The Ringer NFL Show - Top 200 Fantasy Rankings: Who Is a First-Rounder in 2024?

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

Fresh off the release of The Ringer’s 2024 Fantasy Football Rankings, the guys reveal their top 20 and discuss some of their biggest takeaways after ranking the top 200 fantasy players ahead of next season (4:41). Next, they introduce a brand-new segment called “DK, tell us about the war, grandpa!” (41:26) Check out our 2024 Ringer Fantasy Football Rankings here! Email us! [e-mail] The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit www.rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Social: Kiera Givens and Jack Sanders Producer: Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever wondered about the meaning behind your favorite song lyric or why certain melodies make your skin tingle? I'm Cole Kushner and these are the kinds of questions I try to answer on Dissect, a podcast that dives deep into one album per season examining the music, lyrics, and meaning of one song per episode. I've dissected full albums by Kendrick Lamar, Radiohead, Tyro the Creator, Beyonce, Kanye, and more. Our latest season just launched all about MF Doom's Mad Villany. Listen to Dissect wherever you get your podcast because great art deserves more than a swipe. Fantasy Football Show. My name is Dan Hifitz. I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Horrible. And our top 200 rankings are live at fantasyfobball.com. That's our top 200,

baby, half ppr, standard PPR, whatever. It's just boring. It's May. Who cares? The top 200 there, they're names. You can scroll through. We've got them all. Dekka, how excited you to have rankings? Oh, extremely excited. Just bubbling over with excitement. Are you being facetious? Well, it is May 1st. We did literally just finish the NFL draft. But it is kind of fun to look ahead. It was, I think, illuminating in some ways to make a ranking right now because we're just so far out and we're just so close to the draft.

But yeah, it was a lot of fun to kind of figure out who we like the most next year. I think you can make the case that the off season and fantasy football is more fun than the end season. I think preparing for your draft up to the draft is the peak. After the draft, it's kind of just like unless I win the league, it's kind of an off year. So really 11 out of 12 people most times, like have a bad time. And the lead up, August and everything before it, coming up with your top 10, arguing about whether or not you think this running back is going to work. Like, that's the juice.

That's what it's all about. And also I love rankings, too, the first pass on rankings, which is really what this is and what we're going to talk about today. Because we also have breaking segments, I think maybe a year-long segment we're going to have here called D.K. Tell us about the war grandpa. Yeah. I might rant to Craig about the Knicks. I don't know.

I want to know how basketball works because I'm confused. But what I love about the first pass on rankings is it's kind of just object permanence. Like, you know, when the babies get stuck in that phase in the bathtub, they throw the toys over the edge. And they're like, oh, my God, that still exists. It's like, I'm just, I'm scrolling through name. I'm like, oh, wow. Amari Cooper forgot about him. Yeah, I know.

There's a lot of those. Chris Olavay, what's he up to? But I just forgot. My first pass, which is still, my rankings right now are pretty much a first pass. There's been some tweaks if I, like, missed a guy or something. But in general, I made my time. top 20, my top 10, blindly. Just off the dome.

I have not looked at a single ranking from anyone else in the football community, nor have I looked at your guys. I was just like, in my heart of hearts, what do I feel is the correct top 10? Did you guys do the same? Yeah, actually. I did a little cross-referencing, but yeah, it's, yeah, how did you do it off the dome? Like, you literally just sat there and thought about all the different players? Or did you have, like, a list originally?

You used your brain? just do ranking like from memory that would be funny i kind of did off the dome for top 10 i kind of did off the dome but then i went and looked at last year's like finishers and kind of was like okay who had a good year whatever but i i didn't i haven't looked at anyone else's rankings projections none of that can i tell you guys something else that i was doing dek i was doing it's a mix of like math but also and something i would like to try it more of this year which is more vibes and what i was really trying to stick to this year was like do i really want this guy on my team Like I was trying to do more like, no, no, no, I have one team.

And I was trying to like, as a tiebreaker, but it's slightly more than a tiebreaker of in a vacuum. If I got one team, really, this guy, this is my guy. I'm really hitching my wagon to this guy. It's like good hang, bad hang. You're like, do I really want to hang out with this guy for the whole year on my team? It's just a drive like halfway across town. Do I really want to go hang out? Perhaps you could say instead of the rankings, it is the hangings.

Oh. Fuck. That's the hanky. came up with that Hankings. Holy shit, Craig. I can't know if that makes me matter if I like that. I can't, I'm not sure it's good or not. Whoa.

The Hank Kings. Is it good? Yeah, it's rankings. It's like the Kings of who you want to hang with. Russell is something there. There's something there. He's like the two of diamonds in the Hankings. The Hankings.

He's not my top 10 rankings. He's in my top 10 rankings. Yeah, it's Russell. Wilson in the top 200 for the Hankings. Oh, wow. There's legs there. Wow. Craig off the dough.

All right. Let's get to, we're going to like, look at like, the top 20-ish, tennis, whatever, with their top hankings. Wow. I think I don't like it. No. Okay. We're out. That's fair. Well, let's let it ride for a little while.

We'll noodle on it. We'll noodle. Yeah, yeah. All right. So I want to just go through. So we all have Christian McCaffrey as their number one player for 2024. And again, this is at fantasyfielblethortercom. When do you think he won't be? Dude, I was wondering that. I mean, when he gets hurt.

Yeah, if he gets hurt. Like, that's it. But so I was looking at this. It's staggering, staggering stat I found from Tristan Cocker. off the ESPN. 60% of people had Christian McCaffrey last year made their finals of their league. Oh my God. Which is fucking stupid.

You drafted Christian McCaffrey at ESPN. You literally increased your odds of making the finals by three times. So if you had the first or second pick, you... Oh, he fell the fourth in plenty of leagues. People were like taking Austin Eccler over him. People worried about his knee. People worried about Elijah Mitchell rotating in. Okay, so he fell the fourth.

So if you were the first second or third or fourth, then you went 60% of time you went to the playoffs or to the finals. DK, I have a question for you. At what age? What age does a running back have to be where you hesitate for one millisecond? You go, eh? Christian McCaffrey turns 28 in one month.

I think I start thinking about it at 30. Really, really thinking about it. Okay. Like, Derek Henry is 30 now. Right. And I'm like, everything he's done throughout his whole career would lead me to believe he's going to be amazing.

But he's 30, a little bit worried. I'm not really worried about Christian McCaffrey yet. I've gone all the way the other direction. and I'm all in. He doesn't worry me. Can I just repeat the previous point I made because I literally, it sounds fake.

Six out of ten people who drafted Christian McCaffrey made the finals. I can't get over that. ESPN started tracking this 10 years ago. No one's ever past 50%. And he went to 60. Like I can't. And then the year before that in 2022,

a quarter of the people who won their leagues just had Christian McAfrey. Like a quarter. And so like this just he's been on the Niners. I said last year I mean I was wrong and I saw that I thought Christian McCaffrey was the best mix of talent

and skill set since Randy Moss went to the Patriots in 2007 but then was wrong Tyre Kill because of the Dolphins yeah I guess that's true I guess I wasn't saying like marriage of sky I would actually argue the other way

I think Tyree Kill it was probably skill set better with Mahomes but like Mike McDaniel schemes him up but McAfee had 21 touchdowns in his first 15 games. Like ironically, too, I probably should. Just maybe remember the time when

Shanahan put him back in, like, in a blowout in the very end of the game to try to get a touchdown. Do you remember what the betting odds from McCaffrey to score a touchdown each week? It was like two to one. It was like plus 200. Then it was plus 100. Then it got down. It was like minus 300. It started being like you had to like spend

a dollar to win like a quarterback to win. That was like where the odds started going. So anyway, McCaffer's the number one guy. If you look at the top five, is everyone's top five McCaffrey and then four receivers? Or does anybody have anything else? I think D.K. has Breeze Hall fit? Let me say.

D.K., you have Breeze Hall. I have Bijan at fifth. Same. So here's to go through. So we all have DeKafriot number one. Oh, I have Brie saw at four. Hold on. We can not start. They invented numbers for reason. Christian McCaffrey's number one. We all have Tyreek Hill and Cid Lam at two and three. I think, um, D.K and I both have Tyreek C. Greg has Citi. I don't really care. They're like, I think they're the top two receivers. Cidieland finishes the number one receiver. Tyree Kill, like, was on pace for 2,000 receiving yards.

Like, I don't, tomato to me. Myestro, maestro. Yeah, I mean, I'm fine with that. You're splitting hairs up here. Although my philosophy this year, I've decided what my thought process is going to be. When I'm staring at two players and I'm like, which one do I want? When I'm like, Ciday, Lame, Tyree Kill, the swing vote for me is going to be, I know we joke about this on the show, but kind of Occam's Razor, where I'm like, I want the simplest

solution. I want the least amount of variables. Yeah. I want like, I want this to be, because everyone does the, oh, your first or last in fantasy football, I like half agree with that because getting last in fantasy football sucks. And you know what's really fun making the playoffs. Making the playoffs in fantasy football is actually fun. So to me, it's like, if I can play it's safe and make the playoffs, then it's like, dude, once you're in the playoffs, nobody knows who's going to fucking win. some guy's going to get hurt, and the guy who's healthy is probably going on anyway. So I'm just trying to make the playoffs. And to make the playoffs, to me, I want the lowest risk possible.

And so when I look at Tyree Kill, who's starting to get injured a little bit more, hamstring stuff, he's over 30 years old now. His quarterback is to a concussion issues. I'm like, C.D. Lamb, he's been healthy. His quarterback's healthy. There are less variables in my mind for C.D. Lamb than Tyree Kill. So that's why I have him higher. That's fair.

And CED had 400 PPR points last year. And the only players who have done, are receivers who have done that, are Cooper Cup, when he won the Triple Crown, and then Jerry Rice in 1995. Granted, CD has an extra game, which we at some point have to acknowledge that these records are pseudo-fate. I know. But not right now. I broke down these two players, CD versus Tyreek.

I don't have a strong lean, but let me just run through the numbers anyway. So last year, Tyree Kill was the wide receiver won in points per game, 19.8 in 16 games. So he missed one game. 31.1% target rate, which is second only to Devante Adams. 171 targets. and he ranked first in yards per game, 112, total yards, almost 1,800, and touchdowns. He tied for the lead in touchdowns, 13 touchdowns. So yards, yards per game, touchdowns, and obviously fantasy points.

C.D. Lamb, meanwhile, 181 targets, which is absolutely ludicrous, most in the NFL, 135 catches, which was first by a lot. And then he finished second in yards, 29.9% target rate, which I think maybe could go up. And as we're talking, I may be possibly changing my mind on this and maybe having him over Tyree. Cowboys basically did nothing with their receiver core over the offseason. It's Brandon Cooks. They got like a couple. Tolbert, I guess.

Yeah, they have two guys named Jalen and nope. The Cowboys have nobody that's had over 20 catches in their career other than Martavis Brian on the roster after C.D. and Cooks. And crucially, they might have a higher pass rate. You could see them pass even more this year than they did last year because they, because Jerry Jones decided that they didn't need a running back these. Well, they got, they got Zeke Elliott. Yeah. The best was, um,

there was incredible someone, like, there's like these weird aggregator accounts on Twitter and one of them was like, Zeke Elliott and Dallas like trouble for everyone else. And they posted videos of like Zeke running. And someone quote tweeted it and was like, I see like the like Redskins logo in one of these videos. Like it's from so long ago. Like it's like that's how long ago this video was.

Amazing. It sounds like Antonio Brown's a stealer in this video. Anyway, really good. So yeah, those are, so we all have McCaffrey, C.D., Tyree Kill, in some order. I, the next one that I was terrified of, I did not have Justin Jefferson in my top five. I thought I was going to get lambasted for this. And then I saw that. Lambasted.

Okay, for a second, I thought you guys were about to tell me it was lambasted. And I was like, no, it's not. I thought that's what the pause was. It might be. It's not. It's not. It's not. But when you said lambasted, it.

I was like, oh, no, did I screw it? No, it's not lambasted. It's lambasted. No, yeah. I think, am I crazy? I thought it was lamb-based, but maybe I'm wrong. Oh, it's not lamb-based. You're not basing a turkey.

No, it's not laym-based. Yes, you are. You are basing a turkey. No, no, no, I'm not basing. You're not lamb-based. You're not lamb-based. It's lamb-based. It's lamb-based.

Somebody look after how to say it. If it's lamb-based, I'm going to walk into the sea. Oxford. Oxford, Oxford, Oxford dictionary says lamb-based. No! Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck. No, that's England.

They say alimimimimum and they say like alimimim foil. Do urban dictionary. See what urban dictionary. No, do not go to urban dictionary for anything. It's wrong with you. They're not joking. They're going to have a whole different definition for lamb based in urban dictionary. Oh, God.

It's going to be like a certain sect of bestiality where you say, whoa, whoa, whoa. Get the fuck out of here. It's not land-based. They put an e on it in England. That does not sound right to me. me. Dude, what Merriam-Webster also says lamb-based. You guys are out of your lamb-based.

Is it lamb-no? If I had said land-based, I'd be based in my head it was lamb-based, but like, I don't use that word too often, so I'm not super passionate about it. Email us at Ringer Fantasy Football at g-mail.com. I'm not super passionate about it. Lambast? Lambast to me doesn't sound right.

Lamb-based. The word is based. Shit. Disagree. Anyway, I don't have Justin Jefferson at my top. and I thought I was going to get pasted for this. For the record, Hyphotus has him at six. It's not like he's exactly going nuts. I know,

but he's like, a number one player. And I was like, but I looked at it and I was just like, I don't know, he's got Sam Donald and J. G. McCarthy in the mix.

And I'm like, I wouldn't say, I'm like, it's exciting to get Justin Jefferson. But if I get him, I don't feel like, oh yeah, locked like top two,

top three receiver. Like it's not insane to think that Justin Jefferson gets like, like falls a tier to like within all these other guys. obviously an awesome players probably future Hall of Famer but I think you're like that's pretty risky if you're taking a

receiver who has a rookie quarterback and or Sam Darnold you know at the number one pick or the top three pick. Obviously we're not super low on him. We all got him in the top six seven but I don't know man that to me is kind of risky there's also a lot of target competition

there or there will be at least halfway through the season with T.J. Hawkinson, Jordan Addison. You know so and they may be pretty run heavy this first season with J.G. McCarthy, try and, like, get him up to speed in the NFL. I don't know. There's a lot of variables kind of exactly what Craig was saying before. Like, there's a lot of variables they have to consider.

And when you're talking about your first pick of the draft, it's a little bit worrisome. What do they call it in, like, an experiment? It's like you have the variable side, and then like, is it the control? Like, I want the control. Well, on that note, I was thinking, so who's my fourth player? And I was thinking about running backs, but I think there's a whole group of running backs.

I was thinking about who's my fourth receiver? because there's Justin Jefferson, there's Jamar Chase, like there's AJ Brown. And I was like, why would I take any of those guys over Amman Ross St. Brown? And I put him fourth, which is insane because he was like a fourth round pick. But I think Amman Ra was my fourth player this year. He was the fourth overall receiver last year in half a few points per game. 1,500 yards, 10 touchdowns. I mean, look, I can't say enough nice shit about Ammano St. Brown.

He's probably like my favorite receiver in the league. I love him. I don't know why I have Justin Jefferson. of him. I think maybe the sticker value of Justin Jefferson still, I'm just like, Justin Jefferson. And I'm on a receiver, I was like a possession receiver, but I mean, hell, he had 1,500 yards. He had 119

catches last year. Maybe in my head, I'm like, the Lions kind of like, not hit their ceiling, but like that was kind of the best case scenario year for the Lions. Like the Lions had everything cooking last year. And their defense was bad, so they actually had a throw way more, and now their defense might be better, which is worse.

But overall, it's like, he still has Jared Gough and Ben Johnson, the coordinator. Cowboys still have CD land. They still have Dak Prescott. Tyree Kill still has Tua. And they still have Mike McDaniel. And they look at Jefferson.

I'm like, same coach, different quarterback. That's just a red flag. AJ Brown. What's up with the Eagles? The Eagles imploded. That's odd. I don't think that's crazy to have him for. So I went with him four.

And then I had, I had Bejan 5th as my second running back. And the other gap I noticed was you guys had different agreements. You had disagreements on the Jets. D.K. has Breeze Hall at 4th. Craig has him at 8th, but DECA's Garrett Wilson at 10th.

Craig has him at 17th, which I feel like at some point, I feel like none of that has to do with like target share or like anything. It's really just do you believe in the Jets or not at some point? It's just, are you going to put, if you have one fantasy team, this is really my question. You have one fantasy team. Are you being like, yep, the Aaron Rogers Jets are going to bring me to the promised land because I kind of think I'm out.

I think with Breece Hall in particular, he finished as the RB7 last year and half PPR, and that included four games where he played less than 50% of snaps. Like, they were easing him in at the very beginning of the year coming off of an injury. And then as the year went on, I mean, you don't remember it because the Jets were like the worst team to watch in the NFL

for most of the season. I think I've blocked it out. He essentially turned into Christian McCaffrey. If you look at from week five on, he averaged, so this is when he started playing the majority of the snaps for the team, it was like 60 plus percent of snaps. 13 games. He averaged 17.3 points per game, which is third boasts among running backs. No running back had more receiving points in half PPR in that stretch of Breeze Hall.

He had more receiving points than Christian McCaffrey. His 17% target rate, that's like pretty good for a receiver. He had 85 targets, 71 catches, 549 yards and 4 touchdowns in that stretch. That's 13 games. So the reason I love Bruce Hall is because he has absolutely elite receiving upside. And this is that was on it. Obviously, like part of the reason I think is they were playing from behind and so they were probably passing more. But I still think even if you take this team and make them actually good at offense,

they're going to score so many more touchdowns. He's going to basically do what he did last year in terms of the receiving game, but I'll also score touchdowns. And so I think he has truly elite upside. This is more of a risky upside pick than. You know, like, it's kind of the opposite of what Craig was saying. Like, this is a, to me, this is banking on him potentially being a league winner. I also, by the way, thinks he's really freaking good. He's, they're going to give him a ton of touches, I think.

So to be clear, none of us are out on him. We all have him as a top eight player. Right, right. And it's May 1st. So none of us are out. I think it's more, and you're right, he's the most excited. I think it's just more the scars of the Jets. The Jets last year were like the Broncos's day before where they got put on

prime time every week and then just the rest of a year ago. It's definitely gross betting on the Jets. Like Aaron Rogers. 41 years old. He's coming off. But Brice is incredible. And I will say to your point, I think about that McAfry stat, I said, where if you drafted him, you just had three times more likely to win your league.

I do see how Brice Hall could pretty easily be that player in the first round. Yep, you got Brice. He scored 25 touchdowns. Like, Jonathan, like, to me, it's like after McCaffrey, there's a bucket of four guys. It's Jonathan Taylor. It's Bejan Robinson. It's Brise Hall and it's Jamir Gibbs and Alliance. Totally.

And like, I have all those guys right next to each other. I think you can argue about the order. of all of them. Yeah, to me, it's like, I have Garrett Wilson lower than, I guess, Breece Hall in terms of, like, who I'm more confident in. Because, again, if you look at, like, the risk reward, if Aaron Rogers goes down, Garrett Wilson is fucked. If Aaron Rogers goes down, Breeze Hall, we saw can be okay still?

Yeah. And so I'm like, am I really going to bet on Aaron Rogers being healthy for 17 games with this, like, shoddy offensive line? So that's kind of my thinking with that. I get that. But I actually think this is a great. running back first round. I remember last year we were like, we hate all these running backs outside of Christian McCaffrey. And now it's like, dude, I love Jonathan Taylor with the Colts.

I think he's going to be awesome. He was sick the last half of the year last half of the year. He came on real strong, even though that was with Gardner Minshu. Like, I think he'll be great with Anthony Richardson. Love that. Breeze is fucking awesome. And he'll probably be great, especially if Aaron Rogers is healthy. Jamir Gibbs was like the last half of the year, one of the best running backs in the league. He was a top three running back after week five. Right. And then it's like you have the Arthur Smith's gone in Atlanta. And now it's like, Bijon Robinson, talent-wise, I remember the first few weeks of the season, we turned into Bill Simmons, and we were like, we were like, Bejohn-Robinson is the best running back

I've ever seen in my life. So it's like, dude, I am definitely, I think leaning like you should grab a running back in the first round right now. That could definitely change. But considering how deep wide receivers and how many great wide receivers get drafted every year, I'm like leaning back into the like, man, getting one of these top five guys is important. That's a good call. And while you're there, while you're on that note, can I also give you something I just

notice about our top 10 players. Yeah. Incredible names in the top 10 and then what outlier. Let me read these names. Our top 10 is Christian McCaffrey, Nyers, Tyree Kielt for the Dolphins. C.D. Lamb.

Ced. Lam Base. CD. Cedie Lamb-based. Now I'm back to base. It's right. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

Welcome. Bejan Robinson for the Falcons. Jamar Chase. Justin Jefferson. Breeze Hall. Amon-Ross, St. Brown, the best name in the NFL. Jonathan Taylor.

Jamir Giddish. John Taylor, just like the most, which maybe that's his case to win is he has the most boring name so ignoring the fact. But like, dude, John Taylor, what a, every other name is so sick. You know who's the name that we haven't mentioned is Jamar Chase. We just kind of skipped right past him and we went to the running backs. Yeah, yeah. You know what's funny about Jamar Chase?

I think he's like the sickest wide receiver in the league. Yeah. It might just be because of his name. He's so incredible. He's so cool. And he had a bad year last year because Burrow got hurt. And like the whole team, it was kind of a mess of year last year. I think he's so awesome

and I just want him on my team because I'm just like I want a Ferrari and Yeah Like if somebody was like Craig You have the second pick in the draft McCaffrey goes one And I'm staring at Cidy Lamb

Tyree Kill and Jumar Chase Like gun to my head I might just take Jumar Chase Just because I really want him on my team Also that means I should probably just put him as my wide receiver one Because I think I would take him over

Cid Lamb Because I think I just want him Also if you're listening to this As a general rule If you ask us who should you take? Like, that's what the rankings are for, but also that's really what tears are for,

but to your point, stealing a rule from Matthew Barry, if you want a player and they're not going to be there with your next pick, just fucking take them. Take what's yours. It's called fantasy football.

And it's like, you're totally right, Craig. In your dreams, like after our teams, Craig, watching the Steelers offense or the Giants offense last year, you know, it's really fun.

I picked up Matt in August. They said it to me now, flex, because I reviewed the game once. What? The first thing I did was was I trained in Sequin for Jim March.

Chase. It's the first thing I did. Because it was like a fantasy. I was like, I just, I love watching this guy play football. He's everything I want. D.K., you were the one who told me, Chase is like a mix of Anquam Bolden and Larry Fitzgerald. He's like the best qualities of both kind of in a player. Like he has to.

He's so powerful. He's, yeah, explosive and powerful. This is kind of how I feel about Garrett Wilson in a way. I feel this is maybe why I'm like a little bit higher on Garrett Wilson than you guys. Because I think he's just so freaking good. his body control, his athleticism, his movement skills. He's like if Cadarist Tony played football. Right, exactly.

Actually, I think I feel like it did compare him a little bit to Cadarious Tony before the whole Tony thing happened. Imagine a Cadarist Tony. It was on the field during football games. But I was looking at his numbers from last year. And again, I feel like we kind of forget because we all stopped watching the Jets after Aaron Rogers got hurt after five plays. And they were just, that was like the worst offense to,

watch. Zach Wilson, I can't even honestly remember who else they had at quarterback. The best, depending. And he had,

Garrett Wilson had 168 targets and he caught 95 of them. For comparison, for comparison, Tyree Kill had 171 targets, almost the exact same amount. 119 catches.

So 24 more catches on three more targets. Wait, hold up. The lack of efficiency, and if you remember, Garrett Wilson, every, every game was just like,

just, God damn it. Like, he's getting all these, like terrible throws over his head or throws that are leading him right into a hit and he's just ending up having to make business decisions and all this stuff.

He's just like, I hate my life. I just, I feel like Garrett Wilson, if he can say healthy and Aaron Rogers can say healthy, could have an all-time year. Totally agree. And I think he's going to be the number one.

Yeah. He had the almost exact same target rate as C.D. Lamb last year. He just half of them were uncatchable. An incredible point. First of all, I didn't realize this. This is insane.

He had the exact same catch rate in 2022-23. So Garrett Wilson's career catch rate is 56.5%. So caught 56.5% of the targets thrown his way. For reference, that is lower than Shaquille O'Neal's career free throw. Like, Shaq shot 58% from free throw. Yeah. Garrett Wilson caught less than 58% of his career targets thrown his way, which is fucking insane. You know what's impressive about Garrett Wilson is he's, I sometimes get a little nervous about super skinny wide receivers. You know, I'm nervous they're going to get hurt on the field. Garrett Wilson is a rail.

He's rail thin. This dude has played two seasons in his career. Back to back with Zach Wilson or Chris Strevler or who else was thrown in the ball. I can't remember. Flacko was in there at one point. Do you guys actually, I had to look this up. Tim Boyle threw passes for the Jets last year. Forgot about that.

I blocked it from my memory. That was the worst. He was the worst quarterback I've seen since Nathan Peterman. That was Black Friday when he threw the pick six on the Hail Mary at halftime. Oh, my God. Trevor Simmy. Trevor Simeon threw 150 passes in this offense last year. Oh, yeah.

I honestly, I could have guessed, you could have given me a hundred guesses. I don't know if I would have come up with Trevor Simeon. Shout out. I will never forget Sean Fennessey here at the Ringer saying in 2018, he wrote in Slack once that Josh McCown firmly the third best Jets quarterback of my lifetime. And I like, I'm not going to think about that every time I think about the Jets. How sad that is. Through all of that, Garrett Wilson, after the countless.

hundreds of hospital balls that he has been thrown in his career. He has not missed a game. 17 games. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. Yes. But I'm like, that makes you feel good about him.

Was Garrett Wilson's really competitive and wants to win. Like he's diva, but he's not just a diva. Like Garrett Wilson just wants to win games. He had to intercept his own pass in week one last year. That was the best ever. I think he has, he picked off the pass.

He has a chance to be like C.D. Lamb. What C.D. I have 100% agree. But it's like if Aaron Rogers gets hit because there are, left tackle blows it. Right. Right. And he's out for seven weeks. Garrett Wilson is irrelevant. And I just don't think that's much more likely. That's going to happen to Rogers over like Jack Prescott. They got Tara Taylor, which isn't great. But it's better than Zach Wilson. It's better than Trevor Simian. It's better than Tim Boyle. Yeah. Can't possibly worse. There's,

there's more variables here. Don't forget Big Mike. Big Mike. Big Mike is in New York now. Big Mike Williams. Mike Williams. Mike Williams. This is a Mia Coppa. We forgot about Mike Williams. No one realizes he's on the Jets. Yeah, I kind of blanked about that. But yeah, that's true, big mic. The other biggest disagreement we had in these rankings is weird. And honestly, we disagreements. This is the first time we talked about it.

We didn't want to talk about our rankings. We just submitted them. But the biggest disagreement we have in the rankings we submitted as I look here is Stefan Diggs. Craig and I both had him 14th. DK has him 40th, which is so fucking funny. Target competition, man. DK has him 29th, not 40. Oh, sorry.

as in 29th, the consensus ranking on his 40th. So we're all, we're all very high on Diggs, much more so than other people. I admit that 14 for Craig and I is probably rich. And frankly, if you like, break down the target shares of what the Texans are, I think there's a mathematical

argument that like Diggs being 14th is like probably impossible if you're not projecting a huge drop off for Nicco Collins or Takedale or Dalton Schultz. I would say two things. The spreadsheets don't know the Tinkdale like broke his leg and got shot in the last 10 months. And then also, which again, we take very seriously. We're not the Texans saying it's a minor wound.

We're saying it's major. But also, dude, Stefan Diggs in a contract year. Like, I don't care. Like, there's no chance that Stefan Dix just wiped the last two years off his deal. And it's not going to be demanding. Like, I just, I really don't think that Nico Collins will get more targets or a larger percentage of the offense. So you guys are sitting there on the clock and you have more confidence to take

a guy like Stefan Diggs over. Well, you have him, you guys have both have him ranked over some like, you guys, Garrett Wilson, you'd rather have him than DJ more, Mike Evans, Devante? Yes. All to all those, yes.

Really? Wilson, you could, Garrett Wilson's probably a mistake. I will probably be Garrett Wilson. I agree. Garrett Wilson is the only one I'm like, eh, all those are the guys you named. I'm like, yeah, I just think Stefan Diggs

is the exact same player he's been. Like, I just still think he's just as good. Because like, also, it's kind of like Cooper Cup where it's like, was he hurt or not and how hurt. Diggs was out gained by Khalil Shakir on the base down the stretch last year. The second they fired Ken Dorsey, the offensive coordinator,

the offense was different. They didn't throw, they didn't allocate targets in the same way than they did before that. And Stefan Diggs just got less volume and it wasn't as good. And everyone's like, oh,

it's because he fell off a cliff. I don't believe that at all. And I'm like, this man's now playing in a dome in Houston with C.J. Stroud and they're going to go win a fucking Super Bowl. And I want him on my team.

And we're, yeah, we're bearing the lead because Diggs was traded to the Texans for a second round pick a couple months ago. And you know what he is, ironically? He's the yellow jacket that Keon Coleman was talking about. And he's like, oh, I buy my jackets in the summer, half off.

I don't think I'm going to have to take Stefan Diggs in the second round. I think Diggs is the Mike Evans of last year. I can see that. You're going to get Mike Evans, not quite. Mike Evans went like 60th, 70th in drafts. I love that. That was kind of just because people were like sick of Mike Evans. And also because it was Baker, but really what we underrated was that Baker was

that Baker was going to just like do the fuck it, Mike down there somewhere. And it was like, oh, Mike Evans, Godwin been like 1A, 1B. And it's like, no, Godwin's going to go down. Mike Evans going to go up. And so like, that was a mistake. I think that after hearing the way C.J. Stroud has spoken about Stefan Diggs in this offense, dude, I just think Diggs was hurt down the stretch.

And that's really what it comes down to me. If Diggs is like falling off a cliff, he will probably be like the worst pick in the first three or four rounds is because if his gain dropped off. and maybe he's not as healthy because that's why maybe the bill's traded him but if the bills traded him because he's a diva and he's aging and they don't want to be holding the bag and they're resetting arrows and the Texans are like

yeah we want to motivated Diggs and he's motivated dude if you can get to fund Diggs in the fourth round and he's just a top four receiver like to me that's a league winner and that's what I and that's what I'm saying it's like he's a Ricky Bobby pick do you guys worry at all that the pendulum is going to swing back a little bit with C.J. Stroud in year two

and he's not going to be nearly as good because last year he was the QB8. I'm not saying he won't be nearly as good. I guess what I'm saying is teams will start to figure him out a little bit more. They'll have a little bit more preparation. This tends to happen after the, after year one, a lot of coaches kind of react and figure out what quarterbacks are good at and then have a better game plan for it. Sometimes you see quarterbacks have a sophomore slump. The hype around the Texans is going to reach a fever pitch during the summer. And there's a chance all these guys are going to get overdrafted. I love CJ Stroud. Don't give me wrong. Like again, he was my number

one quarterback last year. I love to see how great he was, but I do worry a little bit that there's a chance we're getting a little too excited, getting a little ahead of ourselves on the Texans. Well,

we also have Nico Collins 31st here. I think what we're saying is those can't both be right. Like, like Nico and Tankdale. We have to move Nico, Tank Dell digs. Someone's got to go way down. And I think that I'm kind of talking

about the world where it's, digs goes up, but like maybe someone gets Chris Godwin here. Not that there's any stylistic comparison between Niccoe Collins to Godwin a completely different place. but where Craig every week was like, I hate Chris Godwin. Yeah, I do.

It's a really nice person. Again, nice person. Maybe that's the problem with Keon Coleman. Like, too nice, Chris Godwin. This was also a team that was frustratingly run heavy. And I think they're going to continue to be that way. They just traded for Joe Mixin. But to your point, I don't think Stroud will be as good for fantasy.

I think in real life, in NFL, no. I don't. I'm not worried about Stroud in real life at all. No. I think Stroud's like better than Joe Burrow, like, already. I swear to God, I'd rather. I'd rather have Stroud than Burrow. I think that's not even like too much of a hot take.

Yeah, I guess it's not at all. Yeah. I just believe, but you're right that Stroud can be a great quarterback, but actually not necessarily be floating all this. That'd be so efficient, essentially. Well, you know, he only threw 23 touchdowns last year. It's not like he put up 38. Like, 23 is actually kind of a low number.

That's true. That's true. I don't know. I'm just, I'm thinking through it. And I just feel like we're going to really get hyped up on the Texans. And there's a chance that you're going to do it. But I also think about the Lions last year,

they were hyped or like, we don't know. And then they were exactly as incredible part of me. He's like, sure, sure. What if we're under, with the Texans are actually just the top three offense. I kind of wonder if they will be. Anyway, yellow jacket in the summer, baby.

The other one, Craig and I both have Devon A Chan for the running back for the dolphins. 21st, D.K. You have him 40th. That surprised me, actually. Dek, can you even feel the vibrations? I think this is honestly me just trying to tamp down my bias for Devan Achan. He was like my favorite.

player in the NFL last year. And so I was like, okay, let's not get carry away. This is essentially exactly, exactly what I'm doing with the 39 picks. Exactly what I'm doing with CJ Stroud, where I love CJ Stroud. He's awesome. Everything he did as a rookie was just unbelievable. And I'm a little bit afraid they're going to fall back to Earth next year. Devon A. Chan, I was looking out some of his numbers.

Last year, he was the RB4 in points per game. So, of course, that includes only the games he played. 16.1, half a few bar points per game. He only played in 11 games, but really he played in nine games because he had five snaps in week two. They didn't even barely use him at the beginning of the year. And then he had three snaps week 11 after he tried to come back from the injury too early and got hurt again. So if you take away those two games, his real average was 19.4 points per game. Which again, that's like top two running back in the NFL or whatever, like over a full season.

But that did include his 51 point game where he had like 200 something yards and four touchdowns. It should include that. He did it. I don't know why we always do that. I know, I know. But I'm just saying like that's not going to happen every week. Because you didn't play him that week. That's why. But that's fine in the moment. But looking back on it, he still had, that was a great game he played. Like, even if he was on no one's team, that to me is now evidence of what he can do in the future.

Right. And Craig, actually, you're making my point for me. Even if you take away that 50-point game, he still would be the RB4 in points per game. Can I ask you a stupid question? I just ask you a stupid question. It's probably the smartest question I'll ask all episode. Okay. Okay.

What's the highest someone could take Devane A. Chan? And you'd be like, oh, shit. That might have been a great pick. It's a good question. Not first. Dude, did you see what Rahim Boster did last year? I feel like it's first round is totally fine. That's kind of one thing.

Like if someone took Devani Chan second and you're like, man, that's a reach. But then Devonite Chen just has the job and is the starting running back for the Dolphins gets 16 touches a game averaging. Like, would you be surprised if he's like, oh, yeah, he's set to shatter the record for yards per carry in his season again, but has like twice the volume or whatever. twice, but. Jamir Gibbs is a first round player, I think a top 10 player, according to most people, or at least one-two turn.

And the big difference between those two players is Gibbs stayed healthy last year and A-Chance got hurt. Because the point I'm trying to make is I think I'm prone to hyperbole, but I think this is definitely true. I think Devon A-Chance is probably the most boom-bust player in the history of fantasy football. Maybe Josh Gordon, maybe, because like Josh Gordon had like however many yards, but then also might never play again. but like is there ever a player that you look at and you're like how many 200 yards games did he have like like you look at

Devon A Chan had a month that a lot of people would consider a really good year yeah and it's why I have so I have Rehmo heard in Devon Achan like right next to care. 800 yards and 100 carries is hilarious yeah all of his stats I said this last year his stats look like wide receiver stats yeah it looks like a slot receiver but they're rushing it's like the third quarter and it's like eight for 11 and you're like wait That's running? That's running the ball. But I have Rahimususern and Devon Aegean right next each other, 20 and 21. But I don't think, I basically think like one of them is going to be top seven and the other one's going to be top 30.

I don't know which I'm probably going to end up picking Devon A. Jam. Look, I will keep beating the drum that Rahim Moster is one year older every year, even if he's, I guess, the modern Derek Henry now. He's 32 years old. Like, I'm just... He is the oldest running back in the NFL. Rahimosa is literally the oldest running back.

There's just, I'm sorry. I don't care what happened last year. There's no way you convince me that. I should be taking where he most it over Devon H.N. And it's weird because Moser on one hand, it's like unfair to call him. And he's literally the oldest running back. He doesn't have like the tread on his tires. No, young knees.

Get to, yeah, he didn't get to like all the carers. He still has the tread on his tires. That's the thing, though. He's had all the injuries of a veteran, even if he hasn't had the carries. But then I look at most, you're so right. Because I think the reality is when Mosterd or H.N. doesn't play. And they just drafted Jailen right at Tennessee. He was also like a Ricky Bobby guy.

But I feel like he's wrong and might not play immediately. Yeah. But I look at it on a weekly basis. if A. Chan or Mosterts out, they're both like top two running. Like it's McAfree, they're both top five every week. Like, like, like honestly, if you had to pick for whatever reason, if you'd have picked between A. Chan without Mosterd in the game, and like Jonathan Taylor, you're fucking playing Devon A.

Right. Like you literally cannot bench him for anyone except Christian McCaffrey in a given week if Moster's out. So it's almost like on a weekly basis, if one of them's playing or one of them's out, they're top two players. Stop trying to make me get excited about him. They're like a sexy waiver wire ad,

but you have to draft them in like the second round. I don't know. Should you just double tap them at the turn? Like if you have the 20 and 21st picks, do you just take both? Yeah, I mean, this is terrible advice, by the way. You should definitely not do that.

But yeah, it's the worst advice ever. Something's going to go wrong with one of them most likely. And I, if you use my, my Occam's razor, whatever we're going to call it, like my,

I don't want variables theory. I probably use, I don't want any, I don't want, of these guys. And I don't know which one's going to play well. And to be clear, so the general consensus, HN's like 38th.

Craig and I have him 21st. Because I'm just, honestly, I think 21st who is going to go. Because someone's going to be scrolling down and be like, fuck it. Tired of lose it. You don't want a piece of the Dolphins run game, Craig?

Are you insane? The Dolphins running backs to the most yards in the league last year. I mean, the running backs after, like, I have him as my 11th running back. It's like, you're telling me that someone's going to look at Aaron Jones

on the Vikings and Devon Achan. pick Aaron Jones or Alvin Camara, Isaiah Pacheco, Austin Eccler, there's no shot. I'm sorry, there's no shot. Also, we need to start doing more of the rule of your friend who doesn't really pay attention to the stuff that much. And they're in the fourth round and they have like the 37th pick and like, oh, hey, yeah, didn't they have like 200 yards last year? And you're like, yeah, but that was his only good game and he got hurt a bunch and

and he mostly actually scored all the time you, before you even finish all that, the guy drafted Devon H-H-Man. This is the same. This is the bell curve thing with the Xavier where, like, This is the Velker with the dumb guy and then the smart nerd and then the master Yoda. And it's like the dumb guy being like, you're 200 yards. I'll take him. And everyone's like, oh, it's a small sample and he isn't necessarily a high volume player.

Blah, blah, blah, that's unsustainable. And then the guy's like, he's the best running back. The fucking awesome guy in the Dolphins run game. The guy who had four touchdowns, that one, take him. Also, shout out to whoever made me the meme. Someone actually just put it together. I mean, I probably should have done it, but someone sent me the meme, the Xavier Worthy.

I'll put this up. We'll put this up on Spotify, actually. If you go to the Spotify app, we'll put this on the podcast right now. I replace the logo. But someone sent me the meme, and it was like, dumb guy being like,

oh, I'll take Xavier Worthy. He's the fastest guy in the league with Patrick Mahomes. And then the nerds being like, Xavier Worthy, gadget player. And then the Yoda master guy at the end is just like,

yeah, it's Xavier Worth. The fastest play in the league, Patrick Holmes. I feel like so many decisions can just come down to that meme. Yeah. Alcombs Razor.

Occam's Razor. Occam's Razor. Were you even there? The episode, we just started explaining everything with Occam's Razor. I was not. I don't know where I was.

I missed that. Oh, damn. Solek started just, like, justifying every single thing we discussed with Occam's Razor. I'm not going to lie. Well, I said

Occam's Razor about something, and then he said, and then Solac said Alcum's Razor about another thing. And I was like, well, if both things are Occam's Razor, I don't think anything's Ackm's Razor.

Yeah, you guys used it as both sides of one argument. I don't think that's how it works. HN was no way he's a good back. I mean, Occam's Razor, right? And then we got everyone confused about what Occam's Razor actually is. Now no one knows. Scholars maintain.

Scholars maintain. It's an old wooden ship. It was named after O'KOM. No, I don't know. We're going to be debuting a new segment here. It's called up, tell me about the war grandpa. D.K., each week, you're going to talk to us about something, you know. Oh, we're doing it every week.

You're old. I don't know, maybe. I love it. We'll see. We'll see. Yeah. So we actually have to start with an email that is going to start us off here,

which is an email from Sean. Sean and others called this Craig's High Fitz moment on the last episode we did. That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. Where Craig said, and I quote, well, you said I didn't know SUV stood for support utility vehicle. And you said, I don't, this is a quote,

I don't think of a Chevy Tahoe. That's an SUV, right? a Chevy Tahoe, that's not a sports utility vehicle. I said that's what you drive kids of soccer practice in. To which a dozen people said driving kids of soccer practice, kind of a utility for sports, right? Okay. All right, literal doctor.

Got him. You're right. Got him. Look, here's my rebuttal to that. When somebody says sports car, what do you think of? Tahoe. Tahoe. Ferrari.

Tahoe. You think of a Corvette. So when I hear sports utility vehicle, sports car is still in my head. I'm still going towards Lamborghini Corvette. I'm not thinking of like a utility for your children playing Little League sports. Let's think. Lamborghinis have no utility for your life. Right.

It's just a sports vehicle. It's not a sports utility vehicle. So this led to a conversation earlier today where I stopped DeK. I was like, we're going to do this in the show. Where D.K. was talking about how SUVs are kind of new. And D.K., you said, back in my day, everyone had. minivans. Back in the day, back when I was growing up, there were minivans. What happened to the minivan? The minivan sort of died. I feel like there still are minivans, but I rarely ever see them.

Everyone now has either an SUV or some sort of crossover vehicle that looks like a sedan with a back or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. To put all the soccer balls in and whatnot. Yeah. A sedan with a booty. But man, back in my day, people were driving the just the crappiest minivans known to man. Just tin can, no power. I remember, so I grew up driving, I learned how to drive on two cars. One was a awesome 1982 Toyota Land Cruiser that my dad had, so that was fucking badass.

Land Cruiser's the shit. But my second one was a Mazda MPV. Do you guys remember these? No chance. And this was like a Mazda MP. Dude, this was a futuristic cool SUV. Here's a little fact about people in high-vit-in-my-generation. We don't know.

know the makes of any car. I don't know what any of those words mean. Really? No, we don't think about it. Like, if you're like, oh, I got the new Nissan 350X. I'm like, no one knows what that means. What's that Nissan?

Yeah. I have a Nissan. I own a Mazda right now. And if someone's like, what kind of Mazda, I don't know. I agree with Craig. There's a fascination with cars

that I don't know if it was fully trend, like, handed off to this generation of kids. I think that's funny. That's weird. You guys didn't have phones. You guys didn't have phones, honestly. I think that we just have cooler shit, to be honest.

And also no one leaves anymore. Cars to our parents were like a sense of, you know, like ownership. You cared about it. It was like something that you could do. Now it's like, dude, especially kids even younger than Hyphids and I. We don't care about anything. Cars are a means to get from a TV. Just use it up and fucking throw it out.

Yeah, it would be a new one. Yeah. Related to this is how people like our parents are like the MapQuest generation where they're like maybe you'll map. But like when you ask your parents for directions, they start telling you. where to go. And I'm like, I don't care that I'm getting on the 101 to the 4. Like, give me an address and I'm going to type it at Google Maps.

I don't fucking care about like, oh, when you get to 68, then get in the right lane. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Tell me where I'm going. And like, that's what Google's for. And I feel like no one knows, like, where they're going. Things are too easy these days, I tell you. You can just get porn in directions wherever you want. Set your fingertips at all times.

I was just talking about not that, but something similar to where my brother. brother. Right. I am obsessed with thinking about what life was like before the internet. Yes. I cannot. Step into my office, pal. I cannot get over it. Like, I don't, when I think about so, I'm about to go in a couple weeks, I'm going to Africa and I have to take a bunch of really long flights. You're going to have a serious withdrawals. Yeah, the longest of which is a 16 and a half hour flight. And however, I could download a bazillion movies, podcasts, music. television shows. I can play games on my phone.

Wow, listening to music. All these things. Dude, if it was 1975 and you flew from wherever, L.A. to Tokyo, what the fuck did you do on that plane for 12 hours? You're making six stops, first of all. And then you're probably spending the night in a couple different cities. How are you making six stops from L.A. to Tokyo? I'm just kidding.

I don't know. Back in the day, like, when you flew. No, no, no, listen, listen. The long haul flights back in the day, a lot of times you would literally do a layover. and it was an actual layover where you get out of the plane and you stay in that city until the next day.

I'm more just like on a 12-hour flight in 1975. What was everybody doing on the plane? Reading a book? Smoking cigarettes and harassing the stewardesses. Just raw dogging life. Just thinking. I just imagine walking down the aisle

and everyone's just staring forward blanking. Craig, I think in my lifetime, Craig, People are fucking standing around in the aisle smoking cigarettes with each other. This is probably why, like, I'm sure everybody just had like four whiskeys so that they could go to bed. You just drank yourself to sleep. And I feel like that's what you did. There was a smoking section and a non-smoking section in a plane.

Which is hilarious. Like, by the way, invisible barrier. Didn't all the smoke just go into the non-sum? That's insane. That's the most dated part of friends is when they, I mean, obviously, other than not having phone, it's like every restaurant. They're like, smoking or not smoking. But they just read it. No, the most dated part of friends. is that a bunch of 30-year-olds have an apartment

in the West Village. Do you know what's funny is? I actually, no, it's not. They actually, there is an explanation for it in the first episode. I just re-watched it. Their grandmother died and they got it from her and it's rent-controlled, which actually does make a lot of sense. Both of them?

What? Both of them? Well, no, the big one apartment. The other apartments aren't like crazy. Joey is a struggling actor. He's basically unemployed and him and Chandler just have that apartment across the hallway. But that's a take to me because Joey having a struggle to pay his rent in the small apartment actually is more realistic. Ross and them having a crazy deal on the massive apartment because it's rent controlled and they had it for like 90 years.

I think that's actually a real explanation. You're right that Joey could never afford to live in that other. Dude, no fucking shot. He'd be like living on 183rd Street. Yeah, that's true. That's a good take. But also, but there were no phones. So maybe no one could find the apartment.

I don't know. How would they find out that he wasn't paying rent? I love this, Craig. This is great. I was fortunate enough to be the one generation in the world, history, that had, that lived most,

like most of my childhood and most of my, like, high school life without the internet. I mean, for all intents and purposes, we had the internet, but it was like not used the way that it is used now. And then once I got into college,

the internet became like really massive, huge deal. Cell phones became a huge deal. I did not have a cell phone in high school, Craig. So what was, what did you do? Like, how did you,

I think about all the time is concerts. I think about going to places with your friends. Concerts where like having to like point out, hey, we'll meet at this giant radio tower if we get separated. But the idea of going to a concert. Yeah, you literally had to plan ahead. I know. But like, it's so funny.

Like, what did you do if you were running late? Or like, how did you meet up with people? Or like, also, I think about the concert too, because like people are on drugs or drinking. And then like, if your friend doesn't show up to the radio tower, do you just fucking leave? what if you drove together? Like, what the fuck did you do?

The amount of people at restaurants sitting alone in the 70s and 80s waiting for somebody and they had no idea where they were. Like the amount of waiters who had to be like, you waiting for somebody and they're like, yep, it's been 30 minutes. Can't bail now because if they show up the second I leave, they're not going to know where I went. And how are we going to, we're not going to be able to communicate until we both get home and call each other on our landline?

It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Have you guys? This just occurred to me. Have you ever called someone's house and had to ask? ask for someone? Like, is that happening? Oh, yeah, that was when I was a kid.

But we had the joke that you're, DK, wait, someone emailed us to forget who, but we were talking about this during the season that this generation, someone your age was saying, this generation will never know having to call a girl's house to ask to speak to her, but the dad answers the phone. I've never had to do that. Greatest generation.

That I never did. We had phones. We were too young for that. Puberty. Yeah. I got to tell you. It's not fun. How old are you when you got your first cell phone?

I had a razor in eighth grade. And I think the sound is like burned into my cerebellum is the coolest sound of the world. This is the sound of the razor. I think I got a phone in sixth grade. I think I got a cell phone. Oh, big, big guy over here. Because my brother got it in the eighth grade

or the freshman year and then he was upset that I got it earlier than him. Yeah, yeah, they were all fucking, yeah. Yeah, no, they were all boomery about it. They were like, oh, I didn't get it too late. Like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, shut up. I'm too busy playing Cube Runner.

Shut up. It's just wild to me that your guys' generation and people who are younger, just don't have to make plans. You don't have any logistical problems that we had growing up. You know what I mean? I went to Europe by myself

without a cell phone. I don't understand that. I was backpacking around for four months by myself with no cell phone. I don't even know. Like literally, the way I got around, I had a book that was like a tour book.

It is better. That's better. It is better. That's a better experience. We're going to have a very large movement. I guess it's already happening where everyone's like, I don't like this second brain that I have to care. There are going to be like my one brain.

Cults, these like new cults that are like these villages made in the mountains where like all these 36 year olds are going to be like, we're done. We're all just going to go build a village in the mountains and just grow our own food and not have technology. You're going to have culture leading. You're going to have the extremes of culture leading away into phones as like the people getting the chips in their brain from Elon Musk and you're going to have people being like

we're off the grid. Like we can... I mean, this is already happening for sure. It's true. The Neurrelink bros. Also, anyway, I'm still looking at this Mazda MPV. What the fuck is this thing? Dude, what a beast. The cars in the 90s, the 80s and 90s were really something. The MPV was, I just very distinctly remember

it had no power whatsoever. It's just like, like, reed. Like it would like, you'd like redline it trying to get on the freeway. And it could barely get up to speak. Wait, what does Redline mean? Redline is where the RPMs are going so hard. It's like in the red or whatever.

It's like, but you don't, never mind. It might be the world's ugliest car. No, we talked about this before. The PT Cruiser. The Chevy Astrovan, I think is in the World's ugly car. But I think the PT cruiser is horror. Also, the cyber truck is disgusting. Cybertruck is so ugly.

That's true. That's true. But they like did that on purpose, though. It's just set a picture of the MPV. Yeah, that was my car. Well, my parents' car. This is what you drove on? You learned to drive on the MPV.

That's why my parents drove growing up. I see why they got SUVs, though. I mean, it's so practical. But the MPV was like the missing link, I think, between minivans and SUVs. That could be completely wrong, but it looks kind of like an SUV. Let's do a couple more emails. Yeah. Speaking to tell us about the war grandpa, Jake from Fort Worth.

Jake. Jake. Please note the location Fort Worth, which is functionally like Dallas, Texas. Oh, you just pissing people off. My grandpa, I mean, is it not? I don't know. I have no idea. I don't know.

I've no idea. I'll fucking look it up. I'm assuming people are going to be bad about that. Kai is a resident Texan. Kai, can you say that? Yeah, Kai, get in here, Kai. Get in here. Is that okay?

Kai, get in here, Kai. Kai fell asleep. What's he doing back there? I never know what he's doing back there. Kai, where's Kai? I just saw him. Get back here. Listen, man, it takes a second for Riverside to let me join in, right?

No excuses. I'm here. I'm trying. I like your Riverside gives you a little flash of the person and then turns it off again and then goes back to him. Kai, you're from Fort Worth, right? I'm from Arlington, Texas, actually. So I'm a little bit... I was the one offended while you were talking hyphids. No, Fort Worth and Dallas are incredibly different.

I think you'll get a lot of people. Oh. How far away? You're going to get lamb-based. How far away they? They're probably like an hour-ish, but with traffic further. So it's like Fort Worth's on one side, Dallas is on the other side. Arlington is in the middle.

And they're two very different. How would I tell the fucking story that I was trying to say and then decide if it was not. How about the email is? No, you stay, you said this guy. Hyphitz, you specified. You were like, take note of the location. He is in Fort Worth, which is basically Dallas. Yeah, let me tell the story and then you'll see why it matters.

Couldn't be more different. Kai, stay here. Don't go anywhere. Jake, Kai, stay here. Jake says, my grandpa told him. told me that he was in art school the day that JFK was assassinated in Dallas. Oh, I get it. It was on

radio and the professor said with the most plain and unaffected voice, just keep on drawing. He hit him with the K. He hit him with the K, which I was trying to say, because the president was shot really near to where they were. And the guys, like, just keep on drawing. Does anyone look into this art teacher?

Maybe he has a connection. Still really near, I don't know. Like, for example, Dallas is where, like, the Mavs play. And then Arlington is where the Cowboys play. And Fort Worth, like, none of the teams are even close. So, like, you live, if you're in Fort Worth, you have to kind of take a hike to go to a game. To show you how far away they are, Hyfitz, this art teacher was so unbothered by the fact that

JFK was killed so far away that he was like, don't worry about it. We're good. Texas is big. I'll just go fuck myself. In defense of Hyfitz, I will say, a lot of people who aren't as prideful as I am than I'm from Arlington, Texas. We'll say that they're from DFW. Oh, so it's called the Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport.

Right. That's fair. It's probably because it's in between the two cities. Okay. Then Fort Worth. The Seattle airport is called CETAC Airport, and it's because it's between Seattle and Tacoma, which are two completely different cities.

So sometimes it's a metropolitan area, you know. And if JFK had been shot in Seattle and I was like Tacoma, for the purpose of the story, basically Seattle. No, that's very different. Fine, it's near Texas. Fine, it's near Dallas. Jesus.

It's a very different city. They're both cities in Texas. That part's true, for sure. D.K., where were you when JFK got assassinated? What year was it? 1962? 62? Oh, man.

I didn't realize it was that early. It was in November, wasn't it? November 22nd. So I actually have a fun JFK store if you guys. Do you? Okay. indulge me. A fun one. I would love to hear it. It us.

Yeah. So when I was in like first grade, I think, first second grade, I'm not sure. He's like, yeah, my dad killed JFK. They took us to the JFK museum, like my school. And so he went, and I don't remember much about it. I was like, oh, this is cool, whatever. This is like in the book depository? Sure. I don't know. What is that?

I don't think you learned anything at the museum, but keep going. Probably not. You'll learn why I didn't in a second. So I'm like, oh, this is cool, whatever. I don't remember at the beginning of the day. I just remember I threw up all over another kid. Just like all over. God.

Just I don't know what happened. I don't know what, like, induced that. You had your first turkey sandwich with mayo and you were like, nope. Yeah, I had cheese and I was just like, this is horrendous. Please get this out of my system. Yeah, let me forget. Just like, I don't know why I threw up on him either. I remember like vividly looking at like an exhibit and then turning to throw up on this kid.

God. And the best part is this kid's dad was our teacher and like the, person there with us. And so he had to take me and like, and him and he said, are you okay? And I'm like, I just threw up on your son. It was a whole thing. Yeah, that's traumatic. He's like, just keep drawing, son. Draw your picture.

Anyway, Arlington, Dallas, Fort Worth is very different. If I didn't say that, I'd be crucified. Kai doesn't get nauseous now when he, without thinking of JFK. Also, Kai, why are you here? You're perfect because the other email we got just, we asked for poorly named Foods. Oh, yeah. Ryan. Ryan.

Brian. Brian. The worst-dain food is sour cream and I won't hear any of their arguments. Oh, yeah, that's good. Phenomenal take. Although I don't really think about it that's pretty good. But yeah. Sour cream, it is a horrible pitch.

I think guacamole is pretty bad. No. I don't like that. You don't like how it rolls off to talk. Like guacamole. Gwokomole. Gwok. Gwok is not great.

Yeah. Gwok. You know what else is kind of bad? Cheesecake. Yeah. Depends how you feel that cheese and cake. I, I adore. a cheesecake, but the name on its own

cheesecake is disgusting. Hard agree. Sour cream is... I know, but sour cream is literally a sign that you should throw out the cream. I don't think I'll look at sour cream again the same. I agree. That's a terrible name. Sour cream is worse, but I'm just saying cheesecake's like up there. Mayanase? It's pretty bad. Kai's just naming things he doesn't like.

He's like lemonade, bad name. Sweet tea. It's too bitter. Turkey. Sweet tea is too bitter. Mac and cheese, gross name. Oh, my God. All right. Thank you, DK.

Thank you, Craig. Thank you, everyone for listening. Emails at Rangafancy Football at Gmail.com. If you want to tell us about any of the dumb things we talked about. Talk about stuff that happened before the internet. What did people do on planes, man? What did they do?

They just sat there. The difference between Fort Worth and Dallas. Throw that in there. If you can't fathom life before the internet, email those questions you have. And if you can explain emails, we do like a little exchange program. If you had any of you ever threw up on someone or got thrown up, we want to know that too.

Thank you, Lauren. Lauren. Thank you, the presidents of the United States of America. Oh, by the way, baby Ruth is named after Grover Cleveland's daughter, not Babe Ruth. Okay. Speaking of which. Okay. Is this because of food names?

No, I was talking about baby Ruth's in the last episode. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not baby Ruth. I said, named after Babe Ruth. It's not. It's Grover, Cleveland's daughter. I feel like that's so they don't have to pay the estate of Babe Ruth. Oh, so wait, who are the presidency, United States America?

Is that a band? Yeah, yeah. They were big. They got very big for a little while there. Remember the song Peaches? Millions of Peaches. They're Seattle. Yeah, I think so.

Have we ever talked about why the two opposite corners of America created all the bands? Like, it's all just like Jacksonville and like Seattle. What's with that? The weather. No, really, though. I don't know. It's a good question. I think part of it is like, and this is common, I'm sure, like in, you know, many towns across the U.S.,

but there's a very strong music culture in Seattle, which spawns more bands and spawns more music and spawns more hits. It's like, you know, Nashville or I'm sure there's a lot of places. Fort Worth. Arlington? Yeah, I'm thinking about going to Fort Worth later this month to check out the music scene. I have a feeling people are going to email email in about that and just be upset. I know that I'm the butt of the joke today,

but also I do think it was funny when Kai was like, oh, is that the JFK Museum? And I was like, oh, is that in the book depository? And he's like, what's that? Didn't learn. Didn't learn much. I was too busy throwing up on children. All right.

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