The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - Finding The Meaning In The Mess

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

In this week’s episode of Growing Together, Billie and Charlotte reflects on how life’s messiest moments often hold the most meaning from chaotic camping trips and spontaneous tattoos to the challenges of parenting and maintaining friendships. With honesty and humour, she explores how unexpected moments can turn into life lessons, why health checks matter more than we admit, and how creativity and connection keep families grounded. This episode is a warm reminder that even when things don’t go to plan, there’s always something to learn.

Am I the asshole for not buying my daughter anything? I'm the asshole for telling my wife she can't have it both ways. You'd lose your shit if someone spoke to her like that. You're her example of how she should expect others to be treated. So treat your wife in the same way. So either apologize or get out. Welcome back, guys. Hey!

We're back. We're back. Back indoors. We are. In the garden. Did last long, did it? He's actually lovely at the moment. We did it just in time because we're actually starting to get some storm, which is being quite nice.

year that you can go out in the morning and it's freezing like you and then yeah and then it's oh no you go out in the morning like me and it's cold and then you look like you change like like this and then I'm going to go out later on and I'm going to be freezing yeah no it is a bit up and down it can go from literally beach weather to you need to be inside like the rain is that like yeah yeah torrential to the point I dug out my slippers this morning I've got mine now I dug out my dressing gown I haven't got one have you throw yours away every year yeah Really? I did.

Usually I'll wait until I get a new one to then throw it. But I think it was like a, to get a new one I never did. I do that sometime. If I do it, it will make me. You didn't. And now I'm like, I'm so cold. I've got like random jumpers on this on around the outside of all. I think mine was new last year, so I've kept it.

I normally keep it for a couple of years until it's like not that soft nice nice nice nice nice, nice, nice quality ones. Snuggily. Probably snugly ones, yeah. It's that time of year, we joke about it. We have to go outside to warm up as well, isn't it? Yeah. You know, that sort of weather.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is for sure. So, but no, it's nice. It's nice for it to call down a little bit. I've been kind of waiting for it. But now we've booked camping for a nice long weekend. And it's due to rain every day. It is. It's, I'm quite used to it because every time I book camping.

You can send me like activities to do at camping in the rain so that I pack all the right stuff. But I'm excited. I am really excited. I'm really not going to let that phase me. because it actually will make us do more the things that we wanted to do anyway, wasn't it? And to be fair, when it rains, especially this time of year, it's not cold. No, it's just wet. So even if it's all it is, dancing in the rain.

Well, last time we was where we were going, they were, the kids had gone out on, you know, like, I don't know how to explain it, but it's like a big thing that you pedal. You know what I mean? Like a big, I'm trying to think. With a big wheel? Yeah, no, not one big wheel. It's not one big wheel. It's got like a penny fathering all over. I'm going to say a penny file.

I didn't know if you knew what I'd be on about. So you know you've got like the canopy over. Imagine like one of then beer bus bikes. Okay. Imagine that. But on like a smaller thing. So there's like a bench, a bench obviously.

You've got the canopy over and then you peddlet sort of thing. So they went out on one of them last time we were there. It dropped like rain that you could not even see anything in front of you. I've run out. I've got the dog out. Mitch is out in the, I think he got in the band. I'm literally whistling because that's obviously how that's how they know it's me.

Yeah. Trying to whistle anyway. because obviously you can't even speak because it's all going in you. I'm screaming, I'm shouting. Couldn't see anyone, let alone see them. Bearing in mind this thing was bright yellow as well.

And then obviously we're all running around everywhere, trying to find them, da-da-da. Then it dyes down a little bit. And then you see them just all absolutely buzzing, soaking wet, buzzing just going down the road in the torrential rain. I think it was about. And that memory they've never forgot. Exactly.

I think it was about, was it last year? Or it might have been the year before. I wasn't pregnant, but I don't know if I had Hayden at that point. But it was like early in the year where it's still nice and warm, but it just threw it down. And I said, Kason, come outside. So me and him went out and we just danced in the rain. So I've got a video of us, we're absolutely soaked, just dancing around in the rain. And it sounds mad, didn't it?

Yeah. Sometimes you have to do those things. You do, definitely. But, no, that's booked. I'm looking forward to that. We've both been tutted up since our last episode. finished yet but we have we you've made a start i booked mine and then you've had yours booked for months months when mason had his first one and then then you and mitch were like oh that i'm behind that

yeah yeah i fancy one too used two ended up going before me but we was all in literally within like within the space of a week yeah so that was good yeah we did that that was another thing done after 10 years yeah you've had your vouchers for a long time i've uh i just fancied one for like the last couple of months. So I was unsure whether to add to my leg, but then I ended up adding to the one on my ribs. So I've added two flowers around like this B and L. Because you designed that, didn't you?

Yeah. So I designed the B and the L with some like swirly bits around it. And I don't know. I just didn't love it as much as I used to. So I thought it's kind of missing something. So I added a rose, which is technically the flower for June, which is Hayden. But it was more roses are pretty and it's the flower of love. It can be for all three boys.

And it's juzzi up. And then I had a peony, if that's what it's called, which is actually the flower for November, or one of the flowers for November. And it signifies wealth and prosperity and happiness. I was like, yeah, I do. That sounds nice. So two pretty flowers.

And then you had a cover up. The cover up. The cover up was like this. Yeah. The cover up was like this. We've actually ended up quite similar with a nice big leg tattoos. So yeah, it's not finished yet, but it does go up a bit here a bit but we're covered up what we need to cover up

I'm a bit of the flaky stage at the minute yeah um but yeah no it's I'm I'm happy I've done it because it was I'm I was very at the thing of I'm I honestly thought you were going to cancel because you weren't 100% sure you knew that you wanted a lion for Leo and you wanted some flowers yeah yeah like their birth months and stuff but it was what kind of yeah how it was going to be yeah so that was was, yeah, up until, was it a couple of hours before or the night before? The night before, literally. Probably, yeah, messaging. The design. Yeah, I thought, I thought you were going to just get so stressed and cancel. And obviously, it is a big thing. So if you're not 100% sure,

it is. You don't really want to just rush it. And then I'm like, do I really want it? You know, he's not asking yourself. But it's just like, you do want it. You've wanted it for like 10 years. You haven't changed generally what you wanted. It's just now it comes down to it and you've got to make that decision. You just don't actually want to make the decision. Yeah, it's that, isn't it? I know the feeling. I know feelings. Because I did the same thing. I booked mine in and then it was like, well, what are you getting? I was like, well, I'm thinking maybe this or maybe that or maybe this and maybe that. So he's like, well, yeah, you changed where you were having it. Yeah. And even what I was having I was like maybe flowers, maybe a phoenix, maybe woods and mountains around the wall, but literally

about five or six different things. And yeah, so I ended up, even that I stopped talking to to him about it because he was annoying me. Yeah, sometimes too many opinions, isn't it? I just like, I just need my own. But he's like, I don't like flowers. It's not your tattoo. And at that point, I wasn't even sure I wanted flowers. But then when he said it, then I was like, oh, well, if you don't really like it.

Do I like flowers? Yeah. Then, yeah, so in the end, I was like, I stopped talking to you about it. I spoke to my sister about it. So I sent her the flowers. And I thought that would actually tie in quite nicely with what I've got. So when I decided, because I was like, add into the letter. And yeah, anyway.

It goes on and on. Made the decision, but it's hard. When you know, you want. something but you're not 100% sure. Well, like you say, I booked, I did what you did. Booked in the date so it would rush me to make a decision. And then, but I ended up, I did get there in the end. Yeah, we did.

I'm proud of us. We made a decision. They see me all through that door again. They're probably, oh my God, no, you are not booking in again. No, no. We don't want to see you for 10 more years. I'm booked in to get finny. So, yeah.

But yeah, no, soon after I got my tattoo, I had a mole removed on my back. Okay. But why did you have it removed? Is that when you went before? to have a check. So I went for a checkup because I'm a very molly, molly person. Yeah. Well, just nothing hurt, nothing itched.

No, no. Just to be, just out of precaution. When I went to the normal doctors for a check on my shoulder because I've got a tear on my, one of my things on my shoulder, which hurt. And while I was there, I said, can you check my back? Because I've got quite a few miles. And they said, this one's on the verge of being quite large. So we're going to monitor it.

We've measured it. And it's in the system. So then when I went to, I had private health care, so I was like, well, I might as well just book and get a proper mould check properly with like their funny laser lens thing or whatever it is. So I booked that in and he looked at the large one on my back, which the other doctor said is, you know. The one that's been removed? The one that ended up being removed. So he said it's on the verge of being a concern, but it's not yet. but Liam has said that that is definitely got bigger over the years.

It was definitely not that big a few years ago. So it is growing. So he said, it doesn't have to be taken out. And I said, well, if I want it taken out, he said, and yeah, you can. So I said, right, well, if it's on the verge of being a concern. Yeah, you don't need it for anything. You might as well get rid of it. Yeah.

And if it is going to be a concern and these things grow. And my mom's had pre-cancerous skin stuff taken off. My brother's had more cut out of his back. Like, so I was like, there's just no point. So book me in. So I did that a couple of months ago and I was like, October, that's ages away. And then it's like, Sue comes around. It does, doesn't it?

And I was like, oh, okay. So, yeah, went in. They injected me in the back, which was a little bit uncomfortable, about eight or nine times to numb it. And then, yeah, 20 minutes later. What, like incision, literally? Incision. It was quite a nice doctor, actually, kind of just, you know. And stitched.

Stitched. I assumed it was going to be a stitch anyway. I didn't really pay much attention when I think. I don't think he even explained it. much but yeah stitched up patched over he actually cut off two of my skin tags which he said normally we charge you four but it's fine oh thanks thanks um so yeah and then i left it covered up for a couple of days and it to be fair it's probably one of the sorrest things i've had is it yeah it's on my back so it's an uncomfortable position but like it's burning it's itching and i realized afterwards i took the patch off

after a couple of days it's like that long yeah so it's the incision it's like eight stitches or something. That's the, like you say, that that would come more from your cut and that they've messed and straight and then gone back. Exactly. So yeah, it was a bit tender, yeah. It was a good tender and sore and rather annoying for probably two, three days. Now I don't really notice it or feel it, but I've got to go back a few days to have stitches out. So you can ask why, not why, but is there a reason it was? Well, do you know what I mean? Was it bigger than they expected when they started to remove it? Well, I spoke to my mum, after, because she's had a couple

removed as well, and she said that they, moles actually have quite big roots. I see, so it's probably that. Yeah, and it was a good... And if it was concerned, you need to get it from the roof. It was probably a five cent size. Wow. So then it has to go round the edge to make sure, you know,

and then deep. Never know. Because she said it's probably gone that wide because it's that deep as well to make sure that it doesn't bust or I don't really know. But yeah, anyway, one of the quite painful things. But that's, you know what I need to go and get to my mind check then because I feel like

some of mine have changed you know what I mean over the time Well there's a rule that you can look at I think in Spanish it's ABCD actually because the doctor showed me

but basically I think it's all Cs in English so it's the colour is it all one colour or has it started to be different colours within the same mould the circumference

is it symmetrical or is it symmetrical or is it started to go like a fuzz yeah blur or whatever not you mean yeah I think maybe even the size as well is something,

if it changes size as well. There, I think that's the main ones that come to mind. There might be a couple of other things. Yeah. But yeah, even the one that my mom had looked at, she asked one doctor, they said, no, it's fine. She asked another doctor.

He went straight away, that's pre-cancerous. We need to get asked. I was just about to say as well that, go and do it. Do you know what I mean? If you just think, oh, I think, oh, no, no, it's nothing. Just go and do it.

And if you still don't feel confident with what that first doctor has told you, go to another one. Yeah. Because usually your instincts, you know what I mean? And your interests are right, aren't they? You know, that's what I would say anyway. So yeah, I need to do that. I need to go on my, well done for you going to get your chair.

And well, I'm getting it done. Yes. We actually had a class booked this weekend. We went to pottery class. We did. I wonder what class we talked about then. I was like, God, what have I forgot? Just because it was something that.

It was a random girl's day. Yeah. And we were saying to do something that we wouldn't, what we're saying that, we probably would do it with the kids, but we wouldn't usually do with the kids. But we always, any celebration, it's, oh, we'll go for dinner. Oh, we'll go for lunch. Like, you know, dinner and drinks. And a lot of the time we don't go out out. So it's dinner, a couple of drinks and then we go home. So it was nice to have an actual activity book. I really, really enjoyed it. And it was funny, Liam dropped me off and he's like, see you later,

Granny, like taking the Mick out of our activity. But I had a great time. I loved it. I really, I'm really excited to get to get it back. Yeah, I did a salt and pepper shaker. You did? That was the hard. hardest thing, wasn't it, to choose what you had to paint. Well, yeah, I was up there for about 20 minutes trying to decide and you was all waiting for me. I was like, oh, the pressure. And I just did that because I thought I'd want to finish to paint it, you know, but

it's true. It was lovely. It was really, really, really. So I did a plate and then our friends did a little jewelry box and a little mermaid, which was cute. But, yeah, I really enjoyed it. They say that, like, colouring and stuff is quite therapeutic and it really was. It was.

It was nice just to, I don't know, did we even, we'd probably. didn't even talk to each other did we did we because we were so focused on we're concentrating we were concentrating and then I went downstairs to the bar and brought up a bottle of fizz we did so that was quite nice that was nice and then we grabbed a little pub lunch after but no I loved it and the ladies over the table left us there little prececo as well they did so we ended up with a bottle and a half thanks ladies yeah it was fun I definitely advised that as a little activity yeah as couples as friends yeah with your kids as well if you can yeah because they've got like little um like Christmas ornament things like stars and

baubles so you could take the kids they can paint their little thing but if not take it for a girl's day because that was really nice it wouldn't have been as relaxing if we had the kids nice no no I really really enjoyed it we've said we're going to do a Christmas one of a way yeah exactly it's not even like oh what activity we'll go back

and we'll get ourselves a little Christmas ornament yeah we've had a good week we've had a great week and today I thought we're going to I feel like you're weird. Sorry. You've got no pen and paper. I don't. I know. How digital am I getting? I was, uh, I was done to you.

So we use my phone as one of the cameras. So I don't have my phone on me. And, um, I actually was sending things over to Liam, uh, to the iPad. And he was like, oh, look at you getting all digital. I was like, I know, you're proud. You're proud of me. Rather than write it down like you usually do. It's a long story. Otherwise, I would have actually sat and wrote it down pen and paper. But no, this was much faster. Right. So what you've seen story. I've got a story and then we're going to debate it. Go for it. So I've got a couple. So let's jump straight into the first one. Okay. So these are all Am I the asshole stories? Oh, yeah, I like these. Yeah. So am I the asshole for not buying my daughter anything? So let's see what

this one's about, guys. Okay. So me and my wife have four children. While my wife and I make pretty good money compared to the rest of our siblings, we both agreed not to overindulge our kids and that they would earn money for the things that they wanted. We provide the essentials and our children would share the benefit from the comforts that we provide in our home. But things that they wanted for themselves individually, it would mostly have to come from their own pocket money. We provide an allowance for our youngest kids, 14 and 13, as they aren't old enough to get jobs. Once our second, 17, turned 16 and was old enough to get a job, my wife and I both sat her down and explained her that our oldest stopped getting an allowance as soon as he was

old enough to get a job and encouraged her to get a job too. She said she didn't really want to get a job because she didn't like being told what to do. I was a little disappointed but said that that was her choice. My wife and I both made it clear that whether she got a job or not, she wasn't going to get an allowance anymore, but would still be expected to complete household chores since you lived there. Kate said she didn't really think that that was fair since the two youngest would still get their allowance. And I explained that's because they're too young to get their own jobs. So Kate stopped doing her chores and said she didn't see the point since she wasn't getting an allowance anymore. I mentioned that I don't get an allowance for cleaning the house,

neither does my wife. Kate said that that's not the same. We're in a tough spot because because I wasn't going to kick her out of the house. I can't force her to do chores and I couldn't make her get a job. And I wasn't going to let her keep getting an allowance when she is old enough to get a job herself. My wife and I discussed it and decided that we would split Kate's allowance and chores between the two youngest.

They were thrilled about the idea of a new and more challenging chores and extra money. I mentioned to my wife that we need to drive the point home and really tighten the screws financially on Kate to drive the point to her. Few dollars to get, to go eat with friends, no. Money to go to a school dance? No.

New clothes for school? Take her to a clothing drive? No. Surely eventually she would get the point. She's been moody and barely coming out of her room lately. She has also been snapping at everyone. My wife mentioned that Kate is starting to resent her younger sisters because they have money and she doesn't.

She asked if it would be the worst thing if we would often to put her back on an allowance to do her chores. I said I don't think that was a good idea because the younger girls have already gotten the extra chores and money. I said it's also unfair to our oldest son who did the chores without an allowance

because he was old enough to have a job. My wife thinks that Kate will never go get a job and continue and continuing to give her sisters the allowance is going to make her resent them more. Am I right or am I the asshole? I personally think he's right

That's more or less what I do in my house Yeah Literally what they do You know what I mean Yeah That they have their bits and bobs Saying that Yeah

So they So they have their bits and bobs To do in the house That they can have like Get pocket money for Yeah And then there's certain things in the house That I'm like well no

We're a team Yeah So let's help each other out here Okay You know what I mean So like your standard expectations Are there have to do anyway and then extra ones for money so like walking the dog things like that

morgan would be get paid for whereas mason won't get paid for now yeah because he's old enough he's older and he works yeah you know what i mean not yet because he is old enough to work he wouldn't get paid for it if he was that age exactly like that story the problem is is the fact that it worked with one child and then the next child it hasn't but they've got four kids and then they've got two others below watching and they're actually doing what they're supposed to do but they're also watching this how you How do you treat that one? That's hard.

I personally say that he's not an asshole. That's what I would say. I don't think he's an asshole. I think it is a tough position to be in. It's a tough one because at the same time, this is where some kids go the opposite way, isn't it? But at the same time, you can't go back on it because then you're just going to throw everything in

what you've worked so hard for to bring the children up, how you can be bringing them up. And this is where you get kids who don't want to fucking do anything. Which it sounds like she lives. Yeah, I think she just needs to just be left. But then at the same time. 17 is a really tough age she's a girl

hormones all of that stuff and it's like are you potentially putting a wedge between you where you're creating this distance with your child over something that is important and it's a life lesson really

but you could ruin your relationship that's what she's saying I get it the mum's worried about the relationship I think that's what happens now I think we're all too scared of our own children

yeah do we have in a way of oh i don't want to upset them all you know like that kind of thing i don't want to ruin my relationship when when all the things that we're doing to do is is to is to help them and to teach them i say it to man all the time i'm not doing these and saying these things to be annoying and go on i don't want to do you know what i mean i'm doing it to bring you up to be a good person and a nice young man and a good adult and some life skills right because if it's teaching them that you know sometimes you have to delay gratification you have to save up for the things that you want you have to

work hard to get money to afford things. You can't just have it always bought for you and given to you. And you live in this house, you should contribute. Like, I agree with all of that. But yeah, when one kid kind of defies them, ruins the process. I can't go back on it because like you say, you've got the two younger kids. And then if that child did really go off the rails, you'd have to just try and obviously, but not go back on that.

They've just got to grow the fuck up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, and it doesn't even sound like that she's been brought up to be a spoilt cow because they've bought them up. They've made sure that they're trying to avoid this situation. Exactly. Exactly.

I feel really far from actually. Yeah, they're doing everything to avoid having a spoiled kid that won't get off their ass and work. Yeah, she's acting like she's a spoiled little bitch. Yeah. You know, I bet the older brother's like, what's your problem? I've done it.

You do it kind of thing. Well, I think, you know, it's only for that, to be fair, I couldn't get a job fast enough. I want my own money. I think once you've got it, It's obviously how a mentality is, which is also a quiet thing. You can't, as much as you bring your children up to as much as you can. Do you know what I mean?

There's still that. Yeah. And it's hard because the mum saying, I don't think she'll get a job. So it sounds like, like you say, it doesn't sound like there's anything deeper going on. It just sounds like she's been a bit of a bra. So I would stick to your guns. Yeah. You've obviously done a good job with your son.

He's older than 17. You've got two of those underneath watching too. If they decides to pay her, then what the youngest two would be like, well, I can get a job then. You can just keep paying me for my chores. It'll just ruin the whole thing. I think stick to your guns, play it out a bit longer, let her realize that you're not going to go back on your word for a bit.

And if you do feel like you're losing her and things get worse in terms of relationship or, you know, communication or whatever, then maybe you have a separate side agreement. Or put it on her. Is there anyone, do you know, Do you know what I'm trying to think? It's different how children sometimes and teenagers especially would react with you. Yet some don't get me wrong, I would have done it in front of anybody else.

Yeah. But there's some people who wouldn't speak to, even younger people, wouldn't speak to other people how they'd speak to obviously their parents. Yeah. So put it on the, like if you know someone with a business or something that they could give her some kind of work experience or a few hours work. Yeah. Ringer and go, you're right. I heard that you're looking for a job. You can start next.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to put it on her a little bit. Yeah. Well, it sounds like she doesn't. If I want a job, like I don't want to get one. So it's not even that I've tried. That's not even her excuse is that I don't want one.

So, yeah, I think hold your guns, call her bluff. As soon as she realizes that she can't do some of the things that she wants to do and a lot of her other friends are probably getting jobs and babysitting and doing things to have their money, she should hopefully come around. Because I think once you do start working and earning money, you can't get out of it, can you? It does drive you to keep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

For sure. And it gives you a certain level of freedom as well. you know, you can buy what you want with your own money. But mine still, mine do that now. So they have their own money. So I can't just go buying stuff willy-neilly. I haven't got to the point where I've given Kaysen an allowance yet. Lexi doesn't really get an allowance.

It's just money she's saved up from birthdays or she, do you know what I mean? That sort of thing. Kaysen is the same really. Or every now and then if I'm like something out of the ordinary, do something special or do these things. Like, for example, he asked for a Super Mario game for his Nintendo thing the other day. So I wrote in down a list of these are the behaviours because I also heard from a parent expert that paying them to do chores is good.

But his way is I don't pay them to do chores because they should, they live in the house, they should do those things. That's why I feel sometimes, you know. So what he pays his kids for is for creating value or for behaviours. So if your brother's not very well and you go and comfort him and you look after him and you, you know, make him some food or put a movie on and spend time, you know, trying to cheer them up, that's a good behaviour. That's something I want to see. That's a good personal trait.

So I'll pay you for that. Or what was the other things? Like, oh, you know, this is something that mum normally does or I thought I'd make you a cup of tea. mum, you know, like something that they don't have to do or even stuff within the house of if laundry isn't their job, but then they're doing it or would it be helpful to you, mum, if I did this for you? Like, thinking out of the box of things, not just giving them, yeah, creating stuff. And then they get rewarded for that in a way, like you say, because.

Because otherwise, with chores and money, with chores and money, it shows them that, you know, even just doing the bare minimum to be part of this house. you get paid for which you know um i think like you say actually you should be expected to do that because you yeah you should want to help each other out anyway without a financial gain but it also creates um an employee mentality which there's nothing wrong with it i do a job i get paid for it i do a job i get paid for it you know it's a good way to start but his way is trying to think of something out of the ordinary something different yeah creating value if i bring if i can bring value to your life and make your life easy at mum,

then I'm going to get rewarded for it. So that's, you know, I might be employed to do a job, but if I can think of something that my boss would really, or the company would benefit from that's outside of my job, I'm going to get promoted faster. I'm going to get paid for. So it's that kind of thing. I like that.

I like that idea. But no, he's not. And I don't think he's an asshole. No, he's not the arseal. And it's hard not to stick together as well. See how the mum's questioning it. Yeah. And as the mum, if I had a 17-year-old daughter who's,

I hate you, you're living in my life, I would be a bit worried as well. doesn't come out of her room but I think stay as a team stick to your guns hopefully she comes round and if she doesn't continue with pushing and and teaching her a lesson that this is this isn't what you can't just do nothing in life yeah definitely okay what other one have we got that was a good one um how about I read the titles to you and you pick okay I'll give you a couple am I the arsel for telling my wife she can't have it both ways am I the obviously husband and by the answer for calling out someone else's family member at a children's

birthday party oh that one that one that one okay oh all right one so um so this is a 31 year old female i had my child's third birthday the party ended up being hosted at my partner's grandmother's house it was mostly his family and a few of their close friends in attendance about 20 people give or take plus their kids for context the men in this family are very spoiled growing up and now as adults they often say whatever they want with no filter and everyone just tolerates it we had this conversation the other day when someone is just so saying oh it's just them oh it's just them and you just let it go yeah so yeah why um at one point my partner his cousins all mid 20s to early 30s said um and their girlfriends were in another ring playing blackjack before everyone was

ready to sing happy birthday. One cousin was dealing, was dealing the cards while his wife made small talk about something that their kid did that annoyed her. Out of left field, he made a snide comment, well, maybe if you aren't so incompetent and stupid, that wouldn't have happened. His wife went quiet and just looked down. Nobody said anything. The guys laughed it off. I sat there waiting for someone to step in, but nobody did. I've heard him do this many times at other occasions, but unfortunately I was either too far away from the situation or occupied with something else. But this time I had no excuse. So finally, I said something.

I'm like, you have a little girl. You'd lose your shit if someone spoke to her like that. You're her example of how she should expect others to be treated. So treat your wife in the same way. So either apologize or get out and let your wife meet you back at home. Long story short, he apologized. So I'm like, awesome. It's a shame I had to be the one to say it and not the little men in the room.

Live with that shame, by the way. Anyway, back to the game and carried on. The women were smiling after that, but the vibe with the men did a complete 180. Later that night, when everyone left and we were winding down for bed, my partner told me that a lot of his family, because word got around, was mad at me. Apparently, they thought I was rude, insulting, and that at a kid's birthday party wasn't the time or place. Everyone just wanted to have fun. I won't get into how the conversation ended, but I'm wondering, was it my place was at the time and am I the asshole for ruining everyone's fun?

No, I would say she's not the asshole, although it's funny, isn't it? House, when someone says something, you know, like the outspoken person, that's the shit. Yeah. Like for the right thing. She's ended up being the villain when actually the bloke who thinks he can speak to his wife like that in public is the asshole. And they all had that discussion the family did and didn't want to go and say it to her,

did they? No, rather than say, well, he's the asshole for actually people. putting everybody in that situation for someone to have to say something, it's then on her for being the one to say something. And not the time and the place. Yeah, I mean, kids' birthday parties aren't really the time and place to bring stuff up. But in the moment when something happens... I was in another room playing Blackjack.

I didn't think Blackjack was the kind of place to play. Well, there you go then. Like you say, it is in another room while they're waiting for the cake to be served. So it's not like it's in amongst all the kids. But, yeah, obviously... It's always the ones who say something. isn't it? You know, about, so someone who's doing something bad, say, or something right, someone who says something about that, they get like backlash off it most of the time.

Yeah. It's really frustrating. It's like shoot the messenger, right? Yeah, that's it. Yeah. In a way. In a way. But I kind of, I'm happy for her for saying it. You know what I mean? And if, if I think that lady would have, like his wife would have appreciated it too. I'm hoping it would give her a little bit of confidence to be like, I don't need to be, I shouldn't be spoken to you like that. Because like you say, it sounds like a point where you just get worn down and down and down to the point. You don't even say it anymore because their behaviour never changes because that's what it sounds like. It's like the family. It's obviously the, that's how it sounds.

It's like the family trait, isn't it? Yeah. The men are not very clearly. And this bloke has a daughter. This is, so this is something that I repeat a lot to the boys in my house with Lexi. So Lexi is very loud and very da-da-da. But at the same time, she's still, she's still a young girl. So when they're playing and fighting and they're joking and banter and da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Sometimes it just goes that for me, that's step too far. And I have to obviously say to the boys, I want her to know how to expect to be treated. Do you know what I mean? I need you to show her how she should expect to be treated. Yeah. You know, if you don't treat her, right, she's going to think that's normal. Yeah. So please treat her how you want her.

her to be treated by everybody else, please. Do you know what I mean? And it's something I have, and I get it, because it's a brother and a sister, isn't it? You know what I mean? But at the same time. And they're not linking how I banter with my sister is going to be how, what she tolerates in her relationship when she's older. Yeah. Sometimes they, every now and then they can, they can see something in very, very, very, very clearly, I should I say, where St. Mason's done something and then all of a sudden more going to walk out and he'd be even wearing exact same. similar kind of style something or do something and Mason just smiles at me because obviously

that's Morgan wanting to be like his big brother for example, do you know what I mean? Or like the boys, my nephews, the twin boys, they'll do something, you know, like for Morgan or Mason or whatever, do you know what I mean? And then that they'll smile and I say they're always watching you. I did it earlier with, you know, where Hayden was throwing around and then we realised it because them two were jumping around like nutters and I was like, he's copying you. He's copying you jumping off the sofa, please stop. Yeah, and it does, like you say, sometimes we don't realize so like that. But when you point it out in the moment...

I've noticed it a lot with Kaysen, probably in the last six months of the words that he's using about Hayden is stuff that me and Liam have said, like, oh, he's a terrorist, always this, he's that. And I'm like, I don't like it when he says it, but then I'm the one saying it. So then I'm like, said to him, we have to be careful what we say because, yes, Hayden is a handful and he drives us mad sometimes. But we love him and he's great. And Kaysen is listening to how we're talking. about him. That's what another thing I, well, unless I just didn't listen, but I feel like I never heard any of my parents' conversations, whereas I feel that we have not, I just feel like

this generation have a lot of conversations in front of their children. Yeah. They're not directly having a conversation with the child. Our kids are the living room kids, aren't they? You know what I mean? So that's one thing that I noticed when it was mentioned online that we would go to our bedrooms to play, whereas our kids bring their stuff to the living room to play. Yes.

Like they've got the whole setup in the room, yet they bring that whole setup out into the room. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, they are in front of you a lot. So you don't really have a choice but to talk in front of them sometimes. Yeah. I actually think is good to a degree. So it's not like,

depending on what you're discussing. Like you say, because sometimes you don't realize, sometimes they could not even say anything and they're worrying about something, but they've only heard part of the conversation. Well, I used to do that a lot. Before I had kids, we would be together talking

and you would be very aware and stop talking on certain things. And I'd be like, they're not listening. And then now I've had cases. And I'm like, they listen a lot. Yeah, I'll repeat. They're all in mansion. Case doesn't stop saying that since the episode. Right, we'll squeeze one more in.

Go on. Okay, so. There's no arseholes in my book at the minute anyway. No. They're my kind of people. Yeah, let's have a look. So am I the arseye for responding harshly to a sister-in-law's email? Am I the arseye for not bringing my daughter?

daughter's friend home and making her parents come get her. Oh, that one. I want to wear that one. Okay, so let's have a look. This is because lose my kids and friends. Well, I did see this title and I thought, oh, like, yeah, we're getting to the age now with kids are playing with other, well, for me anyway, kids are playing with other kids. So my daughter and I live about an hour outside New York City. Since she was a baby, I've taken her there most weekends. As she's got older, she occasionally brings friends. They always know the rules. Bring a bag with things for the train and carry your own stuff. Stick together and expect lots of walking and have fun, obviously. Phones are fine, but I encourage screen-free activities. I always speak to the parents

beforehand and emphasise there's a lot of walking and sometimes we walk for 45 minutes or more. For her 12th birthday last weekend, she wanted to go to the city with some friends. Visit her favourite spots, have dinner and maybe see a show. My mum helped pay for her tickets and joined us. My daughter invited three girls, two long-time friends who know the routine and a new friend called Leah. I called Leah's mum, explained the rules, warned her about the walking and suggested that she brings something for the train since the signal is bad. Leah's mum said that she was really excited and her daughter also explained the expectation. My daughter also explained the expectations to her new friend. On the train, Leah brought only her phone. She got bored

when the signal cut out, refused to chat or play games with the others and complained. When we arrived, she immediately asked for a cab. So, taxi for us. Cab. My daughter reminded her that we walk as we browse through the shops, but she kept winging and asking for a taxi. I stayed patient. I offered her water and snacks and even suggested the subway might be a nice change,

but she refused when she learned what the subway was. Wow. A few hours in, we stopped for dinner at a place with options for everyone. She still complained and said she wanted to go home. I pulled her aside to check if she was. she was sick or upset, but she said she was just bored. I told her we'd be there for a few more hours because we had a show booked, but she wanted to leave. So could she call her mum? So Leah called and her mum asked me to bring her back. Even if my mum or I had left with Leah

and took the train back after we had dropped her off, we would miss the show. So my daughter actually wanted us both there as well. I explained that we wouldn't head back until after the show. Leah's mum didn't want to pay for the train ticket for the daughter to go back by herself and she didn't want to drive. She eventually sent Leah's dad to come pick her up before the show. Leah stayed moody throughout the entire dinner. Afterward, Leah's mom trashed me to other moms, but they backed me up saying that they wouldn't expect me to cut the trip short unless a child had been sick or hurt, which I would have done. Now Leah's mom won't let her hang out with my daughter.

I can't help wondering if I should have just sucked it up and took her home. No. Definitely not. That day was about your daughter. It was her birthday. Everything was about her daughter. And everything was pre-explained and pre-worned. I'm glad that mom won't let her see your daughter.

You don't want your daughter around that girl. That is a good spin. It would be hard to explain that to a 12-year-old. But, yeah. Look at your long-term friends. They know the rule you get on the train. You don't have screens. You do this.

You do that. you go and explore, you go walking, you go, all these things that you wanted to do with your friends and your family. Yeah. And these people don't seem to be the sort of kind of people. One, expecting you to bring them back, not caring what else you're doing, sort of thing. Two, refusing to actually just come and get their child with, I've got to pay for it or not. Well, it sounds like mother-like daughter, really.

Yeah, it must, definitely, I agree with that. Because if she's been moody from the minute she got on the train, she didn't listen to the instruction to bring extra things. And it's the girls, it's your friend's birthday. and you're being moody and not getting involved and actually making a point to kind of ruin and put a damper on it. I feel like that as well, yeah.

But yeah, I would never expect the other person's mum to drop what they're doing with other children. No. And bring my kid home. She's good. She's got the other friends with her because you imagine how much it would have really brought the vibe down. Yeah, totally.

The fact that she was kind of what it was. Maybe because she's the new friend. She didn't have her to herself. It could have been that. But that didn't help the situation. regardless, how cheeky of that mum to expect her. That actually's making me angry. To bring her all the way home.

Yeah. It's actually making me angry. Yeah. Yeah, no. No, you're definitely not the asshole. No. And like you say, tell your daughter, she's better off without a friend like that. Yeah, I would have put her on the fucking trains on it. I'll pay your ticket, meet her at the other side.

See you later. No, it's hard. Like, there's nothing worse than when, like, kids around and they're not happy because you want them to be happy. But she's 12. Yeah. Well, Lexi had it did the night. She was fine.

She just didn't go back to sleep. Yeah, bless her. Yeah. So she came for a second sleep over. Yes, she did. Because she was absolutely fine the first time. And then, yeah, they had a great time. They watched some movies.

Lexi fell asleep first. Then Kaysen fell asleep probably about 10 o'clock, half ten. And then me and Lane were just getting into bed, actually. And I heard footsteps in the hallway. So I got up and I think she got up for a wee. So I took her to the bathroom, put her back in bed. then 20 minutes later I heard her get up again

and then she got upset because I think she was like I can't fall back asleep and then I'm panicking and then I'm uncomfortable and yeah so luckily well it was quite late

I think it was about half 12 12 45 so yeah I was like if it was like 4 o'clock in the morning I probably would have just said like get in bed with me or something let's you know cuddle or lie with her until she fell asleep

but I thought she was so frustrated with herself But I, you know, when you get something, you just can't get back to the thing. It's because she got upset. Yeah, because she got upset. I was like, I don't want to convince her to stay and go back to sleep with her being upset. But having, but imagine having a child with you that's just like, you are a rat kind of thing. You know what I mean?

Actually thinking. Well, I'm quite lucky because most of the kids that Kaysen hanged out with are my friend's kids. And I like my friend's kids. But like, you've been through it probably more where they're a. are certain friends where you're like you're not a very good friend or you're not a very nice influence yeah obviously how do you navigate that it's hard because you can't you've got and as I say it's hard because they're growing as well you know what I mean and yeah you know as you as you we know we're all like god knows how I was when I was a certain age do you know

I mean but it's just trying to guide your children to know what's right or wrong and don't be don't have the piss taken out you as a person yeah do you know what I mean because someone you could really really care about that person but they're not giving you that same friendship yeah hard to learn isn't it yeah I think it's really hard to learn yeah because we just always like to be liked don't we and sometimes as parents we can obviously see more yeah but you can't yeah there's a few times I think my mum's made comments about friends and I'm like you don't know you don't see yeah and she's always right yeah in the end I remember when I was in primary school my might to be called in because we went from

like me and my friend like best friend and then there was another girl so then it was like two what do they say two company three is a crowd and literally that's what it was yeah so it was just a three it was just and all the moms have to come in and yeah chat about this issue and da da da da da da i remember being at a sleepover this was when i still lived in england so i must have i was in junior school i want to say i was maybe eight or nine and it was a group of us that went from maybe yeah two or three close friends and then i think there was four or five of us So we all went to the sleepover. I don't really know what happened,

but me and this other girl got told to leave. We got asked to leave by the birthday girl who was one of our friends. I don't know if we maybe were joking about, maybe said something and she took it the wrong way. I literally cannot remember. Yeah, for you, it was such like a random, oh my God.

I literally, I literally, unless I've just forgotten, I really can't remember. But I actually remember being quite shocked. Like me and her, we got picked up. We got picked up. I can't remember if it's her mom picked us up or my mom picked us up. And anyway, we ended up getting pizza and going to one of our houses anyway. So we had like our own sleepover.

But I remember being like, what happened? We got sent home from a sleepover. But like you say, girls are very like that at that age. So it is hard. I'm already noticing that with Lexi. You know, sometimes she comes over from school and she says, then I'm like, you'll be fine by tomorrow sort of thing. So it's sometimes just letting them like, oh, it's a day.

It's a moment, but sometimes, like, you need to, that's a pattern in that person. And I've had, I've had people contact me before because a situation has happened with one of them, one of the boys. And I think they thought my reaction was going to be different to what it was. But no, no, I want, I will help. You know, if my children hasn't done something right, then they need to, you know, they need to fix it. You know what I mean? Sort of thing. Not, no, my child wouldn't do, never do this and never do that.

No, I think it's hard because when you're told something from somebody else, else about your kid you got told that and it's like right let me figure out yeah you kind of want to stick up for them but then you also don't want to stick up for them automatically because no kid's perfect they might have done something um so it's yeah it's like you want them to feel like you've got their back but you don't want them to feel like they can get away with shit and you're just blindly going to stick up to them if someone my child has been nasty or done something not nice and yeah that's not how i bring my child up and i will you know i will deal with that yeah So if you had someone telling you that, like, this has happened, my child's told me that Morgan's done this, and Morgan tells you it happened differently, what do you do in that situation?

That's hard because I don't think mine are very really lied, I don't think, because they know how much I don't like lying. Yeah. I mean, direct, like if I'm asking them a question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's definitely if you don't tell me. Yeah. That's true. That's not lying, isn't it, you know?

And sometimes I know, but, you know, like, in that side, but if I ask them a question and they lie, usually, usually. they know that if I ask them the question, I already know the answer. So it's basically like, don't lie. They're better off just telling me anyway, like just the truth. So you've got quite a good sense of it because they don't tend to lie. I would hope not. I mean, if they ever have, they've got away with it.

Yeah, yeah. And no, I would say no. That's something that I started to say to Kaysen with little things because he's starting to do little white lies, which I know all kids go through, but it's like little things. But I'm like, don't lie to me. because that's worse.

Yeah. And because that was one thing my mum always said to me as well. You'll get more in trouble. Don't lie to me. Always tell me the truth. You're like you say, you're getting less trouble if you just tell me. I say that's why you're getting, yeah, definitely, a million percent. Yeah. I like I say, I don't know.

I think it has. I do think that quite, I think they've realized that with me as well, actually, that most of that time that they think, you know, whatever situation is. It's not. It would be more if you lied about something. I think I've definitely reacted more to a lie than I have. I think that's the trick because I think if you react to everything, then they're going to try and keep things away from you

because naturally they don't want you to react. So I think if you, well, that was a bit stupid, wasn't it? Like, or, you know, what are you going to do about? How are you going to fix it? You know, like be stern with them. Don't let them get away with stuff. The bigger you react to make them hold things in, they're going to become liars.

Yeah. So, yeah. Because it's like more of a scared thing, isn't it? not because they want to lie in a way. Yeah, I was always more scared to lie to my mum than to tell it the truth. Yeah, I think, when I was younger I was, I think, anyway.

But with the other, with having friends, the other side of it is that every household is different. Yeah. Every household. Even every child in a household is different, isn't it, in our own? So even, yeah, even that, you could have, you could have, not that, you know, Mason having a friend with his age and then a brother or a sister being having a friend with,

Lexi or Morgan, yeah, it's a completely different experience. Yeah, yeah. Not that's happened, but do you get what I'm saying? It could. It could. Well, siblings aren't the same. No. So, you know, other people's siblings.

I think, I think it's just communication as well with, like you said, but that, that one is definitely the parent. Yeah, well, definitely the parent. If the daughter, is that moody and the mom reacted like that. Is that selfish that she's willing to ruin her friend's birthday? And then the mum's like, well, bring her to me because I'm not coming all the way out to give her. Yeah.

My reaction would be, what a spoil little cow, I'm coming now, leave her there and I'll meet her on the guide around. You carry on me your day. So, yeah, like you would call your daughter up on that. Yeah, completely. Like, you horrible little cow. Don't ruin your friend's birthday. Be a good friend. Don't expect to have any more friends because you just spoil that one. Oh, I liked that. That was good. That was good. I like that. No arseals. No arseals. They're all in the right. So we'll see if we can find an actual arsehole story next time. But thanks for joining for another week. Thank you. And yeah, we'll see you guys soon.

We will. Bye. Bye.