The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 184: Tree Gack

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on Round Table: a man in India with a tail is worshiped as a monkey god, a man in Vietnam almost dies from a squash in the anus, and a woman in China eats too much and explodes her stomach causing a fire. Joining us today: Anthony Devito, Ed's friend April, and Steve McCarthy!

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. I got a prayer today?

Yeah, it's your welcome day. Yes, yes, I know. Well, you know, for today's prayer, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank everybody. Thank all my friends for being so kind to me over the last week. I missed a show last week. But most of all, I would like to thank the fans,

or as I like to call them, the Marcusarians. What? No! Marcusarians who will take down the Japanese and the Holdenators. The Marcusarian nation unites. Why would you not be a Marcusarian over a Holdenator or a Jaganese? Because they're fucking Aryan, like Hitler loves.

Why would you not love the best? He's the one who does it all. Why would you not root for the always good for the good who does it all. Why would you not root for the... Oh, my God. Oh, I have things to say about this. I read the news. Oh. Oh, and he kills all of the Jews, everybody.

What is that? How do you feel about that? I'm a Jackanese. I am. I'm not a Marcusarian. We're all Jackanese. No, baby. Yeah, I love you, baby.

I love you. I'm a Marcusarian. Yeah. I'm not even baby. I love you. I'm a Marcusarian. Yeah. I'm not even starting my own group. I'm just a Marcusarian. Woo! That is fucking happening. Woo!

Bullshit. It just is the juice. All right. Well, of course. I love the juice. Of course, we are all the round table of gentlemen. That's what we are here. So is that the final?

That's your final prayer? Amen. Yeah. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen to Amen. Amen. Amen to you, my God. Thank you, my disciple.

Holy Lord. The most, yeah, that is the worst prayer ever. But it garnered the most reaction. Thank you, sir. I thought it was amazing, sir. Thank you, sir. Jesus Christ. If you just want to show me your dick, just let me see it. I don't think now is the time.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He's a real Marcus. A real Marcus Arian over here. Where are your hands, Ed? Hands on the table. Hands on the table. Hands on the table.

All right. Who are the people here? I want to thank a listener. What was his name, Marcus? Randy Katzen. Jesus Christ. I'll tell you this. Randy Katzen character. Randy tell you this. Randy Katzen character.

Randy, you're an amazing man. He sent a bunch of beef jerky here to Cape Comedy Radio. Jerky boy Randy? Jackie is currently gnawing on it as if she's a cat that'll never eat again. And she can't get enough of it. Put me in a trash can. That's right, honey. Put you right in a trash can.

So thank you, Randy. Amazing stuff. And you got to start selling this beef because you do a kick-ass job of jerking it. It's a little too spicy. It's not too spicy. Eddie's just mad. Eddie's mad because Marcus said he really enjoys Pat Dixon's Crime Report. Good show.

And last podcast on the left. Good show. Now, Ed is very upset because he didn't mention Roundtable by name. Phenomenal show. It's a Good show. And last podcast on the left. Good show. Now, Ed is very upset because he didn't mention Roundtable by name. Phenomenal show. It's a phenomenal show. Everybody loves it. Anyway, it was also for the Roundtable. So, Ed, you're here. We know the Holdenators. Holdenators, ho!

You are Jackanese if you don't please. You are Jackanese if you don't please. Jackie, would you like to retort to that thing that made no sense? Yeah, Jackie Zabrowski is here. Marcus Arians, more like Marcus I don't carry him. Yeah! Yeah!

Holy Nators endorse that comment. Don't fucking endorse anything I just said. We are Jackanese and we do please. Jackanese, get down on your knees and all bow down to the Marcus area. I hate it. I'm against it. Mr. Marcus, she's making me mad. She's making me mad. Holy Lord.

This is just one of the dumbest, dumbest recordings of any... All my Holdenators out there, Holdenator tip of the day, do not try to climb Mount Everest. Well, a lot of people enjoy climbing Mount Everest. It's a dead man's game.

It's not a dead man's game. All the Jackanese, you do what you want because you go for the gold. I believe in you, Jackanese 2014. So you encourage somebody to climb Mount Everest. Yeah, sure. You want to get dead? I support it. Sure.

We're going to cut their clits off. We're going to cut them off of them. Hold the no. No, no, no. Yeah, hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no. Hold the no.

Hold the no. Hold the no., Anthony. Thanks for having me. Love it. Absolutely. Did you have some of that jerky? You had some of that jerky? Oh, yeah. I had some of that jerky. You enjoyed it, huh?

A good amount of spice. I thought it was a nice amount of spice. A perfect amount of spice. Yeah, and Jerky Randy's got it going on in my spice town. I love Jerky Randy, and I love him in your spice town, Jackie. I have a very fine palate, and it's just a little much. You eat mostly things covered in barbecue sauce, so I don't know if that's refined. Maybe like a refinery worker's palate, but I'm not sure if it's refined.

But, okay, we got April here in the Choco Hut. Now, April, you're good friends with Ed Larson from high school. Oh, yeah, way back in the day. Amazing, and you stuck with him all these years. Well, he still owes me $5. Give him $5, Eddie. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

You're never going to see that money, April. And then we got Steve McCarthy. Thanks for being here, Steve. Hey, thank you. Just keep the clits where they are. That's what I was going to say. Wow, sounds like someone's a Jackanese. Well, I think he...

Fucking fascinating, Steve. I'm sure he's referring to all the clits that are in Holden's jewelry box underneath his bed. He wants to keep the clits where they are. I want to buy funny pearls. Yeah, your funny pearls. A group of clitorises. Funny pearls. A clitori.

Funny pearls. All right, so don't buy jewelry if it's marketed to you by Holden McNeely. Or any Holdenator. Or any Holden McNeely. Or any Holdenator. Or any Holdenator. Holdenator's just... It's just clitoris. And that's from Thundercats. So you don't get Thundercats.

You don't get to take Lion-Os or Panthros. We got Holdenator merch. I'm going to come in some cans and mail them out to you for $5. You're going to put your semen inside of cans and then you're going to mail those out. And then how are you going to get the cans without spilling all over the package? Put tape over the top. Yeah, put tape over the top. And I can come the

thing closed. I'm sticky sticky. So you're going to use it. You've never mailed cum before? You know what? Call me an asshole or don't put me in prison. What do you do for birthdays? That's crazy. This whole time, Anthony, I've been thinking a cake is nice or maybe a flower. A cum cake, maybe.

Oh, I see. Got a cum in some cans. A cum volcano. Can you imagine cum just squirting out of a volcano? It's like, yes, please. How do you keep it that long? I guess you'd have to freeze it. No, no, no.

You just put it deep down inside of the earth. Get it real hot. Let it spurt all over you. And then I'll be like the grandmother in Dante's Peak. I'll just go up and swim through that cummy lava. Because that's how Jackanese do. I just pictured your pussy like Kirby. Remember that character Kirby?

Yeah, he can be anything he wants to be. He just has to eat you alive. Yeah. That's right, Jack. You have a ghost that can eat anything. wants to be. He just has to eat you alive. That's right, Jackie. You have a ghost that can eat anything. Yeah, Jackie's pussy. Yeah, it's pink and puppy. Yeah, you got to nickname your pussy Kirby.

It's pink already and it devours all things in its path. Does your vagina have a nickname? I guess Squirty Bird. You guess, huh? If I had to make a guess I don't know What I've called it the most times It's Squirty Bird

It would be Squirty Bird Yeah, I had an ex-girlfriend Who called my cock The Broken Skunk Well, Squirty Bird Versus the Broken Skunk That's a smut film No one will jack off to it

Hot stuff Alright, Marcus It would be action-filled, though It would be a lot of action Broken skunk. That's a smut film. No one will jack off to it. Hot stuff. All right. Marcus. It would be action filled, though. It would be a lot of action. It would be action filled. I'm going to let the broken skunk sit for a second. Yeah.

Yeah. I have a feeling the broken skunk has sat for a long time. All right. All right, Marcus. Let's do a news story here because I literally want to vomit. My daddy's just tightened up. Oh, yeah? Well, you can talk about that all literally want to vomit. My daddy's just tightened up. Oh, yeah? Well, you can talk about that all you want, April. You're a very

interactive woman. Squirty bird. Jackie's disgusting when you say it. Squirty bird wants to pick at you. He wants to pick at you. He's going to squirt on your beak. Broken skunk has grievances.

Hard grievances. That's the name of your autobiography. Broken skunk has grievances. My hold and make. It's going to be big. What is one of the grievances? You can't learn if you ain't teaching. That's not a grievance.

That's a sentence. Is it a sentence? It is's a sentence. Is it a sentence? It is technically a sentence. You burn brown. All right, Marcus, just give us your story. I got a new story for you. Doctors in southern Chantau City in China have saved an 81-year-old man from death after he put a squash into his anus in an attempt to get rid of his constipation.

Not bad. not bad. Man, that must have been some fucking horrible constipation. Yeah, I mean, I guess. Did it work? Did it upgrade? I would think so, yeah. Avery, what do you think? You would start with the cucumber, then move up to the squash, huh? Well, truth be

told, I think you'd start with, you know, a bit of finger first, wouldn't you, before you went on to bed? I mean, I don't know. I used to babysit for the Chinese boy and when he was constipated, his parents recommended that I aid his Really? That's insane. So they asked you to milk their son?

Well, I mean, duty milk. I don't think he was in any pleasure whatsoever. He didn't love it. I guarantee we ask Chase to do that to him now, and he comes all the time. Yeah, but I bet it was a yellow squash. Am I right, guys?

No, Jackie. China. That's not right. Chinese. Japanese. Yeah! Jackie, it's just your racism is annoying to begin with, but then when it's out of place, it's even more angry.

That was perfect. No, it wasn't. It was perfectly in place. It was perfectly in place. It was not in place. That was like a puzzle piece. It was the last puzzle piece. I'm sorry. I'm obviously quite a middleman here,

but I am leaning towards the Holdenators at this point. Oh, so you want to cut the glitz off? Well, if it's yours. You can't find it. It's deep in my cave. In my wet gallows down there. The rats come out. What about the Marcusarians? We're obviously

the superior fandom. Marcus, my asshole is clean. It's so clean. What about your ancestors though, Kissel? You can't, like, an Aryan. I mean, I never said that we were Aryans or part of the Aryan. Marcus Aryan?

No, Marcus-arian. Like Marcus Space Aryan. No, like a Caesarian section, like giving birth to the rest of the world. Yeah, we're Roman. Marcus Space Aryan. I don't know. It's a stretch. No, it sounds like you're just making up some horse shit on the spot.

Yeah. And that's your job, Holden. Don't let any It's a stretch. No, it sounds like you're just making up some horse shit on the spot. Yeah. And that's your job, Holden. Don't let Eddie take it from you. Yeah, I'm old-native. I'd fuck up your whole car, you bitches. Yeah. Anthony, you ever get anything shoved up your ass? Anthony, you ever do that?

I've never had anything up my ass. Never taking it back to Hertz. Never. You never had anything up your ass? Never had anything up there. Never a finger? Anything like that? Never nothing.

No, I've had a finger from a doctor. Oh, from a doctor. That was it, though. That's, yeah. Did you cum, Jules? I tried. I tried as good as I could, but it wouldn't happen. Has that happened to you, April?

Have you ever met a boy other than this kid you had to take care of that really loved to finger up the ass or anything up there? Some guys really like that stuff. No comment. No comment. Oh, that's a big comment, though. Sometimes no comment's the biggest comment. It's the largest comment.

Yeah. So she definitely has got her fist up there. That's great. Good for you, April. My fists are quite small, truth be told. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I was to pick a hand at the table to go up my ass, it'd be yours. That's not bad.

Eddie, I'm sorry. You have colon cancer. Well, I'm just happy you were the table to go up my ass, it'd be yours. That's not fair. Eddie, I'm sorry. You have colon cancer. Well, I'm just happy you were the one to tell me, April. I've got dirty fingernails. Yeah, I know. I know. I see. Oh, I sized you up from the get-go. Well, this man here in China, apparently the squash was a tried and true method.

His relatives said that he had recently suffered constipation, and in each time he had the condition, he put a squash into the anus and then pulled it out as a way to facilitate defecation. It makes sense. After such an action, he could relieve himself easier. However, on the day of the incident, he had put a squash too deep into the anus, and he failed to remove it later. Well, you know, that's why all the dildos, they have the balls on there because you can't lose stuff. Because, I mean, you know, it's sort of a cliche, but exit only is relatively true when

it comes to the anus. Once you get something stuck on the treads, it's pulling it in. Yeah. Yeah. So this guy, really, he needed to put a stopper on there. Yeah. That's what you got to do. If you're going to shove any sort of legume or fruit up your asshole, make sure to put

a stopper on there. Put balls on it. Put balls on there. Yeah. I blame the grocery store. I do. Let him know. Let him know.

People might be doing that. There's no way this guy is eating three squashes a week. Two of those are growing up his asshole. So what's the crime? Sexy vegetables. Yeah. Saucy veggies. I feel like it's like an excuse to just stick something in his ass.

Oh, definitely. Always. Yeah. I had constipation. Yeah. I had constipation. Yeah, I had constipation. I got to stick something up there, you know? That's why I got this gag ball. Right.

I got a leather mask because it helps me sleep at night. Yeah, this squash was... It looked like a character from Reservoir Dogs with a fucking legume up your ass. This squash was three inches wide by seven inches tall. Okay, that's a big squash. That's a good size of squash.

You would think, I mean, Eddie, how big does it have to be to shake up the poo? It could be an inch by five inches, right? Do they not have laxatives in China?

Yeah. Exactly. I guess squash is cheaper than a laxative? Probably. You probably just get it out of the ground over there. I don't know how it works.

I mean, Chinese food makes you shit yourself anyway. Yeah, but I don't think you need laxatives. No, or not shit for two weeks, and then it's blood. Then it's blood. Then it's blood. It doesn't matter. That's just a health problem. I like this guy.

He's sort of a DIY type of fellow. He doesn't have to go out to the store. He says, I got a problem. Look around the house to see what could possibly fix it. You see a squash. You use your butt squash for about two or three weeks. It's like that infomercial where you cut a potato in half, and that's how you get a broken light bulb out of the light socket.

You know? You're constipated. Give that one away for free. Yeah. Maybe he has a broken light socket in his asshole. Put a potato in that, too. Who knows? So did he put the squash in his ass and then, like, go around town for a while?

No, you don't walk around with it, Eddie. He's not a cowboy. He said he only left it in there too long. So did he, like, go about his day? Yeah, I'm sure he did. I mean, this happened. I bet he did. I bet he went and fucking rode the bus.

So you think that this guy could just have a full normal day with a three-inch by eight-inch vegetable in his asshole? I bet it gets very zen-like after a while. I mean, he waited until he had writhing pains in the abdomen and the anus area. You're not going to have those writhing pains right off. It's going to have to juice around in there for a while. I mean, do you go to the doctor and just be like, I was eating wrong? How do you tell your doctor to eat? I forgot the wrong way.

Yeah. Doctor, I forgot the wrong way. Yeah. Doctor, I forgot. Even if you did it right, you didn't cook it. You didn't try to like. Wouldn't it decompose? That's the thing. Not in the span of a day. You put a suppository in there.

Isn't that a quicker way for the medicine to get to the bloodstream? That's right. Well, why wouldn't you just get fresh veggies then? Because it's China. I'm looking up Cantho City here. I mean, I don't know. I feel like, do you get nutrients if you put food up your ass? How many people live in Cantho?

34 fucking million? You know what? This might explain it a little bit more. This was not China. This was Vietnam. It doesn't explain it anymore, by the way. Everyone's reacting like that's a stereotype of Vietnam. No, no, no.

It doesn't explain anything anymore. It makes sense to me. I don't know why, but it does. They're crafty. This situation would be China's Vietnam. Suicide is painless. Sorry, I was just singing the mash song. No, I love it.

Yeah, that's the Korean War. Yeah. So my grandfather fought it. My other grandfather. Did Korean War. Oh, okay. Same difference. So my grandfather fought it. My other grandfather. Did they win? Well, yeah. I mean, I think it was called the... The Koreans won.

It was a draw. It was. It was a draw. We left. We lost. Yeah. You know, it was a draw. How did they even get a squash in Vietnam?

They don't have fucking squash in Vietnam. Yes, they... Obviously, they do. It's very fertile land. Yeah, they're a farmer people. Yeah, the women are really fertile, though. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not sure.

Remember Vietnam? No, when did you? It's never there. When were you in Vietnam, Jackie? I fucking remember it. Agent Orange. Jackie needs help. Well, they're not here.

They are not here. They're coming to my aid. So this poor guy. And now everyone's making fun of him. Yeah, well're not here. They are not here. They're coming to my aid. So this poor guy. And now everyone's making fun of him. Yeah, well, we are. Yeah, all the way across the ocean. Isn't that sad? I mean, he's 81, so you've got to figure he was right most of the time.

Yeah. And just finally won true. That's a good point. That's a real good point. It's sad. Damn, he was 81, huh? That's fucking old to be doing that fun stuff. Did you put the stem side in first?

Yeah. I mean, he was using it to poke it. He was using it to loosen things up. Much like April was using her finger to loosen up the bowels of the tiny Chinese boy. Steve, let me ask the question. I'm sorry. I was inspired and curious. April, did you ever actually do that?

Did you ever? No, I was thinking that. Did you ever ever actually do that? Did you ever? No, I was thinking that. Did you ever do that? Which answer would you prefer? Well, I want the truth. No, I actually never did. You never did it. But you know for a fact his parents did it.

Oh, yeah. I witnessed. Really? I witnessed it. Oh, they tried to train you. And did it work? Did it work? Did he shit all over you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You should have someone to ask this what this guy was trying to do. You're right. Yeah, yeah. Bobby Brown used to do it for Whitney Houston all shit all over you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He shit something. Someone's asked this, what this guy was trying to do. You're right. Yeah, yeah. Bobby Brown used to do it for Whitney Houston all the time. Really? Yeah, Bobby Brown.

He said Murphy Brown. Oh, man. Yeah, don't ruin it, Eddie. I thought Murphy Brown. And that is exactly what he meant. I knew it. Holy Lord. Candice Bergen and Whitney Houston had a love that we'll never understand.

No, not Candice Bergen. Murphy Brown. Murphy Brown. She did it in character. Yeah. Whitney Houston would have her dress up as Murphy Brown. Oh, my goodness. And that's tonight's news.

And then you just hear a latex glove snap over her hand. And Whitney Houston's ass comes on the screen. Holy Lord. Put it right in there. Oh, is that with FYI? Oh, that was the news station. For your information. Yeah, for your information.

I never got that until right now. I'm fucking fingers in your ass, you beautiful singer. Thank you. FYI, fingers in your ass. Why was Whitney so constipated? I don't know. They talked about it on Whitney and Bobby.

They did? Bobby's smacking her ass all the time, I imagine. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, it keeps it in. It keeps the shit in. You smack an ass. That's the way it works. Any girl that's been with me has a perfectly moving bowel then.

That's all it takes. I'm fingering all the butts. I just said all the girls, they would have good moving bowels there. We can sit in the silence. We can move on. All right. So we're done with the guy who put have good moving bowels there. We can sit in the silence. We can move on. All right. So we're done with the guy who put the fruit up his ass. Yeah, we're done with that guy.

Well, I mean, there is one more thing I would like to add is that the Chanto City, or Canto City, they have a little poem that they like to read to tourists. Canto, white rice, pure water, all who come wish never to leave. Doubt that. That didn't even rhyme. That's not bad.

I would prefer some pork fried rice, but that's just me, you know. I like white rice. You like white rice better than fried rice? Of course, you're a Marquesarian. Yeah. Oh, typical. It's too spicy. That rice is too spicy.

No, isn't that Eddie in a nutshell? April, was Eddie always such a food bitch when you were in high school? He's so fat, but too spicy. I really wouldn't limit it just to food. You was a diva, huh? Absolutely. I deserved it, too. I was the best, and I got what I got.

That's right. I earned what I got, man. He was the only 10th grader with a rider. He had a rider. Absolutely. Bitches, titties, and bow Because the only 10th grader was a writer. He had a writer. Absolutely. Bitches, titties, and bow-legged women. Oh, my goodness. I'm bow-legged.

Or just be a sneeze guy with vegetables up their asses. Did you obviously, for the listeners of Top Hat, you will know that, Ed, you were a senator in high school. Yes. And, April, did you vote for Ed when he was running for Senate? Do you recall this campaign? Of course I fucking did. And it was pretty amazing, right? It was the best. It was a shoe-in campaign, really, wasn't it?

Ed Larson's really good at Senatory. Yes. Well, I have pie. We can have a cracker. Ed Larson, Senator. That's good. That's good, Eddie. And so Ed was a popular kid. He was indeed a very popular child. We did the morning announcements together. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did he ever try to kiss you? No. Did I? No. What happened? When did Eddie try to give you a kiss? Was he a little drunk? Did he have a fruit of his ass? No. Yeah, that's right.

Was Eddie the Chinese kid you took care of as a kid? As a babysitter? Oh, he was just stoned. Oh, Jesus. I thought he was Chinese all these years. Yeah. But Eddie did try

to kiss you though one time. No, no. I don't know exactly. I think there was a we had a conversation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a conversation.

And that was like Ed was like, will you go out with me? And then you said no. No, no, no. Can't do it. Too busy. Yeah. So Eddie asked you go out with me? And then you said no. No, no, no. Can't do it. Too busy. Yeah.

So Eddie asked you out in high school? No. I don't know if I did. I can't remember. Oh, that's interesting. We were hammered. You never kissed him, never once. No, I've never kissed Eddie.

Well, isn't that something? You're still fuckable by my standards then. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's nice. I said fuckable.

Isn't that good for you, April? Isn't that so good for you? I'm so delighted. She's thrilled. I'm really delighted. All right, let's move on. That's the nicest thing Ben's said in a month. I thought so.

Fuckable, not unfuckable. You're fuckable. Yeah, fuckable, yeah. All right, next up, Jamie Coutts, a preacher known for snake handling as well as being the focus of a reality TV show, died Saturday after being bitten by a snake. Oh, fuck this shit. I didn't see that coming. Thank God.

According to the Middlesbrough Police Department in Kentucky, emergency crews responded to reports of a possible snake bite victim at a church on Evans Drive around 8.30 p.m., but say the victim had already left the scene by the time they arrived. Police say they found Coots at his home with an apparent snakebite to his hand. Officials say EMS responders explained the dangers of not treating the wound, but that Coots still refused to be transferred. Police and EMS returned to the scene an hour later to find Coots dead.

You know when he was just like, this will not be the end of Coots. I will find my way myself. Snakes like, yeah, fucker, got that fucker. Oh yeah, snakes now, we're talking about biting the fuck out of that fucker. Obviously holding your consider quite a lizard man, so you're on the snake snide We're talking about Biting the fuck Of that fucker Obviously holding Your consider Quite a lizard man So you're on The snake snide

Oh I can communicate With the snake Really Yes I like to tell it Things like Punch me in the balls Or It doesn't

It doesn't have any It can whip me With its tiny tail And then I go Bing My whole shit Goes fucking Bing And fucking Shoots out I'm sorry I'm horny And then I go My whole shit goes Fucking shoots out

I'm sorry I'm horny girls Right now girls That is disgusting And by the way Where are the fucking ball picks I'm sick of this shit We've got a bunch of ball picks

And a pussy pick We've never gotten balls. Yeah, we've only gotten hatter. I'm frankly quite surprised that you don't get any ball pics. I just want the balls. Yeah, we got- Shocked and surprised. We got dicks.

We got- I want a throat pic. I want a picture of your fucking throat. Fine. Throw in your fucking throat. Send your throat. Send your balls. We have tits.

We have dicks. We have pussy at this point. Send your fucking balls. Send your throat. I want to play the what gender is the nipple game. Get close-ups of your nipples. Send the picture in, and then we get to guess whether you're a man or a woman. 18 and older, please.

18 and older. Or whoever has a nipple. 18 and older, please. If you're sending dicks, let's say you have a photocopy of an ID as well. It'd be nice. Or a permission slip. Sign by your parents. Make them listen and they'll be like,

I'm doing this, I'm sending it in. Sign it, send it. I hear by decree. So your parents just have to be in the picture. Yeah. Smiling. Thumbs up. Yeah. Get a. Thumbs up.

Or else you've got to know how to shut your mouth. Yeah, shut your fucking mouth. Shut your mouth about it. Don't tell nobody. Take it easy, Steve. Take it easy. Oh, my. Steve's scaring the shit out of everybody. Oh, he's a terrifying guy.

He's a scary man. See, all I feel is electricity while I sit next to him. Checking knees. I please. No, please. No, please. I please it. No, please, ma'am.

Holdnator. That's the electricity between the eels that are my thighs. God damn it. Holdnators, we're having a jerk-a-thon This Saturday At Union Square We're gonna fucking Spend a couple hours

Aggravating people Alright let's do Let's do a fan contest Yeah I want you to draw Holdenator jerk Jerk Jerk off circle

And then I want you to draw Jackie with Legs as eels And like Yeah And whoever has the best drawing, we'll send them. Well, it's going to be the Jackanies. Show them your house and I'll punch you in your fucking head.

Oh, that's actually a good point. It's not a good point. I don't even think it is a point. Prize. Oh, a prize. He's going to punch someone in the head. Well, you know, he goes, say hi. I mean, those probably hit him first.

He's fucking stupid. Yeah, that's. He's gonna punch someone in the head Well you know He goes say hi I mean those probably hit him first He's fucking stupid Yeah that's He's stupid I ain't even I ain't even gonna go man You're not gonna go To your own jerk off session Why not

I'm too bored to You're too bored to go And do something Yeah But the whole point of Boredom is to cure it With doing something It's like

You can call You can call my parents And talk to them about it. I just can't wait till one of the holdenators just like cuts open your stomach and eats your intestines. To get my power. I can't wait. And then I'll live inside of him.

What a treat. I do believe that you are officially a demon spirit using this disgusting body as a vessel. I would love to see it. It's sort of like, what was it? The Jason Voorhees there. Jason goes to hell.

Jason goes to hell. I can't wait to walk a man to City Hall and take that fucker down. Bill de Blasio. The building. I call the building. Get it at its roots. So you want to take a billion down in downtown Manhattan. I'm not talking in illegalities

I'm saying if I were to maybe do it I'd do it Right Well I think you're too dumb to be on the government watch list I think we're fine You're pretty much allowed to say whatever Smoking weed Smoking it, loving it

We're watching this fucking God damn idiot again So this pastor I do like this pastor though He did believe in God so much That he did not seek medical attention I think he was a true believer Anyway

Yeah, Jamie Coutts was the pastor of Full Gospel Tabernacle In Jesus Name Church in Middlesboro, Kentucky. So these are the snake people? Yeah, these are the snake people. Yeah, he's also the subject of the National Geographic Channel series Snake Salvation. Oh, that was dumb fuck. Was an idiot. Hello.

He was also under investigation. He had been charged after he was pulled over in Knoxville and was charged with the unlawful possession of poisonous snakes. So I thought the whole point was to unpoison the snake. I thought that was the major trick behind most snake wranglers. He was waiting for the belief in God to take the poison out of the snakes. I see. As we all know, white Jesus doesn't exist. Well, at least he wasn't a false preacher.

This is what I was saying. Yeah, yeah. I do believe that. He's kind of a decent person if you look at it that way. He's just fucking retarded. He's dumb and doesn't work. Yeah. They also drink poison, too.

That's like part of it. Yeah. In this church, they drink poison? Yeah, yeah. Like they're snake handlers and they also drink poison. Oh. And that's maybe to, so they can get bit a couple of times. Probably so they can become immune.

I would think so. I mean, Holden, you could get bit by like a thousand snakes all at once and you would be totally fine. They would die. I would love if they all did it at once and I was just a man covered fully in snakes and I could walk around to the Walmart and the local grocery stores and just say hey to the missus. That's disturbing. Marcus, what's up? What are you pointing to on the computer?

I don't know. Well, I mean, I was thinking about poisonous snakes and hauling them and I was reminded of an event back home in Texas called the Rattlesnake Roundup. Yeah, I love the Rattlesnake Roundup. Yeah, Rattlesnake Roundup's fucking great. I think they had it on ESPN. Okay. In Central Texas, we have the world's largest Rattlesnake Roundup. It's pretty sweet.

And people walk around in this giant rattlesnake pit, and there's like hundreds of rattlesnakes, and they all have like these crazy suede pants on. They did. So they can't get attacked by giant rattlesnake pit, and there's like hundreds of rattlesnakes, and they all have like these crazy suede pants on so they can't get attacked by the rattlesnakes. And they just walk around and step on the snakes. Right, right, right. Yeah. I love that. They think that they outsmarted the snake. Meanwhile, they're doing a very dumb thing with snakes.

I mean, look at that right there. I mean, there's a missed rattlesnake roundup in the middle of a huge rattlesnake pit. If you want to go in a snake pit, you get no protection. The way you don't get bit by a snake is not going into the snake pit. You can't half-ass it like that. Miss Rattlesnake Roundup. It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. And what do you do?

She is hot. Miss Rattlesnake Roundup, girls. Oh, it's in a couple weeks. Yeah, it's the second weekend of March every year. March 8th? Take us, Marcus. Take us. Oh, man, we should go to the Rattlesnake.

There's another great one in Mangum, Oklahoma. All right. So what do you do in a Rattlesnake roundup? You go and you look at a shit ton of Rattlesnakes. You buy Rattlesnake-related memorabilia. Yeah, you get that little shaker. You buy those. You can buy Rattlesnake boots, Rattlesnake belts, Ratt rattlesnake stirrups, rattlesnake chaps, all kinds of stuff.

Rattlesnake jerky, yeah, you can buy rattlesnake meat there. Was it too spicy, Eddie? No, it was perfectly spiced. This jerky is so good, Randy. I love it. I would eat this jerky non-fucking-stop. Thank you, Randy. The fun starts on Thursday with the Rattlesnake Roundup Review Parade.

What's the review? What are they reviewing? I just don't understand it. I'll never understand a lot of things, but that's fine. No, a review, like, it's like a, you know, a review, like, it's spelled out. Oh, like what you're going to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, there's also a variety show. I see. There's also a gun, knife, and coin show. Ah, a gun, knife, and coin show. Ah, a gun, knife, and coin show. That's Texas. Now, those are three things that have never incited violence at all. Money, weapons, and knives. Or money, guns, and knives.

That's very good. Man, everybody's eating the jerky now. I love this. I'll tell you, it makes for a great podcast because the jerky just goes right down. You don't have to chew it at all. It's perfect with a Tecate. It's very nice. All right, so the pastor is got to chew it at all. It's perfect with a Tecate. It's very nice. All right.

So the pastor is dead. He's pastor. It's for the best. Hey, I like that, Marcus. He's pastor. I think you'd like that, yeah. That's fine. All right, Marcus Arians.

So, Jackie, we need a, what is it, a detente? Oink, oink, oink, oink. Like that? Is that what you meant? Detente? Detente, yes. Detente. How you doing, Anthony?

Man, I'm great. Good, good, good. Jackie, that was funny. Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, o of those videos of those poor pigs getting fisted. What? What? Just like, you inseminated them. Where? We watched one on the round table a few weeks ago when they were inseminating the pigs because we wanted to hear the sound a pig makes

when they fuck. Yeah, you did, yeah. And they just kept fisting it, man. Right. A pig loved it. What did it sound like? Oh! Fist of the hit, man.

Right. That pig loved it. What did it sound like? Oh! And I assume that is positive. Yeah, I would think so. I mean, judging by all the ladies I've been with, that's a sign of enjoyment. He wasn't throwing up blood, so I think he liked it. Yeah, definitely.

That's what I judge in sexual natures. I'll take that. That's just fine. I agree with you, Jackie. That poor, poor man she natures. I'll take that. That's just fine. I agree with you, Jackie. That poor, poor man she's with. Oh, my goodness. Fist him till he throws up blood. Show me you like it.

Show me you care. Yes. Throw up that blood. Good bowels for a month if you get fisted by Jackie until you throw up blood. You're going to be just fine for a long time. Alright, Marcus, what's another news story? We've got so many great ones this week. Lots of great ones. A 10-year-old boy

in Norway swiped his parents' car for a joyride, then claimed he was just a dwarf who forgot his driver's license when the cops pulled him over. I love this kid. I've heard that one before. Yeah, my grandfather used to make me do that. Drive for him? No, no, pretend I'm a dwarf. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Why? He'd bring me to casinos and stuff. And people bought it? No, it was just adorable, so they let me in. Really? Yeah, I was so fat, I'd be like, me midget, me midget. They were like, that's hilarious.

Go ahead and see. Ah, fuck it, Eddie, tell him you're a midget. Yeah, I'm a midget, Eddie. But I could see that actually working with your body size. You got a nice size head, a big body. I like how midgets can't talk right. Me midget. He wasn't the smartest little person around.

That's how the security guard knows it's a real midget. He's like, I'm a midget. Try to get the fuck out of here. You're obviously a child with a proper education. My grandmother used to pick me up for school because my parents worked until five. And school, when you're so young, gets out of like two or one. Yeah, yeah, ridiculous. You know, and so he would pick me up from school and he'd drive me around all day.

And he'd take me to like where he wanted to go. And it was like usually a casino or like the track or whatever. That's great. And whenever I needed to get in, he'd just be like, you just say me midget. You say me midget. That's great. I needed to get in. He'd just be like, you just say me midget. You say me midget. Me midget. Your grandfather was Ed O'Neill from the movie Dutch? Is that what I've learned?

Is that what's happening here? That sounds very exciting. So you sympathize with this kid. This might have been a stunt you would have pulled. I love this. How do you not be proud of this kid? If I found out my kid did that, I'd be like, good for you. The pint-sized fibber who lives in the small town

of Dhaka waited until his parents went to sleep, then tried to drive with his 18-month-old sister to his grandparents' home at 6 a.m. on Wednesday. They must have been bad parents. They must have been. He seems like a hero kid. Yeah, he's taking his 18-year-old sister, getting the fuck out of it. 18-month. Or 18-month. You can imagine if she was 18

years old. This whole thing's on her. I apologize. I haven't been on radio for a week, so my words are getting a little flubbered around. You're doing great, Marcus. Yeah, you're doing fine.

Thank you. He made it about six miles before swerving into a snowy ditch where a plow operator... Six miles? Yeah. That's good.

Six miles is great. Especially in the snow in Norway. Totally. That's very... That's a very respectable distance. Absolutely, yeah. A snowplow operator found him and called the police, pressed for details. The kid told the tall tale.

The boy told the snowplow driver that he was a dwarf and that he had forgotten his driver's license at home. The parents woke up and discovered that the children were missing and that someone had taken off with their car. They were pretty upset, as you can imagine, the snowplow driver said. We have talked to the parents, and I'm pretty sure they're going to pay very close attention to both of their children and to their car keys in the future.

You know, when he got pulled over, he just thought of that in his head. He's like, I'm just going to say I'm a dwarf, and it's a fucking genius. I'm the smartest kid in all of fucking Norway. How has no one ever done this before? I mean, I'll tell you one thing I think it could have worked in Norway

It's a very liberal It's a liberal country And imagine if it was a dwarf Yeah And you get arrested And they think you're a 10 year old boy That's harassment That's stereotyping

That's racism They don't arrest dwarves They'll just say I'm a dwarf Have you ever seen a dwarf arrested Yes I've heard stories When We've covered a dwarf being arrested story

Yeah probably All of them in Mexico. Yeah, they round them up down there. They arrested the rattlesnake. It's a rattlesnake jamboree of Mexico. You can step on it and put it on your suede pants. Yeah, of course. Walk into a pit.

These shoes are made out of dwarves. Me midget, me midget. Get away from me. They think they're gnomes, so they put them in a fucking hole and shoot. In a tree. Well, yeah. It was a case of the short arm of the law after a dwarf dressed as a policeman on a stag party

stunt was apprehended by the real boys in blue. This is from Yorkshire in England. And this is a recent story. Yeah, this is in October. Alright. There we go. So we got one case. One example. In England. What do go. So we got one case, one example. In England. In England.

What do you do with your kid after that happens, though? I feel like I would, like, send him off to, like, a think tank. No, it's too funny. You just let him get away with it. These parents, yeah. No, I mean, they're not smart enough. It seems like they're bad parents. It's Norway.

No one gets in trouble for anything. That guy killed 80 people. He's going to be out in two years. Well, you know, he had problems. Funny story about that. Did you guys see this? He's on a hunger. For all that don't know, Brevik, of course, he had problems. Funny story about that. Did you guys see this? He's on a hunger. For all that don't know, Brevik, of course, he killed the 80 kids there at the camp in Norway.

He's on a hunger strike because they won't give him a PlayStation 3, which means he has a PlayStation 2. Yes, he does. And literally, Holden, and don't take this wrongly, but oh, my goodness. I was like, if Holden was in prison, this is what he would be starving over. Oh, yeah. But I want a T-ass. But where's my T-ass? I mean, it would be, and then just the annoyance from your cell, they would give it to you.

Yeah, yeah, because I'd go, ah. For 25 hours a day, you actually add an hour to the day. That sounds like a pig getting fisted. Yeah, yeah. Over and over again and in different ways. See, people think, like, no, you just beat him. It's like, no, he could just like get hit and get hit. Because nothing happens to him.

He just gets harder and harder and harder. He gets louder and louder and wetter and slimier. Oh, it's amazing. It's harder to even get a punch. I was sliding off the sides of my fucking head. Especially with all those clit pearls around your neck. Oh, my lord. My treasure.

What do we do with him? My sweet precious. That fucking sweater you around your neck. Oh, my Lord. My treasure. What do we do with it? My sweet, precious. That fucking sweater you made is disgusting. Oh, hello. Would you like to enjoy my precious jewels? Slimy, piece-lit sweater. Oh, my Lord. For some reason, I'm looking at pictures of Ursula from The Little Mermaid.

That's about appropriate. You kind of are like Ursula from The Little Mermaid. With a definite fishy smell. Yeah. You're like the like Ursula from The Little Mermaid. With a definite fishy smell. Yeah. You're like the idiot eel that works for her. You're like the dumb eel. Or like Whoopi Goldberg, the hyena. I think I'm like a big, mean man.

Strong and wise. You're like Harry Potter after a week of steroids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it didn't work out. He just got fat. Yeah, exactly. Got a skin tag for a necklace. Just a necklace, a skin tag. Tiny testicles. The smallest nuts. I'm more

fun than Willy Wonka. April, have you ever been with a guy with obscenely small balls? No, you've been with a lot. With the balls. I was talking to a girl about my balls the other day. It's about a ratio.

See, it's really hard to tell the size of the testicles as to the size of the penis, really. So it's an average-sized dick, but you're better with a size... But you're like, oh, these balls are definitely too small for this dick.

I have never noticed a ball size. I like the picture of the other one. I got a new thing to be self-conscious about now. I thought about my balls. Yeah, you never thought about them, Steve? Maybe you should. They do. Because I was talking to some girlfriends this past week.

Apparently, they really do look at nuts. Never looked at a ball. Never looked at a ball. Jackie, that's not true. Some cultures. That's right. Tell me about the Italian culture. Never looked at a ball. Jackie, that's not true. Some cultures. That's right. Tell me about the Italian culture. That's make or break.

It is. I'm telling you. I was talking to women about balls this week, and they were like, some were super into them. I had a doctor once tell me I had huge balls. Really? Did that make you feel good? It made me feel weird. Yeah.

I got big balls, too. I think it's huge. I've seen that. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It is big balls. Crazy. Yeah. Can got big balls too, man. I think it's huge. I've seen that big ass balls. It is big balls. Crazy. Yeah. Can I show you guys my balls?

No, no, no. Yeah, no, no. No, no, no. No, we're good. Can you switch seats with me? Steve, as you wish. Can I please show you my balls? No, but you have big balls

but a small dick, Steve? I don't know. I don't even know what, like, how my balls... We'll talk about it afterwards. We'll find out. None of us are judges. Let's just say that.

It doesn't matter. I know a lot. I of us are judges. Let's just say that. I'll be a judge. We can move on. I know a lot of ladies love the balls, apparently. Maybe it's just a bizarre... I love playing Yank the Stones. I don't know. Let's move on to India news.

That sounds fucking horrible. This is the first thing that comes to your guys' heads? Yeah. Cows, cows, cows, cows, cows. They're so important to us. Cows, cows, cows, cows. For no reason they matter. No, they're milk and food. Have you never heard the national anthem?

That's translated. It's totally translated. Holden, you got to go do it. Holden Aguilera singing the India. Cows, cows, cows. They're so necessary for a reason, cows, cows. They are. It's a religious thing.

There is milk to be had. Do you think that... No, that's a bad joke. I'm going to keep that inside. No, it wasn't a good joke. You have to say it, Eddie. It doesn't matter. I was going to say,

do you think they all own delis because of New Delhi? It's a bad joke. Oh, it was a deli joke. God, that was a bad joke. I tried to keep it inside. But you let it out, though, Ed. That is bad.

Ed, that was the worst. Yeah, exactly. I kept it inside. I tried to keep it outside. This has ruined the whole show. Yeah. You asked for it. New Delhi.

I don't know where to go. I wonder if they all own some New delis because they live in New Delhi. Oh, that's great. That is good. To be fair to Ed, has anyone ever been to India? That's a good point. Never would.

How are the delis in New Delhi? Oh, my gosh. For fucking sakes, man. And the podcast has reached a new low. I love it. You have to narrate the whole podcast from now on. Give us more of that BBC voice. It's beautiful.

You're like the lady at the beginning of Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Except I'm not English. Is that what she is? Is she English? Yeah, it's Cate Blanchett. Actually, she's not English at all, is she? Who is she? Cate Blanchett. Oh, Cate Blanchett. She, she's not English at all, is she? Who is she?

Cate Blanchett. Oh, Cate Blanchett. She's the narrator? Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know that. Everyone loves it. She's American, isn't she?

She's refined. Yeah. All right. She is refined. Okay, so we're in New Delhi. I hear they all own delis. Good joke, Ben. I like that joke.

I mean, that's a good joke. I feel like I can sell it. All right, so this guy, okay. I'm scared. It doesn't matter. Have some beef jerky, hold on. I'm handing beef jerky. Give me some more beef jerky.

All right, here we go. Here we go. Well, Indian citizen Chandraya Orayan is the first to admit life with a tail is far from easy. But the 35-year-old tea pickicker said he wouldn't change a thing. Wait, what is he? What did they call him? A teapicker. He's a bagger.

He's not a bagger. He's a picker. He's a teapicker. Teapicker. Or not a teabagger, yeah. Well, that's not what I heard. The 35-year-old teapicker. All right, it was a 35-year-old teapicker.

I just can't believe they're calling him that. It's Body Picks Tea! We got coops and we got tea pickers up in here. By the way, safe to say, safe to say the man with the tail in India is a holdinator. He's a holdinator. That is again. Get racist

with me. Well, the 35-year-old tea picker said he wouldn't change a thing and enjoys having godlike status even if his wife can't stand it. A rayon is worshipped by hundreds of followers in his native India who think he is a monkey

god because he was born with a tail growing out of his back. So, Ed, do you send this guy money? I mean, yeah. Because I feel like that's exactly the kind of guy who would send money. I want to see if he heads upside down from a tree from the tail, send him money. Yeah, yeah, here's a picture of the tail. All right, let's see this tail here.

That's pants. It looks like hair. It's a hairy tail. It's a rat tail. Oh, it's a rat tail. He's not a monkey tail. That's a rat tail. He doesn't have to fucking shave that weird part of his back.

Yeah, it's just hair. He can't move it. He can't wag it. Ew, why is he... That's a model pose. Oh, my God. Hey, this is my tail. Go to the Roundtable Facebook page to see more of the monkey man.

It's just hair. Man, I am just so surprised this man has not been murdered. Well, some Hindus view the tail as good luck and believe it's a sign that he's an incarnation. You fucking idiots. He's got a fucking tail. What's that good luck? It could be good luck. They believe it's a sign that he's an incarnation of a monkey god known as

Hunuman. I didn't know him. I'll tell you, in New Delhi, the funniest thing is, now they don't have a lot of stores, but a bunch of delis. It's even too bad to make a joke about how bad it is. I'm trying, Jackie.

I mean, I don't know why. It's in the past. Well, then I'll just shut up then, Marcus. Why am I even here then? He's got a hair tail. The man's got a hair tail. But wife Mayno, his wife, said it's not easy being married to a living God, and she has had to compromise. She said, he doesn't look good.

My mother and my father passed away when I was young, so my brothers wanted me to get married. So I had to compromise and marry him. What brother would make their sister marry the guy with the tail? Henry Zebrowski. Henry, your brother made you... Doug is a very attractive man. He would just want to take pictures of me sucking on that sweet hair tail.

Oh, that's to Jackie. Come on. That's what he's into, man. He loves to watch me suck on hair tails, man. No, he doesn't. That's so weird. Yeah. What's that?

Yeah, everyone should... We should spread that. Henry Zebrowski loves to watch his sister suck on hair. How many times has this happened? Nine times. Nine times. That's amazing. We have to stop going to India.

Is that what's happening? Yeah. Does he sit on the floor when he watches it, or is he sitting on a stool? Well, usually his tongue is like right next to my tongue, but never touching, only touching the hair. Right. And he's not having food or anything. Yeah, but that's like what brothers and sisters do for each other.

No, no. That's not right. Tongue touching. You guys don't do that? No, no. Very rare. It's not kissing. It's tongue touching.

It's worse than kissing. It's worse than kissing. So it's not a kiss. It's just a tongue touch. I play touch the hair with my brother. We touch chest hair. Downstairs hair. I mean, if we're having a funny lady night.

So what do you do on a funny lady night? I forgot about the funny lady night. Galavant about the town. What do you do when you're feeling funny lady? Just the hair touch. You touch the skin and he goes, too close, too close, too close. We recorded this song We listened to

While we do it It's like Trial and error You know It's very like Kind of 80s Slow It's very Sade

You know But it's us singing On the track Trial and error Find you You know And we Touch our hairs

Yeah Oh okay You know What I would say With this article You know I will watch say with this article? I will watch hours of pig fisting videos. I call myself the piggy

of the east because I rank all the way down and up the streets. But this article about this hair tail makes me want to throw up. It does. This is the article. You just said that you and Henry

laced your hairy tails together. He has a long piece of hair that he braided that comes out of the center of his back. It's a rat tail coming out of basically his arse. That's disgusting. I'm sorry. It made him a god, Jackie.

He's trying to get away with being the monkey god because he won't shave his fucking back hair. You know what I mean? it made him a god, Jackie. He's trying to get away with being the monkey god because he won't shave his fucking back hair. You know what I mean? People are playing it. He's a monkey god. Humans are the monkey god. We are it. It's a bunch of tea picker bullshit.

Tea pickers. Followers who travel to see him in his West Bengal village believe he can cure illness and that he is blessed. I think that's true. However, experts say his tale is not a gift from God, but rather a birth defect. Yes. Yes, that's what it is. It's a form of

spina bifida. It was a similar thing. Remember that gal that was born with the four legs, or the six legs over there in India. They fancied her a goddess as well. They thought she was a goddess. Yeah, but then she died real young because humans aren't supposed to live that way. Over here in America,

we put those girls in freak shows. Or at least we used to before the PC police came in and shut them all down. Of course, and of course, the PC police is the actual police because the women, they were getting killed.

Those kids were getting murdered. If you're born with deformities, it's best to be born in India. Hit the road. Go to India. You'll be treated like a king over there. Yeah, treated like a god. Better than a king.

Yeah. Go to the showman. Get a routine. I like it. I like it. There's got to be a god out there for you. So overall, thumbs up, is it? Yeah, overall, thumbs up.

Exactly. Oh, thumbs up. Yeah, I would give it a thumbs up there. Right up the old anus. One hand. Yep. Would you get with someone with a tail, April, or is that a deal breaker? If he's a god, I think he'd probably get me into it.

Right? Yeah. What's wrong with this woman? I feel like she's just not big enough to handle the celebrity that goes with being married to a god. She's plenty big. That's not even a stereotype. That's not a stereotype, Jackie.

That is not an Indian stereotype. Yeah, they're all skinny. They're bony. They're bony. They're beautiful women. No, but she has to stay with him because no other man would love her. She's got to be fat. If she's dating a man with a hair tail. I can show you a picture of the woman.

Please. Let's see who's right. There she is right there. She won't even show her face. No, she actually, well, she's part of an arranged marriage here. She had no choice in the matter. She looks pretty cute, actually, by the side of her neck. I don't know.

It was just her neck. Let's see. Oh, gorgeous woman. Good little ear. No, you can't give it gorgeous. Nice knitwear. Yeah, she's a nice hat. She's fine.

She looks all right. She looks like she's covering up big time. She's got a hot little thing under there. Yep, hot bod. Hot body there. Good loose clothes, you know, because she doesn't want to be sexy in front of her tail's husband. That's right. It's like the exact opposite of Jackie wearing all of her low-cut shirts, you know?

Hot trick all covered up. I don't understand. No, Jackie, you're stunning, and I love you. Hair tail. I don't have one. Marcus? Let's go over to China. No.

No. No. No. Marcus, how do you think people there? We just go back. We were in Vietnam before. Now we're really going to China. Is there another place that we could go? No, no, no. Let's see what's going on. We know what's going to go on.

How many people died, Marcus? No one. The stomach of a 58-year-old woman exploded after she ate and drank too much. She didn't die? She did not die. Oh, okay. According to a post by a nutritionist at the Beijing Friendship Hospital, the patient was sent to a hospital... That sounds like a real place.

Don't name your hospital that. Friendship Hospital. I think I have cancer. Stick this squash up there. No friendship anti-litigation hospital. The patient was sent to a hospital in Suzhou, Zhengzhou province, one hour after she suffered from severe abdominal swelling caused by excessive eating. During the operation, gas burst out of her abdomen and caused a fire.

Ouch. The operation continued after the fire was put out and the patient's entire stomach was finally removed. Wait, hold on. So during the surgery. During the surgery. Gas came out of her stomach, busted out of her stomach, and lit on fire. Yep. One of the doctors explained that the-

I've never heard- This is not normal. Sounds like the plot of that Kurt Russell film. Fucking MSG, man. Which one was that? Backdraft? Yeah. This is where they. Sounds like the plot of that Kurt Russell film. Which one was that? Backdraft? Yeah. This is where they got it from.

Well, one of the doctors explained that the fire occurred when the ethyl alcohol in the patient's stomach came in contact with the electrical surgical knife used during the operation. Are doctors and surgeons no longer allowed to smoke cigars while performing surgery now? I mean, how the hell did they light this woman on fire? I just told you. There's just the electrical thing, huh? Yeah, yeah. The electrical surgical knife ignited the ethyl alcohol that was expelled from the woman's stomach. Electrical surgical knife?

Yeah. I guess it's common. I guess they don't use scaffolds anymore. It doesn't seem like a very good one. It's basically like hot knives. Does it make any sense? Oh, it's a hot knife. It's basically hot knife. Oh, it's like a sold seem like a very good one. It's basically like hot knives. Does it make any sense? Oh, it's a hot knife.

It's basically hot knives. Oh, it's like a soldering iron that cuts you open. It's basically hot knives. Oh, okay. I know what you're talking about. Oh, yeah. I just thought it was going to be great. I also just thought it was the... Yeah, yeah.

Like you're cutting a turkey open. Yeah, exactly. I couldn't stop thinking about National Lampoon when Clark Griswold cuts the turkey and it's just like... Just explodes like a basketball. Don't get me too horny. Well, if I get too horny, then the whole place gets all messy. Doctor's smoking a cigar, but he can't smoke.

He's got the surgical mask on, so it just keeps falling out. And I'm putting it back in the mask. I've been smoking through a surgical mask for 50 years, and I don't have one goddamn lick of cancer. Don't you tell me if I say that! You want to live, don't you? That's the fourth patient you've lit on fire this week, doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And a CZL just put that man to sleep. Why not? Surgeon General, sir. I had a weird run-in with the Chinese lady. Oh yeah, what happened? It's really good. I was on my way back to the shoot we were doing.

This is an actual true story. Yeah, I had gotten, like, a cheesesteak. I was walking back to the shoot. Well, now we definitely know it's a true story. Yeah, it's definitely true. Because you just got a cheesesteak. There was this Chinese lady, the old Chinese lady on the street,

and she was just like, oh, you helped me. Where are Chinese people? We're at Chinatown. I'm dead serious. Like, where are Chinese people? We're at Chinatown chinatown i'm dead serious like we're chinese people we're in chinatown and i'm on like we're at 30th street and like eighth and i'm just like lady i don't know what to tell you it is like so far away you have to walk that way for like a day to get to chinatown she's like oh well how many passe how many passe to chinatown for chinese

people and i was just like, what? I don't know. Passe? I guess that means blocks. Oh, okay. So I was like, I don't know. 50? It's fucking a year away from here.

Probably 50, yeah. Like, for you who has no idea. And then by the end, I'm just like, go to Penn Station, downtown train. Go to Penn Station, downtown train. And she's like, train passe. How many Chinese people can I passe make? And I'm just like, I have to go, woman. I have to leave.

It was a fucking nightmare. So when's the wedding? Hello. It was a fucking nightmare. I just like, and you know, she kept asking the questions. What do you do? You can't. Just don't scream at her like that.

Just be a nice person. Just walk away. I couldn't deal with it at that point. I was so upset. What do you got, Marcus? I was trying to find the translation for block into Mandarin, but it just gives me a fucking Chinese symbol. I don't know what that means.

Read it fucking upside down. So is that Chinese symbol English? If they look at that Chinese symbol, does English come out of their mouth? No. I don't think so, Ed. No.

It doesn't matter. I think so. Yes, it does, Ed. You are very correct on this one. You don't know. No one here really knows. I don't want to. You know what, Eddie?

I'm going to go ahead and assume you went to college. For a couple of semesters, yes. By a couple of semesters, he stalked a girl who went to college. Very fun. All right, Marcus. Okay, so the woman's stomach exploded. Yeah, the woman's stomach. We're going to do one more story before we get to the segment.

An Ipswich teenager is accused of going on a drunken late-night chainsaw rampage inside a petrol station while wearing a flower pot on his head. Fuck, yeah. Yeah. Rock and roll chaos ranks. I like it. Did the flower pot have holes in it? I have a picture.

I can show you. He's looking at the bottom of it. Yeah, you. He's looking at the bottom of it. Yeah, yeah. He's looking at the bottom of it. Oh, I see. I see. Okay. Yep.

It's alleged that the man who was wearing a flower pot over his head in an attempt to conceal his identity entered the store about 4.30 a.m. on Monday. Wielding a chainsaw, which was running at the time, the man lunged at the store attendants who were treated into a back room. Police alleged the man then used the chainsaw to damage a window and several display racks in the shop before exposing his buttocks to the store attendants. He moaned. He moaned. I love that.

That's hilarious. All my chainsaws out of gas. Look at my fucking butt. Look at my ass. Look at my ass. Good old-fashioned prank. He's accused of damaging a parked vehicle upon fleeing the scene. It is alleged that the man made demands for money,

but left the store only with a bottle of soft drink. Which is probably because he was a pothead. Hey, guys. Flower pot. He had a flower pot on his head. That was really good. I've been sitting on that one. Hultnader's home!

Don't do Thundercats. He can't. Well, Jackie's technically allowed to. I'm sorry. Marcusarian nation, unite! I don't like it. Goose, goose, goose. Goose, goose, goose.

Goose, goose, goose. Goose, goose, goose. We'll turn you into rat shaves. Marcus is slowly turning into a racial group. Don't fucking cross us. All right. Yeah. That's right.

That's right. So wait, he couldn't find a mask, so he put a flower pot on his head? I mean, this was Australia. It's the closest thing there. He's obviously high on rocks. Definitely. Definitely. When you rip open a fucking koala

and throw that thing on his fucking face. Hell yeah, man. And his name? Steven Steele. Oh! That's the best thing I've ever heard. Cool. He had to do this. It was his destiny. Steven Steele from Ipswich went crazy. Pulled out a

chainsaw and demanded a Coca-Cola. The goddamn Coca-Cola. That's a trailer to a movie I would see. Absolutely. No, not his butt. That's the end of it. He's a pothead who smokes rocks.

Love that moon and stuff. We used to do that all the time as kids. Love moon and people. It was a huge thing. Kids get charged with sexual harassment now, though. That's one of my fondest memories of Eddie. Really, April? A pressed ham.

It was called a pressed ham. A pressed ham. We only called it a pressed ham when we actually pressed it against a window. Oh, yes, of course. I think it was a Buick, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I saw Eddie's pressed ham against a number of different vehicles. Really?

Yeah, that was a trademark. I got fired from a job. Why? Party City. You figure there's, like, one place you could do it. All right. Hold on. Eddie, you got, first of all, I'm shocked you got hired at Party City.

Number two, I'm not at all shocked that you got fired from Party City for giving them a pressed ham. So what? I just showed up with a Hawaiian shirt every day. They said I had to wear a new one. It's unbelievable. How long were you working at Party City before you jammed your ass on the window? Two weeks. Three weeks.

Two weeks here. I'll give it one week. But the thing is, they killed it like crazy. It was so popular. And people started talking about the story. And then someone told the manager and he fired me. Because you showed your ass to everybody. The girl I showed my ass to quit with me.

She did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how nice it was. Yeah, yeah. It was a gesture. Ass cheek solidarity. Wow. And April, when he would's how nice it was. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it was a gesture. Ass cheeks solidarity. Wow. And April, when he would shove his ass on the window there, did you look or look away?

You had to look. You had to look at it. You had to look. Compelling, huh? It was a beacon. Really? An absolute beacon. It was stunningly gorgeous.

I've never seen an arse like it. When I fart, it looks like a car crash. Oh, that's great. I would love to see what is it, the Rorschach test there of Eddie farting on a window to see what that creates.

A couple of fucking hogs kissing, but it also looks like a vase. I imagine like, quitting Party City is like just the saddest Jerry Maguire moment. Oh, yeah. I got fired.

You got fired? Yeah, because he put his ass on the window. Oh, yeah. I didn't put it on the window. I just showed it to a bunch of people. Oh, my goodness. I mean, look at back there. Yeah, he was probably right.

I showed you. Oh, yeah. No, you got to get fired. You have to. There's no other, you know, you got to fire him. I shoved my ass in the middle of the store. Yeah. Party City, Eddie.

Some butt town or something wild like that. All right, and now it's time for a segment from home, McNeely. Party City, Eddie. Some butt town or something wild like that. All right, and now it's time for a segment from home, McNeely. Sex toys. Holding it or so. So this next segment is about Marcus is a multi-billion dollar owner of a sex toy factory slash porno shop slash sit alone with him in his daddy's bedroom shop. And he wants to get a new sex toy going on we gotta all pitch him a sex toy he's good he's taking he's buying we're selling i'll start with my sex toy um it's called a croatian go boy uh person it's just no no it is

it is a dildo essentially but it represents you know, you know, it's like the size of like three M&Ms next to each other, you know, but like in the shape of like, I guess a penis. I don't know what they have. It's just charred or whatever. We'll burn it. You know, it's like you make the dildo. Why do you hate them so much? We don't need to.

Don't fucking start. Was this some old family shit that happened? This is a fucking, These people, Ed. Have you smelled them? I mean, I knew the one and she was perfect. They're beautiful people. You have not smelled them. You're supposed to be beautiful.

They're beautiful people in a beautiful country. That is like Disney World, but behind the curtain. It's a small world. It's all much gnarled machinery. Tourists only see the socially acceptable people. The ones that they put out front

but in the back it's all just like fucking cracks and skin. Beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day. It's the best one, man.

It's a Croatian go-boy. Essentially, it vibrates, but only a small amount, kind of up, down, up, down. You don't even know it's in the fucking cheek. It sounds like a rabbit. Jake doesn't even know it's in there, right? And then after a while, I have a little microphone, a little speaker in it. And after a while of really not much going on, it's just like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. Alright, so that's disgusting. Alright. Very good. Well, thank you for the segment and thank you for the idea. God, that was 30 minutes long. That was bad, right? Terrible. I'm sorry.

It's just so sad. It's just like when people hear it from the other room. Oh, you're using a Gull Boy, huh? A Gull Boy. Okay. My idea, Marcus, billionaire. It's a can full of cum. Well, all right. There you go.

Yeah. As a sex toy. Yeah. As what else would it be? He's confident. Lawn darts were technically a toy, too. All right. So I got some questions for you.

Logistical questions. Say away. Why did you share any questions about the GoPro? It's full proof. Paul, did you explain it for 30 minutes? Yeah, the questions were all answered. Where does the cum come from? It comes from all senators.

The senators in the country, they all jerk off into a trough, and then you get it. It's going to be pretty expensive then. Yeah, that's why it's so expensive. I see your point, and I make your point. So how are we going to market this? Why are people going to pay this much money for this stuff? Because don't you want the power of Washington in your pussy? I do.

Yeah, lots of people do. Oh, my God. They do. We already have the Queen Jacquemus sold on this. Yeah, the Queen. They do. We already have that. The Queen Jacquemus sold on this. Yeah, the Queen Jacquemus. He's got that, like, cherry tree, like, what is it, tree-gack? What is that called?

Tree-gack. Sap? Sap. Tree-gack? Like it's stored in Double Dare? Mark Summers is involved somehow with your tree-gack? Yeah, I want it inside of me. You're like a person who never learned words.

Hey, watch out, that tree gag. It was visceral, though, right? You knew what I was... I had no idea what you were saying. I've had a lot of trees that are so slutty before. I know. It sounds unbelievable. Tree gag.

That's so naughty. Tree gag. It's fucking slut. Okay, Ben, what do you got? Tree Gak. I can't even think about anything other than just trees covered in some sort of cummy process. There's your idea. Yeah, that's a toy in itself, just a tree in the middle.

I always need help with these things, April. Thank you. Maybe that, like a rubbing tree. We'll call it a rubbing tree. A rubbing tree? Kitties have their little things that they paw on. But ladies and guys alike, it'll be a wet tree, a liquidy tree, full of a gacky-like substance.

It'll have some holes. It'll also have a bumpy section, sort of a riveted section, sort of a wavy section, and then multiple-sized holes of different liquid levels and different tightness and width. You know what? You're getting better at this. I really nailed that one. It took you a long, long, long time.

Well, you know, I like to give it to people. A really long time. Let's give Ben a hand. Yay. All right. Well, I could win it every week if I wanted to. But it's a communal show where everyone has a chance to win. All right, April.

What? Jackie's looking at me all weird. I don't know. I'm just thinking about the viscous holes in your tree gap. Anyone can get in different heights and levels. It's a universal. I just feel like it's going to be sharp. No.

I mean, there will be one sharp hole for sort of your sadomasic, sort of your H.H. Holmes. Yeah, it'll be labeled, though. Yeah, exactly. The sharp hole. Yeah, it'll haveic as sort of your HH Holmes. Yeah, it'll be labeled though. Yeah, exactly. The sharp hole, yeah. It'll have a knife over it or something like that if you're more of an Albert Fish type. Then yeah, of course there'll be a hole just full of screws that you can stick your dick into

and nail things like that. Well, I tell you what, I really hate to interrupt but I've got my finger on the pulse here. Oh, wow. I think I know what the ladies want. Okay. It's a new market that's just emerged, but it's pretty hot right now.

Bigfoot porn. That's a good point. I'm taking Bigfoot porn and I am meshing it with Japanese robotics. The latest in the two to create a Sasquatch fuck doll. Whoa.

She's too good at this. I don't like it. Wow. Sasquatch fuck doll robot. It's a robot, right? Ah, yes. What does it say? Anything you want.

Mom, mom, mom. It makes like tree gag gobbling. Can we get Eddie to record all the voices for it? He's already signed up. That's great. I like you. I want it more ferocious. Meaner, Ed.

Can you do meaner? The name is, he's the Tree Gat Gobbler. The Tree Gat Gobbler. I like that. That's a good one. Bigfoot porn, people. It's a thing. Yes, it is.

Absolutely. All right. Steve, what do you got? So thank you for your suggestions and compliments. Yes, indeed. No problem. Very good idea. I like that one.

Mine is, it's a fleshlight flashlight. Okay. I think that already, that's the fleshlight. Well, no, but it's also a flashlight. It has a flashlight on flashlight. Okay. I think that's the fleshlight. Well, no, but it's also a flashlight. It has a flashlight on the end of it. And the only way to power it is you have to masturbate. I've heard that one before. Oh, you got to be.

Yeah, you have to jack off. It's jizzy powered. Right. So in the event, like, you don't have any batteries. I think I had a boyfriend tell me that once. Yeah, yeah. That you were jizzy powered? Yeah.

That's a good one. It's the only way. You're going to be real tired for work tomorrow. You've got to power our way home. That's great. He's sort of like E.T. and you're the bicycle. That's going to have fun.

That's what my mother always said. You're just like the.T. and you're the bicycle. That's going to have fun. Sure, that's what my mother always said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. April, you're just like the town bike. That's correct. Lucky for you, I'm a runner. All right, Steve. So it's just a flashlight that you power a flashlight. It's powered by the motion of your jacking off.

Oh, the motion. Yeah, so that makes sense. So if the power goes out and you don't have any batteries, you can just jack off with it. A little too utilitarian for the sex toy industry. Well, yeah, you know, I... Utilitarian?

I just want a kitchen person to start making a horn. The German market might appreciate you. Yes, the German market might appreciate you. Yes, it's very efficient. Sex for me is just like, you know, it's practical. Yeah, I like that idea.

I don't know if it's utilitarian. Jackie? I don't know if it's utilitarian. Jackie? I don't know if you guys know this, but I feel like bringing vinegar into foreplay is something that is not tapped into. Because if you think about it, have you ever had vinegar on your nipples before? No. They get tingly. Do they?

And they get upset. I feel like I have an infomercial right now. Have you ever had vinegar on your nipples? No, I haven't. It gives you tingles, and imagine what it would do for your clit. So what I'm proposing here is called the Jackanese Sour Pleasy. It's a viticlet. But also, it comes in a combination package that, you know, your man won't go down on you.

Having problems getting sizzled in your lunch. Take a big smoked sausage, you know, put it in your man's mouth, get him to get a big old bite. Take some sauerkraut. Shove it inside of your vagina like a pita. Fill it as if it were a pita. It gets you all sizzled. He wants the sauerkraut after he has the sausage in his mouth. And he immediately would just suck you dry from every fucking cabbage shred that you've ever had inside.

I forgot what mine was. This is not a toy, though. This is not a toy. This is an actual practice. dry from every fucking cabbage shred that you've ever had inside your... This is not a toy, though. This is not a toy. This is a practical practice. It is a thing you do. It's a technique. Where's the toy? The sausage is the toy?

You know what the toy is? This is an instructional video, my friend. I didn't hear you say that, Marcus. It's an instructional video. I didn't hear you say that. Yes, it is. It is an instructional video. Jack and Easy Sour Pleasey.

No one's watching it. Is that Jack and Easy Sour Pleasey program? Yes. And everyone wants to be involved. And I'm telling you, we'll sell them $50 a pop because people want to know what pleases me. Kielbasa. Kielbasa.

Yeah, exactly. Sausage. Polish food. So people already know, so they don't have to... Well, I was originally going to call the Polak surprise, but... Nobody was surprised. No one was. That's the thing.

It's just the Polak. Just the Polak usual. I brought you into this world eating sausage and stuffing your mother's pussy full of cabbage, and I'll take you out of this world. That's a Polish Bill Cosby. You never know. You never know. Eddie, you're up.

All right. Oh, man, I don't know. You were already the voice of Bigfoot. This is a good-ass round. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is going to be one of the hardest fucking buys I've ever had to make as a billionaire. All right, so you know those, remember when we were younger, we were talking about this the other day, Ben.

Yeah. The little machines you put on your keychain, you press the button, you're like, fuck you, fuck you. Piece of shit. Eat a dick. Eat a dick. Eat a dick. Or it was farts.

You suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want one of those, but it's a dildo. It's like, oh, you fucking like that? That's the noise it makes when it reaches far. Oh, you mean like, I'm sorry. Like a go boy. No, no, no.

Mine's going to be tougher. But then they're also going to be like, I'm going to get like hands like that you can put on your breasts. It's like, oh, squeezy, squeezy, squeezy. I don't think that's something that a woman likes, though. Well, no, you buy it for a friend. Oh, yeah. It's a gag.

Okay, it's a sexual gag. Literal gag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. All right, Marcus. Yeah, and there's like a pocket pussy one that's just gag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. All right, Marcus. Yeah, and there's like a pocket pussy one that's just like, makes that noise. No, it could say like, come inside of me. Yeah, yeah.

Like I'm tired. For once in your life. It's terrifying. Enjoy yourself. Come inside of me. All right. Well, you know what? We're going to have to have a tiebreaker right now.

Can I say it right now, though, real quick? I'm willing to join your business as the go-boy as a part of your product line. I don't want to deal with his Croatian racism. I like Croatians too much. They're so illegal.

They're so wrong. They're people. I love Croatians. They like backwards guns. You're insane. Kurt Cobain did too. You saw what happened to him. We all know.

Too soon here. Jesus Christ. They get a backwards bazooka, the whole fucking island's going to be taken out. We got it. I don't think Croatia's an island. It's not taken out. All right. We got him. I don't think Croatia is an island. It's not an island. It's exceptionally landlocked.

We're all an island. All right. All right. All right, Marcus. All right, so I'm going to set a timer right now. Okay. And it's going to be between the Tree Gat Gobbler and the Jack and Easy Sour Pleasy program. Oh, all right.

What do you want from us, though? What I'm going to do is I'm going to set a timer for 30 seconds for each of you. All right. And I've already heard your ideas. I think they're great. Sure. What I want to hear from both of you is why your product is going to make more money than the other one. You should have them be like, how do they want to pleasure me? He wants to

make money. Yeah. I'm a fucking billionaire, but I want to be a multi-billionaire. Yeah, you get there for fucking a reason, bro. You've got to speculate to accumulate. Alright, well, that's April. I mean, already, she's already ahead.

Was that part of the 30 seconds? I don't know, but she got to impress him before you get in the room. Before you get in the room, you've got to impress them before you get in the room. Before you get in the room, you've got to impress them. I'll suck everybody's dick. I'm the best dick sucker on this round table. I'm ahead now. I'm ahead.

All right, so you guys suck a lot of dick. You can't just say you're ahead to be ahead. I will suck the dick of a lizard, of an Italian, of a Jew-hating German, of a man sitting next to me, his name is Steve. Pull off, you other also Aryan piece of shit Marcus. I'll suck all of your fucking dick. Well, I don't like the way you described me, but that's fine. I was totally fine with the way you described me. All right. Tree gag gobbler. I don't like the way you described me, but that's fine. I was totally fine with the way you described me. All right.

Tree gag gobbler. Tree gag gobbler and go. Okay, what's not to love about Bigfoot porn robotics? I have to tell you. It's like Fifty Shades of Grey meets The Hendersons. I don't want to go. I would watch that. Fifteen seconds. It's like elf porn meets dangerous cowboys.

It's just something fierce. It's what every woman wants. She wants to be spanked in the bottom by some sort of creature feature, doesn't she now? I'm telling you, that last line got me hard. I love it. I love it. I love it. Well, Jackie, don't even bother. Holy Lord.

Spanked on the bottom. The way you said it there. Read your features. They're all hard. This isn't fair. Anthony, I know you're not hard right now and I'm looking to you to support me in my business venture right now. Get hard for Jackie, Anthony.

Get hard for me. Anthony has a disease, Holden. Everyone's been hard. All right, Jackie, what's your thing that you're going to say this time? All right, and you got 30 seconds, and go. So that's something that women want, but I'm going to go ahead and say that women don't buy these toys, men do. You know what men want? To eat sausage. You know what men want? To eat sausage. You know what men want? To eat sauerkraut.

And to give their lady the pleasure that they want. They want an engorged clit. They want something that tastes good, kind of like vinegar, and not like a pussy. I'm saying that men will buy this. Women don't buy sex toys. Men buy sex toys. And if they

do, they're a lesbian and they have nothing to do with sausages because they're all fucking vegetarians. I don't know if that's true. I mean, it's a fun line, but I don't think that's true. I am hard. Oh, Camilo's gotten hard. I've gotten him hard.

Oh, my Lord. You know, now that I have to factor in research and development costs, I have to factor in overhead. After it's all said and done, the Jack and Easy Sour Pleasy program is going to make me the most money. That's ridiculous. April, you won. You know what, April? I want to shake your hand because that was scary.

Can you keep my dream alive? I think I can. All right, Dad. I think that we can do this together. That was the most beautiful thing that's ever happened. We're getting combined efforts. But you know what, April? You're getting hired for research and development. It's not real.

We're going to say all the commercials to make all the men hard. We're going to start you at $18,000 a year. How do you like it? That's double what I heard at the moment. I didn't know you were rich as well. Holy Lord. I'm actually alive. Quite a catch.

All right. Third world girls gone wild. Oh, my goodness. All right. Well, okay. Now that's the kind of thinking I like in research and development. Third world girls gone wild. This is a girl trying to swim away from a crocodile.

She's only naked because it's ripped off. She's wild. I just wanted education. She's mashing that rice. She's mashing it. Holy Lord. Jackanese sour pleasey.

Marcusarian nation. Homemakersese, sour-pleasing. Marcusarian. Hold it in a crowd. Marcusarian. Yes. Pugnators win the funnest wars. Put on your red shoelaces, boys. They're on, sir. Steve and Clark, thanks for being here. April, thanks for being here. Thanks, guys.

And then that's, let's do the Twitter. Jack the Worm and then Marcus Parks and then I am Ben Kissel on Twitter. And then follow Murderfist on Twitter, and found an RP. What's next, Ed? Yeah, what's next, Ed? Come on. What about Anthony? Whatever.

I just got to Anthony. Anthony, what's your Twitter? Anthony DeVito underscore. Underscore. After the Anthony DeVito. I kind of like that. Do you guys have Twitters? Yeah.

I'm not on the Twitter. You're not on it? I don't understand. If you're ever in Dabab, Egypt, go get diving lessons from April. I was into it. Steve, what's that? Steven DMC, you can follow me on Twitter. Steven DMC.

April, you live in Dabab? I live in Dabab. It's just slightly. Dabab. Dabab. Look at it. Dabab. All right, everybody.

We'll talk to you soon. Go to the Facebook page and sign up and become a member. It's really great. You can be on the ground floor of the war between the Jackanese and the Holdenators. I'm not officially recognizing the Marcus. You're not officially recognizing the Marcusarians? It's new. Marcusarians, you've got to fucking get to the UN.

That is being careful. Find a town and paint it brown. Jackanese, we get what we need.