The Ringer NFL Show - Off-Brand Sleepers, Daniel Jones Is Starting, and the Players Who Will Screw Us, Live From New York

Episode Date: August 20, 2025

The guys are live from New York! They talk the Jets and Giants players who will screw us, discuss name-brand vs. off-brand players, and answer some “emails” from the audience. Plus, special appearances from Heifetz’s dad and Jelly the bear! Check out our 2025 Ringer Fantasy Football Rankings here!Email us! [e-mail] Getaway sales event. The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit www.rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig HorlbeckProducers: Carlos Chiriboga, Ronak Nair, and Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Football. My name is Danny Hyfitts, and I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Hurlbeck in person in New York City. Thank you to everybody for coming. Please give yourselves a round of applause. This is awesome.

And thank you to Yahoo Fantasy, our sponsor, for making this possible. Shout out Yahoo Fantasy. The world's only fantasy football platform, Yahoo Fantasy. And thank you to D.K.'s New shirt. I see you got a new shirt. Yeah, you know, I went to like a boutique store.

It was like they only do like limited run stuff. It's really good. It's like the design is sick. Hold on to that. That's going to be worth a lot of money someday. It fits really well too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we kind of just assume the tourist stuff would run large and

Europeans are smaller than this, all right? This episode of the Ringer Fantasy Football Show is presented by Hyundai. Get into the Hyundai Getaway Sales event and get away with a deal so right, it almost feels wrong. You can get huge savings on their adventure. or ready SUVs like the Hyundai Santa Fe and Santa Fe and Santa Fe hybrid models or go all electric and choose from America's most awarded EV lineup like the breakthrough Ionic 5 or ionic 6 visit Hyundai USA.com or call 562-314-4-6-03 for details offers end September 2nd 2025.

So I this show means a lot to me because I am from New York like kind of like yeah Westchester but like still But Danny Kelly, for those who've been listening, Danny Kelly has never been to New York City until yesterday. That's why I got the shirt. So I thought the only way we could start this show was I actually wanted Danny Kelly to tell us, and he has not shown us this list. I wanted Danny Kelly's, like, what are your thoughts?

I just told you to keep track of your thoughts and anxieties of New York City. and your first things that stressed you out or just curiosity? Well, the first impression I have of the city and again, I've never been here before. But I've been to the exact same amount of New York City attractions as Danny Hyfitz, who grew up here. Yeah, we got here and I was like,

Hyphitz, what should we do? Like Empire State Building, World Trade Center, should we go 30 Rock, Statue of Liberty? He's like, I've never been to any of those. It's like, yeah. What? We were up in, uh, the World Trade Center Tower and looking out over everything and I'm like

Hyphitz what's that out there like what is that he's like I don't know get a map he's like is like is that Brooklyn he was like look at a map I was like pull out a map what am I who who what am I an owl I don't know like you ever been to Coney Island no no Empire State Building no no no unbelievable well you asked me statute of liberty stature liberty no no I don't know he couldn't even he couldn't even point it out when we're up there The Statue of Liberty I could point out. Wow, okay. Barely.

So anyways, that was one. Well, my dad's from Queen. Shout out my dad is from Forest Hills. And I don't know. You don't do touristy shit in where you're from. That is fair. That is respectable. I don't think people from L.A. are like going to the Hollywood Walk of Fame all the time.

Right. Nerd? I get that. Anyway. I would think, though, Mr. Hyfitz, as a kid, taking your son to the Empire Stable, it would be really fun, I would think. He's like, Why are you looking at me?

He's close. Should I give him the mic? Honestly, get him up here. Wait, hold on. Oh, boy. I'm fucking. Oh, boy. The camera people are going to hate me.

Why did you never take me anywhere, Dad? We didn't want to. It's like my dad never took me. It's a tradition. We didn't want to. It's worse to look by. Okay, what's next? What else you got?

The other thing that I think was just, this is a little more serious, not funny, but I have, I had this realization that I've had this really long parisocial relationship with New York, where I'm like, I watch Seinfeld friends, madmen, magnificent, Ms. Maisel, Elf, Godfather, the Nick, gangs of New York. And it's like I've already experienced all these places in several different eras. And I feel like I know the city and everywhere I'm going. I'm like, oh yeah, I know, I know this place. But it was just kind of weird looking around everything and realizing I've,

kind of been here, but not really. So, um, not as funny as, uh, not as funny as, uh, it's really sweet,

heartfelt. Yeah. Dude, you should see when we were in Los Angeles, the, um, Ringer is Spotify office is in studio, or,

sorry, the arts district in L.A. and we're at a bar around the corner and he looks up, he's like, holy shit, is that the apartment from new girl? And like,

a star struck. You were. Starstruck by building. I got to take a picture with that. The other thing we have to talk about before we really get going here is, I mean, we're going to talk about, you've lived here for a year, but there's funny stories I don't really give a shit. We learned, like, 30 minutes ago, Craig's impression of the S&L announcer guy is perfect.

The late great Don Pardo, may he rest in peace. Yeah, backstage, I would just be like, Jason Sedakis. Do the Rachel Drash. I just love that guy. Do Rachel Dratch. Rachel Dratch. Bill Hater. Daryl Hammond doesn't do it the same.

You know, he's trying his best, but he can't hit. Kristen, Whig! The only thing I did want to throw D.K. under the bus for was we got the breakfast yesterday. Yeah, this is kind of unforgivable blast to me. I didn't know this was a thing, though. Which is equally as crazy. We went to a bagel spot. I got a bacon, egg, and cheese, and D.K. walked up and ordered a bacon egg and cheese.

Hold the bacon. I didn't know that was like a New York thing. It's like the Andrew Cuomo when he ordered the egg. cheese bacon and it's like the inglorious bastards when he's like three beers. The guy In retrospect, the guy definitely double-taked at me. He was like, nobody's ever said that before.

Do we do that? Hey, Bob, do we do that? Let's see, hold on. Is there anything else? Oh, the jaywalking is the thing. I don't think I've ever... Nothing in the world makes Haifitz just feel more comfortable in his own skin than jaywalking. Just fucking jaywalking.

It feels so fucking good to jaywalk. He just lights up. The light in his eyes. I feel like that's not even a phrase in New York. Like, people don't even call it jaywalking. It's called walking. I realized that L.A. had made me a total bitch when it's like two years in, I was standing just trying to cross the street.

Like the block I lived on to go to this bar across the street. and I was waiting for the light and there were no cars coming and I looked and I was like, what the fuck am I doing? I was like, I need to leave this place. All right, so, oh, thanks.

Dad, you can't do that the whole show. You started that. I have created a monster. That's, oh my God. I knew I was going to regret that. Only like 20 people can hear him. Somebody switched spot with it. Thank God.

Anyway, all right We should probably get So yell Please make some noise If you're a New York Giants fan Make some noise if you're a Jets fan I think it was a smaller group of people But they were louder

A hundred percent That's actually real life too That's really Ah Proportionally accurate So raise your Well make some noise if you're a fan of like Eagles

What? Security get them All other 29 teams. Are there any Browns fans here? All right, yeah, we heard there's a couple Browns fans. We hear things about what the crowd's doing, like in dribs and drabs, and so they come in and they're like, what's with all the Browns fans? And we're like, fuck if I know, I don't know. Anyway, so I was, to be honest with you, it's very cool doing this show.

I'm from New York, as you can tell. My parents came here to embarrass me. and it's fun. And so I started thinking about, so my whole career, since I started at the ringer, I've worked at one place since college, and I was thinking about, like, 2017 to now.

And I was thinking about how in 2017, when I started at the ringer, the Eagles had just won the Super Bowl, and the Giants had earned, fuck the birds. Jesus. People in your, it's, you know why they say go birds?

It's because Philly people couldn't remember a three-word phrase. That's why they... But... So New York. Someone's upset. I'm over the Sequin thing. It's fine. But in 2017, the Eagles had just won the Super Bowl,

and the Giants had earned the number two pick in the draft. And I was thinking about now all the things that have changed. It's been almost a decade. The Eagles just won the Super Bowl. But the Giants have made it all the way to the number three pick in the draft. And it's actually worse than that. And Sequin's on the Eagles. That guy that took number two is now on the Eagles.

So, like, that's bad, but the Jets suck, too. Obviously. But, and I know that's, you know, not exactly new analysis, but I wanted to actually pull, so since I, basically since I've been a professional, because Deke, what's always your joke? So, high fits, the whole time I've known him, which is now almost 10 years,

he's never actually gotten to root for his team to win. He wants them to lose because it's, like, a higher traffic. Never gets the chance that, except for one year, I guess. Which was the year the Giants made the playoffs was the worst season they had. But even then you were like, this is not real. Like, let's get them to lose. So, yeah.

So I kind of always never took that seriously. I always thought D.K. was exaggerating when I was, he was like, you'd never want the Giants to win. You realize that you were like. So I went back and I looked. The Giants and Jets, since I started being a professional, 2017, are both dead last. Like, both 31st and 32nd together in the following categories, wins. You could stop there. That kind of paints the whole picture.

I should have done it the other way around. Kind of spoiled. Yeah, fuck. You got a build to it. Yeah, you're right. Fuck. I'll just close the whole thing. They do suck, yeah.

But they're also dead. Both teams are dead last in. Yards. Touchdowns. Points. And if you're wondering if it's overall points or fantasy points, both.

Yeah. And so, the only category that the Giants and Jets are first and second in, in the last eight years, is time spent losing. They have together, over the last eight seasons, been losing for a combined five full days. A literal work week of time trailing. So, as we were kind of talking about this show and how to talk about all these. fantasy players. We love pandering to the audience.

Yeah, you're going to love this. Your team's fucking suck. Yeah, we're like, well, we should talk Jets and Giants, players, and fantasy, but like, man, they've been pretty disappointing for the last decade, kind of, right? Not a lot of guys have delivered, and we're like, well, why don't we just draft the Jets and Giants players who are going to fuck us the most this year? So that's what we're going to do. It's the who's going to fuck us the most draft for the Giants and the Jets.

I mean, in a way, this is winning, right? they're going to win by fucking us the most. Yeah, the first draft pick will be the player you think will fuck you the most. Right. And then we're going to determine first pick by doing a little trivia, a little showdown time. Yeah, so we're going to do showdown time. Oh, we've got the gong. I knew we'd forget something.

Should we have everyone just yell gong? Oh, yeah. Does everyone just yell gong? Oh, no, not yet. Sorry, not yet. That was amateur hour. So, yeah, so we're going to do the draft order. We're each going to go a two-round draft here,

Giants and Jets players who are going to fuck us the most. So yeah, can everyone just yell gong? You know what? Oh! Oh, shit! Yes! Sanback and Siffon on it. We've really leveled up.

Wow. Wow, that was... That's impressive. All right, you have the trivia question. Yeah, so the trivia question, and please don't yell this if you knew it. We wanted a New York question that... We know in Hyphins doesn't know the answer. Definitely not.

And so the question we're going to ask is, how many islands are in New York City. Right. Because he didn't know any of the islands. I mean, I don't know this answer. I don't know the answer either. And I don't kind of don't, I feel uninitimated by trying to count them out to you. Why don't we give the answer and then we'll kind of explain a rationale? We want to just, you guys ready?

Yeah, sure. Do you want to do the showdown time? What? Do you want to do showdown time or no? Oh, yeah, do the, oh, I did it all out. I'm out of practice. It is the New York City Island Showdown time. Gone.

Yeah. Preseason for everyone. I could be, man, I could be way off here. I just have a number of my head. I'm just going to go. Three, two, one. Ten. Three.

Three. We just wrote World Trade yesterday. I was pointing that. All right, all right. Hold on. Hold on. Does Staten Island count? Yeah, the island did the fucking name.

Hold on, hold on. Does Long Island count? No. Not. In New York City? Not metro area. Holy fuck. No wonder people hate New Yorkers.

Jesus. I'm going to change my answer. You can't change your answer. No. You said three. Does Staten Island count? We don't know the answer yet. Five.

I mean, you guys both are 10. So how do we, does one of you want? Do you want out of 10? I'll, do you want to, you want out of 10 or south of 10? I'll go, I'm going to go. Is that I go? I'm going to north.

Because I can think of seven and I feel like I'm not. close. So you're saying you want more than 10? I'll go 11. Fine. You get 10. Okay. Well, great. Because the ones at Manhattan. Does anyone want to Google it real quick? How many islands are in New York City?

Let's get Grock on this. Are in... All right, what is Google Gemini, I think? 30 to 50. 30 to 50? That's not. Damn it. That's crazy.

Good thing I changed my answer. That's insane. Christ. Okay. I always forget Randle's Island. Yeah, that's whatever. 30's insane. Anyway.

So Staten Island does count. Shoot, right. If I said that, you all would never fucking forget. Well, I saw the ferry, so I probably should have guessed. So I'm actually curious. So it's going to go, I have it to me, D.K., I'm actually curious what your first pick is here. Yeah, I actually, second is probably a better pick.

So, again, we're drafting players that we think you'll look back in retrospectually. I think it's a two-man race at the top. Yeah, it's, no offense to the Jets fans. It's got to be between Brees Hall and Garrett Wilson up top. Yeah. I'm taking Preeze Hall for the Jets. I think Breasol's the number one player, the running back for the Jets. Who is clapping?

This is somber. Braylon Allen's family is here. Yeah, it's Braylon Allen's family is weird. But yeah, it's Braylon Allen. I mean, if you just kind of think about Braylon Allen, oh, sorry, Briseall, sorry, I'm already turned around. Breezall was like a top two, top five fantasy pick last year. And like, this is the thirst. This is the allure.

And you talk yourself into it before the draft. You're like, he was injured. Breeze Hall was hampered by Aaron Rogers. the Jets had the fewest rushing attempts in the NFL. They barely, the Jets were in the ball at a lowest rate in the entire NFL inside the red zone. And you're like, now you got Aaron Glenn coming in his head coach from the lions. They're going to run the ball like Detroit. Like, Breece Hall.

Yeah. Yeah, he's going in like, you know, give him that fourth or fifth round. Like, this is easy. And then the reality is, well, holy shit, this is going to be a three-man backfield rotation with Breece Hall, Braylon Allen and Isaiah Davis. If you think about it, Justin Field's going to make it like a four-guy rotation. And then it's, well, honestly, I just think Aaron Glenn's going to like Breelan Allen the most anyway.

Breast Hall has just got no juice. He's got no juice. I'm so sorry. Brayman Allen has juice. He had a knee injury. He's been hurt than two out of the three years. He's in the league. Then I don't want him for that reason either.

It's brutal. Also, Justin Fields dead last in the NFL and pass attempts to running backs. So it's like Brie's whole thing catching passes. I don't even know if that's going to happen with Justin Fields. So it's like, all right, so he's not going to get the goal line. That's either going to Fields or Braylin Allen. His targets are going to be lower than ever.

And he's juiceless. Juiceless. Why are we going to do? I don't care what round he's in. Oh, my God. Yeah, I think that's a trick. Here's how that your guys' theory is going to get fucked. Okay.

He's going to get traded. Hmm. And then he'll have no juice on a different team. Yeah. Imagine him on the Cowboys about juice. All right. Number two pick. Garrett Wilson.

He was my number one. Not going to lie. I snuck and stole him. The upside for Garrett Wilson this year, I don't even know what it is. To be quite honest, I'm like, if it didn't happen last year when they threw the third most attempts, Aaron Rogers had like the second or third most past 10th in the league, if it didn't happen last year, he was fourth in the NFL on targets.

Justin Fields, we've been joking when he was on the Bears. They ran the Navy offense. He ain't going to throw the ball a lot. Aaron Glenn does not want to throw the ball. I'm like, man, at least, I mean, Aaron Rogers, say what you will. He's probably more accurate than Justin Fields. He threw it way more than Justin Fields. I'm kind of like, I don't really see it in any scenario.

He's going as the wide receiver 15. this year, Garrett Wilson. It's going next to like Mike Evans, who's never not had as many yards as Garrett Wilson as in 10 years. Did you know? So I just worry they're going to be literally dead last in pass attempts

and then all the passes will also be bad. Right. You know what I mean? I'm like... In previous years, very important distinction is there was a lot of passes. They were all bad.

Now there's not a lot of passes and they're all bad. And they're all bad. So since Garrett Wilson entered the league, so three seasons, there's two players that have more target. than him right now. Devonte Adams and C.D. Lamb. Yeah.

And he's 13th in points in that time. It's like every year you go, he's like, so 2023, for instance, fourth in target rate, and he was the wide receiver 40. Garrett Wilson is one of those where when you hear people trying to talk them up, like even I wrote the fantasy football dotherner.com,

we have our rankings there, and we had to write upsides and downsides. And I remember I had Garrett Wilson, and I wrote the upside as he's a reunion. United with his college quarterback Justin Fields, which when that's like the lead analysis, like, dude, I pulled that out of my ass. Like there's nothing, like, there's no, like, there's no, like,

like, there's no, like, it's hard to even come up with a reason to be optimistic. When he had the DG Moore season with Chicago. I get, yeah. When Fields, uh, broke the quarterback, he still has that, right? The rushing record, was it 12, 1,500 yards? So Fields second most ever in a year,

Lamar 2019 is the most rushing yards ever for quarterback. Yeah. But Justin Fields' first full season as a starter, like the first year he's full starter, had more rushing yards than Michael Vic ever had in a single season. Right. That was 2022. That year that Justin Fields did that, he threw the ball 21 times a game. Last year, Rogers threw it 34 times a game.

That's what the Jets want. Like, I think that's what Aaron Glenn wants him to run the ball, or to throw the ball 21 times a game. So, I don't know. I don't know why he's right. Why does he're 15 in rankings? He ain't ours. I think, Breeze. Breeze. Breeze and Garrett, easy top two picks. D.K. Double tack, snake. Double-tapped snake draft right here.

Oh, he gets to go twice. I mean, I think the only one left here is Justin Fields, right? We just go with the Jets. Like, fuck the Jets. Sorry. This means they'll be great. Well, the reason is he's getting gassed up right now because of the running,

which is definitely a valid point. But I don't know. I just, the highlight reels of Justin Fields at Jets, OTAs, and training camp are rough. It's weird because I really like him coming in, like, when he was in the draft, very accurate, like, very confident throwing

down field, all that stuff. You see some of the throws from training camp, and you're like, has this guy ever thrown a football? He can't throw. Yeah, I think with Fields, the rushing is really cool when you're also a good passer. It's really cool when it's the appetizer. It's not as fun when it's the main course, and you're like, I need him to run for 100 yards to, like, have a good fantasy day. It's like ice cream for dinner every night over and over and over. And you're like, it was fun once, And now, I don't know. I also think he's probably just going to get hurt. Sorry.

I'm not rooting for that. No, but you're right. You're just sweating it out every game. Because you need him to run desperately, but then every time he does run, you're like, please don't get hurt. What? It's also funny because if any normal person just lists his analysis,

yeah, he's going to run all the time, he's going to get tackled all the time. It sounds dangerous. We love the Jets. We love the Jets. So who's your other pick, do you? You got fields there? Oh, I got two.

Let's see. It's relative to cost. I mean, Malik neighbors. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. Where's that cheering guy now? That was the longest, saddest,

grown I've ever heard. Oh. Why do you hate Malik neighbors? Go ahead. He has a foot injury and a back injury. Dude, I got to tell you, I'm just, yeah. The Giants are going to ruin this guy. I'm worried.

What do we say about back injuries? You never used to have a bad back. Yeah, right. So you're more worried about just him getting hurt than any quarterback stuff. Yeah, yeah. No, the quarterback situation doesn't really scare me that much. Obviously, I think it'd probably be better if Jackson Dart was quarterback because they'd probably be throwing more. How are the Jackson Dart vibes at the crowd?

Do we in? So high. Hell yeah. He's got aura dart. I mean, it's ironic because Jackson's, DART kind of has preseason Russell Wilson vibes from rookie year Russell Wilson Where everyone

Well, you get, no, no, no, no. He does. No. He's like fucking running around. If Russell Wilson had aura, yeah. Which he don't. Well, in his defense, at the time, we didn't know Russell Wilson was kind of like a loser.

He's married to a pop star. Yeah, but it's like... That's nothing. It's actually so impressive that he is married to a pop star and he has no aura. It doesn't. It's so hard to do. And everyone's like,

I thought it was, when he did the live stream... I'm like, yeah, I'm married to duly, but everyone's like, boring, so... No juice. It's pretty impressive out of rush. It's useless. No juice. He's got no juice. When he did the live stream, when he signed that big contract with the Bronco, or Seahawks

made extension, I forget what, and he did it in bed with Sierra. Sierra, yeah, yeah. And I was like... Hey, Seattle, man's like, I'm bad. I can't remember what he said. He's like, I'm bad. Mr. Unlimited. God.

And I was like, I don't know. I feel like, I don't know. I feel like it's weird that you're doing it from bed. like, I feel like if you really I don't know. I respect the attempt at it. What did he say? Get the fuck off this topic.

Neighbors. What did Russell Wilson say on that video? Do you guys remember? I think it was I'm back. Oh, for the Giants? I'm gonna look at. Because he has to have a new catch phrase. Go big blue or something?

Go big blue. What was the Steelers one? I don't even remember. I kind of blacked it out. He went to Primantes and said some shit. I don't know. Wrong was country. The ones Taylor's fan left.

Wait, but neighbors. I want to give you a stat on neighbors, D.K. Let's get off the Russell Wilson video you saw two months ago. I'm looking at it up. Okay. Unlimited. So bad. Mr. Unlimited.

Yeah, it's tough. I found the stat that I thought encapsulates what I felt about Millie Knavers, which is like the positive, which is neighbors in his first month with the Giants had 50 targets. Like they threw the ball to Malik Neighbors 50 times just in September. So if you just look at the first four, and there's only really good data we have for, like, the last like 25 years on targets by week. And if you just look at basically, who got 50 targets in September

in the first four seasons? That's like what Julio Jones got in the best season of his entire career when he had the second most receiving yards ever in a season. 50 targets in September is what Cooper Cup got when he won the Triple Crown. Malik neighbors got that literally in the first four games he ever played in the NFL.

Like I know he sound hyperbolic as Giants fan, but the Giants genuinely, probably, I can't prove the last 80 years, Cloist Box, 50s, But the Giants basically put more on Malik Neighbors to start. Like, you are the centerpiece of our offense, like Cooper Cup or Julio Jones, as a rookie. And that's basically never happened before. Like, that's how good Malik Neighbors was.

Brian Dayble put his entire job on the guy to start. And he immediately delivered. And he was incredibly. He looked like he belonged. Remember when we were drafting Marvin Harrison over him? I think the best take we had all of last year was that if Marvin Harrison Jr.'s name had just been like... Dave? Dave.

Chase Brown. Yeah. He would have, yeah, we wouldn't have thought it was close. But yeah, so the upside of the neighbors is crazy. But I don't like that he's like 22 years old and has had a toe injury since college, a shoulder issue he's already gotten over and now a back issue. And the season hasn't started. So in terms of just the first round picks, the talent's as high as any of these guys.

But yeah, we know he's going to have a quarterback change probably. So he's going to go from Russ to a rookie dart midseason. And he's also the injuries. And I'm like, yeah, of all the giants, like, of all the first round picks, I'd be the least. Like, what if he just, I don't know, hurts his other toe. And now we can't know. Yeah. It's him in Pugunuku,

I guess. They're just injury concerns. Because, yeah, with what Malik neighbors was able to do last year with Daniel Jones and Tommy DeVito and Drew Locke, like Russell Wilson and Jackson Dart are upgrades. The DeVito era was electric. Yeah.

The DeVito era cost the Giants Jaden fucking Daniels. Don't think about it. Where's my brother? You fucking cheered for those goddamn wins, you moron. You wanted it. He was so excited about fucking Tommy DeVito, I told you was going to cost you fucking Drake May.

God. No one listens to me. Hyfitz, you did it too. I did it during the games, but that was like the flesh is weak. I was aware consciously, this was bad idea. Look at this. He's kidding. The game's ended and I was like, that was bad. It's good. Whatever.

Vane in his forehead. Anyway, all right, he's got neighbors. Craig, who's your pick here? I guess, we're kind of getting down to the bottom of the barrel here. I guess I'll pick Tyrone and Tracy, which means I'm pro scataboo. I don't know.

It's like he's a fifth round. He was a fifth round guy last year as a rookie. He played well. I would say overachieved. But like they go in, they draft scataboo. I think if anyone's going to take off in this offense, it's going to be scataboo. I mean, he's like an extremely prolific college player. I think Tyrone Tracy is a good one B.

And, you know, I just think the upside's pretty limited. I think he's a solid player. But like, I'm not sure if he's going to be the guy that wins you your league. So it's probably not worth a pick compared to a guy like Scataboo. who I think actually could win your league. I'm going the other way. Oh. I kind of think Tracy is the buy right now.

Over Scataboo? What's that? Over Scataboo? Yeah. I think he's been kind of their starter of the whole preseason. Obviously Scataboo is hurt right now, which is always...

Well, he's back now, but he was hurt. Oh, okay. It's a hammy, right? Yeah. Don't like that. Torn hammy, technically. Tor his hammy. That's what you know?

Yeah. Just ripped it. It's ripped it right off. And Tracy has more experience. Yeah. I think just it's... Craig, I'm supposed to dismissive thing. I guess, yeah.

It's like a six-year vet, but yeah. Don't get mad at me. Okay, no, you're right, you're right, right. I agreed with Craig like two weeks ago, but now I agree with D.K. Oh, exactly. I agree, like, I'm trying... Because Scadabu's been out for the last month. If you're talking about who's going to fuck you, like, I kind of think

Scadaway was in time bothers me. Because my original thesis... Who's going to fuck you was relative? It's like where you're drafting Tyrone Tracy. I don't even think it's possible for him to defend. That's fair. You're taking Tracy over like Ricky Pairsoll or Matthew Golder, those guys. I'm like, that's probably a bad idea. I'd rather throw the dart on Scataboo. But like Scat, I will say Scataboo, I still can't get over this.

Kim Scataboo at Arizona State, if you don't know, he had more scrimmage yards than Ash and Gentie in college last year. He led the nation and touches. He could run. He can catch. He can block. He can throw. They can kick. He can fly. You'd fly. You ran with that. Yeah. Well, he's the only guy since McCaffrey to have over 1,600 yards rushing and 600 yards receiving. And he got the I think it's ever. I think it's ever. He got the IV and threw up in a trash can and then kept playing, which I haven't seen since DK, like 20 minutes before we went on stage.

Well, that's kind of a good idea, the IV before the show. Let's try that. Elizabeth, write that down for next time. I will say, to button this all up, I was like trying to make Scataboo a thing, and then I realized at the end of the day, he's a fourth-round rookie,

who, while I believe in him long term, was so slow, he didn't run a 40th at the combine. I don't care. And they pulled his hamstring. I don't know. He's the poster child for the disregarding all stat nerd, spark score, crap, and being like, I watch that guy, he's awesome.

He's all vibes. He's super likable. He's going to be good. Yeah. I don't give a shit if he runs a 4-7. She'd cast him as Ajax and the alien or whatever from Christopher Nolan's filming. I'm in. I just like him. He's all vibes. In the 14th round, I'm going to be like, well, his spark score was low, so I'm not going to draft him. I'm going to take Canstattaboo.

I didn't bring up his spark score, right? I bet you know it. I was thinking it. So, real quick here, before we get off the giant. to Jets to talk about like the other 30 teams. I do want to just, we got an email here from, you didn't write your name. Oh, no, Kelly.

Kelly. Kelly. Capeone. Yeah. Kelly. Caleb's one of the best ones. The only woman in the crowd, that's crazy. Blink twice if you need help. Kelly says, I basically raw dog eat breakfast.

I don't eat breakfast. Okay. Wow, it's wild. Okay. Raw dog. breakfast time. Kelly says, given Jackson Darts been playing well, do you think he's still an option to stream on waivers or do I need to draft

him late? Draft him. No, you could probably pick him up. It depends on the type of league, I guess. One quarterback league, no. One quarterback league, I really don't think they play him for two months unless they giant suck because, again, like, the schedule sucks. Yeah. There's no, like, realistic

place to kind of ease him into the schedule until, like, week 12, but that feels so long. If Brian Dable puts Jackson Dard in, when it's Eagles, Broncos, Eagles, I'm going to fucking kill. Eagles, Broncos, Eagles. That's what the Steelers did with Kenny Pigget, right? Yes. Ruined his career.

Yeah, he would have been great. Come to think of it. We were actually talking about Kenny Pickett. Would have gone pro if coach didn't hate me. Yeah. For sure. He's doing all in the Browns right now, I think. All right, let's do a little, we're going to do a little segment here,

which is a favorite ours, which is name brand off brand. The people now. The people love. Really scattered individual woos. Thank you. Yeah. smattering of cheers. So we're going to just go through a bunch of players

and we're just going to tell you like, you know, there's a name brand version and then the store brand version it's a little cheaper and sometimes it's basically just as good. So, you know, Craig, why don't you? Yeah, so my first one here. So my name brand is going to be Joe Burrow and T. Higgins on the Bengals. And my off brand is going to be Dak Prescott

and George Pickens. This is like when you're at TSA pre-check and you look over at the regular security line and it's like shorter. fucking everyone's pain TSA precheck, why? You know what I mean? Like, they just passed the law you don't even have to take your shoes off

in the regular line anymore. So what's the point? You don't take your laptop out? Do you really not? No, you don't. You don't take your shoes off? When did that start? Like a month ago.

Fuck. Yeah. It's like when you're driving and you're changing lanes, you get lane envy. You're like, look over and like that lane looks shorter. That's how I felt.

And I think that is honest, I think the Cowboys this year could be the 2024 Bengals, but you get them for half the price. I think they could lead the league in passing. I think Dak Prescott is going to just air it out to Pickens and C.D. Lamb. I mean, you look back at last year, and the Bengals, they scored 472 points. And people are like, oh, my God, the Bengals air it out, all these points.

The Cowboys, the year before that, had 30 more points. They were first in the NFL, 509 points in 2023. Yeah. And I'm like, I actually think it's kind of the same situation, but you can get, you know, Dak Prescott's going 60 picks later, and Pickens is going 30 picks later than Higgins and Burrow. And we've seen Dak do it. We've seen it happen. Jack was a top five quarterback two years ago.

So I'm like, this is just the cheap bangles right now. Do you think Pickens has pre-check? No way. No way. Do you think he was organized enough to schedule that meeting? He forgets his bag. Just imagine the interview. Imagine picking up, like some Uber driver,

pick up George Pickens, go to the airport. Like, yeah, I'm going to my pre-check meeting. I don't know. Have you heard of that story about Kieran Colkin, about his flights? You know, Kieran Culkin, the guy who played Roman Rod in succession. He just shows up to his flight without a ticket, without a boarding pass. he shows up 20 minutes before, walks up to the front and goes, I think I have a flight soon.

My name's, my name's Kieran Colkin. They look him up and they're like, yeah, you do. They like print out his boarding pass. He's like, when you're late, they just kind of escort you to the front of the line. And that's what he does every time. Wow. Should we do that tomorrow? Flying to the light tomorrow.

I'm really jealous at this Bengals Cowboys take. Because it's not just fantasy. These are the same teams. It's actually weird. There's just old Bill Parcell's quote that you never pick up where you left off. The Bengals are the best. candidate I can never remember to pick up exactly where they left off of the offense firing on all cylinders. The defense sucks ass. The borough, the burrow sack in preseason? Scared you?

Jesus Christ. Also, I was kind of like, what are you doing, Joe? Throw the ball away. You know what I mean? He scrambled around. He's never played in the precincts. It is. No. If he didn't see it, he scrambled around like three or four times. Like it was like Russell Wilson thing. And then he ran like, oh, 30 yard loss. He like ran backwards, like get away from me. It was almost a safety. It was like a 30 yard loss. Three guys jumped on him. Yeah. Not great.

He's a skinny dude. But I feel like if you're going to have, and this is one of the reasons I think DAC is a really good late round quarterback option too, which is to your point. To have a really good fantasy, one of the reasons it's hard to predict which pocket passer will be the best fantasy quarterback is the same reason just who it's hard to predict who will lead the league in yards.

It's because if you're winning a lot, you're not throwing for a lot of yards. It's the weird circumstance of who's going to need to, whose defense is going to suck so much that a good enough quarterback is going to have to throw to win every game. And the Cowboys and Bengals are the same team where they're built around DAC, like a quarterback who's like this old-school Peyton Manning-S directing everything thing,

calling the predictions to the line, two elite receivers that are going to funnel the entire game. Not an awesome running game, at least in Dallas. And then on defense, Cowboys and Bengals cannot stop the run, and their cornerbacks suck. And so to your point, yeah, they're probably going to lead the league and plays and pass attempts at completions,

which they built. I think it's a really good call. And it's just nice when you've seen it before. You can, you know, teams like the Falcons, you're like, oh, they could air, out, penics, all this stuff. It's all projection. It's hypothetical. Yeah, with the Cowboys, they're a little bit more secure. DK, give us a name brand, off brand.

All right, I'm going to go with the name brand is Lions running back, Jemir Gibbs. The off brand is the, you know, just the darling of NFL preseason football, Travion and Henderson of the Patriots. Stylistically similar. The name brand, off brand example I'm going to use here back in 1998, for some reason, Hollywood decided to make two separate movies about asteroids hitting Earth. One of them was Armageddon, which is like an instant classic. I asked you guys, what's the line that you think of from Armageddon,

the first thing that comes to your mind? They got space dementia. Oh, really? He says this Steve Buscemi, the guy who gets shot by the Joker and the Dark Night turns to see Buscemi. He's like, he's got space dementia. I don't remember that one. No one knows that one. It's the quietest interest in the crowd.

Case dementia, because I don't remember that. But is it weird? I always think about the director's commentary clip of Ben Affleck. Like drunkenly, and like, why would they ever teach drillers to be astronauts and not astronauts to be drillers? Astronauts could figure out how to drill a hole. I always think of Ben Affleck singing, my bags are packed, I'm not going to hold. I can't sing.

Anyway, the other one, some people may remember, was deep, Impact, which... There's like no woos. A movie I have not seen. Sixth highest grossing movie of the year. Did anybody actually watch this movie? Is it good? Does anybody think it's better than Armageddon?

Good? Hell yeah. Buddy said it was good. One guy. That's the internet. One guy says something. And in real life, you're like, that's not that many. Listen, this movie... This movie had a lot of fucking stars in it.

Robert Duval. Morgan, fucking Freeman, as mentioned. It was produced by Steven Spielberg. Whoa. Whoa. Dad, I told you to stop talking. It grossed over 300 million.

Anyway. A better time. I haven't actually seen it. And that's kind of how I feel about Traveon Anderson. We haven't seen it. We haven't seen it. We've only seen the trailer. Yeah, right. We've seen the trailer.

Yeah. Trailer are fucking rips. Trailer. Yeah. My God. So you think Travion will make a deep impact this year on the Patriots? Yeah. Wait, what? I didn't hear.

I said, so you think Trayvion Henderson will make a deep impact on the Patriots this year. That was worth the second one, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, again, similar styles. We have a lot of question marks about the Lions' offense with them switching offensive coordinators. Shit, what the fuck? Don't spill water on your mic. Whoops. Sorry, I lost my train of thought.

Craig, because I was going to try and open this. Why are you opening it right now? In the middle of your... Craig, will you open this for me? Yeah. Thank you. These are huge. What are you even...

That's what she said in the crowd. I heard it. Anyway, okay. Anyway, they're both pure sex. They're both pure sex as running backs, deep impact, if you will. Okay. Yeah, that's all.

That's all I got. Do you want me to give more? Yeah. No, okay. Oh, no, no. We don't know what the offense is going to look like without Ben Johnson. The offensive line is kind of in flux right now with the Lions. And then obviously on the other hand, I'm kind of excited about the Patriots

offensive line right now. Their rookie Will Campbell on the left side has looked really good in the preseason. There's Jared Wilson, their third rounder, has gotten a lot of hype so far. Like, they could be, they could make a huge job. off offensively. And you can obviously get Trayvon Henderson quite a bit later than Jimmy Gibbs' first pick overall in some leagues. Yeah, do you

think Trayvion is the most popular sleeper in fantasy football right now? Yeah, him in and him. So he's not really that off-brand? No, it's... Well, he is in the sense that you're getting him a lot later. He did make $300 million and was directed or no, produced by Steven Spiel. Yeah, Henderson produced by Spitz. My name brand

off-brand, this one's pretty simple. It's just basically my name brand is George Kettle. He's the tight end for the 49ers. And George Kittle is like Matt Damon in the Jason Bourne movies. And then my off brain is Tyler Warren, the tight end for the cults.

And you know how they couldn't get Matt Damon to make a fourth Jason Bourne movie? I'm not doing another one. So they got Jeremy Renner. Let's just get Renner. He'll do it. That's Tyler Warren. Jeremy Renner is offbrown. Matt Damon is really good.

I got to say, man, they tried with Renner. Renner's like the 90s bills. He's like, they threw him. They threw him, Mission Impossible. They threw him born. They gave him a Marvel superhero. None of them worked. They put him in tag, that comedy.

He broke both of his hands, and they had to CGI his hands for the rest of the movie. It's never worked. You know that there was a Hawkeye TV show? I had no idea. Six episodes in 2021. You serious? Somebody saw it. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure I watched that, and I don't remember anything. So Jeremy Renner, before various other things happened in his life, I wrote an entire article for The Ringer about how he had his own app. It was the Jeremy Renter app. And I thought it was the weirdest thing ever. How much did the app cost? Why are people wooing?

Seek help. I downloaded it. Dude, it was so fucked up. You can an app, Craig. It was honestly kind of like, it was kind of like true social before its time. It was like Jeremy Renner, it was just, honestly, it was like if Kim Jong-Ud made Facebook, but it was just about him. You were only allowed to post

on Jeremy's wall about Jeremy. It was crazy. It was like Matt Damon coming back for Bourne is sad. Tom Cruise needs to give it up already. What was it? Jeremy Renner shot in 18? Exactly, yeah.

Gave it up too easy to play off. 18 hole in a row, yeah. D.K., give us another name brand offer. Oh, you're done with Warren and Kittle. I like that one. That was good. Yeah, well, I think of Tyler Warren's really simple. if Kittle's expensive to get, which he will be,

and I think Kittal's a great player to get. But you can't because people like great tight ends. The other Warren is, Tyler Warren, like the new NFL Combine site is like NFL Combine AQ and they have a production score. Tyler Warren's like the 98th percentile for production in college of every tight end ever. Like Tyler Warren was the only player

in the Power 5 conferences last year to have 100 catches. He's a fucking tight end. He tied the record for most catches in a game ever by a tight end. Like Tyler Warren, frankly, because he has long hair, people think he can block, but he can't. He's a receiver. And so, like, it's just this weird thing. Like, long hair, shocking kiddle, he can block.

He can't. He's a fucking wide receiver, and he's going to be a colds. He also had, like, 200-something yards rushing. Yeah, and, yes, he can throw. And Daniel Jones, you're a Giants fan, you know. The whole offense was, no one figured out. It's just going to bootleg throw to Daniel Bellinger the tight end for half a season. It's just going to be all these throws of Tyler Warren.

So I think he's the best chance at a tight end that's going to be a top five guy for the rest of the season. So that's my Tyler Warren pitch. It's a great call. He checks a lot of boxes because it's like, for a tight end to pop, He needs to have basically no strong competition, which he doesn't. And he needs to play all the time. And you've already seen it in the preseason. They've had 35 snaps with the first team office, and he's played 34 of them.

So he checks all the boxes. It's like after Bowers, McBride and George Kittle, I do think he has the best chance to be the fourth guy. Out of all those later round tight ends. Do you have another name brand off brand, Craig? Well, I do think we should probably talk about it's actually not name brand off brand. I want to talk about Daniel Jones and Anthony Richardson. it's off-brand, off-brand? So Shane Steig and the coach of the Colts

recently chose Daniel Jones to start over Anthony Richardson, which is like, okay. You know, this is like... This is like retiring your motorcycle to drive around a 1979 Ford Pinto. You know, it's like, I guess this is better. I had to explain this joke to Craig.

He told me to pick that car. I was too young to understand the Ford Pinto. I was going to say like a 94 Honda Accord, and he was like, no, no. 97 Pinto If you're trading in a very dangerous vehicle For another very dangerous vehicle It's got to be the 1979 Ford Pinto

Which for those of you are too young Was known for being really explodey You mean literally exploding Like it would explode a lot There was a lot of explosions If anyone saw the movie top secret Any top secret fans out here There was a bit in the movie

You guys haven't seen that movie It's fucking great It's no idea It's Val Kilmer's like how he broke into the industry game. It's like really funny. It's total slapstick, weird. But there's a scene where it's like in Nazi Germany and something like one of the, one of the not. Is that jelly the bear?

Jelly! Wait a minute. Whoa. Did he escape? I can see the zipper. I can see the snap. Come on. What the hell is the thing on the head?

There's a literal zipper. He's a literal zipper. moving like a 20 year old bear. Yeah, it looks like a 20 year old bear. Oh my God. Not so hard is in Essex. We can do it too, all right? Not that hard to make a fake magic.

A little bit of movie magic. Jelly! All right. I got a bear guy. That was weird. Yeah. That was crazy. Really polite bear.

Yeah. Wearing loafers. Yeah. Very stylish bear. Yeah, those are nice. The bear's caught up on all the current trends. I feel like I should finish my top secret story. Oh, God.

You want to talk about Jelly to Bear? Literally, the bear tried to save you from finishing the story. I'm drowning out here, Bear. The bear was like Top Secret, Val Kilmer? Anyway, a Nazi car, like barely touches a Pinto, and it goes like, and it's like, p-f! Anyway, so that's the joke. I explained it to you.

And that's Daniel Jones. Thank God we came back to that. But more importantly, watch Top Secret. great movie. DK, how do you feel about Stike in choosing Daniel Jones over Anthony Richardson? I think, I don't know. I think it's dumb. Like, Daniel Jones looks exactly like he's always looked at, well, his whole career, basically.

But I think it's like they're trying to go for the floor play, right? Like he can run our offense or whatever. But I just keep coming back to the thing, like the year in which Daniel Jones got his big money extension, like $100 million plus dollars. 160. He had 15 passing touchdown. People physically recoiling. That's high. It was that high, really?

He only played 16. Wait, what did you say his record was after he started? I love this. I mean, the Steelers have been shit for 10 years. Daniel Jones signed a four-year $160 million deal, and after that he only played 16 games for the Giants. So 16 games for $160 million. He won three of them.

So he got paid. I said, you know, not really, but he was getting paid $10 million a year to go three and 13. Yeah. $10 million is a game. $10 million a game. That sounds better, yeah. 15 passing touchdowns, that big season. I just want to say for context, for context.

That was so dry of you. Derek Carr. 15, that big year. Derek Carr threw 15 passing touchdowns last season in 10 games. And the city of New Orleans hated him so much. He retired. He's announcing football games now. When he retired, everyone was like, thank God.

I'm sorry you feel bad for Derek. I just don't, what's Stuygens play here? Because it's like, all right, best case scenario, you like go nine and eight sneak into a wildcard round? Is that like enough to save your job? I think, I mean, I think they either think Richardson needs a fire owner's ass, but I think in reality they're thinking they need to win games. Like, you know what's funny?

Top of your head, how many games do you think the Colts won last year? Because you think it was a day. They won nine. Yeah, or eight. But yeah, they went eight and nine. You're like, all we talk about is negative shit. And they're like, well, they were one game for my winning, like a winning season. Isn't that more of an argument to go with Richardson?

No, he probably just sucks that much. Like, it's like Survivor. My friend, like, I was kind of like, why did this guy win? And they choose the other guy. And you're like, we are seeing so little. It's like they're making this decision with so much more time spent around these people that if they're not choosing Anthony Richardson, he really must suck. Yeah.

Like, there's no other way to say it. I'm sorry. Just one problem, happy. Yeah. Not any good. Not any good. You have a Dale Jones? So, with that said, I think that's all we got for name brand, off brand.

I got one more. Oh, okay. Do we need to move on or can I do mine? We can do whatever we want. Go ahead. Yeah, right. It's our fucking show. That's fair.

That's fair. Okay, so my name brand off brand, I'm pretty proud of this one. I'm going to pander to my geriatric millennial crowd here. If there are, yeah. Okay, so name brand, Chase Brown of the Bengals. Off brand, Chuba Hubbard. Of the Panthers. That's not the pandering.

Okay, so name brand, peak era Facebook. Facebook has a bad rap now. I get it. But it was pretty cool. It was like pretty sleek, exclusive back in the day. You had to have like a specific email address, like college email address to use it. And it made photos a thing.

Like I think photos, the reason you could do photos in Facebook, it was like that was a game changer and basically, you know, It took over the space, and then the off-brand was peak era MySpace. I actually went to MySpace today, so that was pretty fun. How was it? Myspace. Did you ever do MySpace? No.

You never had a MySpace? Really? No. What? Why is that bad? I'm shocked you did. Why? I'm kind of shocked, too, actually.

Really? I don't know. I don't know. I thought it was gone by the time you guys. All right. If you're between 30 and 33, did you have a MySpace? Yeah. Come on.

What about 30? Wow, okay. Anyway, MySpace. Top friends. Yeah. You could put a song in your profile. That was cool. You could add a seizure-inducing background skin.

You could send people gifts of shooting stars and sparkly text that said, thanks for the ad. Or happy birthday. And you got to rank your friends, which was just brutal. And you had your top eight or whatever. And you would rank your friend. It would probably change depending on the mood. Did anybody else, like, there was a whole thing where if you didn't want to have to, like, pick your top friend and make another friend jealous.

Everybody would just put Tom as their top friend. The only guy who ever figured out how to do life, that guy, take your $800 million and never be seen ever again. Tom. Fucking legend. That was the other thing I was going to say is the person who started Myspace, arguably not a monster. So, unlike Chase Brown. That piece of shit. Fuck, Chase.

Piece of shit. Okay, here's my take on these two players. So obviously, we like Chase Brown so much. He's a good player, but the big thing is he has incredible volume, right? Like, volume is king. He's on the field all the time. Right. So last year, after Chase Brown became the starter for the Bengals until the end of the season,

these are the numbers. Chase Brown's snap rate, Chuba Hubbard 80, or sorry, Chase Brown snap rate, 78%, Chuba Hubbard 85. Chuba Hubbard had the whole backfield for the Panthers last year. Chase Brown, rushing yards, 760, Chuba Hubbard, 802. Chuba Hubbard, sorry, Chase Brown, Scrimmage Yards, 98 a game, Chuba Hubbard a little less, 89. If you look at the stats, like Chuba Hubbard basically just comes in a little bit behind Chase Brown in everything except for touchdowns. And so I think, obviously, we're pretty bullish on the Panthers next year.

I think their offense is going to be a lot better than it was last year. And Chase Brown is just a whole lot more expensive. He's the RB11 right now. I was probably going up. By the time people draft maybe like even higher. And Chuba Hubbard, you know, he's quite a bit the ways down the list. So I just think he's a great value that the Panthers did add my boy Rico Dowdle in the offseason. So you might not have like 85% of the snaps or whatever, but he's still going to get probably the most valuable ones.

I actually like this one. Like I'm not just trying to be funny. That's good. Yeah. So yeah. I could tell when you said your boy Rico Dowdell. I was like, whoa. This guy's locked in.

I keep thinking about Chase Brown now as Mark Zuckerberg. He started wearing a chain. Who is Eduardo Savarin then? Zach Moss? Yeah. He's like, you fucked me out of the Bengals. He kicked me out. Cut.

Yeah. All right, well, yeah, there you go. Chuba Hubbard is Tom from Facebook. Tom from MySpace. MySpace was kind of underrated. Kind of overrated or underrated? I like, I like, MISP. Is it underrated or were you just younger and had more hair

when you were using MISC? What was your, do you remember? Like, what was? Oh, people thought that was mean. Yeah, thank you. Low bow. Fuck. Lost the crowd.

All right. Shit. Thank you. Thank you. What was your song on Facebook on your profile? On my space on your profile. Oh, God. Do you remember?

On my myspaces. I don't know. Probably something like... What were you into? I was kidding to say My Chemical Romance. Yeah. Or something like that. Teenagers?

Yeah. No, not by My Chemical Romper. The early stuff. I knew it before you. Impop? MBO. I don't know. Stop.

All right, that's all we got for name brand, our friend. Yeah. I want to, thank you. Thanks, Jelly. Hyphids did say that like a deserved applause. He's like, that's all we got for name brand. I didn't tell D.K. or Craig, I'm going to do this. Because I just didn't realize that my dad was, oh, did he leave his shit?

He's putting away his computer. What are we doing here? Oh, is he there? Oh, he's gone. Oh, well, dad, you missed your chance. All right. I was going to ask my dad if you'd tell us about the process of how he discovered Joe Burrow. So let me know if it comes back

Because you guys Like you have to hear it from him But for now we're going to do some emails Emails emails emails So Thank you everyone to wrote in and emailed in And I want to start with And again thank you to the people who included their breakfast

Which is saying we're trying to get going off the ground here I love it I love reading every single one So this one is from right on the back Crystal Crystal Seabone Two women in the audience is crazy It could be a K

Cape bone, possibly. No, it's a C-bone. Oh, Crystal in the front. You guys got the same Super Bowl 42 shirt, I think. God damn right. This is original, baby. Anyway, Crystal wrote, hey guys, I have coffee and love a solid breakfast sandwich. Bacon again cheese, hold the bacon, it says.

No, that's, she says... Delicious. This is great. My low-stakes conspiracy theory is that my colleague, who I see on Microsoft teams, every day. My theory is my colleague only owns one blue button down shirt.

Yes. I see it every day. He's from Belgium. Maybe that's a thing there. And why does every man in corporate America and abroad love a blue shirt? It's just so versatile. An Oxford blue.

You can do anything with it, really. This is a real thing. I'm not going to lie when I was like an intern in L.A. I definitely had like two nights. shirts. Yeah. How often do you see him wearing the shirt? Every day. Every day. I was like picturing, I think it's one of those, it's like one of those things like when you go to the barber, you just like snap on the like cloak or it. It's like it's just like the top. It cuts off right here.

Midriff. Oh like that commercial for John Clayton back to the day. Right. Yeah. Slayer. Mom. Mom, I'm talking about my segment. Oh, that's great. What's weirder that he wears the same one every day or that he has six of the exact same shirt. The same one every day is actually weirdly more understandable. Because the six implies he knows he needs more, but just did the six, which is like, weirder. That's

a great theory. She's probably right. I mean, yeah. As people who are on we're on video now all the time. Yeah. As one of the three of us, the people that are on, I'm like, man, I hope no one's making fun of my clothes on a podcast. As people theoretically, hypothetically,

a 15-day work trip will recording 10 episodes. Yeah, I wonder about repeat the clothes. This one is from who the fuck wrote handsome Bob? Come on. Called yourself handsome. H-bone. Should we make him stand up? That's rude. We like, no. We better know.

Can we spotlight him? Yeah, we have spotlight. Where the fuck is Bob? Is this like the ironic thing? Like when you... Oh, stand up. Where the fuck is Bob? Bob, where are you? Find him. Is he handsome? My God. Look at that. Chiseled job. Bob's low-stakes

conspiracy theory is that Craig's story about getting offered a volleyball scholarship is bullshit. That's so funny. Prove it. Prove it. Do you have the letter? Where's your letter of intent? I have it framed at home. I don't. It's in Canada. No, it was College of the Redwoods. It was like a fake school.

I got a letter from them. It's even better. Inquiring about my volleyball skills and it's barely a school. It's such a lame school that I feel like if I were to make that up, I would have picked the cooler school. Or is it so... No, it sounds like... No, all right, let me get this straight.

You were offered a scholarship by College of the Redwoods, and your high school was California High School. That is true. The fakesest shit I've ever heard. Go Grizzlies. We just also stole the Cal Berkeley logo.

The Grizzlies? Jelly. A bear. Hold on. What's the College of the Redwood's mascot? It's probably... It's probably Redwood, bro. It's in...

Probably is a bear. It's Staten Island and Ireland? Does that count? It's Staten Island and Ireland. The Corsairs? What's a Corsair? Corsairs. Like a pirate.

Oh, Corset is what you wear in Pirates of Caribbean. Never been to Singapore. I know. Close enough. She's fine. Fuck me. All right. This one, this email is from,

they didn't write their name down good because it was going to make fun of you. Fun fact, I'm an extra happy Gilmore, too. That's cool. But I read this because you said your... Doesn't matter. He was an extra and happy Gilmore, too. He was an extra and happy Gilmore.

That matters what you're talking about. Not why I read it. I read it because they said their breakfast is peanut butter on eggs. To you, bro? There's a guy in the front row going on the eggs. Did you mean peanut butter and eggs? How do you even get the consistency of the eggs to be able to smooth? I need to know.

I feel like the peanut butter is just going to be sliding around on time. How did he like his eggs in this scenario? It's got to be like ditched. Oh, God. Hoached. How do you even do that? He makes a peanut butter holland-dust? He says on toast.

That's actually... What do you mean? He does eggs and peanut butter on toast. We forgot that. He should have wrote on toast. Wouldn't have... Sort of cut both ways. I wouldn't have read that one, but...

These guys get really mad about what you put on shit. Anyway. Peanut butter and eggs. This one is from... This one's from Bill. Billy. Bill. Bebo.

Bill's breakfast is oatmeal and a protein shake cool. Bill says... I love it. Bill wrote my name is actually Bill. His legal name is just Bill. I love this. Wait. His full name, like his given...

My name is actually Bill. How old is he? Do we know? 31, he wrote it. 31-year-old named Bill. 31. The only 30-year-old named Bill. I love it. So he says, my parents are first generation,

and at the time, Bill Clinton was president during my press. My parents did not know that Bill was a nickname for William. So Bill is my government name. Is this Bill Scarsgard? Bill Scarsgard out there? Bill Scarscard. So he says, I met one other Bill in, like, my 30,

in the same age as me, my entire life. And he told me he had the exact same story. Really? The parents are like, all right, we can't go wrong with Bill. Bill Wright's the name of the president. That's got to play. That's really funny.

The CMO's from Jesse. J-Fi. Choose our draft order. Jesse, Emily, Andrew D. Amanda. Oh, there's a lot of names. Wait, choose the draft order. We're going to choose the draft order for their league. The women go first because they came to the show.

You didn't even read the names. Oh, sorry. Well, Jesse, Emily, Andrew, Amanda. Sammy, Dan. You know, when I read this in the green room, I didn't realize how hard it would be to explain this. Name your 12 brothers. Yeah. I'm kind of like,

Departed, sorry. You know what? We'll email you. I'm not going to do this one. Can we just pick first pick? What? Let's just pick first pick. Yeah.

Holly, Holly, I don't see Holly a lot. Yeah, we'll go with Holly. And dead last is Dan. I got enough fucking Danny in my life. You know what I mean? He can be less. I like the 12-1 turn.

Yeah. That's true. We may have just. Gave Dan a title there. I wanted 12. This is from Eli. Oh. Eli.

E. Bone. E. Pie. What is your... What is your favorite? O E. Pie was what Eli Manning's mother calls Eli Manning. All right, relax. E. Pie? Like, E. Pie.

Paid E. Pi. That's what you call. Do you call him that in your dreams? Sometimes. Yeah. That's a nickname. That's a nickname. That's a NIC. You want me two Super Bowl.

Yeah. friend of Ben Solac. And I know your cousin is here too, because he texted us. Ben's cousin is here, yeah, Steeler fan. Shouts. Wait, he gave us the name. Hold on. He'll be the cousin probably is the kid.

It looks like the nerd in the NFL Plus commercials. So you can find them. Where is he? The Ben's Solek memory is easily when... Zach? Zee bone. What's up, Zach? My favorite Solek thing was easily when he didn't know any members of the Beatles.

Yes. I'm close. And he said Ringo Star. Ringo. Ringo star was good. I mean, look, when I heard the Go-Birds early on in the show. I was just like, ah, love Solek, Miss Solek.

Go birds. I would choose when Solac and I used to gang up on Hyphitz for the funny things he would say. Like Maestro. Sollac, like, he just gets, like, people riled up. He's really good at just, like,

going. Dude, he was like, when I said, what did I, myester? I cast the Maestro play call. And it's Maestro, whatever, and I, whatever. On the grand scale is not the worst one you got. It's not English. No, no. fucking different language. Yeah, but the

Hafe, it's for the hundred millionth time it's because you defend it like that. Just say, oh, I messed up. It's a word in Spanish.

Life is easier when you just say, ah, that's my bad. Sonny is worse. Fuck that. Sonny is really. Sonny and Cher is bad. Sonny is the worst one.

How is that possible? Sonny Corleone? Sonny. Sonny? I just thought Marlon Brando was talking weird. I thought he was saying it wrong.

I don't know. Oh my God. I don't know. Fuck, this is from Jennifer. Jen, Jaybone. Wow. I ate a Trader Joe's egg sandwich for breakfast. Okay, cool.

I like that. I wonder if you put peanut butter on it. I love it. I felt like you was like clowning that. I like that. What song would Taylor Swift choose to sing the Super Bowl halftime show if she did it? Which, for those who don't know,

we do believe the conspiracy theory that when the Kelsey, she dropped the district. We actually do believe that she's going to be the halftime show this year, and they're going to announce it like that's five weeks. And I thought my take... Wait, this is what song would she open with? What would she open with? Which I feel like it would be an era's tour

where one song per era, so I feel like it's just either like love story to start or love story to end. I got an idea. Do you belong with me music video? It could be heard, like, well, if Travis isn't in the game, do you think Travis shows up on stage?

If Serena Williams dance for Kendrick, then like, yeah. They do the like, you know, the love actually like writing on the science thing from the music video, her and Travis? But would Kelsey agree to that? when it's like you're not in the game and you're there, it's kind of like loser energy.

Yeah, it is kind of loser energy. You belong with me. It was my thought. Do you have a thought? I think Love Story. I think Love Story would be first or last. E.K.? Ooh, can he name it to Laura Swift song?

Bad blood. Okay. Congratulations. I have zero reason to say that. I don't know why. We got an email here from Baldi? Bebon. All right.

Baldi. What rank would Jelly the Bear have in the military? First off, we got to figure out what service he's in. Air Force, Army, Marines, Navy. Based on that, he'd be like... This is not a Coast Guard, right? I don't know. Peaky Blinders, he's like a tunneler.

I love D.K., he's not a Coast Guard, obviously. That wouldn't make any sense. Stupid. You're right, he's in the Air Force. He's a diesel mechanic. He just, like, knows how to fix boats. I don't know what he'd be, but he wouldn't do a good job. He's lazy.

Yeah, what's the rank where once you become a certain age, you just fucking mail it in? Podcaster. I don't know. Rank? Master Sergeant. Sorry, I don't know. I thought you said Master Chief for a second. I was going to get mad about Halo, but also, D.K. made fun of me because he was like, you level levels by Avichy.

And I was like, every 1 30 loves levels by Vichy. It's our stairway to heaven. That's pretty good, actually. I understand now. It's your smells like teen spirit. Sure. What? I got an audible.

Oh, my God, that was awesome. Do you think? This is like my nightmare, an audible. What? Dead silent. Do you think our children? 30 years from now we'll think levels is lame. Is that a guarantee?

Or would they be like, this is... Yeah, because it's like... We were like, no, you understand. No one had, like, made electronic music before. It was like crazy. Yeah, that's fair. And like it was, yeah, what are we even gonna... He was like a DJ?

Like, what are we gonna fucking say? Yeah. Hi Fitz listens to Vichy when he's jaywalking. This fucking... This is fucking anthem. Remember when D.K. said skyscraper. He said skyscraper, like, unironically. He was like, unironically.

He was like, like, he was. like, we're in a skyscraper right now. New York City. That exact tone. We were like, okay. And then you guys made fun of me for saying skyscraper for the next 15 minutes. How are you supposed to say?

From now on, I'm going to ask. We're in a tall building. From that one, I'm going to be like, remember when you said, does Staten Island count as an island? That's going to be my go too. I was joking that, right? This email's from Josh. Joshua.

Jaybone. Josh, I'm letting you write it. I'm letting you know in advance. I read this because that was like, Flabberg. asked by this question. Do I let my wife take our daughter to the dark side and be a Cowboys fan? Or do I coerce my daughter to be a Giants fan? So he's a Giants fan, his wife is a Cowboys fan. Do I, if you're a Giants fan, do I let my daughter be a Cowboys fan? What does that even mean? How do you

let her or not let, let, let, she's going to do whatever she wants to do? No, he's capitulating to his wife. You don't choose who you're a fan of. I feel like, the more you try and force her to be one thing she'll just go the other way. No, you buy her merch. No, that's crazy. Dude, you know many people have a story of like I had a helmet that was, I ate ice cream out of when I was eight, and I'm a cult fan.

Like, that's a... Well, isn't Cousin's household thing he chose the Cowboys to, like, go against his dad? Yeah, but that sounds like a personal thing. I think you choose Giants. I think you go Giants. By low? Yeah. I know my mom would say

that the Giants have no cheerleaders, and the Cowboys have a show about their cheerleaders, so like Giants. Just saying. It's goddamn right, Mom. Someone wrote, I didn't write a name. What is your guys' favorite trip together? A favorite trip? I mean, D.K. having to, for those who don't know,

D.K. had to do the middle seat, Raw Dog. He couldn't look at any devices on the plane. That was like an unforgettable day. No, I'd say, yeah, the New Orleans Super Bowl. New Orleans to L.A. It was the most memorable. We had a really fun night playing craps, but then also, there was a host. hotel situation. So the final night, we had to leave the hotel and book an Airbnb. High

Fitz booked the Airbnb. We thought, in Airbnb, there's Swindler sometimes, I have to say. You always walk in expecting something and it's completely different. We thought we booked a house with rooms. He thought he booked a three-bed. Reasonable thing to expect. A three-bedroom place. Yes. Instead, it was actually a three-bed. It was a giant room with like four bedrooms and pull-out couches in it. There was like five of us sleeping in there that night. And then Hyphitz woke me up by like basically mounting me and putting this smelly t-shirt armpit in my nose to wake me up. We had to catch a flight.

You could have simply said, Craig, wake up. Carlos and I were like, oh, God, what do you do it? And I have a bad history of Airbnbs in New Orleans because the other one was I was the best man at a bachelor party in New Orleans and I booked the duplex. They did it so far in advance. I forgot. We had one side, so we booked half.

I made everyone sleep in the half, and then we stayed the whole weekend, and then left and realized we had the other one, too, and we didn't walk in. Which wasn't like, not my finest moment. I've had extra gloves this whole time. My hands are a little sweaty. That's more fun, though.

They did not think it was fun. They were super fucking mad at me. Still are. You, like, went to the airport early, because you knew, like. I did get to the earlier. I was like, oh, sucks to suck. my plane got delayed and they all walked in the airport.

I was like, well, it's like the hotel and John Wickow's like, you can't do violence here. This is like, hyphids, that's like if you like flip someone off and then it's like traffic. Fuck. Oh, hi. Craig would have been like, Craig, you do the, you like to just give the thumbs up. I do. If somebody cuts me off, I give them the old thumbs up.

Just like the super passive aggressive. No one, like, what you can't like get mad at that, but you still take it. defensively. It's perfect. Just confuse him. I don't know why. I just cut you off. Why are you doing that? All right. Got an email here from Jeff with a G. Jaybo. So many Js.

It's a G. He just said Jeff with a G. You listen to anything I'd say. What? It's Jeff with a G. Fuck. He said that. Oh, I didn't hear that part. Dude, this is the real show.

D.K., I will say something. And then D.K. is just, like, scrolling Twitter or a blue sky. And then two minutes later, he'll just repeat the thing I said back to him, like, Inception. And he just, like, thinks he can. came up with it? It happens kind of a lot. I've actually never seen Hyphitz more mad at me than when I told him I sometimes surf Twitter during our shows.

He's like, you motherfucker. So unprofessional. Sorry. Sorry, boring you. Jeff is boring you. Anyway, Jeff writes, when we were in line... G-bone. When we were in line tonight, my wife googled a picture of you guys and then asked, do I like, asked if I knew what you guys looked like. And before it even loaded, I just said, Craig's the hot one.

Just, what is it, what's the expression? Mogging. Mogging? Look at you, you little Jen Zier. Mocking? You say, mocking? Craig's constantly mocking us. Let's be honest. D.K.'s scrolling Twitter saying, mocking, he's basically 23 years old. I can tell the lack of a reaction tells me how old the crowd is, that no one knew what mocking meant? Can we get a Gen Zier to explain that one?

I mean, I guess it's kind of obvious. Craig makes us look ugly. All right. If Craig was single and hinge, he would have us in the photos with him. I'm like standing next to Craig in pictures. And for the first time in my life, I'm like, man, I look kind of short. I like stand on my tippy toes next thing. What's the next email? Craig gets so uncomfortable when we're talking.

That's all we got. Oh, great. That's how we're going to end. Do we end the show or to give the mic to my dad right now and ask about Joe Burrow? Do we end the show? Yeah, yeah. Mr. Hyphitz.

Fuck it. Woo! In advance, this is the worst decision I've ever made. Dad, I'm going to hold the mic. Come here. Tell me about how you discover, you're the first person to discover Joe Burrow. Hold on.

I like that he's loud. You've got to lean forward a little bit into the mic. So, Jackie. Highfitz, let him talk. Thank you. I think when he played in the national championship and he won't beat Clemson. I love the way he looked, the way he played.

He was, he's fabulous. I love Joe Burrow. Dude, Hyphitz's impression of his dad makes so much more sense now. Dude, true fucking story. He went number one overall. My dad texted me, told you. I knew he had something in that national championship game.

A purely offline existence. He knew. When you know, you know. When you know, you know. I've seen enough. Oh, my God. Anyway, speaking of seen enough. I think that's all we got, guys.

Thank you. So, one, just a couple, a bit of housekeeping. So after this ends, it's going to, like, start again, because we're going to do, we're going to stick around, if anyone wants to meet us, take a photo with us, whatever.

We're going to do meet and greet afterward. So it's actually going to be downstairs. So actually, if you guys don't, if you guys, like, you know, fucking hate us or we're turned off. by whatever or I've never heard of the Nirvana song

Craig mugging us constantly yeah intimidated by Craig's attracting us then you know feel free to head out but if you don't hate us forever then stick around

and we're gonna basically let everyone who's gonna leave shuffle out but if you want to stay stay in your seats for a little bit we're all gonna stare at you if you're gonna stare at you get up now if you're leaving

stand now and so when it clears out a little bit we're gonna line up there's like a stair if you go through those double doors there's like a staircase there just line up around the staircase

and like kind of go to the left, my left, your right side by that bar over there and just line up. And there are people and security guards and people who work here are going to tell you exactly what to stand because I don't exactly know and they'll tell you. But so we'll do that after. But in the meantime, we really do want to thank, first of all, it takes a bunch of people, like way more people than you think to put this together. So first of all, just thank you to everyone who works here at the Gramer City Theater. You know, thank you. Thank you to Danny Kelly. Thank you to Craig Rolbeck.

Thank you to Stefan. Thank you to Ron. Thank you to Bell. Thank you to Peter. Thank you to Kira. Thank you to Elizabeth Furerman, who's a legend. Thank you to Charlie. Thank you to Tessa. Thank you to my parents and my family and Jackie, who are incredibly supportive of me. Thank you to my dad for finding Joe Burrow. Happy birthday to Colin in the front row. Thank you. Happy birthday. Thank you to Yahoo Fantasy for making this entire thing possible. But truly thank you to the bottom of my heart. Thank you to all of you guys for coming because I, I, This is, like, overwhelming. This is so awesome. This is, frankly, like, the coolest thing ever to get to do this. And thank you.

We saw a video of the line wrapped around the corner, like, that blows our fucking minds. Like, thank you so much. It is so cool to get to do this. So truly, like, genuinely, thank you guys for coming and, like, spending a night with us. It was the best time ever. But most importantly. I mean, here more than ever. Thank you, Lord.

Lord. Thank you, Beastie boys. Oh. Beastie Boys are synonymous with New York for me. No sleep till Brooklyn. Yeah. Yeah. I just like, when I think of New York, the Beastie Boys,

first thing that comes in my mind. Yeah. Yeah. D.K., are you going to miss New York? Were you happy to have visited? Yeah. New York is awesome. Yeah.

I love New York. We had pizza. We had... We had... We had... I'm gonna say a pizza. He did. We went to John's a bleaker, right?

That's where we got. Yeah. He thought that parm was garlic salt. His garlic salt was parm. So he put a bunch of garlic salt on the slice. Yeah, it was still good, though. Yeah. My breath reed afterwards.

You almost postponed the show. No, I love New York. It's awesome. I mean, tremendous buildings. Sure. Some of the coolest fucking buildings. Yeah. skyscrapers are out of fucking... Hyphitz, you also got to see some landmarks you've never seen.

Hyphitz, what did you think of New York? You know, it's funny. Because I'm from the suburbs, so I'm like from New York, which, if you're not from New York, I'm like, fuck you, like, it's called New York State. I'm from New York. But if you're from the city, I'm like, I know I'm not from the city. But in a weird way, I felt more like a New Yorker this week because I hadn't done any of the touristy shit

and I didn't bother me at all. Yeah, it's actually kind of cool. I'm like, I don't feel less of a New Yorker. Sorry, I've never been a fucking Liberty Island. I don't know. Oh, you'll take me, Dad? Finally. Damn.

Go get a dog at Coney Island? Shed in a tear. All it took was a New York Live show for my dad to hang out with me. That's unbelievable. Thank you, everyone. Goodbye, everyone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Must be 21 plus in present in select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus in present in D.C., Kentucky, or

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