The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - Parents on EDGE Anxiety Takes Over Family Routines Overnight

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

Billie and Charlotte plunge into the whirlwind of post-summer parenting, tackling everything from chaotic routines and anxiety to nursery choices and the realities of weddings, travel, and even kids in modeling! With a mix of laughs and genuine discussions, they reveal the beautifully messy side of family life while highlighting the importance of balance and self-care.

Hello everyone, welcome back. I always do that, how. Howdy? Do you remember that thing on them as a kid? How? Do you remember that program as a kid? No. No, they're like, how, and then they tell you how something's done?

No. Have I just made a program? It is. How? No, I do. Anyway, hi. Right, any 90s babies know what she's talking about. Comment.

I don't have anything to do. I have no idea what she's talking about. I said, howdy. Like, I'm into all that Western cowboy theme. I'm loving it. I'm going to get myself some cowboy boots. You've said this, right? You do.

Yeah. It's been too hot, hasn't it? But that is, I think I'm going to get it something for my birthday. You should. You should. It's not me. I do like them. Well, which is weird because of, you know.

Yeah, you ride horses. Yeah, but I don't know. I just can't see myself. in them. I love it, but same as me. I'll probably get them and wear them once and I don't really know how to rock them. I think you would suit them. And like even with like a cowboy hat, I tried some on in Phoenix

Arizona which, it wasn't in Phoenix Arizona, it was in Arizona but when we travelled up to Sedona which is a proper old school town. I was going to say that's like the perfect place to get them. Yeah it's all like everything was all like yeah that like Western theme and like quite dated and loads of cowboy shoe and hat shops

and crystals and stuff and So yeah, I tried one on, I really liked it, but like I said, I just don't think I could rock it. But saying that, you say that, it's like them things that people are wearing, they're probably cool saying, I don't know, they're cool, they're like little silk scarves that people are wearing on the head. Bannanas?

Well, yeah, a bandana? I just like a silk, you know, like that. Like all the way back or just across the front? No, just all the way over your head, kind of thing. And they look lovely when I've seen them on people. Yeah. But I just feel like, when I put one on, I haven't ever put one on, by the way.

But I feel like, if I did put one on, I'd just like an absolute... It's funny, isn't it? Because even sometimes you can love, love it on someone else. That's what I'm saying. I just wish that you... Like, I love it. I just can't really see it on me.

Yeah, no, it's true. Watch me turn up next week. It's like, even with like sleeve tattoos, like, I love it, but I just don't think I can rock one. Yeah, yeah, same. It's the same, when I see it. I'm like, oh, yeah, what should we... Same, watch where you come back, they go on, bloody thing.

Ah, well, there you go then. That was a good how, wasn't it? How? Yeah, no, no idea what you're talking about, but yeah. Oh, well, there you go then. school's coming up next week back to school before i want to as we are coming to the end of summer um i do want to have a little appreciation post from my part i don't know if you want to say anything but for me anyway um firstly Mitch thank you dads thank you yes Liam yeah thank you very much

because yeah well dads um and nans and aunties in my case um because Because without you, then it would have been very difficult for me to do what I need to do over summer with work. Yeah. And at the same time, the kids have had a fad summer. Do you know what I mean? So that's my little thing of appreciation because, yeah, it's not easy. It's not easy in summer anyway.

It's even harder here, I feel, with everything that, you know, the heat and it's 13 and a half weeks and, you know what I mean? So, yeah. Thank you for that. That's a little appreciation post. Yeah. Back to normal now. Yeah, no same, like say.

It's done it all, so I've not been able to, without him, I wouldn't be able to work at all. No, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, definitely big appreciation there. So, yeah, that's why.

You're all prepped and ready? Well, don't know, really. So I'm convincing. I, I, um, but it was weird. Going back to that, I've, I, I, uh, we had loads of things going on and da-da-da. We had, um, one of Mason's best friends, uh, 18. too and it was kind of the mum had kind of

joined them together with another friend who have grown up with each other who they've all turned 18 kind of over the summer and she did a big barbecue and she had a singer and catererers honestly it was so nice it was really really lovely and it was lovely to see

all 18 year olds do you know what I mean gathering with their parents if you get what I mean but at the same time that they've obviously all been friends since very, very young, and a grown up together, which here I think's quite, I think maybe everywhere now, but I think it's such a difficult thing here, because you can't always

guarantee that you're going to, because everyone's so moving here, there and everywhere because of where we are. I think the generation of like just being able to work from anywhere, get jobs anywhere, people move a lot. No one seems to stay in their town now forever, if that makes it. Even in England, people move around England, but I think like you say, being in Spain, it's more common people coming and going. Yeah, it is more common, that's that. So it was nice that it was nice that they all got together, even though they see each other here, there and everywhere, some of them see each other every day and some of each other don't. But when they got back together, it was just like, obviously seeing them all young, but all as young

men, you know what I mean? It was, it was, it was, with girlfriends or not or whatever, and then seeing the parents, obviously, and then talking about the old days of, the old days, of just when they were, when they were young, little babies. It was nice, really, really nice um and then i was ready for this week to be prepared you know like a nice easy week you know just fizzle everything out bring back the early nights and the early mornings yeah and you know just get into a routine um maybe get a book out because kids haven't done anything so yeah not gonna lie um and yeah try and just you know get ready like you say for this week well it hasn't happened what day Are we on?

Thursday. Okay, so we're, yeah, nothing. Nothing's how I feel like every day it's just been full of stuff to do. We're not getting into, God knows what time. I'm still obviously, get a, get up, got to get up. But then the kids are obviously tired in the morning. You know, like it's like a knock on effect again.

And I'm like, oh, I really didn't want this to happen this week. Still summer. But it is like that here, literally here, it's until the very last hour before they go to school, it's summer. And that is great. I think the idea. of like starting to get them to go to bed early is a nice idea, but the reality is

the first few days is going to shock them and then they'll be used to it. Yeah, that is it. But maybe it's more for me, to be fair. But so then, yeah, so then I've, with that, it's made me feel like, I think the word, I don't like to use it so much, you know, but like, you know, that,

feel that anxious feel of just really tight, feel like I'm catching my breath. Something silly yesterday, I was at work, I ended up, sadly having to, not having to, but ended up deciding to work longer because I had patients and then that fell into a time where I should have been helping my mum and dad

at the doctors and they were fine I even called, I was voice, I was literally speaking to the doctor we managed to sort it out but the guilt that I felt and then that again of that anxiety of that I couldn't go there for my mum and dad

do you know what I mean and then I was making it all this thing in my head and they are absolutely fine but me I'm just like oh my God and then I can feel tears. I can feel tears in my eyes. You know, that feeling of, I just don't know whether to scream or cry, but if anyone actually

asked me what's wrong, if I say it, it doesn't sound like a real reason. Do you know what I mean? And then the same thing happened today. I can't even tell you, nothing happened. Nothing happened at all. And yet Mitch called me and he obviously heard it in my voice because he said, what's the matter? You sound like you want to cry.

And I was like, I do want to cry. Why? Nothing. Then I got home and he was like, what's wrong? I was like, I actually don't know. I said something like, just my phone and my messages. Then he was like, well, who's messages to you then? What's, who said what? Like thinking, obviously something.

Something has triggered it. And I was like, literally, babe, nothing. My phone hasn't been any crazier than it isn't usually. But obviously it just was an excuse for a phone, that's why. But it wasn't just that. In that moment, you couldn't deal with it. Yeah, it was. And that is how I feel in a minute.

Well, I'm glad you feel like that because that makes me feel better because that's exactly how I feel. Hall of fucking loo ya. Not that I wish you to feel like that. But it's nice to know that I'm not the only one because I feel massively overwhelmed right now and that feeling of... Yeah, the catching the breath.

Like, I've got a hundred things to do and I don't even know where to start kind of thing. My head's just spinning. And then it's not even a big deal. It's not one thing. It's a hundred little things. And although that hundreds are not big deals, that's why I mean, I don't think there's any,

And I felt like on the verge of, like, losing it as well. And I even messaged Liam yesterday. Like, he watched the boys. I worked and then we're swapping at the moment because he's catching up and he's doing, like, building works, and then he's going out to work. And then the boys weren't even bad. But I just messaged him, like, I have no patience for them right now. Like, I'm on the verge of losing it.

I was being quite short. Yeah. And, like, I definitely, like, had to put a lid and like stop myself Yeah Just shut yourself in a room Yeah Yeah well I can't because I was a bloody one year old

Trying to kill himself every five seconds He fell out his high chair Jumping out of high chairs Oh yeah well he started to climb out of high chairs In England and then I got home Forgot that was a new thing And put him in the high chair And he's just gone out

Do do you get and get no cut heads Like my lot Yeah exactly I was I literally were stood in front of him But like with my face back to him. So I heard it, but it didn't actually sound that bad. It was a duff, but it wasn't, you know, when sometimes it goes through you, because you know how painful it must have been. It wasn't a bad duff and he cried for like three seconds and got up and carried on.

That's like, I feel guilty, but yeah, he's banged his head eight times in the last couple of weeks. I remember, more so obviously because my, my youngest nephews are obviously, you know what I mean, that's the closest in what I kind of, sort of remember. I don't obviously remember my own kids, but, you know, was when I'd say to, like my sister and, oh, he's, you know, he's got a scratch, who's got a bruise or he's got this or he's got that, she's like, oh, I don't know. It was literally to a point, and plus she's got two, obviously, so it was literally about, I have no idea. Like literally, they are here, there and everywhere, they're jumping, they're doing this, they're doing that.

Yeah, Kaysen was not like this, but he is a daredevil. If there's something to stand on, he'll climb on it. If he's in his high chair, he'll climb out of it. He's definitely show his personality already. Yeah, he's trying to kick football, so. That's great when he kicks it. If he stands on top of it and wipes himself out, then he's hitting his head on everything.

He's just learned to walk. He's trying to run. Yeah. It's like, why? Slow down. Slow down, yeah. And leave you alone. No, it's been, like I say, a million little things.

And I felt exactly the same. And we've literally just come back from being away. We've been away for nine days. So I should be like, oh, lovely. But when you was away, you didn't feel that? A little bit, yeah, but mostly no. You were just coming back. It's just all hit me at once.

Because just before going away, we managed to get a builder that my dad basically has permanently at his house doing stuff. Was free for a couple of weeks. So we grabbed him, like, quick, because there's loads of little jobs that need you doing. And Liam's just too busy. Like, Liam's great. He can do 99% of things, but he just doesn't have the time. So I was like, right, while the guy's free, get him in and do stuff.

So literally two days, three days before we left. is like, oh, come in, knock a whole window out, knock another hole in the wall and rip up this and pull, like... You say little things. They're not even little things, exactly. They're not little things. They're big jobs that kind of up-pull the whole household because of the shift. It's not just that, then moving, like, for yours,

you're about to move, Cason where he sleep. Yeah, everything that goes with that. Yeah, Cason's out of his bedroom completely because the moving of the window was in his bedroom. So he's literally got a makeshift bed, we've moved his mattress into this room, so he's sleeping in the podcast room. which he's actually quite enjoying he said it's quite fun so and I remember doing little things like that as a kid

very often to us it's such a huge oh my god but for them it's like I mean luckily because we've been away I've got some clothes out because everything

is wedged in his walking wardrobe like all his toys his clothes everything and like blocked off for the dust and everything so he's got a few toys luckily it's been his birthday so he's got a few bits

and a few bits of clothes he can blow him exactly so yeah we got the builder and that all happened a couple days before we left was here the entire time we were in England. But yeah, going to England was nice, but again, like, it's seeing a lot of people.

We had a wedding, meeting up with friends, family. And this time we went to two different places, so that we drove up and saw my mum and dad. That was really nice. So the actual trip itself wasn't, normally it's a rush. Yeah. But it wasn't too bad this time. We were there for a lot longer and we didn't see as many people. but it was hard because Hayden's just at a difficult age

and what goes with that it kind of takes a lot of headspace up not just that I'm presuming how much things cost over there as well that you've got to deal with travelling and you know not just well we had to pick up a hire car then we had to train it into London for the first day then we had to drive down to Portsmouth and then we had to see people and you're on holiday seeing you want to do stuff yeah exactly we and then people want to see us so it's like well where do we meet you like because like we went to a few places and it was just Hayden's just does not want to be sat watching you all have a nice coffee yeah um so then it's like right where's safe and then go into people's houses and then that's like awkward because it's like don't want to trash the place and yeah so it's just like even though it was lovely and it was so nice to see everyone um it was quite nice that I did go and see my mom and dad the second half for the week because theirs is a bit more open and it.

easy to just let Hayden kind of go. That's what, that's the realistic of reality, sorry, of, of children, especially that age and with his kind of person. Yeah. You've just got to go, do you know what? Yeah. That, no, I can't do that. I mean, I remember when it was with, with, with, we used to, me and some of the girls

used to meet up for like a coffee or whatever and we'd say all these places and it literally would fall onto my house every time because it was just easier to come to my house. Yeah, but you can actually have a conversation then. Exactly. Otherwise, it's pointless. Me and Liam are passing him between each other, walking outside, and it becomes a stress, and it's not enjoyable. Yeah, and then I don't find that fair then on the child as much

because you're then restricting them, you're either telling him to be quiet, or restricting them from actually doing whatever. He's not happy to be sat in a coffee shop, and I don't blame it. So it's like, yeah. But then like you say, you think you've come home after a lovely kind of, you know, like calm in a few days, letting the kids kind of just, you know, do whatever, and then you've come home and walk through the door, I'm like, yeah so like to top it off what happened oh so basically soon after landing

Hayden was really ill we thought it was just teething but then it was green snots coughing and then I got it it was definitely COVID we didn't test but I'm pretty sure it was COVID because you can tell it's a different kind of illness so the day of the wedding you had a flu like the day of the wedding I had all the flu like symptoms like your your body's aching your back sore and all of that and then it just felt like an elephant was sat on my chest like for days like couldn't bring a coffin all night a song? That's in a song though

is it? An elephant sat on your chest? Yeah it's actually talking about anxiety and over me and she goes and it feels like an elephant is just standing on my chest I didn't know that that was in that song I know the song but I'd never listen to that thing I don't know because of Lexi but yeah

yeah well that's exactly how it feels yeah so got rid of COVID then got anxiety so it's like still got an elephant on my chest so you literally got to England and it wasn't even just like you say it's lovely having a holiday wherever you go even if it's England to see family it still takes up a lot of energy energy money headspace today which is all lovely but I usually get there and bam you've had you've been real both ill me and Hayden were really ill luckily Liam had it a little bit Casey didn't really have it luckily so yeah we were both

really ill which just puts a dampener on it especially when you're trying to see people and like wedding to go to and stuff but we went to our first Arab wedding. So that was really cool. That was a nice experience. Wow. I didn't know this. I don't know if you were going to a wedding, but so what was different? So they'd already got married. So this was like a celebrate, a bit like what you're doing. So this was a celebration and invited all their guests. So I don't know if this is typical or traditional of how they do things. But we were in the room with all like our dining tables and stuff and they had a stage. So the groom came in first as an entrance, but he had a lot of the guys from

the wedding with him to like family and friends and they had like these traditional drums these guys that were you know dressed um i assume in some traditional outfit um coming through with music banging like just noise coming through like but it really like lifted the energy like everyone was like buzzing like carnival kind of yeah it was those kind of vibes like it really was like uplifting and all the guests were like cheering as he came in so it was like a proper entrance um and then the bride came in with um her dad and walked through and then they met on the stage or like the dance floor and they basically didn't leave the dance floor so they met on on the end and obviously they they introduced them and stuff and then they played um some traditional music

and everybody well most people got up but they it's funny because at weddings i've been to like even if you don't have the ceremony when you've got the music playing normally that's after your meal people get up people get in like groups but they just completely surrounded

the bride and groom like in a circle so people weren't off doing their own little dance it was we're all going to stand around them and cheer and dance and you know clap and cheer for about a solid hour but the whole fucking night

where's my dinner no literally it did not stop I felt sorry for them because, like, as the guests, like some were getting up and sitting down and then they played loads of really traditional music and everyone was going for it and it was really fun and then they played a few English songs.

But they did not sit down. Yeah, even just coming in after the entrance, I feel like you'd need, you know, like, who kind of stick together and just talk a bit on your own. Like, oh God, you've done it or whatever you've. I don't know if they, because they had a sofa with like all flowers behind it. I don't know if they sat down at the very beginning.

The photo or something like that. And then were introduced whatever. But basically, from the get-go, they danced. And like I said, guests sat down and stood up. They must have danced for an hour, hour and a half solid. They, them two, did not, they didn't even stop for a drink. And people just kept coming up to them to cheer them.

And they did this traditional dance where, I mean, for the whole song, no matter what song it was, everyone was serenade in them. But they played a song where the guys all get into a circle, then the girls get into a circle. And they do this, like, specific dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. like um routine thing around them um which was really cool to see but yeah they know how to go for it

they know how to party and to dance and like the guys even more than the girls yeah it sounds like like the guys were loving it and you have what's called like a leader who like sets the pace and the the rhythm and chooses the moves and then it kind of filters around the circle and stuff which is really cool yeah and then they left we then sat down and had our meal so i don't know Well, they left. They left. Why you had your food? Yeah.

So I don't know if they went and had a meal by themselves. I don't know if they went for maybe... Oh, I'd love that. For couple photos. But I thought that was actually really nice to have like an hour to yourself after all of that intensity. After an hour of not being left alone. Yeah. So I don't know if they had couple photos or had a meal.

Yeah, they went upstairs for a quick. I'd like to think that they actually ate something or had a drink. So we had our meal, our starter and our main course. And then they come back in. straight to the dance floor straight back to dancing and being serenaded and and danced and stuff

then they served the desserts as that was all happening and then after that they basically went back to their like sofa thing and then people just one by one just went and had photos with them so yeah like they did not stop

and her dress was 17 kilos it was massive completely bedazzled sparkle it was beautiful She looked amazing, but it was 17 kilos. They must have ached to the next day. She did not, yeah, 100%. She would have had bruises or, like, ached like she'd been hit by a bus for sure because they did not stop.

They went for it, but yeah, hopefully the adrenaline, like you say, kicked in, but they must have been, they must have been tired at the end of it. If that, if it is, that normal tradition, which it sounds like, they seem to all know what we do. They definitely had traditional elements to it. Then I love that. I love that experience because not everyone gets to see, you know, that course, sort of. of experience of different, of different cultures. It was nice, like you say, the getting everyone up, the energy, and yeah, they just didn't stop.

So that was good. And then, what else happened? Oh, we had Kaysen and Hayden's modelling appointment thing in London, which, thanks, Nanny, cost me a fortune. Ah, great idea. It's obviously a free photo shoot until you want to buy the photos, which I knew was the case. But there were very expensive photos, I'm presumed. I knew they were

50 quid a photo, which is... Wow, that's a lot. Which is a lot. But if you think about it, you're in a professional studio, you've got all the lights, you've got a professional photographer, like, you know, if you walk out of one photo, that's a lot of time and effort. Sometimes you'd just have a pay a couple of money, couldn't know you can get all the photos. Yeah. I suppose. Yeah. So obviously this is another level.

I probably could have easily paid someone else and got loads, but this is... We did the experience. Yeah. Exactly. I wanted to see what he was like and if he enjoyed it was the main thing. Did he? So they did a photo shoot for five, six outfits for Kaysen and Hayden. Hayden was due a nap, teething and had COVID. So after two minutes, he was done.

I think I was surprised that we got more than two photos. I was literally expecting two photos. They managed to get 40 photos from him, which was, I don't know how. But he was not good. Not happy. at all, wouldn't even stand there, was on my lap, cried, most of the photos have a dummy in, like it was just, no. So Hayden, sorry, no, you're not going to be a model. Definitely not at this age anyway. You're not able to yet. Which, you know, I think I had five, six outfits for him after

two, three, even they were like, don't force him. And I was like, he's just not happy. And I, I do not have the patience. Yeah, exactly. And if you don't enjoy it, what's the point? I'm not going to force him. But Casey, on the other hand, he smashed it out. out. He did all his outfits, probably did it all in about half an hour. And then they give you like an hour break to go so that they can review all the photos and come back. So they actually do review it and then they talk to you about whether it's something that you should pursue with your kid or not. So they're not there to just go, yeah, sell you all the photos. They do kind of. And when we got back in, I thought it was just a ploy. Like yeah, take loads of photos. Charge me for them all. And then make money. like you said, a bit with a consultation of the modelling. Yeah, that's what they call themselves, a consultant, a modelling consultant. So we went back to be sat down and the woman was like, even before we even looked at the photos, did you enjoy it, Kaysen, what did you like about it, what did you not like

about it, do you think that you'd like to do it again, like all these things. Yeah, so it did, it did make me feel like they actually weren't going to force it. And like, say, for the minute Hayden wasn't happy, it was like, right, just leave him. Don't, don't worry too much. So, yeah, I was prepared. to go in and probably spend about four or five hundred quid on photos for both of them and then they were like oh we do packages and we looked at his photos he had 118 photos that they picked

they took hundreds they whittled it down to 118 odd good ones he's had five six outfits yeah I couldn't pick probably even 10 they were like nice photos of him and that would even per photo for 10 photos is 500 quid by itself so then it was like oh if you pay a bit more you you get this and he can't hope but we get that and i was that right i was like casein do you want to do this he was like yeah i was like do you enjoy it do you want to be a model because if you don't i'm not buying these photos or i'll buy a couple for my hallway yeah you know i'm not i'm not buying the package anyway he was like no i really liked it and she basically said we we marked them

on um how photogenic they are she's like we give him a 10 out of 10 yeah he's just really easy to take a photo of. Their confidence, how confident they are in front of the camera. She went, he's an 8 out of 10. Both of them, her and the photographer was like, has he done this before? Because she said he's just not stiff. He's quite, you know, comfortable.

But that drama would help, say. Probably, yeah. We did mention that and she said, yeah, that's probably helped, being on stage and stuff. He didn't really get nervous. Before going in, he got really nervous and nearly cried. More not knowing what to expect, though, I reckon. I think that's what it was.

but then the minute he was in there you would never have thought he was nervous because he just cracked on I think like I said the unexpected and then when he was there was like this is all right yeah podcast room

yeah I can do this easy yeah so then and the other thing was I think poses or something like that like how they move and stuff and not being stiff

so yeah she gave him an 8 out of 10 for that and then like to say 10 out of 10 for being photogenic so she said you're as a she went you're missing opportunities he should be she should have been doing this years ago so i was like right now that now you've got like a portfolio so yeah we've got the package of course you did yeah fucking 1,300 pound later

but it comes with all the photos that was in his photo session like emails and on a USB stick we got 25 of them edited so that they're they're good they're print they're going to print 20 for me as well any and post them to me exactly um they've created him a website because when you apply for because basically now I go to the casting and the agencies and say here's photos of him right but I can give them a link to a website because she's like hundreds of kids applied to these modeling agencies every single day if you want to stand out you need to have like say good photos and if you've got a website then they can click on it and see all the photos if you make it easy for them they're going find him easier than you know two or three photos on my iPhone and hope that and you don't

some of these agencies don't need professional portfolios but you know it was something that it was more of the experience it is at the end of day if nothing comes from it nothing comes from it I'm really not fast I've got some nice photos and they managed to get some of Hayden as well which was really good he is a happy child sometimes in between takes he is though that's what's strange I know he just was not having a good day I mean he's at the age where he's getting very moody but a lot of the time he's

like I say he's super happy smiley everything I would have thought it would have been a breeze just the way you said it yeah but

yeah literally COVID teething and due a nap like could you be any worse like why are we even doing this why are we even doing this and we trained it into London specifically for it as well

so anyway yeah so he's got his things we're now applying to agency so to be confirmed what happens next but we've had a couple of people already reply and say

if he wants to do adverts and stuff then can you send us a video of him so we can see his personality and stuff so yeah we've had responses already asking for more so yeah fingers crossed we'll see

and then yeah we did like say did loads when we were there went to my mum organised a dinosaur show we went to the farm things that you can't really do here which was nice

had some rain more jeans it was lovely although it is getting cold in now and I had to put a jumper on last night and this morning. I know, I don't have a dressing gown yet. Oh. I know, I need to get a dressing gown. Yeah, we do love our dressing gowns, yeah.

Only the morning. Well, I really bought myself some pyjamas, so I'm just waiting for it to be cold enough to wear them. But then flying back, we were due to get back, I mean, it was a long morning anyway, because we ended up in Sandbanks as the last place we were staying, all ready to get to Gatwick was a three-hour drive. And then we had to be there early enough to not know if there was traffic,

drop a car off. so we were like traveling for yeah all day basically um got got into the airport with enough time left two bags at security had to walk back into security because we left a backpack oh what's when you go through when you go through because we had a big suitcase four backpacks two child car seats and a pram so you can imagine and then still trying to carry one child and take the other one through do not leave your at least you didn't leave a child no we didn't leave a child but we left two back You can't leave your baggage in attendance. Oh, shoot, we've got through.

And then I was like, throughout the day, I must have counted the bags about five times. And then I was like, oh, crap, we left one. So luckily we'd only just got through. So Liam rushed back and we got it because one of it had his iPad in as well. And the iPads are separate, aren't they? So it's like, God.

And in an airport, I love that. Yeah. And then we were due to land at 9 o'clock in the evening, which I thought is late, but at least it's straight to bed for the boys. We get home for about 10 a half 10. But no, they lost our suitcase. So we landed.

and then we were in the airport for two hours. We didn't go home till midnight. Oh, Bill. So, yeah. Did you get it back the same night? The next, wow, two days later. Oh, even that though. You know, like you're leaving and it's like you don't even know.

We didn't know if our case was lost by them, if it even made it onto the plane from Gatwick or if someone else picked it up, we had no idea. So at that point, I was like, no point you're stressing about it. There's nothing I can do about it. Yeah, there's a few things in that case that we really could do with, like casing just got a brand new Lego set from his nan and granddad that was quite expensive that was in the case. My necklace was in the case because I took it off for the

wedding and just never put it back on. Um, most of it was closed that, you know, could be replaceable, but there was a few things that there wasn't. So it was like, oh, but weirdly, our conveyor belt, like we land at nine o'clock, Ryanair, Gatwick. Next to our conveyor belt was easy jet five minutes before Gatwick. And, And on their conveyor belt was a case that looked identical to ours, but it wasn't ours. So I'm thinking someone's picked up our case. So anyway, they spent an hour, hour and a half, searching for it, like in the airport, outside of the airport, trying to communicate back to London, which was just a waste of time.

And then we had to fill out loads of forms. So I'm literally, Hayden's walking all around the airport for two hours at 9, 10, 11 o'clock at night. After probably about eight hours worth of night. for travelling by the time you had it all up so I was done but I was like there's no point stressing about it you've got to do it's one of those things we can do yeah so Liam's sorting it all out at the desk so we filled out the forms and stuff and we left and then I woke up to a message from my mum because while I was in England I got a wedding invitation from my auntie which was in the case and it had an RSVP to this email so they the people who picked up the case

and figured out that it was the wrong case, went through it, found the invitation, emailed my auntie who then told my mum to tell me, we've picked up the case, sorry, we were in a rush, we had an emergency, but we'll bring it back to the airport the next day, you know, apologies, whatever, which was great, at least we knew we were going to get the case back. Did they think we had that?

No, they said hopefully ours are still there. They didn't actually think that we took it. They said hopefully our case is still there. So it was good that we knew that we were getting it back. It's just the agave it though, isn't it? Well, yeah, because Ryanair's like, well, it's not our fault. We didn't lose it. We're not going to deliver it to you.

So, oh, now we've got to drive all the way back to the airport to pick up the case. So it wasn't convenient to go the day after. So Liam went the day after that. No, when do you're feeling that you're feeling? But yeah. I got in at midnight. I had worked the next day because I thought, well, getting in at 10-half-10, I'll put the boys to bed.

Like, that's a reasonable time. But, yeah, straight to work for the next three days. So, yeah, it's, and obviously catching up from being away. So, yeah, I'm just like... Plus your house is being... Plus, I decided to throw case in a birthday party on the Friday. We get back on the Monday to throw him a party on the Friday. Booked or told everyone about that before I realized we were doing spontaneous building work.

Yeah, like full on building work. Full and build up in the garden as well. So the garden is a mess. The house is a mess. It's not even like you've got one section where you can go, right, So his room's out of bounds, but let's go here. It's like right. No, because they're walking.

The room's out of bounds, the garden's out of bounds. If we all just go and sit in like the toilets again, we're all right. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and like say, the living room is just full of dust as well because it just travels. So, yeah, coming back and being like, right, straight into work, the house is upside down. We've got no food in, like, you know, just like on, like chasing the case. Yeah. Yeah, just. And I did read, actually, that it, on average, it takes parents two and a half days

to recover from a holiday. Does it? Yeah. I like these facts that you pan out and it makes you feel so much better about it. Yeah, exactly. I thought, yeah, funnily enough, read that I think before I left

and then like coming back, I'm like, that's why I feel like this. This is what I've nearly bit everybody's head off, right? But I don't know what my excuse is because where I've been going on, the whole summer that I've got no energy, me motivation. It's the end of summer and I still haven't found it.

Well, I was so excited for September. Like, like get back into routine. I'm going to have to. start taking the supplements that I bought which I haven't actually started taking you know like all these little things and no I haven't done any of it my house is upside down

I'm not in any routine but we've got a nursery appointment tomorrow for Hayden so I'm going to go have a look at the nursery so how did Casey go to nursery Kasen went from one years old Oh okay Literally I think it was the day after his birthday Was that just because of circumstances

We were both working So Liam was full of how we kind of do that and it's kind of yeah let's do it with casein i remember feeling a little bit like oh but like it was like it was fine yeah i think i just got on with it because we didn't really have any option i did change my job so he was going from nine till half three um but yeah leon was full on with work and at the time we were building this house so yeah it was like cason monday to friday nine till half three you're you're in and i didn't really feel that guilty about it but i feel a lot more guilty this time

round and Hayden's actually three months older but and even even before going to this appointment I'm already thinking just a couple of days a week or just like a morning or something is that because you feel like you have an option because you're both around yeah even though you're not yeah I feel like because Liam's a little bit more available um and I'm more flexible now because I do more from home so like yeah I can take a lunch break and and take over and Liam can nip out and stuff I'm not out on the road like I was with Kaysen. So, yeah, we are both a little bit more around, but at the same time, we're struggling.

You both need it. You're fitting it all in. Yeah, and then feeling guilty that I'm not helping enough, but then, like, feeling guilty when I'm not helping, but feeling guilty when I'm working, it's like, you know, when you just feel like you're juggling so much that you're not doing anything right? I was going to say, you know what it's like when you're in work?

You're kind of in a headspace of work. Yeah. Do you what I mean? And you've got a kind of deal with you obviously you're doing at home as well. Yeah. So where you're in and out, then you're going, well, I'm a Billy work, I'm a mom, I'm a house. What am I doing?

Because obviously you're in it all. And then I'm trying to rush through work so that I can help and then Liam take over. But then I'm working to then being with the kids. Like there's not one minute of the day that I'm by myself or have a minute to breathe. And in a way, then he's just getting past from pillar to post in a way of being cared for. He's being stuck indoors all day because I'm working and then Liam's going out. And then like Liam's having to rush and do all. So we just feel like we're just rushing.

stretched and there's no need to be. Stretch, rushing and like, say, when you're like that, you just feel like I'm, I don't feel like I'm being a good mom. I don't feel like I'm being good at work. Yeah. Because I'm rushing through everything. And do you know what? It's so good for them.

Like, it is so, my, all, I say all mine went, obviously. Mason did actually go, but it was obviously different thing because where he's aren't he went. But anyway, the other two, the same, I, I, they, they needed it. And I felt the same. Yeah. I did have opportunities where I've got grandparents and, you know, I did have aunties and uncles when there was a lot younger at any time, really, but obviously when they're tiny, tiny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And here it's a norm that babies go in from to nursery at four months old. Four months old, some people that have worked with. And still breastfeeding. Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. So I'm glad we've got to a year.

I feel like I'm more comfortable with that. Kaysen actually ended up going to work with Liam a lot, going to my mom's, going to his mom's. Um, so he was with everyone while I was working and then he started nursery at one and Hayden the same. He's been literally just with Liam, um, grandparents here and there. Um, and then he's one in three months and it was funny because maybe four months ago when it was, when it was May, I said to him, now's the time to enroll them for September if you want. And he went, nah, it's all right. You know, I'm not that busy. I can juggle it. And then the summer,

he's just got to that age where it's like, he's just so bored at home and I can tell he's bored. and he's at that age, he's climbing out of high chairs, he's learned how to open all the kitchen cup cupboards. You know, he's just becoming a nuisance. He needs, and if I sit down with him, he wants to do things, but he doesn't want to play with toys. And sometimes, I don't want you all the time

because you're always there. Yeah, exactly. So he's, I feel like he's ready for nursery, which makes me feel a little bit better. Well, well, for making the appointment, because I think that could be a hard, you know, like it could go on and on and you feel like, oh, we might as a wait because then they go to school,

you know, like three and that kind of thing, and that, no, they need it. definitely sets them up for school as well. Yeah? I think personally. Well, when you take them to school at three, you can tell who in the line has gone to nursery and who hasn't

because some are just so clingy and cry for weeks and weeks and weeks. Don't go wrong, mine was never like that. Well, my, I don't think Lexi was, I think Morgan was a bit, but not to the think of like, it was like, you know, when you take him to nursery for the first week or so

and they cry and then as soon as you shut the door, they stop. Yeah. That kind of a thing. Do you know what I mean? It was just new But you could actually just tell Like you say that thing of them used to Getting in a line having their bag on

Walking in with other children having a teacher You know what I mean And I'll find out more tomorrow But even in the leaflet thing that they emailed me It's like pictures of the kids painting with their aprons And this is from naught to two So they're painting They're playing with

You know light reflecting things And like sensory stuff Which I don't do any sensory stuff with kids at home And even Kaysam They sent me a photo once of this nursery. It's obviously changed management, but it's the same nursery. And he was stomping grapes.

He couldn't even, he wasn't standing up at home and they've got a photo of him stood up. And then they went, oh, you don't need to take his dummy in anymore. We've got him to nap without his dummy. Yeah. All these things.

He was eating proper Spanish food. Yeah, yeah. I really rate that one where, because mine two went there and exactly that what you're saying. Yeah. At such a young age, it's just you know that they're just having so much fun but learning with it. Yeah.

Do you get what I mean? And then, yeah. And like you say, the, they call them Senios here, don't they? Yeah. The monitors,

teachers, whatever they are. Yeah. They just love them so much as well. You know, and we're so dedicated. Caysons was fresh out. I'm like, wow, that's so cool. And they had projects

where I had to do things at home for him to take in. And then they do a big book at the end of all the things. And the photos every day, like you get more information than you do when they go to school and to see what they,

what Cason was up to and his teacher was fresh out of university so she was young and she just loved it and now like you say now you've got that hurdle of kind of making the decision like right this is it is going like you can actually be excited now

what's to come from that? Well I'm actually said to Liam because we're debating like say putting him in part time at least a couple of days and I'm like originally I wasn't going to but he's definitely going in on a Friday

Bill I'm definitely going to I was going to like thing but he's definitely going on a Friday and I'm actually I only thought about that today and I'm like I'm going to have a Friday to myself I'm going to go to Pilates I'm going to record more stuff I'm going to post more for my business to do what you want to do exactly might even be able to do some coaching to do what you want to do it'll end up

being full of stuff for the kids I'm sure like you say you're fried yeah probably end up cleaning catching up no doing errands going to the bank going to the doctors but no I it's just nice for them and for us yeah And I think it's really important. So good on you for making that decision because it is a hard one to them. Some people are just like, now, whatever, but I don't mean whatever, but kind of like it's,

like you said initially, first, you hate there's a no option. Yeah. But when you've kind of got an option, when you've got the choice, it's almost harder. It is, I do, I agree, yeah. And then I'm like, oh, are they going to tell him off? Do they have cameras?

What the people like? And they, yeah, because he's, I was going to call him a little shit then. But like, he's at the age where, like, even with Kaysen, it was cute. But now he's grabbing and he's, pinching and it's like Are they going to tell him off? That's, because he's like

He has to learn. He's going to pick up stuff. And we're teaching him stuff at home but it's like in that interim period how are they disciplining them? I think he'll, yeah, I think you'll see a huge change in him. And not just because he's growing up obviously

just that they're massive anyway but that I think just be structure and that plate that set in. Stimulation. I think he's well in need of stimulation. Well to go on how we're seen as we are both feeling this way. How, I mean, I don't know if we've dealt with it. How are we dealing with it?

How are you dealing with it? I don't really feel like I'm out of you. I probably could cry at the end. Yeah. No, I still very much feel like I'm like teetering on the edge of like the kettle exploding. Like if you had an argument, you wouldn't actually have an argument. You'd cry. Yeah.

That kind of feeling. And my thing isn't to cry. But yeah, when it builds up and builds up and builds up, it feels like. Yeah, a good old, weird, isn't it? How we try and hold it in? I don't like crying. I, no, I try and hold it. Like Mitch said it earlier, do you know what I'm like, I do.

I still didn't go. My eyes watered, do I mean? But I didn't go. And I think sometimes you actually do need to just let it out. Go take yourself away. I haven't done it yet. But go and tell yourself away. Didn't you recently though go for a drive?

On my birthday. Yeah. I did. I just left over. I said, right, just leave me alone. I'm going out for a minute. But it's not like I had other pet. Well, obviously, they're not tiny kids.

But, you know, like the kids was a little bit like kind of thing. You're leaving us? Yeah. Like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. But it was a proper, like, selfish decision. Like, so I don't explode and look like a complete psycho and probably say things that are not, shouldn't be said in a way.

I'm just going to go. Yeah. I'm going to go in the car. I went to the petrol station because it was late. Nothing else was open. I bought myself a crunchy. I munched on my chocolate crunchy. I had a cry.

I put the music on loud and I drove back home. And that was it. It felt great. Well, it didn't feel great, but I felt better walking back. That's better, though, because I think sometimes, like I say, people just go lock themselves in another room. But you can hear everything. People are still coming to,

find you and I could leave so imagine if I was like let's just say I felt like that and it was just me and Lexi say yeah I'm never gonna leave Lexi at home by yourself you know what I mean it kind of get you in a thing but yeah take yourself away wherever you can if you can leave the house then a drive or to your room just I like driving so I've never never contemplated to just get in the car and go for a drive so that's going to be a moment I say go to a room if you are in the house then you've got the where's mom mom yeah exactly so I can't obviously leave the house unless Liam was there. No, but just let it out.

That's what I would probably say. So cry it out, leave the house. That's what you did. That's what I did on that occasion. On that occasion, yeah. I think music's a good one. Yeah, I think music's a good one. Because even like yesterday I was like up to here, like,

I was like, right, kids get dressed. We're going to go out the house because they've been in the house for a couple of days since we've been back. So I bloody got them both dressed and then realized that I don't have a gatekey because Liam's give it to the builder. So I just spent... So then I just spent 15 minutes getting clothes on these children

to leave the house. But you can't leave. I can't leave. And the garden is a mess. So we went in the garden regardless which lasted 10 minutes and then wanted to go swimming in which he can only go in the big part of the pool

because the baby pool's got all bits of brick that's fell in. And then Hayden I'm like, now I'm going to have to go in with Hayden because I can't let you go in the pool and Hayden's not going to... Fine, right, we'll all just go in the blooming pool. The pool's not a big deal.

The pool's actually freezing. Yeah. because I was like, I just wasn't in the mood. So now I have to do all this extra stuff. I've just got you both dressed. I have to get you both undressed. And it's that, like, awkward. Like, Kaysen's easy.

Breathe is a good tactic. Breathing, yeah. Kind of just being like, fuck it. Yeah. Like, it's what it is. Just whatever kind of thing. Being honest. Yeah.

Being honest that you feel, however you feel. Whether with yourself or maybe with other people, because I know I probably, if anything, if anything, probably would take it out on Mitch, if anything. Oh, yeah. And sometimes he knows where I am with it And sometimes he hasn't got a clue You know what I mean?

I can get quite short with Liam And like you say it's not you I don't mean it to be you And I feel bad the like thing But I mean it wasn't even on Liam Because the minute I finished work he went out But I did message him and I was like I have no patience for these children right now

They become their children don't they? Your children Your children Come and get your children Yeah you know the situation's that much children. Yeah, when they're good, they're mine. When they're not, they're yours. And the thing was, they weren't even being that bad. No, I get, that's what I'm saying. It's not even a big deal, but it becomes such a big thing. I think, like you say, being honest, accepting, I feel like

this and I shouldn't feel like, because sometimes I make myself feel guilty, you shouldn't feel like this, you know, you know, whatever. With the music, though, when you say about music, I like that one, because you can either have, like, calming music, if you just want to kind of do, or music kind of that you just can either dance around to or sing your heart out to. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So that's what we did. The pool lasted five minutes because it was cold and Hayden was just playing with a hammer.

It just wasn't working. And he just wanted to smash the building materials around. He didn't even want to be in the pool. So we went back in the house and then I put Kaysen's new favour is One Direction. So we just put One Direction. And actually, I've got a new love for them as well. I never really got into them massively.

Yeah, that's his favourite. The songs are so catchy. Yeah, they are good. And the music videos are them just having a laugh and having fun. They are good songs. So me and Kaysen just started singing a dance around the living room. I instantly felt better. Yeah. And like I say, I knew that it wasn't them.

No. So sometimes actually, except in there, I feel the way I feel, just let it out. But also realizing like they're not the ones making me feel like this. No, but most of the time it's not the kids. Yeah. Because they're just kids. Most of the time it's not the kids that make you feel like that because they are your kids. But then sometimes they are making you feel like that.

I'll bring you the kids. You know what I mean? Yeah, it depends. So in this case, they weren't being bad. It was just the way I felt. So everything was just hitting me harder than it normally does. So music, one direction. I did go to bed earlier.

Liam went to football training. So soon after I put the kids to bed. Obviously, I've got a lot happening. The house is a tip. We've got a party coming up. I just was like, fuck it. I'm not actually going to start doing any of the jobs because I'm just not in the mood.

I need to go and get a hot down. So I ate a whole packet of crisps. I had a shandy, which I don't normally do on until the weekends. It's normally my Thursday thing. But I was like, no, fuck it. It's a Tuesday. I don't care.

Shandy and a whole packet, I demolished the whole packet of crisps, sat on my ass, did nothing while I watched the house beer tip and nearly made myself feel guilty. And I was like, no. I'm not in the mood, so I'm not going to make myself feel a bad trip.

I feel like Shinnik has come out. You haven't even had a drink. That's what I feel like. like yes Phil not make myself feel guilty I think was one thing acknowledging that it isn't you know don't misplace your anger

like it wasn't yeah things so snap out of it with the music go to bed early and what I feel like's made things worse for me is I'm flip flopping between 100 things at the moment it's Hayden's got his injections case has got an optician's appointment

we've got school starting on Monday now not Tuesday which I thought it was and then I've got spontaneous meetings cropping up at work which won't plan for that I now have to plan for and then I know that I've got a trip that I had to plan to Costa del so I know I have to book my flights back to London and I have to you know it's like that makes me literally want to literally just run away that's why I've got an elephant on my chest so it's actually like sometimes just getting it all out onto paper have a to do list

prioritize what needs to be sorted now what doesn't need to be sorted now sometimes it's just half of those things just putting it in my diary so that I agree writing something writing it down and tackling it by bit. Yeah. And don't feel guilty. Like you say, where you're going, no, I don't feel like this. I'm going to do this and I'm not doing anything. But this is what I'm going to do.

Yeah. And I'll deal with it when, you know, when I'm ready. You know what I mean? Obviously, if it goes too far, you need some help. Yeah. But sometimes it can just be all the things that are in your head. And then that's making me feel overwhelmed because I feel like I'm going to drop the ball on something.

Yeah, yeah. So writing it all down. really helps because then sometimes writing it down feels less overwhelmed because like right okay it's not that many things but I just need to put that in my diary so I don't forget these things in the diary and then that I'll sort out next week because I don't need to do it now sometimes even just getting clearer it's actually it is okay it's not a big deal but like you say where it's all so much issue you just needed to bring it down a minute and just see it out and then you're all right yeah and have an hour to myself like it just

worked out that I put the boys to bed early Liam went to football training so I was like right I've got an hour no noise my TV show guilt free rest like not running like if I'd have gone and cleaned the house and stuff

yeah it would have helped me for like the party but it would have made me go to bed more stress than I was you needed to go to do that more than that that was priority I needed an early night

I needed to not do anything before going to bed so that I had a bit more energy for today where yeah I've been able to rush around this morning and put two loads of washing on and do a couple of things and you felt better to tackle it

It's basically it. Whereas if I'd have forced myself to tackle it when I wasn't feeling it, it would have been 10 times worse and I wouldn't have got as much done anyway. So, yeah, rest is important. Early night, write things down. Have a cry, go for a drive maybe. Be honest. Yeah. Oh, and, well, just to finish it off, actually, we'll finish off now. But you did forget your anniversary. It's your anniversary today. Yes, thanks. Happy anniversary, Techman and Bill. Yeah, nine years married today. And I totally forgot. So like you said before we started recording, it's normally not the women that forget. Yeah, it's not the women, Will. Totally forgot. And I think because we obviously got married, our anniversary of meeting and getting together is my birthday,

so it's very easy to remember that. September didn't really mean anything to us. So we picked that date to get married and then had a child a couple of years later who had a birthday a few days before. So now we really forget it. Because not only is it years later now, so it's harder to remember anniversaries anyway

but we also have a birthday a few days before so normally when my nan gives me Kaysen's birthday card she gives me an anniversary card but she didn't this year because we weren't here so that normally reminds us

so I didn't have that little prompt so yeah it wasn't until she put on a Facebook post I was like oh Liam happy anniversary totally forgot and she was like what are doing absolutely nothing That's why I was like, are you sure you want me to come over? Yeah, Leib's plastering, the case is doing this, just come over it's fine.

We didn't realise it was until like probably 12 1 o'clock this afternoon anyway. And we don't need to sit there probably like this with each other anyway. We might just have an early night to go. Yeah, that's it. Like I say, wedding anniversities don't tend to do much. Every now and then we've got like a little present for someone or we've gone out and done something. But yeah, this year, totally recovery mode. That's a story to tell.

You forgot it. So totally forgot the ninth year. I love you, babe. Hopefully 10th year will do something. So, yeah, happy anniversary, Liam. Oh, yeah, happy anniversary, you too. Congratulations, because, well, I'm not married. So, well, don't we're actually getting a wedding together.

That seems to be harder than you realize, right? It's just because I'm too relaxed and I need to kick up the bottom. That's the only thing. But at the same time, there's enough going on. Clearly, yeah, we've been overwhelmed. So this isn't the week for wedding planning. Put it off another week. No, no, we'll get there.

We just came in here, really, to have a rant. So yeah, hope I made you feel better Yeah, hopefully you guys are feeling More happy and motivated than we are But if you're not, you're normal, you're human We're feeling it this week too Yeah, yeah And everything's gonna be okay

Yeah, everything's gonna be okay See, no, it's the music It's the music I'll bring a mic next time Worry less, smile more Worry less There you go, finish it on a quote It's a tattoo that I've got on my hip

Worry less smile more Let's do it Have a good weekend Bye guys You know, You know,