The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 12: The Retarded Al Sharpton

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

Man, fuck Chris Christie and his legislative language bullshit. Retards need their own leader. And the Round Table thinks they might have an answer.

I mean, let's start this off with a prayer. Mighty Thor, we call upon you to instill in this episode the awesome power housed in the thunderous of all weapons, the sacred hammer Mjolnir. Please protect your faithful servants living in Midgard, and may we meet in Valhalla someday after I die in battle following the slaughter of my enemies. In Odin's name we pray. Amen. Very nice. Nerd. Nerd prayer. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen, people.

What's happening? What is this always? We have a lady. Jackie's Browscape. Ed Larson. Hold him in your lane. Burn. I don't think you didn't burn anybody.

Yeah, well, I was about to. Okay. You're gay, man. think you didn't burn anybody. Yeah, well, I was about to. Okay. You're gay, man. Now you can say burn. Burn! And sitting in for Kevin Barnett. Kevin Barnett. Whoa!

No, we got a guy named Michael Che. He's also a black fellow. Before you go judging us as just filling the seats based upon race, Kevin Barnett chose his own replacement. So Barnett's the racist one. And I want to welcome Michael Che. Here, here. Thank you guys for having me.

Welcome, Michael. Welcome very much. And then in the Chuckle Hut, we got Ragnar. And we got Henry Zebrowski. What's up, Chuckle Hut? How you guys doing? And with us as always, newsman Marcus Parks. Parks, what do you got for us?

All right. Moscow has banned booze sales after 10 p.m. Fuck! No. Fuck! Nope. That's just simply not going to work. Yeah.

It's not going to work. Yeah. Apparently, alcohol abuse kills 500,000 Russians a year. Wow. Wow. That's like one-tenth of what the government kills over there. How much do flames kill them? Flames, horrible, horrible flames.

I'll have to research that. Yeah, fires, fires over there. The place is always on fire. Everyone's drinking. I had a conversation with a friend, actually, the other day. They were just like, Russia, terrible place. Had an awful time there. Everyone was horrible.

What friend was that? This girl. This girl I said what's up to. Is this because of the recent drownings due to the heat wave? Is that a motivation for stopping after 10 p.m.? I'd imagine that was part of it. It's got something to do with it. Absolutely.

And what was the hour before that, which is just until noon the next day, and then they open up again at 1 p.m.? Midnight. Oh, midnight. What's that two hours gonna do? They're not allowed to sell beverages with more than 15% alcohol between 10 p.m. and 10 a.m. So you can buy beer at

8 in the morning. That does nothing! That does nothing! They understand math, right? So if you have like 18 beers that are 7% alcohol, you've had a full bottle of whiskey. Oh, yeah. All right, wait, wait. Don't they have like a fucked up sun over there? Like the sun doesn't come out.

It's the moon. They just have the moon. Yeah. They only have a moon or some shit? Yeah. What did you hear about their sun, Michael? No, it was in like Alaska or is it Alaska or is it Russia, where they only have the son for two weeks or some shit.

We have Ragnar over here. Ragnar's our factoid man tonight. What do you say, Ragnar? Come on up to a microphone. He's from Iceland, so he knows more than us. He's from Iceland. He knows shit about no sons. I believe they have a lot of son there.

Oh. I believe him. I can believe him. I'm trusting Ragnar on this. I'm fucking totally trusting Ragnar. It's always cold as hell, and everyone's fucking miserable, man. His father is also Chinese. What kind of accent was that, Ragnar?

That was beautiful. That was pretty adorable. You know, y'all mentioned the moon earlier. The moon is shrinking. It's dying. It's is shrinking. It's dying. It's not shrinking. What does that do to our women? It's going to fuck them up.

I know. It's going to throw them all into banshees. Does that mean titties are going to start shrinking too? Oh, no. Is that what that means? The world is going to be a terrible place. Oh, God. If clits get any smaller, I'm just going to stop even trying to please a woman.

It's Obama's America, man. Muslims are taking over. Clits are gone. I'm fucked. Snip, snip, goes the clit. There it is. Cut those clits off, ladies. Female circumcision.

I'm all about it. Absolutely. I know. That's the one fucked up tribal thing I wish we still had going on in this country. Pierce it, snip it. You know, really, Jackie, I mean, speaking on behalf of women, what do you think about female circumcision?

See, I just sand it down. Like, that's how I'm at it. You got, like, a nail file in your purse? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to get it sharp and small. Put it in one of those old school pencil sharpeners with a fucking shrink. Oh yeah, I'm covered in clit shavings. Give a dude's bloody noses

since like 1995. Speaking of bloody noses, Michael Che, our special guest today I haven't quite seen it yet You were like a little far away Michael Che, right before He came to record this episode Of the Roundtable of Gentlemen

A victim of domestic abuse Che, tell the story My girlfriend beats me She does Because apparently According to her I'm stupid And she got mad at me

And she hit me With the bottom Of a deodorant case And cut open my nose You see that You see that She threw it at you Or literally like

Smashed it in your face No she Tomahawk smashed me Holy shit But he was dating Tatanka in your face? She tomahawk smashed me. Holy shit. But he was dating Tatanka. She fucked my shit up. I don't know.

So what was the motivation behind this? You said you guys got into a fight yesterday. What happened yesterday? Why did she get so upset with you? It all started when we went to go see Inception. It's a fucking movie, man! Another Christopher Nolan casualty. She's gonna hear

this. It was really tough. The fucking argument. It was probably my fault. Was it just over the ending of the film? Are you saying that it's probably your fault because it was actually your fault? I'm saying it's because she's gonna be listening to it. She's gonna be listening, Mark. You pick up listening Mark you pick up quickly man I gotta go home nigga you gotta you gotta the the is Mike sleeping here tonight or maybe I could uh sleep over

yeah you brought well I mean you can sleep down here Ragnar's got the couch tonight so You sleep on top of me. Yeah. He's going to get a little too much sun over there. He's a cuddly, cuddly bear. I'll say that much. No, I'm not. So I got to say, the wound that you have, it's very clean. I know. She's a fucking surgeon with that bitch, man. Denzel Washington training day with that shit, man.

That shit hurts And I had to get on the train With this Like you know This is terrible I feel like What what I fell down the stairs Yeah

She loves me You don't know man You don't see her On her good days I had this big ass Jackie O glasses On the train And a scarf around my face

It's awful I feel terrible This is my pain man I had these big-ass Jackie O glasses on the train. It was all around my face. It was awful. I feel terrible. This is my pain, man. It's my pain. You're saying Kennedy used to beat Jackie O? Is that what you're trying to say right now? She didn't look that sad in the car is all I'm trying to say.

I guess I'll go for his head. Do I have to grab his head? I don't know. I didn't really like it. That's a too soon. That's a too soon. What kind of deodorant was it? I'm just kind of interested. It was Degree.

Oh, Degree. Oh, Degree. Cool spot. Who would have thought? What's it called? Third Degree? Yeah. That's Third Degree Domestic Assault.

She beat the shit out of me. Well, congratulations, Michael. Yeah, you know, that's what happens, man. Oh, it's a tiny cut. It doesn't happen. It's just a cut. Now, mind you, the female here,

so it was just a tiny cut. Now, if she would've came in with the fucking cut, you would've been like, holy lord, take that man to jail. Exactly.

You'd immediately be in jail. That's what happens. Anybody else here have been victims of domestic violence? Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. because that's what happens. Anybody else here have been victims of domestic violence? No support? I don't get it.

Chuckle Hut loves it. I told Chuckle Hut about this. They didn't offer me a blanket, a fucking bowl of soup, nothing. Henry, you got beat on. Yeah, Henry, come tell us about the time you got beat. What happened, Henry? Take my microphone.

The only time I was ever beat by a woman, I was coming out of my business class in middle school where I was the CEO of the class because I had learned to play Oregon Trail better than anybody else. It was this computer game. You got money by doing things at Oregon Trail. Everybody knows what it is. And there was a girl named Monique who was a cross woman.

She was real mad. A cross woman. A, real mad. A cross woman. A cross. She had an elephant-looking bottom hat. What is a cross woman? She was like three or four inches taller than me. She was huge. She was mean. And I fired her from this

group thing. I don't even know how I got the power to fire her. And I was, she left the class, and I was leaving in class with my binder and she came out I was walking in the class she ambushed me ripped the binder out of my hands and beat me on the head with it so I fell on the ground I grabbed her weave and pulled it out of her hair and ran. Well, you won. You took home a prize.

My mother hit me in the face with a telephone once. Your mom beat you in the head with a telephone? One time. One time she hit me in the face with a telephone while I was sleeping. What was the motivation? What were you doing? You had to fuck up pretty bad for your mom to hit you in the face while you were sleeping doing? Were you dreaming about something?

You had to fuck up pretty bad for your mom to hit you in the face while you're sleeping. I don't think you've met Ed's mom. She's a spitfire. My room was dirty, you know, and... That's what happened to me. Can't clean it when you're sleeping. No, no. That's why she was trying to wake him up.

Yeah. Wake up! It's a wake-up call. Well, there was an NBA rookie that was just charged with domestic abuse. Oh, what'd he do? Push his girlfriend down the stairs. That was an accident. Was she pregnant?

No. If he was Kobe Bryant, the rest of the room would have been called a foul. That's nothing. That's just funny. His name was Lance Stevenson. He plays for Cincinnati. He's not famous enough to even mention it. Cincinnati? Cincinnati doesn't have a basketball team? Yeah, what is a Cincinnati?

No, it says Cincinnati's Lance Stevenson shoots a free throw against... Oh, wait, that's NCAA. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's college. He's on the Pacers. Oh, he's on the Pacers. Lance Stevenson, that's the kid from Coney Island, right? Ah, hell if I know.

Yeah, he's a high school basketball legend in Coney Island. Fantastic. Push the chick down the stairs. Good. Good for him. Nice job. I punched a... And charged with third degree assault.

Oh. What's your girlfriend's charge? Harassment and menacing. Exactly. Menacing. My favorite crime right behind mayhem. Ragnar, introduce me to the term. Ragnar, if you could come forward and tell us what mayhem actually is.

Yeah, according to English law, mayhem is when you rip the other guy's arm off or any serious disfigurement, and you kind of beat him with the arm. That kind of thing would qualify as mayhem. That's an actual law on the books in England. that's fine what about deodorant canisters is that what how would that no that's still that that's third degree oh third degree mayhem it was degree all right it was fucking degree cool sport she beat the shit out of my nose you see this i gotta live with this that might be on you for life, bro. And no, Media Takeout didn't

call me for an interview. TMZ, Perez Hilton, none of them. They don't give a shit. If I was, if I had, maybe I gotta be a lady singer and then somebody would care. Nope, Tyra didn't call me. Nobody called me. Nobody cares about battered men. No one knows yet. I'm gonna call you tomorrow, bro. Thank you.

I bet Wendy Williams would call you, though. I hope so. Meow. Goddamn. I would hate, man. It's the time of the show where we talk about big breasts. Yeah! I love them.

I go, maw, maw, maw, maw, maw, maw. Right up on them. No, I don't. I've never had big breasts, though. You've never had them? I've never been able to suckle a pond gigantic tape. What happened to, didn't you date that girl who dumped you for the fucking Baltimore Raven? Yeah, yeah, I know, but I never got to suckle a pond.

You never got to suck on them. What a mistake she made. What a mistake she made. I can't believe that happened. I was left for a Baltimore linebacker. The Baltimore Ravens. Why don't you go to his house and get your woman back, man? I can't believe you didn't defend your woman.

I want my girl back! Yeah, man. How about I just fuck her in front of you and you leave? Okay. We can do that, too. I will fuck you up. I will fuck you up. Have you ever heard of my friend Ed Larson?

You know what I'm saying? He's going to fucking come to your place. I will fuck you up. I will fuck you up. Have you ever heard of my friend Ed Larson? You know what I'm saying? He's going to fucking come to your place. I'm not dying. I'm actually Henry Zebrowski. I got to tell you, man. It's something you got to experience. What? The gigantic tits.

Huge, tanky titties. I punched this woman on the bus when I was in like, maybe like third, fourth grade. You punched a woman on the bus when I was in like maybe like third, fourth grade. You punched a woman on the bus? When I was in like fourth grade. She was terribly mean to me and she had huge cans. I was like two years younger than her. You were big and fat though back then. Yeah, I'm still big and fat.

Nothing has really changed. You're big, but you're not fat. I wouldn't call Ben Kissel a fat guy. You're husky, big bone. Husky man. Husky man. Very husky man. Yeah.

Wrestler sprain. Big and tall. Gross lizard like. I have a model's bosom. I will just say man. Very husky man. Yeah. Wrestler's frame. Big and tall. Gross lizard-like. I have a model's bosom. I will just say that. A nice A cup. And I punched her titty, and the right titty hit the left titty, and then for the entire rest of the year, I was banned from sitting in the back, and nobody talked to me anymore

because they thought I was a woman beater. Well, yeah. But she was the mean one. You technically were. She wasn't a woman. She was a redneck chick from Wisconsin. She wore John Deere pants and John Deere shirts, and then she had some sort of Confederate flag hat.

I mean, what am I supposed to do? Those women don't count. She's not a woman. She stands to pee. Those girls you're allowed to hit with an open hand, not a closed hand. If you punch a titty, I talked to my mother about it, and she said, well, she was being mean to you. That's not a very Christian thing for her to say.

Well, they were being very mean to me. I can't deal with that. I have a huge head. You still have a... Well, I mean, it's more proportionate now. It's a very proportionate head. Your feet are massive. Size 14.

She's got a new Adidas today. Models. Play the models. They scare me. They're like big ogre feet when you just have them hanging out in the apartment. Size 14. She's got a new Adidas today. Models. Plug the models. They scare me. They're like big ogre feet when you just have them hanging out in the apartment. Good God. Oh, man. The size of your slippers too look like tiny pet beds. Will you imagine if I had... Imagine if it was like some sort of...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kissel. Why? No. It would be funny I would love No I would It would be weirder If I had like size 7 shoe And my big ass foot Just went into a size 7 shoe

Like a Willy Wonka Type situation And everyone's like How the fuck does it fit in there And I'd be like I just got little toes My principal My principal in high school

6'3 Size 8 inch cock Wow Size 7 feet On a 6'3 Walking on his ankles Yeah man

Yeah I mean How did he walk He walked okay He made his peace with it How big was he 6'3 with a 7 foot one 6'3 with a 7 foot Or 7 inch

Like his size 7 You know he had no ding dong None No But you know what His But the thing is His wife though Extrem, extremely hot.

Really? Yeah. Super hot. Maybe he footbanged her. One of the hottest women. He put a magnum on his foot and fucked the shit out of her. Oh, that's hilarious, Kevin. I wish you were this funny every week, Kevin.

That would be great. If we could just have a podcast this good every week. I don't even know what happened to you. I guess that beatdown really helped you out. We were talking about tits earlier. You know, this whole, like, ground zero mosque thing that everyone's freaking out about it. It seems like the only people in Manhattan that are truly okay with with it the strippers in the strip clubs right around the mosque they're gonna

make a lot of money yeah she's like one of them is like i don't know what the big deal is it's freedom of religion you know i'm all for it personally i'm all for it too i think i think the whole first the top 30 floors should be all Muslim mosques, man. Fuck it. Nothing's going to happen to it, man. Like playing into that shit. How about that? Like that block is safe. That shit's safe.

It is going to be fun. I'm getting my roof to be, I'm putting a mosque on my roof just in case. All mosques, man. What are they going to do? It's the best to just keep an eye on them, man. What are they going to do? It's the best to just keep an eye on them, too. That's called reverse psychology, man. It's going to be the best when the wife of all these Muslim men are like, Mahmoud, he's praying 20 times a day now.

He's just always there. And they're just getting it constantly. They're going to have a small change of clothes At their door right before they leave the mosque You went to Pumps again recently I was at Pumps It's a strip club here in Williamsburg It's the worst A little plug for Pumps There's meat there

I've been to a strip club before But you were talking about how they just shake their titties at you And expect money And there's not even really titties There was a Swedish girl who just stood at you And looked super awkwardly, and then you were like, okay, I guess I have to pay you money.

She was a prisoner. You can't just shake your titties at a person in a strip club. That rule doesn't exist in any other strip club. There's nothing worse than a stripper who is eliciting pity. Yeah. I did that too.

I got a lap dance. I bought a lap dance from a girl that I just straight up felt bad for. Yeah. Didn't even, it had nothing to do

with anything else. Right now? I just felt bad. I got caught out there before, man, with the strip. I felt bad for it. It was like putting money

in a broken vending machine. I got nothing out of it. There's actually, it's funny you put those topics together because there's actually a strip club. I don't know if it's still actually It's funny you put those topics together Because there's actually a strip club I don't know if it's still there But I remember it was there a couple years ago

There's a strip club In the back of a pizza shop Right at Ground Zero I'll take you there Yeah Fuck it Round table field trip I don't know where the fuck

They keep the pizza or the ovens But shit like where you think it is The double doors It's a fucking strip club And there's just a bunch of businessmen And a bunch of Ecuador hot. It's not bad. That sounds great.

Yeah, it's awesome. You guys are all invited. Yeah. I'm having my birthday party there. Hey, Ragnow, you got something back there. The beat stripper? Well, just, like, I once saw a strip show from a stripper in a wheelchair. And, like, the lap dance was amazingly good.

It was surprising. did you have to get on her lap either way i'm sure she's very good at sitting down, so she probably just rubbed it right on you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They can't pull away. Yeah, apparently. Well, the thing is, the building that they're wanting to build, and it's not even a mosque. It's an Islamic center. By the way, I am excited for this center. I want to go catch a basketball game. I know.

That's going to be hilarious. Watching a bunch of Muslims try to play basketball, it's going to be fucking great. They're going to give like quarter points for hitting the backboard. Final score is going to be like one and a half to point two. But what this building actually was, it was a Burlington coat factory. Oh, well, it's better off then. Yeah, Burlington coat factory. And also bums used to squat in there.

Oh, all right. So nothing's changed. Bums over Baghdad. Bums over Baghdad. That makes sense to me. Like I said, the whole 30 floors. I think it should be Muslim mosque and daycare centers. Fuck it.

Why not? It's insurance. Yeah. I'm down for that. That's true. They can't bomb near ground zero again if fucking 95% of the Muslim population lives there. Yeah. That's one of the best ideas I've ever heard, actually.

It is true. It really is. Yeah, yeah. It's great. It's like what Iran does with human shields. It'll be our human shield. We should have Muslims all over the city. We should.

A mosque will be on every block. You're have Muslims all over the city. They should. A mosque will be on every block. You're going to blow up fucking Times Square, dude? You're going to kill 5,000 of your own people. You want to do that? You miss out on the

horse fazazel if you do that. They should put Muslims on the fucking cup of noodles thing on Times Square, right? Fuck them. Put them up there.

I just want a Muslim on every billboard in New York City with a little thought bubble I'm going to put him up there. Just have the moon star up there. I want a Muslim on every billboard in New York City with a little thought bubble that just says, I don't like this. I don't agree with this. While we're on the subject of the Middle East, Saudi Arabia. My favorite story of the week. Oh, yeah. There's a great story.

A Saudi Arabian judge is wanting to sever a man's spine. Uh-oh. Because apparently Saudi Arabia has very strong eye for an eye laws. And the guy that they want to sever the judge, he was convicted for paralyzing another man in an attack with a meat cleaver. Oh! God. And they've got a history of this shit, too. The last time they did this, one guy knocked another guy's teeth out in a fight.

So the perpetrator, they pulled his fucking teeth out. Which is so much worse than getting them knocked out in a fight. So much worse. Like the same teeth that that dude lost, they pulled out those fucking teeth. But they're not sure if they're going to be able to do this because all the doctors. Yeah, you went to several doctors, right? Yeah, and they were all like, I don't think so. I don't think we can

just sever spines. Yeah, but going at somebody with a meat cleaver is like the most badass thing anybody could ever do. Yeah, it really is. Street justice! I think the guy

should get as many shots as he took with a meat cleaver at the other dude and then we'll see what happens if he doesn't sever the spine. He's got a severed spine.

He can't really swing a meat cleaver. I guess that's true. Well, he could have a proxy. Yeah, he could have his brother do it. Yeah. In Saudi Arabia, there's someone to swing a cleaver. Probably actually better yet, maybe his girlfriend might be a better candidate for a meat cleaver.

I feel bad for that paralyzed dude's wife, man. She's still going to fuck that dude the whole time. Yeah, because there's no divorce in Saudi Arabia. Yeah, you can't do it. Yeah, you absolutely can't do it. And she's stuck with that. And then if she cheats on him, she's going to get stoned to death.

Yeah. That sounds like a blast. What a way to go, man. What a way to go. Yeah, fucking smoke that weed. What a country. Yeah. Smoke weed till you die.

I'm so high I'm dying. Great. Great falafel, though. Yeah. Great falafel. Hey, if you've got to go, you've got to go, man. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't matter what it is.

Yeah, fuck it. Absolutely good for that guy. I hope it works out for him. Yeah. That's actually a good thing to do. He was the only guy to get out of this eye for an eye thing. Yeah. You can't really do something like that.

If you can't sever a man's spine medically, what are they going to do? I mean, he's going to die. Someone in the dude's family is going to shit. He's going to get chopped up. He's already dead. Well, actually, the brother said that he said that blood money is not an acceptable alternative. Ooh. Yeah.

So, in other words, he's not down for the severing the guy's spine. Not down with the severing. I don't know what his... He doesn't have any alternative. Yeah, he's dead, man. Yeah, he's dead. Slit his throat.

Fucking camel food. Dead. Sandy, Sandy. They need to store him in his humps. Are camels vegetarian? I don't know. We didn't feed them, man. They eat something. I know they chew a lot of tobacco.

They're always spitting. Che, you were talking about when you got to go, you got to go. There was a guy in Texas. My home state. Love you, Texas. There was a guy in Texas that decided recently... That is the South, motherfucker! That ain't us!

Keep it in the heart of Texas! Okay, I will... I will... Fuck you, Fergie! Isn't that what they say? I'm sorry, I just thought that's what they said. I will... Okay, I will admit that the town I grew up in did have an inbred family named the Muleys. Whoa, whoa, I don't believe you.

I don't believe you. Oh, I'll give you a good example of the Muleys. There was this kid, the youngest one, his name was Chansey. No shit, his name was Chansey Muleys. So that happened because he was butt-fucking the mom And she was like, let's take a Chansey Put it in, and then he just came immediately Here's how it goes

My dad worked at The bank in town, which at the time Had the only fax machine in town And we're talking, they handled hundreds of dollars Absolutely hundreds. It's a very small town. It's like 300 people. Your dad came home from work and he was like,

somebody cashed a $50 paycheck. I don't know how we're going to cover that. Holy Jesus. So whenever the fax machine, the cop in town, there was one cop, Greg Hearn, and the cop would come in and have to fax reports to Child Protective Services.

And he faxed in this report. Dad would always get to read them. Told me about this one. I assume this fax machine was unplugged. Yeah. The verbal testimony this kid gave. Grandma and Uncle Wilbur was fucking behind the couch,

but we didn't watch because we was watching Cowboys. Yeah! Yeah! Shit! Oh, wow. Yeah! That's the only reason why they didn't watch was because they was watching Cowboys.

Exactly. Keep it down, Grandma. Cow's got the bone. Because they've seen Grandma and Uncle Wilbur fuck plenty of times. Plenty of times. Oh, yeah. That's old. That's old shit.

Cowboy, like, 4,000 times. Yeah. Grandma and Uncle Wilbur's old hat. But anyways, this guy in Texas. That makes Wilbur feel real bad, though. He was a great high school football player. No, he wasn't. No?

Because that's the thing. The other one, the one that graduated with my brother, his name was Bobby Muley. For some reason, they like the Y. It's Bobby Muley. He was on the football team, but never actually went on the field because he was too dumb to play football. Wow. Which is hard.

Really fucking hard. But at one time, he never... He's like the water boy. It. Which is hard. Really fucking hard. But at one time, whenever... This is like the water boy. It's Adam Sandler. One time, whenever they lost a game, for no good reason,

they were on the bus, and he just slammed his head into one of the windows on the bus and just fucking broke it. He took it the worst, man. He really took it. He also used

to headbutt telephone poles. Why wasn't this man playing? Didn't he have the biggest ding-dong, too, in all of Texas?, man. He really took it. He also used to headbutt telephone poles. Why wasn't this man playing? Didn't he have the biggest ding-dong, too, in all of Texas? He did. He did. He did have, he called it. Seven-inch ding-dong. Because that's the thing.

They didn't, like, they couldn't talk. Like, they all had, like, this. Mexican and whites. They all had this fucked-up speech. Like, Bobby Muley's like, by the booty. Like, that's how he'd say it. Wow. And he called it his don't-a-dick.

Donkey dick. Oh. Yeah, it was a don't-a-dick. And he's the mayor of whatever. I was going to say the Alamo, but that's not a town. That's where a fight happened. He's seriously the mayor of Muleyville.

They have this weird little compound set up where they went all across the countryside and they found all the abandoned trailers. And they took them all to this one place. And Bobby lives in a bus. Wow. He lives in an old school bus. He can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants.

No, no, no. That bus doesn't have wheels on it. How short is that bus, honestly? Full-size bus. full-size bus full-size bus surprisingly enough yeah they sell watermelons yeah they have this we they have this weird like watermelon field and they have a watermelon stand well Oh, Kevin said that. Oh, Kevin, you're so racist. I can only feel for, like, the fucking city folk who were driving through and they saw this, like, watermelon. Like, oh, this charming little watermelon stand.

Let's stop off. But they're all just, like, oranges and old-ass pears. Big Dick Muley doing jumping jacks. Stan. Let's stop off. But they're all just like oranges and old ass pears. It's all watermelon. Big Dick Muley doing jumping jacks. That's the thing. That's the story. No, like call my boss watermelon. That's where I was going. That's where I was going with that story

before I got sidetracked. A friend of the family was driving home one night. You know, late one night. But I drive home real late. He's like, oh, fuck. I need some watermelons. I got to get some watermelons.

I need some motherfucking watermelons. There's no lights. There's no lights on these roads. Whenever you're driving, you've got your headlights in front of you, and that's it because you're in the middle of fucking nowhere. And so he's driving. He's coming up on the Muley compound, and he sees this figure up ahead. He doesn't know what it is. that it's Bobby standing in the middle of the road with his hands up above his head, jumping up and down completely naked

with his dick just flopping in the wind. Calisthenics, man. Don't interrupt a man's workout regime. Oh, yeah. The great thing is, though, is that Bobby, for a little while, hooked up with a retarded girl one town over. Yeah.

At least he stuck with his own kind. Yeah, she used to do cartwheels for everyone's amusement. Can you still say retarded in New York? Oh, you can't say it in New Jersey. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah. New Jersey's hilarious. Christy, man.

Yeah. Governor Fat Christy. Fat piece of shit. You changed the legislation. No more laws saying the word retarded. But they changed it to mentally or physically defective. Which is so much worse. Yeah, it's so much worse.

How do you explain to your retarded child that he's defective? You're defective. Hey, you know how when mama buys those socks with the long thread coming out of them? Oh, no, no, no. I should know. I like that. How daddy's Prius had to be returned

to the dealership. only toast one side of the toast. You're wrong in all ways. You know, like those dented cans of ravioli we eat for dinner. Well, you're a lot like that.

That explains that dent on your forehead. I was going to call you a little ravioli baker. No, dude. That's fucked up, man. Physically defective was one of the terms they banned. They banned physically handicapped, feeble-minded, and physically defective. What are they going for now?

They actually don't have anything to, I think they say, They call it intellectual disabilities. That's too long for retarded kids. I told you. Intellectual disabilities. They should go back to dumbfuck. They should let retarded kids come up with their own fucking name, man. It's always mouse.

Popsicle! I saw mouse. I want to be French fries. Absolutely. You got it, kid. I think French fries is great. I would love to be able to refer. Whatever you love the most, that's what you can be.

This is the horrible, this is a quote from Chris Christie. This is making sure each citizen in our state is treated with the respect they deserve it's their government too jesus they're not voting for you fat idiot come on that's dumb well uh jay you live in jersey right i live in jersey and there's a lot of retards there and i think they could if you put them together they can come up with a fucking good name damn it

we ought to have a let you guys want to put together a retard summit I think we ought to I love it man let me

let me only be the place they're me only we'll put it at the UN I don't think fuck them though I don't think the

meulees know what a plane is Ragnar I just want to offer to be the representative For my nation in the return summit Ragnar got an Icelandic representative Who knew that I'd be the first representative Outside of America

Two nations Hey Henry you want to talk on behalf of the Polish people By any chance Oh shit man Hey Henry, you want to talk on behalf of the Polish people by any chance? Oh, shit, man. Mom, no! Come on, no! Come on! All right.

Mom, no! That's what it would sound like. Bippy, go back in your cage. Oh, God! I'm rocking in here! Nope, nope. Go back in the cage. What the fuck?

Nothing but Friends reruns and old episodes of Two and a Half Men There's a front place in that cage I get seriously annoyed By anybody who's Offended on behalf of other people Because you know it's just regular people Who say oh retard That sounds harsh

No the word's not harsh The condition's harsh Why are you changing the word You're still the same people You're not curing retardation The word's not harsh. The condition's harsh. You know what I mean? So it's not, why are you changing the word? It's still the same peep. You're not curing retardation. You're just curing the word. And just the word's going to be just as ugly as the fucking last word.

I think retards just have to bury the word. You know what they got to do? Retards have to get together and bury it. They got to do what the black people do. They got to say re-ta. What's up, retards? They got to say Rita. Yeah. What's up, Rita? Rita. Rita. They need a retarded Al Sharpton to come out every time.

It would never be dope if they had a retarded Al Sharpton who came out every time somebody said retarded. He'd fucking come and boycott the show. I am offended. That would be awesome. So what is the penalty if you say retarded in New Jersey? It's not actual. They can't ban the word because that's violating.

Free speech. Yeah, it's free speech. It's just banning it. It's just banning the language in state legislative bills. I don't think the people that don't have the mental capacity for speech should probably don't... They don't have freedom of speech. They don't have mental freedom of speech.

What's up, retard? You're my retard. Retard what? Yeah, I think they should do it like us, man. They should just take it as a word of endearment. Yeah, you my retard, you know? You can't say retard unless you're retarded.

That's bad. They can't do that yet. It worked for us. I'll fucking stop. It worked for us, man. That brings the point, Dr. Morse. Yeah, that's what I wanted to ask you about this. I'm not retarded.

I know you've done extensive research on the N-word and all that type of stuff. Yeah. We've talked about this before. I've read two dictionaries. Have you heard about Dr. Laura's diatribe saying the N-word 11 times in five minutes? How dare she? No, she... Ah, fuck it, man.

Dr. Dre said it way more than that. I opened up a can of Dr. Pepper and said, nigga, so... It happens, man. It happens.

Sometimes it fits. No, I don't... I don't give a shit because she wasn't saying it to say... Her point was kind of silly, but she wasn't saying it to say, hey, what's wrong? You a nigga, so fuck it, nigga.

Like, she wasn't saying it like that. She was just saying it. Like I said, it's people, I guarantee it wasn't black people that were in the outcry about it. It's just a bunch of people who's not even supposed to be offended by it or offended by it, and then we say, yeah, I guess

we should be offended by that. It's kind of silly. I just, I don't think anybody should be offended by it or offended by it, and then we say, yeah, I guess we should be offended by that. It's kind of silly. I just don't think anybody should be offended if they don't even fucking... It's not even... You wasn't even a part of the conversation. It was a conversation between two people. The only person that should be offended is the lady she said it to. Yeah.

That's all I'm saying. I don't know. Call me crazy. Agreed. You're crazy. Call me retarded. You're retarded. Can we say crazy is crazy still

okay yeah crazy's fine right yeah crazy's fine how about stupid is stupid good oh yeah absolutely yeah yeah yeah stupid dumb dumb i prefer dumb yeah i prefer dumb now dumb it's for me dumb is so much more insulting than stupid oh man i look dummy person's like Don't touch that, you fucking dummy. See, yeah. Someone calls you a dummy. It's just like, oh, God. I fucked up real bad. Girlfriend, yeah. Yeah, well. No, I'm just kidding.

She had it. Oh, come on. She didn't want deodorant. No, we're afraid of getting attacked. That's why we're agreeing we're going on this dance right now. She doesn't know I'm in Brooklyn and Bushwick right now. No, I'm getting so much heat right now for referring to girls as slits. It's like, oh, I'm so sorry.

Hey, Holden, I think you've got a segment for us tonight, don't you? Oh, yeah, yeah. We're going to do the echo effect again. All right. I'm interviewing Ed and Jackie in the future. Ten years in the future. Ten years in the future. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Out there Anyway A bunch of nuggers Man So Eddie What did you say Nevermind

Nuggers Man Nuggers Oh Nuggers Which is just like Awesome Fucking cool nuggs

That's totally cool That's completely What year is it 2020 2020 When all interviews Good vision Wendy So Ed Yeah What year is it? 2020. 2020. Good vision. So, Ed. Yes.

Your restaurant, which has become a chain, Big Ed's Fuck You Barbecue. Uh-huh. It's delicious. It's done so well. It's been so successful. Absolutely, yeah. It's the best. What is in that sauce?

What is in that secret sauce? It's a combination of human blood and mouse cum So you have people hand stroking the mouses Yeah, to the point where they bleed Oh my god

And then we add that ketchup a little bit of a romulade and a dash of cayenne pepper, and one more secret liquid. Ah, we will not know at this time. Well, thank you also, to add on to that note, thank you for destroying PETA, for blowing up the main offices of PETA. We're all very happy. They had it coming. Now, Jackie, you're dead.

of PETA. We're all very happy. They had it coming. Now, Jackie, you're dead. You were murdered in one of those kind of murder mystery scenarios where it turned out that everyone did it. Yeah, I understand. Now you haunt the Glipson family. So what kinds of things do you

like to do to them? I like to kiss them. I like to stroke them. Really? You stroke them while they're sleeping? Oh yeah, like stroke them in the down south. Stroke them in the up north. Yeah, You stroke them while they're sleeping? Oh, yeah. Stroke them in the down south. Stroke them in the up north. Yeah, you stroke them like they're a mouse. Yeah, like mouse cum. Really, I work for Eddie. You all go fuck yourself.

Do you make any noises or any kind of things like that? I go, yummy, yummy. Yummy. That's yummy. I feel terrible for that That's so much creepier than a ghost going boo Boo No man

Slurping sounds I can't believe they haven't moved out God bless these guys Now Eddie your mansion has a slut room in it? Yeah. What's that all about? Where'd it at? It's where I keep what we used to call Russian girls.

But now we just refer to them as sluts. I thought you knew this. I should have done my research. It's very easy to find. You look up coneyislandslutgirl. www. blackslash

is the future. Things have changed. . nutbag.com .net backslash org. That's your website? I love that website. dot nutbag dot com dot net backslash org. That's your website? I love that website! It's a great website. I forget you had the ghost

internet, the ghost computers that have finally come out. Absolutely. Now, Jackie, before you were a ghost, even though you had plenty of money from, you know, Murder Fist touring and all that stuff going on. Oh yeah, all those, the pipe dreams. All the TV show, all the pipe dreams that we once had that became real. And also, you know, your business you started up, the Clit Rub Massage Company.

Yeah, sandpapered down. Yeah, it's beautiful. Everyone's going around with little cheeks on their pussies. Feed me seed! Ew! You still wanted to rob banks! Yeah! What the hell was that?

Why? I mean, was it the rush? Was it the, you know, what was going on there? There's something about taking pants off little boys that makes you like, will you get in there?

Have you not been to a bank recently there's chauncey there's chipmunks they're all back that's where they keep the money you got to get through the little boys first damn i'm all digital oh yeah no no we've got the brain digital things that come out in front of us you take your you take your clit clippers and you fucking give them the nug you know what i mean mean? Yeah, we know what you mean by that. And you fucking take all their money. That's what I'm doing, bro. Because, you know, right when a baby is born nowadays and it's a boy, they just staple money to them.

Yeah. Remember that law in 2012? Of course. Who can forget the staple boy law? After the precedent case of Staples vs. Boy. So, Ed, you're running for governor of Tallahassee. Uh-huh. God, I mean, you've spent so long trying to get this.

I made up the position. Yeah, what's the position? Now's your chance. What's your platform? Give us the real deal, buddy. First off, no more cars. Bold.

I'm getting rid of cars and we're going to replace them with dinosaurs. Now, once we replace the cars with dinosaurs, everything's going to get really dangerous for a little while. Okay, for a minute. Okay.

For a little bit. It's going to be weird for a while. But after 20, 30 years, we will be able to control these reptiles with brain helmets. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Reptile brain helmets. We're in. Oh, yeah. Those reptile brain helmets. Yeah. When we're in plans, we're going to remove the reptile brains and replace them with gorilla brains. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so basically,

we're going to have a bunch of dinosaurs. They'll be still kind of dangerous if they have gorilla brains. But this way, they'll be able to eat bananas. Ah, gotcha. They still have no opposable thumbs, though. No, no, no, no, no.

But who needs an opposable thumb when the only reason you were around is to drive me to the Whataburger? That's true. That's very true. No gas involved either. I really miss Whataburger. So, Jackie, you have several ghost pals. Yeah, I've heard you've been hanging out with Joplin. You've been hanging out with some other...

Who do you really like to spend the time with, and what's going on with that? Well, really, it's mostly, like, there's this, like, one that looks like a Teletubby, and he, like, he kisses me, like, on my eyelids like a ghost whisperer. You know, like Jennifer... Exactly. He says, Jackie, I love you, and that's all he knows how to say. Because the thing is, I train every ghost To only praise me like I am their princess

And I take them And I make them My ghost court And then I'm princess I'm nothing else I feel like he's here now I think he's in the chuckle hut. Is he sitting next to Ragnar and Henry?

Jackie, you got any Nazi ghosts around? Oh, man, of course I fucking do, man. No, no, no, no, no. I got that, like, communism shit, man. Like, I got Stalin next to me. He's got that fucking sickle and hammer, bitch. He's got, like, we're're around and we're just chopping heads. We're fucking chopping heads everywhere we go.

Because that's what I would do if I was a ghost. I'd rape and pillage. Just like a motherfucking Viking, Ragnar. Viking. Viking. Alright, last round, last round. So, Ed, you were the first man to smoke weed on the moon. Yeah.

What was it like, and where next? I was high. Get it? Ed, for governor! For governor! For governor! Ed! Ed!

No, but after the moon, I actually am going to keep going, and I wanted to smoke weed in a black hole. Oh, fantastic. Oprah's pussy. God. Man, her black hole is so big and cavernous. Oh, man. Now, Jackie, when you were murdered by, like, 15 different people,

the lights went out, and it's been said you had a conversation with the devil. Oh, yeah. What did he say? What was going on there? What did you say? What happened? Well, basically, like, we started smoking a big bunch of nug, you know what I mean? Okay, all right.

And we started hitting that chiba, and he's like, hey, girl, you like the chiba? And I was like, yes, he did. Man, we're going to have so much fun now. And he's like, yeah, you know, Stalin's down here. And I was like, yeah, man, I love Stalin. Are we going to have a good time? And he's like, yeah, man, I love Stalin! Are we gonna have a good time? And he's like, yeah, bitch, we're gonna have a good time!

Oh, bitch, yeah, that's... Wow! Okay, it looks like I just changed my mind about hell completely. That wraps up interviewing Eddie and Jackie. Ten years at the best.

Time, time. Time, time. That's something that just gets better and better every time. That is unbelievable. The future sounds terrifying. Well, he's going to put the echo on it, too. It's going to sound a lot cooler with the echo. Oh, yeah.

Echo! Space. Space, space, space, space, space. Don't make your own echo. There's a reason for it. If you don't put echo, he's going to put echo. Double echo. I got it.

Well, god damn it. I feel like we almost have to wrap this episode up. Yeah. It's put that echo. He's going to put that echo. Double echo. I got it. Well, God damn it. I feel like we almost have to wrap this episode up. Yeah. It's about that time. It's about that. Unless, Ed, you just reminded me of it with your squirt squirt. Uh-oh. Oh, Pedophile of the Week?

You guys want to wrap this up? Can we do a Pedophile of the Week? Pedophile corner. Let's go to the final segment of the night. Pedophile of the Week. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Hey, who wants candy?

Who wants candy, huh? Come on, I want to show you a monster. Y'all want to take a trip. Squirt reminded you of Pedophile of the Week, huh? Well, that's what Ed always says during Pedophile. That's my part of the song. And by the way, it's not Pedophile of the Week. It's Pedophile Corner. Pedophile Corner.

Because that's where you got to keep them. With a big pointy hat, face the other direction. You've been naughty. You stand in the corner. You take bath. You are bad. You've been naughty. So, there's something going online called sextortion.

I have no idea what that is. These girls are flashing their tits online. Yes. Pornographers are getting a hold of it, and they're telling these girls, you either do more porn for us, or I'm going to send this link to all of your friends and family. Oh.

Just stick with the titties. Either way, they're going to share it. Yeah, they're going to end up seeing him anyway. Who cares? And this is all the guy that just got indicted. 19-year-old guy from Maryland. It's a smart move. Very smart move.

Business-wise. Precious moments, man. This guy's like a little Don King. This is going to be an event! What's his name, the guy who got caught? They don't give it... R. Kelly. Let me see if I can find his name.

I mean, these girls were under 18 years old? Is that the thing? 17. Oh, come on, man. That's really fucking... Hey, you know what? That's basically a grandmother in Texas, isn't it? You know what?

Pedophile corner. It's a lot of peripheral. Last week, we talked about Donald Duck squeezing some tits. He got them. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, yeah. Donald Duck quacked some boobies back in Disney World. Oh, yeah. There was a guy in... He quacked off all over. Yeah, yeah, no. Donald Duck quacked some boobies back in Disney World. Oh, yeah.

There was a guy in Alabama. He quacked off all over. Yeah! And you know what, Ben? I know you're not going to be surprised with this, but Anthony Stankle. I can never trust a Stankle. Can you guess where he's from, Ben? I would imagine he won the state championship 165-pound wrestler of Iowa.

Wisconsin. Hello. Shock of a life. He posed as a girl on Facebook to trick male high school classmates into sending him nude cell phone photos, which he then used to extort them for sex. I know that guy. I know that guy. He's pretty hot. He's pretty sexy. Yeah, yeah. That was a dark, dark time for sex. I know that guy. I know that guy. He's pretty hot.

He's pretty sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a dark, dark time for you. Oh, man. What are you going to do, man? Yeah. So what are they going to do

with this guy? What's he facing? He was sent to prison for 15 years. What? Yeah, 15 years. For extortion? For shitty extortion?

No, no, no. He was extorting dicks. Oh, come on, man. Somebody's going to get those. Look, if a guy takes a picture of his dick, everybody's going to see it. That's the purpose of taking pictures of his dick, man. Exactly. Only women take pictures of themselves naked and only want one person to see it.

I don't take pictures of my dick. You all are going to see it, man. It's going to be on the front of the post. They have to put rules on Facebook To say hey man Don't put pictures of your dick up Because it would be covered in my dick I tell you that much

I don't see why you're talking to me Like I'm on the other side of the argument Like I'm the dude It's like no dicks are totally personal I'm sorry I wonder if you would have gotten 15 years if it was titties. I didn't realize it was dicks. I think there was some homophobia working in Wisconsin.

Well, here's a guy in Alabama. Everyone knows that dicks are for everybody. For everybody, man. For fucking chicks. In Alabama, Jonathan Vance, 24, of Auburn, was sentenced to 18 years in prison in April after he admitted sending threatening emails on Facebook and MySpace extorting nude photos from more than 50 young women in Alabama, Pennsylvania, and Missouri. Where did he get the photos? Feeders and Gainer website.

Doesn't say. Doesn't say where he got the photos. If a girl's going to take a naked picture, she's got to understand there's going to be repercussions. If a girl's going to take a naked picture, she's got to understand there's going to be repercussions. You're so lucky if you're a woman and you take a nude photo of yourself and the entire world doesn't see it in this thing. It's like bitching if someone uses this podcast against us if Holden runs for office in 15 years. It's like you do this publicly, man. Don't share your titties unless you're willing to share the titties.

This is the girls, young girls being brought up in the digital age. I mean, girls didn't quite have to deal with it like they do now. Like, young girls, impulsive moves. I mean, I've done some impulsive shit on the internet

and fucking, you know, because it's so immediate. You whacked off to Isadora, didn't you? Like, with this,

you guys do video chat whack-off? No, we haven't done it yet, man. Dude, what's going on with Isadora?

I gotta check back in. I feel terrible. Isadora, if you're still listening to the podcast, I haven't talked to you in like a little while. Like,

I don't know what I've been. You abandoned Isadora? I didn't abandon her. I don't talked to you in a little while. I don't know what I've been doing. You abandoned Isadora? I didn't abandon her. I don't think she likes the podcast. No, I don't think so either. Did we fucking lose a listener because of your ass? No, man. I fucking love you, man.

Isadora, leave him. Come to me. I'll treat you like you need to be treated. Don't go for it. He's bad. He'll be like a violent. Gentleman. Not like abusive, but just strong.

I don't know. I think I could be quite good for Isadora myself. Oh, for Christ. Isadora, you can have all of us or Holden. Yeah. That's the choice here. Che's got a girlfriend, but he's going to make an exception for Isadora. She ain't acting right.

Isadora, you don't have a daughter. You don't have a mean streak. Does she have a mean streak? She's Mexican. No, she does have the hot Latina blood. She has killed somebody for drugs. Yeah, but that's like... But that's not like because she was a drug abuser

because she was going to sell them. Yeah. So it's different. Yeah, I mean, it's like she had... That's her job. It's like you show up You kill a dude for drugs You know Yeah and then you pop out

Like ten kids She got ten kids At least Yeah Nine maybe Well to To wrap up To wrap up

Pedophile Corner We're gonna wrap this up With an actual pedophile A 31 year old California man He hacked into More than 200 computers And threatened to expose

Nude photos he found and lessen their owner's pose for more sexually explicit videos. 44 of the victims were juveniles. These aren't really pedophiles. I don't know. This guy, 44 of the victims were juveniles. What's a juvenile? 17 and under.

Yeah, 17 and under. Your fucking girlfriend's a juvenile. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to hit somebody in the face with a fucking juvenile. So, Che is the pedophile corner. This is the radio, guys. I don't want to hit somebody in the face with a fucking dude. So J.J. is the pedophile corner. This is the radio, guys. You can't say that.

A juvenile is someone that you'll go to jail if you fuck them. I mean, that's under 17. Well, honestly, it all depends on the, well, under 18 depends on the state, though. But also, wouldn't he be the one that's put into jail if he's already looking at these fucking nudie photos of juveniles? Well, I mean, he was arrested in June. Hasn't been indicted, or he's been indicted. Hasn't been charged or had a trial yet. But what if she's like the LeBron James of pussy?

Like, what if she's like... He's a scout. He's a scout. What if she's ready? You never know. Everybody picks at different times. I'm just saying. I love it.

Shay, you got to get into law school, man. You just got to stand up and just like, this bitch is LeBron James of pussy, people. Who knows, man? If it's ready, it's ready. You never know, dude. All right. We got to wrap up this round table.

Holy fucking Christ. Jack is a brats. I got invited back, haven't I? Of course you're invited back. You can come back anytime you want. Kevin, you're here every week. You've never left. You're the end of the show, for fuck's sake.

This place is blowing up. Jack is a brats. You had Larsen. Hold him, McNeely. We got Ray Naur in the chuckle hut. Henry Zabrowski, Marcus Parks doing the old news. And Michael Che, thank you so much. You were fantastic tonight.

I'm Ben Kissel. Good day, ladies and gentlemen. Have a nice commute. Yeah, whatever it is. Who knows? Whatever. Fuck you. Not anymore.

Holden. Good night. Yeah. Who knows? Whatever. You're not anymore. Good night! Yeah! Faithful listeners of the Roundtable, have I got one hell of a show for you. Dogshit, live at Cha-Cha's in Coney Island, August 29th at 7 p.m. Dogshit is, of course, hosted by Ben Kissel and Ed Larson.

My absolute favorite show in town. And I see a lot of fucking shows. Too many. This is my favorite one. It's the one that I never, and Ed Larson. My absolute favorite show in town. And I see a lot of fucking shows. Tumid. This is my favorite one. It's the one that I never, ever, ever miss. It features some of the best in the scene. Jared Logan, Dan St. Germain, Giannis Pappas, Leo Allen,

Skulk the Hulking, and, of course, Murderfest. Come on out. See the show. Ride the cyclone. Smoke some weed on the wonder wheel, walk down the boardwalk and buy some cheap vodka shots from the Russians. August 29th, 7pm, dog show, live at Chop Chop's.

Here's a bit of a preview for what you're gonna see. This is Skulk the Hawking with This Commercialism Means Business. Check out their video online if you dig this song oh yeah oh yeah There's a party in my brain and I think I'm gonna party There's a party in my watch and it's always time to party There's a party in my getup and I'm dressed up in this party There's a party on this platter and I'm dressed up in this party There's a party on this platter and I'm serving up this here party

There's a nice party in this bottle, Dr. Zorro's on a party There's a party in this stick shift, driving drunk here in this party There's a party in this image And it looks like it's a party There's a party in these condoms And I'm gonna Fucking party Party now It's your job It's your job

Party now Party now It's your job It's your job Party now! Party now! It's your job! It's your job! Party now! There's a party on my arm but she's really just a trophy She thinks that we're in love but she don't really even know me She's got her hand inside my wallet mine is creeping up her leg towards her zipper You know she fucking poppy good and what she take out my back pocket's called a

zipper I got a party at my side but he's really just a bank rob He thinks that we're in love, but anything can be fun and so Told he ain't so hot and he don't really even deserve me But I think he got the means to keep this party going Party now, it's your job, it's your job to party now Party now, it's your job, it's your job to party now We have to find a party in this world we call a party We have to party party in this party we call party We party party party in this party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party to party now, party now, it's your job It's your job to party now, party now, it's your job

It's your job to party, party, party, party, party I'm sorry!