The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 135: Waggy Waggy Tails

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

On this, the 135th episode of the Round Table: a man is arrested for stealing a blind cat, an Indonesian boy is drowned by his mother for having a small penis, and a racist firebombs a Taco Bell for not giving him enough meat in his chalupa. Joining us today: Mike Recine, Ashley Brooke Roberts, Shakir Stanley, and the voice of Bastion himself, Logan Cunningham.

Cave Comedy Radio is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Input the code CCR at checkout for discounts. The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds. Lay on, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will!

It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Civility. That's terrible. Who do you think you are?

Are we ready to go? All right. A little prayer. I want to thank Dear Bielzebub. Thank you so much for bringing a fellow on the train who was on Molly on my G train ride, and he made it go by so very smooth. He sung a song that went, smush, smush, push, push in the bush. And I absolutely loved it. He said, smush, smush, push, push in the bush.

And a lot of people were much, much into it. And then he says, my last name is Wiggle Wiggle. What's that? Get your phone away from the microphone. You're giving an interference. Amen. I had to remember. And then he says, I'm Smushy Wiggle.

Anyway, welcome to the roundtable. Thank you, Marcus, for ruining everything that I wanted to do. I was trying to give you hand signals. That's a weird hand signal. That? That's pretty obvious. That means nothing. Down, down, down.

He is literally waving his hand as if he is a homosexual hailing a cab in Soho. I know. Yeah, you're not. You're punishing the listeners. Yes, good. Well, you are punishing the listeners. All right.

Who is here? Who knows? Who knows? Jackie Zabrowski, pee-pee freeze, way to be. Ed Larson. Hold it, McNeely. It's fine. Kevin Barnett. All right Alright I'm Ben Kissel

We've got a nice size chuckle hut with us today We've got Logan Cunningham Thanks for being here Logan My pleasure thank you Absolutely Logan give us a nice sweet sweet hello Good evening Oh I like a man who does the opposite of what I say

Just like the women you know Right yeah That's why I always tell them not to have sex with me a man who does the opposite of what I say. Just like the women you know. Right, yeah. That's why I always tell them not to have sex with me. Alright, I'm actually going to go. Can I just leave? Do I have to be here this week? Can somebody else take over? We've got Ashley Brooke Roberts. Thanks for being here.

Thank you, Ben. Alright, Mike Racine as well. You're welcome. Mike, you're dressed very dapper today. What are you trying to cover up? He just spilled beer all over himself. Oh, all right, perfect. Just back to normal.

Thank God. And, of course, we've got Shakir Stanley. Thanks for being here, Shakir. No problem, man. All right, with us as always, Marcus Parks, our newsman. Marcus, what's our first news story of the day? Lawrence, police say they arrested a 31-year-old man after two connected and strange crimes. Sergeant Trent McKinley said the caper began Sunday evening when someone entered a mobile home in Lawrence, Kansas

and made off with a Japanese-style sword, a blind cat, and some Chinese meditation balls. All those things are necessary. I mean, he probably just left the door open and the cat's lost. Police were called later when residents at a nearby home reported they fled when a man barged in with no shirt or shoes, but wearing a sword on his waist and carrying the cat. You think it's the guy? I don't know if that's a sword, but that is definitely the blind cat.

No doubt about it. And he then began eating their food. That's a nice thing. I mean, what's scarier, the sword or the blind cat? I mean, that's terrifying. I like that or the blind cat? I mean, that's terrifying. I like that this man was such a loving fellow, though. It's just kind of a fun ninja infiltration. I'm into it.

I'll let ninjas into my house. They'll eat my food, steal my blind cat. Who wants a fucking blind cat anyway? But see, Jackie, I thought you were horribly racist against Asians. Yeah, but ninjas, not all ninjas are Asian. Just because they take the fucking Chinese balls, which only Asians would like fucking Chinese balls, am I right?

I have no idea. I don't know what you're talking about. It's the balls! It's the fucking balls! I had a set. You just play with them in your hand. You know what's weird, though? Jackie's not the first white woman who's racist against Asians. A lot of girls that I

talk to aren't crazy about Asians. Ashley, how about yourself? Why don't you weigh in on this? I'm a fan. You like them? Yeah, I like them. What's your favorite part? Bullshit! Of course, the Asian balls, I would assume. I'm a fan of the food.

I'm a fan of the literature. I'm a fan of the literature. I'm a fan of the art. Yeah, but what about the people themselves? Well, Jackie does bring up an interesting point. I feel like you enjoy a lot of their accessories, but you might not actually enjoy the doll. It's sort of like your Barbie Corvette, although you hate Barbie.

What do you think, Logan? You like the Asian people as a whole? Asian people, period? Asian people, period. Yeah, the whole three billion of them. Three billion people. I love them. What's not to like?

I'm with you on that. What's not to like? All right, Michael. Well, I like it, too, because that was a rhetorical question for Mike and his future son. Marcus gets her finger on the edit button. It's starting off a little tough here.

It is starting off a little racist. We're talking about a white man's stolen Asian sword, and somehow we flipped it on fuck all Asian people. This guy's the criminal. I said I was fine with ninjas. I didn't say anything bad. That's right. So what's happening with this guy He's got a full time and they arrested him I won't use the subject you fucking pussy

Just for the record This is the subject I say no we stay on it man Just to get it on the record I do hate blind cats Okay But fuck that shit, man. Which race do you hate most?

Well, the Bulls, Sword, and Cat, who was named Freddy, were all returned to their owners. Prosecutors told the Lawrence Journal World that Blake Robert Hurd is charged with four counts of burglary. And breaking and entering.

You can't burgle a cat, huh? That's very interesting. No, you can't burglary. That's it? Yeah, and breaking and entering. You can't burgle a cat, huh? That's very interesting. No, you can't burgle anything. All right, well, I guess he's actually, he's like a real cat burglar. Am I right? Yeah, cat napper. I guess you are.

Thank you. Man, I saw this video today, just some Asians beating the fuck out of some cats, man. I say we burn the whole continent. Wow! Looking for Kevin Burn Wow! Good lord! Kevin just found out that Asians don't like

cats. Where the fuck have you been? Is that a thing? I just saw the video, man, and it was vicious, and it hurt me. I like cats a lot. It's like they do it for fun. The shit they do to animals. It's like it's enjoyable for them. I don't think that's true. I think...

I mean, as if he said... I think you're over-exaggerating a little bit. Dumb dyke. Oh, shit. Jesus. Oh, no. Please, Paul. Let's not bring harbors or anything ship-related into this.

Yeah, what the fuck happened with you two? Yeah, all right. Ladies and gentlemen, we sent Mike by Ashley. Ashley, about a dollar amber. It's fine. It started with an A. I was halfway there. And there's a large feud.

There's a tension between them right now that it's palpable in the room. So let's just get to the bottom of it. Ashley, what did Mike do to you? Because Mike was wrong. What happened, Ashley? I was wrong about what? What was I wrong about? I have no idea what you did yet.

We'll figure out why you were wrong or how you were wrong. Is it because of your new hairstyle? Yeah, that's the thing. Mike, it's just when Italians try to look good, they look worse. You're not Italian, though, are you? You're Irish. No, I'm not. There's not even an excuse for you?

Oh, that's amazing. Wow, have you ever met an Irishman who wanted to be an Italian? That is one. Yeah, most of them, right? Really? I don't know. What's that? De Niro is mostly Irish.

Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, thing. So, Ashley, what did Mike do to you? He stole my blind cat. Did he really? Like you're skirting around the issue Do you not want to talk about it, Ashley? No, we're fine, aren't we?

What happened? Ashley, what did Mike do to you? Why don't we talk about Asians some more? I'd rather talk about Asians I'm sorry I'm sorry I said dumb They hugged it out They hugged it out They hugged it out I guess so

I would really like to know what happened That was the only part I regret I shouldn't have said dumb dyke so angrily Well we've got another news story I feel like when you have a wife And you punch her in the face and give her a black eye She's going to be like why don't you do that And you're like I'm sorry baby

And punch her in the other eye I'm not, baby. Then punch her in the other eye to be like, now you match. I'm acting like you're better than me. I'm not better than you. I am not better than you. That's true. All right, next up. An Oklahoma woman charged with placing dozens of obscene

and harassing calls to 911 gave a police emergency operator a curious rationale for her actions. Quote, Regina Sanders said, my job is to harass you bitches. What? That's her job? That's true. She's a professional police harasser? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's amazing. No, she only harasses the 911 operators. Oh, man, well, fuck them anyway. Well, she's some Asian bitch, man, because they do that shit all the time. There you go. There's a picture of Regina. Wait, she was harassing?

Yeah, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin's saying, ah, because she's black. I was thinking about how... She was harassing the 911 people for no reason, correct? Correct. She's a bitch. Yeah, yeah, the 40...

She said, my job is to harass you people. Yeah. I'm sorry, I was thinking about how good Ashley smells. The opposite way. Yeah, she called the emergency communication center 59 times over an eight-hour period last year. She just wanted someone to talk to. Suicide hotline.

Exactly. Does that still exist? Suicide hotline? Yeah. Okay, call that. Maybe you should. Do you want the number? I'm fine.

Does it say any details on the kind of harassing things she said? It doesn't have any of the actual harassment. It just says, obscene, threatening, harassing phone call, which is a misdemeanor. Yeah, exactly. I thought you could just straight up get arrested. How did she do that 59 times? Eventually, they caught her.

I thought they could catch you immediately. Can't they just track the phone call? It's all government lies. Oklahoma, what can I say? They were going to let it go. Someone go pick this bitch up. Someone go beat the fuck out of her. She's the only black lady in Oklahoma.

And she got nervous. I gotta go. Second person to try to eject themselves from the podcast should we start over i'll tell you dear bl's a boob thank you so much for bringing someone on the train today smush smush push push in the bush i feel like i could probably be seduced by that line if i were drunk enough.

People loved him. I bet. They really did. He was on Molly. How do you know he was on Molly? Because he said, this presentation brought to you by Molly. That is how I know he was on Molly. That's great.

It was quite amazing. Were there children on that train? There were a couple of children. I don't know what Molly is. I think it's just some cute little girl. I'm not talking about Molly. I'm talking about Push Push and the Bush Boys. I don't know what Molly is. They think it's just some cute little girl. No, I'm not talking about Molly. I'm talking about Push Push and the Push Push. There's a little rhyme for them.

If you're going to teach a child about fucking, make it rhyme. Yeah, Hokey Pokey is about fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is. Speaking of... Yeah, put your right foot in, take your right foot out, do the Hokey Pokey. Yeah, it's all about fucking. No, I don't think it is. I was told this. How do you have sex?

Yeah, you put a lot of things in there. You ever put a shitload of things in a woman? Take it immediately out. Sure, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's ejected. You just put different things in until she's like, that's the right one. Yes.

We were here at the Creek in the Cave, and we thought for sure somebody was having sex in the bathroom before round table, and we thought for sure somebody was having sex in the bathroom before roundtable. And this is how perverted our minds are. KB, you said you heard some moans and some grunts. Oh, I heard some moans, man. And a lot of things were going on. Turns out it was just a loving father with his son going in there in the bathroom. For sure.

You think there might have been a pedophile situation going on? I'm like 70-30 that he wasn't a pedophile because he's upstairs with a woman and the kid. Did you go upstairs and check? Yeah. But Mike said that the kid was a little too old to be... Actually, I ran into them as I really had to fucking pee, and then I

hid into one, and then I saw another one, and I immediately thought, that kid is too old to be in there with his father. How old was the kid, you think? He had to be at least 7 or 8. I mean, sometimes, you know, a kid can be stupid. Maybe they're like European or something. A lot of liberals

are very like... European all over that kid. Yeah! Eddie can stay. Eddie can stay. Very good. Logan, how old do you think is too old to take a pee-pee with your father? Too old? I would say five. Five?

Five. Really? He's pretty young. Yeah, so you were just in the bathroom alone when you were five years old, six years old? I blocked it out. Yeah, I mean, kids can go to the bathroom by themselves at that age. Yeah, it's not that hard to hold your own dick. I mean, have you seen mine?

But you always, you gotta walk the kid into the bathroom. Yeah, but you stay outside the fucking bathroom if they're like eight or nine. They were really making a ruckus in there, man. They were making a ruckus. What were they doing in there? I don't know. We will never know. He was probably just explaining to him how viciously he was going to fuck his mom later.

What did you do in the bathroom? It wasn't like they were just talking. I heard him say, ah, ah. At one point I heard, oh. So, hey, maybe he had an accident and his dad was trying to help him out. That's possible. Boy, fuck that shit, man. That kid was getting fucked.

That's the thing. When you're a father, you have to do a whole bunch of very bizarre things that you never expect to do as a youth. When my middle brother got his dick stuck in his zipper, and my father had to pry that thing right out of there, I mean, that's a terrible situation to be in. Just having to touch your son's dick and then unzip a zipper from it.

You know, it's really funny. I had to put on pants with a button fly for a portion of the day today, and I was like, who the fuck would wear a button fly? I wear a button fly. You know who wears a button fly? Dude who got his fucking dick stuck in a zipper. That's who wears a button fly. Eddie, is that why you wear the button fly? No, they're free pants. Ah.

And free pants. And the free pants man comes around and hands you your free pants. God fuck, buttons? Alright. What's the worst sort of genital thing that's ever happened to you? Honestly, my balls are so tiny, I've never actually had them hit. Oh, yeah? I mean, I've sat on them a couple times.

You have balls big enough to sit on. You have huge balls, though, Ed, right? I mean, well, yeah, I got big balls. Yeah. I've sat on my balls a few times. People sit on their balls? Yeah. Especially when it's hot and it's droopy.

You've got to sit on your balls. It's true. Logan, you ever zip it up? I've never done that. You've never done it? Has anyone done it? droopy. You're going to sit on your balls. That's true. Logan, you ever zip it up? I've never done that. You've never done it? Has anyone done it? All right. Very uncommon.

Ashley, why are you shaking your head? I haven't zipped up anything, no. No, you haven't nipped the old clit there? Uh-uh. Oh, God. What's the worst thing that's happened to your vagina, Ashley? This podcast. That's possible.

That is the answer. This podcast turns vaginas into dust. That's not right. You just people listen to it and you just hear It's not bad. Well, I do have a

father-son story. I love fathers and sons. It's a father and son story involving a nine-year-old rapper named Lil Poopy. That's so cute. How did he get that name? We don't want to know. Well, now that Lil Poopy's biological father is under investigation for child neglect,

the MC who played rap game father figure to the controversial nine-year-old is trying to keep his distance on Twitter, YouTube, and on tour with French Montana, the icy Brockton Mass... French Montana. French Montana. It's a hip-hop guy. One night only, French Montana and Lil Poopy. French Montana was my favorite Dick Tracy villain.

Well, Lil Poopy reps the Coke Boys. That's the name for French Montana's crew and shorthand for his signees to Cocaine City Records. Oh, okay. Cool. Nine-year-old. Oh, man, this is great. I love this guy.

Oh, yeah. He's a good kid. Well, the investigation seems to center around Poopy's videos, which show him cruising in Ferraris and SUVs. Is he driving? He's not wearing a seatbelt. Oh, shit. That's dangerous. Child he driving? He's not wearing a seatbelt. Oh, shit! That's dangerous.

He definitely pees by himself. And one video showed Poopy getting a little too handsy in a strip club and was too hot for YouTube and was pulled from the side. So the nine-year-old was... Who's too handsy in a strip club? They're not people. Nine-year-olds are strippers. So he was a nine-year-old in a strip club touching all over.

Are these women who he touched, are they getting prosecuted for child pornography or child pedophilia? No, the father is being charged with child neglect. Yeah, that's their fucking job. Yeah, but... Is to get money out of this kid. This kid obviously has money. He pulls up in a Ferrari. These bitches are going to be all over him.

Yeah, but don't you... If you're a stripper and a nine-year-old rolls into your club at some point. If he rolls in a Ferrari, they're going to be sucking his little dick. You better believe me. No, I mean, it's still a nine-year-old. I mean, that's, I think if you're a stripper, I mean, the dollar goes a long way. You at least give him a show. No handsies, though.

Yeah, no handsies. So, Jackie, you don't let him touch you if he's nine years old and you're a stripper. No, no, no, especially if his name is Lil Poopy. And everybody, get a look at Lil Poopy here. Look at how cute that kid is. Oh, he's just disowned. He's so cute. That's a terrible rapper name, though.

Yeah, Lil Poopy. Name yourself after your favorite thing. Yeah, that's the thing. Poopy. Yeah. I loved Poopy when I was his age. Did you, Ed? I like it now more, but... Yeah. We all love our Poopy. Yeah. I loved poopy when I was his age. Did you, Ed? I like it now more, but...

Yeah. We all love our poopy. I think we've established that we love our poopy. Yeah. Mike, what do you want to say? I didn't like poopy! I was going to try to fart in the microphone, but it's done. It's over.

Yeah, why did we have that thought? It's always so nice to have you on, Mike. It would have been funny. It would have been very, very funny. Like, here's Lil Poopy. So what's going to happen to Lil Poopy here? I feel bad for him. Is the better choice to take his father away from him?

I mean, if anything, it's just going to make him a better rapper and a more successful Lil Poopy. I think they should have kept the father around more successfully. I'm surprised he's still there. The dad in general? Yeah, absolutely. So this is a nice dad. So no dad at all, or a dad who takes you to a strip club when you're nine years old. He's a good father as far as I'm concerned.

You think so? He's teaching him everything young. He's a real New Jersey dad. This kid's going to be the smartest kid in high school when he gets there. He's going to know everything about strippers and flowers. I think it's a beautiful thing, man. That video's pretty great. Marcus is watching it.

He's nurturing this kid, man. I don't like strip clubs because I was introduced to them too late. So, like, he's a little poopy now when he gets older? His name would be Big Shit? Big Dumpers. Big Dumpers. I think that would be it. Fat Dumpers.

Shakir, what do you think about this father-son story? It's heartwarming. Do you like it? We need more stories like this. I think this is the problem with society is fathers aren't spending enough time with their sons. I wouldn't call it neglect.

The father was there. So we're watching the video over here and there is actually footage of little Poopy slapping a big ass. Wow. Bam! Bam! Poop the Don! That's amazing. That was a woman's ass. Bam, bam, bam. Poop the Don is his butt.

That's amazing. That was a woman's ass. I love it. He was too young to even really enjoy slapping that butt, though. At least get another nine-year-old in there. You want to slap an ass, slap another nine-year-old ass. I agree. Yeah, that's the thing.

What is worse in that situation? A nine-year-old slapping an adult woman's ass or a nine-year-old slapping another nine-year-old chick's ass and stressed up all slutty? I'm going to go two nine-year-olds is worse than a nine-year-old and an adult. Okay. Yeah, but the adult is letting it happen. So you're saying rape a little nine-year-old girl?

No, not rape. Just slap her in the ass. What about a nine-year-old and a goat? Well, the goat could always kick. Okay, yeah, yeah. Goats can take care of themselves. Yeah, that's true. I just said that the bestiality question

is interesting to me. His hand looks so small. Well, bestiality question is interesting to me. But isn't the argument, like if I was his father, I would argue that this is just acting. Because we see films like, what's the Will Ferrell racing movie where the kids are, like, cursing?

Yeah. The professional with the young, I believe, what was it, Anne Hathaway? No, Natalie Portman. Yeah, but that kid is actually slapping that adult ass. How do you know that? You were watching. I mean, because I can see the ass fat rippling from his...

There are camera tricks. There's CGI. I'm really happy for Lil Poopy. I think Lil Poopy's going to have a great career and he's starting his way off great. And Poopy, if you're listening, keep it up, brother. Keep pooping. Definitely not listening.

He's too busy slapping asses all right marcus let's go to another story can we get this out to little poopy's people yeah yeah i doubt that very much set up a lunch boys is that what they're called you know on there when it shows little poopy at one point he said, Coke ain't a bad word. Yeah. Well, he says that Coke is soda. Because he's with the Coke Boys. And cocaine, even though it's called Cocaine City Records. Yeah, Cocaine City Records. Sure. Coke is the soda. He's got the innocence of a child here.

I always wondered that, like, with naming a record company Cocaine City Records, or if you have a big fucking weed leaf on your car, are the cops just going to go straight to you? I think so. Not if you have enough money to keep the cops away from you. Okay. But you'd have to have a lot of money. A lot of money. I don't think these guys have a shitload

of money. No, it doesn't seem like it. Well, there was a big crew in Houston that got busted from that. They were like big drug dealers and they decided to start funding a record label through it and started bragging too much about their business and then they got their entire operation shut down. Yeah, because they're like rapping about their fucking

actual business. How were the rhymes? Great! They were good. Yeah, they were pretty good. Can't remember what they're called. They get their coke in the mattress and it's like, well, where's all the coke? It's in the mattress. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they have songs about it. I don't respect Houston. No, I don't either. Fuck that place. Why?

Why? Yeah, what do you got against Houston? I just think they're cowards. In Houston, Texas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is that? Well, because when New Orleans got shut down from the horrible hurricane, they sent all the gangs, went to Houston, and killed all of the Houston gangs immediately. They just murdered all of them.

But now they have the toughest gangs in Houston. No, they moved back to New York. I think Houston's nice now. Oh, I see. So they just went in, got rid of the bad guys. What's the problem? I'm just saying, no.

I'm just saying Houston's a bunch of pussies. They couldn't stand up. What do you think about that, Marcus? Marcus is a fellow... Oh, Houston? Fuck Houston. Houston ain't Texas.

No, no, no. Houston's one of those cities nobody who lives in Houston is from Houston. It's an international city. Transplant city. What about Apollo 13? Nah. I don't know. Who needs to go to fucking space? Tom Hanks lived from Houston. It's an international city. Transplant city? What about Apollo 13? Nah.

Tom Hanks lived in Houston. There we go. That's a good point. I never thought about that. You're a Jackie, right? That's a good apology. That was very nice of you. What's the story, Marcus?

We're going to stay in the realm of children and in fact stay in the realm of nine-year-olds. All right. I thought you were going to say slapping asses. No, no. I'm really excited. Much worse than that. An Indonesian woman drowned her nine-year-old son in the bath, claiming she was worried

that his small penis would affect his prospects for the future. That small, huh? Yeah. That's tough. She told police investigators that she killed him as he would have a bleak future with his small penis. Her son wasn't Little Poopy, right? No. No, no, no.

She did say that he would have a bleak future with his small penis. God, how small must it have been? I mean, or how big does she need? Yeah, that's true. Who's a better parent here, Little Poopy's dad or this chick? Little Poopy's dad. We need to put this in, little poopy's dad or this chick? Poopy's dad. We need to put this in perspective. Poopy's having a great time.

If you're the defense attorney for little poopy's dad, you bring up this story in court. Poopy's having a great time because poopy got a long dick. There is a direct correlation between that. And that's not true. That kid would just grow up to become like a cop or something. That's a fantastic point.

Well, the 38-year-old woman from the capital Jakarta told police her son had had a small penis prior to being circumcised, but that it appeared to shrink further after the operation. God, I'm scared. Yes, and the police spokesman was named Rick Wanto, who goes by one name. Oh, that's fun. I am Rick Wanto, police investigator. Giant hog, definitely. It's got to be hard to drown a nine-year-old boy.

I don't think so. I feel like they're probably... You would think that, however... Is that not true? They hold his head at the right angle. You know what's so sad about that story, too, is he's nine. He doesn't know anything about how long a dick's supposed to be. He found out

his dick was tiny as he was getting drowned. As he was being drowned. Or maybe it was something that his mother said to him every day since the day he was born. And honestly, at that point, it's like, just fucking kill me then. I don't want to fucking hear this shit anymore. Do your dicks not grow as you get older? They do.

That's the question I was going to ask. How long is your dick supposed to be at age nine? I was a bit of a late bloomer myself, as far as dicks go. Especially in Indonesia. How many nine-year-old dicks has this woman seen? That's a good question. She's a nurse.

So she knew where to kill them from. Logan, how small is too small for a penis for a nine-year-old boy? What length are you going at to murder? An incher?

A two-incher? Because I'll kill a half-inch nine-year-old dick. If it's a half-inch, too short to murder. You heard it here first, folks. Big Kissel, the murderer. You show me a nine-year-old

with a half-inch dick, I'll drown that baby. I'll drown that kid. What do you do with a nine-year-old with a ten-inch dick, I'll drown that baby. I'll drown that kid. What do you do with a nine-year-old with a ten-inch dick? Oh, you just love it. Yeah. You love it and nourish it and give it pizza. Make sure it doesn't drag the floor.

Yeah, definitely. You buy it a video game. It'd be awesome. So what's going to happen with this mother, Marcus? She's going to get shot in the head. It's Indonesia. Yeah. Head to pigs. Rick Wanto said the woman was fully conscious of what she had done,

but police ordered a psychological test to assess her medical condition. Do they still stone people to death? Oh, yeah. In Afghanistan, right? They still do that Oh yes Oh yeah A rape victim

Was just stoned to death Like a month ago Fuck Where was this It was in Iraq I think Jesus It's a miserable process

How do you not know about this Yeah you guys want to see pictures It takes a long time To stone Oh What is that Just a random Decapitated dick

No that's a dude Getting stoned to death Oh wow That's his head That's his head It Just a random decapitated dick? No, that's a dude getting stoned to death. Oh, wow. That's his head. That's his head? It looked like a decapitated dick. Let me see that shit, man. Yeah.

I thought it was nuts. Let's see. Oh, wow, yeah. No, it does look like a dick. All right, all right. It doesn't even look like a dick. It used to be a person. It looks like a sausage.

There's ten photos in the gallery. All right, Mark, this is enough. Oh, God. Okay, okay. That was too far for me. That was a line. Looks like this nine-year-old got off easy. I'm really surprised at y'all.

So am I. I enjoyed that shit. Yeah. You like that? Yeah. Cheers. Soft. Don't cheers.

Don't cheers on that. We just were looking at some beautiful pictures, and we bonded over it. I saw a really good picture of a guy who jumped off a freeway. He was trying to get away with the cops, and he tried to make it over a fence, but he didn't make it. And it was one of those spiked fences. Yeah, that was great. His head got caught on the fence, and it got ripped off, and the rest of his body fell to the ground. His head was just on the fence.

You know, that's a picture I could get behind. He was the bad one. He was the bad one. He's running away from the cops. Those stoned people, you don't know what they fucking did. They could have just got raped. Right, as we all know, the cops are always right about everything. Right, goddammit.

I believe in the cops. I mean, would you rather be stoned or jump off a bridge and have your head decapitated? I feel like head decapitated would be immediate. That's easier? Stoned is a slow, painful process, being stoned to death. Marcus, how long does it take to get stoned? Can you Google that? I don't know.

Two, three hits? It depends on where you get hit, man. Get it? Yeah. And it depends on the skill of the people involved. It was a weed joke. I mean, you get a guy there that's a real marksman. Well, the thing is about stoning is that they tell you to not hit them in the head,

because if you hit them in the head, they might pass out. The point is to make it as long and painful as possible. What's up, Logan? How big? I mean, like, is there stones of any size? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, they're very specific with their stone size.

Do they, like, make their own stones to, like, you know, sand them down and shit? The Lord does it. Oh, it's the Lord's stones. with their stone size. Do they make their own stones to sand them down and shit? Or is it the Lord's stones? Yeah, the Lord makes the stones and they just find them on the earth. The more jagged, the better, I believe. It's also called lapidation. Lapidation?

Well, that doesn't sound nearly as bad. Like you have your own special stoning stone that you keep in a velvet bag. It's my stone. You have to go get it. Afterwards, you have to go find it? It's my stone. You have to go get it. Afterwards, you have to go find it. That's my stone.

No, it's mine. See, the initials, that's mine. I would use a blood diamond. You're classy. I want a blood diamond. Here's a list of people in the Bible who should be stoned. Who should be stoned? Yeah, yeah.

These are the things that you should... If people do these things, you should be stoned. Okay. It's all... It's everyone in the Bible. Everyone. Yeah. If you have relations with your mother... Stoned.

I agree. Stoned. Thank you. Please bring it to me. With your father's wife. Okay. All right. Isn't that your...

Stepmother. Stepmother. Stepmommy is kind of... I mean, that's kind of fun. Stepmommy is fine to me. With your father's wife? Okay. All right. Isn't that your stepmother? Stepmommy is kind of, I mean, that's kind of fun. Stepmommy is fine to me. I feel like that's hot and sexy. Yeah, it's like, how good is that mom pussy that you're willing to risk? You, uh, with a... Immaculate, obviously. A wizard?

If you're a wizard... Wait, a wizard's in the Bible? Yeah! If you're a wizard, we're going to have to stone you to death. Wait, wait, wait. Let's get back to this wizards in the Bible. Yeah, I've never heard of that. No, that was a big thing, man.

Yeah, that sounds awesome. Yeah, if I watch it for a minute. That's a big thing. Really? Yeah, it's like, it's huge. They're witches, wizards. They are not about that shit at all. Wait, is the actual word wizard in the Bible?

I mean, I don't know what the Hebrew word for wizard is. They also stone witches. Yeah. And one who violates the Sabbath. So we should all be stoned right now. We're working on the Sabbath. I mean, we're sort of working on the Sabbath. We're having a good time on the Sabbath.

The last one is a stubborn or rebellious son. Is this New Testament? No, Old Testament. The oldest testament. And that you should also stone the one who misleads a whole town. Kissel? What have I done? Come on, what happened?

You would be that person. Orson Welles? Yeah. He deserves a stoner. Think about it. Definitely. Think about that. Well, it was for War of the Worlds,

but yeah. Yeah. Different movie. Different movie. One's a radio broadcast, the other one's a movie, but fine. Oh, Orson Welles,

yeah. Spartacus. ET phone home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Orson Welles. Logan, if you had to stone somebody, who do you want to stone?

I mean, it's kind of a fun little thing to do. I feel like it kind of would be fun to stone someone that, like, really deserves it. Exactly. I'd stone Chris Brown. Oh! All right. I like that. What do you think about that, Kevin?

I don't know, man. You know, honestly, dude, I mean, the guy makes great music. Are you kidding me? You like Chris Brown? I don't like that he beats up women, but God damn, he makes great music. Are you kidding me? You like Chris Brown? I don't like that he beats up women, but God damn, he makes great music. And he can dance. Justin Timberlake. It's the fucking same goddamn thing.

If Rihanna can take him back, why can't we? Exactly. Open up your heart. In the Bible, it says you must forgive. It also says you must hit women. But the interesting thing about Chris Brown is that you think of Chris Brown, and that's what you think of. Dancing? Eating a woman?

Yeah, you just think of the Rihanna shit. I think of Chris Brown. I think about, it's never a time to say goodbye. You think of James Brown, you don't think of that, though. Yeah, but James Brown was so good that it's bad. My fact is that Chris Brown is not that good. Is he not? He's not.

He's not as good as James Brown. He's not as good as James Brown, no. James Brown can fucking hit whoever he wants. So how much success do you have to have, Logan, in your mind to make it acceptable to hit a woman? I don't think it's like a measure. It's just... In millions of dollars. Ten million dollars? In millions of dollars? Yeah. No, you can't. It's not like a measure It's just In millions of dollars It's like talent Ten million dollars

In millions of dollars Yeah No you can't It's not a box office Like algorithm It's a case by case thing Case by case Polanski gets a pass

Oh okay Because his You know his movies Are really good Right That makes sense The thing he does Is great

Right But I don't think That Chris Or that James I don't think that James Brown Probably beat those women As badly as Chris Brown. Right.

Chris Brown probably had some tact about it. I bet he beat her with a telephone. I'm sure it was much worse. With a cord on it. That's always funny. You ever get hit in the face with one of those phones? Yes. You know what?

We're going to go way back in time. All right, let's go there. To 1988. Okay. When James Brown beat his wife and shot her car. Wow, he shot her car? He shot her car. That's class.

Women love their possessions. It's a very aggressive shot. Yep. He was charged with assault and battery with intent to kill. Allegedly, he had terrorized his wife, Adrienne, by repeatedly firing a rifle at the car she was driving and later by beating her with a

metal mop handle. That's much worse. It's an amazing mop though. He bought the best of everything. A metal mop handle? He was shooting a car she was in. That's attempted murder. Was she in the car? She was driving in the car.

I thought he just went out to the driveway and shot her car. In front of her, which is an amazingly cool thing to do. But at the same time, he's older. I feel like you get more angry. He was still pretty fucking old in 1988. Yeah, exactly. He was an older man by that time. Chris Brown is like 21 years old

and he's already beaten the shit out of his girlfriend. He doesn't have enough hits. Here's my question. No one ever tells guys what to do when you're that angry. No one ever tells you what to do with that. Don't hit women. It's pretty simple. Put your hand through the wall.

Hit something else. Masturbate. Go on a run. Go on a run. I would say go outside and shoot their car if they're not in it. That sounds like a really great revenge. That's better, yeah. Smoke weed.

Smoke weed? Or take a knife to the couch. I feel like that's okay. But a man loves the couch. This is what I want to do to you. That's fine. As long as I'm not in the room, I don't want to hear it. But he can yell that alone, and that's okay.

Can he fart in her face? Yes. What if I paid for the couch and by paid for it I mean found it at the dump? What if it's my couch to be your couch? You paid for the gas money. Grow up and learn how to control your emotions. Well that's a reasonable response.

I've never been so angry that I wanted to destroy someone. You should just get out of the car and start dancing. Start doing the heart shake. Shakira, how about yourself? Any anger issues?

Any rage problems? Seems that I can feel your fury. You're a very laid back guy but usually laid back people are hiding. Yeah, I'm a tremendously angry person. Have you ever looked into his eyes? No, I know it. I push it really deep down and I'm a tremendously angry person. Yeah. Have you ever looked into his eyes? No, I know it. Jesus Christ.

I push it really deep down, and I'm just waiting for a day to explode. Beautiful. Thanks, Mike. Are you saying you're the Hulk? What? Are you the Hulk? Yeah. I'm the Black Hulk.

I'd watch that shit. Bloke. The Bloke. Oh, right. Yeah. I'm the Bloke. No, I'm just kidding. I'm not. I'm not kidding I'm not I'm a cool dude

Ashley what would a dude Have to do to you For you to punch him In the face I guess he'd have to hit me And then I'd hit him back Okay That's the only way

I could see it happening You wouldn't swing first No I don't think so And what about That rule where they say Well if a lady hits you Then you can hit her back As a six foot seven man

Or Eddie We can't really do that As huge men No That's like the one I have not heard that rule You've never heard that rule you, then you can hit her back as a 6'7 man or Eddie. We can't really do that as huge men. I've not heard that rule. You've never heard that rule? People talk about it all the time. There are women beating the shit out of their spouse.

There are definitely those cases. No doubt. Because then you can fucking hit her back. Okay, so that's acceptable. She beats the shit out of you, you can hit her back. But you know who's going to fucking go to jail? You are. She's not going to go to fucking jail. You're going to go to jail. You can throw a woman on the couch. It happens, man.

I've seen it. Really? Oh, yeah. It's like, it's like crazy. Cause it's like, yeah, that happens. Like I'll see it. I've seen, I've seen it like down in Florida, but then like, I've just seen it on, on the internet.

And just like, you just see a dude just, you just, yeah, you just see a dude just fucking taking a beating from this chick. And then it's like, where's the line, man? And she's physically stronger than him? A lot of times it's a fat black woman. That's the truth. She can fucking kill anyone she wants. More than 40% of domestic

violence victims are male. That's what the Guardian says and they are a trusted news source. That is right. It is an interesting talk and the round table goes social politics. Let's talk about it. Let's do it. Let's go there.

Yeah. What I'm saying, you can't really, if a woman hits you, you can't hit her back, but I was saying you could, like, toss them on a couch or something.

Sure. You can, yeah, you can make, you know, just, like, put them on the ground. Just, like, stay here. Stay the fuck there. You know, you can do that.

Okay. All right. I think that's what you're allowed to do. I think that that's true. I think to do. I think that's true. I've had a boyfriend before and he like shook me afterwards. Shaking a girl is fun.

If that was okay, I deserved it because I was hitting him. I was flipping out. So yeah, sometimes you know, I'm not a baby. I can fucking take a shake and I've made several women angry enough to hit me. Yeah, sometimes, you know, I'm not a baby. I can fucking take a shake and... Sure.

I've made several women angry enough to hit me. Luckily, I have not been attacked by a strong woman. I usually laugh at them. There was this one time... Oh, my God. I beat you to death. Probably like six times in the past year, girls tried to pour a drink on me. Just strangers at bars just because of the shit that I say.

God, what do you say to these women? You're very attractive in the face. How bad do you have to piss a girl off or throw a drink in your face? Well, first of all,

most of these women are already being an animal and then you antagonize them, which is something that's very hard to do. I love to shit on and laugh at drunk girls

who are being an asshole. That's the funniest thing in the world, to see a girl who's being a real dickhead and then call them a dickhead like they're a dude, and they fucking lose it. They don't know how to handle it because it never happens.

How are they being a dickhead? Just whatever. I don't know. There's all types of... Being like a drunk bitch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drunk and sloppy. Yeah, loud, screaming, flailing around,

you know, causing fights, yelling at waiters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how do you react when they throw these drinks all over you? I remember there was one time this chick tried to do it and she kind of tripped, and the drink just fell, and I just laughed in her face. That's so funny. That is funny.

That is funny. That is funny. Sometimes women just act like they're celebrities, you know? Yeah, all the time. That's because all women are celebrities in their own right. I'm a big fan of throwing a drink, whether it gets tossed at you or you toss it. I think that's a great way to start an argument

I haven't done that in a really long time when did you do that? do you have an experience where you threw a drink against a wall? because I think you're right, throwing a drink and having it shatter against a brick wall would be amazing to start a fight I've done that a few times, usually I don't throw it at them I throw a drink at the wall

I broke a bottle one time outside on First Avenue because Josh Rabinowitz was like, he kept tickling me. So I broke a bottle. Tickle fight! Tickle fight! By the way, Josh Rabinowitz is one of the nicest

and meekest men in the country. No, he's not. He's literally 120 pounds. He's 5'3". He's adorable. He's really likable. Extremely likable. What kind of likable person doesn't stop tickling another man? That's a fucking sociopath.

No, he's a lunatic. He's a lunatic, man. He's adorable. I say it right now. Fuck Josh Rabinowitz. I'm sick of this sneaky beta male horse shit. I'm fucking tired of it. No, honestly, he is because I remember one time I went up to his hometown.

We were on the train. And Josh is small. He looks like a cute little kid. He's like a woman. But he was like a fucking, yeah, he would fuck with people in school. Fuck with people. There was this kid who, I guess he got bigger after graduating. He's strong and shit now.

The way he was talking to Josh, it was like Josh beat the fuck out of him every day. Every day, yeah. He walked up and was like, hey, Josh, how you been, it was like Josh beat the fuck out of him every day. Hey Josh, how you been? It was the craziest shit. Because Josh will get inside your head and just turn the wheels around a little bit. But you have to respect that sort of psychology. That's the way the ladies fight.

That's the way ladies fight. They're very good at that. That is how a little guy with no physical power survives. He's the Napoleon. I respect that a lot. A little tickle fight is weird. I don't have physical power. Actually, yeah.

No, you're scary. That's one thing that I like. That's why I kind of like arguing with women because I enjoy the psychological battle without, you know, obviously I'm too big to hit them. I'm not that good at it. It's fun. You know, it's like a little war game. Yeah, but they're always going to beat you, though.

But if you do it right, you can fuck them at the end. Now, you always win. You go, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm stupid. You're right. I'm stupid.

I'm dumb. Who wins there? What? Who wins it with that? No, because they know you don't mean it. They hate that. Trust me. All right.

Maybe I should try it. Marcus, let's move on to another story. Let's do that. Georgia police are hunting for the aggrieved Taco Bell customer who threw a Molotov cocktail at the restaurant's drive-thru window after phoning in a complaint that there was not enough meat in the chalupas he had purchased. Good for you. Welcome.

Put more meat in the chalupas. I'm with you. The bizarre incident occurred around 5 a.m. Sunday at a Taco Bell on North Slappy Boulevard. It's not North Slappy Boulevard. It is absolutely North Slappy Boulevard. That's brilliant. You need to live on that street. Oh, yeah.

Sounds dangerous. North Slappy. No, that's South Slappy. Yeah, South Slappy. I just like that the city planner let his kid name all the streets. Oh, really? You know, who among us has not been an aggrieved Taco Bell customer?

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And who among us has not ever wanted to throw a Molotov cocktail More than anything! I like this guy. Did she... Do you think he approached the Taco Bell people?

Did they have it on them at the time? Like a bottle with gasoline and a rag, and you light it, and you toss it in. Well, usually what you want to do is you want to use oil, because oil sticks. Shakir, what were you saying, buddy? I was just trying to figure out how this whole thing went down. He got his chalupa. Oh, I can tell you. Okay, go for it.

Wait, wait. What part of Georgia? This is Albany, Georgia. Oh, okay. All right. Well, according to the police report, Taco Bell manager Cynthia Thompson told cops that shortly before the firebombing, a man called the restaurant to complain about a reported meat shortage in his two XL chalupas.

I would also, though, of all the things inside of a chalupa, the little amount of meat is okay, right? In a chalupa, I'd rather more cheese and shit like that. I suppose so, but he got the XL, and the XL is supposed to come with extra beef. The caller told Thompson that after getting home, realized that there was not enough

stuffing inside of his chalupas, and demanded his order be corrected. When Thompson explained that she could not accommodate him because the business was closing, the man replied, You must be one of them niggers up there. What? What is it? Oh, you went for it.

I mean, he said it. That's interesting. Quoting the story here. He added, That's alright, I'll just come and redecorate the place. Wow, this guy is very intense. Very evil. Quoting the story here. He added, that's all right. I'll just come and redecorate the place. Wow. This guy is very intense. Very evil.

It's so crazy. You figure someone this evil would have saved it for something worth throwing a Molotov cocktail at. Everyone knows Taco Bell is run by Jews. I mean, anything was going to set this guy off. Hey, wasn't there some maniac out front of Creek for Midnight Run last Saturday? Does anybody know about that? Screaming about, like, N-words and... Why can I say spic, but not the N-word?

But, yeah, there was some maniac out front screaming about shit, saying he was going to cut everybody. Really? Ashley, you were there? I was there, but I was a little in a state of mind where I wasn't really absorbing everything that was happening. What do you mean, Ashley? Can you elaborate? This guy's funny.

We should book him. He's a little zany. I like it. He comes in and he's like, here's what I meant by that. And everyone claps. And this guy was really shitty with this, too. Thompson said that shortly after the call, she and other Taco Bell employees could smell gasoline

but was unaware of where it was coming from. They then realized the fire outside of the drive-thru window. So he didn't even get it through the window. He didn't even get through. It was a melting plastic bottle with a liquid substance still inside. You can't have a plastic Molotov cocktail. That's not a Molotov cocktail. That's insane. That's not a Molotov cocktail at all.

It's a bad beverage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to make fuel. He's so stupid, he just bounced against the side of the wall. Bounced against the window. Oh, what a horror! Fucking takes off his hat, throws it on the ground, starts stomping on it.

What a plastic break glass! What a plastic break glass! This guy is an absolute asshole. So don't plastic break glass? Why don't plastic break glass? This guy is an absolute asshole. So what's happening with him? I just love that he's probably been hiding all his pent-up racism for that long. And the straw that broke the camel's back was Chalupa. That's so funny. Ain't that the way to do it.

And outside of this Taco Bell, a large sign beckons patrons to come try the new XXL Chalupa. Bigger is better. Oh, liars, huh? Interesting. Ed, have you ever taken off your hat in fury and stomped on it? I've thrown it in fury. Okay. I would really like to see you do that at some point.

I would, too, actually. I'm sure you will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll figure something out. I'll do something to you. I don't know what it's going to be. Probably put not enough beef in your chalupa when I'm working at Taco Bell in ten years.

Ten? Five. All right, one more story before we get to the segment. This one is from England. Police in Penwortham are hunting a naked man spotted doing... Penwortham

are hunting a naked man spotted doing star jumps on the street. What's a star jump? I have no idea. Jumping jack, probably. Okay. It's like when you put out your arms and your legs out like a star.

I'm trying to do it, but I'm surrounded by people and I'm sitting down. The man was first spotted strolling nude down Hill Road South, sporting only a pair of glasses and shoes around 6.35 a.m. He was seen again two days later around 6.45 a.m. doing star jumps while

naked. At least he had his glasses on. And this is what happens when you don't drown your kid for having a small penis. Possible. It's time for a second for Mold. I'm not going to get any better than that. Time for a second for Mold. All right.

It's Create Your Own Video Game. You're allowed to be the star of it. You can do whatever you want. Marcus is going to judge the fucking shit out of it. He's going to tell you what the rating is, all that good stuff, how it's reviewed. You know the drill. This is actually a game I'll start it off that I had in mind for a long time ago. It's called Drunk Driver.

You start off at the bar or whatever, and then you just get a certain level of inebriated, and then you drive home, and you have to deal. The game creates an insane environment. As you go along along we'll add more drugs to it like you know different like you did some coke in the bathroom someone like slipped you some acid and then that drive changes every time and then the cops get on you all that kind of stuff a little bit of gta thrown in there you know obviously they do like the get fucked up in gta but this would be a little more extreme. You'll have hallucinations, stuff like that.

And then when you get home, you have to spend three hours freaking out or calling your ex-girlfriend or something like that. But either way, yeah, yeah. And that's pretty much you just start over the next day and keep going. Start drinking again. It's essentially my horrible habits until you die.

Yeah, yeah. And literally you play it all of your life until you die. I'm thinking it's a good iPad game, which is very nice. It's marketable. Those are real big right now. Absolutely. I'm saying it's going to be okay. But, you know, it's all right.

Kevin. It's the starter one. Is it an RPG then? Kind of, yeah, because you play it for the rest of your life. Do you get to play along in real life with the booze? Yeah, definitely. If you want to drink with it, if you play with it and you're drunk, there's a little, I'm going to get a little

iPad inserter that's going to be a breathalyzer, so you have to breathe a certain level before you can actually play the game. Oh, wow. Very interactive. Marcus, what does that make it? I mean, it's going to create a lot of buzz. Yeah, literally. So we're going to call this... Hey, how are you? We're going to call this game... Are we going to start this show

ever? Buzzworthy. Buzzworthy. There call this game Buzzworthy. Buzzworthy. Buzzworthy. Type it. I did type out Buzzworthy. I saw you type. That's amazing. My game is going to be called Crushing Holden's Dreams.

What you do is basically there's two realms. There's the living realm and then there's the dream realm. And so basically you have to talk to Holden. You do combos with different buttons. They'll come up on the screen kind of like a God of Wars. It's kind of like a swag Nino Cooney kind of thing. Oh, no, no, not at all. Not at all.

You're completely misunderstanding me. That would be my dream. You hit the combos. You can get the right combination of words to make Holden feel like shit. And then you slap the fuck out of him. He passes out. And then you turn into a spirit. You go into his dreams.

And you kill all of his aspirations in a physical form within the dreams. You come out. Holden turns into sludge. And he has nothing left. That's really good. I'll tell you what. Is connect a part of this? Can you do this?

I was going to say it's definitely part of Kinect. You know what? I'm going to say, if you market this game correctly, if you do like a viral marketing campaign... You have to buy a Holden dummy and plug it into the machine. Literally do it to him. If you do a viral marketing campaign where people get to see how annoying he is, if you just have him showing up in commercials going like,

Hey, it's Friday! Then people are going to really want to fuck this guy up. Reading good books lately? Yeah! Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. I like it. That's imaginative.

Thank you. I know. I know. I suppose I have Ben Kissel's strip hut, and you basically just have to, of course, finagle the dollars properly into G-strings, things like that. It'll be a difficult game. The strippers will ask you certain questions you must answer appropriately to get to the back VIP room, and once getting your VIP treatment, if you make it that far in the game, this is about level five, level six, they will take off their panties,

which is very, very exciting for the time. So it's just leisure suit Larry. Yeah, this sounds like one of those creepy porno games that no one plays. No, no. A lot of people have played it. It's very successful. A lot of people love it.

And then, of course, your goal is to get a blowjob at the end of the game. And then it concludes with kind of a fun little situation where you're going home and then you have to tell your wife that you were just out with the boys. God, it's the saddest game. I hate your game. You don't like the game? It's so sad. Okay, what's so sad about it?

I can change it. What is it? The premise. The premise of it. Yeah. Okay, let's call sad about it? I can change it. What is it? The premise. The premise of it. Okay, let's call this one Ben Kissel's Burger Hut. It all takes place in a strip club, and you have to get dollar bills inside of strippers' G-strings and things. The whole point is to try to get a blowjob in the VIP room,

and then you have to go back to your wife and explain that you were just hanging out with the boys. Better. Mike. I wish I could get these topics in advance so I don't have to sit here and write a bit in like three minutes. You want to just come back to him? No, I'm ready. Do you want time to get funnier?

Fuck yeah. Yes, always. Alright, this is called Roundtable of Gentlemen the Game. It takes place in an interactive world, in the interactive world of Long Island City. You have to take calls from Ben Kissel at 3 in the morning when he's trying to kill himself as you deliver hot meals to Marcus's house. And as you stop Ben from eating, I'm sorry, as you stop Ed from eating.

You have to stop Ed from eating... I'm sorry. As you stop Ed from eating... You have to stop Ed from eating so many hot meals. And the game... You just have to keep the host of the show alive. I mean, I like the game, actually. It gets our name out. Yeah, it gets our name out there. I like that.

It's good brand. Yeah, it's real good publicity. I think the market is small. I love hot lunches. You do love hot lunches. And you get to kill civilians with an axe. Okay, well, that upsets. That's probably going to end up being the point of the game. So, yeah, not bad.

Good iPad game. I mean, Kevin, you've got a console going right there. Oh, yeah, that's my game. Yeah, your game is PC. It's good for the PC. It's on a piece of paper got a console going right there. Your game is PC. It's good for the PC. It's like Windows 95. Windows 95 was one of the better windows I've heard people... I think it's like a DOS kind of...

CD slash Ben Kissel's strip hut. I've heard people really like those sorts of games. There is a post office outside my apartment building. I live on the third floor. And every morning at 6 a.m., they get out there. The workers get out, and they start talking very loudly and moving things around.

And I wake up, and this is called, like, sick microcine on these people. And he shows up, and I point at which person that I want him to attack. Let me ask you this. Are they all minorities? Of course they are. Except for Asians. The Asians are safe in this game. Well, Lord knows they've had a hard enough time.

Kevin is not getting this game. Logan, how about yourself? I would get the rights to Full House. And like a dark re-imagine. You think like Tom Clancy's Full House.

Oh. Where like you play, you can play as any of the characters. The house is under siege. It's like a first person shooter. You can play as any of the characters, all the different abilities. If you choose the Olsen twins, you probably play them together like Sonic and Tails or something. Oh, that's very fun. Co-op. Yes. And yeah, that the different abilities. If you choose the Olsen twins, you probably play them together, like Sonic and Tails or something. Co-op.

That's my idea. That's actually a legit good idea. That's the one that would sell the most out of all of them so far. Good job. You haven't heard my idea yet. We got Jackie. What do you got down the pipeline? So today I read up what my birthday means for me in a big birthday book.

And it was the day of Royal Command. Isn't that fun? By the way, that's the dumbest shit I ever heard. I was born on the same day as Napoleon. So what I'm going to do with this video game, I'm going to go interspatial. I'm going to hit the history buffs. And I'm going to reinvent Risk. What's it called, by the way?

Uh, Waggy Waggy Tails. And we... I'm going to wag my tail. My name is going to be Jackie Bonaparte with Stalin and all of the Ottoman Empire. And we've already taken

over all of Earth through our interspace time continuum that we've created, and now we're battling aliens to control all of outer space. I like it. It's a board game. Oh, wow. Not a video game. These qualified men. It was for video games.

That shit is bullshit. No. They will eventually, we're going to be so popular, they're going to make it into a video game, but we're going to start old school. That's not the way the business works. That is bullshit. No. They will eventually, we're going to be so popular they're going to make it into a video game but we're going to start old school. That's not the way the business works.

That is how it works. Have you seen Catchphrase? Catchphrase is cards. Now it's a handheld device. That's true. It's still not a video game. I'm done with this idea.

I don't play, I don't know about the video games. All right, all right. What about Shakir? Or he's after me? Shakir, what do you got? Alright, I got this idea

Called Shaq and the Attack of the Sex Robot And it takes place in the not too distant future Where Dr. Shakir Stanley has invented The world's most popular sex robot And tons of people buy them, but then something happens where they start malfunctioning. And they go too far and they start raping everybody.

But Dr. Shaq takes it upon himself to save the world by fucking the sex robots to death. It has all the elements of a good game. See, this is a great leisure suit, Larry. Yeah, that's much better than Ben's idea. No, mine.

Ben's hot dog hut. You gotta go into the strip club. Does it come with a pocket pussy plug-in into your Xbox? Oh, that would be great. That has metal shards sticking out of it. You know it. Alright, any one you got?

So mine's... Yeah, mine's... Yeah, I know, it sucks, but mine's sort of like... Do you remember Tamagotchis? The little virtual pit? Mine's gonna be like that except you get two of them, and it's called Feed the Monkey or Don't Feed the Monkey. Alright, and so you got two monkeys in each one

and you try to make... You gotta make the monkeys friends, but you have one that you feed and you have one that you don't. But you never let one die. The point is to keep them both as hungry as possible and as frustrated as possible to the point where they actually end up attacking each other or joining forces against you and ripping your lips off. Now, how you feed them is you either throw them bananas or plastic bananas, which are called Boo-Nanas. Ah. Yeah. I get that.

I get that. And so basically, you know, it's a game that hopefully, if you're good enough, you'll be playing it, you know, for an entire monkey's life, which is six to seven days. Wow. And you play that straight through. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love the name Boo-Nanas. Yeah, that's a straight through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you call it the name Boo-Nanas? Yeah, that's a great name. Yeah, Boo-Nanas is a good name. Should I change the name to Boo-Nanas? Yeah.

Or Bo-Nanas. Bo-Nanas? I like Boo-Nanas. I like Boo-Nanas. Or Jackie's Lunchbox. What are you trying to say? I mean, come on. Do you have a lunchbox

full of bananas? Aw, Boo-Nanas or Bo-Nanas? Half and half. Shaq wins, of course. Oh, boo-nanas or bun-nanas? Half and half. Shaq wins, of course. Oh, yeah!

Wow! Congratulations, Shakira. Would you like to give a nice little victory speech? You're goddamn right, I won. Yeah!

Shaq and the Browns came. And Lars and Holman nearly came in. I'm going to say myself, thank you for being here. Logan, thank you so much.

Absolutely, thank you. Ashley, you're wonderful. Mike Rossini, who's left the room. And of course, Thank you for being here, Logan. Thank you so much. Absolutely. Thank you. Ashley, you're wonderful. Mike Rossini, who has left the room. And, of course, thank you for being here, champion, Mr. Stanley and Marcus Parks. We will talk to you soon. Yep. Wow.

Goodbye. Bye. You want to say goodbye, Mike? Goodbye. Oh, so sweet. I expected more. That was the nicest thing you said. All right.

I just got a text from my boss, and I think I'm getting fired tomorrow. All right. What's the text say? He says, he goes, okay, so I drive a dump truck. Sorry for laughing. How are you going to get fired for driving a dump truck? I don't know. I don't know.

I'm so good at it. Did you lose the dump? No. He's the only one who takes the trash home with him. fired for driving a dump truck? I don't know. I don't know. I'm so good at it. Did you lose the dump? Uh, no. He's the only one who takes the trash home with him. I'm stealing all this shit from work. This is still good, honey. It's still good. I love you. Who's my queen?

What does the text say? I mean, we usually start at 9. He said, hey, come to the office at 11 tomorrow Oh yeah You're getting fired Alright well Mike proceed Alright we'll talk to you later

Goodbye