The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 149: Covered In Snakes

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on the Round Table: a man's erectile implants go horribly wrong much to the chagrin of his family, a camel humps (ha!) a woman to death, and a man dressed as a Power Ranger defecates in a barbecue pit. Joining us today: Larry, Mookie, and Jermaine Fowler!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Four, five, six. Holden's friend. Yeah, I'm gonna make this short because it's Father's Day. What is that? Holden's least favorite day of the year.

Fuck you, Dad! I'll get her. Can you just imagine your dad's hand all over your mom's white breasts? That rat bastard! I'll get her, Dad. I'll get her right in her naughty button. And then you'll be screaming Hail Mary.

And you're listening to us fucking talk junk. I can't wait to fucking, yeah, I'm gonna tie you down. Make you watch it, you bastard. Jesus Christ. Hold it. Release a spider on you. Happy Father's Day.

Thank you, Mookie. That was very nice. on you. Happy Father's Day. Thank you, Mookie. That was very nice. Thank you. That's it. Bullshit. Fuck all the bullshit. All right.

Welcome to the roundtable of gentlemen, everybody. That's the prayer. That's the prayer from Father's Day. Happy Father's Day. Thank you, Holden. Very nice prayer to fathers around the world. You are not welcome, Dad. All right. Who is everybody around this sort of round table?

Jackie Zabrowski and Daddy My Thighs Hurt. Sitting in for Edward Larson, who is currently in North Carolina. We got that fellow over there that I'm staring at and scared of. Henry Zabrowski. This is the thing is that Ed unfortunately can't be here today. He's in North Carolina. He's graduating from Piggy Charm School. Congratulations, Eddie.

Oink, oink, Eddie. Oink, oink, Eddie! Oink, oink, Eddie! Big and so proud of him. I ain't clapping for that shit. Oink, oink, Edward. What kind of tricks can he do? He learns to wipe shit off his balls before putting his pants on in the bathroom. Fat, dumb, and oink, oink, Eddie.

Congratulations. He gets a little cap on and it's all made out of fucking cheesecloth Oh sweet of course Wrapped in an old fucking basketball jersey Like a diaper on his body These are a little cheesy nun I love him This man's not even here to defend himself No no no he's actually having a great time

If you knew him he's Sweaty Eddie Oh yeah I've seen him sweat Sweaty Eddie with the poopy balls. Oh, now I know who you're talking about. Oh, yeah, that guy. I'm Holden McNeely, boogie, boogie, boo, daddy. Oh, that's so gross. Mookie, just to let you know, Mookie is in the chocolate.

I'm sorry. Holden loves his mother. That's why. So your face is the shock that is on your face, just to let you know. We all love our moms, but. He really loves his mother. That's cool. So your face is the shock that is on your face, just to let you know. We all love our moms, but he really loves his mother. That's cool. Good luck with that shit, man. Nipples for life, man.

Okay. Uh, yeah, Kevin Barnett, man. Former member of Swag Team 7, but I fell off, man. I used to be the king of trampolines. What happened, Kevin? How'd you fail at trampolining? Shit just got sour, man. Man, I ain't been living.

I just imagine you just getting schooled by a seven-year-old Asian girl. And that's why my life is fucked up. Oh, look, I do the Eiffel Tower jump. Is that why they're called Swag Team 7? I do want to say three minutes and 34 seconds before Henry Zabrowski did an Asian accent. I beat Jackie's in punch. I didn't do him too tight today. Wow.

They're tight. They jump higher than you. God, I'm not funny today. It's okay, Jackie. It doesn't matter. All right. I am Ben Kissel, of course. And then in the chuckle hut, we've got Mookie, like I said earlier.

Thanks for being here, Mookie. Great to be here. And then we got Larry, Larry Marcy, the man of, honestly, the most beautiful beard I have ever seen in my entire life. And you are a babe magnet. And women love to have sex with you. It's the exact opposite of what they like to do with Kevin Barnett. Why is Andrew so much better than me?

I'm sorry, Mookie. What was that, Larry? It was just a fact and a point. But no, it's fine. That your beard is amazingly good. Well, you're a gorgeous guy. But thank you guys for having me. And y'all are so goddamn sexy.

Well, thank you. And I'll tell you, Larry, the beard really covers up the pock marks. I feel confident. And then we got Marcus Parks over there. And he's got some news stories for us, which is very exciting. The wife and stepson of a man who experienced an eight-month erection after his penile implant malfunction testified at his medical malpractice trial today that his unusual condition

Affected the entire family Isn't this the best erectile dysfunction Surgery of all time An 8 month boner Daniel Metzger's 18 year old stepson Alexander King said his father With whom he had a close relationship But the thing is they were too physically close

So he would be distanced by his tremendous erection. I think it's illegal, technically, to hug your father with a boner. Yeah. He became distant after the December 2009 surgery and wouldn't attend his events. I mean, thank God. The father did that out of the goodness of his heart. You could wear something besides basketball shorts.

Well, you gotta tip it up. I mean, it's just so if you have a... Just put a cup. Can't you put a hard pick in a cup? Just wait. You can do that. It goes much further. It's much worse than just an eighth month of red.

Yeah, because that's the thing. It starts to hurt like crazy, and you have to go to the hospital and get it drained. Did he just hide it? Physically, it gets much worse. But we could get into some theories, though, Jackie. You would just go with the cup over the deck? Oh, Jesus Christ. Jermaine Fowler.

That was Becca. No, no, no. That was Beccaaine Jermaine Fowler everybody he just busted through the door if this was 1962 as whites we could have legally killed you what happened Jermaine how are you are you okay you look shaken you look stern dramatic entrance we've ever had Jermaine okay so Jermaine are you on the show now okay Jermaine Fowler is joining us as well Jermaine, okay. So, Jermaine, are you on the show now? Oh, sure. Jermaine Fowler is joining us as well. Jermaine, we're just discussing a story about a father who had an erectile surgery to have a bigger

penis, and he ended up with an eight-month boner, and it tore his family apart. So, the teen said he didn't feel comfortable bringing friends home. He said, turning to his father in court, I was I'm sorry, highly embarrassed. You guys can't come over.

My dad's dick is over. Yeah, yeah. That's a great excuse to get out of doing shit you don't want to do. It's like, dad, you going to come to my baseball game? He's like, no, I can't, man. My dick's too hard. My dick's too hard right now. Yep.

Metzger, 44, and his wife, Donna, are suing Dr. Thomas J. Desperito. No! Oh, he is Desperito. All right, for that cash. No, we ran out of all the normal things. We've got to put a bunch of popsicle sticks in there. They're claiming the urologist botched the procedure in which a three-piece inflatable implant was installed. Three-piece?

inflatable implant was installed. In Newcastle County Superior Court on Monday, Metzger testified that his scrotum swelled to the size of a volleyball, and his erection would not subside. Finally, the device was removed in August 2010 after tubing punctured Metzger's scrotum during a family trip to Niagara Falls. It's a bad family trip. Niagara Falls out of his a bad family trip. Niagara Falls out of his pants, am I right? I'd say so.

Did he go to this doctor at Ikea? I feel like three pieces to get a bigger dick. That's really crazy. Have you ever seen these? No, I've never heard of this. These are implants. I think this is for erectile dysfunction. I've read horror stories about it. Here's what they have.

They implant a three-piece type of pump system where there is a pump in your scrotum where you pump up the scrotum and it makes your dick get hard. It's the Reebok pump of dicks. Exactly like Reeboks. You pump it up and your dick gets hard and then you can fuck your horrible wife. You pump it up and your dick gets hard and then you can, you know, fuck your horrible wife. I've read horror stories where dudes took like the pills or whatever, whatever it's called, like to get not a... Horty goat weed. Extents. Yeah, yeah.

And like you have to get it drained, but that's only after like several, several hours of like, I couldn't imagine months. Yeah. But they stick a huge needle in your dick and drain the blood out of it. Yep. For about a month he was was really proud of it. For a month, he was walking around with ties hanging off of it and a sneaker tied to the end of it. Oh, no. It makes it a bounce.

Exactly. What do you got, Jermaine? Has anybody ever used a male enhancement before? No, I have never taken it. I wish Ed were here. Ed's taking the boner pills. Oh, really? Jermaine, have you taken a male enhancement drug?

Yes. And how was that experience for you? It was scary as fuck. Yeah, because it feels like you're riding a rocket ship. Yeah, well, one, you don't have any control over it. You feel like you're six again. What do you mean by that? Because you don't have control over your boner.

It's getting hard. You don't know why. It was confusing. It was kind of a blast from the past. I got the pills because a friend just gave it to me as a joke for my birthday. Sure. Mm-hmm.

And he got it from Chinatown. They're like these green male enhancement pills. That is not good. Never take a pill from Chinatown. There's some that they sell in our neighborhood that I want to try. This guy's got like Ryu and Chun-Li for Street Fighter. And he's got it on the case. And Ryu's like fucking the shit out of Chun-Li.

That might be nice. No, what I hate about that is that all it shows is Ryu's ass. Yeah. All you see is Ryu's ass. Yeah. It's horrible. He's haunched over like a goddamn dog. It does catch your attention, though.

Yeah, no, exactly. I appreciate that Chun-Li was there. That might activate the boner, thinking about Ryu's ass. So when you took the pill, did you get a massive heart on, or did it feel like more of a massive heart attack? No, no, no. Not a heart attack. It just felt like just a hard dick.

Okay. And I got- Did you have any place to puss- Puss it. Puss it. Did you have a place to puss it? I pussed it. Oh, yeah.

This was recently, right? Yeah, yeah. Very recently. Yeah, I remember telling you about it. I was like, yo, you got these pills. Yeah, no. I was like, go another country. Go have a hard dick.

That, in my exact words, was that. And you've been a pussy. That's how I told customs. All right, so. No, I got scared, so the second time I took the pills. You took them again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because then you, now that you've seen the power, you're like, you can harness it?

Yeah, it's like sisu beans. But did you jack off when you had it the first time, or you were able to come inside of an actual human being, an actual man? I got a blowy blow. From a dude, yeah. Oh, yes, from Ryu. Fantastic. He just was called Ryu, and he was dressed like Ryu. That wasn't the correct was that.

Just a little Mexican man. Well, you're not what I ordered, but you'll do just fine. I'm with you. It's like, oh, it's you. Okay, you can go. So I put it, I took it again. I decided.

How many days after you took the first pill did you take the second pill? I don't know. I don't know, probably a week. Okay, so you gave yourself a little breather, a little downtime, a little down a little Addict little limp dick yeah, you have like flashbacks or your dick would just get hard on like Wednesday Was scared about it get hard again and like doing because I've heard people having to get their blood drawn yeah, right But you will go back to needle. A huge, like...

But can't you also play a flute at it and make it go to sleep? If you drill holes in it, you can. There's a Zelda flute you can play for your dick and it'll go right to sleep. How was the... Before we get back to the story, how was the second experience

of your dick-hard medication? I was afraid that it would get too hard again, so I decided... I've been just taking the pills, just biting half of them and throwing them back into the bottle. Wait, gonna still taking it just for fun so where are you taking these pills Jermaine what is wrong with your dick nothing's wrong with it it's just kind of mesmerizing it's science so it's not science you have like magneto's fucking like origin story

we'll see so I was in the camps I I wish Ed were here, but he would do it because of the whiskey dick. He would do it when he knew he was going to be drinking a shitload of booze that night and he still wanted to fuck. But he said it made him feel like he was going to have a stroke. While he was on top, he would be like... I mean, to be fair, so does the sandwich. I mean, he's three, you know.

That is more of a lifestyle thing. Without the pills, I think he's the same. It's his body. It's not the pills. Yeah, that's the problem with that. But your second experience was okay. It was great. I just been getting like, I've been getting like a chub because of the half of the pill. So it's been fine.

It's not as scary. You got a problem getting hard without it now? You can't get hard without it now? I can actually. I can. I've only taken it like three times. I'm just lying. You're an instrument. There was leaving so much hope in that sentence.

I can do it. I can do it. No, Dad, don't leave. Don't leave me, Dad. I can kick the soccer ball into the soccer goal. I'm not gay, Dad. I'm not gay, Dad. Marcus, let's get a little bit back to this story here.

The man with the swollen cock and massive balls. Well, talking about the scrotum, the volleyball-sized scrotum, Donna Metzger, who separated from her husband briefly following the surgery said, and by the way, this is all court testimony. Right. All of this. But we agree, it's rude that she separated from her husband for having a massive boner and huge nuts. They have. He did that for her.

They have reunited. Exactly. They have reunited. Which is nice. She said I couldn't stop looking at it. It was just so huge. I can't believe it can stretch that big. The family's lawyer asked, what was so huge? She replied, his testicles.

And the jury pool laughed and laughed and laughed. They also said the biggest problem was that he ran an antique store and he kept knocking vases over. Of course. Donna Metzger recalled how her husband struggled around their house after the surgery

and walked as if he was carrying a ball between his legs. He shied away from activities, not wanting to be seen. When he would attend social events, she said he endured humiliation, like at the family gathering where his sisters mocking led others to join in. I love that he lived like Darkman or like Frankenstein.

Every creature that doesn't want to be seen in public. He just shunned the light. Get out of the room! He's watching basketball all bitter. They think it's fun and games to toss a ball around that big. They don't know what the pain is. What do you think is the worst, most difficult profession to have if you have a boner for eight months?

You said an antique salesman. That is very difficult. What's another profession that would be almost impossible to achieve, do a good job at with a massive boner? School teacher. Carpenter. Oh, carpenter, yeah. School teacher, yeah.

You'll get thrown in prison. Probably like a SEAL trainer. Aerobics instructor. I was going to say the worst is probably gymnast. Totally. No doubt about that. I'd say a civil rights activist. Oh, yeah.

If you're fully engorged. Oh, you're not here to protest. This is about your own arousal. You're just getting hard over civil rights, aren't you? You're trying to do something positive. This isn't about the Puerto Rican people at all. It's like, these people are animals.

Oh, he's about to give a good speech, you can tell. He's a huge boner. Oh, I got another one. Mall Santa. Oh, Mall Santa. Definitely. Well, the couple reunited, and Metzger underwent a second implant surgery by a different doctor. What?

But Donna said the sex isn't the same, there's substantial scarring, and she said, quote, a lot of things going on down there. Oh, God. It sounds like a fucking... That's my beard, Jermaine. Mm-mm. Yeah, it is. No, it's fine.

My question is, I just don't understand how he lasted eight months. I just don't understand why you would let that happen. It had to hurt. You knew it's not normal. Right. Right. And they say, what is the old cliche Viagra thing? 48 hours, right?

And then you're supposed to call your doctor eight months, and you haven't contacted a medical professional at this point? Well, I think he was contacting the medical professional, and the guy just kept telling him, it's fine, it's fine. I was starting to think like a gypsy cursed me

or something. Right. Like thinner? Stephen King's thinner. It does sound like the dumbest sixth grader's

wish of all time. He has a genie and he's like, I would like an eight month boner. Yes. All the girls

will love my big boner. I'll grant his wish but he'll never see all the things that come with it Fucking nuts the size of volleyballs Horseshoes My question too is Was he coming

Like during this eight month long I mean with a scrotum the size of a volleyball The man is not going to be thrusting too much Right But he can jerk him off I bet I mean the pain was quite You know Yeah of course Jackie's a peanut butter on it yeah you can do that Jackie you're a lady your husband has an eight-month

boner massive swollen balls I mean you're gonna stick with him or you're gonna leave him like this trollop did who complained about a small penis and then he finally went to get his penis redone, retouched, refurbished for her, and then she fucking leaves him. What do you think, Jackie? I would have just drained it for him. Just put a big needle right into his sack

and suck it out, and then you can just spray him with it. That's a porno right there, Jackie. I'm going to remind everyone in listening that Jackie's not a doctor. Not technically a doctor, Henry, but she could be. Anything that is ever swollen, don't want to be swollen anymore, put a needle in it. Yeah.

Not a doctor. Didn't they get back in the 1900s, right? Yeah, yeah. Stop the juice out. Yeah, or stomp it out with golf shoes. Yeah. That's a really good slogan. I've seen the commercials.

That's really great. Like, if it sucks, put a needle in it I agree I don't know, like a food rake? What are those things called? A fork? Is that what you call a fork? A food rake?

Is that how... It's very interesting Stop and eat with the food rake I gotta go do some lawn care What's that shovel you put in your mouth? What's that called? A little tiny shovel. So what else is happening

with this story, Marcus? Any other quotes or things like that? I mean, that's pretty much that when they did separate, she was quoted as saying, let me find here, I don't not love you because you don't have a penis Oh She's so mean

I've heard that before Absolutely That was like the nicest way she could have put it Does anybody in this room know a person A man in particular Who would need a penis enlargement surgery I can't think of one And thank God.

I mean, Larry, how's your wang doing? I mean, it's like I would love a penis enlargement. I'm like, do you guys want to raise money? We could do that. We could do a dick starter. We could do a dick starter. Dick starter. No, let's be clear.

It's already huge, but I would just love a six and a half inch penis. What do you got now? Right now? I got, well, because it's like three. I love that you look down at your penis. Just to check it out. Right now or in general? In general.

Fully large. In general, like one. Like right now, like three and a half. Wait, but it's hard. Like we all have. Like we all have. I have a regular size, like right now, like three and a half. Yeah. Wait, what is hard? Like we all have. Like we all have. I have a regular size, like four inches. I mean, we could go around the room and say everybody's dick size.

I'm a solid. Can we? Can we? Yeah, I am a six-inch fella with a nice German bratwurst-like girth. What? That's nice. That was nice. I don't want to know anybody's dick size. I don't want to know anybody's name!

What do you mean? I don't want to hear yours! I think that's enough! We don't need anybody to see or hear about your sad-ass dick, dude. Oh, it's not sad. I imagine that you come tears. I just imagine it being one of those broads with the slit in the middle of it. That and the little nubs at the end.

Marcus, stop recording. Stop recording. This is ridiculous. They're being malicious. Ben's dick got a twist at the end, like a bubble. Oh, fun. Oh, yeah. Like it went through a whole bunch of fucking factory work.

In middle school, we all wanted our dicks bigger, so what we learned is that you keep tugging it. Just tugging it every night before you go to bed. That's not true. Who's we exactly? All the students in our class. Just Jermaine in the mirror. Like an after school club or something that you're in?

It was my home room. We just like, this girl was like, she told us, hey, y'all want your dicks bigger. It was a girl. So we were like, she was like, y'all want your dicks bigger, just tug at it every day. Hey, you know what's going to make her dicks bigger? When you get tits.

Like fucking work on them. It buried. Markets, what's another story, buddy? Or we can continue on with this one if there's anything. Oh, there's nothing else. Nothing else in Wisconsin. Let's go to camel news. Yay!

Finally, finally. I have so much camel material. This is great. This is another story out of Australia. A randy camel has killed its woman owner after apparently trying to mate with her. Well, you know, if you're going to dress that way when you're on a camel... I read about this. He fucked her to death,

didn't he? Yep, the 10-month-old animal weighing 150 kilograms. Can we just stop for a second? This is the first story that I have ever heard or ever spoken about or Marcus has ever spoken about where Holden is out of this line, I've read about this. And he just knows the end

Absolutely How'd you come upon this story I think he just googles The phrase fuck to death Every morning when he wakes up Yeah I was on I was on dirtymommy.com And I followed some links

And it was like Oh you're into camel stuff How's this you know I'm sorry a camel fucking laid a dead and I'll tell ya how did it manage

how did it spread her legs we'll get into it well that's a question yeah yeah yeah the 10 month old animal oh it was just a baby

yeah it was only 10 months old yeah I didn't know what it was doing mice and men it's a mice and men camel you think the camel

is mentally retarded. It probably was. Just wanted to give her a nice massage. The animal knocked exotic pet... It's like a mice and man with camels. The 10-month-old animal knocked exotic pet lover Pam Weaver to the ground

before trying to straddle her. Husband Noel, who gave her the camel as his 60th birthday present in March, returned home to discover his wife's body on Saturday. Mrs. Weaver was in the middle of cooking dinner, and there was a cup of tea on the table. But you get the feeling that his father looked at the camel and was just like, our plan worked.

Very nice. And now I will be with the camel forever. The camel was wandering loose in the backyard. The animal had a history of erratic behavior, often trying to straddle other species, including the family's pet goat. It was also into leather, so. Oh, yeah. Well, Detective Craig Gregory said,

I would say it had probably been playing, or it may even be a sexual sort of thing. Yeah, of course it was. He fucked her to death. Yeah, Mrs. Weaver had a love of exotic pets. The family had considered buying her a llama or a paka, but found they were too expensive.

I mean, if she's 60 years old, that's probably the only action she's gotten in, like, solid 10 years. That's what happens when you go discount. You're gonna buy a cut-rate fucking exotic animal.

That's what you're gonna get. You're gonna get have it for sale. The thing is, though, it's like what's fucked up about it is like for her kids or whoever else is like they talk. It's like, oh, my mom died. Oh, how'd she die? Just fucking death. So after that experience, I've just said car accident ever since. Everyone just thinks

I'm saying something racist when I say she was fucking raped. Jackie, what do you think? I mean, is a camel the worst animal you've fucked to death by as a lady?

No, I think that's fucking great. It's going to be spitting all over you the whole time. Yeah, but that tongue. At least, I would rather, maybe... I don't think he went down

on her first. He at least went down on parts of her, don't think he went down on it. He at least went down on parts of her. Licked her clean. Spit on her. Does a camel know where the clit is? Yeah. Its tongue is so big, it'll find it. Have you ever seen a picture of an elephant's pussy?

No. It looks like a lady's pussy. Don't pretend. So does a horse pussy. Roll that pussy footage, Marcus. Henry's pretending like he's an anthropologist. I like that your hand gesture for a pussy was A-OK. Man, that elephant is about to get fucked to death. It actually doesn't look like one.

What kind of women do fuck Henry? Well, we can't go into that. I just made my own thing out of paper mache and roast beef. Oh, God, why was that elephant spread eagle like that?

What's happening in the world today, man? It must be so weird when you fuck Henry because it's like, oh, got to finish before the glue dries. I got to finish right before the glue dries. Do they fuck with trunks? We are looking at a picture right now with an elephant up another elephant's pussy. I think you're on a new watch list. A new one?

Absolutely. Holy shit. It's been a while. Larry, how many watch lists is that? Oh, God. Countless. Going back to, I mean, I've been on the internet since I was, what, 12? So you get notices or something?

Huh? You get notices in the mail or some shit? You get flagged? No, I don't. This is just me knowing what the government does and all the shit that they're always monitoring. I know what's up. I know the score. Don't you tell me that I don't.

We're recording ourselves, though. So it's sort of. Yeah. I mean, it's all documented. Larry, what animal do you want to be fucked to death by? Porcupine. If I. I mean, like, this is like a really hard question because I've thought about being fucked to death by like at least four different mammals.

What are those mammals? Okay, ant eater. Oh, good. Sure. Yeah, but that's going to be all ass rape. Yeah. Well, no, because

I mean, it's all ass rape. Yeah, it's all ass rape. No, no, no. Have you seen the elephant's pussy? Okay, well, like you're changing my opinion.

You don't want to give me like, like, I don't know. You think like a disclosure Demi Moore thing is going to happen with a sexy older elephant woman Alright so we have the anteater Okay so

If I actually could find out which mammal Could stay hard the longest That's the answer That's male I don't really know Yeah you don't want to get fucked by a chub You know what I mean I guess a hard dick is more classy I suppose

Is that what you're talking about Okay well What Okay I would love to get fucked to death by a chocobo You know what I mean? I guess a hot dick is more classy, I suppose. Is that what you're talking about? Okay, well... What? Okay, I would love to get fucked to death by a chocobo, but they don't exist. Yeah, man! Final fantasy. Okay, it goes like this.

It goes anteater, right? And then it goes Bigfoot. Oh, okay. Well, that's just getting you out of the scenario just in case it comes up. And then it goes chimp, because I like people. Sure. And then I guess the last option would be

like, well, I can't say what they're called because they're in this room, but like... A seal? Well, Jermaine. Are you talking about redheads? Jermaine, like, I would like to be fucked to death by you. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Very interesting. Very interesting. You can talk to me that way. No, he wasn't saying it wasn't racial. It was unsuccessful comedians, which is a different kind of beast. Yeah, that is true. I have a few animals I don't mind getting. Who do you want to get sucked off by?

Sucked off or fucked by? I'm going to go sucked off because he got fucked Okay, alright, animal I go first one would be a catfish Oh great, great answer Because they suck the ocean floor So they can certainly handle his cum You imagine a catfish just cum

That was the grossest thing I've ever had Another one, catfish What's up with you had uh go catfish uh fuck uh what oh and uh i guess a pelican oh how risky have you ever seen sharp yeah wait wait hold on hold on we got a lot of pelican conversation yeah what's wrong yo what do you think about the pelican giving a blowjob that's not at all what i would think that you would say, man. Have you ever seen a pelican before? I've seen a pelican.

I'm asking if he's seen a pelican. I've seen a pelican, unless it was probably just Danny DeVito, but I think it was a pelican. You got low standards, man. I think a pelican. All right, number three is pelican. Number two. Okay. All right, animal, big-ass mouth.

I'd go porpoise. Porpoise, okay. Oh, no, they got sharp, sharp teeth. I thought they had no teeth. I thought the dolphins had teeth. And they're rapists. They like rape humans. A dolphin is a porpoise.

There's a whole family of mammals. I think porpoise is a dolphin. It's the same phylum. Yeah. Or possibly genus. They're in, yeah. They're the same family, but. A dolphin is a specific type of porpoise, man.

All right, I'm about to call a nerd alert. So. He's talking about getting his dick sucked by a porpoise. You guys are bringing up biology and shit. I'm talking about getting my dick sucked. You're trying to bring up this science. All right, one more. Who are you going to get your dick sucked?

One more animal. Grace Jones. Grace Jones is it. Grace Jones is good. It's very similar to his last answer. All right. The longest penis in the animal kingdom. The blue whale.

Blue whale, yeah, blue whale. 100 feet. Oh, no. The salt in the sea is mostly from their fucking nut. Now, you're trying to tell me, Jermaine. You're trying to tell me, first of all, take the microphone away. Because I want Kevin. I want Kevin to answer the Kevin. Is that true?

That most of the scene is so googly? You know that shit is not true. Yeah. Kevin's the only other smart person in this room. You're going to bring facts into this shit? I got facts. I feel like Jermaine just has

literally nothing in his head and then he every once in a while says some crazy ass shit because he's insane. He's like, that's a fact. It's a fact. I feel like it's where all folklore came from. It just sounds like magic realism. Hey, so I've got from Yahoo. Jermaine is a time traveler.

He created realism. I've got from Yahoo answers. Okay, Yahoo answers. Is this an actual question? Question. Is whale sperm the reason why the ocean is so soft? That is an answer. Was this from you?

Jermaine, like, is that it? Best answer chosen by voters, not scientists, mind you. Yeah, by voters. By Yahoo voters. Yes. Whales. Sit down. We finished that debate.

All of it is me. Whale sperm is the reason why the ocean is so salty. And the salt just doesn't come from whale sperm. It also comes from shark sperm, scuba diver sperm, and idiots who masturbate in the middle of the sea. That's amazing. I like how scuba diver sperm got out of the

soup for some reason. Oh, and the longest proportional penis around is the barnacle with a penis of around 17 inches. Equivalent proportions in a human would yield a penis 40 times his own height and length. A six-foot-tall male would have a 240-foot-long penis. This is my question.

You're just fantasizing at this point. How do you fuck a barnacle? Like, how do barnacles fuck each other? You're not a pirate, so I don't think you'd know the answer to that question. I don't need to be concerned with this information. I'm on a need-to-know basis. Can you eat two barnacles? Yeah.

How do barnacles fuck? Yeah, that is, yeah. It's like... Because they live on animals and shit. Don't they live on boats? How do they have a 17-inch cock? Where do they even fit? Oh, barnacles fucking.

Oh, wow. Okay. Check out the rat. Look at that dick right there. Oh, Barnacle's fucking. Oh, wow. Okay. Check out the... Look at that dick right there. Oh, my God. It's holding his mother. Yeah, check out the round table page for Barnacle's fucking. It's gross. I understand your love for your mother if that is you and your mother holding. It's absolutely beautiful.

Yeah, I wonder if they're taking dick pills. How much do you have to pay per month to see Barnacle's fucking? It's free. It's just on YouTube. It's technically not porn because no one's up to their game yet about what's hot and what's not. I hope those Barnacle's parents never see that shit. All right, Marcus. Let's get out of animal news. Do we have another news story?

Yeah, yeah. A mother was arrested after police said she tried to throw her child into Florida's Clearwater Harbor. Clearwater! Florida! Wait, wait. What? That's a Florida landmark? That's famous for, like... Clearwater. It Clearwater! Florida! Wait, wait. What? That's a Florida landmark? That's famous for, like...

Clearwater. It's closer to the lake. It's where everybody throws their own water. It says she tried to throw her child in, but failed. Tried to throw the child. Like, she tried to throw it into the lake and missed. I mean, just, like, landed on the shore, like, Patience, goddammit!

I'll get to it. All right. I heard all the Florida water's salty because all the children are salty. Shut up! All lydia chaco 39 reportedly dangled her three-month-old boy over the ebbing water claiming the child was quote covered in snakes and lizards. Interesting. And lizards, okay. You just bat them off, right? You'd be like, hey, get off my kid. Get out of here.

Because technically they're at home in the water. Right, exactly. So you throw them in the water. They have an advantage. Yeah, they have an advantage. You're making it easier for them to crawl inside your baby. Yeah, man. I think she just wanted to kill her kid. Yes.

Well, earlier in the day, the property manager of Chaco's Clearwater apartment thought something was awry at the household when it flooded. Upon entering the apartment, Chaco was shouting bizarre comments and began to throw things. Chaco allegedly told the manager that her child was covered in lizards and snakes, and she was doing everything in her power to, quote, keep the demons out. Oh, okay. That's where that led to.

I mean, demons and lizards. This person is probably just saying the same thing. Well's where that led to. Demons and lizards. Satan lizards. She just lost her job at the Quicken Carry and she's just like, she saw a bunch of lizards in the living room. She's like, demons! Jackie, how would you get rid of your baby if you thought it was covered

in snakes and lizards? Cut off its skin. You would just cut off all of the skin. Yeah, then you never have practical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the baby's dead. The thing is what I think is such an idiot thing to do, I don't think that you could really kill a baby by throwing it into the Gulf.

Why not? Because there's like no tide, really. There's like no big waves. Babies have buoyant heads. The baby's just going to float. It's going to get put back up on the water. I think that like take it out to the Atlantic, sure, that baby's going to fucking die. Right. Rip off all of its skin, that baby's going to float. It's going to get put back up on the water. I think that, like, take it out to the Atlantic. Sure, that baby's going to fucking die.

Right. Rip off all of its skin. That baby's going to die. You know what's a baby death that no one ever does either? It's just stomping on it. Yeah, it's so easy. You don't hear about that enough. Surprising.

They throw it against walls. They shake it. Just stomp on its head. The stupidest thing this person did was putting their baby in the Gulf. Like, if they were really smart, they would have just, have just stomped on the baby's head in the Atlantic Ocean a lot of times. And then probably eaten it just to make sure. So you're going to go eat the baby? Eat the baby.

Because if you know it's in you, then where else could it possibly be? See, that's just your weird mythology happening. I'm also trying to summon the devil this whole time. Wait, wait. Yeah, I think George Zimmerman would have told the jury that Trayvon might have

had lizards on him. I was trying to shoot the lizards off of him to protect his soul. That's the first George Zimmerman reference we've ever had. Where? From Florida? No wonder. Free George Zimmerman. Free George Zimmerman.

Sure, he killed a man. Sure, the man was completely innocent. Free Elion. What's that? Elion and George Zimmerman. I want, man, you know, sometimes black people attract iguanas, and you gotta shoot them off. I agree. That's the thing, man, you know, sometimes black people attract iguanas, and you got to shoot them off. I agree.

That's the thing, man. In Miami, I feel like. Bullshit stereotype, man. No, this is real, dude. In Miami, like, constantly, all types of black dudes walk around with iguanas on their neck. That's dangerous, yo. You could get shot. You might get shot if you wear these iguanas on your neck.

That's because, like, iguanas are such a problem. Like, the cops are just, like, shooting iguanas, but they're all black guys on their shoulders. It's an epidemic, man. It's not racism. It's black dudes wearing iguanas on their neck. That's why cops are shooting somebody black. We're talking about, do we have iguanism? Is that what's happening here?

I remember Till had iguanas on him. No, no, I'm going with this. I'll tell you, dude. I went in middle school in Miami. I remember dudes coming up to me, and they're like, you can, they're like, they, during lunch, they would sell iguana eggs. Yo, man, you want to wear my iguana? Yeah, exactly. Iguana eggs, 35 cents for iguana eggs, lunchtime.

That's less than lunch money. I had $1.50 with me every day. So you just ate the fuck out of those? Yeah. You ate them? No, he was eating them and scrambling them up. And you incubate them

and then you grow them and you have the iguanas to wear on your neck. Yo, we got so many iguana eggs, let's sell them to fucking stupid fat Kevin Barnett.

Ultimate racket. Yeah, he's gonna eat them. You can't hear how fat he is. They're just growing jewelry in their house and shit. They're just growing

lizard bling. Anyway. It's all good until an iguana fucks you to death. That's a good point. Holden's going to see that one day when he looks it up. Holden, how do you feel about all this anti-lizard talk as a lizard yourself? I grew up with a lot of lizards. My buddy Pat had a bunch of lizards.

Iguanas, though, were no fucking joke. They'll tail whip your ass to death, man. They fucking don't fuck around. But I love a lizard. I love to play with him. I like to tickle his little belly. That's my favorite part. He tickles his little belly, his little claws.

I feel like you could just talk to a lizard and relate. All just hanging out on the rock. Got lots of bills to pay today. That's interesting, Jermaine. All right. Marcus, what's another story, Marcus? Or we're going to continue with this. I'm just checking out all the fucking horrible things that iguanas caused to happen down in Florida.

It's a big problem. Because people just let them out. Yeah. Burrows that they dig undermine sidewalks, seawalls, and foundations. We've had at least three Burger Kings collapse because of an iguana sabotage. Where will they eat?

Droppings of iguanas litter areas where they bask unsightly causes odor complaints and is a possible cause source of salmonella bacteria okay i've always wanted a komodo dragon though that's cool no no i was really cute today have you ever seen an iguana bask? It is... Majestic? It is horrifying. It's haughty. It's haughty.

They act like they belong there. And you come down and, this isn't your rock. This is the rock I let you live on, iguana. And white people just hate it. They just hate when iguanas feel like they just... No, no. All we like is tiny dogs and people who work for us.

Well, because we're like, Well, because we're like, oh my God, there's the iguanas. Soon there's going to be black guys. Exactly. They belong. They own the place.

First it's the iguanas, then it's the black guys. Well, that's sad. Get these iguanas out this neighborhood. It's not good. Well, you know it. An iguana's going to be

marrying your daughter. Oh my, I don't like it. Well, you know it. An iguana's going to be marrying your daughter. Oh, my. I don't like it. His attitude is so true. Basking like they own the place. They're not doing nothing. Not trying to fight their life. Couldn't help it.

It's a Tuesday, iguana. 3 o'clock in the afternoon. What are you doing out? Just hanging around. He's getting that something. Lazy. Hey, hey, guys. Like, I met the other day a really well-spoken iguana.

And, like, you guys, like, you were like, just gentrifying iguana habitat. I'm going to go grab a bucket of beer for us to drink. As we're done? Grab a sixer. We only got, like, 15 minutes left. 15 more minutes? Okay. All right.

So what are you guys up to? Chilling, man. Fucking stroking and smoking, buddy. No, do not sit in my chair. Absolute chaos. Yeah, Henry, if you really were Batman in this room right now, what would be your first motive? Be fucking buying a couple of guns online.

Because I'm sick of fighting everybody. I'm so sick. Oh, I got every fucking night. I got to drag my ass up and down buildings fighting ten dudes at a time. I'm just going to get a fucking gun. I'm going to shoot the Joker in the fucking head. Then he wins. Very scary.

Then he wins. That's what he wants you to do. No, he doesn't. He doesn't win. Because he's dead. Joker in the head. How do you feel about that? You feel good? Huh? Does it make you happy? No, he doesn't. He doesn't win because he's dead. Joker in the head. How do you feel about that? You feel good?

Huh? Does that make you happy? No, man. I feel like Batman's very inefficient. Okay. If he had a gun with him, he'd fucking save lives. Shoot the dudes in the fucking head. Yeah.

Problem's over. Yeah. Yeah. He's wanted for murder rather than just assault. Kill the cops then. What are you... Yeah, but what are you going to do with the Riddler? Kill him.

Shoot him in the head. But he's harmless. No, he's not. He doesn't... He's tricking everybody. What if you walked in... And that's a murderable offense in your head. He's harmless. No, he's not. He's tricking everybody. What if you walked in... And that's a murderable offense in your book? In my book. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice,

I'll fucking shoot you in your head. That's true. I want to make a documentary that's just following Henry through S&M parties and he's just in a full Batman costume. You guys being safe? You guys having a good time? Is the Joker here?

Everyone okay from the penguin? I couldn't help but notice you were screaming, man. Oh, you want him to slap your pussy until it's big and red? Alright, Marcus, what's our other story? A man who lives on the 36 West 800 block of Hickory Drive, St. Charles Township reported that someone removed his girl cover and defecated in it. Ah, that happens. According to Kane County Sheriff's reports,

part of the incident was captured on a home security video shortly before 2 a.m. The video shows a male wearing a shiny gray Power Rangers outfit, his face obscured by a matching balaclava, coming on the property and walking off camera carrying the grill cover, but not the defecation, as that likely oh how do you power Rangers costume you can't he's gonna done it they have now where you could just zip the butt Jackie what do you think again like what you can you do you can zip the butt oh yeah that's what I thought I said wow there was a great power yeah I'm surprised it

wasn't the green Power Ranger. Why is that, Jackie? He was depressed from working in an office. He was the silver Ranger, I think. Silver, because there's a white one. Are you guys talking about putties? Was he dressed like a putty? No, a gray Power Ranger.

Which it wasn't like, oh, and then the green. I mean, he could have, I don't know, bought it down like Chinatown or something. There was definitely a silver Ranger. Yeah, I know. That was like from the movie, there was like a silver Ranger, right? Sounds like a misdiagnosis. You know what? Let's not talk about the Power Rangers. No, let's only talk aboutdiagnosis. You know what? Let's not talk about the Power Rangers.

No, let's only talk about the Power Rangers. You know what? I'm just going to say this now. There was a Silver Ranger. There was a Silver Ranger. Yeah. Okay, there was a Silver Ranger. Wasn't he the gay one?

No, that was the blue one. The blue one was gay. The blue one was gay. He killed himself. No, he was a scientist. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, he killed himself because he was gay.

Yeah. I think. Let me check. Yeah, can you Google this? What he did was that he was gay Yeah I think let me check Yeah can you google this What he did Was that he set up A Christmas tree And then he just hung himself

With the Christmas lights Over the thing With that Santa hat on That said Merry Christmas You fucking bitches You can think that he taped To his naked dick That's fine

Love the Red Ranger Oh no That's okay Jackie what do you think about Oh no the Yellow Ranger Died in a car accident That's what it is He died in a car accident Cause she's what it is. Yeah, I'm afraid not. He died in a car accident.

Because she's Asian and she can't drive. Okay. All right. Take it easy. With the Asian... You know what, Mookie? No, wait, stop. The Yellow Ranger was Asian.

I didn't make that up. I think I was satisfied with facts about the Power Rangers when I was like eight, and I was like, oh, they're awesome. That was it. I don't need to know how they die. All right. One has three fingers. I want to say this.

And Mookieookie no longer saying Truths about the Asian community Jackie What do you What do you think about this story The rice ain't worth shit The rice is very expensive Please we're asking Jackie a question here

What do you think about this situation With this man dumping Inside of this other man's barbecue grill? I mean, is it the worst thing that could happen to a grill? He did shit on the grill. I would have shit on the grill. I would have turned the shit. I would have turned the grill on, shit on the grill, made patties out of it, and then served it to his family. You're turning into, what's his name from Saw?

Jigsaw. Jigsaw. It's a very easy name. The? Jigsaw. Jigsaw. It's a very easy name. The main character. I wanted to say Tiny Dollman. The dollman. The dollman. He's like that guy from the movie Gump.

What was that called? Who was that Gump guy in that Gump movie about the trees? He's slow, but not completely retarded. The Gumper. Yeah, I think but not completely retarded. Yeah. The Gumper. Yeah, I think it was the Gumper. Yeah, the Gumper. The Gumper.

The Gumper. That is not... Yeah, the sequel to Cocoon. Yeah, can we... Let's all just let Henry... Henry, could you recite a couple of lines from Forrest Gump? Like, Mama always said, life is... I may not be a smart man, but know what love is.

Was he pooping when he was saying that? It's a Gilbert Grape impression. Yeah, it's a bit of a combination. Say the one after he saved Ginny from the strip club when she was playing guitar on stage naked. What was that one? They were gonna hurt. They were gonna hurt you. Oh.

My favorite other one is that. Is he smart? Or is he like? No, he's very smart for us. It's so sad. But that one was full retard. That was actually like the... I will win an Oscar one day for playing a retarded person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, he's so smart because he's not Forrest's son. What? Is that your conspiracy theory? No, that's ridiculous. She fucked a lot of dudes. The kid's not retarded. She saw that he had this big, multi-million dollar shrimp company.

Get in the money. She's gonna die. Who better to dump your bastard son off on than a retarded shrimp farmer? Jesus, Lord. Retarded shrimp millionaire. I fucked up my whole childhood, man. Yeah, this is ridiculous. It can't be true.

It's Haley Joel Osment. Jesus. Out of all the... I never even considered that. I've got my whole childhood, man. This is ridiculous. It's Haley Joel Osment. Out of all of them. I didn't even consider that. Yeah, but at the end, when they're sitting on the soup, and then they both move their head the same way, they're nervous. Learn behavior. No.

Nature versus nurture. I hate this. It's Father's Day. God fucking damn it. He's like, I'll move my head the same way. Oh, yeah. I'm going to get a paycheck in 12 years. That's what I know. my head the same way. Oh, yeah. I'm going to get a paycheck in 12 years. That's what I know.

I'm going to get this money, nigga. I'm going to get this money. Yes, three-year-olds generally use the N-word. We're talking about fathers. I'm a white three-year-old saying, nigga, it's the funniest thing in the world. White, white, white. Jack, you know what bothers me about that sentence, Jackie, is your pessimism. There are some good fathers out there.

There are some good fathers. There are some white three-year-olds who say the N-word. And after them saying it, I'm like, what you going to do, nigga? I'm three. I just shit on my diaper, nigga. I can't say it any longer, son. They beat me, and they beat me bad. But you are allowed to.

You're a child. My brain ain't fully developed, nigga. I can say what the fuck I want to say. All right, time for a segment from Old McNally. Segment time. All right, let's do this. Segment time. All right, so Marcus is a multi-million dollar producer of music.

Yes. You have to come up with a band name or a certain sort of a name for your act, whatever kind of musical act you want. Tell me what your band is, what your band name is. What kind of music you play. And why I should sign you. And he will sign one of us to his multi-million dollar... And I'm going to put together a full-on PR blast on this.

Wow, like a social media blast? A social media blast. I can't believe something like that. Can it go viral? I'm going to get you on Z100. What? I'm going to get you on Sirius Satellite Radio. Sirius Satellite Radio.

I'm going to get you on Pandora. Pandora Sirius Satellite. I'm gonna get you on Pandora. Pandora Sirius Satellite Z100 Radio. Pandora also has like Halloween sound effects. Ah. Alright, so I'm gonna go first. My band name, it's One Man Band. It's called Captain Yes. I'm gonna get that penis pump

that you were talking about in the first story. Oh yeah. I just get a big fat snare drum and I just bang my dick on that thing for about two. Well, I mean, it depends on how long they booked me for. But yeah, like one to two hours or three minutes if that's what they want. And I fucking bang it hard. All right.

And then afterwards at the bar, like I'll fuck any chick who wants to like, you know, or dudes or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. That's a part of the band. Yeah. That's a part of the band. It's kind of the encore. Like I'll just be like,

get on it, sit on it. And yeah, just percussion. Just straight up percussion, noise, rock. Don't know if it's going to play with the top 40 stations. Right. This is indie.

This is underground. Is this going to play in Peoria? It's going to play in the festival circuit. I don't know about this. All right. Terrible. Kevin.

All right. My band is called Three YearYear-Old White Niggas. And everyone in the group, it's a 20-piece band. They're all Asian. And all they sing about. That shit is ironic. Yeah. All they sing about is missing the ice cream truck.

We ain't never catch it. I like the way that black people can say words that I can't say. I mean, I would say the inclusion of the N-word would be, that would be your downfall, but as the recent hit, N-word's in Paris, which is, I think, the first hit song that white people, niggas in Paris, can't say. When Paltrow said it, you can say it. It's funny. I am correct here. I'm turning over a new leaf.

I'm turning over a new leaf here. People that need to be respected as human beings in Paris. I agree with Ben completely. Iguanas in Paris? No, not Iguanas. That's a new thing, man. That's what she meant when I was covered in lizards.

Why do they spend so irresponsibly? If you're like me and Ben have started a blog on race relations in America that you can go check out later. Yeah, Iguanas is the new niggas, man. Iguanas in Paris. Yeah, but we can say,

can we just say Iguanas? Like Iguanas. I like that. God damn. You my and pears. Yeah, but we can say, can we just say guanas? Like guanas. I like that. You my guana. Guanas eating up all the lettuce. You get out

of here, you no good. You some kind of guana lover. You guana lover. You fucking

guana lover. Oh, my goodness. It's not bad. It's not bad. 20 piece, that's going to be real love. It's not bad. It's not bad. 20 piece, that's going to be real hard to take on tour, though. It's hard to make money. Yeah, it's real hard to make money on this band. It ain't about money, man. It's about the love, man. So let me ask you this, though. Are the 20 children, are they

of different parents or of the same? Do they all come from one family? Yeah, they got like a Jackson 5 thing. It's one family, man. Oh, fuck. Slave labor. You can do anything you want. Yeah.

All right, so money's taken care of. That's great. We're just going to have to work out transportation. You should just get a bunch of girls because they would have just been murdered anyway. Yeah, the whole Asian market has really been paved the way by Psy. So we're good on that.

Ben, tell me what you got. I like that idea. This is to create a band. Fuck. Fuck. We're going to wing it. I've got a little band I'm going to call a Weezer. And I want to have one good album. It's going to be skinny.

And it's going to be fun. Just quit comedy. Comedy? Is that what we're supposed to be doing? Mookie, you fucking idiot white. Just quit comedy. Comedy? Is that what we're supposed to be doing? Yo, Pinkerton's better anyway, man. Mookie, you fucking idiot white. No. What?

No. No, I'm just kidding. No, I would like to do, I would like a band. I would like it to be called the Benjamin Kissel Band. And I want it to be me. So what do you think, Marcus? Just a bunch of people hanging out. First of all, Benjamin.

Not a good name for show business. It's not a good rock and roll name. It's Jewish. It is. It is. It's Jewish. I think that's what Marcus was saying. People are really turning on the Jews, man. Well, my favorite, I'll have a number one hip hop song.

Oh, it's a hip hop group. Oh, is it? Is that what it is? Yeah. And it's called the Benjamin Kissel Band. And it is rap. But it's a hip hop, it's a one man band. One man, the fucking hip hop collective.

Yeah. Just when you didn't think I was going to come for you, I fucking ate your wife's fucking... I made her dinner. What is that? All right, so what do you think about that? I mean, this has no... No chance. Jermaine felt good about it.

I think what you just did was technically called a radio seizure. Well, it's a medical condition I'm trying to work on no it's okay it's okay I got a man what you man what you got all right Michael Jackson Prince James Brown uh--huh. All magnificent singers. Marcus? Yes. But who started the R&B craze? Hmm? Hmm? Freedom. Freedom did. Freedom. The first ever singing group that took prominence during the slave trade.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. Hold on. Everybody calm down. It's slave theater and B. What slave trade? The black one.

It's a good question, Larry. With smash hits like Keep It Down, you should really sign this ban, Marcus. What do you think, Marcus? I mean, so are we time traveling for this? They've been frozen in time

and now they're back. What are they doing right now? They've been frozen in time and now they're back. What are they doing right now? They're picking... They're just looking through underwear and just be like, oh, look how pretty it gets. They work for Haynes. They're somewhere in Brooklyn with their iguanas just chilling on the necks and stuff.

They're ready to work. They're ready to work, man. Can you give me a sample of one of their songs? Keep it down, keep it down. You all singing in there? So we're going to beat them Iguana lovers. Wow, featuring the Big Kissel Rap Group. Yeah, that's right.

All the Big Kissel Rap Group is just, you singing in there? You should be working. You fucking iguanas in there? That's the band, dude. You know, that's pretty good. You know, I would say that black harmony vocal groups could be on the rise again. I mean, we all enjoyed Boyz II Men. We all enjoyed Blessed Union of Souls.

Imagine now being slaves then. And now they're slaves. They have no idea what money is. We can pay them whatever we want. We can pay them a dollar and say, you're free. Alright, I like it. But they probably wouldn't be a hit

though. They'd be singing shit like, gotta get off these chains. And people can't relate to that. No one else is really on them. That is very true. However, we could possibly bring in someone like Jay-Z as a producer. And let's be honest, Darius Rucker is fucking dominating. He is, but then

they would be a country band. I like Darius Rucker very much. I don't want Darius Rucker around my fucking group. You don't like him? No, I don't want him around. I don't want Darius Rucker around my fucking group. You don't like him? No, I don't want him around. I don't think it's going to be a good one. All right, so Marcus. Yeah, we'll bring in a good producer on this, and I like it.

Okay. What you got? I really shouldn't even bother after that. My idea is an exact combination of the last two that you guys heard. The greatest musical act I could imagine would be a middle-aged white dude who raps and wears blackface. He just called you middle-aged. No, no, no.

Well, I will be dead at 62, so that's about right. A middle-aged white dude who raps in blackface but never mentions it. He's just got bars. He's just the greatest rapper you guys have ever heard. And the blackface never comes up. What's his name? Donald Glover.

For those that couldn't pick that up on the air, that was Donald Glover, which is a joke that Jermaine Fowler made about Donald Glover. He's a very successful, wealthy, African-American comedian that Jermaine Fowler made a joke about. Jermaine has no money, but then Donald Glover has a bunch of money. And he's been on TV a whole bunch. then Donald Glover has a bunch of money. He's been on TV a whole bunch. A couple of movies. A couple of movies with successful rap. Spider-Man.

I guess I hate him. I don't know. Yeah, Jermaine Fowler made a joke about Donald Glover because he's got all the money. Anyway, my blackface rapper's name would be Big Whoop. Oh. Big Whoop. What do you think about Big Whoop?

Big Whoop, motherfucker. I mean, it's all about image in these days. We're on the internet. Everybody knows what everybody looks like. You can't keep a secret these days. You can't do it. Gonna have to pass. Never gonna win.

What? You're passing? I passed on you. Passing on Big Whoop. I don't know, man. But he's got bars. At least listen to the man rap. Big Whoop has got bars. Kids nowadays aren't worried about that. Kids nowadays, they haven't I don't know, man. But he's got bars. At least listen to the man rap. Big Whoop has got bars.

Kids nowadays aren't worried about that. Kids nowadays, they haven't heard of blackface, man. I literally saw a chick, 14, on MySpace. I was looking at her shit. Okay. That's fine. Why are you saying this on the radio? You can't say that.

That's what he did. 14. I literally, like, I wish I was your lawyer. No, no, no, no. I know, I know. I know. She tweeted at me something. And then, no, no, no. I know. I know. She tweeted at me something. And then I looked at her profile picture on Twitter.

It was a white chick. And her picture was her in blackface. That was her profile picture. Wow. On Twitter. I don't care about that. I just want to know why you were on this little girl's Facebook. Little girl.

Little girl. 14 years old. She was born in 19, what, 1997? Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, we were in high school. little girl 14 years old she was born in 19 what 1997 yeah probably yeah we were in high school it was like straight up like a

historical date like that was like incredible it was like 19 what was the date Kevin became a pedophile so that's what

yeah things are changing but Mookie I mean the black the blackface I have no problem with blackface of course

you've been in it. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I've been in it. Yeah, the girlfriend requested it one night. It was weird. She wanted to fuck a man for a night. Yeah, fuck a woman of her own race, and that was the best I could do. She made me paint my face brown, and it was uncomfortable for everyone.

It's different. It's performance. But it's so weird. These kids don't think about it as anything no of course not she didn't tweet no racist shit like if she had black face and then she tweeted racist shit at me i'm like oh i understand this yeah but she's like oh i love you you're so funny and then it was a picture of her in black faces maybe it was just bad bronzer My biggest problem with the project is that it includes

Ben No you did Mookie and don't turn your back on me now Don't turn your back on me now You could take him to another label Do you want a rap? Do a rap from this fella's thing Now don't turn your back. Don't turn your back on. You could take him to another label. That would probably take him. Do you want to do a rap from this fellas thing here? Um,

yeah. Oh, my name is. Yeah. It's big. What? Big. I wake up in the morning and I get hot wearing makeup.

Cause that's how I feel on the inside. It's good. It's good. It's good. Keep on going. It's not bad. It's good. Keep on going. It's not bad. More than that. Yeah, sell Marcus.

I mean, that's great, but you just hitched your cart to the wrong mule here, brother. Do you not understand the political position that I do behind the scenes? Fuck you and your mule. You're never going to win with that attitude, Mookie. I'm going to make some calls right now to my buddies over at BMG. My buddies at Sony and Atlantic. I'm telling them this Mookie guy calls,

you take him. You take him in. Does that mean kill? No, no, no. You take him in. Then they're going to have to deal with this guy. Jackie's got something. Jackie's Zabrowski. Alright, so we're going for being able to sell it. We're in. Because then they're going to have to deal with this guy. Jackie's got something. Jackie, what do you got? Jackie Zebrowski. All right, so we're going for being able to sell it.

We're going for cute. We're going for viral. So it's going to be called Pup Up the Jam. And it's going to be a dude with a flute, a dude with a snare drum, and then a big retarded dude with a puppy. And then the audience is going to be, it's going to be like a theatrical experience that you tour from town to town. You get all the retarded people.

They bring animals with them and they can squeeze them to bark along with the music. You can do whatever you want to the animals. It's not animal cruelty if it's done by a retarded person. Is it going to be

like a 3D movie though? Like you show up and there's like a bin full of puppies if you don't have your own? And you're going to say exactly what it's going to be. Because like

you can't kill them nowadays got all these like no kill shelters. Make music with them. You're talking about dog take one. Exactly. It's going to be... Because you can't kill them nowadays. It's got all these no-kill shelters. Make music with them. You're talking about dog accordions. Yes. Dog accordions. It's pup up the jam.

Pup up the jam. Pup up the jam. I mean, if it was 1933... Yeah, but can't we bring the magic back, Marcus? Can't we bring it back? I mean, if it was 1933, then this would be like... We'd all be like Congress. I mean, we'd make $10 on this.

Easy. But in this day and age, I don't know if we can squeeze puppies. You can't tell them it's wrong. They don't understand it Marcus I feel like you're being very negative here I'm a music producer I have to be negative Music producers are terrible people

And the girls that come in the audience They're not allowed to wear clothing Oh I knew you would say that That looked like so hard for you to get out. I guess they're not kind of weird. Just imagine a big, fat, retarded girl squeezing a puppy naked. That's all I ever think about.

I think that's fine. All right. Okay, so we all know. I mean, I don't know if you guys know, but producers sometimes have pet projects that they do on the side. It's just sort of for themselves. Although I can't give you the big green light on the big project. Okay. I will say that I'm going to put you

on my personal label. Ooh. You're getting a deal on Nurse Minotaur Records. Wow, so she's already got a deal that was made. I mean, she's getting a small deal. Alright, Marcus, we must conclude this episode. Threedom wins. Threedom is getting signed.

Threedom wins. Oh, Threedom wins. Dan Fowler is the winner of the episode. I mean, he was the only one who actually gave me a pitch. Jackie Zabrowski, Henry Zabrowski, hold him in your leg. Kevin Barnett, thank you for being here, Larry. Larry, what was your band idea? Oh, Larry never got his band idea? Oh, that's right.

Oh, fuck. No, Larry, what is it? I'm not going to go into detail. It was called Mrs. Mr. Mr. Okay. Just give it to Larry. Marcus, give it to Larry. I mean, you get signed to the little label, too.

All right. Thank you, Larry. You better fucking give it to me or else. Alright, it's pee pee time. Good night. Goodbye everybody. Let's all pee.