The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 16: Boys Will Be Boys

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

That’s just how they do it. Honestly, the longer this show goes on, the more sense Ben makes as a person. I’m not going to give it away, but Ben discusses at length a particular disturbing incident from his junior high years. Wisconsin. Jesus. It’s just fucked up.

Oh, God. All right, let's start it off. All right, well, I'm in charge of tonight's prayer. There's really absolutely nothing to pray for. You have to go through the ceremony. If you, dear God, if you're listening. Why? Or not.

Good. All right, you're not listening, so I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. So watch over my brews. And I hope that no one else drinks them. Please make sure that none of the comic books get spilled on this evening. Thank you. And if you could just please, please make something go right for everyone in this room. Oh, nice. I appreciate that.

Just anything. Just anything, Lord. Anything right. That would be great. Amen. Yeah! Welcome to the round table of gentlemen. Jackie, that was the sweetest prayer ever.

Thanks, baby. Let's name off. Let's do a name off. Who's on? Who's in the name off? Jackie. Ow. Ed.

How you doing? Yo, what up? Holden, be real. No, that sucks. No, that's my new thing. Kind of like, that's my new character. It's a bad one. Holden, be real.

It's a bad character. Either way. And I'm Kevin. Let them kids know about me, Barnett. Yeah. He did it right. Kevin did it right. And I'm Kevin Let them kids know about me Barnett Yeah He did it right Kevin did it right You gotta throw it in between

And just not be white Yeah yeah The chuckle We got Henry Zebrowski We got a real fat one here The show actually That's kind of funny And Julia Johns.

What's that, Julia? That was my chuckle. Can you hear it again? No. Okay. John F. O'Donnell, Madeline Osten, and Dan St. Germain. All right. This is always Newsman Marcus Parks.

Parks, what's going on, buddy? We get starting off this week with a clean kill. Yay. All right. One strike and he's done. Machete. A Belgian woman has gone on trial in Brussels accused of murdering a love rival by sabotaging her parachute and causing her to plunge to her death.

Awesome. Awesome. And they have no evidence whatsoever against her. This love rival thought it was just like, oh, the chick, the chick's fucking, whatever that chick that I hate, she wants to take me skydiving. She didn't think anything was up with that? That's very dangerous. So if we have no evidence, how do we know

she did it? Well, it's mostly just hearsay and accusations. She has been charged. She has been charged, but the attorney claims there is no proof. Nice. No proof whatsoever.

It was a love triangle between these three skydivers that used to do these jumps together. Oh, man, it's like a Wesley Snipes movie. The woman who allegedly killed the other one, her name is Babs Clodemans. Babs Clodemans. Eddie, describe good old Babs for us. Bab name is Babs Clodemans. Babs Clodemans. Eddie, describe good old Babs for us. Oh, Babs is a big, fat monster. How did she

ever skydive? That's so dangerous. It's a bird. It's a parachute. She just fell really fast. It's like a Buick skydiving. Skydiving. So the guy that was The guy out of the three

He actually had to sit there and watch As that woman just plummeted To her doom That's amazing She had to watch it all the way down How many feet into the ground do you think she went? Man that's awesome That's like instant gratification, too.

Like, you watched her fucking die. On top of that, like, the girl who's dying has so much time to think, like, God damn, this bitch got me. Do you think she screamed, like, I'll get you, bitch, like, right before the hit? I did, too. I would love to see them right before they jumped out of the plane. She's like, I'm so scared. Nothing to worry about.

Everything's going to be fine. People do this every day. Just jump. I packed a chute for jumped out of the plane. She's like, I'm so scared. Nothing to worry about. Everything's going to be fine. People do this every day. Just jump. I packed a chute for you. It's great. It's perfect. 4,000 feet. She died after crashing into a garden in a Flemish town.

That's kind of fun. What's ever happened to that Flemish town? This actually happened in 2006. It's old. It's an old story. No, no, no. The trial is just now coming around. Apparently the criminals...

They don't get anything. Four years to build a case? There's no way she's going to get convicted. Nothing at all. Nothing at all. Has she been in jail the whole time, though? No. So they were in a three-way relationship?

It was open? They all knew that they were all fucking the same guy? No, there was just a... It was a love rivalry. The huge bitch was wanting this guy named... Babs. Please call her Barbara Smith.

Okay, Babs. Excuse me, Babs. Yeah, Babs the big one. The object of her desire, 25-year-old Marcel Summers. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. Very white. Doesn't say. Very Belgian. Marcel Summers. They're all Belgians. Man, he must have felt like the cock of the walk up there skydiving with two snatches like that. That sounds fantastic.

Real cool bean. I have a question. How did they sabotage the parachute? Was it just like an anvil? Yeah, exactly. Would she pull the cord? She tampered with the main and reserve chutes. Wow, both of them.

See, I'd go with inflatable woman. That would be the best fuck you. Inflatable man that just says, he's mine and Sharpie on it. Oh, man, there's all kinds of deaths going on this week. I mean, it has been an extremely dangerous week to be a human. Great round table. This is fun round table stuff. Yeah, yeah, just fun.

Just fun. It's so dark, you know. Let's go for a near death. Florida story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. L-O-R-I-D-A! These bank robbers in Miami, they fucking, they got away with

the bank robbery. Got away with 100K. How they did it is they kidnapped one of the tellers from their home, strapped a bomb to her, and walked into the bank. And they walked out with 100 grand. They have no idea who these people are. I thought you meant by 100K you meant 100 kilos of cocaine, which is

what I thought Miami had in their banks. I thought that was what they did there. Someone robbed a sperm bank. That would be a good time. This is entirely the wrong bank, Bruce. This is the wrong bank. I knew you were a fucking retard. That's why there's no security. It's a sperm bank.

This type of shit makes me so happy it's still going on in Miami. I remember one time some guy tried to rob a bank in Miami and my dad actually was around when it was going down. They all chased him down and shot him in the parking lot of a Burger King. Hey, not bad. What happened to your wife?

Worst Burger King commercial ever. First Burger King commercial ever. Did your dad get in trouble for that? Or that was allowed because he robbed the bank? No, he had a gun in his hand. He just faced off with the cops and they just shot him in the head. Oh, that's kind of fun. That's the best.

That's a way to end an argument, though. Oh, yeah. You're going to see footage of that watching that lockdown show. It's a lot of fun. The prison show, lockdown. If anyone has not heard about this. There was a gang war with the South Mexicans and the, I think it was the South Mexicans and the whites. They went off on each other.

North Mexicans, they call us. The North, yeah, yeah. And yeah, yeah, it was just like, and if you see right here, this is right where we shot that dude in the head and they zoom in on this picture of a guy laid on the ground with a fucking pool of blood coming out of his head. I'm just like, how is this on TV? Well, that's kind of fun. Speaking of prisons, John of O'Donnell's in the chuckle. If you were a person that would survive in prison simply out of insanity, what would your technique be not to get murdered immediately?

I have a very concise and experiential answer to this question. I was in prison in Dublin, Ireland for a week. Oh, yes! In 2008 for being awesome. And this is what I did. I out-crazed everybody by very aggressively singing I Can't Get No Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones. That's perfect.

That is how you do not get fucked with in prison. That's also how you get your own seat on a Greyhound. Greyhound rules and prison rules are very similar. Dan, it was just the possibility of getting their ass kicked by a little yank that they wouldn't. Plus, everybody's so homophobic in Ireland, they won't fuck you. That's fantastic.

That's good to know. That's a true story. People in prison, this is a bit of a follow-up to a story last week. The retard in Virginia, they executed her. She died. She died. How'd they execute? By way of needle?

Needle. How would you want to get executed, Marcus? Between the toes? Electric chair, absolutely. I agree with Madeline. I feel like the executioner must have said something like yep, still brain dead. You know, when she died.

Still brain dead. Everything's perfect. See, I would want to do two birds and one stone. I'd do the last meal is my execution. Oh, wow. Eat yourself? Yeah, poison that fucker and just give me a shit ton of it. I think that's too nice of a way to go out, though.

They would never let you go out. I know, right? I mean, I don't think it's realistic, but I would like to have a whale dropped on me. Like, if I could go to SeaWorld or something, man. Think about it for a second. I'm sure her last meal was the only time anyone ever requested a bib to go with it. Beer, wine, man. Just think about it for a second. I'm sure her last meal was the only time anyone ever requested a bib to go with it. Beer, butter, and jelly.

Beer, butter, and jelly was her last meal? What a retard's choice for her last meal. That's so stupid. Beer, butter, and jelly! And a Lego block. You can't eat the Lego block. I'm feeling bad about killing her, man.

Just do it. Just close your eyes, man. It would be great. You know, she's the first woman executed in the U.S. in five years. Oh, well, it's about time.

Why do they get such a break for so long? That's because, you know, they're wily, they're stealthy, and they can fuck anything. So then they immediately

don't get executed. They can fuck anything? Yeah. They can't fuck other women. Not without a dick strap to their crotch. Very true. Yeah. If you have a dick strap to your crotch then you can do it. Yeah, exactly. Times are changing, man. These hosts today are doing

a lot of different things than I think they could do five years ago, so hey. And I thought you called it a clutch not a crotch. I was like, is that a term? You know, this is something we didn't cover last week. She was also trading sexual favors. Of course she was.

Yeah, yeah. She was at these, yeah, these guys. It made her feel good downstairs. Yeah, these guys were. Look at all of my down downs. Yeah, what was she trading sexual favors for, like Twinkies and cupcakes? Or was it like... Discount.

Because she hired these guys to kill the husband. It's like unforgiven. What's so sad is I refer to my area as the down-down. And that makes me very upset to hear you impersonate a retarded person. Eddie, let's get a mugshot description on this woman. She's looking a lot better this week than she did last week. She's still got about 17 necks. That's not bad.

She's got very dykey hair as well. Speaking of downstairs, I got a funny email on Facebook. Oh, dear. I mean, Ben sees a thing, though. Dude, Marcus, read this email. Read the email. I haven't spoken to this dude in 10 years. What's his name?

His name is Pete. His name is Pete. Read it as Pete, Marcus. All right. Benjamin, how the heck are you? He's a born-again... That's actually right. Benjamin, how the heck are you?

I hope you're doing well. It's been great to be able to watch some of your stand-up stuff. I'm sure it has been. Dot, dot, dot. And shit list. He loved it. I've been literally laughing out loud here alone. Like that part.

In my office. Funny, funny stuff. Alone in his office watching the shit list. Nothing sad about that. I miss your sense of humor, so I'm glad I can still catch up with you online. Yeah, so that's a normal little paragraph there. I don't know how normal that is. Wait. It's fairly normal. I don't know. Normal enough.

I guess. Next paragraph. Watching your stuff has brought back all kinds of memories. Most good, but some really aren't. Uh-oh. What happened? I haven't heard this. This is so fucked. See, the thing about it is, though, this is fucked.

Yeah, it is fucked. It's boys be boys to Ben, but all right, keep going. So I need to apologize. Ben, I had completely forgot about this, and I hope you did too. Oh, my God. This is not something anybody would forget about, by the way. Yeah, yeah, not anymore, man. Thanks a lot.

what he would forget about, by the way. Yeah, yeah, not anymore, man. Thanks a lot. But for some reason, some of the stuff we did to you in middle school came back to mind. Oh, Jesus. He hasn't thought about this in a minute.

I wake up every single day thinking about this. And I honestly have been feeling sick about this. He's not doing well with it. Next paragraph. I am so sorry that we sexually assaulted you.

Okay, all right, so we have to pause it here. What? We've got to pause the email here. And, Ben, explain what he's worried about. What happened to you? It's so much worse than you imagine. How the fuck do you sexually assault a guy who's 6'8"? Was it like that scene in Army of Darkness where he's tied up and all the fucking little things?

Yeah, it was called his travels or whatever. Yeah, all the Lilliputians. Ben, what the fuck happened? What happened? Well, no, we were in eighth grade. I think we were drinking some suds. It was with like five friends. Wait, is that soapy water?

It's soapy water that has beer in it. It was natural light, so same thing. And they like pinned me down, and we had just won a sportsmanship trophy from a basketball tournament. So was Guy. And it was just a statue of a man holding a basketball above his head as if he's won some sort of glorious prize, as opposed to getting last in the tournament, which we did. And so they thought that would be funny to stick up my anus and uh the whole thing they pulled my pants down i was like no you know that whole thing where you're about to get whipped in your asshole that you do and uh and then uh they bring me down and they

just they just plucked it right in there Is that why you're so into anal play? I mean, that's what I told him. He opened the doors for some fantastic fun times. That's a valuable life experience, man. So really, you should be thanking this gentleman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he goes on. He says, uh.

The whole email goes on for five more paragraphs. How does he describe this assault, which is so much worse than I can even describe it? See, that's the thing. He doesn't actually go into the actual event. He says, I don't know if you remember or not. In the case that it was blocked out of your memory, too. I mean, he's the gay one. They're all the weirdos.

I'm the asshole. I won't go into details, but I absolutely need to ask for your forgiveness. Yeah. I have no idea what in the world would have possessed me to assault you. That was just a brutal, nasty, heartless thing to do. Man, those trophies are sharp, too. They've got edges. They've got edges.

They glue the two ends together. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wiseman, can they take the trophy back now? I wish I had this trophy. Two things on that. I feel bad for the trophy, number one. Yeah, yeah. It's definitely not the best day that trophy has ever happened.

And Ben, do you still have that trophy? No, I don't have it. It was Pete's trophy, obviously. This didn't take place at my house. Do you think he still has it? Ben doesn't have any trophies. Maybe. Well, I got a couple of trophies.

I got a trophy or two. I got a placard above my wall, above my door. You got that trophy for getting a trophy in your ass. I wish I got a trophy for that. It was all lubed up and in a pointy way So it wouldn't hurt so bad Was it actually lubed up? No they didn't lube it up

And that's what I'm most pissed off about How far in did they get it? I mean the arm of a statue It was about a six inch statue Like the basketball got into it? Well that was the hard part That was the doozy. Did you cry?

Were you screaming? I mean. I was screaming, of course. And I bet you I cried later that night. Were you kind of laughing? I bet you I did. I don't remember it. Were you kind of laughing?

Like as you say, well, read the response. This is jovial? Oh, I didn't know. Oh, I didn't see the response. You got a response? First of all, it starts with, what's up, dude? I don't know how to respond to that. How do you respond to that?

I was like, I better just be cool because I can't let him know that it still sticks with me every day. And Ben says, don't worry about anything. What was the quote sexual assault or I think he wasn't mad enough to say it even like

there was so I was just worried that there was more than the basketball trophy. Yeah. And I was like I hope it's the basketball trophy one because if there was more

sexual assault that I did block out I'm going to need to open up to somebody. Yeah. Or let's just call it quote boys being boys moment you were talking's just call it, quote, boys being boys moment you were talking about.

I think it was a boys being boys moment. And he said, did it involve a basketball trophy? If so, I just laughed my ass off for about 45 minutes. People pay good money around here for similar treatment. Wait, have you guys had any of these boys

being boys moments? No, that's definitely not a boys being boys moment. Exactly. You're like the Mother Teresa of being raped.

I know. I think I'm a good man. This is what's so bad about it. That would be tough to stomach now. We all have to

remember that assholes are so much smaller in the 8th grade. Well, that's the thing. Now, I mean, I could have taken that whole trophy

and been like, did you guys put it in yet? Why aren't you raping me? But then, I mean, God, that was a tight corner back in the day.

It wasn't a gaper. Not a gaper, not yet. Holy Christ. Not like what you usually like. Remember that children's movie, The Gate? Imagine if they would have changed it. Oh, man, I just watched it the other day. What if it was called The Gate?

Yeah. That would be kind of fun. You know, we got a black pastor here who has been gaping all kinds of boys for years. Speaking of molesting young boys. Wait, is this Pedophile Corner? Not yet. This is also the precursor to Pedophile Corner. Are we going to have another fucking pedophile?

Is that what we're doing for the rest of the show? Now, Christians and rape. They love to do those two things. Well, of course. Well, it's, you know, I think it's important to mention that he's black

because it's very, like it's, he's a very, very, very homophobic pastor. Which is very, it's a thing in the black churches from what I've been told.

Kevin, do you have anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Resident black guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'll speak on behalf of the rest of them.

Yeah. No, I used to take... This guy, his name is Spencer Legrand. No, no, no, wait. Bishop Eddie Long. That's his name. Spencer Legrand was the guy he raped. Good. Spencer Legrand? That is just like, oh, I want my son to be raped. I'm gonna name him Spencer.

The last name's already Legrand. Oh, Spencer. My only crime is being named Spencer. You talk like that, then he wanted to be raped. No, this guy would take these kids. I mean, it was a juvenile rehabilitation program. And he'd take them on retreats and tell them that butt sex, blowjobs, handjobs, all part of their spiritual awakening. That's beautiful.

I love this guy. It's true, man. Pain awakens you. To chakras. Yeah. To the chakras. These kids should just take a little page out of Kissel's book and forgive them. They just got to forgive them.

It's fine. This fucking kid, Spencer. I just think that there is shit going on with you that has been built up over a long, long time. I was tormented as a child. I would have loved that kind of treatment. A nice bishop taking me out, went camping. Yeah, man, you remember you got raped in the ass. I know, I know.

By a trophy that you won. That doesn't happen. I do love it when you get a sportsmanship award. That's kind of fun. What do you think about that, St. Germain? You ever been raped or raped? Come on up, Dan. You got to come up to the microphone.

I don't think I've ever been raped before. No? It's not bad. I don't think about it. I mean, I've gotten like... You've had bad... Well, this guy the last time, one of my... Oh, this is fucked up.

Stand up and come up closer, Dan. One of my best friends from college, I relapsed one night, and I was all coked up and drunk, and he tried to fuck me on my bed, but I pissed all over him because I was so drunk. And we haven't smoked since. Oh, you guys don't have a streaming conversation going? That's the best defense rape mechanism. Just pee all over him because I was so drunk. And we haven't smoked since. Oh, you guys don't have a screaming conversation going? That's the best defense rape mechanism. Just pee all over your attack.

That is. I will have to remember that. No, no. It'd be a weirder story if you're like, can we talk every day now? We have a great relationship. Now, women can't do that because usually, I mean, if they're going to rape you anyway, they're probably into getting pissed on. Sure.

Absolutely. They can't even tell the difference. My favorite line from this Bishop Eddie Long story is, by the way, this Spencer Legrand only stopped fucking him in the last year. He's 22, though. He's 22. He was fucking him until 21. And the first time, Long told him, I will be your dad.

Hey. And then he slipped him an Ambien, and they started fucking. That's a good start. Wow. She started fucking. That's a good start. Wow. She's relaxed. That's the best part. At least you're seeing everything in circles. It's a great line.

It's a great line. I will be your dad. That's such a terrible, terrible thing to say to a person. It's creepier when you're raping them to think that now this is my father raping me as well. Double victim. Why is who's your daddy kind of sexy but I will be your dad so fucking good? Yeah, because you're not the daddy.

It's like, who's your daddy? It's some other dude down the street. Fantastic. Happy it's not me. Because I probably could be fucking you. That's fucking you. How old did the BJ start? Did he start him off with handjobs and then BJs or what? It doesn't go into that.

It doesn't chronicle their sexual exploits from beginning to end. I just feel like it's not rape anymore by the time he's 22. He obviously likes it at least a little. How was the kid when he started? It doesn't say. He's daddy. I mean, I'm guessing he had to have been in high school because these were all high school-age kids.

They were coming in off of the streets. Love that high school, man. He knows what he likes. Yeah, man. Exactly. It's all experience for him. I don't look at this as right. He just wants to get his rocks off, you know?

Yeah. I just love that people are shocked a multimillionaire leader of a atlanta mega church is corrupt it's like of course he is that's the whole thing yeah that's that's the whole point of it and he came out yesterday and uh he did he finally broke his silence but he didn't deny it what do you say he said that he is like david going against goliath right now oh yeah yeah that's the boy though I feel like he's Goliath going against David.

That would be the proper way to phrase that. Fucked kids in the Bible, right? That's how it reads in the black church. We have a scripture. That's the difference. This Bible's just the Necronomicon. You know what?

I think that can go ahead and count as pedophile porn. Absolutely. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. You ever play with a gun, kid? I don't like it anymore. Boy, that really went on for a long time.

I drive an ice cream truck. That's not bad. They do it. Those guys do it. I can't believe my anus was penet's not bad. They do it. I can't believe my anus was penetrated by boys. Oh, yeah. Not even men. Boys. Eighth graders.

Oh, man. It's like that movie, Build to the Damned. And were they enjoying it? Did they enjoy it? I think they got it. Yeah, they got their kicks off on it. What were they saying? Oh, this is great fun.

Look how we're sticking this in his asshole. Ben's loving it. Ben, how got their kicks off on it. What were they saying? Oh, this is great fun. Look how, like, we're sticking this in his asshole. Ben's loving it. Ben, how you doing? Squeal. Stuff like that. Squeal. Yeah, yeah. Squeal.

I feel like boys being boys is a way to sort of validate a lot of behavior. I imagine that, like, I just, some imagine some SS officer just being like, boys being boys. Absolutely. It happens every day. Just cutting up Jews. Yeah, Henry, Henry, you remember that documentary we watched about the Nazis raping all the homosexuals in concentration camps? Article 78?

Yeah. The saddest thing. They would rape them with pieces of wood with nails in it. But this is all for science. This is German science. They also made wonderful sausages. They made amazing sausages. And great soap.

And soap. And they were close. You get the nuclear bomb. Ben, compared to the trophy, compared to being raped by a piece of wood with nails, you were made love to. Yeah. No, that's the way I felt about it, too. That's the way I felt about it. Yeah, it was boys loving boys.

Boys being boys. That's that good old-fashioned team camaraderie, you know, to build that trust. Boy, I'm boy, I'm boy, I'm boy, all on one boy. Well, I know if I ever get raped by another man, the first thing I'm going to say is just like, what's up, dude?

Yeah! What's happening? It's fantastic. Totally throw him off. That's Wisconsin, man. There's a lot of sexual stuff, a lot of pissing on each other in the showers. Well, you've got to stay warm somehow.

Exactly. I was forced to do the dime drill by a similar group of people where you have to push a dime around the toilet seat with your nose that wasn't fun so really the anal fisting the anal basketballing I guess wasn't the worst thing I ever did but the thing is what I'm scared of is was it just you

who had to undergo all these tasks pretty much yeah I just want to like what led up to it alright well who's the hey alright Ben let's do this shit well it's like

being super tall is the same thing as being a midget you know but people just come up to me and say the things they would say

to a midget but they just say it to my face because it's not so sad you know like every time you look at a midget

you're like that's a small ass dude but no one ever goes up to him and is like wow you're really small how short are you but they come up to me

and they ask me similar things. You know, they just point it out. It's easier to point out. And it's also, it's an easy victim, you know, a nice old tall boy like that. Oh yeah, everyone can see you. Spread all the cheeks open there and really get it. Oh my god, I totally forgot, too. I had shit-stained whiteies on

and I said, don't rip these. These are my brothers. I was wearing my brother's underwear. Did you write that in the email? No, no, I just remembered that, actually. Fucking scenes from Sleepers. Oh, my God. Yeah, I actually saw Sleepers in a similar time.

Oh, it was terrifying. Sleepers fucked me up. Don't rip these. These are my brothers. I didn't live that down my entire high school life. But they raped me. Well, but... There's always that.

That's good. Just have a cigarette. Yeah, just smoke it down, please. I don't forgive you anymore, Pete. You fucking Christian Jew. Fuck you. I hate you. I just love how this entire podcast has been debilitated by this rape story that you had.

There's no going forward. There's no moving on. I'm trying to. I'm trying real fucking hard. What you trained to with the rapist? What you story? Yeah, thank you. Rapist priest.

What story could you possibly have? I've got one. I've got one that relates to what we were talking about earlier. Oh, good. A neo-Nazi couple has discovered that they're Jewish. I love this story. How? The wife started going through

the family history, started figuring out where they came from, and they discovered not only Jews, but Polish Jews. The ones that just got the shit into the stick out of all of them. My favorite part of this story is now they're huge in the Jewish community.

The best thing that could ever happen to the Jews. So the Jews accepted them? Is that what you're saying? That's right. That's the thing. They're big in the community and they're just people whatever they were going to be, they were just going to be insane about it. Now they're just Jewish and now they're insane Jews So now they're just other Jewish and other insane Jews.

Now they're just fanatical people. But the dad, the dude, he hasn't apologized for anything. He used to beat the shit out of people and all that stuff. And he's like, I think my victims forgave me. I'm not sorry. I did it. That was something they had to deal with. Jack Tatum?

He's insane. Yeah, exactly. He's not going to apologize for fucking paralyzing anyone. Well, here's what he said. I'm not saying that I don't have regrets, but it's not something that I walk around and lash myself over. He's fine. I feel sorry for those that I beat up, but I don't hold a grudge against myself. The people who I hurt can hold a grudge against me.

Good for you. Glad to know that you're over it. See, no, that's beautiful, man. That reminds me of, it's like in Dragon Ball Z. All right. No, I don't know. He's like picking a horse and trying to destroy the whole world, man. That reminds me of, it's like in Dragon Ball Z. Oh, right. No, I don't know. It's like Piccolo was trying to destroy the whole world, man. He was trying to destroy the fucking whole world, right?

Yeah. And then Goku came through, dropped some knowledge on him. He was like, yo, man, fuck that, man. Come on, we're supposed to be real. We're supposed to be chilling. And then Piccolo was training Goku's son, Gohan, to save the world. How beautiful is that? That's a beautiful story.

I don't even get the thing. I don't get the comparison. Listen, you need to understand what I'm talking about. Because what I'm talking about is real. Those fuckers were on the same side as the Nazis. So you better watch your goddamn ass, man. You're learning the wrong shit. Because the Nazis were worse than the man who was trying to blow up the entire world?

Talk to me. What's up? No, no, they're not. The Japs were worse. Speaking of people trying to blow up the world, the Dimitrijan wore the same suit for six days in a row when he was in New York. No, no, they're not. The Japs were worse. Speaking of people trying to blow up the world, Adem Anujad wore the same suit for six days in a row when he was in New York. Yeah, he was a... They complained about how smelly his room was.

It's so weird. Yeah. Did you hear that? What? The president of Iran, Adem Anujad, he didn't change suits. He wore the same suit for six days in a row in New York City. He's like a Hasidic Jew, which is very ironic. Very much so.

He was, I don't know why the man wouldn't change clothes. He's the president. He's got to have multiple, multiple shirts. Yeah, has to. Maybe he left on a whim, you know? He just didn't have a suit packed. He just got over here. Imagine he bought a woman to do that kind of shit for him, though.

Isn't that what they do? I don't know. I mean, how poor is that country living? I don't think he ever bought a woman, you know? Oh, he didn't have to. He might have just taken them. Yeah, he just enslaved them. I do have a boys being boys story.

Oh, let's hear it. Let's get right back to that thought. There we go. And it's in my asshole. I don't like being alive. And I'm over it. Boys being boys. Boys being boys.

This is a... You know, I don't know if this is I'm over it Boys being boys Boys being boys This is a You know I don't know If this is more innocent A little bit In New Zealand A school had a Possum tossing contest That's a great Fucking hate possums

Yeah they're See that's actual Boys being boys Yeah no Killing animals Is always fine But yes Yeah

We don't know if there was An asshole one of those things ended up in yet. What's going on, Marcus? They would just take it by the tail and just throw it as far as they could. Hey, fuck possums, man. They're shitty fucking animals. I hate them. They're big rats.

They're gigantic rats. And they hiss. Yeah. I remember growing up, we had this guy. It was a police officer who lived down the street. Possum Tony. We used to call him Corrupt Carl. Corrupt Carl.

Carl was a motorcycle bike cop, and he was the baddest bitch in the world. He stole Nick Nolte's wife. Yeah. He's amazing. He was an amazing dude. And there was a big-ass possum in his backyard. And Carl went in his backyard and hit the thing in the face with an aluminum baseball bat. And he said the thing just didn't even flinch.

It just started hissing at him. And he just went inside and backed down to the possum. That's the thing. I mean, if a baseball bat doesn't kill him to the head, I bet you this toss probably didn't kill them at all. No, they're fine. They're covered in a shell. Don't they have, like, some kind of... No, that's an armadillo. Yeah. No, they're fine. They're covered in a shell. Don't they have like some kind of... No, that's an armadillo.

Yeah. Oh, same fucking thing in my head. He's in the middle of a blackout. We used to play a game back home called possum kicking. What'd you do in that game, Marcus? What you would do is that you would... Here's how it went. We just drive around getting drunk on the back roads.

Just on dirt roads. Texas. The main street. This is your main street. No, no, no. This is like all the back roads and the fields and all that shit. And possums, whenever you shine, whenever they hit headlights, their eyes glow.

You can see them. Their eyes glow. Like the fucking demon of the earth. The possum's eyes glow. And whenever you saw a possum, just everyone barreled out of the car and just kicked it to death. Wow. What a fun night. What a good time. Talk about boys being

boys. No, sometimes they were girls. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah, of course. Girls get me in that car. Well, we also played this game called Rabbit. Oh, it wasn't a rabbit. What happened in that game, Marcus?

Well, rabbits are fast, so you don't kill them. Rabbit was just an excuse to get girls naked, which was great. If you were driving and you saw a rabbit, and you had to say, like, all right, we're playing rabbit now. And whenever you saw a rabbit, you go, rabbit! And the girls would have to flash you. That's a great game. And the girls loved this game? Oh, yeah.

But there was no penalty if the girls called rabbit? No. Oh, good. Good, good, good, good, good, good. That's the best game I've ever heard. Good old boys being boys. Julia, when you do that, if you're in Texas, Julia, you're a hometown gal. You're hanging out with your boys.

You're playing the game of rabbit. You're back in Cincy, you know, not in prison. I'm constantly topless in a car. Hell yeah. Good, good. That's a real woman. Good, good, good. Whenever Julia's topless, they play the game of rabbit, but it's reversed.

She has to put her shirt back on. So we got another segment from Holden McNeely. Holden, what do you got for us? Well, as we know, as the audience might not know, this is the last podcast in Marcus's basement. Yes. Sad day. Sad day. Sad day.

And I just wanted to go around the room and talk about our favorite memories from a round table in this basement. I'll start with mine. I remember when we were just like, hey, let's fill up the chuckle hut with all these hot bitches. And they all came in,

and then we were just like, and then you were like, Ed was like, hey, maybe we should eat their pussies. Candies, I was talking about candies. And then we were just eating, should we, like, and then you were like, Ed was like, hey, maybe we should, like, eat their pussies. Candies, I was talking about candies. And then we just were just, like, eating all their pussies, and then they were, like, fucking us and sucking on us. I remember that, I remember that. You remember that, right, Jackie?

You were there, and... That was your first episode. Yeah, that was the first one. That was the first time I ever ate a pussy. And then... You forced me to. And they were just like... That's what I was referring to,

is the episode was the pussy. Yeah, it was, like, your first pussy eating episode. And they were just like, oh, I'm gonna cum the episode was the pussy. Yeah, it was like your first pussy episode. And they were just like, oh, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum, and they just like exploded. No, none of them came. None of them came. And then after that, I remember Ed was just like, oh man,

fucking Holden's so good at doing radio. And Marcus was like, man, I wish you could do the news. You know? No, this isn't a segment. This isn't like... radio and Marcus was like man it's like I wish I could you could do the news you know like no this isn't this isn't a segment this isn't like no Marcus like you should do the news uh and all that and um and everyone's like thank you for like you you do good beats and you're like you're like uh if you're a hip-hop artist you'd be like really good like Jay-Z. Well, that's me. That's my name.

I'm Jay-Z. So that was my favorite. That's your favorite moment. That's my favorite roundtable memory. That's a good memory, man. What about you, Kevin? What's your favorite? Fucking jerk.

Ah, shit, man. All right, well, my favorite memory was this one time we were here, and Mike Lawrence was sitting on the couch, and then he was like, hey, man, Kevin, can you go shut that door? And Mike Lawrence was there and he was like, no, it's cool, I'll shut it. And I was like, oh, cool, I don't gotta get up. Tight. And that was real good. That's an amazing one.

A lot of real good memories with that one. That's actually a real memory, yes. I can't think of one at this moment. I mean, I'm... You got nothing? You don't have any good moments, Ben? I mean, what is the moment? I don't know. This is the 16th episode? Yeah. You don't have any good moments, Ben? I mean, what is the moment? I don't know. This is the 16th episode?

Yeah. You haven't enjoyed yourself once in here? No, I mean, I have enjoyed it. I just get so drunk, I just never remember them. Your favorite moment is not remembering. Just not remembering anything. Good, man. That's what got you out of that last situation.

Yeah, I know. I always block out when I feel like I've been accosted or raped. That's why you're like that. Okay, good. Jackie? I actually do enjoy hearing Jackie's sex stories, actually. Those are some of my favorites. I remember the time I was late afterwards,

what most people don't know is that they locked me in the boiler room and forced me to drink 340s by myself. No pee. And I tried to do it as fast as I could, and it was really hot. The beers got hot. I got hot. It was really dark. There's no lights. Didn't really force you to drink 340 as much. We just left you

and forgot about you. Yeah, I kind of did that. It was crazy. It was like a magic trick. We opened the door and there were like three huge hairy dudes in the room and we definitely did not let them in before we let her in. I don't know how they managed to get into the room. They're chuds. Yeah, no, they were chuds. They were chuds

I met off of OkCupid. So it was great. Oh, shit. How did the date go with a professional wrestler? Uh-oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. What happened with that? Was that a fun one?

Was it a perfect date? He took you out? You two did a real nice job. Oh, yeah. Scream movie. Yeah, no, no, no. I went on a date with a professional wrestler, I hope that you remember. What was his name? Well, his stage name is Raj Roddick.

And what's his real name uh well his his stage name is roge roddick the uh and what's his real name global tennis guru um his real name is will but who gives a fuck yeah biggest piece of shit i've ever met in my entire life of course told me roddick the tennis guru he before before henry close your ears before he fucked me He wanted to put on the wrestling costume Oh this wasn't your idea Oh no it was not my idea Wow Because the whole night he kept telling me I just had to look back

At just the sadness The disappointment The show is no longer Jackie Henry what do you think What do you think about that situation Come on up and tell us about this. Henry is visibly upset, by the way. Visibly upset.

By the way, this is my favorite roundtable moment. Oh, yes. This one, yeah. Kudos to Ed. He's correct about that. So what do you think about your sister having sex with Raj Roddick? It's like the same feeling if she told me that like she slept with like Nikki six you know I mean like like

somebody or like so you know like a just, um, what the fuck am I supposed to say? Nothing. It's awful. What's his wrestling company? I don't remember. All night he kept telling me how, like, I was really lucky because he chose me to get to write back to. And then he's like, you could be my girl if you want.

I guess. I don't give a fuck. Oh, shit, man. That's my type of dude. Yeah, you get along really well with this guy. Oh, yeah, I like that guy a lot, man. Real smooth talker. Meanwhile, he fucked me.

He wouldn't take his sweatbands off. No, you can't. You're sweating. That's when you use the sweatbands. That's like the type of shit people rap about. Like, yeah, I was fucking this bitch. I didn't take my chain off. I wonder why.

But they just fucking do that shit. He made it real. And he ain't even a rapper. That's just how he lives every day. No, no, no. He's just a fucking pussy-ass professional wrestler. All right. All right, well, don't insult him too much.

All right, all right. Come on, man. I want to hang out with this guy Why he doesn't know my last name? He can't hear this shit Okay, you did fuck this guy So there's that much Did his dick go into your pussy?

Yeah, yeah Hate all you want No, he elbow dropped me And then I came Kidding, Henry, I was kidding Is it a white guy or a black guy? Hispanic guy? Elbow dropped me and then I came. Kidding, Henry. I was kidding. Is it a white guy or a black guy?

Hispanic guy? White guy. Real white. All white all the time. Irish. Where was he from? Ireland. Brooklyn.

Flatbush. Flatbush. Flatbush. That's probably the name of his finisher. That's been the Roundtable of Gentlemen for this week. Thank you so much Chuckle on Henry Zebrowski, Julia, John F. O'Donnell, Dan St. Germain, and Madeline. Sorry we didn't really talk to you. All right.

Jackie Zebrowski, Ed Larson, Older McNeely, Kevin Barnett, I'm Ben Kissel. Thank you so much. Newsman Marcus Parks. See you guys later. Boop, boop, boop. Peace. Do it.