Christian Bedford's an awesome cornerback, but their other one's Dane Jackson. It's like, take a defensive tackle.

Take, like, if Derek Harmon falls to them at Oregon, take him. If a quarterback falls to them, like, take a cornerback. Take a defense. Literally just defense, defense, or the AFC with all the quarterbacks, like, the bills need defense. I'm hearing defense. Yeah. Okay. Dick.

Luther Burden, the fucking third. Wide receiver. Come on. All right. Cool. You did all right without Stefan Diggs? You made it work with Khalio Shakir, Kiyon Coleman, but you know it would be awesome. Another Stefan Diggs if he was 21 years old.

How about that? How about the most electric receiver? The 21 years old has, yeah. Yeah. How about the most electric receiver in this draft class? Let's be honest. With the ball on his hands, most electric guy in the class. Isn't it nice to not have to depend on Josh Allen to save you every single game,

every single third and long? How about an actual playmaker? I will say, now I'll put a dollar in the Warriors jar. But it reminds me of the Warriors at the deadline. when Jermont Green was like, we need another asshole. Yeah. It's like,

I think the bill is losing Stefan Diggs and getting Keon Coleman, he's a nice, lovely guy. You can't have two crazy guys, but you need one. I think Keon Coleman and Birders. Then they start hanging out.

Yeah, that's, yeah, that's true. You just drafted a first round receiver, though. Yeah, but he's not an asshole.

And he's also not the type of guy that you need. He's not a playmaker. He's kind of more of a possession. Why the fuck should take him in the first round? It can't make a play. It's a bad pick.

I'm trying to rectify that. It's also 4 a.m. I'm 12 deep. I'm watching Luther Burden highlights. I think this guy's Antonio Brown. Perhaps both on and off the court. I'm not sure. Court.

What do you think, Hart? What do you want? Man, I think I'm going to go with my dick on this one. Here's the deal. I do think they're trying to get cute. They're doing the chief's thing where they're trying to get too cute on offense, I feel like at times where they don't have enough talent around Josh Allen. and they're just like, he's a superhero.

He can do whatever the hell he wants. We don't even need to have a superstar player on the outside of the ball. I actually like to comp to Stefan Diggs in terms of just like the attitude he brings. Crazy and talented. You kind of got me there. Yeah. All right. All right.

Next one here. Wait, we got a switch. We got the Chiefs. Oh, okay. How many Kansas City fans who got it? Also, wait, quick straw poll. Is that like divisional hate or just general chiefs hate? Are you wearing a general hate?

Quick straw, Paul. How many people here are, I mean, Bears fans? You don't have to identify yourself for safety purposes, but how many people are Packers fans? Wow. Oh, wow. How many people hate the Packers? We love doing crowd work.

Yeah. Do you guys hate the people near you? Can I get a hell, yes? Oh, my God. I heard that. Wait, where'd the hack go? We never took it up. Oh, do I have an eye?

They get the idea. It's fine. It's, they get it. Oh, there we go. So, yeah. Look at that. All right. So Kansas City Chiefs, you guys saw the fucking Super Bowl.

Like, yeah, you got their ass kicked. 31st pick. We'll start the head here. Yeah. Rain. Yeah, like, did anyone watch the Super Bowl? They got their fucking ass kicked. It's 24-0 at halftime.

I believe the Eagles blitzed zero times in that game. And Mahomes was sacked six times. So, uh, the head is. is saying, the brain is saying, take an offensive lineman, take a tackle. You started four different left tackles last year, and I don't care that you're trying to trade for Jalen Moore,

a guy who's had 12 starts in his career. Take an offensive lineman. That's the one thing we know, if Patrick Mahomes has an offensive line, everything can work out. It's the only way we've seen him lose is by getting the offensive line destroyed. Just take an offensive lineman. It's a pretty good pitch considering the chief's got their dicks kicked in. What do you think over there,

Mr. Dick? Jesus. I want to put down my computer here. Was that the line? Travion Henderson. I love when the cars go back. Can feel the motors. Coming up my leg. All right, that's all. That's all I got.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said. America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, badass speed. That's all I got to say. I'm with him. I come in to, to be honest. You know what I mean? The Chiefs haven't had a good running back in since Jamal Charles.

So they tried with CEH. I can't believe it's Kareem Hunt. It's been like five years. Let's give it up. Who cares? Do you think this is something the Chiefs will actually consider doing at the end of the first? I think it would true. Like,

I actually think this is the kind of reason we do this exercise is as much as like we're kind of making fun of it. There is something of, it is so much smarter and more obvious for them to take literally any offensive line that comes into 31. and take any running bat that comes in at 62. But dude, he's really good and that's what they're going to do. If he's there, they're going to fucking take him. He's also just so ready to play day one, really good pass protector.

He's going to protect the franchise. He's the best past protecting running back in the drive. It's more important in the chief's offense than any offense for you to know how to play in the passing. You actually need to know what to be passing game weapon and blocker and route runner for Kansas City more than you need to know how to be a rusher, which is really a thing for other teams. Can you give them explosive plays? They just didn't have that much speed at the running back position last year at all. Do you think it's more arrogant?

There's an arrogance to them taking a running back after losing the Super Bowl. Yeah, they're the most arrogant team in the NFL. No offense to that guy up there in the jersey. Yeah. You should have like a bodyguard on the way out, dude. Okay, let's go to the Eagles here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys made it this far out here. We thought we avoided you, damn it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are we trained? Who's the nerd? D.K. Loser.

Wow. All right. I am the heart. I am Rob Lowe, who has sponsored this show. Yeah, Rob Lowe, giving out a lot of free ads. What's he in Chicago fire?

Or no? The Austin one? He's not in any of those, is he? He's in 911. He's in the... He was in Wayne's World. Right. That's true.

Should we just start naming Rob Lowe property parks and wreck i'm kind of out already i kind of saint almost fire yeah great one west west my god super super troopers super troopers too super troopers too is that the one they like had to raise money to make i never watched it they did like a crowd crowd fund is that a is that a word sounded really weird yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway okay uh the eagles we're going to start with the brink at D.K. Yo. What do you do for a team that has everything?

Who do you draft? So I think they need to stick with what has worked for them over the last few years. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. They've built a juggernaut roster by just going defensive line. Defensive front, that is the identity of their team. They're in any of their roster. But they've also kind of quietly lost some guys as offseason. Milton Williams is gone.

Josh Sweat is gone. Brandon Graham is retired. They need to just take a defensive line and keep doing what they're doing. D-line. All right, Ithitz. Look at you. You do look like it's 3 a.m. at the bar. Your hair's all tussled.

I don't know where you've been. Slightly sweating. What should... Slightly. What should Howie Roseman do? Give me one of them big boys. What an offensive lineman. Let's keep going.

More. Like I'm thick. I love that. This offensive line is the dick. Yeah. Talking with your dick. Tyler Booker's powerful thought. Give me another fucking offensive line.

Like, who should they take? Dude, Gray's Abel's got the positional versatility. It's a powerful big thighs. So it's all about. Tush push. No, really, though. I do like the idea of like what gets Howie Roseman going at night is the idea of drafting another giant offensive line.

He's not looking at running backs, wide receivers, that tight ends, I think. DK made a compelling pitch. lost more guys than you thought on the on the defensive line. So I think I'm going to have to think with my brain on this one. Well, can I can I, you know how they were Jason Kelsey retired and was like seven commercials? Yeah.

You know how they fucking won the Super Bowl anyway? Yeah. Because they drafted his replacement like a year ago. Mm-hmm. So isn't the offensive line fine? No, because Lane Johnson needs to be replaced a year from now. I'm going with the brain.

Yeah, fuck you. Fine. I'm the one thing that can be Patrick Holmes. We've learned. Okay. So now what? Raiders is next.

Yeah. Vegas Raiders. D.K. You're the heart. Sweet. I'm the dick. I feel like most of the pods, I'm the dick. And Hyphids,

here you go. Oh, yeah. You're the brain. Vegas Raiders. Six pick. RIP Oakland. Shame. Why does yours look like a beluga whale?

I don't know. Now you look like the Sith. Sometimes I feel like, yeah, it looks like I'm a six-year-oldness. Anyway. Who's hosting here? You're wearing the fucking... I'll do it.

Oh, I'm hosting. I was reading the wrong spot. Do you have another live show, Doc? Clearly not the brain on this one. Oh, okay, so the Raiders. I don't know if you... I don't know if you've heard about the Raiders. We've done this so many times.

New head coach, Pete Carroll. Shouts Pete. Love Pete. They got a GM. Tom Brady hired a GM named Spike. tech, which still hasn't got enough. That's just Tom Brady wearing those glasses. Right.

What is, what is the, so they obviously traded for Gino Smith in the offseason. What's the biggest need? Brain. What do the Raiders do at six? They were last in yards per carry. They should probably get a fucking offensive lineman. They literally need a right tackle. Arm and Memboos right there.

Take a right tackle. Okay. Sucinct. I like that. This is the easiest pick of the. the draft. Mr. Raiders heart. Ashton, Ashton Genty. Like he said, lowest yards been carrying the league. Don't take an offensive lineman. Take Ashton Janty. This team doesn't have time to wait. Gino's 35. Pete's like 86. We need guys now. All right. He's a young 86. Who were the running

backs last year? We had Zemir White. Sincere McCormick. Sincere McCormick. Sincere McCormick. Right now, right now, the current running back room in Vegas is Rahim Moster, sincere McCormick and Zamir White. The Raiders were the worst rushing team in the league last year. There were 16 individual running backs who had more rushing yards than the entire Raiders team. 16. That's half the league. Take Ashton Genti. Let's have some fun. Ashton Genti and Brock Bowers together on the same team.

How electric. We've been talking about how the vibes have switched in Vegas this off season. Brock Bowers and Gentie on this team, Genti immediately becomes like one of the three coolest Raiders of the 21st century immediately. what does the crowd think? Raiders take Mambu? Dick! Raiders take Genti?

Should have been doing that the whole time. Instead of D.K. I guess Hart. I guess Dick. Give him to Chip Kelly. Come on. I think that settles that. Wait. Do I get to choose or did you settle? No, you should choose. You could choose too. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, we're going to go with Gentie. The only reason I say is because... Every single time he's like the dick. Yeah. I know what you were doing in your 20s. God. Building mock drafts for cool running backs. I thought we were in the trust tree here. Yeah.

So the reason I say this is because Pete Carroll specifically is he spent like a full year badgering John Schneider to go trade for Marshawn Lynch when the Seahawks were kind of just getting going. And then Lynch turned into sort of the engine of their offense, the, you know, the avatar of their identity. in terms of just toughness. Pete Carroll always talks about completing the circle of toughness, which is defense, special teams and offense being tough on all three of those. And if you are tough on all three of those, God, I'm getting very serious here right now. But like that just is how you win.

You control the football. You control the rock. You run it. And it gives your quarterback the best chance of being successful. I don't know if this is really going to happen, but I can see Pete Carroll talking spy tech into this. How good is Membu kind of like in the grand scheme of tackles? like over the last five years

is he one of the better tackles or is it just because it's a quiet? I think he's very good and he has a chance to be very good because he's likely going to be the next tackle on the board for Vegas, right? Will Campbell's most likely going to go to the Patriots or before Vegas and then Vegas is going to have the chance

to probably take Membu or Gentie or like a Tet McMillan, I guess. Yeah. I mean, I think he's definitely got a ton of upside. He's really athletic, really powerful, really strong. But I mean, in terms of like comparing it to last year, I don't think he would be within the top three or four guys. I think Gentie is just special.

It's fun having a very earnest, serious conversation dressed like this. I forget halfway through how I look. Yeah, no, you look pretty good. I'm like, how does this compare to the tackle class of the last three years? I didn't realize we were going to have to talk about something serious here. Okay, next up, Dallas Cowboys. I'm going to be the heart. The head, D.K.

Oh, yeah, yeah. In the dick hyphets. Congratulations. America's team, Jerry's team, 12th pick in the draft. they have a lot of needs. My brain, D.K. The draft expert himself, please tell me. What would a sensible person do if they were the general manager of the Dallas Cowboys at the 12th pick?

Okay, so the Cowboys, they gave up the fourth most rushing yards last year, third highest yards per attempt, most rushing touchdowns of any team last year. You drafted Mazee Smith a couple years ago, deal with it. It's a sunk cost. You should probably draft someone who's good. Okay. I like that. You need writing that down. Just do the sensible, rational, smart thing, add to the trenches,

grab a defensive line. Defensive tackle in particular. Hyfitt's last call at the bar. I hadn't looked at him in a while. Still sweaty. This is kind of like what he actually is when he's drunk. That's true. It's going to him in three hours, just like staring at you.

You look halfway through at the bar and it's like, Hypat is just like, oh, God. What should the, Cowboys do? Two words. Ashton Gentie. Remember how much fun we had in the 90s, Jerry? We slayed. Running backs. Bring them back. Everything for the 90s is coming back. Running backs. Bell bottoms. Tomogacchi. Coquins. Coquins. Everything that was gone.

Has returned. Rob Lowe movies. They're back. Rob Lowe is back. Emmett Smith, run it back. And Cheney. No, really, he's going to do this, though. If Genty, okay, so as, as the heart here, the heart wants, what the heart wants. The heart wants Ashton Gentie. Jerry Jones wants Ashton Janty. I probably think he's not.

Texas wants Ashton. What is the crowd? Does the crowd want to fuck a defensive lineman? Yeah. Ashton Genty. Oh, wow. You guys really hate Dallas. Geez.

Yeah, I was like, we don't care. All right. He's probably not going to fall to them. But honestly, Dallas is one of those teams that just like they need a star. Like, even if it's a dumb pick. Like having a star on the team. That was a good pun. Yeah.

Yeah. They're a good player. All right. Well done. Speaking of which, we got to, we got to go through. We got one more team here. Yeah, one more. Interesting team.

We, uh, we're like, we got to look at the Chicago Bears. Duh, bears. Wow, I love that I can do that. I always kind of thought it. All right. Now, I don't want to abuse it, though. All right. Craig, you are the, you're the brain here.

Mm-hmm. Chicago Bears picking 10th overall. I'm curious how the crowd reacts to this. Yeah, I know. obviously got Caleb Williams Rough season But now you got Ben Johnson You already got some guards

You got a new center Craig What should the Bears do With the 10th pick? I'm sure a lot of people are thinking Take Ashen Gentie Take somebody cool Right

As the brain As I'm in character as the brain Not as myself But as this character Harry Potter Didn't the Bears just do this last year And it was a disaster didn't they take Roman Dunezay

and they traded for Keenan Allen and all the discourse was like wow there's never been a better supporting castor on Caleb Williams everything's going to be great Who said that? Everybody. We said that.

And we all know what happened. Now you got Ben Johnson in from Detroit. What did Detroit do? You build from the inside out. You know what I mean? Sure, you got some offensive linemen in. The defensive line still I think needs a lot of work. Continue to build from the trenches

and work your way out, Ben Johnson style. The lions took Aiden Hutchinson before they took Jamir Gibbs. You got to start from the middle. You got to build a fast. foundation before you can add the flat screen TV in the house. That's my pitch. Very compelling. Yeah, yeah.

Bears on the clock at 10. What does the dick think we should do? Have you guys ever seen Ash and Genties pre-snap stance? Fucking so fast. Broken tackles. Explosive plays. Truck sticks. Why is it called a truck stick? Because it's like a truck running into somebody. Oh, okay.

home runs, sex, drugs, rock and roll. Cocaine, yeah. Cocaine is back. We'll get his pre-snap stance. He does stay on like a psychopath. I'm going to be thinking with my Ben Johnson here. That sounds cool.

Can I make a second pitch? What did you say? Can I keep pitching or is the, because that felt compelling, but I need to add on. You got to beat the lions. You got to beat the Packers. You got to beat the Vikings. These are all teams that can run the ball.

You need defenders to stop these teams. Fight fire or fire. Get a running back in the second or run. round. All we've been hearing this guy say, how deep is this running back class? Do we really need one at 10? Can't we get Trayvon Henderson a second round? We've got to reach for Gentie at 10?

There's 10 good running backs. Have you seen his pre-snap stance? It's fucking scary. All right, well, I think this one going to have to settle with Bears fans here. Do you want a defensive lineman? Maybe you should pose it Gentie or not Gentie. Do you want Ash, do you want not Ashton Genty?

Do you guys want Ashton Jenty? Closer than I thought to be telling them. Sox some dingers. You guys want to see me. Sox some dingers! Yeah, who wants to know the cold, heart, horrible truth? Dingers, dingers, dingers. All right.

Sox some dingers. Why didn't we think of that? I really wanted to bear it to draft Ashton Jentine. I know. Honestly, you shouldn't usually just be like, oh, he's like that guy that was on your team. He's fucking Walter Payton all over again. We're being honest. And you're going to hear about it at the moment if they take them.

The decision that the bears have to make at 10, a fashion gentie is there reminds me a lot of, have you guys ever seen Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story? He, you know, he's looking for a bathroom, I think, and he stumbles into a room, and there's a bunch of people in there smoking reaper. What do you do? What are you guys doing in here?

We're smoking reefers. We're drafting running backs. It's like, oh, I don't want to get hungry. over. It doesn't give you a hangover. It's like, will I get addicted? It's not habit forming. Sounds expensive. It's the cheapest position there is.

Will it make me want to have sex? It makes sex even better. Oh my God. All right. Well, I think I kind of want it. I think I kind of want it. I think I kind of want Ashton Jentie. This sounds great. I think I kind of want it. It does feel like he like did all this just in case Ashton Jentee's there at 10. He can be like, hey look, Ryan. The lines are okay.

Like, look what we did in the office season. Like, give me Ashton Gentie. Yeah. You know, like that he's got a possibility that he's there, which I hope he is, because I hope he's going to be in the Bears. So. Can I take this off now?

Yeah, I actually was going to tell you to take it off earlier when you were doing the whole Dewey Cox thing. But yeah, no, it's fine. This is, yeah. I don't want to take mine off. I feel like the sleeves is going to take too long. Thank you guys for indulging us with that very dumb idea. And we learn,

I think like thinking with your dick one eight out of ten times. I think the lesson of that is dudes think with their penises. Yeah, weird. Yeah. Probably should have figured. Teams do too. It's fine. Okay.

We, uh, come on do some emails here. You guys, thank you in advance to everyone who emailed us. Much appreciated. I want to start with this wonderful one here from Zarinman and Outlook, which I will say your whole email, which is there's no way anyone's going to spell this.

But this is, is a take purge from Zirinman. Ooh, Zeridim. Zerim. This is a bit of copium here as a suffering Panthers fan. But the Panthers Bears trade for Bryce Williams, Bryce Young and Caleb Williams will be viewed as inconsequential in five years.

Just didn't, nothing mattered. That's a real take purge. Just to remind everyone of this trade, the Bears, they have 39th and 41st pick in this draft because of the trade. So the Panthers got Bryce Young with the first pick of 2023. The Bears got DJ Moore.

They got the ninth pick in the 20-20th year draft, which ended up being Darnel Wright as your right tackle and Tyler Scott. They got a second last year, or second two years ago that became Tyreek Stevenson of you guys know the play. Caleb Williams last year. What did you say? Wow. I said, is Tyreek Stevenson good?

I think, okay. It's tarnished after that. Okay. You got Caleb Williams and then you have the 39th, get Caleb. And you got the 39th pick this year. the gift that keeps the gun giving, yeah. What do you,

and Tori Taylor, how could I forget? What do you guys make? DK, what do you make of the Bryce Young, Caleb Bloom's trade two years later? I mean, it doesn't look as good as it used to. If we're being honest. The way that Bryce Young played down the stretch last year kind of makes it take some of the shine off of it. And the Tyrex Stevenson debacle, you know, not great.

And obviously Caleb's first year. Yeah, right. That too. 60-something sacks or whatever. Overall, I still think it's going to age well. I'm still pretty bullish on Caleb Williams long term. But, man, it didn't go as well

as I was hoping in year one for Caleb Williams. And imagine if the Panthers who traded up to one to take Bryce Young had taken C.J. Stroud, then how would the trade look? This is my alternate corner. Do you guys like Ryan Poles, the Bears' GM? Very tepid. Do you guys, Luden does not like him. Silence.

Here's my thing. A Ryan. I get that all you guys like Ryan Poles because of this trade. If the Panthers had taken C.J. Stroud, the, Panthers win like eight games. You get like the 12th pick and you're like, holy shit, we traded out of C.J. Stroud. You could have had Stroud. And no one ever talks about this because the Panthers didn't take him.

But I just think if that had happened, it would be like, oh, so Ryan Poles traded out of C.J. Stroud. Ryan Poles traded the 32nd pick of the draft for Chase Claypool. and that and I'm like I thought that that everyone there's like a palpable ee about that one it's like kind of like they were like here and forgot about that one

30 second everyone just I don't know so I'm dude I think Ben Johnson's awesome I think Caleb is still good but Ryan Poles I am very TBD TBD I'm very TBD on the guy but that actually

this is really getting the crowd riled out yeah yeah everyone's like yeah your GM sucks no we got this one from Doyle something. I feel like I should have read people's emails. Doyle rules. Yeah. Is Caleb Williams a false messiah? Who wrote that?

Who wrote that? Find them! Find them! It's like the Abraham Lincoln meme, even though it's not A Blinken. He thought it was. It's A Blinken. He looked like, fucking A Blinken. He looked like, all. There might be A Blinken. There was a guy in the meme of the painting, the guy standing up in the crowd. You're wearing a leather jacket.

Dude, I thought it's one of them paintings they do. Like a member's only jacket. Dude, he fucking looks like Abe Lincoln in the picture. Wasn't it actually supposed to be kind of Abe Lincoln? He does. No, everyone made fun of me. It turns out it's a painting. And in the painting, he based that guy on Abe Lincoln.

He fucking based the look of the guy on Abe Lincoln. No one gives a shit. No one cares about that. No one fucking cares. Anyway. But I actually, I don't want to say I'm disgusted by this question about Caleb Williams being a false person. I think this is, I kind of can't believe how much people are willing to just throw aside a quarterback after a year. Because I look at, there was a couple games last year, the Vikings game where Caleb, yeah.

Oh, no, no. Are those people happy but the Vikings game or those Vikings fans? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Both. Okay. That makes sense. That's good question.

But when they were down 14, he led the 14 point comeback and he had these drives and he was like dealing with Brian Flores, the Vikings defensive coordinator. Caleb Williams is like dealing with protections at the line. He's like changing audibles or he's audibly plays based on what's at the line. and leaves a 14 point comeback. All right, they lose an overtime. He let a 14 point comeback against, like, one of the most respected defenses in the NFL. I'm like, we joked that the Vikings defense is like a litmus test

for whether you're a good quarterback or not. And he, like, let a 14.4th quarter come back. The line, as before the line, I don't know, I know the line's debacle was bad at the timeout. But I just feel like after that, I was actually very impressed with the resilience of Caleb in the games. After that, which was the biggest question from coming out of college? Was that I was going to handle losing?

He's crying in his mother's arms. And I'm like, yeah, this embarrassing debacle. And then his assistant offensive coordinator, it becomes the head coach and he looked better just doing his own thing. I don't know. I think giving up a Caleb is crazy. Yeah, I totally agree. Totally agree.

I think when you look at the tools, it's still, the upside is still absolutely there. I think this first season, it was just such a debacle on every level. And I think obviously, like we had talked about such a great supporting cast around him, we obviously way overestimated that. Roma Dunezday took a little while to get going. He was hurt early on in the year. The offensive line was terrible. The run game wasn't very good.

So it was, I think we just projected our hopes onto that surrounding cast, sporting cast. Didn't really work out. But I'm still really high on him. Obviously, like his arm talent, his traits, his athleticism, his ability to buy an extra beat in the pocket. All that stuff is still there. All the reasons I liked him originally are still there. It's just your one was tough.

A lot of pressure, though, I would say this year, right? Yeah. If it doesn't work, I mean, getting Ben Johnson, rebuilding the offensive line, 10th pick in the draft, it's like, there are a lot of rookie quarterbacks who have coming in the league who have done more with less. I mean, look at like Drake May last year, right? That stuff has happened. So I do think while everyone is still on board

and they should be for Caleb this year, if it's bad again with Ben Johnson and everything that they've added, then you start to really get nervous. And that's why I think the second round picks are so important. They have 3941, which is really fun. I think they're the only team with three picks in the top 50. Yeah, it's really fun.

And so, D.K., we were talking about this yesterday, actually, and you came up with a pretty cutting-edge strategy of what the bear should do in the second round. Yeah, yeah. So you know how the Eagles designed their Super Bowl team after just drafting Georgia players after they won the National Championship? I think the Bears should just draft a bunch of Buckeyes, just a bunch of Ohio State players. We were actually talking about this before the show. Do people hate Ohio State here probably?

Yeah. Sorry for saying that. But, you know, they're pretty good at football. Maybe this one time. It's okay. Maybe next year, too. I mean, they didn't beat Michigan, so whatever. But yeah, so I think second round, we had talked about Gentie a lot,

but I think honestly, probably the smarter thing is just Trayvion Henderson in the second round. And there's already a lot of connections being made with Henderson and the Bears. Bienemy, the running backs coach, I think Maurice Jones said this on a podcast the other day that Biontick, he's texting him about Trevion and Henderson, how much he loves Henderson. And again, it's just getting a guy in there that can protect. the quarterback passing game stuff. That is really where running backs have their most value, I think, is explosive plays, protect the quarterback passing game.

And so, I don't know, that's for starters, but then there's a whole bunch of other guys. Literally any, literally, I'm not, it sounds like a joke, but I actually think if they could walk away with two Ohio State players at 3941, the bear is going to be an incredible spot. Trevianne Henderson. Josh Simmons, who, I mean, would probably be a top 12 pick if he hadn't hurt his knee, but because of the injury, he can always fall. I mean, I think that would be your left tackle the future. Yeah, yeah.

And I think any team that could get Josh Simmons is kind of an amazing thing. But I think the Bears in particular, because they don't need to rush Simmons back to that left tackle spot because you know, you got Braxton Jones. So you can ease Josh Simmons in. Donovan Jackson could fit anywhere on that line. Tyler Williams, defensive tackle from Ohio State. Like JT. Oh, how is. Two emo, two emo, lowow.

Yeah. But like defensive end, which you guys. Because I think you have a defensive line is good, but it's old. And I think that like, you know, Grady Jarrett's 32 and like Montes sweats almost 30 and all these guys. But of course, but the most important player that you get. Third round. Jack Sawyer The hero

Captain Jack Jack Jack Sawyer Do it Do it Do it do it I just did it Just do it again

Look gang It's intercepting That the goal line Unbelievable Unbelievable While we're Captain Jack While we're here

Captain Jack Give me a stroud What we're Straub Steps up in the pocket Makes a man miss Deep looking Nico Collins

Touch no Texans Who's the most irrelevant bear's player You can name Tyler Scott That's that's easy Tori Taylor

Tori Taylor Actually Tori Taylor's really relevant Oh everyone's Oh yeah I'm actually curious Who is the most Is the most popular Chicago bear right now

Caleb Is he the favorite He is Okay I'm trying to think Who else it would be It's not Ben Johnson.

Is it Ben Johnson or Caleb? Is it Caleb? If you could only have one, Ben Johnson or Caleb, who are you taking? Raise your hand for Ben. This is decent. It's a decent showing. Yeah. And then Caleb's the right.

Okay. That's maybe 20%, Ben. All right. We got some more emails here. This one's from Joe. Joe. Joey. You guys can all say Joe.

Joe. Jaybound. Who's your favorite co-host? Whoa. This is to you? I mean, to D.K. Oh, I have to answer that? Yeah.

Should I do the, like, Dion Sanders rank his children thing? Should we do that every show for now? Right now, the power rankings, probably Craig. But, you know, no, I don't know. I have always wanted to do, like, around the horn where we're just, like, applying points to each other. Oh, yeah. It's ending. We should just do it.

We just steal it, yeah. Who's going to sue us? Nobody? Oh, fuck it, knock on wood. It's hard My favorite co-host, it's hard not to choose D.K. He's just so nice. His laugh fuels this show.

It's the only reason it works. Look at him go. Look at him laugh. Look at him laugh. Rick and Morty, look at him go. Look at the baby. Smile. That's your favorite.

Me or Craig? I'm not going to answer that. Spoken like a true father. Do you know I was going to pick you? Because he said that I'm going to pick you. Thanks. That's sick. Wow.

Okay. Okay. Thanks, Joe. Yeah, that was... Has Hafeits apologized to the city of Green Bay yet since the guy, the reason you guys are in Chicago is because of how unprepared you thought they were for the draft in Green Bay. They do not have the infrastructure for 300,000 people. And I feel like I am being canceled for saying this. Because I noticed that's not the reason that we're here. We never were like asked, hey, do you think you can go to Green Bay? We're like, no. I said that. You weren't in the conversation.

That is what we did. Oh, you did that? I was like, we're no way. Wow. Didn't even know. All right. Well, Chicago is pretty sick, though. Yeah.

Lovely weather today. Yeah, it's been a great day. Fucking beautiful river, which we're pretty sure is called the Chicago River. Craig says, what's the name of that lake? Lake. I was like, it's the Chicago Lake. Oh, okay. We were talking in the-

Is it that crazy to ask the? name of a river? No. But when it's called the Chicago River. Oh, come on. Also, what's the lake called? Lake. Yeah. Fucking, dude, that was, we knew that. That is worse than anything I have done in years, and everyone just let him slide. Wait, the lake right here is Lake Michigan, not Erie? Okay. I can't fucking pronounce Maestro. It isn't even an English word, and you're in Chicago. Where's a lot of the lakes? There's five. I didn't even know how many. It's too. It's too. many to count. That was my first time seeing that lake today. Sorry.

It's the West Coast. You guys want to ask me how far New York is from Philly? You're like 10 hours, 12? Craig, Craig, how was your flight in? Bumpy. Why? I hear it's windy here and they were correct. Pretty windy city. We made that joke.

Yeah. Too many times. God. Pretty windy on the flight in. On the descent. Yeah, anyway. I just had my bachelor party in New Orleans. Flex.

Getting married in August. Who are these people? Oh, this is... Read the full email. Tyler. Tyler. Tyler. T-bone.

Had my Bachelor Party in New Orleans Flex. After hearing Hyphidts' Airbnb mishap in New Orleans where I rented a duplexer. Three bed. One of them. I want to know,

what did DeK and Craig do for your bachelor parties? And what does the biggest bachelor party do and don't? I'll you pick one of those. Wait. You were invited? No, he's asking,

what did we do for our own bachelor party? What did you do for yours, Andrew? Do you have any advice for bachelor parties? My advice, I have two pieces of advice. One is you can't go hard night one. Yeah. It just takes you out of the trip. You got, like, for my bachelor party, we did beer only night one.

We got a very smattering of applause there. Yeah. Yes. It's like, moderate drinking. That was thinking with my brain. Craig, read the fucking room, man. I got drunk that night. I'm not going, but like, we stuck to beer.

and it made the hangovers the next morning very, you know, reasonable. And then the whole week, that's the biggest thing. It's like people always show up to a trip. Everyone's over-excited. Night one, you go fucking hard. Yeah, yeah. And then you're just killed. No one eats dinner.

No. Yeah. He's ordering pizza, and it's just the same pizza in the fridge for three days is what you eat. And you get, like, the one bag of Sam's bagels with cream cheese that everybody has for breakfast, bananas that nobody touches. And that's what you do. So my recommendation is, like, have a fun the first night. But that's the night everybody gets in.

usually you don't plan the big night that night. Make sure that the big night ends up being the best night. Vegas. Where did you? Cocaine is back. I've heard. Where did you do your bachelor party? I didn't do one. I'm talking to a big game over there.

Too old. Yeah. All right. This one's from Eddie. Eddie. Can we have Danny Hyford's try to pronounce and choose which Illinois city is fake and pronounce all of them? Yeah. All right, shit.

The first one is, oh God, this is the, uh, bourbon A's, bourbon A. Bourbon I. It's like bourbon with a mayonnaise at the end. I'm gonna go. Bourbon A's? I'm gonna with Bourbon A. Fucking A. Fuck you guys. Well, San Jose, but I'm gonna go with the fact that it's here and no offense, it's the Midwest.

It's gonna be, this is San Jose. San Jose. Racist. It's not just San Jose, is it? San Jose. Oh, that makes sense. We did it. Yeah, yeah. I think it's San G.

Yeah, it's definitely, it's not on here unless they're pronouncing the J. Right. Yeah. San Jose, which sounds like a punch like. Oh, what is it? San Jose. So they have Cairo on here, like Egypt. Got it.

Okay. They don't call it Cairo, do they? Caro? Are you? It's the cradle of civilization. Cleopatra was born closer to the moon. landing that the building of the pyramids and we're calling this shit caro unbelievable but you guys call it caro well this guy said you did you nodded you call it caro

caro caro caro it's illinois chiro all right this disagree we don't have any we no one can agree what it's called i don't say phil vindic no one knows scholars maintain muquinago everyone got really passionate of it so that's got to be the lie because everyone really got excited about the other ones. Is that the lie? Mook Winago. Say it. He mispronounced it so badly.

They're like, how do you spell it? They're like, M-U-K-W-O-N-A-G-O. You know how it's like when you smell something so poorly, like they can't even suggest anything? I do. Oh, it's Wisconsin. Oh, fuck that. Oh.

Whoa. The one guy from Green Bay sent that one in. It's where we were going to stay. Revenge. All right. The last one here we got. This one's from Alex. What was the lie?

The Muguanago. Wisconsin City. Muguanago. It was a lot ago. It was San Jose. San Jose. It's fake. San Jose is not a city in Chicago, in Illinois.

Oh, my God. I think there's multiple. He's got a U-D-U-D-U shirt on. So we'll get out later. The last one here from Alex is pronounced my hometown. K-A-N-K-A-K-E. K-A-N Say it again?

Say it It's kind of like I can't say it Was merged with Kansas It's kind of like what Kankaki Kankaki Kankakey

K-Kaki It's K-A-N It's like kank I love everyone's like Ha ha ha This guy sucks I've never read that word before I can't read or talk

Kank A-Kee I'm going with Kankakee I'm going with Kankakee Never gotten one right ever What was it? Cancicki. Wow.

Man. I've been overthinking these my whole life. All right. That's incredible. While we're here, I got to, I'm getting shit on. While we have you. I actually created my own game because I knew I would get shit on eventually for something. I would like to play, and I would like to play with all you guys too.

This one's called Lollapalooza Band or Chicago Restaurant. These are bands playing at Lollapalooza this year And Chicago restaurants I found on Google Maps Preping for this trip If you know the restaurants for a fact Don't yell them because you guys live here And it's like a little cheating But I also think I'm going to watch us look stupid

Yeah watch us let us look stupid if you know Yeah So I'm going to start we're to start with you guys These are again Lala Ploosa bands this year Or Chicago Restaurant So DK Craig you guys ready Yeah Okay let's start

Bleachers that's a band yeah fuck yeah it's a band shit they're pretty they're pretty famous are they all right he celebrates their entire collection

Jack Antonoff yeah Jack Antonoff is a band yes thought he was just like a guy maybe I should have built this like fuck all right

now I feel pretty is he in the band what it says it says here corn yeah insane clown posse all right fine

that was an easy one Dear Margaret. Okay. Now we're getting tricky. Dear Margaret does sound like a hipster restaurant. Yeah. I'm going to go with a restaurant. It's a restaurant.

All right. Maple and Ash. God, that sounds like a restaurant. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be. Fuck, it's a restaurant. Shit. Julie.

Okay. Restaurant. Hold. Hold on that. Julie? spelled J-U-L-I-E? Yeah. Oh.

I'm gonna go with- I was like Jewel. You know, like the cigarettes or whatever. Spell it how you thought it was spelled. J-O-U-L-E. I'm gonna go with musical artist.

What? I'm gonna go with artists. He's going band. Band. I'm gonna go with the restaurant. It's a band. That's cool. Julie?

Come on. Sepia. Spell it. S-E-P-I-A. Can you use it in a sentence? S-E-P-I-A. Instagram and Instagram filter from... I'm gonna go with...

I'm gonna go with artist. Restaurant. It's a restaurant. Damn ass! Yes! P-S-P. Prospa. What?

Prospa? Prospa. P-R-O-S-P-A? Yes. Is that like a slang for Prosper? I don't know. I don't know. I think.

I'm gonna go with band. Band. Fuck, it's a band. This sucks. All right, fine. Chicago made. Chicago made, M-A-I-D?

No, like, Oh, fucking Christ. Made, like, made in Chicago. There's a lot of words in the English language. You know? It's M-A-I-D? Why would that be a restaurant? No.

Or a band. This is tricky. I didn't fucking name it. This is your trickiest one yet, you little devil. Chicago made Chicago made I'm gonna go with You probably want us to guess restaurant

So I'm gonna go band I'm going restaurant Yeah it's a band Yeah All right Last one Because I don't think the people like this one Um

Chicago made Twice This is a real coin flip I can you know This is like where Meg Ryan ate dinner That one time Cats

What Cats is deli Bad joke Yeah Um Restaurant Band No

restaurant Twice is headlining Lollapalooza All right Really? Yes They are fucking Headlining

Lollahalo I'm a boomer I don't know Dude I don't even know Who that is The K-pop K-pop man Headlining

Lollapalooza They're headlining Yeah What have they What struggles have they had Yeah No it's What do they had

To sing about I should have led with Yeah Tate McCray is on here Now yeah Oh my God Okay let's see here we also got

favorite this one some poos poos boos poos that was kind of sick actually um

well we have two here did you guys know each other before working with each other and then we also favorite in-person fantasy football draft traditions uh did we know each other what uh I guess no not really

no well D.K. didn't live in L.A. Hiveitz did so Hibitz and I of each other. We never got a beer until after I left L.A. Me and you? Yeah. Yeah. You didn't want to hang out of them. Because Craig never invited him to the others. Not true. Not true. You worked in editorial. I worked in

podcasting. We didn't cross paths that much. Right. You were hanging out of all the writers. Yeah. All the smart people. They put D.K. and I together on a pod. Yeah. And then it sucked. And then Craig joined and we were like the production calls. It was called the Danesie Football Podcast. That was terrible. Oh, wow.

And then it, it, it would scream. SEO, yeah. My first note was like, Hyfitz, the intro. My God, cool it down. We couldn't Google our own show because it would auto-correct. It was a typo.

Oh, God. It was unbelievable. Maybe just fantasy. Did you mean fantasy? Yeah, it's like, nope. No, in fact, I didn't. It's so stupid in retrospect. Why did we do that?

It's so dumb. We didn't Google the title of the show. Thank God my name wasn't Danny. If it was, we would have never changed it, probably. Oh my God. We couldn't have moved off then. Yeah. I don't, where would you be in life

if you were named Danny? Right here on stage, probably. He'd be the first host. Yeah. Yeah. We never would have been able to sell tickets for Danny so one could have Googled it. No.

We honestly hang out so much more than we ever have because of live shows and going to like the Super Bowl and the Combine and stuff. I see you guys like six, seven, eight times a year now. Yeah, that's great. Yeah.

I live 20 minutes from my brother. I see you guys more. Yeah. the three of us Legit speak Five to six times a week on the phone Several times a day Craig when he invited us to his wedding

I was like wow thanks man And he looked at me and was like What did you say? Nothing. Wow It's a joke Yeah we got the invite like a week before Did we tell the story on the air

That Kai? Did we tell the story that Kai was like Who's our person in the back there? Yeah Kai Yeah where's Kai? Yeah, where's Kai? Kai God Look at legend

Look at that legend Kai was like oh wow Where's my invite Craig? I'm like, we've known you six months, buddy. And his, I couldn't tell if it was just like really impressive deadpan comedy from him or if he was genuinely offended. He was like, that's crazy. I never got my invite.

That's why I'm inviting Kai to my wedding, but not you too, which is. What was the other one? Fantasy football draft traditions. Honestly, my favorite one is not something my league does. It's my former roommates league. They do their draft order. They all pick a Little League World Series team. And they just bet a lot of money in their little.

World Series and their draft order, and it's pretty awesome. And then they go to a destination for their draft, and someone has to just pull it all-nighter and text them like a little blurb on every single player in the draft by the time everyone wakes up in the morning. Wow. Which is pretty fucked up now that we're 30. And then you have to draft off the other. Wow. One of my drafts we get together every year.

We try to get the whole group together, and everybody kind of lives across the country, so it's difficult. But we go to this club in Belize. called the Royal and it's club shouts if anyone has been to Bellingham and gone. What kind of club? It's like I mean the best kind and the worst kind I don't know. Okay. It's like it's

the place that we went when we're 21. Okay. And now we keep going and in no way is that sad or depressing. Right. So we go every year and like every year it's like a little bit more like God this is awkward why we're here. So it's great. That's all. And you just do you do you

I just got this question. I didn't know you did this. Do you determine the draft order there? Is there any tradition? Is it just like we just go to this club and? Yeah, spare no details. What do you do? We go to the club.

We go to the club. We go to the clear and we dance on the dance floor. Extremely awkward. Okay. There's no one else there. It's an extraordinarily tall group of men in our, in our league for some reason. Everybody's like over six foot. And so it's like just a bunch of towering, weird looking dudes on a,

You can get away with being a bad dancer when you're shorter, I think, right? It's less... No one can see you. All the limbs going everywhere. No one's like, what the hell is happening there? What is that wacky inflatable arm tube band doing over there? Anyway, that's all. Do you have anything fun you guys do?

Nothing crazy. Like, no, not really. We don't... It's like, we kind of just hunker down, you know? That's the real war room. Got man, sui. It's just business only. Business only?

Yeah, we dress nice. You dress nice? Kind of. One guy wears a suit. One guy wears a suit. I feel like that's a detail we could have used at the beginning. Yeah. Wait, what do you wear?

What are you wearing? Kind of like corporate casual, you know? Really? Nothing too limiting. I want to be able to move, get up. I don't want to sweat too much. I have no idea. Some a leisure, perhaps.

Sure. Yeah, with a collar, though. Yeah. What do you wear? So my draft? Is it like, am I in a computer? Because, like, probably underwear in my bed? I don't know.

What are we? You know what? sucks. The one thing that auction drafts took away is the draft order. We no longer have a competition to determine the draft order, which kind of sucks. That's like one of the, I have another group of friends who do, they do like their own combine. And it's like,

oh my God. Yeah. However you finish just like determines your draft order. You don't have that with auction. That's true. I'm a nightmare. Yeah. I don't think I'd do very well in a draft combine. I've been wanting us to do a ringer combine for a long time. No. No. He just says no.

No. So there was something I wanted to do earlier and I forgot, but I'm going to do it right now. Who wrote that question about Caleb Williams being a false Messiah? Where are you? In a good way. It's all right. Don't be scared. Yeah, did they leave her?

Oh, yeah, I guess, yeah, I'm kind of going to sick a mob on you. Maybe no one wants to stand out. Maybe they left. Somebody yells. If you did, come by later, we have something that you lost. I was so disgusted by the question. I literally want to give you a Kail. William's jersey.

So if you can actually prove to me who you are by the email. Who? You wrote it? No, no, you're lying. Is it? What was the email? Prove it. What's the email?

Doyle rules. You know, I'm going to trust them. Yeah. All right. So honestly, honest to God, I want you to have this. Because I genuinely like, keep the faith, man. Come on. Oh, shit.

Now I got it dirty. I would quote Ted Lassau, but he fucking hates when I do that. But like, yeah. It's the lack of, like, it's not the lack of, it's the hope that kills you. It's the lack of hope that kills you. Like, believe. Are you excited for season four? Did they announce that?

Yeah. They did? Oh, well, I, all right, I, does anyone want me to give my Ted Lassow thoughts or is it? Okay. Please. I have unpopular. I think everyone loved the ending of Ted Lassow.

and that is all I'm happy for the people who did. My personal take was, I think you could see that Jason Siddakis was offered a cajillion dollars to do season four. And he had a three-season arc in mind. So he didn't, but he didn't want to do the fourth season as they usually did it, but he wanted the cajillion dollars. So he was like,

how about we do this second series spinoff under the Ted Lassel name that'll be about the women's club? But like, we won't continue it. And I think to him, that was kind of how you keep your artistic license, but take the money. So they didn't wrap up the Roy love storyline because they needed to continue it into the show. They needed the love plot line to be the through line. And I think that's why you never actually buttoned up Roy and Keely and Ted Lassow.

And that bothered me because I think it's pretty transparently for money. I mean, I just think it's funny. It's like it just fills me with joy to watch the show. So, yeah, yeah. I have a question along those lines. This is from Joe. Joe. Did you pluck this out of the garbage?

Question for Hyphitz. Where do you get off? And furthermore, this is from me. How dare you? You know what I love is there's like a hundred things that could have prompted that specific. Yeah, you don't have to answer that. It was rhetorical. Cool.

I thought the one you were pulling out was that can Hyphitz answer which Sequin Barkley moment was this thing? Which I threw in the garbage, by the way. Hold on. This one made me... Oh, you have that one. It actually made me like cackle. No name. What was your favorite

Saquan Barkley memory from the 2025 season? Please elaborate and be descriptive. It's so hard to pick between him signing with the Eagles live on the show and So lack making fun of me to my face. Yeah, that was a good one. The reverse hurdle being the most athletic thing

I've ever seen anyone doing my entire life. That was awesome. The 200 yard, the most rushing yards ever in a season. as the playoffs. That one too. Every time they played the Rams. Yep.

But it's, yeah, it's probably the Super Bowl win. And the fact that when, but how did, how did that make you feel, though? Like I, it was going through your heart.

Happy for someone that we, I didn't deserve. Like, I genuinely felt like, I'm happy, like, Christ. So sad.

This is my lot in life. I don't know how we got on this. We're in Chicago. I think this is time. Now, we have to end the show. This is unbelievable. It's just fun. So a couple things of housekeeping here. We're going to stick around

after the show. We're going to do like a little meat and green if you guys want to like, you know, take a photo with us, say, a meat cute. What? A meat cute? Did we shout this out? What's up? Oh my God. Hold on. Fuck. Okay. Wait, we got another prop? Who made this? It is a literal cloice box.

Oh. They put the words, the craftsmanship. Thank you. Who made this? He's right over there. And is that a Vikings hat? A Vikings fan, you're going to get killed. Come over here. Oh, wait, no. Yeah. Well, he's in a Viking's hat, so this is awkward. I have another. You can sell this at the door. That's another. Or burn it? Pawn it off.

Give it as a gag. Dude, I cannot get over this. It's a literal Cloy's box. We're going to have to roll this like a dice on the show. This should replace the coin. This is unbelievable. My first, my first thought when we saw that, I was like, should we open this? I know. I was a little worried. It was like, point. anthrax or something. Let's make Kyle open it. Well, yeah, it was duct tape that I was a little nervous. That's so awesome.

Sure. Yeah, yeah. So if you, we're going to do like, did you call the meat cute? Meet and greet. Yeah, meet and meet cute. Meat cute is a term, right? That means when you meet, when you fall in love with somebody. Right.

We might, that might happen. I don't know. Fuck. It's usually. So we're going to line up on my right, your left, we're going to line up along that walkway alley thing. So if you hate us and we're bored by the show and want to leave, you can go out that way if you want to insult us forever and we'll like literally never forget. But you can go out that way if you don't want me to, if you want to meet us,

if you want to just like say what's up and we can take a picture, line up over there, and then we'll do that. I guess I said that twice. Yeah. It's not that complicated. I would like to thank a lot of people. Thank you to Fandle for making this possible. And thank you to Fandle for sponsors to show.

Thank you to D.K. and Craig. Thank you to Kai, who honestly, I fucking love Kai so much. Guy, should we make Kai get deep dish tonight? I've also never had deep dish. Where should we go? That's kind of around here. So I thought, I thought, holy. Ah, this is a Pete, bad idea.

All right. I thought it was Pequods because of the bear. So shout if we should go to Pequods. We're going through the gymnasium and through the quad. No, it's drinking. What's the other, Giardanos? Oh, Austin, you're fired. Um, so Piquads.

What else? Pete quads? We should also say, Luminatis? All right. We should also say, Kai has not had deep dish pizza. I've never had deep dish pizza.

I've never had it either. You've never had deep dish. Never done it. You've never had lactate? I almost said lactate. You've never had it? Lactate I brought for the fucking deep dish pizza here. Okay, so we'll do that.

Snorting it in the back. No, dude. We did go to lunch with Kai today. You got a fried chicken sandwich. With nothing on it. No, no. Kai, we're going to. We're going to, Kai, we're going to eat macros, only.

Casserol. He had a, I didn't realize it takes an hour to cook the pizza. 40, oh, okay, 40 minutes is a souffle. Yeah. Thank you to Kai. Thank you to Austin. Thank you to Carlos, who could not be it tonight, but Carlos is the man. So many people it takes to put one of these on.

So thank you to Elizabeth. Thank you to Tessa. Thank you to Nick. Thank you to Curtis. Thank you, Zach. Thank you, Allie, and most of all. Shout out to Chris. Chris.

Legend Chris. Yeah, Chris. I don't know where Chris is. Chris is a legend. And shout out to G. G to the GM. Thank you. Thank you to Liberty Hall.

Oh, of course. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you to Lincoln Hall for having us. Thank you. What you said? Thank you to all of you guys for coming out. We really appreciate it.

Woo. And of course. Of course. One more person to bang. Of course. Thank you, Lord. Lord. Woo!

Thank you, Chicago. The band. The band. That was good. Also the city. The band. The band. That was good.

Nice. Do you? No, I don't know anything about them. No relationship. They have horns or something. Yeah, they're into horns. But rock music. Right.

Horns with rock. Check it out. They're very famous. Yeah. Is horns with rock are being told that's a ska band? It's not ska. Oh, no, I'm being told that's not wrong. What's their biggest song?

Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. How does it go? I don't know. I don't remember. So I thought when you said this is so embarrassed. I thought you were talking about the play. And I was like the soundtrack?

I believe the movie won best picture, right? Chicago? Yeah. Yeah. Wow, they made a movie about the band. Well, how did this whole like movie making movies about artists, how far down the run do you think we're going to go? Because like, you have Elton John movie, you get the Springsteen movie. We're getting the Beatles movies.

Who's doing the Beatles movie? Sam Mendez is going to do four Beatles movies, one on each member. He did what? It's coming out in 2020. Didn't he do four Spider-Man? They're doing one on Ringo? Even Ringo got one. Which one?

Is that like the middle? Like the Empire Strikes Back? Probably. Yeah. You know what's funny actually? Jam that one in. I need a movie of Ringo more than the other ones because I couldn't tell you three things about Ringo. Yeah.

He's still alive. That's all I know. Rigo. Low-key, one of the best moments in the history of our show has been Ben Sulek. We were like, can you name a beetle? And then he was like, Ringo star. Yeah, Ringo. Ringo.

Ringo. Ringo. Ringo was his name-o. Who do you think to the least failure is. famous musician that will get a movie. Well played, sir. Well played. Yeah, they're making four of them.

They're all coming out the same month in April 2028. The same month? The same month, four different movies. It's like Paul. 2028. Yes. Paul Meskow's playing Paul, I think. Yeah, Harris Dickinson, I think, is playing Lenin.

Joseph Quinn, I think, is playing one of the other two. She's with me. She knows all about this. Yeah, she's just like. Oh, the other one is Barry Keoggan. He's playing, is he playing Ringo? Yeah, all right. I wish I had another Bear's jersey to give you.

Yeah. Oh, shit, you already had, what? Oh, my God, the Vikings fan did give her the jersey. That's unbelievable. Oh, no way. Wow. Karma. Hell yeah.

Anyway, I hope they make a movie about LMFAO. That would be cool. That's my dream. If I ever make it big, that's what I'm going to find. What are they called? I'm sorry for party rocking? Yeah. I'm sorry.

Not sorry for party. rocking. Oh my God. Party rock. Tom Tom. I don't actually know. Is that a band or a song? We never get that right. Song. Genius of love. Was it the band? No. It was a song. It's a song.

Right, right, right. Yeah. You get me all confused. Fred Durst? Yeah. Oh, so did I ever tell you guys the Fred Durst thing? No. I doubt it. I always confuse. Fuck. Oh, actually you did. I always confuse Fred Durst and Robert Durst. Oh.

So I've had some very awkward conversations where people are talking about Limp Biscuit, and I think they're talking about the jinx and the murder. And so they're like, I love Fred Dirst, and I'm like, what do you like about Fred Dirst? What a weird thing to say? And I went years thinking people like this serial killer. And then so you thought when you heard about the documentary, you thought they made a documentary about Fred Dirst? Well, I'll name it. It was Bill Barnwell was talking about Fred Robert Durst.

Fred Robert. And I thought he was talking about, or Fred, no. I still, I don't know who's who. Who killed his wife? Fred is Robert Durst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fred's jinks. I was talking to Bardwell at the combine about what I thought was the murderer, but he was talking about music.

And I was like, what a weird thing to say. Oh, my God. That's such a great conversation. I got to hear that. Anyway, yeah, limp biscuit was good. Yeah. Yeah. They were kind of yours.

They were like right up by generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you like, I was never a limpiscuit. I don't know. I mean, I thought he was a murder. I didn't know. He's like, I can't support this. You couldn't tell restaurant or Lalo Palozo.

Lollapalooz. I don't know. It sounds like both. We'll do that next. Restaurant, Lollapalooza band, or a serial killer. We'll do that next. Thank you, everybody. Goodbye, everyone.