The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - The Art of Letting Go: How to Know When Enough Is Enough (Audio Only Version)

Episode Date: November 28, 2025

In this episode, we dive into holiday traditions, workplace challenges, communication struggles, and the powerful moment you finally know when enough is enough.From Christmas prep with kids to the reality of feeling unappreciated at work or misunderstood in relationships, Billie and Charlotte explore the fear, the hesitation, and the breakthrough that comes with letting go.We discuss how family traditions shape us, why communication is the foundation of every relationship, and how people often stay too long in jobs or situations that drain them.This week’s conversation brings honest insights into self-awareness, boundaries, emotional health, and the courage it takes to choose yourself even when it’s uncomfortable.Whether you’re navigating a tough season, contemplating a career shift, or trying to improve a relationship, this episode will remind you that trusting your gut is one of the strongest decisions you can make.

Hi everyone. Hey. Welcome back. Welcome back. To another week. Yes. What have you been up to? Not much really.

Like I say, just I feel like I'm really late putting all the decorations up. And I always wait till after my birthday. And then I've gone to England and stuff. I don't think you're late. I'm like, I'll do it. Yeah, first week of December, first December, that kind of week or whatever. And everyone seems to be on it this year. Like with the trees up.

I fear everyone is a lot earlier because I know I, So I've got my box out. Yeah. So you're nearly there. Yeah, but it won't go up. It's the first of December. And I understand maybe getting it ready maybe the day before for the first because obviously that's when the kids open the calendars.

True. And that sort of thing. Yeah, we've got calendars for the boys. But I tend to do it like the first week of December hoping that it's the first on a weekend then great because then we can just get it done on the weekend. Otherwise the days seem to go on and on and with different clubs you're there at 11 o'clock at night. still going to decorate a tree, do you know what I mean? But I don't think, yeah, I think people are getting earlier.

Yeah, and I keep wanting to get a few like extra bits like when I've been out and I've seen like things in the shops. I'm like, oh, or like a few things in my car. But going away, are you going to decorate? I'll probably wait till I get back. I'll take it back. Until I get back. Oh, till you get back. Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I wait until I get back. It's too much of a rush. Like I need to, I want to sort of the house to make it like, like, liveable, make sure the boys have got clothes. do the washing and get on top of like house stuff for being away for three days. That alone without. Yeah. So the lame doesn't have to worry about all of that stuff and just have a kind of everything ready for him.

And then yeah, I'll just do it when I get back. Like I said, I'm not religious about it being on the first. No, I'm not about being on the first. It's just like the first week. Yeah. So it doesn't drag on to another second week. Oh, crap. It's the middle of December.

But because obviously one's getting earlier and earlier. Yeah. I'm getting, but that's the earliest I'm going. Yeah. I'm pulling it forward to that's the early. I did watch my first Christmas film today. Oh, did you? I haven't, what had I watched?

I don't think I've physically watched. There's always a Christmas film on in my, not in the, from anyone says, mentions Christmas, that's it, elf goes on. So elves on a flip on my, yeah, loop, whatever you want to call it around. So Liam's drills into Kaysen that if you listen to Christmas songs, not in December or movies, it's bad luck.

So like, if we're in the car and Kaysen, He's got one or two in his album. So if we're thinking, he's like, quick, turn over, it's bad luck. Like, he's, like, Liam only started saying it as a bit of a joke into, so that we're not playing them in September. But it's funny how, like, Kay's like, it's bad luck, turn off. And then I put one on today and he went, it's not December, it's bad luck. And I said, Kaysen, it's in the 20s of November.

We're close enough. We're warm. We're definitely in the world. We're good. We can watch a Christmas film. Oh, bless you. So, and I watched on TikTok, someone's showing their kid, the Grinch. And the kid was like, mesmerized.

So I, like, expected to have this nice moment with Hayden and I put on the Grinch, but I put on the cartoon one because I thought the real one is a little bit, you know, and he's quite aggressive. So I was like, and the first bit or one of the first bits you see him is like the teenagers who creep up to the house and scare him. So I was like, I'll put on the cartoon one. Yeah. Well, he was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, bless him.

He's never been scared of anything. Like I've put Halloween stuff on, masks in shocks. How weird. Like he is a brute. I've not found anything that scared him. And like jump out at him. Like, raw. Like, he's just not scared of anything.

Like, even like I ordered a hand for Halloween. Yeah. And Keatser was a bit like, oh. And the year before the spider that goes on the wall. Yeah. And he's just laughing. So I did not expect. No. So we, I think I tried it.

three times throughout the day. And I think on the fourth attempt, he crawled up next to me and he was like... And then he kind of got into it a little bit. But yeah, he was like, oh, turn off. And he's done it a few times today because it's Sunday. We've been putting the films on. Some of the things he didn't like. And even Monsters Inc.

I'm like, you've got a figure of Sully that's in your mouth right now. But you don't like... And he was like still a bit funny. So he's like hit an age where he's getting very aware of stuff. Well, yeah, for us it's... Yeah, Elf goes on. But we did, me and Kaysen did a list of all our movies to watch. So, yeah, Elf is Home Alone.

Home Alone, Elf and The Grinch is like the top. The Christmas Chronicles is one of the next. That is my new favourite, I must admit. One and two, me and Kayson love that one. Love Actually. That's not on my list. I've seen it a couple of times, but that's, it is very much a Christmas movie actually. Yeah, but I guess because I'm thinking of kids.

Kids. Yeah, I suppose so. But that is like saying, you can watch that as a kid. There's so many of my ass. Literally, it was so funny. The day after, I think I said this before on the last pod anyway, the day after Halloween, that was it. Lexi was there.

Hot chocolate asking me to print out pictures to colour, Christmas things to colour it. Oh, do you want to share with the listeners what she did to prepare you for our Christmas list? Okay, yes. This is so like type A child, I love this. So we haven't actually wrote our letters yet to Father Christmas. because we are still in November. I mean, we'll be thinking about it soon because obviously the elves need time and da-da-da-da-da.

Yeah. Kaysen literally the other day we started. Yeah. But we haven't actually physically wrote the letters or anything. You just spoke about it. We just spoke about obviously different bits and bugs. Yeah. Well, she got the whole family, all of us, to the living room and she had made a, what is it, like a PowerPoint presentation. A PowerPoint presentation.

I can't believe she even knows how to use it. A PowerPoint presentation. It was like a slideshow. Like a slideshow. A PowerPoint presentation. So she started off with Lex's Christmas list. And then it went on to the next slide show of all the different things that she wants. Most of are from America.

It's very American. Just to make it easy for Santa. Well, she did say that's why she asked Santa because they are from America. So if anything, he should be able to, you know, organize something with the else or whatever. But it was, again, we only on the letter, we're not greedy. We just asked for three things. But this wasn't on a letter. This was on a PowerPoint presentation on the television show

and us all exactly what she wanted, where it was available. Love the specificity. It was very, I'm just glad there was only three things because we would have been there all night, wouldn't me? But it was very clever, very, very clever. I think we underestimate sometimes that these kids are on the text, yeah, what they can do.

And I remember our parents, I know, I remember our parents saying about us. You know when we had the old school computers with the towers, when they all came out, like they didn't have a clue sort of thing. You know, and it is, it is a bit like that. Like, wow, how did I say when she does it with a TikToks do with her, you know, when she cuts it and then, you know, whatever she does. I don't know how to use TikTok.

Neither do I, but she did it for us, didn't she? She did. Because when we were doing the stuff, we were like, what are we doing? When we went camping, we did a few TikToks. Yeah, and then she put it together. Yeah. I know. I love that.

Yeah. We'll insert a little TikTok video there. It was. It was very good. So, yeah, that's about it. really with the week got the box out and it's going to wait there until the first. Yeah, no, I agree. We're not quite there. We've watched a couple of movies. So we had Elph on, a bit of the Grinch. So yeah, that'll do for a week and then, yeah, then we'll get into the decorations.

Yeah, mine are desperate. And I'm actually excited because I'm pretty sure it was last year we got a new tree. Nice. It was. Which had, was it the year before? Might have been. I don't know. But I remember the tree. Yeah, with the lights built in, which I'm happy about. But I can't actually remember. I keep seeing like decorations, but I can't remember my colour theme anymore. I don't know if I change it. You know, it's like that long. And I changed maybe a year, two years ago.

I can't remember. I don't know what colour I am, so I have to wait. Wait for a theme. But I've incorporated a bit more red because I've spent me and limber together 20 years next year. I've spent probably 18 years of my life avoiding red because Derby County football team black and white. Nottingham Forest is red. Right. I see.

So there is not a picture. of me in all that time, pretty much guarantee, wearing any kind of red clothing or item. Because that does give him the ick. That gives him the ick, yeah. It's not an M&M video, rapping, but it's red. So he hates red, always has done. To the point even case him from like a child.

It's like red. So yeah, pure football, like very related. Yeah, very whatever, childish, but it's fine. So yeah, just got on with it. And then my colour theme's always been non-red. And I got to last year and I was like, I just like red Christmas stuff. Yeah, I'm a bit like that.

So, reds and greens. Yeah, yeah. And I love the chequered red and green. So I'm pretty sure last year I got more red things. And yeah, this year I'm going to get definitely some checkered red stuff. Yeah. So, yeah, Liam just had to suck it up for a couple of weeks.

He will. Don't look at it. Close your eyes. Go sit in the living room. Just don't come home. I'm joking enough. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah.

Actually, you don't take a break. You need to cook and shop. I can't live without you. So I need to get my stuff out to see what I've got because I did get a couple of extra things. And like you say, build on it this year and get a couple more things. Yeah. So, yeah. But no, one thing that came up this week that I wanted to chat about, which I thought would be a good topic to debate, is like, when do you know, it's time to walk away.

and it's not time to try and fix something. So, like, someone asked me the other day, like when you're not happy at work, like how much do you do to try and fix things or try and improve your situation or when you just, like, cut your losses and leave? And that could be relationships, friendships, work. Well, going on work, because I suppose...

We've both done that. I've experienced that, I suppose. Friendships are in probably a way, yeah, I have two. But just going on the work one, first of all, because in a way they're probably all very different because of, you know, how, then again, work could mean the world to you. Yeah, yeah. As a partner or a family member or as best friend could.

You know what I mean? You put a lot into it, don't you? Yeah. So that was probably how it was, I suppose. I did put everything into my job. And it feels like a breakup sometimes when you've worked it in a place for so long as well. Yeah. And I think, I think if you've, if you've realized what the problem is, usually,

that's the first thing is, admit. isn't it, that you're not happy. Yeah. Because some people try and avoid that. Yeah, or it's an excuse. Oh, because of this, that's why. Yeah, it's a bit better and it's not normally like that. Yeah.

So being really, you know, what it is, what's the pinpoint. And then trying to, depending on what it is. Because, for example, in my experience, I just felt very underappreciated. For a long time. So did the team. And me more or less in charge of that team, but obviously someone being higher than me still, it was very difficult because I was listening to my team but higher than me wasn't listening

so it was all being, you know, it was like a knock on effect so then I wouldn't, I didn't want to. You actually try for a while. Yeah, so that was it. So I did make the point clear. Yeah. And we wasn't being listened to. So then it was making the decision, right,

this was, it started affecting, you know, you, when it affects home. You know, you're going home and it was affecting you're home. You can't leave it at the same. door of work. Yeah. Yeah. For whatever reason it was. Do you know what I mean? Just whether it was just playing on your mind, whether it was because... Being tired, being mentally drained or those kind of things. And having a shit day because you're being you're an appreciator sort of thing, you know? You think it's not even worth it then. Yeah.

You know? And I don't mean by financially or anything, just sometimes someone's saying to you, you're doing a really good job. Well done. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't take much sometimes to give someone that feeling. Yeah. And it's not that we needed it to be able to do it. But when you're not, when there's nothing there, it literally makes you think, I know you're paying me. Yeah. Not that it was actually being paid at the time, but I know you're supposed to be paying me. But that's not all, be all an end all. I would work a lot better for you and your company.

Yeah. If you made me feel like I was, do you know what I mean? I was appreciated for doing that. I think there's a list of like top five things in order to keep really good employees. Yeah. And only one of them is obviously money. Yeah. But it is that like giving them challenges, making them feel fulfilled.

appreciating them, making them involved in some of the decision making. There's a lot that goes on and nearly every single one of them is it's stuff that you can do and a lot of people don't. Yeah. And you think it's all down to money and not. Which is very similar in any way, haven't it? So then I got to the point of, okay, I just feel like it's affecting so much that like it's, but then what do I do?

Yeah. I thought that was the be-wool in it. What else am I going to do? Because I've been there for a long, long, long, long, long time. You know, you've put so much time and effort into all of the things that you've done. And you feel like, because I think that happens in relationships, especially like, I've done so long, like it feels like a waste to throw it all away to walk away from it. So I'm just going to stay and keep fighting.

Yeah. But and then there's still no change. Yeah. So then that's when you've got to think give yourself a limit, like a, you know, like a limit of right, right. Boundary. By this time, for example. this hasn't changed or da-da-da-da, then I am going to take this action.

Yeah. And like you say, make it very clear to employ a person that, you know, whatever person is involved in that feeling. Make it very clear, not just how you feel, but what would help. Like, I think you should try and come with some of the solution. But again, as it's, that's very frustrating when that person doesn't take it seriously.

So it feels like you're not being listened to. Yeah. You know? So as much as you could, be telling this person like, yeah, like I'm, we're not happy here.

We feel very underappreciated, not necessarily overworked, but just, you know, that one, you know, we all put a lot into this. We do a lot more

than probably a lot of other people, all of us. And probably a bit more than what's on my job description. Yeah. And that's fine because that's who we are and that's who you, I would want me in a company.

But now it's getting to a point where I feel like my works being affected because of this. Yeah. You know, and all you'd have to do, I'm not asking for you to pay me more or less or hours or whatever. It's just like you say,

a little bit of more notice that, you know. We had to push for a lot of things anyway, whether it was like a Christmas dinner. Again, it wasn't about you paying for us or we'll pay for ourselves, not that we should have to. It's about bringing people together. Yeah. You know, and creating a nice work environment.

Yeah, and we lost that. And I know that was due to a lot of things, but it was that it was being unheard and not taking it seriously. Well, that kind of then leads to everything else and then it snowballs because then everyone's in a bad attitude and, you know, don't care about their work or what's the point in doing that extra thing or doing my job very good for that person who doesn't care? So then it affects everything and then you end up in just a complete shit space. Which I have an experience, but then I think that would have the same,

it's like the same effect, not effect or whatever, with a relationship. Yeah. Whether it was. But I think a lot of people get to a point where they're arguing because they don't feel a Or a friend. Exactly that. Friends too. That's what I'm trying to say.

So even as much as I haven't had that experience, if you've had a partner or a friend and you've been a situation where you think that relationship isn't as good as it was or whatever and you're pointing out to them that I'm not happy. This isn't right. Like we used to be better than this or we used to make more effort with each other or I don't know, whatever it is. Do you know what I mean?

And they could say they're listening, but then I'm not. there's no action, so there's no change. Yeah. Or in that moment, they could, you know, like, laugh you off. Yeah. You know, like you're in your own head. You're over thinking because of my work. You know, like laughing you off and you're like, okay.

Making you, well, it's gaslighting. It's making you think that you're the problem or you're not. Say that. Yeah. Because one, you don't know the reaction is going to be and how, you know what I mean. It could lead to a massive argument, a big fallout. But you think because of the relationship you've got with your work, with your friend, with your partner.

whatever it is, whether it is, whether it is, that you can speak, because you should, anyone is open to speak. And that is what it's about communicating and speaking

and being open about how we're feeling and what we're doing. That is the best, that is how everything functions properly is. Yeah. But it's not always easy. No, but that's what I'm saying.

So when you've got that bravery to actually come out and say how you're feeling and then you get a reaction like that back whether it's, you know, like a shut you down reaction. Yeah.

Not taking it's serious reaction. Yeah. Saying yeah, yeah but then you're like oh my god okay actually though that was actually okay they did yeah yeah and then nothing changes that's when i'm that's when i have to go right now i need to think about what really i want yeah whether that's from work whether that's from a relationship or that's a bullshit that's from a friend yeah why do we go to work yeah we go to work yeah we go to work to earn money but this is the thing that we should be doing every day we need to be happy

yeah the same as a partner the same as a friend yeah and if they're not giving them quality or them things that you should get from whatever those things are. Yeah. And you've tried and you've made it clear. That's when I would probably say, right, enough's enough now. What's going to make me happy? Because when you're happy, your life ends up being just around you happy. Yeah.

And it took me a lot to come away from the job and make that decision of, right, that's it now. Yeah. And it was horrible. Yeah. It was scary in terms of. You don't know what's next. long it was all I knew. Yeah. And that felt more scary than being underappreciated and feeling like that every day.

Yeah. Than making that jump. And then I was in the bit of the middle, like, oh, have I made the right decision then? Well, that's it. That's what I was going to say. A lot of times the fear of the unknown or the fear of leaving something for, I don't know what's next could be worse. Like if I leave this partner for somebody else, it might be worse. And actually what I've got isn't that bad. And then you convince yourself. Or you make less with work. Because although I do know people that have left a job and gone back to a job,

so I suppose it could be work. Like making that scary decision of enough's enough, like I respect myself. I've tried. We've given time. We've spoke about it. Nothing's changing. Whatever it is. To then actually leave, which is a huge step.

Like you say, having the club. communication and talking about it is one huge step. They're very big steps to do. Even after all them, like you're saying, and then nothing's happening, you've got to set your limit. That's it. I think that's what people struggle with is like... And sticking to it.

When's enough enough? Because we spoke about it. I've given chance for change or we've been clear about what it's going to take for things to get better and things don't change. Then you have to then make that next scary decision of actually walking away. And sticking to it because then like I say, you could walk away from like, I think it happens with friendships and relationships is like, especially with probably more. I think we're a little bit more, well, maybe it's just, you know, people that I know in situations, but more brutal with friendships. I think sometimes with the expectation it's like, you've wronged me.

You're not my friend. Like we're done. Yeah. Whereas when it's a partner, there's just something about, I mean, it can be as little. I mean, things aren't always little bit. It could be just a breakup. It could be like someone's cheated on someone. So it doesn't really matter what it is.

It could be really serious or more trivial. But whatever's caused you to break up, it doesn't really seem to be matter what. But people do come back together again and again and again. And like I say, I haven't actually ever been in that position. But nothing changes. But then they break up and they get back together, the breakup they get back together.

So I've not been in that. So I can't really speak for that feeling of what pulls you back. but it's obviously something. But what is the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing again and again and expect a different result. So, yeah, I think it's very hard to break that tie more so with a relationship.

It's hard for us to comment on the terms of a relationship. Well, we've seen it. We've been around a lot of people. Just as we were talking about the end, knowing when's enough's enough is enough. Yeah. As I was talking about it, well, actually, a lot of it probably resonates with a situation of a part.

and a situation of a friendship too. Yeah. Because I think you've just got to set that limit for yourself. Yeah. You know, because, okay, taking out, even in a work, you're a team. In your partner, you're a team. And as a friendship, you're still a team. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So no matter what they bring, it's that. And I feel once, because there's so many different reasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm just going on my mind of feeling that and appreciating. I think generally the overall summary of when you get to that point is like. Not being happy. That's probably the biggest thing.

I think not being. happy. I think people suffer with not being happy for a while though. Yeah. I think that's the first kind of sign I'm not happy. But I think normally when you're pushed to the point of feeling disrespected, I think that generally then pushes people to a point. And not taken seriously. They all literally could literally not con each other, didn't they?

You know, this isn't for me. I'm out. Yeah. But I think a lot of people wait to the point where they're backed into a corner to the point of I've got no other choice now. Yeah. I've been completely disrespected or I'm now not in love with this person anymore. I'm now not enjoying or want to be in this job anymore or this friendship.

And then they go. So it's a journey. That's where you've got to set your limit or set your thing of right. Yeah. And stick to it. But I agree. But what's my limit? Like how do I decide what that limit is?

I think we all know our limit ourselves. Yeah. I couldn't, I couldn't set your limit and you couldn't set my limit. No, it's definitely individual and personal lives. And you couldn't say, whatever. I just think in yourself, you know that limit. Yeah. I mean, you could do it and go by, right, right, right.

I've told my work that I'm not happy and I'm for a decision. And buy, if I'm going to give them. It could just be a time limit. I don't know. Let's just say a time limit. If that's what, that makes it easier. So you write in. Yeah.

Okay. Maybe people don't have a right calendar like I still do. Like a right diary and however people do stuff and go, right, buy that. date have things changed do I mean or have some people give their partners ultimatums like if you don't propose like by this date we're done kind of thing yeah but I feel in that I feel it's more of a feeling yeah a feeling of you know when enough's enough yeah you know like you're saying when do you know I think sometimes you just yeah there's all these things that happen in between and but then I've spoke to a lot of people in similar positions for

like you say whether it's worth. And they know and they still don't. They know, they know. But then it's still like, but what do I do now? And it's like, well, you kind of know, like you say, what you need to do but you just don't want to do it. Yeah. Which is fair because like I say, the fear of the unknown is very scary. And I think from conversations I've had recently as well, it's the comfort as well.

Like say you break up with someone, you've been broken up for a little bit. you go no contact and then like, oh, there's a message here or like you bump into them or something. And it's like that pull of do I miss the relationship? Or the feeling when it was good? Or do I miss being in a partnership and having a partner? Or the feeling of when it was good because actually, but that was only that much. Or have I forgot all of the good stuff? Because now all I can seem to remember is the good stuff.

It's such a weird thing of how we do that thing. So I definitely get how people can be pulled back in. But it's... But you've got to know. But when do you... Because we are in a culture of throw things away. Yeah. Definitely.

Like even with things at break. Like rather than try and fix things, we throw things away. And like relationships, like divorce is super high now compared to when it was before. So when do we stay and we push through the hard times to fix it? This is more of a relationship thing. or a friendship thing and when do we know that it's not worth fixing anymore or do you think it's just still that feeling?

It's a hard one isn't it? Because I think when people go through hard times the thing is oh well we're just not supposed to be together anymore when actually I think sometimes you go through we spoke about going through phases like having young kids is a phase like honeymoon period is a phase

like you go through phases with someone and sometimes it is shit and it's not good, but I don't know, some people at that point are just willing to throw it away. I would probably say then to that is, if that's the case, you know, because that's usually that you say, then if it's in a relationship, again, it's hard to say. But, you know, like, because with the work one,

it's like an experience. This is more of an opinion. Yeah. That's probably, it's an opinion. Yeah. Everyone's an opinion. Don't shoot me. Yeah, I know.

No. Is that say that of that noticing, are we both put in that effort? fit in. Yeah. Because, like you say, it's hard when you've got children and, you know, you. And some people experience cheating, but then they work through it. Well, that, that's. I mean, I couldn't.

But some people do. If you're watching Limb. Don't get any ideas. Some people work through it and hats off to them. I don't know. But I, it's, again, it's just, I think that if it got to, for me, it'd be a thing of right, whatever the situation, like you say, it's when you're having children and that's another stage or you're going for a busy work period or financial period

or busy period of life because that can make us a bit pressured as well or whatever it is whatever that is if I could just feel like we were just both put in that bit of effort in just to enough to get us through yeah yeah rather than just myself for example again it's very similar to work and I think you're right we've spoke about phases so sometimes you just have to have grace with each other like it's a phase we're not seeing you know we're not on the same page sometimes yeah exactly yeah yeah give and take teamwork whatever we're not on the same page sometimes or whatever but i think it's a phase so if you aren't coming out the other side like if it's a busy period like works round to the next couple of weeks so you know you just communicate you're just gonna

have to roll with me kind of thing yeah we've had it before when we're sewing and out we're literally we can feel each other getting stressed with each other but it's because we're so busy and we're not seeing each of them much. Yeah. And actually we've had to just have that minute of just, I don't know, a cuddle in the kitchen and going. Yeah. No, we don't even have to.

Reconnected a little bit. Literally not even saying anything. Just literally a cuddle and like, right, let's move on. I'm to the next thing. Let's go. But I think like you say, when you know it's a period of time, like it's a busy period at work or, you know, kids are sick and we're just not sleeping or, but it's like when you get through what you think the problem is and it continues, then it's not

a phase anymore. No. your relationships changed. But I thought about this the other day actually, and I even messaged Liam. I think it was Friday because he had to drop me to the hairdressers before taking the boys to the school. Then he went to my dad's house to help sort him like with like building stuff.

Then he had to rush back from like 20 minutes, half an hour away, to pick me up from the hairdressers. No, I walked to my eyebrow luckily because it's down the road. Pick me up from my eyebrow appointment to drive me. to drive me two minutes up the road to drop me off so I could get changed and get ready to go out. So then go pick the boys up in two different places. But he didn't complain. Didn't moan.

So I messaged him like, thanks for like wanting to do things for me. And I think that's a big difference. Because I think when you can drift apart, which can be a phase, like it's just coming back together. Or, you know, like it's not often that he has to drive around to do all those things for me. all in one day, but like, just, like, what, just knowing that he likes to make me happy or he wants, he likes to do things for me and it's not an ag and it's not an ask and it's not a favour. And it's not a favour.

Yeah, like, oh, for God's sake. Like, why did you have to do all this today? You know, like, I never get that from him, which is nice because that would really piss me off. No, I don't. I was the same with Mitch. He had to, he did the both school runs, bearing one in there a long way, part from each other in the morning. So he did both, not that he had to. So he did both friends because it's my day off.

So he went and did that. Then he went to work. Then he had to have our, he had to do something else. I'm trying to think what in between. Then going again, doing the school runs. And then he had to go up to have my sister, his sister's children as well, because obviously we were all out. We were all together.

So he had six kids so you could go out. He didn't happen for long. But it was, but again, we were just. just all worked together to do it. And it was just, and yeah, just there's no, no question of, the only question you got is, are you okay? Yeah. That's the only thing that you would get.

I mean, that's nice. And I think, I would get. I think that holds you together, but you've got to both be on the same page. And yeah, there's times where we're short with each other or, you know, little things annoy us, whatever. That's just normal. But deep down, we never get heated to the point where we throw in each other's face, anything that can't be taken back.

Like, we never go below the bell. I think you have to have that level of respect. I think as soon as you start having disrespect, when you get heated, then it makes it so much harder to come back together. Yeah, you don't forget those things. But I think as well, just knowing, saying, what was the question in the end or whatever it was? To walk away instead of fix. That was it.

I was obviously started with the job. Again, I think they're all very similar. I think the answers between the job, a partner and a friendship. The both sides of that relationship. Is know your limit and set your boundaries. in terms of when you get to that point, you know, there's a lot of things that would happen before that for you to question.

Yeah. To ask that question, a lot must have happened before. Sure. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a lot happened before that. To cause you not to be happy, of course. Yeah, but to ask that question.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. When do you know, you know, whatever the quote it was. And I think you're right, you need the other person to be just as willing and just as in it to fix it, whether that's your friend. Yeah. Whether that's, you know.

honest and open about, so like you say, if you're being honest over how it you feel and then nothing's changing, I'd think, what else do you want me to do? That's what I was like at work. I don't know what you want me. It just makes me not want to do anything. And now you're changing me as a person. Yeah.

So, you know, that could happen too. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, people can lose yourself in the relationship. I think there are all things that I think if you start to notice and they're getting more and one, there's no change and there's no effort and there's no respect and there's no listening, you know? Yeah. Then their basic qualities like to be listened.

to be heard and not to be like you say it can sometimes be how the other person takes it because if you're not happy that conversation can go a million different ways but I think when you communicate and you come from a place of and I learned this recently when you come from a place of curiosity rather than defence the conversations go so much faster but this is something it makes me think of so many people in my life um people who lack accountability think that everything is an argument. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to get this wrong.

I know, but there's two, and I'm going to get them muddled up. People that lack accountability and people that can't communicate. People that can't communicate think that everything is an attack and people that lack accountability think everything is, now I'm getting this more around. Damn it. She has to come back to another one. I have to come back.

But yeah, basically people there aren't very accountable for their actions when you try to talk to someone like that, they get very defensive. And I think everything's a personal attack when actually, no, I'm just trying to give you some feedback. But that's just people who see the world very black and white. Yeah. And that was it. People think everything's an attack. And the other one think that everything's an argument.

If you can't communicate, they think everything's an argument. I'm not here to argue with them. I'm trying to talk to you. But if you can't talk, if you're not a good communicator, then you just think it's an argument. So, yeah, they're the two people that are quite hard to have these kind of conversations with people that lack accountability and people that can't communicate. Yeah.

Which is a lot of people because it's not something you're taught growing up. So this is definitely massive major skills that we have to teach our kids. Yeah. Because there's nothing worse than an adult that you're trying to have an adult conversation with that cannot have an adult conversation back. Yeah. And you see that a lot with work. It's hard.

And probably a lot in relationships. I've had conversations with girlfriends through the years. And I'm like, you work. God, he's a man child. Like, grow up. You see these people at work. And these people are going to have to go home surely to someone. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So, you know, like, it happens. It does happen. But I think first of all, if you're asking the question. Yeah. That's a big sign. Yeah. First of all.

But I think, like you say, you have to both be willing to work on it. But sometimes I think you just have to do as much as you think you can in that situation to push for change. But it's a two-way street. You cannot make a situation when it comes to relationships, work relationships, personal relationships. You can't change a relationship by yourself. You can improve one because sometimes it is you that's maybe causing things. So you can try your best. But like you say, you have to be very clear.

If you spoke to the person, whether it's at work, your friend or in a relationship and spoke about. while you're not feeling happy or whatever the reason is in that in that situation and they haven't said anything back yeah about how you're working or how you are as a friend or how you are as a partner yeah then you're you're putting what else are you meant to do like not that you're perfect but you know like like so I in in that sense I would feel like so then if you're then there's not much to change if that's the case yeah if that makes sense yeah do you know what I mean and that's where it comes with communication yeah it gives that over opening of maybe the employer wanted to say, well, actually, this is why.

And it's true because my relationship's not perfect, but we don't get deep and have those deep conversations. I never sit down and go, so, you happy with our relationship? Are you happy with this, with that, with what we've got like, we never talk about that. I wouldn't, but I would, I'd like to think if he wasn't happy, he'd bring up the conversation. It's just body language. So it's the body language that I would pick up on. And he still says, oh, he's okay. Well, that's the same as women, isn't it?

I'm fine. Yeah. Then I'd take a moment. Because sometimes it's annoying. Sometimes it's annoying when someone keeps asking you something. Yeah. And you say, I'm fine. When it could even not be them, like, I know it's me.

Just give me a bit of time to go over it. So Mitch knows, obviously, when I'm the duon bit, because then he knows that's just how I am. Yeah. So I have to, you know, that's quite clear. You know what I mean? And if he makes it clear to me that, I don't know, actually, I'm just. one of them moods today. I don't know if you're actually, no why.

One of the moods. Do you know, then fine, I'll leave you alone. But if you keep going, you know, like that sort of thing, I feel like I need to get to the bottom of it because it's just going to affect everything. Do you know what I mean? And sometimes, I never used to be very good at talking. And like at the beginning of our relationship,

it would sometimes take him to ask me seven times before I'd finally let it out. And then when you do let it out, whatever it is, it doesn't make you feel better. Yeah, let it out and you've slow. Exactly. And sometimes by the time you actually get it out, it's not even as bad or like you built it up

in your head and stuff. So yeah, I'm definitely better and I totally agree. Communicate, communicate, way before it erupts into something. It doesn't need to be. But then going on that when you can communicate, communicate, yeah, that's, you can do, like I say, you can do all these things. But that question of knowing the end is for me was like, right, I'm doing all these things.

Well, I'm not getting anything bad. I don't know what I'm doing. It's like I'm pressing the button. Communists says, no. It's like a bit like that. Initiates a robot. He's not moving. A little bit like that.

because it's like, okay, so I'm doing all the things of the checklist that I'm supposed, in a way, all the things are doing to making these things better and it's not. Well, that's why I said, I think you need to also get to a point where I'm willing to do this to make things better. But if nothing comes back and nothing changes, because I think a lot of people have the words. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you felt like that. I'm going to be a better friend. I'm going to take that in my, you know.

Some people have the words, but nothing changes. So I think, yeah, giving people that chance. Yeah, the chance, that time. You need to also, like you said, I think we've both kind of said, you know when it's time. Yeah. Even if you don't want to actually do the next step of ending something. And it's hard because I know some people that have fully broken up. And, you know, we all know that couple that breaks out get back again.

Yeah. And it's that, oh, you know, they'll be back together again soon or whatever. You know, don't take their break up seriously. and it's just that kind of cycle. But there are people that have fully broke up and I've seen it where they go years. Yeah. And then they get back together.

And then it works. So I guess I don't really know the answer for when it's okay to get back together. If and if. It depends on the situation. You got to think every situation is different whether it's a world friend or a partner. The reason why you broke up in the first place. That's what I'm saying. But I think the basic of that is knowing your limit and setting your boundaries in terms.

in terms of all of that coming up to it, communicating and being honest and real. And then again, setting the limit and boundary of, right, if there's no change, I deserve more. I deserve a better friend, I deserve a better workplace and I deserve a better partner, whatever that situation is. And I think that has to stand for all of it.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And I think it's probably easier to say, like, without thinking about that person, without having all the emotional history that comes with it when I think about that person, Like me. If I was telling my friend, you know.

That's a good example. Take all the emotion away in the history. Like, if I do this, this and this, and then by this time or if I don't see, then that is it. Like, I think it's probably easier to have it like, whether you write it down or it's just mentally in your mind. This is my limit without thinking of the emotional thing and everything. Because otherwise what happens is you get to that point, but then you just change the goalpost. constantly because there's an excuse. There's excuses.

You're mentally blackmailed, emotionally blackmailed. Then it becomes like addiction. Yeah. And it can be. And it's not a good thing. No. You know, so then I think in the end it ends up changing you. This is what I mean.

And I think if there's more downs than ups, that's a good indication. Yeah. If the bad outweighs the good and I think it should be very tilted. I think there should be a significant more amount of good than bad. to be willing to put in the work to fix it. And I think if you genuinely are better together or you bring stuff to the table for each other, you bring the best out in each other,

but you just have this one area or two things. But I think if you know deep down that that person brings out not the best side of you and it's a constant, yeah, hassle. And, yeah, sometimes even... Or like talking to a brick wall that you're not happy. Yeah. Then what else? You know what I mean?

Then there's no point. That's what I got to in a way. And I was like, oh, do you know what? No, I'm not doing this. I'm worth more than this. I'm off. So that's what I would say. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think when I left a job from an environment, I wasn't the happiest. And it just got to a point where, like I say, it was, I couldn't compartmentalise it. It was coming into my personal life.

And I was complaining and just not in a good head space more often than I was in a good headspace. So then it was like, right, like I say, it's outwe. weighing itself now. What's my action? I'm going to. And what's the limit I'm going to? It's been a year, maybe a year and a half, maybe even two years and nothing's changing.

I've tried to separate from it. I've tried to ignore it. It's not improving. Like, like I say, yeah, I think you have to go through the motions. You do. You have to go through the journey and the process. You've got to. It's not just going to be like that.

Oh, okay. I now I've made that decision there when that's it. Yeah. Now you've got to go through that stage. And trust me, that's hard too. Yeah. It's all. It's always.

But it's, you've got to know your worth and set your limit. Yeah. Yeah. In whatever kind of the end is of whatever it is. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And I also think that leaning on people and speaking to people really helps. But I think you have to sit alone, think of it all and make your decision for yourself.

Because I think sometimes you can be not pushed into decisions, but you can be very swayed. When you're, when you're very vulnerable, when you're, when you're very vulnerable, when You're in, when you're in a very unsure place of what to do, you can be very swayed by people. You can have a conversation with one person and be like, yeah, right, I'm going to leave. I'm going to have my notice in, definitely. And they speak someone else and you're like, oh, now you're making me things of staying longer. Like, it's very hard and you can very well be swayed. You can hear people's opinions on that, but you've got to always think this is you and this is your life.

Yeah. This is no one else's life. Yeah. I say the same about different family homes with children and everything. Everyone is quick to kind of say things and that. but they can't have an opinion. That's fine, really. Yeah.

But it's your life. So whatever action you take, it's for you. Not because, well, so-and-so said it, it sounded like a good idea. Yeah. And you're the person that looks in the mirror every day. You're the person that lies on the pillow at night. You have to be content with the decisions that you make. Yeah.

And a lot of unhappiness comes from living up to other people's expectations and living other people's lives or, you know, I should do this, this and this. Or how they think it should be. No, just, you've got to be happy. Or what you grew up thinking or whatever. So, yeah, I think the only way to live authentically and have that kind of inner true happiness is when you listen to yourself. And we spoke about this at the events that we did, like paying attention to your gut and leaning more towards things that give you energy and bring happiness and excitement out of you. You lean more towards those things and just be aware of what drains you.

Yeah. And avoid those. try to avoid those and pay attention to how you feel. Because that's a massive tell. We've all got that probably friend that is like afterwards like that was a drain. Or like, oh, they want to meet up. Like, oh, this is, you know, you're just not excited to do it. Yeah.

Or colleague or, you know, family member. Oh, yeah, but it's work and it's a colleague. Oh, yeah, but I've been friends with them for 20 years. Oh, yeah, but, you know, it's a family member. it's like regardless, you have to pay attention to that. I agree. Let your gut lead you. Yeah, that's, that's.

There's a massive connection between your gut and your brain. Like, I think a lot of studies have really, yeah, that's why they say trust your gut. Yeah. Because it is massively linked. And gut issues and all those problems, a lot of them are linked to, a lot of them are linked to your brain and stress. I wonder I'm crazy. Well, like you say stress brings on things and stuff like. That's what caused my thing.

Yeah. Definitely. So, yeah. Yeah. Pay attention. Good question though. It's hard because like you say, I've got the work experience. I've gone through some things with friends.

I've never luckily had the issues with a partner. But I think that's probably the hardest one because when you love someone, I mean, even family members, I've gone through it with family members as well. And it's like, oh yeah, but they're family and like you have to love them. That's what I'm saying. Like even with the work. But with partners, I think. it's probably the hardest one because when you really love someone.

If someone is in that situation, do you know, I mean, if someone's in a situation of, like, you say, work, that is their life. Hmm. Then that's a huge decision, just as huge as, as your partner in life. It definitely is. And especially when you invest a lot of time in a company and a boss. Depending on who you are, that's what I mean. But I think it's, it's probably easier to say, I can find this job somewhere else.

Like, and it is still scary. Like, am I going to find this job somewhere else? But I think it's easier to picture yourself. I suppose. in a newer job. I think it's a lot harder to picture yourself with a person that you don't know. There's a huge isn't it, I thought this was going to be my husband. I thought this was going to be my forever partner.

Yeah. And now I can't picture who that person is when we're in our 60s walking down the road. So I think it's harder when that situation comes up with a partner. And I can see why people go back. Because even I've had conversations with people, oh, they said this and they promised this. Oh, yeah, maybe you should see the benefit in someone or give them a second chance. And I do kind of believe everyone deserves a second chance.

I do. Because I do think people can learn from their mistakes. But I think people also show you their true colours. Yeah. So people should be given a chance. But if it's a repetitive thing. Yeah. Then no.

Yeah. Quick while you're ahead. Love yourselves, guys. Yeah, definitely love yourself. Definitely that. Well, hopefully that helped. I don't know if anyone's in those kind of situations. But I think it's good.

That is pretty much a guarantee in life. Definitely. It's some experience. Whether work, friendships and relationships. You know, our whole life is about connections with people, good and bad. And the main thing this is all for is for happiness, remember? Yes. We go to work to earn money, no, for an easier life of happiness to do these things that we do.

Yeah. We have, you know, everything's happy, to be happy. So if the question, if you're not happy, you know what I mean? Then you got one life. Yeah. And I think, yo, though. I think a lot of us think we've got a lot of time. And never know.

But yeah, I think. And we all go through different things. But like you say, if it's a constant thing, then take action and do what's best. One of a, I'm going to finish on a quote, which I quite like. Yes, Bill. You're not a tree. You can move. I didn't know where we were going on with that one.

It's quite. Yeah, no, it's not one of these lovely philosophical ones. It's just something. I don't know if I heard it in a movie or someone said it on a podcast, but it's like, you're not a tree. You can move. Like, in any of those situations, it's really hard to picture the other side. but you're not a tree, you can move. Bye guys.

Adio.