The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - Are Your Expectations Too High? When High Standards Become Unrealistic

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

Are your expectations too high?Have you ever been disappointed by someone and thought, “But they should have known”?Or expected your boss to recognise your hard work, your partner to know what you needed, your friends to show up for you, or yourself to somehow manage EVERYTHING perfectly?This week on Growing Together, we're asking a bigger question:Are expectations actually the problem or do we just need to get better at understanding and communicating them?We start with a very everyday debate: tipping in restaurants.Because what happens when something goes from being appreciated to being expected?From there, we get into relationships, friendships, parenting, work, ambition and the expectations we put on ourselves.We talk about:• Why expectations can create disappointment• Whether having no expectations is freedom or simply lowering your standards• The difference between high expectations and unrealistic expectations• Why we sometimes expect people to know what we need without actually telling them• Expectations vs standards and why they're not the same thing• How high expectations can drive ambition and growth• When ambition starts turning into self-pressure• The expectations we place on our partners, friends, colleagues and children• Why the gap between what we expect and what actually happens can create such a strong emotional reaction• And whether we really need to lower our expectations at allBecause maybe the answer isn't to expect less.Maybe it's to become more intentional about what we expect, who we expect it from, and whether we've actually communicated it.You can have high standards without expecting perfection.You can have ambition without constantly putting yourself under pressure.And sometimes the thing disappointing us isn't what happened…It's what we expected to happen.Welcome to The Rising's Growing Together real conversations about motherhood, relationships, careers, confidence, personal growth and everything in between.Subscribe and join us every week.#expectations #personalgrowth #relationships #motherhood Chapters00:00 Introduction: Expectations in Life and Relationships00:30 The Role of Service and Tipping Expectations01:57 How Expectations Influence Our Behavior and Feelings03:48 The Importance of Clear Communication of Expectations06:06 Balancing High Standards with Self-Compassion07:57 The Long-Term Perspective on Success and Growth09:48 Managing Disappointment and Setting Realistic Goals12:12 The Journey Versus the Destination13:59 The Power of Small Steps and Reverse Engineering Goals15:46 Expectations in Personal Relationships and Family18:05 The Impact of Social Media and Overnight Success Myths20:12 The Role of Communication in Relationships and Work22:03 Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations23:51 The Importance of Enjoying the Journey26:11 Final Thoughts: Managing Expectations for a Fulfilled Life

Hi guys. Hey, welcome back to another episode of The Risen's Growing Together with me, Billy. And me, Charlotte. And this week, we are going to be talking about the tipping debate. Because you were telling me where you went yesterday. So tell our listeners about your experience yesterday. And then we'll get into should we tip, should it be the expectation? And, yeah, just all about expectations.

Yeah, well, you know what it's like? You've had it before when you've been to a restaurant and it's not. any good and I think your result in kind of showing that is your tip in that way you know and in a way that comes down to both whether that's kind of your food or the service yeah because there's two for a restaurant yeah in a restaurant is the food great is your service great exactly um so for example yesterday we went to a restaurant and um it the service wasn't bad it was just that we didn't really like the food. And I don't feel that that was the service or even

like the chef because it was like a more of a franchisee place. I don't think they were given the resources if that makes sense, you know? And then it comes to the question of like tipping because then they've done their job. Yeah. And they haven't done anything wrong. They didn't make me feel like, oh, I need to kind of go all out there and tip them because they made me, you know, in that side of the service. They didn't go above and beyond. Yeah.

But again, it just made me think about expecting to be tipped. You know, because like I've been in places before as well. And sometimes like you feel like you have to. Even though it was mediocre. They haven't gone out their way, you know, they've just kind of done their job, which is what they're getting paid to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then yet I'd feel bad if I didn't kind of leave the expected tip.

Well, I suppose that's the debate. When I'm paying for my food. That's the debate, right? Like, I'm paying regardless. Yeah. Should I be expected to pay for a tip in any situation? I mean, I don't necessarily tip everywhere, but I do tip sometimes. Again, here it's a bigger thing.

Or is it? I think America's the biggest. I think there it's like... Of choice, should we say. Yeah, I think it's still choice there. I think there are a lot... No, there are a lot of places now, even in England, where it's that service charge on top.

So I guess that is now taking the tip away from you deciding and they just put it on top. Right. Which I don't agree with. I don't. I don't think that it should be put on top. Even when you cruise, actually, sometimes, they apply an automatic tip to the booking at the end

and then you've got a bill to pay. But most cruises, you have to go to the desk, get them to remove it and say, you're going to pay your own tip at the end. But some have decided not to because I guess there's people out there that don't tip at all. But I think that for restaurants especially or for any business, the price that you charge,

you should be happy with. Yeah. If you then go above and beyond, it should be down to the person to decide if they want to pay above in terms of tipping you. Because the way I see it in a way is that that person who's working should be getting paid fairly for their job. Yeah.

Right? So in my eyes, that person's getting paid fairly for the job. So then if they make me feel like, oh my God, that was such a good service, they deserve that extra bit. Yeah. That's where I feel that goes to. Yeah. And then when you've just said then about putting it on anywhere,

that makes me feel a bit unfair because I've worked in buyers and restaurants. before and I know that I've worked with people that maybe don't work as hard as me or don't put that much passion into it yet they're walking away with the same same tip should we say because it's just been split you know in that kind of a thing well that's the other thing sometimes tips are split but sometimes you get your tips so if you're working for your tips then you know that goes to you so yeah I'm this how I would think this how I would think when I tip I suppose it's not always like this and maybe this is very old school that whoever, let's just say it's a table restaurant, right?

Or even at a bar, whatever. That person tips you, you take that tip and you put it in your named tip jar. Yeah, I don't think that's how it works. Is that not, is that really old school? I don't know if it's old school or not. I don't know if people do it like that. I agree with that, I think, and I think I was even watching an American restaurant TV show the other day about when they, like, the restaurant's doing badly

and they get someone in to kind of help them. and a lot of it was the service was rubbish and they were just turning people away or telling everyone it's an hour and a half way so they come in and they help them figure it all out but they the servers had sections so it was like that's my section and that particular server has like the best reviews

and I think there they get their tips so I agree with that I think if you the one that served the table and you've worked for that tip you get that tip because there's people out there that won't and they're getting everybody else's share of the tips. And then it comes down to someone who's not doing something as good, but expects to get the same rewards for that the other person.

I think that's my thing of it. And then the other side of it of actually then there's bigger people. You know what I mean? Sometimes people don't even see their tips, do they? That's it. That's it because they're getting paid to do a job. So, no, I think you should have to pay, just go into a restaurant.

I think you pay when the food's particularly good or the service is particularly good. And there's a tip. Yeah. I do tend to tip a couple of euros in most cases when things are average. But if it's above average and it's kind of exceeds my expectations, then yeah, I'll tip a little bit more. But I don't do the automatic 10%, 20% on top of the bill, which people say you should. No. And sometimes I feel bad.

Yeah. Yeah, I do sometimes. And it makes me feel bad. You know, when like you've run out of change. Yeah. Yeah, I've done that before too fair when I actually think they do. deserve it and I'm like oh for fuck say all the times that I haven't got it and you really do deserve that more yeah I'm actually giving under that's that's not fair you know but yeah um generally you

do you just kind of throw throw we do we've done it when we're all out together we try and give that bit in between don't be but well yeah because when we're like a group of us whenever we like split the bill we had a little bit on top each and then they get a good you know usually 10 15% tip But I do feel that if we didn't feel like we'd get the right service, we wouldn't be so first about doing that. Yeah, you know. So if you had good food and bad service, would you tip? No, I just feel like I'd pay, which is not good, is it?

And if you had great service, but the food is crap, you would tip. So essentially, you're basing, your experience on the service that you're given. Yeah, but I also feel that because the person would ask me, my food's all right or not, I would feed back to that person about my food. if it wasn't good. Yeah. So then when I'm tipping, I suppose, yeah, it's hard, isn't it? In my head, I'm tipping the person who's serving me.

Yeah, not the chef. Not the chef. You don't think about the chef when you tip. Not really, no. You think about the serve, the waitress and wait. And yeah, like I say, I've done those jobs and tips do you make you feel good. They do. And sometimes they add it more than actually what you get at his way.

Absolutely. I mean, especially in America. It's more the expected for them. So we've got a bit of an attitude and they're kind of expecting to get in time. vital to it. No, you don't, you shouldn't automatically get a tip. I think you work for your tip. And you don't have to work super hard. I just expect a friendly smile, how's your food, if you're everything okay, can I get you anything out? Like, politeness and just being like available and what annoys me the most out of service. One is when they're like, like, got no energy in them

whatsoever. It's like, don't do a customer facing job if you can't fake it. I've faked it plenty of time. So I know I'm not expecting them to do something that I've done before. Yeah. but I think also when it's like you don't you only come to the table when you get called to the table I think part of being a server is like anticipating the needs so like going over taking the order bring about the food coming back a little bit later

checking in if everything's okay most people need a second round of drinks things like that I hate it when you have to constantly get someone's attention or if you know people are finishing up go over clear the place can I get the bill like you need to not just be asked to do the bare minimum. But that's like exactly, this isn't any job, because we're talking to actually tipping,

it's more the most common job that you're tipped in it. You know what I mean? That's why it's that example. But I just feel like it doesn't matter what job you do. Yeah. It doesn't matter what job you do, even if it's just a little stepping stone job to go on to something else

or if it's your complete future in hospitality, I just feel like you should be, do you do you know what I mean? And that's where that service then comes in, that passion and that knowledge of the menu that you're working with and serving or what you'd recommend or yeah and i just and that that makes all that difference to your experience which then in the end results in rewards yeah and i don't think it's too much to ask to like yeah for you to know a little bit about the menu for you to be friendly and smiley and yeah that you can serve

tables that are like difficult to serve we've had we've said that like actually doing that job is great experience and you shouldn't carry that on to the next table. So regardless of what you've got going on personally, regardless of how other tables have treated you, you should be showing up very smiley, happy, with a bit of energy and just friendly. And there's actually a new waitress in a CAF that I go to quite a lot.

And she is that person. And like I say, already that stuck out to me. It makes that difference. And it does. It makes you want a tip. Yeah, it does. It does. But is that because of expectation? So is that the problem?

the moment we expect something, we're kind of setting ourselves up for disappointing. And if we don't get it, like the difference between the reality and what we expected is that the problem. Were you saying that? You're just going back to us working. It was a thing, wasn't it? You kind of wait until they go to see what they've left you. Yeah. Come on now.

It is, isn't it? We've all done it. So it's like when you've kind of worked your ass off in a way and you really know you've worked your ass off and all these things on this table and everything you can, and they've left you a euro. In a way, I suppose I am setting myself up, aren't I? It's disheartening. It is, isn't it? Yeah.

But even as the customer, like if you're going to that restaurant... Oh, okay, so either way. Yeah, yeah. No, both, both ways. Yeah, yeah. Like, you've done a great job, so you're expecting a good tip, but also as a customer, if you're expecting a certain level of service and food, or, like, any service, if you're paying a company to do something for you,

and you have a certain level of expectation. Like, is that right, or are you actually setting yourself up for disappointment? Are you better to not have expectations or should you have expectations? I don't know, because I've always, I suppose you should set your expectations high, no, you better off. But then like you say, is that just setting yourself up? For disappointment? I suppose so. I suppose you're right.

I think we've done it a lot of times. You know this. Yeah, if you ask my kids, what's the one thing, the mom and dad argue over. it's food. It's food. And that's not just cooking dinner. That's, okay, we won't cook dinner, we'll go out. Well, where should we go?

I don't know. It's one of those things because then we go somewhere. Yeah. And then we expect to have a lovely dinner that's really nice and da-da-da. And then we're disappointed that it's not. And we're like, we could have just done that at home. We should have just cooked that at home. Yeah.

Or even just the expectations of a lovely family meal and quality time and good conversation. And then you're like, right, that's it. We're never going out again. Like it just not how it plays out in your head. Like even if it's not the service of a company, even if it's just the thought, I've done it loads of times. Oh, that would be really nice to do with the kids.

And even me and Lima having this conversation yesterday, we're talking about going back to England for around Christmas. Yeah. Like, do we go for Christmas? Do we go before? Do we go to one place? Do we go to a couple places? And then's like, that's a lot of travelling.

Like for the three places I'm looking at going. I'm like, oh, but it's a road trip and it'd be nice and the kids will enjoy it. And we get to see people. and then he's like, yeah, but I don't think it's going to be like that. So it's like, but then at the same time, then do you, what do you do? You don't want to be negative and then not, then put yourself off and, and, I don't know, it's a hard one, isn't it?

It is hard because I do agree that having expectations you can sometimes create your own unhappiness. Yeah. Because sometimes if it is so high, there's no way that you can live up to that. But I don't agree that we shouldn't have expectations and you can't be disappointed. Yeah, I think you're right. I don't agree with that point of view. I know there'll be people out there that do that,

oh, well, if you don't expect, you can't be disappointed. I'd rather be a bit disappointed and have certain expectations and standards. Like, I'm not going to, like, you can't control other people's behaviours. You can't expect them to behave a way in which you want them to. But I can still have certain standards and expectations for companies, for people, for my husband, for my children. And we all have them differently. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? when we think of something to do, we might have our own, you know, expectation of what that's going to be, even if we're going to do the same thing. Do you get what I mean? So that when it comes to it, that that result, like you say, doesn't feel like so disappointing. Yeah. Or sometimes it can feel like, oh, for fuck, say, that's shit. And even it aren't awful.

That's brilliant. Well, yeah, exactly. It is. People are completely different with their expectations. But, like, even we just had our 10. year wedding anniversary and I built it up and built it out for like a month. I'm like, I don't really have super high expectations. Like I need to spend those of money. I need to do this big extravagant thing. It was more so it's a milestone. You know, before another year

passes where it's like, oh, congratulations. Happy wedding anniversary and you move on. Which we do most years because we yeah, we've done big things and we've bought each other big presents and stuff. But we're not that couple that has to do that every year. So with it being 10 years, I was like, I do kind of want it to feel a bit different and a bit special. And just make that effort a little bit. Yeah, a little bit of effort. And we ended up like, oh, I just could make a decision. And Liam was like, we'll do whatever you want.

And I'm like, yeah, but I can't make a decision. And it was literally up until like the day before we still hadn't decided what to do. I was like, do I have a party? But then do I just do it at home with a few people? Do I pay to go somewhere? And then I'm like, well, it's like case and start in school. And like, there's lots of things that we need to pay. If I don't really want to spend a lot of money.

but I want to do something and then I was like I would just go out for a meal or we'll go to the spa I didn't really do much of that I think you had two school meetings I ended up having both kids school meetings so Hayden's in the morning

Kacens in the afternoons that literally did throw a bit of a spanner in the works because I was like oh my sister was here she was like I'll watch the boy so I was like great we can spend the day together we'll go maybe to the spa then we'll go out for dinner or something

so again it wasn't a huge expectation but I wanted to to do something. Doing something. And then, yeah, with the school meetings, I ended up going to a bit of like a pool thing with my sister. Oh, nice. And some baby, like,

because leave them out, I don't really want to sit in the sun and do that. Spend a day separate. Perfect. So, yeah, exactly. I ended up, spending it with my sister, going to sunbathe, have a, have a lunch. Then I did come back,

sort of the boys out. Well, I went to another school meeting, sort of the boys out. And then we went out for a nice dinner, which was lovely. But we could go out for dinner. get a babysitter because you was any weekend so looking back I'm a bit annoyed that I just didn't make yet a plan but having said that I wrote him a really nice letter with like things in it and

memories and he actually like two months before had made me a song so he put into like or I don't know if he paid for it or put it into an app or whatever like information about us and then they created a song and then he put all photos of us on it so that was nice because both, and we hadn't spoke about presence or anything, we both did something sentimental that we can keep. So I'm happy with that. But yeah, I kind of do wish we'd maybe done the spa or something. Or like, so you messaged me and was like,

oh, I should have had a party. I'm like, I know, I bought a dress and everything. And I didn't have a party. But I think the expectation. I know. And then that makes you feel like I should have. If it wasn't there in the first place, it wouldn't have been there, would it?

Yeah. My worst thing for me, I suppose, and I was just about to blame myself then, but I don't think it is myself, is when someone else gives you that expectation. Expectations on you? No, no, in a way of like, you know, like when, let's say you're going to go somewhere for dinner

and it's like, it says it's all like this and it's lovely and the service is great and it's a little bit more expensive. So, you know, all that. That's it. And then you get there and you're like, oh, that's not. Again, that could be my own thing. Again, your own expectation. but I feel like you've put them in my head too.

Yeah, exactly. I only had the expectations because you told me. Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah. No, it's hard. Recommendations are hard because that happens. You know, in business especially, but even we had our work like summer, late summer dinner two nights ago

and I recommended the restaurant and I picked the restaurant last year as well, which is always like pressure because there's like 10, 15 of us going. And, you know, luckily people were happy with the restaurant. But it's very hard. to do a recommendation because again what I'm happy with isn't necessarily what you're happy with. So I think it's a little bit of a losing game when you give someone a recommendation. But yeah. Well, to be fair, recommendations, or we've always said me and Mitch anyway, we'll find out for ourselves.

We'll make our own decision on that. I think that's true with when you hear stuff about people, when you hear stuff about a business, when you hear stuff about a school. Yeah. Because like you say, the expectations that you've been given or been told and been recommended could be very different. So you do kind of have to experience something for yourself. Yeah.

That's what I mean. You know, when you'd see like an advertisement, it's all singing and dancing. It's all, oh my God, this is great place, come to our place. And then you'd go and, again,

you'd think it's, and I'm like, oh, it's not. Then you go to somewhere that you kind of just walked in off the street that you didn't hear anything about. You wasn't really, again, expecting much. You were like, oh my God, that was brilliant.

Yeah. Yeah. Because you've gone in with no expectations. It's weird, isn't it? It's a weird one. But our expectations, what make us succeed, like the expectations we have for ourselves.

Yeah. So we're talking about expectations for other things. Yeah, because I'm just, yeah, I'm putting it into a restaurant in a way. You can't really control it. Yeah, you can't really control, like, say, other people, the way they act and stuff. But I do expect a server to be happy and smile it.

I expect a business to be professional. Yeah. I expect even when things go wrong for them to handle it well and, you know, things like that. So I do have expectations. Yeah. But flipping it internally. Yeah.

Having expectations for ourselves. is that what sets us up for success or is that what makes us miserable? God. Balances, depends what happens, don't it? And it could be, it could be the expectations we have for ourselves, but it could also be parents' expectations of you. Yeah, that's more of a pressure, I think sometimes, you don't expect. So when people have expectations of you, it's pressure.

But if you have it for yourself, I suppose it's a different kind of pressure. It's a kind of different pressure, isn't it? Yeah, because, yeah, I suppose so. you, yeah, it's a weird one. That is a weird one when you put it like that. Because having high expectations of yourself, you know, that's going to create your ambition, that's going to create standards, growth, accountability,

I would not want to have that. Better performance. Like, all of that actually sounds good. But on the, it depends how, what happens with it. How you take those expectations, because you could make yourself miserable by trying to live up to something.

But again, it depends, I think, how high you have them. I think if you have them. you're here and your expectations are up here, that's a huge mountain to climb. So I think that is, that is just going to paralyze you. It's going to feel overwhelming. I think the best, you can have expectations that you want to get to that point later. I suppose you can have a realistic expectations. Yeah. But don't, don't, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Yeah. I think if you, if you, if you go from there to there. Because I wouldn't say don't have it, because that sounds like, you got to have, you got to have standards. You got to have expectations for

yourself. I mean, some people are more than happy with where they're at. Yeah. They don't wish for more. That's fine. If you do have higher expectations of yourself, then you just need to know no matter how far the future version of you is that you expect and where you are now, whether it's there or there, is just breaking it down and going, right, well, if I want to get there, then reverse engineer it. What are the steps? Because I can't get there tomorrow. And if I try to, it's going to kill me with the pressure. So like break that down into four, six, ten steps, that is so much more easier because then my next step is here, my next step is there.

Yeah. What am I expecting of myself here to get there? Come on, let's be realistic because I do want to get there. Yeah. Which I can. I've just got to be realistic in what I'm expecting of myself. Yeah. No?

And I suppose it comes down back to that word again. Balance. Mm-hmm. Isn't it? Yeah. In a way of like you say, it's good to expect, but don't, don't be so and so down here. Yeah. You know, and take it just step by step.

Yeah. And I think for me, I've done that. I've had expectations up here, like way above where I'm at now. And I think that's led me to be where I am now because if I didn't have expectations of myself, I'm not going to be in a different place next year than I am this year. And I do want, even though I'm happy with my life, like we said before, being grateful for where I'm at, but I still have expectations of what I want to do and where I want to go. And it's not where I am now.

So I'm grateful and I'm happy where I am, but I'm still working towards more. and I think what's helped me not cripple under the pressure is that breaking down of the steps, but also not being, not underestimating the time and the journey it's going to take to get there. I think that's the difference. With all this kind of social media shit

with like, oh, overnight success, oh, she only posted a few times and now she's massively famous and oh, she's only, you know, launched a brand two months ago and now they're up to like a million pound in revenue. I think that really, hard to look at, isn't it?

There's a few overnight successes, but the majority of the overnight successes are because they've had 20 years trying to do it with other businesses that have failed and this is the one business that's took off. Or they've spent five years grinding and grinding and grinding and then this one year it's gone. So, you know, every interview with any successful person

I've ever watched, even when they have seemed to have overnight success, I've said, no, absolutely not. Even if I've had overnight success in one business, it's taken my 20 years of experience, of failure, of different jobs of different people to lead me to be able to do it right this time. So I think we really, we really overestimate what we can get done in six months.

Yeah. But we really underestimate what we can get done in five years. People don't think about the long game. No. People think about, well, if it's, I've posted three times and I haven't gone viral. So, oh, it's too hard. It's not for me. It's not.

It's a failure. It's not successful. And it's like, I failed. Yeah, exactly. But like, I think then, I suppose putting that out in words is kind of have, have unrealistic expectations with realistic steps to get there. I like that. She's teaching me well, people. I'm coming out with the quote.

I'm getting there. You know, in the most simple way. of putting it forward because I feel like I've kind of switched. Yeah, well, yeah, and no. Well, no, it's kind of bit of both. Yeah. You know, I think, I don't think you should not because that's just a bit negative and why wouldn't you?

Come on, you know, even like you say, you can be happy where you are. But the stuff, you know, still stuff that, I think it drives you. I think it keeps you driven in. And that could be anything. I'm not talking just about work here or whatever. It could be personal growth. It could be growth as a parent. It could just be your lifestyle.

Like, anything. I want to have more time freedom. I want to have more travel. or freedom or whatever it may be doesn't all have to be related to work but that is a huge part of most of our lives that makes us feel fulfilled yeah so yeah I think definitely that it's having having them big audacious hairy goals like we should all have those um I think that's what helps us grow because what's that another another quote for you aim for the moon but if you miss you'll be amongst the stars so aim for up there but if you go close to it you're still

going to be extremely happy with yourself and we might think of that's what I want but life and stuff like it's never a linear path but you're saying so all these steps might take you to here here here somewhere over here something that you didn't even think you wanted but you end up there because the more you climb that mountain the more opportunities the more experience like I used to want to be a lawyer Like that was what I thought I was going to be growing up for most of my like childhood and being at school. And I enrolled to do it at uni.

And then within a week I changed my degree because I was like, that is not actually the lifestyle that I want. Yeah. I don't want to be buried in reading. I want to be in the courtroom arguing. But do you know how much preparation and read it? And I do not. I'm not a big fan of reading.

But then that's exactly the same as me. People expect me to be a dentist and have my own dental clinic. I bet, yeah, I've heard people, and I think of, I've even said it to you. So are you going to have one? Yeah, and so many expected me to do that. And in a way, I think I thought I was as well. You know, and again, life experience and these steps that have took me on the way have, for me personally, have kind of taught me and now I've learned, for now, especially, I don't want that.

I'm happy with being hygienists as I am, self-employed as I am, the way I'm doing it. I'm in a very good place and that's where I'm happy at, you know. So yeah, people sometimes would expect that because of that first, oh, what do you do? Oh, so you don't have, you know. They've said it to Liam, like, oh, so you can have like a shop? Yeah.

No. He's never planned to have a shot. Doesn't want the stress, the overhead and actually likes, and actually it's just a unique service. Yeah. So that's what sets him apart from every other shop. So that was never his plan. But yeah, even me, you know, for years I'm like,

oh, I need a business. I want to do my own. thing. I need to like give up the corporate nine to five. And I'm like, actually, I'm very happy having, you know, a very great career leadership and closing my laptop on the weekends and being like, I don't have to worry about everything else because it's not my business. I'll do my very best in the Monday to Friday. And then that's it. I don't have to think and worry about it. Whereas when it's your own business, you can't do that. So, yeah, it's, yeah, but definitely you've got to have high expectations for yourself, I think.

So talking about expectations of ourselves and other people, should we expect things of like our partners, of our kids? Like should we expect them to know if there's an issue? Like I think what lets people down and disappointed with some expectations is they haven't ever communicated it. Like people think, oh, well, I expect you to be a great friend and show up for me. But if I haven't told you I'm suffering or struggling with any. how are you supposed to know.

Well, we're not mine readers. So that's it. I think some expectations we have are quite high of people. But if you don't communicate that that person isn't meeting your expectations, you can't, I don't think you can be disappointed yet. I think you can have people not meet your expectation. You need to then communicate it. And then what happens after the fact isn't in your control.

But then that shows you. You've made it clear. You've made it clear and is that person willing to change? Well, my example with that, for me, would probably be, let's just go put to simple house kids, yeah. So I've put it forward that you need to do this, you need to do that with a team, you know, come on, da-da-da. So that's kind of a said. So then if I then come back and, you know, your bed's not made or your washing's not in the thing, well, I expect you to do that. I've kind of, we've had this conversation of, you know, I haven't put it in a list of the things that you've got to do.

Yeah, maybe you need it simpler. But, yeah, I expect, I've told you we've got our spaces, you need to keep them clean, you know, that kind of a thing. So when I've come back and everything's everywhere, I'm like, mm-hmm, yeah. That side of it, that's them, that's them. I should expect that, no? Yeah, like I say, I think some expectations just need to be communicated.

But if I didn't speak to them and I came in the house, then that ain't fair. That's what I'm saying. So if I just came in the house and went on one, and gone, this is there, and they're sitting there thinking, oh, what, what, okay, you know what I mean, the kids still. Yeah. Oh, well, God, like, you know, you didn't realise, you know, that's unfair. Yeah.

That's just, I'm just trying to think of it's simple as well. Yeah, but even, like, as a partner, like, whenever you have disagreements, like, you can want to, or you expect your partner to be there to talk it through with you. But if your partner's like, well, I thought you needed space before we talk about it, then you're on different pages. Yeah. So you can't have that. expectation if you haven't communicated. Yeah, you're right. So I think when you go to businesses

and stuff, like I think there's a, there's kind of a standard expectation of service. Yes. But when it comes to relationships, I think you can still have your expectations. Like, I expect my friends to be good friends. And if you're not a good friend, you're not my friend. Yeah. Like I have expectations of my husband, of my kids. But I think, yeah, if someone's not meeting that expectation, then you, you can't, I mean, I've probably done it new in a relationship. with Lee and where it's like, oh, he's not done what I've wanted him to do. And then I'm like not talking to him

and he doesn't know what I'm not talking to him. It's because we have this conversation in our head. Yes. We're not actually having it with them. Yeah. No, you have to let the other person know where you're at, what your expectation is. And then it's on them.

You can't control it. And yes, you might be disappointed afterwards. But you can't settle for less. You can't settle for less of a husband. You can't settle for less of a friendship. if that means something to you having that, then you need to communicate. It's funny, isn't it?

Because this is it, isn't it? I think sometimes I expect, because we've been together so long, you're just going to know what I'm thinking anyway. Most of the time he does, don't get me wrong. You probably knows what I'm thinking before I do. Yeah. But it's that sometimes, you know, of like,

well, it's not a mind reader. Yeah. I know he's, you know, been together forever. But, you know, again, he doesn't actually know what's going on. Yeah, yeah. And if I just expecting to know that, that's fair. You know.

And I think even with work, like expecting people on my team to care as much as I care. Yes. Like expecting people on my team to have the same work ethic as me. I think that's reasonable. Expecting them to go above what I would do, I don't expect you to do that. No. But if I'm willing to do this level of work and, you know, these are the KPIs that we're working towards and this is the behaviours that I expect,

I don't expect you to do things outside of that. No. That's probably a good example. That is a very good example because you're right. When I'm in a workplace or doing anything, I'll do it the best of my ability so that when you're in the team, you expect them from other people.

Yeah, you'd be on the same page, you know, all together. Or even as a boss, like, I expect bosses and people in leadership to acknowledge good work, to give feedback. And I think most companies are quite good at doing that when you're new. Yes. Because they want you to feel comfortable. They want to point out, you know, positive reinforcement, what's good and stuff.

But I think it's very easy to slip them, especially when you're, and expect you. Used to people being good, high achievers, performers, that then you kind of stop acknowledging it because, oh, that's their standard. That's them. Yeah. But you still need to continue to, to, give people appreciation just because I'm a great worker just because I'm a great friend

just because I'm a great wife yeah I expect you to keep telling me yeah don't just expect me to be great like I want you to keep telling me yeah and it matters not every day no but I do I think that matters I think yeah I've said this before I'm not one of those people who needs patting on the back but it does go a long way yeah when someone does that it does make you feel that bit appreciate when you are doing more than expected most of the time. Yeah. From bosses and leaders and even from husbands, for example, I think the more you do that. And like I say, I don't really need it to the sense like it would make me unhappy.

I wouldn't do my work without it. Like I'm going to work hard anyway. But getting that, I think it's the easiest, cheapest, cheapest, way that you can make people even more motivated to continue. Because as a wife, as a worker, if you're never telling me that you appreciate it, that you see the work that I put in, the effort and the thought, then why would I keep doing it for you? At work, obviously, I get paid.

Yeah, but it does. It just, it goes a long way. It does. It goes a long way. It really does. It's like a confidence. Yeah. So the big question, should we lower our expectations?

No. If you're going to go on yes or no, you don't want a long-winded answer. Instant. No, we shouldn't lower it. What was the question again? Yeah, should we lower our expectations? No, I don't think we should lower expectations. I don't either.

I think we should just take our time in getting there and being realistic with the steps, no? Yeah, and communicating what we want. Yes, that helps. I think communication is key. Yeah, definitely. No, I think having high standards is important in everything. not necessarily unrealistic expectations, but I have a high standards

and yeah, I expect it to be on or near, especially if I've communicated it. So yeah, I would agree with that. Expectations without entitlement. Like I don't, expectation and entitlement, I think, is different. Yeah. I don't expect you to do it because of who I am. I think that's the difference with entitlement.

Yes. I have standards of, in relationships and in work, of where I think we should be because I'm giving that into it so I expect the same back. I think entitlement is expecting it without giving anything. Well, yeah.

Which that's another day because that now comes on to I feel this generation actually. Yeah. I think they've become very entitled and I think that's partly our fault as how we're bringing them up and technology too

and the way life seems so much easier in a way. You know, they've become a little bit more entitled. Yeah, that's a... But that's definitely for another day. Definitely pulled up another day. So, rapid fire.

Expect or don't expect. Okay, a little game to finish us off. Okay. Should you expect or not expect your partner to remember your anniversary? I'd expect. Expect. I'd expect. Your boss should notice you've been working hard.

Expect. Expect. Your friends should check in when you're struggling. Expect. If they know I'm struggling. Yeah. If you've put on a very happy face, I don't expect my friend to see through it.

Yeah. I think if you are faking it, then I wouldn't expect my friends to pick up on it. I'd like to think that they might because we've known each other for so long, but I wouldn't expect it. However, if I've mentioned I'm feeling a bit down and I don't message you for a couple of weeks, I would probably expect you to reach out.

Expectation for your children to appreciate everything you do for them. I'm going to say no because they're kids so I feel I'm expecting a little bit too much of them being children. Okay. Does that? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. For me, I know you disagree with her. Did you disagree with that? I could see what you face. Kind of, kind of not. So I expect my kids to be grateful. Sorry, Jason.

I expect kids to show appreciation, like, and just be respectful. but I did see a thing and I agree that we choose, we choose to have children. So having expectations for them to appreciate, then yeah, but just to have expectations of you need to be successful, you need to have a, you know, this amount of wealth, you need to be this type of person. I think those kind of expectations are a bit dangerous. Because ultimately you've had, you've chosen to have children.

they haven't chosen to be here. So really you should just help them be who they want to be rather than put expectations on what you want your children to be that I don't expect. Yeah. I suppose. Yeah. Yeah.

Expect if you work hard, you will succeed. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. I think it's impossible if you work hard, not just work hard but actually put out good work. Yeah. like not just like oh I'm grinding every day like doing things in the right way going above and beyond if you work hard and you don't give up you will be successful very not that I do here by the way

the like people say they go to the gym are you going to the gym or you actually going to the gym okay because if you don't actually do the exercise you can go to the gym and not do exercise take a fucking picture and walk out so yeah you know what I mean like you say you've still got to put the work in to get the results yeah And to be appreciated for that, and acknowledged. Yeah, like just showing up for your nine to five and working. That's great. Working doesn't equal success. That's great.

Working hard, quality work and effort, you will be successful. That's smashing it. That's the difference. Do I expect or not expect, if I'm a good friend, they'll be a good friend back. Sorry, just repeat that question? If I'm a good friend, they will be a good friend back. You shouldn't expect that, but I don't expect that. suppose I would.

I expect it. Yeah. I don't think it happens, just because I'm giving something. They're not going to give it me back. But yeah, you're right. I should expect. But I think I was told very young. I shouldn't expect people to, what was it that was told?

You've got to stop expecting to people to be the way you are because not everyone is the way that you are. Yeah. That's what I was taught, more or less. Yeah. Yeah, there is that fine line between judging other people because they are different to you. they think differently to you. I think there needs to be an openness and allowance.

But yeah, as I would expect, if I was a good friend to someone, I'd expect that person to be a good friend back. Yes, definitely. Otherwise, you're not a fucking friend. Exactly. Yeah, for sure. It's a two-way street, like we said,

be the friend that you want. And if you're giving it out, especially in a relationship, you should, relationships, we've said this in a marriage, is never 50-50. You sometimes need to pick up the slack for a friend. If they're struggling, like it's never 50-50.

but overall, you should be getting back what you put into a relationship. I can't all be one way. If I communicate clearly, the other person will understand me. Yes. Well, so we should expect unless that person is just fucking stupid.

Well, we had this conversation in the last pod, didn't we? That we're always going to have to deal with people that have a bunch of different skills and some of them aren't good communicators. some of them aren't good at dealing with bad things, negativity, throw their toys out the pram. No common sense.

Like angry, like, yeah, we've got to deal with lots of a range of people. But I think if you do communicate clearly, I would expect the other person to understand. But it doesn't always happen. If I have high standards, I'll achieve more. Oh, God, how do you answer that in a yes or no? I think I'm going to say yes. If you have high standards, you can achieve more.

Yes. Me too. but having high standards, the only way you're going to achieve it is if you put in the work. Yeah, I know. That's why it was like a simple. It's like manifesting.

I can't just stick something on a manifestation board and it's going to happen. Yeah. That's not how manifesting works. I can't just have high standards and expect it to be met. Like both go with hard work. If you put the work in,

you will meet your standard. You will achieve more and you will get, you know, what's on your manifestation board if you put in the work. Agreed. So final takeaway, what's one expectation you've realized you need to let go of? What's one expectation I've realised I need to let go of?

Expecting that we'll agree on dinner. That is a big one. I hate picking dinner. That is the worst thing for being a bloody adult. Not paying taxes. That comes very, very close to be in second, but picking dinner every day. We'll be all right soon.

We've got winter coming. So we'll have winter dinners come back. So for a while we'll be all right again, you know, that kind of thing. But yeah. expecting not to... What about you, Bill? You answer this one.

That's a hard one. It is a hard one. It is a hard one. You've realised you need to let go off. I feel like I'm going to get in the car and probably think of something else. Something else, yeah. Let me think. Let me think.

Because you're, you probably more. I think on yourself. Yeah. Yeah. But again, because of what I said, I don't think that is a bad thing. Exactly. This is it. It's not a bad thing.

I think. Or of other people? that I've let go, I think I've definitely let go of this now, but I would have said, like, especially in the start of my relationship, I did, I was a little bit like expected Liam to know, like, what I was thinking. And yeah, as my partner, as, you know, so yeah, one thing I have realized I need to let go of is having expectations that I haven't communicated. So I've definitely learned and got better at communicating what I expect.

Yes, that's, so I've definitely let go on. of the you should just know. Yes. Yeah. Expecting to, yeah, expecting to know about communication. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.

What's one expectation you will never lower? My expectation, I will never, ever lower. I think mine's just expectations of myself. I'm just not going to lower them. Expectation, I will never lower. Yeah, I think so, because it's the one thing that you can control no? Yeah.

You can control what you put into it. You can't expect. You don't know where it's going to lead you, but you hope it's going to go towards your goals. What's one expectation you need to communicate more than just holding it in? One, sorry, say the question again. What's one expectation that you need to communicate more

rather than just, you know, silently holding it in? Probably. probably my standards probably a little bit in a way. Weird, isn't it? Mm-hmm. I think I just let everyone, like you say, just like, oh, but I'll do this because I'm not going to not, I can't not do that because that's just my standard. Mm-hmm.

Where in actual fact, maybe I should kind of like communicate better to say, you know, why don't you do this a bit better and then we're all on the same page here. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I agree. I think I could probably do a bit of. better job of that in work. I think I am good at communicating the expectations of the company and what we should be doing, but I don't think I'm the best at picking out in the moment directly

with one person one-on-one that maybe they're not meeting it. Yeah. I'm good at encouraging and pointing things out and advising, but I think sometimes when you've tried and you've communicated it and it's not being met, I probably could work on communicating when things haven't been met. Yeah. better. Yeah. So yeah, I think that's it. Maybe the goal isn't to not have no expectations. I think it's just communicating it, sticking to what you expect.

We should all have the level of life that we want. Yeah. And if you want it, then you should expect it. But you need to communicate it. You need to work for it. And be really sticking in them stepping stones to get in there. Like you say, and part of those stepping stones is in certain situations is communication. Yeah.

I think that helps everything, like you say. And not holding yourself to something that is perfect. I think having high expectations, but being happy if you get close and near it. And it might not be the path that you thought. It might not be the state of who you are to be that person. But as long as you grow and you're growing in that direction, then I think you can continue to raise the bar,

but be happy with the journey. I think that's what I've learned. to let go of is I'm not going to be happy until I get there. Like I'm going to be happy on the way in the journey to reach in those steps. And I think because everybody says it, oh, it's not the destination. It's the journey. And I think until you've reached your destination at least once for you to realize, actually, I didn't appreciate it.

Doing it, like achieving it feels good momentarily, but you soon forget and you want the next thing. Like when you've wanted that house, when you've wanted that car, when you've wanted that job, when you've wanted that friendship or, you know, it's actually like all the things that you've done along the way. That's the experience, that's the memories. Because achieving something, buying that bad, buying that holiday,

like reaching it, the happiness doesn't last. No. But like you say, that journey and how you feel that. That's what you talk about. You don't talk about, oh, I've done it. You talk about all the things that you did on the way up to that. And when you think about from where you started and growing, that is the bit that I never used to appreciate.

I used to only want to achieve. Yes. Whereas I think now I've got to a better place of appreciating the journey is part of the fun. Which is that, again, it's balancing it. And I'll repeat it. I don't think we shouldn't have any expectations. I do think we should because it's what gets us there.

It's just how we get there. I think it's quite important and making it a nice memory. Yeah. Otherwise, yeah, if you put too much pressure, if you don't give yourself grace, you don't enjoy the journey. I think it actually takes away the win a bit because if you've really, really struggled, which we all have to struggle in the growth, growth is not fun. Growth is not comfortable. No. So we have to go through that, but I think you can make it so much worse on yourself by the negativity, by the pressure. So, yeah, be nice. Enjoy the journey. And, and have expectations, but communicate them.

Love that. Thanks for joining us for another week, and we'll see you soon. We will. Adio.