The Ringer NFL Show - The Biggest Fantasy Questions for 2023

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck are back to break down some of their biggest fantasy questions ahead of the season using The Ringer’s 2023 Fantasy Football Rankings (1:43). Finally, the guys close with emails (47:17). Check out our 2023 Ringer Fantasy Football Rankings here! Email us! [e-mail] Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Producers: Craig Horlbeck and Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may find this hard to believe, but 60 songs that explain the 90s. America's favorite poorly named music podcast is back. With 30 more songs than 120 songs total. I'm your host, Rob Harvilla, here to bring you more shrewd musical analysis, poignant nostalgic reveries, crude personal anecdotes, and rad special guests, all with even less restraint than usual. Join us once more on 60 Saws that Explain the 90s every Wednesday on. Spotify. Football show, my name is Danny Hyphenson. I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig

Horlebeck. And again, we're back. Okay. Fantasy show. If you don't know, now you know. Fantasyfurtball.3.com. We got our top 200 up. We're coming to you every week, once a week, the whole summer, and then we're going to ramp up when the season actually comes. But we just released our top 200 rankings. Again, fantasyfobble.com. Last week, we went over our biggest takeaways. Those were kind of things where we're like, this is like how we feel about stuff. Today it's like the things we had no idea to do with. Today it's like the questions that we were asking each other while we were ranking stuff.

And I was like, you, DK, what is the deal with like, is Kyler Murray going to play or like what? Do you know what's up with that? Right. Correct. I don't know. You don't know? No, I don't know. Okay. Not sure.

So we're going to explore the space of that uncertainty, I think, and talk about it and try and figure out what the hell to do with some of these players. So yeah, we're just going to go over the stuff. We actually have been discussing this for a few months, actually, because we decided actually a few months ago, as we were doing our rankings, that we want all the questions you had, just kind of write them down.

And then this is basically the distillation of all that. So, D.K., please lead us off here. What the hell is your first, what's going on? Question. Going into the season, there is a lot of quarterback uncertainty, both injury and non. Starting off with our favorite player in the world, many people's favorite player,

especially San Francisco fans. Purdy. Is Brock Purdy going to be the starter for the San Francisco 49ers? I saw someone talk about this today. The 49ers, I think, are like second team in the NFC in terms of Super Bowl odds. And we literally don't know who the quarterback is going to be. That's just bizarre. What's going on with that? Who's going to be their quarterback? I've, I sent this to D.K., because he's a big... Well, I guess we all love Seinfeld. You saw that clip, right, of John Lynch scratching his head when they asked about Trey Lance. And then it cuts to the Seinfeld bit.

We've talked about this on the show, Craig. Have we? Jerry and George, and Jerry's like, oh, yeah, the higher you touch your face when you're lying shows you like how badly you are lying. And they were like, so how's Trey Lance doing, John Lynch? And John goes, he can excurs his head. He's like, oh, he's doing pretty good. No, I was like, oh, man.

I got no faith in Lance. I think we're at the point where if Brock Purdy was not healthy enough to play in week one, Sam Donald would just be the backup quarterback. Like, I think Trey Lance is their third string quarterback. They don't trust him at all. The only reason they didn't trade him, I think is because they're so emotionally scarred from running out of quarterbacks in what they should they should have won the Super Bowl that they're like the idea of getting rid of Tray Lance kind of gives him the hebie-jeebies. But yeah, I think these guys are hurt.

Purdy basically he hurt his ulnar collateral ligament, but he didn't need Tommy John. So he got like a much more lowkey procedure. So we're recording this May 8th. We'll kind of know we'll have a better idea on Brock Party's health like the first week of June because that's when OTAs begin. and he should be able to throw and resume throwing in the first week of June. If Brock Purdy is not throwing, where, I mean, this is just chaos because... Sam Darnold's time, baby. DK's been on this.

DK. DK. Think Sam Darnold's going to, like, start more games than Lance or Purdy for the night. I think Darnold will be actually fantastic in the night. I'm so ready to get clipped and, like, everyone to make fun of me. I actually think Donald can be great from the 40 years. Yeah, I was going to say, High Fitz has actually been more on top of this because High Fitz, I think, brought this up on a show a couple of months ago. And I was like, can we not do this?

In the interim since I said that, I'm fully doing this. Like Sam Darnold is in. I'm in on Darno. He was at the Warriors game with McCaffrey and Kittle. Yeah, he's going to the party. They're going to his birthday party, you guys. They're already hanging out. Sam Darlal, a good hang.

Yeah. Him and Allen are good friends. You ever see a photo of Josh Allen giving Sam Darnold a wet willie? No. It's like really, they're division rival quarterbacks and they hung out the whole draft process so they were friends. And then it's like the Jets quarterbacks getting wet willied. Were they division rivals?

At the time when they were drafted. Yeah. bills that made the playoffs once they were both trying to not be the rent of the litter in the AFC East. Okay. When they got drafted, that's fair. No longer. But yeah. Sam Darnold as Austin and Gale so nicely put in the notes. He ranked second in EPA

per dropback in weeks 12 through 18, which was second only to Jared Gough. What a list. Jared Goff and Sam Darnold. Obviously, he wasn't doing much in terms of volume, but in the offense that they were running in Carolina with like run heavy foundation and basically not asking him to do too much, not asking

him to carry the team. He was pretty good. And that's like the definition of what Shanahan does for the 49ers is just like, hey, get the ball of your playmakers. They're going to do everything you need. This is the most ridiculous collection of skill players I've ever seen in San Francisco. I'm kind of actually getting back in on Sam Donald. But to be clear, if Brock Purdy is healthy, he will be the starter. John Lynch has literally said this. Like Brock Pretty will be the starter.

Man, you know, he's basically never lost to get. He's the cult leader. I saw the menu in HBO this week. Great movie. I kind of think that that he's basically just the chef version of Brock Bertie. Can you believe that we're here? This is the last player drafted in the NFL last year. He was Mr. Irrelevant.

And Trey Lance, who was the third overall pick in the draft, who they traded up to get, played what, two and a half games, hurt his foot, and is now just gone. And he has been beaten by Mr. Irrelevant and Sam Darnold. It kind of tracks with, I want to say, last year at the Super Bowl, and then again this last year, sorry, the year before, and then this last year also. Joe Montana said this on Slow Newsday. What he had been hearing is that, like,

Trey Lance is not ready. Like, the team does not believe he's ready. And that's why they needed to stick with Jimmy G. And then I want to say he said something similar to this last year at the Super Bowl, too, that basically that Trey Lance just is not ready to go. He's never going to start a game for the numbers again. Tom Brady through more pass. This stat from Mike Renner at PFF, blew my mind.

It's not a PFF anymore, but just Mike Renner has a stat. Tom Brady threw more passes last season than Brock Brady through in high school college and the NFL combined. You mean Lance. Trey Lance. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, sorry, Trey Lance. Brock Purdy, on the other hand, is throwing thousands because he's very old and he played

in college for a very long time. He also might be Jesus Christ. So, you know, he's been thrown for a long time. While we're talking about quarterbacks and injuries in the NFC West, Kyler Murray for the Cardinals. This is all just weird. So Kyler Murray tours ACL. He had surgery like January 3rd.

Cliff Kingsbury, like this was so long ago that Cliff Kingsbury is still the head coach of the Cardinals. He said in January before he got fired that Kyler would probably not be ready for week one, which honestly you just don't hear very often for coaches because they just don't. Yeah, it's probably why he got fired. Or just he knew he was getting fired and didn't give a shit. So it's kind of weird to get that much. There is also rumblings that Kyler wouldn't play at all this season. that's also probably not true.

But the fact that that was even mentioned, I think that, and it's also been floated, that Kyler might miss all of September and between how the Cardinals basically loading up on draft picks for next year, they're expected to be the worst team in football. The Texans, they have the Texans pick might be also the second or third worst team.

There's two elite quarterbacks in next year's draft. The Cardinals have the ammo and all the incentive in the world to suck this year. It's like there's no reason for them to push Kyler to come back. I don't know what's going to happen this year, but between that and Kyler, so much of his fantasy value coming back,

you know, involving like rushing and stuff. I don't even, D.K., where the hell would you even take Kyler Murray in a draft where it's like, yeah, it might come back in September,

October, also come back to the worst team in the NFL. Like, what do you even do with him? Do you even take him? I mean, you could, to me, he's like a late round dart throw.

I am not optimistic that he's going to play a lot this year. You know what I mean? And so I don't think you waste an early pick on him. I had ranked 178. right now. We have them on our rankings at 169, which, yeah, exactly.

I basically think of Kyler, Anthony Richardson, Jordan Love, as guys that you're like, okay, we'll see, like, when they start playing. I guess Jordan Love's going to be week one, but like they're kind of like backups and you just kind of keep them on your bench. You're like, we'll see if you like blossom into some weird flower. But I don't know, man. Kyler, I also wonder if he just outright gets replaced and like isn't even their quarterback in 2025.

I mean, the Cardinals are in prime position to tank, right? There's a strong, I could absolutely see DeAndre Hopkins not being on this team when week one comes around and Kyler Murray's, Kyler Murray sitting the majority of the year and then them trading him as well at the end of the year and just starting fresh getting Caleb Williams or Drake May or something like that. Because even if he comes back, I mean, this, this is not a Super Bowl team with Kyler Murray. It's not even close. Do you guys, can you name off the top of your head the offensive coordinator of the Cardinals? Oh, it's, I looked it up because it's funny. It's Drew. It's Drew Peltzing, who I don't know about.

Petzing. I don't know anything about it. I think during the chaos of the offseason slash whenever they hired him, I'd miss this part because I literally have never heard this name before. Who is this fucking guy? He's a 36-year-old former, he's a former coach for the Browns and the Vikings. I don't know anything about this person. It's like that Duane Wade clip when that woman called him Wade Jones.

And he's like, who that is? That is, it's true, though, for true fencing. What can we expect from this fucking guy? But what's also weird about the Cardinals is their defensive coordinator is also Nick Rallis, who's the linebackers coach for the Eagles. He's 29. What's happening with this team? This is the youngest staff.

Like, when Sean McVey got hired for the Rams, he was the youngest coach ever. The first thing he did was hire Wade Phillips. It was like the oldest coach in the NFL, the balance it all up. The Cardos have nobody over like 46 on this staff. Yeah. punting this season, I feel like. They needed coaches who understand Call of Duty in video games to relate to Kyler.

I get it. There's honestly something. Savvy. That might be it. Do you think that Jonathan Gannon's asking guys what their K-to-D is in interviews and if they don't know, they're not allowed to the second round? Don't you think that like, if you look at the quarterback position in fantasy right now, if you're in a single quarterback league, it's pretty standard top 12. Like, you're going to

get, you know, there's the classic late-round guys like you're Daniel Jones or your Dak Prescott or Tua, maybe. And then, but if you're in a two, quarterback league, I think it feels even more uncertain than usual because it used to be the second quarterback you would get on your team was like a Derek Carr on the Raiders. And you were like, I know what he is. He's going to throw for 4,000 yards, like 25 touchdowns. But now it's like, the QB2 guys are like, Anthony Richardson is completely unknown. You have Rogers and the Jets,

Russell Wilson, like, who knows what's going on with that. You have Jordan Love, who's never been a starter. You have Kenny Pickett, Matt Stafford. You got hurt Kyler Murray. And then you got to a bunch of rookies. Like, it is a really, really tough, second-tier quarterback group for two QB leagues. It's going to be really hard, I think, this year. So you mentioned Stafford, too. I think Stafford, like, I don't know if he's under the radar,

but in a way, the Rams didn't get discussed the entire off-season because they were so bad at the end. They were ugly to watch. They have no draft picks. There's nothing to say about him. But, like, in a way, Stafford, he had a season-ending injury. He had a season-ending neck injury. He had a spinal cord contusion.

Yeah. he had to announce that he wasn't retiring, which that's strike one. Strike two, had numbness in both feet, which is how they knew that he had spinal cord contusion. Strike three, that's not even why he was so bad. He had an elbow injury that he couldn't practice in August. That's why Alan Robinson sucked because he couldn't get any time of Stafford. It's like the Rams were basically like a bottom four offense in the league. And then Stafford had a spinal cord contusion.

And it's like the only reason the Rams haven't even blown up this team is because if they do Sean McVey will leave. So it's like, but Stafford's not a guy kind of in fantasy, but I'm like, Stafford actually I'm realizing is the same risk to drafting Cooper Cup that I think TWA is to drafting Tyree Kill. It's like, I don't have any issue really with Cooper Cup, even though he's coming off this injury.

Cooper Cup and Tyree Kill, my biggest question is, how long can Tua and or Matt Stafford even stay on the field? These guys are falling apart. It's scary because Stafford has been for a long time, sort of my, Craig, what you were just, what you were describing exactly like the quintessential QB2 where you don't really have to worry too much about the floor falling out until last year

when it completely didn't. He was like literally one of the worst quarterbacks, except for Tom Brady earlier on in the season where he was just absolutely brutal like six or seven points per game or whatever it was. He was that guy for me. If it's there, then you're good. It's like you don't seek. It's not your first choice, but you're like

oh, okay, cool, y'all get an amstead. He's not on that list. Yeah, and he's not on that list anymore. And so it's, it's concerning. And yeah, it definitely affects the entire offense here. So if he gets hurt or if the elbow injury comes back or the spinal cord doesn't really, or it remains an issue, I should say, going into this next year, man. We should, all right. You know what, that's, can we make that a memento tattoo? If you have to say the word spinal cord, you're out. Don't, I'm not true. Don't. That's, I'm not fake to you. If you have to, if you have to argue with the, with the media that you're not retiring. Look, guys, seriously, I'm not retiring.

Okay, I'm not retiring. Stop saying I'm retired. Don't write in the newspaper. I'm retiring. Like, that was like Adam Thieler. I was watching the Combine. I forget what, I think it was the Combine, like Tuesday or something. And Adam Thielen was a special guest commentator.

And I'm like, well, I'm done. There's no chance. He's so. I'm out. Adam Thielin is like, man, I'm almost done. I got to get my other foot in media here. I'm like, okay, cooked. Who would you rather draft right now?

Matt Stafford or Tom Brady? Oh, me. Matt Stafford. Okay. Stafford. I do kind of wonder if Brady come. If Brady came back, I still think the Bucks would, like, be favored to win that. I kind of think he's coming back.

That's my new thing. I think he's going to come back. Especially now, he already said he might back out of his fox deal. I know. That's what I'm saying. And he was like, no, no. What's he got going on, man? I do agree, though.

I do agree, though, Hyvitz. If you're debating drafting a player in fantasy and the word spinal cord is involved, I think you should move, you should probably pass. All right. Well, here's a guy who sends shivers up my spine. Cadarius Tony, Chiefs Receiver. His report for me has been that Cadarious Tony's, quote, first in line to be the Chief's number one receiver.

Let's go. Hell yes. In the words of Peter Schrager, let's go. It's the bane of my existence. Also, I think that's a Tom Brady thing. But we have Cadarys Tony ranked 99th. Again, fantasyf football.com. Yeah, those are rookie numbers.

We got to bump that way up. It actually gets better. Brett Veach, the GM for the Chief said, Cadarist Tony's predominantly better guy. slot receiver, return, a runner, gadget guy, if you will. But I don't know if there's a limit on his game. And then I spontaneously combusted. I didn't finish the rest of the story.

So this is tough. There's a little bit of cognitive dissonance with me and Tony here because fantasy football, at least as I age, you know, as I get a little bit more mature in my fantasy football management, it's all about risk assessment, right? It's about managing risk. I want the least amount of variables possible on my team. That's why I made a mistake last year. I was really on Michael Thomas.

I look back on that and I know I was dumb. I know that was stupid. The stake of youth. Yes. The risk was not worth the reward. I could just go grab any other wide receiver and he probably could have replicated a Michael Thomas year without any of the downside.

You know? So high floor, high ceiling is the ultimate goal, right? You want somebody who, if none of it works out, they still have a high floor. Like at Amonra, St. Brown to me. It's like, if he's healthy and he's been relatively healthy, not a lot can go wrong with Amonra. You know a situation.

It's got off. you know, he has like a lot of, yeah. Yeah, he is very safe floor, but could also have a really high ceiling. We've seen that as well. Cadarius Tony is really not that. And I'm, you know, I don't know what to do about it. Maybe we should each give ourselves one player only every year

that you can make an irrational pick on. But I'm not sure what to do, because this might just be Michael Thomas again. But he's, I fucking love him. So I don't know. It's also, we're pot committed to this bit, Craig. We cannot, we can't leave now. It's a lifestyle.

Sorry. Correct. Yeah, you're right. Kader's Tony, again, the whole week of the Super Bowl when we were in Phoenix, our running joke was I, Craig was like, Kaderas Tony is going to score two touchdowns. It was like 18 to 1. 22 to 1. I said Kaderes Tony isn't going to play more than five snaps.

And we were like, you know what? Handshake. And then he was five yards from doing both. Scoring. I wonder what those odds would have been. Two touchdowns in less than five. snaps. Oh my God.

A thousand to one. If we had actually asked Fandall for like odds on that, then we would have made an incalculable. I wonder if we, I want, I'd love to reach out to Fandall and just get like really, really specific Cadarius Tony lines every week. We just have like the Cadarius Tony line of the week. I like that. Three touchdowns, 40 yards of punt returns, two injury timeouts. Can we do this?

Can we, I want to play the game that we played with Ben about the quarterbacks or we flip the coin and we make you. argue aside. I want to play it with the two of you right now with Cadarious Tony, okay? So I'm going to flip a coin, and if it's one way, you have to argue for him or against him. Okay. Who are we going for here? Heads. D.K. is for Tony. T.K. is against Tony. T.K. is against Tony. Okay.

Okay. It's heads. D.K. is for Cadarius Tony. D. Kada go. Okay. So I'm making, I'm making the argument for Tony. This is so easy. What are you talking about? Yeah. I want you to tell me why he should be a top 15 pick in draft. Top 20 wide receiver pick and drafts. Okay. First off, have you seen him move? He moves differently than literally anyone in the NFL. He's so explosive, so twitchy.

He's a first round pick. I mean, there's the obvious talent there. Obviously, he landed in a bad situation in New York. Did not get along with coaching staff there. Blah, blah, blah. Moves to Kansas City. Took him a minute to pick up the offense, but they're mixing him in.

Now he'll have had a whole offseason to get the offense mastered. He is no juju. No juju. He is the projected number one receiver on this team. They're already talking about this week. There's no one in his way. Sky Moore was a big disappointment as a rookie. Marcus Valda Skantling is a role player on the outside.

Rishi Rice, I think, is going to take some development. We're probably going to see him do the rookie thing where he doesn't do a whole lot. The chiefs tend to do this with their rookies. They don't do a whole lot in the first season. Then after that, they worked their way in. So you can almost put Cadarist Tony in that bucket. but to me he's by far, by far, the most talented,

explosive electric playmaker in this offense other than Travis Kelsey. Like, if it worked out, let's say Tony plays 17 games, DK. Yeah. Like, what do you think his numbers could be? Like, do you think he could be a top 10 receiver in fantasy? I mean, 3,000 yards,

37 touchdowns. Dude, there's nobody else on this team. What numbers come to mind when you picture? I will say this. I will say this. Brett Veach, the GM itself, was asked, are you worried about giving Tony the role because he doesn't really have any vertical receiving

history at all. And Brett Feitch was like, well, has he ever played with an offense that pushed it vertically? He's like they didn't at Florida and the Giants said they hadn't did it. With like the wink wink being like, you know who pushes it? Fucking Patrick Mahomes. And I think that's where I was like, oh shit, he's going to be a hall of fame reasoning. But then I keep reminding myself, he literally can't play football. Like he's can't, he has never, just like he's never pushed it downfield. He's never at any point since he was like 15 years old

been able to like stay and play football a lot. But is that all you have? If you're arguing the flip side of that coin, if you're doing the negative side, is injury is really the only thing you can rely on now because there's really not a lot of competition unless Sky Moore becomes a thing. Well, I mean, can you get,

is there fantasy points for like not showing up? Like not going on the field? I'm just saying like he doesn't, like five steps in the Super Bowl. Five. Did he really only play five steps? Five snaps? Is he going to be the number one receiver? Well, we're assuming he's going to play more snaps is the thing.

Maybe that's a bad assumption. I don't know who's going to play wide receiver for this team if Cadarious Tony isn't the number one guy. If it's, to be more pointed, is there anything other, is there anything other than the fact he's been injured a lot holding you back on Tony? No. Okay. But it is a big thing. It is a big important thing. So this is just Michael Thomas again, right?

He's just younger, sexier Michael Thomas. Yeah, except Michael Thomas that actually played football and set records and played at Ohio State. And then was like, oh, anyway. Got it. So it's more irrational than Michael Thomas. Yeah. Okay. Let's get moving here.

I also think that we're talking about Tony. There's a lot of, I think, running backs this year that would traditionally be in like really sexy breakout situations that would be like insanely popular guys, but they're all hurt. And so, like, I look at him, and I just have an air of hesitancy. Tony Pollard is like this auto smash. It's like Zechiel Elliott is finally gone. They cut him. And then Tony Pollard, it's like this Prince that was promised where it's like every

game that Zichael Elliott misses Tony Pollard is like a top three running back. It's unbelievable how consistently Tony Pollard is electric. And yet, the last time we saw Tony Pollard, he had an aircast and was getting carted off in the playoffs in January. like January aircast to like yeah he'll be fine for like oh and I'm like he had a broken ankle

and he had a high ankle spray he didn't need a procedure on the ankle to get a fixed for the for the like the fibula but the high ankle sprain he needed a tightrope procedure but it's still weird where I'm like okay

the depth chart tells me the Cowboys think that he's okay it's like they have Ronald Jones and like Malik Davis and Deuce Vaughn who's like yay high but isn't it kind of weird he's about yay high he's like yay high he's like

Yay high. You know what I mean? The 15th pick, you're on the clock and you're like, oh man, all these guys here are like, I'm going to take a guy who's in an aircast in January? Wouldn't you feel kind of dumb if he? I don't have any like cutting analysis here. It's just kind of weird. I don't know.

I think the era of being worried about a player who was injured last year is kind of over. Unless there's like glaring issues that are, you know, he's not like playing at all until week one or something like that or there's really negative reports coming out about him. If the dude is at training camp and playing and ready by week one, I honestly don't care if you tore your ACL or you got an aircast. Pollard, I feel like we're overthinking it. Well, no, to be clear, I mean, we have him ranked really high. I have him ranked really high.

I mean, we have him 18th overall. Like, we have him as a top 10 running back. I just kind of feel a little odd about it. The other two guys, Breeze Hall for the Jets who, Aaron Rogers, like the whole Jets' offense, he wheels up. He tore his ACL. Again, they actually do have real running back depth. Same thing where it's like if Brise Hall looks really good.

But again, guys off ACLs, we've kind of just been for a long time. I'm like, let's just get them two seasons after, not the first season after they tear the ACL. And I think that's especially true. We also have Giovante Williams, who the Denver running back. He tore his ACL, but he also tore his LCL and a posterior lateral corner.

I don't know what that is, but it doesn't sound good. I don't either. There's some indication that Williams just won't even play at all this year. It's a, that was a multi-ligament. Javante Williams' injury was like devastating. I actually think Somagie P. Ron could get a ton of work for the Broncos.

So, anyway, I didn't know what to do with a bunch of those guys because Breeze Hall, as exciting as he is, it's still like he's still coming off in ACL around a bunch of running backs where you don't have to take him. And then Giovante, it's like, it feels like a discount, but, you know, in the 60,

we have him ranked 84th, which I actually think is accurate because I'm a little concerned that he doesn't play for a couple months. I mean, he could have the J.K. Dobbins track here where tries to come back, has these little compensatory aggravations. Sorry, that was a lot, a mouthful.

Like, basically, the muscles are, round it aren't fully like healed and they're compensating for his weakness in his knee. And that's exactly what happened with JK Dombins last year. And he just was never really healthy. He never kind of got back to fully operational. And I'm a little worried we're going to see the same deal with Jvante Williams. So beware if he's like talking in the press like Jackie Dobbins did last year about how healthy and ready he's going to be to go because a lot of indications and a lot of reports so far that this is like a massive, massive injury. It's going to take longer to come back from then, you know, just quote unquote normal ACL tear.

And to Craig's point, if these guys are playing, then like it's one thing, but, you know, I want to see them like play football. There's also just a bunch of backfield nightmares. We're going to get into this all throughout the season. But there's just a bunch of running back backfields where you're like, what the hell to do with this? Honestly, not more sure than the Eagles.

Yeah. DeAndre Swift and Rashad Penny. You can tell when people who make rankings don't know what to do with players when they just put guys in the same team right next to each other. We have DeAndre Swift as our 28th best running back and Penny is our 30th. But it's such a weird situation because, I mean, the Eagles, what,

have the first or second best offensive line in the league in a fantastic rushing game? And DeAndre Swift and Rashad Penny, when healthy, are both elite talents. So even if they're splitting time, I feel like both these guys could be top 20 running backs. But because of all the uncertainty around their injuries, we just don't really know what to do. Also, Kenneth Gainwell is still there, too, which muddies the water even more. It makes it possible. Boston Scott, baby. Boston Scott.

who only scores touchdowns against the Giants. Also, yay, high. If Penny and Swift play 17 games each, who are you drafting? Penny. Me too. I think if Penny plays 17 games, he will have 1,400 rush of yards. Yeah. But that's always been baked into Penny's prices that we don't think he will play 17 games,

obviously, because of the injuries that go back to his rookie year. Swift, by the way, has a similar problem, constantly banged up, constantly fighting of things and doesn't play through injury as much as some other running backs, which is I think why the lions ultimately are just like, all right, I get rid of this guy. My concern is Swift is he also had a really good offensive line in Detroit, and he was hurt, but also like there were issues of him just not running north-south.

And that was actually like Miles Sanders' problem with the Eagles too, is Miles Sanders had like a fine season last year, but kind of feels like Miles Sanders left like a few hundred yards, probably on the table just over the course of the season, just not trying to hit home runs instead of just getting on base. And that's where Penny is probably like the guy that the eagle, like, but spiritually the Eagles will just never give a single guy, like a ton of touches. They want to get a bunch of guys.

But there's a bunch of teams that are just like the Seahawks having Ken Walker and Zach Charbonne, which we've talked about, the dolphins having, you know, Rahim Moster and Devon, you know, Devon, you know, Devon A Cheid and Jeff Wilson, and we'll see what, you know, the Vikings. I don't know if Dalvin Cook's going to stay in Minnesota. There's just a lot of teams who are like, oh, we're going to have to spend our summer figuring out, all right. Is Damien Harris getting the goal in touches for the bills or what? I assume so.

So that'll be fun. Anyway. That's like a very not fun thing that you'll deal with in the fall of like Damien Harris. But more interesting is also just all the new teams that have new offensive coordinators or quarterbacks are running new offenses. Deke, I don't know if you want to take us on a little tour. Yeah. Well, let's start out with the Jets because this was the big storyline during the offseason,

obviously with Aaron Rogers, high fits, by the way. You called that great job. Called it in like November or something. Way before anybody else, at least that I heard of. So, but going into the year, I mean, obviously, you, you. You assume that it's going to be a familiar offense, like scheme-wise, Hackett is there. Like, he's coached with Rogers before. So it should be a smooth transition.

But at the end of the day, it's a new offensive line. It's new receivers in some cases. Obviously, he did bring Lazard and Cobb. But to me, this is just, there's a mystery box element here of what's this offense going to look like, how much control is Aaron Rogers going to have at the line of scrimmage? All the questions we've been asking about him for the last few years. How run heavy is it going to be? How, like, are they going to try and go, like, slow the game down or are they going to try and speed up?

Are you worried about the line scrimmage, considering he's basically the GM? Because what are they have? They have Randall Cobb. They have Alan Lazard. They also signed the guard, Billy Turner. I don't forget. There's another Packer that they signed. They have, like, five guys from Greepa already.

And it's silly that the idea of that he had a wish list is silly, according to the GM. Sure, guy. I'm a little wary of the Jets. I think that the person that I think it most comes out in is Garrett, Wilson where it's like, I don't think I'm going to have much Garrett Wilson this year because the upside is so obvious. It's like Garrett Wilson, Aaron Rogers, it'll be like Devante Adams, but Garrett Wilson, you know, he's even like more athletic than Devante Adams. And I'm like, first of all, Devante Adams was so bad for his first couple years, people literally thought he was going to get cut.

I'm like not an NFL player. It took like four years for him to have like that mind meld. And also like, you know, we have Garrett Wilson ranked 27th, wide receiver 11. Wide receiver 11. Anyone who knows your Jets fans, all the Jets fans are going to have Garrett Wilson. Like he's going to go in the first two rounds. And it's like, how much room is there to go up from there versus. Right. It's not hard to imagine the Jets and this kind of going wrong. And suddenly Garrett Wilson isn't on the same page as Rogers. And he's just kind of there as like this supremely talented guy who isn't getting the ball enough. Like that's really where I look at this Jets offense. And I'm like, I kind of think they might be a better team in real life where it's like, oh, they jell in December and make the playoffs. That's their vibe. But I don't think this is going to be some well-oiled machine to start. Nate Hackett was not calling the plays when he was in

Green Bay. Now he's just calling the place. Garrett Wilson is all-time horny police. You're so right, Hyfitts. The upside is where he's ranked. Like, that's best case scenario. I mean, I, the thing is, is he's so tantalizing, the idea for every reason you just stated. But if you look at all the wide receivers ahead of him,

all of them have established roles and have a track record, Amon Ra, C.D. Lamb, A.J. Brown, Stefan Diggs. Like, those are the guys right ahead of Garrett Wilson, who's had like one good year and now has a new quarterback. And, like, for all we know, Rogers could hate him and only throw to Alan Lazzar. and like suddenly fall in love with Denzel Mims.

So Garrett, I mean, yeah, there's, there's a lot going on there with Garrett Wilson. And I think he's going to be, he's the quintessential, like young, sexy. You project his potential into his draft value. Everyone's going to be into him. Bonk! Exactly. Or you could just take DK Metcalf. Right.

Bonk. Bonk or Garrett Wilson? He's definitely first team all bonk. Go home to your wife. That's the Garrett Wilson. What if Garrett Wilson doesn't want to hear about conspiracy? theories, you know what I mean? Like, what if he doesn't want to live that life?

Is Rogers just going to shut him out? I would not put it past Rogers to just, like, completely ignore him. Does this mean Lazzard and Cobb love conspiracy theories and just put up with them? They have a podcast, the three of them, and they just talk conspiracies? 100%. Who knows what Jordy Nelson was into, man. While we're on teams to do offense is the other one that's just, I mean, the Patriots, they have an offensive coordinator.

It took them like a year. It's nice. added, you know, I actually, I almost feel like we actually didn't spend enough time on the Patriots last year. I know. Probably because they were like the most, the single worst team to watch in the entire league. But there was an incredible, so Matt Patricia, defense coordinator and Joe Judge, special teams coach, were their offense coordiners last year.

The Boston Herald had an expose where they kind of just dissected this autopsy of a season. And the headline is literally, or one of the main quotes is, an anonymous Patriots coach says, I love coach Belichick, but he fucked us. And it's just a breakdown of Patricia and Judge. And then at one point I heard Devin McCordy was on TV and he said there was never true hope. Jeez. So I think the Patriots are weirdly kind of a bounce back team because everyone's going to look at all the Patriots to be like, Ju-Ju, New England, no thank you.

But I don't know. It's like I actually think the Patriots might be a real offense this year because they just were not an offense. I think we just kind of gave the Patriots the benefit. Well, we gave Bell-Balach, the benefit of the doubt a little bit because he's, got that long established track record of being the best coach ever. But we also at the same time, we're like, what the fuck are they doing?

What is this plan? This is the stupidest fucking plan. Well, we were like, they're the guys in stepbrothers. Like Patricia and Judge going to the interview together wearing tuxedos. And it's like, well, now the tuxedos are kind of fucked up. Yeah.

I just, yeah, it's very interesting. I actually am pretty excited about what the Patriots can do with like a real offensive coordinator, a guy who's done it, a guy who knows how to make any game adjustments. in-game adjustments and game planning, stuff like that is not easy, man. It's hard to be an offensive coordinator and just making your buddies or a guy that you know

with no experience at that position, the offensive coordinator is obviously a stupid move. So for whatever reason, they chose to do that. But they also, I think, I'm hoping there will be some upgrades in terms of like the way they utilize their personnel, for whatever reason last year. For instance, Kendrick Bourne was in the doghouse, even though he's like one of their most, you know, exciting playmakers.

They just, they would refuse to put him in. It's like this kind of shit that gets in the way of winning. I feel like they, for some reason, I think it's the other way around. I actually think Kendrick Bourne, so he has no guaranteed money left. And neither does Devante Parker. I'm sorry, Craig. So I actually think if Bill O'Brien walks in and it's just like, they could just cut Kendrick Boren or Devante Parker and they could just have like

basically juju, you know, they sign Gisicky. I think Taekwon Thornton could have a way bigger role in this team. So I'm not advocating for. for born. I'm just saying it seems like the decision making from last year's team was really weird. And this year, hopefully it'll be better. Can I read one more quote from this story? Is this the one by Andrew

Cowahan, by the way? Andrew Cowahan wrote this. Yes, the Boston Herald. Yeah. Very good reporter. This was legendary. And they were saying that so basically the point is Patricia Judge installed an offense that they had never ran before. And so then defenders who had ran, or sorry, offensive players who had ran the offense were like, well, what's going to happen if the defense does this? And you see that they hadn't really accounted for that yet, one source said.

And then they'd say, we'll get to that when we get to that. Nice. So they just handled it like a grandpa. We'll figure that out. No worries. There's also the Ravens offense, I think, is fascinating for this year because Lamar Jackson now he's back and it's kind of like nothing ever happened. So now it's Bill Barnwell, shout out Billy B, made an incredible point that the

last time Lamar was really playing for the Ravens, their receivers were to Marcus Robinson, Devin DuVernay, and Deshaun Jackson. And entering this year, it's going to be Rashad Bateman, Zay, Flowers, and O'Dell Beckham, plus Mark Andrews. Yes. So it's like they're going from a medieval offense to, like, a World War II. They have tanks and helicopters now? Did they have helicopters in World War II?

Oh, I guess not. I don't know. They may have had, like, very rudimentary one. No, I don't think so. Fine. Yeah. All right. You're right. Planes.

Just say planes. Plains is fine. I don't know if this. Does this Raven's offense feel like it has helicopters now to you? Are you that excited about Rashad, Bateman coming off a brutal injury, 30-year-old O'Dell and then a rookie? Well, Lamar Jackson literally said this week is like, I'm going to throw it for 6,000 yards. You know, I'm not usually a stats guy, but I think we could do it.

And I'm like, you know, I believe you. I don't think you're a stats guy if you think you can throw it for 6,000 yards. I believe that you think you can. You put it well in the past that like the Ravens have this incredible, unbelievable advantage, where Lamar is such a good, you know, thrower, runner that it's basically like you have an extra player on the fields. And then the Ravens immediately gave it back because they had a defensive end playing fullback who couldn't catch. And they put everything. The Ravens having a real offense, I think, is a really interesting wrinkle.

And we'll see how it goes. But it's weird. I don't really think O'Dell, none of these guys are intriguing. I don't think. I don't know. I'm pretty, well, maybe I'm more excited just from a football nerd point of view than a fantasy specific point of view. but Todd Monkin coming in. Monkin's had some offenses over the last few years

that have been very, um, like really well designed around the skilled player talent that they had. And there's no like quote unquote Todd Monkin offense because he's just really good adapting to like what his skill players and quarterback and what they want to do and how they can do it well. So I'm kind of excited about how they do this. If you alluded to it,

but basically I had a aha moment, a light bulb moment. a light bulb moment listening to a great CoSell podcast when he was talking about. And he always kind of stops short of criticizing coaches because he quote unquote knows how hard coaches work. But he was basically saying like, I don't understand why they basically have one fewer person who, one fewer player who's an eligible pass catcher on the field

than every other offense in the NFL because they have a 290 pound fullback guy on the field for like the vast majority of their snaps. So they're essentially taking one eligible receiver just off the board. And that's like what their offense was for years. And now, you know, you come in in Monkin, who has had offenses that have been really past heavy. I don't know if you remember a couple years ago. He was the O.C. of the Browns or sorry, of the Buccaneers when they just went absolutely ham.

He's also been at Georgia last, they won two championships with Georgia. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm very, honestly, I'm pretty intrigued with what they can do. Like, this could be a huge sea change in the way that they run an offense. Like Lamar Jackson going back to college has always run pro style offenses. It's not like he's completely, completely limited and they need to have an offense where you have one fewer, you know, eligible pass catcher in order to run. Like, I think he can do, I think he can make this jump if they really design an offense that works for him and get these weapons and, like, deploy them correctly.

Well, it's funny. It's like, it's not like Lamar's been bad in these old offenses. Like, Lamar was like the best player in fantasy football for like two straight years every time he was on the field. Yeah. So I'm kind of, I'm excited about Lamar this year. I think he could be closer to what we saw his MVP season than he has been in the past in the last few years. D.K., any other teams that intrigue you, new look teams? There's a couple that are like not going to be wholesale changes, but a little bit different. Like, what are the Cowboys going to look like with fucking Mike McCarthy calling plays versus last year with Kellyn Moore? like Kellyn Moore over the last few seasons has been one of the highest pass rate offensive play callers in the NFL, you know, aggressive, spread things out. And we've got Mike McCarthy coming back in here and he's like talking about just run, establish the run.

Like we need to take pressure off our quarterback, you know, blah, blah, blah. And like this could really hurt the bottom line for not only DAC, but for all the receivers in this group. And so I'm a little bit worried about what this with Cowboys offense is going to like outside of Pollard. I think Pollard's going to smash, but like CD is probably not going to see the volume that he saw last year. It's a little worrisome. The Cowboys are hilarious. I also, and the flip side of that, too, is Kellyn Moore going to the Chargers. Yeah, right.

The Chargers ran the most infuriating offense. Just kind of like, I will dive into this way more as the summer goes on. But like, again, Justin Herbert having the slowest offense, even though he's got maybe the biggest arm in the league, just continues to be infuriating. I want to see if Kellan Moore changes anything with that. It does feel like with the Chargers, kind of that this year is kind of. of the year. Like, they're a little bit on the hot seat, just like as an overall offense.

Like, they blew that horrible lead against the Jags and the playoffs. Year before that, they didn't make it because of that game against the Raiders in Week 17 and Week 18, whatever that was. And it kind of does feel like, all right, Herbert's this generational guy.

It needs to happen now, or else we're going to start making some changes. Not really with Herbert, but like, if the team is like 10 and 7 or 9 and 8 again this year. If they don't make the playoffs, Staley's, fired. I think that's fair to say. Yeah.

I mean, people wanted him fired two years ago. I think if Herbert doesn't go off this season, then there's going to be people that are sort of reassessing their view of him as a quarterback as like an elite elite quarterback because you know, he's got all this arm talent, but he decides to check it down like way too much. And maybe if he does that again this year, even after replacing the O.C. And changing some things up on offense, then there will be like, oh, maybe it's actually Herbert versus the offensive playcullers. I do think it was the play car last year, Lombardi,

because if you look at all of his offenses going back through the years, they've all done that same shit. So it's probably more likely his fault. But I think if we don't see an uptick in aggressiveness and downfield passing from Herbert this next year, there could be some question marks about that. Because he did this in college, too. There were times where he was just too passive.

He wasn't aggressive enough down the field. And the way I looked back at my, Scouting Report for Herbert in the draft guide. And I wrote something along lines of like his aggressiveness, waxes and wanes throughout the season and throughout games. It's like he just doesn't have that killer instinct it felt like sometimes. And so I really want to see him just like slinging around this year, hopefully. We also have to factor in that, you know, he had like a debilitating rib injury in like

week three last year. That's true. That's true. We forget about these things and forget like we basically just push him aside. It's very true. Yeah. I was thinking about the Marcus Marietta and everyone's like, oh, he can't throw out.

I'm like, he had a nerve injury at his arm like six years ago. And like, no one, no one even knows. Austin also makes a point. Herbert's averaged up a target on non-checkdowns and non-screens was 28th. He couldn't take a deep enough breath to throw it deep. I'm just saying. Yeah, exactly, Craig. Any of the questions you guys got going to the league?

Obviously, we have a lot. But the things that really confounding is you were doing your rankings, and you were just like, what's going to happen here? I think everything going on in Denver is really confusing and difficult to map out, right? It's essentially the same team. I mean, Judy and Sutton are still there. Russ is back. You have Giovante hopefully healthy.

And it's like Russell Wilson was like a bottom four quarterback in the league last year. And I kind of feel similarly about like Deshaun Watson, where it was like, these are two guys with a track record to have played it like an MVP level, elite fantasy level. I think they've both been number one or number two overall quarterbacks in fantasy football. and I don't know they're both coming in on year two and if you hit on one of them

it could be a tremendous value because these guys are not going high in fantasy dress. I think we can there's no way Russell can be any worse than last year. That's kind of how I'm looking at it honestly. Like everything he's done throughout his whole career,

I don't think he's completely, completely fallen off the map. I don't think there's any way he could go any worse than what happened last year. And so I'm actually a little bit bullish on Wilson at least relative to expectations I don't think he's going to be an elite quarterback next year. But I do think Sean Payton coming in and reestablishing the run.

I know that this is completely against what a lot of Seahawk fans have talked about, let Russ Cook, blah, blah, blah. I've seen the light. I think Russell Wilson is actually best in an offense that has balance that allows him to do play action. He's an elite deep-throw, deep pass guy. He's just really accurate down the field. He has that ability to create the explosive plays. But if you put way too much on his shoulders, especially,

you know, in a past first, very heavy offense, like I think that's where he starts to struggle a little bit. And we've seen, especially last year, like if they're putting it all on him, it's just not going to go well, especially now that he doesn't scramble and escape the pocket. I agree. I agree, Dick, I actually think we'd go even further.

I mean, if anything, we're bearing the lead here, which is we can pretty much, you know, I agree with what Greg Kosell, you know, was saying earlier where, you know, you don't want to criticize these guys, all these coaches, I do believe, I forgot more about football than you, et cetera, et cetera.

But, like, I think we can pretty definitively say now, Nate Hackett was hired to get Aaron Rogers and then didn't. And then like they just had to figure it the fuck out. And you could argue that. It was an arranged marriage. Yeah. And Rogers didn't show up to the wedding. And it's like Nate Hackett to Sean Payton is probably the is one of the handful,

the small handful of the biggest head coaching upgrades in like 10 years. Right. I mean, it's like with other than like Mike Singletary to freaking Jim Harbaugh, I think you'd be pretty hard pressed to find a head coaching thing. I mean, the most astonishing thing to me that happened of all the things last season was the Broncos crowd chanting down the play clock on their own offense in week two. Brutal. They watched one game on TV, saw two quarters in person, and were actually like, fuck the Russell Wilson. I hate these guys.

And so the other than you got Sean Payton. I do think that there's room here for like, again, Bilo stuff. So the problem is, though, where you have to get these guys. You got Quentin Sutt in 92nd. I think that's around the area where you can talk yourself into it. Judy, I don't know. I don't like that they were trying to trade Judy. Judy's 72.

The Broncos didn't have picks. They traded up to go get Marvin Mims. I'm like, the flip side is Sean Payton's running that building? If he hates Jerry Judy, I don't know if that's good either. There's a lot of weird vibes going on with just the overall Denver. It feels like they're Sean Payton's coming in. And this is what happens sometimes is like he's got his guys and he's got the guys that he doesn't really want. And it feels like Judy's not really one of his guys or cut Portland Sun.

Honestly. I feel like the way that you've heard the reports is like they're shopping both of these guys. And like if they get a good offer on one of them, he's gone. So to me, this is a little bit worrisome. There's a lot of buzz about Tim Patrick coming back. Of course, he's coming off on ACL and he's a little older. So I wouldn't buy too much into that. I would say Samajai P. Ryan is the guy on, if you could like, you can have one running back or one player on the Broncos at where they're going.

I think Samajepirine is basically dart throwing that he's going to be Alvin Camero for this team. That's a good call. I think that's the guy. We haven't ranked a hundred and ninth. Roll wire in him. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not saying he's Alvin Camara like he's going to be a top of running back. I'm saying Sean Payton is going to do his stuff and Piron gets the Alvin Camara stuff.

Now, Camara had like a touchdown a game for like the first 40 games of his career. So I don't know if Pryron's going to do that. But that's the guy one. Sure. There's just a lot of upside it feels like in this Denver offense. It's like if it's half decent, a lot of these guys are going to be better values than they're currently sitting at. Post-hyped sleepers, baby. That's really it.

All right. There's a ton of, there's a ton of questions that we have. Again, fantasyfutball.com. We have our rankings. We have everything. Emails at ringerfinacy football at gmail.com. If you have questions, if you hate our rankings, if you like our rankings, anything you want us to add to our rankings, stuff, you want us to read us to read on the email. Anything. Questions about the league.

Questions about Craig's weird bulking podcast he wants to do on the side, all the stuff. So with that said, we're going to get to our emails. Emails. Yeah, we're looking for financiers for that pod. So hit me up if you want to invest. Get in early. Get in the door. Got an email from Anna.

Anna. I couldn't agree more with all of Craig's compelling evidence that the first pick in the NFL draft is actually bad. Compelling. But it leads me to my- I'm Anna, by the way. It leads me to my present pickle. I am finally a league defending champion, which means I get to pick my draft spot in our 10-team snake draft.

I've made the playoffs in nine out of ten years in the league. The only year I did not make the playoffs, I had the second pick. seven of the other remaining playoff years, I picked eight, nine, or ten. I picked seventh last year I took Dalvin Cook, L.O.L. And I won the whole damn thing. Logic and precedent dig-take that I should just take the first pick. Don't overthink it. But what if I overthink it?

What is the best spot to draft this year? I love Galaxy Braiding not having the first overall pick. I know everyone always says the numbers shake out to where you should want the first overall pick. But I kind of agree with Anna here. I actually understand not wanting it, especially in Snake. I mean, you're getting the first pick and then the 24th,

if you're in a 12-team league, I have to say, when you guys are in, like, if you're doing like a mock draft online or you do like a randomized draft lottery, are you always hoping for number one or is there kind of a different pick that you secretly are rooting you get?

Oh, man. Well, I personally kind of like being around the turn because then you get, I don't know, you have to obviously sit through that really, really long stretch where you're not picking, but you get two of the top, like, obviously 12 picks. That's kind of nice.

But if I'm really picking, and I haven't done the research on this, and there's probably good research in terms of, like, what the actual best optimized pick is, I'm just looking at it right now. I'm looking at the rankings. I want number six. I want right in the middle. Because then you're picking, like, at regular intervals.

I get, you get a chance at, like, a Bejan or a Kelsey or a Barclay or maybe cup. Like, these are the elite guys. And then in the second round, like, you're not waiting too long. I don't know. I kind of, maybe that's just like literally right down with Fairway, but I want number six. I like doing it.

I think the way you should look at it is in tears, right? I think the pick I would want this year right now, this is so early on, this is May we're in, but four. Yeah. To me, Christian McCaffrey,

Justin Jefferson, Asson Eckler, and Jamar Chase are kind of like... Those are the elite guys. The top four, in my opinion. And if you can just have the bottom of that and take whichever one falls to you, which gives you an earlier pick in the second round,

I actually think I would be happiest with that. And you can come back, and the worst case that happens to you is you get like Nick Chub, or like A.J. Brown. And maybe a little bit later, because if you're in a 12 team, that means you don't. She's in a 10-team league. Oh, 10-team? Oh, sure. Yeah.

But the point is, as we were talking about last week, there's, you know, you can draw a tier however you want. But the idea that, you know, there's a few guys you can consider with the number one pick and you wouldn't be crazy. McCaffrey, which is our guy, Justin Jefferson, if you really wanted Eckler, if you really wanted Jamar Chase. But then there's also those other, as long as, I think it depends on what you want. but as late as I could go down where I can get like Cooper Cup Devante Adams, Jamar Chase Jefferson, any of those elite receivers

or you can take like the ninth pick you might get Bijan Robinson come back at around like Stefan Diggs anyway. And then I agree though. The first pick, I don't actually know that this is a year I want the first pick. I don't know. Yeah, we have to help Anna here. Like should she take the first pick or no.

I mean, she probably, yeah, that's probably good. She should probably just do that. Just do that. Or not. I don't know. I think Craig's on to something with number four. Just average you to just put over five. There we go.

All right. We got an email from John. John. John. On the last podcast, you guys are talking about weird eating habits. Yes. I have a weird eating habit with Cheetos. Love it.

I literally love Cheetos so much. I might love them more than my own mother. They're the best snack that cannot be argued. but the only issue with the glorious Cheeto is the orange dust left on my fingers after enjoying a healthy portion of Mr. Chester's finest creation. Sure.

The Cheeto dust gets under my fingernails and leaves an orange hue that bothers me every time. To fix this issue, I taught myself how to use chopsticks to eat Cheetos. Oh my lord. That is the coolest thing I've ever heard. Him just like eating Cheetos

like it's fucking Chalman out of a bed. The bag is the funniest shit I've ever heard. You know, how if you're eating like ramen and it like hangs out of your mouth? I'm picturing him just like got like five cheetos. You know what I thought he was going to say is I thought he was going to like use like the surgical glove? Like you know how people when they eat like hot chicken? They have like hot jalapenos. Yeah, they had the gloves on.

I thought that was his move. Which I think would also work. John writes, it took about a week of eating Cheetos with chopsticks to get it right. However, I get constantly roasted by everyone in my life that sees me doing this. From my girlfriend to strangers on the street, everyone has something mean to say. Austin in the chat is just screaming, arrest him. I'm just going to arrest him. It feels like a Kirby enthusiast and bit.

Like, I think Larry David would either absolutely adore this idea and adopt it or despise you. Well, it's the fork and knife Snickers. Yes. Wasn't there a Seinfeld episode? Seinfeld. Yeah, Mr. Pitts. This is better than that, though, because the thing is everyone knows, I actually think it's, it's easy to make fun of, but like, yeah, I would do that.

It's like, I don't want, I'm too old that Cheeto fingers. Well, okay, let's think here, let's brainstorm for a moment. Are there any, is there a better way to eat Cheetos and not get dust on your fingers other than chops? No chance. The Good about a glove idea. You want a Cheeto glove like you're playing golf? as opposed to Cheeto chopsticks?

What do you do with the glove? Where do you keep the glove in your kitchen? Next to the chopsticks. How do you wash it? You throw it away. It's like a medical glove. It's a medical glove.

But then if you're like That seems like to like I feel like that's worse. Is that worse? Is that worse? Is that worse? I also am a fan of like pour the Cheetos in a bowl

and then just use two fingers and so you're only getting dust on two fingers. To me, dust on two fingers is not a huge Mitigate the finger number. Yeah. I mean, if you're digging your hand in the bag, you're like deep in it. Your whole palm is covered in dust. If you just pour in the bowl and do the little two-finger chopstick,

quick lick on the finger and the thumb, and you're kind of clean. You're done. I actually think that everyone who hates this idea is just jealous that they didn't think of it themselves. I think the level of difficulty is not worth it. That's why I'm going to arrest him. No, I think that's actually a great idea. It is a great idea. Would you wear out Doritos?

Glove. Yeah, because the chopsticks doesn't really work with Doritos, I feel like. No, they break. It's different. Would they? Plus, there's like the crumbs at the bottom of the bag that you can't get with chopsticks, you know?

Well, yeah, but you're snorting those anyway. That sounds painful. That took me a second. It wasn't... I don't know. Maybe they need like a... They need like a Pez dispenser, but for Doritos.

So you can just put. your mouth up to it, just grab one Dorito at a time. Doritos are also too big. Like a little bit too big. Yeah. Make them a little smaller. It's like the Bo Burnham. Fringles can.

Yeah. The Dorito chip is just big enough to where it scrapes the sides of your mouth. Yeah, I don't like that. You have to kind of like angle it in and I stretch your mouth open to get it in. But that has to be on purpose. They have to love that. People must love that or else they wouldn't do it. Yeah, it slows them down a little bit, you know.

Makes them work for it. All right. We got one more email here from Henry. Henry. Hank. So I'm on my way to a meeting of my local municipal advisory council, basically what passes for a local government in an unincorporated California town. And I'm listening to your podcast.

Among the topics that we're going to be discussed at this meeting, modifications to the downtown streetscape, a single road, a project which has been in process in one form or another since 1993. We have finally lined up our funding and design documents are nearing completion, pending the results of some environmental studies, another town hall or two, various agency reviews, and eminent domain litigation. We hope to break ground sometime in 2025, perhaps with completion in 2026. Many, many members of the seven member council have joined pushed this goddamn

rock up the hill a little bit and then moved or tired or literally died without seeing a single shovel break ground. So imagine my amusement when as I am approaching this meeting, Craig, listen to this podcast, Craig quips that he thinks changing the rules in your fantasy leagues harder than building a road. It was a joke, Henry, all right? The point was that a lot of dudes in a fantasy league are stubborn dicks. That was the point. But man, imagine a fantasy league fill of those council members. That sounds terrible. I wanted to throw that in. Since 1983, they've been trying to...

93. 93. So wait, is it they're trying to like redo the road, update the road? Yeah, they're trying to like modify. It's a single road that's just trying to modify the road. It's been 30 years. Oh, my God. Email us at Ringer Fantasy Football at Gmail. If you have thoughts on roads, thoughts on Cheetos, thoughts on Cheetos, thoughts on

chopsticks with the Cheetos, chopsticks, the Doritos. Thoughts on unorthodox eating utensils? You ever seen the one with the guy he's eating pasta and then like he's cutting it with the scissors while he's eating it? Because that like should just be a thing. Kitchen scissors are something that was not a part of my family growing up. And as I've gotten older and like, we've been in more friends' houses, like I didn't realize how prevalent scissors are in the kitchen. I actually, so there's not many things where I'm like I'm great at. I'm elite. I'm elite at carving like a chicken or carving a Thanksgiving turkey. And the key is this is like a kitchen shears.

I don't even use a knife. You use shears to carve a turkey? Yeah. It's actually like top five thing I'm going at. How big is the turkey? Oh, huge. Like tiny? I don't understand the physics of that.

Well, I think that carving a turkey is a bad name because you shouldn't really carving. If you cooked well, you can just kind of tear it apart. And the shears are just kind of like in an expedite the process. I mean, obviously, use a knife to like slice it. But in terms of like getting it off. you know, I'm using scissors. I don't actually really understand that. I'm having trouble imagining.

I'm having trouble picturing it. I can't visualize that. Cut the leg off and then the thigh and then you start and then you kind of got to do a little ugly like split, you know. But like you're talking like the butchering part or whatever they call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not talking. Yeah, once you have the breast, they use a knife to slice the breast.

But like getting it off the bone, scissors. Everyone thinks I'm nuts when I do this. Well, add me to that. Dude, it's, it's, it's, please. I'm going to send you guys pictures of the beautiful last term. Oh my God. All right. All right.

Thank you, Craig. Thank you, D.K. Thank you to whoever makes those kitchen cheers. I got to look it up. Thank you, Austin. Thank you, Kai, for producing this episode. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you.

Super tramp. Nice. Who? Super tramp. My dad loved Super tramp. You get some good beats. You know the... Good name for a band.

Breakfast in America. Yeah, you know breakfast. You know Good by Stranger. Can you do it? Do it. Goodbye stranger. It's been nice. It's the Office parodied it with Goodbye Toby.

Got it. Good by Toby. That's like, you know how you know things from weird places? That's yeah. But, yeah, I got it. I like the D.K's kind of going back in time here. I feel like for a while he was sticking with modern musicians. That's been my vibe lately.

Bye. Goodbye, everyone.