The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - Are We Over-Parenting Our Kids? When to Step In & When to Let Go

Episode Date: September 11, 2026

How do you know when to step in as a parent… and when to just let them figure it out?In this episode of Growing Together, we get into the messy reality of parenting through different stages from toddlers and starting school, to eight-year-olds, teenagers and young adults.We talk about the things that worry us as parents, from friendships, hormones and changing personalities to phones, social media, screen time and the pressures today's kids face.But the bigger question becomes: are we sometimes trying too hard to prepare, protect and teach our children?We talk about:• Knowing when to pick your battles• Why teenagers sometimes just need to be teenagers• The pressure parents put on themselves to get everything right• Friendships, falling out and letting children learn from their own experiences• Phones, gaming and the realities of raising teenagers today• Why kids need to experience boredom, mistakes and discomfort• The difference between guiding your child and solving everything for them• Why listening to the little things can help children tell you the big things• How parenting can actually teach us a lot about leadership and coaching• And why, ultimately, we're all just doing our bestThere isn't a perfect way to parent. Every child is different, every stage brings something new, and sometimes the hardest thing is knowing when to step in… and when to step back.Maybe we don't need to get it perfect. Maybe we just need to be there.Welcome The Growing Together Podcast real conversations about motherhood, life, relationships, confidence, work and everything in between.Subscribe and join us every week.

Oh, we have been inside and I've got two tissues and tears. I'm all good. I'm just done. All right then. How'd you know you're on if you know. Better get another one ready. On that note, welcome back to a happy another week of podcasting. I'm fine, I promise.

Talk about reality. Yeah, just, just, I'm, I say emotionally, I'm nice, just to get easy. It's that, isn't it? It's just hormones, I suppose. Yeah. No, it is. Like I said, I think we've said it before. The older you get, the harder, I think it is.

Yeah. I actually said this morning about that. I was like, I literally went three months without even knowing I was pregnant because my period just come and go and life was what? What's the period? And pregnancy hormones as well. Yeah, just whatever. Just get on with it.

You know what I mean? But now it's like the whole everything, the before, the during, the after. It's everything, isn't it? Yeah. Like even that, just like swimming. Swimming. I'm on my period. It's like back then, it'd be like, yeah.

What? Yeah, no, I wouldn't, I wouldn't make any allowances or change of plans if I was in my period. It literally wouldn't even cross my mind. Whereas plenty of times, even this year, it's like, oh, but that outfit, no, I'm not going to want to wear that. Exactly. It's so strange, isn't it?

I'm glad I'm not the only one, though, because, no, I feel like mine's definitely got worse. And I still take the pill, so that from what I've heard helps. But I can definitely still feel like mine to have got worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like with headaches, with pain, with moods. Yeah, all of it. And mine, for, how old are I now?

20 years, 22 years nearly I've had my period. It's funny, actually. We went for a school tour for a case in school, new school that he's starting, and it's obviously our old school. And I was walking down the corridor, and they were showing us around. I was like, oh, there's a toilet that's the start of my period on, just before we were about to do a school play,

literally in the toilets, two minutes before going to, and doing school play, I'll come on period. Just shows, isn't it? the memory is. But we did, we did, just come and go. They wouldn't, they wouldn't make a deal. We wouldn't, you know what I mean? I wouldn't have a clue.

That's it. Now, I know, my whole family knows, my animals know, everybody knows, my neighbours, everything. You know, it's just, it is a lot. The only way I could explain it today was I feel, oh, isn't it? Yeah. That is the word. Yeah, definitely. So, yeah, hi everyone.

But at least we are days away from. kids being back days away from resuming normal routine. And it is really nice. Now the end of the summer's here, it is nice to not have had routine, to have had lazy mornings and, yeah, spend more time together and do things. Well, you always miss it once it's gone, didn't it?

Well, that's great. I'm reminiscing a little bit now. It has been nice. But no, I've been off for a week. So we've had Kaston's birthday. my sister's been here so we've been out a couple of days doing stuff with the boys that we haven't done and then yeah day or two chilling around a pool and more holiday feels definitely and i've got a couple extra days and we've got a case and start in school tomorrow hayden doing stupid adaptation

things at a new school as well where it's an hour here hour there so it's going to take him three weeks before he's actually in school properly so from october he'll be well that's what's frustrating, isn't it? Especially when you've had a young one who you've settled into nursery. Yeah, that was sad actually, telling them, like, when I picked him up a week or so ago from his last day at that nursery, the teacher was crying. Yeah, it is. He'd bought him a little present. She'd put all his work together. They'd printed loads of photos of him at nursery. And, like, it's nice because he's got his routine. He goes in so happily.

And a lovely connection. He eats all the food. Yeah. And now I'm like, oh, I'm going to change it all on him. Yeah. I was like that with Lexi though when you say about you they don't have a clue when she had her nursery teacher and they you know they they were leaving to go into school and you know and just you just love them so much don't you

of these teachers who've looked after your babies at the end of the day and yeah you know and then it gets to a certain age and you know you remember your teacher from no no yeah this doesn't make a difference any we're all like these

they haven't got a clue made me cry like I was emotional or watching her be emotional, like saying like she was going to miss him and stuff. And yeah, it's annoying because like he's still napping. He's still in nappies. And it's like, is the, because he's going into like school school, but like the year before. Like a preschool. Preschool year, but in his actual school. So it's going to be good that he's not going to have that big change in the year's time

because there's so much more aware of three. Yeah. So that part of it is good. But it's like, oh, you're going to give as much attention to him. Well, it's literally going to. go from a cute little baby to a feral little child you're going to come have come home sometimes literally that yeah and that sounds horrible but it is no it's the age isn't it where they are picking the age it's the age it's the environment it'll be the environment too you've got to think as much as going into nurseries you know they they pick up other things from other the babies

of the children um good and bad good yeah good and bad and and and learn all these things even from the teachers of what they do in the classes, I just feel like the change, even if it's preschool, school, whatever it is, that change just becomes so much more feral and like uncontrollable. You know, like that sort of thing. Like, oh my God, where's my sweet baby guys?

Well, it's like, well, it's terrible twos. It's the three-nager and it's like, yeah, in an environment where there's all kids like with all, you know, their own rules, their own family rules. And not just that the change. of like what comes under kind of nursery to preschool. Yeah. You know, in terms of what roles teachers have and what they learn and how they treat

and like you say the environment and all that thing. Yeah. I say Ferrell sounds awful, doesn't it? But it does. It just becomes a little bit more like, oh my God. He definitely had a routine at nursery, but I feel like it was, yeah, they babyed them. But they're babies. Which is kind of nice.

Like he's, you know, I want him to be babied. But yeah, like even walking into the classroom, I was like, not as much colour as nursery you're already gentle where's the beds I said to I was like he's still naps like where do they sleep a cushion yeah they've got these like mesh net things

that are all in the wardrobe so obviously they're not all out so the kids can't just go usually they give them you got to take a cushion yeah but even that was more so I think for like chill time wasn't necessarily for having that help them sleep on the floor is it a pillow but yeah the classroom just felt a little bit

just a bit more serious stay in the nurse group. For me, that's not the worry. The me is the things they pick up off over the children that. I haven't even thought about that. The bad things are they think of the children. You know, that you can't control.

It's funny because I haven't really thought about that for Hayden, but I thought more about it for Kaysen. So he's obviously going into a new school, new kids. He's been in the same class with the same kids, apart from like a few new ones for five years. Which is quite unheard of actually, especially in Spain, really, in a public Spanish school. So that's quite a good thing.

thing for him but now you've got this change. It's good and it's bad really, isn't it? Because it's like the kids all know each other. So like that's nice. There's no real, but the bad side of it is they've not had to learn new skills of like getting on with new kids and things changing and like it's not nice. Not if that's all you do. But in your family and your life, he does because he goes to clubs.

Yeah. And that's where he meets new people. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, if you're only in that thing, yeah. So Kaysen's age is very like impressionable. So I haven't really thought about Hayden. Like I'm sure he's going to pick up some things and stuff. We'll see.

But yeah, I think Kaysen's age is very impressionable. I think eight is like you've turned eight this week and going into, I think that is a real weird age because you're not little. You're not big. You're kind of starting to be aware of like, kind of like classroom politics and like friendships and like friendships and falling out. And I think you only really just get to that at this age. So I'm kind of worried about that.

Probably a more understanding of a feeling. Feelings and bullying and even, or not even bullying, even just like a little remarks. A good feeling of how people make you feel or how you could make someone feel. I think at that age, you have a little bit more of acknowledgement of that, a little bit more. Or you start feeling it without really fully understanding it yet. So I think, whereas it, you know, with Hayden's age, that more, that, you know, toddler age or, you know, It's, you should be copy and you do it. And that's what you do.

It's actually, isn't it? So, like, no, you don't do that. You do do that. So I'm not worried about him. I'm, I think more worried about Kaysen's, more like his emotional stuff. Yeah. That he'll be dealing with in these, like, next couple of weeks. Well, and then you've got teenager because, oh, my God.

Hmm. Oh, well, I'm. Well, I'm worried about it now. But then, yeah, I was talking to my sisters even yesterday and about, like, being teenagers. And, like, the. and having social media and Sean was talking about that and how it's different

and yeah it's just a lot more going on and worries. I've obviously got an older one as well so one thing I can say is that you do come out of it the other side you know you will survive it just like from going from from being pregnant to terrible to post birth

and that feeling of you don't even know who you are you're not feeling great and then get into that feeling of more your body's a bit more you and you a bit more, you know, feeling, a bit bettering yourself. And then you come to this bit again of this stage. It's just relentless, isn't it? Oh, God, yeah. Just when you think you've got through the other end, the next stage comes.

And every child is different as well. So as much as I can say, you can't even go, oh, I've done it before. Well, I can say I've come out the other side because you will, you will come out the other side. No matter yet, children all different. But you will come out of the other side. You will get through it. It's just. But for me, my curve.

is definitely the technology. That's my change. And you've got two different personalities. Completely as well. But it's definitely the technology of, for me, my more thing that plays on my mind of that.

And that bit of, you know, when to, we're going to bring the three Cs into it, but I'm joking. But it is when it's kind of, when to stay calm and when to kick off. and when you just leave it in a way because they are teenagers and going back to me and how I feel with my hormones, you know, as a woman, you've got to give them some a bit of leeway of being a

teenager and them hormones. No, I think it's very easy to forget that because we're so conscious of doing a good job as parents and bringing our kids up and having, you know, well, respected, nice children that I don't feel like we give them any leeway. any chat back, any rudeness, any shortness. It's like you correct it because like, don't speak to me like that or watch your tone or whatever. But it's like, well, we're not always 100% you know speaking in the right way, reacting in the right way because of everything that we've got going on.

So I think it's sometimes, yeah, reminding yourself that you can just let that way go sometimes. Yeah, sometimes it's needed. But yeah, I think it's, I don't want to be on top. pop of him, parenting him 24-7, I actually want to enjoy a relationship as well as teaching him stuff. And I do feel like we've reached an age where it's just constantly telling him off about something. Well, I've said this before when I've looked at, you know, I feel like I'm looking at, in the past, or even now with the teenager. And it's like, I don't give a shit what I'm telling them, really. I mean, I remember I thought, I thought,

oh, okay, what can I just do just get you out of my room? Yeah. You know, it was more of that. Because then if I had, if I looked in one way or blinked way or twitched or whatever it was, I know my mom was going to fill it. And sometimes she wouldn't. Now, whether that was, imagine my hormone, weak, weak, tying in with his bad hormone. You know, like one of them.

Oh, my God, that's going to explode, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That taught them to come into account as well. Yeah. As well as, well, I said obviously the technology side, but then it comes to, to again, your friendships groups and your rules of your child and then other children and it's it's hard because we know what it's like at teenagers your life is your friends yeah that's it 100% nothing else it's you your life what you're doing what your interests and your friends that's it

yeah you know so anyone else tells you any different there we are yeah that that's how you think and it is you think your parents don't have a clue and and forgetting that parents have all been in that because we've all been teenagers. And again, they will get to an age where they start actually understanding. I do have it, not everything, but I do have certain things with my oldest where he will kind of go, or I can just see it because of how he behaves in life, you know, that he gets it now. He gets what I was on about. Some things are still not there.

Yeah. But there is, you know, coming out the other side of it. And but right now I have, I do, I have moments of, right, I've really this, I've got. I've got to say something and something's got to be done or I've got to nip that in the bud or I've got to pull him up on that or some days I've just got to just laugh it off and be like what a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it's really hard because I want to. Yeah. But you've just got to just. Yeah. I think you end up harm in your relationship. If the only thing, if the only interactions and conversations you're having with each other is all preaching and teaching them a lesson,

then yeah, you're just never going to get through to them. And sometimes, Sometimes delivery needs to be soft. Sometimes delivery needs to be more direct. And sometimes, like you say, you just need to not be thinking about everything needs to be a lesson. Yeah. Because I even read something the other day about we're really over preparing our kids for everything. You know, like, oh, we're going to go to this place. So it could be like this, it might be like this and you might feel like this and you might.

It's like, just, we'll just go see what's going to be like. Like be uncomfortable, be surprised, be in the moment, not really know what's going on. and just roll with it. Yeah. Sometimes we're almost teaching our kids to overthink everything. But because we're trying to explain everything. It is true. And then,

and then the other side of, you know, like preparing on like a trip going somewhere. Like we didn't have screens, did we? No. So we would, and once all them little kind of paper coloring,

I don't know, travel games that you'd have limited, it'd be looking out the window, no? Sure. It would be, wouldn't it? And making your own things up in your imagination to,

to get that time by. And I think they are the important things of growing as well. It sounds really awful. But it does say like, oh, you need to let your kids be bored. Let your kids be kids. And I think part of that is that. Yeah. Let your kids be kids.

Let the teenage be teenagers. Yeah. And there is, it is a fine line. Yeah. Of knowing, you know, when to kind of step in as being a parent and not in a way. Yeah. And again, every child is different. I'll say this with my hands up that I've not got to a girl.

being a teenager. Yes. So each one's completely different. I could be completely a broken woman in the next few years. Do you know what I mean? I think, I don't know. Because it's, again, it's personality. It is personally.

But you've got to throw into that is that it's women. It's a girl. It's a woman. You know what I mean? And them hormones are all so different. No, it's definitely going to be tough. I mean, having a teenager, especially a girl, I couldn't even imagine. I don't feel like I was that bad, but I definitely was.

But then I've also got, I've got families who their struggle was more the other way. They've got quite a, they've had quite a chilled girl and teenager and da-da-da-da. And an actual fact, the male, the boy has been a bit more, you know, hormony and a bit more teenagery or whatever you want to call it. And I think it depends what the kids go through as well. Like if they have no issues with friendships, if they've got a solid group of friends, they have their hobbies, everything goes their way. I mean, it's probably not great because then you're going to have an adult that doesn't know how to deal with anything.

So you kind of want them to have some hiccups along the way. But again, it depends if they have first boyfriend cheats on them. Like, that's going to be very different than if they have a nice boyfriend and then they just fizzle out. Yeah, true. You know, like friendships, like betrayals and things. I think all of that plays a huge part into it. I think. But that's where this is what I mean.

This is just that that's teenage life now. whereas where you have to kind of let that. Imagine if our parents got involved in all the dramas that we had. Can you imagine? Yeah. Just putting that into perspective here, actually. But I think that's a good point because at Kaysen's age, whenever he comes home and he says, oh, this person's done this.

And I'm like, right, okay. And then we talk through it and we're like, thing. And I'm like, I feel like I need to like give him the tools. But at the same time, probably more Morgan's age is like, these things are going to happen. they're also at the age where they're going to say things, they don't mean it, and friendship groups are going to fall out and come back together. And yeah, you almost can't get too involved because things change.

My main thing with my children, and again, I'm not saying my kids are perfect here. I kind of, you know, you think they are. And then you go through experiences. I think I've said this before where I had a situation. I'm sure it was Mason. And the parent was sort of quite worried in contact. me about a situation thinking I was going to be quite defensive and you know

that sort of thing and I think once we'd spoke they were oh my god I didn't think you was going to I was like well why it's you know we're not they're kids and I'm quite opening that children aren't yeah you know kids aren't perfect they're going to make mistakes and you can bring them up one way exactly you could tell your child

to you they're blue in the face all these rules yeah and then they'll be like well I haven't brought you up like that and they've still gone and done to me anywhere I think that's that's more just being aware of that yeah well I'm probably did the opposite job. My mom, don't tell me to, you know what I mean, of not to do and to do it in that way.

So they've got that side of it. And again, I'm close with my kids, but they're still teenagers or, they're still going to push limits. They're still going to try things. But my biggest, my biggest thing with mine is just to be a good person and friend. Do you know what I mean?

Because I think they're the kind of things that stick with you. Yeah. always. I think if you've, if you, I mean, again, kids are kids and teenagers, but I just feel if you're one of those people that, again, we go back to how how someone makes you feel when you're around them. It's being aware, well, that's not a friend then, is it? Yeah. That is a friend then, isn't it? Yeah. You know, so it's more me trying to teach them of, of being a good person and friend and giving your time to, to them people who deserve it. You know what I mean? And it's really hard because you can't choose, you can't choose who your kids' friends are.

And I wouldn't want to. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, that's what shapes them and that's what teaches them experiences and so on, so on. Imagine if my parents told me who and who I couldn't be friends with, you know what I mean? But on the other side of it, I have had experience where I felt I had to guide mine through sometimes friendship groups. I just think, I just don't think they're the right people for you to maybe hang around. with all of the time, you know, and give all of your time to. When there's other people that seem to give better time to you and as a friend,

you know, it's hard to explain. It's more give and take. And it's not nothing personal. It's not like, but you're my child. But the truth is, if you think back, especially at kind of those ages, when kids are mean to you, you almost want to impress those kids the most. Yeah. And actually, I think giving kids.

the confidence, no matter how popular that kid is, no matter how cool people think there is, no matter how many people they've got around them, if someone makes you feel bad and they know it and they continue to do it, then it's that actually having the confidence as a kid to be like, no, you're not my type of person. Rather than actually seek out to want to people please and overcome that. And if they don't like me, then there's something wrong with me. No, if they don't like you, there's something wrong with them. Yeah. And this is it. So part of you wants to just let them learn for themselves because it is important.

You know, just go with it, you know. But at the same time, you just also want them to have your little voice in the back of their head go saying these things. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For example, I try to try and get through to them. Don't be that mate who just picks up and drops people down. Yeah.

You know? It suits me to have you around at the moment and then I'll jump to the next person and the next person. Yeah. If you've been in them experience, whereas you felt that from someone else and you know that's not a nice feeling, don't do that to others. Don't bring that feeling to others. And that goes with everything.

You know, in life. You do fizzle out and you do evolve and you do change interest. So you are going to naturally move away from. We're over explaining, even now. But it's such a hard balance to try and keep. And again, I might have been through it with one child, but whether it's society, personality, everything is completely different in a way of how to deal with it. but for me I do have this bit of confidence that we're going to get through it and again we're fine like me and my teenager are fine doesn't but we're still going through those teenager experiences in the house you know for example summer summer not all teenagers but I'm going on about 85% of them seem to just have this new you know life from like 10 11 o'clock at night you know where we all go to sleep and

and they all start chatting and playing on their games and cooking a midnight snack, full-on thing. You know what I mean? And that gets to me a little bit. Like, oh my God, he's up all night and he's on his screen or he's on his phone and da-da-da-da-da-da. And he's not sitting there on his own scrolling, doing this. He's interacting in a game, playing on a game,

talking to his friends or in a group chat, chatting, laughing, Like when I hear it, it's, you know, once it makes you laugh when you hear someone laugh. Yeah. There's that. So then I go through these. Could be worse. So I go through these emotions then of,

these conversations in my head of like, oh, you know, the good and the bad and all these things. And then the other side of it is, but he's not also, he's not standing bed all day. He's getting up. He's going out every day, going to the sports and the plane. You know what I mean? And you do naturally do like a nighttime pattern as teenagers. I don't know what it is. It's just a, yeah.

What's the word? It's just a phase and the age at the moment where I've, literally, I was like, we just got to remember Mason went through this stage of, I think I struggled to get up even before like one, two o'clock at one, like one summer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what I mean, but we, well, like, well, we could have been.

The only time I remember being up and we was trying to do that rendition to McFly. Do you remember when we just sat on my bed for hours and hours trying to, so about you? Like, you're trying to. I don't know why we thought that was a great time to do it at Stubal 5 in the morning. We had a show the next day. Yeah, but I'm saying though.

So, but things like that as you don't phase, it's like, if our parents came and gone, no, we would have gone, yeah, let's just go for it one more time. But it's also like, that's a memory. Yeah. And like, we were all together. We were laughing. We were joking. We were having fun.

And like, you know, when you enjoy yourself and time just passes, we must have been doing that for fucking hours. Yes, exactly. And then we weren't doing anything wrong. And this is what I'm trying to say with my teenager now. much as I can sometimes overthink of, oh my God, he's up, he's up all night and is this and the act. Actually, is nothing like unhealthy that he's doing, really. He's not on his own. He's not sitting in a corner scrolling through shit that's sending him, you know, changing

his mindset on bad in a bad way. He's talking with his mind. He's interacting. He's playing again. He's laughing, like actually crying, laughing where I'm laughing at hearing the giggles coming from him. He's having a sleep. He's having a good sleep. He's having a good sleep. he's not staying in bed or day, it's one, two o'clock, is getting up, eating, doing this, and going out for the night. So, you know, there's nothing bad. Like I said, it's picking and choosing your battles, isn't it?

Yes, but this is what I'm saying, is all the emotions that we go through, having a toddler, having an eight-year-old, having a teenager, then going having a young adult. And that was just literally me thinking this morning about being on my period. And comparing that to like a teenager.

And then when you commented on your youngest, was going to like a preschool. I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. He's going to become Farrell Bell. I know. And that's the one thing I wasn't worrying about.

And now I've got that to worry about. So just add that to the list. But where we all be like negative about it? You know, like teenagers. Oh my God. You know, it's like a negative thing. On the other side of it, these, like you've just said, these are all the memories.

These are all the good times, man. It's just because we're parents. No, it's true. It's like when they, every time you see it, it's like, oh, you know, at some point, you're going to wish you were back right in this thick of this moment. Oh, I do say that to mine a lot to be. Yeah. These are the best day.

It's so easy to wish it away. And even I said to Leah in the other day, I was like, I just have quite the house going to be. Yeah. Like, even looking at like his mom and dad, what would we do if we didn't have, like, what are we're going to do with ourselves? How many times have I said it when they are out somewhere?

Yeah. Me and Mitchell just like. I mean, like, say you'll get into the point where yours, like, are in clubs for hours. They are at their friend's house. Like, we haven't really got to that point. Kaysen does a couple of hours of drama. But like he's not over at his friend's house.

He's not like, yeah, with anyone. He's not even at my mom and dad's anymore. So it's like, yeah, they're always with us. You're just the pickup and the drop off. Then you get to a point where you're not even that anymore because they can take themselves. Yeah, that's sad. That's the thing. When you're really, you're like, oh, go.

And when it's not there, you're like, oh, my God. Yeah. It is, I have to say it's true. And at that point, you can't really parent anymore. So it's like, you think you've got all the time in the world to see. and all these lessons and then before you know it's like oh okay they're out just doing nothing now and it is hard when you're in it and you like oh whatever it is you're like negative but what not you know when you get them when Hayden's waking up at six o'clock in the morning I'm like that fuck

it's that it's that but when it's Sunday did you not know it's Sunday you do you miss it I have to say you do miss it I mean even you know even having my eldest not in the house for a week we've all missed him not and we've seen him yeah but just him not be it, it's just so, it's just so different. And even, it is probably comes to the fact that we are quite close to, which I wouldn't change, you know, but, but yeah, going back that with the choosing of when to do it and not to do it, it's, it's, we've all had a giggle, even Mason of that, that, that teenagery thing. If anyone's ever seen, um, the, the, the, the kids thing, Horrid Henry.

Yeah. We call him Beefy Burr, because Beefy Burr's the one who goes, I don't know. It's everything. That's what Morgan, what you mean? I don't know. Where are you going?

I don't know. Who are you going? I don't know. All right. But because honestly, it's like a thing of, it's annoying because even like Kaysen coming home from school now, I'm like,

oh, would you do it? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, like I can't remember. I don't know. And it's like, I want to have a conversation with you. Stop being annoying.

Well, I said it's, well, it means this is what I say, this is the rule that we have with ours is that at these ages of starting to go out. And I know I'm later than other people. some parents have let theirs a little bit younger and that's fine that's your choice that's your child I'm not I even now my bit oh and even when he does yeah uh he has to have a plan because I feel like when you don't have a plan and you hang that's when problems yeah so have a plan it's true

so he was telling me that they're going on you know like a bike ride and all this kind of thing well what you do oh I don't know I don't know if you don't have a plan you don't know where you're going and who you're going with it's not a plan is it so until you've got one or some sort of sort of route, like we'll meet here, we're going to ride to here and stop there, then we're going to ride to there and then we're going to finish off at the sports that's a plan. Otherwise, if you don't have a plan, I totally agree that if you don't have a plan, that is when you end up thinking of like things that you shouldn't be doing and you start

doing it. So having a plan. But yeah, not that it's strict, but it's like, it's definitely good advice. Yeah, as a teenager, but I wouldn't, yeah, I haven't ever heard that before. Yeah. So you're, so this on science. So we can't just go to an area and hang around. Can't just like meet up at the car park.

I can't just go and drop. I'm outside of 24 as well. I can't just drop you off somewhere and that's it. Because what? You're just going to walk around. What are you going to do? I get it. I do get it.

Because we used to sit outside of a bank that was closed. Yeah. You just sit and talk. Just sit. You just hang. I do get it. But also that brought us a lot of trouble because boredom kicks in and then things happen. You know?

So as much as. I can. Again, this is me, I guess it. I have, I do have an older child. I'm just trying to prevent those things from happening. So in my opinion, if you go, you're going to go to that area. You've got a plan. Why don't you go bowling and then go and get St. Sweet? Yeah. No, it's, it's great advice. I've never heard of that, but I think that is great advice, especially for that kind of age. So if you're going to hang, you're only going to hang for the end bit, aren't you? Yeah. Not for the whole thing. Yeah. He might not do it. He might not do do any of me. He might just tell me he's got a plan. Yeah. And actually, it's not. But,

If he's got one that he's telling you about, he's probably suggested it to his friends. They're probably going to end up doing something along those lines, you know. I've done my bit, all right? I was going to say, yeah, because we never had a plan. No, no, that was the best bit because we didn't have that. You just turn up, you go to an area and that's where everyone is. Yeah.

Yeah. But everyone's very, it's different now. Everyone's by group thing and, you know what I mean? It is different. It's better to have a plan. I love the fact that Morgan actually will sometimes be like, well, I'm just, is anyone going now? I'm just going to, but that's fine because he's going to like a sports centre.

Yeah. So you can go to there. You know what I mean? I'm not getting to more of an open environment just to literally walk around on your own when you don't really know. Yeah. It's a good advice. I know a little bit.

Sometimes I can be like here with my streetness and sometimes I can be like what? And I'm like, yeah. They're like, you just wouldn't let him. I'm so like that. But it just, then feelings of letting me be a teenager and actually no. Yeah. I think if you just got rigid rules, it's almost rules just for the sake of having rules.

I think if you are flexible and you do like, well, some days I'm going to give you a little bit to see if I can trust you. And other days I might not be comfortable with that. Like even my niece the other day, she's 15. She got a bus and I'm like, should she be getting a bus? Yeah.

I was getting buses and trains and the lot and everything like years ago. We had our own. We had a moped. Yeah, so I mean. But I'm like, it's just weird, isn't it? Like the, I don't know. Like when it's not you and it's other people, it's, yeah, it just feels like... But I also think we're, we're, even that with the teen, you said about your niece with the, with the party, with Kaysen's party.

Yeah, sitting outside by herself on her phone. Teenager? Yeah. What side do you make this teenager come in and get her to enjoy an eight-year-old birthday party, cousin or not? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's one of them, in it? Are we going to just slag her off?

Because she's sitting on her phone being a friend. teenager or we're just going to go and let her be a teenager and if she didn't come would you have a issue with that for she's showing her face so yeah it's it is one of them things i think i'm just trying to think back to when i was a teenager but yeah there's a fine line mood swings and stuff i think respect is respect but yeah you can still have moods yeah so most of the time we is a teenager and and and by then you know your child's personality as well yeah you know what i mean so it's that Yeah. Mostly I pick it up and when it's, I feel like it's the teenager or feel like it's his

pen out of person and it's, no, you can't be like that like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not that I do let everything go, but you do have to learn because you're all just going to just end up going mad. Well, they're only going to take certain amount of what you say. They have to go out and put it into practice. They've got to, yeah, make mistakes themselves. And yeah, I think nipping it in the bud when you feel like it's becoming.

who you are and that's not acceptable or if it is a mood and it's going to be you know you're going to feel different tomorrow then I'll let it slide sometimes and that's just like you say that's just the hormones and being at home then you bring everything else into the mix like group of friends friendships different groups of friends yeah you know all these things as well um that that changed well I think you underestimate what kids go through like it's like what you got to worry about but like it's a lot everything it's it's that to them is their world. It is their world. That is their life. So as an adult, it's very easy to think, oh, that's, you know, like, even we were talking about with my sisters yesterday, like,

when your parents are like, just wear that. There's nothing wrong with it. And it's like, well, I don't want to. And obviously, like, for whatever reason, you really don't like what it is that they're suggesting. Just have it. Just wear it. Just do it. And it's like, no, really don't want to. Yeah. But yeah, it's tough ones, tough one. It is. And however, you see, as a teenager, the world revolves around you. You literally, think that everything is about you and you only. And what? I don't care of anyone else. Yeah. You know, but it is. It's just, it's just learning and that and you know, you will know. And you've just got, you'll have moments of just being, oh my God, and you'd have moments of

laughing at it. Yeah. That's what I've, that's what I go through anyway in my experiences at the moment. Yeah. I'm not through the second one, but that's, that's where I'm going. Yeah. I think the only advice for those that have an eight-year-old that I've kind of remind myself is just listen to the little things because if you listen to the little things, they'll tell you the big things. And it's very easy to minimize like, oh, they had that for lunch or they did this or they go in there. And to us, it might seem so small and trivial.

But if it's bothering them and they want to talk about it, then listen to them and actually give them the time, even if it seems insignificant. Well, I agree, because that growing up, it will matter. Yeah. I'm quite lucky or just the fact that that's how we've, you know, we've brought them up, that we are quite open and we are good at talking to each other within the family, which I think means a lot, you know what I mean?

But we're also quite open and real. You know, there's nothing that we would hide in how we're feeling or what's happening to an extent, obviously. But with my advice with a teen, I'm a teenager, is probably that let them be teenagers. that would be my main thing to repeat yourself. Yes, they have to be guided and parented and all this. Yeah. But just remember, you just remember you.

And think about it, you have also properly parented them for years at that point. So they have their morals, they have their values. Even if they don't show you it all the time, those deep-rooted ways that you've raised them should be in there somewhere. Yeah. Don't be wrong. There's nothing changes in terms of, you know, respectful responsibilities, you know, they've still got to do all your thing.

And if you don't do it, then there's consequences. I don't mean it like that. But you know what I mean? All these things. But then you've just, with a teenager, you've just got to think about that a little bit more than what you would at a different age, if that makes sense. Yeah. You know? And I'm going through it and I'm saying it that calmly right now.

Yeah. Yeah. No, like even look at her Liam's sister in my knees. I'm like, oh, thank God. I don't have a teenage daughter. Yeah, but in an ideal world, in an ideal world, and I do actually, I've said this a lot, I think that 98% of all parents feel exactly the same about social media, about phones, about screen time, about all these, about them going out on e-bikes, electric scubaes, anything,

all these new things that have come in to us that we never really had. Let's just put it that way, yeah? I really do believe that about 90% of the parents feel exactly. the same as in, well, if I had a choice, they wouldn't have it and they wouldn't do this and they wouldn't do that. I really do. So in an ideal world, if we all got together and we all said the same thing, there wouldn't be an issue, would there? No. But it's all ban Oreos from the lunchbox. But it would be. And I do well, that would how it happened. But it doesn't. And I go back to you have to feel left out. You have to be unhappy with something. I have to go back to how

on earth I would feel if my child came up to be at 14 and ask for a motorbike. 14 bill we was yeah that's ridiculous exactly so we were trusted in that but they're saying that my sister wasn't allowed one exactly you know she got one of them 50cc cars because my mom was that for some reason i just can't trust her on a bike she's more but that's a different personality and child so by then you do you know your child's personality to know where they're at with is this being a teenager is it not does it need pulling up on does it not do a cry and scream about it or do I just laugh about it? Yeah but like I say all these things they seem small in the moment but teaching your kids how to deal with friendships and falling out and their

own moods and their own feelings is what makes them an adult because you don't learn you might learn how to deal with your colleagues you know when you're in the workplace but your actual fundamental how you react and how you deal with it is all stems from how you've done it previously. So you know there's nothing worse than working with adults that throw their toys out of the pram and they don't get their own way or things like that. Or acting like an entitled way. Yeah. You know,

I think their opinion's the only way. There's is the only way to do things. Speaking over people so that they're heard. Like, you can just kind of see the ones and you can just imagine what kids they were like. And learning, and learning that, okay,

I know you feel like this right now and that you can't control it. And I get that like me when I'm on my period. Yeah. But sometimes you've just got to learn to, you know, I feel like this and I want to headboat you, but I'm not going to. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, like I say, teaching your kids. And that goes right back, isn't it? But also teaching your kids that not all people are good people and not all people have the skills that we're trying to teach you to have and not everyone and actually knowing how to deal with people like that.

Yeah. Because you're going to come across people that aren't the best, that don't have the best skills all throughout your life. Yeah. You think that when you leave school, oh, I'll get to pick my own friends. or, you know, don't have to do this or put up with teachers or whatever, in another environment, in a workplace, in when you have kids and then, you know,

you're dealing with things. You won't get that. It's like you've got to deal with people always. So actually learning some of these things might feel small in the moment of teaching your kids something, but it's something that they'll remember. And they'll carry through. And they don't even know that they're actually what they're learning

or what they're, you know, they're getting. That's what I mean. So even though, you know, Morgan's rolling, yeah, yeah, mom, yeah, yeah, mom. And you don't know how much he's taking it. Like I say just sometimes if in a moment you can hear me a little bit of what I'm telling you might not be 100% of the time, but just a little bit gets in there. Well, that's why actually you're saying that. I had to go back into Morgan at one point when I'd spoke to me because I wasn't even shouting at him.

He'd done nothing wrong. Nothing happened. But because I was just trying to get everything out to him that I felt I needed to tell him that I needed to try and understand. It was as if I was like shouting at him. It comes across as a lecture. Yeah. And I actually came out the room and I thought, I told him to feel like he, you know, I've shouted at him because the white,

I mean, she's know me by now anyway. Really. Like you know your child's personality. He knows his mom. But I just wanted to clarify. You're not in trouble here. And, oh, my eyes are watering. Look.

My eyes are watering. Oh! Just that you're not, that you're not in trouble. Yeah. Even now, look, look at my hand. It's like I'm, uh, at you. Yeah. But I'm not.

It's anything. I'm just passionate. And I care so much that I just want you to understand what I'm trying to say here. And I did. I felt like I'd come out the room and I'd just like, man at him. But in actual fact, I wasn't. There was nothing directly to him that I was, you know, that I was saying that, you know, it was just more I was trying to get him to understand.

So I did. I went back in and I was like. Yeah, but I felt like it was a little bit like. But it came. Was he listening to what I was saying or was he just like, oh my God, like this is too much. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's hard.

I feel like I'd do that even sometimes with Kaysen, like. like I go on and on and on and I'm like right okay the summary of that whole hour was this sentence so I think remember that and but that's it sometimes I'd go over but it was more the maybe my tone and the way I was saying it I even felt like yeah and it will be it definitely because my hormones right now and that's a little bit less controllable. There's also an important lesson so that's right because of what I was saying I was so passionate about what I was saying it came out too much too passionate so I just had to just go back in and be like, I bet you thought, oh my God, she's come back, she's come back. Oh, no. But I just was like, I'm really sorry, Morgan, if that came across as like, I was being nasty or shouting at you because you are not into, no one's in trouble here. I just wanted to say what I thought about that situation. And literally he was like, yeah, all right. Didn't give a shit, just don't have the head but me. I'm just, oh my God, overthinking all these things. And I've been there and I've done it. Yeah. You know, but, but yeah, it was, uh, oh, it's a week in it. Yeah.

It is a week. It is a week. But no, I think you're right. I think at the end of the day, better said than not. And however they get it, they're going to take, you know, I've had lectures from my mom and I've had soft deliver, I've had hard deliver, I've had shouting. I've had, you know, ignored. You know, like, and I feel like not that we're doing a better job than our parents,

but I think we're, yeah, kind of taking. Learning from experience. And I think we just know more about how kids learn and things now anyway. So, yeah, I think we turned out all right. So that's what I'm trying to go on in a way, although like our parents. But then I don't know how our parents did it. You know what I mean? Like if you said, what was the lesson your mum really taught you that made you the good person you are today?

I'm like, fuck knows. Come. Just everything. But I don't want to be brought up too much differently to how I was brought up. I did see something that they were like, I'm just going to parent my kids like I'm in the 90s. Yes. That's how I want to be parent. I try.

That's what I feel I've done with my, my eldest. And I'm quite proud of what we've done, especially as young parents anyway. I'm very proud, not quite about it. I'm very, very proud. The only difference is what, like, society and the changes. Even as 90s kids, what changed for our parents to have to deal with. Yeah, you can't. We have to deal with that.

We can't because everything's debor. The world's different. But trying to pick stuff out that you can, you can put into this decade. or whatever, I don't know what you're going to call it. Generation. Yeah, generation. That I will. As much as I can use, I will.

Yeah, no, I feel like our generation as people generally as a whole, minus, you know, the ones that didn't learn good skills, that throw their toys out on a brand. As a whole of a generation, I think we're suffering a lot because, yeah, the world has changed in terms of like, and we've put on a lot on ourselves, whereas. Yeah, I think we need to definitely,

we need to bring back the 90s, chill the fuck out, vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was definitely that. Yeah, I think our generation is suffering the most, but at the same time I feel like we are one of the stronger generations. So, yeah, I think taking the best of that, putting it into these kids.

Where we can in this generation for sure. Yeah, definitely. Like I say, I want a kid that's got a grit that's got a bit about themselves that can do hard things. Learn them mistakes on their own too. Yeah, roll their sleeves up and get on with it every time. And definitely not a kid that, yeah, is a winger. I can't deal with wingerers.

just it's sad. I think like you say, we are the way we are because we were brought up the way we were and we were made to left to make our own mistakes but we also had the support when we really needed it. So it is that balance and I do think we are I do think we're going in the right direction but you're

going to get days when you think oh my God, where am I going what am I doing? But then I think our parents probably had them same doubts at some point. I don't think they had them as much as we worry about trying to do everything right. Yeah, because they They talk less. Yeah. That's why. That's what I mean.

I think they probably did have those little worries of, you know, oh, what are our kids going to be like when they're older and are we doing a good job? And yeah, every parent has that worry. But I think we take it to another level. So yeah, I think we can be mindful of that. Because, yeah, you don't want kids where you're raising someone who, yeah, is overthinking, over sensitive, overplans, over thinks everything. and then has to have their parents

and does it have to check with them because you've been involved in every decision that I've made that I can't do anything without a parent. You've told me how to deal with it. You told me how I should feel, or you've told me. I think it just goes back to something that I learnt with coaching. Like, I used to always think I'd have to have the answer.

If someone in my team come to me like, oh, this is my problem, right, there's a solution. This is what you go and do. Whereas what I've kind of learned from, and both is always just asking, okay, so what do you think you should do next? And then hopefully it's an answer you agree with or if not you guide them to,

well, do you think that would be right? Do you think if you maybe thought about this bit or, you know, and then you guide them to the answer. It's the same in work and it's the same with kids. Like, don't just jump and give them the answer. Like, well, what do you think? How would you deal with that? I think that's a good place to start, maybe to start there.

That's a fine example. It's very homework. They're sitting there. They want me to give, I'm not going to give you the answer. I'm explaining how to get the answer. Yeah. So if you've just told me you understand how to do it, then you'll get the answer, won't you? Then go on then.

Yeah. So, honestly, that, I am not giving the answer. Yeah. It's so much easier if I could, wouldn't it? But you can't. Life's not that easy, guys. I know, I know. No, right.

So if you've got teenagers, we probably scared you more into dealing with them. But, no, I think everyone's doing their best at the end of the day. And I think that's all we bring our kids up. Just do your best. So we need to take a leaf out of our own book that we're preaching. We're doing our best. We know we're doing the best we can. And that will just be enough.

Yeah. And work, in parenting, in life. And it is okay if your teenager nonsense and says yes, but not really they haven't. It's okay. Or if your teenager sits outside and ignores everyone. Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. You know, sometimes it's okay.

They'll come back around and they'll be proud 19-year-olds. Exactly. Exactly that. I love you. Oh, well, thanks for joining us for another week, all about parenting and, yeah, I guess just... Teenagers and difficult ages, should we say. Yeah, three ages and teenagers, the difficult ages.

The different worlds of. I know, yeah. But actually so similar. Definitely, yeah, no, it's all fun and games. Hopefully you've enjoyed it, and we'll look forward to seeing you next week. Yes, well. Bye. Bye.

Bye, yeah.