The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 139: Wisconsin Man Rappin'

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

On this, the 139th episode of the Round Table: while one prostitute returns from the dead in Australia another gets aggressive with a gentleman's penis in Orlando, a man and a woman in Wisconsin are arrested for stealing cheese and steaks, respectively, and a suitor on a first date gets in trouble for convincing a friend to stage a fake knife attack to impress the lady. Joining us today: Henry Zebrowski, Jermaine Fowler, Amber Nelson, and Chesley Calloway!

Cave Comedy Radio is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Input the code CCR at checkout for discounts. The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them know what's what. Fire at will.

It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. You got fat hands. No, I won't touch it there. That's what this is.

Every day. Hi. All right. Anytime. All right, we have a special guest prayer from Sarah Benincasa. Sarah, pray to the Lord. Bless us, O Lord, for these thy gifts, which we are about

to receive through thy bounty. In Christ our Lord. Amen. He has risen! He has risen! He has risen indeed! Let me go back to sleep! He's a sleepy Lord. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen, everybody. Is that all, Per?

Are you done, Sarah? Well, I guess I could just add that I want all of you He's a sleepy lord. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen, everybody. Is that the whole prayer? Are you done, Sarah? That's fast. Amen. Well, I guess I could just add that I want all of you to be happy and healthy for the next 365 days. Have you lost anybody that you want to speak to? Oh. This is the place to do it. I had to meet him. All right.

Well, my grandma, who had both her legs amputated before she died, we called her Stumpy Grandma. Stumpy Grandma's in heaven, and I'd like to give a shout out to her. Stumpy! Stumpy! Big Stumpy Grandma's in heaven, and I'd like to give a shout-out to her. Stumpy! Big stumps. This is Easter Sunday, man, for the intro. Can we play Mesa's Welcome Back and do that shit? All right, who's around this table? Jackie Zabrowski.

I got the squirty turkeys today, man. The squirty turkeys. I got a lot of squirty turkeys. I have squirty turkeys every day, and my name is Ed Larson. Oh, yeah, Kevin Barnett, let's do this shit. What the fuck? Nah. Ooh, good fake out.

I'm psyching him out today. Psych out. Hold McNeely. I believe you. I'm not going to say I'm holding McNeely. No, I'm just kidding. You never admit that. Kevin Barnett, the real deal.

I'm Ben Kissel. Jackie, what are the squirty turkeys? I think you can figure it out. All right. It's like when you squirt out of your ass so much, you go, oh, no, no, no, no. I got fucking giblets all over my neck. How fascinating.

That's disgusting. It's not table talk, man. I think you can figure it out. Let me tell you. That sweet voice you just heard is Chesley Calloway sitting in the truckle hut. Thanks for being here, buddy. Thanks for having me.

Happy Easter. And to you. Henry Zebrowski and Amber Nelson are also here. Hola, senoritas. It's nice to be here. The Jesus story is about astrological symbols. It's not a real story. It is.

The crown of thorns is the rays around the sun. astrological symbols. It's not a real story. It is. Crenna Thorns is the rays around the sun. Twelve disciples, twelve signs of the zodiac. I'm sure we'll crack the Easter story by the time the podcast is done. But for now, let's go to a news story with Marcus Parks. A prostitute who died while having sex

woke up screaming as she was being carried from a hotel in a coffin. Oh! The drama unfolded at the Manor Hotel in Belawayo, Australia, when the woman, identified as

Martin Dulo, who plied her trade at the establishment, collapsed and apparently died while with a customer. But as her body was being placed in a steel coffin, she suddenly woke up screaming, You wanna kill me! You wanna kill me! A crowd which had gathered to watch the woman's dead body being removed ran for their lives when she

awoke. Can you imagine not satisfying a woman so much that she falls asleep to the point of being fake that she's dead? Unfortunately, yes. I just can't believe they didn't put her in a body bag. Just right to the coffin.

Right to the ground. Very quick in Australia. Yeah, man. She has risen! Yeah! Keeps up! Thank you. I didn't even realize I was doing this.

Don't even forget, man. God is alive within all of us. There's a prostitute in Australia right now as well. Yeah, yeah. Jesus is a whore. Yeah, we all knew it. So her first words...ling's a prostitute in Australia right now as well. Yeah, yeah. Jesus is a whore. Yeah, we all knew it. So her first words... That's a controversial statement.

Her first words after waking up were, you're going to kill me, you're going to kill me, which was obviously the last thing that she thought. So this man was probably into some really hardcore S&M

and tried to murder her. I'm sure it was some sort of asphyxiation thing where he choked her until she passed out. And in the human body, the heartbeat sometimes slows to a point where it is indetectable by man. Hey, mate,

I'm gonna need two coffins over here, stat. Fucking all the clowns are here again. Are you, Rodney? The hotel, sir. Yes, as always. Yeah, like they're at hotels. They used to have, in coffins, they used to have little bells you would ring. Oh yeah, I want that shit.

You were buried alive, you could ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, I thought it was for some bizarre afterlife, like room service. No, steak dinner. That is where the saying saved by the bell comes from. It's from that. It's been used for a wonderful sitcom. Because back in the day, people were very afraid

of being buried alive because they were excavating coffins to move them because they had to put cities there. And they found in some of the coffins scratch marks. Claw marks. That's so awesome. Claw marks. So there was a big fear. So people would sit vigil outside of graves for days with this little bell that was right

next to the gravestone and underneath was a string tied to a finger. Has it ever worked? Have people ever rang the bell and they got them free? I don't know, but I doubt it. I feel like based on Ben's statement, Ben of olden times would be all pissed off

if they dug him up because he'd be like, I just wanted a burger. I was sleeping down here. I love not being around you people. Yeah, that's great. I get everything I want. Just send me a six-pack and a burger, and I'll be fine.

Absolutely. I'm going to be buried covered in bells. Is that what you want to do? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. So you're not really sure whether or not this is the gases coming out of my abdomen or I'm alive. You've got to dig me up, and you've got to put them back. And then they all die from the Tutankhamen germ.

See, I just want to be taxidermied so that people can put me in weird places to scare my friends. I always said skeleton in high school. That would be great. Let kids fuck with me. But everybody would be like, I thought we were getting a human skeleton. Why do we got this monkey skeleton

in here? Booga, booga, booga. I eat bananas. That's great. Holden, what a funny joke about Ed being a big, fat, dumb monkey. God, that was great. Henry, what was your favorite part about Holden telling Ed that he's a big, fat, dumb monkey? It's looking over at Ed and seeing that fucking monkey face chomping on a burrito.

Sarah, what was your favorite part? I think it was seeing Ed cry. Did anybody else cry? Single tear. It was a burrito. Sarah, what was your favorite part? I think it was seeing Ed cry. Did anybody else cry? Single tear. It was a quick tear. He was sweating. Yeah. You fucking...

I got you. Oh, my God. Kevin, I mean, how fat and ugly is Ed? And how much of a monkey is he? All right, all right. That's at the point I can't even tell what his emotions are. It looks like he's squinting at the sun. Is that a smile or a frown when your mouth's just always open?

Mark, is this fella being charged with anything? You almost killed this prostitute. It says nothing about the man himself, but I do have a story about a prostitute who is being charged with anything who almost killed this prostitute? It says nothing about the man himself, but I do have a story about a prostitute who is being charged with something. But wait,

I just want to say I thought it was funny because you think about this dude who almost killed this prostitute. You probably had a moment where

he was like, yeah, I'll fuck that bitch to death. And then later on, he's like, nah, I gotta try harder.

Just get stronger. Okay. Well, the other story unfolds as follows. An escort allegedly started growling like an animal before trying to eat her date's penis and testicles after a romantic meal. Fuck yeah. What other job is she going to get? After the meal?

After the meal. Police claim Priscilla Vaughn was high on a cocktail of ecstasy, marijuana, and booze when she attacked the man in a hotel room in Orlando. Of course it's Orlando. And here is a picture of this woman. She looks hungry. She was a prostitute too? Yeah, she was the prostitute. See, that's why you can't take whores to dinner.

Yeah, she was the prostitute. See, that's why you can't take whores to dinner. And the dinner, they had a very nice dinner. Applebee's. They went to Applebee's and she was still hungry after Applebee's. A glass act. She's sitting there with the prostitute at the Applebee's, like getting Apple TV. Where would you fucking bring her? You can't.

You can't steal a steakhouse. Yeah, exactly. You eat room service. Well, they went back to the hotel. And after they got back to the hotel, it is alleged that Vaughn started growling like an animal before attacking her date. She also allegedly tried to gouge his eyes out

and broke his mobile phone to stop him from calling for help. See, this sounds very PCP. I think this was some fucked up ex-sick. I don't know, PCP isn't as crazy as people think it is. I mean... I think it is, Marcus mean... By all that, that dude was scared. What's that, Eddie?

That dude was scared, man. She frightened him where he was just in the corner scared to make him make a move. Definitely. She was the champion.

She was crazy, yeah. I mean, I feel like he was very nice to this woman, right? For a prostitute to take her out to dinner, especially in Applebee's situation.

I think they have the two meals for $19.99 and they look amazing on the commercials. He already fucking paid for her to be there in the first place. Right, and he went out of his way to treat her very well. I mean, Jackie, you're not going to bite this guy's balls off, are you? Yeah, of course. Why not? She's probably still hungry. Applebee's doesn't give you a lot of food.

You don't think so? No, not at all. I ate there a few weeks ago. There was an Applebee's out in Queens. Man, of food You don't think so? No, not at all I ate there the other few weeks ago There was an Applebee's out in Queens Man, that place was shit I hated the food You went to Applebee's a couple weeks ago? Yeah, I was kind of like

Oh, this will be fun It'll be like we're living in a small town You know, let's go to Applebee's This was before a movie It was terrible If that was fucking sucks You're like, oh, I live in a small town So I'm going to go to Applebee's

Yeah, yeah Not a fucking tiny little place So, Holden After your meal at Applebee's, you're like, I'm full, but I could fit a cock or two still. Yeah, for sure. I could still go for something like that. Or like some nipples, or like a nice plate of, you know, innards,

bile. Yeah, all these things. Right. Bile. Very, very fun. Yeah, just stick a straw in my lady, and we're good. It's so gross. Where are you going to stick the straw? Like in her belly. Get the bile out. You've got in her belly bubble tea straws it with it yeah yeah get it in all comes out and it's pointed on the end yeah yeah Chesley you're an attractive fellow have you ever had to pay for sex or to

do it dudes just fuck you for free how many hand jobs You gotta give Before it's paying somebody That's the question One hand job Per chicken wing And apple base Oh wow

That sounds so bad Not worth it You don't think so? No For one chicken wing? That's a quarter per hand job I mean you know Sometimes it takes

Fifteen minutes To tug on it Before it gets all going Yeah man Forty five minutes Yeah exactly But you know. Sometimes it takes 15 minutes to tug on it before it gets all going. Yeah, man, 45 minutes. Yeah, exactly. But, you know, the chicken wings and apple bees, those are high in calories. If we're just talking about energy expenditure here, I think it might work. That's a very good point.

Kevin Barnett, PhD. Yeah, science is... Sarah, you're a very attractive gal, and you have a large internet presence. Has anybody ever Facebooked you or messaged you and, you money for a date or sex or something like that? No, mostly they just want to tell me about their feelings. Always dudes just being like, I just feel like I can talk to you, and I'm like, you can't. No, no, you can't. So you want dick pics?

I wouldn't mind dick pics. I never get dick pics. Sarah Benincasa at gmail.com. I never get dick pics. Sarah Benicasa at gmail.com. It's just Henry's, mine, and Ned's. Just like fill it up your inbox. I mean, it's not like I'm blowing the lid off anything.

It's a pretty easy email address. So you've never received a dick pic? Nothing uncomfortable like that? I've never gotten a dick pic in my entire life. Some girls have dick pics of every guy they fuck. They take a pic. I have a friend. Her name is Annie.

And she has a picture of every dude she's ever fucked. Every single dick. That's sort of like Jeffrey Dahmer stealing a memento of the person he's killed. Is that the whole... She likes to show them off at parties. It's like she scalped them. Jesus. What a great collage. Any type of nudes or anything, that's not just for you.

That's for everybody. I never send anyone dick pics. I like my dick to be mysterious. I, in fact, imagine my dick wearing a cape. Like the Count of Monte Cristo just hanging in the shadows. And much like most cape crusaders, no woman can touch it. It's very, very sad. What's worse,

a chick showing a dick pic or a dude showing a dick pic? I feel like it's worse. I would be more uncomfortable if I ran into a chick who has a bunch of dicks on her phone than like a dude.

Well, I'm not going to fuck her. Right. Well, are the dicks still on the body? That's a good question. Are they on the body or detached on the floor? That's a great question.

Yeah, that's a good question. You know, you body or detached on the floor? That's a great question. You know, you guys, I hate to bring up the party, but I'm so offended by everything that's going on. I gotta get out of here and go to my show on the Bowery, but it's been wonderful being here. Continue to talk about Fox, please, and please, no one send me dick pics. And of course, you can send those dick pics right to Sarah Benincasa.

Just find her on Facebook. They're fine. She loves them. I am giving a personal challenge to all round table listeners. It's going to be gross, Sarah. It's going to get rough. It's going to be so gross. That's fine.

Most of the dicks will be attached to women, so it's not that gross. Amber, but you've seen some dick pics. You made quite a facial reaction when we were talking about it. Somebody sent you some? Oh, I did? Oh, I make faces all the time.

Oh, okay. Never mind. Scratch it. Marcus, what I did? Oh, I make faces all the time. Oh, okay. Never mind. Scratch it. Marcus, what's up? We're going to stay in the realm of romance. Oh. A man's attempt

to impress a first date went badly wrong after police became involved in a fake knife attack he staged to impress his date. Oh, I've talked about it in high school

a thousand times and I never got to do it. I had to stab you here. Jeffrey Siegel took his date, Brianne Kutz. Sounds like a linebacker's last name. You going out with Kutz? You know it, bud. But it sounds like a hot girl's last name.

You know what I mean? Because they always have horrible last names. Always. Like Marbley. Yeah, Sasha Gray's last name is like Grzonski or something. It's a horrible Polish name. Anyway. Unknown to Coots, however,

Siegel had arranged for his friend to launch a staged knife attack on the pair. Siegel hoped that in overpowering the fake assailant, he would look like a hero and impress on the first date. As the couple walked through the forest, Siegel's friend came running out of the nearby bushes, brandishing a large knife. The plan backfired, however, What? verified date, Brianne Kutz, called the police as she fled from the forest towards the car park. Police became suspicious at the superficial nature of Siegel's wounds,

which were supposedly inflicted with such a large knife. Eventually, Siegel broke down and admitted to officers he had staged the attack. It's very romantic,

though, isn't it? I don't even know what happened. It was so much. What? Well, that was kind of what he was counting on, like you being the lady in that situation.

Yeah. Now would you blow this dude? Yeah. He called up his friend and said, hey, I'm on a real hot date with Coots. Could you come out and jump out of the bushes? That way I can overpower you. I look like the hero. Maybe I get a blowjob from Coots tonight.

Heroes get blowjobs. It's true. They do. Chesley, theyley, I'm sorry, Holden, what's that? Oh, I was just going to say

I'd like to try staging that on a date but have Henry pop out as Bigfoot. Oh, that would be awesome. I'm like, I just need company.

I'm the only Bigfoot in the world. And then I'll pull out a flute and play a beautiful ballad and he'll like fall in love with me.

I'll take off my Bigfoot costume and say, I'm a man. That would be a good date. Absolutely. I feel like there's something sort of chivalrous about this though, right? It's a great,

he definitely planned the first date. I think it's great. Chesley, is this something you would do? Entirely, man. This goes back to fucking centuries and centuries of people like coming out and having assassins on the roadside and saving maidens and shit.

They weren't dragons. They were dudes dressed up as dragons. But even the heroes raped the women in medieval times. Yeah, it was. They're like, but you can't say no. I just saved you from... That's how it always happened. Chelsea, you wouldn't do that shit, man.

I wouldn't do it now. Look at that chest. But I mean, I can imagine it happening. I would go as an assailant for a friend. I think a good thing to do is put on a mask, right? Like one of those Ronald Reagan bank robbery masks, right? Go to her job while she's working, right? When she goes to the bathroom, right?

Wait until she's taking a big dump in the bathroom, right? Go in there while you're all dressed up in the thing, right? Drag her out of the bathroom while she's taking a shit, right? Put her in a fucking big garbage bag and put her in the back of a van. Right? Okay. I don't know where this is romantic. Listen, listen, listen.

Not like this. Okay. What you do is that you pull her out and you take her in the garbage bag. You put her in a fucking dog cage. She's got a shit in the bag. No. She's pooping in the bag? She's covered in her own shit.

Okay. She's so vulnerable. But you put her as a ski mask guy. You're going like, I'm going to rape you, bitch. Right. And then you go like, no, no. It's your own voice going like, no, don't you rape her. And he's like, oh, you're too strong. And then you do a one-man, two-person fight while she's in the garbage bag in the dog cage.

And then you take her out. And that's how you seal the fucking deal. Oh, I see. Because nothing makes girls wetter than almost getting raped. That's true. That's true. That's true. And being covered in shit. In a dog cage.

Super vulnerable. Then, now she's afraid to go to the bathroom without you. Ah. Why do you want that? Because you see her poops. Oh, right. So it's like, dates, dates. This just got real.

Yeah, it just got really gross. Actually, I'll be very clear to everyone. You just see their poops, and yeah, clear to everyone. You can see their poops. Yeah, there it is. I gotta see more poops. We're gonna stay together for a long time. I gotta see more poops. Jackie, this is romantic though, right? If you're on a date with a guy,

it's not the worst. If you see him beat up somebody trying to arm a girl. I feel like in a more realistic sense of where Henry was going, I would rather him pay a homeless dude to do it and then actually kill him. Oh, okay. Because then he actually did something for me.

Right. And for society at large. Exactly. And then I'd just fuck him right there, like on top of the body. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can sell meat, too. You can sell hobos meat.

The only thing better than a hobo is a dead hobo. I've heard that. I think that whole situation is true. Easter, come on. I think it's true though. I've been doing a little martial arts, and if someone rolled up me and my lady

and I broke someone's arm or threw down hard on them for trying to fucking stop us, I would fuck like a hero that night. I would get laid like a champion. Nice. So yeah, I think that's a thing. I'd just pay a chick to come up to me during my date and be like, hey, you're that guy with that big dick. That's a great idea as well.

No violence. No violence whatsoever. Just like, or act like. That's very doable. Act like a woman trying to get back together with me because I was such a fantastic lover. You know? That's a good idea. It'd be hard to like cover up the almost throw up noises that she'd make while saying that.

But if I could maybe play, it gets in a restaurant with like music or something to kind of cover that. But what happens when you get her home? The other girl? No. The girl that, you know, the one that said, hey, he's got a big dick. What about your date? What happens when you get home and you don't have a big dick? When I get home, turn out all the lights. Fast, fast, fast. I'm fast anyways.

Fast, fast, fast. And just like, bingo, got you. You know? And then jump out the window. Is that what you say after you come? Bingo, got you? Always. Because you won, man. and then jump out the window. Is that what you say if you come bingo got you? Something hotter than that. Always. Always.

So you just... Because you won, man. Look at the one. Oh, my God. Before it's even cold on her stomach. Bingo got you. Oh, that's the worst. That's worse than being raped.

It's called an exit stage, right? Gives himself the hook. Like out the front door. Oh, yikes. I can't believe you did that. you right? Gives himself the hook like out the front door. Ugh, yikes. Ugh, I can't believe you did that. And then some like 80s hair metal comes in

and it comes on the stereo and all my buddies come in and we high five for the next 30 minutes while she gets her things and leaves. Oh, just jumping around. Bingo, got you.

Bingo, got you. Yeah, yeah. School's out for someone. Man up and it's manner. I think I've jerked off to that porn. I like your stuff, man. Anything you want to say about this situation, Amber? There's this dude, this asshole, that lives next to my friend's house. He has a motorcycle.

All he ever talks about is his motorcycle. I like him. He's cool. He's a real piece of shit. And I want to pay a hobo five bucks to go bust it up. Oh, that would be awesome. That would be like giving a hobo permission with five dollars.

Permission, first of all, and then here's five dollars, and it's like, whoo! You really want to do a good job? Give him ten bucks and a little flask. Oh, that's good. You'll get a motorcycle. A couple of backstage passes to ZZ Top. Whenever we used to have crazy parties in college, I lived next to a shelter.

We'd just have the bums clean it up for whiskey. What are you doing? Jermaine Fowler is alive. Thank you for welcoming me, Jermaine, right on time. Hello, you're very attractive. Oh, wow, Jermaine right on time Hello you're very attractive Oh wow Jermaine Fowler just kissed me everybody That was hot though I like scratching doors

Jermaine just walked in Jermaine Fowler Thank you for being here We were just talking about a wonderful first date But let's get to another news story Marcus what do we got buddy Alright we're going to go to your home state Ben Amos Hill What piece of shit plate is this news story. Marcus, what do we got, buddy? We're going to go to your home state, Ben. A Mossow.

What piece of shit plate is this? A Mossany, Wisconsin woman was arrested Friday. No, it's Mosany. Mosany. Mosany sounds like a shoe company. A Mosany, Wisconsin woman was arrested Friday after allegedly standing on a street corner in the town of

Wausau. Wausau. Wausau. Wausau. Shut to fuck up, Ben. It's not town. It's town. These are Native American names. So let's not be anti-Indian. Don't bring them into it. They are into it. As soon as you get in there, they're asking for money

and they're like, do you have a place for me to stay? There's only nine of me. Are there really a lot of Indians in Wisconsin? It's so fucking cold up there. Well, that's where we put them. And that's why it was retarded Polish people, German immigrants, and Native Americans. They had all that land. They had a terrible time,

like all of us had a terrible time. That's why I relate to the Native man very, very much. Oh, yeah? Yeah, totally. Tell us. Ben is wearing a headdress. What's your Native American name? Ben is a fuck.

God. No. It doesn't matter if I can't improvise. That's my Native American name. Ben doesn't matter if I can't improvise. You are good at gambling.

Thank you. And you're drunk. The Indians aren't good at drinking. That's the problem. Well, the Indians aren't good at drinking. That's the problem. You can't live in a tent. I think the Indians are the best. You just put down the hooch and build a fucking house for yourself. These are all jokes about me, not the Native American community, so it's fine.

You pitch a tent every morning, right? Very good. It's dick. Yep. It's fine. It's of average, although I've lost eight pounds and my penis is much larger right now. Let's fine. It's of average. Although I've lost eight pounds and my penis is much larger right now.

Let's just get to the news story. All right. All right. Well, in the town of Wausau, a woman was arrested with no pants after stealing steaks from a nearby grocery store. Where'd she put them? Of course.

She was just running so fast. Of course it was steaks. She would not wear pants and still kale, right? Was the plan just like, I'm going to use a southern accent here because it's all I can do. I can't do Wisconsin. It's just like, I won't wear pants and then when they catch me, I'll just show them my pussy

and they'll let me go. Sound reasoning. Is she an attractive gal, Marcus? You know what? I bet she's got bruises on her thighs. She actually is. I mean, if she cleaned herself up a little bit. Oh, she's gorgeous.

What happened to her eyebrows? She has no eyebrows. She cried them off. Yeah, exactly. She obviously had painted on eyebrows and only the ends remain. Well, Wausau, Wisconsin is sort of the, it's an edgier place in Wisconsin,

which means it's a lot of whites that wear the JNCO jeans, but they're a little bit trashier. It is for Wisconsin. It really is. Wausau is one of the cities of Wisconsin. And there's a lot of dangerous, dangerous characters. I love all this talk. Yes. She kept the steaks in her purse.

How many did she steal? She was nude from the waist down. She stole three beef steaks. That's illegal? Yeah. Of course. There's so much extra meat in Wisconsin. There was a lot of meat. Let this chick some steaks.

Her name was Elizabeth Hohen. Oh, family. Now, she had no panties on either? No panties on. I would now like to ask the ladies to sit away from Henry a little bit because he is becoming aroused.

I feel like Henry's the lead detective on this case. So you're saying she's got stinks in her purse and no pants or panties on. Where is she staying? Does she have a husband? She could have been. Well, when police arrived, she had put her pants back on

and was in the company of an unidentified man. She robbed the steaks with no pants on. Did she think she was invisible like Harry Potter? When I take my pants off, my pussy magic gives me a cloak. She robbed the steaks, went outside, took off her pants on the street corner. Someone called the cops. By the time the cops got there,

she had put her pants back on. Why would you risk it at that point? The cops searched her purse. They found three beef steaks. No receipt. They investigated it. Oh, that's amazing. The receipt was in her pussy.

The receipt was in her pussy. Where's your receipt, girl? They won't recognize me if I, that's why she took her pants off. She's like, if I pull the pants back on, they'll have no idea it's me. Right. The person with the pants stole the steaks. And obviously I have no pants on. And so they traced it back to Coleman and Lee's grocery.

They saw her on the surveillance video and then arrested her for retail theft of less than $500. Oh, this is literally a police officer's duty in Wisconsin. Yeah, she was charged once in December of 2012 and again in January of this year. And she was also, in the January incident, charged with resisting or obstructing an officer.

Ah. Very interesting. With her pussy magic. Yeah. Indeed. Jermaine, what do you think about this girl? She's kind of a beautiful gal. You want to take her out?

Yes. I do. For some steaks, probably. Which the best part about it is she's already got them. Yeah. She probably got them confiscated and stuff, so maybe she's never had a steak. Maybe she was like, oh, fuck. I'll probably get it. I need a steak.

It's Kobe. Exactly. Oh, it's Kobe. I'll take her out to a nice steak dinner and stuff, and she'll probably be mine forever. I wonder if that's why Kobe Bryant's mother named him. She said, my boy's the best beef. I don't think so. I think it's a name.

Kobe Beef. But Marcus, there's another theft story from Wisconsin. I was grade A Zebrowski until I was seven. We've got double Wisconsin thefts this week. Vinayamin Balika, 34, of Plainfield, Illinois. What is that? It's Russian. It's definitely Russian. Oh, is it What is that? It's Russian. It's obviously, it's definitely Russian.

Oh, is it a Russian name? Yeah. Oh, okay. He was accused of stealing 42,000 pounds of Munster cheese from a Wisconsin cheese dump. That's like fucking Robin Fort Knox.

That's a lot of cheese. Yes, he was allegedly attempting to sell the load of 1,135 cases of cheese at a rest area in New Jersey. I got a piss. Who needs lots of cheese?

I know you travel through town, you're heading home, but if you get going there, take your dump. Come on out, I sell you some cheese. It was like $200,000 worth of cheese. It is exactly $200,000 worth of cheese, yes. I know my cheese.

I know dick cheese, monster cheese, goat cheese. That's all I know. That's it. Wow. Dick cheese. I've read about it. I love that he went to a rest area, though. Like the idea of like, I really got to piss.

And if somebody has a bunch of cheese, I'll buy some too. Like if you're driving down the road. I mean, that's not the best place to sell cheese, right? Especially if you're running from a giant rat. Right. You know what I mean? You're running across the country being chased by a lion-sized rat. West Jersey.

Yeah, you just push into the highway, all the cheese in the highway. I could see where this is taking me. I feel like it was such an insane plan to steal all that cheese. Like, I'm about to be rich as fuck if I can sell this within five hours. You get the cheese, then you get the money. It was a whole scheme. Kevin Everhart, 50, owner of Pasture Pride Cheese in Wisconsin, where the cheese was from, said he did not realize the cheese had been stolen.

Everhart told ABCNews.com he came in with the proper paperwork. He came in as if he was picking up a shipment. I feel like that guy is like Scrooge McDuck, but instead of coins, it's just all cheese curds. And he just jumps into them and does like, you know. But it's all Munster. Yeah, Munster's not even that good of a cheese. Yeah, man. You're going to get it, right?

I'm a small, good Asiago type dude. I like that. Ooh, I'm into that. It just sounds like the shittiest David Mamet movie of all time. It's a big heist. You know, just reeking of cheese dressed up as rats. I would love, though, if that was his follow-up to Serpico. Yeah, yeah.

What is it? Although Rest Area, they do have the best hot bowl peanuts. Right by a shitter on the highway. That's good. There's always a cop there, though. There's always a cop at the rest area. Yeah. Is that who busted him?

The rest area cop? It was the greatest day of his life when he saw all that cheese coming in. He knew it was illegal. Here's a happy ending to the story, though. If it does pass health inspections, the cheese, it could be donated to charity. Oh, that's very, very nice. It's going to be some party hallway. Give it back to the man who got the cheese stolen from him

so he can sell it. That's a good idea, too. He didn't solve the crime at all. The cheese is still stolen. Just give it to the homeless. He's got cheese insurance. Cheese insurance. I bet you that is a real thing. By the way, both of these thefts from Wisconsin

involve meat and cheese. There's nothing else in Wisconsin. People stealing steaks and cheeses. You can also see them just validating while they're sitting there. Don't worry, no. They got insurance on this cheese. It's not like we're just taking money. We're taking from big business here.

We're the 99%. Cheese goes bad very quickly. It's a terrible thing to steal, and obviously this guy. Not all the time. It's like a staged. Cheese can stay for a long time. steal, and obviously this guy. Not all the time. It's like a daged goat cheese. Goat cheese is better. Goat cheese is better, but I really hope they don't give this to all the homeless folks of Illinois and Wisconsin. I mean, that is a...

Why not? It's a tootie food. Tootie food? Yeah. It's to make them smell terrible. The cheese parts are a... It's a bad smell. No, it's not a tootie food.

They're going to be fucking constipated, so you know what? Less human shit on the streets and in the trains. I wouldn't give them Moonstar cheese. Moonstar cheese on cardboard is hard to pass. You know, most people, most of the stuff donated to them is pastries and stuff like that,

so their whole diet is all sugar. It's a nice toot. Give them some fucking cheese. Give them a little difference. But a nice cheese Danish creates a nice cheesy toot that smells good, like a French bakery. You know, I gotta say, I think this is the most heated argument we've ever had on before. Give them the cheese!

Fucking cheese! Don't give them the cheese! Well, let's move on to a crime story of the breaking and entering kind. True crime. A four-foot version of Mr. T held three women at knife point while two other men ransacked their apartment in Reservoir Triangle

Wednesday night in Providence, Rhode Island. Why did they write it as Why did they write it as version? They didn't even say that. As the short man with the mohawk brandished a knife

Did he have any chains? Mr. T stands for tiny. Talk exactly like Hey, you guys can sit right there. I'm real tiny, alright? You never know where I'm going to end up. Yeah. As the short man brandished the knife, the other men grabbed jewelry, coins, and a wooden box.

The other men were 5'3 and 6'3 respectively. Too tall. Get rid of them. Get rid of them. 4', 5'3", 6'3". Yeah, 5'3". That sounds like a real fun gang. Do they explain why they called them a four foot version of Mr. T?

I mean, they don't go much more into that, but I would imagine he had on a vest, chains, mohawk, black eye. Black eye. All right, okay. Yeah, black eye. Mostly black eye. It's just a black guy with a mohawk. That little motherfucker looks like Mr. T. Now, that's a fatter Mr. T.

Well, that is a very successful one. Yeah, that's just Al Roker. That's a taller Mr. T. You're like, well, that is a very successful one. Yeah, that's just Al Roker. That's a taller Mr. T right there. That man works for UPS. I do think white people just want all black people to be a version of Mr. T. I ain't fucked yet. Is Mr. T the most accessible black man to the white people? I think it's possible. I feel like every black profession, it is Mr. T the most accessible black man to the white people? I think it's possible.

I feel like every black profession, it is Mr. T to them. Donald McNabb would be the quarterback Mr. T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, black people from about 17 to 55 are all Mr. T. Past that is Cosby. Yeah, before that's Raven-Symoné. I can't move into this neighborhood.

There's too many Mr. T's. Oh, there's Mr. T's around. It's frustrating. I don't have enough pity for all these fools. Wow, that was that was good. Yeah, Mr. T,

61 years old. Oh. The fact that he's 61 means that now he looks like Cosby Do you guys know where all of his chains came from? Where did they come from? It was when he was a bouncer When he used to beat dudes up trying to get in

Who were being assholes He he would take their chains. Ah, really? Yeah. What? Snatch chains and shit. Snatch chains. He'd snatch the chain, keep it on him. That's how he ended up with all those chains.

Because of other dudes. And he had them on TV. That's evidence. He had that shit on TV. Yeah. Hilarious. So they were actually stolen chains. Yeah, this is so amazing.

From other people's letters. Yeah, but he's still a criminal. He's Mr. T. Mr. T is law and order. All those guys are criminals where he took them from. He was a justice. The thing is that when he dies, he'll be bound with those chains forever. He will be.

I don't appreciate you calling Mr. T a criminal. You call Mr. T a criminal, you call it all Mr. T's criminal. So I'm calling every black man from 18 to 55 a criminal? Yes. God damn it. Race card again. Fool. Such a good card to play.

Never should have left Texas, Marcus. God damn it. I was safe there. Jermaine and Kevin, have you guys ever used the race card just like perfectly to trump up a conversation, just like win an argument, even if you were totally wrong? Yes. Every day. Every day. Give me two two minutes i do it all the time it's just fun to do it you know i know i'm wrong like you're fucking racist but it's fucking great it's funny

there's nothing funnier in the world than white guilt just to see somebody struggle no no no i appreciate your freedom you can just have the three steaks from my supermarket. Just go. I'm not being racist. You don't have to pay for them. It's the backpedaling that's the funniest part. It's like, oh, no, no, no, it's the best part. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm just offering a solid point. No, no, no, no, no, no. He looked like Mr. T. I swear to God. He looked like Mr. T. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's the beautiful thing. It's backpedaling. It's the whole point.

Because you can't even, like, no, no, no. This is a beautiful thing. His backpedaling is full-blown. You can't even describe a black person. You can be like, this guy robbed me. What did he look like? Well, he was black. What? Interesting. Interesting. Did he really rob you?

Took my chain. So what's happening with these three thieves? I mean, they have not been caught, but they punched one woman in the face. Oh, nice. I mean, it's a very short story. It's more of a police blotter than anything. It's a first Florida apartment

on 108 Rutherglen Avenue. They should start calling it the A-Team Gang. And police believe that these guys had cased the place before they went in. Oh, okay. He dressed up as a little leprechaun on St. Patrick's Day. He walked in and went,

I love this guy. Man, Mr. T, you are such a great actor. You look like a leprechaun. Well, speaking of leprechauns, I got an Ireland story. No more potatoes! Dirty Europe. Potatoes.

If you look over at the picture here. Very Irishman. Yeah, very Irishman. This is the blind man caught by a farmer in a cattle barn wearing a balaclava, a vet's rubber inspection glove, and carrying a wooden brush shaft. What? So he was arrested for that.

But what is the crime? The completely bizarre incident came to light last week at Omagh Crown Court, where 44-year-old Anthony Morris of Bradkeel Road in Plumbridge was found guilty of intending to cause damage to cattle. What? Is that a crime? It seems like it's about killing a cow? You can't do it, apparently, in Ireland.

Can you think about it? I guess not. It's a big deal. You're in Ireland. You're not in New York where you drive your Honda and go to your law job. You know. Yeah.

Well, a farmer... Like I do. A farmer... I know there are law jobs up here. Like we all do. The farmer who owned the cow Found him, pinned him down until Police arrived

While he was being held Paris, when he was being held Asian Marcus While he was being held Morris, who had a torch strapped to his head That's a Torch, that's what the Irish and the British Call a flashlight

It's backwards dumb Europe talk It's what the Irish and the British call flash It's like the metric system for lights, it's fine. Yeah, well he was being held down He was also carrying blue rope and a pin knife put on a foreign accent and said Mimi steal ear tags Mimi. Look at tags Honestly, Henry are you related to this guy? Henry was caught with... Oh, no, no, no, me, me, me. The real story is Marcus. This is exactly what you would do. But he just found in his wallet all these pictures of cows with targets on them.

Like cartoon circles. All seductive and things. No, no, me, me, big knife. Me, me, big knife. Oh, cut cheese. Me cut cheese. No, no, me, me, big knife. Me, me, big knife. Oh, cut cheese. Me cut cheese. Oh, me, me have lunch. Check out the cow's boil.

He was also wearing a body warmer stolen from the farmer's lorry. That's a truck. Okay. Stupid words. How do you know all this? I dated my girlfriend's British. Oh, yeah. Hey.

That's his present tense. I like that. That chick ain't British man Yeah She's black She's black She's black And grew up in England

I don't believe that When she was in Kevin She talked regular Yeah Kevin involved black Involved white She talked British to tea When she

Every time she went I'd be like I got that nigga Marcus Sticking out for Britain Yo That nigga dumb as shit That's so funny That nigga dumb as shit. That nigga wrapped across my finger.

Did I be drinking tea and shit? No, I'm not. I take milk if they ask. It's a terrifying... Is it Adam's family family values where that chick plays that character? You know, I tell you, I'm going to have a long talk with her when I get back.

Some new evidence has come to light. Yeah. A couple of black men Told me They know what they're talking about So what's the black chick 18 to 54 If all the black dudes

18 to 54 Or Mr. T's Vanessa Williams Alright I'll take it Selena I feel like with the black girls It changes a lot Because black chicks

Don't have as many role models So older is usually Oprah Plus I'm about 18 to 50 Younger is Beyonce What about the tennis chicks? What about the tennis Serena and Venus? What about them? They're men

That's good for young black men I didn't even think about Beyonce Because really most of them I hate I, I didn't even think about Beyonce. Because really, most of them I hate. Like, I hate Beyonce. Why do you hate Beyonce? I just hate everything about her, man. She bleaches her skin. It's gross.

She does? She's a Michael Jackson type character? She's bleaching the skin? Well, Michael Jackson, he didn't have Villalico, did he? I think that was just a lie. I think that was a skin disease, what he had. Yeah, he had that weird thing where it was like he was all modeled with whiteness. I'm pretty sure he did that.

He had that crying disease. You know, the more you cry, the whiter you get. I've heard that. I've heard about that. I think Beyonce does it and she bleaches her skin,

which is, I don't know, it's off subject, but it's fine. It's sad, though. More to hate. I don't like it. Meanwhile,

it's not okay for me to put on darker makeup. Think about it. Think about that. That's a good standard. And by the way, at this point in my life, I don't think that blackface is racist anymore. Whenever I see people wearing blackface, I'm like, you know what? That dude just loves the A-team.

That's all I'm saying. He just wants to be Mr. T. I'm going to tell him the thing about what happened with Josh. Come on up to the microphone. This is a story about Josh Rabinowitz, a very successful actor. Oh, no. And he's been on the roundtable before. Oh, great.

He's a fucking hilarious dude. So, Kevin and I and Joshua Benowitz and Joe, not Joe Mandy. Joe Mandy was there? Joe Mandy and Noah Garfinger. Some other folks were there. Yeah. I wrote his audition, having a good time, and we're all about to go inside, do this audition.

We didn't know it was for, but apparently it was for this Apple commercial, right? And we didn't know that. It was a secret audition so I walk inside I see Josh sitting down and he has a this dark blotch on his face right just dark powdery blotch and like hey Josh why what's up with your face he goes oh I popped the pimple and it looks it looks really weird so I put on makeup to make it look better I was like but that makeups for black woman it's for black women. It's for black women. You have black women's makeup on. It was dark brown.

He had blue. And so he goes, oh my God. He goes to the restroom and washes his face, but it made it worse because he has a dark smudge down his chin.

So he looked like he finished a blackface show or something like that. Joshua's half blackface walking into the audition and he booked the audition. He booked it. Apple is racist as shit. They booked the blackface performer and their movies and their commercial.

It was fucking hilarious. Well, that's good advice for all you aspiring actors out there. Just go as a race that you're not. I never get booked. I never get booked. I can paint myself black and walk around town no problem, Kev. I mean, probably not. But John Wood has a thing.

At Williamsburg, you probably could. I think you could at Williamsburg. It's possible. I think they would think, oh, he's just being different. Ridgewood wouldn't mind because it's so Pollock's and Puerto Rican's. Oh, they would think it was hilarious. Yeah. And everyone would get mad.

You'd be a Pied Piper of racists. Everyone would get mad when I bind my feet. I'd bind my feet and I got those big hats. Everyone hates that What accent is that Irish and Chinese together is Jamaican. Me, me, me, me love. It is? Yeah. It is. More like a... Oh, no, I agree with that. Me love it as sheep. Well, here's a...

Oh, yeah, you're Jamaican. All right. Here's some of the excuses. Are you going Jamaican or you... No, I wasn't born there, but... Do you have an accent? Can you pull it off? Can you do like a little like...

I don't like to. But you can do it. Let's hear it. As a matter of fact, I did a show on Thursday with Kevin in New Jersey, or in Pennsylvania. There's a bunch of Jamaican chicks there a show on Thursday with Kevin in New Jersey, or in Pennsylvania. There was a bunch of Jamaican chicks there, and they were like older women, like 40 to 50, 55 years old. And after the show, they certainly scolded you for saying the N-word.

Yeah, they lectured me a lot. Wait, what? They hated him so much. But they were nice. Why do you not like Kevin? I saw that. What happened to the show? What did you say?

No, no, it was, all right, look. They weren't, it wasn't, the Jamaican it was... All right, look. They weren't... It wasn't... The Jamaican ladies weren't against the nigga shit. They loved that. Jamaican people don't care about race. It was the other black woman they were with. They were mad.

I understood what they were saying because, you know, I did that thing where I made the chick in front of them. The white woman. You made a white woman very uncomfortable. Oh, you did that bit! I made her yell out, nigga, I don't want to say nigga right now.

I made her do that. She yelled it out. Black chicks were around her. But she don't want to say nigga right now I made her do that she yelled it out black chicks were around her but she was hesitating to say it and this is what their problem was and yeah

fuck because that joke I do it it's different every time because I don't know how the people are going to respond to me who I'm talking to

so I was like you're afraid to say it no it's going to be fine nobody cares you're surrounded by it and I said you're surrounded by it and they didn't like that that I said that part

right but there was also they also said there was some shit where it was funny because i did this thing about like uh trying to talk to black girls and how it just doesn't work out for me they they all of them hated that all of them hated that but i was like nah but as you know i had this whole thing about misogyny and calling girls bitches and hoes they're like no we love that that was hilarious. No problems there. Marcus, what's up, buddy? I thought you were going to be like, it was my StarCraft material. They're all like, we play Diablo 3, man.

Well, we're quickly running out of time, so it's time for a segment from Holden McNeely. We're going back to the pitches. Best worst pitches you can possibly do. Marcus is a multi-multi-millionaire. Multi. I refuse to believe it. I've got six million dollars.

He's a potential investor and this time he's looking for... I've got twelve million dollars. Is that fine, Hollywood? He's looking for the next worst Broadway musical. Now, anybody want to start? Can anybody start this thing? Spider-Man. Let's bring him to Broadway.

It'll be great. We'll get Julie Tannhorn to produce. Well, like the same thing all over again? Yeah. That was just... You need more money. You need to start a second movie. Well, Doctor Octopus, I like that.

Actually, that's a pretty good idea. You're out. Okay. Thank you very much. I got one I'm going to call my Broadway pitch. The play is called Niggas in Paris. But what it is is it is Les Miserables, but with black people. There you go.

No, no, no. Jackie's already had that idea before. It's called The Miz. Oh. It could be Dumbiz. Dumbiz. How about we just call it niggas? Nigga Miz!

S or is it S or Z? It's with an S. Okay. But niggas and then a colon on a boat. And so it's just a bunch of niggas on a boat. That's it. What are they doing on the boat? No, that's Noah's Ark.

And singing songs. No chains. They all got snatched. All that chain noise would ruin the singing. Lots of belting in that musical. Yeah, that's true. It's a pretty bad idea because it sounds really boring. Yeah, it sounds extremely boring.

No plot at all? No, look, come on, man. That's not a plot. It would be awesome. So you're doing essentially Soul Plane on a boat. Yeah. I was just about to reference Soul Plane. I'm glad you came here with me. That would actually

get picked up immediately. So it's Soul Plane, but what's the hook? It's on a boat. They would love it. Sad. Alright, I'm going to go with one. Mine's called Boxes. And it's about a box factory, but all the boxes can talk. All right? Viscerally, like, mad about it.

It's about a really lonely dude, and at the end, the boxes convince him to cut his cock off. Okay. And drop it into a box? No, just throw it in the audience. See, I'm torn because... Somebody gets to take it home with them. I'm torn because it's a terrible idea, but I love it. Yeah, good idea.

So you're in first right now. Okay. Because I'm a multi-millionaire. I know that no one's going to come to see it, but I want to see it. Okay. Okay. I have one. Give me the mic.

Let's go Henry first. Let me... All right. It's called Auschitz, right? Oh, okay. And what, it's a toilet in Auschwitz, right? It takes place in a toilet in Auschwitz, and they are, they are shits, right? They come out of a man's ass.

Ow! They come out, yeah, and they're all dressed up as shit. Long wind. And it's a musical about, like, freedom and how, like, you know, it's important to remember, like, you's important to remember race equality and all this stuff. And then Hitler comes and just flushes them down the toilet. All right. New rule. That's a musical?

It's a musical. Of course. New rule. Everyone has to sing a song from their musical. Sure. I can do that. All right. Hold and start.

Boxes. We're just a bunch of crazy fucking boxes. Cut your cock off, buddy. We're boxes. This is my song. I've got corn for feet and ham for eyes. I'm a piece of shit. Front of it.

Right, they're all pretty. Curse the eyes. Not historically accurate. They did not eat corn or ham At Auschwitz That makes the idea worse That technically makes it worse Which is better It would be

A-W-W-W-W Slash S-I-T-H S-H-I-T-Z Exclamation point S-H-I-T-Z exclamation point. I'm glad you put the S-H-I-T-Z. There it is. Ben, what's your song from Spider-Man 2? Please. Oh, I don't. I cannot. Hey, everybody. How are you doing? I'm Spider-Man and I'm here to save the day.

I got big... I got some fucking spider webs and goddamn, I'm here to play. I'll stick to the wall. Bongo would pick that wall. Thank you. Does that change the ruling a little bit on Spider-Man? It's not too much singing. It's Wisconsin man rapping.

Wisconsin man rapping is the large strata of music that hasn't come out yet, but it will in ten years, and it's going to be very popular. You are my wife, I ain't. Come on, no pants. Niggas on a boat, I just go, niggas on a boat. Get these niggas off the boat.

These niggas won't leave the boat. Those niggas just bought that boat. Oh, wow. Very successful African-American men. All right. That was amazing. Jermaineaine what's your Does it have Old Man River as a reprise

I thought you said there were not Going to be any chains involved Sounds like a lot of people in chains I guess my You all have seen Rent My rendition of Rent Would be just The original actives

Of the Broadway hit Musical Rent On stage Doing their rendition of it But then A pack of ex-convicts With AIDS Bum rush the stage

And they rape everybody On the stage And they have to act through it Yeah That classic story This would be the music Part of it. Hairy appropriate.

I don't think anyone would care because everyone in Rent already has AIDS. They do it originally? Well, I mean, it's a play about AIDS. So did that one guy give the rest of the cast members AIDS? No, just a couple of them. Not all of them. It's like kids. It's like a musical kids.

Yeah. Yeah. Kids musical. Okay. See, I mean, I could see people coming out to that. I would totally watch a rape on Broadway. All right, Jackie. I feel like a lot of people already have.

Chesley, Amber, and Jackie left. Jackie, do you want to take the lead on this one? Squealing for freedom. Okay. So you've got the only instruments. No, you think. No, no, no. The only instruments are going to be piggies and guinea piggies, all right?

You've got to squeeze them in different ways to make them into instruments. Right. All they're singing about is like, Bork, bork, bork. all they're singing about is like pork pork pork and then like the guinea pigs like

he's so soft how do you make them into instruments squeeze them you fucking squeeze them it makes me hungry cut their feet off yeah

yeah I had a hamster I had a hamster that was adopted. It was given to me. And the original owner tried to squeeze it into a matchbox, and the eye popped out. Oh, so that's a side effect of your project. That's fine. They're, like, slipping and sliding around in the end.

It's like the Blue Man Group. Okay. Chelsea, what's your musical? It would be a shipwreck because everyone's forced off the boat because it's a black dick, a black box, and a black guinea pig. They're all forced off, and they all get raped by AIDS. Is this niggas on a boat? Convicts with AIDS. Try to be one of you.

All right, let's hear the song. It would be like, yo, man, look at me. I'm so big. That's the black dick. And it's like, I don't get it. That's very good. You wouldn't do it. Is it like urethra holes? Of course it is. Yeah'm so big. That's the black dick. And then it's like, oh. That's very good. You wouldn't know. Is that if it's like urethra hole?

Of course it is. Yeah, of course. And the balls are like, me too. I'll never be gold. Get my dick. Yeah. The dick mouth. Yeah, of course.

It's tough to have a deep voice when you're just a dick. So big. Yeah. And the box is like, I don't know. Guinea pig's eye. Guinea pig's eye. You had all show to think about this. I'm listening to these guys

I was going to pitch Lion King but they already did it so what's the name of it it's called snakes on a boat that's a shitty idea black snakes on a boat I mean that is

black snakes on a boat I mean that is such a horrible idea. But they know they kick us. We're on a boat. They try to kick us off. Like, niggas, out of this boat. But we're like, we got the guy. But we're there in a box.

Someone got the one penis. It's someone that caught in an audience from years before. It's post-apocalyptic. There's not a lot of rivers left. We crash. It's fucked up. They're using guinea pigs as food. There's. We crash. It's fucked up. They're using guinea pigs as food. There's a black wind.

It's fucked up. The beauty part of this musical is it's a sequel to three other shitty musicals that have not been made. And they all get so dead. Everyone is confused. Wow. The dick gets bitten by a radioactive spider. Yeah. And so you see it shoots.

You know what happens here. Unbelievably terrible. So what do you. This is Amber. What about Amber? Yeah, we definitely have to get happens here. Unbelievably terrible. So what do you, that's gotta be awesome. This is Amber. What about Amber? Yeah, we definitely have to get Amber here. Oh, my musical? Yeah.

Oh, it's called NYU Underground. And it's all like in a black box, you know, and you gotta like crawl through a basement to get to it. I fucking hate this. Yeah. And then they have songs like, I really discovered myself in Paris studying abroad. So how does the song go? Oh, I really discovered myself in Paris when I blew that boy on some dick on his coke and I did it on my daddy's credit card.

That is repulsive. That is awful, but I could see it going into a girls type of situation where too many NYU freshmen would relate to it so it would become popular. Oh, like Twilight. Yeah. I'm going to do something controversial here. I didn't get to go yet.

Oh, go ahead. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine's Sing, Willie Sing. Oh, go ahead. Please. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine is Sing, Willie, Sing. It's Free Willie the Musical. Man, I was thinking about Free Willie the Musical. All right, so the orchestra pit. Synchronicities, that's magic. The orchestra pit.

We're going to get rid of all the instruments. We're going to fill it with seawater. Yeah. We're going to put the whale in the water. A live whale. A live whale. Oh, this is good. I want it.

I already want to go, but try to understand this. So then we're going to do the musical. We're going to hang out. We already want to go, but try to understand this. So then we're going to do the musical. We're going to hang out. We're going to do the musical. And then at the end of every time, the twist is that the whale doesn't make it, and we just shoot it in the fucking head. And we get a new whale every show. That's $10,000 a ticket.

It sucks. How much makes a show? The whale gets shot in the head at the end of it. And how does the ultimate song go right before this? Sing, Willie, sing. Sing, wing. Sing, Willie. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Not yet. Sing, let's hear it. Sing. Sing for your life. Sing for. Sing. Sing for your life. Sing for your life. Sing for your death. Wow. Bam!

You're dead! Wow, what an epic song. Okay. All right, Marcus. You gotta give us a chance. All right, so on this one... One point, man. Seagulls make money.

Very tough decisions. Four winners on this one. And here's what the winners are. For least likely to be made, Eddie's. That is true. I don't know if there's enough whales in the world to have a run of that show.

It's going to start in Japan. Oh, that's possible. That's actually possible. Okay, now that... It's only slightly to be made, but better chances. For worst idea, of course, our man Chesley. Seagulls are shitty, but we make money, all right? I'm just trying to even out these bills.

As a multi-millionaire with a lot of money to spend, I'm going to produce two Broadway musicals. We're going to get boxes and squealing for freedom made. Yeah! Oh, shit's got the shaft.

That's what I'm saying. I'm shocked. I'm shocked, too. I can't believe this. Well, thank you. They're getting made. I'm so happy. Guys, we're going to Broadway.

We're going to Broadway, baby. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway.

Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway.

Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway.

Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway.

Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway.

Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway.

Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. Broadway.. W-1-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2 I gotta take a piss Good That's odd