The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 118: I Get High in the Machine

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

On this, the 118th episode of the Round Table: a woman narrowly escapes injury from piece of chicken falling from the sky, two men decapitate a game fowl in Las Vegas, and a cop with a hilarious name is accused of fingering butts in Milwaukee. Joining us: Louis Katz, Jason Kalter, and Lexi Galante, star of the Evil Dead musical!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay on, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Alright! Begul! Begiled! You just got beguiled! I thought some cum hit my face. Eddie, you're on prayer.

I said my fucking prayer last week. Yeah, you're on prayer. I told you, you're on prayer. You didn't tell me anything! I heard him tell you. Do you listen to me? I'm just tuning Ben out. In the name of the Father

and the Son and the Holy Spirit. I won't do it. Amen. Amen. Alright, dear Hindu God. I don't understand what your religion does. No one really gets it. I don't even think the people who believe in it get it.

Something about chickpeas. There's something about chickpeas. There's something about chickpeas. There's something about cows. And there's something about blue girls with a bunch of arms. The jerk-off queens of the desert. Ah, that's true. Lots of snakes. Not as many pigs.

Right? No pigs for them, right? I don't think so. Nor cow. What the fuck do they eat? Goat. Chickpeas and goats. For all of India. Nor cow, yeah. What the fuck do they eat? Goat. All right. And rice. Chickpeas and goats. For all of India, for all of time,

thank you, God of Hindu. Vishnu. Vishkak. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Vishkak. All right. Welcome to the round table. I feel like this is the first officially cursed episode. Thank you, Eddie,

for riling up the woman with 12 arms that will stroke us all off and then choke us all to death. That sounds awesome. Yeah, it does sound pretty great. The old David Carradine goodbye. Alright, who's here? Jackie Zabrowski. I can also say that that

makes me not the most racist one on the cast today, right? I'm not racist. Not yet. We don't know. We just started. It's got nothing to do with racism. It's everything to do with their beliefs. Indians.

I hate them. Well, now Eddie takes it. The game has just begun, Jackie. We're going to see who wins at the end. Actually, no, that reminds me, man. When I was in Tallahassee, it was funny. Me and my friend Barry were sitting there. My little brother Christopher was like, hey, man, you guys want to go to this

Indian party tonight? And both me and Barry at the same time were like, nigga, what the fuck? We gotta go to an Indian party. I'm trying to go to this Indian party? Fuck that, nigga. I'm trying to go to a regular party where I can talk to white girls who are going to talk to me about drugs and the beach. Speaking of beaches,

our number one whale, Eddie, how you doing, buddy? Ed Larson, Moo Moo. That's your new one? Good, good. No, no, I was going to say Moo Moo goes to Choo Choo. But that's my catchphrase. Moo Moo goes to Choo Choo. And replacing the very unattractive Holden McNeely with the very beautiful. Henry Zebrowski,

you know what's weird is that Holden C, did you guys know that there's a full set of skin here? I didn't know that. Fuck you, Holden. Fuck him. Fuck you. See, I knew about the eggs, but not the skin. No, no, no. There's a whole bunch of loose skin here.

I think that's why he looks fatter than normal. It's because that skin dies. He's carrying around this old skin. Yeah, yeah. He's got to find a place to put it so birds can eat it. Yeah! That's good. Kevin Barnett, I had

a moment earlier about Indian people. That was pretty funny. And then in the Chuckle Hub we've got Jason Coulter. Thanks for being here, buddy. Kevin Barnett I had a moment earlier about Indian people that was pretty funny that was pretty funny I liked it and then in the chuckle hub we got Jason Coulter thanks for being here buddy anytime always available

I don't have anything to do alright well I don't know how we ever got ya and then of course we got Lexi Lexi Galante she was a star of

what was it Evil Dead 2 the musical and she's a very beautiful woman thanks for being here oh thank you Ben and then round table favorite the always Jewish Louis Katz.

Hi. Are you always Jewish? He's always Jewish. Yeah, all the time. Is there any time in the day that you're not Jewish? Nah, man.

Wow, that's dedication. It is dedication. I wake up smarter than you, I go to sleep smarter than you. Yeah! Yeah! Jim Tilburn! Yeah! Alright. Wow, you're smarter I wake up smarter than you, I go to sleep smarter than you.

Jim Tilburn! Yeah, alright. Wow, you're smarter than me. Quite a Jim Tilburn. Oh, I bet he voted for Carter in the election. Alright, and with this, Marcus, what do you got, buddy? What's some news? A teen has escaped a foul injury thanks to the helmet she was wearing while horse riding after a foot-long chunk

of raw chicken mysteriously fell out of the clear blue sky and hit her on the head. Who's this? Oh, a teen. I thought that was the name of the person. A teen? Yeah. Not Indian. So chicken meat fell out of the sky and hit a teen that was riding on a horse.

Yes. In the face. And it was a foot long. A foot long of chicken meat? Yeah. Where'd the chicken come from? Somebody somewhere won a million dollar bet. It was like one of those things,

like a half court shot thing Where you win a truck Some guy's just like Throw a chicken in the air Hit a girl Win a new Buick But a foot long chicken I don't even get that long of a chicken

I don't think chickens have dicks Well in a greater slice of luck Cassie Bernard was struck by the smallest Of three flying poultry parts That crashed out of the sky At Queen Hive Farm in England at around 6 p.m. last Wednesday. Of course. I mean... England.

Henry, were you... No, actually, no. I take that back. It's in Virginia. Fuck. Do you think it fell out of a plane? It must have. I was just going to...

That's what I'm imagining. Or a helicopter. Nah, someone sitting in a tree throwing chicken parts at people. Yeah. You just got chickened. Hey there, girl. How you like that chicken, huh? Got you good.

I can imagine somebody in a really small plane and they're running out of gas. I'm like, we got to get rid of Wade. We got to get rid of Wade. What do we do? No, not the chicken, man. Don't you dare throw my chicken out of this goddamn plane. I've been working on his foot-long chicken collage for ten years. He's just a chicken troll in a tree somewhere.

I'm sick of my chicken hat. Out it goes. I had a good friend growing up, Frank Falinski. We were riding bikes together. We were probably third or fourth grade, and a fish fell into the sky and hit him in the head while we were riding bikes. Well, a bird dropped it. Well, that's the theory here, that it was dropped by a seagull that had gotten it from the Tyson Foods Incorporated plant a couple miles away. That sounds like a fucking magic bullet theory.

I think there's something simpler going on here. I think raw chicken can come from the sky. All right? I think that's the truth. She's got to be careful. This is God's chicken. God lost his chicken. And guess what?

When God goes looking for his chicken, guess who he's going to fuck up? That little girl. See, I'm going for a wormhole theory on this one. Yeah, it's like a cloudy with a chance of raw chicken. Guess who's gonna fuck up? That little girl. See, I'm going for a wormhole theory on this one. Yeah, it's like Cloudy with a Chance of Raw Chicken.

Instead of everyone eating, they're just gonna sell manila. Always slimy. Someone accidentally just dropped a piece of chicken into the Hadron Collider. They showed up there. I just love thinking about

just maybe the girl is a vegan and God just hates that. Take it, bitch! That's a funny thing for God to say. It's a very lucky seagull. I mean, I hope they don't tell any other seagulls about that sweet dead chicken stash they found. That's fucking sweet. Marcus, did he mention where is the chicken now?

Are they testing it? They buried it. He buried it. Why'd they bury the chicken? That's no shit. After the teenager was hit by the chicken, Bruce Penland, who works at the farm, helped Cording bury the pieces that had fallen from the sky. Why'd they bury it?

That's the creepiest part. I mean, you're not going to cook it. That's the creepiest part of the whole thing. You can throw it in the garbage. Do whatever. Just don't bury it. I mean, you can bury it. Cook it. Don't cook it. Why can't you cook chicken, throw it in the garbage. Do whatever. Just don't bury it. I mean, you can bury it. Cook it.

Don't cook it. Why can't you cook it? It was on the ground. Because it fell from the sky. You don't cook meat that falls from the sky. What if it's not chicken meat? It's a seven-second fall rule. What if it's angel meat?

That's true. That's the thing. If this would have happened during biblical times, we would have an entirely new religion. I'm getting hungry. You know, the rest of her life, this girl's name used to be Horse Girl, but now it's Chicken Meat. Hey, yo, man, I fingered

chicken meat last night. Smell! What does it smell like, Eddie? It smells like soy sauce. That's horrible. Get away from me. Apparently she's using a different kind of perfume now. Well, that's very, very fun. Yeah.

I don't know. Up next, staying in the bird world. Wait a second. What were her injuries? She had no injuries. She was wearing a helmet. It was a soft piece of chicken. With no bone in there.

That is very lucky. If I pegged a dead chicken at you right now, you'd be fine. It hurt, though. A little bit. She had a helmet on. You don't know how fast she's riding. I think that's hysterical that it hit her in the first place and didn't miss her. Yeah.

That's right. There's something to be proven here. This is the first clue. If it fell out of an airplane, it would have killed her. Because it would pick up speed on the way down. I think, but it's a flat thing, so it's catching air. And it's a flop. So it's got resistance.

It's gliding. It's a glider. I think it was alive at one point. I think it was alive and crashed into a plane. I mean, it was a foot long. It's a foot long. It's a breast. All I know is if this doesn't show up in the next fucking presidential debate, I'm going to be mad.

See, here's a description of the chicken. The man, Bruce Penland, who helped the girl bury it, he described it as, quote, a very fresh piece of chicken skin with no meat on it. Oh, that's a seagull. Yeah, well, he commented. That is so much more disgusting. But he commented that he thought it was too heavy for a seagull to carry. Wait, you said it was a pound?

A foot. It was a foot. So a foot? Big piece of chicken skin? There's no way. Wallops on the face. You've got to spiral it. You've got to spiral it around the chicken.

Is it like an apple peel? And it's from a Tyson chicken's like Tyson chicken Mass produced chicken It's gonna be a horrible shit These are the chickens With no eyes or beaks or feet That's awesome That's the way chickens should be But the thing is y'all

You gotta bury it in the dirt So you can get yourself A chicken tree Thank you Gregory And on with the weather Listen we're not gonna bury it Oh you gonna bury it alright I guess we're burying to bury it. Oh, you're going to bury it, all right!

I guess we're burying it. Does anyone have any final words to say? Well, staying in the bird world, two law school students have been arrested after witnesses say the men decapitated an exotic bird at a Las Vegas resort and then laughed about it while tossing around its severed body. Man, Vegas used to be so much cooler.

Isn't that technically football in Haiti? I was against what they did until I heard the toss and the laugh part. At least they had fun with it. Because before I was like, what was the reason for this? And I was like, oh, alright. What kind of bird was it? It was a 14-year-old helmeted guinea fowl.

Oh my god, look at how tiny its head is! I'll tell you guys, wait, wait, wait, look on the screen. You could chop this... Oh, it's a tiny baby head, yeah. Oh, it's so easy to rip its head off. You could chop that thing's's a tiny baby head Oh it's so easy to rip it's head off You could chop that thing's head off with a screwdriver And there's Surveillance footage of the two guys

Chasing the bird around the habitat Like the bird has it's own habitat In this resort And it shows the two guys chasing him around And then they go into some brush And then the two guys come back out of the brush Holding two pieces of fucking guinea fowl. Man.

So we don't know what happened. Some bad shit happened in that brush. We don't know if he tried to kill it. It just might have been the scuffle. He might have been trying to rob it. That or maybe the bird attacked them, and it was just self-defense. That's right. This was at the Flamingo Resort Wildlife Habitat.

Why is there an endangered animal section of a casino? That's what I would like to know. The people inside are the endangered animals. Yeah, yeah. Mirage has all the tigers. Mirage has that dolphin exhibit. Rich white people like to look at rare things. Right.

Just put them in a cage. Excellent. Is there two left? Cage it up. Cage it up. Excellent. Oh, it cannot be eaten or tortured?

Mmm, shame. Prison it. I once watched a dolphin give birth at the Mirage when I was a kid. It was awesome. Yeah. You know, dolphins

don't make any noise when they give birth. Circle of life. Yeah. That's very nice. Was it bloody and disgusting? Yeah, it was a little pool of blood. It was nice.

What was the reaction of the crowd? Ooze and Oz! All over the place, yeah. It was outside of the water? No, no, no. They have to give it inside of the water. I don't know. They don't go to the mouth.

Do a flip, pop out a baby. Pop it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poops everywhere. Baby starts flipping through hoops. That's how Chinese acrobats also give birth. So disciplined.

Silent, though, without a word to. No complaint. You just hear the padding of their feet against the walls of the ceiling. How beautiful. She's only 14. That child is a good worker.

Let me ask y'all this. It says here that in 2011 in Nevada there was a new state law that went into effect that animal abuse is treated as a felony whereas before the men would have just been treated with a misdemeanor. Do you guys think that animal abuse should be a felony depends on the animal yeah okay if I step on a rat's face and they put me in jail I'm gonna fucking be pissed

yeah that's true yeah cuz there's more rats in jail yeah yeah but like a nice side endangered bird like this yeah sure, sure. Fuck these guys. They're stupid little aides. You know? Yeah. Here's the two guys. Take a look at them. And they were... I just hate them so much.

They went to law school. They're law school at Berkeley. That's right. Yeah, they did. They are... They're students at University of California, Berkeley. Curtains. You look surprised.

What did we do? My dad is going to come down to the police station. He's going to take care of this. And police don't believe that drugs were involved, so no bath salts here. But they were drunk, right? Probably. They had a good time. Have you ever gotten drunk and murdered an animal?

Yes. I was just going to say. Possum. You killed a possum? I never murdered an animal while drunk. Oh, didn't you guys kick it to death? It was in the game. It was called Kick the Possum, right? No, it's called Possum Kickin'.

Oh, I'm sorry. I always get that wrong. The difference between Kick the Possum and Possum Kickin' is Possum Kickin' has no winner. That's very interesting. I didn't actually participate in it. I just was around. Just a spectator.

He was holding the shoes. Everyone just barefoot kicking this possum as it bit their feet. No, I was back in the truck trying to get laid. All the rest of the assholes are filing out of the truck kicking a possum to death. So did you bang this chick while a bunch of dudes are kicking a possum right inside of it? So this is the type of woman that found that to be a romantic atmosphere? No, you gotta distract them

from the horrible shit that's going on. Baby, baby, baby, you can't be looking at them kicking this possum to death. Come over here so I can finger bang you in the back of this truck. Those are probably the exact words out of your mouth. Now the exact words out of your mouth. No, the exact words were, hey, let's go get my car and drive out to the cemetery. And then I finger banged her.

Rude gentleman. If you think this is creepy, I've got an even creepier night planned. Well, growing up in Texas is hard. I bet, man. Texas is a fascinating country. It is. Did she come when you fingered her? No.

It was... I mean, let's get down to the real end of the story here. No, in fact, her pussy was so smelly that I almost gagged. That's horrible, Marcus. For just putting your hand in it? Yeah, well, no, here's what happened is that I'm sitting there. We're in the graveyard, and I'm fingering her. And then I pulled the hand out to get a little bit of a feel of the tit.

But my hand just sort of wafts past my face. And it wasn't even close. You can see, like, black smoke. It was probably, like, six inches away, but it was just like... At any point, could the girl in the possum have switched places? I guess we're just going to play kick the pussy now. He's fingering in the pouch.

They're marsupials. It's very interesting. How long did you continue making out with her so she didn't feel bad or you just cut her off? No, no, no. I continued making out with her for at least 5-10 minutes. You were a good soul. She was a real nice girl.

Yeah, she listened to the Ramones. She ain't nice, man. You can't be pulling out a smelly pussy in a cemetery. That's disrespectful. Wait to death with that thing. Absolutely. Louis, do you want to talk about your stinky pussy experience? I love that cat thing. Oh, this one.

This is a story I just... Told me outside. Yeah, I just told it outside. This girl I hooked up with a while back, I went to her place, and I didn't want to go to her place because I knew it would suck and it would be small and she'd have animals,

and there were. She had cats. And we finished fucking, and I turned around, and the cat was watching the whole time, and she was so gross, and I tried to get the cat to smell my finger, and it wouldn't do it.

The creature notorious for loving seafood. Ah! God, do it down. That wonderful fishy question. Well, up next, pictured it right over here, this man, his name...

It looks like Nick Turner. His name is... It does kind of look like Nick Turner. Michael Vag-nanny. It is Nick Turner. It's Vag-nanny. I'm sorry,. Michael Vag-nanny. It is Nick Turner. It's Vag-nanny. I'm sorry, it's Vag-nanny. Vag-nanny.

He is a Milwaukee Police Department officer facing charges for aggressively fingering suspects' anuses at gunpoint until they bled. That's how you know they're done. they bled. But that's how you know they're done. Vag Nini and three others are facing criminal charges

stemming from a series of illegal rectal searches Vag Nini vigorously conducted between February 2010 and February 2012. Oh, two years! Two glorious years! Yeah, that's a good run. You know, the other officers hated him so much because he used to come into the fucking

lunch room and go like, hey guys, what's going on? Yeah, he's like Frank Booth in Blue Velvet. Yeah. Daddy, what's the problem? Brown finger. He is the one the one with the stinky finger

he found out something about Al Qaeda Vaginini is alleged to have performed all of the searches. The three other officers that are also being charged are accused of witnessing Vaginini's actions and not stopping them or reporting them to his supervisor. Yeah, because they didn't want him to do it to him. They're like, well, I don't want to say anything because he's

fucking trigger happy with that poo-poo finger is. Why wouldn't he just rape them? Wouldn't he at least get... He did, Jackie. He didn't rape them. No, no, but I mean with his dick... I mean with his dick he would get some kind of pleasure out of it, right? Was it a pleasure thing? Or was it just a control thing?

He barely knows them. He's not going to stick his penis in there. You're right. That would be rude. Do you think the amount of fingers can come up in the sentencing? Like how many fingers did he use at a time? Like how many years you get, right? Like a decade of finger, right?

I mean if you're fucking fisting people, that's 50 years. You're out. Done. Definitely. A decade of finger If you're fucking fisting people That's 50 years, you're out All I know is that the news story Went out of their way to Write the word Vag-Ninny as much as possible Absolutely Is it V-A-G Space-Ninny?

No, it's Every time you say Ninny, I laugh It's V-A-G-N-I-N-I Vig-Ninny Vig-N-I. Vig-ninny. Vig-ninny. Vig-ninny. Right? It's Vag-ninny.

Vag-ninny. Vag-ninny. Well, here's a rundown of some of his exploits. It's like a James Bond girl. In one case, a man had gone to check on his aunt's house on the 3500 block of North 10th Street in Milwaukee. When he came outside, his vehicle was surrounded by squad cars. Vaginini put his bare

hand down the man's pants, touched his scrotum, and inserted fingers into his anus, the complaint says. When the man pulled... There's an S on the end of that finger. When the man pulled away, Vaginini put him in a chokehold that caused him to slobber on Vaginini's

arm. Vaginini put him in a chokehold that caused him to slobber on Vag Nini's arm. Vag Nini repeatedly told him to, quote, stop resisting. As he pulled back so hard on his neck, his feet almost left the ground. Two other officers... Well, to be fair, they met on OkCupid. Two other officers held his arms and one put a gun to his head. God damn! Vag Nini claimed he found crack cocaine inside the man's anus, but the man insisted it

quote, was not on him prior to the search. It was in him. I mean, yeah. That's my coin purse. Oh no, he's leaving it inside my coin purse. It's all just filled with thimbles and coins and safety pins. Milwaukee cops are notorious for this

kind of stuff. They've been doing it forever. It is illegal in Wisconsin for a police officer to perform a cavity search. Really? Yes. That's something. Oh, so it's just wrong? Apparently it's also illegal for dentists to do it. Terrible teeth. Terrible teeth in Wisconsin. Hello. That was really good.

So he should even be touching their assholes. No. Any way, shape, or form. I mean, maybe it's legal in other states, but in Wisconsin it is specifically illegal. Did he start by just writing them a ticket or looking in their pockets at least? Here you go. Or did he go right to the butthole? Here you go.

In another search, Vaginini conducted a traffic stop near North 12th and West Locust Streets. Oh, I used to live right there. Yeah? Yeah, when I went to school there. Oh, yeah. Did that happen to you? Oh, no. I never reported anything.

No, no. Vagneny handcuffed the driver and asked him for, quote, the drugs. Where are the drugs? the drugs. Where are the drugs? The defendant denied having drugs, but actually had hidden drugs inside his anal cavity, according

to the complaint. Vaginini put the suspect again in a chokehold from behind, released him, and then stuck his gloved hand inside the defendant's underwear, shoving the fingers deeply into the defendant's butt crack and possibly into the defendant's anus. The man was screaming, and as a result of Vaginini's actions, the man was bleeding from

the anal area for several days. Was Vaginini also screaming, gotcha! I gotcha! It's just hard to bandage that up, you know? It's like breaking a toe, you just have to let it heal itself. Yeah, I shot myself last night, I just had to to let it heal itself. Yeah, I shat myself last night. I just had to put a little bit of, like, what is it? Toilet paper in my butt crack.

Yeah, it's called toilet paper. Yeah, you have to keep it from, like, leaking out anymore. Oh, man, that's great. That's wonderful. That really pertains to... What a disgusting confession. I can tell you more if you want What happened to you? Yeah, why did you

I pushed a fart a little bit too hard And there was like a wet spray And it soaked through my underwear And through my jeans And it happened here, I was at work And I was on duty until like Midnight last night And it happened at like

7.30. Well, you gotta let that ride out, I guess. I had to let it ride out for the rest of the night. No, you're off-duty. When you shit in your pants, you're off-duty. You worked at a restaurant. It's a half day now. You shouldn't have told nobody, man. You shouldn't have said a word. Your name is now

Marcus Shitty Booty Parks. I'll be back in an hour and a half. Cover for me. There was no one to cover for me. That's true. The thing is that that must have been a lot of shit to go through your jeans. Yeah. Why didn't you catch it in your butt cheeks, man?

It was very strange. It was a wet spray. You forced it. You were greedy. Just let farts happen, man. It was the first spray You forced it Yeah You were greedy And you Just let farts happen man Yeah It was the first time In my life That it's ever happened

I feel like I'm growing older Oh man That's another ring On the tree of life for you I think if you just Cut into that tree of life Every ring counts How many times

You've shat yourself That's not bad Eddie What? How many? How many times Have I shit myself? Yes I's not bad. Eddie? What? How many? How many times have I shit myself? Yes. I haven't done it in,

oh, I had food poisoning twice. That's normal. That's fine. So that's like 10 right there. I had food poisoning at work. It happened to me at work. And I went and bought new pants at a store and then threw my pants out in the work bathroom

and then bought new things. I threw my underwear out here, but naturally I had to keep the pants. Yeah, of course. You could just wrap yourself in a sheet while you were working for the rest of the day. Bugle boy underwear? Yeah, by the dollar store.

A man should not have underwear with the name boy in it. He's really small, though. Small framed. That is true. I don boy in it. He's really small, though. Small framed. That is true. I don't like it. It's tiny. Get new underwear.

Fruit of the loom. Oh, that sounds way more manly. That's why I get wearing Hanes right now. How's that? Hanes is good. Hanes is good. Michael Jordan wears those.

And he's a gambler. Probably got shot in the head because of it. Lexi, have you ever shat yourself or squirted or anything? Do you really want me to answer that?

Absolutely. Yeah. I think once I did, actually, I was in, yeah, I did. Where were you? Totally. I was in a rehearsal.

Rehearsal? For what? For Evil Dead the musical? Not Evil Dead the musical. Imagine. For shit girls. Like I just shat myself. If you shit yourself in the middle of Evil Dead the musical you get a raise. Yeah they were like thank you.

She's truly in character. There were many times I wish I had shat my pants and got the fuck out of there. That's right. How did you react when you shat yourself in rehearsal? Did you go home? There has to be a reaction, right? I didn't shat myself

I did not shat myself It was a little piddle? It was a little piddle That's not as bad, though That's fine, then I had the stomach flu I went home. Good for you. That's what Marcus should have done.

Marcus should have done that. I'm dedicated. You should have done that. I smelled kind of weird the rest of the day. Yeah, of course you'd smell like shit. If it's so good to your pants, then you sat your shit pants all over this bar, man. All of these chairs were shit all over the chairs.

You made a point to sit in every chair? It was just in the booth. Not in the restaurant anywhere. Just up in the booth. And none of you fuckers ever go up there, so what do you care? Little piddles are okay, because I actually met a guy who actually full-on shat his pants while driving his car and had to

clean it up afterwards. With you? Is that man now your husband? Fuck no. She doesn't believe in marriage. That's a thing. Very exciting. Anyone else want to talk about poo-poo?

Well, I have a fart story for everyone. Let's do it. A 16-year-old Ohio girl is dead. A 16-year-old Ohio girl is dead. A 16-year-old Ohio girl is dead after a fight that started when she made fun of another teenager

for flatulence. Oh, man. Man, don't fuck with those Ohio girls about their farts, man. They're serious. Yep. The other girl, also 16, now faces a murder charge.

Whoa, it was two girls? Yeah. One girl murdered the other girl because she farted? Yeah, and the farting is very serious. Beat her to death. With what? Her fists!

Really? The farter killed the girl who made fun of her for farting, right? Yeah. Yeah. A group of adults, including the stepfather of victim Shakira Dorsey... Careful. Excuse me. Well, yeah, don't throw up.

Respect for the dead. Shakira Dorsey... Careful. Excuse me. Well, yeah, don't throw up. Respect for the dead. Watch the two teens go at it last Wednesday in Warrensville Heights after Shakira teased the other girl for passing gas. At the end of my driveway, it's some kids fighting,

and it's adults there watching, one person told a 911 operator. Were they rooting them on? I would be. Yeah. Local parent DeAndandra Clemons said posts on Facebook and Twitter implied that one of the girl's parents actually brought her to the fight.

Dorsey's stepfather eventually stopped the brawl. She collapsed and was rushed to a local hospital where she died. Did they say that she was farting the whole time she was beating that girl to death? That's funny. You're still farting, you dumb bitch! You're still farting!

She's beating her with a bucket. I'd like to think that she grabbed the back of her hair and just beat her head into the driveway. That's kind of nice. That's exactly what I don't want to think, but that's nice that you put that in my head. You're welcome. This is not totally related, but I had a really great dream last night.

How is it a little bit related? So the dream was, I'm standing on a line, right? This big, long, long line, and everyone in front of me had knives. It was all these people with butcher knives. We're all hanging out. I was sitting there,

and I had no idea what was going on. Right? Like in the middle, while we were just standing there. And I was like, Hey, why do we all got knives there. I was like, hey, why we all got knives? It was like, oh, because this is the line to go stab that clown to death.

God, I love your dreams. I looked at the line and there was this clown tied up to a chair going like, and people going up to it stabbing him a whole bunch. So I was like, oh. I took it as totally matter of fact in my mind.

And I sit there literally talking about Sinister, the movie, with the other person in my dream. Talking about Bagul and my thoughts on the flaws of Sinister. And then I got my line. I just stabbed it a couple times. And then I woke up. Wait, you remember stabbing it? Yeah. Where did you stab it? In the belly.

That's where you stab a clown. No, in the neck. I feel like I would immediately stab it in the neck. You slice his throat? No, just stab it in the side of its neck over and over again. Yeah, but if you stab it... It's not fair to the people behind you in line. Exactly.

Show some respect. Fuck the people behind me in line. There's like a VIP line that you can go and like, I want to pluck out his eyes. It's like waiting to give you the front of a roller coaster. I love you, Stacey. It's like Richard Branson's in line. Hello.

That reminds me of, did you hear about that girl that beat the other girl to death for farting? Yeah, I remember that story. It's kind of just like that. That other story, I like that one. I don't know why that took me there. I'm sorry. There was not... I mean, was the clown on a driveway?

It was just something about everyone showing up, watching just two girls beat each other to death. If you just want to talk about your dreams, we can talk about your dreams. You don't have to shoehorn it in. We could do a segment. It didn't haunt me. I had dreams too, man.

Last night, I had a pet rabbit. I petted it. What've had dreams too, man. Last night, I had a pet rabbit. I petted it. What are your dreams, Kevin? I had a Godzilla dream the other night. It was fantastic. That's great. Yeah. I love big lizard dreams.

Oh, yeah. No, I was hanging out on the west side of Manhattan, and then Godzilla was destroying New Jersey, and then I started to hide, and then he came over, and I was hiding. What was it, lost? It was already destroyed. It was fun.

I'm going to go burn down a swamp. I just want to stab that clown to death in real life. Yeah? I just want to dress up somebody like a clown. Like somebody like Holden McNeely.

Yeah! Tie him to a fucking chair and gag his mouth. Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah! Just stabbing Holden to death. We can't do that. We can'ten McNeely. Tie him to a fucking chair and gag his mouth. Wouldn't that be fun? Just stabbing Holden's We can't do it next week. Let's kill him. I think it's a great idea. Let's kill Holden. I'm in a band with him. We're doing pretty good. I know.

You could just record his voice on a microphone and then just play the recording. We'll get a hologram. We'll get the lumpiest hologram. You just be like a couch pillow. It goes, Fuck you!

What's going on, Marcus? Yeah, I got another thing. Authorities say a 62-year-old employee has been cooked to death at a Southern California seafood plant for tuna maker Bumblebee Foods. Was it a mistake? Local media reports that Jose Molina was found shortly before 7 a.m. Thursday at the plant in Santa Fe Springs.

It's not clear how the man ended up inside the cooking device called a steamer machine. I guarantee he was trying to smoke weed. He's like accidentally touched the button on his way in. I get high in the machine. What accident was that? Don't look for me in the machine. That's where I spook me weed. I think you got a Mexican-Irishman there.

I know, man. I'm bad at my accents. They're all the a Mexican-Irishman there. I know, man. I'm bad at my accents. They're all the same. Yeah, but I like them. Yeah, thank you. I spook weed machine! That's great. Very good.

It's getting better, actually, the more you do it. I like it louder. And you know what's sweet about the Bumblebee Tuna people? Is that this happened yesterday. They closed the facility until Monday. Oh, that's so nice. Long weekend. Someone's got to diet work every year.

Did he get mixed in with all the dolphin meat? Well, no. He was in the steamer machine. Yeah, he got steamed to death. He got cooked. So they found a full cooked person. They didn't chop him up? No, he didn't fall into the vat. It wasn't any kind of Sinclair Lewis thing or anything. Oh got cooked. So they found a full cooked person. They didn't chop him up? No, he didn't fall into the vat. It wasn't any kind of

Sinclair Lewis thing or anything. I wonder if they kept the steamer machine. They just thought if they washed it down with bleach, it would be fine. Do you know how much steamer machines cost? I don't. There's a dead body in it. I feel like they should probably get rid of it.

No, you gotta have it for the haunted tuna that's gonna come out of it. Tuna's already haunted. Every time you open up a can, it's like, spoo! Help me! I'm being steamed to death! Where is me weed? He's like a little wonton. That's what's nice.

He's like a little pork bun. I think he's more like a tortilla, right? Either way, I'm still hungry. I'm hungry for the chicken conversation. And you know what? And tuna is known as chicken of the sea Full circle Calter?

Oh, chicken from before Can I get a song? Circle of life Circle of life Who you texting, Henry? Your mama She's gotta do something quick How is she? She's gotta do something quick.

How is she? He's playing chess. She's dying. No, no, I'm not playing chess. I'm not playing chess anymore. You're not playing chess? No, I'm not playing chess anymore. I'm just figuring something out. Alright.

That's fine. No, no, no, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm done with the chess. We've been playing chess as Murder Fist. We've been playing chess against each other on this Chess with Friends app. That's great. And it's ruining our relationships. The stupidest, lamest thing of all time. It's great. And it's ruining our relationships. Stupidest, lamest thing

of all time. It's all you fuckers do all the time. It's so annoying to be your friends right now. Well, it's pursuit of the mental games. Oh, shut up! I'm seriously the worst chess player that's ever lived. I barely understand the rules. I don't want to say your name out loud, but it's just so good

because I don't want people to harass you on the thing. Ah, whatever. I'll play anybody. His chest name is Blow Your Dad 56. That's nice. Good to know your father. How you doing, Ben? I'm good. How are you? I'm good.

Good, good. You're sitting there playing with paper like a weird autistic child. Yeah. No, no. I'm not playing with paper. I don't paper. You've been playing with rubber bands. Yeah, you threw something at Louie and I earlier. It flung out of my hands. That's what the rubber bands do. Yeah, he threw something at us. They're like girlfriends, you know?

You fucking play with them a whole bunch and try to get them all opened up and then they fly away. God. Jesus fucking Christ. I hate, I hate, I hate that. That's what happened. Which is fine. That's beautiful, man.

He's right. Get that put on your gravestone. Yeah. Well, get ready to start carving soon, my friend. Get that put on your gravestone. Yeah. Well, get ready to start carving soon, my friend. I feel like there's a lot more subconscious pain being revealed on this episode than normal.

Girlfriend problems, ass problems, terrifying fears of clowns. I'm not afraid of the clown. It was totally normal. Why are you trying to kill him? Because it just seemed like, I think it was just more like, let's have fun. I think the brain was like, let's have fun. That's how World War II started. Hitler's brain just said, let's have fun. I would be a lot more concerned if it was a rabbi tied to a chair that we were all standing.

Right? That would be a lot more horrible. That would be horrible, yeah. I'd much rather kill a clown than a rabbi. Right. What do you think, Louis? I would kill a clown instead of a rabbi. What do you think, Louie? I would kill a clown instead of a rabbi. Okay, good.

But what if it was one of those molester rabbis? They don't exist. Oh, they exist. Do rabbis molest as much as horrible priests? No, not as much. In Williamsburg, among the Hasidic community, big problem.

No. Yeah, they can have sex. Remember that movie with Jenna Elfman and Ben Stiller and Ed Norton, where Ed Norton was the Catholic priest? Can't hardly wait. No, it's not. Ben Stiller was a rabbi. Primal fear. No. Wasn't he a... My best friend's wedding? And then still there was a rabbi Primal fear No

My best friend's wedding No I saw it it was horrible And the priest was in love with her But she couldn't fuck him So she just fucked his best friend who was a rabbi instead Oh it was called Rabbi Priest Woman I love that movie Jodie Foster got the Oscar

The JonBenet Ramsey story I saw that movie in the theater Foster got the Oscar for that. The JonBenet Ramsey story. I saw that movie in the theater with my high school girlfriend and my mother. It was a bad time. Keeping the Faith. Keeping the Faith. I remember that. 2000. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Garbage film. Don't ever watch it. I miss that Jenna Elfman. Right? Where is she at? What happened to her? She's in a Scientology vault. Who is she?

She was from... She was quirky and weird and fun. Short hair. She's so tall. Stab! Stab! Stab! Kill the girl! Is that a puppy? And right before...

Yes, it is a puppy. You're not going to like this story. Is it the same tuna factory? God save this shit around here. A pet owner watched in horror as his dog was mauled to death after being dragged underwater by a seal. Land dog versus sea dog. by a seal. Whoa! Awesome! Landog versus Seadog! Grab the seal! Sci-fi just stole that.

Seadog! Matthew Will, 21, had taken his Labrador fly to an Aberdeenshire beach. Which is so sad because it drowned. It's such a worst. At least its sad because it drowned. You know? Like, it's such a worst. At least his name wasn't water. Oh, man. Seal. Yeah, but he took his

dog fly to Aberdeenshire beach. This one is actually in England. So his dog could fetch the bodies of ducks that he was shooting. As fly ran into the water to pick up a bird, a seal pulled the three-year-old dog beneath the water and ripped into it. Here is a picture of the dog.

So cute. Such a nice dog. It's dead. It's a black lab. It's very handsome. Sounds like the birds put out a contract on that dog. He got murdered by the seals. See, that's fine.

It's not like a person did it. That's just nature. He just wasn't strong enough to live. I will say that girl on the horse got very lucky by getting hit in the face with the chicken and not the dog. You know? What kind of seal was it? It was a seal.

A murder seal. What do you mean? It was a gray seal known as the hook-nosed sea pig. Oh. Hook-nosed sea pig. Oh, the hook-nosed sea pig. That's ridiculous. Yeah, no shit. That's why they're used off, because you call them shit like that, and they start murdering people. Yeah, man.

They can reach 8 to 11 feet long and weigh between 170 and 310 kilograms. Yeah, it wasn't a cute little seal. Can you picture one of those seals up there? Well, I've got a picture of a group of them. I wasn't a cute little seal. A picture of one of those seals? Well, I've got a picture of a group of them. I'll get an up-close shot. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll find the seal. Seals are very, very violent. The elephant

seals, you guys ever watch them fight? Fucking bloodbaths, man. They got those weird snouts just tearing into each other. I also bet that they're jealous of dogs because dogs have people that love them. Yeah. Seals are pretty beloved.

But they can't have a master. They don't want a master. After seeing a picture of a seal, fuck that dog. Yeah, seriously, man. Fucking playing in the water. Stealing all his ducks. What is it?

Hog-nosed pig of the sea. Fuck that. Don't call him that. Hook-nosed pig of the sea. I look at this thing. Hook-nosed. Hook-nosed. Jewish.

Yeah. It's like a Rachel slur. Elephant seal is a Jew of the sea. Everyone knows that. That's the Jewish woman of the sea. Jesus Christ. He's just got such big watery doe eyes. I can't believe it just looked at a puppy

and tore its guts out. Very similar eyes. If you look at the pictures back and forth, it's weird how their eyes look the same. It looked into another form of illusion of itself. I just can't believe the news. The Robert Frost poem? News has come so far that we hear about

dogs getting killed by seals in England. That's insane. That must have been a really slow news week. Well, this is from the Daily Mail. They cover everything. I love the Daily Mail so much. Daily Mail is just like death central.

Anything that dies makes this fucking website. You know, I get all of my news stories from the Daily Mail now. They're fantastic. Most of them. I mean, Vaginini, I got that one from Reason.com. Yeah. VagininiNews.org. And here's

a picture of Matthew Will, the owner of Fly the Labrador. This whiny little bitch. Look at him. With some bad glasses. He just went home and listened to fucking three Coldplay albums in a row after his dog died. I don't know.

The most tan man in England. He looks like a pretty tough lesbian to me. I still think he cried a lot over that fucking dog. Absolutely. I mean, I would have cried. Yeah, it's sad when a dog dies. Yeah, but if a seal does it, I think it's okay. No, it's not.

It lost. It's nature versus nature. Yeah. It's sad when it happens to your dog. It's awesome when it happens to another dog. Another dog. Exactly. There you go.

Yeah, this is awesome to me. Because it lowers the odds of it happening to your dog. Every single time a dog is murdered by a seal, and then it's not your dog, then you just lower the percentage. It's fine. It's true. Yeah, and this man, where your dog, then you just lower the percentage. It's fine. True. And this man, where he comes from, this is in northern England,

where my girl is also from, it's called Inverudgy Peterhead. Your dog's gonna get eaten by a seal if you move there. They have the worst names for places in England. It's all like Cheston Chessenshire and Boogie Boogie boo.

Peterhead. This man is from Peterhead. I don't like the term Peter for dick, though. You don't? No. It's weird. I don't like it either, man. No, I don't like it.

It's cute. I never got it. Why was it ever called a Peter? He was hunting ducks in the ocean? I've never seen a duck in the ocean. England is weird. Yeah. That's why we. England is weird. Yeah. That's why we fucking beat them twice.

Yeah! America! USA! USA! USA! USA! Oh, man. Anytime we get a chance to chant USA, I love it.

And now it's time for a segment from Henry Zebrowski. Now that Holden isn't here, I think that it's important to, um, let's all imagine that we are a panel from the future. Okay. That's dealing with the Holden McNeely problem. Right? Because now that Holden is around,

right, and his semen is around on various surfaces all over. It could get mixed in anywhere, and any woman somewhere could maybe get pregnant by one of his horrible semen. That's the thing. As dead as his body is, his semen are very alive. Very alive.

Squirming. You can hear them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. I want to look at it. Ben, what sort of noises do you hear from Holden's semen room? As this council, we're going to look back in time at the Holden McNeely problem and think, what are the things that we can do to fix Holden?

Okay. And Marcus is going to decide You're only allowed to choose one thing? Choose one thing. And he's going to decide by order of importance, what is the most important thing to do. My thing is I think that Holden needs to

get into a time machine, go back in time to when he was a boy and just do it again. Just treat his life. So, yes. in time to when he was a boy and just do it again. Right over. Just trade his life. So, yes, Holden, get into a time machine, go back in time, and then just do it all over again.

Do his life again. Not dress like Dracula as a child. Do all, change it all. Do it again. Get into sports. So does he have his own knowledge as an adult? Yes. Okay. Yes. Just do it again. So you're. So does he have his own knowledge as an adult? Yes. Okay. Yes. Just do it again. So you're giving him an advantage. Giving him an advantage. Okay. Because we're trying to fix

Holden. We're trying to fix him. Okay. Alright. We're not trying to make him worse because that's what we all want to do. Yeah, of course. But trying to fight is worse though better. Okay. You know what I mean? That's a good point because I still got to know him. Maybe push to the extreme. Okay. Alright. I see what you're talking about. That's cool. I like that very much. I would like you know what I mean maybe push to the extreme okay alright that's cool I like that very much

I would like to have Holden discontinue having sex with the door closed so I could really see what it's like when an alien fucks a hot chick but how does that help Holden it doesn't.

It makes him more free with his lifestyle. Yeah. Okay. All right. Kevin? Well, all right. We can do a couple things. You're only allowed to pick one.

I mean, you sit next to him every week. I know, man. It's a terrible situation. I say we hit him in the face with some chicken skin and then we let him get attacked by a seal. Maybe he gets farted on by a black woman who's far too angry about it. We throw him into

something where he can get cooked a little bit. Very good. I like it. That full circle. I think he already did all that. And now does that help him? Oh, he'll die. I like that.

Jackie? Alright, so as most of you know that anyone that has been around Holden in the summer when he sweats profusely in the summer, he sweats on his stomach. And it makes a pattern like a uterus. It looks like a uterus where it comes up with the ovaries on top of his breasts and goes down the middle and gets all big and puddly around his belly.

So what I am proposing is that we shave the skin off of his stomach because his stomach looks bad. It's not like the shape of it. It's just the look of it is awful right i say we put it on his legs and we transfer the skin from his legs onto his chest so a he has chest hair which would be good for him because he doesn't have any and b he always wears pants so you never see it anyway so you can sweat all he wants through his tweed pants that he wears year round yeah yeah not. I think that's really good. I really think that would help him a lot.

Yeah, really. Thank you. Yeah. Louie? Oh, we got a... Uh-oh, that's Holden. Did that hold... Did Holden just astral project himself into your body?

Oh, God, he's going to kill us. Weird. I was actually thinking to breed him with those killer seals in England. Oh. And create a whole like... Because you guys seem annoyed by him. I think he's really funny. So these funny killer seals, I think that'd be really cool.

Annoying killer seals. Annoying funny. Annoying killer seals. All right. That was very nice. That was really nice. And how would that help Holden? He could swim better.

That's true. Okay. Okay. And people would go to the zoo to look at him And he would have those big nice eyes And the disgusting face Yeah and he'd get rid of his weird like beady tiny lizard eyes That's true

Coulter what do you got? How are you going to fix this friend of yours? Vitamin A Maybe like a nice sea supplement Especially during cold and flu season I put him in Assume we're going back in time You went back in time

You can do anything you want Go back in time, put him in a housing project Have him grow up in a housing project To strengthen his pursuit of the hip hop career Again, this doesn't really help him that much It helps me more because I need more hip-hop friends in my life. And I just think it would be just kind

of, I don't know, a good little project for him to pick up. He would still be with the band. He would still be doing his thing. Well, me and Holden also are in a rap group together. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the rap intros. I mean, that could work hand-in-hand. Can you imagine Holden wearing a FUBU shirt, though? That would be pretty great. I mean, that could work hand in hand. Can you imagine Holden wearing a FUBU shirt, though?

That would be pretty great. I mean, I could watch him getting his ass kicked wearing a FUBU shirt. I would take it back further than that. A pre-FUBU. A pre-FUBU. Him in the Looney Tunes jacket and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. The Tasmanian Devil Bugs Bunny stuff.

That would be cool. Awesome. Lexi, you don't really know Holden. I mean, Holden. Holden is like a lumpy-necked lizard face. You told me about him earlier. He has pimples all over his neck. Pimples, yeah. Real ugly hair.

Weird back, weird legs. He talks about fucking his mother all the time. Yeah, he loves his mommy. Wow, daddy issues, mommy issues. He's making love to his mother. It is romantic Yeah, he loves his mom. Wow, daddy issues, mommy issues. He's making love to his mother. It is romantic. It is sweet, yeah. Yeah.

It's pretty creepy. So how do you want to help him out, Lexi? I don't know, dude. I just saw somebody get married to some man who looks identical to her father.

It's kind of creepy, but... So you want to find him a woman? It's like that creepy. Huh? You want to find him a woman that looks

just like his mother? I think you should just fuck his mother and get her to fucking... Clone his mother and get her to fucking. Clone his mom and get her to fucking. Ooh. That's actually

a good idea. You should just go ahead and fuck him. Yeah, and he should find out where his feelings really actually do come from. Call him eat a piss.

Yes. Eat a pussy. Yeah, eat a pussy. Awesome. Eat a mom pussy. Interesting. I'm very aroused. And Eddie,

what do you got? Okay, well, do you know how in like Batman... Oh, I know this dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Real lumpy, right? Is he that lumpy? Oh, he's lumpy. Yeah, if you really look at him. You should see his back.

If you look long enough at his neck, you can see his schooner. Yeah, he has the body of a bag of potatoes. It's like a really shitty pillow. Is his dick that thick? No. What are you looking at? Did you show him a picture of him with a dildo? No, no, just this with him holding a

cane on his canvas. It's his pelvis. Alright, so you know how in Batman Forever Jim Carrey was the Riddler? And before he took up with a cane teacher to teach him how to do cane tricks and stuff like that. Yeah. I want to get Holden a mouth teacher so he learns how to use a human mouth in a proper way. I would be so thrilled.

If he could learn how to eat, if he could learn how to... Oh, God, watching him eat is just... Watching Holden... Makes you want to vomit. I mean, Holden eating ice cream on a cone is like... Watching a snake eat ice cream on a cone. Watching somebody... A tiny tongue is like, sort of gets, but it's all over his face.

I mean... Louis is genuinely disgusted by that image Holden like it's like he has like a wide beak whenever he touches something with his mouth it's like his tongue is too big for his mouth it's like he has a beak but the beak has lips so I'd have to get him

a mouth teacher that also knows how to deal with an extremely wide head length mouth and so it has like a two foot mouth on him and it had to get a two-foot mouth on him. And so you've got to get someone with a big mouth. I'm thinking like a Julia Roberts type. Somebody with a big, wide mouth that could really help Holden out. Maybe it's that toad that he has in his room.

If he can get that to speak and tell him how to handle such a large mouth. Hello, Holden. But yeah, I was going to get him a math teacher. I think that's great. That's very nice. That's what his parents should have gotten him when he was seven. All right, Marcus, what do you got? Well, I'm just about there.

All right. Eddie, don't look. All right. Uh-oh. Why? Is it a surprise for Eddie? It's a surprise for all of us. I think I know what's going on

I don't though Is Holden chained to a chair somewhere And everything we just mentioned is actually happening right now Like in Looper when the old man is getting his nose washed Oh man, Looper's so good Yeah, watch Looper Go see Looper So I have

Calculated the scores. And really, this is just a ranking on this. So there's 80 of us. Or 80 of y'all did the whole thing. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Yes. All right. Very good.

Thank you. I can count. We'll start at the bottom with Kevin. Oh. I was at the bottom. Interesting. You're at the bottom because you just repeated news stories. Yeah, but he died.

But I thought that was good. I enjoyed that he died. I thought Kevin was going to get a little bit higher. And at seven, I've got to put Henry. Because he is not going to learn anything. He can't. In fact, he's going to get worse the second time around. You think so?

Absolutely. Because he'd be like, oh, I made that choice. How about I make the other choice, whether it's good or not good, and God knows where it'd end up. Right, that's true. I didn't think he'd retain the choices he made in the past. Oh, that's true. He'd just be like, uh, uh, uh. He's just gonna double down.

God. Alright, number six, we got Ben. Alright, I'll take it. Thank you. Why are you not last? Thank you. That's pretty amazing. It's like I won. I mean, you didn't. Alright, I'll take it. Thank you. Why are you not last? Thank you. That's pretty amazing. It's like I won. I mean, you didn't. No, I did not. You were closer towards the lower end of the pack. Sure, sure. But you didn't technically

lose. Thank you, Henry. Alright. And on number five, we have Lexi. Oh, wow. Yeah, which just fuck his mother is good but I really do think that it would

I don't think it would help him I think it would actually destroy him people need dreams you can't achieve exactly we all need that my dream is to one day work with Rob Zombie it's never gonna happen but I still want to aspire to that I want to aspire to that.

I want to aspire to it. I just want to talk riff-raff. That's all I want. The cartoon cat? No, the rapper, dude. Oh my god. Have you not seen this guy? No. Look him up. He's hysterical.

Oh my god. You. People would die, all of you. He is hysterical. Oh, my God. He's like Burns. You, people would die, all of you. He is hysterical. Okay. All right. And at number four, we got Louie. Louie! Yeah, yeah.

Because I think Seals and Holden, hilarious combination. Thank you. And I think it would be good for all of mankind, really. It would definitely scare birds away. And dogs. No dog would definitely scare birds away. And dogs. No dog would ever be hurt again. They'd be too scared of it. Number three, we got Jason Coulter.

Jason Coulter. How do you feel, buddy? Getting a bronze. It just feels good to just come out of a slump. Because I like your vitamin stance. Thank you, thank you. He could use some vitamin. Also vitamin D as well Get him out in the sun

Just a little bit Some oyster shell That's also a What's it called? Vitamin E Aperdesiac Oysters And so now we have

Between Jackie and Eddie. I'm proud of you no matter what, Chad. I love you. I love you too. And I appreciate you. And fuck Holden. Fuck Holden.

Fuck Holden. And I gotta say, the man is on a streak. Ed Larson wins it. Ed Larson. Holy Lord. What is that, seven in a row? I'd like to thank Holden's mouth for being so horrible. Absolutely.

I'd like to thank his father for having a horrible mouth. I'd like to thank his mother for having a so-so mouth. And his brother for beating the shit out of him his entire life. All right. Jenkins and Browns. Yeah, Carson. Fuck you, Holden. Henry Zabrowski.

Kevin Barnett. I'm Ben Kessel. Thanks for being here, Calder. Fuck you, Holden. Thank you for being here, Sir Louis Katz. Thanks for having me. And Lexi, thanks. And Mark, we'll talk to you soon. Fuck Holden. Pig body Holden.

Big mouth Holden. Oh, hook nose what was it? Hook nose pig of the sea. Hook nose juke pigs.