The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 163: Shamboiling

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on the Round Table: a mentally challenged man has his brand new copy of GTA V stolen, a man with no teeth attempts to bite off another man's penis in a scuffle, and a new drug craze involving shampoo is sweeping the nation. Joining us today: Jordan Temple!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Is Nuggets a racial slur? It's one letter away. I'll tell you that much. gentlemen. Always civility. Is nuggets a racial slur? It's one letter away. I'll tell you that much. It's multiple letters away. It's two letters. It's three letters. It's two letters

away from a racial slur. But it's very close to nigglets, which I like. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. An I and an L. I think nigglets is even better, though. I don't know. Yeah, that's fine. Alright, Marcus, is everything sounding good? We're going to bomb the rest of't know. Yeah, that's fine. All right, Marcus, is everything sounding good? We're going to bomb the rest of the podcast.

Oh, it's going to be terrible. Eddie, let's get... It's going to be terrible. Pray to the Lord, Ed. In the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Dear God, why is the devil so cool? He looks awesome, talks awesome, great parties, and of course, the piles and piles of gross sex. Sex so hot that it could melt Africa.

So hot that Satan beats off to it himself. The devil. Sweet, sweet Satan. Satan. Satan. Lucifer. They call him Lucifer because that's what he does to all the women he meets. His thorny, Holden McNeely shaped cock screams in beautiful agony.

Yikes. Satan. Satan. Satan. This prayer is now for you. I have not smoked weed in hours. What up with that? I have not smoked weed in hours.

What up with that? Hey, Satan. Satan, Satan. Do you know why Jews don't believe in Satan? Satan, Satan. It's because you leave them alone and we appreciate that. Well, at least for the last 60 some years. They are the chosen people. They were chosen to have the most money, coolest attitudes, artistic integrity,

and their women were chosen to have great floppy milk sacks that just ooze the nectar that makes their babies shine and their men deal with all that unbearable complaining. All right. So to you, dear Lord Satan. Satan. Satan. Thank you for Jews, and get me weed.

Jewish people are cooler than black people because I say so in the name of the Father. Wow. Rock-lamation. Amen. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen, everybody. Great prayer. Great prayer. Great prayer.

Don't say so yourself. There's also black Jews. There are some black Jews. Man, those guys are crazy. Let me see that, Eddie. I'm going to put that up on the wall. That's very nice. All right.

Who's around this round table? Jaggies, Browsky. I'm going to go ahead and debate and say that Jewish women aren't the only ones that have floppy milk sacks. I agree with that. Thank you very much. They are just the milkiest and the creamiest at Larson. Alright. Holder McNeely, I'm not high, so there.

He is high because he's like Grand Theft Auto 5, and that's why he was late to the podcast. I fucking sniped a bunch of dudes that I flew a plane with a bunch of meth and I dropped it in the water. People don't care about anything you say. I'm Kevin Barnett, pretty cool guy.

Bought some pumpkin ale beers the other day because it was windy outside. Some dude told me to do it. Well, I'd rather hear Holden talk about Grand Theft Auto 5. That's what's so sad. Very interesting what I just said. It was interesting. I apologize. Did you want to...

I stuffed over your... Oh, I was going to keep talking about that for another 30 minutes. Okay. You know what? We're just going to stop you there. That'll be good. And in the Chuggle Hut today, we've got Jordan Temple.

Thanks for being here, Jordan. Cool beans. I'm Jordan Temple. Cool beans. I'm Jordan Temple. Maybe Jews are better than blacks. Maybe. Cool beans.

I don't think if Jews were better than blacks, Jews would have to get a new job. I don't know how that works. Who's your favorite Jew right now, Jordan? I can't think of any Jews off-top. Racist. All right, I'm Ben Kissel. With us as always, we've got newsman Marcus Parks.

Marcus, what's our first story, bud? A mentally challenged Florida man who had saved up for months to purchase a copy of Grand Theft Auto V was robbed of the video game as he left a GameStop store this week. Why didn't they rob Holden? Why couldn't it have been Holden McNeely

they chose to rob? After buying the game Tuesday afternoon, Rohan Dawkins was approached in a Delray Beach parking lot by a couple who pulled up in the car. Hey, Delray! Yeah, Delray. You know Delray? Oh, yeah. It's right next to Boca, man. We used to bus in people from Delray just to make our

school racially equal. That's good. How was the school? Was it racially equal? It was after that. Well, to the law, anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After asking... Kevin, a retort? No, I got nothing, man.

I've seen it happen a lot. I think it's great. He used to get horse magazines. He's not allowed to fucking talk about this shit. I used to what? He's forced. Horse magazines. Horse Illustrated.

Yes, yes. I may have subscribed to Horse Illustrated. I had dog fancy. Well, you weren't here for the last. No, I wasn't here. Yeah, I had a dog magazine. We talked about Horse Illustrator last time, but somehow dog fancy seems gayer. Oh, it's definitely gayer.

That's why they say fancy, but to own a horse is gayer than to own a dog. That is true. Is it though? You can't fight horses. Dog, have you ever heard about fucking cowboys? Michael Dick didn't go to jail for fighting horses. More than ringwraiths. Fucking ringwraiths.

Dude. Kevin, what's your favorite horse and horse dick? You know, Jordan is getting to the hard news. Yes, Jordan. Jordan, cool everybody. Favorite horse followed by favorite horse dick. Kevin, it's your turn. Well, look, man, there's a lot of them.

There's a lot of dicks I enjoy from different horses. I can't really say in specifics right now, man, but, you know, I'm thinking about good things. I'll say I pulled up horse fighting on YouTube. No less than eight videos of horse fights. Yeah, but they all take place in the Philippines. And North Korea. They're boring. What, are they all take place in the Philippines. And North Korea. They're boring.

What, are they just teeth at each other? I mean, they got the hooves that, you know, dogs have claws and fucking... They kick at each other. They got the hooves. I feel like I have a new hobby. Horse fighting? Well, no, watching it. Watching it.

All eight videos. No, we're going to dress Ed up like a horse and put him out there. Go beat up all the sheep. Exactly. Dress him up like Holden and send him out to the ranch. They're all going to think he's a horse. And he'll get ridden on and end up being the king of all horse fighters. Which would be pretty great.

I love the farm. I can't believe this guy got his GTA stolen from him. Where was the security at this goddamn game? Stop. GTA just came out. Well, after asking Dawkins for the time, Tommy Davis, 27. Hey, man. Hey, man.

You got the time? Time for you to give me that fucking time. It's funny that Halloween is right around the corner and Bloods all around New York City, right when they're about to beat people up, ask you for the time. Oh, it's good to know. Or ask you for the day. Like, it's 031 day. That's like the day that Bloods have initiations and they slash people. Bloods are red, right?

Yeah. So if anybody in a red shirt in New York City asks you for the day on Halloween, just what do you do? You say nothing. If you're just around them and they ask you what day it is, you don't. They'll slash you anyway. They'll slash you anyway.

It's all over. 31 is like 031 is like a code for when they initiate people. Can you say 031, then maybe they won't slash you? No, if you just say October 31st, they'll just be like, oh, yeah, you know that? And then slash you. Oh, okay. But if you're saying like, I don't even know what day it is. What day is it?

So what you got to do is you just got to start carrying around a knife. Someone asks you what day it is, you fucking cut them up. Slash them first. Or you say, pardon me, sir, would you like to buy some insurance for your home? That's probably a guaranteed way never to get beat up by the Bloods. Just don't hang around the projects. If you're from the projects like me, then you actually know that. What projects are you from in New York City?

I don't know. I don't want to get beat up. They don't listen to this. They don't listen to this. They don't listen to this. Our only black guy subscribes to Horse Illustrated. We're not exactly hitting that market. I'm from a project right

here in Long Island City. Ravenswood Projects. Wow, Long Island City. Ravenswood Houses. It's lovely. It's actually a lot lovelier than Queensbridge and Astoria it's right in the middle

working class some people make it to community college so it's decent that's not bad you have a button up shirt on I feel like you got far

I'm doing not bad well everybody I just want to let you know Jordan was our make a wish kid and we're really happy that you were able to come here. He's the number one fan of the roundtable. And we're so happy that we could have you here and entertain you.

Thank you, Broham. I didn't make it far enough, and I understand that summering is a verb. That's good. All right, let's go back to this story. Marcus, so this poor retarded guy is walking out of the store. A police report valued the stolen copy of Grand Theft Auto V at $150 because he had purchased the collector's edition of the game. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Yep, yep, yep. During questioning, an apologetic Davis reportedly confessed to robbing Dawkins, claiming that he stole the property because he needed new tires for his car. Jones admitted that she and Davis went to GameStop intending to, quote, catch a cracker, which she said was slang for robbing a white person. I knew that! That didn't need to be explained at all. The only thing is this kid probably didn't know how to play this game.

I watch fully grown, semi-not-retarded adults like Holden that don't know how to play the game. Well, they do. I mean, you want to save $135, it's more than I could save for a lot of people around this table. Yeah, but isn't he retarded? The kid's fucking retarded, right? He saved for months, and yes, he is retarded. $60.

He said... No, it's the collectors that get shat. He said, I wanted to play... Holden, we're going to get you a review in about four seconds, so think about your review for Grand Theft Auto V, because it's coming to you soon. He said, I wanted to play... Hold on, we're going to get you a review in about four seconds, so think about your review for Grand Theft Auto V, because it's coming to you soon. He said, I wanted to play the game with my sister and my cousins. I was buying it for my family and me.

God damn it, this was a good person. And look at him, look at him. I mean, he's got retarded eyes, but... Oh, but he's barely retarded. Wait, he's not a cracker. He's not a cracker, I don't understand. No, well, they were intending to catch a cracker. He's not a cracker. I don't understand. They were intending to catch a cracker. Instead, they robbed Dawkins.

The retarded black guy? Yeah, they robbed the retarded black guy. That's a compromise if I've ever heard of one. Well, dumb people are stupid. Or white people are stupid. If you want to catch a cracker, I got a suggestion. Leave Del Rey. Yeah.

Did I ever talk about this? How, like, in Miami growing up, there used to be a thing called Cracker Day. Yeah, I did talk about it. I was just wondering. Explain it again. People haven't heard. Cracker Day was just a day. I forget what day exactly it was.

But basically, the point of Cracker Day was. It's probably every day for you, right, Jordan? Oh, every fucking day. For breakfast, for lunch, for dinner. It's always crackers. Do they have it up here? I don't know, but I don't even call it. Crackers is kind of weak to me.

It's like Cracker Spawn, if you call them that, it implies that their family is also crackers and their parents. So Cracker Spawn is the most updated white hate that you can get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I got. Well, no, no.

Cracker Day was basically the whole premise of it. I've got a new Twitter handle. Cracker Spa. Cracker Spa. Yeah, no. Cracker Day, you just found white people and beat them up. Yeah. I didn't participate in this, but yeah, that happened.

Well, you can be honest with us. You're bad at fighting. Yeah, exactly. I was scared. Yeah. If you found rich, white, Boca Raton crackers, that would be a fun group of people to see get beat up. Beat the fucking shit out of them. Exactly.

I can see where the joy comes from that. I completely condone it. Definitely. Cracker Day should exist every year. There is a real Cracker Day. What is the real Cracker Day? I mean, crackers actually is kind of not a bad term. No, actually, it should make you feel good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin, do you want to explain where the term crackers comes from? Crackers actually is kind of not a bad term. No, actually, it should make you feel good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like Thanksgiving. Kevin, do you want to explain where the term crackers come from? You already know the word cracker comes from the sound of the whip cracking when you beat your slaves. Still in power. It's not. It doesn't. I don't see why that should hurt anyone.

I mean, it doesn't really make me feel good either, Kevin, for the record. It's like a white guilt slur. Maybe that's the point of it. Yeah, it makes you feel guilty. But I don't really think it is. I mean, it's what? There's cracker and honky, and I like honky. for the record. It's like a white guilt slur. Maybe that's the point of it to hurt you with your guilt. But I don't really think it is. I mean, it's what, there's Cracker and Honky and I like Honky.

Yeah, I like Honky too. Honky is a fun thing to say. Honky is his fun. You guys gotta come up with better ones, man. I know, man. It's tough. You guys.

What do you mean, you guys? Think about it, Eddie. We'll work show and we'll spitball and we'll brainstorm and we'll find some good ones. We'll come up with them by the end of the episode. What do you mean, you guys? Think about it, Eddie. We'll work show them. We'll spitball them. We'll brainstorm. We'll find some good ones. We'll come up with them by the end of the episode.

Right now, for this year, the rest of the year, that's all I'm working on is insults for white people. Figure it out. This is a new thing. I learned that white people don't really like how they look, like what kind of white they are. Like they don't like the pale, paleness. I didn't know that was a thing. Well, some do. Some do. I just thought you enjoyed your porcel are like they don't like the pale paleness i didn't know that was well some do some don't enjoyed your porcelainness i like the pale i'm super into pale yeah yeah white chicks don't chicks prefer the olive don't they i like the pale as fuck i like like scottish pale you know irish is gross yeah yeah red hair like it looks sick see-through women

yeah i want to see their fucking organs. Yeah, they do look ill. Yeah. I want to see what I'm touching and getting into later. Well, you were fucking a horrible and disgusting person. In Florida, though, I feel like white people just look better. They just look healthier. Well, they're tan. Yeah.

Working out so hard. I remember I had this cousin. He used to live in Maryland. Well, he still lives in Maryland. And every time, like, you know, we'd mess with white girls all the time. But every time he'd be coming to visit us, he'd be like, man, I don't understand why you do this, man. Why you fuck these white girls, man? They all fucking pale, man.

All fucking gross, man. Fames and shit, man. Fuck that shit. I don't like the white girls. And then, like, two days into being in Florida, he's like, man, you fucking white girls, man. They're hot as shit. Which is better in Florida, man. Yeah, exactly.

Well, everyone's very beautiful in Florida. They have to have those beach bodies and get out there. They work out. They eat healthy. That's why we all left Florida. But then they turn into leather sacks. Which is fine. By eat healthy. That's why we all left Florida. But then they turn into leather sacks, which is fine. By the time they're 40, they all like the skin.

White people's skin isn't made for leather. It looks like a fucking ball sack. Yeah, and it just gets horrid. Jordan, you ever been with a white chick or an Asian gal? I actually broke up with a white girl this week. Oh, man, I'm sorry. Yeah, you doing okay? You cheated on her? What happened? Oh, nah. You cheated on her?

It was just weird. I'm not going to go into details about like... Just get right into the details. Of course. What's her email address? What's her butthole looking like? Did you look at her butthole? Her butthole actually... Ah, damn. Oh, I ate... Did you eat the butthole? Because Kevin hates the butthole. I ate the butthole.

You did. I like it too. I ate the butthole. I mean, whatever. I'm nasty. You should... If you're having sex, you should be as butthole. I hate the butthole. You did. I like it too. I hate the butthole. I mean, whatever. I'm nasty. You should, if you're having sex, you should be as nasty as possible. I agree. No, no, no. Keep it contained. Keep it clean. Keep it safe.

You shouldn't be worried about your bed sheets or your parents. It's not the Oregon Trail, man. We're going to be fine. That's why you're fucking alone. I don't have sex unless there's like 20 to 30 clean like rags and towels around the bed. We clean after every push. Yeah, the bleach buckets, right? That's why there's all those bleach buckets out.

She's actually my third white woman I've been with. Your third white woman? What woman? Yeah, no, who knows the age? The W is aspirated when they're from Chicago. That's great. That's great. And do you guilt them into fucking you at all? No, I don't guilt fuck. I'm handsome, so they're from Chicago. That's great. That's great. And do you guilt them into fucking you at all?

No, I don't guilt fuck. I'm handsome. So they'll fuck me. That is true. That is true. Ben's like a tall, overbearing monster, so you can see they're sort of frightened them into it. But not in a rape way, but in a afraid way. In a charming kind of like, well, if I don't, he'll kill me kind of way.

I better figure out a way to like this. Yep. Yep. Well, honey, that's kill me. Get away. I better figure out a way to like this. Yep. Yep. Well, honey, that's on you. Learning how to like. Ben Kissel's book on relationships. No, of course that's not true. Rape is a serious problem, and I would never do that to anybody.

Women are great. You said it so fast. Thank you, Jordan. Let's not go crazy here. Obviously, there are social issues that the round table likes to address, and that is one of them. And that's why Holden was prompted to bring

up that so I could give you this PSA. Yes, that's right. Keep your hands to yourselves and love everybody. Holden, what do you think about GTA 5? Oh, very fun. Buy it up. It's great, man.

We're murdering people. Kissel, you were shooting cops in the fucking head last night. Oh, I loved it, yeah. Super fun, man. You just go around like the meth dude, and he's like blowing up trailer park stuff. Ed's going to be in it. I'm looking for him in the game. That's right.

Ed is a biker in the game. I'll tell you what. Any listeners at home, if you find Ed is a biker trying to get into a trailer. Whoa, whoa. Don't give away too much. I talked about this earlier. I signed a bunch of papers. I don't know what I'm allowed to say.

Oh, but it's out now. I don't know what the deal is. I didn't read the papers I signed. Yeah, but how do we find you? I want to find you. He's going to be like a blue dot, like a random short thing in the game. Yeah. I got three little tiny characters.

You'll find me. Three? Okay. It's apparently not a lot to talk about. game yeah I got three little I got three little tiny characters you'll find them three okay if you find that and you can find a screenshot of them posted on the round table page they don't

use my face yeah but they use his body so you'll be able to spot like every woman that we know the big hunky body they use your voice though yeah my voice okay yeah

trying to it's a little silly about the game I just watched walkthroughs on YouTube my parents never let me get video games. Right. Because I would bust my ass right on my birthday. But fucking...

You would bust your ass right before your birthday? Yeah, I would get in trouble. I would get in trouble. Always. Every time before your birthday. Do you think they looked for reasons for you to get in trouble so they didn't have to buy you anything? No, I just... Your dad's like,

I didn't plant any weed in your pockets and shit. You messed up the card You're stuck I love the idea of a dad Like giving his son weed Just so he can bust him for it So he doesn't have to Buy him a birthday gift

Like I'm sorry I didn't put that there dad Well I found it on you So that's fine One time I got in trouble Around my birthday For handing out flyers For this video game spot

Around the corner From my middle school You got trouble for working? It was called the Smuggler's Run. And I think they were trying to fuck us. I don't know. The people at Smuggler's Run? Well, the fucking principal thought they were trying to fuck us.

And then we got in trouble. It was a video game store. Literally trying to fuck you? Or take advantage of us because we were handing out these flyers for free and we were supposed to be going home after school and we were handing out these flyers for free. And we were supposed to be going home after school. And we were handing out these flyers and getting discounts. Oh, I see.

But you weren't blowing free in the back. No, but the principal was just like, you guys are in danger. And also, maybe this guy is trying to fuck you. You know what I mean? Interesting. So I got in trouble like that one year. For being a victim. Yeah.

Around the time Xbox came out and I got Bionicles instead. I got like 50 Bionicles and I was so pissed off. Which Bionicles? Bionicles is a fucking Lego. Bionicles are kind of cool though. Oh, the Legos. Yeah. I would still play with a Bionicle over an Xbox.

I forgot about Bionicles. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I totally did as well. Damn, they look pretty cool. They were fucking cool. Oh, but you can do it. Are you happy to have Bionicles as opposed to the Xbox? Yeah, because they had these capsules.

And then when I started selling drugs, I used to keep like weed and shit. What kind of drugs were you selling? Oh, man. I used to sell weed, sell crack for like two or three months. And I was terrible at it. Yeah, why were you so bad at selling crack? Because I was just nervous. It's a nerve-wracking thing to do and i had some

discovery like things i didn't like i found out about myself like i was listening a lot of 50 cent at that time so i was talking about oh man he's bad you know i was i was a teenager and i don't know that was the worst thing to have in my brain because i like i went to this boarding school and the kid guys would feed me this and i was like the only black kid one of the few black males in the entire school so he's like oh no black uh like role models here's some like rap music oh this is perfect this is the greatest role model of all time yeah exactly so all i have to do is get shot nine times and then i get a record deal yeah that's all you have to do you just have to sell crack and then you get a bunch of money he gave gave me Wu-Tang. He gave me some other stuff. I think I got into 50 Cent on my own, but I got into Obie Trice after Wu-Tang. I got Biggie, Wu-Tang, Obie Trice, and then 50 Cent.

What was one of the worst drug deals that you ever had? Was your life ever endangered? Yeah. More than when you were handing out the pamphlets? This is crazy. Oh, definitely. Like a thousand times worse. I was in front of a store and I was in a very vulnerable position because it was an open sale.

So just in public there? It was just like broad, no, midday. What's open sale mean? Open sale is just like... You don't know how much they're asking for? It's just you're in broad day. I probably am fucking this up. Open is just like you're very vulnerable to get caught.

It's like you're not tucked around the corner. You're just like, hey, you want some drugs? Yeah, you're handing out flyers out front of the video game store. Exactly. So that was terrible. But then you got away with it. Yeah, I never got caught I actually got arrested

For a bench warrant That I never Or I got a bench warrant For a ticket I never paid for Nothing to do with crack Nothing to do with drugs Well I'm happy you're not in prison Jordan I was in the tombs

For like a weekend While my mother was away What does that mean? Is it like Egypt? The New York City prison It's the jail It's underneath the streets It's called the tombs prison. There's the jail. It's underneath the streets. It's called the tombs.

It's a goddamn living nightmare. It wasn't terrible. Like, fucking... Did you make any friends? Did you get a nickname? No. But they could have called me Jordy Boy. Oh, this is fun.

This is like a more you know for white people. This is exciting. Please tell us more. Tell us about prison life in jail. Listen, I'm learning a lot too, man. I subscribe to Horse Illustrated. Bernard, you've never been arrested. No, no, no.

There was a time where I was like, maybe I should just do that. Yeah, you should get arrested. It's a good life experience. No, it's not worth it. It doesn't make you blacker. Your authenticity is in your spirit. It doesn't make you blacker. Your authenticity is in your spirit. I don't know. Your spirit is not that black.

Barnett's really not that black. He's googled the word unicorn too many times to be black. That is true. For all of our African American listeners, you can only google unicorn 13 times before it's officially you have to. Your card is revoked.

How many times have you Googled unicorn? I don't know. Probably. Well, you're still black. Congratulations. This is how black I feel I am. And there's no spectrum or whatever. But when I first started dating this white girl, we

were talking to each other, asking each other about our interests and stuff like that. She was like, what do you like? I was like, I like to memorize poetry. She was like, I don't know about that. That makes you black? Give me your black card. I'm saying being black to me

is just being yourself. I just happen to be black. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you're wearing a Canadian tuxedo right now. Oh, yeah. Are you Canadian? No. He'd have to have the denim shirt as well to be a full Canadian tuxedo.

Yeah. Yeah. Either way. Not this fucking leaf shirt. Who's your favorite poet? Poet? Probably Nikki Giovanni. Oh, that sounds Italian. Itet? Probably Nikki Giovanni. Ooh, that sounds Italian.

It sounds amazing. Nikki Giovanni. I see how you get these white chicks, man. You know? I definitely see how you're doing it. It's some bullshit. You just don't know how to get fucking any chicks. I know how to get a bunch of different kinds of girls to talk to me in person.

What is it? It's a Mankind shirt. He was one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time. See, now I can talk about Mankind. Thank you. All right. That, now I can talk about Mankind. Thank you. All right. That is not something to boast about. What?

He was in the Hell in the Cell. I know. I watched all the Hell in the Cell. I was forced to watch all the fucking Hell in the Cell at your house. Thank you. All right. That's fine. See, that was a good interaction, right?

With a woman? I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I never know with you. I mean, it's good for you. You didn't get hit. That's good.

It's just because Jordan is in between us, and I would never want to hurt Jordan's beautiful face. All right, Marcus. Let's get to another story. There's a retarded guy walking out of the store. He got beat up for his Grand Theft Auto. Let's go to another one. A British wedding was delayed after a man stormed into the church

and hacked off his testicles. Yeah! Wow! That's great! If I'm gonna do it, that's where I'm doing it. The self-mutilator ran into Hutton All Saints Church near Brentwood in Essex with a pair of scissors and started throwing chairs around. As the horrified vicar looked on,

he then cut away his private parts just an hour before the ceremony was due to start. That was the groom? It was just some guy. Just some random dude. I don't think he even knew there was a wedding going on that day. Yeah, maybe not. Maybe not.

So he just cut off his nuts in the middle of everybody. I mean, if you're going to do it, actually do it in front of mass. Don't do it in churches. Do it in front of everyone. Now, this was before the wedding. Yeah, so no one's even really wedding So no one's even really there If that were my wedding I would pick the balls up off the floor And I would kiss through the fucking balls

When you guys got married You know what I mean? That's a good idea Is that bad? No, no, it seems like you're getting married any day now Yeah, I'm getting fucking married I'm getting married, guys. Good luck.

That's great. I mean, with a pair of scissors, this man cut his nuts off. That seems like a very aggressive way to do the ball treatment. Guests arriving early at the venue were blocked from entering before the bloody mess had been cleaned up. But one man said he sneaked a peek and was shocked to see slices of genitals still lying on the floor. What do they look like? I mean, apparently he didn't just snip it off. He was just going to town with the scissors on his mouth.

I mean, slices of genitals. Was he on drugs, Jordan? Did you sell this guy crack before? Bath salts. I sold him bath salts. Bath salts? It does seem like a bath salts kind of situation. Yep.

The man said, when I went into the church, I saw something which I'd only describe as flesh. I thought it was part of his arm, but that was one of his testicles. Just one, so he still has the other one still dangling there. And he chopped his testicles off with a pair of scissors and was going berserk, chucking chairs around. I'm surprised he didn't pass out.

Yeah, I'm surprised too. So he chucked chairs around, cut off his nuts, and then continued chucking chairs around. You gotta have a playing space if you're going to have a good show. That's true, yeah. Holden, what kind of drugs do you think he was on? We've got bath salts, maybe meth or something. Well, definitely a lot of adrenaline if he's going to continue to throw chairs around. I'm going to go with pure adrenal gland.

Really? Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. All right. That seems very possible. I guess his nuts might be swollen And larger at that time Did he think his nuts Were like something else Like was he hallucinating

And he saw like his mother's head Or me on a Tuesday Am I right You fuckers Hold it man Go home man You would love to go home And play Grand Theft Auto 5

You can go to strip clubs man Feel up titties and shit Did you feel up the titties In the strip club Yeah dude The mini game is You feel up her ass and her titties until she likes you enough, but you can't touch her while the bouncer's looking, and then she'll go home with you and you can fuck her and then you can kill her.

Oh. Can you... What can you do with bionics, Jordan? I don't fucking know. The power of imagination, Ben. Oh, yes. You can be a dog. You can be the dog.

Yeah, you can be the dog. You can be a dog. Yeah, you can beat a dog. You can beat a dog? You can fuck other dogs. You'll love this, man. Why would I love this? You can fuck dogs? Yeah, you go around and you can fuck some dogs on the street. I watched that today.

What? He was inside of his own Rottweiler, and then the Rottweiler mounted up on another dude dog, and then the guy comes up and is like, yo, that's another fucking dude. Stop fucking that other dude. It's a dog. Yeah, it that other dude. It's a dog. Yeah, it's two dogs. It's a big pit bull. Yeah, he's going around fucking all the dogs. No, it's Rottweiler. I love art. Is this art? It is art.

It's art. If I've ever heard of art, that's art. So there was somebody, Kevin, you know a lot about video games. There was somebody who spent multiple hours, like 150 hours, maybe even more, just doing the dog sexing. Just creating this dog sexing, right? First of all, you said somebody. You misspoke. You were supposed to say

genius. Okay, I'm sorry. Some genius. And by the way, not a genius, a team of geniuses. Yeah, there's a group of guys. So there was probably someone who got yelled at for not having the dogs fuck properly. Somebody had to fucking design the characters in the first place. Somebody had to motion capture that shit, probably. Did. Right. Somebody had to like motion capture that shit

probably. Did they motion capture dogs fucking? I really hope they did. I fucking hope they did. They must have. There's an app for your phone. Yeah, do you put sensors on the dogs and just have them fuck each other? No, you put them in like one of those suits and you fuck them when they're in the suit. Oh my god. This game

needs to be banned. Oh, it's amazing. Not for violence, but for dog fucking. Oh, it's amazing. Not for violence, but for dog fucking. Oh, it's beautiful. And you skipped a step. The dude who had to do all the research, literally watching hours and hours of dogs fucking. Of dogs fucking. Yeah, so he had to do the research just to know how it looks when a human fucks a dog. That won't get you fired from every other job on the face of the planet.

Dude, if you're fucking. I'm telling you, that compound they got over there in Long Island is fucking insane. That's where Rockstar Games is? Can you talk about it at all? Yeah, I think so. Why not? Why not? It's just like a giant... It's like a gymnasium. It's a huge... The size of a high school gymnasium, all white, and you're wearing

that stupid motion catcher suit with all the balls on it. This is just a film studio. This is just where they shot shit. This is just a film studio, but they got 50 people working on the game. Wow. Yeah, and then any time you complete a scene, everyone claps. They're all so supportive. Did you see any dogs?

Nice. There were no dogs the day I was there. You weren't on the dog fucking day. I wasn't there on the dog fucking day. I was on the woman raping day. Yeah, which is a true thing. That's what he does in the game. And it was just so cool because you see your digital self like on a giant screen behind

up in the corner of the room and you're just running around. Like they say there's a house. There's not really a house. It's just like rods up and with like telling you where the window would be. Right. You have to imagine that. It's all green. Everything's green screen.

No, it's not green. It's all white. Oh, and they keep the reflective. It's picks up on reflection. So it's almost like a hologram that it picks up on instead of a green screen. Wait, do you rape a real woman or do you rape a woman on the screen? He rapes a dumb.

No, no, no. It's more of I try to convince a woman to get raped. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If she says yes, then it's not possible. That's not true. I don't like it. I don't like the joke. We have a lot of female If she says yes, then it's not possible. That's not true. I don't like it.

I don't like the joke. We have a lot of female listeners, and I love all of you. Jesus Christ. I'm kind of thinking what this demographic is looking like, because I'm concerned about people hearing about my crack selling and then seeing me in real life like, oh, you got that? They know you're bad at it. You failed miserably. Yeah, you failed.

So don't worry about it. I was 16. What you guys did when you were 16? I was morbidly obese, and I was drinking alone. I was masturbating. Yeah, yeah. I was drinking and driving. As a matter of fact, I was selling drugs.

I was selling cigarettes that we would steal from the store. I was on Crime Stoppers. Oh, wow. That's incredible. It's kind of fun. That's incredible. I actually was drinking like a 40 every day when I was 16. A 40 incredible. That's incredible. I actually was drinking like a 40 every day

when I was 16. A 40 every day and two cigarettes. I'm from Wisconsin. Oh, shit. I started drinking at 12 as well. I didn't drink anything

until like 19. Really? That's kind of interesting. You would think the boy who subscribed to Horse Illustrated would be quite the wild child.

You're telling me you didn't drink or do any drugs at all? Nah, man. I was just very interested in a lot of different types of pachyderms and praising God. You know, it was about the glory of God.

It is true. Anytime there was a holiday, we all did hard drugs. Like, that was the rule. We either eat mushrooms. This is you and your mother and your father? Yeah, this is me and my father and then, you know, my mother.

God rest her soul. Yeah, yeah. and my father, and then, you know, my mother, God rest her soul. Yeah, yeah. She's still alive, but, you know, God rest her soul. You said mushrooms. I thought you were going to say heroin. No, no, no. I wouldn't touch heroin. What drug did you say?

Heroin? Heroin. Heroin? Heroin. Heroin. Heroin. Is that good? Heroin?

Yeah, like a female superhero. Like, you just got heroin. Oh, a heroine. Yeah, you just got her on. Oh. A heroine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they're strong. Yeah. That's why you gotta say her.

Yeah, her. Her. Her. That's how you would say it if you were on it. I need more. No, we were doing ecstasy and acid mostly. Lots of acid. Oh, man, the acid.

What is acid nowadays? It's chemicals. I mean, I haven't seen it. It's gone. There was like one dude making it. Kind of not making this up at all right now. There was one dude making it in a bunker. No, there's still tabs out there.

There is, but there was this one dude supplying pretty much the whole country in a bunker like in California, and they got him So now is that true? Yeah, I went away in a big way cuz they got the one guy right am I making this up? I don't know. I think that's why everyone's so upset about Molly right now My mom called me she's like have you heard about this new drug Molly? Of course, it's like well, what do you think I was fucking doing when I was 15 when I didn't come I just had it for ecstasy to Molly. I just had it

for the first time recently. Really? Yeah, I thought it was fun. When did you do it? Our friend, our mutual friend, a mutual comedian. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got it from him? Yeah. Yeah, that's how I got it back in. This is not a new thing, though. Oh, you're back into it. Well, no, I don't really, you know, it's a summer drug.

No, it was fine. I mean, I liked it. I've only done Molly once and it was wonderful. A really beautiful woman put it happy. I've only done Molly once, and it was wonderful. A really beautiful woman put it all over her finger and shoved it in my mouth. It was a great time. Oh, yeah, that could have gone much worse. Fourth of July.

Perfect. 2010. I would only do Danny, well, pause. I would only do Molly if I. Pause? Are you saying something homosexual? Nah, I don't know. That's gay, right?

Yeah, that's terrible. This is a new thing. Pause is terrible. I'm telling you, why gay, right? Yeah, that's terrible. This is a new thing. Pause is terrible. I'm telling you, why is that bad? Wait, wait, wait. I worked on the Charlamagne the God show

and I learned a bunch of different terms. Pause is like no homo now. So you say pause. I sound like Bill O'Reilly. I don't understand. Pause means like I'm not being gay.

Like pause, take it easy. I was going too hard with the pause because you guys didn't even know what I was going to say. Like I said pause before the word even came out.

I knew what you were saying. You were saying Danny something. I was going to say, yeah, I was going to say. Like I said pause before the word even came out. You were saying Danny something. That's black togetherness. We're bothering right now. We need to get a fist bump across from this white man. The weird thing is Jordan isn't actually speaking right now nor is Kevin. They're just telecommunicating.

You can just hear it. It's very bizarre. This podcast isn't even happening chairs anymore. Just hovering. This podcast isn't even happening. We're all in a sensory deprivation tank right now. Very bizarre. Anyway, previous pause. What were you saying?

So I was going to say, I listen to a lot of Danny Brown. And I would listen to, like, I'm like, oh, damn. Now I have to do Molly. Not like I'm peer pressure pivot. Like, I don't know him. But it's just like, I love him so much. Like, I would feel like I was in his head if I did to do Molly. Not like I'm peer pressure pivot. I don't know him, but it's just like I love him so much. I would feel like I was in his head if I did it once. That's the gayest thing I've ever heard.

My buddy was like, I literally did Molly to touch tits. Yeah, exactly. He's just like, I did it because Danny Brown doesn't. I love Danny Brown. I would love to touch his head or be inside of his head rather. What kind of head? You got to pause about 18 times. I didn't keep the same dedication to Eazy-E that you took to Danny Brown.

No, it's just all in my head. It's just like, oh, man. I just got to get AIDS. I'm not going to do Molly. Were there any kids who were like, I must get AIDS? Eazy-E's got the AIDS. I have to get it. I've got to beat him. I've got to do Molly. Is there, were there any? I've done Ecstasy, but I've never done Molly. Any kids who are like, I must get AIDS. Easy E's got the AIDS. I have to get it. I've got to beat him. I can't rap about AIDS.

I've got to beat him. How crazy would that be? That's true. I got the AIDS. How amazing would it have been if he did rap about AIDS? The hardest gangster rap in the world. He'd be like, you know how many pills I took today? I'm dying, motherfucker.

Just enough so the symptoms are. Life is real, niggas. today like I'm dying motherfucker just enough so the symptoms are life is real niggas like get the fuck out of here that wouldn't happen oh my

got my noon pill my one o'clock pill let's do it I like this song they keep taking their pills like pause but I love Eazy-E

and I just want to say I would love to get AIDS from him. Oh, my God. Is that how you use it in a sentence? Yeah, that's how you would say it. I'm baffled by this. Am I the only one that's baffled by this?

By what? Pause. I'm not baffled by anything anymore. What do you mean? Pause. I've seen a bat suck its own dick. When did you see a bat suck its own dick? Every time I close my eyes.

All right. Pause. I'm feeling grumpy. I don't understand. I'm feeling grumpy. I don't understand. I'm so very confused. Does it work? That wasn't right. Pause. You got a striped shirt on?

Pause. That's better. Pause. Oh, I see. Pause. I need a beer. Yeah. Can I say that? Anything can slightly ever be.

I mean, what you said was incredibly gay. Yes, yes, yes. But there's times when people are like, oh, yeah, man, no, it tastes nice. Pause. It's a nice day. Pause. They do shit like that. They say pause and no homo.

They double up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People got to be secure. No homo. I just learned so much. It's interesting. Subculture. Subculture. It's a subculture of sorts. Sometimes you got to be scared of gay people. be secure. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm scared of you. Paul's in fear. Isn't Paul? I'm terrified. Was there a basketball player in the interview, like, he said pause, like, after the game, like, post-game interview? Oh, yeah.

He was like, pause. Oh, really? He was like, oh, no, homo, or some shit. I don't know. Yeah, he got in trouble for it. He got in trouble. Yeah, he definitely did. People were very, very upset with him.

Wow. Anyway. It would be Dwight Howard. Oh, Dwight Howard said that. Oh, shit. Okay. Superman. And he said pause? Yeah, he said pause. It was more than one. Wow. Anyway. It'd be Dwight Howard. Oh, Dwight Howard said that. Oh, shit. Okay. Superman. And he said, pause?

Yeah, he said, pause. During an interview. He fucking sucks, man. He fucked Dwight Howard. He's the worst NBA center of all time. When I hear that, though, I think of a little kitten's paw. Yeah, I think of P-A-W-S.

Yeah. Which is fine. Pause. Pause up. That'd be fun if that was the new thing. It was just like, man, you know, as long as I see a dick I don't like hate it

And that just means like I don't No homo You know No homo Yeah I don't know I know

Like a double negative No homo I would love to Oh wait I am homo I would love to suck that dick No homo I imagine somewhere out there There's a dude

Who's like blowing a dude With every stroke he goes down. Pause. He goes down. He's taking a pause. In the Lord's eyes, it's his foot. Man, that girl over there is hot. Yes, homo.

No good? I like it. Yes, homo is good. Doesn't yes, homo sound like you're saying yes to homosexuality? Yeah, because he's saying that girl is hot. Yes, homo is good Doesn't yes homo Sound like you're Saying yes to homosexuality Yeah because he's saying That girl is hot Yes homo He's doing the inverse

Of no homo Oh I see It was very clever man That sentence was Ahead of its time Yo yo Kevin Have you done shows

In gay bars I think we should go to Oh yeah A while ago I did one Yeah Yeah he strips at gay bars He's never done stand-up, though. I want to go to a gay bar and start off my set with, like, oh, guys, I'm a closet heterosexual.

You're going to bomb, dude. I'm scared to talk to girls. I hope they're bombs. And then I'll just be like, look how handsome I am. And they'll be like, you know what? I'm going to laugh because I want to fuck him. Like, you're not going to hit it. You're not going to. I'm gonna laugh because I want to fuck him like you're not gonna hit it you're not gonna I'm not gonna hit it

nah would they laugh at that they're not gonna laugh they're gonna get hard and come all over you would you fuck Danny Brown though what what the fuck from what you said earlier it sounded like I don't think you'd fuck him I think you'd just hold him for a while

I do love Danny Brown but I have four beers and I don't drink so I fuck him. I think he'd just hold him for a while. Yeah, just spend the night. Just hang out. I do love Danny Brown, but I have four beers and I don't drink. So I'm like, I'm chilling right now. So whatever I say is just like, it's just free thoughts. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah. It's whatever. Danny Brown won a Woody award for best video this year. Oh, that's great.

Oh, that gives me a Woody. Exactly. All homo. It's nice when the Make-A-Wish kid comes out as gay as well. That's perfect. I'm an Outward Bound kid, actually. I did North Carolina

Outward Bound school. Oh, you just went in the middle of the woods for like a weekend or whatever with nobody else? Yeah, I was cracked there. In North Carolina? In the middle of the woods. I was selling to a bear. Very dangerous. Yeah, that's insane. Just a really masculine gay dude.

In the middle of the woods. Selling crack to him. The same dude. The same time every day. No, man. I don't take salmon. Cash. All the time.

It's always cash. All right, Marcus, do you have a quote from Dwight Howard or do you want to get on to the next story? Let's get on to the next story. I have something that somewhat relates to our current conversation. A toothless man has been found guilty of biting his neighbor's penis like a sandwich in an argument for loud music.

What kind of sandwich? That's not very specific. Like any sandwich. Like a Vietnamese sandwich? Because those taste better than regular everyday sandwiches like a Subway sandwich. That also, if it was a tuna sandwich, the bite wouldn't be as hard as, say, a salami sandwich. That's a good point.

Jason Martin, 41, attacked Richard Henderson, Ricky Henderson, after he was told to turn his music down at his home in Dover, Kent. Mr. Henderson, 39, told Canterbury Crown Court that Martin's bite

was so forceful he needed stitches following the attack. Martin, who only has one or two teeth, denied the charges against him and said, the thought of putting

a man's penis in my mouth. Well, it's not for me. Well, he didn't say pause though. He did not say pause. Notice that. He confessed to grabbing Mr. Henderson's quotes, bits and bobs. And said he was only acting in self-defense. The bits

and bobs. I feel like this argument like the guy was like, I'm gonna bite your dick. He's like, you don't have any teeth. He's like, no, I'm going to fucking bite you. He's like, you know what? Go ahead and give it a shot. Right, right, right. Whoa, yikes.

Whoa, you really did it. That's a hard bite. No teeth, got stitches. That one tooth was a molar? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. He said their bottom teeth, apparently the defendant, who claims he cannot even bite into a boiled egg, said he was punched first and held in a headlock before being kicked. He told the court, I have only got a couple of teeth in the lower part of my mouth.

I can't even bite into a hard-boiled egg. I just grabbed into an area. I didn't realize at the time it was his testicles. I think it's a good defense, you know. Always grab for the dick. Win the fight. That's what my father always said. You're gonna fight, win. I feel like he's gonna be acquitted,

man. There's no way. It just seems insane. It's suspicious. To be in a fight, to get his dick out and bite it, that seems crazy. Listen to what the other guy says, the guy who was bitten. He says, my willy was not attached to the rest of my body.

What? My willy was not attached to the rest of my body. So the What? My willy was not attached to the rest of my body. So the dude bit his dick off? He says, Mr. Henderson, who was taken to hospitals where surgeons had to stitch his penis back, said, My willy was not attached to the rest of my body. But the guy obviously had his dick exposed when this guy went to bite it, right? So he was beating him up naked. Apparently so. So the guy came after this dude, dick wagging around.

I mean, what else are you going to do? You have to bite the dick. If you come out dick wagging, you should expect the dick's going to get bit. Something's going to happen to your dick. It's 2013, man. Just wild. You know? I don't know if you have to say pause or no homo before you bite the dick.

I mean, I wouldn't assume that you do. There are certain tactics you have to do and not do when you're naked fighting someone else. And one of them is don't put them in a lower headlock. Yeah, that's right. Right by your dick. No matter what. I mean, either way, why are we fighting naked here, people? That's a good question. That's what I want to know. What was the fight over?

The row happened when Martin received a text message from Mr. Henderson's partner asking to turn down the music on his Xbox. A fight then broke out after Mr. Henderson made a snide remark about Martin's alleged drug abuse. Okay, so this is a couple fighting. No, no, no, this is two neighbors.

So two neighbors are fighting. One dude's gay, though, with his other gay buddy. They were fucking the loud music. Yeah, Sid Parton. Well, no, the man who bit was listening to the loud music. So this dude was playing Xbox naked. Yeah, he was playing Xbox naked. Alone.

Yeah. And then the gay couple were fucking. I don't know. Maybe they were fucking. Let's assume they were fucking. Well, why he was naked, you know, it could be they were fucking. That's right. I can't believe Ricky Henderson has turned out like this.

I mean, it's insane. I had his rookie card. I had his fucking rookie card. He had so many bases, and he had such a good fucking career. It was just like... He was just biting dicks off. He was biting dicks off. Do you know one time Ricky Henderson was so full of himself that one time in order...

Because he used to be worried about people trying to find him in his hotel room. That he went in, and the fake name he gave was Richard Pryor. That's hilarious. Because he thought that he was more famous than Richard Pryor. You mean he was really high. Extremely high. So maybe he thought he was Richard Pryor. Maybe Richard Pryor signed in as Ricky Henderson.

Did he do drugs? Did he do drugs? Ricky Henderson? Oh, yeah. Oh, a bunch of drugs. Those nostrils. He had the Brock Peters nostrils. He actually was part of that whole crew that actually used to keep cocaine in their baseball

pants. Oh, my God. There was one guy who always used to... It was famous for sliding head first, but it was the only reason he slid head first because he had a cocaine vial in his back pocket. Oh, my God. That's why it was so fucking bad. And the Texas Rangers coach, he got busted for sniffing, for doing coke. When?

It was a couple years ago. Who was this Texas Rangers coach? Texas Rangers coach. Fuck got busted for sniffing, for doing coke. When? Like a couple years ago. Who was this Texas Rangers coach? Texas Rangers coach. Fuck, I forgot his name. Everything I'm talking about was the 80s. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow, he smoked crack too.

Ron Washington. Failed a drug test for cocaine. Yeah. Wow. That's Ricky Henderson. That's baseball players for you. It's like, what the fuck? It's like you're doing like, so many guys are doing steroids and you're the coach

and you get busted for like doing hard drugs. Everyone else is doing steroids. Like you need to get over the time. Like crack is an old drug. Oh, crack is a very old drug. I feel like they should stop testing all of them. How old are you? 25. So you were selling crack in like 2003?

Yeah, 2003, 2004. Oh, you should have. Yeah, I felt like it was all done then. I think crack is done, right? But 50 Cent was very popular. What are you talking about crack is done? I don't think crack is not the drug anymore. That is not true.

Jordan, what's the major drug destroying the black community? What is it right now? What do you mean? Once crack came out in the 80s, the black community never existed after that. Like, it's... It destroyed... Like, whatever... It ruined Taliban.

Crack is for white people. Crack is for black people. White people actually do smoke more fucking crack. Harlem was a bad place in the 90s because of that. Yeah, in the 90s. I'm talking about now. Now it's fucking white people. It's white trash.

We got meth. We got meth. White people do meth, crack, coke, every drug. White people do heroin. Her, her, her. Girls got heroin. Girls got heroin. It's like Christmas tree, like hop on high. Oh, and we got Oxycodone.

We're big on that. Yeah, we're big on that as well. Is there a new drug on the streets, though, just to inform? I don't know, Molly. I don't got my ear to the streets. That's good, though. Get it off the streets. That's what I would say.

It's so off. Yeah, Marcus, Google new hot drug on the streets. I'm way ahead of you. What do we got? What are we dealing with here? Molly is not new, though. No, but Molly is just, you know, what XT is around for, Molly, like, popped off.

Like, it got really popular in the past, like, year or two. It's the same thing, though, right? It's the same thing, but it is just, you know, what XT is around for, Molly like popped off, like it got really popular in the past like year or two. Yeah, but it's been a solid fucking ten years. Except it's a mashup of a bunch of different shit. What do we got? There's got to be a hybrid. Here's one that I found the other day. Sham boiling. Sham boiling.

Now what's sham boiling all about? It is the process of boiling shampoo and inhaling the fumes. That's dumb. Really? An active ingredient in most shampoos, ammonium lauryl sulfate, causes mild hallucinations, retrograde amnesia, and euphoria when it reaches its boiling point. That sounds crazy. Here are the steps to shamboil. Ingredients. I don't know if we need to give the audience the steps to shamboil.

I don't know if anyone should be shamboiling. Use it on your greasy ass hair. I think they could probably google it themselves, but the ingredients are shampoo, a small pot, and a whisk. Number one, squeeze some shampoo into the pot. If you need, okay,

you know what, if you need instructions to sham boil, you're a retard and you don't get to sham boil. Number two, there's three things. Set the stove to medium high. Number two. There's three things. Set the stove to medium high. Number three. Is it like 275? 350? Put the pot on the stove and wait three to

five minutes, occasionally stirring with the whisk. Number four, lean over the pot and wave your hand near your nose. Oh, you gotta remind people to do that. You have to waft. Number five, deeply inhale the fumes for at least five minutes. And number six, enjoy your high.

Have a good time, everybody. Have a good time, yeah. Enjoy the night. And I know this is true because I got this from shamboiling.blogspot.com. This guy knows what he's talking about. I just want this person to have a show like Rachel Ray has, where she discusses making cookies, but he just discusses or she just discusses shamboiling and making

a bunch of disgusting things on your fucking stove in a pot. So are we going to do the next round table shamboiled out? No, we're not doing it. I can't deal with holding fucking stone. Shamboiled! Shamboiled. Cold and fucking stoned. Shamboyle. Shamboyle.

Shamboyle. You imagine how embarrassed that is explaining to your friends what you did on Saturday night. I feel like it takes less energy to cook crack than it is to shamboyle and you won't be as high. I agree. Crack, I would say overall crack, crack is better than sham boiling. Mild hallucinations. That's not even that bad. I feel like you can sham boil and go to work.

Yeah, but crack just makes you feel great, right? Yeah, I know. Crack is just, I don't know. I mean, I'm not done with it. It sounds like. I don't like sham boiling. Yeah, it's like a fun-ass time. I mean, what do you do?

It's causing amnesia. Jordan, I would. I never smoke crack, so I wouldn't know. Yeah, right? I mean, yeah. I wish I could just see you doing an open sale of shampoo on the streets. I got shampoo. I got shampoo.

You just got to boil it. Pert plus. Pert plus, yeah. Head and shoulders. Oh, conditioning. Shampooing with that conditioning you want. He's out there selling shampoo and pots. Shampoo, pots, and instructions.

It's a bizarre business model, but it seems to be working out great for him. Here comes Jordan clink clanging down the street with all his pots. You know he's coming. He got that five o'clock slot time. Right around the time that the soap operas go off.

Shampoo here. You want some poo? You want some poo? It has shamboyling as potential risks, including pneumonia, cardiac failure, and aspiration of vomit. It can also cause hearing loss, limb spasms, and damage to the central nervous system and brain. I love that the high that they explained, like the good positive thing, was slight amnesia. Slight, yeah. You forget what a failure you are

for cooking shampoo and huffing it. I wonder where they would do that most. Probably somewhere really boring. Oh, it's got to be the South. It's got to be the South. Or the Midwest. Are you kidding? Like Greeley, Kansas.

I only know that because like a region in Kansas because I'm considering moving there. Moving to Kansas. So you can shamboil. So I can shamboil. I'll tell you one thing. If you go to Kansas, you'll be I'm considering moving there. Moving to Kansas. So you can shamboil. So I can shamboil. I'll tell you one thing. If you go to Kansas, you'll be the fastest talker there.

It's a slow place. People who... Oh, yeah. I'm from Wisconsin. I'm from the Midwest. Okay. I know all about it. Don't go to South Dakota.

What's that city? I'm from North Dakota, but yeah. What was South Dakota? Oh, there was a racist mayor in South Dakota who wanted to have a white KKK town, but he got outvoted because, was it 22 people? He wasn't the mayor. He just moved to a town in North Dakota and decided that he was going to make a white settlement there. There were 22 people there, but the one black guy in town, he fought back. That's right.

He fought back. That needs to be a movie, by the way. Last Man Standing. Yeah, fuck the butler. Now that is an inspiring story. Yeah, fuck the butler in the White House. The one black guy in South Dakota who defends his town from the white KKK member tried to come in. People who shamboil are called bubblers.

Oh. That's kind of cool. There are ways to tell if your child is a bubbler. It'sblers. Oh, that makes sense. That's kind of cool. There are ways to tell if your child is a bubbler. No! It's not cool! Oh my god, what are the ways that you can tell if your child is a bubbler? The boiled shamboil. Backwards hat. Baggy jeans.

He's always saying bitch and cunt. Doesn't agree with your conservative principles. Skateboarding, lots of girlfriends. Doesn't need principles. This is to ICP. Oh, that's a fact. I can guarantee you shampoo

or whatever this is. ICP just got a fucking sketch show. That makes me so... They did not. It's been on for a while now. Yeah, an IFC. They got a fucking sketch comedy show. What the fuck? God, I IFC. They got a fucking sketch comedy show. What the fuck?

I gotta hate ICP. I know. I'm sorry, Marcus. It's fine. I mean, I kind of... I'm okay. I like... What is a Juggalo?

I don't know. You've never had a fucking Juggalo knock up your sister before. Right. See, that's a nightmare. There's Juggalos in GTA, by the way. Oh, yeah. That's my niece. The other night, the genie gave me three wishes.

That night, I fucked three fat bitches. Yeah, exactly. My sister was that one of those fat bitches. I didn't know that Bella was half juggalo. Yeah, man. She's fucking half juggalo. It's like juggalo slash NASCAR enthusiast. That's worse than being like half Indian.

Yeah, no, no. I think he kind of was part Native American. Dude, I'm a quarter Indian, man. I regret it every day. Well, you can tell your child is a shambo boiler if you have a distinct smell. You're out of shampoo. Yeah, you're out of shampoo. You just fucking bought shampoo and you don't have it.

I just went to Duane Reade. Just today. The boiled shampoo has a distinct smell due to the gases emitted from the boiling substance. Sheriff Truman said, it smells like a combination of burnt nutmeg and hair. Oh, wow. Man. Jesus Christ. That is bad.

So you just... Smoke weed. Can't everybody just smoke weed? Shampoo is like... Smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day. What were you saying? I was saying shampoo is cheaper than weed.

It is much cheaper. No, get fucking dirt as shit weed. You can fucking find... I don't know. I guess perks. You go to a dollar store. Yeah. Yeah, much cheaper. Get fucking dirt as shit weed. You can fucking find... You can go to a dollar store. Yeah, one buck. So you freebase it? You just huff the steam? I have an answer to this question. This

report came out of Richmond, Virginia. So it's a southern thing. Fucking Virginia, man. Fucking asshole of the United States. They're innovative. Virginia, oh I do love thee of the United States. They're innovative. Oh, Virginia. Oh, I do love thee. Is that a song?

No. Yeah. I mean, now it is. Sheriff Truman said it's not a common occurrence or anything, but we'd maybe see it two or three times a year, usually being done by addicts with no other fix. God damn. It's usually done by a guy named Frank. We know who he is.

I mean, my question is... Hosted on the internet, trying to get other people to do it. Right. It's usually done by a guy named Frank. We know who he is. This guy does it. Hosted on the internet. He's trying to get other people to do it. No one does it. A how-to by Frank's how-to. How to shampoo or conditioner. How desperate do you have to be to boil shampoo?

At what point in your life are you just like, I'm going to try this? I'm thinking about it already. Yeah, I mean, I'm curious. I mean, how does it happen? I am slightly curious. You know, you're drinking. You got your drugs. You got your meth. It doesn't say you can die immediately. It's not like her. It's like you have shampoo at the house. Right. You have it. Do it once.

Do it once. Just try it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say we all do it together. Don't do it. Don't do it. Let's all do it together. Don't do it. Let's all do it together. Do not do it. No one should do it. I'm just asking.

How does the leap from shampoo in the shower go to shampoo on top of the stove? I think you're shampooing one day. You're in the shower chilling. You got really hot. Water's too hot. You got really hot. You dropped out of community college for like the fourth time. Of course.

Your baby mother is pregnant for the fourth time. Did you start shamboiling? Huh? Did you begin this no because i mean if that happened to me in real life if that happened to me in real life and i dropped out of community college for the fourth time and just like was somewhere where i didn't have any resources you were very fertile yeah i would do that like i would probably do that but i'm from new york i it. But I'm from New York. I'm not from Kansas. Like, that's something you do if you're from Kansas, because there's nothing else to do. That is true.

Yeah, I think there are dudes out there that have nothing going on. Right. They have a bunch of household products that they know are made out of chemicals. That's why all this shit comes out of Florida. Yeah, but shampoo is not- And they know how to manipulate chemicals to ingest them in different ways to find out what happens to you. I just really-

How many people died by trying to boil bleach and things like that? I mean, every household thing must have been tried to be boiled at some point and huffed, right? I accidentally drank a bunch of bleach once. That was horrible.

How'd you accidentally drink a bunch of bleach? It was an accident. There was a... Someone fucking put a cup of bleach when I was working next to my cup of water and I took a giant gulp

and put it down my throat and fucking... What'd you do? I just... I dealt with it. How'd you deal with it? I mean, I was fine. I lived. Did you throw up? No, I didn't. What do you mean? How did you not immediately throw up? It was one gulp of bleach.

I feel like one gulp of bleach... I didn't throw up. No, you shouldn't have died. It's just one little gulp of bleach. Every time I use bleach, you're my... One gulp of bleach? One little gulp, but you say the word gulp. When we think about the word gulp, it was way too much.

It was a big old hunk of bleach. Yeah, a big old hunk of bleach. I was hammered, too. You didn't get sick or nothing? No. I didn't feel great, but I was pissed off. I think my anger outweighed everything else. At the end of the day, what we know is that

you can't kill ham. And so... Oh, that is true. I was clean. It's not real meat. I was real clean. I almost died when I was five years old. Maybe even three years old.

I had a Flintstone overdose. Oh, really? The Flintstone vitamins? Yeah, from the vitamins. My brother was supposed to be watching me. I got away from him. How old was your brother? He's nine years old.

He's 12. Oh, okay. And I got into the Flintstones. Yeah, he did. me i got away from the second how old was your brother he's nine years old he's 12. oh okay and i uh got into the flintstones yeah he did i spread them all around all across my mother's bed and ate like like 15 of them wow and i had so much iron in my system and my mom came home and saw me like passed out and uh rushed me to the hospital i had to get my stomach pumped. I had charcoal down my nose. And I was like, I almost died. Yeah, exactly. You've got to revive this boy. He's going to be a shampoo dealer one day.

I had too much iron in my system. I think my brain is alright. I don't know. It seems alright. I did a similar thing with Triamedic. I drank two bottles of Triamedic. Triamedic is a great tasting kid's cough medicine. It was wonderful.

I was in a coma for like a week. I ate too much Flintstone vitamins one time, too. I had eight, and I went up to my mom and was like, Hey, Mom, I did it. I had eight. It's really great because it's the good stuff. I was bragging about it, and she flipped out. You went to the hospital?

No, it was fine. Your mother just beat him. How old were you? Young as fuck. Yeah, but you only had eight. I'm an ox, though. It's different. Eddie's parents were abusive physically.

Mine were a little bit, but not as bad as Eddie's. My parents weren't that abusive. It sounds like they were abusive. No, your mom just really loved you. Eddie, what was that thing with the telephone? Why'd your mother hit you in the face with the telephone again? Why do they always have to bring up the telephone? Because my room was dirty.

Oh, damn. All right. Now it's time for a segment from the moment. Your mother's a hell of a woman. That's nice. But I think about that telephone thing sometimes. Segment time. Let's go to football town and talk a little bit about football.

Football town. One thing you choose. 3-0 Dolphins, by the way. God damn it. Haven't said that sentence since I could speak. Do you want to sing the Miami fight song? Do you know it, Eddie? Next time.

I'm not going to brag too much. I don't want to sing this song, though. That's all I know. 5-0, we'll sing it. Okay. 5-0. We'll get to hear the Miami fight song. All right.

So what would you change about football to make the game better? Marcus is a commissioner. He will choose the change that chooses him. Oh, shit. And I will start pretty much just like, yeah, everything the same and all that. But like final 10 minutes of the game, if it's a shit game, like a very low scoring game, very boring, we release a bear on the field. And the bear can score points, by

the way, and come into the lead and win. So that same bear could make it to the playoffs and into the Super Bowl, depending on how many shitty games there were that year. Does the bear score more points than a regular person? Yeah, well the point system's different. Like, if he murders a dude

That's touchdown, seven points But for which team? Doesn't matter Because he's just on the field stopping everybody Oh, okay, so what, seven points just go in the air? Seven points go to the bear So he could win If he wins, he goes to the Super Bowl

What if they're playing Chicago? The Bears Then, you know, we'll give the Bears two extra points What if they're playing Chicago? The Bears. Then, you know, we'll give the Bears two extra points. That's funny, man. I laughed at him. Yeah, I don't know. I'm on five beers. So, essentially, and if he just maims a dude,

if he just rips an arm or a leg off or something, that's just field goal. It's three points. Oh, okay. Right? So there you go. What if the player dies after the game is over?

Retroactively give that bear some fucking points. And you'll win that goddamn game. Internal bleeding, all that kind of stuff. And if he says a word, if he speaks a human language word, he gets like a two point conversion. He gets two points. Okay, so I mean, I like that

because it gives teams incentive to give their all all the time. Play better, be more fun. If you don't, you know, and it would discourage blowouts as well because if you get too far ahead, then the Bears are going to come out. Yeah, exactly. I like it. I like it a lot. I think that a good little amendment to what you do is not even just Bears is you would choose the mascot of that team. And your mascot would come out.

The thing that would suck, though, is the Cardinals. So a whole bunch of tiny birds would come and peck you to death. What are they going to do with the Browns? Are they just going to throw a bunch of football helmets up? Hey, try it on the poo-poo. Yeah, the chargers, man, the whole field becomes electricity

charged, and you can't walk in certain sections of the field. Cowboys, just a bunch of drunk rednecks with guns. Oh, Lord. Yeah. Man, the Redskins, fucking Indians, are going to come back from the dead. But they inevitably lose the game. Yeah, but what are you going to do with dolphins, though? What are you talking about?

Dolphins are the most lethal animal on the fucking earth. Not on land, Ed. Yeah. You try jumping in a pile of dolphins it's gonna be difficult for the dolphin to navigate the football field because it's grass and not water oh yeah i love the panthers man let's do this north carolina that'd be fucking fantastic yeah man angles would be good the patriots god knows seahawks will still suck. Sure, sure. The Packers, that's just a bunch of, you know, union workers.

49ers, that's a bunch of old grizzled men with pickaxes and shit. Sure, yeah. It's fucking crazy. Last 10 minutes of the game, if you're gay as shit. Vikings, man. Yeah, Vikings would be good. The Texans, also a bunch of drunk rednecks with guns. God damn it, this is great.

Giants, Giants is just like a whole bunch of Dikembe and the Mutombos. Ooh, that's good. Who wants to sex Mutombo? Everyone does. You're a massive man. You've got that Kissel effect. Ooh, and the Jets, they just crash a plane into the stadium. Yeah.

It's a little close to not happening. That's a little ironic, huh? Yeah. It's a little sad. It's a sad. Don't do that, man. All right, that's mine, yeah. All right, Kevin, what do you got?

All right, okay, cool. So I didn't really put a lot of thought into this, but, you know, I got some pretty cool ideas, man, because I'm a pretty cool guy. First of all, more birds, more lizards. That's one thing I know that will help the NFL. Take that how you want. Outside of that, I think every time people tackle people,

they got to say pause, because you know what? Bunch of grown dudes wearing tights is kind of gay, hugging each other. I'm the best. Alright. More birds, more lizards. Say pause before or after every tackle? Both.

You gotta cover all bases. There's already way too many timeouts in football. Is there gonna be a penalty if you can't have any more. Is there going to be a penalty if you don't say pause? Oh, it's all ties to penalties, man. How many? So what do the birds do?

The birds are just there, man. They're just on the field. We put black beans on their wings so they can't really fly. And they just kind of hang out on the field. And you got to kind of, you know, dodge them and shit. So it's just a slippery field. Yeah, no, it's wild, man. Because you're going to be slipping on birds and lizards.

It's wild, man. I got a big imagination. I like it. Yeah. Jordan. What are we talking about? One way to outage it. Jordan is now.

New rule. Six beers deep. New rule to make football better. Make football better? All right. You got to say that at the beginning. At the top. I don't know why. Fucking...

Just, I don't know. Naked woman just everywhere. That was mine. Yeah. I love that. Naked woman everywhere. Naked woman,

but like nice ones. Like porn stars. I really like... I'm a big fan of Bella Moretti. That's really specific. I get her. Really nice trans fam.

Just like a whole bunch of clone Bella Morettis. That's really specific. Really nice tramp stamp. Just like a whole bunch of clone Bella Morettis. Like whenever a guy scores a touchdown she has to fuck him. Bella, that's your niece's name. Yeah, that is my seven-year-old niece's name. That's beautiful, man. You know how sometimes the world just comes together.

She's never going to be a porn star. She's already a fat seven-year-old. Everything is sickly Hey here everyone Just so you know Here is Bella Marie Oh wow She looks like

DMX's girlfriend in belly She's got ugly tits She's got great tits She's fucking beautiful That's somebody you married She's tight Oh look at her She has her own name

Tattooed on her ass. I don't like her. I'm going to tell the truth. I don't like her. I don't like her. I don't like her either. I watch a lot of porn. You don't like her.

No, but she's tight. I like her. Tight? Tight? She's fucking Lex Steel. She has a nice... No. No, she has no ass.

She has no... I've never seen you so passionate before. I'm telling you, it's a bad porn selection. Sometimes you have to appreciate the beauty of a black woman. Come on, look at her. She's number 22 on the top 100 porn stars list. Yo, who's this other porn star?

Top 100 porn stars. Easy. Easy. Are you kidding? No, no. I don't like her. Oh, God. She's totally hot.

She's hot. I'm just saying, Jordan, you've got to diversify because that is not the hottest black chick working around today. Go with Miss Jada who squirts all over the place. Jada Fire. Jada Fire is great, but then there's also Diamond.

I like Jada Pinkett Smith. I like her pornos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just Will Smith talking to her about Scientology and she masturbates. You know I really like dick. That's what Will Smith is saying. Exactly. Pause. I'm going to fucking suck this dude's dick. Remember the hottest black porn star right now?

Skin Diamond. Oh, damn. Skin Diamond. She was the girl in the Spongebob Squarepants pornos. She had a bunch of... Their skin, yeah.

Yeah, those are... Yeah. A bunch of jizz all over their body. God. Did you not see her before, Jordan? No, I'm just saying that shot was ridiculous. Yeah, exactly. Her face was covered in cum.

Her face was covered in... How am I supposed to react? I mean, I don't know. I mean, don't you want to just be her? Yeah, that was a top five thirstiest sentences. I just like when they come on their mascara and it looks like they've been crying. Yeah, and we've all watched the Bukkake scenes. You hear in the background, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting.

Bukkake, Bukkake, Bukkake. Taking so many pictures. That's right. Every time. She seems friendly. She's a nice woman who has a good job, and I hope her career goes well. So, Ben, what would you change about football? You know what?

Another thank you. I don't know. I would want death, spikes on the field. I want the cheerleaders to be men and the coaches to be women. I would like to see this. Ruin football? Ruin football. No, I mean, I don't know.

I feel like football right now, I wish it would just go back to the way it was in the 1960s where people got to hit the fuck out of each other. There were very, very few rules and scrums involved similar situations where that man bit that other man's penis off. It was a violent game and people were just insane monsters. That's what I wanted football to be. They were saying there was so many less concussions. Back then because they didn't have the helmets

because they were terrified. They didn't have helmets and they were all scared to hit each other so no one fucking had concussions. So that's another thing I'll take. Go back to the leather helmets. That's what he just said though. It just reminded me of some shit.

Oh, did he? Kevin said that? Oh, yeah. No, when you're talking about like being a citizen, I saw this yesterday because there was a lot of absurd things happening yesterday. Well, you know, historically, black colleges will never be good at football. That's something that we know.

Which is so ironic. It is very ironic. It's very weird. Like dozens of losses in no way. It's almost like best marching bands fucking ever. Yeah, it's almost like. I was watching that yesterday. You know, FSU beat Bethune-Cookman like 56-6.

Bethune-Cookman? Oh, yeah. Bethune-Cookman, they shouldn't be allowed to play at FSU. Exactly, exactly. 56-6. Somebody beat, was it FAMU, I think? 76-0. Jesus.

Oh, there was Ohio State. Yeah, Ohio State. And then there was another, I think Florida was playing some other black college in just the same type of situation. Bowling Green or something. Yeah, so we started looking up like the biggest margin defeat ever apparently i think it was georgia tech in 1916 beat i forget what the other school was 220 to zero what 220 to zero man that's unbelievable that's great yeah i think someone will just do that for the money. I read somewhere where this coach of some HSBCU was saying

that they were taking all these losses because they were getting money from people coming to the games and it being on TV or whatever. Yeah, you get a lot of money for getting your ass kicked. Yeah, so they're just getting the shit kicked out of them. Maybe another fun thing would be to, you know, separate every team by race, you know, but also by like Germans, Irish, you know, Jamaican, like really get specific with it so you could fill out an entire league.

So you're saying intense segregation. Intense, but like really by every league, not black and white. Let's bring it back. Let's bring it back. But very specific, you know, so it's not a white, black or Asian. See, all the time black people are rooting for segregation.

It's the only time ever. I don't even know. So Marcus, he's saying leather helmets and intense segregation. Intense segregation. If I can read back my notes. Another thank you. Death, spikes, cheerleaders to be men, coaches to be women. People get hurt. No rules. Bring back segregation. Out of context, it sounds a little too progressive for me,

so let's make the women cheerleaders and the men coaches again. You can't take that shit back. You're a fucking bitch. Really diversify. Jackie, Jackie, what do you got? Okay, the game is completely the same until you hit the playoffs, all right? When you finally get down to the best of the best teams, you set them all out on a month hunting trip.

They have to choose what skin they're going to wear during the playoffs, what they kill they can wear. Oh, wow. So whatever you are able to kill as a fucking man, you are to wear to show how much of a man that you are. And when you get into the arena, there's no audience. It's completely like dome. It's just you guys and the – this includes the coach too.

So hopefully the coach has the biggest, baddest animal on them. Oh, yeah. Or else the coach should be murdered. And when you get into the arena to play the game, drugs are given out to each side of the team. Some are placebos. Some are acid. Some are money. Some are fucking heroin.

It's all across the fucking board. It could be anything. So you're wearing the skins. You don't know what drug you got coursing through your body. And you play the fucking game. And that's how you see what a real man is. I can't beat this. I know we can beat this.

That makes the game so much better. Imagine a bunch of football players on Molly just loving each other. Wearing the skins of the animals they killed. No. Like four football players on Molly, five on meth, six shamboiling. Oh my god! And then there's like four or five that are completely sober. Yeah, an assistant coach is making up the

shamboiling on the sidelines. Trying to cook it like they do the Gatorade. Oh yeah, there'd have to be a... The shamboiling bath for the coach at the end? No, this is great. Only the offensive line is sober. I love it. Everyone else is completely fucked up. I like that. Ed, what do you got?

I mean, I don't know. I mean, I really respect Jordan's thing with the naked women. I love Jackie's thing with the drugs. You like my thing. What's your thing again? Either way. You know, if we can just get those things in process. Because I was actually kind of leaning towards both of those.

But you can't take it because it's already been said. So I would just say just get rid of Buffalo. Wow. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get rid of the city. No, but not the team, like the city. Oh, yeah.

But we're going to keep the state? We're just going to like... Get rid of Buffalo. I support that. Okay. Have you ever met a person from Buffalo? We're's going to wipe the city of Buffalo off the map. Yeah, yeah. We're going to take Syria's bombs.

Yeah. And we're going to unleash them on Buffalo. And then we're going to let Canada keep whatever's left. Right. That's great. Because they want a football team. I would be fine to get rid of Syracuse. Yeah, Syracuse, nah.

I went to a community college in Syracuse. I'm sure you did great. Onondaga Community College. Do you really have to go back there? No, that's why I want it blown up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, obviously Jackie wins. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know your sport better than your sport. However, here's what I'm going to do, is that during the playoffs, Jackie is in power. Her plan is in power. Regular season, though, we're going for Holden's plan. Bears! It's going to make the preseason a lot more exciting. We released those fucking animals.

No more blowouts in the preseason. So I win in a way. In a way. Fantastic. Thank you, everybody. Jackie, you're welcome. But you didn't win, though. You didn't win.

I won. Everybody have a good night. And from the center welcome. But you didn't win, though. You didn't win. I won. Everybody have a good night. And from the center of the world, Roundtable says good night. I'm fine with that. That's great. Kitchell 100% did not win. I almost won, though. All right.

Well, that's Jackie. It was when you said that the coaches should be women. I thought that was a good move. No, no, no. Only if I'm the coach, then that would be good. Ed Larson. I'm not the coach. You're the cunt.

I'm the cunt. I'm the cunt. I love being the cunt. That's holding me, Neal. Yeah, I believe in it, too. Kevin Barnett. You are the cunt. Jordan Temple, everybody.

Slap some ass, everybody. That's right. Slap some ass. Jordan Temple. Follow him on facebook you got to follow us now bitch wait wait wait i do have a twitter i mean it doesn't what is it it's uh at jordy ploy j at j-o-r-d-y-P-L-O-Y. Is that a pause? Huh? Yeah, applause and no homies.

Yeah, no homies. No homies? No homies. You don't have any friends. You're going to get so many followers. That's Marcus Parks. Follow me at CrackerSpawn. CrackerSpawn. Oh, and thank you to the young lady who sent us her tits.

Oh, my God. Thank you, lady. Oh, my God. Marcus, what is her name? Does she have a name? Well, no, we shouldn't say her name. No, she's her first name, maybe. We shouldn't say her name.

Her first name. You didn't send me her first name. Woman who sent the tits, you know who you are. I jacked off to it. I saw, I saw those. Oh, great tits. Better than that fucking

porn star you like. The thread of the tits, and I was like, God, what kind of fucking monster sent these tits? Where is she? I look at the tits. Tight. Nice. the tits. And I was like, God, what kind of fucking monster are these tits? I look at the tits tight. Nice.

Beautiful tits. Really? Beautiful tits. No, I said that totally jokingly. Marcus, show Jordan the titties that we got set. What a sweetheart. Let's see these again. You guys are killing the podcast.

That's right. Oh, look at those. Beautiful. Those are nice fucking titties. Are those black tits? They might be black tits. Those are black tits. Oh, I love you.

Whose black tits are those? Oh, my God. I love it. What's going on there? Guilt from lust.tumblr.com. From where? Yeah. Guilt from lust.

Where is she? Where's the tumblr? Where is she, man? Oh, man. Let's find this. Oh, yes. There's a bunch of things going on. I need a new girlfriend.

Laying in my bed. Wait a minute. But that same picture is on her Tumblr. I don't feel as special anymore. No, no, no, no. See, that picture is her tits. And these other pictures are things that just get her hot. This is great.

We got to find her. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we found her. We did find her. I think she found us. Oh, she says she's a virgin. But thank you, sweetheart. We really appreciate it. No, with those fucking tits, girl says she's a virgin. But thank you, sweetheart. We really appreciate it.

No, with those fucking tits, girl, you ain't gonna be a virgin for long. Hey, if you're listening to this, you know, holler at me right now, man. Show Kevin Barnett on Facebook, you know.

Fatboy Barnett on Twitter, you know, just like, just talk about his thing. I got a lot of money and I can buy his stuff, man. We'll get some food. We can go

macaroni and cheeses, man. Macaroni and cheeses man Macaroni and cheeses Blow pops I will say I'll probably fuck her She would fuck me She would not fuck you She's got more class than that That was fun