The Ringer NFL Show - Why Josh Allen Needs to Beat Mahomes and Lamar Jackson Needs to Beat the Texans

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

The guys are here to preview the divisional round of the NFL playoffs! Post-credits QBs, the Mahomes-Allen rivalry, Taylor Swift memes, Kyle Shanahan’s tortured soul, Jared Goff’s potential pumpkin game, and much more (2:13). Email us! [e-mail] The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please check out theringer.com/RG to find out more or listen to the end of the episode for additional details. Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck Social: Kiera Givens and Jack Sanders Producer: Kai Grady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did Don Draper really buy the world of Coke? Did Tony Soprano really die? Or just order more onion rings? The finales of our favorite shows can make us argue, make us cry, and make us crazy. From Spotify and the Ringer, I'm Andy Greenwald, and this is Stick the Landing, a new podcast where we'll be telling the story of modern TV backwards, one fade out at a time. Find Stick the Landing on Wednesdays on the prestige TV feed, on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Fantasy Football Show, my name is Danny High Fitzs. I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Brollabek,

and we are previewing the divisional round of the NFL playoffs. The best friend of the NFL playoffs. I know. Best week? It is the best week, right? It's my favorite one. Where does the Super Bowl sit? I think it's up there.

I would say second. Second. No, conference championships are better than the Super Bowl, right? Yeah, I think it's third. I think it is third. So it's all downhill from here. I don't feel that way about any other sport. Like in basketball and baseball, I'm like I like the World Series in the NBA finals.

But in football, it's like, oh, conference championship. It's because the elimination is, it's why March Madness. No one's like my favorite round of March Madness is the championship game. It's like, it's all the elimination with it. It's honestly like round one is the best day of March Madness. It's just chaos. My birthday is mid-March. And just having a March Madness birthday is incredible because you just-

It's so sick. You're like, oh, a 15 seed is beating a two-seat by 10 with eight minutes left. And you're just like, this is the best thing. And you're just like switching between games. It's amazing. It's like red zone on crack. Single elimination, baby. All right.

So we're previewing the divisional round. We also are going to recap, but we're recapping, previewing each round of the playoffs, and then also NFL draft show every Wednesday. So we'll be changing our name to the NFL draft show, the name of the show at some point in the future. We should figure that out.

Draft season. NFL draft show. So just hit subscribe or follow or whatever and follow us so that you don't get confused. And we don't get confused. Just hit the follow button. And then, yeah, we'll figure out when we change your name. So for this weekend,

There's four games this weekend. We got C.J. Stroud and the Houston Texans are at Baltimore and Lamar Jackson and the Ravens. We got Jordan Love and the Packers are in San Francisco. Baker Mayfield and the Bucks are in Detroit. And then Sunday night, it's 630 Eastern. Is that night? Sunday night means like eight. You know what I think they're doing is I feel like they're priming you for Super Bowl time.

So they're moving it towards three. 100%. They like ease you. So Sunday, whatever, evening. Patrick Holmes and the Chiefs versus Buffalo, Josh Allen and the Bills. and we're going to go through the games basically in the order that we care about them.

I feel like the overall weekend I was thinking about it. I feel like the simplest way I explained this playoff round and I floated this by DK, but Craig, I haven't told you this yet, but I think that the way I look at these games is two of these games have post-credits quarterbacks. Like, you know when you go to a Marvel movie in a theater

and then like the movie ends and the credits roll and you stand up and you're like, wait, you can't leave. Like there's another scene after the credits. Yeah. That's kind of how... You wait with faded breath. There's another expression that you'll need here.

Bated breath. Bated breath, that is another one. But it's like Lamar Jackson to me is a post-credits quarterback because the defense calls the right play and they beat him. And they're like, all right. And like, play is not over. Like you have to tackle Lamar Jackson now. Like the bills, you run the right play and you're like, oh.

And you're like, there's another post-credit scene coming because these guys are superheroes like Lamar, Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen. And to some degree, Stroud for Houston, it's kind of been like a superhero as quarterback this week. week. Those guys are playing each other. And then the other guys, Jared Gough, Baker Mayfield. Those are like a tight 90-minute movie where it's like, when Harry Messal, a great movie. Yeah. Maybe not going to win Oscars, but like everybody likes it. Doesn't do, doesn't do more than it needs to do. And you don't necessarily need to start. You need some good writing to make it happen. And like that's

good credits roll, and you're supporting cast, if you will. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. So we'll see if Purdy love is like the origin story. I don't know. They could go either way. But I don't know. I feel like that really is the to me. It's like teams that have great supporting cast, but in, you know, a tight movie and then these kind of teams built around these superhero guys. Yeah, I mean, Josh Allen versus Mahomes, that is a nice way to put it. It is two superheroes. Not that they don't have good supporting cast, but it's nothing like a team like the Niners who are just like brimming with like supporting cast talent. So that it's probably a right way to frame it. It's like two heliocentric players where everything goes through them facing off against one another. So we can just start with that

game. I mean, we're going to rate cheese pills. It's the last game of the weekend. It's the place we have to start. So, again, it's at 6.30 Eastern as they, you know, prep us for the Super Bowl timing. The bills are favored by three because this is, as everyone said, Patrick Mahomes' first road playoff game because the Chiefs have just won their division eight years in a row. He's always had home field. He's never had a road playoff game, Patrick Mahomes, except for at the Super Bowl when they're at a neutral location. He's never been on the run in the playoffs.

They're always at home field advantage. It's crazy. I don't know why I never, like, I've never thought about that, but that is a wild statistic. he hadn't lost to a divisional opponent on the road till like this year. Like he was undefeated. Like I'm talking, what is that? That's like 16 and 0 on the road

against his divisional opponents. And is this the only game he has not been favored in? Probably the Patriots game, but that's probably it, yeah, the Patriots game a few years ago. But I think that speaking to the Patriots, I think that this Bill's Chiefs game, we get to this one specifically,

but this rivalry, I feel like this is the best rivalry in the NFL now. I'm curious of you guys feel that way, but, you know, we don't have to go to like Manning Brady or something, but like, I mean, they've played seven times in the last four seasons. And so I'm like, this is like the definitive rivalry.

I feel like if you were going to build the best playoffs you could have, you can't do without Bill's Chiefs. And yet the Chiefs are two and oh against the bills in the playoffs. So like the bills kind of need to win to keep this a rivalry. Right, because that otherwise it turns into like a, it's like a one-sided rivalry. Like one side hates the other side and the other. And then like the Chiefs will just be like, wait, yeah, you guys are. It becomes like the like madman, like I never think about you at all.

Yeah. The Chiefs are just like, you were just like a speed bump. on the way to my destination. Oh yeah, we beat him again. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a little Cal Nott and Ricky Bobby where it's like, it'd be awesome if you could kind of let me win one. And the chiefs are like, yeah, but then how would I win?

And the bills are like, right, totally, totally. Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. But it is weird. I mean, the chiefs are three-point dogs, and we were talking about, I love looking at, like, the pressure in each game. Like, who has the most at stake? How much of a calamity would it be if a team lost? And so we were joking about the Richter skill.

right, which is like the scale of, to measure like an earthquakes, energy and power. And we translated that to the Sphinctor scale for football. I just wanted to use the same exact Richter scale. So it'll be like the one to ten scale. Although we can talk about this at the end. The Richter scale is not as like apples to apples as you kind of think it is. It's a little bit more like it's not one to ten. Like it can technically just go to whatever.

every increase of one on the Richter scale corresponds to an increase in amplitude of 10. So it's exponential? Yes. So like a two earthquake is 10 times bigger than a one on the Richter scale. So we're not really going to do that. And with this, I'm just going to go kind of one through three. I think we can.

I think we can. With that said, the sphincter if you're at a 9.0 on the sphincter scale, that is it's like turning into it's like a black hole literally and figuratively. That's the 2011. They, they give you a reference, a 9.0

on the Richter scale is 32 gigatons of seismic energy, which is the equivalent to TNT. So, be, 32 gigatons of TNT, which was the 2011 Japan earthquake and tsunami. So what that said? I like that we simplify this. Hard to comprehend, but yes. Hard to comprehend.

I think the bills have the most pressure of any team this week. I would give him like a 7.5 on the sphincter scale because their favorites against the bills in the playoffs, or against the chiefs in the playoffs. you know, probably the first time. And it's not like this loss would be catastrophic

because of the matchup and that there's so much better than the Chiefs or anything like that. But this will officially, like we said, like this will end the argument. Like it'll be over. There's no, there's no Mahomes versus Allen anymore after this game. And it'll be like if not now, then when? Like if we can't do it now,

when the Chiefs are having a down year, we are at home, when are we going to be able to do this? So especially now that they're three-point favorites, if they can't do this now, and the Chiefs are in such a good, spot, honestly, because they're like a blue blood in college basketball who had like a mediocre year, but they show up to the tournament. And it's like, oh, Michigan State's a seven seed, but like, they got Tom Izzo. Like, you can't count them out. Like, that's how the Chiefs really are with Patrick

Mahomes right now. They're so lucky because they don't have the traditional target on their back that, like, a reigning champ usually does. Like, I feel like people are not thinking of the Chiefs in that way this year. It's like, I feel like the Niners are the team with the target on their back. And so the Chiefs are in this weird, like we just won. We're still the Chiefs. We had a weird year. And now we're kind of in like, there's no pressure on us mode. And I think the bills are the opposite. Nobody expects them to win. No.

This is, it's funny because of the history with the bills too, like going back to, you know, losing four straight Super Bowls and all that. Like there's a, I feel like the pressure is already building too specifically because this is the team that did that. You know what I mean? And what do you guys think of like the Sean McDermott element here? Like, if they lose this game, is McDermott on the hot seat? Is he getting fired?

Like, what does that mean? They are undefeated since the story came out about the non- 9-11 hijackers being a motivational story. In a roundabout way, that speech really worked. That speech was years ago, but it was when it came out. He acknowledged it happened to the outside world. The speech was a sleeper cell. I think that to Craig's point, I totally agree that the bills are Gonzaga.

Like, they really are where it's like losing four champions super bowls in a row is big Gonzaga energy. Wherever you go in, you're the alleged contender. and then actually people like Bill Simmons are like, I never took you serious the whole time and I'm rewarded for it. Like people just get to sit there and take pot shots. You were never serious. And like if they lose this game, it just feeds into that.

I don't know whether Merck-Dermot or come back. I kind of think when you beat, when you ran that, what, they went six and O down the stretch against six-eimson-row. For the best teams in the league. Can you fire a coach if you make the divisional round? I don't know. Maybe there should be a rule. The Titans fired Mike Munshack after making the divisional round.

They hired Mike Frable. So like, yeah, there's no rules. You can do whatever you want. But like. I mean, to that point, though, Craig, it's like you were just saying, how are they going to get over the hump if not making big changes? Like you were talking about, this is like their best opportunity to get over the, you know, get over the chief's situation,

the hump with the chiefs that they've had over the last couple of, they've faced them in 2022 and 2021 and lost. Twice in the playoffs. Yeah. This is like the most vulnerable the chiefs have been during the era, during this era, and probably will ever be, let's be honest. Like, this is probably the most dysfunctional the chiefs are going to be for a while. So, and it's like obviously everything's relative, but I don't know.

I feel like after he's pulled so many levers, McDermott has this year, and he fired his offense, his defensive coordinator, fired his offensive coordinator. It's like, what else do you do to like create change? That's actually an idea right there. There you go. So lose that guy's fault. Maybe we just do that instead. So who knows? But I don't know. I'm interested in that, that point of view, too. Well, part of the dysfunction and to the point about losing cloud with the coordinator is, of the story that came out with Tyler Dunnett go along. Part of the reported story was that Sean McDermott being out of touch, but also kind of

blamey. And one of the things that came out was when the bills lost the 13 second game against the Chiefs, Sean McDermott kind of blamed the offense. That put up like 36 points instead of the defense that allowed like, I was looking back at that game. The Chiefs and Bill scored 31 points after the two minute warning of the fourth quarter. That's absolutely insane. Has that ever happened in a game before, I bet?

No chance. No chance. No way. The two minute warning happened. Game Davis caught a touchdown. And then Tyree Kill caught a touchdown. The game Davis caught another touchdown. The Chiefs had 13 seconds left, went 44 yards in 10 seconds,

kicked the field goal to tie it, go to overtime, win the coin toss, scored a touchdown, end the game. So the bill scored 14 points after the two minute warning, never got the ball again and lost. Wow. I mean, they literally changed the rules of the playoffs because of it. Yeah, they changed the playoff rules. The butterfire effect from that game.

The overtime rules. changed. Now both teams get to touch the ball in overtime in the playoffs. Also, the butterfly flect of Gabe Davis having four touchdowns in that game. And then we just drafted him like idiots. We can't let it go. Yeah. But also, I feel like it also redefined the concept of how much time is too much time to leave a team. Like, I don't think anyone had ever thought like 13 seconds, too much time for moms. But I was also struck looking, I watched the end of that game again. It was amazing. And I was struck how the chiefs and bills are just not those teams at all.

Like these teams are so much the same, but. worse than they were a few years ago. Well, yeah, because you have like Diggs and Kelsey who are like these like aging superstars who have kind of been disappointing for the past few months. And really the secret best option on both teams is two rookies. It's Dalton Kincaid, the tight end for the bills. And it's Rishi Rice, the rookie receiver for Kansas City, who had a great wildcard round and looks legitimately good.

I actually think he's kind of being under discussed because of other rookie breakouts like Pooka Nukua. Rishi Rice is like very good and passes the eye test in every way and has gotten better every week of the season in my opinion and I think next year if they don't make a big change at wide receiver I think Rishie Rice is like going to be like a legitimate player in football and fantasy football. He almost went over a thousand yards and he was barely playing for like most of the

he's playing like half the snaps for most of the season. I'm going to pull up his total snaps here in a second but like they were really they eased him in over the first half of the season. He still almost went over a thousand yards. I think he had like 900. and something. He had 938 yards, seven touchdowns. He played 58% of the team snaps. I mean, he had 130 yards in a touchdown. He had eight catches 130 in a touchdown last week, and nobody talked about it. You know what's crazy? You're totally right, Craig, that the emergence

of Pook and Akua and Puka being overshadowed by Stroud and then Stroud overshadowing Puka and Puck overshedding Rice, you're totally right, especially because he was a late bloomer. And also, Kelsey's like the biggest story in the league, basically, with Taylor Swift. So it just, It's a perfect storm. But then also, Rishi Rice is the only player in this game, I trust, as a pass catcher. Because, like, the other weird thing that Chiefs Bills have in common is, you're right, that they have a rookie kind of stepping up in lieu of a struggling vet. And everyone else can't catch the ball.

Like, the Chiefs wide receivers led the league in drops of all wide receivers. And so on one hand, you're like, yeah, the Cadarius, Tony, Valdez, Scantling. I mean, I think I trust Justin Watson the most of these receivers after Rice and Kelsey. Dude, have you guys seen the comments? of Marquez Valdez Scantling dropping passes? It's nuts. It's like for all the different teams. I think he's played for two teams.

Val's failing upwards. Valde Scalding was a Hall of Fame. The great Bill Simmons rule of like when you sign a player and the other teams fans are like kind of happy, he's gone. You trip. That's never a good sign. And so, but then the problem is Kelsey is supposed to be the sure-handed guy. Kelsey had like four drops this week or last week.

It's the dolphins. And it was cold. Guess what? It's not going to be warm in Buffalo. It's going to snow like three feet this week. week. So that's a problem. But the, the bills have also been bad. I got the last, these teams played like a month ago. The, uh, Stefan Diggs, Gabe Davis. This was the great Cadarius Tony game, right? The great Cadarious Tony game, which by the way, if Cadarious Tony's not off sides, this game is at

Arrowhead. Yes. That is true. Where it would be negative 30 and no snow as opposed to zero degrees with no. Right. But in that game, Stefan Diggs, Khalil Shakir, and Gabe Davis, the bill's top three receivers, combined, top three receivers combined five catches, 36 yards. Where did they get their yards? Does Joshi running around?

It's like Washington, the commander's. I don't know. No, no one knows. No, James Cook had like 85 years. He evaporates into the, into the atmosphere. Yeah. I do think to your point, Craig, I think that the bills honestly have to win this game with their tight end. Like, I think that they have to go in like two tight-end sets and They have to have Dawson Knox, Dalton, Kincaid, and they need to beat the Chiefs lineback. The Chiefs cornerbacks are straight up better than the Bills receivers.

And they need to have the Kincaid, Dawson, Knox, and James Cook beat the Chiefs linebackers. Because Diggs, dude, I think Diggs has hurt because the first six weeks of the season, Stefan Diggs ranked third in the NFL in receiving yards. That was the first six weeks. The final 11 games of the season, Stefan Diggs went from third in receiving yards to 33rd. Something's going on there. Something weird. He didn't even lead the bills in receiving yards, the final 11 weeks of the year. It was Khalil Shakir.

Diggs had fewer yards than Khalil Shakir. Really? It's not a small sample either. It's 11 games. That's hard to wait. I'm shocked this line is three, to be honest. When I was listening to Bill and Sal, I always try to preemptively guess the line before they do. And I thought it was going to be like bills by one and a half or maybe even the Chiefs by one and a half.

And would either of you in this game pick the bills to win, are we all picking Kansas City? Because I think the majority of America is going to be picking Kansas City. I think it's close but yeah I'm picking Kansas City because I thought they actually the game plan was really good last week as the dolphins are weird

because they're banged up but so are the bills I don't know it's two and a half now by the way the spread dropped it's three now it's now it's two and a half yeah I'm picking the chiefs I look obviously

the bills are a really good team I will not be surprised if the bills win the game the bills literally beat them the last time they played but I just I I think to bring this all home Craig and including the weather

like I think it'll be the same thing where there's no, there's so much snow. No one can sit, but that the field's clean. But to your point, Craig, earlier about like, for the bill, the stakes are like, the sphincter scale.

The sphincter scale is the bills need to win to get their page of history, right? Like, you need to be the Celtics, the big three. Like, you know, you get, you actually win a championship. But I kind of think the bills,

I'm, I kind of actually think it, I'm a little afraid they're just going to be the Utah Jazz or footnote in Jordan's career. It's like all those East teams that never got past LeBron, the Pacers of the 2010s, like Roy Hibbert.

I'm like, The rockets of the 2010s with the Warriors just every year, barely missing. I'm a little afraid that is what the bills will be after this game. And if they win, cool, they're of really fun story. Concerning the Richter scale, sorry, the sphincter scale. Sphinctor scale, which I give them a 7.5, which on the sphincter scale is 178 megatons of seismic energy. Here's my question. Specifically as it pertains to Josh Allen.

Do you think Josh Allen is immune to the sphincter scale? I feel like he operates on instinct. He is the pure instinct. He is the one causing the megatons of seismic energy. It's his runs. I think of all players, he would be immune to like the pressure. I'm so jealous. I don't remember who said this.

I apologize. It might have been Krisby Brown. Someone said, tweeted this. Josh Allen is the Homer Simpson quote about alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of Buffalo's problems. That's great. Josh Allen creates problems and then solves them. It's genius.

He's like a consulting firm. That's good. I don't know. To me, just like watching him play, like, you know, the thing from Ted Lassow

where I have a memory of a goldfish. Like he has the memory of a goldfish. He just goes out there and plays. It's pure instinct. It's fun. And like I feel like the pressure thing is not going to get to him because I don't know if you remember

how much people thought he was going to be a bust. Like there was, we were making fun of the bills so hard for picking him. And then a couple of years down the line, he's like one of the best players in the NFL. So I don't know, I just feel like the pressure. He's like, I already been through that. Like, this is nothing. I wanted to be clear. I want him to win.

Right. It would be fun. Also, I will say the pressure is also on Taylor Swift because you guys see the memes of Hillary Clinton walking like looking amazed that being in a normal person's apartment. And then it's like the memes are just like Taylor Swift staying at the nicest hotel in Buffalo. Yeah. Honestly, it's a really funny picture of Hillary Clinton. Her face is so perfectly disgusted, but trying to, like, reserve it a little bit.

Like, looking around, like, where the fuck am I? Yeah. Like, yeah, Taylor Swift watching Bill's fans, like, jump through flying tables. Next game we like, Packers are at, San Francisco 49ers. This game is, again, this one's 815 Saturday evening. Let's go with that. Pacific times fake. The Niners are favorite by 10 points, 9.5.

If you use the over-under, there's an implied total. Basically, the betting market's projecting the score to be 49ers 30. Packers 20. But the only place we can start here is the Packers have a defensive tackle named Devante Wyatt. And he just gave it like a wildly earnest answer to a question of reporters this week. Matt Schneidman at the Athletic tweeted out and he said, he was asked about Brock Purdy. And Devante Wyatt said, when D-Lyman just get pressure to Brock Purdy, he's always throwing

off or it's behind them or it's overthrown or short. when you get pressure on him, it's a guarantee we'll get a turnover. Why are you saying? Fighting words. Those are fighting words. What are you doing? Why would you?

You know why? It's not even like Jamar Chase just trying to like stir the pot. And Jamar Chase is like, yeah, man, I think we're better than Kansas City. Come at me. It was literally like a specific like game. We got a pressure Purdy.

And then right after he's like, yeah, we got to get her hands up. His arm slots low. We can just bat the ball down. Like, why are you saying that ahead of the game? What do you do? Also, then people were like, by the way, Purdy led the NFL this season in passerating when he was pressure.

Pretty led the NFL in everything. You could just say pretty led the NFL. Yeah. Just led the NFL. Look, you pressure quarterbacks, but I'm like, I don't know. Why are you telling the media? Yeah, no, I think we get pressure on and get turnovers. And also, I think we get his passes down.

Why are you advertising that? Is he a rookie second year? I can't remember. He's second year. It all blends together. But yes, I remember, I remember watching this guy, but like, that seems like a really dumb move. Like, there's nothing NFL players love more than getting themselves all fucking hyped up on something the other team said. Like, why give them that food for just like anger or

whatever? Like, especially a team like the 49ers. The bulletin board material. Yeah, we got to rename the bulletin board, though, because I haven't seen a bulletin board of decades. So like, is it the, is it the receipt? Is it like the folder on your phone where you keep the screenshots? Or is it? No, but like, it's because isn't it, it's still in the locker room, though. It's like, Don't they literally put it up in the locker room? You think that they're going to screenshot the tweet and then print it out and put it on a bulletboard? Do you think they're texting it to the fucking chat? I kind of do.

I kind of feel like they do. Is that where the players are going to see it, though? People are going to walk in the locker room and be like, he said what? Looking at the bulletin board? Like, they saw it their phones. Yeah, I'm sure it's like texted and what digitally communicated. But I also feel like they put it like above the doorway or somewhere in the locker room where you kind of see it every day. And they're in a meeting.

They put it on a PowerPoint. I'm just like these players saw this on. their phone today. That's all. Speaking of pressure. Yeah. The sphincter scale in this game. Devante Wyatt's sphincter

is a lot of megatons now. Well, we found someone to blame if the Packers lose. How funny would it be if he was exactly right in the Packers just romp over the Niners? They're just like batting passes down the whole game. Pressuring this shit out of them. I think the sphincter scale for the Niners is around six and a half,

which about 5.6 megatons of seismic energy. Like any of these numbers, I'm putting that a 6.5 on the Sphinxer scale. Because I think there's not as much pressure in the bills, which I feel like their entire franchise that Josh Allen era kind of rests on this game. I don't think that's really the case for the Niners. However, this year more than ever,

like the Niners have everything going for them. Like they are the team, like I said earlier, like it feels like they have the target on their back much more than the Chiefs do. And this is year seven of Kyle Shanahan in San Francisco. And I think we are in a, not now than when. Like this was our shot.

And if we blow it once again, like, who are we going to blame? Everything is working for us. We are playing a team that was the seventh seed that has never won in the playoffs before. This is a seventh seed, I believe, is never won in the divisional round. They are home favorites by nine and a half points. If they lose this game, look, will they be good next year? And is Purdy still on a great contract? And is everything still kind of held together?

Yes. Which is why it's not higher on the sphincter scale for me. But still, this is like a. If not now, then when? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I totally agree. I genuinely, like, am worried for Kyle Shanhan's physical and mental safety if he does not win this game. I mean, like, like, I kind of actually sat down and laid it all out to, like, I knew Kyle Shanning had blown some leads, but I was like, Kyle Shannon was the offensive coordinator for the Falcons when they had the 28 to 3 collapse.

Kyle Shanahan. He was? Huh? Yeah. Well, I thought that was a joke. But, like, I was like, you serious? It's like, that's his, like, defining characteristic. That's, like, the first line in Wikipedia.

Pete Carroll was the head coach of the Seahawks when they lost to the Patriots. I'm just saying, but like Shannon has blown, like, not he blew it, but like Shannon has been the coach for two different double digit fourth quarter leads in the Super Bowl that they lost. Was Dan Quinn the defensive coordinator in that game? He was the head coach. So yes. So, yeah. Head coach, right. People don't talk about that enough.

I feel like it's always on Shanahan that he blew that game. And I'm like, well, it was 28 to 3. Well, it's because we talk about Shanahan more. People will talk about Jake Quinn. I'm not saying blaming him. I'm just saying this guy has had to watch two different Super Bowl fourth quarter. double-digit leads blow. He also blew a double-digit fourth-quarter lead in the NFC championship game to Sean McVeigh,

who is his friend, who traded for Matthew Stafford because he didn't want Kyle Shannon to get Matthew Stafford, then used Matthew Stafford to beat him in the championship game, then win the Super Bowl with Matthew Stafford. Then Sean Kyle Shanhan came back, turned Brock Purdy, the last pick in the draft instead of Stafford, a real quarterback, gets to the NFC championship game again, runs out of healthy quarterbacks and they lose. And it's like after all that, if you get to this season with, as Craig said, everything the best it's ever been for the 49ers, like they're this good as they've ever been. I think that I, like, they're the healthiest they've ever been. I think that if you, I just

looked at the last like six Super Bowls, so 12 teams in the Super Bowls. I think the Niners would beat 11 of the 12 teams if they played. And I'm like, if they lose this fucking game to his other friend, Matt LaFleur, to the Packers, it was supposed to be a transition year. What's going to happen to this guy. Yeah, I think you're right in that, like, I think specifically Kyle Shanahan on this sphincter scale is at like a nine. But I kind of think everybody else is lower. Like Brock Purdy, even the fans are like, we'll be good next year.

Kyle Shanahan is like Kendall Roy and might literally fucking explode. Dude, you know, you know the, speaking of the Avengers, the, when they ask the Hulk, they're like, hey, how do you control when you get angry? He's like, I'm always angry. It's like, Kyle Shannon. It's like, when do you unclench? What do you, when do you unclench? He's like, I'm always clenched.

No, yeah, I don't know. But having said that, I don't know, the Niners are going to play. Yeah, I was going to say, like, we think so. I mean, the Niners have struggled in their secondary, and I wonder if Jordan Love is going to be able to move the ball on this team. I doubt they're going to be able to run. But there's a chance that this game at least is closer to a shootout. And then, you know, second half, Brock Purdy throws a pick.

Things start to get dicey. I think a lot of people are going to be picking the Packers after what they did to Dallas. Can I institute a rule on this show? I'm just throwing this at you guys live, but we should do this literally every week for the rest of of our podcasting lives. Every week there is a blowout, like an uncompetitive game and a pretty surprising upset.

And we should have to pick one of the four for, I think this is a blowout. I actually think that as much as the Packers played well, I think the Niners going to kick the shit on agreement. I was going to talk about Hyphids before the show. I was just like, the 49ers defense is absolutely going to chew up the Packers. Sorry, the 49th's offense is going to chew up the Packers' defense. Like, this is not going to be close.

The 49ers are going to get an early lead and then run away with this game. I feel like we're trying to build a bunch of, We're trying to build a bunch of drama for something that's just going to be like, Packers are going to absolutely get destroyed. We were saying all year that Niners are like the best football team we've ever seen. And no one's hurt. Like they're the same team that they were. No, they're healthier.

But that is true. I'm not kidding. Like, so last year Super League Chiefs Eagles, I think the Niners are better than both those teams. Yeah. The year before that, Rams Bengals. I think both those teams were worse than the Chiefs than the Eagles last year. Yeah.

I think the Niners would beat those teams. bucks chiefs. I think that they would have, these Niners would beat the Chiefs, but maybe not the Bucks. But then the chief, I think this Niners team is better than the Niners team

that made the Super Bowl four years ago. And that nineers team almost beat the Chiefs. I'm like, I know that's kind of like weird logic and it's actually impossible, but like, I just think this team's better than all. So.

I don't know, but my like whole thing is just when I picture the 49ers, this is just a team that absolutely just, for lack of a better word, just like grinds you to dust. Yeah. They're a fresher. You know what I mean?

A threshold. It's just, It doesn't ever feel like, I don't know, they're just never a team to me that feels like there's a chance they'll just kind of like fuck this up. They just are so good in so many ways, have so many answers on both sides of the ball. But then again, that's why we play.

But obviously, like, I'm just looking at this game. I'm like, yeah, Fortniteers are going to win, like, easily, right? So next up, we have the, this is set, the first game that we can. Texans are at the Ravens. The Ravens are also favored by nine and a half. The betting market projection for this game is basically Ravens win 2717. I think this is sneakily also a huge, huge,

huge sphincter scale game for the Ravens of Lamar Jackson. I agree. I put it at 6.5, 5.6 megatons of seismic energy for those taking score at home. Because if Lamar loses this game, the fingers will start to point at him, I think. I think for every loss he's had, we've kind of written it off a little bit.

The offense wasn't right, whatever it was. But now it's like, If he loses this game to the Texans, they are nine and a half point favorites the last time I checked in this game. They're at home. Lamar is very close to becoming the James Harden of the NFL if they lose this game. I don't know if Lamar goes to strip clubs or is his jersey retired in any, but yeah, no. On the court. You know how there was like a really long buildup of pressure in Iceland recently?

And then it opened up like this mile long fissure of just lava coming out. Like that's a metaphor for what would happen to the Ravens if they lose this game. Just to get a tariff, like, tear a, just a giant rack in the fabric of Ravens football. It's true, though. That's what the quarter billion dollars is for. And also, like, Lamar, the last time this happened, the excuse was basically, yeah, his receivers were Devin, Duvenarian Nelson Aguilar. And now his receivers are, or Nelson Aguilor is the best one. Now it's first rounders, A.

Flour's first rounder, Rashad Bateman, O'Dell Beckham, who you personally almost required them to sign as part of your contract. Mark Andrews should play. And you're right, though, the James Hardin to think, because he's, Lamar is, he's going to win the MVP, and he'll be the youngest person of two MVP's. He's the most regular season wins at his age ever.

Like he's 58 wins. But I saw this from ESPN. Lamar Jackson, so ESPN has the stat total quarterback rating, which longs through short, it's like passer rating, but like a thousand times better.

His total, it's out of 100 instead of 158.3, which is the passerating thing. How did we all agree to use a stat for like 50 years that was from zero to 158.3? It's from 40 to 158.3. You can't go below 39.

It's like how America. Americans use feet instead of meters. It is. It's kind of like the Richter scale. It's like zero to infinity technically. It's truly one of those things where people like kind of understand what a good pass rating is. So we just didn't change it.

Imagine like people in England reading about Tom Brady. It's like, imagine we were reading it like, oh, Lionel Messi had a soccer passing score of 130 out of 158.3. You know what though? Or the worst one possible is a 39. Here's my take. Passer rating isn't that bad because we all know what a good passer. pass rating is.

Like when people cite EPA per play stats, I'm like, oh, so he's a 0.16 in EPA. That means fuck all to me. Like, what is that? I agree. Zero point one. Or he's like, oh, he's a 0.2. Whoa. That's like fucking good.

Can we like get it so it's like a normal number? I agree. Put it out of 158.3. So I feel comfortable. Yeah. But the Lamar's QBR in the playoff, sorry, in the regular season since the end of the league, he's just ranked seventh. But in the playoffs, he's second to last only.

ahead of Mitchell Trubisky. In QBR. In QBR. If the Texans wins, Cichie Stroud will have more playoff wins than Lamo Jackson. Ugh. So they're not one in four,

sorry. They're one in three with Lamar in the playoffs. He's never even scored 20 points in a playoff game, Lamar. And each of those four games, the most points they scored was 17. Three touchdowns, five picks,

68 pass rating for people that know the pass rating scale. Not great. What is that on the Richard scale? Email also for your fantasy football at g-gibald.com We've also the pass-rating thing. It's insane. But you're right, though,

because I kind of think Lamar, it's funny because in one hand, Lamar's so focused and he's been talking about this so much and been like, yeah, there's all these stories of like, he's been focused on Super Bowl.

I'm like, cool, so was Dak Prescott. Like, nobody else was. Yeah. All the other teams in the playoffs, nobody is really that focus. They were like,

oh, is that now? Is that this month? I forgot about that. The, but the Texans are playing house money. Like, it really is the March Madness. Like, this is.

Yeah, they're the Cinderella. So is this your upset pick? If you would pick, or blowout, you would take the Niners over the Packers. If you had to pick your upset, would it be here? Or would you move on to the Tampa Detroit game? I actually think, I actually think if there's an upset, I would pick the Bucks.

I think the Bucks, the more I look at this game, look, the Lions are favored by touch. So this game is the first game on Sunday. It's noon Pacific. It's 3 o'clock. Again, getting you ready for that championship schedule. It's 3 o'clock on Sunday. Lions are favored by a touchdown. The betting projections basically lines winning 27-21.

There's a lot of things about this game that are kind of funny. But to your point, Craig, the lions are favored for a reason, mostly because the lions were fifth and rushing yards and the bucks were dead last. And these teams played three months ago and the bucks won, like the bucks lost by 14 points. Having said that, I feel like we haven't really talked at all about the bucks have half of their starters from the Super Bowl when they won the Super Bowl three years ago. and the Lions, half their starters, were not in the NFL three years ago. And I'm like, that matters.

There's a huge imbalance in the experience scale in this game, weirdly. And also the Lions are coming, look, lions are fair for reason, but the lions are coming off of like the, oh my, they're like the 16th seed who won, and then two days later have to like refocus. The Lions just won this game.

Jared Goff just did the apex mountain. Everyone's like, congrats, Jared Goff. You did it, like the end of the movie. And you're soft, you know what I mean? You're coming off like, oh, my, like the emotional high. of like that's the best thing in like franchise history people have seen for Detroit in years and everyone's like yeah you did it and the bucks are like business like you know baker mayfield gets to be doubted and the bucks are like all right yeah we got to kick your ass i don't know yeah it

it does feel like the lion's already won their super bowl which is why like on the sphincter scale i don't think the pressure is that high it's probably at like a five but i think the disappointment scale is going to be really high like i'm not mad i'm just just disappointed scale where it's like this team is kind of already done enough to make everybody happy they're not expected to really win the Super Bowl this year. And while a loss would be deflating, but I'm not sure there's like a ton of pressure on this team, which is exactly why this is like a really,

really classic like letdown spot for Detroit, where it's like, it's kind of hard to ride that high for two weeks. And you could see this game being close. Dude, and you know who doesn't feel? And Craig, I think you nailed it because obviously Lions players want to win the Super Bowl.

But you're right that like there is a feeling of accomplishment. Dude, people who've won the Super Bowl do not feel that way. Like the bucks, Mike Evans, you know, Tristan Worf's, like Antoine Winfield Jr., who might be the best safety in the NFL this year, who didn't even get voted the Pro Bowl. These guys are not like, oh, yeah, we beat the Eagles. Cool. Like, they don't give a shit. They're like, they feel just as good as they did when they had Tom Brady three years ago. Like they, like, and I know that you can overplay that, but I feel like, this hasn't been discussed at all. And you're getting a touchdown. My favorite bet of the week is you can

parlay the bucks and chiefs to win outright seven to one odds. And you're getting the two teams who've won the fucking Super Bowl in the field. Hyphus, we always talk about football being sort of like cosplay for war. And like the bucks are battle tested. You know what I mean? They've been here. They know what it's like to get shot at. This is a tortured metaphor I know.

But like, you know, they're going to go in there. And if you start to have a little adversity, all of them know how to like deal with that and like get back to neutral and keep playing and like keep battling. They've done this. Like you hear every different NFL player that you've heard talking about the playoffs. will say that the playoffs are just different than the regular season. And so that's a very interesting, like, wrinkle to this whole game. I think it's a great point.

I think it's like having that experience and having been there, you can't really put like a number on that. I think it's interesting. No, and that's the thing. I think that the way that these numbers get set, a lot of times when you talk about these things, you're like, oh, it's hard to make an edge in the gambling market because it's like, it's kind of maybe probably factored in. I don't think this is priced in at all.

And again, the lines might rock them. Like the bucks, they're more talented probably. And the bucks have the fewest rest. Like, you know, the bucks played on Monday night. And also, like, they lost by 14 to the Lions. Like, I get that. And also, the Bucks cannot run the ball. You're going to go to the NFC championship game, not being able to run.

But I kind of think it's a perfect storm of like, no one wants the Bucks to advance. Everyone wants Detroit to win. Us in the media, like the Lions are more, we would really like the Lions to play the Niners in the championship game. That's like the most interesting thing, right? Like, the Chiefs or Bills, we don't care. Like, no one wanted the Steelers here. Like, it's not as interesting.

Correct. No. I'm with you. I'm actually leading that charge. But yeah. I'd actually think it's just, to me, it's just Warren Buffett. It's like, you know, buy the dip. Sell the peak. Like Jared Goff just had the best thing in his career. Sell the lines coming off the best thing in their history. Goff has played in the Super Bowl for the record. And he got his shit kicked out of them. Different team. But yeah. The Goff thing, I'm like, we always say he makes one dumb mistake a game. Well, the Todd Bowles with the Buck's defense, I'm like, if he makes, if Goff makes three dumb mistakes, they're going to lose. It's such an interesting thing with the Buccaneers because I vividly,

remember in the offseason, looking at the moves, the Buccaneers were making it, I'm like, what do they think they are? You know what I mean? Like, do they think they're going to win this year as like me being just so like filled with hubris? But obviously, this is a good team now. Some of the additions that they made obviously really worked out, Bick or Mayfield being the biggest one, but also like bringing back Levanti David. Levante David made so many good plays over the last couple of weeks. I think if he was a jet, Levanti David would be like not quite, but like discussed as like a Portland Hall of Famer, but no one knows who Levante David is because he's been in the

bucks for his whole career, but he's like a legend. But I remember thinking they were like trying to like keep this thing together with like paper clips and gum and you know what I mean? Like, but at the end of the day, they created like a division winning team, a team that won in the playoffs and is pretty interesting in the second round in the divisional round. So credit to them because I really did not give them any of the credit early on in season. Everybody's talking about the Texans and the Packers as the two darlings of the playoffs. Like I bet you have you pulled America and you said you have to pick one upset.

this week. Most of them are picking Houston or Green Bay. And yet the Bucks are more likely to win than either of those teams. Like when you look at the odds, like they're only six and a half point dogs compared to nine and a half from Houston and Green Bay. It's like the Bucks have quietly won six of their last seven games. Like the Lions kind of barely beat the Rams. Like that could have really gone the opposite way. There was a couple close calls that decided that game. Dude, over the last seven games, like I said, bucks have won six at their last seven. Over those last seven games, the bucks have been giving up 15 points a game over that stretch. Like, they're actually kind of locked in right now. And my whole rule of like, why I liked

Stroud over Flacco was like, don't bet on the QB that's going to make you feel stupid the next morning. It doesn't really apply in this game. I think, I think Goff and Baker are close enough. These number one picks who are kind of like idiots at times. Yeah, like, obviously I think Goff's a better quarter of me. But it's like, rehabilitated. Both could do something catastrophic at any moment and I wouldn't be surprised. So I don't necessarily think there's like that much regret in picking one versus the other. And the flip side is, again, I can't think about this enough. The two teams left in the field whose intact core have actually won the goddamn Super Bowl are underdogs on the same day. Like it's just kind of one of those that I'm not saying that

means anything necessarily. But if the Bucks and Chiefs both win, we'll feel really stupid for being like, oh, right, half of the buck starters started a Super Bowl three years ago. This is actually a talented team. They still have some pretty talent. Yeah, I was because they just can't run. They still have a lot of talent. It's more than half their defense is the defense. The defense that held Mahomes to nine points in the Super Bowl, which I believe is still

or just worst or second worst performance moms has ever had, the Chiefs offense point-wise have ever put up. Half the defense, six of the 11 starters are still there. Loki, they've also gotten some contributions from their rookies too. Colaja Cancy, Yaya Diabi took a couple guys on defense that have contributed. I like both of those guys coming into the draft. So that's been validating to see. And then Trey Palmer, touchdown last week, just rookie receiver that just runs insanely fast.

Wait, have you seen someone found that Trey Palmer's a Twitter, he doesn't tweet much? But every time he tweets, woke up angry this morning, he scores a touchdown. Oh, yeah. It's like six for six. I'm pissed off. Unbelievable. So anyway, everyone should probably bet the lions because I feel really intensely about We should stand to this.

I mean, yeah, I still, I'm still picking the lions, but I do like this. It's a good narrative. I'm picking the bucks. But you know the line that, did you see the video of Campbell giving out game balls? And he gave one to the GM, Brad Holmes. Then he gave the second to golf. He said the line when he threw the ball to golf, he gave a big speech for Brad Holmes. And then with golf, he just said, I'll just say, you're good enough for fucking Detroit, Jared Gough.

I don't know. That's kind of a backhanded compliment to me. I don't think that's that cool of a thing to say. You know what I mean? I think that he knew he was on camera and he behind the scenes leading to the game was like, fuck Sean McVeigh, but he didn't want to see it. Yeah, I get it. But I'm like, if you're golf, it's like, I don't know.

I kind of take that as like, I get what you mean, but like on paper, it doesn't sound that. Doesn't sound that great. Dude, you know what's ironic? You have to know who you are, Craig, if you really want to succeed. That's fair. Keep your expectations low. Fine, Jared. I guess I'm good enough for Detroit, honey.

You know what's funny, too? It's like, okay. When I watched that video of Daycare giving golf the ball, I was like, like if the Lions lose this week, they're going to be like exactly where the Rams were. It's like, did Lions defense isn't as good as the Rams? But the Lions are like really close to being like, wow, if we had a better quarterback to Goff, we'd win the Super Bowl. Whoever is that Stafford just joins whichever team has a decent roster and just shows up and wins the Super Bowl. Ryan's like, hey, you want to, yeah, they just get back together.

Also, did you guys see, right after Dan Campbell gave him that game ball, golf like got the team together and gave like a huddle speech, it was, it gave me. a little bit of the ick. I don't think he has a lot of that much juice. He's still so boyish. Like he looks so young. His voice is not very kind of deep. He's like a 19 year drop a lot of F-bombs. He has no face there. He's like, get in here, boys. Like, we got fucking, we got one more game

against the bucks. I fucking love you guys. Like, we're going to fucking show him. And I was just like, I don't know. Craig's in the back to be like, alright, I'll put my hand. Like, Larry David if he were on that team, would be like, I don't know. Literally, golf is the oh, everyone's come around on Jared

Goff. Well, I'm not. Everybody's coming around. Like, I like Goff. Good story. I'm rooting for him. I hope the Lions win. But like that speech, I wasn't like blown away by. It's a fine story. The Lions are a good story. Goff's. Sure. I just don't, I'm not, I'm not

aboard. With that said, I want to, I'm my upsets the bucks. And if I had to pick a blowout, I think the Niners blow at the Packers. I want each of you, Craig, you start with you unless you just want a punt. But I want an upset and a blowout. And I'm not saying this has to happen. I'm saying that, realistically, there's always one of these two.

My upset is going to be Houston beating Baltimore. I just think Stroud's awesome. And I think that this, we just, I mean, they just tore up the Browns. And I really feel like

they can just drop 30 on anybody and this is a special offense. And we didn't mention Marlon Humphrey. Oh, is Calvin here? Dickon, is Calvin, has entered the chat.

Just come say hi. How old is he four? Hi. You got to come in here so they see you. There he is. What's up, Calvin? See you on the screen? Say hi.

Hi. Hi. He sounds so clear on the mic. It's very cute. Hey. Hi, Calvin. Hey, buddy. Calvin, have you ever heard of World Star?

That's a fun website. Check that out. E-bombs World? Do you guys remember that? I actually don't. This is a 40-year-old people will understand that joke. What's it called? E-bombs World.

Yeah, it's back when like the internet was like a small town and there were like four things. It was like the, I don't even actually really remember about that much about it, but it was just like funny clips and funny videos and weird stuff. There was also college humor.com. You just remember college humor? Yeah. Oh, of course. Yeah, college humor.

All right. He's got his truck tunes on. It's a song about excavators and bulldozers. Trucks just shows him like pouring dirt and all the good stuff. All the good stuff. Do you guys think that trucks are biologically fascinating to men? Or do you think we've been taught that by society? Dude, sharks, our departed colleague, Charks,

when his son was obsessed with cars and trucks, his thought was there's nothing in our DNA that has prepared us to see these things. And that's why kids are so amazed by them, but then you're just getting, oh, you go, but it's like, it is amazing. Trucks are just amazing. But why is a truck more amazing than like a minivan?

Because they're huge. The trucks that Calvin likes are like excavators and construction sites. trucks. And honestly, like, when you, if you're up close to those things, those are big fucking things. Did you ever watch them?

I used to love garbage trucks as a kid. I used to stare out my window and watch the garbage truck, claw, grab the can. Magical. I thought that was all the garbage in. It's crazy. Yeah. It's kind of like an alien.

Dude, dump trucks are sick. They certainly are. Don't Google that, Calvin. Anyway, so my upset will be Houston. And I'm going to, I feel like everyone's going to say the Niners are going to kill the Packers.

I'll say the line. I'll say the lions will kill the bucks. Okay, so if I'm going to pick an upset, shoot, this is tough. I think I'm going to go with the Texans too. Just the way that Stroud has been playing, it makes it like, there's a world I can build a scenario

where they pull it off. And especially after watching last week, I went into last week thinking that Browns are going to win. Like the Browns have one of the best defenses in the NFL. And then the way that they just so easily moved the football against the Browns, I was like truly shocked. So I don't know.

Like that to me is like the one thing. that I'm a little bit worried about for the Ravens. The Texans' Browns game, I can't, we didn't say this on the show, and it was like staring us in the face. Since Tank Dell got hurt, the Texans have the fewest turnovers of the league, and the Browns have the most. So it's like, that was kind of, probably should have that's not coming. Yeah, but they moved the football against the Browns, too.

It wasn't just the turnovers that sunk the Browns. They did. I think the, yeah, no, and the Ravens, they don't have Marlon Humphrey. It's the best quarterback. It's going to be Ronald Darby and Nico Collins. But I think the thing where I hear you with the Texans is the path is the easiest. Because if you're like, oh, Packers over Niners, you got to have the offense not work.

You got to have the defense get rid of. The Ravens, I think it's kind of simpler where it's like the Ravens had the biggest point differential this year. The Ravens were winning at halftime like every game. And the Ravens, the Ravens, four of every five snaps they took after halftime, they were winning the game. And so if the Texans just go up early, the Ravens are basically in a game script.

They haven't been in all year. I'm not saying they can't do it because this Ravens' offense, they have better talent stuff. But the Ravens basically have not been trailing. I don't know if they've been trailing the first quarter all year So I think that that's kind of the interesting I think Texans I mean I don't actually think that's going to happen

But I think there's a world There's a scenario I can build that with that would happen I still would pick the Ravens in this happen But the blowout I mean the 49ers are going to blow out the Packers I guess to go with my original prediction Do you think there's a world in which

You guys are picking You guys both pick the Chiefs right What if the Bill's just brought the Chiefs? But the Chiefs just rocked Oh yeah That would be sick In front of Taylor Swift That would be epic

I think Bill's Niners or Bill's Lions is the best Super Bowl. Oh yeah. Wait, what do you guys actually want to happen? None of our teams are left. And like, this doesn't mean we hate your team. But I think Bill's Lions is unquestionably like in poker. They call the best possible hand the nuts. The Bill's Lions, these two very sad teams that are also like separately from the sadness,

extremely fun at this moment. For vibes and fun, the Bill's Lions is a very fun match. but I think Ravens 49ers is like... That's the best, like, the ultimate, like, the two bosses get to finally fight kind of deal, like the final scene of the movie. Those are the two best teams. Because there are always years where, like,

if it were like a Bill's Lion's Super Bowl, there are certain years where everyone kind of knows, like, this is really fun, but these aren't the two best teams, you know? Right, right. Well, everyone knows the script thing because the freaking Super Bowl logo color has been the Super Bowl team for two years in a row,

which is one of those like, oh, not crazy, but weird that it happened twice. Three years in a row, I'm not saying it's fraig, but I'm saying... And it's purple and red, right? It's really purple, yeah. Well, the best... That was like all the memes of the purple and red was like,

do you think that purple and red means that it's going to be Ravens Niner's or Chiefs versus Josh Jobs as Vikings? Interesting. But now I guess they're out, so they are the best two teams. Can we talk about haircuts now? Oh, yeah. Before the show, Craig mentioned, he was like, you guys didn't see my haircut. They didn't comment on my haircut. Yeah, and then you were sad.

It did look that different. Sorry, Craig. No, it's fair. My hair wasn't that long, but I wanted to get it cut because I'm traveling a bunch over the next two weeks. And then I was funny because I have this conversation every time I'm about to get a haircut. I ask Liz, my lovely wife.

And I say, do you think I need a haircut? She goes, no, your hair looks great. And then to me, I look in the mirror and I'm like, I look like a shaggy dog. And so I go and get my haircut. I walk out of the haircut, and I'm like, I look like a million bucks. I look Oscar ready.

And then Liz is like, oh, yeah, let me look, looks nice. but I like it better longer. And I swear to God, men and women have different views on what looks good on a man's head. Like, for some reason, what a woman thinks a man's haircut should be is so different than what a man thinks a man's haircut should be. Like, the person who cuts my hair is a woman, and every time I come in, she's like, your hair looks so good right now. And I'm like, that's a weird thing to say as I'm about to chop it all off. Maybe you should listen, Craig. I think that you have touched upon an actual, like, cultural divide.

Because my brother got married last year. And I got the photos back, Flex. We got the photos back. And I was like, my hair looked awful. Like, it was so long. And I was like, why did everyone let me go to the wedding? And my girlfriend, my mom were like, your hair's great. They wouldn't let you.

And I'm like, it looks awful. but I'm like, I like it short and they're like, we hate it short. And I'm like, what the f? Yeah, it's a real thing. And I don't know if it's tied to like, because look, when you look at most male celebrities, the hair's long.

Like all that, like, even Jacob Allorty, like, who's like the hottest guy right now. His hair's like, it's short, but it's kind of shaggy and messy and hanging over the ears. Yeah, it's, it's not like a tight, tight, a three on the sides, you know, take a half inch off the top.

It is like messier and more interesting. And Austin Butler, all these types of like hot young guys Shalameh. They all have long hair that you can like tussle and maneuver and I don't know if that ties into like But it's that or I would actually If you Google Travis Kelsey haircut

I think Kelsey's actually like It's like thin on top and then like The gradient down and like that's the alternative But a lot of things people that Well it's true I mean like if you go back to the buzzcut like the Brad Pitt Ocean's buzz cut is like elite And I think the buzz cut is very sought after

But the in between that most normal men live in, like me and you Hyphitz, is not desired. It is like you either need to be long and messy and interesting or edgy and buzzed and short. But the middle ground, which is like a normal haircut of just like, I want it to be easy to work with every day. I'll get a cut every six weeks.

That for some reason, women are out on that. Dude, even six weeks, I, please email us at Rear Fantasy Football at Gmail. I do every five weeks usually. If you are... I do it every day. You might notice my lack of

contribution to this conversation. D.K. went and took a piss during this, but he's back. I was nodding off a little bit. No, actually, I was clinching. You know, Dick, there's like, literally, like, there's probably a large percentage

for people listening with no idea what you look like. Filled, rage. To explain the joke. I do not have hair. I shave my head every day. I used to have it. It was nice having it. I don't anymore.

You have a great beard. Thanks. Your son has the best hair of any child I've ever seen. Oh my God. Your son has like golden flowing locks like Thor. You know, I went to the dermatologist a couple of weeks ago and I asked them. I was like, hey, because he specializes, you know, he specializes in hair as well. And I was like, you know the rumor that they always say like, not the rumor, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the thinking that it's your mother's father, right?

That is like the rule of thumb? I was like, is that actually true? And he was like, no. Yeah. He's like, it's bullshit. He's like, the odds are most likely that you are going to look like your dad. Like, whatever your dad's head is, that's what your head's going to look like. Like, it might not be like, it could definitely be different.

You could look like your mother's father. But like, if you want to play the odds, look at your dad's hair, that's going to be your hair. You know, it's so funny. And I just thought about because I think that is like the most widespread wives tale, honestly, like in American culture. Like your hair is like your mother's dad. And I just realized, I've lived my whole life, like internalizing that, if not believing it. I just realized at this moment, both my grandfathers had essentially the exact. same hair and I never thought about it until right now.

It never mattered. Yeah, my mom's dad had hair into like his 90s. So this is bullshit. What about your dad? Bald. Yeah. There you go. So that checks out.

This is anecdotal, but it works for me. It's funny because I, I didn't really start losing my hair until I was like in my mid-30s. That's pretty late, honestly. I feel like people who go bald, no. I thought I had like survived. You know what I mean? I thought I'd beaten the bald thing.

Were you thinning? Did you have like the like cul-de-sac thing in the back forming? I always have kind of like fine hair. So like I didn't really notice it. And then it started like slowly but surely spreading. I was always like, why do people freak out about this so much? I feel like so many bald guys like look great with the bald hair or like people with gray hair. Like, oh, I look great.

I don't know why people care about this so much. And then we had a Halloween party once. Jackie was like, I think you have a gray hair. And I was like, what the fuck did you just say to me? And I had this like, I literally looked in the mirror and I was like, where is it? Where is it? I think it's because it's the first sign that you're like, oh, I'm going to die one day. I really think that's what it is.

You're like, something on my body is now past its prime. Like, there is a dead, there's something dead on me right now. Am I in my back nine? Yeah. Although I believe all your hair is technically dead. To circle back to what you guys were starting with, though, originally, Craig. Skippy, and maybe she's just nice, bless her heart. She tells me she loves my bald head.

Like she actually thinks it looks really good. You guys do too, but I don't really believe you quite as much. Oh, come on. You guys are very nice about it. Some people have good heads and some people don't. Like, I don't think my head would work bald. I think I have like, I think I was dropped as a kid. I had like a weird, like a little bump on the back of my head.

Like that doesn't need to be seen. That'll happen. Yeah. But I swear, there's something about like girls want you to have the messiest longest. And I've debated being like, fuck it. Should I just power through the awkward phase? You should. between months two and four,

when you're just like, ugh, this is so shaggy and weird. And should I power through to month six of long hair? And then it's like, now we're talking. Now we're working with something. Now it's interesting. Who cares? To me, it's like, the maintenance seemed annoying

where it's like, you got to really like work with it every day. Like styling it is an issue, like putting a lot of product in it. When you're sweating and working out, it feels like a pain in the ass. Like, it just seems like a lot of maintenance. But it probably does look great. Dek has this look on his face of like, like just such

Crague. This wrangling you. This conversation. Like, like watching you complain about this in front of him. I know, I have to look at your freaking head of hair every single day. And you're just really twisting the back thing.

I'm not, I'm saying if it were to get really long. It, what? My hair is just too thick, you know? Like, it's just,

I have way too much parts per billion or whatever. However, Megatons. I don't even have that. 200 megatons. I got a widow's peak. Look, I'm vulnerable. No, I'm just kidding.

It's actually, I will say, being bald, being bald is pretty low maintenance. Like, I shave it in the morning, and it's like, I don't have to ever think about it. So that's nice. Is it hard to shave your own head? No. I actually got this stoo shaver thing. That's really useful. Like, I can do it in like 30 seconds.

Did your head have like a weird shape when you shaved it the first time? You're like, I don't know it looked like that. No. For the first like year or two, well, I guess I don't know how long I've had bald like shaved, shaved head. But like for the first year,

at least, year or two, every time I see myself in pictures, I'd be like, what the fuck is that? Like, you know what I mean? Like you don't recognize yourself.

You look completely different than you think kind of deal. But I've, now I don't care. It's who I am. It's part of me. There you go. There's just something about

when I see a celebrity who has like longish hair. I'm like, man, that looks so good. And then I realized that whenever my hair gets kind of long and it's like kind of shaggy around the ears and messy. I'm like, I look like

absolute shit in all these people, you know, on my television. It looks so good with it. Maybe it's because you're looking at the hair of like incredibly hot and like famous actors. That's one. And like they also have stylists and like the, you know, the best products, you know, whatever. But it's the, it's the plight of being not famous comparing yourself to these, to these gods. All right. Thank you, D.K. Thank you, Craig. Thank you, Kai, for producing this episode. Thank you to Calvin for what I think might be your first. appearance of the show. Calvin has amazing hair.

Incredible. He does. The best among us. Do you think he's going to stay blonde? I don't know. I was blonde for a few years. So I was probably like five. So it's, we're getting...

He has like beautiful, natural, like, stark blonde hair. Well, I think the theme is that he will be blonde for one more year and then he will be bald by 35. I think that's kind of what we're getting at here. I think that's one more thing that men always like don't realize. And this is what. Liz has told me is that like no one's actually blonde. Like anyone you see, especially like a celebrity, a woman particularly.

And I'm like, oh, like she's blonde. Like, no, she's not. I have a couple friends from college that were blonde. And then one of them I saw and they were like Brunette. And I was like, oh, you dyed your hair. They're like, no, I stopped dying my hair. Yeah. I've known you for six years.

You're blonde. Like, nope, been in Brunette. I've just been dying. I was like, I felt like so stupid. All the girls looked at me like I was so stupid. And I'm like, how am I the dumb one? Like, I'm not the one who just was a blonde every day for six years. How am I supposed to know that?

Did you know that? Look, again, this is, this is according to Google world population review.com. 2% of the world's population's hair is naturally blonde. Two. Is Calvin in that group? Right now. Well, it's probably larger because, like, I'm sure that, you know, what, I mean, half of the, like a third of the world's population is like China and India.

So, I mean, that we have. True, true. My point is, is like, I just would have never, that is so much smaller. I would have said, like, one and four people are blonde. And I don't think that's fucking close. I don't even saying judgment. I just genuinely like I learned what you just said. I learned how many of, basically I have like eight friends who are brunettes who die their hair blonde.

I learned this like this year. I learned that this year. They all thought, fuck you. But I was like, no, I felt so stupid. They all looked at that I was an idiot. Yeah, well, I've got 10 friends. I'm high-to-time friends, eight blonde girls. Dude, Craig kept up.

I'm friends with all of them. I've got, well, you don't know. They go to a different school. Lauren. Moving on. Thank you, Flores Seals. D.K. Stepping down soon, dude.

Who are we going to think? We're going to thank D.K. Yeah. What? You really whiffed on thinking the four non-blondes. Four non-blons. Or Blondy. Do you know what Flok-a-Segals is?

Flok a seagull-a-seg. You could also think it went over your head. Nobody for Blondie. I actually have already done Blondie before. Dude, the four non-blonds. That was like the moment. That was like it. What is their song?

I'm sorry to have let you down. Maybe Google Flok-a-Segals. And then you'll fucking figure out why I said it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Were they like a hair band? Oh, they're all blonde. You could have gone. He could have gone Hansen.

Hansen is three blondes. What's with these people? Dude, this is what my hair looks like. What's with these people? They look like they look like the like either like Edward Cullen's weird werewolf family or like whatever, the vampires or like they look like the werewolves and Harry Potter these videos. Like Fenroar Grayback Energy.

Yeah, that lead guy's hair. Is it Mike Howlett? Is that the lead? His hair. Dude. It looks like Fenra Grasbeck. It's insane. You think like the second the photo shoots over,

he like immediately moves it out of his face because like there's no way he could walk around like that. Imagine every that haircut thinking that's a personality. Yeah. That's a T-KAN. That's such a hair. All right. Goodbye.

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