The Ringer NFL Show - The 2023 NFL Draft Take Purge

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Welcome to the Take Purge. All NFL draft–related takes, including things you don’t actually believe, will be legal for 60 continuous minutes. All rational thought, logic, and professional credibility will be suspended. Check out our 2023 Ringer NFL Draft Guide here! Email us! [e-mail] Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, Ben Solak, Craig Horlbeck Producers: Craig Horlbeck and Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, before we get to today's show, just wanted to say that we recorded this Take Purge before the news that Aaron Rogers is going to the New York Jets. So keep that in mind for the part where Sollick says Rogers won't go to the New York Jets. Honestly, makes the take even spicier, though. We will be hitting the Aaron Rogers News in depth on our next show on Wednesday morning. But if you want instant reactions, you can check out the Ringer NFL show with Ben Solek and Shil Kapadia, which went up Monday afternoon. Okay, it is time for the Take Purge. This is not a test. This is your emergency podcast system. announcing the commencement of the annual take purge.

At the siren, all takes, including things you don't actually believe, will be legal for 60 continuous minutes. No players, coaches, or media members of any kind will be granted immunity. All rational thought, logic, and professional credibility will be suspended. The Ringer podcast network thanks you for your participation. May our take God Chris Sims be with you all. Welcome to the Ringer NFL Draft Show. I am joined by Danny Kelly, Ben Sleck, and Craig Whirlback.

Gentlemen, are you ready to cleanse your souls? I'm afraid. Yes. But I'm ready. I can't wait. Also, I have an announcement. I watched The Purge. You ruined the bit. What was it about?

I think you know what it's about. We did a rewatchables on it. What was it about? We did it rewatches on it like one, two months ago. So go back and check that out if you're interested. But I'm now well-versed in the Purge universe. Not the extended Purge universe because there's like nine of them. them, but I've seen the first one.

So we got the general, because we have been doing this for a few years and we'd actually never seen the movie. So we got the bit right. The purge is a safe space to say whatever you want, right? That's totally what it is. Yeah. And in the movie, they kill their neighbors because they think they're pompous and sold overprice security systems. And now we're going to just like rip off draft takes. I'm sorry, what? It wasn't even like a good thing. It was just like, I don't like the Jacksons. And the whole idea, the purge in general is like it's a day for people to purge their souls so there's no crime any other parts of the year. But in the specific first movie, the whole entire thing is about Ethan Hawk of Fallout Boy, who

famously, who sells security systems to homes for the Purge day, but he kind of like is running a racket and they have the biggest house on the block. So during the purge, all the neighbors break into the house and break in through his faulty security system and try to kill him because they hate them. That's basically what we're doing here is we're going to break in. Oh my God. Oh, shit. Wow. Okay. It's time.

We're going to get purging all these, the four months of draft prep. We're going to just get all these unwanted intrusive takes. Remember, we are not liable for anything we say in this next hour. If we get it right, absolutely. If we get it wrong, it was tape merch. It doesn't count.

There is no blue check mark. on this episode. You know? This is not us. Oh, wow. Timely reference. Do you guys get butterflies before this show?

I get butterflies for every show. Remember the butterflies you get before like a basketball game in high school where you're like, oh God, there's going to be a lot of people

watching me fail. Well, D.K., why don't you lead us off? Get some butterflies out of the life. You guys didn't have that. Purge the butterflies, D.K. All right.

So, guys, we've spent a lot of time talking about outliers on this show. This is the draft of outliers. I kind of think all the outliers are going to suck because they're outliers and that's why teams avoid them. I'm kind of worried about these outliers. Let's run through him.

Bryce Young. Look, he's small. He's too small. Colisea Cancy, his arms are simply too short and he's also too small, you guys. Duan Jones. He's honestly, man, he's just too big and slow. Emmanuel Forbes, flat Stanley or flat Andy, flat Andrew, whatever you want to call. He's going to have to, like, be grounded during windy game.

I want to call him flat Stanley. You're the only one who wants to call him something else. Whatever. Close enough. Two-dimensional guy. Is it going to work in football? Yeah. Deuce Von, 177 pounds.

He is going to get thrown around like he's a toddler on a football field. Tank Dell, 165 pounds. I do not care how fast he is. He's 165 pounds. There's a reason teams avoid outliers in size because they don't work at the NFL level. And I'm worried that I'm worried that. all these guys are going to suck. Or at least, let me put it a little milder.

Most of them won't work. Well, it's like, it's like Occam's razor, right? It's like, you know what? Sometimes the simplest explanation is preferable to the more complex one. Don't pick the guy with the weird physical trait. It's the Occam's arrested development. It's like, well, this never works for anyone else. But it could work for us.

It does feel like we've been doing that, like this entire draft process. Who is the biggest outlier, D.K.? Like, who has the most outlier equalities that you think will flop? Bryce Young. I mean, in my true heart of hearts, I don't think he's going to fail, but like, it would be the most, like, obvious thing that he would fail. Like, he's too small. Can I purge your take real quick? Please.

Purge your soul, Solek. Yeah, Bryce Young's going to fail. See, there we go. He's too small. D.K. said in his heart of hearts, I think he's going to be good. And my heart of hearts down on the fundamental core of my being. The pit. Ain't big enough, chief.

Call me when you grow. get large kid I'll put it to you this way I don't think Bryce Young is going to be good enough for long enough to A, warrant the first overall selection

and B, look like a good pick relative to these other quarterbacks even if Young is good in his initial years which I think like I will allow for that in this take purge like you know framework of how I think about

Bryce Young who'll be good in the first few years I think there's legitimate to a consultant where he's going to accumulate so many hits and so many injuries that his athleticism is going to go down. And then obviously the concussion thing is a separate conversation. You know, you're predicting concussions is very difficult. But recurring injury is going to be a problem with Bryce Young.

Kyler Murray is an example. Zach Wilson is an example. I don't want a short, slight quarterback who invites hits with his play style fundamentally. Once you introduce the details, Heisman winner, Alabama, very, very talented, it becomes very tempting. But I got to go back to fundamentals, go back to one-on-one, big people win football games. I have Bryce Young to NFL. Yeah.

So, yeah, I still have Bryce Young ranked very highly. And like I said before, in my heart of hearts, I think he's going to be good. But like, there's also a large part of me everywhere but my heart that's like, yeah, this isn't going to work. Can I... It's not going to work. Can I bring in my take now? Because it kind of dovetails off this.

Please. The first overall pick in the NFL draft is a bad pick. and you shouldn't want it. Craig, I have the exact same thing. I have on my list, having the first overall pick is the worst. You shouldn't go get it. You shouldn't want the first overall pick.

It's a bad pick. I totally agree. Oh, my God. Craig and I showed up to the same bank with the same mask, the same robbing equipment. I don't know how you rob things. Craig and I are there, maybe.

I like the same. Honestly, we could have very different explanations. Mine's probably dumber, so I'm going to do mine first. So, and I'll continue this by saying, I don't even think you should be the team to take the first quarterback off the board. Even if it's not the first off of all picking the draft,

just never take the first quarterback off the board. Unless there's a consensus generational talent. Years where there isn't a consensus number one, like a Trevor Lawrence, an Andrew Luck, are actually just doomsday clocks for coaches and GMs. The Panthers trade up to one. They're going to take Bryce Young, and if he sucks, the franchise stalls for like three to four years.

GM and the coach most likely get fired. But if you're the Raiders, and you let Will Levis fall to you or Anthony Richardson. Okay, they suck, whatever. Half the people thought they were going to suck anyway. They fell to you. You dump them in two years. Josh McDaniels probably doesn't get fired and you move on.

Even if you hit on the number one quarterback, I feel like you don't even get the praise you deserve. It's not like anyone saying Zach Taylor's killing it right now. Everyone would have picked him. Well, so that's the thing. Joe Burrow kind of root it, but you realize that the only number one picks in the 21st century to win a Super Bowl are like Eli Manning and like Eric Fisher,

who was like a washout for, for his first team. I want to run through the last 10 first quarterbacks taken in the draft and then what happened to their coaches after. Okay? 2013, E.J. Manuel. Head coach, Doug Marone, fired after one season. 2014, Blake Bortles.

Head coach, Gus Bradley, fired after two seasons. 2015, James Winston. Head coach, Lovie Smith fired after one season. 2016, Jared Gough, Jeff Fisher, fired during the season. 2017, Mitch Trubisky, John Fox fired after one season.

2018, Baker Mayfield, Hugh Jackson, fired after one season. 2019, Kyler Murray, Cliff Kingsbury had to buy a one-way ticket to Thailand to reassess his life and now he's coaching in college. Then you have Joe Burrow in 2020. No one gives credit to Zach Taylor. And Trevor Lawrence, Urban Meyer, fired after one season.

That's incredible. You're right? I will say, I think that it's like the other way around where it's, the coaches who have steered their teams to be in position to have one of the worst records in the league get fired because they suck and the team suck. Right. But to your point, Craig, I agree because I actually think that, again, I know I'm saying this for years, but a purge I've had for years is like, all the quarterback prospects

are probably good. The teams are bad. There's nothing wrong with the quarterback prospects. If you, like, the reason that the first guys don't work out is because those guys go to teams that fucking suck with coaches that are probably worse. And the ones that fall go to better teams. And it's like, oh, wow, Patrick Mahomes. like he's, Mahomes would suck if he went to the Cleveland Browns with Hugh Jackson,

but like he went to Andy Reid. I don't know if Mahomes sucked on the Browns. I don't think Josh Allen would have sucked. Yeah. I think Josh Allen would have sucked if he went to Cleveland, who's Owen 16 with Hugh Jackson. He would suck and we'd make fun of him all the time. The number one overall pick is a death sentence. I'd rather have the third.

So I have bad news for you about the third overall pick, Craig. So I went when I was writing about Rick Spielman, Mike Zimmer, and the Vikings. This was over a season ago. So the data isn't super updated. No, and I mean I'd rather have the third quarterback, not the third pick. I'd rather have the third quarterback every year, whoever that is. Well, stick with me here. So I went back and I looked at draft classes from 2010 to 2019 looking at the quarterback

selected in the first round, right? Of that there were 30 quarterbacks again, 2010 to 2019. team. Of the 30, 12 of those teams, 12 of those quarterbacks had winning records as starters. And generally, their coaches and their GMs stayed employed at like a decent click. For those 18 quarterbacks that had losing records in their starts, okay, all but four head coaches were fired within the first two years of that player being drafted. The four remaining two more were fired after year three. One, Joe Philbin was fired during year four. and then the last one was Cliff. And Cliff's gone.

Cliff got fired after year, what, four of Kyler. Cliff bought a one-way ticket to Thailand. Yes. GM-wise, it's basically the same thing. About 70, 80% of the general managers get fired after the first two years of drafting a quarterback who doesn't win. So you're absolutely 100% correct. It is a doomsday clock.

The moment you take it, I'm not talking to first overall pick a quarterback. I'm talking to first round picket quarterback. If you take him as a GM as a head coach, right we're including teddy bridgewater baby we're including brandon wied in a 22 packs unless you're 26 you take a first round quarterback and you don't win when he starts the head coach is fired 100% of the time mostly within two seasons don't do it pull a chris ballard save your job just never draft anyone forever in the last 10 years there have been more hits from the quarterback position from the quarterbacks that were taken fourth through seventh like

at the position than the number one overall quarterback. In the last 10 years, quarterbacks that were taking between fourth and seventh at their position, Justin Fields, Jalen Hertz, Lamar Jackson, Dak Prescott, Derek Carr. That's better than all of the number one picks combined in the last 10 years. Again, though, I just look at that list.

Dak Prescott, oh, the good picks. Dak Prescott went to a Cowboys team is the best roster in the NFL. Russell Wilson went to the team that had the best defense in the league. No, I didn't name Russ. Russ wasn't on that list. Well, Jaylon Hertz went to the Eagles, who had recently won the Super Bowl a year or two earlier.

like the Ravens had made the playoffs or it had nine and seven the year like a year before they had Lamar like landing spot. They're good teams. Yeah. Yeah. I actually have two different takes about the third pick.

So it's funny Craig that you specifically keeps. I know third quarterback, but the third pick in this draft, I have two different takes. Okay. The first is the Cardinals should just draft a quarterback. Ooh.

Just replace Kyler Murray. Just replace Kyler Murray. It's a safe space, Ben. It's a safe space. space. Oh, no, hit me. Please, go out. Literally, like, I, this, Kyler's the wrong quarterback for them and he, and they're the wrong team for him. Just break up. Just take Anthony Richardson and just let Kyler Murray go, Ben Simmons, just keep him away, let him stream and just, just hit the, let him stream. Let him stream. My take purge is this

for the Cardinals. It's the exact opposite direction. The Cardinals should trade three overall and everything else that they have, Buda Baker, DeAndre Hopkins, whoever is to accumulate so much 2024 draft capital that nobody else even tries to get Caleb Williams in the first overall pick

which I know we just said with Craig don't go get the first overall pick it's bad Caleb might hopefully maybe kind of sort of be one of those guys that that's got some

general rationalism to him right? He's a truly, truly unique passer right now right? He's the first guy to come out since Mahomes or people are like

oh like that might be a little bit of 15 there a little bit And so I think it's not take a quarterback at three. I think it's don't even be like, oh, Titans, come move up to three. We'll take 11. Like, no, Titans, come move up to three.

We'll take next year's first, next year's second, next year's third, and 2025 first. We would like all the capital to be ready for us in 2024. Scare everybody off from coming up to take Caleb Williams next year. Ben and I are in lockstep because one of my hot takes is that the Texans should not take a quarterback so they can tank again and get Caleb Williams because he's considered generational. Maybe that's why the Texans aren't going to take a quarterback because they don't fucking want one because they want Caleb Williams

because they think all these guys suck. They've been hype that's built. They know their roster is too bad. There's nobody they can develop a quarterback that they draft so get a good roster and then get Caleb and then have the environment to develop him. Wow, we have solved so many franchises already on the take courage for like 20 minutes.

Just lose games. Yeah, yeah. QBs are bad. You don't want quarterbacks. I'll even go a step further here. this is for whoever the Cardinals take a three or next year if they went and got Caleb Williams. Anyone that Cardinals draft, they should just pull an Eli Manning and refuse to play for the Arizona Cardinals. Yeah.

Just do the Seth Rogen from this is the end. Like, I'm not going. I'm not fucking going. When's last, has that ever, how many times has that happened? John Elway. John Elway got drafted by the Colts and was like, fuck you, I'm going to go to the Yankees. And then they traded him to the Broncos. And Eli Manning did it.

And Peyton actually did it too. he went back to college instead of going to play for the Jets. Oh, yeah, Kobe. In the NFL, I'm surprised you haven't seen it since. What does it? It's been 15 years? 20 years. Yeah, I know.

And that's the thing. I think Joe Burrow considered it with the Bengals. But, like, D.K. D.K. was talking the other day about Willie Anderson. And he was talking about how Will Anderson's like a great pass rusher, great against the run, this hard worker. You know, Will Anderson, this is me. But, like, I feel like, might be a defensive player the year one day.

Will Anderson's going to go to Arizona. And I'll never think or watch him ever again. He's just gone. He's into the ether. We'll never see him. This wonderful player will just disappear. Like, why should we send him to the Arizona Cardinals who deduct the cost of boxed lunches

from their players' paychecks? This is ridiculous. No free lunches. Like, harden these guys up. They're too soft. Oh, my God. All right. Well, thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

DK, do you have anything else you want to purge from your soul? Yeah, I've got a lot of things. As long as we're talking about quarterbacks, stick with this one. I should all just stop kidding ourselves. Will Levis is going to bust. This is obvious, right? Like, Will Levis.

Can you just bust? I have a purge. Don't say that. Say he's going to be a bust. Don't say Will Levis is going to bust. That's, okay. Who says it like that? You can't purge.

Don't say that to somebody's purge. That'd be like saying, hey, don't do crime, which is the whole point of the night. You say, I'm going to bust? People don't say that. Well, they do in certain context. will they add a few words maybe

Will Levis is purging something if he's busting he's going to be a bust Hyfitz, sorry I'm actually with Hyvitz on this one I don't think people say I don't think they say Will Levis is going to bust

I think they'd say he's going to be a bust right I've heard both ways it's a verb in this context like when Benyama's gonna bust I don't know it's a verb and noun it's no good it's a verb end of noun

it's like fuck you're right maybe people just avoid it in that specific context because it sounds like, ejaculating. It's like when announcers are like, oh yeah, like Joe Burrow hooks up with Jamar Chase. And I'm like, for anyone under 40, that just isn't what you think of. My parents, I'd always come home like, so did you hook up with Sarah last night? I'm like, mom, we're not, she's a friend.

That's not how you say that. Say, did you hang out? Well, yeah, my mom's like, oh, did you end up hooking up with your brother? And I'm like, why? Why? Don't, that's, uh, anyway. Okay, so anyway, we should all stop kidding ourselves. Will Levis is going to be a bust.

He is a hero ball quarterback, but he just doesn't have any heroics. No heroics are attached to this hero ball quarterback. He had seven, seven big time throws on 286 attempts for PFF, which is by far the fewest of the top quarterbacks in the class. And the biggest excuse we talk about when we talk about Will Levis

is how he was trying to carry this team on his back. He wasn't doing shit. He wasn't actually carrying anybody. I don't understand why we're so excited. about Will Evans. He's 24 years old. He got worse in 2023. Or he will be a 24 year old rookie. His internal clock needs to speed up. He drifts into pressure, spotty accuracy, spotty decision making, 23 interceptions in the last two years. He ranked 32nd in passing grade per PFF among the draft eligible quarterbacks this year. That is behind Bryce Young, C.J. Stroud,

Stetson Bennett, Jake Hainer, Jared Hall, Sean Clifford, who by the way, he couldn't beat out at Penn State. Max Duggan, Tanner McKee, and Anthony Richardson, DTR, Aden O'Connell, literally everyone

in the class. He's muscle bound, he's vainy. That's all I got. Why are we pretending he's going to be good? I love this. I have a Will Levis purge.

Oh no. Is it the opposite? I hope it's the opposite. In 10 years, Will Levis will be the only starting quarterback left in this draft class. Will Levis, last year.

We're going to check back in 10 years. Two years ago, I was like, it's going to be Mac Jones. And my Mac Jones meter is going, not that Mac Jones is the best now, but for that first year, he kind of was. And I feel the same way about Levis. To me, he's been talked about the least. People have the least confidence in them. And I trust everybody.

I don't trust anybody. So actually, whoever the media hates, I now like. So I think Will Levis will be the best quarterback in this draft. I think here's it. Here's Levis's greatest traits in the NFL's eyes. Strong arm. Tough sound of a gun. Banana peel.

Plays in an NFL system. That, Panapil. That form right there, that list gets about 19 opportunities to start in the league. Just gets chance after chance, after chance. Sam Darno. And see if you can do something here. And oh, he's going to, he's playing to Shane. system before and he knows how our stuff works and we're just going to cycle them through

and cycle them through and cycle him through. Meanwhile, Stroud, who like right now, like people are getting like, oh, like attitude problems. Like, I didn't interview well. Like that's people are talking about with him, right? Like Bryce Young, obviously you're talking about the size and longevity. And then Anthony Richardson, like, does need work, right? There's like, I think there's a lot of worlds in which Richardson ends up really good. There are a few worlds in which Richardson ends up bad.

Right now if you made me, if you made me bet starting quarterback 2033, one of the guys from this class, I would certainly bet on. Will Levis. He's the sort of guy... He's going to be 34 by then, by the way. Okay. So he's going to beat Ryan Tannahill, which is what Ryan Tanaughey is exactly right now. He is Ryan Tannahill 10 years removed. He's going to hang around. Will Lever's going to be around the league for so long, and everybody in the league is going to love him. And every time he plays, he's going to drive us nuts. And so long as he doesn't like, full on Carson Wentz, so like everywhere he goes, everyone hates him. He's just going to stick around.

Big, tall, strong, white guy who people like. He'll be playing into his late 30s. I think we're kidding ourselves. No, I'm all in on that. Ben and I was locked in today. I'm with D.K. I love the Levis. Like, what are we doing here? What happens when you have competing crimes during a purge? What do you mean?

There are no crimes during the purge. Well, right, but like, would be crimes. Like, is D.K. trying to murder somebody and I'm trying to kidnap them? Like, we're trying to do two separate things. It's like competing crimes during the purge. You guys both want to kill Ethan Hawk, but who can do it first? Yeah. But that thing is we're doing in opposite directions.

I don't know. I got a purge. Okay, so you're it. Yeah. The only quarterback in this draft class, this will be a start of 10 years from now will be Hendon Hooker. That's even better.

There's no way you had that. I fully endorsed this. He's going to be 35. Did you truly have that, ready? Yeah, no, I do. We are not planning this. This is incredible. This is the most take-per synergy

that's ever been. If you go through these guys, I'm like Anthony Richardson, would be a fifth round pick if Josh Allen was never born. C.J. Stroud is just an Ohio State quarterback with Hall of Fame wide receivers, and we all are trying to talk ourselves out of that being the thing, but that's the thing. And then Bryce Young is just like every statistical thing suggests he will not be able to play. And then there's Hendon Hooker, who's just going to be a second round pick,

and he's going to get to sit and develop on a good team instead of being fed to the woodshipper of bad teams trying to play quarterbacks early. and Hennon Hooker in the fourth year of his contract when he's 30 years old, he's just going to lead like the Denver Broncos to a Super Bowl with Sean Payton. He'll be making $800,000. I'd agree if he was good.

However. Bad. Here's the thing. I feel like no one knows who's good. I like this one. High Fitz. If Sean Payton takes Hennett Hooker in the second round, everyone's going to cut a pucker up.

It'd be like, oh, wow. Holy shit. remain so thoroughly un puckered. No increase in my puckering when Sean Payton takes out of puckered. Do you want to transition off the quarterback class and go to a different category? Or do you some more quarterback class ones?

I'm done with quarterbacks. I have one more quarterback one. Amy Craig. Kenny Pickett's going to be better than all these quarterbacks. Oh my gosh. All these Qisies are going to suck. And Kenny Pickett, AKA Kenny Thickett, is going to be better

than all the quarterbacks in this draft class. I think we get too much time with these guys. That's the problem. We've been, we've been staring at these four quarterbacks for three months and we've talked ourselves into all of them when in reality, none of them none of them make any fucking sense. Bryce Young is tiny. C.J. Stroud's not mobile and just play with Hall of Fame players. Anthony Richardson, I've thrown as many passes than Anthony Richardson. I'm sorry. Do you go Marvin Harrison Jr. in the Hall of Fame before he ever enters the NFL? Hell of you have. Like two months ago, Ben on one of the pods said that if Justin Fields was in

this class, he'd be the number one quarterback in the drafts. And since then, I've just tuned out. And I was like, I'm out on all these guys. You can't talk me into them. Kenny Biggit's going to be better than all four. That was off of, that was off of pre-draft grades. Still. It's worth noting.

Yeah, that's the problem. I'm good. I'm good on all these fuckers. Pass. Give me Kenny or give me death. Yeah. Can you explain to the audience why you call him Kenny Thickett, by the way? I guess, I guess his goal this offseason was to put on a lot of weight.

And he did. He put on, I think it was 15 pounds. He now weighs 23. What? And looks big. Like big pecks. His shoulders are way thicker now.

He looks like a man. He looks like everyone made fun of how small his hands were and he got really insulted by it. He's like, I'll show you. Maybe his hands are bigger too. Maybe he like is testing out some new technology. But. Oh, Kenny.

Look at him. He weighs two. 26. Broad shoulder at Kenneth. Yeah, so I'm kind of all in. We're going to have to adjust the rankings. We're going to have to go in and change some dials. See what numbers says that for Kenny.

Oh, filling out that practice jersey. He got wider. Yep. Now if you only you could learn how to not freak out in the pocket, he'd be great. Well, he doesn't have to now because he can take the hits. I saw a stat from, I texted you this too, Craig. I saw a stat from Jared Smola. That was over his last five games.

last year, Pickett led the league with an 88.9 pro football focused passing grade. Tops in the NFL. Now I'm gonna bust. Oh, God damn it. No one says that. I swear to God.

Has anybody started calling him Big Ken relative to Big Ben who's the next iteration? Fuck, that's really good. Wow. Big Ken. Holy shit. We just came up with something.

I think we came up with Bobby Tree. but it was so basic that like it was hard to prove. We should put this out so we actually can claim Big Ken first. What's better? Big Ken or Kenny Thickett? Both. Yeah, I'm going to say. First, I think Kenny Figgis is better.

Secondly, sadly, it's the take birds. So nothing we say here counts. You can use this. We have to say Big Ken on a separate real podcast. That's true. We get no credit for anything we say on this show. All right. Speaking of which, D.K., purge yourself.

Here we go. Fuck it. Darnow Washington is the next gronk. I've seen enough. He moves exactly like Gronk, lumbering oaf times like a million, but he's also actually fast. He is bigger than anyone on the field.

He can block. And even though he's like not, he has like almost no production in college. It's very, very minimal. He was playing behind Brock Bowers. It's like the Rochon Johnson excuse. Like he was playing behind the best tight end in college football. If you look at the numbers like efficiency-wise,

I got this from Scott Barrett at fantasy points. On a per reception base, his numbers were actually elite at receiving. He leads a class in career yards per target, raw depth adjusted yards per target, yards per reception, mistackles force per reception, yards after the catch per reception, an explosive play rate.

This man, every time he was given a chance to catch the football was making big things happen. And I think he's giving the next gronk. Can I, uh, Can I read you a quote on that note, D.K. Sure. So this is Sonny Dykes, who is the head coach at TCU before they play Georgia.

And he said, most teams, when they go with two tight ends, they're taking two players off the field and putting two average players on. Georgia's the exception of that. Their tight ends are exceptional. Like Rob Grancowski, they're wide receivers that are 270 pounds that can block. The guy saying that, Sonny Dykes, coached Rob Grancowski. Yes. At Arizona. Like, that's not like some guy that's,

Gronk's coach being like, yeah, Darno Washington's like Gronk. Okay, quick take, purge. I can't stand when that happens because the reason that happens isn't because Sunny Dikes coached Gronk, saw Darned Washington, goes,

he reminds me of Gronk for like all these real reasons. It's because Sunny Dikes can name six tight-ins and one of his Ronkowski. That is the truest thing about. Coaches don't know players that they haven't coach. So whenever coaches give comps,

it's always some incredible. dude they coach previously. They just want to remind you that they knew Gronk at some point. This is a thing that happens. If you read any of these like anonymous scouting tweets and articles and stuff about from anonymous scouts talking about players, none of

them know the names of anyone. It's bizarre. Like your literal job is scouting football. And they say, oh, the guy before him. Oh, the kid number 87. It's like talking to your parents about a new TV show. Jesus Christ. Learn some names.

Indiana Jones is in it and it's with the other guy He's played by the guy Who was that guy in that show Malcolm in the middle dad He cooks meth It's Indiana Jones is a therapist

It's good I do have a I do have a take perch About anonymous scout quotes All right Good Put your name on it sucker No

Named Scout quotes Kevin Charles A West Coast scout for the Raiders, who is not responsible for watching East Coast players, and his opinion on East Coast players will not affect the Raiders' draft board, has these things to say about these East Coast players. Firstly, okay, no one's, no one's going to read Kevin's comments about, like, Broderick Jones

would be like, wow, Kevin really likes Broderick Jones. That probably means the GM is drafting Broderick Jones, especially if we, like, clarify, like, okay, like, whatever, he's not his area. And so he doesn't write his official report. Secondly, all scouts ever. talk about is how nobody knows how much work they do and nobody appreciates them and how they should have better jobs. Put your name on it and be right and you get hired away in an instant, brother. What's the, I want anonymous scout quotes. I don't know how to how to change anonymous

into meaning actually named. I want numist scout quotes. Start putting names on these things. And then you'd also get less BS. You get less like, oh, I talked to his six brothers and they said that when he was, for he would bully them by keeping the toy blocks in his room and so he does not a team player. You wouldn't get any of that just total nonsense. If we had names on quotes, no more anonymous scout

quotes. This is Ben, this is because everybody's fearful now being aggregated. It's the aggregators. That's the real problem here. We got to get the aggregators out of here. The scouts heard about Google News and they were like, nope, we can't do it. Can't get aggregated. Well, there's anonymous scouts and then there's

also Q anonymous scouts who were just the ones that like worship Brock Purdy. That's right. I think Brock Purdy is Q. Yeah. Take Perch. Brock Bertie. Q.

Purti's Q. No, but like I think it's possible. Hey, everyone. Just want to let you know that Fandall let us design a contest. So you can play the ringers draft to pick them on Fandall for a free chance at a share of $10,000 in prizes. We got to design what we wanted to do for a Fandall contest. So you can just make your picks for the first round of the draft and which teams are going to take which players. And then also how many receivers?

seeers go in the first round. What's the last position in the draft? Stuff like that. So the more picks you get right, the better chance you have to take home a bigger prize. Download the Fandall app or head to Fandall.com slash ringer draft and get your picks in before they get their picks in for a free shot at a share of $10,000 in prizes. Fandall.com. Fandall.com. Fandallner. No purchase necessary. Aging location restrictions apply. Prices are paid and non-withdrawable site credit based on user entry method that expires seven days after receipt. Voidware prohibited. See full terms at fandle.com. Gambling problem, call 1,800 gambler. All right. I like I like what we've been doing. here. I like Darnell Washington as gronk.

I like that a lot. I like Brock Pertius Q. We've got good stuff here. I have something special prepared. All right. So last year I had a, I had just a petty crimes purge where I just named a bunch of players that I thought weren't that great. And then Craig said on

the show, he was like, next year I watch you just come with a bad list. Like, just come with a whole list, just players who were bad. So I wrote a poem. And I'd like to read it here for my take purge. The NFL drafts super tough. Some guys just don't got the guts. So for our take purge, I brought a funeral dirge.

Here is my sonnet of busts. There once was a rusher from Iowa. Rishon Gary, he played in the stila. His name's Lucas Van Ness, but I think he's a mess. And nothing else rhymes with Iowa. Wow. Van Ness isn't the only big edge through whose film I was forced to dredge. Miles Murphy, Keon White.

I guess Tyree Wilson's all right. but on none of these, a draft pick would I pledge. Hedgett Hooker Hipe is a conspiracy, specifically designed to piss off me. He's produced quite a bit in an offense that fit, but he is old and has a torn AC. L. Jordan Addison is about my size.

At theme parks, Tankdale can't ride the big rides. And I don't want to try it with Jalen High. I almost got through it, Dan. Yes. Jordan Addison is about my size. At theme parks, Tankdale can't ride big rides. rides and I don't want to try it with Jaylon Hyatt, but Zayflowers, Josh Downs, those are my guys.

Atatomiwa Adabare, Felix Anadukee Uzoma, Jack Campbell, Noah Sewell, Henry Toeotoh, all have the correct number of syllables for their respective lines in this limerick and they aren't that good. Dolan Kincaid has a bad back, and Tank Bigsby is a bad back. Emmanuel Forbes lacks strength, Kalagicancy lacks length, and Brian Brzee, you can have that. As a poet, I've knocked off some rice.

But as a scout, I'm on it. So trust. These evils are strong. I won't get any one of them wrong. Thanks for listening to my sonnet of busts. Wow. That was incredible. Fucking good.

Dad, I can't see too well. Is that Bill Shakespeare over there? I did that while I was mowing the lawn today. It's just me mowing the lawn in my head going, does this have the right number of syllables? Yes, okay. Then stopping, taking out my notes app, writing down a line, putting it back in and keep going.

I'll never forget. I'm not going to try it with Jalen Hyatt. I don't want to try it with Jaylin Hyatt. I knew if a line was going to make me break, it was going to be in Tank Dell at Beambarks, can't ride big rides. I was so close to getting through it. I saw Hyphitz fall out of the screen and I lost it. That was amazing.

Nothing else rhymes with Iowa. That was incredible. Wow. So that's my bad list. Thank you. And you know what? We're going to give you credit for these outside of the Take Purge. when we look back on this,

this will not be anonymous. This will be a poem by Ben Solek. My sonnet of busts. Which is technically not a sonnet, but who cares? I got one that kind of dovetails off of that a little. Does it rhyme? No. D.K.'s like, I have a rock ballad.

How much can you dovetail off that? It's a space opera. D.K's like, Ethan Hawke, why don't you come on out? We have a song to perform. Can we, can you, by the way, can you explain? the Ethan Hawk thing. It was actually just an interstitial at the middle of a song.

Yes, in the last episode, D.K. thanked Fall Out Boy, and Fall Out Boy is performing at the NFL draft. I looked up, Fall Out Boy, they had a new album come out this year. One of their songs is featuring

Ethan Hawk, the actor, from The Purge. And I listened to the song. What are the odds of that, by the way? I know, right? He's the lead of the purge. Everything is coming up.

Bring her draft show. It's not even a song. It's like a one-minute interstitch. of him like talking about the existential dread of life. That's because the security systems he made weren't that good. That's right. He lived through the purge and now he's just like everything he sees is in gray. All right.

Well, no, I don't have anything like that. Why didn't you save that for the end? How was anyone supposed to follow that, by the way? I apologize. I didn't. I was really excited about it. I want to make sure I did it. No, that's amazing.

It was great. It was great. But you did mention several of the receivers. I feel like everything we've heard. over the last couple weeks is that this receiver class sucks. I think I read in one of those anonymous scout reports that this is the worst receiver class in like a decade. Here's my take.

Put your name on it, Daryl. This receiver class, it's good. It's fine. I actually like it. Here's the deal. Jackson Smith and Jagba, I think, deserves to be a top 10 pick. You can talk about some of the question marks with Addison,

with Hyatt, with Quentin Johnston. But if you go into the second, third round, I think there's some really quality future starters in there. Josh Downs, Marvin Mims, Cedric Tillman, A.T. Perry, Jaden Reed, Tyler Scott, Michael Wilson,

Xavier Hutchinson. And that doesn't even include like the little itty-bitty guys like Trey Tucker, who I like. I think this is gonna be fine. It reminds me a little bit of the 2019 draft

where it was like really light at the top. There was two first rounders, Marquise Brown, and Nikiel Harry. But then day two and day three, we saw Debo, A.J. Brown, D.K.

Deontay Johnson, Terry McLaren, Hunter Renfro, like some studs in there, some starters in there, some good players in there. I feel like this could be this class. Everyone thinks it sucks, but it's good. This is the year little guys. Little guys. Yeah, and I didn't even mention the little guys.

Like, Tank Dell might play a role as like a wide receiver three somewhere. I'm not going to play a role on a roller coaster. I'll tell you that now. Anyway, that's my take. Shouts out all the short kings in the NFL. No, but I super agree. DK because like, okay, wide receiver classes that are super strong coming in

and they have a bunch of first round picks. Wide receiver classes are always made good by the amount of second rounders and third rounders and fourth rounds who are able to find starting jobs. Like it's always the depth of it. It's always how many people are at the position. And that's why like it's fun to talk about the top guys. But like this class is going to be made by Cedric Tillman hitting

and Marvin Minns hitting and Jaden Reed hitting and like a lot of guys that like... Mingo. Trey Palmer. Yeah. Exactly. They're incrementally popular. But they're going to get to good spots.

They're going to play on good offenses. they're going to hit. Like, there's just so many bodies at wide receiver that a lot of them are going to be successful. Boom. That's an excellent take. I love that, D.K. Hyfitz, you got anything else?

What do you got? I know. Hyfitz. Give us something. Give us some fire. Roger Goodell is underpaid. No. Fuck you.

That's a banger. That's a banger. What does he make? $60 million a year. He deserves more. Oh, fuck. That was like a really good one. So that was beautiful

That was a clean three-point shot Gorgeous for him Dude You still got it's true though Right to the heart right there So there's like Dan Snyder bought Washington football team

20 years ago For like 800 million dollars He's selling it for like $6 billion dollars The time that Dan Snyder owned that team They had more name changes Than they had playoff wins The team was accused of like

sexual harassment Toxic work culture Bank fraud stealing money from other NFL owners and Dan Snyder and this team were investigated by the NFL, the FBI, the IRS, the DEA, and Congress.

And in exchange, he's going to profit 600% and make like $5 billion profit. That's not going to do with Dan Snyder. That's because of Roger Goodell. Can you list all the governmental agencies that investigated them again? The DEA, the FBI,

the Congress. I think people, like, people forget, like, this guy, this team, was so bad that people don't even talk that this team's headquarters was raided by the DEA. The DEA, the FBI, the IRS, and Congress.

And we just spent all our time being like, where's that NFL report? Like, there's so many. 600% return on this freaking business. I mean, this is the problem with sports in general. It's like, if you just grabbed a team in the 90s, you don't have to do a good job. And now you can make like 10 times your money.

because of just like television rights and inflation and general interest and like TV, everything moving to streaming and sports being the only thing that cable is on cable anymore so like they can get way more out of the ads. Like you can just be a terrible owner and make a ton of money by owning a team. Yeah, it's because your business can't fail. That's what an incredible industry that Roger Goodell has built here. What an incredible system. It has nothing to do with Roger Goodell. He just happened to be there. He's just saying, man.

He just fucking hangs out. He made every owner like $4 billion. The secular decline of like broadcast television and the rise of streaming had nothing to do with Roger Goodell. And people liking watching dudes hit each other. That has nothing to do with Goodell. I. How much should he get paid? Oh, like 120.

Should it double. Million? Yeah. Dude. Love the take. Do not agree with it. but it's an amazing take. That's a good one.

Roger Goodell doesn't do shit. That's a better time. I could be the commissioner of the NFL. That would have been the insider $6 billion. Highfitz, you would be a very good commissioner of the NFL,

I feel like. I'm going to get that going. Can you like elaborate? It's a good commissioner of this podcast. Can't be any much harder than this. Honestly. Hyphus is too much of a good guy. The commissioner of the NFL

has got to get down in the muck. You know, he's got to pull some strings under the table, break some laws. That's not Hyphitz's game. I don't know if I could strong-armed Jerry Jones. I got to tell you guys.

I think I'd get sweet talk real quickly. Roger Goodell's killed like seven people probably. Hyderick isn't capable of that. Over under 6.5. Not directly, but he's arranged it. Arranged it, yes. Over. Arranged over?

All right, I accept. Arranged over. While I'm take purging, I also think Will Levis was right. We should all eat fruit peals. Yeah, man. The skin of fruit and vegetables. is chock full of vitamins and nutrients.

It's true. Like I was looking at vitamin C. For the skin of fruits and vegetables. I'm so happy for it. No. Why are we good with some skin, though? It's just a PR problem. Like apple skin, no one has a problem with that.

Orange Rines have twice as much vitamin C as the actual fruit itself. Kiwis, just eat the fuzz. Just eat the fuzz on the kiwi. It's really good for these antioxidants. I kind of push back. The fuzz, the textural issue there, I don't know about that. But like normal skin, I'm down with. that.

Tight skin. The skin on an apple is like one millimeter thick. The peel of a banana is like dense. Yeah, but

I mean, potato skins are really thin. Some people don't like to eat those. But here's the thing. There's antioxidants. Generally correct,

I would say. There's antioxidants in the banana peals in the orange rinds, which expand your blood vessels. And I think that's why Will Levis is so vascular.

Wow. You're probably right. That or maybe like she's on trend, but we don't know. you know, banana peels and trend. Maybe that's the secret concoction there. Is it the banana peels?

Is it the creatine? Who can say? Banana peels just gotten a bad rap. I'm telling you. Mario Kart ruined the banana peel. You trying to eat it? Monkeys eat the banana peel. Okay.

That's great for monkeys. Are you trying to eat it? Listen, we came from monkeys, and it's because they ate banana peels. And now we stopped? And that's definitely the biggest evolutionary difference. I will say pre-enciled tales. I can dig that. D.K., you got another take, Perch.

I'm all out. Oh, you're out? So lack? By the end of the first round of the NFL draft, Aaron Rogers will be on a team that is neither the Green Bay Packers nor the New York Jets. Whoa. Is it the Niners? Intriguing.

Sure. Titans? Raiders? Anybody. There are too many teams that want a quarterback. to fill with just the four top guys and also even fill with like the four guys plus hooker who's apparently going round one

which is a conspiracy designed to piss off me. The, this situation's been going on for so long too, right? There's very clearly a disagreement on draft capital between Joe Douglas to GM of the Jets and Brian Gutikin's to GM of the Packers. If you were in Brian Gutikun's shoes, the number one thing you'd want to do right now for the Jets, like to get more out of them,

is to find a potential second suitor. Right now, this is a closed market. It is presumably just the Packers and the Jets. And that's why the Jets get to say, no, we're not trading that, and then feel like they can sit and wait and outweigh the Packers. So if you can go get anybody else, get anybody else to say, oh, we're going to trade this second round pick and this potential future first round pick,

you then put massively put the screws to the Jets. Now, there's a lot of issues with this. Cap, Aaron Rogers, wanting to go places. how do you get Alan Lazard to the new team? He just signed a deal with the Jets. Obviously, that needs to get done. That's the take is Lazzar's getting traded. Yeah.

Yes. I think this is just, the Raven should just flip Lamar to the Packers for Rogers. That I'm unwilling to purge that. That's got to keep that one inside. So Ben, who's the starting quarterback for the Jets week one? Like, dude,

Carson Wentz. Oh my God. Oh, my God. That's what it's going to be. The Jets fans. Tanner McKee. I don't know what's going to happen to like Sean Fantasy and all the Jets fans. Somewhere Sean Fantasy is listening to this episode and he just like dropped whatever he was holding.

Yeah. His slow motion. Mouse is hovering over the Terminate button on my contract and whatever portal. It's like the usual suspects. Yes. I was just going to say that. The slow mo drop of the mug. It's just like different angles.

Yeah. You see the mug hit the ground and shepherds? from like four different angles. I have a second quarterback trade take. All right. At the end of the NFL draft, the following quarterbacks will be Houston Texans. Davis Mills.

Trey Lance. Mac Jones. Both of them are just going to go get both? The entire 2021 quarterback class is descending on Houston, baby. Oh, my God. It'd be a good reality show. You don't need to trade two to go get Trey Lance. I would also argue you probably don't need two to go get Mac Jones,

but you can fold two into a trade that then you move back and you get 14 for the Patriots, then Mac Jones goes to two, yada, yada, yada, whatever. I think that the Texans are about as serious as they can get in terms of saying, yeah, we're going to stay at two drafts, Will Anderson and not take a quarterback. But if you're going to sell that to ownership, if you're going to sell that to the McCain family,

then you have to have a viable, this is how we make sure we have a young quarterback in the building plan that isn't conditional on, oh, and we'll trade up from 12 to 7 to go get Will Levis, who we love so much. Because apparently the culture taking Will Levis and four. So, like, you have to get a young guy in the building that's not conditional on the 2023 NFL draft. So trade for trade lands.

And then you're saying there with two overall, and you're like, yeah, we're going to take Will Anderson. We love Will Anderson. And teams start calling. And now all of a sudden the Patriots are on the line, saying they want to give you Mac Jones, and you're Nick Casario, and you were there when they draft the Mac,

and you like a Mac Jones, and Bobby Sloics, your OC, and he worked with Trey Lance. Now you've got lots of young players, lots of young quarterbacks, opportunity to develop and compete and see who the best of them is and protect yourself from injury.

Yeah, everybody, the entire 2021 quarterback class is going to Houston. Next year, Bears are trading fields? Texan. We're just going to collect all of Zach Wilson when he gets cut. Taxin, all right? Everybody's going to Houston.

Love this. This would be a good reality show. I remember when the Panthers had Baker and Darnold, I was like, that's so awkward. But this is like, this should just be like Love Island, but it's just quarterbacks from the same draft class. They just hang out together,

just like spend all their time together. That's actually not a bad idea. They all auditioned and only one of them can stay in the NFL and start for the team and the others have to like leave the league, go to the XFL. That's pretty good. This goes back to our take from last year, but we purged, which was the draft is just bad and dumb.

It shouldn't be a draft. That's what it should be. It should be a rotating island of teams, right? The first team, like, you know, you compete at their camp for a week and then they get to choose who they want of that group and the rest of them have to hop on a plane and go fly to the team with the second overall pick

competed their camp for a week. And it's just politics and you can vote people off the island you get immunity idols. Good television. I'd like to follow up on this because this is my final take. Is that the NFL draft broadcast is the worst show in sports television? And TBH, I'd rather just skip it.

I hate the NFL draft. It's bad. Could have been an email. It's bad programming. And my solution is this. I think the NFL draft should be the day after the Super Bowl. Ooh. There we go.

Imagine. Craig. Craig, I'll want up you. Okay. During the Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Yeah. Super Bowl is on 80.

Yeah. Super Bowl is on 80% of the screen. When when the game starts, round one, pick one is up on the clock. And by the time the game is over, we know who's picking 31, who's picking 32, and they're on the clock. Be ready to go.

Move right now. Yeah, your team is swimming around to the confetti and your GM is just like, go get Edge 4. We need them. Yeah, I'm watching the Super Bowl and I get a notification. I'm like, oh, cool,

the Steelers got Peter Scurrancy. That's all I want. That's all I need from the NFL draft is a Twitter alert telling me who my team picked. I don't care about anything else. I'll one up it here. The day after the draft, or the day, sorry, the day after the Super Bowl or the day of the Super Bowl is the NFL draft.

Combine, Pro Bowl weekend. Bye-bye, Pro Bowl. Yes. Combine time. Yes. Then we don't have to do the three months of this media cycle. It's just a glorious day of chaos the Monday after the Super Bowl. I love how every take purchase become Craig being like,

how could we like just not do any of this podcasting that we've done for like the last three months. It's just too long. It's too long. But the, my tweak is like, I just think the draft should be more conducive to the United States of America being a free country where people can choose what cities they live in and where to live. And like, I'm just bringing the freedom back, like let people choose where to work. Again, we're just exiling Will Anderson to the Arizona Cardinals. It's like, God forbid, if these teams had to recruit, I think it should be recruiting season. So we actually, like college, like where we actually would get updates and things would happen.

And we could track planes and be like, oh my God, like Bob Kraft is flying here. Because I bet the Cardinals wouldn't charge the guys for boxed lunch if they actually had to convince people to work for them. Yeah, but here's my counter to that. Everybody hates the college recruiting system. It sucks. You know what they wish it was more like the draft?

How is it fun that Georgia just gets every five star because they pay the most money? Like, that's terrible. So we're just like out on capitalism. I have a, yeah, I have a plane related take to purge. Okay. Flying all these dudes around for all these top 30 team visits

is the biggest waste of jet fuel that man has ever conceived. Terrible for the environment where it's like, it's like today, Will Levis is visiting the Vikings in Minnesota and then tonight will be in San Francisco visiting the 49ers. Tomorrow morning he'll be in, New York visiting the Jets and then down in Jacksonville that afternoon. Will Levis by himself in a PJ just getting thrown around the country, horrendous jet lag

racking up miles. It's going to be able to buy a whole flight for him and his family for a week-long vacation with all the mileage you gets. We Zoom. We did it during COVID. We did it during COVID. It was okay. You can draw pictures.

You can do whiteboard stuff. Just Zoom, man. No more flying all these poor young men around for a month. I guess basically like secondary take purge. I'd like to do a show with all the top prospects where we bring them on and we just rank airports. These guys have got great data. They've been at every airport and throwing luggage around in and out fast.

I feel like we get some good information. Are they going to airports? Are they just going to like private jet hangers? Depends. Probably private jet hangers. If it's the Cardinals, definitely airports. Let's put these guys in. Let's put these guys in coach.

A little character test. See how they. I love the idea of tracking the carbon emissions of the draft process. Of like, if we just had a great idea during the Super Bowl, it's like all these owners, 32 different owners didn't fly into the combine with their, like, wow, we could save the planet.

We got to get Greta Thunberg on this or Tunberg. How do you say her? I don't know how to say her last name. Thunberg. I don't know. Got to get her to start rallying against these 30 visits. Everybody always loves, like Belichuk loves to tell that like cute story.

of gronk falling asleep during their pre-draft meeting. And you're like, oh, gronk, what a silly, what a silly guy, what a goofball gronk is. Then you realize the worst jet lag in the history of all time. All these guys do is fly around for a month. I feel for them. And I also feel for the atmosphere and the ozone layer. These 30 visits are literally the reason the oceans are rising.

Get rid of private jets from Ben Solek. No more private jets. Amen. There's a great Twitter account. I forget the name. It's called like Private Jet. tracker, like flight tracker. And you can see anytime a celebrity takes off

in a private jet, you can see where they took off from, where they're landing, and how much jet fuel and how much money it cost. Does Twitter kill that? It's like a high school kid. Yeah, Elon Musk offered that guy like five, he's like a 15-year-old five grand to shut it off and the guy wouldn't. And then he bought Twitter. Five grand. And it was like, kids, general rule, when the richest man of the world offers you five grand, it's probably more than five grand. So as far as I go, kid.

I'm like, we got to get Roger Goodell running Twitter. He'd write the ship. There we go. I just, we didn't hit Bichon Robinson. I just wanted to say that there are four different centers I would take in this draft over Bichon Robinson.

I wanted to have a take that was like Bijon Robinson is going to be overrated and I just couldn't get there. I know, Craig, I did the exact same thing. I even wrote it down. I was like, Bijon's going to bust. I was like, no. I'm fortunate. I don't feel that in my heart.

But dude, Joe Titman? Hell yeah. I almost had a, E. Jean Robinson isn't just going to win offensive player of the year at some point. He's going to win MVP. And then I was like, I yelled up the nerds last time.

I don't need to give them bait this time. Pump and dump. I don't know what that means in this case. More? It's kind of like what this is going to bust. Do you have enough earlier? You guys are talking about eating the skin and all that. Give me a break.

I didn't think about it that way until now. Eating the fuzzy skin? I don't know. that reminds me I was looking at there's a science Instagram account that I follow or TikTok or whatever which is it like well it's a Instagram account that just post TikToks

you know what I mean so it's like the same fucking thing the the meme on TikTok and Instagram where it's like man I should call her have you guys seen this yeah I don't know why but it's the funniest fucking thing I can ever imagine there was one there was like a pick like it was a science Instagram and it was a person

squeezing a fruit and all this juice was coming out. And the first like top rated comment was just, man, I should call her. Just, just cackling by myself. Yeah. No, I, I can get you. It's like a chicken breast cut in a certain way and someone's like, man, I should call her. I've seen this. It's so funny.

The comments on the comments are like infinitely better than any of the TikToks. That's my take. That's a good take. Thank God that was within the purge. The siren hasn't played yet or else you. Oh. Oh. We slipped it in

in the end there. Fun it's done. Slipped it in. I feel lighter. I feel I feel better. I feel pure. I don't even remember what happened

for the last hour. Can't wait for all these quarterbacks. Can't wait for all these quarterbacks to be good, especially the one drafts the first overall. What a great pick, the first pick in the draft. The Panthers are a lucky team. Awesome.

That Roger Goodell should really be donating a salary to firefighters and teachers. Anyway, I got to go catch a peach. which I'm a big fan of. I was debating my first take being like something super like boring and like serious. Like I would just come in and be like, I don't think Christian Gonzalez really is going to be able to match the physicality of the NFL

and just see what you guys said. I would like it. I'd be into it. I know. I was going to say Ben would answer it very earnestly. Probably. Yeah, I would have no idea what was going on. We did it.

Thank you once again to Chris Sims. Take God. Chris. None of this would be possible without you. I mean, he is truly an inspiration for this show. Will Anderson, Edge 5. I wish we could have a presenting sponsor from a person. Like if this episode could just be sponsored by Chris Sims.

He've Venmoed us. We've Venmo him. Oh, that's what I mean. Yeah. Is that how advertising works? I don't know how it works. well no they would pay us to be the presenting but in this specific case we would be paying i would i would pay chrisons for him to sponsor the podcast by the way i have a buddy who's in advertising and he like

gets so mad every time we talk about it he's like what is wrong with you it's not that complicated at crissure a creature ask him about the separators on the conveyor belt it's hard man i don't know how this shit works. We don't talk about, we don't talk about accrujure enough. It's so bad. Are people in Pittsburgh just like boycotting that name?

Like, when are they finally going to give in and be like, all right, fuck it? I think it's going to be like fascism where it's like you've got to wait 100 years for everyone who remembers the Heinz to die and then we'll just start over again. Because I hear people say crypto.com or crypto instead of staples. But acrycher is so much harder to pronounce. It's not the same. It's not. It's acrocher.

It's not a thing. Sorry, Accrecher. point. The difference is that Staples, one, no one cares about. And two, it's not like an LA company. Hines is a Pittsburgh company that sponsored the Steelers. And it's just like, no one in LA is like, man, that's Staples. What a, what a pillar of the community.

I know. My take was that Staples was a dumb name, but we just got used to it. What's cool about Staples? When you go to a Staples, you're like, hey, that's where Magic Johnson's going to play in Staples. Cool. Also, dude, there's how many like 14 year olds

actually know what staples even are? Most of them. Do they get paper? What paper do they get in school? What do you about, Danny? Danny, Danny, they're in school. Are you securing pieces of paper together, Daniel? I don't know.

People still use paper. It's not obsolete. Do they? Yes. Paper clips, two transient, gator clips, too flashy. Things are getting stapled, man. Also, I'll saw. like to acknowledge that I know that it was not called Staples Center when Magic Johnson was there

because Magic Johnson was playing in the forum. I just wanted to let you all know that I know that. Just get ahead of all those emails. Yes. But you, did you mean like Bill, if he's listening, like Bill texting you and being like, Magic didn't play in Staples and just getting ahead of that? Anyone. Anyone who's going to come after me?

Craig, honestly, I'm surprised you didn't use the Take Purge to try to be like, you know what? Drayman, like, Sabonis deserved the Stomp. Dramon did nothing wrong. Well, see, I think that outside of the Take Perch, Wings. I think that anonymously to use Ben's word. Anonymous. Quote me on that. He grabbed Draymond's leg.

I don't know where else he had to stand. He grabbed his leg. And Demontas is a dirty player. He is. Oh, God. Oh, my God. All right. Thank you, D.K.

Thank you, Craig. Thank you, Sulek. Thank you, Austin. Thank you, Kai, for producing this episode. Thank you, everyone for listening. Emails at ringerfantasy football at gmail.com. If you have thoughts on the tape. Purgh, thoughts on anything.

Our draft schedule for this week, we're going to be doing mock draft this week. We're going to have episodes after each day of the draft, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So stick with us. It's going to be a lot of fun. And yeah, ringer fancy football at gmail.com. If you want to email us, NFLdraft. Dot the ringer.com. Check out Dek's big board mock drafts.

So it shorted every freaking pass that all these quarterbacks through in college, which is tough because Henan Hooker will be the last one playing in 10 years. But anyway, wait, wait. I have one quick question for Ben having done that. What was the single best pass you saw out of any prospect in college football? C.J. Stroud, play action against Iowa Crosser up against the sideline,

just like four bodies around through it with having reset against pressure, just lollipopped it right in there. Dropped into a bucket. You can't throw a better ball. Nice. Nice. Thank you, Lauren.

Lauren. Lord. Thank you, Ethan Hock. Technically, this counts. It does. Technically. musical legend featuring featuring Ethan Hock

Hyvitz I have a question did you think that the Staples is named for Staples like the physical like the tool that you used to bind paper together or did you know that there's a store called Staples the office supply It's the retail company

You thought he said Kids don't know what staples are I thought you meant the store And then you meant the actual like tool I meant both Well they definitely don't know what Staples the retail

company is, but I think they know what staples the object is. I don't know. Well, I was talking about like, I don't know, kids in school. And then I realized while I was talking about that, what's Gen Z? I was like, we really didn't name these things. Well, what do we call them the kids under Gen Z? We have to go back to Gen A? Oh, I don't know.

Actually, that's a good question. I don't know what that next generation is called. Who decided to start with like X? That was a terrible decision. Bad foresight there. It is called Generation Alpha. God, that's so cool. Oh, my gosh.

So then the ones after that are going to be Generation Beta? That's going to be tough. When it's time for me to have children and it falls under the Generation Beta time, I'm not having kids. I'm waiting. Wait, D.K., is Calvin going to be Generation Alpha or Generation Beta? I don't know. Craig, what are the years? Generation Alpha is 2010 to 2024, so he's in Alpha. He's in.

Alpha, baby. Oh God, it says beta is 2025 to 2039. We're all screwed. All of our kids are screwed. Clock is ticking, buddy. What a shame. I got Craig's getting married this year.

All right. I got to have a kid quick. Goodbye, everyone.