The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 117: We Don't Care About Your Death

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

On this, the 117th episode of the Round Table: a Chinese restaurant is caught serving roadkill to its patrons, a 425 lb man is easily caught trying to abduct a child, and a farmer in Oregon is eaten by his pigs.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen.

Always civility. He started over. He started over. I'm telling you, that was it. The guy came full circle. Alright, are we good, Marcus? We're good. Okay, Jackie, you're on prayer. Am I in the spotlight now? Yeah, you're in it. Alright. Cool.

Dear all the gods that be and that do not exist, I'm going to go ahead and pray that I'm thankful for the prayer that for winter attire. Bam! I'm going to get winter attire into this podcast. I am thankful for winter attire.

Because God, if you didn't make it cold... Attire? What is a tire? A tire. So if it wasn't cold outside, then I would never be able to have the reason to hide as much of my body as I possibly can.

Tights, suck it in. Sweaters, suck it in. You can suck it all in. Nobody knows how fat you are until you get them into bed. And then that guy's sucking you in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to fucking suck you in. Yeah. And thanks, God, for giving me the ability to get sucked in. Amen. Nice. Wonderful. Welcome to the Roundtable. Gentlemen ability to get sucked in. Amen. Nice. Wonderful. Welcome to the Roundtable.

Gentlemen, obviously, Jackie is in the house. Me-ah. Yeah. Ed Larson. Holder McNeely, don't do it to me. What's up with those flautas, Kevin? Eating them, tasting them, getting that ooh, baby. Yeah.

All right, I bet we have no one in the chuckle hut. No chuckle hut. Yeah. There's so much room in here. Yeah, I love it have no one in the chuckle hut. No chuckle hut. Yeah. There's so much room in here. Yeah, it's so nice. Just the original members of the round table. I mean, there's still not a lot of room in here. It is a very fat room, but we will do what we can.

Not in this corner. I'm sitting. My legs are out. Yeah, spread out. Jackie's looking sweet right now. Tell you what, this episode is brought to you by Rob Zombie's new film, Lords of Salem. Lords of Salem! Yes! Kill the witch!

Speaking of Satan and the devil, his right hand man is our news fella, Marcus. What do you got for us, buddy? Stomachs turned at a Chinese restaurant in Kentucky last week when in the middle of enjoying a buffet lunch, customers noticed a rubbish bin full of roadkill being wheeled into the kitchen.

Through the restaurant. That's gutsy. I love Chinese people, man. They're very brave. Locals and regulars of the Red Flower Restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky, couldn't believe their eyes as they watched the owner's son and an employee pushing a clumsily concealed deer carcass through the dining room as it dripped blood all over the floor.

Venison is classy of all the road kill they could be bringing in. It's a very nice meat, the venison. I think it's good. Deer and broccoli. They're doing highway cleanup as well. What's wrong with eating a dead deer on the side of the highway as opposed to a deer that was butchered by somebody professional and cleansed

little. What do you think, Marcus? Is that bad to eat roadkill? Oh, yeah. Have you had roadkill before? I have never had roadkill. No, you're shitting me! I think he is shitting you. That was in your formula. That's why your teeth are so strong. Okay, well, I will say I have probably eaten a wild hog

that someone hit with their truck and then kill and then butchered and served at a party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you say probably when the guy obviously brought it into the party? I just killed it and then I baked it up for all you to eat at this party. It's a matter of shooting in the head

or hitting him with a car. It's all another thing. You go to Cousin Gluk's cookout and it smells a little bizarre. I think you're eating some of that roadkill there you know everybody and that's the thing when you eat roadkill you want to fuck yeah after you do that so for all the families fucking each other i mean it's a normal southern tradition honestly well then what goes into cousin gluk's potato salad

well of course i'm gonna say come but i'm not going to say it. I can't say cum. I'll pick something interesting. Fucking bird feathers. Who gives a shit? Cum's in it. Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a come and get it come and get it cause I cum on it it's like we all here must have probably ingested cum at some point not knowing it

yeah somehow what's the thing unfortunately I knew it when I did I don't know if I've had it you had to have had some cum dude

yeah man cum you never get it on your hand why don't you have man cum I don't know all the time Kevin's a lover of all things that have a penis it's 2012 man Yeah. You never get it on your hand? Why don't you have man cum? I don't know all the time. Kevin's a lover of all things that have a penis.

It's 2012, man. I guess like when you... Good reason. You've never accidentally shot in your own mouth? No, no, no, no. I guess if we... How? What do you mean how? What do you mean how?

What do you mean how? That's not what you're talking about. It's like, how do you shoot in your own mouth? You're jerking off and then you come and then you come real hard sometimes. Now see, Marcus, you're the only one who masturbates by hovering over your dick and going, oh, oh, oh. But you don't use a rag?

I mean, sometimes. You do come on yourself and then clean it up? Every once in a while, yeah. That's weird. That's disgusting. I put a little white sheet over mine while I masturbate with little eye holes cut out so it looks like a ghost. Like a Klansman. You just really wanted to hate yourself.

I think it's more weird that guys have their dream catchers, though. I think that's gross to have a rag that you always come into. I use tissues or toilet paper, paper towels. And socks, though, right? Isn't socks a big thing? I don't use a sock unless I need to beat off right now and I don't have time to get to the kitchen and get a paper towel. Occasionally

Eddie uses his hair. It doesn't matter what he catches it with as long as it doesn't go into that sweet mouth of yours. Sometimes I use the cat. Might as well. You're not going to transport that semen somehow. Well, the owner of the restaurant didn't know that he was doing anything wrong.

They brought the health inspector in. He's like, I didn't know you weren't allowed to do that. Well, wait, wait. Cook it and serve it? That's what my father always said. Always plead ignorance, no matter how wrong you are. Right, right. I'm like, all right.

What are you talking about? You can't run red lights? Yeah. And you can see here on the screen This is the trash can That they hid it in They tried putting a box on top To conceal it but the blood was too much So they obviously knew that it was wrong

There it is right there health inspector They had a box on top of it The bleeding means it was fresh man That's true I love that it was called red flower As if they couldn't come up with a name for rose Because they have the roses. What's that one thing?

It's like the red flower. It's a red flower. Oh, I will name it Red Flower. I mean, would you eat at this place anymore? It's not the worst thing I've ever heard of a restaurant doing. I mean, at least it's deer. It's deer. It's a nice animal.

It's not a skunk. It's an edible animal. Yeah, you hear about Chinese people who get up all types of things. Yeah, rats and cats and stuff. Dicks. I love a good dick General Sal's chicken. General Sal's dicking. What I don't understand is that is it really that

different for an animal to get hit by a car or for it to get shot? I think that I would still eat a deer if it got hit by a car. Well, it's cleaning it. Oh, no, there's no difference. Right? Once it's cleaned. Oh, cleaning it? Well, after you clean it, yeah, it's fine.

What's the cleaning process, though? I mean, can you really get, like... You have to lick it and, like, love it? Yeah. And, like, give it to your mommy to lick? Can a bunch of little boys just hug it until it's clean? Yeah. You gotta take a bath with it. Gotta dress it up in your mother's clothes.

Cleaning it's just skinning it and removing all the organs it. You've got to dress it up in your mother's clothes. That's pretty good. Cleaning it's just skinning it and removing all the organs and chopping it up into biteable pieces. Kevin, from the Jamaican standpoint, they eat roadkill over there, right? Is this that bad? They don't have roads. Or cars.

No, it's a technicality on the term. I've heard this about Jamaican people over there. They do eat a lot of animals. Where have you heard this? I was listening to Rush Limbaugh on the kkk.radio.com. One of my two favorite favorite programs, by the way.

They really, really identify well with the actual beliefs of the black race. And that's what I like most about it. I was trying to set you up for a racist comment that I couldn't make. No, it was funny. When I was driving through Tennessee or something like that, and I was listening to Rush Limbaugh just because I was like, I'm going to be different for a little bit.

It was like two hours listening to it. It was very interesting. It is good, right? It's captivating. No, I get to a, what's it called, a toll booth, and it's like big-ass, like, hick, just country ladies. Like, what's that you're listening to there? What?

I was like, oh, it's Rush Limbaugh. She was like, all right. I will say, if you get pulled over, put on Rush Limbaugh or any conservative talk radio, and you are getting away with that ticket, without a doubt. Can I ask you, Marcus, if they sold a waterbed filled with internal organs, would you get in sleep on it? Would the smell be able to be taken away? Pretty sure we're going to say no smell,

but if you do accidentally puncture it, smell. Oh, absolutely, yeah. No, that would be fucking amazing. You know how good that would feel? Yeah, I think so, right? Oh, God, it's so squishy. Int No, that would be fucking amazing. You know how good that would feel? Yeah, I think so, right? Oh, God. It's so squishy. Intestines and livers and hearts.

Yeah, lumpy. Kidneys would probably be pretty great. Yeah, and I had a water bed. Those things are hard to fuck up. But once every five years, it comes alive, and you have to beat it to death. Wow. Yeah. But don't puncture it.

Don't puncture it without puncturing it. That sounds like a bit of a plus. Yeah. That sounds fucking awesome. Okay, you're down. Every five years, I get to beat a gigantic bag of organs to death. Is it screaming at me the entire time?

It just goes, hey, hey! Actually, we were joking. I was joking around. It's not a waterbed. It turns out it's actually Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah! I was joking around with Henry about fighting a giant shrimp that did this, but I'm going to use it for the waterbed as well. When you fight it, it just sings, Tiptoe through the window.

You have to beat it to death while it sings that at you. Jackie, what would be the only bed, what is something that could fill a bed that you would not sleep on? What is the only thing that you wouldn't sleep on if a waterbed was filled with it? I feel like you could put a lot of things on that list. Yeah, you could. But honestly, the first thing that came to my mind is human hair. That was about to say.

Bed full of hair is agreed. But that's a really popular thing. You wouldn't sleep on a bed full of hair? What? Horse hair is really popular. Even if it was filled with it, there's just something about the thought. If I knew that it was human hair, I don't think that I would be able to be able to i've never been bothered by hair like that really i'm not concerned i don't know i just don't even want i feel like it would get through the bed

like somehow and it would like start to touch me and then i'd get rashy and then i wouldn't be able to sleep i agree your boyfriend has a huge head of hair we're used to it was weird though when i was in uh what was it, third grade, I went to GNFC, Good News Fellowship Church School. There was this total psychopath. His name was Lee. And they built a brick wall around his desk. That's how crazy he was.

It was a fake brick wall. Nonetheless, he would come to school with baggies full of his mother's hair. She would comb it out, and then he would rub it all over his body when he got stressed. Human hair will never be comfortable for me because of that. I agree with you, Jackie.

Human hair is disgusting. If it's on a head, that's fine. But away from the head? I don't want it. You're rubbing a dead thing on it. I think it's a white person thing. No, it's not a white person. It's a crazy person thing.

It sounds like your school is like a satanic version of Sideways Stories from Wayside Stories. It was. GNFC is just, I've never forgiven my parents. No, there is a 13th floor. They're all the 13th floor. That's the difference. That's the difference. And if you had a celebrity that you could rub your hair all over, what celebrity do you want to... Rub my hair all over a celebrity? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they'd just

like love it. Salma Hayek. Oh, I agree with that. I'm gonna go... I'm gonna say Beyonce. Beyonce? Really? What. Oh, I agree with that. I'm going to go. I'm going to say Beyonce. Beyonce? Really? What's that, man? Fuck you. You don't like Beyonce?

Beyonce is my greatest enemy. We've probably discussed this before. What? We hate Beyonce. We hate Beyonce. I love Beyonce. I hate everything about her, man. I hate her fucking dumb, stupid face.

I hate her dumb, stupid songs. I hate it when she ruined that third Awesome Powers movie. I hate that bitch. True. From the start, from the beginning. She was good in Destiny's Child, though. Okay. This is true.

Okay. But what's the... I mean, I'm not hearing any reason here. Dude, it's just sometimes... Sounds like you're jealous. Jealous of what? Of how wonderful she is. Why would I be jealous of that?

It don't got nothing to do with me. That's true. Are you jealous of Barack Obama? Every fucking moment I breathe. Yeah, I think everyone's pretty jealous of Barack Obama for his Wednesday. Fuck Beyonce, man.

Her and fucking big lip Jay-Z. Jay-Z's homosexual. I like Jay-Z, man. Her and fucking big-lipped Jay-Z. Living in that dumbass clock tower. I like Jay-Z, though. I think their marriage is beautiful. What's this Jay-Z's a homosexual come from? I was in Los Angeles, and I was talking to a person who was at a bar who knew a hairdresser who blew Jay-Z. And the hairdresser was a man. I will have you know.

Wow. Yes. Jay-Z came in his mouth. Yep, Jay-Z's a homosexual. But could it have possibly been John Travolta wearing a Jay-Z mask? I think that's far too ridiculous for John Travolta to do. He's a very rational Scientologist.

What? Yeah, that's right. He is fully racist. You know why Jay-Z's gay? Because he's married to fucking Beyonce. That's what happens. Beyonce turned Jay-Z's gay? Because he's married to fucking Beyonce. That's what happens. Beyonce turned Jay-Z gay? The hottest woman in America turned a man gay. Is she hot, though? I think she's gorgeous.

You think she's hot? I love her, yeah. I just can't imagine she lets you touch her butthole. I can't imagine she lets you do anything with her. Yeah, very queenly, she must be. I don't like bitches with pride and shit. No, no. This isn't your parade.

This is our night together. Show some respect for me for once. I'm totally with you, Kevin. I can't deal with that stuff. You guys just like bottom feeders. No, no. Bottom feeders? I'm not asking them to eat my ass. I'm not talking about literal ass eating. I'm saying just like bottom feeders

on the bottom of a trash can it's not going to be good sex unless you put them in a shower first that's what I always say alright well next news story I like that one a super obese gang member could have gotten away with his alleged plot

to kidnap a 10 year old boy but he was too heavy to make good his escape over a backyard fence. Go through it. If you're as big as the Kool-Aid guy, be the Kool-Aid guy and jump through the fucking fence. I hope he has superhuman strength.

He's 55, 425 pounds. What's in a gang at 55? Yeah, that's weird Oh! Oh my god! You're going to be astonished

He is the fattest face I have ever seen That is the fattest face! It's remarkable It's a massive tic-tac Marcus, you have to put this on the website Oh yeah He's got a watermelon under his mouth He is a human thumb A tic-tac. Marcus, you have to put this on the website. I will. I made that up. Show them. Oh, yeah. He's got a watermelon under his mouth.

He is a human thumb. He is a human thumb of a face. It's to the point where it's like a face within a face. Like his real face is like an actual normal face. And then he just has a stomach under his chin. If you put legs underneath his chin, it's a full person. That's the thing. And what you don't see in this is they actually had to take multiple shots of his face because the camera couldn't get the whole picture.

They put it all together in one. Holy bejeez, that's a face. But look at how sad his eyes are. Of course they're sad. Look how sad his chin is. Does he have a chin? There's no fucking burgers in jail, man. They should have run through that fence.

That's amazing. Why did he want to kidnap this kid, Marcus? Is there any info on that? Or he just wanted a child of his own? Well, here's what he was. First of all, he was charged with false imprisonment, child annoyance. He should be charged for false imprisonment of himself, of his thin him. You know? Yep. He was also charged with gang enhancements.

I think he was trying to abduct this child to put him into a gang. Was it child annoying? What was that? He annoyed the child? Child annoyance! Yeah! Shake him a bunch! That's what I say. Shake him till they're sick.

That was a long time ago. Cop, ad, kid calling cop. Oh, man. It wasn't worth it. I just thought the kid, like child annoyance, the kid was calling the cops. Man, I don't like fat niggas around me. Man, this nigga's so fat. He was annoyed. You get it?

I get it. There was nothing more annoying than just a morbidly obese man picking you up and then trying to run you over a fence. Although it probably was really comfortable to be picked up by him. It was just like laying on a couch. A big bear, yeah. Your fingers are so soft and fat. It's almost like you don't have bones. It's like you're ten little pillows grabbing me.

This is how gigantic this guy is He was spotted By a police helicopter Get out of here The police helicopter wasn't even looking for him Yeah he was trying to hide In a residential backyard He again attempted to flee over the yard's fence

But was unable to haul his ample body across So he took Two goes at the fence and failed both times. And then he gave up. And laid on the ground. Hold on, to be fair, I bet none of us could scale a fence. Look at this monkey body

that I have. I did just see Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Marcus. If I just stole a child, I'm getting over that fence. Yeah, dude, I used to do fucking parkour a little bit for like a week. That's true. So think about that.

Man, this guy, he's got to be out of breath while he's sleeping. Absolutely. Everything's a workout for that one. I don't know how he's so fat. He's always so tired and sweaty. What a champion. Well, I love it. I hope that he gets that kid into the gang.

I think they should have let that kid go into the gang. It sounds like a great time. You know, eat yourself into, like, morbid obesity. Where was this again, Mark? It's ever been straight. California. What gang? Does not say.

Yeah, it can't be the Crips or the Bloods. No, no, no. It was actually more of, like, a West Side Story style game. You think so? Yeah, yeah. It was the Knickerbockers. The Knickerbockers? Yeah, and they'd go around.

Well, they weren't going to win anything. Hey, you know what you're doing? Yeah, they'd do the sing song, but he couldn't dance, so he decided Knickerbockers. They went around and they'd go around. Hey, you know what you're doing? Yeah, they'd do the sing song, but he couldn't dance, so he decided to steal a kid instead. And there's coming it. There's fucking coming it, bitches! He obviously ate at the Red Flower

restaurant. You're not even going to hold a bunch of callbacks coming in here. Well, I got some hog news. Yeah, of course. We went through hog news. Oregon authorities are investigating how a farm... Is hog news a news segment?

I mean, yeah, why not? I don't make anything a segment. Okay. Every time I get to make noise for no reason, it's a news segment. Marcus, say hog news again. We're going to redo the intro. Yeah, please. I loved it.

Hey, boys. Y'all ready for some hog news? Marcus, say hog news again and we're going to redo the intro. Yeah, please, I loved it. Hey, boys. Y'all ready for some hog news? Oh, hog news time! Yeah! I never loved you, hog. Hey, Kevin,

why didn't you participate in that? It's almost like you think we're retarded. Probably am betting you. I didn't feel like yelling, yo. Hogs't feel like yelling, yo. Hogs aren't worth it, yo.

Well, Oregon authorities are investigating how a farmer was eaten by his hogs. The Coos County District Attorney's Office says 70-year-old Terry Vance Garner never returned after he set out to feed his animals Wednesday. A family member later found Garner's dentures and pieces of his body in the hog enclosure, but most of his remains had already been consumed. Yeah. They do it. They eat the people. Yeah.

Very cool. He must have fell over the fence or something while they were eating. Yeah, he was probably trying to kidnap a kid. He was too fat to do it. Fell over into the pig yard. Or he was pushed. I just can't believe that guy who kidnapped that kid ate that guy. Yeah, it's very bizarre.

I mean, this guy was 70. He took care of hogs his whole life. Great way to go. He literally died doing what he loved. Screaming in agony. I hope that when I die, weed smokes me. I hope that when I die, weed smokes me. Tupac, I think he had requested his friends to smoke his ashes in some weed.

Did they not do it? Well, no, because he's not dead. But I think I read something like a year or two ago that they did do it. Hell yeah. You have to. I think that's wonderful. No, my friend Jared, when I was growing up, he always scraped my lungs and my rib cage for resin and smoked that. I think that's a wonderful thing to do for somebody.

Better than cremation. As you know, he didn't request it. I think he just said it a bunch and it's in some of his songs. Like, hey, we should probably do this. But really, he probably didn't want that to happen at all. It's provocatory. He would rather still be alive. Holden, what part of your body do you want us to smoke when you die? The cum.

No, I'm not gonna smoke that, I'm gonna slurp that. You wanted us to smoke it, Eddie. I just don't know how to do that. I mean, the part of my body that I would say to smoke would probably be the tips of my nips. Oh, God, it's so gross. Tips of my nipples, and you have to take that out.

Use that as a filter, actually. And I'm going to go with a bit of my earlobe. Oh, okay. So that you can fucking hear the music better when you smoke that shit. I like that. There you go. Eddie, how do you feel? I wasn't paying attention. Good, good. I saw. you smoke that shit. I like that. Eddie, how do you feel? I wasn't paying attention.

I saw. I saw that glaze. Ever since he talked about weed smoking himself, he's just in his own world. I just need some! Jackie, would you smoke Holden if he died?

Only his neck. I'd probably smoke your neck to he died? Only his neck. Ah, yes. I would probably smoke your neck to make sure it was really gone. I mean, it is very grotesque. It's long. And wide. Oh, yeah. Very thick and wide.

It's a long and bumpy road. Are you talking about life? No, no. Holden's neck. And white Oh yeah Very thick and white It's a long and bumpy road Are you talking about life? No no Hold and snack Well the hogs that ate this farm Are 700 pound hogs Oh big old boys I love them

700 pounds Apparently they never I was actually talking about this With my girlfriend yesterday Because she was like Ah you're a hog You're a pig And we started talking about it naturally

And she told me that They never stop growing Really? They just keep feeding them Like lobsters. Your mother. She's huge. Y'all saw that 2,000 pound hug that kid in Alabama

killed, right? That thing was awesome. That thing was huge. How is a living thing able to be that big? I don't understand. Do the organs get bigger? I think so. I don't know. They grow with the fat? Yeah, but humans' organs don't get

bigger. Surprisingly enough, I am no biologist. I did not get any education in biology. He looks like he was made in a test tube, but he doesn't know anything about science. Yeah. Looking up hog signs? Can going to be a hog? Can we look at this hog?

Good zing, Ben. Thank you. Oh, it's so big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your little fat kid shot it. Well, it's fake, though, isn't it? Didn't they find it dead and just shoot it a bunch and then say they killed it? Well, I mean, the hog is real.

The hog's real, yeah. That's insane, man. How did it walk? Its legs are still so small. It looks like a rhinoceros. It's bigger than a rhinoceros. That's fucking wonderful. They didn't even fit the whole thing in the picture. We gotta stop killing hogs. We gotta see how big these things can get.

Yeah, you're right. Absolutely. Yeah, they're murderous. That's good. Let's make them bigger. Let's get them as big as buffalo and then we'll wipe them out just like we did with them. Yeah, but're murderous. That's good. Let's make them bigger. Let's get them as big as buffalo, and then we'll wipe them out just like we did with them. Yeah, but do they snap, though? Is it like a dog can snap? Because that pig obviously didn't eat him the entire time, right? What do you mean?

Look at all these dead pigs. It's just a bunch of dead pigs. All right, there it is. Well, that's just a picture of dead pigs, Marcus. Why would they pull into that one dead pig that we just saw? Well, there's a lot of dead pigs. That's a lot of just saw? There's a lot of dead pigs. That's a lot of dead pigs. That is a lot of dead pigs.

That's a lot of fucking good ass eats. All I see is dead eats. I like it's on the bovine website. The bovine. And the headline is, Boss Hog Rolling Stone on Smithfield. What the fuck does that mean? I have no idea what that means.

I want to swim through them pigs, man. What if you're like, what was it? What was it? Duck Tales? When he had the fucking man? Yeah, Scrooge McDuck. You just swam through a sea of pigs like that?

That's so great. And you were just so rich in pigs. I got so many pigs. I would love it if someone really, really dumb inherited a bunch of money and then got a safe full of gold quarters. Like gold coins. And wanted to swim in it like Scrooge McDuck. But when he jumped in it, he just hit it and died.

He did a dive? Yeah. I should have dived into the deep end of my gold coins. Well, that pile is from Smithfield Foods, the largest and most profitable port processor in the world, who killed 27 million hogs last year. Thank God for them. I am glad it is. Thank God. I just...

It's sad to put a face to bacon. I think it's fun. I'm glad it's a pig's face. I was about to say how with vegetarians, if you look at the animal and you'll change your mind, no, I see that pile of dead pigs and I'm just like mmm, mmm, that is fucking tasty looking. I haven't eaten yet today, man. I'd love some

hogs. Oh my lord, yes. I'll watch Babe. No emotional reaction. Why aren't you crying, Kevin? Kill it! Great stuff, man. I'll eat that pig. Absolutely. I would like to see you eat an entire pile of pigs. Hold it. Oh my goodness. Yummy, yummy. Mmm, pour some gummy on it. I just want their toes. You my goodness. Yummy, yummy. Pour some gummy on it.

I just want their toes. You're different. You're different. Well, let's go for some local news. Okay. All right. Yeah, a Portuguese male model admits to... Sounds like it's from Portugal. Nope, but it happened in New York City.

It's a diverse city. A Portuguese male model admits to killing his lover in a fit of rage, but says he wore the man's severed testicles as a talisman and became a healer. Yeah. I like what he's doing. How did he wear his testicles? He killed his lover who was 65 years old.

Very unattractive, by the way. He killed him in a hotel room, cut off his testicles with a corkscrew, and then wore the balls as a talisman on his wrist. What's a corkscrew? I don't understand what a talisman is. I don't know what a talisman is either. A talisman is like a magical object. Yeah, but he cut open his own wrist and put the nut in his arm. What?

Really? That's what he did, Marcus. Is that in the story? Yeah. his arm. What? That's what he did, Marcus. Is that in the story? Yeah. He cut open his wrist, put the fucking balls inside of his arm to gain the guy's soul and to gain

the guy's power. I don't know. It sounds more like a practical joke. He started running into a kindergarten class and was just like, oh, I'm wrist balls. Everybody's like, ew! Just screaming. I mean, that's a good joke, though. Wrist balls is awesome. He did wander the streets of Manhattan touching people because he had the power

to cure people from AIDS. He did. He had the power to cure people from AIDS by not fucking them. Were the testicles full of AIDS? Did the guy have AIDS that he killed? No. Not at all.

Okay. He was a gay activist. Okay. Now, did he rip his balls off before or after he killed him? The man was still alive when he ripped the balls off. This is actually an old story. It's just a new revelation in the story.

This is just something that's come out in court. Yeah. Wow. Because this happened two years ago. Yeah, it was a two-year-old story and we just found out he put the guy's nuts in his goddamn arm. Can you imagine someone coming up to you on the street with just like i imagine it was still like bloody and like sewn up with a ball just in their wrists like i'll get the aids out of you don't touch me i'd rather have aids it would literally take me 40 minutes to grasp the concept of him putting balls in his arm yeah when he told

me i was like oh no but you it's not it's not what you did. I mean, there's not balls in your arm. No, I put the balls in my arm. I put the fucking balls in my arm. And you know how gross the actual testicle looks? It's not just a nice circle. It's like a stringy bizarre thing. I saw it when Tom Green had it. When Tom Green had nut surgery,

they showed his balls on the Tom Green show. Remember that way back in the day? They're disgusting. Good for this guy. I would definitely wear them. Yeah, it's sort of like coiled up angel hair pasta, right? It's sort of like that, kind of. Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like. Or like a grape with the skin peeled

off of it. Like that feeling, right? Yeah, and then like a sad guy crying next to it. Definitely. That's exactly what it is. Also, they took them out with a corkscrew. That's crazy. It's the worst. Every time I Took them out with a corkscrew That's crazy It's the worst Every time I hear about shit with a corkscrew I'm like

Yeah why That's the most useless How do you do it Marcus They were in a hotel room I know they were in a hotel room But how do you It doesn't make it I mean

Yeah the location is the least But how do you take a man's balls With a corkscrew Well you're in a hotel room And a corkscrew the point of a corkscrew is kind of sharp. Right. So I'd imagine, like, say... You stab the ball? No, you know when you want to kind of cut something?

Like, say you have a sheet, or a t-shirt. You want to cut the sleeves off of your t-shirt. You're going to a cross burning. You got a sheet. You need to make your nice outfit for it. You want to cut the sleeves off of your t-shirt. You can't do it with the sleeves being loose and all that.

So you have to straighten out the sleeves where it's taut. And then with that sharp point, then you can stab it in a little bit and then rip it off. Oh, okay. So more of a rip than a cut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then to disconnect them, he probably used the corkscrew.

I mean, that's what I keep thinking. To disconnect the balls. Maybe he ripped them off the guy, but I'm pretty sure he went with the corkscrew and just went... Until they, like, disconnected from... It's not a chisel. Well, I mean, you know. It's like he's making a chimney.

He'd be like, all corkscrews have a tiny knife on them. Why not just use the tiny knife? Yeah, use the little knife. Maybe that's what he did. Not as much leverage, though. The knife is too small. You need that whole, like, hold it like you're opening up a wine bottle. Right.

You have to really jab it in. Definitely. And I'm sure there was some wine involved before the guy got his cork cut. A bit of vino. Oh, yeah. It was a very romantic night. His balls corked off. Yeah.

I mean, I would want my... I got my balls corked off! You're being ridiculous, and don't curse. I said cork. I mean, I would want my balls cut off with a really hot machete so that it severs the wound, but it also cauterizes it. Yeah, everyone's wants it cauterized. How would you want to get your nuts cut off?

Kisses. We know yours. I already know that. How would I want it to get cut off? Yeah, if you had to remove your nuts. Loch Ness Monster Bite, dude. Because I would

lose my nuts, but I'd know the truth. That's absolutely true. That's a good way to go. That's the best way to lose a pair of nuts.

If you're getting a blowjob from a chick and she's like, what happened to your nuts? Wouldn't you believe it? I was swimming in Michigan. That's fucking great.

Or wherever the Loch Ness Monster is. Not in Michigan. It's in Loch Ness. Whatever. Who's counting? Actually, speaking of balls in Loch Ness, I've been to Loch Ness and I fucking dipped my balls in it. Did you really?

Yeah, we got really wasted at the pub nearby and then we wentess and I fucking dipped my balls in it Did you really? Yeah we got really wasted at the pub Nearby and then we went over And we both dipped our balls into Loch Ness Me and my buddy You were very lucky you still have those things I know that's kind of crazy you bring that up But now that I remember it So how did you dip your

Did you take your pants off Yeah we just took the pants off like you're going to take a shit Kind of you know and just like Sat down into the Just let them down into the edge of the water. There weren't people around? No, it was a scum!

We went to a more wooded area. Loch Ness is fucking massive. It's a huge, huge, huge body of water. But you're a bull snake! Yeah, exactly. That was the idea. They're fishing for the Loch Ness. We're getting hammered at this bar,

at this little pub in this little tiny town. It was like a pub and two other buildings. That was the town. And we went over and did it. It was great, actually. The fuck you doing over there? Yeah, exactly. They would probably applaud you, I imagine, in Scotland.

Put my balls in the lake. Look at the balls. Do it again. Yeah, yeah. He goes in and puts like one severed nut and like she's got a bloody sack. He doesn't even

see it. Put your balls in the lake. What? He's like 10 feet behind us and he doesn't even move. He just somehow manages

to put his balls into the lake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just throw them in there. That's great. Well, I'm always happy to know how everyone

wants to lose their nuts Makes me thrilled Makes you thrilled? I think I'd like my magic to weigh What do you mean? You know like Call over David Copperfield Or Leprechaun

I'm going to go with David Copperfield he's a Jew And if I'm getting a surgery I want a Jew involved Is this a surgery now I want a Jew involved. Is this a surgery now? Did your mom make that joke? He's going to magic them. He's just going to magic them away. It's an illusion.

Eddie's mother's favorite joke is, oh, Eddie, I love you. You get it because she doesn't. But Jackie, how do you want to lose your labia? If a monster was going to come and grab that Sweet thing off your fat pussy How do you want to do that What's worse than that Or a tiny pussy Whatever your pussy is

We haven't seen it We're being nice right now I love that you didn't get upset About a fat pussy What do you mean tiny pussy It's big, it's really big I love that Eddie and't get upset with Fat Pussy but you got upset with Tiny Pussy what do you mean Tiny Pussy it's massive it's big it's really big

I don't know I love that Eddie and I were both like great I fucking masturbate with a bucket I guess it's Chewed Off I choose Chewed Chewed Off

Chewed by what animal or a person yeah whatever whoever's got teeth it's definitely so not gummed off no no no Chewed I mean if it's gonna happen Yeah, whatever. Whoever's got teeth. It's definitely not gummed off. No, no, no.

Chewed. I mean, if it's going to happen, I want to remember it. Yeah, not an old lady with no teeth. That's very disgusting. Very disturbing. I'm going to say frozen and hit with a hammer. Oh! Shattered.

See, that's the thing. It's much harder for me. Mine are dangling. It would be really hard to get in there and get a scissor and try to cut them off thing It's much harder for me Mine are dangling It would be really hard To get in there And get a scissor And try to cut them off It's hard The idea of cutting off a labia

With scissors Is really disturbing Yeah If I was to cut off a labia I'd probably just use A shard of glass Yeah Well you're a respectable man

But an old one That's great Jesus Christ Kevin just puts it On the phone with his mother What? I don't know Imagine you're with a woman And then you're like oh you have to meet my mother

And then you put the phone down to the chick's pussy And then your mother is like are you good enough for Kevin And then her labia falls off What the fuck It's an idea that I had But it's good because there's a lot of space in between that comment Before and the ending. To edit that out.

But like, Kevin's mother is like mean. Smooth cut. No woman is good enough for Kevin. Wait. All right, we're good. Oh, God, that was so funny. My favorite part about the whole episode was always talking about Kevin and his mother with the labia.

Ah, okay. So we'll review that. All right. All right, next story. What's up with these tits? Hey, can we see something enjoyable on the big screen? Every time it's a horror from a fucking house of nightmares. I mean, these tits are not pretty.

They're huge and massive. Okay. Yeah, no, they're not pretty. I can't think ofits are not pretty. They're huge and massive. Okay. Yeah, no, they're not pretty at all. I can't think of you talking about it. Who are you? Yeah, so far we've got cum boxers, piles of pigs, fat man. If you're just tuning in. The fattest

face of all time. Unbelievably fat. A retired accountant who turned to escort girls after the death of his wife was brutally murdered by one at his home, a court heard yesterday. The body of Winston Fernandez, 69, lay undiscovered Is he an English-Mexican? I was going to say, it's a very confusing name. Fernandez! I mean, those have to exist.

Listening to that name pronounced felt like running down a hallway you didn't know was wet and slippery. All right, Marcus, what's going on with this guy? We don't care about your death, Winston. Winston's a wonderful man. But show us those boobies. Yeah, yeah. I want to see the tits, Marcus. What's going on with this?

Wait, wait, wait. He is a man with tits? I'm dying to see the tits, Marcus. What is happening? Hold it and sweat it profusely right now, Marcus. Show him the tits. Okay, okay. He lay undiscovered for almost a month

after a 38-year-old Russian prostitute, Natalia Woolley, beat him to death. The 600-pound-a-night vice girl, that's about $10,000 American, who describes herself... I thought she was a 600-pound prostitute.

I was like, I'll buy her for fucking 30 bucks. No, 600 pounds a night, but it's about $1,000 a night. That's very expensive. She describes herself online as alluring to all men and incredibly sexy. Is said to have descended into a rage after an argument over what services she would provide. Here is a picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the tits, the tits. Oh, wow.

She's very attractive. And that guy looks like he's old. She's old. He's like a living bookmark. Yeah, that's one picture of Natalia. Here's another one. Yeah, she's amazing. I've been a grandinite for her.

She looks like a fucking gremlin. Oh, please, Marcus. You are just tainted. I mean, the makeup job is bad, but, you know. Her face is really bad. What are you talking about? $10,000 a night? No, $1,000.

$1,000. No, it's great, $1,000. Oh, okay, $1,000. Well, still. She's got to pay for those fake tits somehow. I'm all for this girl. If I have enough money, I would just. You're right, that first picture is far better than the other ones.

It's just her tits. That's the one I don't like. I like the other pictures. I'm really down with this girl. I mean, this guy, like the pig farmer, died doing what he loved. She does look like Gremlin with lipstick on. Well, she did.

She kicked, punched, and stamped on her client before cutting the telephone lines. The prosecutor claimed Wooley repeatedly beat the old man and left him dead or dying with injuries all over his body, including 17 fractured ribs

and two broken bones in his larynx. I'm sorry, I probably missed this. What was the motivation? He didn't have a cell phone. They were having an argument over what services she would provide. For $1,000, you do everything! I mean, not everything. It must1,000, you do everything.

It must have been some weird shit, man. It must have been some weird ass stuff. For $1,000, Jackie, if you're a lady of the night... Anything he wants. That's also me. What if he wants you to take a big dookie all over his eyebrows? Yeah, that's fine.

But what if he wants to dookie on you? I think this all happened when she found out he was an English Mexican. It was racism that killed him? You do have to think about that, though. She's probably justified. Think of how much shit she goes through that if this dude said something that

put her over the edge, I'd beat someone to death. He might have wanted her to be a human toilet. Yeah, but maybe even worse than that. Probably worse than that. Maybe he brought in one bringing a little kid or something. I wouldn't do that for $1,000 a night. No, that's true. That would cost extra.

But you would do it. I mean... Depends on the extra. Job's a job, man. It's a gig. Gotta get up tonight. I mean, we went to Hoboken yesterday. It's just a bad open mic, you know?

Well, he had booked this woman three times previously via an escort agency and even wrote an online review praising her, quote, aesthetic curves after eight amazing hours. He wrote, all good. Nay, outstanding.

It is a pleasure to be with you every time. I have been addicted to you. I will spend a lifetime with you. Oh, he's a freak. I mean, he sounds like he loved her. She's an escort. She said that she had attacked him in self-defense after he pushed her on the bed

and tried to make her engage in sex acts she did not want to perform. She's a prostitute! I am good for her, but at the same time that doesn't seem like the worst thing a person could do to a prostitute. He was also a pretty bad alcoholic. He was a drunk?

I ordered a whore? I don't know. I feel like the S word. Someone said that word that said spick at work the other day And I was like taken aback For real? Yeah

Like someone said it and meant it? No no Like she was like being funny But like it was like a little girl Like I'm not a little girl She was like 19 Was it the spic word joke? And no

It wasn't even a joke She thought that I would think it was funny And I was just like Hey Alright But wait You have Hispanic workers Was that guy there? No no It was just like hey but wait you have hispanic workers was that guy there no no it was just the two of us oh okay and like some guy coming to her apartment that

like she was showing off the apartment and it was like these two spanish dudes and they had stolen some stuff from her apartment and she was like and these fucking spics come in and see and I was like Hey! How about we? I haven't heard that word since I mean my dad says that word. You got oddly racist when people stole from you at work. Yes, which is very fair. But still

You have to look Kevin in the eyes while you talk about it. But I also didn't scream derogatory words at work. I also didn't even know if they stole anything. I know those kids stole from me. Oh, who's they? What is they? Hold on.

Hold on. She has so much shit that she doesn't know if she was stolen from or not? No, she thinks that it was stolen from. I'm just saying the word that was thrown out there at work. Nothing was stolen from this dumb bitch. That's what I... This wasn't my roommate was it? No it wasn't your roommate It just made me It's like a flare

I just haven't heard the word stick in ears Are you sure it wasn't the roommate? I'm positive She would never say that word Multiple Hispanic roommate She's very young. Yeah, interesting. I think it's probably a She gets real mad at me whenever I make derogatory

comments. Yeah, she's very free love. Yeah, she's all like, Bonnaroo fucking too mad. It's just weird. I just haven't heard that word in a long time. Yeah, you never hear a spic. You don't hear a spic at all. Spic ain't used in rap songs and fucking It doesn't rhyme with a lot.

Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. Quick. Spic. Dick. Schick. Schick. Nick.

Stick. Nick. Lick. Lick. Nick. You can rhyme Nick with spic. That's just five words

that would make for a terrible rap song. Lick. Crick. Schick. Hick. Can we end the podcast? Lick.

Schick. Just your own ick. Like icky. Sick. Yeah, that's true. I'm sorry., just your own ick. Like icky. Yeah, that's true. I'm sorry. Sticky, icky, icky. Sticky, icky, ick. I bought it from...

Keep going. No, no. I don't need to say these words. What's that, white man from town? I don't believe in these words. Then the white man comes in. Oh, the white man from town. Sorry.

Anyway. All right, it's time now for a segment from Howard McNeil. Oh, the white man from town. Sorry. Anyway. All right, it's time now for a segment from Howard McNeil. Yeah, eating pussy! How do you do it? Where do you start? This segment's called... You start with the pussy and then you end with the door. Very good.

Very good. That's not how it should end. You're doing it wrong. Ben got some semi-action last night. He really is forgetting how to... First of all, yeah, no action, but I am the greatest cuddler. I'm such a good cuddler. Can we just say...

I talked about it on Top Hat all night. She made him... Oh, yeah, you already talked about it. The boxers stinking and all that. No, no, I didn't tell her why I didn't have underwear on. Oh, okay, because they smelled bad. All right, cool. Let's go into this.

Truth or lies. Truth or lies. Everyone here is going to tell a truth or a lie. We all vote on it. There's a winner and a loser. Marcus does the scoring. I don't remember how the scoring works. So let's start with the first truth. We'll make it up as we go.

My truth or lie i found my brother's porn slash tobacco stash when i was very young we were talking about cum rags earlier i distinctly remember i put two and two together since i become a young adult he had a cum rag in the stash i picked it I smelled it. I was trying to figure out what it was for. I'm pretty sure it was touched against my face from smelling it and things like that. So that is my truth or lie. Is that where you've tasted

male cum before? I didn't get just the face. I don't think I actually tasted the rag. You didn't lick it? Did you wear it as like a facial bandana? That's what I'm thinking I kind of did. Like I think I kind of put it over my face. Cops and think I actually tasted the rag. You didn't lick it? Did you wear it as a facial bandana? That's what I'm thinking I kind of did. Cops and robbers type deal? I think I kind of put it over my face.

I'm here to rob the sperm bank. Yeah, I know. Alright, Kevin, what do you think? I think that's true, man. Ben. I want to say it's a lie, and I'm going to say it's a lie, because I don't even think you're creative enough to do that as a child Okay Jackie

I'm gonna say true Truth Marcus Oh I'm not playing Okay it is truth Yeah we know I did it I think I might have put it on my face

That's vague I know I smelled it I know I like examined the rag And tried to figure That's vague. That's vague. I know I smelled it. I know I examined the rag and tried to figure out what it was because it was before I personally... Why would you examine it? Because it was before I personally actually came. I just found the mother load.

I found this treasure trove of shit. The mother load is where your cum towel is. So you rubbed Avery's cum on your face? Maybe. I definitely smelled my brother's cum. Did you get it because he jacks off to his mother? His old dried cum though. That's nice. Kevin, do you have any truth or lie?

Oh yeah. So mine is one time I went to the moon twice. You are not playing into the game. You know what? I say truth because the moon is a popular black bar. Yes, and I will also say truth. Truth, truth, truth, truth, truth.

I'm from Wisconsin. I don't know that. I don't know that. Hey, why would Kevin go to a popular black bar? I went there once. Kevin, that's bullshit. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I forget who I saw.

That's bullshit, Kevin. Yeah I forget That's bullshit Kevin Nah it's very good You're fucking using words Against me That's a very good trick question Kevin what is it It's true man Eddie thank you

I would have been right With my lie If you said I got laid Afterwards I get everyone's points By the way You shouldn't have said shit Yeah

Because then you would have Gotten more points Yeah you ruined it She was like You're not even playing the game. And he said, what the fuck or something. That's ridiculous. I thought you were talking about StarCraft. There's no moon.

Well, I guess you go to the moons of Shakuris. So I knew it. But he's been there many more times than just twice. That's true. And also, if it was the real moon, is it a lie if I completely believe it's true? I was going to say true. Think about the power of the human moon. Is it a lie if I completely believe it's true? I was going to say true.

Think about the power of the human heart. That's ridiculous. Inspirational Kevin. Inspirational Kevin sounds a lot like Jeffrey Dower. It doesn't. Ben. I had to go to court because I got

a couple of peanuteing in public tickets. And my mother and my brother came there and they took pictures in front of the judge. And it was one of the greatest days of my life. My mother took me out to Perkins afterwards. Truth or lie. Very interesting. Wait, so you got arrested? I was in trouble with the law.

You just got in trouble. That's right. I had to go to court. What did you do? Why were you arrested? I was peeing in public law. You just got in trouble. That's right. I had to go to court. What did you do? I was peeing in public. How many of those do you have? Oh, so many. You're not good at peeing in public. I'm great at peeing in public.

Then why you got so many tickets? Because people find me doing it. I'm very good at it. No, I'm great at it. Michael Jordan was a wonderful basketball player. People watched him do it. I peed in public in front of the cops before, not being caught. Like, right in front of their face. I'm sure it's different in Wisconsin, though.

I pissed on a cop. No, all you gotta do is... You never pissed on a cop, Ed. When'd you piss? Truth or lies. Truth or lies. Truth or lies. All you gotta do is just walk while you do it.

Walk while you piss? Yeah, you never done that? No, I don't do that. Do you pull your dick out and walk? Pee pee? No, no, no. Just point the stream out of your way. Yeah.

And you walk and pee. How big is your fucking cock? I mean, I don't have something I can direct. You just put some power behind it, man. You can't direct it in any direction? That's very sad. It just goes down and then on my legs. Listen, again, I reference the power of belief.

Man, if you believe in the stream that you're putting out, it's not going to hit you, man. There you go. This is what it's about. One time I pissed in a bush, though, and it got all over me because it was really dark and I was wasted. And you're playing in the bush? I pretty much wet myself because it bounced off of the leaves of the bush. Is it a truth or is it a lie? I'm lucky and I don't even want to hear about all your pee-pee problems because women have pee-pee problems all over.

All right. Okay. Jackie once pissed on my feet. That's fine. No one's contacted on if mine's a truth or a lie. Coney Island. That's right. That's fine.

Yeah, both you and Madeline pissed on my feet. Pissed on your feet. I forgot about that. What were your feet doing under their pussies? They were behind a truck. Yeah, they were behind a truck in an alley and I had to cover them. And I was wearing flip-flops because I was at Coney Island.

Yeah, you were going to be in flip-flops. That's why he pissed on his feet. Yeah, and their fucking streams were so strong that it splattered onto my feet. And I had to fucking ride all the way back to Brooklyn with piss feet. Well, we really had to pee. Oh, man. Yeah. Hey, that shit weird, though, man.

Like girls peeing and stuff, man. They don't have no dick. It's really hard. True. Truth on bad. Truth on bad. Lie. It is a lie.

We're in DWI, my friends. DWI. Thank you. Even trashier. 19 years old. I saw the pictures, though. I definitely saw the pictures of him with his parents in front of the courthouse. It's hilarious. That was the DWI.

That's weird. All right, Jackie. Yeah, Kevin's the only one who gets a point on that one. Yeah. Thank you. You did it. I'm out here, man. Jackie, what's your truth?

Or your lie? I used to be embarrassed in middle school by my arm hair because I'm Italian and it's dark. So I would shave it. And I shaved it for a few years and then it never grew back. Well, I've seen your arms and they're very hairy. I'm going to say that's a lie. Truth. Truth. Okay.

Lie, woman. You lie, woman. No, no. Don't project. Lie. I say lie, man. Yeah, lie. Hairless forearms for all to see.

All right. I stand corrected. It is true. Wow. Where is the hair? It never grew back? How did that work? I don't know. It is true. Wow. Where is the hair? It never grew back? How did that work? I don't know.

It never grew back. I did it from sixth grade to ninth grade through it, and I was just like, why am I fucking doing this? I'm not doing this anymore, and it just never grew back. You won. Yeah. Good job. Thank you.

Your arms look great. It's real smooth. They look great. You don't shave your arms anymore, huh? No, I do not shave them anymore. Isn't that something? All right, so who guessed right on that one? smooth. They look great. You don't shave your arms anymore, huh? No, I do not shave them anymore. Isn't that something? All right, so who guessed right on that one? Me.

Eddie, yeah. Just Eddie. Eddie Toons. I got you guys. I thought about something you guys didn't know. I mean, that's pretty crazy. That is really remarkable, Jackie. I'm so very proud of you.

Thank you. I'm happy for you. Ed Larson, what is your truth, or what is your fucking lie? Ooh. Snake in the grass. My friend Corey Braslow made me shit on a fish one time. What kind of fish?

It was a largemouth bass. We had caught it out of my back lake. Whatchamacallit and we lost some bet about Florida State versus Miami. And he made me squat down and shit on the fish. Gotcha. Was the fish the poor by the way, poor fish.

He hit it in the head with a hammer. A rock. The second worst thing to happen to the fish was it died. I'm going to go with a lie actually. I just feel like go with a lie, actually. I just feel like it's too fun. Was it in the boat? No, we were fishing on land.

You were fishing on land? Yeah, we were fishing from the side of the lake. What did you hit it with? I hit it with a rock. I'm bad at this game, so I'm going to go with truth. I'm going to roll with true also, man. I'm going to say true. It's a lie. Yeah!

There were too many details! what would true well so, man? I'm going to say true. It's a lie. Yeah! I knew it! Ben Kissel, number one! Too many details! Too many details! I knew it! I knew it! None of it was true.

Any element of it was true. Alright, well, you guys just have no faith in me. By the way, shit animal! You're a dirty animal! First and last names,

dude, I saw the whole thing. Something to think about, shit and fish, the only difference is the letter F and T. Think about that. Did you take Ben's point away? I pointed something out that was fun!

Well, it's still his only point. Okay, great. And the game is now between Kevin and Ed. Marcus. What's up? Well, I have to do the tiebreaker now The tiebreaker is I have never killed a mammal

On purpose Oh my god I have never killed a mammal On purpose Marcus he's from The badlands I say truth You know why I say truth

I say truth because I don't think that you would set yourself up to look like such a bad person. See, I was going to go with true also. Just because... Can you phone a friend real quick? I'm going to say you should go with a lie.

Did he call you, though? I think that he did do it, and he regrets it for the rest of his life. He did it once on a hunting outing. I'm literally sitting in front of a box full of horse bones. Marcus, for those that don't know, how would you? Because we haven't told you

yet. Marcus was delivered a box full of horse bones today. My mom sent me a bunch of Halloween candy. Marcus' mom sent him a bunch of horse bones. With the skin on it. Not even fully decomposed. Skin on it. Enjoy the Canberra horse job.

Yeah, I'm going with life on account of that. Marcus. True. Damn. Wow, Eddie. Man, fuck you, Olin. I'm sorry, man. It's a brand old flat.

It's a hot body. All right, okay. Jackie, that's old. Kevin, I'm bad. Kiss all. And that's Marcus. Good job, Eddie. It's a high five. All right. Okay. Jackie, that's all. I'm bad. Kiss all. And that's Marcus. Good job, Addy. You won it because you're a fucking asshole.

Good for you. All right. Goodbye, everybody. Have a nice week. Good night. Enjoy yourselves out there. He's reveling. Back to work.

Have some time with the friends. Get back to work. You got files to fucking file, you bitches. Don't yell at them. They're very sad about their jobs. Oh, are you doing dad intro right now? You're a pussy! Get a better job, you piece of shit! Jesus!

Stay with your job. We enjoy that you listen when you're bored. Quit your job! Don't quit your job! Alright, I gotta pee.