The Ringer NFL Show - Power Ranking the Fantasy Players Who Ruined Our Holidays

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

Power Hour! It’s the yearly Festivus for the rest of us, where we air out our most strongly felt grievances against the players who let us down at the most crucial point in the season heading into championship week. This includes Tony Pollard’s end zone allergy, Gabe Davis’s unparalleled ability to infuriate, injured kickers, and much more (1:53). “You guys want to do some emails?” (41:54) Check out The Ringer’s Fantasy Football Rankings for positional rankings, waiver wire pickups, and much more! Tony Pollard is allergic to the end zone (3:19) Is Jaylen Waddle a fantasy catfish? Asking for a friend. (6:13) De’Von Achane, what a two-week run you had (8:57) Hopefully you didn’t draft, play, or buy low on Cooper Kupp (12:38) Arthur Smith, obviously (14:49 ) In my best David Benioff impression, “Somehow, Davante kind of forgot how to get open” (17:04) All of the Buffalo Bills’ pass catchers (20:23) Chris Godwin ruined Craig’s 2023 (23:16) Sam Howell is a fantasy serial killer (25:41) Misleading live fantasy projections (29:54) This one goes out to the injured kickers everywhere, but mostly Dustin Hopkins (34:30) Email us! [e-mail] The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please check out theringer.com/RG to find out more or listen to the end of the episode for additional details. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Social: Kiera Givens and Jack Sanders Producer: Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Galaxy Lights, Coachella, Lightning Bolt Necklaces. 20203 was the year of Scandival. On March 3rd, one cheating scandal launched a reality TV investigation that generated hundreds of conspiracy theories, thousands of podcast episodes, and millions of dollars in revenue. I'm Jody Walker, host of an American Scandival. One retrospective story told in three salacious parts. Listen, December 26th on the Ringer Reality Feast. feed.

Your fantasy football show, my name is Daddy Hypefitz and I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Coralbeck. Today it is Power Hour, where we power rank something every Wednesday. And this Wednesday, not only are we celebrating Power Hour, but we are also celebrating a festivist for the rest of us. A day we're in Seinfeld, Canadi. You gather your family around and you tell them all the ways that you have disappointed us over the past year.

And we're going to do that with all our fantasy players today. Craig, did you get the Festivus pole out of the crawl space? Yeah, I did. I'm setting it up tomorrow morning. I can't wait. This is great because all of us are not in the Fantasy Championships. And this is what you do. When you're not in the Fantasy Championship,

it's the Festivus for the rest of us. The rest of us is not playing fantasy football anymore. So this is perfect. I'm so excited. And remember, classic, the traditional Festivus means, D.K., I don't know if you know this, but no decorations on the Festivist pole because Tinsel is distracting. Okay.

Duly noted. I find tinsel distracting. So we're going to power rank all the players, for those who may not be steeped in the Festivist tradition, what are you doing? But Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. And we're going to power rank all our grievances through the season. We're going to do this power hour style, baby.

So if you're not familiar with power, very simple. After two minutes, you'll hear this sound from Tom Tom, Tom Club. Great song. No, no grievances with Tom Tom. No, none. Perfect song. And if you're on Fendell TV, you might hear something. Actually, that's our grievance of Tom Thomas, that they wouldn't let us play on Fandall TV.

So there you go. So, you know, we can't Fendell TV hear something else. But all right, without further ado, we're just going to dive right in. To the airing of grievances, you got a lot of problems of you people. Welcome newcomers. The tradition of Festivist begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you, people. Now, you're going to hear about it.

Not a Jerry Stiller, man. Old time yeller. Like top five yeller in the history of Hollywood. Should we rank yellers? Who should? Old yeller. Oh, man. Lewis Black is up there as a yeller.

Incredible yellow. Sandler, I think you got to add Sandler. Really? Oh, Sandler can really let it go. I think this is actually, there's something here, Craig. You're going to die, clown? Who can do that? Bob Barker.

So, yeah, no, that's good. Email is ringing fantasy football at gmail.com for people who should be the yelling Hall of Fame. Number one, though, Aaron grievances. And also you guys submitted the people that you would like to grievance error. And I just ranked them. But, D.K., I want to start with you.

You have Tony Pollard running back for the Cowboys. Yeah. We all do. Let it all agree. So, first of all, this was one of our favorite players, if not our favorite players. It was our, yeah. Let's just see it. We went on the Bill Simmons podcast and we're like, he should be the number one pick

pick of the dress. I literally, I'm so mad at myself. I started off the year being like, didn't he break his leg in 20, 23? And by the end, I was like, Tony Pollard, what is steal. I feel like we should listen to Hifeitz more, maybe. Anyway, my animosity towards Tony Pollard came to a head on Sunday. I think it was Sunday, long weekend, when he took a pitch play to the outside,

looked like he was pretty much wide open, had a clear lane to the end zone, and somehow miraculously got tackled at the one-yard line. I still don't really understand how he did not get into the end zone. I think if they reram that play 1,000 times, he would get in every single time. Like it was that ridiculous. I truly cannot believe he didn't score touchdown. It was like one guy there. He had a blocker in front of him and he ran directly into the guy and got tackled at the one yard line.

The next play, the Cowboys fumble. They don't score. Tony Pollard finishes the game. 12 rushes, 38 yards to completely complete his campaign of wrecking your fantasy and my fantasy seasons. Yeah. I'll let you guys take over from here. I'm just very frustrated with this. I'm trying to look at Tony Pollard has scored 20 points once this season, and he's the starting

running back. He probably has done that six other times on Dallas as the backup. Right. And the man is inept as the starting running back on this team. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to recover, to be honest. I don't know. It doesn't matter how strengthened his tibia fibula is next year. It might not make a difference. It might be too far gone for me.

I, uh, somebody tweeted at this, tweeted me this the other day. It was basically like that play was a microcosm for the season. It was a fifth percentile outcome. Like this was always in the cards. Failure was in the cards for Tony Pollard. But this is a very explosive player at a very good offense. He is the leadback with almost all the volume. And he was terrible.

I still don't understand how this happened. But it did. Maybe it's because he broke his leg this year. Five games he had 20 or more points last year. He's done it once this year as the sole starter. He came out in the media like this week and was literally talking about how he finally feels healthy, finally feels explosive, he feels like

himself, and he gets tackled at the one yard line on a play that literally any other player in the NFL would have scored on that play. I don't understand. Maybe even DK, if he were the running back, could have scored. I could talk about Pollard a lot. Anyways, we can move out all this.

Maybe we shouldn't count on a guy who broke his like this should have be the most explosive player of the league again. It's probably. It's fine. It's probably good. Next up here, we have Jaylen Waddle, receiver for the Miami Dolphins, Craig, our whatever the opposite of beloved is.

Jaylen Wattle catfish does. Look, it's not the raw numbers that are the issue. A D.K. has defended him all year. The raw numbers are fine. It's the context of the numbers. He's basically missed two games this year and he still has over 1,000 yards already. 70 plus catches. Four touchdowns.

You're like, all right, look. Is it incredible? No, but is it not bad? Sure. He's a wide receiver 22 in fantasy. It's like, uh, but it's the context. If I told you at the start of this season, Hey, by week 16, the dolphins are going to lead the NFL and points scored.

They will win the AFC East. Tuo will lead the league in passing yards. He will throw the six most passing touchdowns. One player on the team will lead the league in all-purpose touchdowns. Another player will lead the league in receiving yards and threaten the all-time receiving yards record. And then you find out that Jalen Waddle is going to have 11 points per game that year. I think he'd be pretty pissed. He has four touchdowns on that team this year.

Are you kidding me? they have the most points scored in the league. He's got four touchdowns. Rahim Moster has 21. Oh, my God. I think also, the amount of times Waddle wasn't there for you. Like, it's just the Austin Powers like,

Daddy wasn't there. And it's just like, the Dolphins scored 70 points on the Broncos. And Waddle just wasn't a part of that. He wasn't even playing that day. But you miss, you feel like you missed a part of the zeitgeist, even though you were there for it.

And you still didn't get it. You still don't feel like you were part of it. Because, like, Tyree Kill misses a game in the entire offense. changes, Jalen Waddle misses a game and they score 70. And also the fact that Tyreek missed that game against Washington and they're like, oh yeah, Jail and Waddle could do this too. We just choose not to. He had 50 yards on one catch last week.

He hurt his eye, hurt his ankle. He has a high ankle spray now. He has another eye. You need two eyes to catch the ball. Come on. You need depth perception. You don't know that. I have been his defender throughout the whole season.

And even I'll admit, this last game was very frustrating. just because he had such a huge game last week. You think he's finally getting some momentum in the offense. And then again, he just comes out and does nothing. By the way, this is not his fault necessarily. Yes, it is. He gets banged up in every single game. Has there ever been a game that he didn't leave, like, injured at some point?

I know. I know, like, you can't predict that stuff. But there are certain players that I just know will be banged up. Like Amari Cooper will be banged up. And Deonti, you know what, Deonti Johnson, you know what, screw it. Deonti Johnson's on this list, too. Did you guys just say Mari Cooper at the exact same instant? We did.

He's always hurt. That man is limping in every game. Never think he's going to leave, though. Oh, God. Speaking of the Dolphins, though. Devon A. Chan, too. Running back for the Dolphins. A. Chan is right here.

I spent 99% of my fab money on A. Chan in week three as everybody else tried to. And I, really, I can't decide now if he's been a net positive or a net negative for your team. Literally. Like, he goes for 49 points in that week, right? Then everybody adds, and there's a frenzy on the waiver. It's like a bank run to try and get Devon A-Cham. Then the next two weeks are great. He has 25 and 21 points.

You're like, this is couldn't be working out perfectly. Then he gets hurt for five weeks. And you're just expecting, all right, when he gets back, things will snap right back into place. He comes back in week 11, has two touches, gets hurt again. So that's screwed you. Week 11. Week 12, he still hurt.

Week 13, he comes back. 23 points. Fantastic. And then three more weeks, the final three weeks of the season, week 14 through 16, he puts up 9, 7, and 3 and just nukes any shot you had to. in the playoffs. He's disappointed you in four of seven games

you've started him this year. And three being the most important. I think that, to your point, is it a net positive or negative? I think that Devani Chen, he's a Tesla. Because you get to Tesla,

you're like, this is so sick. It's great for the environment. It's cool to have. And then also, you know, it got this autopilot thing. And then you actually get it. You're like, the Dolphins' offense.

I don't know if this autopilot actually works. And then also you're like, I got to charge this thing. The electricity is coming from somewhere. I don't actually know if this is helping environment at all. You're like, you know, you thought it was electric car. You're like, Devon Aitchan, he's the fastest guy in the world. He's got to help my team. He did. Actually,

I think he's hurting your team. Where are they making these batteries? Somebody's got to make these batteries, you know, it's like global conflicts and everything. I want to recall. I want to recall on A. Chan. I'm not near a charging station. What am I supposed to do? Craig, you might as well, you might as well be talking bad about my own son, Calvin. This is like as bad as it feels right now. But at the same time, I do kind of understand where you're coming from. I feel like the Devon A. Chan, the problem with him is like you expect. him to have like 25 points. You know what I mean? Yeah. And when he doesn't do it, it's like wildly disappointing, but like there's a lot of players. Like almost every single player in the NFL,

except for Christian McCaffrey has bad games. I hear you, D.K., but I also would have like 20 points over the last three weeks combined. That would have been good. I know, but Craig was talking, there's like a five-week period there where he average like 16 points. It's like this isn't the worst player in the NFL. It's just expectations versus reality. You only started them for two of those tweaks, though. No, no, no, I'm talking about the, those are the five games you started him for. Like, this was, there was like a 20 point game, 25 point game, 21 point game, 23 point game. And then he had one bad game in there. To me, it's expectations versus reality. Also, you might as well just be taught, you might as well just tell me my own son sucks, Craig.

I'm just going to defend his. I don't know. I'm not God. I don't know. You don't know. You don't know, Calvin. Okay. All I'm saying is, like, going into next year, it might be the rare case where people who didn't have Devon A. Chan and Fantasy value him more than the people who did. Right. I think that's... It's going to be fascinating, actually, where he goes and traps.

We have to write this down. I feel like Devani Chen next year is going to be the hard... We have to figure out the other examples of who have been the hardest players who price entering a season in the history of fantasy football because Achan's going to be on the list.

Because if you didn't have him, oh, you kind of remember his like 70-yard touchdown bursts. And if you did have him, you're like, this guy murdered me in the playoffs. But also upside-wise, I mean... you do it like I don't know it's gonna be weird actually 12 yards to carry

I need to see a lot out of Devin Devon he's the perfect example of the siren song hyph it's like you said like oh like I'm picture every time I pictured Devon Achan when I put him in my starting lineup I'm like he's gonna get me 25 to 40 points easily

he's a sexy player that's why we should not take him next up Cooper Cup Cooper Cup received for the Rams Dekah Please air your grievances here. I feel like this is a very good example, too, of the siren song of like upside

where you have, I had visions. This is, this happened to me literally. So I'm just explaining to you what happened to me in my season. Cooper Cup, I had visions of him winning the Triple Crown

in my head the entire season. I picked him in the second round, even though he had a little bit of a hamstring thing going on. After I picked him, he gets, he aggravates the injury, goes on IR, so you automatically miss the first four weeks.

When he comes, comes back. Two really good weeks. Back in. Triple crown. Back on. This guy's going to be a league winner. Trade for him. Sell the farm to get this guy. Absolutely. But then from there on, he was a complete lemon. He went five straight weeks without scoring six points. He had six or less points for five straight weeks. So basically, when I look at this, not only did Cooper Cup cost you your season probably if you had him on your team, but if you didn't trade him, it doubly hurt you. And if you if you traded away Puka Nakua because you were worried about Cooper Cup coming back, then it doubled you two.

So he like not only ruined people that were, like he ruined people's seasons if he was on your team. He also ruined seasons of people that had Puka Nakua and traded him. So to me it's just like this guy, he was a horrifying pick in fantasy. He really ruined my season. Even when he came back late in the season, he had 13, 21 and 21, get you back on board, suck you back in. Yeah.

And then in the second round of the playoffs, he puts up a complete dud and I lost a high. in the ring or fantasy football league, mostly because of Cooper Cup. We've got to make this another rule. If you see a specialist for an injury and a state, six states away in August, we're not taking you. I don't care. With that said, 31-year-old Cooper Cup heading into next year, after a banged-up disappointing year, I am all the way in.

I think I am so in. Craig's right. You have to draft him. He's going to be fantastic. He's like the new Mike Evans. Yes. This is the perfect by the dip moment for Cooper Cup right now. People who didn't have Cooper Cup this year.

are going to look at Craig, like totally sober. I'm never picking Cooper Cup again. Next up, while we got D.K. all riled up here. I mean, who better to air grievances right now? Arthur Smith, coach of the Falcons. Shocking that this is fifth. I'm shocked.

I surprised me that we went this long without mentioning Arthur Smith. I wanted to get you frothed up before you talked about him. You know what? Like this is, I called him the Napoleon of Crime for Fantasy Crime. That was a weird. I meant to ask you about that. I didn't really get it. It's from Sherlock Holmes.

Oh. Moriarty. Sherlock Holmes's nemesis is Moriarty, and Sherlock Holmes calls him the Napoleon of crime because he's a genius. He's got like all the different, you know, he's got his little fingers and everything going on like all across Europe. He's got, you know, he's just a genius. And I think Arthur Smith, I think he might actually be a genius because he eventually, he after, you know, kind of sucking for a long time during the middle of the season, seemed to sort of give in to the fantasy people and started playing Bijon Robinson a lot, started giving him a ton of carries, started featuring him in the offense.

And as soon as the fantasy playoffs got here, pulled that rug right out from under us, totally screwed everybody that started to trust Arthur Smith, which was our fault. We should never have done that. In the first game of the fantasy playoffs, Tyler Algier, twice as many carries as Bijon Robinson. Bejon Robinson had a season low snap rate if you don't count the headache game. And he had a season low carry rate if you don't count that game as well. So basically, I think Arthur Smith was playing the long game to really just stick it to

fantasy players. He doesn't care about his job. I mean, he lost to the Panthers that game. Like, he really truly doesn't care about his job. Only thing he cares about is ruining our fantasy seasons. And he, you know what? He did it. I got to almost give him his credit. He did it. Is there any chance in hell you draft an Arthur Smith player next year in fantasy football? No, absolutely not. There's no way. There's no way. First of all, Kyle Pitts, I'm done with that. That train is sailed. I'm not doing that again. Obviously. Drake London, the volume just simply isn't there. There's just no value. And Bejohn Robinson, I just like, I don't want to fall for it again.

I'm not going to do the Bijon thing. You just can't do it anymore. The Napoleon of fantasy crime, Arthur Smith. And by the way, he's probably not going to lose his job, which is a disappointment for a lot of us. On that note, next up here, I have Devante Adams, receiver for the Raiders. He's kind of been at Glansburg. I had this in mind, hyphus.

I'm with you. I'm with you. You mentioned all the stuff about the Falcons I would never draft Falcon player again. Since week four, Devante Adams has been the 36th best receiver in fantasy, which is behind Drake London. Devonthe has been worse than Drake London. The name.

His name is the problem. It's Devante Adams. You have to start him. You could argue he's the worst player in the entire year because you probably started him every single year. And if you just look at the simple, very not advanced formula of how bad were you times how often you were started? Like utilitarian who hurt

the most people? It might be Devante. To your point, D.K., about the Falcons. How much do I say about Travis Kelsey before the season? I was like, well, his receiving numbers are akin to Devante Adams. How would you feel if you could start Devante Adams at tight end? That's been like Travis Kelsey in the last five years. So I went and I actually plugged in Devante Adams at tight end. He had under nine points per game.

So he would have been the tight end 13 this year since week four. Devante Adams was behind Jake Ferguson in points per game. And I say all this because Devante Adams since week four was a half a point per game better than Kyle Pitts. Oh my gosh. If you imagine starting Kyle Pitts at Flex every week, that's what Devante Adams has been for you since October. Once again, never ever draft wide receivers with shitty quarterbacks. Don't ever do it.

It just won't work out. Case in point, it's the semifinals of the fantasy playoffs, and the Raiders completed zero passes after the first quarter. Just don't ever do it. Don't ever do it. Passes after the first quarter. Only elite top 10 quarterbacks, that's it. Can be throwing two wide receivers on your team.

Otherwise, move on. I don't know. If he gets traded, though, back in. What do we do? We need a rule on this one, too, where it's like he was complaining in May to our company, the ringer. It was like, yeah, I don't know about this Jimmy G thing. Didn't think that was a good idea.

Everything looks so obvious now, you know? It is so true. Should we do at the end of the season like a preview? Just pretend we ran it in August. You know how Jeopardy has the, they have like the category, stupid answers every once in a while they play it and it's basically like they describe the answer to you or in the question or whatever

like vice versa I know they're question and answer but they just they it's like the answer is so incredibly obvious that it's like just a silly category it's like the S&L thing it's like this condiment was derived from mustard seeds right exactly I feel like so many of these

mistakes we made in this fantasy season are just like stupid answers like yeah we should have known that 100% Tony Pollard, what's the downside? Well, he broke his leg. He literally had a broken bone in his leg. Cooper Cup took a four-hour flight to tend to his hamstring. Even though he lives in Los Angeles.

The funny thing is, I was completely out on Brise Hall for the exact same reasons. Like, he's coming off an ACL. Okay, but Brise Hall is terrible. And if you had him and you might probably didn't make the playoffs. I was out on Briss Hall. That is the exception, D.K. And I should have been out on Tony Pollard. Yeah, even Brise Hall being good, though, is the exception.

Like you can't let that lure you in. You have to block those out. Got a lot of problems. Okay, I got, this is a true. Next up here, I'm going, I'm going a bunch of people. This is what, I'm going seven, eight, nine here. I'm doing the whole like, boom, boom, boom, boom. All right.

Buffalo Bills. All you people, except Josh Allen, you're cool. Everyone else say, F you, F you, F you, like Gabe Davis, dead to me. No catches. Three of the last four weeks. What am I going to do? Put my season on the line with your hands. Best game of his year.

130 yards, season high. Most fantasy points you're dead to me, Gave. It's gave. I like that. Gave him away. Dave. Donn Kincade. Two points last two weeks combined.

I want one point seven, actually. I'll give you decimals. 1.7 points last two weeks combined. Donald Kincade, you're dead to me. Also, Stefan Diggs. Can I give you a freaking thing I realized? Do you know the best possible move you could have, I'm serious? Do you know the best possible move you could have made for fantasy playoffs?

In retrospect, if you knew everything we know now, do you know what you should have done? you should have cut Stefan Diggs five weeks ago and let your main rival pick them up and start them every week. That is the best possible move you could have made because Stefan, they would have picked him up, they would have put them in their lineup, and since week 10,

Stefan Diggs is the 50th wide receiver. 55 for Stefan Diggs. The New York is really coming out of high feet right now. I'm so mad. I literally prepared a list of players and I'm going to read you. I want you to guess which of these players does not have more fantasy points

that Stefan Diggs. In the last, what is it, six weeks, oh my God. Seven, I can't do math. But like, I hate these, by the way. I hate, I hate realizing how bad of players you could have played in. Stefan Diggs. D.J. Chark. Devonte Parker, Adam Thielen, Quentin, Johnston,

Darius Slayton, DeMarcus, DeMarcus, Robinson. One of those players did not outscore. All these guys. It has to be Quentin Johnston. There's no way Clinton Johnston. DeVante Park. DJ Shark. better than Stefan takes.

Oh, gosh. If you had caught him, you would have won your league. We got an email from somebody. I don't know. I can't even remember at this point if we ran it or not, but basically there was this joke in one random league where

nobody drafted Jalen Waddle in a draft. Like, by accident, nobody drafted Jalen Waddle. And then it's now this like tradition where like you're just not allowed to have Jalen Waddle. And like every year there's just like a player

you can't have. I thought that was an amazing idea. I think every year your league should nominate one player who's just, who's, what's the praise? D.K. stuck in your craw.

It's just, and everybody's craw the whole season. And I think it should be Gabe Davis. I don't think next year anyone should be allowed to draft Gabe Davis. He just has to live on the waiver wire. We're Bills League in 13 teams, but like only 12 can play at a time. The winner gets to kick someone out for year.

The league gets to boot a player out of the, it's a fantasy timeout for a year. And Gabe Davis is like, look, man, you're not on anybody's team this year. We'll see you in 2025. Next up here, we have Chris Godwin,

receiver for the bucks. I think this is 10. Nobody got Craig madder this season. I never seen Craig so mad in my life. He's usually a pretty happy-go-lucky guy. Yeah, Chris Godwin, Chris Godwin ruined my 20-23. He did. I got married this year and he ruined my year.

You know, Chris Godwin has four touchdowns in his last 35 games. That's so bad. Four in his last 35. In that same stretch, Mike Evans has 23. Oh, my God. They're on the same team and they kind of get the same amount of targets. The four are like an accident. Yeah, they are.

They tip passes from Mike Evans. That's like random blocking tight ends. Like Toy Lolo on the Falcons could have done that back on. Well, Hyphids, you say that. Let me list the other bucks who have the same amount of TD catches as Chris Godwin this year. Co. Keft, Devin Tompkins, and David Moore all have the same amount of receiving touchdowns as Chris Godwin this year. Trey Palmer has more.

Those are the guys that go up and down from the practice squad based on what we're roster moves they need to make. Mike Evans is 13 touchdowns this year. Chris Godwin has one. Baker Mayfield has as many passing touchdowns as Tua this year. And Chris Godwin is one touchdown. Can we do it? I don't know what to do. We got to do an exercise of like the grossest looking team versus like the best looking team that scored the same amount of points. You know what I mean? Like that the name value versus like just the whatever you want to call it, the discount. Like the ugliest grossest team, the team that everyone made fun of you for drafting that scored the exact same amount of points as like the team with Waddle and Diggs and whoever,

like Godwin. David Buckhamry versus Bichon Robinson. Yeah, it's just like, God, seeing those stats always just tries to be up the wall. Also, I got an idea. We should also do, at the end of the season, we should do a preview of the year, but we just say like, yeah, Bucks, Baker's going to be tied for like eight top eight and touchdown passes. Chris Godwin, I mean, my God, he must be great this year. I genuinely mean this when I say, like, I'm never.

drafting him again. I won't ever do it. Unless Patrick Mahomes gets traded to the bucks, I will never draft him again. The Black Panther soundtrack has a bunch of good songs. One of them, I forget. It's the one they're playing the car chase in South Korea. It's a sick song, but it's like there's a, chorus or bridge or something is, you're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead. And I just keep thinking of that every time I think about Gabe Davis or Chris Godwin. What else you got? Next, well, you know, we got Craig leathered up here. Next one, we have another one, Craig. You have Sam Howell, Washington quarterback. I actually had this one, too. He didn't get a point.

in two quarterback leagues, he was played everywhere. He got negative points to some of my minutes on the clock. I was going to say this, but also, D.K. lost to me in the ring or leave, I played Sam Howell. He got he got one-fifth of a point. Yeah, he got 0.2 points. It's because I had Cooper Cup.

So, I want to tell a quick story here. I cut my teeth in fantasy football and learned the valuable lesson of a brutal fantasy loss because of a former Washington quarterback. It was 2006. I was 12 years old, and I was playing in my first fantasy football league. It was week 16, December.

31st, New Year's Eve. And I had somehow made it to the championship game. I was down three points going into Sunday night football. I was down three going into Sunday night football. My opponent, a 45-year-old man who was in our league, who was the father of my brother's friend, his name was Dave Kravitz, great guy, college football, high school football coach, coached Roy Huloo and a couple other guys. Wow.

Anyway, I'm down three. I'm like, I'm going to beat a football coach, year one, fantasy football. How amazing is this? Rex Grossman, my quarterback. in this game goes two for 12. This is a points per completion leap, mind you. Points. I need three points in a points per completion league?

Yes. Oh my God. And Rex Grossman goes two for 12 for 33 yards with zero touchdowns, three picks and a lost fumble. Gets me negative points. I got negative two. Oh my God. And my super villain origin story was born.

And now in my, now I'm in a dynasty league. with DK and High Fits and a bunch of people. I'm in the final four. We do a final four points rumble. Most points over the two-ins. 17 years later. I have the team with Amari Cooper. I'm killing it.

And I'm like, look, as long as Sam Howl can get me 15 points. Mind you, this is the guy that from week four to week 13, Sam Howell led the NFL in passing yards. For 10 weeks, Sam Hale led the NFL in passing yards. He was good in fantasy. Yeah. He was the QB5 over that stretch. Sam Howell shows up today and gets me 0.2 fantasy. points. Nukes any chance I have of winning the stupid league with DK and

high fits all because he got benched and went six for 22 in a football game. And I will never draft a Washington quarterback ever again. Oh, I love this. This is great. One, that makes a lot of sense. We're also going to have to commission scientists to study how Sam, how led the league in passing yards. And yet Terry McLaurin Dotson and Curtis Samuel were all like pretty bad. The most worthless. What happened to Dotson?

Dotson to me is like, we need to figure out how he went missing. Sam Howell like not only did Sam Howell murder us in fantasy football. He like literally murdered his teammates. He like dismembered John Dosson. Where do the yards go? It's like a money laundering operation. They don't add up. Seriously.

How has this restaurant been open for 20 years? I've never seen a person in there. They're not even open on Sundays. Why would they do that? They literally never. What is going on here? McLaurin is 30-30 in receiving yards per game. Dotson is 70th.

It doesn't. Where are the yards going? I'm convinced there's like, they're hiding. Like, I don't get it. This Pringle. There's a guy with the last name Pringle. That's he's getting all the yards. So they got two sets of books in Washington.

Craig, what was your reaction? I would take me back to a 12-year-old Craig when that game ended. What were you guys? I got to look up. I don't know how to run the search, but I want to also look up. how many games in NFL his like the 21st century two for 12 point per completion league have not gotten you two three points and he played the whole game no he got benched oh okay still though I mean he had four turnovers in like the first half Aaron Rogers had more points than

Rex Grossman in that game we played four steps that's great that's incredible all right well I can't tie I don't have any like childhood anger um sort out sure you do Well, I do, but not right now this very moment. Next up here, I have to do, I got a pony pick. Dude, Sleeper, the app, the fantasy app, oh my God, what a hit. Go off. Have you taken for me? Well, first of all, before you get into it, I feel like all, all fantasy apps, their projections are awful.

Yahoo! Projections BS. The Sleeper app is very divisive. I think, generally speaking, no one's like middle on it. There's ESPN Yahoo, who are the big ones, CBS. Sleeper's like the first new one to come along and it's like good. People either like it more because it's more phone focused or hate it. It's awful.

It's like middle on it. It's like a candy crush and fantasy football like melded together to build an app. Nobody wants that. Completely. Well, candy crush is like the number one app on the iPhone. So like whatever. Lucky Charms ass platform in my opinion. I don't like it.

Here's the thing though. The projections. Oh my God. Are you dead to me sleeper? The win projections. Yes. The win projections when you're like the player projections then there's like are you going to win.

Like the live projections. Let's be real. We all live. die by based on whether we're in green like you're winning or red like you're not and you watch you go back and forth in your head you know that this isn't 100% accurate but let's be real it affects your mood like it goes up by

3% like oh like it's just it's deep in the dopamine. Dopamine and so sleeper tells you Christmas Day have a 99% chance to win heading into the final few games I'm like great I'm going to be a great I'm going into the Niners 40 Ravens game got out of players and I'm like great I'm going to be a great

freaking family member I'm going to not check my phone I'm not going to be obsessing. I'm not going to be like, oh, finish your football, he's working Christmas. I'm not doing any of that. I have 99% chance to win. I know it's not perfect,

but it's 99. Zay Flowers catches one touchdown for the other guy. I'm down to 46. I'm like, what the fuck? That's ridiculous. That's absolutely ridiculous. I don't, I don't,

I cannot tell you. It was, I think, the most disproportionately tilting experience I've ever had in fantasy. Math, you're on probation, sleepers, projections, you're dead to me. Hyvitz was like that.

Hyvitz, his team was like that, was like Tony Pollard trying to punch in that one-yard touchdown. Seriously, dude. I actually totally agree with this. Like, but I think it's not just sleeper. It's every, every app that I use for fantasy football, there is like a projection, like projected winner, projected amount of points.

I wish you could toggle it off. You know, you can turn off like Instagram likes. Like I don't want to see it. It just ruins my day. 100%. Like on Twitter, you can like, you can change who you can see, like, replies from and stuff like that. Like you can tailor it so like your mental health is strong. This is exactly what you should do on fantasy apps.

Like, but Hyphen, it's like to your point, it's 100% true. Like, for some reason, these in-game projections are like really negative. Like they just assume a player can't score a touchdown. Dude, they also, the idea, it's football. The idea, oh, we had no idea he'd get hurt, leave the game. Really? It's football. Oh, my God.

I just wanted to lose. There's been many a time where I look at those projections and I'm like feeling good. then like five minutes later, I look back. I'm like, what the hell? I think I've lost four games this year when I had over 90% chance of winning. Instagram is the right comparison because even though I know, like the part of my brain knows like, you know, I understand that, oh, I shouldn't put them in stock in it. It's like, it's been so finely tuned to speak to my lizard brain that you can't look at

it and not, oh my God, I'm getting so, I'm getting so angry. I can I talk? Oh, okay. Who did you lose to? I will say I actually ended up winning the game. Brandon, are you get the answer? Oh my God. He's so mad.

It's just the principal. What? It's a ruin Christmas. Brinna you caught. He had like 60 yards in the final 90 seconds in the game. After told me I would lose 80, 20. This tells you all you need to know about high fits. Snips, snap.

I have no idea the emotional toll, Craig. Snip, snap. So if you actually never checked your phone after seeing that you were at 99% and went to bed that night and woke up the next morning, you would have won and you would have no problem with sleeper. I would have, I checked 99, went back down to 18, went back up to 100. It was like, oh. Also, like, if you look at those, a lot of times it's, you'll see, like, for instance,

one guy has, is projected to score 140 points. The other guy is projected to score like 145 points. 90 to 10. It's like 70 to 30. I'm like, dude, that's like not very many points. That's a few big plays. That's the difference. They probably got like three interns in the back, like making that projection, live projection

algorithm or whatever the hell. I don't trust they're putting a lot of manpower into that. Yeah, also the, I feel like a Jets fan who if you just shut your phone off and enjoyed Christmas, like, oh, we won 30, 28, cool. You know, instead you were 20 and nothing, it's 27, nothing, 20, 27. All right. Other one, I got, I got to keep rolling here. Other area grievances while we're here. Kickers.

By the way, kickers. Can you tell whose idea this was? Oh, yeah. I was so mad. I was so mad. Okay. Also, Dustin Hopkins. You know what?

NFL player is really tough. I do not want. to besmirch the importance of injuries. Like players play hurt through all this kinds of stuff. And it'll seriously like, you know, obviously we would never make light of anyone's health or anything. Having said that, Dustin Hopkins. With all due respect.

With all due respect. With all. Dustin Hopkins, you, I swear to God, do you know what it's like to lose a fantasy matchup because your kicker got hurt and got two points? And the other guy had Jason Sanders for the Dolphins who had two. 25 and hit like four 50-yard field goals. And you're just looking at it, you're like, I'm so stupid.

I hate this stupid game. And I'm like, you know what? And you're the pro-kicker guy. I am the pro-kicker guy. I am. I stay with that. Having said that, just stay in the game, Dustin. And I was like, oh.

And then also, how long have we talked this year about the, why can't the punters kick? Just fucking kick. Well, the Giants punter did that last week. Pulled his groin because his leg different this week. Shanked three puns to the Giants. lost because of it because he couldn't kick the ball more than 20 yards. It's embarrassing. It's genuinely embarrassing that a punter tries to kick a field goal and hurts

his leg. I've always known the same way about baseball too. It's like a guy tries to beat out a fucking ground ball and like pulls his hamstring. I'm like what is the point then? If you're an athlete, you should be able to run to first base healthily. You can't run. You're a professional athlete. Your job is to kick the ball one way. You can't kick it another. Like let alone like even if you're not good at it. No big deal. You get injured doing it? practice it a few times. It's because they don't practice it. Look, NFL

teams hire me. Here's what I'll do. I'll come to your facility and I'll go hey, hey, punter, practice some field goals for 20 minutes every day. That's it. That's all. That's my whole job. Sign the check. Sign the check. Hey, kick 50 field goals before you head back home today.

Here, how about this? Maybe just like, use your muscles. Use other muscles, you know? Like, get on a a boat suit wall. Some of those Stretch all the muscles. Yeah. You lazy ass. Stretch all your muscles. Rather than just your quad.

Stretch all of them. Practice some field goals. Maybe your team will win. I can't turn left. Every sport has something like this. Like I've never had a good answer for when people are like, why can't the players just make the free throws in basketball? I don't get it.

Dude. That's my dad. My dad will never concede that LeBron is the best basketball player ever because he's like, he shoots 70% from the free throw line. How can you tell me the greatest basketball player of all time? Literally can't. make free shots. That's such a good argument.

That's the funny. He's like, he's just not. He's like, if there's one second left in the game and the bronze at the line, are you confident he's going to make it? Then he's not the best player of all time. Craig, why is that? Why is he such a bad free throw shooter? I don't know. Doing all the ads, you know?

Doesn't love the game. Michael Jordan was pretty good at free throws. Yes, he was. He was closed. No big deal. My single favorite football stat is that if you take out the Tom Brady towards ACL, the Bill Belichick, Tom Brady Patriots won the AFC East

at a higher rate than Michael Jordan made free throws. Jesus. What was this career number? 84%. It's technically condoms prevent 89% of pregnancies and the Patriots won the AFC East at 91%. So the Patriots prevented the other three teams from winning the division better than condoms

presented pregnancies. There have just like there are seasons where LeBron like LeBron made the finals in the 2016-17. He shot 67% percent. from the line? Yeah, literally two out of three, which I'm not saying it could do that. How is that possible?

I could do that. I think I could do that. That's the thing. I think the problem is, the best person you know at shooting free throws, the gap between him and LeBron would be about the gap between him and Steph. Because Steph, it's like a 30% difference between, you know,

stuff's at what, 91, 95? Yeah, stuff's like 92, 93. Yeah. It's like, you, we know someone who could hit 40%. I understand context and pressure and all that stuff, but like, and I'm sure LeBron shoots like 95% in practice, but. Man.

Dude, I would ever tell you guys I got to shoot free throws in college at like half time for free pizzas? It was like

Craig's thing but like it was the exact opposite Craig hit the freaking half court shot and I got 30 seconds shoot 10 free throws and I was a moron

How many did you have to make? Every one you made was a free pizza. Oh, okay. So I was a moron because the one thing of that,

I've never shot free throws on a clock. Right. You know what I'm saying? So you like, don't tell me you took like 15 seconds per shot. The opposite.

He's like Car Malone. out there. The opposite. I was so worried. In my brain, I was like, this is like pop a shot. I'm gonna run at a time. Oh, God,

and it was the opposite. I just started cranking him. And I shot all, and I'm actually a decent for you, just a free throw shooter. And I, and I made two at 10. Bricking him.

And I look up and there are 23 of the 30 seconds left on the clock. I shot 10 shots at seven seconds. How is that possible? I don't know, man. I was just, I wasn't thinking. I was unconscious.

I was thinking if I take my time and shoot. I'm going to run out of time. That doesn't seem physically possible. How many pizzas do you need? If you're like you make three to four, you get four pizzas for free. Two was good enough.

That's like a fine amount of pizzas to have in any given time. I feel like the perfect strategy. Every three seconds you get off the shot. I'm not going to do anything with these pizzas. And the guy at the college he went to, the guy who did it, he looked like like a dead ringer for carrot top. That was like our MC guy.

And we got a shoot and I look up. I don't think he had ever prepared for me to finish 20 seconds earlier. So he had nothing prepared. He was like, wow, how about that? Oh, so you only got, you used up all your opportunities, I see, okay. I use 10 shots and 7 seconds. No, I could not choose as many as you want it.

I don't say that's impossible. I know, one shot every three seconds is very doable. I'm surprised you didn't just immediately do that math in your head. You're like, all right, shot in three seconds. I didn't know the rules. They just pulled me up like, yeah, 10 shots, 30 seconds. Here's a ball. And I was like, oh, God, that doesn't sound like a lot of time.

That's so funny. God damn. What were we telling me, hearing creepy? Anything else? You guys want to, we could turn this in Aaron Child to traumas. I mean, public embarrassments, anything else? Yeah, I'm trying to think. Let's see.

For Fandall television here, what are my traumas that I can kind of unveil? I had a bird poop on me one time. I have also been pooped on by a bird. I was on a field trip in elementary school. It's a classic scenario where it's truly cliche, I know, but like there was a group of like 15 kids all standing in a semicircle around me, pointing and laughing. because I had poop on my shirt. They were like, nah,

nan, na, nah, you. Yeah. And I was like, I was trying to get help. Like,

somebody helped me clean this off and they're all like running away from me and just like screaming and stuff. Like, it was just, you know, they say that's good luck.

And I'm convinced that's one of those things that they say is. Good luck because some old, wise parent just told their kid that one time and then they just spread it.

And now people think it's true. It's like, oh, that's good luck. It's like, is it? It's just really inconvenient. Yeah.

You're just really, bummed out. Cloudy, oh, it's better for the pictures. That's actually, that's kind of true. Yeah.

And no shadows. So that's real. All right. You want to just some emails? emails. All right. All right. You guys had a fantasy court case

on Friday, which I'm not familiar with, but I think I can kind of act as an appeals court here because you've got a lot of traction on this. Craig, you had a friend accused of cheating? Yeah.

So the guy who was, in the fantasy semifinals. And I use their real names because they deserve it. His name was Jackson. Jackson is in the playoffs. He texted Alessandro, who is not in the playoffs and said, hey, you should add Tyler Boyd. So Logan, the guy I'm playing in the playoffs, can't get him. And Alessandro said, yo, this is collusion.

And Jackson's like, no, no, no. I'm just suggesting that you pick up Tyler Boyd. You would need him. You're trying to not lose, you're not trying to, you know, lose in the toilet bowl. Like, you should pick up Tyler Boyd. you have the most fab money. Like, you can actually pay to get him. And Alessandro immediately screenshoted that conversation and sent it to the group chat.

Just a whistleblower. He said, commish, this is this collusion. And Jackson immediately retreated and was like, oh, shit. If y'all think this is collusion, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to be. But my problem is, like I said, is I feel like, I've been the commissioner for 12 years of this league, I feel like the mayor of a city that doesn't have any crime. Because this is really the first infraction. I don't know what to do now

that there's been a murder in my city. How bad is this? Is this a big deal? What do I do? And then now that, for context, now that we're past the week, Jackson lost this week. So he's out anyway.

He's not in the finals. The ball don't lie rule applies. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I'm super wrong. He's in the finals. Oh, no. Okay, I'm glad you said that. Here's why.

Ball does. I think it's fine. I don't think there should be a punishment for Jackson, and I also don't even think it's that snake of a move. What? Really? Because here's, there's two different. different things here. It's clear-cut collusion.

We'll come back to whether it's collusion to second, but there's a different thing we have to establish first. There's a lot of people who are like, if you don't make the playoffs, you shouldn't make waiver ads because it messes with the competitiveness to the finals and so we have incentives to play because we have a loser's bracket

and if you're in last place as a punishment. I think that completely misses the force for the trees. If people are trying to win who are out of the playoffs week 17, that's a good league and all your rules, like no one should be like, hey, people who's like, didn't miss the playoffs. Ignore your teams.

Like, I just think that's the wrong thing to be doing. So I'm of the mind that especially and also if you, Craig, you have incentives. Like if you have a punishment or anything, I strongly think people should be like competitive

and steady their lineup. So you want to have a culture where people are all trying to win every week you need to use the playoffs. So if that's the case, let me ask you a different question. For D.K., my question. If you're in the semifinals

and you know, the other guy has, Josh Jacobs and Zemir White. And you text them, hey, just so you know, I know it's Christmas, Josh Jacobs actually got ruled out. You might want to swap Insomir White. And you want the other guy to lose.

Is that collusion? You're saying this to your opponent? I don't know. For whatever reason, like you want someone to lose. So you text the person playing them to remind them, hey, just so you know. Zemir White, you should swap that. Is that like wrong to remind someone that set the lineup?

Because that happens, you know, like the person playing doesn't realize they have a guy is out. I don't think that's collusion. I don't think so either. Because you're not colluding with anybody. Yeah. So my question is, what's the difference between reminding someone, this is a genuine question. What is the difference between reminding someone to play someone who's out versus suggesting, hey, you should add this player?

Because I think in the scenario you pose a DK, the outcome directly affects, like, all three teams in that scenario are directly affected by one another. And in my scenario, what happens to Alessandro has no bearing on Jackson? Like, Jackson is asking Alessandro to do something that it doesn't matter

for Jackson's team. You know what I mean? Here's my flip side. Here's my other reason I'm torn on this. Forget the specifics of situation. If one guy was just like, yeah, I added Tyler Boyd

because it's funny that you don't have him now. I'm like, isn't that the whole point of fantasy football? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, isn't it just like, yeah, sucks. I got him.

You can't have them. You're going to lose. So you think this is clean. It's kind of the reason we play. So you think there should be all these back channeling saying like, hey, how can we fuck these people in the playoffs? I never said it was clean. I said that there's a certain kind of dirty. That's funny.

That's all. So your ruling is not clean but funny. I think we send this to a higher court. I think the appeals court. I think there's a case here. You might have to elevate. I have a question. Did Jackson offer anything to Alessandro?

No. That's the thing. Merely suggested it since Alessonel. Sandra had the most fab money. That's why I don't think it's collusion at all. I think Haifitz actually is making pretty good argument here. I'm rethinking. I still feel like it's like he's texting him individually, which makes it feel collusiony,

instead of like texting the group like, hey, somebody picked this guy up. You know what I mean? Honestly, that's a great point. Would it have been collusion if Alessandro, if Jackson texted the entire group and said somebody should pick up Tyler Boyd, I don't want Logan to get him. Is that collusion? There's something snaky about what Jackson was doing. I agree.

I agree. I'm like rethinking it because Iifice makes a good. point. This is like a good appeal because High Fitz's example, I think, is relevant, especially if Alessandro has something to play for. Collusion is like, hey, you know that bar tab we had last night? You don't have to Venmo me if you pick up Tyler Boyd. That is fucking

cheating. Right. But like, hey, Tyler Boyd might help you win. It's merely a suggestion. And you're like, Tyler Boyd might help you win. And then you're like, if Alessandro then looks, it's like, Tyler Boyd would help me win and does it. How is that wrong? Like, to me, what's the difference between the good, You're at a restaurant and he's like, hey, man, what should I do? I don't know. I don't know.

It's like, where are we drawing the line here? Right. Like, is it collusion? If Alessandro hears me on a podcast say you should pick up Tyler Boyd? I don't know. I'm just, I don't know. It's just like, it's like, what did he do? He's like, hey, you should pick this guy up also would help me.

Like, this seems honest. I'm reading back at Craig's, Craig wrote in the doc, the fantasy court. So this is all Craig, but it feels like there's leading. There's some leadingness to it because Craig used the word, he, Jackson tried to persuade someone who is out of playoffs to pick up Tyler Boyd. That's not leading. That's that. That is accurate. No, Craig. Then you said the person who received this bribe immediately brought it to the group. Okay. It's not a bribe. And I think that maybe, that may be like actually worked on me a little bit there.

Can I tell you, can I give you a real take? Yeah. Alessandro's a fucking nark. I'm going to read you the actual screenshot. I'm going to remove the expletives. Says, are you going to pick up Tyler Boyd? Take him off the market. And Alessandra said, don't be colluding, you rat. And Jackson said, this isn't colluding. I'm telling you to make the best decision for your team. And Alessandro said, the team that's not in the playoffs, question mark, collusion. And Jackson said, all good, figured I'd check.

And Alessandra said, I might have to report you to the league. And Jackson said, report me. You're colluding by leaving him on the market, even though he'd benefit your team. Okay. I changed my mind. That's the most guilty sounding text I've ever. You know what the reminds me of? That's like Game of Thrones.

My favorite, what are my favorite quotes of Thrones is when they're like, they're like, the Tywin's planning to like screw over the Terrells and Circe's like, I don't know about this plan. It's like, it's not a plan. It's a plot. I'm back. I'm back to being this being collusion.

The back. It's not collusion though. It's not collusion. It's just dirty because collusion is quid pro quo. He was offered nothing. He was, what he said was, do you want to scry? Hey, Alessandro, do you want to screw over our friend? And he was like,

No. He was like, oh. And so I'd say, it's not a rule breaking thing. It's like a social, like, I think that the challenge to me is like, what was the rule? I think that Alessandro is saying I don't want Tyler Boyd. Jackson is trying to get Alessandro to do his dirty work. Like, he's trying to get Alessandro to do something that will directly benefit. He's trying to ensure Logan cannot get Tyler Boyd.

Yes, but if he had just added him, like, it's kind of funny. So what am I supposed to do? I don't know, Tyler Boyd at eight points. Who cares? Yeah, I was going to say, like Tyler Boyd, by the way, it's not like Tyler Boyd's a slam dunk addition either. No, I know. But yeah, judging after the fact, what if Tyler Boyd had

28 points? Like, I have to, I feel like I have to decide the punishment before the week had started and I didn't. People suggested that I should, like, however many points Tyler Boyd scored, I remove that from Jackson's score. No.

I remove the amount of points Tyler Boyd scored from Jackson's fab money next year. So instead of 200, he gets 192. I mean, the public shaming is probably pretty good. I think eight, eight fab points is probably good, especially, you know, this doesn't happen in your town a lot. I think the $8 off his fab is probably pretty fine.

Just like a little shot. The funny thing is, is Logan ended up getting Tyler Boyd and didn't even start him and lost. All right. There's your fantasy. Appellate ruling. I think that, you know, maybe we have to elevate this. We'll see what their respective. Well, hold on.

What's really? We slap on the wrist. Is it sticking with that? Some sort of like funny punishment. Yeah. Yeah. Docum eight bucks. You know why the tone?

I don't think he broke a huge rule, but the tone of his text, he knew what he was like kind of off. Also, it's just trying to be like a used car salesman about it. Oh, yeah, you're going to, it's not going to help your team? Come on. Yeah, for the backtrack. You know he immediately felt bad. It would let you know he was doing something wrong. Bingo. Next up here. Craig, word on the street.

Yeah. We've got some bad news about gentlemen's piss club. Somebody emailed us. Lucas, shouts out Lucas for emailing this. There was a Zillow video, some Instagram real, somebody made. In 2022, shows this house in Michigan, and there's like a, like a personal bar in the house. But on the opposite side of the bar. So on the inside of the bar is where, like,

the bartender would stand. You know, that's where you serve the drinks. There's the shelf behind you. But on the outside of the bar, like theoretically where the stools would be. And again, this is in somebody's house in Michigan. There are just two urinals, like, embedded in the bar. There's never a new and original idea, Craig.

That's insane. One of them has, like, a little step. It's for, like, smaller people. It's when you start drinking with your son. I think as much as I love our idea, I think that this is an insane thing to have in your own. house. Well, like, I don't really understand it. Like, is it so you can stand at the bar and literally pee while drinking and it's just a never-ending cycle? Like, it's, I don't know why it has to be

in the bar itself. Also, you know what the other part is? Who likes standing at a urinal? Like, if it's in your own house? I don't know about that. So I went on my bachelor party. We got a big cabin in Oregon. So I got like the, you know, the fancy master suite or whatever. In my bathroom, had this big walking bathroom, and I guess all bathrooms are walking, but it was a large bathroom. And there was a, there was like a private toilet room, but opposite to toilet, and you know what I mean? Like there's a bathroom, then there's like a private, a door separating the bathroom. But in the bathroom was a toilet, and opposite the toilet was a urinal. Nice. And I, I fucking loved it. Yeah. I think there should be urinals in bathrooms. I think it's great. I agree. But the problem is the

urinals in the kitchen. Well, it's not in the kitchen. It's in the bar in the basement. It's weird, but it's like, is this guy kind of at the ground floor of the gentleman's piss club? And should we bring him in? Is this guy a fucking genius? Or is he insane? We have to buy this IP and bring it in under the gentleman's piss club brand. Here's my question. My take. Two urinals is almost weirder than one. Like, like having none is the most normal. But I actually think the gap between having zero to one is wild. But having two urinals is crazy to me. That's a good call. How many people live in your house?

Like, how many times do you actually need to be at the same time? But why can't the two urinals just be in a room, an offshoot of the bar? Like, why does it have to be literally in the bar itself? You know what I'm saying? I think the two urinals in your own house is weird. I agree with that. I will say, though, pro-urinal in a home. I mean, think about the conflict of like the wife first husband.

You never lift a seat up. That's all gone. And it says water, I think. I always thought the urinal or the bathroom from New Girl was like, coolest bathroom in the world. You know their apartment, their loft? They literally have like a public restroom privately. Right.

Where there's like three stalls in a couple urinals and like a shower. And I've always thought like that should be the way all bathrooms are built just privately. I love that idea. Like imagine a master bathroom has like two stalls. You and your partner can go to the bathroom at the same time. You got a urinal in there so you don't have to lift the seat up issue. I think it's great. You don't wash the towel.

The towel washes you. You're clean. You have never washed your towel. He's like dry hewing. Shout out Arts District Brewing Co in L.A., which is directly across the street from the New Girl apartment. I know. That was like me going to Graceland.

When I saw it, we went, we met up at like this bar for our first post-pandemic thing, I think. Yeah, and I was like, holy fuck, it's the, it's the new girl Bloft. Holy shit. I was like, starstruck at a building. There's two buildings. I was like taking pictures of the building. I sent the picture to as many people as I knew.

Wait, email us. ring of fantasy football at jebill.com if other buildings you've been starstruck. We want to know starstruck buildings. What are the most, yes, like awe-inspiring buildings? I don't know. Like the most, the most iconic television and film movies or buildings.

The two buildings. Yon can tell me Plaza diehard is probably a big one. Yep. When I lived in Los Angeles, one of the many places I lived early in my internship tenure, there was a rouse that I got very sad, but I was working Christmas Eve because it was seven years at this point. And I got, went to

Ralph and I made myself some like, it's very sad like mini hot dogs or some, I don't know, something for Christmas Eve. Some very like manned dinner of 23 year old Danny. And then I watched Die Hard. And I was the Leo DiCaprio meme because when they zoomed out from Nakatomi Tower, the Ralphs I was just at was in the shot. And I was eating the food. No, no way. That's where I got it. That's where I got it. That was like thrilling.

Yeah, Nakatomi Plaza is, it's in Century City. Yeah, email, string, fancy, football, Gmail. I like this. Starstruck location. The Starstruck building rankings. I feel like a lot of people like the Friends apartment building. Yeah.

West Village. Picture that. Just like the one with like the big old windows. Yeah. The outside of it. People like that. You know, forever we always heard about like, oh, the friends that they could never afford that apartment.

I rewatched friends from the beginning. And actually, they explained it immediately. It was their grandmothers and it was rent controlled. So they could never give it away. I'm like, oh. Is that right? Perfect sense. Wow.

They explained it. Yeah. Hand it down. They both were? There's two of them, though. The other one was probably, but the huge one, because it's like, that would be so much money. So they're all Netbo babies. Yeah, exactly.

It was rent controlled and they just gave it to them. I'm like, oh, okay, they explained it immediately. Jack dropped in the chat, the Full House painted ladies from San Francisco. That's like iconic. Were they famous? I actually don't know this now that you say that. I thought they were just famous before Full House, but Full House didn't make those famous, did they? No, but they put it into, like, pop.

I feel like they put it into pop culture, like context. I would have been like, well, that's. a cool park in San Francisco, but now you know that is the full house. Oh shit. You know. I'm talking like for this category for what we're asking for emails is not like, oh, what's the coolest building you've ever seen? Because it's inevitably going to be like some cool, big ass like

architectural, you know, whatever. But I'm talking about like pop culture spot. I love the sagrata familia, but we're talking about the new girl apartment. That's what we're looking for 200 years. Yeah. I think so we got. All right. So that was mostly Festivus. Festivus doesn't end, though, until the feats of strength, DK. Until you pin me, this episode is not over.

So prepare yourself. Thank you, D.K., thank you, Craig. Thank you. Kai for producing his episode. Thank you, Jack, for help behind the scenes. Thank you, Tucker. Thank you, everyone for listening. Thank you, Jerry Stiller, legend, Festivus.

A lot of problems. Thank you, Lauren. We just got an email from a guy right now, popped up by my phone. The title of the email is, Who the fuck is Lorne? we get one of those a week we get one a week at least every

pod and I mean every single pot I've been waiting for the explanation for who the hell Lauren is I've gone through cycles of thinking hyphus is saying things like Lord Lorne Lauren and I've settled on Lauren for the past couple of years please help me have peace don't say it here's what I like

we've alluded to it probably every I think we answer it every 12 episodes probably but people just miss it and I kind of don't ever want to explain it We've answered it like twice and three years years. Yeah, every 12 episodes is crazy. Do we say?

Do we do 12 episodes every three weeks? Christmas present? And then there's still a ton of people listening. Yes, we should give this guy peace. Come on. He's asking for us. At the end of every Saturday Night Live episode, the host, thanks the musical guest, the cast and Lauren Michaels, the creator of Saturday Night Live.

And so we recreate that by having D.K. pretend to be a guest. We thank Lauren and then D.K. has to thank a band just like Saturday Night Live where there's so. So it's kind of like out of order, but that's fine. I like the idea that Haifitz says, thank you, Lord, at the end of every episode. We just thank Lord the artist. But is that, is that weirder than thanking Lauren Michaels?

I don't know. I'm talking about God. Oh, oh, our Lord is like, you know, like to sign the cross and like pointing up. Thank you, Lord. Somebody says Lord to me. I go L-O-R-D-E. Lord. Yeah.

Anyway, thank you, Lauren. Lauren. Thank you, Radiohead. Dude, that was, how did you not go Lord right there? That was just. I don't know. I don't think, I feel like D.K's not a Lord guy. No, I actually love Lord.

The Royals just rip. The first album is, that's like one I'll listen to like the entire way through kind of deal. It's so good. It's good. Green light is an absolute banger. Green light's good. Super Cuts good, too. White Teeth teens.

I don't know. What's the buzz cut season? There's so many good ones. Do we switch the radio head? I'm talking about Lord. Oh, Buzzcut season. I don't know that one. I don't know that one either

double check me I like the song I like solar power that that song was good I didn't like the album White Teeth teens Buzzcut season yeah I'm trying to remember

the other names Gloria and Gloria and Gore that's a good one the whole album's banger pure heroin Radiohead really getting shafted right here sorry radiohead Market corrected by Lord

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