The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - Pregnancy, Miscarriage & Motherhood: Our Honest Journeys

Episode Date: September 21, 2025

In this powerful episode, Billie and Charlotte open up about the raw realities of pregnancy, motherhood, and everything in between. From miscarriages to unique birth experiences, they reflect on the emotional challenges of becoming mothers, the importance of self-care, and the role of family support in navigating these deeply personal journeys

And welcome back. Welcome back to another week of the pod. Just as like a pre-note, the reason why I have a bright red face. I don't know what you're going to say there. Is I've just come back literally walked through the door from having a micro-needling facial. Is that what you had? Yes. Quite uncomfortable actually.

I thought I was going for a nice treatment. But I should have really guessed it's in the title, Needles. Yeah. But yeah, I had, I think it's called an aqua pure one before, which was more of a treatment and they do lots of different things. And that was like nice. But then this one's more like... A treatment.

Intense. Like I feel like it's done stuff. Like my face is tingling, it's burning. Do they do the... Do you have a plan in before? I didn't get that. I was going to say, because you haven't got a hang your face anymore. But as much as I know, that's a good thing, I don't like it.

I don't like them shaving my hair off my face. Yeah. See, I don't. I liked the idea of it, and I very nearly got it done a few times, but then a few people said, like... No, no. The hair has to grow back, isn't it? Yeah.

Don't do that. Like, I was like, my bottom of my hair and all that bloody. Now, you know, you can see it in the shadow, like, little fluff, and I'm like, I just don't want to, just want to keep it, and I just leave it now, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, micrinating, self-care. Yeah, well, don't, girl. Yeah, I've had a real day of it today.

Well, I've not stopped, to be honest. I'm actually, like, dead on my feet, but I did an airport run this morning. So, like, 7 o'clock this morning. I had some colleagues to drop to the airport and luckily as I jumped in the car on the way my dad's called me saying I'm just jumping it because he's here at the moment just jumping in the car to go to the airport

and the car's like dead it won't turn on any chance you can come get me I was like literally just passing your house actually on the way I'm just outside so ended up dropping four people to the airport which made it even more worth it come straight back

Liam did the run dropped Hayden to nursery and took case into his opticians appointment I had a quick break to run around the house and put a wash on, tidy up, went to Pilates, went for lunch, went for a facial. Wow, that is a good morning. After this, we're doing a little bit of venue hunting

for our event. Yes. And then Kaysen has football, so it's a full day of it. Yeah, you are. But no, I feel good. Like, I'm literally falling this fit. I actually fell asleep on the bed, getting this done.

You know, when you're like, and you're like, oh, shit. And she went, relaxing. I was like, yes. embarrassing it's quite nice though to know that you know when you yeah it must be

in a way yeah I'm that relaxed especially one that like technically hurts this was after she was jabbing me with needles she put something on it and I was just lying there so yeah it was so hard to stay

like awake but yeah no it's been I think I said on last week's pod that I feel like we've just falling into quite a lazy routine because we've had the baby and then it's been hard and there's like a lot of excuses

and we've not really done much where I've had a week Me and Kaysen sat down and we planned something for every day of the week. So Mondays is, it's Monday, so we're getting into the flow of things. So Monday's just getting back on top. Tuesday is creative day. He has to draw something, build something, you know, puzzles, whatever. Wednesday is Kaysen's the cook.

So he either has to learn a recipe of what we already eat or we do something new. Thursday is movie night. Yeah. Because Liam goes to football, so it's me and him. It's nice. then it's me and him. Friday is um oh crap I can't remember what Friday's Friday's Friday's Friday's gone in the day God my mind's gone blank Friday's Friday and then Saturday's got drama then Sunday's our chill day but he has to clean his bedroom and then we have to decide what

each of the things are on the Friday's family day oh Friday's family activity or a dinner or something yeah nice so we started it last week so yeah Friday we went out for dinner um And then we went for a walk down Cabroyd Beach and then we, yeah, we had Sunday, we chilled. Then Tuesday he's been doing drawings and doing, he built his puzzle thing that you got him for his birthday. And then he cooked Cajun chicken pasta and then, oh, I've signed him up for something at school, which I'm waiting for the start date, but it's Technologies of the Future. Oh, wow. So they do. That sounds very case and isn't it?

Very case. So they do like Minecraft stuff in it But they also do video editing And a few things like that So I was like great Put his name down Wait in for more information And then signed him up for football

So he went on Whatever day, it was Wednesday And he's going again tonight And then we'll decide if he wants to do it Because he gets two free trials Trouble is the thing at school Clashes with the timetable For football

He'd probably prefer the school thing But then I think The football thing might actually be better for him because Liam can video edit and play Minecraft You don't want to have to push them too much To do something Well he enjoyed the football We'll see what he thinks after the second session

But I think like something sporty is good for him Because he does a lot online And a lot of digitally So doing something with other kids Sporty, a bit physical I think that would be good for him But we'll see what we end up picking Or if I can find another team with space

That has a different timetable maybe We've had a busy week So yeah It's been full on What's the word? but productive that's it yeah I feel good because like even though yeah I'm tired and stuff like it feels good because I feel like I've done stuff yeah like good stuff yeah I just feel like that's my weeks are like that anyway just constant yeah you know mine haven't been

no that's why I need so I feel like in that time I'm I'm we're doing it so it's nice we're back to routine we're back to hobbies just trying to get again just trying to get used to all the different dates and places and what person needs to be where at what time sort of thing so that's fine you know I just feel like I'm not I think it's probably

just because I need my where's my timetable there's everyone else's timetable now I need to make my own and fit that in or fucking push it in do you know what I mean

it will get in there you know what I mean because it's really important and that's probably why I'm probably feeling I said to you when I walks in I don't know whether to scream and shout

or cry but nothing nothing in particular nothing concrete I just feel very you know and I think that is that

I think everyone else has got their thing sorted and now I need to sort my hobbies they know where they're going what they're doing and now I need to get my bit in I feel like I'd like to have a bit more of a fixed week structure with my things all like booked in so I want to know Pilates is booked in every Friday I want to make sure that you know I get back to having like a massage and things well how I'm very quick to go no sorry not that day that day because there at that and there at that or so and so's at that that my thing has to go in there too yeah you know and that's what I need to push back

in which again it's just because of the again the new term or the new year whatever it is of getting my stuff well you end up being a slave to your timetable rather than actually prioritising the things in your time table so that you enjoy your time table even like that we said about like nails and stuff yeah before it would have to mine off you know like booking it ahead things like that same with facials and you know I was before had a good routine and I need to now again prioritize myself everyone's okay now yeah you know sort of and now I need to, you know, make that space for me and then everything should slot in

because it is important. I think booking in like the reoccurring ones or when you finish an appointment booking it back in, I never do it and that is easier because once it's booked, very rarely do you move it or change it. So I think that's probably a little hack that we could. And pushing. You know, like you've done this thing of making whatever it is every day.

Sit down and writing it down. But, you know, doing them things every day. So for example, I'd try and do that in mine. It probably wouldn't stick, but I'd try. The thing that I love is that simple is I was just saying I'd just like to walk my dogs or whether it's on my own or whether it's just with Mitch or even with the kids like the other day

at first it was a struggle like get off your like screens or whatever they were doing sort of thing but once they were often they didn't want to go home we just want to walk and walk and walk and walk do you know what I mean and they're the things that they enjoy so I just need to bring it back down to that as well stop putting my pressure on myself to do so much with them They're the simple things. An hour, half an hour, you know what I mean?

If you have half an hour and hour with them every evening to chat and check in with each other, then that's all they need really. Yeah, well, mostly, yeah. So yeah, no, I've... You got that in then. And then we had a lovely surprise on the weekend. It was one of my friend's 40th birthdays and her husband had a surprise a surprise party.

And I didn't realize how intense I was, like anxious I was with surprises. Like I was like, come on, we have to get there on time thinking I was going to walk in and just ruin the whole thing. I was like the first one there. Nobody was even there. Like parking you can't. Yeah. It was all that.

I was like thinking like a head like, oh, what? You know, I didn't even tell Morgan because her son is obviously one of Morgan's best friends. And I was like thinking he was going to like blow it all. Do you know what I mean? But that was lovely. Then we'd got another surprise on top because the friends that used to live here had surprised her for a birthday. But I didn't even know they were coming.

So it was a surprise for me. So when they walked in, I'd just. just burst out crying. The boys were obviously like reunited. Everything was lovely. That was a lovely, lovely weekend and seeing them because there was, there was here for obviously a couple more days. And I went to see the venue.

That was good. Got no news, but I went to see it. The one you've already seen? The one they've already seen, but they wanted me to go in there when there was a wedding on to see if I wanted that sort of vibe. You need to see it set up to know the vibe really. Yeah, because you know what I have noticed?

And it's not like a dig, anyone but everyone's wedding just looks the same do you not think like everyone it's only so much you can do with a I know exactly exactly you know like that sort of a thing though so I was just like yeah going in I was like yeah I suppose it's I don't want to why I'm here but it's a wedding yeah it helps you know I've got it looks still liking it still wanting it there see an extra venue on the way home which I didn't think I was going so again I'd again I've got no news on it but it's just a little idea there so that was good so yeah good weekend Fun weekend.

Oh, is it really? Cool. Yeah. Well, I think today's episode, we should dive into all, well, as soon as we talk about the kids nonstop, diving into how they became born into this world. Look at how they became conceived and I was like, Bill, come on now.

Not that kind of pod. Come on now. Not that kind of pod. No, I think, like, find it out you were pregnant, how the pregnancy went, and then, yeah, giving birth. God, okay. We've got five stories.

between us. I know, yeah. So do we do it in chronological order? Should we go Mason's story first? Yeah, let's go Mason first then, because obviously Mason was... You think I'd remember you telling me you were pregnant at that age and how big of her thing it would be, but I don't actually remember you telling me. I actually don't remember telling a lot of my friends, actually, to be honest with you. I mostly remember it was obviously more with... I'm trying to think... Oh, so, I do actually. One of our friends, it was... it was... it was New Year's Eve and we were going out, you know what it's like weeks before to get the outfit

because you started getting ready at 12 in the afternoon and all that kind of thing. So we went to get an outfit and I remember I had a core, this corset top and I was always the same size. You know, like it was quite easy, you know, even the shops just stuck the same. You didn't have to, you could, someone else could go and pick it up for me.

Like, I know, it's fine. So, and I said, anyway, I tried this top on and it was quite snug actually. And I thought it's fine, it's fine, it'll be fine, you know, I'm going to wear this. I am going to wear this. This is my size. And my friend had joked to make you sure you not pregnant like that. And I was actually quite offended by it. I don't even know why. Are you saying I put weight on? It was probably just my attitude at the time I just wanted to fucking argue

and you know what I mean But anyway, it was kind of like a thing You know And then anyway that was that I wore the top, wore it out And then Then that was that It wasn't until I think like February time

That I My brother and sister were looking after a house And we'd gone round there I think Because my brother-in-law said he was going to do dinner And he's a chef So it's like, yes, we want your food kind of thing. He said he was going to do my favourite.

And I remember I was just being sick all the whole time. I was there, like the whole time. Then the question got asked obviously by my sister in awe. And I just didn't really thought about it, to be honest with you. And it's funny how it's so weird. That should have been the first thing you thought about. Yeah, fair in mind, I think actually going back now, I would have, actually, I'll go back to this. So anyway, that was that.

Then the next morning, we got our. but, and I think the boys had gone out, like took the dog out that they were looking after, whatever it was, and my sister-in-law took me on the back of her moped to the pharmacy. On the way, we got caught with our helmets on top of our head. So we stopped the bike,

and it was actually, my mother-in-law, calling and saying, we've just seen you drive past on the moped, someone's got their helmet up, da-da-da-da, what are you doing, where are you going? Obviously, we had to just make something, I'm like, sorry, we've, you know, we'll put the helmet down sort of thing. Went to the pharmacy.

Went back to this house and I just went in the bathroom and done it. And then, then obviously she was like, is it done? Was Mitch with you? No. Okay. He's still out with, with, I think he took the dog for all. This is what I don't even know. And I...

You clearly didn't expect anything. No, no. That's just it. I was just kind of, yes, going to get... And then she was like, have you done it? I opened the door and I looked at it. And I remember, obviously, it was like the two lines. and then I think I'd obviously

have to look at the instructions because you kind of question yourself if you've read it right. Yeah, is it definitely two lives? And then it was and I genuinely remember kind of like chucking the, not chucking it,

but like flicking it back into the sink and laughing. And I remember laughing. And at that point, Mitch came in through the door down to, like I was at, I'm sure how I remember in it. I haven't actually said,

ever said this story. So it's really strange saying it. I mean, some bits I might get. a bit wrong or miss stuff but so we walked through the door and that laugh just stopped like suddenly stopped and I thought shit I'm pregnant like I'm pregnant this is actually real yeah and then uh long story short sort of thing um he obviously sat down with his sister and told his mom yeah and um I still didn't actually say it to my mom my mom actually said it to me because she'd already asked me

I basically again this is a really long story but my nan had passed away in the December I think and um very no mind I've done this test in February in the December before my nan had passed away and I'd gone to England and then I'd been throwing up

but my mum put that down to obviously being upset and grief and all this kind of thing however I went back to Spain in between because of how long things take with England and funnels and stuff and I'd gone back to Spain And I remember my mom dropping me off at the airport and saying, when you get back to Spain, do a pregnancy test.

And I literally remember her saying it like this to me. And I go, what are you on about? I've never even done it. That was literally my answer. What are you about? I've never even done it. Carried on. That was in December.

Carried on. So I did that test in February. Again, going back, I had to find information about of obviously my period and all things like this. Weirdly enough, me and my cousin at the time had got like diaries. We had all the diaries.

at the school, didn't we? And we just started writing everything in it. No, not the diaries at school, but it was like one of them diaries, that's what I mean. Like, you know, like a bigger diary. Where you feel all grown up. And we'd start writing everything in it. I've never wrote my period in my life. You know, there is people who write them down. Yeah. I've never done it.

No, I haven't. I was very, well, I didn't need to. For some very weird reason, I'd wrote this period in my book, so you actually knew when it was. So I knew where I kind of was, so that obviously, going to the doctors, they could work out where I was. So you must have been about three months pregnant by then. Well, I'd gone back and I went, when was my last, can you see if there's anything in there? She went, yeah, you're never going to believe this. I went, it was five of the 13th. I went, oh, shut out. Like, there's

so weird how all these things like, that's the way I can remember. October. Right. So November, December, January, February. You were four months when you found out then. I was four months pregnant when I found out of pregnant. So nearly halfway, really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So that was that. That's Mason. The scariest person I had to. to tell what I felt like I was had to tell was my granddad. Yeah. Because um one of my cousins on that my mom's side had um her eldest quite young and it was like a big thing you know like this don't you do this all this that I'm you know it's very old school kind of thing yeah and someone's already made that mistake so yeah yeah like all that kind of thing and I I know I know and that's

what I know I know and um obviously then I was even younger um having to call and I remember calling, I was so scared. And I think even my mum was scared for me, to be quite honest. And he was probably the most chilled. Like, oh, don't you worry, my love. Everything will be alright. I was like, ha. He probably give it to my mum, but to me,

it was like, everything's going to be fun. Well, it's already happened to that point, isn't it? And then when I had him, he was allowed him with shoes on on the carpet. He was allowed to jump on the sofas. You know, all these things that I was never allowed to do. Yeah. So, yeah, that was Mason. So, again, going into,

the labour, sorry, because it's going to go even longer, going into the labour. Because didn't you start having contractions and trying to deliver him early? Yeah, my pregnancy is never quite straightforward, but I love being pregnant. I just love it. So my pregnancy was, yeah, again, complicated with Mason. So I, I'd started going into labour about seven months, I think it was, something like that. I've got it all in my book, but I don't actually know, but seven months. So I had to start taking medication and it was apples. It was literally like glass ampoles. You had to snap. And sometimes I'd do it so wrong, all the glass had go in.

You know what I mean? Then I couldn't take it. Then I'd waste all these things. So I had to take these ampals every so many hours so that it would stop contractions because I ended up in hospital nearly giving labour too early. Yeah. And so that was, I remember being out one night. And sounds really bad then.

I was like, not just not at one night. Anyway. And I remember not having this medication. I was like, right, I need to go home everyone because I am in labour. Everybody's smashed. Like, yeah, right, you're in labour. And I was like, no. I need to get home to get my medication otherwise I'm going to have this baby I did go home and get the medication

um and then as soon as I stopped kind of the medication when I was due I remember waking up in the middle of the night and going into my mom by the mind I'm 16 I'm at home still to live at home my mom my mom and dad you know that kind of thing I remember going into my mom and dad and being like mom um I think I'm in labor she was like you are or you think because obviously I'd already been in in early labor for so long do you know what I mean I was like Like, I am, I am. Like, obviously, are you on coming in? And then I remember my mom timing me running from the back garden to the front door through the house.

They were just, they must have been in awe of it. Just timing my contractions. Why were you running? Because obviously that must have helped with the pain. So I'm just running from the back, like, oh, I'm running from the back door to the front back again. Sitting down back, because this is at like four or five in the morning. We're sitting in my mom and dad's back garden, bearing in mind. And then I sat back down again.

And then my mom would like count it down. That was even worse. So it was like counting down until I knew I was going to have a contraction. You know, like, see, if it's right, you're going to have another one in about five, four, three. Oh, yeah, it's coming, kind of thing. And then, yeah, that was it.

Went my labour. My label was quite cool. Did you stay at home long? Not too. I think by then they were quite fast. I think I went in when there was about three minutes apart or five minutes apart, something like that. Do you know what I mean?

And then went in to hospital. My mum was with me for Mason's birth. because here you're actually only allowed one, aren't you? Yeah. And I don't know, just at the time... I think at 16, like, no matter how good, whatever your relationship is, at 16, you need your mother. And I'm actually quite happy that I did have my mum there now,

so my mum could experience that as well because here, you know, it's hard, isn't it? Exactly. It's hard, isn't it? And yeah, she missed it. Yeah. So it was lovely that my mom got to experience that. I remember her saying at one point, just breathe, because I think I was obviously going pushing, going so red.

She was thinking, just fucking breathe, Charlotte, you know what I mean? Well, when you watch films, it's all about push, push, push. But actually, you're only supposed to push when you're having the contractions and not like before, and actually only when you're fully dilated. It's a hard thing to explain unless you're in it. And even when you're in it, it's only because I've watched like one board every minute a lot that I kind of knew these little things. Otherwise, you just think that you're constantly pushing, but you literally don't push.

And actually, you could get away with not pushing unless you, you should only push when they tell you to push. Yeah, I think that's the point, isn't it? Again, is that I don't know anything about childbirth. I'm just going to try to try to have a free time. Do you know, it's one thing I would love to learn to be a midwife. Yeah, I think my mum and sister have both said they would have, if they could go back, they would do it.

It's one thing I could get into, you know, when the kids' dads are getting older to kind of get in my head and study because I would love to do that. But, yeah, so Mason's one was quite nice. I remember the, what's it called? Midwife, yeah? Midwife crying after he'd get, I think it was her first delivery. Oh, that's nice. So my mum was crying, she was crying, he was quite a night.

And I wasn't crying. I remember that. It was lovely, obviously. Yeah. I don't think I cried on any of them. I don't. No, I didn't. So, yeah, it was nice.

I think straightforward, I'm trying to. But yeah. Was it quite a long delivery? No, I don't think so. I think he was quite in and out, really. Yeah. Yeah. I was in the surgery room, I remember that, because the other two I wasn't.

Yeah. But I don't know if that was because of my age or just anything. They might have thought that you needed some intervention. But, you know, I'm trying to think, yeah, no, I think everything was fine with Mason. So that was Mason. That was Mason. It's really funny now, because I think I need to go to you because I don't want to, I feel like I forgot loads of what I've gone through with Mason.

Instead of doing it in order, because you had all your three kids first, and then I add KSom, we'll just do one each. Yeah, because I do feel like I've, you know, like a people are going to listen to it and I know that you did that as well and that happened I'm like so loads of things I've probably missed okay but I'm just trying to off the top of my head the question she's thrown at me nothing is pre-planned okay this is what I can think of definitely not a planned conversation but funny you said that actually because my mum messaged me after watching last week's episode and she was like do you when we talk about

rude songs oh yeah you was like oh do you remember the Saturday Day song and I was like what you want about like doesn't ring a bell so she sent me the song listen to it of course straight away. I was like, oh, that song. She was like, I told all you kids that it was Saturday Day was the words, because it's a bit of like a dance tune. It goes, do, do, do, do Saturday Day. And I've always... Is that the theme tune to Happy Days?

No, no. Okay. No, it's a bit of a dance tune. Okay, yeah, yeah. But, like, she says some words in it in between, like, the beat. And we obviously said, oh, what's the words? Saturday Day. So, until last week, I thought this song said Saturday Day. It doesn't. It says,

it's got to be big. I know what the song you're on about now. It's got to be big. It's got to be big. I love that because that's a song that actually still come on, isn't it? I haven't heard that song in a year. Would come on somewhere and I can literally imagine Bill or Shiniqua. Salida.

And we were like, what are you on about? That would genuinely have happened because I didn't have a clue that my mother told us different words. Yeah, parents, if you've told your children something, at least tell them when they're old enough, what they need to know. Oh, don't even get me started on that. I'll say that for a different story for another pod. But telling your kids when you've told them something wrong, mum, yeah, another episode, remind me of the story she told me, which I thought was true and ended up not being true.

And it took her a while to remember to tell me it wasn't true. Oh, so you've gone through this whole thing. Yes, yes. That is that traumatised. Because actually that happens to me a lot at home because Mitch makes up these stories and they don't sometimes know if they're true or they're not true. Then I'll start telling someone. Oh, no.

He said that. was just a joke, you know, or something like that. And I've just remembered it as a real story, you know, something like that. So, yeah, we'll cover that on another week's one. So that was Mason. Yeah, that was my right now memory. From what you can remember in the moment. Yeah, it's hard because, like you say, even Hayden was a year ago and it's so hard,

it feels so long ago. Yeah. And so much happens to remember all the little details as hard. But, right, let's think about Kaysen. So we had decided that we were going to try for a baby. It had been about four months. of us trying and it's not happening and obviously they tell you

careful don't get pregnant and then when you actually try to get pregnant you think it's so easy sometimes it's easy by accident and sometimes it's not four months is obviously in the grand scheme of things nothing really but I bet it feels a long time

when like you say you kind of every month you're like oh my God because you're so scared about falling pregnant when you don't want to be pregnant that you think like when you come off the pill because I was on the pill that was obviously you never took the pill but I did so that was my

my contraception. Yeah. And then, yeah, coming off of it, what's that mean? And then coming off that, you think like, oh, I've got no protection that's going to happen. Obviously, of course it's going to happen. Well, no, it took about four months. And I remember, obviously, at that point, we bought so many pregnancy tests.

I've done so many tests each month. And I remember I was up in Castaya working and I picked up a test on the way back and I paid extra for the digital ones because the line. Okay. I think I had a Lyme one at home and I bought. digital ones as well. Because that tells you in a war. Because it says pregnant, no pregnant and you're not like, is that a line?

Is that not a line? That would have helped me. Yeah, exactly. Well, I think they'd probably only come out around that time anyway. So I bought extra tests and then I went home and I remember it because it was the 22nd of December. It was just before Christmas. So I got up in the morning like I normally do.

Liam used to sleep in. I used to get up for work. So I did the test first thing in the morning because they say that's the good time of day to do it because the most of your hormones is in your week. Wow. See, I did. So if you're testing quite early, because obviously from the day that you miss your period is the day that obviously you can start testing from. Okay. You could be pregnant. If you take a, yeah, see what you're saying. Again, if you take a pregnancy test at a random time in the month, it could be that you just took it way too early. Yeah. You can't take a

pregnancy test two days after having sex because it takes time to get into your system. So from the first day you miss your period but the tests now are quite good that you could do it a few days before your missed period so obviously I was just trying to test as early as possible but the morning we has the most hormones in it so I did the test

did my makeup looked at it looked like it was one line left it on the side like a bit of hump like go downstairs had a cup of tea come back up went to the bathroom and for some reason I could have just put it in the bin most of the time I just put it in the bin most of the time

I just put it straight in the bin. But I left it on the side for some reason. I clocked it and I was like, is that? Looked closer and it was so faint. I didn't know if I was winding myself up. I was like, I woke Liam up and I was like, is that two lives? And he was like, I think so. And then I was like, oh my God.

Because I just, even though you want it to be positive when you're trying, like I just expected it to be negative again. And then I think I had another test. So obviously I had to go drink loads of water. I need another way. and I'm sure I did a digital one and it said pregnant so then I was like, oh my God

I had to get up and go for work so obviously that day was a complete blur I don't know where I went who I spoke to, what it was just only thing that was on your mind only thing on my mind and I don't think we told anyone that I'd come off the pill

I don't maybe I might have even mentioned it to you but I don't think I really did and definitely didn't tell my mum in that that I'd come off the pill kind of wanted it to be a surprise and you also don't want the questions every month and then so that was the 22nd December we just and I knew I was going to my mom's Christmas Eve so then it was like right well do we tell them do we not tell them because you meant to wait

aren't you the three months and then I was like at the end of the day like we'll wait to tell public at that point but we'll we'll tell close friends and family so I told my mum and everyone Christmas Eve so I think it was my mum my dad I think Sean was there I don't think Connor and Ricky were there so I think we FaceTimed them I think Rick was out Christmas Eve with her friends bawling cry and walking down the street so the whole of the hard street who didn't know you would know

exactly she's a cry when she's had a drink so yeah she burst out crying and for ages people have been like when you're having a baby when you're having a baby because at that point we've been together I think we've been together 12 years because we got married when we've been together 10 years

and then the first year we were married I'd done my masters so I didn't want and then I wanted like a bit of a break after and we went on the holidays and things. So yeah, I think we've been together 12 years. So you can imagine how long people have been kind of waiting and asking. So yeah, that was kind of finding out I was pregnant with Kaysen. And then I carried massive. He was huge.

And they kept telling me the whole way through him pregnancy. He's massive. He's very big. But I had a great pregnancy. I had no problems. No issues. No sickness, which was a concern of mine because my job at the time was like meeting clients, meeting partners,

queuing at the bank. And I was like, what am I going to do if I'm in the queue in the bank and I need to throw up? Yeah, that's the thing that kills me off. Yeah,

so I had zero sickness, thank God. So, yeah, kind of sailed through that pregnancy. I had private health care at the time. So I went for a scan every month. I was like, when do you next see me?

He was like, probably not for two hours. I'll book you next month. So I went for a scan every month. We found out that he was a boy. So we decided that we were going to find out with him. And I think they normally tell you but your five-month scan.

I think we went to our four-month scan and we'd said that we want to find out but I didn't expect to find out at that appointment I thought it was the next one. And luckily we didn't change our mind because the bloke just kind of put it on and from the previous scan where it was like a small bean then it was just a whole baby shape.

So we've got a video, Liam filmed the appointment and we were like, whoa, like it's a whole baby. And then he was like, it's a boy. And we were like, oh, didn't even just blurted it out. So I was like, oh, wow. And then I ended up just messaging people because there was no gender reveal parties back then. Yeah. God no.

So, yeah, I just messaged everyone, said it was a boy. And then, yeah, I went to my mum's. So Kaysen was due on the 3rd of September. I went to my mums on the 30th of August because it's Ricky's birthday, my sister. So we went up there. We had a bit of a barbecue. And then I had some, like, twinges, but like, you know,

nothing real serious. And then by this point, I'd just finish. work so I think I I think yeah the week of my due day I stopped working so I'd only had a couple of days off at this point um when I finished work and I'd gone home from my mum's quite late from the barbecue and then me and Liam decided to watch a film I think till probably about one in the morning which was a late night and I was thinking well I'm off work it's maternity leave I'm not due for another couple of days yeah um and I've been going to bed like normal times maybe 10 11 this is the

one night I stayed up late. The one night. But bearing in mind, I think a week before that or a couple of days before that, my mum was like, right, let's get this baby moving. She turned up at my house with my sister. We walked from my house, my old house in Villar Martin, all the way to the McDonald's in Lazzania. Wow. Bear in mind, that pregnant, August. Yeah. And back, did we walk back? I'm pretty sure we might have walked back as well. So I did like 15,000 steps with a massive belly. So no wonder he bloody came a few days after that. So yeah, I woke up, I got like two, three hours sleep. Woke up, I think about four, half four.

Went to the bathroom, come back. And then I was like, it's weird because I just come back in and Liam would woke up and was like, are you all right? And I was like, don't think so. Because when it's your first, you don't really know, do you? You're like, is it, is it not? And I was like, no, I don't think so. No, I think this is something's happening.

You start of a bit like, hmm, a bit like, hmm, you know. Yeah. And then it goes to a, no, no, no, I'm not all right. This is definitely real. And it was like, boom. And I remember my mum saying, like, she was, like, her nan and, like, you know, all the old ladies in her family were like, when you drop to the floor, it's time to go to the hospital. Like, none of this time and stuff that they used to do back in the day.

It was like, when you can't handle the pain in the morning, you drop down, then it's time to go. And my mum said she did that with one of us. She dropped to the floor and she was like, I need to go now. So that was kind of in my head. Um, but it's weird because like in all the shows that I've watched, you know, you start contract, you have a contraction, then you might have a five minute break and then, oh, here comes another one and then they get stronger and closer together. Yeah.

The minute I opened my eyes and I went into labour, it was every couple of minutes. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. No break. So I didn't literally, I think I timed one contraction and then I was like, there's, there's no gap. So we need to go. And I think my mum had already said that that's how she laboured.

Like from the minute she started. it was like the minute that pain starts there's no well they were close together so it's like from the minute I started having contractions it was close enough that I needed to go it's that tightness isn't it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the tightness isn't the pain no you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah isn't it and from the minute like my first contraction and then onwards was like wow like yeah drop into the floor pain so I'd had my bag mostly packed but there was a few last things that I need to throw in there so then I just like say it was no idea what's going on grab this grab that throw it all in

grab the flannel and bits and then close there and then I was like where you need to go and obviously I had to get down two flights of stairs because my old townhouse we were on the second floor so I had to get down two flights of stairs and then I think I just sat in the in the passenger footwell of the car like the whole way to the hospital which felt like forever even though we only lived like 15 minutes away so we got to the hospital within and within

the hour of me waking up and they did they took me straight through yeah um and then I must have been contracting uh for a good couple of hours I remember thinking like this is going to be very painful and very long so don't ask the time and then the next time I asked what time it was it was 8 o'clock in the morning so I was like oh it's been four hours shit okay like wow yeah did well and in the meantime the one thing I was doing I was in them little rooms was I was pushing my foot against the wall, like saved. Just helped. Helped.

I don't know why it did, but it helped. And then I had the flannel. Thank God I packed that flannel. I was going to say, did you use anything? The flannel saved my life, literally. And then every now and then I was like, flannel. And then Liam would make it like go and make it cold and bring it back.

But oh my God, that saved my life. And then getting me bits of water. But yeah, I was just literally contracting, pushing my leg. And then all of a sudden, the nurse was like come over. And I just had this. come over me and she went do you want to push and I said yeah my I didn't even because at that point you contract and you wait until you're fully dilated and I thought I you know first pregnancy it's going to take me hours to fully dilate to 10 centimetres so she looked at me and she's like

no you you can go you like push and I was like oh my god like yay I'm nearly there and I think when I got to about 8 o'clock or yeah I think by 8 o'clock when I was like shit So Liam was like, you better message people now and tell them that we're in the hospital. So he'd messaged like my mom and Liam's mom. My mom comes straight to the hospital and was sat in the waiting room. But then I was pushing for like a good hour

and nothing was really happening. And then she was like, what? Yeah, I was all excited like, yes, I'm nearly there. And then it was like an hour. Like what? Swear people say they push a few times and the baby's out, what the fuck her?

Are you looking at the right fucking person? So then she was like, oh, move, change position, which isn't comfortable, doing when you're still having these contractions and then I was knackered by then I was really tired and then she said right give it another half an hour I remember saying give it another half an hour

and I was like fucking half an hour with you all right and then I counted like everyone I was like Liam has been half an hour I tell her to come back I literally didn't say a word to Liam the entire time apart from water flannel because it was back to back I literally grabbed a breath and then I'd have another one

grabbed a breath and then another one so we didn't speak And then she was like, okay, right, we need to take you into the other room now because I'd been pushing for so long. So they took me into the surgery room, which is where you said you were. So legs and stirrups, three or four more people around. Right, we're going to help you bring the baby. They connect you all up to monitors to make sure that, you know, the baby's okay. I didn't really start to panic or anything at that point.

You would have thought like, and it's like a metal surgery room. It's a big light. But I think I was so like in the zone. I couldn't even tell you how many people there were or what was going on. They'd put a suction cap on his head, which I didn't even realise. They'd cut me as well,

which I didn't realize. The thing of one born every minute is they tell you a lot of that as they're doing it. I'm actually quite glad I didn't have a clue what was going on, to be honest. Just going to cut you now. We're just going to do this. You know, like I'm glad I just...

Just do it. Yeah, exactly. Get the baby out. So, yeah, they cut me and put the suction cap on. It kept falling off. Liam said he kept hearing the noise, but I didn't even know that that was there. So, yeah, then they grabbed,

maybe they forcepted him or something in the end, I think. Yeah, and then they got him out. There was a woman on my stomach pushing pressure right down. That wasn't very nice. Uh-huh. As the contractions are coming and as she's pushing, so they're kind of all angles. Yeah.

Then he finally comes out maybe, I couldn't even tell you how long, maybe 20 minutes, something like that, half an hour. and they take him, I just remember seeing him above the woman's head walking through the doors, like out the room. I was like, Ah, Salamia. Yeah, like a scene from Lion King, off he goes.

And then I was like, Liam, follow the baby. And he was like, looking at me like, oh, what do I do? Do I stay with you? Do I go? It's such a hard physics. And I went, follow the baby, because I just had in my head of him getting mixed up with another baby. I don't know, just them horror stories that you read.

So I was like, follow the baby. So he went with the baby and they just like cleared the mucous out, wrapped him up and whatever. And they would come back in within like five minutes or something. And he got like a first photo of the woman like kind of rubbing him and stuff. And then I was on the bed for another hour and a half. Then while you're, you had a world bromiaccent then when you just said that. Yeah, I don't know why, but it really like lifted when you just said it.

You mean sewing you back up? I don't think my placenta come out very well. Ah, shit, you've got to get that. Because she was tugging it. Like, I thought that's meant to come out in the one contraction you have after birth. I only remember birth, birth in that. I only remember. You do birth it, basically.

I only remember that on Lexi. I don't actually remember getting that out on any of the other two. I don't remember. I don't remember. I just remember being on the bed and her pulling it and it taking a while to come out. And then they had to stitch me up. Yeah. But I remember looking at when he was born and then by the time I got,

out of their room it was an hour and a half later so I'm on the bed for another hour and a half yeah all open dead and I remember yeah all open all my muscles was aching I remember you saying that's and yeah then um then they took me into like a waiting room quickly um and then they obviously I had the baby limbs had and we shared him whatever then they brought us a little bottle and they let my mum in um to like this little waiting room before we went up to our main room where you stay for three days. So my mum come in for a bit and then swapsed with Liam's mum.

So they saw us kind of quickly before we went up into our main room. But yeah, that was Kaysen. Overall, I think from start to finish, eight hours. Yeah. It wasn't like a straightforward, but also it wasn't so complex. Yeah.

It wasn't, yeah, when I say it to people, like I actually felt pretty okay through the whole thing. Considering it wasn't like a text book. Yeah, like I didn't deliver him. straightforwardly like there was a few things at the end um i didn't i didn't use gas and air much but i used it to bite on oh okay um because i was scared of getting like light head and dizzy and sick so i sucked it a few times but i was biting the end more than anything that helped um but yeah like i actually i remember um it was your sister-in-law said it to me because she had quite good

uh deliveries on i don't know whether it was the twins or the first one she told me about but she said that having like a good like headspace and going into it quite like I can do this I've got it yeah I'm comfortable whatever and that was my thing and I was kind of like stay chill stay calm because it's only going to get worse it's going to get worse and like I think I'd done that so much that when it actually got worse I hadn't let myself get like lose it like or panic or anything so and it was quite an okay environment like I felt okay yeah I had even though it was not great at the end. Well, yeah, but like you say,

you needed a bit of help, but nothing so serious. I have to say, when you say about that headspace, I obviously must have subconsciously kind of done that because having Mason so young, I was ready for anything. I could have done anything. I don't need anyone. I think you're very naive. Yeah. And everything about that, whether I breastfed him.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So even all of that, I'm actually quite grateful. And you kind of go through whatever you get told. You do it like this, you do that. I just, it was just, yeah, it was in a good, you know, I think that was the positive side of it because I didn't, I just was like, yeah, I've got it, I'm doing it, it is, you know, it is what it is.

One just really quick thing, yeah, which helped. Yeah, good. With Mason, because actually Mason was probably my, my nicest labour. Labor's not nice, but the nicest of labours, do you know what, which probably the best thing. Which is unusual, yeah. I don't know if that was again my age, just generally, the, the, you've got, baby you've got worse and worrying as you've got older. That's what I think it could have been as well as obviously generally because the labours seem to get fucking harder mind of it anyway.

But just quickly with Mason, I remember because I'm sure loads of people are going to relate to this one. Bearing of mind I'm young and this is before we've been moved to this surgery room you know, you're in your own little bit, a little tiny room, aren't you? And I'm, well I'm pushing you know, I think I'm pushing anyway but then I'm like I'm purring I'm pouring I'm pouring myself I was so embarrassed

I was like mum and mum like I'm pooing myself and she was like you're not Charlotte there's nothing there's absolutely nothing there I actually think in my end I made myself pooing myself just to prove a fucking point that I have and then I never ever forget this I know it's disgusting but it's labour okay

when the mum was like Charlotte it's a fucking rabbit drop in there There's nothing even there. And I remember, like, you know, the little things that they put on the bed, like the waterproof bed sheets or whatever. Obviously, they've wrapped it up and thrown it away. And I was it then. That was over.

That was like a thing. But I do remember thinking I was actually pooing, that, there was just poo. There wasn't, thinking I'm just pushing, pushing poo. All I'm doing is pushing. Yeah. No, it's true. It's one of them things that everyone worries about. Yeah.

Most people that have gone through it are like, when you're in that moment, you really don't give a shit. I'm glad I did it with my mom and not Mitch. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. Well, my waters didn't break. No, mine didn't break. So I remember, as I'm pushing my foot against the wall,

I did feel a bit of like gushy stuff happening, which I think was a bit of my waters. But then I think I might have a little bit. But they are so good that they, you know, carry on. So it wasn't a big thing. But I think I was embarrassed for about half a second and was like, I think, I think I made it such a big thing because of.

I think you're more embarrassed about that stuff though when you're 16. That was. such a weird. It was something I worried about and something that I really hoped wouldn't happen to be. Yeah. But like when you're in it, you couldn't give a shit, man. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, Mason. So tell us about Morgan. Morgan. Morgan, um, so me and Mitch knew we wanted more. Um, but, um, I was a bridesmaid for my sister-in-law and I had a dress to get into. So I was told, you are not to get pregnant. You have to fit in your dress, though I think. Because I was, you know what I'm like anyway? I'm the kind of person which is

annoying for me or not sometimes whatever but the fitting of clothes if I don't eat enough that day it wouldn't fit me right you know what I mean and that it is that is how I am so it was a thing of having to make sure in the morning I've ate something to fit in this dress so anyway we held off I think we went for it on the wedding probably or the day after basically because then that was it not long after yeah we're pregnant again so um then that was our I was trying to think now again it was a different experience obviously you know because obviously having Mason so young

it was a bit more of a different experience completely not just being young there's a lot of negative and worry that goes with it yeah but actually I felt that me and Mitch made it in such a positive thing yeah you know um which is a good well when the baby finally arrives everyone's then happy but when you find out you're pregnant at a young age it's like what you're going to do oh my god

your life is ruined but then actually when the baby does arrive most people do rally round and they're happy about it exactly and that we did we had a lot of support put the poor teenager off

for the entire pregnancy yeah luckily I didn't have long so yeah so I did with Morgan I'm trying to think now when I think I must have just been late a couple of days or whatever it was

and that was it I think you told me like within the month of the wedding you fell pregnant straight away it was quite you know like a textbooky thing so went to get a test I remember when

went in for a way, Mitch was obviously waiting outside, come out, we were waiting, and then obviously I picked it up, and I was pregnant. I was, oh, that was it, kind of thing, not that was it, but it was again, just sort of like that. Obviously, went and told the family. I remember telling one of our best friends, and she was obviously very excited, and then literally rang me back, I don't know if it was a couple of hours later or a couple of a days later,

and basically was like, I am too, I'm pregnant too. Oh, yeah, of course. And it was me saying it to her, saying I was pregnant, her thinking, shit, I could be pregnant actually. And that made her go and do a test. So that was a nice experience to be pregnant at the same time as a friend. That is a good experience to go through. And Morgan's pregnancy, again, wasn't great.

Again, none of my pregnancy had been great, but I do love it. I had kidney stones with Morgan. Wow. Never had them. Never had them since. That was hard because I couldn't take any medication. Or even x-rays. I couldn't have an x-ray.

They had to give me an ultrasound. but they proper dug in like proper. I was literally like this, like, oh my God, you're going to actually go through me with that ultrasound, you know what I mean? The baby, but obviously not. I presume the way they do it's going under it or round it,

but yeah, it was, it hurt. So that was an awful experience. I was in hospital for again, for a couple of weeks. And I'm trying to think of the labour, going into labour. Again, none of my waters have broke. So it's not like a, you know,

like you see on telly, Oh, my God, my worst. Didn't you a few times, like, the nurses like, oh, no, you're fine, you're not really? And you're like, I know I'm having this baby now. Or, like, how far you were done like, or something. That was Morgan. I remember you having to, like, tell the nurses, I know.

Yeah, because none of them had actually done a thing. It was Morgan. I'm trying to think now. It's so hard, doesn't it? Because it's trying to, don't want to get confused with which babies are which. But, yeah, my waters have never broke. Morgan, I think. I think I kind of wanted to weigh it out a bit.

I think I went and got a baguette because I knew the food in the hospital I weren't going to like. I think Mitch washed the cart. You know, like random stuff? Like it wasn't like a normal thing. Like I'm in labour, let's go to the hospital. It was like, right, I'm in labour.

So I think I went and got some shoes as well. Something really random. And weren't you at work? Oh, that was with Lexi. That was I did a full day work and everything and got Cameron the whole bloody day through. But yeah, so then I went, then, oh God, I'm going to get this wrong.

But yeah, I went to the hospital. Then they put me on the monitors. Like you say, they try and, we're just going to weigh, you know, and try and do it naturally. And I'm like, look, my waters don't break, right? So let's just break them, let's go, let's get it done. You know what I mean? And it was like that.

You need to check. And then they checked out. I was like, okay, we need to get you through and we need to get you pushing, basically. And again, with Morgan, I remember with Morgan, I went on everything. Like, with Mason, I just kind of stayed at, of the bed with morgan i went on the ball i was on more fours i was up against the wall i was doing

everything you know like every position possible to just be comfortable and what the one of the nurses had done in the end was tied the bed sheets to the back of the bed yeah and so i could hold on it like that so i was on all like this yeah great for labour yeah terrible for after for all your muscles this i couldn't i felt like i could even hold my baby yeah literally was like oh like That here was the worst pain Than down there Yeah I think with Kaysen

They put him like on the bed And I just had my arm riding Because I actually couldn't hold And there's photos I've got bloodshot eyes My face is so puffy From that From pushing

So so long I remember I think they were got I'll never forget It's red heart mirror And they wanted to show me the head And I'm thinking I don't want to see it I'll see it literally

I'll see it when it's out Because with Mason I found out We was having with the other two I didn't So it wasn't it I'll see it when it's kind of thing.

I don't want to look. I don't just, and I remember the way I kind of had Morgan was like sort of like this and a toilet kind of seat thing. So Mitch was behind me on the bed and I was just kind of just in mid-air but holding on to him

and I actually think by the time just as Morgan come out, Mitch all thank fuck for that. I don't think even he could have held me because by this time even his arms were literally like this. Obviously me pushing like pushing. He's trying to hold you out. He's literally like this at the end because we've all to just dropped.

So what did the nurse get underneath you? Oh wow. So they've got everything on the floor. Oh wow. Yeah, everything on the, so Mitch is on the bed. I'm in front of Mitch. They're, I'm in the air. Like, you know what I mean?

They've got then the towel, everything under me. Midway, obviously, when their heads come out, brought me the mirror. No, they'll see it when it's out. That, no. And then push, push. And he came out like that, obviously. But before that, I'd done the whole pushing like that, all that. And then finished.

like that and then my mum came in and Mitch's mom came in and I actually don't I think I think my mum held Morgan before Mitch I think to be quite honest of you the way how quick they managed to bring them in which was quite nice for them like you said it was nice that they managed to quickly bring in before they take you to the ward yeah to get that experience because I remember they was in there when they weighed him and everything oh um so that was quite nice and yeah that was it I say that was it was you and they belong with him with Morgan um I don't think I was in long with any of them. Like again, with more, Mason, I would have started my thing about four.

I don't think I went to the hospital today. Six. I think I had him at 10. So that's quite quick. So that's quite quick. Morgan, I'm going to say maybe my lab, my contractions would have started maybe late morning, early afternoon. And I think I had him at 6pm, like 1,800 hours.

Yeah. So again, more or less the same. Not quite, you know, normally, quite not too long, all right kind of a thing. But that one felt a bit harder, that labour. Yeah. That labour felt like, yeah. Like you've really done it. Whereas I was 16 and like, yeah, yeah, but it was right.

That's how I felt. I did. That's honestly how I felt. Like even the breastfeeding, the pain, the pain of breastfeeding, you can not explain the first two weeks. You can literally go, fuck that, get me a bottle. Because it's horrible, honestly. but once you have pushed through it

or if you can do it and you are lucky enough that they can latch on and everything's fine and then great but I have to say then first two weeks even that that is like like you know what I mean so yeah

yeah like I'm glad I did it quite young to be honest because if I don't know I think I would have one child that's all I would have had so yeah that was my second my little morgy balls but yeah not again not so bad yeah her a lot more

I felt like it got me a lot more anyway. But I was, what, 20? Well, it was six years difference. So you'd have been 22-ish. There you go, something like that. Yeah. Just turn it, 21, I would have just, yeah. Yeah.

So I had Kaysen at 27. Shit. I think, yeah. Yeah. You did well then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Consider we were together from 16 to not have an accident. Yeah. For 12 years. Yeah. It was quite lucky. But that's the pill. Obviously, I took it okay. So, Hayden, well, before I got pregnant with Hayden,

we actually had two miscarriages. Okay. So I'd heard of miscarriage. A couple close people had had them. My mom had had an eptopic pregnancy. So I knew things about it roughly. I've never experienced. And I have to say, just quickly.

I never have. So it's been hard for me having people around me who have gone through it. And it is hard. You don't know what to say. You feel guilty almost for not having gone through something. Yeah, it is. You're right. You're right.

So sorry, go on. So we had case and like I say, it took us a couple months to get pregnant, but no issues there. And then I, we'd gone on a trip to England, take case into a show, my sister come with us and then come back. Liam's actually got a photo of me and Kaysen napping on the bed like I just felt so tired so I actually did take a test the day we got back on the day after we got back and it was positive and I probably shouldn't have done this looking back but I gave it I'd done it we kind of thought maybe we would be but we weren't sure and then Kaysen coming soon after and Liam was in the

living room so I gave it to Kaysen I said oh go take it to dad and then we kind of told him oh we're having a baby he was still quite young i think he would have been maybe four five um but within two days i think it was i'd started bleeding while i was at work um so like spotting and stuff which i thought oh it's probably a miscarriage then i know that you can spot as the the eggs attach into the wall and stuff but this was uh quite a bit of blood um and i've done a couple but no pain you didn't get pain no pain from what i can remember just be bleeding um so i finished the day at work i was actually sat on a meeting thinking i probably shouldn't be set on this meeting while i'm bleeding i literally just switched off like it nothing was happening

wow and then went to the hospital at the end of work so i'd left leon with uh kaysan because he was like shall i come and i was like well we've got kason you just stay with him i'll just go and i was okay um like disappointed but i was fine it literally was happened so quick after finding out so i went to the hospital, went into emergencies and told them what happened. They took me up to the ward, which is quite bad really, because all the women that lose babies go up to the same ward

with all the women that have babies. So I'm sat in the waiting room next to loads of people that are pregnant waiting for their checks and stuff. Yeah, all in the same place because obviously they're all the specialists, which I get, but not very, not thought of very well. You know, and like I say, I wasn't massively affected, but there's women that go through

multiple miscarriages that you know have an IVF and all that and yeah it's not it's not really on that it's you get sat in the room with everybody else but anyway they took me through and i had a really nasty woman to be fair so i told her the story i took a test said i was pregnant i'd miss my period a couple days later i've started bleeding so she had a check she said no baby she was russian i think or one of like eastern european countries you could tell by her accent the way she spoke Spanish. And they're quite straight, aren't they? Very straight, yeah.

No baby. I was like, okay. And then I questioned myself, I was like, so... Was there? And then she did a pregnancy test. She was like, you're not pregnant. So then I actually was like, well, was I? Like, because that probably would help with how you feel.

Like, I haven't lost the baby. I just, you know, but yeah, I was. But she was very blunt, very rude. No baby. See you later. Go, yeah. Yeah, so I was in and out within like five minutes. That really frustrates me

That's a general thing anyway That you're not Then you're not a purse How does she know how many miscarriages I would have had Like how badly I might have taken that Like it was very Like luckily There's nothing there, get over it

Yeah Kind of thing To the point that I actually was like Well have I was it a false positive maybe But anyway So I kind of you know Got on with that They say normally that you should wait

I think a couple of cycles Before you try again I think we might have waited a month And then I was like, you know, it was quite a natural, it happened quite quickly. We'll move on. And then we got pregnant for a second time in the March, I think this was. So this was two months after. I can't really, I think I did the test again.

But this time, obviously, we didn't tell Kaysen because he was like, he actually told one of the moms at school, my mom's got a baby in her belly, but I'd already miscarried at that point. So I was like, oh, no, no, no, you're mistaken. And I had to explain to him after that we were, that's why, but we weren't lying. And then I had to say to them, oh, no, no, no. So, yeah, didn't tell a case in this time. And then, yeah, so we found out we were pregnant.

And then I obviously wanted to have a scan as quickly as you possibly can. But I wasn't really, I think I was just excited. I don't remember wanting to have the scans for worrying. Okay. Because I hadn't really heard of people that had two miscarriages in a row. So it didn't affect you in a sense of. No, no, not really. make you want to not get excited, it didn't want to make you not.

Obviously, I understand not saying that's obvious anyway, but, you know, not really. So, yeah, I think because I'd heard of miscarriage, because it happened so quickly, it was like, I'm disappointed. It's a bit sad, but it happened so quick after that I was like, I did get over it quite quickly. I wouldn't say I was really upset about it. And it didn't affect Jews. Yeah, exactly.

And then, like I said, we waited a month and then we tried again. and at this point I hadn't told anyone that that had happened none of you knew my mum and that didn't know none of you I don't think even knew that we were trying again

and then I got pregnant for the second time and obviously when you find out you're pregnant on the weeks I think it's like two to three weeks that said on the digital test so I had to wait a couple of weeks I called a few of the private clinics

to book in a scan so I think the earliest they could book me in for was like two weeks away so I would have been about six weeks at that point of going to the appointment. And again, you know, a friend of mine had miscarried, had a baby, had miscarried again, then had a baby. It was never really in my mind that I was going to miscarry this baby.

I just didn't really hear of two in a row. And we'd had case in, so I knew it was possible. You didn't see any risk at all, not even bringing into the fact that you'd obviously had one just before. Yeah, because I just felt like, well, actually, I've just had some one, so I can't have. I've had one, so yeah, this one should be okay kind of thing. I don't really know why, but that's kind of just. how I felt. So we went, I had the private scan.

This was actually another Russian-y lady, but she was lovely. She did the scan. She's like, yeah, I can see the baby. Here's the picture. She's like, I can't hear anything yet though. But you, depending on when you ovulated, you might be six weeks because of your period, but you might only be five weeks. So sometimes the heartbeat doesn't come to around six or seven weeks. So come back in two weeks and we'll do another one. So then I was a bit like, hmm, she can't hear anything but she really didn't seem concerned right so I was like there's no point worried about something obviously I was worrying yeah you know I'm not going to let myself worry too much so

tried to carry on as normal and went for a scan two weeks later um and then um she still couldn't hear anything and then I think she said right come back in one week and she said but just to warn you now if next week I can't hear anything then you know that's not a good sign because you definitely by next week. She said, now I should really be hearing it, but let's just say that the dates and everything have all messed up and one more week. So then it was like, right, okay,

this is a bit more serious now. So then we went for another week and then she did another one and she said, like, I'm sorry, we can't hear anything. She said, you've probably, you've lost the baby. So I was a bit, a bit shocked, but at the same time, because of the previous appointments,

I'd kind of, Yeah, it was kind of... Kind of... Kind of expected it, yeah. It wasn't like... I was all excited for a scan, then boom. It was like... It kind of led me into it a little bit.

So it was more of a softer... Softer information to take. It wasn't as surprising. And I dropped Kaysen, I think, to my mum to then... So that we could go to the scan. Did I tell her at that point? No.

We hadn't told her. So we'd gone and picked him up and just acted like nothing had happened. We hadn't just got them. that news and we just went home. I think I cried that night. Yeah. Maybe that night, maybe even the next night.

Because it was then like, are we going to be able to have another baby? Yeah. So then it was a bit more like serious. And obviously at that point, like I'd seen it. It grew a bit. It wasn't as quick as the other one. So this one felt more like we've lost a baby.

More than of a loss. Of a loss. Yeah. And then also like you say, actually thinking for the future. And then worrying, yeah, are we going to be able to have any more um you know is this just us kind of thing um so yeah i was a bit um upset and then i went to that was it i went to the hospital um to emergencies again and said i've just been told that i've

lost the baby i was i was going to say what did you have to do yeah so i've been told that uh i'd lost the baby and then they said okay right we'll we'll take you through so they took me through they scanned me or give me an internal and she was like right we're going to give you some medication. I think it was four tablets that I had to put inside and then it kind of breaks everything down because I had no signs of miscarriage. I wasn't bleeding. I wasn't cramping. So the baby had passed but my body wasn't getting rid of it. Hadn't rejected it. Hadn't rejected it. So it's called a missed miscarriage because you miss it because you don't know. So yeah, you have to like spur it on. So they gave me four tablets to put in and then another set for the next.

day or something. So a couple of days worth of tablets. So she said, go take it. Um, it will, you know, spare things on. You are going to get cramping. Take, you know, painkillers and stuff like that and, and you'll start bleeding. So I went home. This all happened on a Friday, which was great because it ended up, I had to go back a few times. It was all Friday. So then I had all the weekend to like chill. But I took these tablets and it did like instantly happen. I had weird feelings all over my body. I had the shivers. I think my hands might have even gone a bit weird again. um appendix yeah so yeah it wasn't nice i just kind of laid in bed um yeah and then kind of bled went to work on monday carried on yeah i had cramping pains yeah cramping pains

yeah cramping pains bleeding and then that's got to be hard as well because as much as you're physically go through it i was going to say as much as you're mentally trying to deal with everything yeah and as much as it's maybe easier to deal with that you're feeling and seeing this happening at the same time on the other side you could have dealt with it here yeah and actually this is reminding you and taking you back well yeah because like jobs i know it's got to happen when something happens then you start moving on from that point but when you're still going through it it's like you're not really processing it because i'm actually having to focus on getting through physically before i can then go back to feeling it emotionally yeah yeah um so yeah then i went

back for a checkup and they checked me and they said you've lost some of it but you haven't lost all of it um so go home take more tablets so i did the same thing the week after went back the next week checked me over you're still not getting rid of it all so um that was it i went for this final checkup that's nearly like a three week four yeah this all happened literally took like six probably about two months of the multiple scans then the going back to the hospital so yeah It was like draining for two months. And then, so Liam was like, do you want me to come in? I was like, no, because I've done it twice now.

I'm sure everything's fine. So I went and then they were like, right, so we're going to have you eaten today? I think I had like an early morning appointment. Have you eaten today? No, because I don't eat in the morning. Right, okay. So can you get someone to come pick you up in a bit if we take you straight down now into surgery? Wow.

I was like, yeah, Liam. So he obviously had to drop everything. come to the hospital, yeah, took all, like, my jewellery off. They took me in for surgery and it's called, I think, a DNC. So they basically scrape the uterus and get rid of all the stuff that your body's not naturally getting rid of. So, yeah, they put me under. Oh, was that under, was it? Yeah, completely knocked me out, under, and then woke up.

Don't know how long it took. And then, yeah, took me straight out and then kind of got on with it. So that was like the last appointment. There was nothing else that I needed to do with that point. but yeah that was that was tough I think I don't think I'm hugely emotional when it comes to these kind of things no you're not you're not weirdly like I don't know why

I think it's very easy for me to kind of cut off how I feel yeah but I also do think you you do with it in your own way though yeah that makes sense like I bottle things you have your little think about it yeah and you might do a little something to to kind of I don't know put your thing on that thing

but it's not a whole Yeah like I know some women go through it Like I'm not saying there's anything wrong with However you deal with it And it really like You know really affects them They can't work they can't you know And you know for weeks months however long

And then they think about it even on the anniversary And stuff And I'm sure if I'd have gone further in the pregnancy as well That would have been a bigger A bigger loss You get really excited You feel it You have dates you start thinking about stuff

Names and all that in the grand scheme of things it was very early and it's before the 12 weeks which you know is the higher risk time so yeah I feel like I did kind of I cried you know we cried together

and then that was kind of just maybe one or two days and that was it I did kind of say to Liam like you don't seem bothered or you thought he didn't seem he was acting to me that he wasn't bothered

but even I had a conversation with him today about maybe talking about this on the pod because I haven't really spoke about it much and he was like I was sad that it had happened but I was more at a loss of what to do to help you and then I just felt useless and I just kind of yeah

was probably avoiding talking about it you know just trying to help you so yeah it's just a weird thing because no one really helps you know how to handle those situations everyone handles it differently as well. It's going to say, every person. I don't really know what I wanted him to do.

Yeah, exactly. Because I wasn't majorly traumatised or upset or anything that he had to console me or anything. So he probably didn't know how to help because I wasn't super emotional and upset, but I was still upset. Yeah. And even if, probably whatever he did, it wouldn't have never, you know, it might not have been right anyway.

Yeah. Well, they're not mind reading. Whatever, exactly. It's a little bit about when you're in labour. Yeah. You know, it wouldn't matter what they did. Yeah. You don't even know what you wouldn't want, you know?

So it's such a hard position, I think, for the partner to be in in that situation because we're feeling it. Yeah. We're feeling everything. Well, that's what he said. No matter what we're going through. He was like, you know,

when you find out your pregnant, it's you and your body. Like, I know I'm going to be a dad, but... That's it. For you, you're already a mum. And our bodies are changing. You already feel like a mum,

whereas they don't. So it doesn't hit, them at that point. And obviously we, we'd had case and so you kind of, it kind of gets you a bit more upset because it's like, oh, that could have been that. And what were they? And, you know, all them kind of question. So yeah, it was sad. But I feel like I did kind of just kind of get up and get on with it. Yeah. I didn't even have a day off work. No. Um, which looking back, I probably should have took a little bit more time to myself. I think for the body. Like I said, I think the first one that you went through, not that you wouldn't have, I don't mean that you

shouldn't have had any time or anything but I do I think you write in the fact that was not that you shouldn't have felt anything but it was it was just yeah one of those things and it was an unfortunate you know yeah I do like the second one was a little bit more of a not a very nice experience it was something I actually had to go through whereas the other one I don't feel like was hugely compared to the second time it just wasn't meant to be yeah and and I am that's probably why I feel like the way the second one was getting over it yeah going through the second one was definitely tougher and like I say I did cry on that one but I think I have always been one of them people that believes that your body wouldn't get rid of a healthy baby so I kind of

and at this point we're talking about cells I didn't lose a big baby like I think that is definitely going to be real tough and you know even losing cells is is big to some people and and affects them highly. But for me, that's just kind of me and my experience. And it hasn't changed you or it didn't change you going forward for the next one. I think I was a little bit nervous. There was Hayden then the next. Yeah, Hayden was the next one.

So we went through that in the March, which then took me to the May. So I think I officially lost the baby and went through all of that in the May. Yeah, I did because it was Leon's on's birthday and we went out for dinner and stuff like that. so yeah I did like just kind of get on with things but yeah then I think it was which is a good thing in a way yeah it helped in a way but maybe not so much just

I feel like I go too much of acting like everything's okay whereas really I should have been like you know what Liam you go for dinner for your mum's birthday I don't think I'm going to sit this one out or I'm going to have a couple of days in bed because I need to just you know so I go too far the other way

I think I should allow myself a bit more. But anyway, that was the main. Then I found out I was pregnant with Hayden in the October. So we did have quite a few months. I think I did wait a couple of months after that because it was a bit more of a thing on my body. So I think we did wait like maybe the June, July, August time. So it's still not a long time.

No, still not a long time. But some doctors say one cycle is enough. Some doctors say three cycles. So I think we waited a couple. So that's three pregnancies in one year? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. And you think of it on your body. Yeah, yeah. Well, I've been pregnant more times than you. Yeah, yeah. You actually have. You're right. Yeah, then we found out I was pregnant in the October.

So I'd been out for dinner and drinks with loads of my colleagues from London had come over. And I just had this weird thing of, do you know what? I'm not going to drink, guys. I'm going to drive everyone to the restaurant. I'll have one drink. I didn't know I was pregnant. I knew that there might be a chance. And we'd been to Warner Brothers in Madrid.

That was a whole day out. I was technically pregnant then and didn't know it. Because we went on the bank holiday weekend of like the 9th of October. I found out I was pregnant on the 19th. Yeah, we went on a full on theme part day. Full on city holiday, won't we? Walking, underground train. And I didn't feel like I could be pregnant then.

But yeah, the week after, I just had this instinct to like not drink and then the very next day I did a test and found out. Yeah. Because I usually go out and get absolutely smashed and then I fucking do shit, I might be pregnant. down I'd probably done that with Kaysam but yeah

I just had a weird thing I just didn't feel like drinking which I never normally I'm never normally the driver am I? No ever So yeah So yeah

I found out I was pregnant and then yeah I was probably a little bit nervous at the beginning oh at this point when I got called in to stay in the hospital for the D&C

Liam had then I'd face Face-timed my mum from the hospital Because nobody knew I'd gone through anything Yes, it's about that. So I face-time my mum from the hospital to say This is what's happened. And I think Liam then dropped case into my mum

And then came and met me So then they found out after the second one. And I think I'd told you guys after the second one as well. And then about the first. Yeah, and then I told you about the first one that had happened. So yeah, then we've, so yeah, I was a bit nervous at the beginning But then everything went okay.

weirdly from very early on being pregnant with Hayden I couldn't sit down very well so you know when like if you've ever fallen like on your roller blaze and you fall on your ass really hard and then you feel like your bum bone is bruised well I felt like that constantly constantly so sitting down

sounding up fine sitting down actually gave me pain like lying on the sofa like that was okay but if I wanted to sit upright on a desk chair to do my job It hurt. So, before I even had a bump, this wasn't a weight problem. Yeah, it was just a position or something.

Pregnancy weirdness. So from the, like, eight weeks pregnant, I had this bloody pain. That is early on as well, Bill. Yeah, and actually. I'll get it to show everyone. I'll still want it. Liam come home from Liddle, you know, in the mystery aisles. This cushion saved my life.

I took this cushion. That does actually look really comfy. It's really comfy. I feel like I need, this reminds me I need a mattress tougher. So he brought that home one day and I was like, oh my God, amazing. Oh, he's nice, though. I sat on it, I drove with it. That cushion come everywhere.

I even took it to, I think, dinner's out when I was pregnant to sit on it. That is a nice cushion. So, yeah, I had that. I had nosebleeds with Hayden that I'd never had. I think it nosebleed that I'd never had a nosebleed in my life. And I had like three or four while I was pregnant with him. So nothing like weird, complicated pregnancy. But yeah, the sitting down.

thing and a couple of things I'd never experienced before. And then... Then you hadn't experienced with Kaysen because it was like, oh, this is fine. I'm pregnant. I don't feel sick or not feel. Yeah, no problem. Yeah, so then, um, woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning, the exact time I woke up with Kaysen with Hayden, went to the bathroom, come back, waited half an hour.

Liam, I'm definitely in labour, right? And obviously, we've got a kid in the house now. Yeah. so and I wanted to stay at home as long as possible this time but again same thing happened right no within 20 minutes call your mum tell us come around we need to go pain pain pain contraction contraction um so he called his mom and dad they got here within like 10 15 minutes um and then uh we literally they walked in I walked in I walked straight past them out the door I didn't even look up I was like in already in deep contractions at that point we got to the

So I woke up at four, woke Liam up at half four, by five, half five, we're in the hospital. The minute I arrived, they took me straight through. The woman was like, we're just get you up on the bed to check you. The minute she said that, I just started bleeding. Like something, I don't know, moves, popped, whatever. Blood, the blood just fell out. Then I got up in the bed, she said, yep, take you through. You're fully dilated, ready to go.

So even faster than case in this time. But I'd done a few extra things like raspberry leaf. tea um like this specific oil stuff like i did yeah like massage yeah i did all these extra eight loads of pineapple all the things to soften your cervix which is meant to make it go faster which it i think it helped because it did um but with casein the majority of the time i was on the bed like this yeah as every woman is on every film i've ever watched which is actually the worst position because i started watching youtube videos with this that pregnancy which i never did but Kaysen because I thought watching

one one every minute would give me all the information I needed to know but no no no and then you told me all the positions you were in so I was like yeah I'm going to get up on the bed that way yeah so that's the first thing I did I walked straight in up on the bed that way um I'd already got up on the bed before like they'd even let Liam through so I'd stripped off thing climbed on the bed having contractions then they let Liam in I remember just him appearing here but again I was so in a zone who didn't speak again um then they put my drip in me um or whatever it was and then i

remember like having a few contractions and then she told me to turn around i think because i think i was i was ready to push and as i moved it all fell out my arm leum said i was squirt and blood out my i didn't have a clue any of that had happened i felt it fall out yeah yeah but you don't put it back in but i wasn't paying attention and then yeah i think uh you know five 10 minutes of pushing or a few contractions and then he was out and then they put him on me. Yeah. So I got that that time.

I didn't get that with Casey because he got walked out. Okay. So then they put him on me and I didn't find out what we were having with Hayden either. So it was like, oh, done. And yeah, it was just like one person

delivering it as well. I did go straight into the surgery room though for some reason. But yeah, it wasn't as busy as last time more as chaotic and like I was, I felt like I was doing it this time rather than it was happening to me last time. But anyway,

yeah straight on my chest which was nice and then yeah I think she even took a couple photos or whatever and yeah I didn't cry I don't really get the emotion that like I don't I'll get the relief but I didn't get the the cry instant like emotion um and then it was it was about five minutes and the woman was like you don't know what you're having do you you haven't even looked and I was like oh my god on there like okay so then she like oh it's a boy and it's funny because all the way through my pregnancy everyone told me I was having a girl I carried a bit differently. I had no sickness again,

but I carried a bit differently. The scans of the face were very similar, but he was much more pointing dainties that everyone said, and the heartbeat, everyone said it was a girl, but no. He was a boy. Definitely a boy. Definitely a boy, yeah.

Size of his balls, he was definitely a boy. You're saying that though, going back to Morgan, when I was pregnant with Morgan, Morgan I had to have like a big, like a waistband thing, like a big support. Yeah. Because I remember having this, just this pain here.

You can get pelvic pain. Yeah, it was like pupper ache. And then my back was hurt and I was in my job. Yeah. I remember Morgan being, I think I actually stopped work, like a few weeks. That's not that long, I know. But over here, we work up until literally in labour. Yeah, some women in England finished two months before.

Yeah, exactly. So I think I only stopped like two weeks before my due date, which I felt a bit, like, defeated by. Yeah. Like failure, which it's not. No. But that's how what I felt a little bit, like, oh, I'm going to have to. I'm going to have to. I finished two weeks before my due day.

Because I just couldn't. I couldn't do that. It didn't help, but it was just my job to not have to sit like this. And my belly was literally poking, obviously, patience. Yeah, I was quite busy. So I had quite a stressful job while I was pregnant with Hayden. But I just had a real feeling that he was going to come early. And obviously, I had case in early.

So I thought he was going to come earlier. And I didn't want to have, like, finish one day and then have him the next day. I actually did want a week. Yeah. So I ended up finishing two weeks before my due day And I had him two days early So I'd had a good week and a half at home I'm trying to think

Yeah, well Mason was came on time in the end obviously But you know just from the holding off a bit Morgan was I think he was on time as well He might have been like a week late or something like Because I was the same time as we There was three of us basically who had the due day I think one was early one was on time

One was like two weeks I remember And it was our friend and she was literally like Nobody Stop messaging him! me, I will let you know when I've had the baby. She went over, didn't she? She was the last one, bless her to actually give birth.

But I remember having that waistband, waist thing with Morgan and that, that hurt that. But with Lexi, Lexi, Lexi, Lexi, Lexi. Oh, God, I'm, you know what, it's so hard, didn't it? But you fell pregnant by accident and I was getting married. Oh, yeah. So you were like, oh, no, I don't. That was it. And then I was like, well, you wanted another child.

Yeah. She's just coming here probably a year two, Yeah. Wow, at that point we didn't know. No. It was coming in it. So, but I embraced that. It was fine.

It just had to sit out on the activities that I had planned because I was fully, fully pregnant. Yeah. So, yeah, and again, Lexi was, I think Lexi was an all right pregnancy. Sickness, I'm awful. All my, all my labours, terrible sickness. Boys or girls. I have medication. I'm like the princess.

Yeah. I just don't get put in hospital for a month or whatever. But yeah, I have to go on medication. I'm bad, bad sickness. To a point when I think... That HV one or G1. That, yeah, like really bad. I don't know what it's called, but it is bad anyway.

Luckily here, they put you on medication. I don't know if... I think it's really hard to medication in English, but yeah. And it helps, and all my kids are fine. That's fine. And with Lexi, Lexi, I'm trying to think. Everything was fine, was Labor fine. Because I knew with Morgan, I was told by the midwife,

I had to walk for an hour a day. Yeah. Wow. Because I was big. But I had friends that were told that they were overweight and it's like you're growing a baby Everyone carries differently An hour a day

I walked it over the bridge All the zen around Back over that bridge Like with my sister or not I did it like we We did it She didn't even need to do it And she came with me

But yeah no Yeah I remember being told that I had to walk Was that with Lexi Could have been with Lexi But anyway With one of them It wasn't all of them

Only one of my pregnancy I was told I had to walk anyway And I did an hour a day. Lex's pregnancy, labor, I'm trying to think now. I know it was late.

It was later on in the night. But again, we went in, contractions, contractions, thinking, oh, you know, you get to a certain point, that's it, I'm ready now. It's just coming out kind of thing. And I remember I'm saying,

oh, yeah, you're six centimetres or whatever. And then coming back, not like a bit later and then saying, yeah, you're still six seconds. And I was literally like, what? the actual fuck. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. You're mistaken. You know, like, yeah, I know, this is coming. Like, you know, but they're professional. Everything they're doing, they can see everything what's going on. Yeah. But, yeah, no, so, uh, that was a bit long.

But basically what happened was, she was just rocking. That's what I did to my mum. Yeah. So the corded around the neck. And basically, I remember. They left my mum for a day and a half. Mitch, well, yeah. Mitch was next to me, standing next to me.

I wasn't in like the nice bedroom like I'd had had with Morgan, you know, lamp on and you've got a ball here and you've got a lovely heart mirror there this was in like a big yellow chair with stirrups I was in the yellow one with case so that was like a boom that's what I felt like like it's that this as wide as the bed it is it is and I remember I actually pulled things off it you know they do handles that you've got they came off at one point that's how much I'd pulled that so but I remember Mitch was standing next to me didn't want to hold his hand didn't want to

give him to cuddle I had his pocket like imagine your pocket I had it like that's how I had his pocket. I didn't want anything else. I just wanted to hold his pocket like that. I didn't know. Just made me feel comfortable. Yeah. It was like the flannel. Phanil. Yeah, that was a vivid thing. I remember him moving away and then he came to bring me his hand and I was, I didn't want your hand. I wanted his pocket back. Yeah. And basically, so then I was like, shit, like, it's not coming. Like, how I thought

it was going to come. And then they come in with a trolley and you see all, like, the instruments being whacked out on the table. And I was like, they are not going near me. I will get this baby out. And literally at that time, I was like, right, we've, I I've got to go into like, stop being a fucking idiot, Charlotte, and just fucking, you know, push and help these people, you know. So you didn't want intervention. No, no. So basically what they were done?

As I was pushing, they'd kind of twisted around like that, I think. What, by pushing your belly? Some people were pushing, and as they were pulling her out, they were turning up. So every time I'd push, they would go back in. Yeah. So then, because I, oh, another, I've had no gas and air on any of my children, nothing, because that scares me. Yeah.

Everdura and gas and air scares me. more than pushing you later. I used to always say, I want a C-section, but when I actually came to, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Give me the things to chew on, that helps. I'd have that, I'd know I'd be sick.

So I'd sick anyway. I'd imagine gagging and trying to push at the same time. You're a gagger as well. It's hard. Yeah. It's hard. Gagging and push, oh, push, oh, push. It's hard.

So I'm trying to help myself here, even though Mitch was begging me to have the gas and air because he wanted to go over it. I was like, no, no, I don't want it. I don't want it. So then, yeah, they'd got her out. Lexi's out and then they'd said it was a girl this is the reaction I remember the most

because I didn't realise obviously how much I obviously wanted a girl that makes sense because in my head I was always having four children so in my head I was like not that you can choose I'm going to have three boys and then a girl yeah so when they'd said it's a girl that was oh my God it's a girl it's a girl oh my god I remember saying that

then the remember the placenta again I don't remember remember birthing that for the other two. I don't remember with Hayden what happened there. But I remember I'm saying, right, now you've got to push again. That's, because I don't remember, I don't, honestly don't remember having to push again with the other two. They're another baby? It was with Lexi.

I was like, fuck. I think because it just felt like so long, which it wasn't, but it was felt longer and harder. And, yeah, so I remember getting the placenta around and I remember walking it on this trolley because I don't sound, never even seen one. I don't sound stupid, but, and there are a rememberer proper rubbing it. Like a butcher would rub a bit of good meat. I'm not even joking.

This is how, it's so vivid, this bit. Oh, that's a good, that is a good bit of that is. And I felt, yeah, thanks. It's not the baby that I've just purped. But that placenta is banging. You know, I was probably like, yeah. In England, you could get, like, companies that come and take it. I didn't want it.

And put all of that into tablets. I would have done that if they'd offered it me. No, no. I would have sit this straight back up. Some people come and they take stem cells from it as well to donate to research and stuff. There is a big, apparently big health benefits. But I'm a little bit more old school. But I was quite proud.

She loved that. It was like rubbing it. I can't remember which one it was. I think it might have been case. No. No, I don't think it was case. Oh, I don't know which one it was. But one of them, they went, oh, do you want to cut the cord to Liam?

And Lee went, no. And I went, I'll do it. And then I did it. So I kind of, I can't think who that was. I'm trying to think if Mitch, Lexi's cord, because I don't think he did on the other two, this is so bad, isn't it? It might have been Hayden just because of, like, him being on me, maybe.

Yeah, I don't know. But, yeah, I caught one of them. And now I kind of wish that, obviously, I think it was a bit different, but, you know, like, with the bonbon every minute, I wish I had something like that to watch. Yeah. I said to him a few times, oh, film and he's like, how?

How do I film and be there and stuff? But I've, like, there wouldn't really have been much to see if you actually watch it back, but the actual moment they come out, maybe. Yeah. But it would have been nice. Because I feel like I'm had out-of-body experiences. Like, I'm watching myself.

Like, when I think about it, I'm like watching myself in the moment. That's what, because you do. You're trying to think. But I don't have anything. It would have been nice to see it. Yeah, that's what I mean. A lot of time, like now.

Yeah. And before, like, my sister would joke like, oh, yeah, you're like, you're not hard enough kind of thing. And I'm like, watch me. Yeah. Like, I boss that. I boss that. I remember as well.

Watch me. Afterwards, I was so swollen with Kaysen and I'd had so many stitches. But my sister was like, can I see? I was like, it's gross if you want to. What stitches? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To look at it, but it was so big and swollen. They did bring me condoms full of ice.

Yeah, I've, someone else, one of our friends who had gone to. And she was like, look what I'm sitting on. And I was like, what is that? Because I'd never seen it before. I did get cut and stitched. on all of mine I think even when Lexington I put a few extra in

just a few extra but with Morgan I remember I think it was like a you know like a Junie and whatever they'd done it and then obviously the one who was teaching I wasn't happy with it so they had to take it out and do it again oh no

yeah bear in mind I have no pain when if they do inject you for for your stitches don't get me wrong but then that's the horrible bit in it because you have to then they go and get them checked that's the bit and then they have to then they have to check that you can you've got pelvic floor muscles yeah I was okay you suffered a bit with that one of mine

I did with Hayden actually it was one of mine it was like yeah so with them that's one thing that I worried about with my stitches actually with Hayden because with Kaysen because they'd injected me to cut me to help me yeah and then I was like I like the ring of fire they say like you know when the head's coming out the burn I didn't feel that with Kaysen because I'd already been injected and cut. So I was worried about that with Hayden, which I think I did feel a bit more, but I didn't have any stitches. But yeah, the pelvic floor thing, I was fine with after Kaysen, but then after Hayden, like, oh, have a week. Oh, why can't, why can't I stop? Where's that muscle that stops you we in? Oh my God. Well, I didn't get that. I thought I was all right. It took me

a couple, maybe a week or so to like be able to, you know, when you can stop yourself ween, mid-week, the whole thing, yeah. Yeah, I couldn't do that with Hayden for a couple of weeks. See, I didn't, I thought I was okay. I don't know which one it was. I think it might with Morgan and she checked and she went right if you just start doing these exercises she didn't even tell me anything but I feel like fuck like that means something's wrong with me yeah that means if I've got to go and do something

and my mum told me when from 16 do your pelvic floors oh yeah like literally it was such a thing that was drilled into me I did more pelvic floors with casing than I did with Hayden so that's probably why yeah so when you're showing me I was like yeah and then so I started doing it when I was having a week because then I could tell yeah that's my tell tell otherwise how do you know you're doing it right

Yeah. Do you get what I'm trying to say? You can kind of feel like it's the same. Yeah, but sometimes it's not, because this is what I'm saying, she was saying I wasn't doing it and it was somewhere else. So that was my thing of,

that's how I know I'm doing it in the right place, you get what I mean. And then I was told you shouldn't do that because then you could get infection because obviously... Oh, God. Yeah. So then that scared me. Oh, dear.

But that's it. I'm done, so no one's checking my... With Hayden, no one checked me after. With Casey and they checked me like the internal afterwards and I remember thinking, probably because I had stitches thinking about it now. But then I remember going to my six-week check-up with Hayden thinking,

oh, I really can't be asked for someone to shove their hand up me. But then they didn't, are you okay? How are you feeling good? Yeah, baby good, yeah. Okay, see you later. Oh. So sweet. Yes, I would have rather,

although that's nice, in a way you want to be checked. Yeah, I'm to be like, can you check that, like, all the pieces are still there? I'm not falling apart. There's nothing falling down that shouldn't be falling down. But maybe because I didn't have stitches they didn't check. But yeah, like there could be internal things. Anything, isn't it? Yeah, prolapsed womb and things.

Yeah. Well, that's why I like that we stay in here. here three days yeah that is great i cannot believe that some people might love it and maybe it's it's lovely to have your home comfort to be sent home an hour after like my baby i get having your home comforts and wanting to be at home for when you recover on on things like that but at least a couple of days so that you know that your body is okay that you're not going to randomly start internally bleeding that the babies are checked regularly like it's peace of mind to know that yeah i'm leaving you know your adrenaline at least has left your body at that point not

like an hour after. How do you not know that I'm about to fit and die? And I remember with Mason, I don't know, again, I don't know if this is a new thing, you'd have to tell me, but with Mason, I don't, because I think it was because he was my first

because they didn't do it on the other two. On the last day, because the other two days, they come and take the baby, don't they? Yeah, they take it off to the doctor and check him. They take the baby, they clean the baby, they weigh the baby. Yeah.

And they check all its movements and whatever. Yeah. And they bring the baby back all clean with a new different body thing on. Which I think, lovely do you know what I mean and then on the last day they well they did for me they take me to that room with all the babies in there okay and they showed me how to bath him in the sink yeah and dry in properly and how to move the arms and how to dry

with the towel and all these things and and then obviously that was that they did it with case and they brought in the bathroom and said do you want us to show you how to bath him and we said yeah yeah even though I kind of could have gathered but I'd rather it's nice to see like yeah yeah because then you feel less worried about holding them when they're just like yeah they are really like yeah they are really like aren't they? But yeah, so that was a thing that I won't forget. And that was quite nice.

It made me just a little bit more reassured that I can put them in water. He is going to be okay. You know, because you have that feeling, don't you? So, yeah, no, they were my experience. I would, I'm definitely missed so much of mine. This is going to have to be a part one, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah, because I was going to ask you as well. You said you wanted four kids.

You've got three and the whole topic around when you know you finish. I think we'll save that for another day. Yeah, and a lot more because then after birth, I had a lot of complications with my babies. Okay. You know, with whooping cough, clicky hip. Yeah. I, Casey had joined it.

So there's a lot of things. We'll do a post-birth episode. Watch me come back. I'm going to have to go, I'm going to go home and I'm going to start talking about it and Mitch, you're going to, well, this happened and this happened. What about that? And then I'll say it to my mum and then they'll go, this happened. So when you talk to other people who was with it as well, they'll remind you.

It is true. But it just shows actually how we don't plan these conversations. No, we don't. We just dive straight in. And I feel like it was, it's such kind of a, well it is one of the biggest moments, most special moments of your life. Yeah. And I don't want to miss anything. Especially if this is going to be like a thing of, if anything, a little archive for us.

Yeah. You know, like, oh, where's that episode? And they talk about when I, yeah, and it's like, thanks, Mom, you give me two minutes. Yeah, I don't want to miss anything. Especially because Mason is the only on with a baby book. So at least let me try and get it out. out in here. Yeah, I don't think I've done Hayden one.

This is what I'm trying to say. There's so much. Or even printed. There's no photos of Hayden in our house. They're going on to tattoos. Oh shit, I don't even think that. Yeah. Yeah, right.

We'll save it. We'll stop there. We need to stop. So hopefully that wasn't too gory for you. I thought we kept it quite nice. PG, yeah. Quite PG. Not too gory.

So if you want to be a mum and you haven't been a mum, then there's multiple stories there for you. For those of you that have, you can sympathise with us. Yeah. And yeah, for the dads, just do what you're told and be as helpful as possible. Just be there. That's the only thing. Just being there is enough. Yeah.

Like you said, I didn't really need much, apart from the flannel and some water. Yeah. Just be there. I just needed a pocket. Yeah, there you go. You don't even know how useful you can be. But no, that's, yeah, we'll pause there and we'll bring you post-birth stories next time. Defoe, Defoe.

Have a nice week. Can you later.