The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - She Caught Him Cheating Days After Losing Their Baby. Here’s How She Survived With Guest Abbie Shaw

Episode Date: February 21, 2026

Welcome back to The Growing Together Podcast. Today, we’re sitting down in The Shed for this interview with one of our most raw and powerful conversations yet. Abbie Shaw joins us to share her incredible journey of navigating unthinkable betrayal, profound grief, and the challenges of single motherhood.In this episode, Abbie pulls back the curtain on surviving a partner's infidelity just days after losing a baby, and how she found the strength to walk away and build a life on her own terms. We dive deep into the "strong friend" syndrome, the reality of setting non-negotiable dating boundaries, and why asking for help is the ultimate superpower for personal growth. If you’ve ever felt like your past defines your future, Abbie’s story is a masterclass in dusting yourself off and becoming unstoppable.If you’re watching this today and you’ve been trying to carry everything on your own take this as your sign. Reach out to one person today and just ask for a little bit of help. Tag us  @TheRising1111  when you do it.Follow Abbie on Instagram:@abalabbAt a Glance:- The Power of Presence: Why gratitude and possibility are the ultimate killers of stress and fear.- Breaking the Silence: Why the "strong friend" needs the most support and how to start asking for it.- Navigating Loss: Abbie shares her experience losing her father and her advice for moving forward through grief.- The Turning Point: Surviving a devastating betrayal during a miscarriage and choosing to reclaim your life.Single Motherhood & Success: Buying a house, setting boundaries, and prioritising self-worth.

It's not the cheating. It's when he's done it. Like, you cheated on me when we just lost our baby. I wasn't like two weeks pregnant. Three and a half months pregnant. Like, come on. When I started having a miscarriage, I started bleeding and I said to him,

I was like, like, we need to go to hospital. Do you know what I turn around and said? He's like, can you wait an hour? I can't leave the other guy here. But even he's like, just go to your nationality. And I'm like, but I'm from London. Like, what are you going to take my London away from me? Oh, you're going to ever take the London out of the girl.

So let you say that. You can take a girl at a girl. Abby, welcome. to the shed. Finally! I'm not obsessed to you guys. You said before recording,

you're a number one fan. I honestly, like, biggest fan. When you guys started doing it and I was like, come on, get out.

Like, it's because like you hear podcasts, like in the UK or in Australia or wherever. Yeah. Like, there's nothing here. Yeah,

or someone that you know. No. Yeah. And all celebrities, isn't it generally? Yeah. Or people in like niches or spaces like work or.

you know, personal development and everything. So you guys will be celebrity soon. Here. Well, maybe after this episode. Let's get going. Yeah, welcome to the shed. So I like to start with asking our guests, what's one line or one quote that you're living by right now?

Living by right now is to not stress over what you can't control because the outcome is always going to be the same. Okay. So I'm a very stressful person. Like if I get some of the same. to the end, like, get to the end of the month and then I get paid. And I'm like, wow, I've got this, this, this and the paid. Oh, my God.

I've only got such amount in my account. How am I going to get by? Just don't stress about it. Yeah. It's going to be the same. You naturally default to more of like a worry state of mind. Oh, yeah. A hundred percent.

I am the biggest warrior ever. And now, I think maybe the last, maybe since October, I've literally just claimed, you know what absolutely. It's going to be what it is. Yeah. There's no point stressing. Why am I going to. make myself bad and ill and have really bad anxiety for it to be the same outcome.

It's even going to be good or bad. You can't control it. So that's literally it. Just don't stress over something you can't control. I think that's a really good one. And I think I was very similar, you know, a lot of my younger years, teenagers, even in my 20s, you know, when you're trying to figure it all out and, you know, starting work and you're doing all the things and, you know, having kids, it's like, we've got a lot going on.

But yeah, I think my natural default would be to, stress and over worry and think about like five different scenarios of what could possibly happen. It's like, why are you worrying about things that haven't even happened yet? Like you make it worse for yourself, like you say. So I think, I think for me, definitely getting into my 30s as, yeah, led me to a much more peaceful state where it's like, yeah, what's going to happen is going to happen. And you can influence certain things, but the uncontrollables, what's the point of, you know, worrying too much about it.

Well, it was before, I remember years of suffering of anxiety every single day. Like that pain in your stomach or pain in your chest. And I don't know what it was. Like literally last year, I was like to stop. And I don't know how, like if we're only what in February this year, but my mindset from last year is completely different to now. Yeah. It's like I've like gone cold, but I'm not because I'm a very loving person and I have

so much love to give. Yeah. I'm literally like, whatever. Yeah. Because you've learned by dealing with it, in the way that you did before is not helping anyone. Especially you. Actually making everything worse for you.

100% health. You know, physically anything. So I think obviously feeling the benefits of that, I do think age helps. We spoke about this earlier. Yeah. Definitely. And it definitely just helps

of having that more feeling of, you know, what will be and will be and we will work. This is it. It's not make myself ill for it. I'm trying my best and we're going to keep going and we will get there. And that's definitely what I would say to, like, younger people now of here in, like, in university or whatever, and they're stressing because of their studies.

Just take it as it comes. Like, don't worry about it. You can't control it. It's like literally, even say to Ariya, like, when she's having her exam and she's only in, what, fifth year. And she's stressing, she's having, I've got to sound like baby girl. Like, it's going to be what it's going to be. Just do your best at the end of the day. And you've done it.

If you know you've done your best, what does it mind? And I think also I did the same thing. I literally remember crying in tears and like being unconsolable trying to pick my A level. So my mom was like, this doesn't determine the rest of your life. And I think that's probably part of what helped me get to that state of mind is like we have to make decisions. We have to, you know, think about things. But some things don't serve you. And actually my life isn't going to be over.

you know, a lot of things are really good, you know, and it might be a bad thing and actually that was supposed to happen because that's going to take me there. And I think just taking things of like, yeah, what will be will be. I'll do my best. And worrying about tomorrow just steals today's presence. It doesn't actually make, like you say, tomorrow change. You're taking away your own happiness.

Like you're happy in that day, but then you're already like thinking off shit, like what, tomorrow I've got this, this and this to do. You're just draining it. It's so funny. Sorry, I just want to jump in because literally I forgot, I've screenshot this today, this morning, and it was something that I just thought, this is it. Rushing kills presence, fear kills possibility, stress kills gratitude. See? Then it says, now read that from right to left. Gratitude kills stress, possibility kills

yeah, presence kills rushing. Yeah. Matt, see? Yeah. But no, definitely. Like, that's what I would say to everyone. Mm-hmm. Especially like my upbringing my whole.

in my whole life is just literally just being stressed, like from probably since my mum gave birth to me, is it being fucking stress. No, sorry, mum, it's not your fault. But like, and now I just, I've got to the age and the stage where I am at life, like, at home, in my house, I don't own and renting, but in my house with my kids,

just can't be asked with the ag and the stress anymore. Yeah, I just want peace. Yeah. So that's why, like, every morning I wake up, you've got this today, it's fine. Yeah. It's like, look, look out of hospital, now I need to have, on Monday,

I got a blood test and the Zuma doctor on Tuesday. Am I worried about it, obviously, because I don't know if I've still got that infection I had or whatever. Yeah, what caused it. Yeah. Just do it. Like, when you're at that day and you're at that desk and you're at that desk and you see in your doctor, then deal with it.

Yeah. At the minute, just try, do you know what? Our mind is our worst enemy. Yeah. I think the, how, what your internal thoughts are really actually drive the life that you lead because if you kind of, control your emotional state and the thoughts that you have, you're either going to spend all day biging yourself up, telling yourself you can handle it and you're good and you know, you're great

or you can have your mind, you know, tearing you down. Your thoughts are your thoughts. But I think a lot of people just take it for face value like, well, if you tell me I'm not good enough, I must not be good enough. No, your mind's not always actually right. And you have the control to pattern interrupt and stop that. And you can train your brain. So like you said, you're in a completely different mindset because you've chosen to not let you default to the, we all have our like systems and emotions of how we deal with things through childhood. And that can either be great because we've learnt really good tools and things or sometimes we actually have to unlearn things and change what we do.

And most of it is that, you know, certain things and having to change. Our mind is, well, especially in my mind, is literally, I just sit there sometimes like, to stop. Yeah. Just stop. Yeah. Because this is going nonstop. nonstop, nonstop.

And I'm like, oh my God, shut up. It's a great realisation, though, isn't it? To go, actually, I can just tell myself to shut up and you're not right. And just because you're in my head, you're not right. And be quiet. When you go to have a shower. Oh, my God. It's literally like, do.

Oh, my God. Stop. Please. Stop that. Put a podcast on. But that's what I do. But I'm literally like there under the wall. And I'm like, I'm like, thinking, try to listen.

And then I've got 40 things going through my head. I'm like, ah. Yeah. It's not easy. Like, it's not easy. It's not easy. I swear to be the mum as well. Yeah. Like, well, like we've said it multiple times, the list is never ending.

Like, we, as moms think about everything, you know, I'm sure, you know, no disrespect to the dads. But it's like, are the kids okay? They fed yet? All good. That's like, right. Doctor's appointment. Right. We've got carnival next week.

Do we have costumes? You know, like there's like 20 extra things. It's funny. You say that carnival. When I was having a shower when I got out at the gym. Lich is like, shit, I need to buy a fucking hat. I was like, then I need to go go with face paint. I was like, well, what's she got on Monday?

Is it a hat or is it face paint? If I'm going into the meltdown, I'm like, I haven't got anything. But before I go to work now, I'm going to run to a Chinese shop, buy some whatever hat. I'll be like, do you know what, I just have it? Yeah. Exactly. You're prepared. You're on it.

No, I think it's not easy, but I think, like you say, it's worth it. You just have to stick to it. No, it's not worried. So what would be three words that your closest would describe you as? Oh, Jesus. I'm definitely, like, the light of a party. Yeah. I just bring so much joy into people's life.

And I love it. Like, I, because I'm such a bubbly person, and I just don't give a shit what anyone thinks either. I'm not there, like, happily slutted or whatever, but then I'm there fucking doing the. I just don't care. Yeah. And have you always been like that?

Yeah. So that's something that you grew up at, that was just like your personality? Or is it something that maybe parents have, had an influence on or that's just true. My dad, definitely. Yeah. My dad love him.

He, um, he, he was, he was, he was, he was a nutter. What my mom would call him. But I don't know. I just, I just feel like me, my sister completely different. Okay. Yeah. Like, don't get real. If we were to go out and a night out, like, we'd be both bubbly.

But I'm just that next level of, you are shit crazy. Like, what is wrong with you? Like, people both look at me like, is she all right? Like, or people are like, I wish I. had that much freedom because I'm actually quite uptight and I'm like I'm not going to do that. You know, some people wish they could be that free and not care. Because a lot of people I speak to, a lot of what holds them back is the limiting belief of other people's opinions.

This is real. So if you're not actually bothered by that, how free must you feel most of the time? But I say that though, I do shop up really bad of social anxiety. Yeah. Really bad. We were talking about this actually just before. I would say I'm quite a socially awkward person. I can't quite with it.

I get like anxiety before I even going to go out. And I'm like, literally about, I'm going to cancel. Oh my God. Making excuse me. But then you walk in the room and you're the life and soul of the party. Yeah. It's funny because those three, like I asked my friend, one of my bestest mate. Like, what I've been in 23 years?

Yeah, my best mate 23 years. I asked the other day, if you were to say three words about me, what she's saying? And she was said, caring, quirky and loving. Mm-hmm. That is the three words that she said. And they're the ones you pick. Yeah, I'm definitely a lover. Yeah.

I'm in Ares as well. So obviously I've got like the fire, but then I'm... Yeah, so you love hard but you hate hard. Oh, God. I'm all literally chin you right now. Like if you like, that's how... That's my level. But yeah, no, I'm definitely...

I'm definitely quirky. Love fun and I'm just loving person. Yeah. I'm a bit transparent. Like, it's just... With me, like, people like, oh, Ab's coming. This is her. Yeah.

Like, I'm not faking anything. Like, if I've got something, say I'll say it. If I hurt you, I'm sorry, but you probably deserved it. Yeah. Yeah, in your opinion, you know, if you're high that day, you'll get my high. If I'm low, you'll get my low. Oh, yeah. No, fake yeah.

And I'm a person as well. Like, if I need to be on my own, I need to be on my own. Like, don't overwhelm me. If I go into Abby's quiet mode, that's it. She just leave me for a few days and I come back out. Especially as not like, I came on as well. And yesterday I was like, I don't even want to be at work. home leave me alone oh i did i came on the morning of a whole day of training our whole sales

team and i'm the only like i i run the whole day nobody else does it so it's like me all day i was like yeah that was fun to have in the morning because years ago yeah well years ago my peer has never bothered me but the last couple of years they like i do get that tiredness i do get that like just irritability and stuff and so that that obviously is a fun thing that we have to deal with weeks before Ari is like, you're coming to me, period. My mom, I'm like, how do you know? She's like, because you're not stopped eating. And you're being horrible.

And I'm like, oh, okay. I was a kid. I do love you. But yeah, and then you got all this to look forward to. Wait. She's starting already. And I'm like, oh, Jesus, we're on together. I swear to, well, like, you're going to your nans, mate.

I can't go. I end up matching cycles, though, don't you when you, like, live with women. That's like me, my best, mate. We did when we was growing up. Yeah, you do with, like, the women closest to you in your life, you do. 100. So you'll be due on it the same. Yeah.

But when I was in hospital, I, before that, I said to curse that, I was like, I'm in serious agony with my stomach. She's like, oh, well, coming on,

I'd be that. There's me thinking it's my freaking period. Oh, no, I'm nearly there dying. And I'm like, I wish it was my period. I'm like, that's nothing for fair.

But, yeah, those are the three things I would say that I am. Very interesting. No, it's nice to see that you know, you know that about yourself as well. And, you know, I am bubbly and I am loving.

But at the same time, we can't be full 100% all the time. Yeah, you do struggle sometimes to show up. But when I do show her, I'm all in. Yeah. I'm that friend. Yeah. That's me. Like, and I'll always, always, even if I'm having a really shit day, shit week, shit month, whatever, I will be there for 100%. Yeah. Like there's been so many like a girl from dance. She, um, last year bought me a set of pajamas and ritual set. And I was like, what's this for? Bear in mind like I don't have a like very close relationship with her. And she just like, you help me through what you can't imagine.

And I was like, but I didn't do anything. She was like, you just there. Yeah. And I was like, wow. Yeah. Like I'd never realised that in myself. Yeah. And like from that.

I'd have like family members. Like I'm trying to help them out. Like my mum as well. Sometimes you don't realise the impact you have on other people until they turn around and tell you like, wow, you did that for me. That's nice that you had that kind of feedback. That's helped my mindset this year as well. Yeah.

Like if I can help them, I need to help myself. I think that is a big thing that a lot of women struggle with. And especially the ones that love hard that show up that I'm that friend for you. Tends to be the strongest ones in the group. Yeah. But it's like, well, who's there for me? Because I might be the strongest one for everybody else. But, like, actually, I need that help to.

And I need people to show up for me too. I won't ask for help. I was just about to say, those are the people that never ask for help. So if you have a strong friend in your group, check on them. Check on your friends. But no, that's me. That is me. Yeah.

But, you know, I do care more about people's opinions and things like that. So it's kind of, I'm definitely getting much better at that. Yeah. But, yeah, no, it's... I've only, and a recent friend of mine, she was my neighbour when I lived with my ex, and we got literally from day one. I just remember meeting her.

I was probably pissed. Yeah, no, I was pissed. And I went round to her house and I was there to 1 o'clock in the morning. It's the first time I met them all. Like, this literally moved in, be friend of them. And today, I'm so grateful for her. And if she didn't make me realize, asking for help is not a failure.

Yeah. You're not failing yourself asking for help. If it wasn't for her. Yeah. I wouldn't, hopefully this year, be able to buy my house. Yeah. Because I asked for help. Yeah.

And you have to. Yeah. Like, you're not, yeah. And she kept saying, Abby, ask for help. Yeah. You're not, you stop it. You help everyone else. It's your turn now.

Well, that's it. You don't see it as a sign of weakness if your friend asks you. But the minute it's you then needing it, it's like, well, you should be able to figure out yourself. Is it? No. Like, my whole life, it's, you've got to figure out. You know, we said this. we said this.

a few times, like, it takes a village and even, you know, I saw someone when they say, oh, I'm a self-made millionaire. That is the fakesest statement ever because not one person has ever made it that successful without somewhere along the line, someone helping them. So, yeah, everyone needs help. It's funny. You should say that because an ex-boss of mine, don't you're wrong, he was a great guy. He said very empowering.

Like he, there's always some comments that made, that he said that made me realise, like, you're actually right. But I look at him now and when I knew him when he was younger, and he's smashing life right the minute. How? Fuck, like. Like, you do think, like, is it luck or is it just because you're fucking consistent, like, I would argue both.

I think luck is such a small part of most people's success journey. I think showing up and being considered. is a huge one. Mindset, but also having something of value that you can bring to the world. Like when you come from a place of I can service other people and I want to genuinely help other people. Yeah. I think those people do really, really well. Yeah.

I think if it comes from a real place, you can't go wrong. No. I think if you genuinely can, you've got something of value to help people and you're consistent and you show up, they're the key ingredients. I think consistent. There's always people that make it that, you know, it can be a bit of a fluke. But the general ones that really start that foundation that really build. Because you're believing in yourself. Yeah.

And you're not letting your mind trick you into games. Yeah. So make you go out of fate. A lot of people are delusional at the beginning because if you, everyone starts from that, everyone starts from somewhere, you know. The biggest people, the biggest brands, the biggest companies and names started from somewhere. and they had to have a level of delusion and consistency to show up and get there. So, yeah, I think that's big. When do you feel most like yourself?

Oh, God. Probably on the sofa watching Netflix. No. Dance is a big part of your life. I was actually out to say, yeah. I've been dancing since I think I started when I was four, maybe five. And I would, I haven't been dancing for a while. and I just obviously with my situation.

I can't, I can't do it. However, I will, I am getting going to go back into it. But I would say that I'm myself when I am dancing. Yeah. Definitely your happy place. It definitely. And it helps that you've got this good connection with the people there. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I don't know them. Like, I only know from dance. Like my dance teacher, well, what was our dance teacher? She, it's another thing as well. Like, she prefer from nothing to now. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, because she was consistent.

I'd say that all the time. I don't know how. She doesn't stop. She didn't. No. Like, I know she sleeps like three hours. She posts like going to bed at one in the morning. She's up for class at seven.

Is that what you doing? How? No, definitely for me is 100% dance. Yeah. I mean, this is my first year. It's funny because I normally do like the carnival. We're like showing tips and us. Yeah.

This year I'm going as a fucking chicken in my nursery. with the baby. Like, what's going on? I'm a 360 girl. Like I said to a baby's not a nursery teacher. She's like, you're going to come in this year in carnivore? I was like, well, yeah, like I'm not doing dance this year. So I might as well.

Oh, she's like, okay, this is our outfit. I'll show you a photo after. I'm going to look ridiculous. And everyone that's going to be able to insane. Yeah, no, I went on. I'll send you the photo. But like, it's gone from pretty much wearing next to nothing to wearing orange types and a yellow outfit.

I'm sure you're still rocking and have a great time. There's going to be me dancing with all these like 83 kids and now I'm just... So you've got a baby and... Ariya. Yeah, she's, Arias 10. She's not 10. She's 10. How quick time gone.

Yeah, she's grown up. I don't realize how young I actually was when I had her. Like, it's mad. How old were you? It's 22. Yeah. 22. If I were pregnant 21, had it 22.

But mad. Like, she's 10. Yeah. She's got like a little spots come in. She's got the boobies and I'm like, oh, my God. And the attitude. I can't just. I can't struggle as I'm fun.

And you've got a little boy as well. Yeah, Hawke. He's George. JJ was what my family calls him. Because his dad's called Hawkee. So it's JJ Jr. That's cute. So, yeah, JJ's two.

He's a little soul. He is, he's my miracle baby. Yeah. Because I did have two miscarriages, didn't I? And then he came along. Yeah. Same as Hayden. So Hayden's one and a half and I had two miscarriages before him.

Yeah. After having a successful pregnancy, the first one. Exactly. Yeah. I felt, I'm very, like, I felt pregnant in the first try. I remember it was like 21st of February, I think we tried. And, yeah. Oh, so she was planned.

Yeah. I was quite young to have to plan. Do you know when you're like that young, you're like... A bit naive. No. I used to feel like I was well grown up. We were having this conversation earlier. Like, from about 16, 17, I thought I was an adult.

I think when I was 13 my bra going into living room in Gabaroy like yeah I'm such an adult Yeah We were doing adult

stuff We just start puberty Like what's wrong with you Go home I'm drinking my WKD It's true though Like you just at that age You just have this delusion

of thinking like I've got it all figured out And I'm an adult So yeah Obviously Wanted to be a young mum Yeah no I

It's funny because I started seeing this guy and he hasn't got kids. And he mentioned kids and I said, no. No. It's a note from me. I've got my boy and my girl. If you want to have kids, I'm not for you. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I've done that. I'm coming up to 33 and... Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Like, if I was like rich and had a nanny and all that, I'd probably have about six, seven kids because I love them. I can generally...

I love being pregnant. You enjoy it. You love it, but yeah. Financially, it's a lot. Jesus. I don't know even now. like my nan and granddad had six kids, my mom had four, like. But I think back then they didn't think about the money.

They just did what they did. It was cheaper then before. It was cheaper, but also I don't think they had as much pressure of like the expectations. Now like the level of money you need for a kid is so much more. Not just because things have got more expensive, but like, you know, just everything is a huge celebration and a huge cost. Whereas you'd be lucky to get one main toy at Christmas, you know, growing up. And even like birthday parties, they got these like Spanish.

Mums, like, no offence, like I love Spanish. I am the Spanish person of my English group. But do you have 20 quid for a child? I'm like, what happened to a fibre in a card? Yeah. What are they? What do they need? No, it's true.

Like, everything's just gone up. Everything's just, even like baby showers, Hendo's are now three days long. Everything is just so much bigger. I can't go to my close friends of mine, Hendi this year, just prove in fact. I'm not obviously going to say where it is, whatever, because she doesn't know.

But I just can't do it because I can't afford it. Yeah. And it's either put food on the table for my children or go on a hand do, do you know what I mean? Well, there's an obvious choice there in there. And don't get it wrong, we'll do probably something around here, but I can't. No, it's interesting that you say that

because I do know people that, you know, are single parents with their kids and it's like, yeah, if I'm going to entertain, like, a new partner, like you say, we're not having any kids. Like, you need to be comfortable with that or have your own kids or whatever. Like, I'm not... Can't...

And it's not even that. It's not of responsibility and pressure, especially when you've gone through being a single mum, you know, I think that most people that have had that conversation with is where the brunt of the responsibility is falling on them and the dad's aren't in the picture.

So it's like the last thing I want to do is have another child and then have more children that is all on me. Yeah, but then... You want to be as good as a mum you can be to the children that you have. And I think, like you say, you feel that if you had any more in where you're at, you wouldn't be able to be that.

No. You have a nadie, you know, all these things, you know, hypothetically. But being real, you know, you're moving forward, as you said, you're a single mom. If you're going to let anyone into you, we need to be on that same. We need to be on the same page. Yeah. I'm at the age where I'm like, exactly. Do you know what you're at?

Guys, honestly, the market, when I, when I separated and I was like looking into, and I was like, are these people, like, literally? she's still like, what the fuck? Who's wrong with you? Date and Paul, quite... Oh my God. Quite small. Like, I can't cope with it.

Yeah. No. Like, no. That's a good mindset to have because you're not... You're not... I'm not time for that now. No. I want to be, da, da, da, da, and this is it.

So if you're in, you're in if you're not. See you later. Yeah. No, I think that's great. And, you know, like, you've got to bring something to the table. Like, I'm not just going to date you because you're good-looking. Like, you need to bring something to my life. Well, of course, that's one of the list of... Just have a nice willie as well.

That's the one, the main thing. Well... You've got to want to sit on the face before, right? Yeah. But my... You can't just be nice. My friend was like... One of my gay friend of mine, he was like, just always look at their hands.

And now I'm literally like, ah, like... Is it? Look at their hands. Look at their hands. Yeah. I mean, like, if they're like, a guy. take care of themselves like grooming wise or like no the hand size if they're nice hand size okay potentially packing down below I'm still like that if I can know what they do me with it

if I ever go out and I out with my mates I'm like that sorry let's see your hands but going back to dance like literally that's that's yeah yeah and as well like some guys don't accept my type of dancing like because I'm pretty much wearing next to nothing. It's quite provocative in terms of the outfits, the style of dance. And no, it's true. I think that not only is it to have a partner that can bring something to the table, but yeah, when you know that that is my life and that's my happy place and that is like

there's something for you, like that's not the mum, Abbey, that's not, you know, the partner, Abby. That's you. You need something for yourself. And it is a shame when you see bloats and, you know, luckily it's not a bit of my situation. but I've seen a lot of close friends where it's like, you know, they've got to be careful about what they wear. They have to look a certain way.

Oh, God, I can't realize that. Yeah, the last, you need a supportive partner. Yeah. Otherwise, that will really limit you. They need to enjoy your hobby as much as you enjoy it. Yeah. And unfortunately, a lot of relationships I find that if they don't, if they're not backing you up on your hobby, it's not,

you're just going to be sad at the whole time because. Yeah. Well, you're going to dim yourself. So why would you dim your life for somebody else? Like you need someone who's going to uplift you because ultimately you're, the whole point of a partner is to build a life together. And the life is only going to go so far

if one of you is bringing the other person down. Yeah, really it's just like your friend, especially if your partner in life, should be, you're being a cheerleader anywhere. In everything. It's the biggest decision you're ever going to make in your entire life. Like when you have kids, what job you have,

where you live, like all those things are important. But the biggest, the ultimate, like decider of how your life is going to be is who you choose to be with you. Who you choose to do life with? Yeah. And unfortunately I made the mistake of choosing the wrong dad, for example, for Aria.

But at the end of day, you're living you learn. Yeah. And myself and Aria's lucky enough to have, obviously, my now ex-partner because he is Aria's dad. Was he supportive and everything that I'd done? 100%. Was he there with me every time I danced?

Like I literally gave back. with JJ and I was dancing the parade in Christmas. So he was born on 18th of November. And I was in to sit four weeks later. There's me strutting my shit. Obviously like massive tits because I've got milk coming out of everywhere. And I'm like, Mom, you need to come with me as well because like Hawkins is going to have to pass me the pump

because I'm going to have to stop dancing for like 10 minutes apart. Like that's like, he was my big supporter in that. He was always there. Yeah. And obviously he loved the outfits. Yeah. Well, that's it. Liam's never been a jealous either.

Yeah. Whereas some guys are really jealous. Whereas he'd be like, oh, yeah, look, that's my wife. Yeah. Not like, I can't stand other people looking at my wife. Yeah. Like, it's a very different, yeah. Ari's dad didn't like me wearing like short skirts or anything.

Like, he was, why, why have you got to wear that? Yeah. Well, why wouldn't I? Like, I look good in it. Like, what's wrong? Yeah, it makes me feel good. You're the problem, not me. Yeah.

Sort yourself out. Well, that's it. it's not about what you're wearing, it's how insecure you are with the way that I look. That's a you problem like you say. Yeah. That's mine later. No. It's good like you say, we don't grow up learning these lessons unless we're in those

situations. And like you say, as long as you're taking lessons and you're learning and then you're picking better next time like you did, then, you know, that's that's the way to be. It's unfortunate that that's some people's reality and they stay in those situations. It is sad, especially like. It's hard to get out of sometimes. No, I think, you know, my parents split up and my stepdad's been in my life since I was six, I think. Oh, I don't call him my stepdad.

He is my dad. He's who showed up. He's been there, who's financially supported us, showed up to all my games and this, that and the other and school stuff. And he is my dad. Yeah. And he walked me down the aisle. Really? Yeah, absolutely.

Well, obviously my biological dad's not in the picture. We've just fizzled out into kind of the background. All his choice, not anything to do with any of us. So if that's your decision, that's your decision. And obviously, the person who is my dad deserves to want me down the aisle. 100%. Yeah. So it's funny that, like, I actually lost my dad 13 years ago.

I'm sorry? It's young. Yeah. It was, I want to say, a big shock to my life, but he wasn't, God's sake. He, um, he wasn't in my life. There's tissues there. He wasn't in my life because he left me when I was 10. Just in case.

Just in case. Yeah. I was 10. And he moved to Australia because he started a new life. He had his wife and stuff. I only met her once. And I actually hadn't, didn't see him for. 10 years.

Wow, that's a lot of time. Yeah. I mean, like spoke on the phone. He actually found out, he was the only person that caught me smoking when I was 14. Yeah. I was walking in Torrey where I lived. I was going to football and I was smoking a fad on the way to football.

And he was like, you're right, kid? Because he always called me a kid. I was like, yeah, good, you? He said, yeah, what you do? I was like, oh, is your fag nice? I was like, what? He's like, I can hear you smoke it. And I was like, fuck.

He heard it through the thud. I just didn't think anything. And then I was like that. He was like, does your mom know? I was like, no. I was like, obviously, you're not going to tell him because you don't talk to her. So that's fine. I'm safe.

But yeah, he called me smoking. So we had contact. I just never saw him. And then, yeah, unfortunately he got, he got diagnosed with terminal cancer. And they gave him six months. And he lasted nine months. And I saw him in September, 2000. 2012. Yeah, I need passed away 2013.

I must have been real tough. I was pissed off. Yeah. I was like, you just came back in my life and I you fucked off. Like, come on. Yeah. I felt, had very mixed emotions in that moment when, when I remember my mum coming and I remember my mum coming and telling me and she came pick me up from work.

I was working in, what's that bar called, near that Leroy construction? There's no marries now, I think, in Lomasa Cabalore. I can't remember. I was working in the bar and my mum came up. Took me home when I was just getting ready to go for an interview and a vet. And she fucking dropped that bomb, shall me. And I was like, ah. Right before an interview.

I was like, I was talking about it. I was back to him this morning. Obviously, my morning was his evening in Australia. And yeah, he popped off now. But it's funny you said about like your dad walking down the aisle. If I was ever to get married, walking would definitely be in my uncle, 100%. Yeah.

He will be my person to walk me down. Yeah. Because he's like my dad and everything and my, but yeah, like. That's who's kind of step to have or guided you in. He just has always been there. Yeah. Yeah. Always.

It must be tough because like you say, you wrestle with the, like obviously upsetting, but then at the same time you made the decision to move to Australia that then affected the time that I had with you. And obviously people don't expect to, you know, I thought everyone passed away young, which unfortunately he did. But it must be really hard to deal with them like, like, I'm angry at you as well as being sad. And yeah, that must have been tough to...

Especially now, like having my kids, like, he would be the best granddad to my kids. And him and Arias bond would just be amazing. Because there's a lot of stuff that like Ari will do. And I just imagine my dad like that. And I'm like, wow. Like... Yeah. And then obviously then JJ came along.

and I'm like, do I have a boy now? Because it's weird. I always say to somebody, like, if they've never lost a parent, like he will come to me and I can talk to you, I'll be there. Yeah. It's fucking hard. Like, I always think how my life would be if my dad was still in my life. Yeah.

I think losing anyone must be tough, but I think losing a parent young because it's just not expected is, it must be, yeah, really tough. Especially like in my situation, I don't like, see, even though he wasn't there, he was still my dad. Of course. And it still hurts as much. Yeah.

I couldn't imagine if, like, I see you like my friends that have such a fucking strong bond with their dad. And I love it. Like, I absolutely love it. And I'm like, if that was me and I'd lost my dad in that moment, I don't think I would even be in myself. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't see him. You didn't actually, you didn't see him every day as in the same country. didn't do these day-to-day things as maybe some of your friends do and whatever. You still had a relationship with your dad. Your dad was still in your life. I was always the prince.

So to then use that person from your life is so young as well. It's so unexpected and really very quick. Yeah. It's not a long time to deal with it. It's a lot to deal with. And do you think that it's changed you or taught you or whatever with things going forward in life? Do you know what? I don't know.

I think I'm only just finding myself now. Yeah. And this is like nearly 33 years long. Like I am only just starting to to know who I am. Yeah. I think I spent my years of like losing my dad until pretty much before maybe I had JJ. Like just just wigging it. Like it's going a lot like not knowing what life was.

Yeah. I think that's quite typical though. I think a lot of, you know, teenagers, you know, you don't think. too much far ahead. Your 20s, you're just, you're really trying to figure it all out and be an adult, but you don't really think about what you actually want. I think a lot of reflection and a lot of growth comes in your 30s. Oh, 100%.

I definitely didn't know what I was doing in my 20s. And now I'm like that. Now I'm 30. I'm like, no, that's what your life's actually starting. Yeah, because your 20s, I think like a lot of it is faking it, like not doing things for yourself, like thinking you want something until you get it and then and realising that's maybe just what other people wanted me to have, like, yeah,

I think your 30s, you really do get that self-awareness of like, what do I want from life, what is this about? And, yeah, building that confidence to go after things. You have to, like, it's just, life's just weird, isn't it? Well, it's unpredictable. I wake up and I'm like, what's going to happen in Abby's life today? Literally every morning I'm like drinking my coffee And I'm like, what's the surprise going to be?

And that's literally it. What would be one or two pieces of advice for anyone kind of knee deep in grief at the moment? Because I've never really personally gone through a real close person in my life. Like, to be fair, the end of last year, I lost an auntie really unexpectedly, really young. So that's kind of shook a lot of my family.

But again, living in Spain for 20 years, then being there, it wasn't someone super, super duper. but it's rocked my family. So I'm still a bit unsure of how to deal with brief, but any advice? My advice would be that it just take every day as it comes. It does get better. I can assure you that it gets better. I mean, obviously I still have my days where I just look at a photo of my dad and I cry for him and I wish that.

Things were different. Yeah. Like I wish that he was here. Yeah. It gets better. You learn to live with it. Yeah. You never forget it

No, of course not But my advice would be to anyone that That has lost a parent is Just keep going Don't Don't stop what you're doing Because you have lost that family member Or best mate or whatever

Yeah Like life goes on Just because theirs hasn't Yours does Yeah And keep something on you All the time That reminds you or them

Okay, what's yours? I've got a charm well it was a dream catcher but it's broken but that's my that's my dad's one so dream catcher it's just something and yeah

even if it's like a little coin that reminds you or on a photo for it's like have it on you all the time not like in your bag tattoo for her sister so suck it up but a cup there we go I've got a massive tattoo here on my chest and it's the lotus flower because that's my dad's favourite and it's here

And then I have another one here that I got done literally before when you are, but that was it. That would be my advice. It gets better. Yeah. And just still focus on you. Yeah. You can't just give up on life because they've gone.

Yeah. You were making them proud anyway. Keep doing it. Exactly. Yeah. Like you've got to live for them. Yeah. Rather than, yeah, waste your time.

Because I stupidly, when I lost my dad, I'd hit rock bottom and ended up in hospital for a week because I was that bad. and I look back at life now and as a mum, I don't want my kids to ever go through that. Yeah. Like, just don't just keep doing life. Yeah. grease hard. Don't make it so harder. No. Yeah. Definitely. I don't want you to be suffering at the end of the day.

Prametic, funny enough. Really? Yeah. Wow. And still a current dream, that's what you would like to do? Or is that something that you had for a while? I would love to be able to do it. Yeah.

Am I going to be able to do it? I have no idea. Because obviously, look at all this situation with Brexit and all that. Because obviously I've got British nationality. Yeah. In Spain, they don't accept it now. So, yeah. I mean, I'm at the age.

I'm like, do I go for my dream or just to stay? Because I love my job. Yeah. I'm so happy where I am now. Yeah. But it's just like, what if? Yeah. Yeah, no, a paramedic.

I'm suited and booted. I could, need no. I really could, you know. In them situations, especially paramedic, social. They're very emergency, you know, quite panicky situations. And I could see because you're very bubbly and very positive and kind of like you said, light up the room when you come in, imagine being in a situation. And okay, you need to be professionally serious.

Yes. Yeah. However, having just someone there who's got that energy, that good energy, we'd just change everything. It's weird because my parents had a friend who was paramediting in England, and I thought he was the coolest. The name is Richard, but we call him Dick. Dick, yeah. The funniest, most, just so much energy on him. Yeah.

And I wanted to want him. Can I try and hurt myself? Can I come to me? This is it. Like, I'd reckon like I'd be great at. I can really see that suit in you. But do you know what my issue is? Like, in serious situations, I can't help but laugh.

No, but I think that, imagine being like, like you say, you've fallen, you've hurt yourself, you're scared. And someone just coming and laughing with you. Like, that's what you need. You need someone who's almost has that overpowering energy to take you out of where you're in at that moment. Because like you say, generally, generally you call paramedics for serious reasons. Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, that would be really, really, really good. My brother's partner is a paramedic.

Oh, really? Yeah, in the UK. See, yeah. If you're saying about you're not being able to happen. Yeah, you can make anything happen. 100%. If you want, you can do it. You just have to, for example, if you're here, change your nationalities.

Well, this is the thing. I'm, like, the guy that I'm dating, he's quite a severe. and... Pounce. Yes. Win it. But even he's like, just go do your nationality

and I'm like, but I'm from London. Like, what are you going to take my London away from me? Oh, you're going to take the London out of the girl. It's like Kroita is even worse

and they say that. You can take a girl out of Kroita we can't take Kroiten out of the gal. But... I literally went to a comedy show in London and they said exactly Kroido that was funny. Yeah.

I get that though, because I even felt funny when we had to change their licenses. I liked what. English. I am. But it's like we live in Spain. It's great.

Like we've got the best life here. But you're like that. No, I am still London now. Like you're not taking that away from me. I'd say go for it. I'd make it. If it can change your life.

Yeah. I don't know. I'm going to see. I'm going to see how it goes. And ultimately that might be the vision that you initially had for yourself. But you could find yourself getting the same fulfillment, but on a slightly different route that maybe is in a round that. Like when I was younger, I wanted to be a lawyer.

I just wanted to be like up like... I can imagine you as a lawyer. Telling people. Powerful women like standing there like... Exactly. You are guilty. I love it. I object.

No, that's what I could picture myself like being, yeah, suited and booted in a room. And I'm kind of doing that, but very different to law. Absolutely nothing to do with law. But yeah, like, you know, suited and booted in a room. But like teaching people and it's way more fun than if I'd have ended up being a lawyer. 100%. Like I like when are your events and stuff that I'm finding going to be able to do. Yay!

I'm so excited. What lesson do you think you've had to learn the hard way? Sometimes they say you just got to go through it and learn the hard lesson. Rather than someone give you the advice and you take it. I think being a mum. Yeah? Yeah. It doesn't come with a script.

Doesn't come with anything. No. And people say it's hard. People say it's hard. Like I think until you've actually done it, you're like, whoa. Like when like people, like, people. Like women, they're like, I'm going to have, I want a baby. I'm like, do you want a baby because you just want a baby?

Like, because they're cute or do you want a baby because you're ready to be a mum? Because there's a difference with being a baby mom. Yeah. And there's a difference to be in a 10 year old mom because fuck me. That did not, they did not tell me about this time. They did not, they did not tell me that this age. The baby stays like one till three. They say that's the hardest.

No, it's not. Like, JJ just gets on with it. He's funny as anything. Does he throw a tant to me? Yeah, but just leaving the floor. He gets over it, you know what I mean? Yeah. Ariah.

Fucking. Yeah. My sister in North got a 10-year age gap and she's like, I have a teenager and a toddler. What is that about? Why have I done that to myself? Yeah. But I would say, like, yeah, definitely,

definitely being a mum. And if I wasn't a mum, it's probably life in general nowadays. Mm. You just got to, you don't know what, no one tells you. Yeah.

You just got to do it. Yeah. So the hardest thing, yeah, is just never really having the right answer. No. And sometimes I like, look at Ariah and I'm like, what the fuck do I say? Yeah.

I do that all the time. I thought I'd be this like, I love my quotes. I thought I'd be like, you know, that movie mum just knows what to say in the moment. I'm like, uh, shrug it off, Kaysen. Yeah, fine. Where's the inspirational quote that moms are supposed to have? My uncle always says to me, man up.

Man up and I'm like, okay. Actually. I think we're overthinking it. Do we, did we really get this for Matt there? No, but it's in the movies. My mother doubles in a pub drink. Kim fight and I'm there. I was asleep on the chair

or the pram. And we turned out by. Yeah, exactly. We're actually saying that we need to make sure our kids have as much grit and as much like resilience to show up that we've got. To know what? It's funny.

You have to call your kids dickets. Oh, I tell Ari to fuck off. I'm like, thank you. If they go out in the world and no one has ever called them a dickhead. I'm going to struggle. Yeah. You know what I mean?

So, fuck you kid at dicket. I mean, like she was obviously I've got Snapchat and my name because I don't want her to have like social media. So I probably a bit controlling, but that's fine that you have to be in this day and age. Yeah. I saw a message from her friend and I was a bit like, you're a bitch. Like, you're 10. Yeah. So then obviously I pulled Dari up about it and I was like, is she always like this?

She was like, yes, mum. I was like, why do you tell me? Like, just seen this in my own eyes. She might not know it's wrong though Or like it's not great So then I have to go on to like Like the street Grown up thing and go like

Do you know what? Do you want to have friends about it in your life? Yeah Like do you? Like come on. No. She's a bitch. Yeah.

You can't call her that. Well I just did so get over it. Yeah. Like she's being like no. Yeah. You need to tougher than mom. I agree harder now than ever. You've got a thing as well.

I was just saying about parents actually Did we have that? No, we didn't. Look all the things that we'd gone through in younger the line without obviously all the phones and stuff, the arguments, the petty things, this and that, and God knows what else. The filters and stuff. Did our parents have a clue?

Yeah. No. And I think a lot of that shakes her. Smoking with our mopeds in the park. Look, my mum's up. I used to drink cider and then get on my moped, but actually not like realize that it was like, that's drink driving. Yeah.

Because you just didn't. I remember always sat in the pub, drank and then drove. JF's in. Rovjaviac on my little jog r. Yeah. Pissed as an absolute far. I've actually got a scar on my knee still. Oh, same. Yeah.

Scar on my knee. Me and Charlotte went to Pasha and we got back. We went to Pasha one night and we parked my moped in McDonald's car park. But I was like, well, do we not have bags? We mustn't have had bags. It was a phone party. So maybe we didn't want to have bags. So we shoved our, like, bank card in our pram.

I buried my keys in a pile of stones in front of the mopeds. Yeah, so I made like the key ring stick out, which we just made it obvious. Like, honestly, like some of the stuff. But I think going through some of that shapes you and like gives you that character and like, you say you've learned from that. But funny story about the phone parties and Pasha. Do know they stick on bra things? Yeah. I wore one.

Oh, I know where this is. like a stick. And my mate was like, your fucking bras hanging out. And I was like, oh, fuck it. It was locked in. It's been up. So don't wear a sticky bra on my phone.

There's a key lesson to take into our adult. But I do think parent is hard generally. I do think parent is a bit harder now because of all I think that we've got to deal with with the technology. Social media and everything like this. I mean, like we say, it's come out that Spain has now banned social media for under 16, which I think is fantastic.

Do I think it's too late for the ones who have already been introduced? Yes, I do. Do you know what I mean? How do we go forward as parents who have, with children, have already been introduced to it? And now it's not allowed sort of thing, you know? Yeah. I find that difficult, like, in that because, like, especially if like a child has a special need, for example,

like autistic children and they might need to have their own accounts or whatever, like how are they going to cope with that? You're taking it away from them now. Yeah. Well, it depends when it comes under, because obviously in terms of, let's just say, yeah, you mean in terms of socialising? Yeah, yeah.

Well, this is it, isn't it? That's where how does it become, to the people it's already been introduced to. Exactly. You've got a very upset little girl in your house because she loves tick-tokin and dancing. My house is not, everyone knows, quite aware how I feel about phones and everything else and all that around it anyway. You can imagine how my kids.

Yeah. So I'm quite restricted with them anyway with things like that. So I have TikTok on my phone. Do I know how to use it? No. Is there anything, it's Lexis. It's nothing to do. It's used for her dancing and try to use it for the right thing.

Can I hear a scrolling sometimes? I'm like, get off it. That kind of thing. I mean, when I'm told that she wouldn't be allowed on it, for her, that's like, oh my God, that's my happy, that's my happy, Andrew dancing and kiss and do that. And she's, I have to say, she's... Lexis is amazing.

I also understand the negatives of when they're not controlled. Yeah. You know what I mean? Which is really unfair. So, yeah, apparently it's hard. This day in life is even harder, but also, just remember that how we were brought up. Yeah.

That's what I try and do, like, with my life, how I was brought up. I mean, I brought myself up. Like, my mum, bless her. She's such an, like, I inspire that woman now. Don't give her, we have the worst relationship when I was younger. Like, I despise her and she despised me. But now, I look at her and I'm like, fuck, I want to be you. Like, you're, I'm not going to say her age because she would kill me.

But she's at the age where, like, she could retire. But she's still cracking on working because she wants to. And I just think, like, how are you? She wasn't there when I was younger because she was always working, like, it is one of worse. Like, it was. I think that was just the 90s, wouldn't it? Yeah. And then obviously bringing me to Spain and stuff.

But being a mum, I would say, is definitely, yeah. I wouldn't, I could imagine not being a mum now. Yeah. Sometimes I'm at, I just imagine it's going like your house and not realising a shit. Got to get the nap. He's got to get the food. Take snacks in the car for God's sake. Oh, God.

Don't you get up from school. It's like they don't eat. You're like, make you dishebering. lunch. What is wrong of you? Yeah, and Spanish lunch is like proper plates of food. It's like fourth quarter meal, isn't it? Yeah. So for those that, because you're not the first to actually say that, you know,

they've not always had the best relationship with their mum. I think a lot of people just assume that you do, but, you know, there are people out there that, you know, and friends of mine that haven't had a great relationship with their mum. How have you managed to get closer as you've got older? Because normally when you don't have it as a kid, you tend to then just, go your separate ways. How have you managed to bring that back together and improve it? I think my breakup with JJ's dad. Yeah? Yeah. I never used to ask for help in any way. I used to mask what was happening, mask my feelings, mask everything. And I feel like when Abby was done

with a relationship and she had to get out of her, I rang my mum. I was like, Mom, I need to come home. And did I have a strong relationship with my mum in that moment? No, not at all. And then when I did move in with her, because I didn't go leave before, just put it to the fact because of, fuck, I have to live my mum again, do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's going back in life instead of moving forward.

Yeah, no, it's the reality, isn't it? Like, I might have made the decision, but how's that actually going to now work out? Yeah. But no, I'd say definitely in my mum and our relationship definitely got better. I'd probably say the last two years, year and a half. And I think especially going through something tough, when someone's there for you, when you're going through something tough, like already that kind of brings something a bond, doesn't it?

Yeah. She unfortunately almost, like, lost her life. She had esophagus cancer and she, they completely removed her sofacus. I think they left by that much, near enough and nothing. So her intestines is actually in her chest because they made an esophagus through her intestines. Okay. It was like a nine-hour operation that she had. Wow.

And me and my sister didn't know if she was going to pull through. Like, it was horrific. I was, I think I was 17 then when she had that operation. It was in Alicante. And we weren't close then. We weren't close, but I couldn't leave her side. Yeah. I slept in that hospital every night when she was then moved on the ward.

She was obviously in, is it in ICU? Yeah. Well, it's in English. Yeah, I see you. Yeah. And when she moved, when they moved to the ward, I stayed by her side every day. But like that, I wasn't close.

I had my partner back then. I was living in Cabo, Oregon, an apartment, like. And then had Ariya, didn't really, wasn't really that close. And then, yeah, it wasn't until maybe a year and a half ago that she, the woman's amazing. Yeah. I don't know whether it's called age as well, like growing up. Yeah.

You're getting to that time now where it's like you can't be asked with the drama or the arguments. Yeah. But definitely like... Yeah, sometimes like say you can be stubborn or, you know, just not mentally in the right space and sometimes you don't want to forgive someone at that point or get over something and sometimes it is time. It is time and there will always be that hate

where I wish she was there more but she couldn't. Like it is well it is. Whereas now, for example, as a mum as myself as as strict as I am, yeah. Ariya knows I'm as much as we argue, I'm always going to be there. I'm not.

You can call me. I got offered a very good job. I left my previous job, which absolutely loved. Love that job. But unfortunately, I had to think of me and my kids. And I don't want to be the mommy that's working all the time. And I get it. You have to.

Yeah. As a parent, as a human being, you have to work. Like, it's only normal to get my life. But because of my upbringing, having such absent parents, Like my dad obviously in Australia then passed away and my mum was never there don't want that for my kids

and especially I'm the only one. Yeah, well this is something that I think Charlotte's always been really good at. She could very easily do more hours and get paid more money but she doesn't. Yeah. Like she's got her boundaries with that's how much I work because I specifically want to pick my kids up, drop them off, do this, do that and be present and have time.

And money would make things easier. but actually I don't want to have the money and then 10 years later wish that I didn't take the money and I had the time with the kids so it sounds like you're like so hard to say no to the money but I think you know

you'll look back in 10 years and be like so you can't replace that time yeah you can't because they're going to grow up and they're going to go go off to you and they're going to go travel do I mean that's what you say when I'm older and they're out of the house I can earn that money then this is the thing like so when I don't have the kids

so like this weekend for example I don't have the kids they were the dad Like, I'm going to work later. I don't have to, but I want to because there's extra money. When I have the kids, I don't work. Because do I need money? We all need the money, but do I need it?

Yeah. As long as you're putting, for me, this is where my head's face has come to, I think. As long as I'm putting food on the table and we're happy and we're healthy, then that's enough. Yeah. That is enough.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Time is presence, not physical presence, but at presence. Presence. with a C-E, you know? Yeah. That is definitely more.

And I think you were saying about with your relationship with your mom. And it's definitely more a time thing and obviously life experiences anyway. But things bring you closer for sure. But I think as we get older, we kind of become more understanding. So it wasn't that young mentality of what, she's never real. It was, well, as we grow up, she would love to have been here. Yeah. Yeah.

And that now you, you, sometimes you're going to have to not be, we're going to have to not be there for the children as much as we wanted to because we do have to do it. But learning from that going forward, you're going to try to choose to pick that time and balance that work better than what you have. I think that's where I'm at. What have you learned not to tolerate in relationships, whether that's with a partner, with a friend, with family, lies. Don't tolerate liars. Yeah, to be fair, that's one thing my mum's always, as I've grown up, she's like, just tell me the truth. If I find out you're lying, it's so much worse for you than if you just tell me what you've been doing.

I can't stand liars. Like, it boils my, like, literally like, why are you lying? Just say the fucking truth. What is wrong with you? Like, you were invalid. And I think because obviously, not everyone opens up to this, but my ex did cheat on me. and I've never well with that I know, never been cheated on. And for him to do that, I was disgusted.

Like, you fucking betrayed me. And also as well, I had a long best mate from primary school who lied about something. And I found out later on in life as well. And I was just, why? Don't lie. It makes it really hard to work through anything at that point, I think. Just like people make mistakes. But when you lie,

about it and it also depends on the mistake sometimes the mistake can be enough like being cheated on is you know not a small thing and by any means and that can sometimes be enough and too much to work through but I think you know even when it comes to friends like the lying it's just uncalled for and makes things so much worse yeah yeah you just don't I'm not a liar I'm very straightforward and I'll say well as I said before like in serious situations and I laugh, but even if I was still life, I start, I laugh. Like, you just know. You can just look, you can say, Abby, you're telling the truth.

And I'm like, hmm. Like, I just can't, I can't do it. Maybe because you can't that you struggle so much when people do. Mm-hmm. And I find this well how sometimes, like, with my ex, like, I don't like referring him as my ex because obviously it's still quite fresh. But as you say to him, like, swear on our kids' lives that you're not lying. And then you do it.

it and he's still fucking lying. I'm like, I hate you. Like, I want to hurt you right now. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. It's one thing if it's a white light, it's one thing to try and cover something up because you know it's going to, you know, cause a problem. But yeah, when you go as far as to like swear on someone's life and things, it's like. And you're, yeah. Yeah. No, it's not true. Do you know what I mean? It's just, it's just a little bit. It's like, it's like a pinky promise in it. It's like you're pinky promise in it. It's because you're mean in it. Yeah. But it's the intention behind it. Like, obviously nothing bad's going to happen. but the fact that you're even just putting it out there and saying it and breaking things.

And knowing that you're not. Yeah. I think that's quite a big thing in my house. If you ask my children, what's the biggest, what does your mom hate the most? She would say liar. Yeah. Yeah. If you ask Ariya, she will say bullies and liars.

That's the two things that I ate. And I don't know how I'm going to be. As a mom when she gets old and she's like 13, 14 and there's some kids bullying her because I'll probably hurt them. Yeah. Like I'm not even joking. I don't know what will it is. That's exactly what my mind is the same.

I remember even a story of my brother was in school. My brothers, you know, was quite reserved, quite quiet and we'd not long moved to Spain. So instantly like kids are horrible anyway and, you know, can't understand what they're saying and the boys who are, you know, not being nice to him. He never said anything to my mum. And he must have only been, I don't know, maybe eight, something like that, eight, nine. Well, my sister's a couple years younger than him. And so she told my mum the boys were being nasty.

And I remember being in the car driving down the street. And my sister was like, there's the boy that's bullying my brother. My mom's pulled the car over, grabbed the kid, grabbed a baseball bat out of the car, gave it to my brother. She didn't do anything. She gave the baseball back to my brother and went, go on. Go on. If he's it in you, it back. Yeah.

You think you're brave? Go on. You know, it was only enough to scare him. But he never, you know, my brother did. nothing like the kid just got a massive scare but he never never spoke to him again I will make sure that the kid ever bullies my kid again like I haven't said like did that but I think that's how they should be like I'm I'd do that for my kids I'm not like I'm not want to to grow my children as worse it's like I can't I can't like if they fucking hit you

hit them back never hit first yeah don't agree I think that's the general thing everyone says like don't hit first but like you've always said make sure you finish it Because if you don't handle it, things like say bullies get worse. But when you're naturally not that inclined to be like loud or, you know, thing. I'm an ex-kickboxer. Are you? I am. Oh, that's a nice little hidden talent.

But talk about bullies, like there was this one girl. And this is in Spain. How old was I? 23, 24 maybe. And we went out and a night out. She was actually staying at my house. time because she had an argument with her mom and she didn't want to be there so I'll just come stay at mine like a single mum of Harry of them and she was staying at my house and it wasn't like

to so I realised she's been like really jealousy over things like obviously I was going out working she was at mine just like bumming about which is fine I mean did bother me um and we went out one night and we got back and she literally just fucking flipped and she was hitting me like no tomorrow she fractured my finger like I'm not joking she fractured my finger she bit me like I've got scars still from where she What? Yeah and then I found out that how she used to be a really big bully in where we used to live in Mercia to all these other kids in school and stuff

What a psycho. So literally I got bullied at the age of 24 by this fucking girl. I got bullied and bad on a fractured finger. I mean she was like four times the size of me so there was no way that I was going to be able to her like even do any And use my kickboxing skills. It's like why don't you use a kitbox and I was like well you couldn't at the minute when you've got like some fucking 100 kilo girl on top of you and you weigh like 50 kilos like come on but yeah like no I think like we say bullies with kids

but like going in the workplace like I've had to deal with a few different types of personalities and things and it's just the backhanded comments in front of people and you know how people do it sly so it's like you're the asshole if you bring it up like being able to learn and deal with people like that is really really important. When they're lying, you're like, you fucking know that you're lying. I remember working with a guy. And so I used to work in timeshare. And he used to come in on a Monday, clearly being on the racquet on the weekend,

like it's obvious. Like, literally your eyes are like this. I'm like, I'm so depressed. I'm like, course you. I just probably bag down like a gram of a co-key. I'm not too bad depressed. And then he was like, no, I've been ill a weekend. I'm like, saw you in Bushfacker.

What are you talking about? Like you're lying to me. Why are you lying? I saw you. You saw me. How can you say that you was at home all weekend? And there's no need to lie. There's nothing about that.

Yeah, there's not even a reason to lie in that situation. It pisses me off. Yeah, see, you've come across them in so many different, like you say, in work life, you've had, in your life, lies that are so extreme that, you know, you've had to make huge life decisions, you know. And then you have to deal with, like, say, sometimes daily work, just. Yeah, the point is. What are you on about? You're lying.

Just why? Just be real. But then saying that, if you think about it, like I've had to cover my exes back for cheating on me to my family. Like, I've been lying about what he's like. That's quite a thing actually. I'm glad you brought that because I think this is what a lot of people go through is that it's one thing to deal with something in your situation between you and your partner. But then it's like the minute you involve your friends or your family, like then you get all the opinions of what you should do and stuff. So it's like, do you openly.

say, do you work through it behind closed doors? Like, do you defend them to other people? Like, it's a real difficult thing. I'll still defend my ex to this day. Because obviously, I still do love him. Like, he was a very big, we were to go up for near seven years. Like, it wasn't just like a two-year job thing. Like, I was ready for life with him.

Yeah. Unfortunately, he lied and he got caught. And now, yeah, like, it's, it. I just, I just don't like it. Yeah. Oh, I don't think anyone likes that. Ariya, what does, one who doesn't like, stupid, like lies and bullies?

Yeah. I can't cope with it. And, like, working in, in previous works as well, like, to be in fucking lie to you. And I know that you're lying to me. I'm not stupid. Yeah.

I may not me like the sharpest tool on the box around me, but I'm not fucking stupid. Like, stop, like, mugging me off. Yeah. I can know that you're lying. Um, and in the situation with your, your ex and your family. So you decided to keep it to yourself first

and to, like, not talk about it. When I found out that he cheated on me, the first person I called was my aunt and uncle. And they were on holiday. And Lanzarotti at that moment. And my uncle hates him, obviously. Yeah. He protects me. Natural.

Yeah. Which I get at. And by now he's just got past Asia. He needs to still understand he's still the father of my children the end of the day. Yeah. But they were, and I couldn't, I was more worried about telling my friends. I was embarrassed. Yeah. Which is horrible because you're not.

the one that's done anything wrong. Yeah. But I can imagine that that's how, you know, the women carry that, like, embarrassment. Like, he's cheated on me because I've done something. Yeah. I've caused it. Absolutely not. There's nothing about being cheated on that you should be embarrassed about.

And 100% of the decision to be cheated on lies with the person who does it. They're the shit. It's not anything that you've done. Whether, oh, yeah, well, you know, I've drove him to it or I wasn't. there for him or whatever, you know, there's things and such in a relationship that, you know, you have ups and downs. But the ultimate decision to go and do that is completely on that person. I think it's when he done it as well. He's done it literally, I think it was like four, maybe five days after I just miscarried our baby. And I was three, nearly three and a half week,

months, sorry, pregnant. That's awful. And you're going through the most different thing. Then I was in the UK doing my sister's baby shower for my beautiful. Doing my sister's baby shower going through a miscarriage while you're there shagging something. And they're so white. They're so ugly as well. Like, what is wrong with you? Yeah. Honestly, the whole cheating thing just baffles me because the girls are never as pretty.

You don't even want them. Like, it's just a literal momentary thing that you're willing to throw the whole life that we've created away. and now, like, if you ask me, do you want this family? Absolutely, I do. Right, well, why go and throw it all away for half an hour? That's the worst of, because obviously, like, my ex has a child from a previous relationship. When she was pregnant, they weren't together. They're separated before her pregnant, like, when she just must have fell pregnant.

Yeah. So I've pretty much brought up a child that wasn't mine. He calls me mum, like, he's now seven, and that had my daughter as well. And then he goes and does that. Yeah. Days after losing a baby, like, that's the lowest of the low that someone can do to start. Cheating, okay. Cheating is bad.

Yeah, it's bad. But I think the situation around anything to do with a woman who is pregnant or postpartum, like there's just another level of disgusting and disrespect that comes with that because you are your most vulnerable. And you're not in your most, you know, best time of life at that. Like you're going through a lot, whether it's your hormones, the way you look, your body's changing. I'm still bleeding. Do you know what I mean?

I was still bleeding from losing the baby. And you're... I can't imagine. You're there. And it's not like, for example, everyone was like, oh, maybe you didn't have a good sex life. No, me and Hockey always had the most amazing sex life, like, up until, like, probably last year. Oh, that we worked together. There is no excuse.

There's no excuse. But that's people's opinions. Well, that's... She's a relationship with me. Exactly. Exactly. We were going through a hard time. It wasn't just you going through this.

It was his child, he lost. Yeah. He lost two. And I just find there is no excuse, you know. There is no excuse. There's no understanding of that and talking your way or rationalise and not trying to explain. Like, you were completely and utterly in the wrong. And that's not just a mistake.

That's a choice that you made. You decided to stick your dick in somebody else, you know what I mean? Like, that was your, you knew exactly what you, bullshit, you was drunk or whatever. At that moment in time, like, Like, it's just... It was awful. So was it something that he kind of couldn't deal with not telling you anymore and then wanted to tell you? No, he didn't.

No, he didn't tell me. Ah, so even there. He didn't. So then comes to lies. Yeah. So he, unfortunately, something really bad in our life happened. And he was actually, um, so he had, he had a smoke club and it got raided. And he ended up actually in prison for a month, right?

And this is literally, you couldn't picture it. I said I'm a kind of a surprise my life. This is it. So I lost the baby, went to England, he cheated. I got back from England on the Monday. And on the Tuesday, the house was being raided from the police. And he was put in prison. Wow.

Literally within a week, all that happened. I didn't know that he cheated. I didn't know that. You found them through that support in him with all this. Yeah. I was going to bloody prison to go and drive in two hours to go see him. And he didn't even have the audacity to say, babe, look, this is what...

I fucked up. I'm so sorry. Like, this is your moment and if you want to go. Like, I understand. I mean, like, I'm going to be in here for God knows how long. Yeah.

He didn't have the fucking balls. Yeah. And that's why I think now at the minute, like the guy that I'm seeing, he, I can't, I can't let go. I know. I've got my room with drug dealer to go out of civil.

This is great. But it's just, I can't let go. I can't... I'm so scared. Like I'm not going to lie yesterday. I literally said to, was it yesterday,

a day before? Day before. What day we had today? Saturday. It was Thursday. Yeah, I said to, I said to, I call him Mike. I said to Mike because I can't do this.

I'm sorry. I can't literally walk away. I can't physically do it because I'm so fucking traumatized and I hate men. Especially like when guys are liking my story, I'm like, you've got a fucking girlfriend. Yeah.

What is wrong with you? Yeah. Like, I know that I'm posting probably very, what's the word? Provocative. Provocative. Which you're allowed. Yeah. Like, do you know, I understand?

Yeah. But you're a man. That is one thing that, like, say, does. And then, like, they're, like, messaging me as well. And I'm like that. And I don't reply. See it so much. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then doesn't give you confidence in then going forward in another relationship. Yeah. If you're like, if you're doing that, is he doing that? No. And then it's like, my brain's. You can't.

You also can't think like that. Yeah. But then I'm like, do I'm like, do I'm like, do I, am I end in it because I want to be back with Hawkeye for example? Then I'm thinking, fuck, no, Abby, think about everything that he's done and put you away. It's hard because it's like your head and your heart wrestling with each other and not always your head and your heart's on the same page. But ultimately, like you say, you've got to make the decision that's right for you.

But I think it's valid. And I think every woman that's watching this that has been cheated on will 100% relate to going into new relationships, carrying that. And it's so easy to say. But I think you can't. go into a new relationship, projecting your worries and fears on a person that hasn't given you anything to be concerned about. Because you ultimately will just potentially lose the chance of having happiness with them.

And it's so much easier said than done. And I haven't been in that situation. But I think whether it's therapy, whether it's, you know, whatever, taking it's slow with that person, like whatever it is, just do the work. because ultimately you don't deserve to potentially not have happiness because of something you've gone through. This is it. This is it. And like, obviously, like, Hawke found out and everything about this other guy. And he was making me feel bad because I've, like, potentially moved on. I mean, we pretty much broken up for the whole of last year on and off.

Like, we still went on holiday with the kids and stuff. Like, it was just, I couldn't let go. And then I got into the new year and I was like that. And then fortunately, like Mike came along and treated me how I've wanted to be treated the last seven years. I mean, he's just, he's showing me so much stuff in the last month that no one ever has. And then I'm fucking going into Meltdown like, shit, I'm hurting Hawke. I'm hurting the kids. Is Ari going to be okay with this?

No, I think as a mom, those things naturally come in, like dating with children is just a whole ballgame in itself. And like I say, I've not been in that situation. But I think just taking it slow. Taking it slow, but absolutely, like, draw the line and you are not responsible for how he feels. I'm talking about your ex. Like, make it, whether he's happy about it, sad about it, whatever. It's irrelevant. Yeah.

Because, and it's hard because, like you say, you still have, you know, feelings from him. You're still the father of your child. But ultimately, if you've made that decision, you can't carry any guilt moving forward because the whole reason that this is all happened is because of his actions. This is it. This is it. And I think women carry that and you shouldn't carry that. No.

And don't feel guilty and remember that you do deserve your own happiness. Not mommy's happiness. Abby's happiness. Desert. It's this person, whoever it is, is bringing you that happiness. Don't overthink it. Don't ever think. Oh, relationship.

Is he making you happy? In the moment. Is he making you happy? Yeah. In this moment, yes. Yeah. If you're happy, you know your children are happy. Why?

Because you know if your children are happy, you're happy. Simple as that. I know. You've just got to be in that moment and we all have to align ourselves that we do deserve happiness. Wherever we get that from. You've been through so much and like Bill says, that's his own problem. He has his chance. And he's lost it.

And the funniest thing as well is like he makes me feel bad because obviously I like Mike bought me tickets to go to Budapest the end of the month. and I obviously shared that on social media Now one of his friends screenshotsed my Instagram post And sent it to him And I'm like, you are fucking joking me I was like so you cheated on me And not one of your fucking friends told me Until two years later

Now I'm happy, not with you And not in a relationship And they're screenshoting my shit And send it to you I was like what the fuck is it? What is this? No There's not one leg

There's not one leg That any of them Him friends and family Have to stand on You fucked up You've ruined it. Yeah. And now you're moving on.

You break the family. You absolutely should. You've been through a lot to get to this stage anyway. It's a lot more complex than it is just, you know. That's we're making it sound. Yeah. You cheated and you've moved on. You didn't want this to have.

No. Like I said, you spent all last year. I tried to make it work after and it marked me so much that I can't forgive. Yeah. And it was harder. I mean, maybe I could forgive. I definitely cannot fucking forget. Yeah.

Like, it's not, it's like I say to everyone, it's not the cheating. It's when he done it. Yeah. Like, you cheated on me when we just lost our baby. I wasn't like two weeks pregnant. Three and a half months pregnant, like, come on. And when I started having a miscarriage, I was actually at the smoke shop in that time. And I started bleeding.

And I said to him, I was like, like, we need to go to hospital. Do you know what I said? He's like, can you wait an hour? I can't leave the other guy here. I mean, if that's not a rogue flag, I don't know what is. And it's so weird how we become kind of. kind of acceptant. Is that the right word?

We seem to accept these. And that's accepting these things. Only when we're out of it, we look back and we're like, oh my God. Yeah. You would never teach your daughter to. No. And I've had this conversation with Erin.

She's 10. And I've had this conversation. I explained that why, like, mommy and puppy can't be together. Like, because of this. Yeah. And I just, I don't want her to go through what I've been through in life. And that's where being a mum,

of my upbringing because this is not even half of what's happened in my life. Like I've literally write a book about my life. Maybe part two at some point. Abby's coming back. But it's crazy and I just don't want my daughter. And I'm going to teach my son to love a woman. And he's too and he helps me and make the bed. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? No, I think you're right because I say this like, oh, I don't have a girl. And I think having a girl has, you have so much more extra kind of pressure and responsibility. of like, you know, girls in relationships and all of the, you know, stuff we have to go through periods and all of that. But at the same time, I'm like, I equally have just as bigger task of raising two men that are going to be someone's partner and someone's dad one day. So it's equally as important.

But I think it's one thing to put yourself through something. And sometimes you don't put yourself first and you, you know, you accept things you shouldn't. But when you have kids that are watching, it's almost like that kind of forces you to go, No, I can't accept that. It's, yeah. And like, with, like, the guy that I'm seeing, like, I put boundaries on, there's been a couple of red flags with him that I didn't like, and I brought it up and I've said, like, no.

Yeah. And if I don't, I'm going to accept another relationship where I accepted through the last seven years. Yeah. And I don't want that. I know what I want now. I'm at the age. I'm not this child anymore.

I know what future I want. Yeah. Do I want to wear the white dress one day? I can love to be able to wear the white dress. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you know what you're worth. I think, you know, when we get into a relationship.

When we're younger, we definitely accept things we shouldn't. We bend over backwards. We put other people first. You do all those things. You make those mistakes when you're like first learning what are relationships like. But I think as you get older, you realise that this is the expectations of my partner. And this is what you need to be. No ag.

Stop with the ag. Why are you stressing me out for? I've got enough fucking stress as it is in my brain, let alone with my life. So what does personal growth look like for you at the moment behind? And the scenes. Because you mentioned completely shifting your mindset towards the end of last year. And this year, you're in a huge kind of change, you know, in your personal life anyway. What does growth look like for you in 2026?

This year is looking very positive. I've got nothing but positive vibes, as I say. Yeah. At the moment. I'm possibly potentially going to be buying a house. It's exciting. That's an accomplishment. Yeah.

And that's growth in me because I've never saw that in myself and never asked for help. So in Spain, obviously, it's really difficult to get a mortgage on a one wage. Yeah. It needs to be two people to be able to get a mortgage. I'm a one person, two kids, you know what I mean? Like, so I've had to ask my mum to be like the guarantor for my mortgage. And when she gets back from Thailand, lucky bitch. She says she's going to like help me out to try and get this mortgage for me.

And that's exciting. Asking for help is great. But what you said just before, that was I never saw that for myself. So you didn't have those high expectations and you'd be able to achieve that. No. In a million years. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened.

Well, I know what happened in 2025. It was an absolute mess and how I see myself, growth in general from how I see myself in February last year when I'm literally on my mom's sofa, bawling my fucking eyes out, hysterically crying, not understanding why Hawkeachee did. Yeah. To now, to in my own house, paying my rent, paying my bills, my kids go to school, my kids go to school, my kids got food, they go to nursery, they go to after school clubs, you know what I mean? Like, they have a good life. Do I struggle? 100%, but that's my growth plan to have enough money behind me now. And yeah, in the summer, I'm going to work so fucking hard. I'm going to be doing two, maybe three jobs. I've got two jobs at the minute. And my growth this year is, is me. I'm going to be selfish and think of me. Yeah. And I don't really care what anyone thinks. No.

I just don't. I've gone through so much shit. I just don't. Absolutely. You've gone through so much. You've got yourself to a really great space. I think you should be massively proud of how you've got to this point. Even just having my house to rent, like, rent's so expensive nowadays as well.

And I'm doing it by myself. Yeah. Everything what you're doing on your own is, it's, it's hard enough doing it with a partner, you know, with someone by your side. But when you, you know, you're just, like you said, the one person who your children look up to in your home kind of thing, you rely on for a roof over their head, for water, electricity, food,

taking them to school, their clubs, friends, however that is. That's all on you, you know. So don't use that word selfish. It's definitely what you deserve. This is it. Like I need to... You are your best investment. My growth at the minute is realizing what I,

what I deserve and I don't find I don't think I'm a bad person in the slightest have I done bad decisions in my life I'm real do you know what I mean like do I regret it no I had the best life when I was younger ever like yeah I grew up on the streets you know what I mean I wasn't like how kids are nowadays it's completely different however I've just gone through so much stuff that now it's it's my time now yeah like I'm always going to be there to help my friends and my family and and and but you just need to put some of that energy back into I need to grow myself up yeah I'm in you're at the age now that you just uh yeah got a crack on and you're your your your own person at the end of the day yeah a boss an ex-boss of mine once said

no one gives a shit about your life generally like they don't care they don't care for you a single mom they don't care for you're a millionaire they don't care do I mean nobody cares yeah just you you care about yourself and that's what I need to that's a good one what does success look like for you now and for the next couple of years what would success be for you success would be to

to obviously own my own house that would be a massive step for me again being a single mom like I think it's it hits another level when you're a single mom and you're going to buy your house for sure it hits differently don't get me wrong

I would have to have the dream buy my first house with my partner and all this like, it's the norm, isn't it? That's what they say. But, yeah, it will be that. And to smash my job at the minute. Like, I was in real estate before. There's a list of Asian.

And then I've gone into my best mate, like my step-sister's company and completely different. It's a bar for a refurbishment company and I love it. Yeah. And it's got such good potential. And that's, my sister says, we'll do work. Yeah. And smash target and fucking make the peas is what they say.

I know. Yeah. Exciting. times. Like, obviously, I've lived in Spain for 23 years now, and it wasn't easy. Yeah. It was not easy for any English kid. No.

London, a kid. Yeah. We're another breed. But I just, this is so much that's happened in my whole entire life since I was younger. And it's just, I think it's, I think just as a testament to yourself, you're definitely a resilient person because I've known you for a long time, not super close. but I wouldn't even have guessed half of the massively big, traumatic things that you've gone through

because, like you say, your just natural personality is just to be so upbeat and positive and bubbly. Yeah. So, like, Ari's dad, like, that was a big impact. I was, unfortunately, severely abused by him. I wasn't in a relationship even with him and he broke into my house and attacked me. That has probably made me now the person I am,

as well from that growth a lot. Like, it's every, it was just big, like, there's always big parts in my life. Like, obviously, you're losing my dad and then Ari's dad and then Jorge. And then, like, it's just to give me a fucking break. Yeah. Usually is life experience. I mean, they're very extreme.

They are very extreme. Not much. I've got so much. Yeah. And my best mate says to me, she just, I don't know how you fucking do it. Yeah. Like, you've gone through so much shit. Yeah.

And you still stand. Absolutely. Well, yeah, you've had days, like you say, you've had days on the sofa thinking I'm not going to get off here, but you haven't stayed there. No. You know, you've had them days and then you've gone, right, this is it now. Let's move on and get off here. I'm the only one who's going to be able to pick me up and make the change. It's you or you in the day.

But, yeah, no, I think maybe just this is that, this is what happened with Arias dad. And, I mean, he was sentenced, obviously, so. No, I hope so. Yeah, he got. It was 20, it was 22 months, so, nearly two years. Yeah. But obviously I was, it was my thought, obviously. Whose thoughts are going to be?

Yeah. Obviously I had to open the door for him, you know. Come on, Ng. Yeah. Tack me. Why not? Yeah. No.

It's a lot of shit that I've had to carry. And I, and I, this podcast, I'm going to keep for the rest of my life. And I'm going to let Aria listen to it when she's older. So she understands, like, if I'm a strict mum or if I'm shouting or if I'm overwhelmed, it's a reason. I've got too much shit going through my head. Yeah. But this year, I don't know what's happened.

I literally, I was working on New Year's Eve, actually, because I didn't have the kids. So I was like, well, what am I going to do? Like, I'm not going to go out clubbing and might as well as well to make money. And I made two hundred and fifty euros that day. Amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I would have spent like two hundred fifty euros and I'm like out. Yeah. But I just literally went into the new day. New, hadn't had a drink until last night. Failed, but anyway, only had three. But I hadn't had a drink all month of January and, and just came into 2006, a completely different person.

Completely different. That's amazing. Yeah. And then obviously they say when your life's positive and you remove negativity from it, good things start happening. 100%.

And literally that's just what's happening in my life. And you've learned the lessons now to pick up on, like you say, the little red flags are not tolerated so that you, you know, we don't, sometimes we have to go through the shit to learn to then not accept. accept it. So yeah, going into this year, putting yourself first, I know what I want now.

Know what you want. Know what's not acceptable. And it's shit that you've had to go for as much as you've had to. But, you know, you are who you are because of it. And what doesn't kill us, does make us stronger. I know it's a cliche and we don't want that to be the case. But it does. And, you know, we're only a week or so away from the year of the firehorse, which is even just going to set you on even much more of a powerful journey. already felt it now. You're going to have a great year. I'm excited. I'm excited for me this year. Yeah. I know I'm going to start my dancing as well because I finally found a babysitter. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. That's really exciting. So we're going to wrap up with the unfiltered

minute. Oh, God. So, you do know that my brain doesn't work quickly. Well, this is whatever comes out of your mouth. Oh, God. Not much thinking. Answer as quick as you can. Go for it. A couple sentence answers and we're just going to whack it out. What do you wish people talked about more honestly? Oh shit. Opinions. Talk about your opinions. Don't opinion.

Just don't opinion in your mind. Tell them what you're feeling. Yeah. Like, it doesn't matter. A little bit like lying. Just be honest. Yeah. Be honest.

What do you think most people focus too much on? People's opinions. Yeah. Yeah, that is very true. What is something simple that brings you joy? My children. Lovely. What does growing together mean to you?

Oh, wow. Everything. Growing together is everything. Yeah. That's literally the one word. Everything. Yeah. What is your superpower, something that you find easy?

Oh. Standing in the shower for about hour. There's never an ignoring life. Until the kids come in. Gosh. I don't know. I don't know. Dealing with everything that you've got going on.

maybe. That's just a norm for me in it. Well, that is your superpower because like say other people are like, how'd you do it? Just waking up. That's my superpower, just waking up. And yeah, have my coffee, get the kids up, go to school, go to work and to do life. Yeah. Well, it is. What is something you want people to know about you? That if my facial expressions are saying different to what I'm saying, it's not because I don't mean it. I'm really sorry. Like I could be like my facial expression sometimes says everything. And then I realized that doing it, I'm like, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, if you, if you need me, just, just message me. I'm here.

Yeah, I will always help in any way. I think as well, because of life I've had, I can always, I don't have the right answers, but I can give you the right advice. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm always, I'll always be there. Always. There's, like, for example, like, you girls, like, I've known you for years, we're not closed in any way, but, like, for, well, Sean, for example, like, I know she, she, she can message me. any time and I can message her and I can message you girls but I'm I'm that person as well yeah so if anyone knows me that's watching this and you need to talk to I'm your girl no I think it's one thing being able to give advice but I think when you get advice from someone who's been there it just lands

so much deeper and it feels so much more not real isn't the right word but you know like if if if if I've going through something that you've been through and you're telling me it does get better It's so much easier to believe that. It does. Then someone, you know. Like, I generally mean it. I generally mean it that if you're, if anyone that's listening to this is struggling, it's struggling, it gets better.

I'm not going to say it's going to get back tomorrow. Or next year. Yeah. It gets better. But also, it's your mind as well. When you train your mind to stop making you doubt yourself, that's where you grow as a person as well. Yeah.

Because it's all in your head. And don't be scared to ask for help. No. No, no. Don't be scared. And I'll tell you what, thanks to my friend that said that to me a couple of weeks ago, ask for help. I wouldn't be where I am at the minute, potentially in the next few months to buy a house. No, it's great.

And it's funny you kind of touch on that because I've just done training, like I said, with loads of people at work. And it's work-related, but it just applies to life. We can't always dictate our circumstances. but we can always control our response to them. And when things are great, fantastic, when things aren't great, how you respond to it, you always have control over it. And, you know, first and foremost, having control of your mindset dictates your response. So whether you fall victim and it's, you know, poor me, I can't, you know, do this.

And, you know, we all have a moment of that. But you have full control to turn things around and see the silver lining. And yeah, that might have happened. but the mindset shift that I've got is now I'm going to do this on the back of that. Like I can't change this, but what I can change or I can control is this. And I think, you know, for someone, like you say, as young as you that's gone through as much as you to share that, you know, it's not easy, but you can control how you deal with it and you can make things better. I just don't listen to anyone.

I used to be worrying so much in my young guy, like what people thought or what they're thinking of me. No, I couldn't give a shout. I just don't care. Yeah. Like this new relationship, because my ex says to me that all my friends and family, see your social media, I don't care. Yeah. Like I'm doing me. Yeah.

It's me now. Yeah. I know me. They're the ones who are quite like know me. Why have I got to like justify myself to people that when I did ask for help differ in my face as well? Like, come on. Yeah. But no, I am, I definitely, yeah, I'm a very bubbly person.

I'm always bubbly. Always happy, even though I'd be like, in bed, like, crying. No, that's real. That's like I said, it's life. It's not always good. I don't like, I don't at all want petty from anyone. I don't want that whole for you, you, you know what I mean? It doesn't come across like that.

No, it doesn't. It comes across that, you know, I've been through shit and I've got through the other side. Oh, yeah. And, you know, your life can do a complete 360 in, in the space of a year. And, you know, I'm here to show you the, yeah, and you can dust yourself. off, get up and make good things happen. I look as well, like a couple of weeks ago, well, a week ago, I was in hospital for nearly two weeks and got out on the Monday and I was in work on shooting.

I don't know. I can't believe that. I was like, wow. Nothing stops you. No, I was like, I even said to them, my best mate. Because she's my boss. It's really funny as well. She's my best mate.

She's my boss. But she was like, abs, don't worry about coming in. I'm like, fuck off. I'm, course I'm coming in. She's like, what? She's like, what is wrong with you? I'm, well, what's right with me? Unstoppable, Abby.

Well, hopefully you guys have enjoyed this episode as much as me. It's been great. Thank you so much for joining us in The Shed. I'm so happy and I cannot wait. The 20th. I'm so excited. Yeah, so don't forget those of you, well, probably around the time this episode's coming out,

I'll probably be around that time. So I was going to say join us, but it'll probably be too late by then. So if you missed out on that one, then make sure. you catch us for the next one. But thanks, Abby. Thank you.