The Ringer-Verse - RingerQuest: A New Role-Playing Adventure Begins

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

It’s time to roll the dice and begin the adventure of a lifetime with your favorite Ringer-Verse hosts as they enter the world of tabletop role-playing games! They answer the call of adventure to solve a murder and uncover a foul plot hatched by mysterious dark forces known only by a single symbol left at the crime scene. Join in for chaos and laughs as this epic journey begins. Act 1 (02:25) Act 2 (1:10:00) Act 3 (1:57:10) Directed by: Aleya Zenieris and Steve Ahlman Hosted by: Steve Ahlman Featuring: Charles Holmes, Mallory Rubin, Joanna Robinson, Van Lathan, Jomi Adeniran Audio Supervision: Jonathan Kermah Supervising Producer: Arjuna Ramgopal Additional Production: Arjuna Ramgopal, Tony Perry, Nick Kosut Motion Graphics: John Richter Audio Mixing: Steve Ahlman Video Production and Editing: Aleya Zenieris Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yeah, you'd be pretty happy about those WeatherTech seat protectors. So just to be clear as the mud, you're inevitably going to step into the summer. You don't need WeatherTech unless you plan on doing summer. Visit weathertech.com today. And welcome into the ringerverse and welcome to ringer quest, a brand new tabletop adventure with all of your favorite ringer personalities. I'm Steve Alman, your game master, and we are going to be taking you through a brand new adventure in the ringer universe.

I love tabletop RPGs, and one of my favorite things to do is introduce people to this brand new world of playing games like this. And a lot of people, when they first ask me, what is it like? How many things do I have to do? what are the rules, regulations, all these things that we have to do. I try to make this as easy as possible

for everybody that comes with it. So the biggest rule that I have here is no math. What's our rule, everybody? No math! That's right. Everybody is going to be rolling one singular, sacred D20 that they have on their desks right now.

That is going to be dictating the success and failures of anything that they do before you today. and the rest of the math is on me. Damage. Anything that has to do with minusing, subtracting. Anything like that, that's on me. I want to make this as easy as possible.

The fun is on them. The rest is up here. So, with that, shall we begin? How are you? Let's do it. Steve. Let's go. All right.

Are we beginning with you explaining to us how to play the game? Yes, we are beginning with that. Also, you spelled my name wrong on the schee. Right. Do you know how to spell my name? Your character's name or your name? No, my name. It says charcoal's hones. Charkles? There's no K.

That's what I'm calling you now. Okay, sorry. Great. Continue. Honestly, I like it. Sorry. We be... Charkles. I don't care what his character is. It's going to be charles.

Sorry. We're already to real. You're going to be. Charcals. Charcels? Charcels? Could be charcoal. Charkholes.

That would be curled. Charcles, I love it. Oh, my God. All right, I'm centered. That's wonderful. Continue, you, d'emaster. All right.

Setting the scene, it's nighttime. You all find yourselves with a mysterious invitation sent to you from the Belvedere Manor. After many days' journeys, a Gothic structure seems to defy the laws of nature before you. It looms over a surrounding landscape.

Its dark and imposing silhouette is barely visible through the heavy rain. Its gargoyles and stained glass windows barely discernible from the dim light. The once Grand Mansion now exudes an air of decay and neglect. Its weathered stone walls and overgrown gardens are hinting of a bygone era. A lone flickering light in a window, high above in a tower, is the only light that seems to be occupying the entire space. The manor's grounds are shrouded with perpetual twilight, gnarled trees. casting long shadows.

A winding cobblestone path leads you up to the front door with an imposing front door knocker. And the first to knock on this door is... Me? Yes. Do I just say my name?

You say your name. Okay, my name's Max Martin. What else do you want to know about me? Wow. Max Martin opens the door. And inside of this creaking... Inside of the creaking old doorway stands a person wearing a tuxedo, very formal butler attire.

But the only interesting thing about that is this is a skeleton. A skeleton. A very, very, like, very nice double-breasted, like, penguin suit, holding a tray asking for your invitation. miss? Um, yeah, I have it right here, but also, are you a skeleton? This is a... I did not expect an accent choice, but I am

loving it. I love it. I love it. I'm giving me the accent. And it's that accent that I recognize is the famous Max Martin, the bard that is well-renowned in these lands? Um, well, yeah, people do like it when I sing. Yes, and your generous

Southern affect is one that's one over many. I think it fits in really well in this medieval surgeon, so thank you So much for having me. Very well. I shall take your invitation, please. But also, are you a skeleton? Are you alive?

I am indeed a skeleton miss. Okay, but how? Nothing to fear. I... And then he kind of looks up, but his face is expressionless, obviously, because it's a skull, but, like, he says,

I don't recall. That's concerning to me. Well, let's take you inside. Okay. And he then ushers you... Sure, why not? I lack a sense of adventure. Here's my invitation. Yes, and he generously takes the invitation from you, and he ushers you through this beautifully candlelit foyer into what is an elegant, massive parlor room.

It's bigger than this entire set, and it's littered with bookshelves and elegant candelabras and an interesting level of, like, ornate. Excuse me, Mr. Scalus, it's a little bright in here. Could you turn down the candles by the chance? I can merely blow out a few. I see you all wearing sunglasses indoors. Do you have... Do you have air in your skeletal lungs? I do.

I am talking to you. Okay, all right. Okay. What am I waiting here for? Who invited me? Why am I here? Well, you were, in fact, invited by Mr. Belvedere himself. Who will be joining shortly, but we have a number of party members, and then you hear another knock at the door.

Okay. And entering is... Charcels. I am Thali. a blood heart of the blood hearts. First of her name, she they. Welcome.

You're welcoming me? Yes. The skeleton comes back. Okay, do you have your invitation, sir? Ma'am. It was she they. Yes. Talia, by apologies.

Yes. I do have an invitation to this party. Yes, but if I may ask, madam, where do you come from? That is a long and painful story. I'm looking for the killer of my master, Bob, a.k.a. the midnight magician. Yes. I am a warlock. I'm also here on this adventure to find friends.

Ah, yes, Mr. Belvedere. Mr. Belvedere mentioned you, mentioned you many, many times. He has many great accolades to you. And I'm sure friendship is something that you can find here. Please come this way. And then he ushers you back to the same parlor. And then you meet Max. Hello, Max.

How are you? I'm wonderful. I'm just having a little bit of trouble placing your accent. Where would you say you're from? From the deepest, darkest pits of hell. Oh. Is it nice there? No, it's miserable.

The skeleton interjection is like, I believe you said that you were from. you know a city. It's not in my back. That's typically all right, but I'm pretty sure you were from somewhere, but that's needlessly. That's fine. Please help yourselves to any of these

wonderful refreshments, and he points out to a couple of hors d'oeuvres. Can I get you guys anything to drink? Do you have anything that is iron rich that I might be able to drink? Iron rich. Well, we can see it. Yes, we can see about that.

I believe I was told about certain dietary restrictions. Thank you very much. And then, like, he tries to wink, but he doesn't really wink because he's a skull. Because you're a skeleton. Right, okay. He finds something for you. And then anything for you, miss? I would like you sasparilla.

Okay, great. Thank you. Any special? And then before that, he shuffles off to the door. And then in walks. Oh, what's up, guys? My name is Leo. I have this invitation. I don't know why I'm here, but I, you know, hey, what's up? What's going on? What's the vibe? Okay. Well, yes, Mr. Belvedere has invited you as well. I see that you've been traveling for quite a long time. You're from very far away.

Yeah, you know, I'm supposed to be like an Elvin King somewhere, but I decided to, you know, not do that and go find my birth mother. That's a whole long thing. We don't have to get into it. Oh, that's very good. Y'all's searching for a parent, too. Oh, wow. You can hear her all the way out there. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So, like, so my dad.

So as he's, as you're explaining this, he ushers you inside into the parlor room. Can I get you anything to drink as well? You got me any, any water. I've been drinking pond water for the last couple days. It's been gross. Oh, we have the best. I'm traveling, you know what I'm saying? We have some of the best filtered water that you can possibly have.

That's fantastic. So you wanted a sasparilla, yes? Yeah. He points to Talia. Great, good talk, good talk. Yes. This is a great talk. Great talk.

Okay, wonderful. All right, and then he gets you a Sasparilla, puts that down. Roll a constitution check with your D20. Bam. A seven plus a two. Seven plus two. I believe that's right. Let me make sure.

That's true. Okay. This Sasparilla is just like, okay. Oh. Damn it. It's not offensive to you. It's okay. It's just okay.

So you just, wait, so you just sip it and you're just like, shit. You just said it was okay. I don't know what to say. All right, that's fine. That's fair. Well, please enjoy. And then, yes, another knock at the door. In walks.

Hey, guys. What's going on? My name's Rye Wallywockett, but my friends call me whiskey. Whiskey. I don't think they do. We want them to, though, really. I hope they will. And the skeleton kind of looks down as you are a, I believe, four foot.

I'm a forest gnome. Yeah. And I'm a forest gnome of divorce. The family split when I was just a wee gnome, and it's a long, ideally five centuries-ish life. And so I have embarked with my loyal familiar, my cat, Scotch. On to this journey. In pursuit of found family. And others looking for connection and needs.

And the skeleton standing in the doorway, as you said this on the welcome mat, is like, well, that is a very robust introduction. Right, let's get you inside. I'm delighted to be here. Wonderful. Delighted to be here. And then with the final knock on the door,

in walks. Good eye, Mike. Hey, hey, let's be for real. You're going to be true. Come on. You're going to be doing this for a minute. It's me. I was daddy timidav.

Here on an adventure to find animals to talk to. My father died many years ago, and I was ousted by my stepfather. He's a wiker. And I want to find friends and the rodents and different types of animals to connect with. I'm happy to be here. I'm not so keen on you, Mike. As you point to the skeleton? Yes.

Well, I can assure you that there's nothing to be worried about. Do you have a name? Question for you, Mr. Skeleton. Yes. Do you have a penis? I assume that's gone, right? And he kind of looks out into the distance, and he thinks a little bit, and he's just like, I don't recall if I had one.

So many bones, but not the important one. I can assure you there are many important ones. Hey, what do we call you? Oh, yes, Patrick. Patrick. Patrick. Patrick. Patrick's not a hairy skeleton.

That's a right fine handle, Mike. Yes, it is. Can I get you anything to drink? Patty. I'd like a Fosters. Uh-huh. That don't even like Fosters. Allegedly Australian trivia.

We only have, and now, is it fine? We only have cans. We don't really have anything on tap. For that is that fine? What kind of joint is this? It's better for an adventure. Are you going to do a shooey? What the fuck is that?

Oh, that's when you put the beer in the shoe and then you drink the beer out of the shoe. We do have shoe shoe. That sounds so refreshing. I didn't hold the shoeie. Shooey, shooey, shooey, shooey, shooey. Doesn't sound hygienic. The skeleton gives like a little,

okay, and then. And then he goes off to fetch a bunch of shoes. So now you find yourselves in this elegant parlor room. Are these shoes that people have worn before? You don't know that yet. He's gone right now. Concerning. Does anybody want to look around the parlor room

to see if there's anything of interest to them? Yes. Because I have dark vision. I have superior vision in dark and dim conditions. I have never played dungeons and dragons. This is my first time. It's also new to me. You don't need dark vision here.

It is very bright in here. Yes. Candelagros that are by having that. That's good. Well, if we're this room dark, you would be well in ample ways to see in it. Does anybody look around? Anybody want to...

I'm on natural explore. Okay. Anybody wants to look around? Roll for perception. I got an 18. I got a 15. 15? I got a... A two. Okay. I got a six, Mike. Okay.

I got a nine. Okay. So you're just... just kind of sat looking at how nice some of the couches look, and you're just staring around. Who rolled high again? I have an 18. I got an 18. I got a 15.

Okay. You spot a certain book that's, like, vastly hidden amongst all of these other, like, tones, and you decide to, like, pull this one book out. And inside of it... Is it on a low shelf, because I'm only four feet tall? It is on a low shelf. You can only look so high. Great news.

So you side it out from the top. And inside of it, it's all pages are blank, except you kind of thumb through the middle page. And you say, and it says, who do you wish to know? Oh, that's so exciting and mysterious and an adventure. An unbroken family. Oh, Jesus Christ. Why do all of our backstories have broken families?

And then it's like, wait, so you use this now. Patrick. Patrick is out of the room. Patrick is out of the room. Who are you? I'm the DM I'm describing to him. It's an omission narrative. Exactly.

We don't have those in hell. Of course not. It couldn't possibly be. So do you think that out loud or do you think about a broken family? A whole. It's all I'm looking at. So you think about that as you read that question. Yeah. And then, like, as you're reading it, it appears, like, written on the page, as you think that answer,

all families break sometimes. Oh, my God. Cut the fucking. What the hell? Daddy. That is very dark. Are you at all, like, shaken by this? Do you want to keep reading? I want to keep reading. You do? Yeah. Okay. Do you think he wanted me to say I did not want to keep reading that I was content to close the tone, but I would like to continue because I am a researcher. When I attempt to learn or recall lore. If I do not know it, I often know where. She knows. That is the spirit, Mallory Rubin. She knows. Yeah. I'm a researcher, so I would continue to read. While you toiled in that book, who else rolled high? I got a 15. You got a 15? Yeah. Okay, you see a very elegant and untouched chess set. Oh, I love chess. That's what she said.

What? But it's inviting. It's inviting to you. Like, you, do you like chess? Big fan of chess. Big fan of chess. Do you attempt to play? You know, I've dabbled. I've dabbled. I'm not really good. By the way, this is me, the DM asking your character if this is happening. Like, I'm just like, does your character like to play chess? Oh, yeah, you know, you've got to, you know, work the brain meets. Wait, we're not supposed to be conversating with you like you're our friend?

No, no, I'm not a character in this moment. Oh, shit. No, yeah. We like to expand the brain. My dad always beat me at chess. You know, I was never... Leo, Mr. King, a person... Do we call you King or Leo or what do we call you? Just call me Leo, Shania Twain. Don't worry about it. It's Max. Thanks. Do you want to play a game?

I'll have some chess. Let's go. Okay. All right. Now, let's roll intelligence checks for both of you. Roll for intelligence. Telepx. 13. 12 plus the two? Yes, plus two. 14.

That's a 14. And you got? 13. 13. close match. Tate. Max wins. Max wins.

You play for about 10 minutes. It's like easily yelts. It's like speed chess? Speed chess? Yeah, speed chess for sure. Like you got the box. She wins. Hey, great match.

It was so fast to play with you. Thank you so much. What sportsmanship? Beautiful. I had some physical touch. You won in the faintest of. Distances. Roll the perception, Jack? Nine.

Okay. In the very faint distance. You hear children crying. Does anyone else feel that? Literally, and everybody roll perception. I have it two. I got an eight. One of the five, Mike.

Ten. Ten? I think it's eight plus two. Y'all don't hear what sounds to me suspiciously like children crying in the near far distant somewhere? Thank you, Loonitown, sister. You're losing it to Maximus. I don't hear it, but, you know, let's be, that's nuts. Max, could it be because you're wearing sunglasses indoors for confounding reasons, your other senses have been heightened?

Oh, I might have better hearing than some other people. Does anyone want to go and go? and go towards the spooky sound of children crying? I'd like to stay with my... We definitely know that you're a white woman. As you say that, I don't know. Oh, it's the white halfling, thank you, man.

I want to say with my books at my shoe beer. Yeah, as you say that, Patrick enters in with five giant shoe beers. They're the size of about like a big ug boot. Hey, Mike. Interesting. What a bollocks of you been. We were getting

I was preparing it It's kind of tough to find some boots around here So like there's like one that doesn't look the same as the other one Like like odd-ended pairs And stuff but they are filled with brim with fosters As you can tell And he disperses them amounts All of you are you mad that he's late

A little Yes Little bit He was saying I'm talking like Charles now Yeah I'm thirsty mate Thirsty

All right well we can we can definitely that I just like I'm sorry that it was that it took so long It was a bit of an odd request. We can... It's okay, Patrick. We can surely get to that so he... Cheers! Where's our glasses, Mike?

I don't really... My drink beer. I'm really small, so... Right. We all got our shoes. Wait, do you accommodate the height difference for the two smaller people? Of course.

So, they're right. Right. I can get a tap then. Uh-huh. Hi. Cheers. Cheers. All right.

And then let me... Hold on. I spilled my shoe beer all over my... Oh, no! I heard he couldn't read the tiny thought. Oh, no. Now it's all blur. Something's happened to my throat.

Calamity. Yeah. Something's happened to my throat. Are you allergic to Foster's, sir? Wait. Oh, no. We need to save him. Something's happened to my throat.

Let's roll to see if he dies. Do we roll for Heimel? Do we roll for Hymluck? I mean, wait. Actually, hold on. Everybody roll the medicine check. 17. I got a 10.

You're dying, buddy. Talia finally shows up to the party. 15. When it matters, you see, like, what looks like it's just like an allergic reaction of some kind? Can I use a spell? You may, but it's just, it seems like that that's something that, like,

you can probably use a spell for. Anybody got any spells? In there? I have, do you have halves? Do you have the spider crime? An o-what, man? I'm, uh, I'm filling a breakout right here on this side of my me.

my wee neck. So he needs medical... Does anyone have an ointment? Also, please start flashing your neck. It's very triggering. I would put that neck away if I were you. Thank you so much. I have a quick question.

Interesting. Yeah. Are you a vampire of some sort? I'm just putting things together. I don't want to make any substance. A vampire? We don't really like to use that word. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, no. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm allergic to vampires, mate. So I would suggest. Wait, and roll an intelligence check. Hey. A one. Okay, you believe, you believe, wait, you, like a natural one?

Okay, yeah, you believe that being allergic to vampires is a thing. Yeah. I would suggest you go stand on that side of the room and also put your next. away, please, I'll beg of you. Yeah, so you keep drinking your fosters and you stand into the corner of the room. And then as that happened, like, as O'Donetti is sitting and like kind of

recuperating from this strange, allergic reaction, in busting through this, like, banister from like the top part of this parlor room is a balcony and out from these double doors enters a, like, devastatingly handsome

60-year-old, slicked back hair, mustache, Aero Flynn-Flynn-looking type, adventurer, man. My sweet spot. And 60 and hot, I know. A one weakness. And by the way, Mallory, your character's how old? If you look at the second page.

See my age. 127, so I think I should be adjusting. My sweet spot age is probably 250. Whiskey got a weird case. It might equate in known years, but you never know. Okay. 127. Oh, also, I'm three foot five.

I'm not even four feet. Look at that. Perfect for him. They're great. He is tall, though. He's like around six foot. A spinner. Uh-huh.

Yes. Just like a top. There you go. All the acres. Yep. He with a booming and a enthusiastic voice says welcome adventurers. Oh, bad.

Thank you so much for taking my invitation. And then with a devilish smile, he leaps up from the banister. Oh, shit. Hang on. Did you roll there? Did you roll something real low? You're going to fall off that banister?

He's going to die in front of us. He, okay, so he begins to do what you think is like a front flip off the banister, like in a sort of like, charming and enthusiastic showmanship thing and he falls like on his ass oh my god and like it's like

he doesn't like he sells it to the degree he's like oh hello yes thank you so much you know what they say what they say they say a bad rehearsal means an excellent show would you like to try that again absolutely not I don't think I have another one in me but thank you

so much Max for your concern Okay. I have been so looking forward to meeting all of you. I have done extensive research. What was your name again? Some Belvedere? Marcus Belvedere, yes. You're Marcus Belvedere.

Yes. Elegantly dressed. Is Marcus Blut? All right, let's roll for that. You can roll? You can roll. Oh, boy. Keep him and roll.

I said no. I just simply wouldn't. I just simply wouldn't. This was a prior commitment that any time somebody asks if a character's black, I would roll for such an effect. You can roll for black. You can absolutely roll for black. Is he black? He's not. I don't believe me.

You don't believe me. Where did you get the name Marcus from? You're asking you're asking him out? I'm asking that because. Marcus Aurelius. Yeah. There are a real. The dream of Rome.

Marcus Aurelius. Stalachism. Yeah. But thank you all for... Is Mr. Belvedere, are you related to TV's Mr. Belvedere? I don't know what a TV is exactly in this. The mite was a notable molester of children. Oh.

So I would safely say no. Okay, well, let's... That is a wild accusation, sir. Is that why all the children are screaming? Is that why I hit children crying and screaming in the other room? No! Belvedere! Marcus! No! Wait, roll the perception check again to see if the children cry.

I'm taking a turn. 19. I definitely know. Now you didn't know. I just said how well you hear. I definitely hear those children. You actually don't hear that. You listen intently and you don't hear that anymore.

Okay. You're the deal. This adventure is going to be in so. It's very fast. Let's get back on a trick. It definitely is. But I have something very important to share with you. I bet you do. I show.

All of you have a certain history with a very dark thing that's been happening in this land. Is this why we... No. No. I'm sorry, wait now. Have you recovered from your ailment? I'm feeling a little bit better than my voice is changed. Because of the old rules.

Right. Okay. Roll a constitution check. Okay. Constitution check. Because of the falsest. Yeah. It says 47.

Look. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. It says it will bite. It will test it. It says 47. It says 11. It says 11?

What's your constitution? Oh, my God. Where is that at? That's the top left. Constitution. It should be a plus one. Plus one. So that's a 12.

You still feel itchy from the allergic reaction. Okay, I'll deal with you in a second. Right. I suggest. you keep resting, sir. Okay. And then Patrick comes to like 10 to your wounds. Stay the fuck away from me.

Patrick is not Mr. Belvedere. Oh, that's right. It's true. Yeah, Patrick's the skeleton. Patrick's the skeleton without the death. The skeleton is probably less creepy at this point than Mr. Belvedere. That's a wild assumption, Madam, again. I've said that there's been dark rumblings happening.

You may have been aware of the murders. The murders? I may have covered. Murders have been happening across this land. I don't mean. to be, and grandma check you, but that passive voice is not helping us. Who is doing the murdering? And then who is

being murdered? That is precisely the matter, Max, we do not know. I'll be honest if there was some murders that were happening. It might be a fucking vampire that was committed. Oh, no, mistrust is in the party. Already. Now, I know what you

might be thinking. People get murdered every day. Kids die, Henry. Kids die all the time. They do. Does anyone hear those children? But there has been a common denominator with a lot of these. A certain symbol has been carried throughout. And it's this. And then he pulls out a sheet of paper that looks like this.

And I want everybody to roll a history check. Just read out what you're saying. One. One? Four. Six. Five. Nine.

Is this a six or nine? Six. Six. It has a dot there. All right. Okay. Leo, in your travels, you can. seen this a couple of times, like

adorn across people's windows, door frames, doors, things like that, but it's been like weeks after the fact. And you've only heard stories about why those symbols of but you don't quite know what it means or where it's from. But it did say

that that symbol has been a lot in the village of a certain someone that you've been looking for. my mother's um... Roll history again. A two. Tough.

You're still not sure. Not sure. But you have this thought to yourself. Those are the thoughts that you have and you see this. That's when you see this. And Marcus continues, this may not mean much to some of you, but I know that this has been going around.

I'm getting uncomfortable with the witchcraft of this game. Oh my God. Now, do they not have witchcraft in the hell? It's different. It's an advocate of medicine type of witchcraft. Not white witchcraft. Right, right. Now, as much as we would love to know the difference between the two of those,

we do have a pressing matter at hand. Oh, Mr. Belvedere, yes. Can your spooky little Dickley skeleton get me some more wine, please? Wine. And then, okay, and then. Wine and quix? That was a little weird. Do you have any of those

She's like anyone's a little uncomfortable? IV bags of blue blood that Dr. Michael Morbius was Oh, yes. I think that's like the max needs that as an equivalent of like beef jerky and trail mix as we're about to head out on the road. It might be something that we'd find. And then Patrick like immediately like kind of like

swivels his head like sharply towards you. Uh-huh. That's fine. Roll a perception check please. Oh, 15. Great. You kind of like stare and make what would have been eye contact with him. Yeah, but he's just got sockets. But roll the perception again.

Empty, empty sockets. Four. Four, all right. So in the back and dark recesses of his skull, you see like two tiny white dots. What? Roll constitution. Oh, boy. Is this like the rat in SM33's

empty eye socket and skeleton crew? Topical reference. 13 plus my zero. 13 plus you were zero. Right. Zero. Like, you're starting to notice you're drawn to these

two specks of light inside of his skull. Oh, I don't think I am, but okay. Yes, you are, because that's what you rolled. Okay. So you look in more intently and closer, and there's like a darkness that kind of subsides inside of his head and then the light gets brighter and brighter. Roll constitution again.

Oh my God. Is it a portal? Five. Five. And then you find yourself walking a bit closer to him. Okay. And that whiteness starts to get brighter. Does anyone want to?

Stop this. Roll perception for everyone else in the room. Oh, no. Three, five. 14. Nine. Max is just looking at. Patrick like normal

from what you see. 14. 14 wouldn't notice that I'm being weird. That's what you see. That's what everybody else sees. Like Max is just like this. I'm not sure if I mentioned

I have dark vision. I can see up the 60 feet in the dark. So like you see. Superior vision in dim conditions. So you look like this and then you're like oh God, that's bright. Yeah. Because again, the room is very well lit.

Incredibly well lit. Max, you see what looks like as that whiteness is getting like growing and growing outside of it you see like a galaxy whiteness is growing and growing inside of his head

hell yes the room begins to fade away and the galaxy that you see inside of his eyes like consume the entirety of your vision and as like you see stars and

planets and galaxies zoom past you, you're thrown forward into a room that you find very familiar to you. Oh. I'm glad Max is happening. And you see an old friend. Is it my one friend, Juan? It might have been the one friend you ever had. Roll Constitution again.

I just have the Juan friend. It sets it on my teeth. I did not come up with that. The one friend or the wand friend? It's both. I have one friend Juan. How should we be reading into what Steve set for us? Like one friend.

I will just observe at this moment that my cherished podcast producer of six years gave me a negative two for charisma. I got to balance it out. And she's only been talking about it for 24 hours. And I won't stop. How could you? I won't stop. Okay, that was a four.

That was a four. Yeah. You feel... Juan? Do you cry out? Juan? Okay, you hear, like, everybody else in the room, hears Max just say that for no reason.

Juan, okay. Juan? And then roll Constitution one more time. Let's see. Oh, is it two? Oh, God, all right. So you are overcome with sadness as you see Juan

like is, like, crying. But his tears, are black. And his eyes are... So sad. It's like so sad. And you can see him

like wailing in pain but you don't hear anything. There's nothing that you can tell that makes it feel like he's like either like he feels so helpless and you can like his sadness is your sadness. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. That is bullshit.

I believe that Rye would intervene here because this is a list of the flaw, I am easily distracted by the promise of information. And I want to know what's going on. Why has Max, who was so chatty before, suddenly fallen into this hypnotic state? I need to know.

Okay, roll a perception for me. Thank you. You're welcome. It's only a seven. Only seven, okay. But seven is the most powerfully magical number. That is true. I agree. That really is, that really is astute of you. But it's okay, that's interesting.

perception. All right. So from the final role that you have, you can see that Max's like, she seems like calm, but again, like just kind of flatlining and just like unresponsive. So do you want to like find a way to like get her attention? Yes. Okay. How do you want to do? Do you want to like nudge her shoulder? Anything that you want to do? I would like to attack Max. Oh boy.

Okay. Hell go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Rolls. No. Now I have to figure out how to defend Max. You're still suffering from an allergic reaction and you really want to sit down.

You really just want to take a load off and can still just sat down. So, sorry. Am I still in a tram? You are in a moment. Yes. I possess noem cunning. I have an advantage

on all intelligence, wisdom, and charisma. I am prepared to help Max. So, okay, great. So you want to get her attention. Yeah. Just see. Should I?

First of all, no, Max cannot consent to being slapped. Oh, okay. She's in a hypnotic state. She just did. No, she didn't. She's in a hypnotic state. She can't do that. Because I'm really short.

I'm going to use my quarter staff to reach up and tap Max on the shoulder. Okay. Max, I need you to roll a D20 two times. Well. What was the high? The highest number that you wrote. The highest number you wrote to me? Oh my God.

Ouch, okay. You are. She does not move. She's still standing. Okay. Steve, it seems like you're cheating. I'm wondering if perhaps Leo and Talia can help me get Max's attention.

Do you alert them to this? Yes. I am also, I'm going to use the same quarter staff to a wave. And I know you guys are really loving the shoe beer. Can you help me? Max seems to be lost in a trance sparked by looking into Patrick's empty, vacant eye sockets. And I think that's weird. We're all just getting to know each other. Are we sure they haven't fallen in love or something? Is this not like some, you know, hey. I do not think this is a courtship ritual because of the tears slowly trickling down Max's face.

That's fair. A repetition of the one and only sober word. Okay. What do you need? How can I help? I'm reading this, I have a racial ability, if I can use that. Which is? It's called the Hellish Rebuke. Oh. That's technically a responsive attack.

That only happens if somebody does something does something to you. So I can't use my relationship. No. Okay. Does anybody else? Does anybody else want to try to help? I would love to help. How do I help?

Can you think of a ways to help? Man, let me see. well, I have to cure wounds, but she's not really hurt. Or you can just think of like, is there anything? What would you do to somebody that was just like kind of standing into the middle distance? Smack the absolute shit out of it.

Okay, do you want to do that? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. All right. Roll to hit her. Do you want to die? Oh, Steve!

16. No, my gosh, Leo. 16. You can't meet you. What's about party? Does anyone intervene? Are you? My, have you heard of a person?

by the name of Chris Brown. Oh, right. Roll history. Everybody rolled history for that. Lamentally, I have rolled a 20. So you know exactly what he's talking about. I'm just made sure I'm going to have a 15, so let me say, I'm 15.

I'm 15. One in a way that says, I know what you mean by that. 14. There's no TVs in this world, but Chris Brown. You know, you, you, if you, there was a, there was a, I don't know I don't know. I'll read the story.

Let them just move on. Okay, so you slap me. Dramatic action. I got a 16 on that. You slap Max across the face. Max roll a D-22 times. I'm sick.

The highest was a 10. The highest was a 10. You feel like something, like, not that you feel a slap in the face, but you feel like your body get jostled away by something.

and outside of that, like, after seeing one, everything, like, immediately zooms out. You are outside of all of those galaxies. You are back in the parlor room. Okay. And you are overcome with sadness. Still? Jesus Christ.

I'm just going to sit down. You guys want to... You need this bitch with a raw wave? Are you? If you want to figure some stuff out, I'm just going to sit down. Max, Max. I'm sorry I had to slap you. I didn't really...

There's no excuse me. That's what they all say. We tried. Listen, honestly, I was having a very uncomfortable exchange with that skeleton and I'm glad that you snap me out of it.

Marcus jumps in and he's like, wait, were you rude to Patrick? Rude? Yeah? No. Okay. Marcus, don't victim blame.

I'm not saying. I agree. Everything's really upset right now. I'm just going to sit in the corner for a minute. Back to the murders, everyone. We got to worry about Max. Max just had a traumatic experience. Do you want to talk about it? Just slap the shit out of them.

I felt like I had to. There was really no other recourse of action. Oh, God damn. Max, are you good? Do you want to talk about it? We're not coming back with flowers, Ike Turner. Sit over there. You're not coming back with flowers. I understand. I know exactly who Ike Turner.

Marcus tries to settle the roof again. It's like if nobody else is, if everyone else is fine, I have something to show you in the other room. I don't know if I trust you. That's fine. But I'd like to think that all of you were invited here for a reason. I had been, what Max just experienced, I've experienced with Patrick before. He can't, he can't control this.

But I've seen you all in a vision like Max has just had. I would just recommend no one look at that skeleton again. That would just be my advice. Probably not. When you saw us all in the vision, were we also all leaking black tears and screaming in a way that nobody could hear? I saw my friend,

I saw my friend, leak in black tears and screaming. Max, in your vision, were we also in a similar state to how Max found Juan. That's dismaying. No. What are we doing? What did you see? What were we doing? I saw all of your heroic exploits. All of you help people.

All of you in a way care about something. Justice, family, animals, other people, friends. Other people? Animals. Animals. Other people? Friends. It's very similar. I think we can get along. Yeah. Let's be friends.

I can see that I assembled the right amount of people. For Reliance? Let's form a alliance. It's great because I'm so short, you can't reach my neck easily. I'm only a little bit tall than you. Please keep your adorable kitten that is full of blood away from me. Thank you so much. I believe if we're going to form an alliance, we need to make a pact right now.

If you need to feed in a moment of peril, I will offer you my arm. You can stick your fangs into the apple. But I need to have the mark of the apple. Well, it's meant to me. But I need to swear that you will not put a fang, not even the tip of a fang into scotch at any point. I would say bring me a Bible, but I cannot touch those. If you attack an animal, I'll be forced to attack you.

Listen. Protection. I know we have bad blood. Can we have a healing moment? Constitution. Constitution. To see if you're better? Once you roll.

I'm 15, I'm back. You're standing up and there's just a little redness on the neck. You feel better. The throat's cleared. Marcus ushers you all into this room, but he pulls you Leo aside. I don't like this. I don't know how to tell you this.

I don't know how to tell me this. Oh, boy. The vision that I saw in Patrick's eyes. None of you hear this, by the way. You guys are sat by the corner before you guys open the door in. The parlor room. You're in the parlor room. Hold you aside before you have to do you back from. I'd like to go outside.

Do you want to have a cigarette, Talia? No, I'd like to start the adventure. It's true. I beseech you for patience. I promise. God damn, it's been like an hour. Tali, why don't you just keep inspecting those couch cushions that you understand? Yeah, roll perception real quick.

16. Okay, you take a look at the chest set again. But nobody wants to play with you. He pulls Leo aside. He says, the vision that I saw in Patrick of you. Yeah, me specifically. You've been missing and have lost your mother for some time. Some time, yep.

You don't know where she is. Nope. You've searched a few villages, yes? Yeah, come up empty every time. From what I've seen, a woman with similar looks to yourself. Okay. Was in a village that had been affected by these symbols. Whoa.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're saying that. And before we go in the next room, I have suspicion to believe that you might know this person. Oh, man. It's a lot. This is a lot happening all at once. Can I get one second? Sure.

So you're saying, if I'm hearing you correctly, that I might know the person who's doing all these murders, and they're also targeted my mother in her village. I don't know about targets. I don't know if this is random. I don't know if they knew her. I don't know anything like that. But what you might see in this next room might be somebody you know. Oh, okay, okay.

And I didn't want to tell anybody else. Are you taking us to the morgue? Does your castle have a morgue? Mike, let me tell you something. Hold on, perception check. If you can overhear what I'm saying to him, because I'm like whispering this to him. 15 awfully high.

Also, you know, okay, you hear, like, rumblings of, like, you hear, like, every third word of that conversation. Might, I had a guy who'll take me to a room one time. Cost me $3,500. Oh, right. Okay, actually, everybody will the Constitution for what he just, said. Not you. Wait, let's do a Sets positive

roll. Damn it. I only got five. You're still uncoctom. Okay, everybody that rolled low, you're kind of uncomfortable with what he just said. You're a little uncomfortable. I don't know. What work would work. I can assure you that this was

handled with dignity. But you might not like the T-C. Oh, my God. And with that, he brings you into the next room. And it is, in fact, a morgue. Okay, listen. The morgue is next to the park?

Why do you have a morgue in like a hallway? Why do you have a morgue in your castle? Should we leave? I don't like it at all. Can we roll for leaving? I don't like it. Are you that put off? My, a morgue?

Yes, and I don't think that's unusual. Max doesn't like the morgue because the blood is all crusty. There's no blood from getting drunk. It's cold. They've been ex-sing, By the way, Patrick has, like, come up behind you and offered you a vial. I will take it and not... Actually, I'm not drinking anything that skeleton is.

Are you sure? That skeleton took me into a trans space. I do not think so. No. Okay. So you don't take the blood. What am I looking for? So in this room, effectively a white sheet with what looks like a cadaver underneath it?

Is no one else bothered by the fact that there is a morgue in this? castle. I am very distilled. Smorgs in a lot of castles. People die all the time, B. Who's under the sheet? He opens up the sheet and um

Jomey roll perception. Leo Roll perception. See, you're getting the hang of it. You're the hang of it now. A plus two. Miss, I don't know how to play D&D. I don't. 8 plus two. Eight plus two? That's a 10.

This is a woman that doesn't necessarily feel familiar to you But there's The looking upon her will make you sad And you don't feel any sort of like connection to this person quite yet But There's something about her presence that's just A bit comforted Can I ask?

Can you ask? Is that my mom? I don't know. I don't know. That better not be my mom's because I just, because I left home to go find her, you know what I'm saying? And so she do show up dead. That's not really, you know what I'm saying?

That's not really what I came out. We're shooting this place up. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's not really. That's not, yes. And conveniently, you are to have your own morgue. I do, I do. I very much do.

But from what I can tell. This is the only amount of discernible evidence these murders have been leaving behind. Oh, man. And I don't know any ways of getting leads from this, but if we were to find clues from this, there must be some way. Yeah. I have an investigation plus four. Let me roll. I want to investigate. Do you have any spells that could help us here? Ugh.

This is a lot of reading. Might I direct you to your third-level spell in your sheet, second page? Third level spell. I can speak with the dead? You might be able to do that. Okay, how do I do that? That would be super helpful. You have a medallion on your person

that allows you to cast this spell once a day. The rules behind this being, you can talk to a dismiss person. You may only ask them three questions before the spell is over, and you cannot ask them anymore. Is that something that you want to do? Yes.

Okay. Do you want to tell this to everybody else? Guys, I'm going to talk to the dead and ask them three questions. That seems really normal. Go for it. Thank you. Wait, do I roll? No, no, you don't roll. You can simply cast that if you wish to. Okay, what questions should I ask? Well, you, so you begin to cast this and as, Leo, are you saying anything? Well, I feel like we do need to figure out, like, who murdered this beautiful lady.

Does anyone hand know anything about identifying people? it appears that I have the ability to identify. CSI? Right? Okay. No, this is good. This is good. Okay.

CSA, murder mentions. It's a spell of a one, but maybe I should wait because you're already embarking on your ch-a. Have you allowed to touch your medallion? Well, wait, no, if you identify this person, then we don't have to ask who she is. We don't have to ask if she's my mom or something. Do you know what I mean? Okay. Can Talia save the spell?

Is it too late? I would like to save the spell. I think the CSI is. very interesting. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if I've mentioned that I care about other people in need and found family. So I would like Talia to save that magic. And I will selflessly use one of my spells, which is identify. It takes me one minute to cast. Range touched. I have to touch the dead body, don't I? You do. Can someone hold me? I'm very small. Marcus brings you with a stool. Marcus brings you a step stool to go to the table.

Okay, let's see. This font is so fucking small, diabolical. You choose one object that you must touch throughout the casting a spell. It is a magic item or some other magic imbued object. Doesn't have to be the dead body. Great to know. You learn its properties and how to use them, whether it requires attumet to use and how many charges it has, if any. I say dead body counts. Yeah.

No? Yes. Yeah. Just the end scene. Yes, yes, am. Just the dead body. Did the dead body have any possessive? that I could perhaps touch instead of the chili flesh.

Like a coach. Roll investigation. Seven fucking teen. 17. All right. It's good. You see a small ring on her ring finger. Okay.

Perhaps Marcus Belvedere offered to take it off the dead finger so that I can just hold the ring. You can't, I mean, I guess we can do that. I'm so small. It's just, it would be easier if someone put the ring in my hands. It's also so. A lot of germophobic. It's good. You're right.

Do you touch doorknobs other people have touched, let alone dead people? Okay, we should have known that before we let you enter the house. Let's see. Okay, I'm touching the ring. Max has hoisted me up. I'm touching the ring on the dead finger. Now what?

Okay, so you can identify, and what is the rest of the spell say that you can do with it? Oh boy. Let's see. If I touch a creature through my casting, I can learn what spells of any are currently. Is a person a creature or no?

What they are. Okay, so I cannot. I can identify what spell is currently affecting this dead person. I can learn how they died. And what they are. Okay. I feel like I might have fast forward to the end of the adventure here. Well, the person is a person. But who? The identity of the person. This is identify. Okay. Yes, yes, yes. The duration, even though it says the casting time is one minute, but the duration is instantaneous. Right. Okay. Steve, it feels like Steve Panicking.

an interesting way of using this spell. Is this not right? Can I not find out who the person is? I don't think that's exactly how this is used, but you can try it. I think she'll find out what the person is and then we can go to Disney World. For real. Yeah, because we want to have some fun. I have some whiteness. I have a quick question about this dead body.

Can any of our combined cure wounds spells? Oh, okay. Do you know the person back on dead? No, that's the Metzorrect the day. It says it doesn't work on on dead things, but this is a dead thing. I'm sorry, a woman. It doesn't work on dead people.

Oh, boy, so I have to be holding my quarter staff for my arcane focus. I have to hold me with at least one hand. To cast spells that require material components. That's this, right? Okay, so someone does need to hoist me up so that I can hold. So yes, and you will cast

My quarter staff and I am touching the ring of the dead finger and I am able to do what? Okay, so in a flash, a vision comes to you of who this woman was when she was alive. Okay. It's so intense. You see her in her 20s. Oh. She's giving away a baby. It's tough.

You see her in her 30s. She has become a seamstress. What kind of ABC family? You see her when she is 35. She is being attacked from her village. by unknown things that are like black figures to you. What? Black figures?

Oh, right. Shapeless, forkless figures that kill indiscriminately. Oh my God. That kill me. Are you talking about super predators? I feel like you knew what this was gonna be. I kind of started this event.

You plan and you plan and you never try. I feel like you knew. Yes. So you get flashes of who she was before she was alive. Before she got killed by King Vaughn. And then, Roy's King Vaughn! No, so you had flashes of that just before she died, and you knew that she came from a village in the West. And that's really, that's all that you can muster from that spell.

Okay. From a dead body, that's all you can get. Should we try the thing while he touches his necklace and asks questions? Yeah. And then we can combine our, our, our, Intel gained to share valuable Intel with Leo that will hopefully heal him and also lead us outside of the manner. So you're going to cast Speak with Dead. It is time to speak with the dead.

All right, so you cast your spell. Green flame emerges from both of your hands. Hell yeah. As the body begins to like slowly and just ever so slightly raise and levitate its eyes open, its mouth opens, and green light bursts out from it. Like almost illuminating the rest of the room,

and you now know that you can ask its questions. And it just kind of like slowly turns its head and looks to you. I feel like we shouldn't say it. Yes. Can we say her? The deceased looks at you. The deceased looks at me. I can ask my three questions.

Yes. Okay, let's pause. Friends, what should we ask? Are you real mom? with you what I know. Okay. That I saw, I saw this woman at 20 give away a baby. Then I saw this woman at 30. Seamstressing. Enjoying life. The seamstress of Runaway.

And a moving business. Entrepreneurial spirit on display. It seems very relevant. Entrepreneurial spirit on display, I like it. Then at 35, I believe I saw this woman... Attacked by black people. I'm not sure I want to repeat that part. There were specters. Dead, death. In the village and a symbol that has haunted the realm on the corpse. And that's all I can share.

But now you have some useful information that I start to spell. I feel like Mr. Tibadoe, who hates me, had a good question to ask. Are you Jomi's mom? Are you Leo's mom? Are you Leo's is mom? And did you teach him to hit women? Don't wait. That's two questions.

That's one question. That's one question. No, stop. I take the sassy one out. Are you Leo's mom? I take the sassy one out. She answers in like a, like a rasp, but like an echoey thing. Like it's just in your ear.

It's not like so much said, but like her mouth opens and she says, I was a mother but once. I never knew his name. What kind of was a musty-ass answer is that? No, nobody. She never named him. She didn't name a child? Wait, wait, wait, ask if the baby had any identifying marks.

Okay, but, but can I also make another suggestion? That's one question down. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, time out. We want to leave this, we want to leave this house, right? Yes, yes. Wait, okay. Should we ask where she's from and go to that village? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Versus, I guess she wouldn't know who. Also identifying marks on the body. Because. Or who killed you, I don't think she knows. She's not going to know that. I don't think she knows that. She's not going to know that.

But we can do birthmark question if you want to. But I think we should do get the hell out of the mansion question. I mean, I assume she would know. Okay. I'm not going to. I assume she would know my father. Donatello. Maybe not.

Donatello. A turtle. Oh. Did you ever fuck Donatello? Or perhaps. Ask the dead body if she ever fucked Donatello. As she fucked her turtle. Did she fuck Donatello?

Did he let him up the turtle? Did he left him? Did he live in a sewer? Yes. With the both, that's so many questions. It's funny you mention that because my step siblings are named Michelangelo and Raphael. Oh, wow. Did you fucking turtle named Donnethel?

Not a turtle! Not a turtle! Just a man. A elf. An elf. An elf, don't a turtle. We don't have all day, Steve. Yes, she said, yes.

I did. Oh, okay. He visited a Bonafite Turtlefucker. Now the location-based questions. Now the location-based. But we have to be, wait, we have to be specific. Because what if the cadaver's like,

oh, just generic town name is there are a 20th town. We need to ask something about late. Do you know the longitude and the letter? Yeah, you died. Let's ask about visual markings. What did the town look like? Is there a specific something in the town?

Where did people go to pray? Where do people go to? You need a specific landmark of this town. Wait, wait. A one of a kind landmark. Before we waste this question, can I just ask, Mr. Belladale, do you know where his body came from already? And if we'd ask you, would you just tell us?

Yes, I would. Oh, okay. So we don't talk to way. So don't know. What else we want to ask her? I mean, you got one question. What did it feel like to die? Can I say it the question for later?

No. No, you can't. Ask her how did she. Ask her how she died. Yeah. How? So we know what we're up against. Yeah.

Do you have any sense of how you died? Like anything you remember from before you died, what was the last thing you saw or felt or heard? Yeah. How did you die and don't let Mr. Belvedere be fucking mysterious about it? Exactly. I don't know who you, that is, but I remember screams, bites. Woo!

No, no, no. No, no. Tangle, annoying. and a name. Don't say Juan. Don't say Juan. Don't say Juan. It was one.

Hold on. Hey. Ray. And then with that, the body collapses. Real quick. And the light fades from her eyes and then she slams right back on the table.

Max, can we get one second? Can we just get one second? Guys. Okay, a huddle. Do we think Max bit Juan, turn wand into it, Juan into a vampire and Juan has gone on a reckless killing spree across the realm. So, so here's, here's the thing, right? Obviously, we're all brought here because Mr. Belvedere saw something.

Yeah. Okay. Here's what we have to do. Okay. I say we all stay together. Jump, no, no, no, hold on, hold on. But we keep a sharp eye on Max. Yes. Okay. Okay. Let's kind of keep this between us. I am in an alliance with Max and so I will be telling Mack. I can't. We're, we're, we, but it's, we got I will be. We have to clue Max in. We have to treat Max like the wolf man. Because like the wolfman doesn't want to do the things that he does. Okay.

Every time you kill him, he's like, thank God you kill me. And so we got to, we got to let her know because we got to know what she knows about Juan. We need information from her about Juan. Because Juan is full. Are you telling this to Max? No, I'm telling it to you. Are you, y'all in a huddle? Yeah, I can't hear it at all despite my very sharp hearing.

I have a real perception. I put my ear pods in and I was just like Oh, a 19 Unfortunately You might be hearing this No, I'm just jamming out Because I mean we have to also protect Juan

No, no, no, you're right We should definitely tell Max But let's just try to be nice about it You know what I'm saying We'll need her for this journey But at the same time we have to let her know Hey, I'm just I'm just letting you know Just with the way that you're treating Juan

You're coming off like an ice agent. I agree. Yeah, you are. Isn't Juan the murderer? We don't even. We don't know. You don't know. But think about it.

Juan might have killed. Yeah. But the ass being controlled. It could be a winter soldier situation. I'm not saying that we got to go kill Juan. My whole thing is about Max, right? And how she might be involved. The nine, the one.

Those are things that come from her. Wait. Do we think maybe somebody else is using Juan to get to Max? Maybe. To make Max vulnerable. But it all comes back to Max. Because Max saw one in that state. Yeah.

So really somebody could be using Max. Yes. To enroll. Yeah. That's what, that's what I'm saying. So you're right. We should tell Max that, hey, whatever's going on. We do want to support you.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But it does look kind of crazy right now. We can't lie to you. I think we should have Talia tell that to Max. Yeah, Tali. You tell Max. What we came up with.

Tell us. We got the one eye on you, Max. but you're also our friend. That's so kind. Would you like to hear everything I know about Juan? Yes. We would because we've been judging him. Also, we do need to leave this mortuary.

Could we go to her room other than the morning? Would you like me to tell this story on the road to the house? Yes. Well, where this is found him. Yeah, or found her. My mother, yeah. He didn't find her in the village. I asked you.

You knew. He knew where he found her. You're a jerk. Devastating. Okay, where did you find her? I found her in a forest. Oh. But I'm a forest gnome.

Also, their animals. Oh, could I ask, wait, could I ask some of the animals there what happened? I can talk to animals. You too. Also, can I get anything more specific than forest? Huh? Anything more specific than a general forest? It was the blackwood forest.

Oh, that's bad news for us. The bad wood forest? Backwoods for. The backwood forest is crazy. Okay. Good news and bad news. I know the Blackwood Forest very well. Okay.

Oh. Bad news. I once belonged to, yes, a covenant of what you call vampires. Yeah. Our name, very kitsy, if you ask me, was Children of the Blackwood. Children of Blackwood. I lived in the Blackwood Forest with them. Like a Kardashian.

We had a sort of cold. culture clash in that they um culture clash they were a little gloomy and I was a little upbeat and they didn't really like me

that much and the only one it was ever really that nice to me was Juan and he's very nice and I don't think he bit this king man's mother I don't think he did it but listen I know where a lot of vampires live in the forest if you want to go take a look okay so she's sticking by Juan

we get it, it's her friend, some Steve Rogers shit. Yeah. And so we got to go, we got to give it a benefit of the doubt for now. Yes. But we got to let her know that we're... Talia, are you with us?

I'm really not trusting the whole situation, but I'll go along, I guess. Why do you sound like the Kambay-Bottombo? Rest and peace. All right, you know, I'm trying to break some fucking levy to this shit. I can stop. I can stop. We know that.

Trumps are crushing it. Genuinely, you're so fun. Okay, it's the same character. Charcoal, you're crushing. Do you hear Juan say you're my mission to Max at any point? Well, we're going to find out. Your my mission. We're going to find out as we head to the Blackwood Fort.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The lights change. I didn't get to ask Mr. Belvedere if you knew my mom's name, but that's fine. This episode is brought to you by Spectrum Business, Fast, Reliance. Liable internet means everything for your business. And even this podcast, that's why I trust Spectrum business.

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Watch only on Prime. Max, you've been guiding our party along. for the better part of a day and a half. Oh. I'm going to need everyone to make survival checks. What do we do? Roll? Roll?

Yes, roll. Oh, dear. A one. A natural one. Yikes. Okay. Everybody else? 18.

A natural 20. Yeah. Okay. Eleven. 11. 18. Great. So all of you amply make the journey.

The day's journey, well, you like, handle your rank. your rations well, your horses and your travel packs are well stocked. Leo, you, like, forget to eat. My mom just died. You're despondent, you're disheveled, but thankfully, rolling a natural 20. Rolling a natural 20, oh daddy, like, helps you along. He gives you some of his rations. Like, he makes sure that you're well-fed, well-kept-over, like, making sure you're sleeping well.

He takes care. It means something. And then you find yourselves in the Blackwood Forest. It's a massive sprawling, rich forest full of, like, thick oak trees and, like, sprawling canopies of darkness. Most of it is covered in tree lines, so sunlight hardly comes in. You get there, and it's about twilight. It's about, like, in the evening time. As the sun is beginning to set, you guys are entering.

and we are going to roll a survival check one more time to find tracks to where Marcus last said the whereabouts where he found the body. 15. 15. 19. Excellent. Leo, you have a natural affinity for navigating amongst the forest.

That's not Leo. Or that's not Leo. Oh, Daddy, you've been working... Wow. Get your black bill mixed up. Crazy is nuts. That's crazy. You have a natural affinity for navigating the forest. You can easily find trails and markers that lead you to an open clearing

from where it looks like a lot of these bodies that were said to be found along with Leo's mother are gone. But there's evidence of things being moved. There's rustled grass. Someone's trying to make the scene look. Yes, and that look natural. Yeah. Oh, Daddy, roll perception for me in this clearing. Incredible.

Yeah. Four. Four. Okay. You're hearing rustling through the trees, but it may as well be the wind to you. Leo, do the same. 19.

18. So you're in this... Oh, and plus one. 20. There you go. You're in this moonlit clearing. All around you are signs of the forest, tall trees. Like, it's a cool fall air that's around you.

Crisp and autumnal, you would say? Yes. Okay. I would exactly say that. I wouldn't say that. Chris and autumnal. I would not say that. Thank you so.

Very much. Nobody would say that, actually. Well, you are at the beginning of this clearing, at the edge of this clearing, you see a rustling in the tall grass. Ooh. Of what you believe to be an owl bear. Yeah, let me talk to him. Yeah, we can talk to bees. Oh, Dad, we can talk to the owl bears. Yeah, let me talk to him.

We can talk to him. We can talk to him. We can talk to beasts. I also have hypnotic gays. Yeah. I also have a friendship spell. I would like to be friends with the owl there. I want to be friends with the two.

So we're all very excited. Yeah. We're high. Is it, is it, question? Is it the size of an owl, but it's a bear?

No. Is it the size of a bear? It is, but it can fly like an owl. Body and size of a bear. Okay. Feathers and face of an owl. Does that have wings?

It does. Can it fly? Yes. There is any black or brown? Brown. Any spots? No. No.

Fangs? No, because it has a beak. It has a beak. Yeah. Because it's out. The face of an hour. It doesn't go.

Does it know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tutsi pop? You would have to ask it. You would have to ask it that. We want to talk to. But so far, it is about like 100 yards. You can see it, but it's like 100 yards away. It's a big one. It's not that far.

Okay. Let's roll to see a football that. No. Like a vortex. You can see it's there, but you know that you don't want. to either starlet or make it scared. So I need you, who wants to approach? You want to approach?

You want to approach? He's the animal guy. Let's let him take the lead. Let's let the lead approach. Okay, I want you to roll a stealth check. This is exciting. 11. It's not bad.

All right, hold on one second. That's some new ones for this one. Honestly, that's pretty good. No, hold on, hold on. That day's good. If he survived the journey on a one. Yeah, that was with help. of another person.

Well, let's know it. I'm saying this, though. I don't have no, okay. No, no, no, because you have a plus five to stealth because you're proficient in it, so you easily, quietly, near silently, sneak through the grass.

You have the extra peters tonight. You get within about, I want to say, 30 feet of it. Okay. You just have one. Do you want to make your presence known to it, and do you want to attempt to speak with it? Yep.

Okay. So you cast speak with animals. Okay. You can comprehend and under understand animal languages. Anybody that doesn't know how to do this, to them you are just speaking in

animal-like gibberish. Houten and growlin? Houtin and growlin. But it's but it, the conversation happens as easily as it is with you and I. But I can understand this. So you can understand. But yeah, but you're 100 yards away.

You would have to like listen intently. Maybe I can't because I can only do, I can only speak with small beasts. Well, do you have the spell speak with animals? One moment. One moment. Fuck. No?

No, but I have it listed as my feature. Well, because you can speak with your cat. Oh, I see. Is that it? Small beast doesn't count. That's the spell that he can comprehend all animals. I believe that in a moment of peril, though, I'm prepared to help Tibbs with hypnotic gaze.

Okay. Is an action, a creature within five feet that can see or hear me. Okay. So certainly you're 100 yards at the other end of the clearing. Would you like to make yourself invisible and or disguise yourself to get closer? Maybe let's see how it goes for tips first. Okay. All right, well, wait on that.

So you cast speak with animals. From what you can see, this owl bear is kind of like enjoying like a smaller meal to itself like underneath the like the clearing of a tree. It's eating right now. What's the meal? And it's paying you no attention. It doesn't care. It's not.

paying attention to you at all. How do you want to make yourself known? How do I want to make myself known? Yes, to this creature. Do I have any food on me? Uh, you do. Let me check. Let me check. Are we all food? We all have rations. Because if I have, you have rations. If I have, yeah, let's the owl bear eating. If the owl bear is eating something and I have some food on me, I would like to offer to give the owl bear maybe a little piece of my rations. Like some french fries. I don't I don't know But what

In my word What are I want to emphasize A foot or a hand Or something Yeah Yeah Another might need a side

Right I also want to emphasize That all The rest of you Are 100 yards away We're just yelling across Just yelling across this If that's what you're doing

Check if it's eating a person And should we as people Be scared of it With and you say that right Yes Okay the owl bear immediately looks up and clocks O'Don.

I'm good. I'm good. You say that to him? No, I'm, no, I ask the owl bear. So the owl bear sees me now. Yes. I ask the owl bear, how's your meal? Yes. Right. Are you stealing my food? I'm not stealing your food.

I have my own food. I was just wondering if you were enjoying it. I come in peace. Good. Don't take my food. I would not like to take your food. Okay. I would like to talk to you and maybe have you answer some questions. I am a stranger in this forest.

And I don't know my way around. You seem to know yours. Okay. Well, I'm having a... What is it? What? Okay. Me and my friends over there.

You see my friends over there? Wave everybody. Hello. Hello. And he looks over there and he like switz a little bit. Hi! I said, okay. What about them?

Stop. We're new here to the Blackwood Force, and we're searching for answers to find out what happened to one of my friend's mothers. And we've been led here to this force, and we were wondering if maybe I could have

five minutes of your time to maybe ask you some questions. Okay. Roll animal handling. 14. 14. That's plus, and you're proficient in that, too. Okay, yeah.

It's like its shoulders were a bit haunched before So it kind of like relaxes and leans back And it's like Okay yeah Like what's what do you need? What's what's been going on? Well first do you mind if I sit? Sure

Why is the owlbe? They're so sassy And then so you like siddle up next to him I sat I saddle up next to him Okay um am I wearing any weapons Uh yeah but it doesn't I put my weapons To the side The show of trust with the aisle.

That's very smart. Yeah, put my weapons to the side. And you can't, like, it doesn't, like, you can't tell, but, like, it tilts its head in a way that makes you feel like it smiled at you. Yeah. Put my weapons to the side. Albaugh knows, I come in peace. This is not his first rodeo. You can tell by the hat.

Yeah. So, now I need to know, like, what I need to ask the Alper. Does he scamper back over? Do we have to go over there? Does he invite us over? Do you want to, you can signal to them if you want to, like if it's safe? Well, wait, wait, wait. First of all, there's a tell I'll bear.

I am traveling with the loveliest, bestest. And it's like, yeah, the most genteel bunch of people. I was wondering if it would be okay if my friends came over so that we could all sort of talk to you. You have beautiful, beautiful feathers, by the way. Okay. And it, he says, I'm sure, I don't see what's wrong with that. And, like, so then they start walking over? They start walking over.

Okay. As they get, as they get closer, it clocks max. And it immediately drops its food. No, I am not. I have made myself invisible. I'm in the blackboard. I'm in the blackboard. I have made myself invisible.

It saw you before. Too bad. Poof, I'm gone. Bro. Okay. All right. Now, hold on. Roll a stealth check. That's a nine. That's pretty good, I think.

I don't think so. So it still has seen you. But now I'm invisible. Possible and inability, everybody. Right. So, and please describe invisibility for us, just for the uninitiated here. I know invisibility kind of speaks for itself, but there are some rules to this. So Let's just get creative with language here It says A creature you touch myself

Becomes invisible until the spell ends Anything the target is wearing or caring is invisible As long as it on the target's person The spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell And how long is the duration of that spell Hour? Hour It's important to ask a question here Because if the owl bear has already seen her

Then she turns invisible That's a fucking problem Because the owl bear might be thinking She's turning invisible So she can come over here Well, and that So you just turned invisible The owl bear is now like

Stood up on both feet like Tall as hell I assume Tall as hell Size of a bear Like big grizzly Style shit Can I talk to him? And it's rally, you talk to him

I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell me Where did she go Okay, let me talk to Who was that? Let me talk to him real quick You talk about the blecky on him Okay let me tell you something

Real quick My friend is dealing They've been here for too long My friend is dealing with some trauma. She is of a species that sometimes is judged. Over species? Yeah. See, think about it.

You are a very gentle and majestic owl bear, but I bet that sometimes when people first meet you, they make a snap judgment about you. She's a little bit self-conscious about that. If you notice me, my weapons are over there. I mean, you absolutely no harm. We will have 10 minutes of your time, Mr. Albear, and we will be on our merry way.

Roll persuasion. Two. Wait, now hold on. Hold on, wait a minute. I'm going to make sure that you can get that to. We have to kill him. And it's, hold on, hold on. It's, he's still, he's still growling a bit, but it's just like, she needs to make herself known now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not let the fucking owl bear determine what our fucking posy. First of all, you only heard. You don't know what it's sad. Well, guess what I speak to the dead. So I'll kill this motherfucker so I can understand it. I'm fucking done with this bear. Sorry, Steve.

It's doing nothing to you. It's very sassy. I want to be its friend. So I'm going to ask Max to make yourself known for the owl bear. Will the owl bear hurt me if I make myself visible? We will protect you. will protect you. Okay, I de-invisible myself.

Next thing I'll ask the Albert. But I just need you to know, because you told me this earlier, I have to say it, I am now in vamp. I can use my vamp powers. You're in vampire form right now? Yes. Oh, okay.

You might as well be. So in vampire form, she basically has buffy the vampire face, like those hodge eyebrows, like big forehead type of thing. Albert, what is your name? You don't know your name?

It's... Hold on. Miguel. Miguel? What's going on? I don't know. It's... Rigberto.

Francisco. Francisco. I knew Francisco back in the day. Oh. Yeah, it was a great guy. All right. Francisco, this is Leo, Talia. Max, and Rye.

We're here to find out some answers about our friends. We all come in peace. No one has any weapons. How well do you know this force? Well, I'll tell you one thing. I know this forest well enough to know that it's been plagued by people that look just like her. Whoa. Wow.

Too many. Two of people? What do you mean? Watch out. Brace is out there. No. I don't know what you call them. Them?

But they eat. They eat people. They eat my kind. They drink our blood. They use rituals. They summon things that are unabominations. Calm down. Animal handling.

Roll animal handling. See if you can calm them down. 15. Okay. He's now like on both on all fours, but he's like, he's not breaking eye contact with him. What? What are these characters are to me?

Hold on you. Francisco, how many of these types of people have you seen in the past? Are these stories that you've heard or have you seen it with your own eyes? I've seen it with my own eyes. What does he mean by eat them? Drinking the blood, we would expect, but eating them is a different thing. What's going on here? What do you mean by eat them?

As I understand, Max loves to drink blood. Be positive. As far as eating people, I've never known her to eat. anyone and I've known her for about 45 minutes. So, like, what do you mean when you say eat them? Well... You're talking about, like, sex stuff? I've seen that...

There she is. What did she say? I don't understand. I can only understand you. They just keep speaking in this weird language. I've been waiting for her to show up. I don't know what she said, but if you care to translate, that's fine. Well, I won't say that they eat them.

but the things that they conjure do after they have their way then the others come and then as the owl bear says that I need everyone to make a perception check real quick 16 okay 3 plus 5 17

4 tallie wait what are we adding to this that would be your that's in oh my god what is that? Intelligence? No, that's in wisdom. A wisdom.

Uh-oh. So I rolled a 16 and I have a plus one. Mm-hmm. Pretty good. Tali, what's your wisdom? Wait, so what do I do? Now that I have you proceed. You roll your D20.

I did. 17? 17. 17. I did a 17. Everybody else? I had a 4. I rolled a 5.

Okay. Or not roll a 5. Anybody that rolled like 12 and above, Max, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. Jesus Christ. Oh, God. Okay, great. That 20, baby.

So anybody that rolled like a 13 and above, you see a, like, massive, like, massive dark figure swoop out from the sky, slash down to the ground right at Max, and in a split second, like a near imperceptible split second, max, like, dodges out of the, the way and it is gone. I'm vampire batting myself. I bat! You can fly, yes? I have bat changing abilities.

Yes? Yes. My beast boy. So you're disappearing as a bat form. I'm just hovering above the fray as a bat. Sick. As a bat. Are you saying it just like Laslo and what we do in the chaos? You say bat? Yeah.

Okay, so she's bat. You don't know what happened to just like this thing swooped down and came at Max and now she is a bat. I'm gonna fuck it up. And what can I do? No, it's gone now. It's gone? It's gone. And now the Albares freaked out.

Doesn't know what's happening. It has now begun to run off into the forest. This Albear didn't do shit for us. Do you follow the Albaer? Yeah. I mean, I I would advise letting him go. Really?

Because we have enough, I wanted to kind of be his pal, but this nigga too shaky. Like we have enough information from the owl bear that we need. I would advise letting him go. So, but where are we going? We're on the lookout now for, A, the creature that attacked, and then B, other people that have been, that have seen preachers attack. and have watched Joe's kind terrorize this poor forest. I can't believe it.

I think we should have asked them where these people are located in this forest. Okay, so we're going to quick pause on that scene. We're going to cut to Max in the Sky right now. You're like... Bad vision. A couple like a thousand feet above the ground? That sounds high.

That sounds very high. That's really high. Very high? I don't know. I don't know if they're going to be like just above the tree line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So roll a perception.

Check again. Nat 20. Okay. You see that same, like, shrouded, like, dark figure zoom immediately towards you, like, from, like, your immediate 12 o'clock and roll the dexterity saving throw once more. 11. Okay. It tackles... Plus two.

Plus two? 13. It tackles you. Midair. As a bat. And it, like, it, like, it, like, shoulder checks you and velder. you, gives you a massive, what feels like a hug, roll a perception check.

What? A hug. How lovely. Okay. Eight. You can't see... Ten. This creature.

Okay. But the smell is familiar. Juan, is that you? As... I say badly. As you two, clean down towards the ground, it, like, sort of flips over and lands on its back, like, absorbing the blow from the ground as you're... were like, like, embraced inside of its chest and outside.

I'm still bad. I'm bad. And as it, like, sort of, like, uncoils from darkness. It's one. It's one. Oh, yeah. Guys, it's one. Come on. Come on. Are we seeing this? Uh, perception check.

We were, I thought, I thought, Talian, I saw. Four. Fourteen. Fourteen? Fourteen. Nineteen. I see everything. So, like, from what you could see, like, you, like, you, From what you hear, like, maybe like a quarter mile in the distance, you hear the massive, like, snapping of trees and branches thinking that something crashed down in the distance.

Okay, I'm putting my sword back on. Were your sword back on, you're going to go towards that? Yeah. Okay, so you guys are running towards that. Cut back to Max. Juan is panting. He is disheveled. He seems perfectly healthy.

Okay. Nothing to... It's not like that. Juan. What? I don't know. Embrace, Coil?

Roll constitution. Actually, no. Perception. Perception. A one? Yeah. He looks a lot better than when you last saw him.

Like, he got his haircut. Okay. He's, like, he's looking good. Well, when she last saw him, he was screaming silently and leaking black tears, so. You know, lo, blah. A little bar, but he cleared it. So, you see one.

Yeah. He's laying on the. the ground, he immediately springs back to his feet. He's panting. He seems desperate and disheveled. Max, it's been, it's taken me forever to find you. Why are you bringing them to us? What? Oh, shit. What do you mean about them? The rest of the family? What are you talking about? What do you mean the rest of the family? Don't you remember every time, like, ever since you left, oh God, it went to shit.

Everything's got, ever since you left. Clarissa took over. Do you mean Carmilla, the name you showed me in a notebook earliest team? That's not a thing that I had properly rehearsed. Yes, that is her actual name. Oh, not Carmilla. Carmilla. She sucks.

She sucks so bad. Oh, no. She's running everything now. Are you guys doing the Eat and the Conjuring? Have you been chewing on people in conjuring nothing? I haven't been chewing on people. We fed like normal. We did it as best we did.

could. But what have you been conjuring? Also, are my friends here yet? No, who are your friends? I don't, I don't see them around here. Those people crashing in the underbrush. Do you hear that? Real perception. Five. You don't hear anything. Oh my gosh, we want to be together with our friends. You're running like a quarter mile. It's going to take a minute. I run 30 feet a minute. What are you talking about? 30 feet a minute? That's what he says. Someone has to carry me. life. Don't worry.

Oh, daddy. Someone has to care. Oh, daddy, put on your back. Piggyback? Yeah. We want to be with our friends. Everybody rule constitution checks? Seven.

Nine. Nineteen. Nine. 19. All of you are like running as fast as you can and like only like you are getting a little bit tired because you're carrying somebody else on your back. But like you're still chugging along. You got some time to run.

This is still happening. happening. Carmilla. Carmilla. I have a lot of things going on. I know. Keep it together, there's days. Carmilla, I can't,

the wind. Carmilla, she's drunk with power. All she wants to do. Sounds like her. She's also usually drunk with other things. Classic her, you know. She wants to summon something.

I don't know what it is, but it's nothing but sacrifice. feed, sacrifice, feed. She summons these demons. They look like like imps and bats. It's terrible.

I'm tired of it. I can't do it anymore. Well, Juan, it sounds to me like your work-life balance is a little off-kilter. I mean, for real. I have brought some very nice people with me here to the forest. Listen. And perhaps they can help.

It's not exactly you join a vampire death cult when things are going well in your life. So, you know, maybe the boundaries are a little... Maybe the boundaries are a little sour right now. I get it. Constitution checks from everybody. Seven. Ten. Twelve. Okay, you're huffing and puffing a little bit. You might need to take a rest for like half a second.

Man, it's about a quarter mile, not a marathon. I know, but you're running fast. Tanya, is that you? It's one... It's one... Tully is right. The trick is this. Tell you.

Where's one? Where's one? What is right here? I'm here. I'm here. Okay, you guys emerge in a couple of comments. I got my... My friends are here.

I got, okay, I'm right there. I attack one. Oh, what's a tack. What's a tack? What? I got to make a spell? Oh, yes. You ready a spell?

Oh, yes. Let's not attack one. Hold on. I don't know. Roll dexterity for you. Let's talk to. No, we attack. Can I use my persuasion?

Six. You try to yell out. Are you going to try to yell out to stop them? I don't know. For the plot, it seems like we should have a fight. No, don't, for the plot? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I would like to be watching Ray.

Can I roll for persuasion to something for fighting? Oh my gosh, Leo, fine. Roll persuasion. Who are you trying to persuade to stop attacking? Everybody or these guys, us guys. to 12, I got plus four. Okay, so that, okay, 16, so make your case. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

They seem like they're cool, right? Keep you, keep you, keep your swords ready. I don't know about one. Let's talk to one, see if we can get any information out of him. Where, uh, where his people might be, right? Because it looks like they might be the ops. Okay, can I say something real quick? Oh, yeah.

Just to let you know, okay, we're here. and when we talked to your mom, she told us very specifically like what was going on. Yes. All right, I'll put my sword back up. If we kill, the minute that one twitches,

I'm fucking his shit off. Just think about it. Okay, okay, this is actually, this is the thing that we can do in D&D. Do you want to ready an action? If he does something. I want to ready an action like a motherfucker. Okay.

So if he, so anything that you perceive, to be either hostile or something that you don't like, say you want to ready yourself to attack. I want to ready myself to attack. Because if we kill Juan, we won't know where all the baddies are.

Instead of killing one, can we roll to torture the information? They don't need to do that. Can we tie one up? Yes. Somebody, you could try, but so you're going to ready an action to let this conversation play out

and see what's happened. And so Juan observes all of you, and he's like, see like very cagey and he's like look I don't know I don't know what the family's doing anymore all right we've lost our way

I probably did some bad things clearly I'm here y'all are here because something I might have done or not did I don't know who you are but I'm here to help wait wait wait wait wait what bad hold on because that's I hear that

I heard that a lot in my life what before we before You know that you're here to help. What have you done? What's a bad thing to you? I've murdered more innocent people than I care to admit. Oh, keep them out to fear. That's not great.

That's not great. Oh, sorry, Max. You joined a vampire family because you didn't want to kill people and drink their blood? No, I heard the health care and the benefits well, very good. And how do we get that health care? By drinking people's blood. But not draining them. Oh, really?

We should not be talking about health care or health care CEOs. It's not good. It's not good. I was going to let that go. I was just like to push through that. Juan, would you answer these nice people's questions? My friend Leo here, his mother was set upon, and also a weird little mark was carved in and around her body or something. I didn't pick up all the details. We were in a morgue.

Can you explain what's going on? Why are you guys draining people? He used to drain people. Well, what village was this again? If you don't start answering questions, I might... We don't really know. It's not the time for theatrics, my buddy. Okay, I'll tell you, I'll tell you this.

The last village that we attacked, it was ruthless. It's what made me quit. Hey. I had... I'm going to be a job. You're taking too long. I made... I made...

One. Let's go to the chase. Where can we find Kamala? Because we want to fight and kill her. Okay. If you follow me, there's some catacombs that'll lead you to where she is. Wait, Juan, real quick. So we don't trust you.

Let's follow him into some catacombs. For real. Like, I'm not following me. Wait, guys, I will be casting light. I can touch one object that is no larger. The font is so small than 10 feet in any dimension until the spell ends. The object sheds bright light in a 20-foot radius. Okay.

And damn light for an additional 20s. Plus, you can see in the dark. And I have dark vision, as I mentioned. But I'm not selfish. I'm selfless, so I want you all to be able to see it. Does you have any type of binding spill? But also, does anyone have any, like, compelled truth sort of spell? Yeah.

I don't think so I put all my points in the, to, I can hold a person. Persuasion. What's Hale of Thorns? That doesn't sound like truth. Like that goes to the next page. Nah, it's just, okay, no, it's just, that's just some good shit if Juan fuck up. Okay, great, great, great.

Is it usual? I can detect magic, would that be useful? Maybe not right now. Not at the moment. But, so, but, like, one is, like, you can, you can see that he's trying to beseech you guys for help. He's like, look, I probably murdered somebody you might have known. I probably not. It's bad.

I get it. Okay, okay. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I'm not fucking with one, though. You fuck up.

You fuck up you're dead. It's fine. We got to go. Okay. We have light. We're going into the cat. We might forgive you if you take us to the cat inomes and take us to Carmilla. Lead us to your leader.

Fine. He leads to shit. He leads you about like two miles south. Does it take us nine months to get there? No, it takes you about like 20 minutes. Okay. I'll be lighting a branch. You'll be lighting a branch?

Yeah. Okay. When the time comes? You can actually let your horse staff. What? As one if he knows where there ain't any wild horses. Wild horses? Yeah, we need to get on a horse.

We're walking everywhere. I mean, that's fine. Well, we can't take horses into the catacomb. That's true. That's fair. Okay. I want the hell cat. Tell me my favorite.

One is like, I don't know, but like, have you been to hell? They got cats? Yes, they know. They drive. All cats go to hell. All cats do go to hell. I know a couple of cats that are most certainly in hell. Let's get in a car. Let's go to the catacombs.

Let's do the things. Okay. Does Scotch know a hell cat? Yes, yes. I can... Can you talk to Scotch for a second? Speak with Small Beasts, so I'll be asking Scotch. Okay. Scotch turns to you. He's been here the whole time. Scotch is with me the whole time. Yeah. And like a little, like, baby Bjorn.

Baby Bjorn? Yeah, and he looks up to you? Yep. And I say, Scotch, my dude, I have a question. Do you know any Hellcats? Talia's tired of walking? And the catacombs are going to be our last confined limiting space before we're roaming free. Tibbs would like a horse. I will be using my enlarge spell to travel on Scotch, so I'm good. Talia would like a Hellcat. Leo and Max have not commented on their mounts, but I can assume they would like mounts as well.

Scotch do you know where we can... The Outbear comes back. Let's right on the owlbeck. I mean, that hour bear's long gone. That, like, sturied right off. Let's find an nice of owl bear. Well, she could fly. I mean, she probably can. You can bet yourself.

But Leo Gis, Liam did him. I would love to ride a dragon, but we don't have time for that. And one offers to carry you and, like, you know, like piggyback fly. With the group that killed my mother? Absolutely not. So you'll walk? Yes. Okay, all right.

Then you guys all walk through the catacombs. You happen upon a very spooky graveyard, riddled with covalstones and grave sites, and you see a mausoleum in the back. There's one sarcophagus that he points to and opens up. up. To get to the catacombs, obviously secret passage, you know the way, of course. Come on, Max. This is your bread and butter. You haven't been here in a while, so I don't really know what else is down there. So let's open it up. So you guys, like, lift the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the lid. The air is foul and rank. And, like, it's that thing with it, like, and I'm like, it depressurizes. And as, like, that lid sort of cracks, a massive,

rotted fist, punches the rest of the lid up through the sky, and emerge and leaping forward is a nine-foot zombie, and it immediately is going to swipe at max. I need everybody to roll for initiative. Seven, eleven, three. Five, eighteen. Yeah.

Okay. All right. I'm ready. Lock it in. Wonderful. I'm putting this zombie to sleep. Hell yes. You're putting it to sleep.

Let's go. All right, big massive zombie. This thing is nine feet tall from what you can see. It weighs like 300 pounds. Zombie is swiping at max. Okay, I'm saving Max. I'm putting the zombie to sleep. Oh, man.

All right, great. Can I do that? That's great for the zombie. Okay, you, it takes a big swipe at your shoulder and, like, absolutely clobbers it, and it, like, shreds off some skin of yours. You take three damage. Okay.

Oh, God. Is that I mean I didn't put the zombie to sleep? Well, not immediately, not until it's your turn, which is right now. Okay. I'm putting the zombie to sleep. You want to cast sleep? Yeah. And describe this spell for us?

There are multiple paragraphs here. Okay. It's a first level enchantment. The range is 90 feet. The duration is one minute. I need a pinch of fine sand, a rose pedal, or a cricket. Okay, you have that in your bag. I'm sending this creature into a magical slumber.

I have to roll... 5B8. I will roll 5D8. Okay. Creatures within 20 feet. I can choose the range of how affected they are. Okay. Lowest hit point creature, but there's only one creature,

so I don't think that's relevant here. Oh, no! No, the lowest hit point creature is definitely not that zombie. Wait, undead and creatures immune to being charmed aren't affected by this spell. Damn. Man. So now roll an intelligence check.

If you roll high enough, have to waste that spell and you can cast something else. Oh, no. Big time. That's good enough. Damn. Yeah. You recall in your mind, you're like, oh, wait, no.

Zombies are immune to that, net. They'll cast something else. Save the rose pedal, save the sand. Yeah, save the world. Love this. Look at this group think right here. Yeah. That's right coming together.

Mm. Yeah. Can we say, in large, gosh, or anything. Collaboration. That's real teamwork. He won't remember. Or a fireball? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um. I'm glad they're over there having fun. For real. Yeah, I'm glad this is turn base. I'm trying to fuck some stuff. So imagine the zombie swipes it and then time freezes. I would just do it.

It's like an anime? Okay, yeah, yeah. It's just like now I just think about my image. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I ask a question? Yes. Are the zombie rules in this world the same as like walking dead to like how you fuck up a zombie? Do we have to hit him in the head or bust his brain or whatever?

A roll of knowledge for that. 12. 12. It's not so much cut the head off and then you kill the whole thing. It's just more of like you just got to like hit it until it's dead. Light that shit up. Fire bolt time. Fire bolt time.

All right. Let's go. Instantaneous. Instantaneous. And I believe that's a roll to hit, correct? Hold on. Hold on. I gotta get your sheep.

Roll the hit. So you conjure up a piece of fire in your hand. Yeah, I hurled, I've conjured fire. I hurled a boat. Yes. The creature it's in range. And, uh. Kobe.

And then you fire that. Okay, great. Yeah. Roll to hit him. Eleven. Eleven. Not bad, not bad. Not bad.

We in the fight. Yeah. Hold on. Let's go. Roll this, and then... Great. So you, like, conjure, like, a little, like, softball-sized, like, thing of flame. You chuck it right at him, and it hits him square in the jaw.

For five-fire damage. Okay. Boom. Do you hear my elbow crack? All right. Yes. I'm worrying. Charles, you're up next.

Oh, yeah, we're just keeping it rolling. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to pull out a hellish rebuke. Okay. Do I got a roll for this? Well, I believe that that Heldrabuke happens after something happens to you, correct?

Steve, I don't know. I just want to kill this zombie, bro. All right, well, how about this? How about you take a look at Eldrick Blast, maybe? Eldridge Blast is great for this. Oh, yeah, I'm going to do an Eldrick Blast. Wonderful. Do I got a roll? Yes. Damn, a four. That's okay, that's okay.

It might not be. Eldridge Breeze. breeze. All right, one second here. When it matters the most, I let my friends down. Okay, so you... Talia, no, no, no. So you basically, like,

charge up a bolt of, like, black lightning and it, like, shoots wide, and it completely misses him. Leo, my turn. It is your turn. Lightning arrow. Lightning arrow. All right, great. So this is a roll to hit. You're basically blessing an arrow

with lightning damage. Yes. But you still have to roll the hit. You knock your bow. 15. Oh, yeah. All right. Let's see how we do.

Yeah. Great. And then that's right here. Okay, excellent. You knock that arrow. It aims true, but it, like, cackles like a lightning bolt, so it goes like, he and then cracks him right in the hip and, like, takes a chunk out of his side. 13 d'Ares.

13 d'Ares. All right. All right. Now we have, oh, daddy. So where is my attacks? Your attacks? Yeah, it's like here or just like. Yeah, well, so you have a bow and arrow.

A bow and arrow and a short sword. What about the rain of thorns or whatever you had? That's another spell as well. That's another spell. On the back page should be like. Hail of thorns. If you're missing... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I want to do hail with thorns. Okay, great. Okay, so I'll roll for that? Great, excellent. So, yes, roll a cast. Ten? Ten? Yeah.

Okay, so it's fell casts and a form of, like, a form of, like, neon purple thorns, like, emerge at this creature's feet. So as it's going to move, it can possibly take thorn damage, and it, like, kind of, like, goes right up to its waist, as it's kind of, like, going to be. be hobbling around to get through this. Okay, so it is smoking from her damage. Yes.

Missing a hip? Yeah, part of his hip. Feels like the Thor should be near. Riddled and thorns. Yep. Well, it's got to move first. Strong and so. So now it is... Oh.

Joe's turn. I'm casting vicious mockery. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. And for the class, please. Because this is one of my favorite spells ever. Would you mind? you unleash a string of insults

laced with subtle enchantments at a creature you can see within range if the target can hear you though it need not understand you it must succeed in a wisdom saving throw or take Adi4 psychic damage and have disadvantage on the next attack roll

it makes before the end of the next turn so I'm about to fuck you up psychically with a disc track because you are a bard by the way oh yeah 13 13 plus Probably some other things. If you want a bonus, you can say one right now,

and if I like it, I'll give you extra damage. Now we got problems, and I don't think we can solve them. You made a deep cut, and now we got bad blood. Hell yeah. Wow. It's good his wisdom saving throat. Hell yeah.

And how many, what, psychic damage? How much psychic damage did you just do to him? I had D4, I think. One D4? Yeah. All right, great. One D4. I don't think I'm in one.

Oh, damn. And you know what? I'm giving you plus two for that because that was a good one. You just quoted Taylor Swift. I quoted the Bard-Max Martin, actually. The Bar-Max-Martin as performed by one Taylor Swift. Steve, I have a really quick question. I love all the work you did. Under ideals, why is it just a street justice

for me? Because that's what you believed in. Street justice, Steve? Yeah. All right, man. Is that what you're complaining about right now? Yes, I've started reading some of this year. racist. We're like two hours in. Streets and testing

his first look. I'm not fucking Luke Cage. I gave me the sheet a week ago and you didn't read it once. Let's continue with the zombie, right. It hears all of these strings of insults and it's like brain can't comprehend it.

Its head literally explodes and it falls to its feet and dies. Nice, we did that. Into the cat. Great. job team. Team. Wait, this was just to get into the catacons?

Oh, now we're into the catacombs. What kind of justice do you think that was against that zombie? Not sure justice. Catacomb justice. Catacomb justice? Yes. Okay, great.

Crip justice? Crip justice? Crip justice? Crip up. Cript up. Cript up. That's right. That's right.

If it's crypt justice, you don't suck blood. You suck. Jesus Christ. James. Way out. That's a good one, Jomey. We have a lot of fun here. You get advantage on that next role.

I'm going to give that just to you. All right, great. So you end of the catacombs. You head down a massive stone staircase for what seems like, what's like 10 minutes. It's like deeper and deeper into the earth. And inside of this, like, dank, like, it feels like a prison. You see chains on.

the walls and like everything is like either the air is dank and things are wet and moldy. It's an absolutely vile site. Juan, what have you gone up to down here? Why have there so many chains? And like I said, like I said, Max, it's gone pretty bad since you left. Oh, by Juan. No one does the dishes anymore. What is happening down here?

No, you haven't even seen the dishes. God, okay. I want to talk to Thalia and Leo real quick on the slide. It's real quick, just between us three. They're walking up there. She's with Juan. Okay. She's sick.

I'm talking to them. I'm in the back like, we're getting deeper and deeper in here, guys. I need to know what our plan is if Juan is leading us into an ambush. Like, if we're getting deeper and deeper, I love Max. She's very, very delightful to be around. Of course. But they have a relationship. that we don't have.

We might be compromised. If we go down here and there's 35 bloodsuckers ready to pop out at us right now, what are we going to do? I'm going Wesley Snipes on them. Day Walker. Leo, what do you need?

Because we need... You know what? I'm going to be real with you, Leo. We down here because of your shit. And you're not really taking very much initiative. slap the vampire like you slap women what he's the one who did it here's here's here's what I'll say

we need somebody lead us to the leader okay okay if this is not what this is if this is an ambush I do I could use a little bit of revenge so whatever we got understandably we're trusting Max so we're trusting Juan until that's I don't trust one.

I'll just say it. I don't trust one. All the perception. 15. And what are you hoped to see here? We stop following Juan and we follow our hearts and friendship. So you just leave? No, we keep going down the catacombs.

We leave Juan behind. We can't leave one behind. He's leading you. He doesn't know where to go. He hasn't been doing change. He's been leading him to it. All right, let's get there. What, Juan, where are we going?

We're going right down here to this. Where is, is one? leading us to Clarissa? Yes. Carmilla. Carmilla. Carmilla. Now, just let you just let you know.

These are Juan's homies. So we trust in a snitch to sell out his own people. Hey, hey, they trusted bubbles. That's different. Bubbles had his, if bubbles was getting a bed. I know I was not invited to this conspiring potter, but what if? You just, wait, wait, no, Max, like, just got a sidel look next. What is the forest known sent her cat ahead to tell us what's waiting for us?

We don't get into the cat. We don't want to put scotch in the danger. Yeah. It's not. Let's not put scotch. I would be worried for scotch to go alone. But why else have a familiar? For the long.

I forgot. Love and friendship. Come on. We're all going to die. You continue down to the catacom. I'm three for five. I'm small. Also, you can disguise yourself.

And I can be invisible and I can be an advanced lookout if you want to send me. I would be with. willing to risk my life for the party, but you guys have to promise me to take care of Scotch if I die. Oh, I mean, absolutely. I'm with, I got it. Okay. Then I will go. I will look ahead.

You want to look ahead? Yeah. Can I make myself invisible? You bring that, sure. You bring that dark vision if you haven't done. Yes. That's very true. Yeah.

Fuck, I have dark vision and gnome cunning. I'm ready for this. Great. I can make myself invisible. And I'll tell you what. We might tell Juan to shut the fuck up real quick and just chill. and let her go down there and explore things. Do you want to tell her to one?

Yeah, fuck you, Juan. Juan, you chill for a second. You hugging people out of nowhere. And we're going to let, yeah, Rye go forward and look, look, before we trust Juan. Can I roll for intimidation? I can't even intimidate Juan. If you fuck around and if you're fucking us right now, I will not hesitate to put a knife in your throat.

Okay. Okay. Roll for intimidation. Ah, it's a six, but I got plus two. He rolled lower. Don't worry. He's fucking scared. He's like, but like he's just like.

I'm Juan, I do care about you and I do want to believe in you, but also, and I know I've only known you for like 500 years and I've only known them for like 48 hours. But as far as I know, they don't chew on people and I think you do now. And that frightens me. So I'm going to stand with them. I have a question. How far away are we from whatever might await? Like, okay, so you, you inform one of the plan that everybody's holding back. He says, look, she's just beyond those doors.

Just beyond the doors? Great news. I don't have to scout. No, no. She's going to fucking attack. No, no. It's a long hallway. Okay.

All right. A set of doors. He says, like, this is going to be her study. I don't know where she is or if she's even there. Okay. But I know she will be coming. This is not unfun. Can I detect magic?

It's okay. It's getting good. I'm actually glad I never got into this shit because I wouldn't have turned out to be shit. That's all I've ever wanted for this. So he says, like, I don't know if she's here, but I know that the means the means of stopping her are. She's always been protective of her study.

I don't know what's going to be able to stop her, but I know that if you find something there. Wait. She's not here? I don't know if she's. means to stop or that's even better. Oh, so we're going... I can detect magic.

Yeah. Okay. Do I need that to maybe find the magical item that could work? You possibly could? Great. Let's do it. I'm an invisible scout heading with detect magic activated to save my friends. Okay.

So, y'all are going to hold back. You are going to sneak into that door. Yeah. Y'all want to play some dogs? Yes. But I am worried about mine. I think you have a deck of cards in your travel space. I'm not going to say this, but if she's not here, Juan's dying.

Who's not here? If Camilla's not here, I'm killing one. Tell her to one. If she doesn't come back, you're dead. Yeah, well, I mean, if she doesn't come back, if the homie not there, it's over for you. I will come back with something of use for us. I promise.

Okay, so you are now invisible. Yes, I'm invisible. Okay, I want you to roll a stealth check for quietly opening that front door. It's not great. I'm... It's on fine. It's not great.

Plus your charisma. Super, my, can you remember my charisma? Oh, no, no, okay. It's in dexterity, so that's a stealth. Plus two. Plus two. Okay. All right.

So you get a seven. Okay. Most powerfully magical number. So she's a lot as shit. You kind of, it's a humble the handle. And it's, no, no, it doesn't great, but it's like, it's that, it's that heavy handle where it just goes thunk. And then you're like, okay, shit. Maybe just a gust of wind in the catacom?

Yeah. And do you peek your head in? I go in and full. I told my friends how to come back with something you used. First in the door? I'm invisible. Sounds safe. I'm inside the study.

Okay, so you just barrel through the door. Yeah, I'm in there. If anybody's in there, they're just going to see a door open. I'm telling Scotch it's all going to be okay. I'm worried Steve if anything I was to drive. Scotch, I will make it back to you. And I will return to Scotch and our party with the means of finding Carmilla who is not in the study. So you burst through that door.

That's why I knew I could go in. It's empty. It's clear to me. It's empty. Perception check. 19 Booyah! You see

you see you see a like devastatingly beautiful black-haired woman reading in the corner that changes things

that changes things on a scale of one to ten how shiny is her hair? How silky is her hair? How bad is she? How shiny is harder? We need a reference. We need a adage check

Let's roll up her badmage Yeah, like, how bad is she? 18! 12, 14! She's one of my own. I regret to inform you that she is very hot. Oh, my God. So, that changes a lot of scotch.

And we said the hornyest member of our party is? Invisibly. If not a case. So, She immediately looks up startled, but, like, looks around and doesn't see anything. Yep. Like, do you stand still where you are? No, I'm like, let's fuck.

That's what you said? Social relations within, I mean. Invisible. This is her journey, and you will not cooperate. Once you're all for just some light petting. Wait, really? 18. So you approach her invisibly.

Yeah, oh, well. Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. We got a decloat. We got a decloat. Declote. You're decloaking.

You're decloaking. Yes. Who the fuck are you? What the fuck are you? My name's Ryan. My friends call me whiskey. Fuck the bullzo. Oh, fuck the bulls out.

Oh, yeah. Show's the whole game. Yeah. A show us the whole game. I don't think so. Negative two. The charisma. Negative two charisma.

I can hold a person, but, like, I don't know if that's, like, romantic. No, no. No, no. Just do. No, no. Let's see. That's true floating hands. Yes.

I can use my action to control the hand. I can use the hand to manipulate an object. Sounds interesting. I think you're a maitander. So, okay. So right now you have a woman in, like, a, like, a silk black dress. currently reading a book, staring at you, who the fuck are you? She's smart ideal. Yeah. And you say your name. Yes. I'm, I'm right while they walkie,

but my friends call me whiskey. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. I'm here to help my friends in my party. We're on a quest. Are you alone? Okay, you're not, I, I, I, you are hot, but you're not a great listener. I'm not alone. I'm here with my party. Uh, They're in a safe location and they know I'm here. And if I don't come back, preferably well exercised. I'm about to roll. They're going to come looking for me. They're going to come looking for me.

So that is, that's kind of the truth. Yes? I think it's the full truth. Okay. All right. So you're now fully like, you can hear this. A role of perception to hear what's going on. Oh.

17. 19. 18. Yeah. Okay. The answer on their way. So you can clearly hear that, like, talking is happening at the other side of the, at the other side of this hallway. We're going to say, right.

Fuck all these shit. Like, it's, it's, it's, we told Juan. Hey, Juan, shit the fuck up. Because Juan's like, guys, shut the fuck up, Juan. He's like, Leo gets from Lathor Weapon 2. Shut the fuck up. And then we can hear. Okay.

So y'all is just listening. You're not charging in. You're just listening. Not yet. Because we don't know. We're listening. Okay. So she, she observes this and she's like, what do you want?

I want to know. How the fuck did you get here? It took a long time. It took a long time. We traveled. Why does everybody have an attitude in this world? Oh, my God, damn. We're here for, I possess gnome cunning.

We are here for information. Knowledge is my passion. And we are here to find out what happened to Leo's mom. We are here to find out why this village was gnawed upon by a mysterious conjured spectral force. And we would like to find out if Juan and, listen, also maybe Max, had anything knowingly to do with it. It's clear that Juan has been deployed as a weapon, but is there any agency at play here?

Is this like being at tribal council and finding out your alliance is not as solid as you thought it? So you say, you basically... Yeah, always have more than one alliance. You moat her mouth like all of this start. Yes. Yes. Okay, so as you are saying that,

she like kind of has a little smile to her. And she is like kind of like slowly making her way to you. And she says, oh. Is she like, A wand brought you here. Is she like slinking? Taking off the dress or? Oh, oh, Juan brought you here.

So it's not good. No, no, talk to her. So one brought you here. I'd like to think we brought one here. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Interesting. Very astute of him. Huh. I never thought that he'd bring me something. What? We, we have. Oh, no. Let's go.

We're out. So, and then So like she, no, hold on. No, no. We got, you can't. She's threatening. That's a threat. It's a threat.

It's a threat. Roll perception. It's a threat. Keep hearing this. 19. 18, bro. 19 plus two. We hear everything.

We hear everything. So you're hearing this at the end of like a 30-foot hallway. Yep. From an open door. And she's like starting to make a. her way towards you and I need you to roll a constitution check. I just need you to remember that earlier we were just

on the other side of the door and now we are 30 feet down a corridor that I expect is going to take us nine hours to move down. Sixteen. 16. It is really hard for you to look away from her. I know. She is... It's magnetic.

The pole is real. She's getting really, really close. Great. You get to eye fuck a hot vampire lady and I got hypnotized by a skull. She outstretchedes her hand and as it passes you slams the doors. Of course. See what I'm saying? And now you'll run. Now we run. Now you run. Oh, Daddy was trying to warn us.

And lost the door. Is it just like time for an intimate interlude? And brighter? Let's change these lights. Let's change this little of the internet. We can leave. We can go. So you guys are running towards the door. You're approaching, you're banging on it.

And on the other side, we're banging on it. Exactly. Okay. So, okay, roll one more constitution check. Right. Down to an eight. Tuck her down. So she begins talking to you.

She's like, one's been very special to us. Uh-huh. Yep. He's always been good about finding the next crop. of people. Can we hear this? Because we would like to kill them. Should we?

The door is banging behind you. And Rye, you do not care. You are. Is Rye being chlamored right now? Yeah. Yes. Oh boy. Rye is transfixed by what this woman is saying

and looking deep into her. And like as she gets like this close to your face, your head just like compulsively tilts back. Oh, no. But I'm like, I'm like, I'm like waist level. I'm three foot five. Uh-huh. And she's looking down.

She's looking down. Yeah. She's looking down on you. Wow. A short keen. Now, are you trying to. And as, are you, so like, are you guys trying to get through this door? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Go on, bro. I need, I need all, everybody to roll strength checks. Four. 13. Six. 13.

13. 13, what? Six. Six. All right. You get, you all, like, coordinate. to shove a shoulder through and it doesn't do anything.

Give me one more strength roll. 15. 5. Not 20. Fucking two. 15 and a 20. All right. So 15, 20. Yes.

All right. So all three of you take another shove. You have your back to the door. As everybody comes pushing through it, you guys come like tumbling over each other. Quick question. Yes. Should we also kill one?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, once... Now, wait, wait, we don't need him anymore. What time? One has since followed you and attempted to help, and as you tried to shove him away. So one is in the room with us. Well, as you guys fall over, he charges in with you.

And as you kind of fall over, you are going to roll for initiative now. Okay. 20, baby. Six. 19. Seven. 29. I got a six.

Everybody springs to their feet. you are like kind of like almost entangled with Carmilla at the moment because like you fell into her and as you've kind of like sprung back to your feet you're like knocked back to your senses and realized that you kind of just been like

kind of taken in under a spell of some kind and you realize now that this is like actually time to attack yes raised hand. No, no, let's go. Okay. Carmilla has the first role. She is going to cast something.

Oh, man, she definitely does that. Okay. Excellent. All right. She, like, lets out a sort of, like, banshy scream, and, like, a massive amount of, like, a Gale-Force wind,

like, blows through you and the rest of your pargi, and, like, kicking up a bunch of books and shelves and papers and pages all throughout her study. Can we see her flying? Yes, you could, yes, it does, but like everything goes flying. And as the dust settles, you see this like pentaramic pink neon like symbol underneath

wand. Oh, boy. And his, and the same symbol is like shackling his arms, his legs, and his wrists, and he is frozen. Oh, good rid of it. He's, like, completely still. We're going to stop out of initiative right now, and she's going to start talking. And she says, oh, sweet Juan, you've brought so many.

And to think that you were going to be leaving us so soon. And you brought him. Leo? Oh, no. The great son of a noble missing his wonderful mother. Okay, so you're being a real dick right now. Yeah, that was really mean. That was really mean.

That was really mean. Oh, don't worry, Leo. That was really mean. I'm not here to be a dick. I'm here to help. You don't sound like you're really to help. You know what I'm saying? She pulls a knife out from her waist.

Is that a gift? Turns it to you, hilt towards you, and offers it to you. Oh, well, that's really nice. We do need to have a conversation, though, about... Yeah, Juan killed his mom. How do you...

Unless it's me? How would you want to have a conversation with the man that killed your mother? Oh, no. Want to kill his mom. Oh, God. Well, I can't believe I saved his life multiple times. But Leo, just consider him.

this. That's a deal with the devil. That's temptation. How about you? How about... Don't fall for less. I care about you, mother. But we'll get to one. We'll get to Juan. And then she immediately turns to Max and pushes a gale force

win towards her. Roll a constitution check, please. 17. Okay. You, like... I'm spider quarrel into ceiling. You keep your footing. I can spot it roll. You keep your footing, but you were like pushed back from win by like...

17 is pretty good. You would have been like splattered against the wall if he rode lower. Okay. Plus one or two for this story. Exactly. I'm offering you something amazing. Yeah. Don't fall for this.

Yeah, but here's the thing. And I would be very clear. You are extremely bad. Like, very bad. Like, if we didn't have this whole thing going on, I'm shooting my shot like I'm Steph Curry. But here's the thing. I do have more important things.

And my friends right now, that's telling me not to trust you. And so I can't. The power of friendship. Can't do it. Can't do it. Isn't that that pescated? Good work, Leo. Well, that's fine then.

And then she like twists her wrists. And as that happens, Juan splinters into four pieces that are held by those pink neon bindings, and he is dead. Good. Back into an issue. Good.

And now I have no friends. You have all... I have fun. You have us, Max. We are right there. And now I have four friends plus a cat. Now we know what her situation is. It's time she must be attacked.

Yeah. Yeah. So now we're back in initiative. Yeah. It is Mallory up first. Are we still in the room, just to ask for point of clarity? Are we still in the room where the thing that you canonically established could destroy her? Yes.

So do your magical. I would like to detect magic. Okay. Nine. Nine. Okay, so your tech magic spell is basically like... What do I add to that?

Intelligence? Intelligence, yes. Plus three. Plus three. That's good. Okay. So your vision... Yeah.

My dark vision? Well, yes. Do you guys know that I have dark mission? Your vision, which is dark, immediately changes to like a sort of like opaque orange. As you see like small bits of the outlines of the room that you occupy, you see your friends,

you see desks, You see, like, ornate shelves, but everything has this, like, sort of, like, orange hue. And in the corner of the room, there's, like, a small, like, concentration of light that you can see. You can't make out what it is. You can't make out the shape, but you feel like something is in that direction.

You can use your turn to both move and take an action. So if you want to attack and move somewhere, You can. I would like to use mage hand to secure this object for our party. Okay, so roll in intelligence check real quick. He's so smart. Oh, no.

So that intelligence role knows, you know in your heart of hearts that you can't actually identify what the object is. You just know that there's a magical item there. It could be a book, it could be a stone, it could be a pen. You don't know what it is.

But you know that it's very powerful and it's in this corner. Okay. You can go towards that corner if you want. No, I'm scared. I'm going to use the mage hand. Which allows me from 30 feet away to, I can control this hand.

I can use the hand to manipulate an object, open and unlock door, a container store, retrieve an item. There you go. I'd like to retrieve an item from 30 feet away. Okay, roll a perception for that, like, so you're going to, like, shut that vision off and you're going to, like, look into that corner

to see what you think the object might be. 13. Okay. So 13, you see, like, in the corner, there's, like, a shelf of, like maybe like five books and an ornate stone. Each book is like a leather bound red edition of some kind. One is a bit more scratched than the other.

And the other is, and the one that's next to it is a stone with a symbol. I'm sorry. A stone with a symbol on it that you can't quite make. That's dragon. What's the winter? It's on the shelf. Go for it.

George, you did it. That's where she keeps it. She's keeping it from the world. Do I have to choose which of those things to grab? Yes. Choose which one of those things. Can I consult with my party? No.

It's your decision. We're here with you in spirit, though, right? I want to take the book that had all the scratch marks on it. Uh-huh. Yeah. So I'll be casting a mage hand to retrieve the book with all the scratch marks, which I'm going to assume came from the claws and fangs. of the gnawing vampires.

Okay, so you cast mage hand and you throw your arm out at an extension of your own hand in neon orange is like extending out from you and it immediately like with the quickness of like Spider-Man with his webbing goes out to the shelf, yanks the book and throws it back into your hands.

Thib. And it just like thwips it back to you. That's your turn. Okay. And now we go to- Someone else has to actually. figure out to do with the book now. Yeah.

Teamwork. I love it. Van, you're up next. Okay, so she has the book. Mal has the book. I'm attacking. You're attacking her? You can find what you need.

We can use the book to attack, can't we? Okay. You don't know that. I don't know if his intelligence would allow him to do that. But there's something in this, you said there was something in this room that can kill her,

and it seems like it's the book. Uh-huh. Yep. It's in there. It's in there. It seems like it could be the book. You don't know what that is. Do I need to open the book?

Yeah, I want to open it. I don't think you. I don't know. So where is she in regards to me? Bro! You are in the doorway. Carmilla is 10 feet in front of you. She has a book.

I need to buy time for her to read the book. And so I got to attack. I got an attack. All right. So you're rolling for attack. That's right. Because I'm a researcher. I'm a shooter with the...

The bow and arrow? The bow, yeah. Okay. So you knocked loose a bow, roll the hit her. God damn it. It's a goddamn nine. It's a nine? Yeah.

Okay, but that's a... Okay. One second. He has strength. I have strength plus one. Yeah, the strength doesn't really help you here. It's about aim, not really strength. Dexterity?

Dexterity plus three. But it's a dex-based weapon, and here's the thing. Hold on. Okay. All right, so you hit... All right. So you, like... You hit her, and you do.

Nope. basically you you hit her but like you just like grazed through her ear but like you chip that that thing off

yeah and she like wails in annoyance not really pain but she's just like she's like but she know we hear though and she stares at you and like she gets

Buffy face and like the fangs come out now she's a lot less hot but she's looking right at you now okay is she still bad with the Buffy face yeah oh

You don't even need a role for that I'm just saying yes Correct Do I have any Do I have any silver? Silver? No, you don't Vampire

It does Well, okay You don't really know How those things work yet Here you go Nothing But Joni you're up next I'm up next

Okay So I got torches and all kinds of shit We The book Rope tire Can I go over to Mal And look into the book That's gonna take

Most of your turn So you want to walk up to Mal and take the book from her? No, no, no, no. We've got to work on this together. It's a team effort. Okay. Wait a minute.

Hold on. Hold on. What was I? I just shot an arrow at her. Yes. Okay. She's looking dead at me. Yes.

So she's coming to me. Okay. Max or Talia guys. And you, and you're going to go over there and be like, let's crack the book open and go to chapter three. She's going, but she's coming dead at me, bro. Yeah, man. You know what?

You know what? This whole thing is your fault anyway. Because I thought that this was an invitation to a party at a nice castle. And when I get there is vampires and all types of shit. But go ahead. Go fuck with the book. I'm going to remember this. Wow, he does all of that in like a nanosecond because this is like turn-based.

I'm thinking about how we get out of here. Okay. So you want to, you want to. So here's the thing, though. In between you and Mal is Carmilla. Well, it's time to roll. So you either got to find a way to get yourself around her, and that's going to provoke her attack. That's fine.

Attack her! To get past her. Like, you're not even going to be able to attack her. You just need to get past her. I got, I got two plus two stuff, my boy. Let's do it. Okay, well, you can't exactly hide in a room like this. That's true.

Okay. So you're just going to run past her and risk the opportunity of attack from her. Sure. Let's do it. Okay. So. So, so. Oh, okay.

All right. So you run towards Mal. And as, right, right. Whiskey. You run towards whiskey, your beloved friend. And as you're like passing the vision of her, she like glars at you and immediately attempts to swipe with like now razor talon sharp claws from her. You weave out the way.

Weave. Weave. And then you're just like duck right through. And then you're at Mal's feet. And then you're about to like examine the book with her. And that is your turn. Cool. All right.

And so I roll for intelligence, right? Well, no, you do nothing until your next turn. Oh, nothing. You wasted your turn. Talia, what's your turn? I got to get old daddy out of trouble. I'm doing an eligible. It's a great call.

Eldrick Blatch? Yes. Okay, great. Redemption. Redemption. Roll the hit. There we go. There you go.

Eleven. Okay. Okay. Any pluses to that? Yes, that is to hit. And that is based in. wisdom. How's your wisdom?

How's your wisdom? Oh, you know, let's just add five. Is that actually what it is, or is it? Plus one. Plus one, okay. That's a 12. That's good. That's a 12. That is good. Okay.

All right. Great. So that is this. You got to get Carmela out of here. Yes, yes. That's very true. Okay, great. So after she swipes at Leo, she kind of like twists and turns and like while still looking at, oh, daddy, like, you hit her with an Eldridge Blass and you hit her, but it like cinches the back of her palm and like basically like burns a giant hole in her palm. And she takes seven damage.

Oh. How much damage does she have left? I mean, that's for me to know. It's a lot of damage Oh my gosh That's why you need to attack Leo If we kill her Are we ever gonna learn what happened?

I mean we got Do you want to try to get information out of her before we kill her? You've got a whole book of information I'm a researcher That's very true Okay so then it's gonna be Max's turn I'm doing hold person

Wonderful Okay I'm for the reason her ass. Would you mind reading that down for me? Choose a humanoid, the Vampos count. You can see within range, the target must succeed on a wisdom-saving throw or be paralyzed for the duration. At the end of each of its turns, the target can make another wisdom-saving throw

on a success. The spell ends on the target. Amazing. Give me one second. I just need to make sure that I got her wisdom, right? I'm a freezer, and then we're going to kick the shit out of her. Just jump her. Not asking any questions. No.

Mink, mink, mick, mick, mick, mick, mc. Uh, okay, great. So you roll to cast? My quarter staff can be used for bludgeoning. It says that right here. Right? Bludgeoning. Mm-hmm.

You can also cast, like, really powerful spells. I'm reading. Okay. I'll roll again. Wait, wait, did you get three rolls? No. Her cameras everywhere. You know what?

I like you, Max. I'm letting you roll on Venice. Everywhere. Eighteen. 18? Yeah. That's an axi charisma. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Do you whistle a tune as you do it? Because you are a bard. Like, your spells are based in your... Yes. Flare for music? I do. And what does that look like? I say,

Hit me, baby, one more time. Yeah, Brittany! Wow! Boom! And then, okay, so like, and she's, like, holding her hand as, as, like, as she's looking at, like, the seared, like, hole inside of it,

She's frozen. Fuck a shit up. My turn? Next, it is her turn, and she now has to roll a wisdom saving throw to break out of this. Has to break a wisdom saving throw of what again? What was it saying?

If you forgive me. No, that's okay. Does it say? Old person, is it a wisdom saving throw? Great. Okay, yes, sorry. I just wanted to make sure that was a certain number. And then that's not. She fails. She's still frozen.

Now you're at the top of the... So, Mal can either read her book? Yes. Or fuck up the Frozen Manfire. Or interrogate the Frozen Empire. Have I found knowledge in this book? It says I'm a researcher. The book has the knowledge of the fire. So what you want to do, so this is very quick. So I'm going to be giving you, like, this is going to be a bit more difficult for you.

You are going to, like, this is going to be a role to thumb through the book as fast and as efficiently as you can to find discernible information that might have to do with her dying. or with her being dead. That's what you want to look for? I am also there as well. Leo's here to help me read, and so... Okay, you'll get a plus one for his moral support. Only a plus one? Because there was no fucking reason for him to go over there.

Friendship has to be worth more than this. French is definitely that time. Do you have a light spell? You can light the light so she can't be in. I have a bus two perception. She's got dark fishing. I cast an appointment with an opt-a-offrey. Do you have dark vision, Neil?

I have dark vision. Neonleon's two percent. The room is, I really need to be putting you in more dark rooms to use this shit. All right, I'm ready. Okay, so roll wisdom. You got this now. You've got this. You're preparing for Top of Thrones.

You got to get all the war. That's right. Any question CR might ask you. You got to be ready. 11, but we'll add my three intelligence. And plus one for friendship. Plus one for French. That's 15.

14. All right. So you thumb through and then you find like an illustration of like a woman that looks like the spinning image of her of Carmilla. Yeah.

Hot. And it is still like strong very, very well. Keep this page for later. I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way. Kind of stuff. Yeah.

And so you find like an image that's right of her and like you see like basically like a bunch of of like Eldritch symbols that you can't quite discern at the moment. I have comprehend languages. Okay. I am ready for this moment.

Okay, great. I have comprehend languages. As you, okay, as you like skim through it, because again, we're talking about seconds here for what your turn is, you read the words like power imbument and vessel. And you see on like the illustration that's next to her a stone. Oh, boy. The one I didn't pick up when I picked up the book.

God damn it. Well, we needed the book to know it was obviously the stone the whole time. That has a symbol of that family. So it has this symbol on it. Oh, shit. I see. That's okay. You did a great job.

Now we know. So you've discerned that the power vessel for her is that stone. Okay. How do we get it? Well, let's fucking do it to you. Roll that perception. 13. It's okay.

So you look. Back to where you thought you saw it again. Yep. Okay, you think it's still there. Yep. Can she say... Okay, can she say... Yeah, mage hand it.

Can I use it again? Can I use it again? Swip. Okay, so roll for mage hand to see if you can cast that and pull it off, like you did last time. Oh, no. God damn. What did you do? Guys.

It's the motherfucking one. It's a lot. It's a lot. Damn. I feel like you slap yourself in the face. In the heat of the moment, you try to cast mage. hand and like it, like, you smack like a bunch of books off of the shelf and things that are in the way, and you knock the stone across the room. Oh, my God.

Who's, oh, my God. Jok. You can't do shit. Jockey can't do nothing. It's so crazy. What do you mean? I miss. You're with her.

But now the fucking stone is on the other side of the room. Where I was. Oh, my God. Where you were before. So if it's on this corner, it's now at that corner. It's falling away. It's from them or from me? From you?

You're right next to her. You understand? You're right next to her. But, okay. But whatever, Carmela is frozen. Great. For now. Fantastic.

And it's your turn. Where's the stone? The stone is on the opposite corner of the room. Is it closer to this? Is it closer to me? It's okay. So this is the room. Yeah.

Y'all are here. Yeah. Now was here. Yeah. Stone was here. Yeah. Stone's now there. God.

Damn. Okay. And where is Carmella frozen is? She's frozen like at this point in here. Okay. You know, Marilla's frozen. It is Vance turn.

I have fucking speak with animals. I mean, he's like nothing. You also have weapons that can kill people. You can send Scotch. You can tell Scotch go get the stone. Oh, that's good. So good.

So good. So good. Send Scots. I can talk to him. Okay. I'm going to tell Scotch to go to tree the stone. This is a real, it's a real skeleton crew moment.

Do not hurt him. We're sending out of Okay, so, okay, you can cast that as a cantrip. That's fine. You can talk to, okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to roll for Scotch's initiative now because that's going to be part of the turn order. Okay.

Yeah, Scotch is ready. All right. Okay, she rolled in 19, so she's high up in the order. We'll put it right next to Van. Good. Okay, so what do you want to tell Scotch? I need to tell Scotch to go retrieve the stone

and bring it back to whiskey. Okay. Because whiskey's the only one that read the book. I was also there. I was also there. But you didn't read the book, though. I was also there.

I need to tell, because she's still frozen, right? Yes, she is. There's no reason to attack her right now. Uh-huh. I'm going to tell Scotch, go get the book, go get the stone,

bring it back to whiskey. All right. Did you guys notice who started calling me Whiskey. Okay. Yeah. Because you're friends.

Because you're friends. So this is really just an animal handling check because it can understand you. Scotch can understand you. Right. It's just basically how well you communicate that message and where the stone is. Because right now, still in the Bjorn. Scott's in the Bjorn. Yeah.

Skots in the Bjorn. Scotch is in the Bjorn. Yes. Scotch has to jump off. Jump out of. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. Scotch has to jump out of the Bjorn. Mm-hmm. And then the Bjorn must be given to Scotch. Leo has scotch. Leo was holding scotch when I went. into the room. That's right.

Scotch is not in the Bjorn. Scotch not the Bjorn. Okay. But Scotch is also there. Scotch is also there. Okay. I'm going to retroactively put Scotch still in the room,

like pretty much near where all you guys are next to you, since you guys had it. Okay, so fine. So then Scotch will then wear the Bjorn around its neck and put the stone in the Bjorn. Or you just carry it in his mouth. Whatever.

I don't know if it's going to fucking hurt the cat. Okay. Whatever. Scott's got to get the goddamn. Scott, get to start. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Big money, big money, big money. Come on. Come on. No. I'm actually going to cry. I'm like scared. Well, this is only animal. Here's the thing.

It's free to speak to him. Like, you don't need to, like, roll to speak to him. Yeah, but. Oh, no. What was that role for? That was for animal handling to basically communicate the idea that well. I feel like, I feel like, with love and respect to O'Dady. He did not do a good job.

It was a one. That's a one. A one? Okay. A one? Again, man, that's got to be putting dice jail. That's bad. By the way, this dice has a fucking meet a whole time we've been playing.

You can try somebody else's die. That's fine. Yeah. Okay. So Scotch, like, intently hears you. And, like, looks around and assesses the room. He's like, okay, so, and he can talk to you. And he's like, so there's a, I think there's a stone.

I'm going to, I'm going to head. right over there. And then like he just immediately zips to the corner of the room where the stone used to be, but not in the same corner. And he's like looking eagerly. Can't blame him. That's how it happens. But don't worry. Jokie's also there. He also there. Leo, what are you going to do now?

And for a person who's also there. Somebody's gonna go get the stone. It is your turn. Uh, somebody's gotta get the stone. She's still frozen. It's still frozen. Still frozen. Until it's her turn. Okay.

I man I don't have a plus in athletics but I do have a one in acrobatics okay how do you want to how do you want to right

because here's the thing there is a desk in the middle of the room that is in your way you fuck it so bad Leo so can't me

you really fuck the plan Leo it was a simple plan bro I wanted to help my friend risky roll

do you do you can I flip over the desk yes you want to flip over the desk yes and get across the go yes

Okay, roll an athletics check. Athletics or dexterity? Or dexterity, excuse me. But then you also have to throw the stone to her. Yes. Okay. But if I have mage hand, can I just use my mage hand? You had that shit the whole time?

Yes. Yeah, but there you go. It hasn't been a stern. He hasn't been a turn. He attacked. That's right. Yeah. What is that?

An eight plus one, a nine. A nine. All right. So it's not exactly the most graceful. But the job got done. The thing, okay. So basically what you do is like, you know, You know that, like, parkour flip where it's not like a front flip, but it's like they flip from the side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you do that, but you like kind of bang your shin on the side of the desk after you clear it. That's okay. But you land all right. Yep. And then you head over to the side where the stone is. You think the frozen hot lady saw that. She's actually, like, looking still at O'Dady with her, like, hotness.

So, like, she doesn't actually see what's going on there. She didn't see it. She can sense my aura. She didn't see it. It's fine. Well, yes, she can. Yeah, she can. Yeah.

Good job, Leo. Yeah. All right. So you did that. Did it? Jumped up over the desk. You're headed to get the stone. Grab it.

Yes. That's the end of your turn. Perfect. Okay. I'll have it. Talia's up. Talia is up. Wait, so you got the stone.

Mm-hmm. So can I use my mage hand to get the stone from, from Leo? To whiskey? And give it to whiskey. Wait, you want to give it to whiskey, the cat that's on the other side of the room. No. Not Scotch is good. Got it.

Hey, hey, hey, keep your head in the fucking game. This shit is getting serious. Yes, it is. All right, so you want to take your mage hand, take it from Leo, give it to whiskey. Whiskey. Yes. Okay.

Since we secured it, you've secured it. You want to take it from him with your mage hand. Zip it over to her. Okay. Roll for that. Come on, man. Come on, big money, big money, big money. 14.

14. Okay. So, with a flip of your wrist, you're neon green. That's your vibe. That hand whips across the room. Like, you basically, so what it basically is, like, this is an alley-up. You toss it up in the air. He catches it, like, tosses it over to whiskey.

And roll a dexterity to catch it. Oh, no. And I was just, I dropped it, picking it off. Which is a good. You dropped the best trying to roll. Not a good sign. It's a nine. It's a nine?

Yeah. Okay. So, like, you kind of like hot potato for a little bit. You dropped it. You're like, okay. All right, we got it. Okay. Now what?

But now you got to wait for your turn. Okay. Now it's Carmilla. It's not match? Well, Carmilla gets a chance on front, unfreeze herself. Yeah. Okay. Oh, shit.

Oh, boy. Okay. Are you integrity checking this? Maybe. Yeah. Okay, yeah. So after she, like, struggles a little bit, like, you see the entire spell just shatter into a million pieces, and then she moves exactly with the same momentum that she just had. Okay, I guess.

And now it is Max's turn. Got it. It's her turn to recover from that. Vengeance. I'm doing charm person. Oh. Okay. Okay.

Interesting. Now describe that for us. I'm excited. Your attempt to charm a humanoid, you can see within range, it must make a wisdom saving throw and does so with advantage if you or your companions are fighting it.

If it fails to saving throw, it is charmed by you until the spell ends or until you and your companions do anything harmful to it. The charm creature regards you as a friendly acquaintance. When the spell ends,

the creature knows it was charmed by you. Okay, so I roll with advantage because you guys are fighting me. Yes. Okay, great. Okay. but do I roll? You don't.

You cast it, and it's up to her to see if she can mentally break this. She rolled. Okay, so you cast that spell, and it's kind of like a swirl, like Wanda Maximoff, like, red, like, aura in your hand that you're kind of, like, starting to balance. Bro. And you see that, like, little, like, red, like, aura, like, smoke

infect her ear and go into her brain. She like kind of swirls her eyes a bit, and she's drawn by you. Oh. And then she, and then she, like, kind of like sits back up, and she's like, oh, what happened? Oh, Camilla. Oh, Camilla. It's been so long since I've seen you. What's, what are you?

Remember all those people that we drave lightly but did not kill together? Remember when we used to do that? I think so. That was fun. That was fun. What are you doing here? Oh, what am I doing here? Well, my question is, we got this little bitty stone over here,

and it's got a little sigil on it. And I was just wondering, do you know what that does? Oh, yeah, that's the vessel for all my power and life essence. What are you talking about? Wait, I got to destroy it. Wait, too, not, shut about, time about it. Hold on, hold on. We go out of this story.

How do we do? Do we have to break it in order to, I mean, just. Well, why would you want to do that? Well, just ask you for care. We got to protect it. So how would we defend it against anyone who wanted to harm it? I mean, I don't really think that I would want to destroy that. No, no, we're not going to destroy it, but how do we make sure it's not like what would happen?

Oh, oh, well, I mean, I think anything that's like a blunt force object or any sort of pickaxe that could possibly bludgeon that would be... We would want to keep it far, far, far away from those things. I don't think that now, and she starts to like look around and she's like, now where did that stone go actually now that you mention it? And she's starting to look around. Oh, I think Juan has it in his pocket. I saw Juan. One of his limbs is over there. Oh, what happened to one?

I don't know. He fell all to pieces. Did you? But one of his limbs is over there. Classic, Max. Are you going to be eating him? Listen, wait not, whatnot, you know? Real quick, Max, can you, can you ask Carmelo?

I can hear you. By the way, did you see it with my friend? You're terrible at the game. Oh, he fell over. Like you, hold on. Terrible. Hold on. Like, we got it.

Hold on. Like, are you capable of change? Like, could somebody, change of what? Say what I'm saying, if they wanted to. You think about,

we need to use a blood force object on the stone. We need to destroy the stone. Wait, you're trying to destroy the stone? No, no, no, no. No, that's not. It sounded like, Hey, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.

He said, no, no, hey. He said, no, you don't know. No, no. No. You don't want to destroy the stone. Oh, no. No, no. We don't want to destroy the stone.

You know what we want? What? We want to gift you Leo. Take Leo. I mean, you're like, no, no, no, no. You look hungry. No, no, no. Take Leo.

No, no, no. He's not snap. Really night Leo with his mama. Like, get Leo and his money back together. You take Leo. Friends are not food. Friends are not food. Folks the village.

Friends are not food. Take Leo because he's thinking about his dick when we almost got to the end of the mother food. fucking thing. Take Leo. Get, you and Leo, Leo, your new wand. You got a new one. It's Leo. Take Leo.

Roll persuasion for that. Thank you. It's a fucking 16. We'll give you Leo. Because Leo don't know what the fucking does. And, like, by the way, the Buffy face has gone away. And she's like, again, back to her normal self. She's like,

So, how tall are you, Leo? I know about, you know, I think it's 6'1. Like, you know what I'm saying? You know, I got this long hair on black A-F. That's what my sheet says, you know what I'm saying? How much hard does the crown add? Oh, the crown, I didn't even tell you about the crown. That's wild.

Listen, we ain't gotta be doing all this. Uh-huh. You know what I'm saying? How about, look, it's been a tough couple days. You will be rolling a charisma check at the end of this. How about we give up all this vampire nonsense? And we come, you go to the lake, I know this place. Man, the water is beautiful.

You know what I'm saying? You're selling us out. Get to it. I'm so pissed. Forget all this murder. Forget all the vampire stuff. Why don't you come out with me and we could, you know, just have a good job. Bro.

You know what I'm saying? You tell me. I need you to roll that charisma check, please. Attend. and I'm plus four persuasion. All right. No, no, no, this isn't persuasion. This is charisma?

Oh, or 10, I guess. So is this a solid 10? Yeah, and then I have a plus two saving throw, so. Hmm. I don't. I don't want to stop being a vampire, but you know, you can, you can hang out. I mean, so I can see you there? Here's the thing.

So here's the thing, right? If you help me find that stone. Carmel. You definitely, yes. I'm disgusting right. Come in a lady. Don't betray it. I'm honest off.

Come in a little. Do you have anything to drink in the drinks cabinet? I'm a little thirsty. Do you have any? Oh, absolutely. And then she kind of like pulls out a little like drawer of like elegant vials. Yeah. Of like, yeah, please.

Please. Oh, thank you so much. Do you have anything in like a corn razz play? Oh, yes. Yes, yes, I absolutely do. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Here's the thing, right?

If you're not going, I appreciate that. Yeah, no. It's cool. I'm gonna just, they got it. Yeah, I try my best. When is it my turn? Okay, yeah, it's your turn. You're next. No, it's Mal's turn. We're out of initiative. It's Mouse's now. We're just talking. By the way, any of y'all can do anything you want.

You got, you got it. Break the stone. You got to break the stone. No, no, we're out of initiative. There's no turn right now. I would like to. Mal has the stone. Matt has a stone. Mal has a stone. I would like to use my long bow. I would like to shoot Leah. I swear to God. How about how many, do you want to break the stone?

No, no, no. Let the hell break this stone. I would like to shoot. Talia, do you have like a melee weapon? What are you? Do I have a hand dax? But I am with those daddy rolls. Hold on.

God damn. It's only a not. It's a six. A six. Damn. You wait, it's a six? Yeah. I will know that

Leo is behind, from where you are in the room, she's in the way of you and Leo. So I just shot her. You know what, man. That's good, though. You, hold on. Okay.

So you, all right, you knock an arrow, like, shooting it towards Leo, it zips past that, like, chunk in her ear that is now gone. It does not hit her, but it, like, pings off the wall, and it immediately makes her turn her head back. You know, break the spell. You know, break the charms bell. And you see the glow in your hands immediately fade. It's okay. The smell is broken. Mallory, you have the stone.

And she begins. I forgive you. I forgive you. He has the hand axe. Can I take a hand axe to the stone? Are you, can you, do you want to toss it back to? Well, Mel's got it. And Mal's got it.

We're going to have a Melo. We're going to resume initiative. So it's going to be Carmilla's turn. And then back to you. Oh, no. This is your fault. This is your fault. I wanted to solve the problem without the violence.

How about this? Let her attack me. Right. I will be. You should, you just know, I was water open. You know what? I'm Star Lord.

Okay. I couldn't fucking handle it, bro. You got, you let your emotion. I'm sorry. I was Gamora. Why is Gimore? Yeah.

Why is Gimore? All right. She's going to swipe at you. All right So she's gonna She lunges at you At me? Yes, at you

Okay And she like attempts to like Slash at your neck Okay And like buries her talons Inside of your shoulder I can sit I can heal though

You mean at your turn But you take You take like seven damage Just from That's okay That's okay That's okay That's okay

And you like scream out in pain There you go. All right. With that, whiskey, your turn. Okay. I would like to destroy the stone. Okay. With my quarter staff, which is a bludgeoning weapon.

Okay. Before I do that, I would like to use my power to reduce, which will be taking the stone and halving it in size and taking it to one eighth its normal weight, making it easier to cross. In your mouth. You didn't even like that. You don't want us to win. This is amazing.

No, this is fantastically good. So you basically, you take the stone that was like the size of like a baseball. Yeah. And you, and it is now the size of this. Yes. That seems harder to hit than a baseball.

So what you're, so what you're trying to do is like, you're taking your staff and just like plunging it now. Yeah. Or a pestle. Okay. So what you're going to do is you're going to roll to like make sure that you like a hammer

hit in the nail. You got to like. All right, Steve. Make sure that you get that right. I believe in. Whiskey. More whiskey. Whiskey.

Whiskey. More whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. 16. 16. Whiskey business.

That's it. That's it. That's it. All right. And with that, okay, that's the damage. Okay. Great.

You plunge your staff down, like straight down. Like, you shall not pass style into this stone. Flame a woman. And like with a fiery explosion, it like you, it bounces immediately off of the stone, shattering and sparking into, like,

it's like an explosion of stars when this stone shatters. And it, like, illuminates the room in a bright flash. And immediately when this happens, Carmilla just, like, immediately unclenches from O'Dadi's neck and she immediately starts to writhe and paste. Like, flailing lifts on the floor. Like, her skin begins to boil and burn.

And her, like, age immediately... Shame. Her age immediately starts to, like, accelerate. Ages is just a number. To, like, basically, like, a skeletal form. Oh, can that so. Her skin is boiling to a point that it will now just melt into... to the ground.

Horrifically. Patrick? Is that you? And then she's like, not all skeletons are the same. Not all skeletons. Not all skeletons is wild, yeah.

And with her last dying breath, she dies. Hell yeah. That's what they do. When they do, when they do, they die? Yeah. Great.

And she's defeated. Awesome. Oh! Whiskie, whiskey. We get it together. We're getting it together. Whiskey. So.

I did what I had to do. I'm still going to kill him. So here's the thing. It's going to be like a day and a half's journey back to the mansion to report back to markets. What would be okay? What do you? Guess what? Fuck his life.

Yeah. I'm never going to see him. We got work to do as a family. Oh, so no reward? No. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. We were getting a reward at the matter? Oh. Oh. You should have said that. I mean, you would have come back for it. Do we have the knowledge we need

about what happened to Leo's mom? Well, apparently Juan killed her on behalf of Climela. But why? Who then you wanted to have sex with? Anybody can be redeemed. Okay, all right. But why does she do it? Just for the...

Love it again? Violence? The coven? So, how about the... Okay, so you take... You see that you have the book with you, yes. My passion is knowledge, so I need to know what drove this.

Okay, so you're compelled to keep the book that you saw as you rifled through those pages. Yep. And as you read, there's basically, on the journey home that you're reading this, and like, you're kind of discerning all of the symbols and archaic language, it's basically describing a quest and pursuit of power to anybody that is willing to accept it to imbue themselves with this sort of, what you can only describe as the other side that is told in this book, as a sort of like realm of shadows. but never said shadow row.

Copyrighted. Copyright. T.M. TM. T.m. The ways that, like, basically, that can be accessed is through ritual. MCU magic powers, but that's okay. Through ritual, sacrifice, murder, and the consumption of power,

can this power be attained? One last constitution rule from you? Is that a answer rule? Is that in that one? No? Yeah. Yeah? No, it can be whatever you need to be.

It's a one. It's a one? Unfortunately. In the day that it took you to read this book. It was hard to bring this film and it took a lot out of me. In the day that it took you to read this book, that level of power to you is captivating. Oh.

Oh, shit. Sequel. And with that, Oh my God! We're going to leave our heroes. This has been Ringer Quest. I want to thank all of our players here today. Melor Rubin, Van Lake, and Joyner-Robinson, Charles Holmes,

joining the dinner on. You mean Chargles-Charkles-Holmes? Charcels Homes. Charkle's Homes. Thank you to Alia Zanaris. Thank you to Jonathan Kerma. Thank you to our Juno Ram Gopal and everybody else that helped us with this. Maybe we'll see you next time.

Bye. Bye. I want to play once a week.