The Ringer NFL Show - The 2023 NFL Free Agency Awards

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Today, the guys wrap their free agency discussion by giving out a handful of awards, including the Legend at the Bank Award, the Fantasy Football Key Party, the ‘Lord of the Rings’ Rohan Award, the Hot Tub Club Award, and more (1:21). Later, they close with a couple of emails (45:00). Check out our 2023 Ringer NFL Draft Guide here! Email us! [e-mail] Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, Ben Solak, Craig Horlbeck Producers: Craig Horlbeck and Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's up everybody? It's Austin Rivers from the Minnesota Timberwolves. It's a new year and I have a new podcast here at the Ringer, Offguard, hosted by me and my guide, Pasha Higigi. Austin and I go way back and talk so much hoop already that we figure those time to fire up the mics and let you in on all of these conversations. Every week, Pasha and I will hit on the biggest stories happening in the league.

And get Austin's perspective of someone currently hooping in the NBA. Tap into Offguard every Friday on the Ringer NBA show feed on Spotify or wherever you get your podcast. My name is Danny Hyphitz and I am joined by Danny Kelly and Ben Sullick. And today we are giving out more awards from Free Agency because a pretty good amount of things have happened even since our last episode last week. There's been a bunch of signings. But first, go to NFLDraft.thringer.com for the best draft guide in the business from your own Danny Kelly. We've got mock draft coming later this week, updated big board, all that jazz.

NFLDraft.thranger.com. And if you want the previous waves of Free Agency, we did our hangover episode last week where we just quoted the Hangover. gave out awards. And then also, Adam Chef to Drink the game, check that out. So, with that said,

and without further ado, Danny Kelly, would you like to give out the first award? Yes. So I don't, this is a really strained analogy, but this is the,

we could be that mistake award. Somebody is going to get shit-faced and win the NFC South. And the Panthers are looking at themselves as like, we could be that mistake. We could be the team that accidentally wins this division. This division sucks.

they're really going for it. For a team that is trading up to the first overall pick, giving up a lot of future picks to get a rookie quarterback, they seem like a team that thinks that they're going to be able to compete and go to the playoffs this year. They went and signed Andy Dalton as their bridge quarterback. They signed Miles Sanders to, as we said, the biggest running that contract.

They signed Adam Thielen, who is 32 or 33 years old now to a three-year deal. You know how old Adam Thiel is? Here's my concern. Adam Thielen sold. He's doing it. media appearances on NFL network. That's bad. Like he's preparing for his life after football.

Yeah. Yeah. If you rely on athleticism to win and you're doing and you're officially trying to see if you'd be at a good announcer, I'm out. That's a great barometer. I love that. Not like, oh, his legs are starting to go. Oh, he's over 30.

He's on NFL network on a Tuesday. He's preparing. Tuesday. He knows he's got a second broadcast time. That's the move right there. I like that a lot. He started a podcast. And then they signed Hayden Hurst with a three-year deal.

Again, it's just a bunch of, like, and I don't know, like, no offense, I don't think, but, like, that is not a very good deal. Like, he's not been good for the last year plus. And Hayden and Hurst, I think, it's just one of those mid-level sort of tight ends. But to me, it looks like this is a team that thinks that they can compete in 2023.

What do you think? Compete? Right. Exactly. Exactly. They think they can win this division. Yes. And I think that they are getting enough talent in the building

to support their rookie quarterback. And I think that Frank Reich is a really good rookie quarterback developer. And I like all of that. I think they could be better both offensively and defensively than people realize. Like a double-digit win season would not surprise me, right? Wow. Yeah.

I mean, like defensively, they have a ton of talent and a Giro Averro to me is a great coach. offensively, the offensive line came around so well last season and yes, they lost DJ Moore, but hit on the quarterback, you have enough weapons, I think you should be a 10-win team. Are they going to be ready for playoff time? I don't think so. And so, like, I'll, like,

you know, fast forward to the middle of the season and the Panthers are seven and four. And they're two and a half games up in the NFC South. And you go, Ben, Panthers are a contender. I'll probably just be like, no, no matter what I've seen, just because I think they're too young, too new rookie quarterbackly, whatever. So to me, that's putting the, again, a little bit too far over your skis.

But in terms of liking what the Panthers are doing, I'm all the way there with you. I want to tease my mock draft that's coming out tomorrow. And I've got C.J. Stroud going to the Panthers at the number one pick. That's not teasing. That's just telling. Right. Okay. I don't know how this works.

I don't know how marketing works. How does advertising work? Yeah, we don't know. Donald Draper slash Aaron Rogers in here. Stap! My question to you is, do we still feel that is the most likely scenario that, because I saw that Daniel Jeremiah came out and said,

Bryce Young is the top pick, and he bases his mock drafts on what he's hearing. So, and I think this is sort of starting to be a thing. So lack, you're the betting expert. Who's the favorite right now? The favorite is still CJ Stroud.

Yeah. I will have no opinion on whom the Panthers will be taking with the first overall picket and quarterback until a later undetermined time. because I truly and earnestly do believe that they are still figuring it out. I truly completely 100% believe that they traded up for a first of a roll pick

because they had to get it done before free agency because the Bears put that timeline on and they didn't want to lose the pick to the Colts and they knew there were guys that they were willing and comfortable taking with one overall and now they're going to decide who that's going to be. And I think that that's still going to take some time and I think that they might be leaning towards the whatever they're called,

and that's great if they're leaning towards the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh,

if they're leaning, that's great. I don't think they're there yet. I don't think they know yet. And I, I will believe that'll be my line until I, I feel otherwise. I agree with you on two fronts because they traded up so early.

And again, we're doing it for a free agency. It's like, why would you not take the seven extra weeks to figure it out? Like back in the back in my day, they used to actually negotiate with the number one pick because you could get the deal done before the draft. And one, that's not necessarily anymore because the

basically salaries are all predetermined based on where you go. And two, the NFL realized that was terrible for a product on television when you know who's going to when the first run pick, first one, first one, the NFL actually does care about not revealing who is going to go, number one. Like outside of it being Trevor Lawrence to be very obvious, they actually don't want teams to do it. And two, I think the Panthers, I agree, are figuring out,

but they're going to go with CJ Stroud. Like, they're going to come back to it. I still just cannot believe that any professional football team would trade like a massive, massive haul and not have really strong conviction on one guy. I don't buy that. We have really strong conviction on multiple guys. I just cannot buy that. Why not? I just can't do it. I get what you're saying. But at the same time, isn't that relatable? I think if it is true, I think it's absolutely a terrible fucking strategy. Like, you should have 100% belief this is the next Trevor Lawrence or whoever in this one particular guy. I don't know what happened with the 49.

Obviously, the Mac Jones, Trey Lance thing is what I was referring to. This is happening again. Like, there's all these reports. And Schaefter even came out and doubled down on it like the other day that this is what the Panthers are doing exactly what the 49ers did, which is they traded up with the thought that they were going to take Mac Jones. This is what Schefter said. Well, Sheffter said that CJ Stroud was Mac Jones

in that who they think they're trading up for now but we'll change their mind on later. I just can't believe anyone would do this. I just can't believe it. It's kind of relatable though. Here's my analogy, right? Like I'm trying to think. I bought a pressure washer recently.

Okay? Yes. Stick with me. Stick with me. Stick with me. When I was at first looking at pressure washers, I was like, buddy, I'm looking at reviews. I'm looking at long-term durability.

I'm trying to buy one pressure washer in my life. It'd be a good pressure washer. We'll get the job done for me. I own a house now. And then we started to get to the spring. I'd yet to buy a pressure washer. And I desperately need one, get started on my backyard. And one was on sale on Amazon.

And all of a sudden, I cared a lot less about my reviews and my longevity. And I cared a lot more about 40% off today right now when I need it. I agree with you that in a vacuum, a team should move up for a star quarterback that they believe to be the next Trevor Lawrence when that player arrives. I think that Dave Tepper, who's the owner of the Carolina Panthers, is not at the look at reviews and find the best pressure washer stage. He's not at the look at reviews and Scouting Reports to find the best quarterback stage.

He is, obviously, they're going to draft the best one they can. But he's at the, I've owned this team for five years and I've watched Kyle Allen, Taylor, Heineke, Cam Newton, Teddy Bridgewater, Cam Newton again, Sam Darnold, Baker Mayfield, Cam Newon, a third time. Cam Newton's back too again, by the way. We can talk about that later. Working out at the Auburn Pro Day. Tapper has watched this team cycle through a lot of bad quarterbacks.

And Tember said, we are moving up. We are getting the guy that I can put on ticket sales. I can put on posters and I can talk about this guy. We're getting that dude. We think Stroud might be him. Richardson might be him. Young by him, great. Let's go get the pick.

And then let's figure out who the guy is and let's get it right. And to me, that's acceptable. I don't mind that. Yeah, David Teper's like Lucille Bluth. he's like, what could the first overall pick possibly cost? $10? Oh, my God. They got a square deal.

They got a square deal for the first overall pick. I don't think they overpaid at all. So to me, like, their pressure washer was on sale, and they're going to go get themselves a fine one, and they're going to be happy. Okay, so Soak is abstaining until a later date when he gets more information. Hyphitz, what's your guess right now? I think it's CJ Stroud.

Yeah. I think they're going to take CJ Stroud. Anyway, it's going to be very interesting, and they think they're going to be that much. mistake. We could be that mistake. We could be that mistake. I love that. I think it makes sense because also I think the Panthers' overall plan is kind of how Jonah Hill, like, it's like Jonah Hill hitting on, on women in Superbad, where it's kind of like, I don't know, getting Miles Sanders is very much reminds me of getting like a handle of fireball for a party. It's like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, this will work. This will work. And you look back later, you're like, oh my God, is that what I used to drink? Jeez, Miles Sanders. So, I think it makes total sense. I got another one. this is the duct tape on the giant crack in the wall award also known as the This is the End Award. If you remember, there's one small moment and this is the end where they're like getting ready to protect the house or whatever. And I think it's Seth Rogen just puts like a piece of duct tape

over this giant fissure in their wall. This is what the Rams are doing. This is to be an analogy of the Rams who traded Jalen Ramsey for Hunter Long and a third round pick. and did nothing else at all. Like they haven't done anything else. We're good.

It's fixed. Duck tape. We're good. I'm trying to find the, I think it was Seth Walter who tweeted out their entire defensive depth chart right now. And it's just a bunch of people that you haven't heard of,

man. It's something else. Jordan Rodriguez at the athletic had a great story in the Rams and the gist was basically, they just, aside from Sean McVeigh, just having kind of like a personal existential crisis

because it got everything you wanted. It isn't happening. happy now. But and basically they basically yeah, well, classic millennial. But basically the problem of the Ramsav is that

if they do a total complete rebuild, Sean McVeigh will retire, but they need to do a total rebuild because they spent all their money and used all their picks. So the trade off they're making is they're going to keep Matt Stafford and they're going to keep Cooper Cup.

And as long as Aaron Donald will ever want to play, he's allowed to play. And that's it. And they're going to keep the offense together. And the cost of keeping the offense together, which is really to keep Sean McVeigh there, is the defense is being sacrificed like a blood sacrifice. It's like every, the entire, the concept of defense is being sacrificed

to keep Sean McVeigh from leaving. And that's basically why the Rams are doing such weird shit. Is that everything about them should be flushed, but they need to keep Sean. This makes me very excited about fantasy next year for the Rams. Yeah. It's just going to be shootouts every game. Can I do, can I do,

Rams defense now. Yes, please. All right. I'm going to name some players and you just stop me and holler when you know the school. Wait, can you make one up? This could be two jargons that a lie. Just make up a player and throw it and see if we can get it. Okay, but then I have to come up with a name out of nowhere.

Okay, I'll use a buddy's name of mine. Let me think. Okay, I'm good. Ready? All right. Here's the entire Rams defensive end room as listed by our lad. So this is going to be four truths in a lie. A little bit tougher.

time. Jonah Williams, Ernest Brown the 4th, Nathaniel Gwyn, Keir Thomas, Daniel Hardy. Oh, oh, and more, more outside linebackers, Michael Hoeked and Zach Van Valkenberg,

which those two names are obviously shut the hell out. I am not kidding. Zach Van Valkenberg. Van Valkenberg here spelled capital V-A-N, capital V-A-L-K-E-N, B-U-R-G, Van Valkenberg.

Unsurprising to everyone, he went to the University of Iowa. I think I recognize one name, and I can't remember it now. Jonas, Jonah Williams, Ernest Brown the 4th, yes, he's real. Nathaniel Gwynne, Keir Thomas.

Is your friend in Kier? K-E-I-R, I don't know if I'm pronouncing that, right? Nathaniel Gwynn is your friend. Nathaniel Gwynn is your friend. Yeah, Nate Gwynn's one of my best friends. Yes! That was just a shot in the dark. I don't know.

I don't know any of these guys. Insane. That's ludicrous. Wow. That's a real NFL team. How about that? I love that there's someone on their team named Russ Yeast.

Yeah. Russ Yeast. No, there's not. Russ Yeast is going to be a big part of their plans this year. Yeah. Russ Yeast is their deep safety. All right.

So that's good. Yeah, you go. Well, he's not invited to pass over. Like, I've never heard of Michael Hocked. Hecht? Haught. Sean Jolly. Hawks was initially on their team as a defensive tackle,

and I know that because he's listed at 6-4-3-10, and he plays stand-up outside linebacker for them. Because he's like 275 down and cut a bunch of weight. Yes, the Rams defense is legitimately like Roar Shock test for are you too obsessed with the NFL, yes or no? Because once you're looking like, oh, Kobe Duran, I remember Kobe Duran. You've officially gone too far.

You need to care less about the league. I've heard of Jonah Williams, but the wrong one. Like this is a different Jonah Williams. They've transitioned him to edge rusher. Ronnie Rivers was such a deep cut that on all the fantasy platforms, he didn't even have a photo last year. And I think Ronnie Rivers is one of the 12 most famous players on the Rams. Holy shit.

All right. Shout out Russ Yeast. The cloist box of his generation. Russ Yeast. All right. Next up here. This is the just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber award. The Cowboys totally redeem themselves.

If you guys are not where that's a dumb and dumber quote. I know that you guys are a little bit younger than me. My generation will get that. I recognized that it was a quote, so I was nodding. I'm great at knowing something's a quote. So I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, even though I don't know where it's from. Well, I appreciate that. So the Cowboys famously do a lot of dumb things.

But they're kind of, I really like what they're doing in free agency. For starters, obviously, they moved on from Zeke, which was a much needed thing. They just finally pulled the Band-Aid off. That probably went way too long. but that deal is done. They ended up trading pennies for Brandon Cooks. That's good. They ended up training pennies for stuff on Gilmore.

That's good. They franchised Tony Pollard. He's a really good player. And they're getting them for a relatively cheap amount. That's good. After everything that we happened last year with like the Z contract, well, that's been a few years coming, but like cutting on Murray Cooper,

all this stuff. I think the Cowboys are kind of back. And they didn't overpay Dalton Schultz either, which I think was a good decision. So I don't know. Am I stupid for thinking the Cowboys are having a really good free agency? A little.

No, no, no, not. The word choice here is very important. Free agency? Good. Off season, which now encapsulates coaching changes. That's where, yeah, exactly. That's where I take umbrage. I get that.

So free agency, since March 12, man, they've been killing it. The period of the off season beforehand, however, that's where I have more questions. Yeah, I get that. They kind of undid what they did. So you mentioned they cut up Murray Cooper. They really traded Mark Cooper for, what was it, like a six-round picker sign of the Browns? Right, right. jump him. And then they're basically now just did the same thing, but for Brandon Cooks in reverse,

basically acknowledging, yeah, we probably shouldn't have done the Amar and Cooper trade. And then they basically decided they were going to cut Zeke last year, the same way that they decided they were getting rid of Mark Cooper two years ago and they just did it a year later. But I don't know. This, it's, the Cowboys, at the end of every season, I'm always reminded to never take them seriously because they don't do things in the offseason normally. One, I think that the headline really for the Cowboys is that Ezekiel Elliott's last play for Dallas was when he was the center on the hook and ladder against the 49ers.

And he got blown up and like pancakes into the ground. And that's his last play. And they're like, Zeke Elliott, storied player, along with Emmett Smith, one of the great players in franchise history. And it's like, that was how he went out. It's just his ass getting planted into the ground. I did not realize that. That is excellent.

That's a tough way to be remembered. I'm going to choose not to remember that. And then Emmett Smith commented on someone's Instagram. I don't know if it was Zeke. Someone Instagram when he got cut. And Emmett Smith was like, get your money while you can. Nobody loves you. And I was like, oh my God, this is tough.

But I thought the Cowboys overall, I agree with Soak where it's like, I think I saw somewhere that it was like this is 11 straight years. The Cowboys have acquired a former first round pick in the off season, which they kind of keep doing over and over again, which I don't know. I kind of feel like Jerry Jones is ultimately just a fantasy football owner. and it's like, because he keeps saying every offseason he'll do anything to win.

Like he would, outside of like killing his own family members and like blood sacrifices, he'll do anything except he'll do up control of the team. It's like, man will do anything except go to therapy. I don't know. So, sure. So like, I want to get your take on the decision to fire Kellynne Moore. Well, I don't know if I ever heard what your take was on that. a thing occurred

that gave Mike McCarthy more control over an offense. That's the way to look at it for sure. That's kind of your your, you know, 101 level. And there's here, I'll put it to you this way. There's a lot of

Kellanmore's offense that's good. Ben goes since he took over, he was a young Wondercan, he's doing like four by one stuff where they have four eligible receivers to one side of the formation, which is a nice, like, innovative thing to do. Oh, is that where they have Zika at center?

So they have more eligible receivers? Yeah, they got fired. to you. So they have some of that stuff that's nice. They have like wrinkles on common concepts that are cool. Like there's stuff that Moore does the makes it clear that he gets it. And then there's stuff that the Cowboys offense does in terms of like, you know, running between the tackles on early downs and playing for third and medium and stuff like that.

And we for years, we love to just be like, and that's because of McCarthy. McCarthy is the way he's the one calling those shots. All the good stuff on this offense, that's Kellynne Moore. All the bad stuff, that's Mike McCarthy. And while I still largely believe. believe that. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's still parts of this offense that last year were like super stagnant. It was just like basic concepts.

Half field read over here, half field read over there. That was so, so, so similar to late Rogers McCarthy era in Green Bay. I still feel confident in saying Moore's got some good stuff. And then McCarthy's influence on the offense kind of neutered the team overall a little bit. But we're going to test that theory

here. Now we're going to see like what it actually is the case. With that said, like again, Mike McCarthy has shown over his time as the head coach to the Cowboys that he's not great at managing the game, and now he has to call plays, which is, it makes it harder to manage the game. I don't think this goes well for Dallas. Like the moves, though. I like it.

I agree with you. Brandon Cooks, that's nice. I do think it was smart to probably not give Dalton Schultz like a big deal, but he ended up going to Houston. I'm curious, like, do you have any awards for the old Houston Texans? Yes, my Houston Texans award is the late bird also gets worms award, which is not, it's a better award than it sounds. It wasn't the sound good.

But I loved the fact that the Texans have made a couple of moves. to start free agency, right? They did some things. They got Jimmy Ward in the building, right? Safety from San Francisco coming over, following D'emico. Sheldon Rankin's, who was with Robert Sala and the Jets' defensive tackle. He comes on a one-year deal. Noah Brown from the Cowboys.

They've got a lot of, like, one-year deal guys. They're kind of just like plug in some gaps with veterans to try to figure out how to get a real roster on the field so you can evaluate your dudes. Like, they were perfectly fine in the first wave of free agency. I don't want to present as if I'm like, I missed all the stuff they did. With that said, there was this great moment. the last two days where the Texans

extended left tackle Laramie Tonsel who was reported like the chiefs were trying to trade for him three years 75 million dollars and then signed

Dalton Schultz and signed Devin Singletary and it was kind of it felt as if the Texans were like, wait, well free agency happened oh wait, players, players we gotta go now,

it's March. They're just, they like, they made so many moves in such a short period like six days after free agency began which you don't usually see, right? Usually like,

like you got teams, out here signing like bottom of the roster veterans who might be able to contribute on special teams. And the Texans are like, bang, starting tight end, bang, lock up the franchise left tackle. And like, why you guys can be doing this a week ago? And I imagine some of this because Schultz's price went down and like the veteran running back market was super open. And so Devin Singletary, long time starter for the bills, is now a Texan, which is a signing I quite like actually. But I very much enjoyed the Texans who had so much money. And we're just kind of like doing moderate spending in the first week,

hitting the second week being like, round two, baby, we're doing it. Free agency time. Here we go. I feel like the Texans are that team every year that just signs the entire NFL's middle class players. Like, I don't, I actually like a lot of their signings this year.

Like, I think it's a good quality free agent class for them. Like they're going to, they're going to raise the floor for this team. But I'm going back like a couple of years. Remember when they signed Mark Ingram, Philip Lindsay and Rex Burkhead like in the same year? Like,

they just had the most. hilarious strategy, I guess, for free agency is just like signing all these, like, mid-level guys. Here's the great example. They signed as like a cheap, young, interesting. Let's see what he looks like as a starter, edge rusher a couple years ago in Obo Okaronkwo. It was an edge rusher from the Rams. And he had like a nice season. He had like, I want to say five and a half sacks. He had like career high production. He was good at it by rate stats. He was like a solid edge player. And they let him walk to then sign Chase Winovich. He was like the same. sort of player. Like, oh, he's an undersized pass pressure. Maybe he'll be good with more snaps to

the same deal. Like, no, no, no, you, you did it right with the first one. You found the good guy. He did all the work. Now keep them. Extend him. You don't have to keep right in the carousel. But again, like, I get it because I feel like when you have this much head coaching turnover, right? They've had four different head coaches in the last four years, right? They had a one and done higher in Dave Coley, a one and done higher in Lovie Smith. And now they're on Demika Ryan's, you continue to have a coaching staff that in year one goes, okay, I want to get like some dudes in here that I know, some veterans who I can trust that they're not going to screw up, they're going to execute the defense and execute the offense. And that's going to allow

us to like evaluate the young players around them, evaluate our gaps, figure out who's, who's legitimate, who's developmental, who isn't. So like that's the problem with this constant reloading of the coaching staff is the new coaching type comes in and constantly wants to recycle the roster and get a fresh slate. And that's why you have all these one year deals keep going in and out. That's a great point. It's almost underrated how insane what the Houston Texans have gone through in the last five years. I mean, obviously, the entire Sean Watson thing. And the Deshawn Watson thing almost has clouded over the fact that before that that even happened, they were literally run by a pastor that with no football background who lied

on his resume. Like Dwight Shrewt, where he was basically a secretary and then turned it to assistant to the general manager to just assistant general manager and then got this job by lying and that people, players on the team called him Littlefinger. This guy was running the team. Like it's kind of one of the craziest things that's happened in sports. in the 21st centuries, the Texans the last five years. And the whole thing is just like, you know what, let's just get rid of every. It's like a deep clean.

It's like, like, what do they do when they, the exterminators come and they have to put the tarp over your house and you have to leave for a little bit? Fumigate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a fumigation of the entire.

Like, it's just everyone is gone. Yeah. Bob McNair, who owns the Texans. Well, he died. Cal McNair. Excuse me. Bob McNair, when he owned it. Texans said at NFL owners meetings that we can't have the inmates running the prison

about NFL players. That was in 2017. If you made me guess when that happened, just with the amount of things that have happened with the Texans since then, I would have guessed like 2004. It has been an unbelievable just sequence of mishap after a horrible mistake, after terrible decision, after colossal failure for the Houston Texans for years running now. All right. So yeah, good strategy to get rid of everyone who remembers that, except for Larry Mutunzel, who, I mean, just has gotten, is this his third contract? And he's got into just

like the highest paid offensive tackle in the NFL for like the second time in a row. He's like making he based on a deal for three years and $75 million, which I think makes a ton of sense for the Texans to do because they got rid of everyone except the guy who's protecting whatever quarterback, they take it number two, which makes a lot of sense. My legend at the bank award goes to Laramitonsel, which he walks in, he walks into Wells Fargo, and the tellers get up and start clapping. He walks in, he walks in a chase, and the security guard shakes his hand, knows him by name. Like, Laramie, welcome back.

Speaking of Laramette tonsill, big deals, the reversal is probably the Orlando Brown. I have the worst fucking attorneys award from Arrested Development, which is still my favorite arrest development thing, but just... They can't arrest you. They can't arrest your wife for crime. What is it that he actually tells them? You can't arrest you for... You can't arrest your wife for crimes that you admit to.

And they're like, yeah, you can. He's like, he's like, I'm the worst attorney. Anyway, yeah, Orlando Brown was going to be the chiefs left tackle. And then they just didn't. And he just had kind of no plan, I guess, on what they would do next. And he ended up signing with the Bengals. And he basically signed to be like the 10th highest paid tackle. And he turned down in theory, like a six year deal for like almost $150 million.

The Bengals, look at the Bengals. Got the steel of the century. And then Orlando Brown's just the Frank from it's always sunny. Batched it. Yeah, we, I mean, so I talked about this deal. with Sheal on extra point taking on the NFL feed and did a ton of debating. And so I won't take up too much time here. But just to say that while I do think that $8 million and $7 million is great value

on Orlando Brown, I'm not sure the Bengals got that much better at left tackle. And they have a lot of dudes to pay on defense and then obviously on offense, Joe Barodemar, Chase D. Higgins. So I'm very excited to see how this goes. Like this is great if like Orlando Brown is measurably better than Jonah Williams. I'm just not sure that he was and is. going to be. Did he basically tank his market because he insists on being a left tackle? Like, did he basically limit the amount of teams that even be willing to consider him just because

he so clearly wants to be a left tackle? Like, he finds it, it's like a part of his legacy, like his father's legacy to like play left tackle. I think he tanked his market because his agent didn't do a good job. I think that's the way. That's fair. He just didn't do very well. If we want to do agents not doing a good job, I also have an award for the first. this time. Let's do it. The worst fucking attorneys? Yeah. Well, I have it as the, here's how you can make $10,000 a month

day trading like me award, right? Because it's just like, you know, these like YouTube hypebies who are like, if you just, you know, wake up at 4 and you work out and you lift and you eat a breakfast of oats and pancakes and sadness, then you sit at your computer for 10 hours and trade stocks, then you with your dad's $100,000 of initial investment money,

also can become a $24 million like me. And it's like, okay, this is not, real, man. This is just making things up. Where did you get all this stuff? So when it comes to misreading and misconstruing a market, that award to me goes to Johnson Gardner Johnson, the now Lion Safety who was with the Eagles, who, I mean, his agent was out here tweeting, which once an agent is tweeting. We're in bad places. If you're a representative, you can't be tweeting. And so he hit the market and I thought he, I think he really thought he had a chance for a good, sizable long-term contract, and they just completely misread it.

And now I, at this point now, it's, he was traded away from the Saints for way cheaper than expected, and then he went to the Lions for way cheaper than expected. It just seems like the NFL is not nearly as interested in paying big money for Johnson as like, we in the media expect or his, his age and his reps expect. Speaking of the Lions, I want to give the Lions the Award, some Zoolander. Hansel is hot right now, Hansel? Yeah. So hot right now.

Is that Owen Wilson? Yes. Woo! Good pod. Great pod, fellas. Thank you for listening. This is the ringer NFL draft show. Tune in next week.

Nailed it. Salk, have you seen Zoolander? Yeah, Ben Stiller is a model. He makes weird faces at the camera. Boom, yeah. But really, the Lions, everyone's going to pick the Lions to win the division. It was going to like, yeah, Lions, underdogs. Lions are already the favorites to win the division, which is kind of weird.

But they got it. So hot right now. They let, so hot right now. They signed Johnson Gardner Johnson, as Solic just described. I mean, they signed Emmanuel Mosley from the 49ers as a cornerback towards ACLB's recovering. And then Cam Sutton from the Steelers, they like fixed their secondary. They've got Aiden Hutchinson, the number one pick last year on defense. They probably get another defensive lineman.

They've got the sixth pick this year. And it's like suddenly the Lions, you know, one of the best offenses in the league, obviously one of the worst defenses in the league. They actually, yards per play, they were one of the six worst teams of the last decade in the NFL. But now they do, if they actually do fix their defense, like suddenly in the Lions, they're going to be this like very trendy pick. but they're literally already the favor to win the division. That's just weird. Just a weird thing to happen. Yeah.

And like comfortably the favor to win the division too. It's not even like, oh, plus 200 plus 210. Like, no, they're above the Vikings and bears and backers handily, which I mean, I'm into it. I saw, I want to say Jeremy Reesman, forgive me if I'm getting your name wrong, Jeremy, but who writes for pride of lion for espionation wrote, I think a lovely piece. Jeremy. Yeah. About how the rebuilds over.

Like this is, it's put up a shot up time. Like, they know the rebuilds. everybody knows the rebuilds over. Lions are walking into the next season with big E expectations, which quarterback still Jared Goss, but they got them. Big E expectations. And that's fun.

I wrote at the end of this past season, you want an example of a rebuild done the right way, Detroit, man, over the last couple years. The way they used to picks with the way they built inside out. They built front the back. They built through the spine. I'm extremely impressed with that team. Now you've got to get the ball over the line.

Get quarterback right. win a playoff game. On that note, because you want to praise how the lines rebuilt their team. I know we've given a lot of praise to analytics and, you know, math and math. I would like to just read a quote from Dan Campbell. I said this to Chris Spielman the other day, Chris Spielman, like, in their front office. I was like, I love the fact we're only known as meatheads. I'm a meathead.

I have limited brain capacity. I like that. I'm good with that. You know what I mean? I have zero problem with it. That's the thing. Stop using your brain. Just be good.

Yeah. Your brain is like a club. In the immoral words. of one member of this podcast who shall remain nameless during the take purge last year. Get the nerds out of my football. Get the nerds out of it.

No one. No more. No, no, no. Back to Crow Magnin ball. Back to prehistoric ball, baby. Speaking of which, D.K. Would you like to take us on a little tour of all the running backs who've changed teams?

Yeah, so High Fitz hit hit me up this morning and he was like, I'm trying to figure out a better analogy than musical chairs for the running backs because everybody changed, you know, teams and there's not really any like big, big time like fantasy outlook changes. It's just everybody switched teams. I threw out the fantasy football key party.

Hyfitz didn't know what that was. So, I was a urban dictionary. I'm like, what's a key party? And I was like urban dictionary. And I'm like, oh my God. You know what? Do you want me to read the urban dictionary?

Are you going to do it? Actually, I'll read it because you made me freaking Google it. A key party. Do you with your children. Chill. Key party. A couple's party where all of the men put their car keys. into a bowl, and at the end of the party, the women blindly select a set of keys to determine

who they go home with for the rest of the evening. Whoa! I know. I was like, what? Now, so blindly is interesting here, right? I'm trying to step into character. I'm now pawing at keys, trying to intuit what most feels like the fob of like a Lexus or an Audi.

What's got no clicker where it's an actual ignition key? It's got like, yeah, exactly. What's just got like the Bluetooth fob wherever the thing works? That's my strategy. Craig, Craig, who's not on this show today, but is in the Slack says, L-O-L-D-H not knowing what a key party is. Is this like a known thing?

I mean, it's like a common thing. It doesn't happen commonly, but people know what it is. How many key parties you've been to? Is it like a month? Never been to once? It's like not knowing what a swinger is. Like, I'm not a swinger personally.

I know what swingers are. Like, I haven't been to a swingers party. I don't know. Anyway. So you said the one of, Backs were a key party and every team just threw their running back at a bowl and went home with a different one. I also didn't know the key party was, but I'm not sure you want my company in terms of knowing what things are. I'm not sure you want me on your team when it comes to knowing how stuff works.

So I'll just recap it for people that have been tuned out for the last few weeks. David Montgomery went from the bears to the lions. Jamal Williams went from the lions to the saints. Miles Sanders. Eagles to the Panthers. Jonté Foreman. Panthers to the Bears. Rashad Penny, this one hurts me the most from Seattle to the Eagles.

Damien Harris went from New England to Buffalo, which I think is also a pretty underratedly good signing for them. Devin Singletary from Buffalo to the Texans and James Robinson weirdly signed for a whole bunch of money to go from Jackson to New England. Did I miss anything? Yeah, the Patriots definitely went and grabbed the key, didn't they? They got the car that was like they got the old like station wagon, James Robinson. Ouch, that hurts. As much as I would really like to just keep pressing DK on like the whole like swinging key party thing. Like I'd know.

Which of these? Yeah, sure. Sure there, bud. Which of these is best for fantasy football? I feel like we said Rashad Penny, if he's healthy for the Eagles. We said that last week. Other than Rashad Penny, which of these, DK, do you think is best for fantasy football these signings?

Obviously, the most upsetting is Jamal Williams leaving the Lions, which is brutal. I think the best one for fantasy is probably going to be between David Montgomery and Miles Sanders. I think Montgomery walks into that role that Jamal Williams was like a top, whatever he was, an RB one this year because he scored like 18 touchdowns. That's going to be David, Montgomery this year. I don't think he's probably going to score that much, that many touchdowns. There's just a lot of variance there.

He's not going to have like 20 opportunities to have one-yard rushing touchdowns like Jamal Williams did, but there's obviously a lot of potential there for volume, especially around the red zone. Miles Sanders in Carolina, I think, is loki a pretty interesting one too. The Panthers were really good at running the ball late in the season last year. I imagine they're going to take that strategy again this year, whether they have, you know, the rookie quarterback, if he's starting, whoever that is, whether it's C.J. Straub, Bryce Young, maybe Anthony Richardson.

You know, they're going to probably want to have the run game be the foundation of their, of their offense. And you can hear George, my dog, sighing really loudly in the background. He's like, I fucking hate talking about running backs. He's like, I hate Miles Sanders. I'm never drafting it ever again. George just goes, mm. But yeah, so I'd say it's between David Montgomery and Miles Sanders.

So do you think it's going to be higher an ADP hype? It's just off the top of your head. Probably Montgomery, right? Yeah, because the Lions are going to be the sexy team. I don't know anything about ADP. I'm bad of fantasy. With that said, I'd be taking Sanders just because of the volume. He's got way less competition.

I like Montgomery behind the Lions, but like, Duke Staley, man, apparently loves Miles Sanders. The money they give him is impressive. Like, I think they're going to run Sanders into the ground in terms of volume. Yeah, it's going to be close. He's got the most guaranteed money of all these guys. He got like basically $10 million guaranteed. that it's

weird because now DeAndre Swift is just like a glorified like third downback or some shit like he's basically just like the past catching guy

and I don't know a lot of teams they don't like these guys I was think Devin Singletary to Houston's just really profoundly annoying because Damien

Pearson the Texans would have been wonderful and now Singletary's just there it's like I don't know key party that's going to stay in my head forever okay cool I love that

you've never heard of that is that a generational thing do they do whatever you guys are Gen Z Millennials. Craig was all uppity that I didn't know it. I guess I'm not cool. I don't know.

They don't call it swingers anymore. It's like a thruple or a thruple. What do they call the weird like pods of people who are? A thruple? Like a struple waffle? A thruple. Thruple implies that the word is pronounced coupal, which it's not. It's pronounced.

Right? Just going to throw you. This is another combined combine thing. I fucked that up. I don't know what they're called. I've only read it. wrong. That's just, I've only seen it written. Give me, give me

your generation's version of swingers. Thruple, because then it's couple, but with a throop. No, that makes sense. It doesn't look like that. I don't know. Thruple. That's actually how we should do backfields from now on. Cupples and the throuples.

What are the, like, the polyamory like pods where everybody's just in love with everyone? What are those called? That's polyamory. I don't, why? Hi, what about the, you're current company makes you think you could be asking us this. So, the one who's married here. Yeah, I don't know. I was just

curious. You guys are younger than me. You know the terms. You're up on Urban Dictionary. It's just speechless for the first time ever. I was not ready for this. I got notes on third tier free. O.J. Howard to the Raiders, I'm ready. Thruple I was not prepared for. Thruple. So yeah, it's basically,

so Devin Singletary, Damien, Pearson, Rex Burka, that's quite the thruple. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. Well, I can tell you why I don't know about key parties because I like Lord of the Rings. I'm going to give a Lord of the Rings award. Good segue. You know when Gandalf goes in the second movie in Lord of the Rings and like there's that Rohan King who's like old and possessed by like the Saramon other devil guy and he's like,

I release you. And he like lets him go and the kid, you know, that's, you know what I mean? Yes. I know what you're talking about. That's basically what's happening to Washington when Dan Snyder is going to sell this team. Like I, because Dan Snyder is going to. sell this team by May 12th and it's going to be like, oh my God, it's like we have a new team in the NFL. It's like the king gets like 50 years younger and he's like kind of hot and he's like,

wow. Theoden. Like my sword. Yeah, Thayette, yeah. If you know the names for things like if you know the names of characters Lord of the Rings, you've never been invited to a key party. That's a rule. I know, right? I just, in the last couple episodes, I've named Shilob and Thaed and I feel like such a fucking nerd. Um, Nora named the. The character of Lord of the Rings who's the berserker carry the torch or whatever. Who is a leg of loss his cousin.

The guy. Oh my God. The guy who brings in a bomb to blow up Helms deep. There is a name for him. I can't recall it. Which don't tell the don't tell the high school boys I hang out with that church

who know Lord of the Rings forward and backwards. Get very upset when I get any character wrong. But I can't remember his name. I have a buddy who trolls me and several other of our friends by never ever getting Star Wars and Star Trek and any of

other like nerdy shows, right? Like he'll like claim it's Oh, it's like Star Trek. Is that Han Solo? That one's great. Oh, that's like when Simmons asked what year Game of Thrones takes place during. Yeah. Just does that all the time.

By the way, I love this analogy of Rohan, Rohan and Washington. Like, because Rohan, when they released data in from like the curse or whatever, is like the most grim place of manageable, just like win-swept. Everybody's fucking depressed.

Like, everyone looks so just sad. You've been in the shadows for too long. But really, so Ben standing at the Athletic had a great report. Basically, so when teams, obviously, it's free agency to sign all these guys signing bonuses, and they give them the bonus, they pay them the bonus either in like 15, 30 days. It's like payroll, basically. Washington's new contracts, they have clauses that defer the bonuses. They don't want to pay them out until May 12th of this year, which is basically Dan Snyder

being like, I'm not paying you guys. I'm not paying nothing. huge missed opportunity for wind horse fingers there. But the Washington, the commanders, they don't want to pay them until May 12th. Now, why would that be? Why would that be? Wind horse fingers is a new like descriptor that we use. I know I'm a year late on the meme format, but I used it for the first time doing free agency

and it felt electric. And I'm trying to find more opportunities to use it. Yeah. Why would that be? Yeah. So he's going to sell this freaking team. They cleaned out his office. Like the team's getting sold.

And I think that it's actually almost. underrated that it's like we're getting a new NFL team this year it's like they changed the name they're getting rid of Dan Snyder and like it's like rohan has been like freaking like it it's no more like it's cursed possessed by the devil place it's like they's actually just a group of likable young men in what was once a very big football sitting and 20 years ago Washington the at the time you know what is now the commanders we're like the most valuable sports franchise in america because there is like a huge football culture in D.C. And Terry McLaurin, very likable person.

Brian Robinson got shot, came back in five weeks. Like, it's just a bunch of good story. I mean, not getting shots good. I like that's good. Very likable. Brian Robinson. Got shot. Got shot.

Jesus. I didn't mean it that way. I meant that the return was nice. Yes. Inspirational. I, yeah, I just. This is a very good. This is a very good analogy.

Like the nerd thing. notwithstanding. I really like this. Like released from the yoke of the darkness. It's amazing. All right. While I'm just ranting, can I just rant about the Giants? Yes. Please do. Hot tub club award?

Yes. They just have four really injury prone slot receivers on this team. I love Darren. I'm excited about him. I'm going to him the offseason fan excitement. I also understand the reason the Raiders got rid of Darren waller. It's because he could really stay on the field. And I would love for him to be super healthy. They've Sterling Shepard.

They brought him back as what Craig described, the Clay Thompson, Castilling Shepard and Achilles and then an ACL tear. Paris Campbell, they signed him for the Colts for very little money. Paris Campbell missed like 35 of his first 50 games as a professional football player. He really can't say healthy, yeah.

And then Wondell Robinson, who is a very small young man who tours ACL as a rookie. And I'm like, so don't all these guys arguably basically play the same position? They're all basically slot receivers. And I'm just... At least one of them is going to be healthy, right? They're just playing the numbers game.

Yeah, are they just hoping to stagger all of their injuries so that you can get through 17 games of them together as one? Is this one player? Because that makes sense to me. Yes. But I think this is the plan. I'm concerned. That's all. It does make sense.

They have a type. This is like Trent Balkey at 49ers era back in the day where they think they can get a discount on injured players so they draft all these guys that had really significant injuries and then none of them got better. Right. But once it works. This is going to be this is going to be the new thing. that everybody does. Yeah, I really do think they're just platooning. And, like, one day Paris Campbell's going to play.

And the next time it's going to be Wondell Robinson until he hurts his hamstring. Then Sterling Shepherd comes out. I think this is the plan. It's actually a good plan. Don't worry about it. High Fitz. All right, you want to hit a couple emails?

Let's do it. Yeah. All right, so people emailed us to say who we are from the hangover because we did the hangover last week. Oh, dear Lord. Kyle emailed in to say, this is, very easy. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle says, Solek is dug. This is simple. Draft seasons of the night out in Vegas, but during the fantasy season, I assume Solek's on the roof with his mattress. And

Solek is also the most likely to pull out 80 grand in money he wanted a casino. I accept. I accept. Danny Kelly is Phil. He's got a wife and a kid and it's easily the straight man of the group. He's often shocked by the things the other boys say and is a wig away from pulling off a Bradley Cooper vibe. Oh, wow. Holy fuck. I forgot. about the tiger. Danny Hyfitz, that's me, is Stu. Stu starts the pod as the host and sounds like he's in charge and has it together.

And by the end of almost every pod, you realize his team has fucked him over, just like Stu's wife so often that he is a broken man capable of pulling out his own teeth just for a chance to feel something other than misery. Wow, wow. That went right for it, huh?

Is that how I'm seen? Craig, Greg says, Craig is obviously Alan, if you unprompted and unironically asked the other guys if they ever were assless Chaps during a hangover themed episode, then you are the guy that finds babies at coffee shops. I got texts about asking how Craig thought a jockstrap was assless chaps.

Like, they're so different. Those two things are very different. In the alternate universe in which there's no SEO and we just get to name our podcast based off of the things that happen in them, assless chaps, one of the greatest episodes of all time, both by title and my actual content. Oh, my God. that's amazing. We also got a tremendous amount of feedback on Benzillac saying that he didn't like jeans.

He was out on jeans, didn't have a pair of jeans. This was actually, I think one of those controversial things that's ever happened in this podcast. Humanity's not ready for the truth, okay? We got. It's true. Brian emailed in to say the subject was just everybody, but Craig belongs in jail. Wait, Craig agreed with it. Craig also said jeans are not great. I said that I thought it was a ridiculous take,

but as I thought about it, I actually saw where he was coming from. Craig thought we were being ridiculous. Brian wrote, look, I went to the University of Chicago like Solac did. And I know Solac, anti-Genes types. Okay, no. Hard stop.

I would like for it to be known that I am no type at the University of Chicago, which I appreciate their scholarship money type of people would say. Yes, but no, I, I know the type to which he is referring and I do not associate. I will not identify as such. That's hilarious. I would like to point out that I wear almost exclusively wear jeans.

So my point, the only thing I like actually conceded to ban on this was that a hundred percent cotton, hard denim jeans are not great. Like I like the new, the new jeans that have like a polyblender, whatever it is. I don't even know that are like stretchier and like more comfortable. That is what I wear. And those are good. Okay. Well, there was a whole, it's a fun. All right.

So many thoughts here. I just want to note, Brian said that the Solek types at the University of Chicago were a lost cause, which I thought was very funny. However, I thought it was interesting. I saw there was this, basically someone did a thread that was like whatever you think about jeans.

It's kind of incredible that because of synthetic material coming. about, even as we're in this age of like a crisis of masculinity and like what's happening to men in America, everybody's wearing skinny jeans. Like even Ben Shapiro wears skinny jeans. It's like everybody wears skinny jeans, including men who are like talking about what's happening to masculinity. And it's like 10 years ago, if you wear skinny jeans, it was like weird. And now everybody wears skinny jeans. Yeah, I mean, I've actually in my life gone through this. Like I think in high school or like early college, I thought skinny jeans were like the worst. like there's no way you can get me into those.

That looks insanely uncomfortable. I remember they made fun of it in a lot of like movies and stuff. Yeah. Super bad. They made fun of it. Yes. But now like I, if you wear like baggy jeans, it just looks like you just look like a slob.

Apparently it's coming back though that as Craig noted like baggy or his back. Good to know. It's not cyclical. I will adjust my jeans derailing accordingly. I will obviously want to adjust the jeans I wear when I insult them. I'll be more specific. Well, now that you've had a week to marinate, do you want to elaborate on the, so our genes should, they're out, or you're out on jeans, everyone? Or just it's more like just admit that they're uncomfortable. I'll put it to this way. I'm fine with the, with the D.K., you know, fence sitting centrist tape. That is, you know, now that they've improved genes, genes are okay. It's when jeans were bad that they were bad, which is to say that like when they were 100% denim or 100% cotton or whatever, then it was bad. Just when I was a kid, just when I was a kid,

that was the jeans that they were putting me in. I was like, these suck. Right. They were putting me in. I don't like these. And then when I was in high school, we had a school uniform. We couldn't wear jeans. And so at that point, like, I owned a bunch of khakis and I didn't own any jeans.

And then since then I haven't worn jeans. And I had back. Yeah. And like, there's just enough pant offerings of varying degrees of comfort and formality that I don't need to have any jeans at all in my wardrobe. I don't. And I live a happy and peaceful life. So except the way of the.

undenimed. I don't know what it is. I don't know how it is now, but I remember when I went and studied abroad in Europe in college, they told me that no one wears jeans in Europe and that I should not wear jeans or else I'm going to look like an American.

I don't know if that's true anymore or not, but I just remember that sticking and I bought a bunch of like khakis to go to Europe. So Ben, maybe you're just like very cosmopolitan and European. You're just ahead of the game. And, you know, again, like I said,

like if I'm if I'm like being legitimate, then I'm probably fine with Danny's take. And if I'm being like facetious for the sake of pods, there is this like intense intertwining of the American identity and jeans. It just makes no sense to me at all. So you don't know, jeans? What do you do yard work in?

Old pants. What are we like, you're like, you know, you go out for a tailgate? I wear like long johns, dude. It's cold. Like I'm just going to wear things that I need for whatever's going on. Why is this genes have like a control over every part of like regular man suburban life. It's very peculiar.

Yeah, it's pants are like breakfast. When you go to other countries, people, you're like, wow, is that how you guys do it? Beans on toast? It's crazy. I know. It's like, Europeans come here and they're like, you eat all that in the morning? I think Europeans do wear jeans, by the way. That was just a falsehood that I was told.

You were lied to. Yeah, we're about to get a second slew of jeans-related angry emails, but this time from the overseas listening contingent. Tell us, Europe, do you wear jeans? Do you like jeans? Emails at Ringer Fantasy Football at gmail.com for any corrections you want to make. Gene talk. Gene talk. Questions about the Panthers.

Questions about football in the NFL draft. Questions about skinny jeans? Super bad. Whatever you got. Everyone, but Craig belongs in jail. That should be the title of the episode. Talk about a good subject line to ensure your email gets read. That's great listener work right there.

When you send an email, you got to bait the hall. I like, Danny and Danny are going through these emails. If you open with everyone but Craig should be in jail, multiply by degrees. You're likely of getting read on the show. That's smart work. Yes. Subject line is important. Also, quick correction.

It's just me. D.K. never goes to the emails. No, I read it. If you want to cater, just put same about the giants. I read it sometimes. All right. Thank you.

DK. Thank you, Sulek. Thank you, Craig for here. He is here in spirit. Thank you to everyone emailed in about the hangover. Everyone emailed them about jeans. has everybody emailed in about the Panthers? Thank you, Lord.

Thank you, good. Thank you, Usher. Is that for like an apple bottom jeans joke? That's Florida. I was just thinking about, I was back to the Hangover again. Oh. What? There's an Usher song.

Yeah? In the Hangover? I think it's yeah. I can't remember. Which one is it? Is that the one that goes, yeah, yeah. No, wait, hold on. Yeah, that's the one.

I don't know, man. Okay, there was some time last year where a song had a title and it was also some lyrics in another song. And so I sang the song that had the words of the title in the lyrics that I was wrong and I got yelled out a lot. So I had to be careful. What was the song in reference? And then what song were we talking about? And then Solic started humming like Not Afraid by Eminem. Yeah.

I was airplanes. It was airplanes. for something like that. Yeah. There's no way of really knowing. All right. Goodbye, everyone.