The Ringer NFL Show - The Most Boring Players Who Will Win Your Fantasy League

Episode Date: July 12, 2024

LIVE SHOW in Seattle on August 21: Click below for tickets! We spend so much time talking about standout players, sleepers, the sexy guys with upside. Now we’re doing the opposite—we’re assembling the Brandin Cooks All-Boring Team, a.k.a. the most boring fantasy team possible that could still win your league (4:49). “You guys want to do some emails?” (51:28). Tickets:  https://www.ticketweb.com/event/the-ringer-fantasy-football-show-the-crocodile-tickets/13718233 Drake London, Falcons WR (6:30) Michael Pittman Jr., Colts WR (12:44) Terry McLaurin, Commanders WR (17:29) Chris Olave, Saints WR (17:29) Alvin Kamara, Saints RB (24:03) Rachaad White, Buccaneers RB (28:51) James Conner, Cardinals RB (32:17) David Montgomery, Lions RB (38:08) Jake Ferguson, Cowboys TE (42:02) Mystery QB (47:49) Check out our 2024 Ringer Fantasy Football Rankings here! Email us! [e-mail] The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit www.rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Social: Kiera Givens and Jack Sanders Producer: Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Greetings, it's Mal. Call your banners because it's time to head back to Westrose for House of the Dragon, season two. The ringers, Dragon riders will soar alongside you each week with a heron-hall-sized slate of conversations. The dragon has three heads, and on Sunday nights immediately after Hot D. concludes, Chris Ryan, Joanna Robinson, and I will be with you for Talk the Thrones. Then on Mondays, two more shows away. Van Lath and Charles Holmes, Steve Allman, and Jomea Denneron, aka the Midnight Boys, Pugh, will head to the tourney grounds to share their reactions.

And of course, Chris Ryan and Andy Greenwald will sip the Arbor's finest vintage on the watch. Then on Tuesdays, Joanna and I will head to the bowels of a pleasure den for our House of our deep dives. Then on Thursdays, Joe, Neil Miller, and Dave Gonzalez will gather the Ravens for trial by content. In this season, full episodes of Talk to Thrones, House of Ar, and the Midnight Boys will also be available on video on Spotify and the new Ringervverse YouTube channel. Podcast episodes available on Spotify or wherever you get your podcast. Fantasy football show. My name is Danny Huygens. I'm joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Horlebeck.

And today we are doing the most exciting episode of the year. Just kidding. No, we're doing the old boring team. But it's not the most boring episode of the year. Everyone likes fun and sexy and exciting players. And guess what? The actual market edge and fantasy? Boring-ass players that nobody cares about.

The key to life is settling. Exactly. Boom. Here are the running backs who led the NFL in Russian touchdowns last year. Rahim Moster before the season. pretty boring. Christian McCaffrey. He's pretty cool. Then it was David Montgomery, boring. Gus Edwards, boring. Derek Henry, he's cool. Kieran Williams, who was boring. Like, boring people score touchdowns.

I'm serious. People score touchdown. It's true. That's my theory. I'm sticking with it. Yeah. I mean, in your drafts, everyone's going out to these young guys who project to be something great. It's like, you know what? Go after the 28-year-old who just has 10 touchdowns every year, all right? Go after the guy that the coach is going to trust around the goal line. Yeah. And I know I sound like facetious, but I am, I am serious to a point where the, all the sexiness and hype is factored into the price for a lot of these guys. Like the cool guys and the cool trendy sexy sleepers and everything they could be. Everyone knows about that and it's priced in.

And those guys get pushed up and the people who you kind of seen their ceiling, but like can do it again, get pushed down. And so there is this weird thing where last year we talked about this very episode. We talked about how great Gaden Allen was. But no one. cares because he's like 30 and bald and on the weird chargers team. Hey. No offense. Bald people catching astray. Every year Keenan Allen has like 90 catches, 1,200 yards, and eight touchdowns, and he's 30 years old. And by then people are sick of it. They'd rather be like, ooh, Garrett Wilson could go absolutely crazy this year. Look how awesome. Look at the highlights of Garrett Wilson. It's like, Garrett Wilson right now is ranked 13th of all players in fantasy

football. So like, for Garrett Wilson to exceed that ranking, he would have to have an all-time level season. Like, even if Garrett Wilson is phenomenal and the hype is real, he's still, like, he's still, that is the price he's already ranked at right now. So we're going to go through the all boring team and we also have a little fun. But first, just want a little reminder, we are doing a live show in D.K.'s Homeland, Seattle, Cetown, whatever he calls it. August 21st, tickets from. Emerald City. It's not what I call. It's what people call it. Seattle, we also have the live show in Los Angeles on July 30th. The tickets for Both of those are at the ringer.com slash events.

The ringer.com slash events. Los Angeles July 30th. Seattle, August 21st, baby. Little tour, a little mini tour. West Coast. The Seattle one, you can also get tickets directly at the crocodile.com. You guys, you know what? I can't be doing a West Coast tour in your fake time zone.

No offense to everybody buying these tickets who will be from the fake time zone. No one knows what you mean by fake time zone. Yeah, we're all too busy. We're all too busy chilling out, just having to the best time, living our best lives on the West Coast. No one cares about your East Coast shit. Finishing football games at midnight. Dude, it is.

It's so weird. Yeah, it is annoying. You also have to wake up and wait like five hours for football to start, which is depending on you get all that's kind of annoying. I think about this all the time. When I'm like getting Calvin ready to go to school and like getting out the door, I'm like, High Fitz has been working for like four hours. Yeah, I know.

I know. Just fucking sit around waiting for us to wake up so he can start asking us about the doc. Anyway, we're going to do the all-boring team. And I want to start out with, I mean, for a while, I think Brandon Cooks was like the mascot, the emblem of this. And I think to a degree he still is. He's on the Cowboys. He's still playing. He is.

He's the number two receiver on the Cowboys. He's still going to be good. Yeah, like he should be on this list probably. This is like the Brandon Cook's honorary all-boring team episode. Right. The Brandon Cook's All-Boring team. But I would like to nominate a new person for the brand. like this team might be named for this person.

And by the way, this list of names that we're about to go through. In our minds, you could draft this entire team. This could be your full roster and you would be competitive in your league this year. That is the point of this exercise that there are players that when you draft them, nobody in your league is going to make a peep. They might even make fun of you. But these guys will perform and you will be good. And that's the key.

What Craig just said, the key to the criteria for this is very simple. When you draft this person, no one will say anything. like it's no one will say anything good I don't even think about you yes no one will make a sound someone in your league won't know who the person is or like oh I forgot about him like that no one will have any reaction of any kind

and when they see your lineup heading into the week three they're gonna be like oh they don't have any good players you know you know when all your friends are talking about all the stocks they're investing in oh robin hood oh I just bought invidia and they're like what about you and you're just like I'm just have an ETF and everyone's like that's boring 20 years from now that guy is going to be

richest. Yeah. Yeah, this is the ETF of, yeah, there we go. Wow, we're getting old. Okay. Anyway, I think the number one, the number one all-boring player for 24 that I actually think is good. Unless you hit big on a crazy stock, though. Imagine that. Envidia? To the moon.

Okay. Number one, though, Drake London, receiver for the Falcons, I think is the, the 2024 all-boring player, the all-everything. Because we had this conversation yesterday. Can you guys remember a single thing Drake London has done in the NFL? Non-Falkans fans.

The three of us were on the phone, like chatting about our show, what we're going to do for the season. And Drake London came up. And Hydefitz was just like, can you guys like picture Drake London like doing anything? Can you, in your mind's eye, pick a play. Does he have a play that you can think of? I mean, by the way, we all love him.

We think he's really good. Really good at football. The key point being think because we can't remember any plays that he's ever made one time. You know what I thought about this more? And I realized he's Matt Damon in Ocean's 11 when Brad Pitt's telling him like, you have to be specific but not memorable. Be funny,

but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you and forget you the moment you leave his sight. Like that's Drake London. I'm like, yeah, he's good. And I'm like, I'm not sure he exists. He might just be an accounting loophole on paper, like Shawshick redemption.

Do you know what he looks like? I don't even though he's there. No. I know because I click on him in the sleeper app and I see his face. But like, for all I know, it's just a floating head. I don't know if he has a body.

He's in a weird spot though, because I would say up until like last month, incredibly boring. Or I should say up until they traded for Kirk Cousins, incredibly boring. Now, signed Kirk Cousins, sorry. Incredibly boring.

My dad. My dad confused all free agency with trades because he's that old. Oh, I say trade and sign interchangeably. It means it doesn't matter. My dad does that, but it's because he followed sports for 30 years before a free agency existed.

So he just doesn't get the concept. All the matters is this guy is now on this team. I don't care how he got there. But Kirk's on the Valgas. And then now it's like, at least amongst the fantasy community, like the psychos drafting in June in early July, Drake London is like skyrocketing up draft boards.

So while he is boring historically right now, he's kind of incredibly like alluring. And I like Drake London because I feel like Drake London is like a mix of Keenan Allen in Mike Williams's body. Like downfield, Drake London's like, I mean, allegedly I've never, you know, I have no memories of Drake London. I'm told. I'm told that, but downfield Drake London's like Mike Williams

where he can like have the big contested catches. But he has the Keenan Allen. It's like Mike Williams in the streets, but Keenan Allen and the sheets. Like he could get open on the in breaking routes and stuff. No, you don't think you like that. Wait, say that again? Say that again?

Mike Williams in the streets, Keenan Allen in the sheets for Drake London. So Keenan Allen is the freak. He's a generous lover. I think Mike Williams is the guy you want, is kind of like the one night stand, a crazy one-nighter type of guy. Yeah, you're probably right. Keenan Allen on the streets, Mike Williams in the sheets.

Yeah, Keenan Allen is like wifey material. He is. But the point is, can do in breaking rounds and Kirk Cousins is going to throw them 10,000 times better than Desmond Ritter. And just the comp, the Falcons offense will be better. Kirk Cousins will obviously be better than Desmond Ritter. But Kirk Cousins is a better kind of quarterback for Drake London. So then that's kind of why Drake London, who has no memorable plays of any kind, is going to be like a top 30 player this season.

So, but it's funny because I think he's an appropriate person to start this list with because he's the first guy that you're going to have to take that everyone's going to be like, him? Really? What is he funny? He's the first guy that's kind of like pure projection. Right. But the other thing about him, because again, I forgot everything about him, you know what's funny about Drake London? He turns 23 in a couple weeks. And you know what I realized?

Drake London, Kyle Pitts, and Bejohn Robinson are all younger than Michael Pennix, who's the Falcons rookie. The Falcons, four first-run picks, the most recent ones older than the other three. I know, like, I feel like the Falcons hype is so high. Everyone's like, oh, Arthur Smith's gone. We're now in on Bejohn. Oh, Drake London. Kyle Pitts bounced back finally. And I feel like I am programmed to resist that.

But do you think we're overthinking it? And like the Falcons have basically they have Rahim Morris and Zach Robinson are now their head coach and offensive play caller, both from the Rams. They now have Kirk Cousins, who's a competent starting quarterback. Like, should I not be resistant of all of this falcon type and like perhaps embrace it a little bit because odds are they will be probably way better. I think there's some risk to it just because of all the different variables that you're throwing together.

It's like you guys are mentioning the Olympic basketball team. It's like you can have a bunch of good players and put them in the same spot, but you have to have chemistry. You have to have like a good plan and everybody has to play their role. So is Kyle Pitts like the, like the Kauai Leonard? Should we send him home for Derek White? I don't even want to talk about Kyle Pitts. traumatized.

I was just I was watching something recently where it was talking about Kobe how he just absolutely laid the smackdown on Paul Gasol. One of the best

Oh when he like ran through him on the clicks ever. Yeah and it like galvanized the entire team and everyone was like holy shit we're here to play and so I don't know

maybe Cal Pitts is going to be I don't think Cal Pitts has the mom of the end of that role just to set the tone I'm just going to set a pick and crank Hyphitz is here for real. Yeah. That's like the coolest 10 minutes of that redeem team doc on Netflix is that moment.

It's me. Yeah. I actually did that on the vacation. I was just in on the day one of the vacation. I set the tone with my brother and we were in the ocean and he tossed me in football. And I'd like pretended to throw in his face and then I just tackled him. You know, kind of like that video of who's Jim Harbaugh tackling his brother John in the ocean. You know that story?

No. We were talking. We were talking offline about Hyphitz as a surfer. Like the other day. You were? Just imagine Hyphids being a surfer and how annoying it would be for everyone around him. Just getting on the wave, going the wrong direction, taking people out, cut them off. Because Hyphids, we're only basing himself of his basketball skills.

Hyphids just like PJ Tucker mixed with Patrick Beverly. I'm Beverly and Reg and Glenn Davis's body. Just kind of barreling into people, no regard for human life. And so imagining him on a surfboard, just like crossing dudes in the middle of a wave, kind of the perfect image. Set in the tone. Drake London, welcome to the

all boring team. Craig, who would you like to induct to the all boring team for 2024? Dude,

I honestly think like Drake London, like I have trouble like picturing Michael Pittman like doing something. I know all former USC receivers. Yeah.

Michael Pitman's on the Colts. He's been on the team. This will be his fifth season. Shut up. Think of what Michael Pittman play. Also, Michael Pittman is based. basically in like a fantasy foster home, because this man has had a different quarterback for every

year of his career. That's a- It's a dark way of putting it. Jesus. He said four quarterbacks in four years, Michael Pittman. 2020, Philip Rivers. 2021, Carson Wentz. 2022, Matt Ryan.

2023, mostly Gardner Minshu. And now 2024, we think Anthony Richardson. Like, what, has that ever happened in the history of a receiver's career? like, and these aren't like injuries are causing this and like guys are only playing a few games here and there, like how Garrett Wilson had like a little bit of Mike White. Michael Pittman has had like 17 games of Philip Rivers, 17 games of Carson White, 17 games of Matt Ryan, like, you know, 13 games of Gardner Minchu. It's pretty remarkable. Dude, but that's the whole franchise too.

It's like even before Michael Pittman was in the league, 2019 was Jacoby Brissette, 2018 was Andrew Luck. This is basically the six, no, sorry, the seven straight. season, the Colts will have a different quarterback. It's kind of like an unprecedented run of quarterback turnover for the Colts. And honestly, if you look at how he's played over the last four years, it's pretty impressive considering what he's had to deal with,

especially last year. He was fourth in the league in catches last year. Michael Pittman had 109 catches last year. He was only 18th overall in points at the position because he only had four touchdowns. But week one, he played with Anthony Richardson. He had 90 yards in a touchdown. I think he's really good. I think he's safe, reliable. And I

honestly think he's priced at his floor. Right now. in drafts. He's going as like the 24th wide receiver off the board. That's pretty low for a guy who was 18th last year with Gardner Minchu. Also, he only had four touchdowns. He was actually eighth among all wide receivers and red zone targets. More of an unlucky situation for a guy who had 109 catches only four touchdowns. So I think Michael Pittman is like the definition of like super low floor. You're buying him at his floor and could really explode with Richardson. Yeah, he was like my Josh Jacobs last year because I fell into the trap of Michael Pittman's boring. So I'm out. And then in reality, Michael

Pittman's boring, so I should be in. Correct. Boring is good. Boring's great. Tired of the dating apps. He's boring. He's loyal. He's funny. Maybe he's not like the best looking guy ever. But he's sweet. He makes you laugh. He makes you laugh.

Does the little thing catch coffee in the morning? Craig, when you said he was four, how many, how many catches do you have? 109 catches. Yeah. That's why. How many of them do you remember? Zero. How many made an impression? No, he's good, though. He is good.

He's the perfect boring player to pick. On that note, I have a question for you while we're on the Colts, because I actually increasingly just think the Colts offense is going to be really good. Is Jonathan Taylor boring because he's kind of too good to be boring? But you have to grade on a curve for like the top 15 players. None of the top 15 players in a fantasy draft are truly boring. But if you look at the people around Jonathan Taylor, I mean, I think he's pretty easily the most boring guy in the top.

15. Yeah, like he is. Like 100. Inarguably, Jonathan Taylor is more, Colts fans are probably screaming at me, but like Christian McCaffrey's not boring, Tyra Kill's not boring, Jimar Chase isn't boring. Like, Jonathan Taylor is the most boring. And of that, and I get that the idea

that Anthony Richardson rushing touchdowns might steal from Jonathan Taylor. But I just like the whole Colts, like if I could stack a team this year, I look at Anthony Richardson, Jonathan Taylor, Michael Pitman, I would just love to have all three of those guys. Incredible potential value and upside. Like ceiling, floor combination, To see if they're a top five offense.

I agree. I think among the top 10, top 12 players that would go in a first round in drafts, if you select Jonathan Taylor, I think that will get the least amount of chatter from the rest of your league. Yeah. Like if you take, you know, Jamar Chase, Brees Hall, Bejohn, A.J. Brown, Jamir Gibbs, everyone's going to be like, oh, damn, such a great pick. Oh, I really wanted him so sexy.

Jonathan Taylor's like, all right, yeah. I mean, he had a great year in 2021. Yeah. Like you said, Hyve, it's grading on a curve. Like, again, we're trying to construct a. an entire roster that you could kind of go through the draft drafting boring players. Jonathan Taylor, I do think qualifies, you know, with the curve of being a first rounder. When Taylor came back from week seven on, he was top three in points per game among running

backs. It was like Christian McAfricer, Kairn Williams, and Jonathan Taylor. But you can get up with that. That was without Richardson, right? Yes, this is without Richardson. But you can get them in the second round. So I don't know. Seems about right to me. DK, who's your, who you want to put on the old boring team?

Terry McLaren. Oh, wow. That poor bastard. he again this is just like i i'm like i can't remember one specific play from him last year i know i saw him play football a lot i know i watch the games can you picture a play with terry mclaren last year i can the only memory i have of the washington commanders is just him howl getting sacked i so i feel like i feel like my picture of terry mclaren like truthfully literally in my mind's eye is just Tim running up the sideline and the ball flying out of bounds about 10 feet over his head.

And throwing his hands up in the air. Yeah. Like it's so frustrating. So I live in D.C. And I was at Washington's OTAs last month. And Terry McLaurin gave a press conference. Terry McLaurin, I think, is the nicest person in the National Football League. He gave, I swear to God, a 25-minute press conference.

Most players talked for like four minutes. Right. Terry McLaurin just sat there and just talked to everyone. Everyone, like, Austin Echler was supposed to come out. He literally just stayed at the gym because Terry McLaurin talks along because he's so polite.

Is that a bad sign? Terry McLaurin's like, he's like trying to get out of working out or going to play football. Yeah, he's like, I'm so sick of this. Yeah. He's like, Jaden Daniels sucks. I don't want to be out there.

It's just too polite, man. But, D.K., so are you excited about McLaurin and Jaden Daniels? Yeah, I think, I think McLaurin, to me, has the potential to bounce back really well this year. And obviously, last year, I mean, he did go over 1,000 yards. He had 79 catches, 1,000 and 2 yards, four touchdowns. Very disappointing

relative to, I think, expectations and relative to the amount that the commanders threw. And the more that I think about it, the more I look at it, like that, that offense last year, understand how Eric B. Enemy, who, by the way, is not even in the NFL now, like, that's always not a

great sign when you go from being an offensive coordinator to not in the NFL anymore. It gives me a lot of hope for Terry McLaurin who had by far his worst season, or not by far, but it was definitely his worst season statistically from efficiency standpoint. And it gives me hope that he's going to bounce back big with a quarterback in Jane Daniels who is not afraid to let it loose down the field. Obviously, that offense at LSU put together last year, Jane Daniels was just attacking vertically all the time,

big play threat. I love the idea of McLaurin in that offense, making those big plays. And I think he's still one of the best, like, talent-wise receivers in the NFL. I think it was just that situation was awful. And also, by the way, it gives me a little bit of hope for Johan Dotson, just talking about Terry McLaren, because, again, this is like an offense that threw the ball more than any other team. And like, Terry McLaurin, very disappointing. John Dotson, very disappointing.

I feel like there's meat on the bone with both of those guys to have a big bounce back. I'll go even further D.K. A lot of the players hated Eric Bied to me like they just did. And he's like a known yeller. and when you have a 60 sack season for Sam Howell, Sam Howell was sacked more than any quarterback since David Carr and the expansion Texans. Was it only 60?

I thought he was on pace for like 100 at one point. He was and then he got hurt. No, sorry, they benched him. And then, no, Jacoby Brosec got hurt when they tried to bench Sam Howell. So he got sacked 65 times, which is the most in 20 years and it was an expansion team. And the other thing about McLaurin,

we mentioned the list of quarterbacks for Michael Pittman. This is an annual exercise. people who have thrown Terry McLaurna pass in the NFL. Oh, yeah. Case Keenham, Colt McCoy, Alex Smith, Dwayne Haskins, Kyle Allen, Garrett Gilbert, Carson Wentz, Taylor Heineckee, Sam Howell. Who is the best of that group? Alex Smith?

I think it's Alex Smith. Mm-hmm. And that was Alex, I mean, then Alex Smith almost died. Because of a Broken Lake thing? The Broken Lake thing. I mean, if you just look at Terry McLaurin's stats from the last four years, over 1,000 yards every year, over 120 targets every year, he's just rocks steady in terms of his consistency and everything.

And if they have any semblance of like an effective offense, I think he's just going to explode. He's that good. How many years in a row he said that? I don't know. Did we say that last year? I feel like we didn't say that last year. I think the difference is that Jaden Daniels is very easily the most talented

quarterback that they've had in Washington since Archie Robert Griffin. So, D.K., this is a good one. I like this for Terry McLaurin. And like talk about a guy that nobody will mention when you draft. No one's getting excited about drafting Terry McLaurin. It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I got Terry. That's good. I have one of the receiver for the All-Boring team,

and I think he's the one that I'm most personally conflicted on. I think these others I really like for this one, I'm curious, you guys are you going to push me one or the other. Chris Olave for the Saints. I find Chris Olave, I want you to picture that you have the first pick in your fantasy draft, and Bill Simmons would make fun of us for doing a stake draft, but whatever, man. So easy, a child could do it. For the record, I am on his side that,

is better than state. Well, Bill also has rosters five quarterbacks in a one quarterback league, which is literally more than actual NFL teams have. And so you know what? I don't know. We'll have to talk about strategy. Olavee, like, if you take McCaffey the first pick and you're like, all right, you're thinking of championship.

If you're Chris McAfrey, you're already thinking about how to win. And you come back around, you're going to take your second player. And you're like, all right, and I'm going to take, and we get to the 20th pick. I'm going to take Chris Olave as my second best player, my number one receiver. I feel unsatisfied by that. And I think every, like, he's just the first not great, very good player. Like, he is the difference between great and very good. It starts at Chris Olavé for me.

And also, I hate watching Derek Carr. Of players who haven't committed a crime or done something off the field, he's like, my least favorite player in the NFL. I don't want to watch the same. I don't want to watch him. But then the flip side is, holy cow, Chris Olavik could have a huge season. Michael Thomas is gone, so Olave is by far the number one receiver. Their new offensive coordinator is Clint Kubi,

He was the Kyle Shannon in San Francisco. I was going to say this is potentially a very exciting offense. Yes. So that's the flip side is number one. It's like they can make the offensive line better because they could do more like the Saints offense. One, get rid of the Taysam Hill stuff. Their offensive coordinator last year, Pete Carmichael, he was with Sean Payton for 15 years.

So they might just stop doing all the Taysam Hill stuff. I've heard a lot of hype on Taysam Hill the last few weeks. Oh, hell. Yeah, well, Jesus. I was kind of hoping. We're still doing it. He's the new use chick in this office. Oh, my God.

probably is. But Hyvitz, this is a good point because I also want to throw Alvin Kamara. If we move on to running backs, I want to throw Alvin Kamara into this category, who was once probably like one of the most electric, sexy players you could draft a fantasy and is now in this weird zone where I would kind of consider him boring. The entire Saints team is so odd. They're like one of private equity firm. Like, you know, when you like bought like private equity firms like buy some like declining business like a newspaper and they just like strip it for parts, sell it off and like technically make a profit? And you're like, yeah, but like, are you having a good time?

That's like the Saints. To me, it's like, you can draft Chris Olivae, Alvin Camara, and Derek Carr. And like, when the season's over, they'll probably exceed like where they were getting drafted on the board. But did you have a good time doing that? Like, do you feel like a good person? Alvin Camara is the weirdest case. This dude averaged 3.9 yards of carry last year, which was like the second worst of his career. And yet he finished second in the league in catches.

He only played 13 games. He had 75 catches and 3.5 catches. 13 games. He only, he ran for less than 700 yards. The Saints were a disaster and Alvin Camara was the fifth best running back in fantasy. Oh, so say it. Less than 700 yards. Devon A. Chan had like 400 yards in two games. Alvin Camara is going off the board right now around like 20th, RB 20, RB 20, RB 18. This dude was the fifth best running back in fantasy last year. It's just like bizarre. And they don't really have anyone behind him either. I mean, they've got Kendrae Miller who hasn't done literally anything yet. They've got, they've got Jamal Williams. And it's like, should I invest in the Saints and just like,

tripping for parts and make a profit? I don't know. Vulture Catholic. Stealing the counterfeit converter. Yeah. But like the Camara thing is funny because Camara broke PPR scoring because Derek Carr had that he'd sprained his AC joint and throwing shoulder.

Three times two last year. And so he couldn't throw for like a month. And so he would just dump off to Camara like two seconds into the play every time. And so Camero was catching 11 balls for like 20 yards. But so he's getting like 30 points a game. and fantasy. And then after the game ends, he's just giving press conferences.

Like, dude, we can't do this anymore. This offensive is pathetic. While he's like the number one fantasy running back, like he just saying, man. 75 catches for 466 yards.

And it's also, Craig, you always say this where it's like, kids for now on will be like, wow, Derek Carr, look at all these 300-yard dance. And like, no, you weren't there.

Derek Carr had the most 300-yard games in the league last year. Dude, that's so, I think that that's actually the best evidence for how the 300 yards is the most overrated statistic in football.

It literally is, it's almost like a problem if you throw 300 yards. Derek Carr was 10th in passerating last year. He was fifth in passerating from a clean pocket. And this is all while he sprayed his shoulder three times during the season. He had two concussions. There's no tattoo on any bodies about Derek Carr. I feel like we've... No, no.

I'm not advocating for him. I'm just explaining why this is like the perfect company for a venture capitalist is coming and strip apart. If you think we're salty too and we're just whinging because we don't like Derek Carr, Derrick Carr was so bad despite putting up these stats. Michael Thomas was literally tweeting during games. About how much he didn't like Derrick Carr. In like September, they haven't even been losing yet.

He just was like, dude, this is ridiculous. Dude, they're like the cable business. It's just like it still kind of makes money, I guess, but we know it's not going in the right direction. Well, their business is so, all right, I don't know if people care. But the Saints as a team are literally like the most New Orleans thing ever because they're like the guy at the Baxter Party that like is, sitting at a table or, I don't know, casino, a strip club, whatever, and just keeps taking

out money and money. And it's like, if I never go to bed, the night will never end. And they keep borrowing money from these players. But now they've bar, basically the way the Siler cap works is you can borrow money from players' contract, but you can't cut the player. They've now borrowed money from every player on the roster. So they can't cut any of the old players, but they don't have the money for new players. So they're just stuck with everybody.

And everyone's just there. And no one likes each other anymore. Like, they're giving Derek Carr 50 million, like, with a, bullet. Like they could bench him for Spencer Rattler. They have to have Derek Carr next year, too. It's just, it's such, the vibes on the Saints are so awful. Yeah. The Saints are the people that

got married when they're super drunk and high the night before. They wake up and they're like, oh, fuck. They're just the movie The Hangover? Yeah, they needed an annulment. Ed Helms loses the tooth. That's the Saints. Like, what? Where's my grandmother's ring?

She's wearing my grandmother's ring. I got punched by Mike Tyson last night. It's kind of sad ass. The best line of hangover is, he's like, I don't know they gave out rigs at the Holocaust. Oh, geez. I'm Jewish, I can say it. Another all-boring guy. There's a big theme here where it's a lot of NFC South.

Just a lot of the NFC South, which is boring. We don't care for the NFC South. I don't care for Joe. Rashad White, running back for the Buccaneers. Is he the single most boring player in fantasy football for who's good? he might be it's like him and James Connor are in a death match

Rashon White was the number seven running back in fantasy football last year I think James Connor is good though I think that's the problem with white is I think white no one is sure or no one seems convinced at all that white is any good it's just like he gets a lot of value about James Connor

James Connor had the weird haircut James Connor beat cancer James Connor replaced Levion Bell and won a lot of people leagues He makes like incredible runs too like he has an incredible like jump up and over dudes and all that shit. Yeah.

What percentage of people who we've even rostered Rashad White could walk by him on the street and be like, that's Rashad White? Nobody. Or be like, like, tell me a characteristic of his game. Like, what are his traits? Yeah. He went to Arizona State. Even that's pretty meh.

He's like a jack of all traits, master of none. Well, and the weirdest thing about Rashad White is that he's good at fantasy football player. Bucks, worst rushing team in the NFL by a lot. Dead lasting yards. dead lasted yards per carry. Last year, same for the year before. Like, they are literally the worst running team in the NFL. Rashad White, 48 qualified running backs.

He was 40th in yards per carry. 3.6 yards per carry. How many yards is a person? Like two? You know what I mean? One step fall over. That's 3.6 yards per carry. So it's like a really weird pitch for Rashad White.

This really not famous, boring player on a team that isn't fun to watch that can't run the ball. And yet, he caught 64 passes for 550 yards. And he was a top seven running back. I'm just looking at the raw stats right now. And I just found, I found this just kind of interesting. Christian McCaffrey and Rashad White had the exact same number of rush attempts last year, 272. Christian McCaffrey rushed for 1,459 yards.

Rashad White, 990. Like, I mean, obviously comparing anybody to Christian McCaffrey stupid, but like, Rashad White and Christian McCaffrey had essentially the same amount of volume exactly. 272 rushes each. Rashad White and had 64 catches. Christian McCaffrey had 67 catches. I know I'm doing a great job selling you guys on Rashad White. But they brought back basically the same team, but they added Graham Barton at center.

But the only running back they really added was Bucky Irving. He's not going to be an issue with pass. He's not going to be on the field taking away the receiving role from Rashad White. And so you have like a weirdly high floor player in Rashad White who also, if anything, they'll probably have more success in the red zone than the Bucks did last year. So he's, I'm not, again, he to me is the emblem of the all-boring team for the running backs, is Rashad White. He's not sexy. No one's going to think he's fun, but you're going to look up at the end of the season. You're like, holy shit, he's the ninth best running back and I got

him in like the sixth round. Dude, I just, the fact that last year, Alvin Camero was the RB5 and Rashad White was the RB7, and you can get those guys so late in drafts. It's crazy. It's because There's nothing cool about them. They're nothing good. They just catch too many passes because their offenses are whack and the rules of fantasy football are kind of dumb. They're just there. They're just there.

These Camara's famous as hell. That's my great pitch that the running back is 40th and yards per carrier's this deal. But, you know, there you go. Dek, I'm surprised you say James Connor's boring because I feel like he is an identity. He is another player that suffers from the he's big and slow. And therefore, people think he's not very good. Because if you watch him running around, like he's just, he doesn't look super explosive. He doesn't look like he's super twitchy.

But he's just so big. He breaks a million tackles. And he's really good. He's still really good at 29 years old. So I think there's a couple things working against him. Number one, he's old. Number two, he's a little bit slow. And number three, he's on a team whose offense people, I think, are not super confident in.

And they just drafted a running back. Right. And they just drafted Trevesonzen. who is like the exact opposite of James Connor and he's like super explosive. They just trapped the guy who's young, fast, and explosive. So I think

I think Connor is going to be one of those guys, especially like, I remember getting him last year in like an auction drafts. You can get him for really cheap. No one wants him because he's boring. And I think you could probably still say the same thing this year. Someone's like, oh, he's going to get hurt. He's going to get replaced by the rookie.

They're going to be in a timesure at the very least. This offense is still, whatever. But I think there's a lot of hidden value with James Connor because I think, number one, he's still really good. If you look at what he did last year, is the fourth ranked running back according to PFS rush grade, only behind Devon A-chan, CMC, and Derek Henry. Like, get out of here. Yeah. James Connor? Fourth and PFF's elusive rating behind A-chain or A-chan. No, no, no, no. That, that, you're reading that wrong. Your old eyes are deceiving you. What did you just say?

elusive rating from PFF. It's like it combines broken tackles and mistackles force. I thought you said Connor and A. Chan in the same sentence. I must have misheard you. For both the PFF grade and elusive rating, he's right behind H.N. And CMC. Henry.

Fourth in yards after contact last year behind CMC, Henry and Pacheco. Third in mistackles force behind CMC and Travis Ctien. Like he is up there among the elites and like all the stuff we like to look at in terms of broken tackles. You know, yards after contact, elucid rating, rush grade. Just like what he's doing when he carries the football.

He's a good receiver. I think he's still got it. And he's still, but he's old and he's slow. And so people are not excited about it. But this is why we do this because the Cardinals' offense could be good with Kyler Murray. You add Marvin Harrison Jr. You have Tray McBride as a real tight end.

And then you also have, like the Cardinals and their offense coordinator, Drew Petzic is like they have a real team. The Cardinals have a real offense and even better yet if their defense sucks, which it might. But the offense could be really real. Like this is why we do it, D.K. This is why we play, D.K. This gets us hyped out.

It's that way why we get out of bed in the morning. No, this is why we did the all boring team, baby. It's because look at these old washed up guys. They could be your old washed up guys. Last year, the Cardinals' offense ranked dead last in defensive DVOA. Sick. And then once, and then to separate out their offense, once Tyler Murray came back because he was out for like the good chunk of the season

coming back from ACL. He was a little rusty. The first two games, their offense didn't really get going. but if you look at week 12 on, so the final six games of the season for the Cardinals, they were 13th and points per game, ninth and points per drive, 10th and yards per play,

seventh and yards per game. So they're putting up yards, putting up points at like a top 10-ish level. And now they have Marvin Harrison Jr. And a healthy Kyler. Yeah, they have the next random white offensive coordinator who's like going to be a head coaching candidate

is like the Cardinals' offensive coordinator. He's doing a really good job with not that many pieces. And now he's Kyler for full season in Marvin Harrison, Jr. And I end in theory, like hopefully at least for our point of view, obviously not for Cardinals fans, but like a bad defense and a really good offense. Let's go. Dude, if you just look back at the last three years of James Connor,

last year, RB 10. Year before that, RB10. Year before that, RB6. This year, ADP, RB 25. And this happens every year. We've been doing this every year for like five years. So it's like the Tyler Lockett of running backs where like we just refused to believe

what happens every season. It's like collectively as a society, we are all like, yeah, we're just going to ignore that and pretend that he's bad. Yeah. I will say to cover my ass, also draft Trey Benson just late. Well, that's, I'd say that is a legitimate wrinkle in all of this. It's a wrench is that the last three years or so, I would say James Connor really hasn't had any great competition. Right. And now he does.

So, D.K., you think it's a legitimate fear to think that this could be the time that James Connor actually falls off a cliff? No, I'm more saying draft Trey Benson. in case Connor gets hurt because he is older and he has had some injuries in the past. I still think they're going to lean on him a lot though. I think that this is like the whole crux of the discussion we've had

is coaches trust old wily veterans who have lost a step or two but know where to be, know how to pass block. You know, not going to fumble. Trey Benson, as much as I love the guy, he's, you know, he's raw relative to clearly relative to James Connor, but like he's going to have to like learn

his role he's going to have to get better at a lot of things. I think he's a type of guy who's going to come in and he's going to make exciting plays, but he's probably going to make a lot of mistakes too and probably frustrate the fuck out of coaches, which happens all the time with the rookie guys. Yeah, it's so true. It's not just fumbling. Like, imagine the coaches that get off on getting like the one play in a game that was perfectly called, right?

Like they'll work their whole fucking week and sleep in their offices to get like two plays that they had set up the whole game to break an 80-yard run. And on that play, because Trey Bent's, is 20 years old and thought he was supposed to run left instead of fucking right. Like, imagine how much that, like, destroys a coach's soul. They don't care about the extra step unless they know for a fact. James Connor knows the play. And until you get that down, like, there's so much that goes into it.

I love that one a lot. I want to, speaking of guys that coaches love, I want to talk about this next guy. I'm not going to give his name. I'm going to read some stats first. Last year, this guy was the 12th best running back in fantasy. He ran for 13 touchdowns. He ran for over 1,000 yards, which, which was, he was ninth in the league in rushing.

He ran for over 1,000 yards, 13 touchdowns. He turned 27 years old last month. Get him a coffin. I'm just saying, this guy was 26 years old a month ago. Like, he is still very much in his prime. The situation on his team is exactly the same. Nothing has changed. And he was the RB 12 last year.

Right now in drafts he's going as the RB 27. It's David Montgomery. Dude, Craig, I knew who you're talking about. And I still was like, he went over 1,000 yards. He had 13 touchdown. He's 9th in the NFL in rushing. That's so funny. I kind of forget how good he was.

Should we just have a team with Montgomery, Rashad White, James Connor, and just you'd win everything? Dude, I actually am really into David Montgomery this year. I think Jemir Gibbs is kind of the perfect smoke screen of this season, where everyone is like projecting him to go to the moon. He's the only guy in this top group that, like, has a legitimate guy behind him who's very good. I guess you could argue Tyler Alger with Bijan Robinson.

but Dan Campbell clearly loves David Montgomery. He plays him all the time. He trusts him in the red zone. It's an identity thing. Yeah. Yes. He is the perfect Dan Campbell player. It's the exact same situation.

Ben Johnson's still there. I know Jumeir Gibbs is banged up last year a little bit, which helped David Montgomery. But like, I still think for a guy who's going as the RB 27. Huge value. Huge value. And like you're basically buying him at his floor. And even if he splits time with Jemir Gibbs, that's basically what he did last year. Right.

And so I'm like, you're not risking anything by taking this guy this late in your drafts. It's not like Campbell's going to suddenly fall out of love with David Montgomery. These coaches stick with the guys they love. And there's also the upside of if Jimmy Gibbs gets hurt, which I always hate being the- Which did happen last year, so you can kind of see what would happen. And I hate being the Tim Robinson, like, we got to figure out how to make money off this every time the player gets hurt. But there are backfields where if a player gets hurt, it's two guys and then one gets hurt, a different person will become the second guy.

And then there are backfields where the other guy will just do all the, the stuff and be the bell cow until the other. And like David Montgomery will probably do the large majority of the lines backfields if anything happens to Gibbs and vice versa. This is a great call. The brilliant part about Montgomery is like I feel like even if Gibbs does end up finishing as like a top five receiver, Montgomery could be like the RV 12 and it wouldn't I mean, look, Jemar Gibbs, he was banged that, but he played 15 games last year.

So it's not like he missed a bunch of time. He played 15 games and Montgomery actually played one less. but even when in all of the 14 games that David Montgomery played, he never finished outside the RB 25 on any given week. And yet, he's going as the RB 27 in drafts. This whole exercise has reminded me why we do this episode because I kind of just think that like Rashad White, David Montgomery and James Connor,

if you leave your draft with all three of those guys, you're just going to leave with three top 10 running backs. Dude, you could toss in Alvin Camara. That guy was the RB5 last year. No one cares. See, that's the thing. All the cool running backs are going early. Bison Bison Robinson, Brees Hall, Christian McCaffrey, no, they're cool.

Don't take cool people. It's the ultimate. No one wants not cool people. This is, again, I'm half kidding, but I think it's fucking true. It's fantasy football. But you want to win, then the fantasy is the, no, no one's fantasy involves David Montgomery. Reality football is David Montgomery.

Fantasy football is Jemir Gibbs. That's a market to exploit. We're living in the real world, all right? This is a lot of them. Real, lady. Can't go around shoot people Sorry that's wet pressures That's great

I was I think yeah I was walking around I don't know why I said that I meant looking around I don't know why the fuck I just said walking around That's it right I know it's July We forgive you

Tight end I feel like a lot of tight ends are boring Yeah But I feel like Jake Ferguson for the Cowboys Has to be the most boring tight end He's actually good Once again like Imagine a Jake Ferguson play

I actually can because the Giants fucking got rocked by Dallas. I think he had a bunch just in week one. But yeah. One of the big reasons I picked Jake Ferguson for this category is I distinctly remember last year being like Ferguson, Ferguson. What's his first name again? Like I literally couldn't remember his name. Even though he was like being really, he's like good in fantasy.

He's actually a very good fantasy asset right now. He last year was eighth in P. PFS receiving grade, so he's, like, out there actually playing well, not just like a product of volume. He has some run after the catchability. I saw this. This was actually very surprising to me. He averaged 5.6 yards after contact per reception, sorry, yards after the catch per reception, which was eighth best. Better than McBride, Ingram, Goddard, Kelsey, Andrews, and Kincaid.

Jake Ferguson was averaging more yards after the catch than those guys. It's just a guy. I couldn't believe what I saw that. He finished as the tight end nine in half BVR. You know, 8.3 points per game. Obviously, nothing huge to write home about. You'll turn a profit with Jack Ferguson. Right.

He also got better as the season went on. I watched a lot of Dallas last year. And the amount of times people are going to compare Jake Ferguson to Jason Witten, this year is going to disgust you because he improved on year one to year two and catches the exact amount of catches that Jason Witten did, which doesn't matter. but everyone's going to just use it as an excuse to talk about him and Jason Whitten. But like, I hate to say it.

The cow, like, he is like the third down, not number one option the Cowboys have needed for like quite a long time. And he's better than Dahl. I think skill-wise, he's actually better than Dalton Shultz. And Dallas has nobody. Like, yeah, yeah. The key, Dallas, low-key is like the thinnest receiving team in the entire NFL. Like they have C.D. Lamb who's, I'm talking like depth. Cid-Lam's incredible and as good as anybody.

And then they have their number two receivers, Brandon Cooks. Then they have Jake Ferguson at a tight end. There is fucking nobody with NFL experience after those three people. Unless you want to count Zik Elliott as a running back. But like, there is like I genuinely, if Brandon Cooks gets hurt, there are nobody on Dallas that has more than 20 career catches, except like Martavis Bryant, who hasn't played since like 2018. So Jake Ferguson truly is like an essential part of the Cowboys offense.

He checks a lot of boxes. Like when you're in your draft and you're thinking of just like, things that don't give you anxiety. You're like, all right, Jake Ferguson is on like, does this team throw a lot? Yes. Does this team have a good quarterback? Yes. That loves to throw the tight ends, by the way.

Yes. Is this seem good? Like, yes. Is he a top two or three option on the team? Yes. And you're like, all right, I really don't know what's not to like about the Jake Ferguson situation on Dallas. By the way, do you guys know what he looks like?

Can you picture him at all? No, no, no. I read a profile on him where he talked about working out a lot. So yes, but that's the only reason. I had no idea what he looked like. googled him. He has like the exact same haircut as Travis Kelsey and kind of like the same style.

Oh, he's Swift. Taylor. He's got the, he's got the Travis Kelsey look to him. I was, I wouldn't say they look like like a buzz cut with a beard. Like the fade with the beard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. You know, I don't have hair anymore. Is that what you call it a fade? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Tight fade. Yeah. Jake Ferguson to me is like so

anonymous that I remember when like a tied end would catch a pass. And in a Dallas game, I'd have to wait for, like, the announcer to tell me who that was. Because, like, I'd be like, is that Luke Schoonmaker, Peyton Henderson-Shy? They all are kind of the same. Yeah, yeah.

Tell me who that was. Like, there's no, like, physical style that I'm like, oh, that's a Jake Ferguson run right there. I'm just like, I don't know. You got to tell me. He's number 87. He needs to get a new number. Like, 87. I'm actually seeing pictures, too, of him in a uniform where he's wearing number 48.

Like, the vibes are atrocious. Get, get him a number in the teens. I almost respect 48. That's kind of cool. I think this was like in training camp or something. It wasn't like his real game. But he's number 87. You're not allowed to be 48, right?

Is it tight end? No, I think. Can you? You only do anything these days. Yeah, it's like an H-back. Delaney Walker was like 40-something, wasn't he? Well, it's because there's like weird fullback. He was a running back tight-end hybrid.

Full-back tight-in hybrid? What was Delany Walker? He was like 49. I thought Delaney Walker was in the 40s. Well, they changed all the rules. Yeah, he was 46. with the Niners. Yeah. It's like Alfred Morris.

He was like 38, wasn't he? That was the worst number. Alf was in the 90s. He was in the 40s. Hold on. He had 1,400 yards as a 48. That's crazy. That's going to be a record. I don't know why that's so funny that it is.

Alfred Morris. He was 46 for three years, like 36 then 41. Dude. Or not three years, but with three teams, I should say. There's a couple backs like that. Who was the guy in the Eagles who had like no ligaments in his knees? And he had like two really good years. Like Dewan Blair, no ligaments?

No, he was like right at Alfred Morrison. He was on the Eagles. Where else was he? He had like two good years. Oh. I have no idea. My head keeps jumping to Ronald Darby, but I know that he's a corner. It doesn't matter.

Somebody listening will yell at me right now and be like, you're thinking of. Oh, the ghost are just going nuts. Bryce Brown? No. No. Oh, it's Kim. me. I'll find it. Jay Ajai.

That's a good one. Yeah. Who's the quarterback for the all-boring team? Jake Ferguson's definitely the tight end. I think quarterback's hard because there's like boring, but by the rule of like no one will care. I think it's easy. Who? I think it's Jared Goff.

I think no one is going to be like, hell yes. Got golf. Yeah, but is he good enough, though? Is he going to win your league if you take Jared Goff? Are you really going to be satisfied with him as your quarterback? Can you say that a boring guy's going to win you your league? Well, he wouldn't even start?

Yeah, would you start him? Like, you're going to start David Montgomery. You're going to play Rashad White. You're going to, all these other, you don't play Alavi. Chris Alavi. I think it's Dak Prescott. I don't think he's boring. He's a Cowboys quarterback.

So, I mean, like, I don't think Cowboys are exciting anymore. I think that was like, we're over. That's like a PR. They're still spinning. Yeah, that's your generation, D.K. Our generation, yeah. That's, yeah. Yeah.

You guys don't give a shit about the Cowboys. You remember the Cowboys winning Super Bowls, but that's like the Paul Newman actor. And to us, they're just like the Salad dressing guy. Dude, to me, I'm like,

they're just like the empty calorie. They go 12 and 4 and get blown out in the playoffs every year. Like that is my, like to me, Dak Prescott is like a good quarterback. He's going to put up stats, but you can't trust him to playoffs.

And no, but like last year, looking at it right now, he's the fourth best quarterback in fantasy. I guess, but I just really don't think he's boring. Well, the problem is none of the top five guys are,

because Josh Allen, Jalen Hertz, Anthony Richardson, you know, Lamar Jackson, Patrick Mahomes, they're not boring. Kyler Murray, I don't think is boring. Is Brock Purdy boring? Brock Purdy is like the most divisive player in the NFL. Yeah. He's not boring.

He's just people argue that he's not good, but that doesn't mean he's not boring. If we think a player has a cult, he's not boring. He has a cult. That's a rule. If people would choose this guy over Tom Brady, he's probably not boring.

You know who I think this, the winner, the person who holds the belt for this is this year is Justin Herbert. I think everyone thinks Herbert is going to throw five passes a game and handoff to Gus Edwards. There's such like an inefficiency there. There's such like a capital, like a market that you can capitalize on with the whole Herbert. Is there?

Dude, I think the whole like, they're going to run it 40 times a game. Herbert's not going to throw the ball. I'm like, dude, Harbaugh's got Justin Herbert. Even if they're a balanced offense, like the Texans don't throw the ball a lot because they're a balanced offense. But that doesn't mean you're not going to draft C.J. Stroud. Like, I think Ladd McConkey and Josh Palmer are huge values right now, because everyone's just assuming Herbert's legitimately going to throw the ball like 18 times a game,

which I think is ridiculous. Greg Roman has a history of, like, running quarterbacks, too. I don't think they're going to run Herbert. I think Herbert, like, John Harbaugh's ideal thing is Justin Herbert 190 yards in a touchdown, no turnovers. No way. I just think that's ridiculous. This is proving my point.

I feel like this is going to start 9-0, and we're going to be like Jim Harbaal loser. won't pass. What a fucking loser. He's like if Arthur Smith was winning games. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Some combo Goff hurt.

I think the point though, DAC with your backup being Justin Herbert for free is pretty sick. Or Jared Goff. Like, that's, that works. Although there are sexier options. I'm just kind of mad now.

Well, Haifitz just said. Herbert is going to be so much better than that. I'm mad that you're like that. I'm not saying he'll be, he could win the MVP. I'm just saying his numbers, the design of the game plan by John.

One 190 yards. game for Justin Herbert is absurd. I'm saying that's what Jim Harba wants. I just think the pendulum has swung too far on this narrative. We'll see. I think that's exactly what I think he wants to throw. I think they want to dominate on the ground. Like destroy people. There's a gray area.

Come live in it. Plenty of room over here. Okay. All right. Before we get into any emails or any other things, we have to point out we, Hyvitz, I don't know if you saw this. D.K. and I were talking about it. We got tagged in like 40 tweets about this white Sox game.

There's a White Sox pitcher who a few days ago recorded an immaculate inning, right? Which is just nine strikes, three strikeouts. Yeah. This is what the tweet says. Michael Kopeck is the first White Sox pitcher to record an immaculate inning since sloppy Thurston on August 22nd, 1923. Sloppy. Sloppy.

Sloppy. Sloppy, Joe. Was he like a drinker? Was he like a notorious mess on the weekends? Honestly, that sounds right. Do you know how sloppy you have to be to get labeled sloppy in the 1920s? I just like that back then people were willing to just name you based on like your like funniest characteristics or, you know? Yeah.

Sloppy. Like it was like what we called Hyvet's like Bulldog Hyvetz just because like that was his style in the basketball court. We're like, we're not calling you Dan anymore. We're going to call you Bulldog. And that's like going to be. be your official name at the ringer. Sloppy Thurston. He was the screwball pitcher.

Maybe I'm like showing how ignorant I am about this. What's a screwball? I think it's extinct. It's like some fucking, you know, split finger slider thing. Nobody knows, D.K., it's been lost to the sense of time. Like, imagine if we just call Danny Kelly like giggles Kelly. Sloppy. So the screwball is a pitch that breaks in the opposite direction of a slider or a curveball, depending on the pitcher's arm angle.

This is good. The pitch is sometimes known as a scroogey or an airbender. Sloppy Thurston. Screwball pitcher. I need to know everything there is to know about sloppy Thursday. I need to know what his drink of choice was, what he did on the weekend. The screwdriver. Sloppy lived to be 74.

He wasn't that sloppy. He cleaned up. Slop. Born in 1899. Sloppy. Sloppy. Jeez. His name is Hollis John.

Sloppy Thurston. I got to find out how this nickname came about. I didn't say what is. Oh, he's interred at Holy Cross Cemetery in Culver City, California. Craig, you can go visit. Oh. Go visit his grave. Should we leave flowers when we're there in L.A.?

Is that rude or nice? Um, closer to rude. I think. I don't know. Like making his death a bit. I don't know. Is it a grave? But ironically, is that rude?

Sloppy? Oh my God. Here's what I'm seeing. It's one of those reverse meaning nicknames. So in other words, calling a huge guy tiny. He was nicknamed sloppy due to the fact he was always well groomed. This is according to baseball history comes alive. I don't know if that's true or not.

Wow. He was buttoned up. Sloppy Thursday. Dude, this guy played for 18 years. years in the majors. He's a screwball pitcher. Imagine how screwed up sloppy Thurston's elbow was, and they just, like, didn't know what to do about it. And he just pitched every year.

Just rub some whiskey on it every, yeah. Oh, my God. That's incredible. He probably pitched every other day for like 18 years. He probably required like four Tommy Johns. They didn't know what that was. He just said my arm hurt. They're like, you know, put some ice on it, have a whiskey.

Get back out there. Peeky blinders style, just like 8 in the morning. It's pounding. They're prescribing him heroin. Did you guys see a lot of people sent us this? A giant, the headline is giant phallus-shaped iceberg floating in Conception Bay surprises residents of Dildo Canada. It was Concepcion Bay.

Dildo Canada on Conception Bay. A giant iceberg floated up. that is is this photo AI generated I was wondering I'm not sure about anything

in this it's hard to believe we are like we are like dangerously approaching simulation territory reading this article I'm like this

strange credulity is that easy we're living in the era of Madlib's like article titles let's like have you guys ever played Madlips

is that your generation yeah yeah as a kid I think We're the tail end. Yeah. Dude, I mean, this is like a well chiseled penis. Yeah. The Michelangelo.

There's no way that could have happened naturally. I just, I don't believe it. Tides. What's happening here? It's like the Aphrodite rose from the sea, but aliens. Aliens. Hear me out. It's in Conception Bay in Dildo Canada and also the article says, which isn't too far from

Spread Eagle, the city of Spread Eagle. Like, what do we do? doing? This is fake. This has to be fake. No way. Dildo Canada. Wait, I'm going to Google Maps. Is Dildo Canada really real? Yeah, remember that was one of the things we did the last show. Spread Eagle is real also. Dildo Canada. It's funny to like, I open up Twitter and I'm like, oh, I have 12 notifications. And I, and it's just all about a giant fallace-shaped iceberg and then a guide from 1923 named Sloppy. Sloppy Thirsty. Thank you, Craig. Thank you, D.K. Thank you. to all the boring players. Thank you, Rashad White.

Thank you James Connor. Thank you, James Connor. Sorry, you guys done a better PR. We recognize you guys. We do. We know you're working hard. The coaches love you and we love you. Thank you to Kai for producing this episode. Thank you to everyone in Dildo, Canada. Thank you to everyone in Conception Bay. Spread eagle. Can we look and see

if people are listening in those cities? We'll look into it. Email us at near Fantasy Football.g.com. If you live near Conception Bay or Dildo, Canada. Thank you, Lord. Lord. Thank you, Black Eyed Peas. Dude, nice.

Nice, very nice. I feel like I've done that one already, but it's fine. Eh, you probably have. I think that guy who was taking notes probably got bored and stuff. He's like, you guys are not holding me to this at all. I think I got a feeling still holds up as one of like the best party songs. If you're in a bar, I feel like the nostalgic song and a bar still plays when everyone's dancing. Obviously, Abba has like a huge, is like, has that corner right now.

But if I got a feeling comes on at a bar, it still hits. Black-Ey-P's, I feel like is the soundtrack to the 2000s. It's like the through line between all people in those 2000s. They're a little bit like when you mention like, oh, think of a Drake London play. I feel like, you know, if you're like, oh, the black-eyed peas are good, but there's nobody in the world who's like, you know what my favorite band is? The black-eyed piece. But you, everyone could sing the.

chorus to like four of their songs. Absolutely. You know the songs, but all their albums are triple platinum. Yeah. No one, they're no one's favorite band. If you are listening and your favorite band is definitively the black eyed piece, please email us and tell us why. Because all they do is make hits, Craig.

Just can you imagine? Just be like, oh, who's your favorite band? Someone's like, oh, I just like, think the black eyed peas are the absolute best. Honestly, they're like the old boring team of bands. Like, oh, yeah, I got a feeling. Billion and a half views. No. like, no, gosh.

Nope. Bangers, though. Pump it. You guys remember that? Louder! Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And they're always evolving.

They're just like, kind of like chasing trends or starting trends. I'm not sure. Chicken or the egg. Also, Will I Am is the ultimate, like, how was that available? Oh, his name? You know, it was like, can't believe no one took that. Will.

Dot.I.com. Yeah. Like, damn. Apple D. That's the other guy. And taboo is the third guy. If you had given me a trillion dollars to name the third person other than Fergie and Will I. I am, I couldn't have done it.

A trillion. Apple D and Will I am were the OG2. They started it together in L.A. in like the 90s. Apple D. Apple D. Apple app. Apple D. Yeah, that's him. I feel like the black-eyed peaheds are going to come after Craig.

All four of them. Dude, okay, I'm respecting them. I mean, like, I know all the names of the members. I know where they started. Yeah, I feel like. I know all the names of the members. I'm in the 1% baby. Apple the app taboo.

Dude, Ella Funk. That's their album, Ella Funk. Great name. Don't funk with my heart. Whatever happened to Fergie? She's still putting out stuff. And she married to someone? Yeah, she was married to Josh Dumel.

I believe they're divorced. Josh Dumel, like kind of the furgy of actors. It kind of makes sense. Craig, who was the other, you did this before? We did this with another couple. we were really surprised about. Oh, it was Orlando Bloom and Katie Perry. Katie Perry. Yes.

What happened? Yeah. Orlando Bloom is kind of the Katie Perry of actors. Did you say the exact same thing? This is great. Katie Perry probably is bigger than Orlando. Yeah. I think, I think yes because it's like, you know, it's funny about Orlando Bloom. We watched a lot of Pirates of the Caribbean on the speech vacation because it's the

perfectification movie. And Orlando Bloom literally did four Pirates of the Caribbean movies, like four Lord of the Rings movies. that probably grossed a collective $3 billion at the box office, and then like stopped doing work. And then just took the fuck off and bought an island. He literally played two characters in his career. Fergie has a brand footwear line, Furgylicious by Fergie and Fergie Footwear.

Is it Furgylicious or Fergolicious? Furgelicious, sorry, I just said it wrong. She spells a lot in her songs. She likes to spell. Yeah, dude, she's doing F to the Y. E-R-G the I-the-E And then she's doing G-L-A-S

O-R-U-S She's spelling everything. Dude, they just like love listing shit. Even in I got a feeling, it's like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. And then the rhyme doesn't make sense because they like need to say Saturday twice to make it work.

They're like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday. day and Sunday. And they're just like, fuck it. Two Saturdays. Oh my God. Guess this how Calvin learned the days of the week, too. Black-E-P's are like secretly just teaching kids how to spell and understand calendars.

Kids can't think there's eight days of the week. Wait, dude, I think they even have another one. Don't they say T to the A to the S-T-E-Y girl, you tasty? Isn't that a thing too? It's just spell. The whole thing is just spelling. Which is funny because Tasty's not spelled with an E. I think they added the E

to make it work. I'm looking that up. Dude, this is a great Ferg you can't spell. Yeah, dude, it's T to the A to the S-T-E-Y, Girl, You Tasty. They added an E.

They added a Saturday and they added an E. Imagine if I was like, guys, I wrote a song, I'm going to spell tasty, but I need to add an E to make it work. You'd be like, Craig, that's moronic. You can't misspell the word

in the song you want to be famous. Wrong. What are all the songs that they spell? Fergolicious, which includes spelling Furgy as well as tasty. Glamorous, she spells glamorous. And then they list all the days of the week and I got a feeling Saturday twice. They spell a lot of words in Pump It, I know that. Right, they do.

Oh, yeah. It's like a whole thing. Yeah, fresh. They spell fresh. Oh, and then they're like DEF too. DEF, that's right. We def, we definite BEP, we rep in it. Wow.

They really are like the hooked on phonics of bands. Anyway, show your kids black eyed peas. Maybe they'll learn a thing to them. Friday, Saturday, Saturday, and Sunday. Why? Why did they do that? I love the idea of just singing the names of the days. To me, it just makes me think that they were in the studio and it was like 2 a.m.

And they're like, Monday, Tuesday. It doesn't work with the rhythm. We need an eighth day of the week. And they're like, fuck. Saturday twice, whatever. Just do it. I'm tired. Monday.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. We all just pretend like it doesn't, it's not a problem. We all pretend like that's normal. Goodbye, everyone. Must be 21 plus and present in select states. Fandall's offering online sports wagering in Kansas under an agreement with Kansas Star Casino LLC.

Gambling problem? Call 1-800 gambler or visit fandil.com slash RG in Colorado, Iowa, Kentucky, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Tennessee, Vermont, and Virginia. Call 1-800-step, protects next step to 533, 342 in Arizona, 1-88-8-8-8-8-9-9-7-7-7-7-1. Or visit C-CCPGampage dot-N, Connecticut, 1-800 with it in Indiana, 1-8502-2-4-700, or visit KSgamblinghelp.com in Kansas, 1-8777-0-Stop in Louisiana. Visit MD-Gamlinghelp.org in Maryland. Visit 1-800-Gambler.net in West Virginia, or call 1-800-5-2-2-7-700 in Wyoming.

Hope is here. Visit Gamley HelplineMa.org or call 800-327-50-50 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts or call 18778 Hope NY or text Hope NY in New York.