The Rising’s Growing Together Podcast - The Truth About Newborn Challenges No One Talks About....

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Parenthood brings joy and challenges from newborn health concerns to emotional ups and downs, here’s what no one really talks about.In this episode of Growing Together, the girls open up about the raw realities of parenthood from newborn health challenges like jaundice to the emotional rollercoaster of postpartum life. Together, they explore hospital experiences, the decision-making process around family size, and the importance of balancing relationships while raising children.You’ll hear honest reflections on what it’s like to navigate the baby blues, lean on support systems, and figure out what’s truly best for your family. Whether you’re a new parent or considering expanding your family, this conversation offers relatable insights, reassurance, and practical wisdom.💬 What part of early parenthood surprised you the most?Let us know in the comments your story could help another parent feel less alone.

Welcome back to this week's pod from The Garden. We're making the most of the last bit of summer sun. We are. Good time of year, September. This is my faith time. Yeah, I like the autumn. Yeah. Starting to get cozy, but you still have the sun.

So it's not like miserable dark nights or anything yet. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. And yeah, loving the new set. It works. It works. I love it. I'm loving the comfy sofa. But, yeah, we're going to do what we promise.

So we're going to bring you part two of the birth-in stories, which is everything kind of post-birth, like with our bodies, what happened with our babies. We've got a few stories to share, like we say, share our experiences. And hopefully that helps, you know, anyone out there watching. Yeah, yeah. If you think they was bad, so you actually get the baby. It doesn't stop there. No, there's a few things, like you say, that we went through post-birth. with our kids which yeah is a bit unusual not the norm so it's good to share these things but before

we dive into it I just want to kind of touch on last week's episode just to remind everyone watching that we don't pre-plan these things it wasn't planned actually to bring up and and share about the miscarriages that's kind of something that I decided to share in the moment and yeah just to to remind everyone that, you know, what we go through, the more we talk about it, the I think the easier it is, you realise you're not alone. I think one and four women actually suffer miscarriages now, which is a crazy stat when you actually look at your friendship group and how many of us do go through those things.

And just to remind people watching that I decided to share probably over two years down the line. So, yeah, it might have come across, You know, that didn't bother me. I was fine with it. There was no emotion to it. But that is two years down the line. And, yeah, just to remind everyone, everyone deals with things differently. Yeah, everybody does deal with things differently.

And again, you've just said it there. These conversations that we bring up, they are not planned. They are literally top of our head stories. Yeah. For me and my experience of being a young mom and so on and so forth, them experience was what came to my head of my memories then and there. Yeah. Definitely bits I've missed.

There's definitely bits I've made. So many times I walk out this podcast. I should have said that. I should have said that. Exactly. But that's the realness of what we do. Yeah. So from my part, I've never experienced a miscarriage.

I can only go on any people that I know. Yeah. And I know from that that every single one of them have actually dealt with it in a different way. Yeah. And all I could say is I think it's really brave that you spoke about it. I think it's really brave that anyone can speak about it. But as much. you've got kind of this platform you don't have to talk about stuff like that nobody has to talk

about anything but i just think that i think it's really brave of you and i do think that if it was personally me who had gone through something or had you know not long gone through it it's nice to know that someone's there and been through that that can talk about it and that can clearly see that you know you can get past it like you say you never never you never forget it yeah but you can you know you can get past it yeah definitely and like you say it happens to everyone. Everyone's journey is different. Every person's different. So no two stories are the same. So it was just me wanting to share kind of our stories and what we went through. And, you know, obviously going through it after we already had a child is going to make it unique to us as well.

Because, you know, in my mind it was trying to convince myself, oh, well, we've done it before. So, you know, hopefully we'll have a chance to do it again. And if we don't, we're blessed enough to have one child. And like I said, sharing the story, two and a bit years down, the line is a lot easier to talk about and you know since then we have gone on to have another baby so yeah everyone's story is different and hopefully it helps even just to get the conversation started amongst you and your your friends and just always remember to be there for each other really yeah agreed agreed so post birth um for me post birth i had obviously a worse of time with casing because i had you know the the cuts and stitches and i actually remember

saying to Liam, how many stitches have I had? Because I remember, people wish you to tell me how many stitches they had. I remember for some reason just wanting to know how many and how bad it was really. And I remember asking, because for some reason, I speak Spanish but I was just incapable of doing any Spanish speaking

in the moment. So I remember him asking and he was like, she said she's lost count. I was like, oh no. I don't know what was worse. If she just said a number or the fact that she said she lost count. But yeah, so I had that. So a top tip for me, is something that I kind of pre-did before going into labour,

which actually turned out to really be useful, is I got, and I'd googled this and seen it as a tip. So I've got sanitary towels, and I bought witch hazel, which is really good for healing, and aloe vera gel, and I'd put it all on the pad, close the pad back up and put it in the freezer. So I had ice cold pads with all, like, good healing stuff in, which was great, you know, post-birth to help.

I've never heard of that. Yeah, I don't even remember how I come across it. But yeah, that's genius. That really helped. The relief was amazing. Because also you had, in the room, I know you mentioned last time, but I know it because another friend had had it, was the condom filled with the eyes.

Yeah. You know, with the eyes. Yeah. So that helps take some of the swelling down as well. And they give me also one of them things, what are they called? Anemma? Anemma. What's the word?

Anenema? Anenema, yeah. What to clear you out? Well, just to make everything soft. So, like, the first time you go to the, bathroom after it doesn't feel like you're giving birth again um which i think was again something i'd never heard of and that was in the moment well that was the one story that i always remember was was that they don't they don't let you out until you have a poop yeah kind of thing you know what i

mean and you're like this the scariest like yeah thought to have to think about pushing because that last sensation yeah he was pushing yeah and everything just feels like you know it's probably the smallest one you've ever done and it's like just feels enormous but yeah that helped in the moment so those things definitely recommend um and i also bought one of these little squirty bottles where you fill up with warm water um and like after you've gone for a wheel or whatever you can just squirt yourself with like uh warm water rather than have to like wipe yourself because you don't want to wipe there after going to the bathroom which um that was i think i did that with hayden actually um a squirty bottle which was again much nicer than having to

wipe yeah all these new little tips and treats that makes sense but I'm trying to think now with my stitches of Mason I think they told me not to get them wet yet some people were telling me

you should have salt baths you know so I think there was so many different things there's always conflict and information

yeah yeah but I didn't do anything I'm not going to lie the only thing I did remember was was nickel cream I remember buying that when I was pregnant

thinking why do I need that you know what I mean like why on earth would I need anything like that yeah but then it was like my best friend. Well, I never breastfed, so I never went through any of that. But I remember my mum telling me stories of how painful it was and now you can get like nipple shields and all things

to help. Yeah, well, I'll go in old school. I remember mum was saying to me about, you don't have to use cream, just use cabbage leaves. Cabbage leaves. To soothe them and things like that. So I'm trying to think if I did try it. I probably did. Well, I actually took the tablets in the hospital, which I don't know if they do in England, because some people get their milk coming before they get of birth and some people it takes you know giving birth for your milk to come in which i've heard it's quite painful when the milk really comes in and obviously when you first start to breastfeed yeah the first two weeks they ask you if you're bottle feeding or breastfeeding so i knew you know from the beginning i wasn't going to breastfeed either of mine and they gave me a tablet which

stops my milk coming in so i never had to go through because i know when you stop breastfeeding you have to go through like pain for it to all kind of stop and dry up and things so yeah that was something that I took as well but yeah I heard the first two weeks are brutal yeah definitely the first two weeks are brutal I even just lifting your arm sometimes was like oh like the pain honestly but I have to admit I think it helped I think it helped I don't know if it's my age or what because I genuinely felt like my my everything got got harder so you know it didn't get easier even the labours didn't get easier I felt nothing got easier even after my body's felt harder yeah You know, but the breastfeeding thing was that I knew after Mason was that it's just two weeks, Charlotte.

After them two weeks, it's the best feeling and you don't want to stop, you know, but it was just getting them through them first two weeks because I think if I was, if I'd probably done it. I don't know. I say it's my age. You always say it is, but. Like you say, I think you're just a bit naive and you just get on with things sometimes. And especially being young, you're probably thinking, oh, my parents know best, the doctor's no best. I'm just going to do what I'm told.

Whereas when you're a bit older, I think you question it a little bit. But I know also people who, you know, they want, like you said, they want to breastfeed, but they just can't. There's some things that just stop it, whether that's, and like you said, mentioned before, like the milk flow and things. Yeah. And also because they do get so sore, some get that sore that they get infected and you can't feed a baby on that. You have that mastitis and things, yeah, I've known friends that have had, like, had to get stitches and, yeah, really suffered. So, yeah, there's so much that goes into it. I kind of, in that respect of the, for me,

and my body, I was fine, like, in that way. You know, I didn't really do much, but that was, that was the, I remember, I think it was one of them, Morgan or Lexi, you might actually, when you go to the midwife and they check you down there, that you're all okay, and the stitches are okay and everything, I remember me checking my, what they called, pelvic floor, then, that, and I remember saying, one of them, and she was like, okay, and do it again? I was like, I am. I am Please tell me I am

Nothing down there This is here my life is over And it really scared me It was something that my mum had drilled into me When I was pregnant with Mason Do you pregnant with me So when whatever child it was It felt to me like she was saying that I had none

But obviously she was just testing them And from then I was like right That is it I have to be on this Because that did, I have to say that did scare me But otherwise everything I think was just I was better with Kaysen at remembering to do it because I think I was driving a lot with work so I was always telling myself in between meetings driving right

do you put floor while you're driving so I did a lot more pelvic floor work with Kaysen and obviously that showed because yeah I for at least a week two weeks after I had Hayden I couldn't yeah couldn't do that that squeeze isn't it a squeeze but yeah touch wood you know apart from those kind of things everything was good but yeah we've got a few

random stories with the boys. I was going to say mine were more, the issues came more with the babies rather than actually me. Oh, going back as well just a quick one when I was pregnant I used bio oil to help with my strength marks

and I think mainly I focus on my belly which I don't really have. Again, it could be my skin, it could be luck oh bloody nice, do you know what I mean but I did use the bio oil I used cocoa palmer's belly butter stuff well it smelled nice for a little bit and then the smell not to be

sick. I think my whole pregnancy for Hayden, I bought the same stuff because it really worked and I didn't get stretch marks but I couldn't touch it. I hate smelling it. I just made Liam do it every day. It had to be done one of those. But I use Biow and I think, I don't remember using it on my boobs or my bum. And that's

where it's got the stretch marks. Yeah. I've got a stretch mark on my boobs. I actually did do my, I never did that far down, I don't think. I definitely did my boobs because people had told me. So again, talking helps because it does. If you don't know this, that unless people tell you.

Yeah. So there's me proper like oiling myself up, you know, like... Yeah, I'm doing good. Yeah. And then... Again, it might not have helped, but I'm just saying it for a little... You never know whether it helps or not. A little oiling of the boobs and the bum don't go with...

But yeah, my problems were definitely with the boys. Yeah. Well, say with the boys, with the babies, sorry, not with the boys. Mason had hooping cough. Mm-hmm. That was the scariest experience. I have ever been through with a child. Again, I think it helped that I was so young.

It was, like, I don't know if anyone knows what hooping cough is, but I'd never heard of it either. And basically it's a thing where they cough, cough, and as they breathe back in it, and it is so scary because what happens is they get like this mucusy stringy thing and you have to literally scoop it out. It's not something they cough up or, and I remember once I was at home just me and my sister-in-law,

and he started doing it and then he stopped breathing he went blue it was the scare and I remember literally just trying to have to try and get whatever this this stuff is to get out of him

to get it was the and I remember him going so like floppy like this and then when he did come kind of back he was so tired you know what I mean I remember him being so tired

but he was so tiny he was so tiny and then he was in hospital for a long while and that was another experience that I'd never gone through or seen or heard of either because again i don't know if it's just here or if it is a thing that they they sent me outside so they took him into the room to give him to put all the

you know the drips on him but they sent me out why they put it in because of that that that experience obviously you know what i mean they've got to do what they've got to do haven't they yeah and i suppose the parent being there and looking over and it's not good not good and it did make sense i suppose then but back then i thought that was like the worst thing you could have ever done to me. I'm literally standing out. So I do it. All I can hear is my baby screaming.

Yeah. You know, and then you go in and he's got all this stuff on him and he's all to the machines. But I have to say the care was amazing. And from then it was like a whole family thing, obviously, everyone getting involved. So that was Mason. Morgan was fine, really, to be honest. It was more later on in life.

He had issues with his skin and it wasn't just normal. Like when I was a kid, I suffered from X-Me. you know, like here and here, and I'd be smothered in E45 and that kind of thing. And his was just a little bit more than that. Yeah. And he had to go for big biopic. But I felt like no one was listening to me. But in the end he did.

He got big biopsis and he got the diagnosis. And now, I don't know if it's just that he got treated or that he's outgrown it because skin conditions can be like that. Yeah, it could be either one, yeah. Yeah, he was alright. And then Lexi was another experience I'd never heard or seen before. She had something called clicky hip. No, that's not the medical term for it.

Clicky hip. But it's jump, I'm just going to call it. that clicky hit. That's what most older generation who I'd said it to is oh yeah, they knew what it was. Yeah. And basically... I'd never seen or heard of that. It was something... I'm going to...

Again, it was... Not even not that long ago, but I'm not going to be clear when exactly the medical term, but it was something to do with the angle of the hip anyway. And basically, it would mean that as she grew up, she would be walking like this. So her feet were coming in like this. Right. Okay.

So it was to prevent that from happening. So what she had to have done is she had to wear a harness all day. I need to turn like this because of what I'm wearing actually and her legs were like this like little frogs Yeah and forced and stuck in that position Like that all day And she was so young she didn't have a clue

But I'm so glad I did it for her Yeah Because obviously then they had rehabilitation And she had x-rays and you know Everything was done right and that So it was something quite easily fixed You just had to go through having not nice You feel like it's uncomfortable for them

But she was fine, absolutely fine, and she was out of it before she was walking. So it was probably the best thing I could have done in even them, detecting it, you know, it was great. Yeah. But they were, they were experiences that I'd never heard of, even from other, you know, you get chicken parks and you do, you know, all these kind of things. But I'd never heard of that with them, either three of them. So it was quite. Yeah, no one else close to me went through either of those too. No. And I have to admit I was, apart from Morgan, Morgan was the only one that I was annoyed with with the care. I did request to change his dermatologist to a different area. And that's something that I would actually say as well as a parent. You know your child more than anyone. And if you don't agree with something, you push it. Do you know what I mean? Because that's how I felt with Morgan. Yeah. I really felt that with Morgan. And I'm really glad I did push it. And I did get him changed to a different specialist. And yeah, we did have to travel a bit longer.

but, you know, we're entitled to that. We should be entitled to a specialist that cares about their job, you know, not just a, that's how I felt. Yeah. So, yeah, that was my experience of the post. Again, more the trouble came with the babies rather than my body. But at least, like, it was all, I mean, Lexi's thing was pretty straightforward to sort.

It just was, yeah, maybe not the nicest. It was just a new thing. Going through that with Mason was, sounds like an awful experience. I've heard of people that have their kids have had like seizures and things like that and like touchwood we've we've not dealt with anything like that I couldn't imagine being in like an urgent emergency situation with your kid like my more's now obviously you sorry I'll just ask your story and I'm still going on one but with with things like that my thing would be allergies it's such a big thing

I know so many parents with children with allergies and I mean I am so paranoid by it and I don't even have a child with an allergy. You know what I mean? That you feel like you need to go around with a sign or how do you just let them go to school? My friend, my brother's friend in like infant school when we were kids, he had a peanut allergy and he would travel with like his pencil case with his EpiPen and stuff. And sometimes like he'd be like, oh, like you want to come around and he'd get to the car and like, you know, typical car trash crumbs, you know, in the back seat.

And we'd have to put, because he'd be so worried, we'd have to put, like, towels on the chair just in case there might have been a peanut crumb or crisp crumbs in the car or whatever because he was so worried, understandably worried, yeah. Well, Morgan's friend has a peanut allergy and they are so relaxed by it that that freaks me out of them more. So the first time he came, he didn't even have a pen. Oh, God. And then, you know, travel with your pen, please. Yeah, like, and it was just so like, you know, like, oh, it's okay. And I was just like, no, no, it's not okay. And I'm checking everything in my house because of that experience.

Severe. It is. Yeah. But I take everything to the severity. But yeah. So what happened with me? So Touchwood, Hayden, all good so far. All pretty straightforward.

No kind of concerns. Although for the first six, seven months of his checkups, they kept checking his head because he was starting to get a flat bit on one side of his head. Is that because of staying on one side? Yeah. It's preferring to sleep. even though I was good at alternating it in the day, obviously they have the way that they sleep at night. So yeah, they just monitored it and they did say to me at one or the last couple of

appointments like it doesn't seem to be getting better. We might have to send you for physio and I was expecting him to maybe wear a helmet because I'd seen a girl that I know is a kid wearing a helmet. I think it's for that reason. But touch wood, it was actually all right. The, my things were with um kaysen so with kaysen we um obviously we're in the hospital for three days they checked the the babies every day they sent us home and then you go back i think two days later um and they checked the babies again so we went didn't expect anything um and then they said we're keeping him in because he had jaundice i thought he was quite yellow but i just thought oh he's got a bit of his dad and him he's going to have nice skin um he was like proper tan

little baby but no it wasn't it was he was yellow because he was joined us um he's actually quite a yellow skin kid now to be fair um we always joke that he's a simpson yeah but no they kept he has he has um so they kept him in um and uh they put him under like a UV light it looked like he was having like a sunbed it was proper like purple fluorescent UV lights yeah in a little plastic then he had yeah which again it didn't bother him but it bothered me watching him, like it was bothering him. But he had these really soft, you know, like Velcrobe goggles over his eyes so that he wasn't getting it directly into his eyes.

It's like a sunbed, isn't it? Literally like a sunbed. So he's in a crib with the light on top of him, with these goggles on, and he had to stay there for like a day and a half. Yeah, you had to sleep there. Continuously, yeah, to sleep there. I've never seen that before either. Yeah. So I'm pretty sure my mum told me I had jaundice.

I don't know if I went under a light or whether it was, because I think if it's not severe, they just say, put them by the window still and stuff. I don't know if that was just an old school thing because that's what they told me to do one of mine. Just put them near the window. Because it's not direct sunlight but it helps. But I think that's in slight cases. But obviously Kisoms was serious enough that they kept in. Because it is quite common. Yeah. However, I've never seen the whole light with having to put the goggles on until you've obviously mentioned it. I think one of my niece or nephews had to have it as well.

Yeah. So I'd heard about join this. I wasn't worried or concerned and they weren't either. It wasn't nice to watching with the goggles covering his eyes. But yeah, although having said that, this must have been like day five, day six. So I went into the hospital, I stayed there. They gave me like almost like the same room that you're in when you give birth. You have the bed and the baby's next to you. And then like Liam went off to work or whatever.

So I was on my own most of the day. I think my mum popped up in the afternoon. I cried all day. Not because of even what was going on. And I put it down to baby. blues and my mum did say this to me. And you're not a cry person. Not a cry person, didn't even cry when they gave him to me and when I gave birth to him. But I cried all day, like sobbing, like couldn't stop myself crying. But I remember my mum telling me and she told me so many

times while I was pregnant. So I definitely didn't forget that around day five, like you can sometimes be really emotional. It's all the hormones and everything and obviously post-adrenaline birth and all that. So I put it down to that and it literally just lasted that day. So if anyone is, you know, within that week after birth and then you're just crying uncontrollably, it's probably that. So I wouldn't know of myself because I'm like that anyway. Yeah. And I?

Like I am so like I could go from one day screaming the next day just like you sobbing or whatever. But I don't know if that would be because of that or just because of me. I do remember when I'd had Lexi, our birthdays are quite close together. excuse me and Mitch had booked us to go out my favourite restaurant we're going here came to go in and well

I was like cancel it I was just like cancel the table and I don't think he knew what to do I don't know if he actually thought do I cancel it yeah do I push her and encourage her or not or do I just do what I'm told so I think everyone was just for the boys

anyway we're obviously just kind of lingering downstairs ready to go and I'm and then I remember him coming and I was I was trying I tell you the reason why I haven't explained why the reason why was I couldn't find anything to work okay can find this for it obviously felt crap yeah because you would have been about coming up to two weeks yeah I was breastfeeding I felt like I couldn't find anything to wear

we're in the heat of the summer yeah it's busy yeah and I just felt hot and sweaty I felt I'm not going to feed my baby there's nothing that it's going to be comfortable like wear or nice enough it's my best it everyone's going to be looking at me and I'm going to shit and then and I'm just like that anyway just cancel it I don't want to go forget it I'll stay at home I'm happy fine don't worry about it and then they're all kind of standing here like they said then I remember Mitch coming up and I go, babe, can't sort the table.

And then I remember here and I'm on the phone. Like, yeah, mate, just cancelled the table. I'm really, really sorry. They're just sat there all night, silence. Yeah, sometimes there's just no coming back. Sometimes you can encourage and it's nice to be pushed a little bit if you're a little bit on the fence. But yeah, when you're just done, like, yeah. But no.

And then, so that was his first little thing he went through. But I remember at the hospital, and I don't even know what, he was my first child, obviously not seen babies willies before and I remember when I was changing his nappy I was like is this right and I remember questioning it

and when they went into the doctors I don't know if it was before they discharged us or on the days where we went back in and I mentioned it they literally looked over and they went I will refer you to a specialist

and I thought okay see I didn't know whether to take that as something is wrong or they're just doing their job and double-checking. It's hard, isn't it? Because when they seem to relax,

you're like, okay, so you're relaxed, so I should be relaxed? Yeah. Should I be relaxed? But I've been referred to a specialist, so you've not told me, yeah, exactly. And it was in Alacanti, the children's hospital in Alacanti.

So, and again, something that I'd never heard of. So we went there and straight away that she looked, she barely even touched it and was like, yeah, so basically this is, whatever the term is, I have no idea, but here's, Pee hole wasn't in the right place

So normally it's at the end His was like halfway down And the skin Had formed like three quarters of the way round And so it didn't go all the way round It went round and then behind the pea hole So that's why it looked a little bit Like is there something

Not quite right there So basically yeah But it didn't hurt him It didn't hurt him It didn't know it's it's more cosmetic than anything. So we could have potentially left him. I don't think it would have caused, oh no, there would have been one thing.

So basically there was three things. She was like, we have to correct. We have to move the wee hole to the end because he's not going to be able to stand up and we. And, you know, it's just, you know, I guess nothing bad, but it helps. We're going to have to circumcise him because the skin is obviously three quarters of the way around. It's not in the right place. And as we move the hole, I guess they're going to have to circumcise him. circumcise him and then because of one of those things or maybe a combination it's curved so she said he

will have problems when he gets older you know getting an erection and things like that because it's like pulling it down um so they were the three things that they were going to correct um so yeah never heard it never heard of anyone having gone through that um and then we obviously did googling and stuff like that and I think it's like 15% or 20% of men have that um so they put his name down so as a baby I signed his name on the wait list um and then I'm sure he had his first surgery around one one in a bit he was really small um which wasn't nice because they put him under um they do this and they take him off in the bed so you don't see any of that which is good in a way I wouldn't want to be there either to be fair but then just kind of stood in the waiting room like

what are we doing he's like going through a massive surgery and then it the all of the after stuff's not the nice bit I think with this particular surgery because they do what they do they completely wrap it they put a plastic tube coming out of it um so he can still we yeah um he was absolutely fine you would never have known anything had gone on which was lucky because if he'd been in pain, I think I would have struggled. But he's in hospital for a week, sat on his bed, cannot move. So you have to keep them still. Wow.

And then obviously they're coming in, constantly checking and everything like that. Then at the end of the week, they put him back under. And he's got an epidural as well hanging out of his back the entire or for half of the week that he was in a hospital bed. And he's got drips. So baby's move in his sleep and I'm having to try and unhook him or like all his tubes are everywhere. and only one of you can stay with them and you're in a shared room. Luckily, I think for his first surgery, most of the time, there wasn't someone in the room, but there could be.

So we were like swapping, and it's Alicanti, don't forget. So Liam's coming down, he's working, he's then coming all the way up to Alacanti, which is an hour drive, bringing me food because they're feeding, they're bringing in food for the baby, which he ain't going to eat fish, head and slop soup and whatever else they were serving us. So he's bringing food for both of us, then giving me like an hour to just get out the hospital room while he takes over.

I think I stayed the majority of the week the first time. And then, yeah, then they put him back under, they take it all off. From the minute they took it all off in the hospital, they wait for him to wee again. It's now coming out the new hole and it's coming out the old hole. So now he has two holes. So he thinks he's super special. Everyone tells him he's special and he's got a pie trick. So straight on the waiting list again, having to go through it or go,

and they won't touch him for a year because obviously he has to fully heal and all of that. So go through the whole procedure again when he's about two and a bit, which is a bit harder because he's a bit more mobile, doesn't want to sit there as much. But he was a trooper. He had his iPad, his games, his toys. You know, he was really, really good. And again, he just cracked on like no problem. Exactly the same thing.

Exactly the same process. This time, though, it was COVID. So it's a lot harder with them not wanting two of you in the room and coming in and out. So, yeah, I slept there for most of it. I think Liam came and slept for one or two nights. Typical that we had the room pretty much empty on the nights that I stayed. Liam comes and takes over for one night. Someone else is in the bed next room and the dad snored like an earthquake.

He sent me a video. It sounds like an earthquake. Quake, honestly. So Liam didn't sleep the entire time. And then I went back and took over. But yeah, it's just long because you're there for a whole week. Again, all the tubes, the epidural and everything, they have to go back under, which isn't nice. And same thing happened again. So this second time round, they didn't have to correct the curve. They didn't have to circumcise and they just had to try and close up the old hole. But it's something that they did explain. It's all in how your body heals. It's not necessarily anything's gone wrong, but your body just does what it does.

so yeah same thing happened again it came out of both holes so they're blaming casein so yeah rather annoying because we've gone through it twice now um and you have to wait again so I've put it off for a couple of years after that point um I did call the hospital a few times could never get through so just kind of put it to back on my mind for a while then I think on one of casein's like age six injections I mentioned it to the doctor like it's happened again And I've tried calling the hospital. I can't get through. I don't really know what to do at this point.

So soon after that, she managed to get them to call me. I went and signed stuff to put him back on the waiting list. We were around the kind of same sort of time for about eight months or so after I signed. So I'm kind of expecting them to call at any point. I see. But I did, when I signed the papers, I went and met the surgeon again. This was a different surgeon this time. And she was explaining.

And I was like, well, this is the third time. like I'm concerned about scar tissue and is it going to affect him and, you know, he's a lot older now. He knows what technically is going to happen. It's, you know, not, it's not going to be nice and being in the hospital for a week. And she said, no, not for my surgeries. You only stay in for one day. You can then recuperate at home. So that's a different start. Different completely. In one way, I'm like, I thank God. And we've got two kids this time. So it's like we're going to be juggling Hayden too. So in one respect, I'm like, I thank God. In another respect I'm like to go home after a day.

So yeah, we'll see. We'll see what happens with that. But yeah, it happens to a lot of boys actually. And sometimes the wee hole can be all the way at the bottom, whereas Kaysen's was like three quarters of the way up. So it's not a million miles away. But it squirts in opposite direction. So you can't stand up, am we?

Oh, bless him. Be's happy. He's fine. Exactly. He likes chatting out and asking when it's going to be fixed, didn't he? We have this conversation the other day. a restaurant and he's like when is my will he going to be fixed bless him so yeah but you know what just talking about that with the stories of you know our experience is what we had to do none of our

children were were severely sick and i could only yeah i can only imagine how it is yeah to go through something with a child and make decisions yeah you know um like complaining about a week in hospital some people have to be there for months and years and multiple times like an exit date do you the point is when you child's better at you yeah you know so yeah um yeah and the only thing i could for me again it wasn't um it wasn't anything severe i think the most severe was mason was that i couldn't have got through it without my family and my friends you know i know it's the two of your tag team in because obviously that's your family isn't it yeah but everyone around you you know yeah even just sometimes the little text of are you all right

yeah do you need anything it's just yeah you need your people you need your people Yeah, and take it. Take it as well. It's nothing, there's nothing wrong with taking help. No. Even someone has the baby for a couple of hours so you can go and sleep or, I don't know, someone wants to come, your mom wants to come around to do washing. Let her do it. It's fine, you know. Take help. That would be my biggest thing. So I think I try to do it all as well sometimes. And I don't need to. Yeah, no, I'm bad for that. I don't ask for help when I need it, let alone take it when it's offered. So, yeah, definitely reach out to your people. It takes a village.

It does. So, yeah, lean on your people because, you know, just as you would offer help to them, they're doing the same thing for you and they want to. Yeah, definitely. But, yeah, that's kind of the stories of what happened with the babies. But my next question is, when do you know you're done? Because you wanted four kids and always wanted four kids. Oh, God.

So I think that's a big topic because hopefully you and your partner decide that you're finished together. But then there's also couples. where one side wants more and the other don't. Or some labours are that bad that their mum's like, no way, am I going through that again? Exactly. Or exactly, you maybe plan to have more kids and then decide not to.

Yeah, so we've kind of always said two. Never had any future visions of me having more than two children. Didn't mind if they were boys, girls, whatever. Ideally one of each, but got two boys. I would never want to try for a third just to try and have a girl. It was never really for me. Although when I gave birth to Hayden, quite soon after, I just had a feeling like he wasn't my last.

Yeah, you said that. Which so surprised me. Like I said, I love being pregnant. I actually quite like giving birth weirdly. And like finding out if he's a boy or a girl and names, like I just would be excited to do that again. Fast forward a little bit now Hayden's one and a bit. And, you know, he's, you know,

a lot. Yeah, he's a lot. Like he, two hands, four hands, like, yeah, I've now changed my mind again. Yeah, putting another baby into the mix would not. If he had been like Kaysen and so easy and, you know, like Kaysen was, then I think I'd be really tempted to have a third. But I just don't think I've got the energy to have another baby as full on as Hayden is. Yeah. At my age. I know it's that I'm not old. Some people have their first now. It's not that. But for just me, I just don't know if I've got it in me. Like I feel exhausted and drained now And like I feel quite distant from Liam at the moment Because we you know We're still in that phase and the thick of it

And that is a phase It is a phase But you have to you have to Be aware Yeah First of all And then second of all Push and make an effort to do that

Soon don't just go Yeah it's a phase And then that goes on I know and another excuse forever Yeah we did say this That you know Give yourself grace when you're going through that And yeah

We're not as close in this particular moment as we have been. Not because you don't want to be, because you can't be. Exactly. So it's giving yourself grace that, you know, we go through things, but also not let it be an excuse to the point where then it's our new normal and we're like drifting and distant. So, yeah, now I'm aware of that.

So, yeah, it's just kind of juggling things and getting through it. And like I say, we're only really getting to a point where we're like sleeping better and stuff. Because that's why we kept missing each other. I was going to bed early because I was getting up early and he was staying up later whereas we've always gone to bed together but we just haven't but that shifts when you have a baby

because you know like Hayden's a different baby you know so things shift yeah like you said as long as you're wearing you give yourself brace for that this is why we're doing it and da da da and then you you just don't let it go on for too long

so I'm pretty much sure the shop is closed Liam is definitely like no more. Can't be bothered with that. We're quite happy with the two boys we've got. I do have some days where I see things on Instagram and it's like have the third, like you'll never regret it. So I have the odd day but generally I think I'm done. Yeah.

Well, I always wanted four. I've always quite open. I did want quite a lot of children. And I think because me and Mitch went through a stage where I didn't know if we were going to be able to continue together. Again, I'll obviously cover this at a better stage, but we had addiction in our family. So it was a point where I didn't even know

if I could even have him with the children, let alone with me, you know? Yeah. And then fast forward and everything's great, I would never want to, why would I want to change that? Not like the baby would, but I just feel like we're happy. Yeah. I'm so appreciative of my healthy children, happy children, great children we've brought up, bringing up.

Yeah. Our relationship is great. You know, it's a risk. You've been parents for 18 years as well. And if I'd done it, if I'd had another child, it would have been when Lexi was a lot younger. You know, like you said, we started so young that now I feel that we're getting more hour time where we didn't get it.

Yeah, because you weren't together really that long before you were parents. So you've been parents pretty much the majority of your relationship. And like you say, when kids start to get older, you get a little bit of you back. Whereas me and Liam, we were together so long before. Then we're going through the kid stage. and like obviously Hayland's only just over a year so we're in a different stage but yeah it must be nice to

you know appreciate that stage well then even then so like I say when we came when we came out because you're still young you still could but your youngest is well nine yeah my youngest is nine yeah so like I

I so when I say it always you know I'd always wanted some and we've gone through what we'd gone through and then I was questioning you know why would I you know rock the boat not that anything you know we did the same thing with having a second why would you you know you're happy why why would you kind of thing yeah um is that question with rocking the boat though because i never wanted too close together yes i knew i wanted a break i knew i wanted to have time with the first one i knew i wanted them at least walking and out of nappies i didn't

want two really close together which is what most people tend to have that three year gap whereas for me that was just too soon i just would have felt a little bit out of control um and you know know, maybe craving that calmness in the house. And you don't necessarily have that with too close an age. So we waited at least probably four or five years. We had it. Cason, again, was such an easy child. We had, you know, grandparents up the road. He was in that, you know, going there sleeping every Friday. We had a little bit of ourselves. We'd finished renovating a house. We were kind of what you were saying, like, life's good. Life is really good at the moment. And I feel like I'm, you know, happy in all areas.

I never planned to have one child. We'd never said we wanted one. But life is good. Do we really want to rock the boat? And we heard, you know, second child all this, you know, which is kind of true. But I did get to a point where I was thinking, I think I would regret not having a second. And then that's when we bit the bullet and we went. And obviously it took us, you know, nearly two years to have Hayden, which we went for like a five year gap.

we ended up with nearly a six, more than a six year gap, four to five to a six year gap. So, but yeah, I know what you mean, like rock in the boat. It's that. So then, but then even so, even though I knew it wouldn't be, it probably wasn't the best of ideas with everything that comes with pregnancy, labor, baby, duh, da, da, you still don't stop, you can't stop that feeling. Yeah. You know, you know, it's your heart in your head, isn't it? Your heart's telling you, it's a lot. I don't think it's right and your heart is like, yeah, but...

And then I was getting to the stage where then Lexi was at school, so I'd already done that with Morgan, whereas Morgan went to school and then I had Lexi. Yeah. You know, it was like this. And then I was like, okay, so what do I do now? Because I'm not, I'm not even expecting. I'm not even planning it. It's like, this is it now.

You know, this is it. And as it's gone on more and more, long, more and more, I am definitely to the point of no, I'm not having any more because I think I'm just so into me and Mitch now. Yeah. You know, and that's not selfish. No, you've got three kids, you're definitely not selfish. In actual fact, that's not because it's, it's about them as well.

Yeah. It's about us and it's about them. Yeah. And I never thought I would get the reaction that I did off Lexi when I ever mentioned a baby. I thought she would absolutely love having a baby in our house. Yeah. As her, your brother or sister, not a chance. See, Kaysen was the same.

Whenever we brought up the conversation of, oh, should we have a brother or sister? No, family of three. And he was young. Family of three. No, he was not happy. To the point, I didn't mention when we were finding out that we were pregnant. But obviously with Hayden, we found out we waited to make sure everything was safe. And then I blamed it on Santa because I was about three, four months pregnant at Christmas.

And I was like, I'm not taking, I'm not telling Kayson that we're having a baby. He don't want one. So he can hate Santa. So he can hate Santa instead. Yeah, I was literally like, so we wrote him a letter. And I got him a top and a little Christmas ornament that says, I'm going to be a big brother and I wrote him a letter from Santa that says

you know basically like you've got a big job this is for you you're going to be a big brother otherwise Christmas would have been off the card for every year well actually funnily I was so scared and then he and then his reaction

I've got it on video and he was like I'm going to be a big brother It means we're going to have a baby. Yay! It must be a little. He's your mum of his belly. Look. What?

I've got a big belly. Does that really do that? Yeah, for us. It's like Ben. And then from the minute he found out, he was so happy and excited. But he, yeah, I was dreading. I was dreading and finding out because he was, he was. like just showed all the traits of I want to be an only child.

And I'm not going to love my... Yeah, no, don't you dare. Yeah. So then I kind of, I think I'd made a decision in my head before I'd kind of accepted it. Does that make sense? So I'd made that decision. You just took your heart time to get around.

And Mitch was on board. Yeah, Mitch, Mitch, I say Mitch, I think Mitch just knew. Yeah. It was one of those things of, well, yeah, you know. Yeah. I have to say, I did go through a stage when I did, I actually remember, I was literally sitting at my kitchen in the room, which was in the kitchen. I was like, babe, I was like, yeah, I was like, I think I want another baby.

And you thought, you think or you do? Like, you think or you do kind of thing. And I was like, I think I do. And that was just a very, very strange stage of that knowing that what's right and again, feeling of what I think I want yeah you know and in a way I'm glad I got through that yeah because I think if we'd tried and had another one now it would have put a lot of pressure because that's just what's what that's what happens it's normal but we've we've we've been through that and now our children are getting to an age where you enjoy them in a different way yeah different stages

yeah definitely so now like I say I'm now at the stage where I'm feeling We're both together here. Yeah. You know, for me and my personal thing. And Mitch obviously completely agrees. And we're just trying to, again, yeah, be us. And remember why we've got this beautiful family to start with, which we've never forgot it.

But because of kids start... Things take over, don't they? You lose yourselves, you know? Yeah. Well, they say that you end up doing so much for the kids, forgetting about you two. And then when the kids grow up, that's when a lot of people actually break up.

Yeah. We've got nothing left to talk about or to do because we haven't put time in our relationship. You can't have a conversation. And I have seen a lot more talk around people saying your relationship, you two, and then the kids. Yeah. Kids shouldn't come first, which I don't think is something that I really thought about until I started to hear it more recently. And it makes total sense because.

Too a balance. I mean, some you've got to think. To a balance. You can't completely ignore your kids. Obviously, like kids are important. They should be a top priority. But so is your relationship. because so much goodness and healthy, like, stuff comes from your kids seeing that relationship.

So if they don't ever see you, you know, have that loving relationship, have certain arguments, get through things, back each other up, love each other. If they don't see any of that, then, you know, they can't learn from that. So it's important to put your relationship first. Well, that was something that I used to be quite, say, I can't think of the word, but I don't admit, so let's say we had some kind of debate or argument or whatever, you know, stupid little thing or a big thing, who knows, and it was maybe in front of the children or that the children may have heard, could have heard it, sorry, I always would want, let's say if I would say I would need to apologize,

or he would need to apologize, whatever the reason and we need to, just to see them, say sorry and make up as well. Does that make sense? It's not just that they've heard some kind of commotion or something. You know, it's not not, I'm sorry, but we don't plan to happen in front of children. Sometimes things get said and that's just how it happens, you know? Even just slamming of a door in the kitchen. I think it's actually important because I feel like as we grew up,

either people just didn't think about it and they argued in front of their kids anyway, or it was very sheltered and completely kept separate. So I've never seen my parents shout at each other or argue with each other. I don't think that's good either. No, you're right. I think it's important to see, like, we can get annoyed at each other, but we still don't raise our voices that much. We still don't call each other names in their moments.

Like, there's still that level of respect. And if you have, then you need to sort it out. Yeah. You know, I think that's... Talk through it, apologise, sit down, like... And that doesn't make it okay, just by doing it and going, oh, I'm sorry. No. You know what I mean?

But it's that just seeing that, you know, that... That's how kids learn. And kids don't learn from you saying, this is what you do when you feel angry. It's what does my mum actually do when she's angry? Like, they learn from seeing. They don't learn from you trying to preach them. Well, one thing I always remember saying to me was you should never go to sleep on an argument. Yeah, that's quite a popular saying.

She always used to say that to me. It's something that is stuck, even when I don't want to say something. And I just think, oh. Yeah. You know, but I think, no, let me just at least, leave it if I just go, because every night I'd say it. And let's just say it with that night or, you know, whatever but even if I don't want to say it I'd be like good night love you yeah just because

you know what I mean yeah I do no I think it's important to to show your kids that that side of things as well because they have to see it you know they are only going to know how to deal with their emotions by seeing how you model that yeah and none of us are perfect and sometimes we do have to apologize or I ever reacted or I shouldn't have took that so personally or whatever but saying those things in front of the kids that's what's really important and apologising to the kids if like you say you've lost it with them or raised your voice um um you know as and when it's needed obviously but going with the that decision i think that it was more of not like a split decision kind of like this is it it was more of like a gradual of yeah what's best

for us actually you know what i mean yeah because we're happy we've got everything yeah why would we you know same every now and then i have that that little you know seed of doubt but generally i feel like we're very lucky to have what we have. Yeah. And yours are still very young. I feel like now, my doubt, now it's definitely gone. It was still in there, here and there. You know, sometimes I would like, you know, we are quite lucky.

You can have kids, you know, at all different ages now. There's, you know, people are having kids a lot later. But I feel like I'll see how the next, I'm pretty sure I'm done. But yeah, if I don't completely change my mind in the next year or two, then, yeah, I don't want a big gap now at this age. if, yeah, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen sooner rather than later. But now I'm pretty sure I'm done. And like I say, each of those days are just a little wobble. I have to tell myself.

I don't think we sat down and had a conversation of like, I don't know. Not that we had a conversation about having children, to be honest. It's only going to have children about not having children. Well, that's it. Exactly. You only planned one of yours. But I think we're lucky as well that the bloops are quite, you know, even when I say in to Liam, like, should we have a second?

He was like, I'm quite happy if we just have Kaysen. But if you want to have another one, then I'm happy to have another one as well. I don't think the conversation would go the same if I turn around now and say, I don't want to have a third. I'm pretty sure he'd probably try and talk me out of it. But, yeah, I haven't actually been in a situation where me and Liam are completely different pages, which I know that people find themselves in that position and that must be tough. But I guess you just have to talk through it and really.

try to find a middle ground and then if you can't then it's the question of yeah you know is this relationship you've got to try and make the decision together yeah no so that's births after births and all the weird and wonderful things that that we find in motherhood so yeah fraction actually isn't it right again like I say probably forgot loads but they're the main things that stick out so thanks for joining us again for another week We appreciate it. We hit 100 subscribers. So we've made the 100 mark.

So yeah, just appreciation again for you guys for always joining and supporting us. Yeah, we love you guys. And listen out because the event is coming soon. It is. We are coming up to the end of September. It's definitely happening in October, October. Next month, people. Yeah, next month we'll bring in more details in the next week.

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