The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 190: Gummi Worms

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on Round Table: a German porn star is kicked out of the Nazi party for participating in an interracial scene, a man opens up a dead porcupine to find a rare mineral and ends up saving a lil porcupine instead, and Marcus finally pushes the Round Table to their breaking point. Joining us today: Amber Nelson!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Marcus, you have to pray. Yes, I do. Alright, you ready? Yeah, I am. Oh, yeah. Today, I'm going to read a poem for a dead cat.

I believe in dead cats. You believe in them? You do. And God asked the feline spirit, are you ready to come home? Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul. And as a cat, you know I am most able to decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God. Soon, replied the whiskered angel. How long is this? Yeah, it seems like it's, I would say too long at this point. Just a couple more verses verses but I must come slowly for my human friends are troubled for you see they need me

quite certainly but don't they understand ask God that you'll never leave them that your souls are intertwined that's how God talks? I can't. I can't talk like a pedophile. In the world of the cats, yes.

For all eternity. It's so nice to see you, little cat. I am God. Get him away. Get that away from me. Nothing is created or destroyed. It just is. Forever and ever and ever.

I hate this. I hate it. I'm you. Eventually. No, no, no. There's one more verse. There's one more verse. Oh, Jesus Christ. Eventually they will understand, replied the glorious cat,

for I will whisper into their hearts that I am always with them. I just am. Forever and ever. Cunts and pussies. whisper into their hearts that I am always with them. I just am. Forever. And ever. Cunts and pussies. And ever. I just want to bring it back to what we're about. Amen. I mean, that's... Horrifying.

Alright, welcome to the round table of gentlemen. Makes me want to make shoes out of cats. Who wrote that? That's the real problem. Did you write that or some menopausal lady. Yeah. Who wrote that? That's the real problem. Did you write that or some menopausal lady on Suicide Watch wrote that? I would guess the latter. Yeah. Definitely.

All right. Who's everybody around here? Jackie Zebrowski. My squirty bird's more like a phoenix today because I cut a bit of a jap and then I scratched it and it's been on fire ever since. I have no idea what you just said. That means that she cut her pussy with her fingernails.

Now the piss is ruining it. Did you just interpret that? I feel like I was listening to I felt like there was like a B-size of like Downton Abbey? Downton Abbey. How far off was I? No man, I cut up a Japapino.

What are you saying? And then I got all the stingers on my fucking hands. And then my pussy was itchy. So I scratched it. Like an idiot. You got a jalapeno pussy? Yeah. It's like a phoenix.

It's on fire. But is it going to rise from the ashes? I mean, the phoenix is lit. So I really fucking hope it's ashes. Let's talk about that. That's on fire. But how is it going to rise from the ashes? I mean, the Phoenix lives. I hope so. I really fucking hope so. It's covered in ashes. Let's talk about that. That's another problem. Yeah, yeah.

It's all ashy, so I'm going to lotion her up. I'm going to hope it comes back to life. So is it doing anything for you? You getting wild? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's very stringent. Put some seeds in there. Make a jalapeno bush.

Yeah. Or put some cream cheese Inside me Make a popple I got a popple down there Oh a Jackie Popper I would eat that It sounds gross But I would like

Actually that does sound Kind of good A bunch of cheese Yeah that's disgusting The whole idea is gross Never mind You have to eat deep Six for $4.99

I don't know Yeah Then it just comes out It's just one Jackie And then she just like Spreads her legs on the table And then she's like, that's the dip, and then you got to get in there.

Jackanese papa. Yeah, the jackanese papa. Oh, you dip it out of the pussy. That's like a Japanese businessman's party. Yeah, I'll just get up on the trains, and then the robot will come and lick the cream cheese out of my pussy. Oh, man. Poor robot.

When you scratch your balls, you usually do it outside the pants, but you really just dug your hands in there. It was itchy. Like the inside was itchy? No, no, no. It was the outside lips. Okay. Yeah. It was just a little dry and, you know, I just stuck my hand down there. I got my jeggings

on, so it's easy to shove a hand down there. I masturbate when I'm itchy, too. Yeah. Nice. Absolutely. I justate when I'm itchy too. Yeah. Nice. Absolutely. I tested my tampon in the subway yesterday. That's kind of fun. How?

With your hands? Yeah, I just reached my hand in my pants and had to stick it in there, you know? Because sometimes it'll fall out. It falls out. I mean, did you touch the rails? Did you touch the pole after that? Oh, God. Yeah, after that I did.

Yeah. I didn't even realize I should be licking those things. That's hot. That is some hot stuff. All right, well. I actually saw, yeah, add to your ear. I was just going to say, I'm Ed Larson. My genitals are surprisingly clean today.

Very nice. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, when women start talking about their private parts, it's so much more disgusting than when dudes do. I think that's why we've been able to do it for so long. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, when women start talking about their private parts, it's so much more disgusting than when dudes do. I think that's why we were able to do it

for so long. Yeah, because I couldn't wash mine off. Yeah. I took a shower and they still sting. Oh, yeah. Literally, you have

to bathe in milk. I can't do that. Yeah, you gotta rub a bunch of milk on it. I mean, I could. Like a little cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little dish is all you need. You don't need a full bathtub, yeah. You just dip it in there. Yeah, crotch, like crouch down, just dip my like low hanging lips into that milk. Jesus. Just imagine like a sideshow's ears, like he's like having like 10 pound barbells on either side and winging them around and people are like, yeah, Jackie.

Dip those low hanging lips into that milk. Oh, Jesus. Oh, man. That's really taking that pussy analogy far. I gotta let it take like 10 minutes. lips into that milk. Oh, Jesus. Oh, man. That's really taking that pussy analogy far. I gotta let it take like 10 minutes. Yeah, that is.

You got low hanging lips? Nah, nah, nah, nah. Tight up there. But if I stretch them out real good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You put magnets, you attach magnets to them,

put the opposite magnet on the floor and then you just like lower down and it'll stretch them out. That would probably feel good. Jackie's pussy looks like Lando Karizian as co-pilot.

Yeah, that's not bad. Oh man, Holdenators, ho! We just want to thank all the Holdenators out there for being so brown and being so fun. Oh yeah? Yeah, they're brown? Oh, most of them are brown. I doubt that. I love my little brown Holdenators. They make me so

silly and happy. Wait, I thought you hated them. Huh? I thought you hated them. Why the change of heart? You know, my Holdenators. They made me so silly and happy. Wait, I thought you hated them. Huh? I thought you hated them. Why'd they change your heart? You know, my Holdenators I love. Anybody listening to this show can go fucking eat five cocks. Yeah. I'm fucking sick of it. It's not bad. I can't believe it's happening. So anyways, just want to

throw it out there. We are legion. We are many. A lot of Holdenators last night at the last podcast live. There were no Holdenators last night. Holler and ho at me last night. There was literally nobody responding to it. They were hollering ho last night. No one hollered back? Yeah, I was surprised at that because there were so many out there, at least from what I assumed. Yeah, but they're just getting used to the call and response end of it.

So if I say on stage, Holdenators ho, you should say back ho. Ho, yeah, yeah, yeah. So next time we do that, you guys will know how to do that. You guys can feel comfortable. They love you so much. Absolutely, man. I can't believe how much I've been getting all this fan mail. People are just like, stop writing me. You know, like all that kind of stuff.

That's great. Yeah, you'll do well in like a cave dwelling because you have an echo there so you'll feel as if you have a response. Absolutely, absolutely. I'm just ready for my army to crush all of you guys. The last podcast on the Left Live show was very good. As a matter of fact, Holden, I was

thoroughly loving everything that you said. Thanks, man. You were very, very funny. I found my moments. I started out not really knowing what to do. And then I realized what to do, which was not try to actually contribute to what was

that being talked about, because I have no place in that. I can just talk about my weird, bizarre past. There's a double fisting of an uncle where you used to, it was a human jack-in-the-box. Yeah, yeah. Cracker jack-in-the-box. Cracker jack-in-the-box, yeah. The Golden Canoe, we know all that. With my father, yeah.

It was good times. Yeah, it was fun. Find the toy. Find the toy. I found it. Yeah, the Cracker Jack. He would put, my uncle would shove a little toy up in his asshole so that I could get my fingers up there to help him shit because he couldn't shit without tiny fingers kind

of wiggling it loose. But then I'd get the little toy. So he was like, hey, I'm Uncle Cracker Jack Box. You know? Yeah. So that was kind of the fun of it. So it wasn't bad or upsetting. Like, I went to therapy.

The therapist was like, no, this is really traumatic. I was like, no. This was awesome. This was like the the fun of it So it wasn't bad or upsetting Like I went to therapy The therapist was like No this is really traumatic I was like no This was awesome This was like the best day of my life Best toy you got Best Every time I get an awesome toy No what was the best toy

That you got from his ass Oh what was the best toy I got Oh definitely fucking Super Mario Game Boy Old school Game Boy Wow Yeah a Game Boy game Not an actual Game Boy

That's too big You know My aunt would fucking have that Up her fucking big ass But no My uncle I just got the little tiny cartridge And I I'd put it in Not an actual Game Boy. That's too big. My aunt would fucking have that upper fucking big ass. But no. My uncle, I just got the little tiny cartridge. I'd put it in.

I had to wash it off a lot. But it still worked. It didn't skip that much. But it was fun to blow on it because it smelled like uncle. So that was fun. So I'd get down there and blow on it. But it was like, oh, the fun memories. It always brings me back. A shit-covered Game Boy cartridge always brings me back to the formative years of my life.

Did you ever trade them with friends? I mean, Game Boy cartridges used to be traded. If I had motocross... Dude, that one I kept in a fucking lock-and-seal fucking glass case, dude. That was like getting Bob Dylan's harmonica. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it smelled similar, actually. Yeah, yeah.

All right. Echoes. Do you think an Echo is just us in another universe calling back? I mean, yes. Probably, yeah. Since you put it that way, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Yep.

Alright, I'm Ben. So that was Amber Nelson. Oh, Amber Nelson. Well, Amber, would you like to say your name? I'm the other universe girl. Hey. Amber Nelson, ho. I like that, ho. I'll go with Amber Nelson. I'm okay with that.

It's a little trademark infringement, but I'm fine with that. All right, I am Ben Kissel, and then we got Marcus Parks with the news. As always, Marcus, what's our first story? A Nazi porn star is in trouble with her racist party for filming a sex scene with a black man. Oh, God. You can't do that. Do they have to say racist party? I think we got it.

Not like nice people watching. Or redundant. So who's going to be her friend now? I mean, I guess the black guy she's fucking. The National Democratic Party of Germany has no problem. We don't care about her. We don't think he cares about her? She's a racist.

He just fucked her to fuck the racist. Yeah. You know't care about her? You don't think he cares about her? She's a racist. He just fucked her to fuck the racist. Yeah. You know how good that must feel to fuck a racist chick? Oh, yeah. It was just for money. I don't think it was

bigger than money. He just fucked the tiny white girl. Yeah. That's fun. I think you get revenge. There's a picture of her right there. She's a very attractive girl.

She's not busty enough. You know whenever you fuck a black man in porn, your pay rate goes down? Yeah. Which is sad. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Why? You have to take so much more girth. I know. That's why your pay rate goes down. That's ridiculous. Recovery time. Because it's more fun and it's better? Is that the problem?

Yeah. No, because... It loosens your pussy up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, like their pussies aren't loose? I mean, they're just... Listen, I don't make the rules.

I'm going to write a letter. Do you do kegels? No, no, no. I don't know what to flex. Oh, okay. I feel like I'm doing it right now. If I had a pussy, I'd feel like I'm doing it. It's like the taint.

Yeah, yeah. I'm doing it right now. It's making my penis kind of pop up a little bit every time I do that. I feel like it's more in my ass than it is in my pussy, though. I think you're doing it wrong. Yeah, you're going to suck it in. You've got to think about it. She can't feel her vagina.

It's filled with chap sauce. Yeah. It's jalapenos. Cream cheese. It's cream cheese. It's full of cream cheese. Yeah. That's a whole other thing.

Okay, well, either way. All right, talking to black guys. You do the kegels, huh? Yeah, I'm doing it right now. How does it feel? That's good. Wait, does it make you pleasured? Are you pleasured when you do it?

Wait. No, not really. No, nothing happens. I did just see, you were talking about your tampon on the subway. I just saw a blood splatter. You ever see that on a subway seat? You just see sort of the... Oh, on the seat?

Yeah, sort of the Warshak test that happens when a girl has her period on the seat. I get nervous. It just happened to me two days ago. Well, wait, you saw... Just a big pile of blood. Big pile of blood. Oh, you just saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stabbing blood, though.

Yeah, yeah, there was like someone got hit by a train or got their arm ripped off. It was a bunch of shoes leaving the blood scene. Oh, yeah. Follow those shoes, Eddie. I mean, well, did someone cleaned up a bigger pile of blood but forgot my big pile of blood? I see. That makes me think that, holy shit, this person's out of blood.

You did follow a trail of blood one time, didn't you, Ed? When I was tripping down in South Beach, me and my buddy were tripping. I'm like, oh, look, there's a blood trail. We followed it and there was a dude and then we left. It's so funny what you do tripping. This was on mushrooms, I assume?

Acid. Oh, this was acid. Oh, really? I would have gone the opposite way of the blood trail. Oh, yeah. On mushrooms, 1,000%. Definitely. I got lost in Chinatown on LSD once, and that was fucking nuts.

The odors must have been very intense. How are you there? I can't even handle it sober. You almost got made into a fish. Oh, what were we talking about? So what happened? So you followed the blood trail and you just, did you find the corpse that was bleeding? There was just like a dude laying in this

playground and I was just like, man, I got too much acid. I'm going to get out of here. So on acid, you followed a blood trail until you found somebody who was probably about to be dead and then on mushrooms, you got a lobster, named it, and ate it. Yes. You're a serial killer. No, I think that was, you got a lobster, named it, and ate it. Yes. You're a serial killer.

No, I think that was acid also. That was also acid. You're a monster. Yeah, it was acid also. Everybody else on acid is picking fake butterflies out of the sky, listening to Jimi Hendrix talking about politics. I mean, the lobster, it would have, my other friend didn't have, you know, he wasn't that good with the lobster like I was.

You know, he- He wasn't so cool? No, he wasn't. Yeah, he didn't understand the concept of salt water, so the lobster didn't have a chance to make it. Oh, he just took a lobster and put it in water. Yeah, he put water and then added salt to the water. I'm like, it doesn't work. It doesn't actually work like that.

But you did just season the lobster perfectly, so let's just eat it. That works. Now I understand how you got to the cuisine part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what am I going to do? Not eat it? I agree.

Then it just dies for no reason? Then I'm a monster. Yeah, definitely. Like a monster. Jackie, how do chicks have their period on the subway, though, what am I going to do? Not eat it? I agree. Then it just dies for no reason? Then I'm a monster. Yeah, definitely. Like a monster. Jackie, how do chicks have their period on the subway, though, unbeknownst to them? It just comes at you that quick? Yeah, it does. I've seen it about ten times now.

Marcus, you've seen this, right? Oh, absolutely. It's only in New York. When you said that, though, at the same time, I guess I've just been on birth control for such a long time that I can't imagine getting to a point where I bleed through my pants. Probably a 13 year old girl or something like that. It's gotta be a kid. It doesn't know. It wouldn't be an old woman.

It wouldn't be an old woman. It's gotta be a kid. Because if you don't know, you know it because you feel wet slippy in between your lips. And you're like, oh, I gotta shove something in this or it's gonna get through my pants. Or maybe they're diva cups build. Do you know what diva cups are?

No. I can't. So crazy. Have you ever tried one? Sorry? Have you tried one? I haven't, but one of my good girlfriends does.

Oh, you have to explain. What's a diva cup? It's like a cup that you put in your pussy and it collects it. And then whenever you're ready to drop it, you just pull it out and then...

It's like an office coffee machine? Yeah. It's for idiot guys that are too scared of pussy blood to fuck a girl when she's on her period. So they put a cup up there and they sop it all up inside of your uterus and keep it in a cup and then you have to rip the cup out and pour it into the toilet.

That sounds like a disaster. Yeah, it sounds awful. And it's reusable as well. Yeah. Pour it out, put it right the toilet. That sounds like a disaster. Yeah, it sounds awful. And it's reusable as well. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Pour it out, put it right back in.

Yeah, it's a disaster waiting to happen. I've never heard of that. Does not sound sanitary. No, it sounds disgusting. So then you got the full cup and then I assume you could probably sell it online

and someone will slam it down or make a Bloody Mary out of it or something. Throw it at someone. Yeah. Throw it at someone. Throw it at someone. Yeah, throw it against the mirror.

There's got to be a fetish out there where someone really digs that stuff. Of course there is. Yeah. Wild. I mean, you don't even have to get a girl wet if she's on her period. Yeah.

It's great. You just don't care if she's on her period. I don't mind, man. Nobody cares unless you're like an 18-year-old boy that's like, pieces are gross. Yeah. If you're young and scared of it

it's understandable but at this point it's like you should just be lucky to fucking slip it right in and you don't even have to like rub her clit at all. Right.

You can just rub her. Yeah. Just have a good time that night. Yeah. Lay down a towel. Leave it in. Have a blast. Yeah.

Hell I've sat down here before I lost my virginity to a girl in her period. Oh really? Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. It's very nice. You are girl in her period. Oh, really? Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. It's very nice.

You are not the father. It's impossible to be it. Yeah. Was she kind of like, uh, no, maybe you shouldn't, and you were like, it's time, I have to have it. It has, yeah.

Well, we had planned it the whole week. I'd come up for the weekend. We're like, this is the weekend we're going to fuck. Your boner was just like, it was just like, yeah, yeah. You were going to fucking murder someone with your cock if you didn't shove it into that shit. Eyeballs were past your nose and shit.

Yeah, yeah, I hear that. It happened, but she had to stop, though, because she said she could smell her own blood. Oh, okay. She's not a shark, so... Yeah, that's a terrifying thing to say. Yeah, while she was on top and there was blood, I'm like, you know, I mean, you guys have had that, the pube blood. Sure.

Yeah, yeah. When you fuck on the period, your pubes get all crusty and matted. Yeah. Yeah, so I had that. Huh. Yeah. Hey, just go in the shower. Yeah.

And it was weird. Honestly, I'm surprised you guys didn't just fuck in the shower. That's a fine place for a period fuck. Well, it was a dorm room. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in the dorm room. You really fine place for a period fuck. Well, it was a dorm room. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in the dorm room. You really planned out

the losing the virginity thing though, huh? You had it circled on your calendar and everything? Yeah, she told me. She was like, yeah, when you come up this weekend, we're going to fuck. I'm taking your virginity.

Unaware of her cycle though. How did she not know? Yeah, what about her fucking period? It came a day too early. Yeah, it was one of those unpredictable ones. Unpredictable periods. Yeah, but that don't need to stop you from fucking blowing up her squid. It didn't.

You just fucking make it happen. Squid. It absolutely didn't. It was wonderful. Hell yeah. Get that muddler in there. Get that tentacle. Fucking hell yeah.

You got to fucking corn dog that horse. I wonder if any of those things happened in this porno with this German gal and this black fella. Well, the National Democratic Party of Germany had no problem making Ina Groll, 28, the face of its right-leaning party until her latest movie unveiled her in a multiracial tryst. The blonde

tattooed Nazi spokeswoman, who encouraged men to join the cause by wearing seductive outfits outside of polling places, was deemed a poor representation of its organization due to her latest film, Kitty Discovers Sperm. Kitty Discovers Sperm. That's a rough translation.

It's more like Cat Gets Cum Done. Yeah. Something like that. That seems wild. So the porn star thing wasn't the problem. It was just that she banged a black guy. No, they loved it. When she was a porn star,

she was still a great spokesperson for the Nazi party black guy. When she was a porn star, she was still a great spokesperson for the Nazi party. Yeah, when she was a porn star, yeah, I mean, she was the face of this sect of the Nazi party. She was the face, the pussy and the asshole of the party. The controversy over the film caused the launch of an online Facebook campaign to kick her out of the party and shortly later

the party's members agreed. One poster said, those who sell their body for money and disgrace their race have no place in our party. Oh, fuck those people. You were agreeing with it when she was white and sleeping with white people.

Yeah, a lot of, a lot. I mean, Eddie, do you ever watch interracial porn? I don't have, I can watch a black dude fuck a white chick and I can still jack off to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, in porn, you check everything out once. I don't, but I've always talked about how I'm sexually racist. But I mean, when I see a cock, I'm doing, I. You know, in Pornio, you check everything out once. I don't, but I've always talked about how I'm sexually racist. But I mean, when I see a cock, I'm watching the cock in there for it to semi-resemble my own dick as the idea that I'm fucking her, you know? So you just watch like bizarre, like lizard sort of, you know, lizard, lizard, you know,

implants woman. It's got to be a big horn. Yeah. Anytime it's like a giant horn, I'm like, thank you. Thank you, God. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, exactly. That's my brand. I love like Australian thank you. Thank you, God. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. That's my brand. Australian porn and stuff like that.

Nice. I used to live right around New Orleans and I would go to strip clubs sometimes and they were like unisex. Both men and women would strip. And there was a guy... It's a great New Orleans thing. You don't see that anywhere else. And I thought all strip clubs were like that.

They should be. It's weird when it's just only women stripping and dudes in the audience. You don't do that anywhere else. And I thought all strip clubs were like that. They should be. Not at all. They should be. Not at all, yeah. It's weird when it's just only women stripping and dudes in the audience. Fucking crazy. In fact, most of the times they won't let women into strip clubs. Really? Yeah, because a lot of times they think it's the wife coming in to bust the husband. So it can be- The strippers also can see their possible freedom.

Yeah. It's really weird. So you have to like, because sometimes like bachelorette parties or something, they'll try to go to like a female strip club, whatever you want to call it, to see ladies naked and dance. But yeah, and they won't let them in.

I was always told that the ladies got in free. And I think that they walk in with a bunch of dudes. Yeah, I think so. I've had good times at strip clubs. Yeah, if they walk in with a bunch of dudes. Yeah, I think so. I've had good times at a strip club. Yeah, they walk in with a bunch of dudes. Before my brother came out, I remember going to a strip club. It was called the Gay 90s in Minneapolis, and I still didn't think that he was... I still didn't know he was gay.

This was a sign. I just didn't pick up. I was 19 at the time. Gave me a fake ID and a bunch of dicks wagging on stage. I thought it was hilarious. It is funny. He was like into it. Oh, he loved it.

He loved it. Was the dudes hard? No, the dudes are middle because it's still got a wag. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Really, I thought it was interesting. If you do get too hard, that's not compelling to watch. You need to see the swing.

Yeah. It's pretty good when they're hard, though. I've seen a good hard dance show. Well, I don't know what's going on, but Marcus... I was showing Marcus pictures of my older brother recently, the fellow I'm talking about, and he is wearing a lot of dresses these days. Nice. I like to see...

Yeah, either way. I would prefer a more magic Mike-looking fellow stripping than a big monster. Yeah, you like it hard. All right. That's just... It was a guy's dick and...

I need 10 minutes. Are you okay, Jackie? Yeah, I'm fine. It's just the cream cheese. I'm just like... Yeah. Ugh. Have you not been

laid lately? No, I have been. A lot. I think that's my problem. I got like... Too much. I got like sperm inside of my brain.

Right, so you relate to this girl in this porno. Kitty, what is it? Kitty tries sperm for the first time? Kitty discovers sperm, which in German is Kitty spell me an insdikt. Oh yeah, I got insdikt inside me. Fucking gross.

Anyway, you were saying? Oh, there was two things. One about Germany, one about how big this guy's dick was. This guy on stage. Yeah, this guy on stage, his dick was so big. Me and my friend, he wrapped it around both of our hands. Wow. Wow.

He can make a citizen's arrest with his penis. Absolutely. You've been found guilty of looking beautiful. Oh, my God. That sounds great. It was. It was too big though Wasn't it?

I mean Can you imagine this thing Actually hard inside of you? I mean this seems like It would be a scene Out of the alien film It'd come out of my mouth Yeah

Oh my goodness No Hello Alright we need to end this The sexual tension is too high You ever You ever have a lap dance In front of someone you're with?

Yes That's so weird Dude I had a great We were at the porthole In Florida You brought your girlfriend To the porthole in Florida. You brought your girlfriend to the porthole? No, I, well,

for all intents and purposes, I brought Kep. No, that doesn't, that's what I'm talking about. You go with your girlfriend, you get a lap dance. Oh, I see. Okay, in front of your girlfriend.

I brought a guy for it. He was going to tell the story about when he got the retarded girl and gave him his lap dance. Oh, well, you can tell that story. Yeah, that's it. He went to the portal because Kep wanted to get the

free hot dogs that they serve during football games. So he bought me a lap dance from the hottest chick there. She was hideous. And I bought him a lap dance from a visibly retarded woman. So what kind of like retarded

are we talking? Oh, just like real low on the scale of like, you know, brain function. Yeah. And then she would just kind of go on stage.

She's like Forrest Gump. What's that? Like Forrest Gump. Like Forrest Gump. Like he's talking. Like dumber. Like what would she say? Oh, you want to dance?

Oh. Yeah, that's good popping a woman. You want to dance? Oh. That's like pretty dead on. And you got good popping a woman. You want dance. That's like pretty dead on. And you got it for a cab and he had it. Yeah, so he kept it for like $100. Because.

He bought me the slap dance and then I got him one for 10. I talked her down. I got him one for 10 in front of everybody at the bar. Oh, he was so fucking happy. He wasn't mad at me at all. Every time this story just goes into this place, I see his eyes darken in front of me. So evil. It traumatized him, Ben.

Oh, he hated it. Oh, it traumatized him. It was truly his nightmare. I just remember her looking at him. I was like, oh, turn around. Let him see you, you know? I was like, another five. Rub your tits in his face, you know?

And, uh, and then she was like, yeah, you like it. You like what you're saying? She was Jewish. No, it was more like, you like what you're saying? Uh, it was like so intense. And then she would just go on stage and she would strip. Everyone would look away from the stage and she would just stand there and just like, Oh, she was, it it was so it was amazing

I want to go to the porthole so bad the porthole and if you if you live in the Fort Lauderdale area go to the porthole tonight and you're going to have a very it'll be a great time sample boulevard by the fucking train tracks you used to think it was a fish I used to think it was a

seafood restaurant I always wondered why my parents would never take me there oh my I'm sure your dad was like I used to think it was a seafood restaurant. I always wondered why my parents would never take me there. Oh, my. I'm sure your dad was like, I'm sure your dad was going there. Yeah. Wait, it's by the train tracks? Well, yeah. It's on the wrong side of them.

Yeah. Of course it's by the train tracks. Can you hear the train going by? You can't hear a damn thing when you're in there except ACDC and Twisted Sister, my friend. Oh, man. It's rock and roll. That's kind of cool, though. Oh, yeah. It was great. It's rock and roll. That's kind of cool, though. Oh, yeah, it was great.

It's a great experience. I like when a strip club's got rock and roll instead of hip hop. It's always a nice treat. Yeah, I like that, too. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. German porn, by the way, they don't have regulations on what they can show. So there's this one porn where people break into your house, tie you down to the bed, cut a hole in your stomach, and then fuck your stomach.

What's this called? I don't know. A friend of mine was telling me about it, and I tried to research it. Maybe you're pulling it up. I'd rather them cut a hole in the sheet and then rape me through the sheet. That's sexy. Guess who's coming to dinner? That seems like it.

Yeah, so you would rather not get cut in the stomach, more of a sheet and then the raping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you're going to go through all the trouble of breaking into my house, it's like I am your reward. But it's still a movie. It's not like a snuff film. No, it's real.

It's real. I don't think you can really do that. There's got to be laws against breaking an entry. Oh, there's laws against that, but there's no laws It's real. I don't think you can really do that. There's got to be laws against breaking an entry. There's laws against that, but there's no laws against showing it. I can create an email alert for German stab porn. Oh, is that what it is? German stab porn? I mean, that's what I Googled.

What? Oh, I see. Is that what it is? Do you think that a stab wound is warmer and better than a wet pussy? Nothing's better than pussy. Period. It's gotta be. What about money? Nah. What about Jesus?

Oh yeah, I forgot about Jesus. I talked to some Mormons this morning. I don't know why. I mean, whatever. I don't know. They don't celebrate birthdays. I don't celebrate birthdays. I actually like things about the Mormon faith. Yeah, I hate birthdays. Birthday mean, whatever. I don't know. I was out for a... They don't celebrate birthdays. Fuck them. I don't celebrate birthdays. Yeah, fuck birthdays. I actually like this about the Mormon faith.

Yeah, yeah, I hate birthdays. Yeah. Birthdays are stupid. Eddie, we should be Mormons. You're sad. No, we're not. No, it's sad. They don't celebrate anything.

It's only sad. No one cares about my birthday, so... Well, that's true, but that's because you're a lizard, and lizards don't get birthdays. So that's fine. I get to the next stage of Mormonism with that, if that's the only argument. They seem happy. They're not. Marcus, what's going on with you right now?

I mean, I'm looking for this. I typed in German wound porn, and now it's just a whole bunch of videos. Like, two fresh teen axe wounds share one cock. Oh, yeah. That's kind of fun. It's like a dash. Tori has trashed up her axe wounds. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that. Big black dick riding her axe wound. Part two of fun. It's like a dash. Tori has trashed up her axe wound. Oh, yeah. All that big black dick riding her axe wound. Part two of three. Oh, yeah. Okay. Part one's better. Nah, nah, nah. Kind of lost me after that.

Of course. Three parts? How far can they get with a fucking fucking axe wound? I think we get it. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's an awesome stab wound infection. That's something totally different. Ew. I don't want no infections. I don't want pussy. Yeah. And then there's an awesome stab wound infection. That's something totally different. No infections.

I don't want pussy. Yeah. I mean, you have cream cheese and jalapeno all over you right now. It's fine. It's delectable. Yeah, that's true. That's gourmet. Yeah.

Well, let's move on. Have you guys ever seen the show? Oh, no, no, Ben. I'm sorry. There's a show called Monsters Inside Me. Have you guys seen this yet? No, no, no. Ben. I'm sorry. There's a show called Monsters Inside Me. Have you guys seen this yet? No, no, no. It's all about bacteria and diseases inside of people that scare you.

And this one in particular has been really haunting my mind because I've been watching it by myself. This dude that got a fly bite on his head when he was in Belize. And it laid a bunch of eggs inside of his head and he kept hearing things inside of his... He kept hearing like squirming

inside of his head and he thought he was going crazy. Yeah. So he went to the doctor and he just heard when the doctor was looking at his wound and a bunch of maggots came out of his head.

I saw one of the guys with the ears. Fucking maggot brain. Hell yeah. The real guy with the ears. Fucking maggot brain. Hell yeah. The real maggot. He was hearing them. Which one did you see? Ears. It was all about ears.

A bug burrowed in a deer's ear. It's really been, I feel like it's been making my sex life hard. Why? Because you're concerned about maggots a lot? No, I'm just concerned about diseases and having another worm inside of me. You've been with the same guy for years.

Think about the worm. Think about a dick like it's a worm and it's inside of you. What kind of things is it going to infest inside your worm? Does his dick wriggle? Yeah, I want to get him honed. That's good. Puss is how bacteria comes.

It's all bacteria, man. It's all dick. Puss is how bacteria comes. You know? We've all got to come. It's all bacteria, man. It's all bacteria. Puss is just bacteria come. It's okay. No, you can keep going. All right. Oh, no, maggots in the pussy. I saw it already.

Maggots in the pussy. All right. Let's see it then. A woman with ratchet pussy has maggots removed from her vagina. All right. You can imagine what that looks like, and it's not great. I guess it's good to get them removed. Oh no.

He's got a cup. He's got a cup to catch the maggots. Is it similar to that cup that you were discussing earlier with the period thing there? Either way. I'm about to turn off this episode. No, I'm sorry. My head's been living.

Don't sleep on the beach. Do not fall asleep on the beach. I'm so happy I don't sit over there next to the computer. So many times I have to see the horrible things that Marcus wants to discover. Right now there's a woman shooting Nerf balls out of her pussy. That's fine.

Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Come on. An arm up to his elbow. Probably it's the size of a tree. What happened? Oh, gummy worms. Marcus, what'd you get?

I can't watch this anymore. There's gummy worms coming out of her body. Is that guacamole? It's gummy worms. Oh! All right. She shat some gummy worms out. Marcus, I'm done.

I'm fucking done, bro. It really is disgusting. Yeah, that was... I can never have gummy worms out and then I was just getting multiple. I'm done. I'm fucking done, bro. It really is disgusting. Yeah, that was, I can never have gummy worms again. And it's a movie theater snack and I love the cinema. Okay, so wait.

I'm sorry. Can someone give me a description of what happened in the last, for our listeners? At least two pounds. It's just like

after the gummy worms because it's just like a montage of horrible things that people have done to women's ass. Well, it's because a woman was getting bumped up to this guy's elbow like after the gummy worms, because it's just like a montage of horrible things that people have done to women's ass. Well, it's because a woman was getting bumped up to this guy's elbow. Like she had like fists all the way up to the guy's elbow. So she's like punching in it like this.

Like a Rock'em Sox robot. Like Mike Tyson's punch out. Yeah, but like going right in with both hands, like alternating. Upper asshole. Upper ass. Yeah, you beat Joe Flamingo. And then a bunch of gummy worms came out of it. Yeah, a big ball of gummy worms.

I mean, I'm talking, that could have been 40, yeah, two pounds of candy. It was a fucking beehive of gummy worms. Of candy, though, of delicious candy. Delicious candy. A good gal to go to the theater with. You can always sneak in the candy, you know. You gotta sneak in candy at these high-priced movie theaters. Ooh, I would stick some snow caps

up there I would do snow caps I wanna say junior mints but I don't think they're gonna stay yeah no they'll just it's too much

too much going on too sensitive I like Bunch O' Crunch but that's gonna be too rough it's gonna get confused like how many fists of gummy worms

are we talking about we're talking I mean about eight fists realistically two fists two fists I mean we could rewatch it and I would argue eight. We could definitely re-watch it.

We don't have to. I really want to re-watch it. Are we going to put this on, like, link it to the podcast? I don't think we can put that on Facebook. No, we definitely can't. I mean, look at that. That's everything. Holden, take a look at it for Christ's sake.

Look how you were born. It's coming out of both of your hands. Look at your mother birthing you. It's coming out of both holes. Yeah, she's got it all filled up. And then it cuts with Kirk Cameron for some reason. I don't know why Kirk Cameron is in this. Oh, my God.

And then he is just... And she's on a boat? And he's got gloves on. All the best girls love boats. Yeah, international waters. You can do anything you want out there. And now he's wearing an American flag shirt. All right, let's get at it.

Now this person is really shoulder deep. Oh, look, you can see it. Okay, a woman is shoulder deep inside of another woman, and then she's making her, like the movie Aliens, she's going through the stomach, and you can see it. You can feel her laughing a bit. They got to be dead. These women have to be, oh.

No, she's still alive, and she's actually very pleased with herself. Oh, my God. I am not. Stop it. All right. Just stop it out. We gotta tap out. We gotta tap out. Alright Marcus.

Let's move on. I've been waiting to move on. And then you went there. What was the breaking point moment? Did you see her fist coming out of her stomach? Her stomach was bouncing up and down because she had her fucking fist up there. Inside of it, yeah. That's what it was.

Okay. That was all I could take. She was literally shoulder deep in. Shoulder deep. She was really cute, too. The girl with the shoulder. She wasn't that cute. She was shoulder deep.

Yeah, it was pretty hot. She was pretty cute. She wanted to be cute if you saw her on the street, but then that situation made her look different. I get a feel-good story. That sounds good. Kick those women out of the Nazi party. A main man in search of a valuable mineral

cut open a dead porcupine on the side of the road and unexpectedly pulled out its baby. Sweet. So we saved the baby. Why did he cut open a dead porcupine? He was looking for rubies. Yeah, he was looking for a valuable mineral. He was looking for rubies.

Yeah, he was looking for a valuable mineral. Jared Buzzle says he was searching for wild mushrooms Thursday when he saw a porcupine get hit by a car in Minnow, Maine. A guy searching for mushrooms. Hits a porcupine, sees it on the ground. He's like, oh, his fucking belly's full of jewels. So he cuts open the porcupine. This guy's tripping his ass off. So he cuts open the porcupines This guy's stripping his ass off

Yeah Buzzle says he'd heard that a valuable mineral deposit Used in Chinese medicine formed in the stomachs of porcupines He then cut open the dead porcupine to search for the mineral And instead found the baby He said that he cut the umbilical cord And thought the baby porcupine was dead Until he started massaging it and it began breathing

Buzzle is caring for the baby porcupine was dead until he started massaging it and it began breathing. Buzzle is caring for the baby at home and plans to give it to a licensed wildlife rehabilitate. Do you think by massaging it, you mean he took it and rubbed it against his dick? Probably. Little porcupines. What is this mineral that's in dead porcupines? I'm about to look up.

Maybe it's a bezoar. What is that? A bezoar and humans at the very least is a people who have a problem with eating hair. People with pico that compulsively eat their own hair. Pico de gallo? Yeah, that freaks me out.

Yeah, they eat their own hair and in their stomach, the hair forms a ball inside their stomach and they have to get an operation to remove it. Stomach acid won't destroy hair? It will not destroy hair. Maybe that was the video we watched previously

when that chick was fisting the other girl until she was inside of her abdomen. Yeah, she was looking for the minerals. Yeah, looking for the minerals or getting that hair clump out of there. That's possible. I am just shut down. Sensory overloaded. I was the shut down. I am sensory overloaded.

That was the quietest the show ever was. I like to sit in that. It's been a split second of silence, but that was nice. It's like Marcus Chow got a cute story. Oh, my God. I mean, I just look at you guys. Everyone's just like haunted by what they just saw. I got PTSD over here.

We need to get Congress to pass a bill. I'm horrible thought free right now. I'm like, I made it through the fucking, I saw a tiny bit of it

out the corner of my eye. You saw the gummy worm part, the cutest part. Yeah, I can't even tell you what I saw, even if you ask me, but everybody's destroyed. It's kind of one of those episodes,

you know, it kind of started with discussing you and your uncle and his butt and then the whole... Jackie and Ed are destroyed. It's kind of one of those episodes, you know, where it kind of started with you and your uncle and his butt and then the whole... Jackie and Ed are destroyed. I'm visibly nauseous. It's those poor, poor women on that boat, right?

They're making money. They're doing well. The guy was wearing gloves. I'll tell you, I'd rather be on fucking Amistad than that boat. The guy was wearing gloves that made him dry. Yeah, I don't know if wrong. But if the guy was wearing gloves, that means he's dry. Yeah. I don't know if they were

lubed gloves or not. Mark is like a kid in a candy store staring at fucking gummy worms. Yeah. Look at that. Amber's, I know Amber's cool with it too.

She's seen some horrible shit online. Fuck it. Yeah. I'm cool with it, but I close my eyes and I keep seeing that fist flex. She has it, bam, bam, bam,

right up her, right up her fucking asshole. And I can't get it, but I close my eyes and I keep seeing that fist flex. She has it bam, bam, bam, right up her fucking asshole. And I can't get it out of my head. It's all right, Jackie. It just didn't look real. It just didn't look real. It's real. It's all CGI. Next time, you say she didn't have bones. No, Michael Bay is making porn now.

That is all CGI. I'll tell you what. Stop it, Marcus. All right. Well, I wanted to go back. I wanted to see if there was noise. Yeah, but underneath it, it says, in quotes, shocking dot, dot, dot, black desires, which means going in a place.

The noise. Do you want to hear the noise? I got it. I actually got the transcript. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, See, I think the noises aren't so fucked up. I'm too fucked up to know what's going on back there. Technically, I think what we're doing is illegal.

Keep her quiet. Well, the video is titled, This Pussy is Fuck Up. It is fuck up. I agree with that. It is fuck up. Oh, my God. Who's driving that bus?

That's the problem. Ooh, this comes from Bulgaria. The wheel's dropping inside her ass. Oh, okay. It's Bulgarian porn.. Ooh, this comes from Bulgaria. The wheel's probably inside her ass. Oh, okay. It's Bulgarian porn. Yeah, this was uploaded from Bulgaria from user Ratik. So you can imagine,

that's repression for you. Ooh, this porn site has a WTF category. That's not in it. If that's not in it, we're not going to that WTF category. If that's normal for the website, there's no living person in the WTF. I'm fucking going to rip up my passport.

I'm never leaving this country. I wouldn't. I'm not going to Bulgaria. I'm certainly not taking a boat to get there. That's for damn sure. I don't care if they offer me a free ride. Where do you go? You know, in that porcupine story,

I didn't even hear a word you fucking said when you told me that story. The porcupine story is... I didn't even see the fucking video at all. All told me that story. The porcupine story is sweet. I didn't even see the fucking video at all. The thing is, it's just like those poor women on that boat. Those poor, poor women on that boat. I do think the guy has to have it done to him as well. I think you've got to be fair with her.

She's got to turn around and do it to the guy. Oh, and that was a loose butthole. It looked like there was... You know, buttholes pucker. That one just looked like curtains. I just don't noticed as someone personally that has been fisted in my life

what? I've been fisted? Jackie's been fisted I can't imagine going up to the elbow over and over again I can't imagine it in the butt

what is that? in the butt see that was in the butt but it's saying pussy be fucked or whatever it is well the pussy got fucked up in other ways yeah I mean a girl who gets fisted like that in the butt, but it's saying pussy be fucked or whatever it is. Well, the pussy got fucked up in other ways.

Yeah, I know. I mean, a girl who gets fisted like that in the butt. Don't worry, they got to it. Either way, the woman's still allowed in the Nazi party. There was a white fist in there. I have PTSD. I can't. Yeah, that's the thing.

No, the rest of the episode is this. I'm very happy. I want to see the what the fuck episode stuff. I mean, it's hood tube. It doesn't matter. It's kind of great because I was like sexually charged

about like 15 minutes ago. Now it's all dead. Now I've got nothing inside of me. I'm drier than a fucking sheet cake. I can't even

fucking drink. Well, I can definitely drink. I'm not getting nuts, Eddie. Please. It's a good place to be, man. It's a drinking show. I just get really drunk. Hey, guys? I agree with that. Cheers. I'm not getting nuts, Eddie. Please. It's a good place to be, man. It's a drinking show. Let's just get really drunk.

Hey, guys? I agree with that. Cheers. I hope everyone that's listening is getting drunk as well. Yeah, quit your fucking jobs, you losers. Everybody quit their jobs. You lowlifes. Oh, yeah.

All right. Well, it is a drinking program, and that's what we embrace here on the roundtable. Disgusting things and alcohol with friends. And there is an unlike button on our page, right? There's no, well, you can like it and unlike. You can unlike the same, whatever you click to like, you can click it again to unlike. Yeah, that's very true. All right, Marcus.

So this little baby. Yeah, I can't find what the mineral is. I can't get it. The mineral is that guy was fucking tripping his ass off. That saved the baby. You got to the part where he saved, I had to go to the bathroom real quick. Yeah, saved the baby. You got to the part where he saved... I had to go to the bathroom real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got to the... He saved the baby. He's taking care of it right now. He accidentally saved the baby that was inside of the dead porcupine. Oh, well, you're making it a sad story. He cut open a dead porcupine. He had to get the baby out.

Looking for a mineral. Yeah, it turned out to be a child. I got another good fucked up lobster story. Oh, okay. I was hoping. This is great. Let's just go down the file of your brain. We're on L for lobster.

So I'm at this after party for a wedding, and we go to this crazy bar in Pensacola, and they have a claw machine where you win stuffed animals. Is the married couple still together? Yes, they are. They're great. Yeah, the rebels. Oh, great. The rebels. There was a lobster tank but it was like you put a dollar in, you try to

catch a lobster. And everyone's trying, everyone's trying. I get it. First shot out, I win the lobster. It's like two in the morning. So I grab the lobster out of the tank and I bring it up to the bar and I slam it on the bar. I was like, cook my fucking lobster. And the kitchen's closed. We're not going to cook it. I'm like, I won. I won won i put money in that machine i want my lobster you can't argue

with that logic and so finally they're like they're like i'm sorry sir it's closed everything's closed and shut down i'm like get me a pitcher of salt water i'm taking it with me you know so i took i took the i got this lobster with me it's bent in half and a pitcher of like half beer half salt water from the tank. Living the dream. And we get to Whataburger. I try to convince the people at Whataburger to cook the lobster for me. This is a hamburger joint. This is a hamburger joint.

Yeah. And I try to convince them to cook the lobster for me. They wouldn't do it. I'm like, I'll give you $20. You walk into a hamburger shack with a pitcher that has a lobster in it. In a suit. Yeah. And they wouldn't do it.

And so I didn't know what to do with the lobster. I started feeling bad for it, you know, because it's dying in my lap. I'm getting salt water all over my body. Why was it in your lap? Because we were driving. Oh. Yeah. You didn't put a lid or anything.

You didn't put saran wrap over the. There was. It wasn't an option. Yeah. All right. So anyway. So we didn't know what we were going to do. And so I was just like, all right, I'm going to go take care of this.

And I put the lobster. I dumped the lobster in a bush that just stepped on its fucking head. You know, that is a funny story. Why didn't you tell us that story? That is the worst story I've ever heard. So I put the lobster in a bush and stepped on its head. That's not an end to a story. I never heard that before. No, that's not head. That's not an end to a story. I never heard that before.

No, that's not a tale. That's the end of that story. That was the end of that lobster. So I put it in a bush and stepped on its head. That was the end of the story. I listened to the whole thing. I heard every word of what he said. And that's a good story.

I thought every word was important. It was. I didn't skim over nothing. Nothing. You said everything that needed to be said about that. It just brings up the time when I saw a turtle that got hit by a car and the top of its shell had been ripped off. So it was just the bloody flesh top, but it was definitely still alive.

So I also stomped it to death. Yeah. That's nice though. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to stomp an animal to death. You got to stomp it to death. That's nice though. Sometimes you just gotta stomp an animal to death. You gotta stomp it to death. You have to do it. That's incredibly nice. But now it's bringing up all these memories and now I'm fucking

sad. I went to a dark place when I saw it. Why are we quiet? It was the fisting videos really. I can absolutely, I can change your, I can switch your mind. You got happy news? Why do you still trust him? Why did you ever place your trust in him? The porcupine They tried with the porcupine

That was kind of cute They cut an animal open And they saved the baby You're a fake mineral that doesn't exist They still saved the baby The mineral I did not find the porcupine mineral What it was supposed to be

But it could be to be, but it could be a bezoar, which, as I said, is formed in the stomach with human hair. And I found a picture of a bezoar. Here we go. So, man does C-section.

Oh, wow, that's weird. It's a trichobezoar. It looks like hair from a stomach. It looks like hair. It was in a stomach. It's a trichobezoar. It looks like hair from a stomach. It looks like a stomach. It's the hair that was in a stomach. Yeah, because it's shaped like the stomach because once the hair gets there, it doesn't go anywhere. So that woman ate all of that hair. Hair is so disgusting to have in your mouth. That's disgusting.

What is wrong with you, Marcus? What is wrong with you? Why are you? Wow. Look, you're taking it out of the story. All right, move on, Marcus. Look at the picture. You know, it kind of looks, yeah.

All right. No, don't. Okay, no, no, no. You know what? No. All right, you know what? First of all. You broke Ben.

You broke Ben. We're done. Ben's broken. He can't even say words anymore. We're all done with all these pictures. I feel like, this is like, I feel like I actually related to my father for the first time. He's like, no, these pictures. I feel like this is like I feel like I actually related

to my father for the first time. It's like no I don't even know. We're just not doing that anymore. Why not? Because it's just hair

it's just a bunch of things. It's wrong. Whatever. That wasn't even the bad picture that you went to a bunch of thumbnails

of all the blood. I mean it was them taking it out. That was it coming out of the person's stomach, right? Because they cut a hole in it. Some people say the bezoar has magical properties. I mean, if you're a doctor and you give the C-sections, you give it to the mother and

you're like, you got a beautiful baby hair. I mean, what do you do with it? Do you have fun with it? It looks like something out of the comic book The Max. Yeah. Right? Like the creatures in that comic book. Yeah.

Oh, right. Yeah, they're believed to have the power of a universal antidote against any poison. So when you smoke it, what do you do with it? It was believed that a drinking glass which contained a bezoar would neutralize any poison poured into it. Oh no, I'd rather die. I'd rather be dead. But then you get a bezoar when you have the bezoar. Yeah, so hair never goes away if you eat it.

Yeah. It doesn't disintegrate and it doesn't shit out. Yeah. Very bizarre. Yeah, it just kind of coalesces. So all of us probably have some hair in our stomachs at all times. Yeah, but hair, it's like you don't eat the hair, though. Hair is very rare.

No, but just in the weird ways that we get in there. Like, say you fell asleep next to a luxurious woman with a full-bodied head of hair. Maybe you breathe in a little bit of the hair. Well, really, the one that I'm talking about right now is a trichobezoar. That's the one that's made out of hair. However, it is not the only kind of bezoar. Oh, right. You also have lactobezoars.

Oh, milk deposits? Yes. Milk. I probably did that. Okay, dumb mad scientist. How is this going to power the car so we can get back to Dayton? All right. That's good.

Are we at the segment yet? Yeah, are we done with the show? No. All right, so there's got to be another news story out there. Yeah, one more news. One more news story. Let's see here. Where do we want to go?

Let's go to Zimbabwe. Close enough. That's the closest I can... Yeah, it's good. It's a light-hearted one. Zimbabwe, it's a sweet, cute one. Yeah, it's... Okay,'s a light-hearted one. Zimbabwe. It's a sweet, cute one. Yeah. Okay, so there's going to be... So it's all fucking fistful of hair getting fucking pulled out of a woman's stomach with

blood going everywhere. So it's not like that. You're not going to do that to me again. Okay. Did somebody eat those gummy worms that came out of that chick? You think so? They got fisted. They got fisted up into her asshole.

I mean, but I would assume somebody would eat it, though. Yeah. That's the second part. That's part two. You got to pay up into her asshole. I mean, but I would assume somebody would eat it, though. Yeah, that's the second part. That's part two. You gotta pay more money to see it. Where do you think that woman, in what state did that woman die, Ed? What do you mean? And where was she when she died?

The bottom of the ocean. Yeah, you think he just threw her off the boat as soon as they were done with her ass? Of course she did. She never got off that fucking boat. The stories she would tell. What, are they gonna pay her? The stories are worse than whatever's on that camera.

That's the thing. I mean, one would assume worse things happen to her than what they caught on the camera. Or at least what was shown on that clip.

I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's fine, Jackie. All right. So this is going to have, I mean, bear with me. There's a lot of African names here in this first paragraph.

Is there a bear in it because you said bear with me? Yeah, just call him like, yeah, just call him like, yeah, I mean, bear with me. There's a lot of African names here in this first paragraph. Is there a baronix who said, bear with me? Yeah, just call him like it. Just call him like it. Just call him Wally and shit. Dong, dong, dong. I like to be precise. Precise. He is very precise.

All right, go ahead. Have fun. Villagers in Dongamuzi area under Chief Gumedi and Lupani are demanding the transfer of Ekufa in Lupani are demanding the transfer of Ekufa Makini, secondary school headmaster, Mr. Peter Moyo, whom they accuse of owning goblins that have been terrorizing pupils

and teaching staff at the school. Teaching staff? Oh, like a goblin's teaching you? Lesson one, hide under a bridge. Let's do eat a bunch of raw eggs. I like that class. Last term lessons at the school were disrupted for almost two weeks after teachers abandoned the school

following several nights of sexual abuse by the alleged goblins. Female teachers at the school claimed that during the night they would dream of making love to someone and woke up the next morning with signs that they would have actually had sex during the night. Some male teachers also claimed

that they woke up every morning wearing female panties whose origin they did not know. See, that's more disturbing than the first thing that happened. Wake up in someone else's panties? Yeah. Yeah. My cock would also just be blown out the front of those things, too. Any type of woman's panties.

Because my junk is fucking ludicrously large and in charge. Yeah, you find it to be in charge, huh? Interesting. Could you describe to me, like, what does a goblin look like in your opinion? In my opinion, a goblin is definitely green. He glows. He's kind of piggish. His eyes are lanky,

right? He's clawed. No, no, no, no, no, no. Goblins are fat. They're kind of piggish. Danny DeVito. Yeah. Danny DeVito's pretty close, except they're taller, I think. No, goblins are about tiny little guys. Yeah. I thought they were tiny. Or like a fat belly and long arms.

You asked me what goblins looked like in my head. I know. It's interesting to share what, okay, so a goblin. Yeah, because I saw one. And you have an opinion. And I say an opinion. I mean, I know what it looks like because I saw it. Well, you saw one outside your window as a child.

I saw a labyrinth, too. No. Yeah. No, no, no. They are kind of fat in labyrinths. I saw one outside of a window in the middle of the night in Lubbock, Texas, about 3 a.m. I looked out the window, and there was this weird, glowing, green, piggish monster kind of slumping its way towards the window.

Did you know Kissel back then? I did not know Kissel. Very intriguing. Yes. I wonder, do you think the headmaster raped all of these people? Well, the villagers have called for the transfer of the school head, whom they say was fingered

during a recent cleansing ceremony. Like, fingered? They didn't think about the wording. Oh, she was pointed out as... He was pointed out, but he was fingered during a recent cleansing ceremony. You know, it's funny when you watch a horror movie that really gets

to you, you know, and then you always feel like it's right behind you the monster is that you saw in the horror movie, right? Well, right now, I keep thinking I'm going to turn to my right and see an ass with gummy bears coming out of it. Just hit you in the side of the face? Yeah, like instead of Jason

with an axe or like some like ghoul or whatever I just am going to turn around and be like ahhh like this is going to be

fists going into an axe. Anyways I just thought I'd share that. Erotic stuff. Alright and now it's time for a segment

from home. I mean do people jack off to that video? Yeah people jack off to that video. You ever jack off to something like that? I've jacked off to that. You ever jack off to something like that? I've jacked off to fisting, definitely.

Really? Fisting like that? Gummy bears? I can't jack off to fisting. I jacked off once to a girl who was getting fucked in the ass by a dude while a woman fisted her in the pussy. Oh, that's funny.

That's kind of funny. Yeah, I mean, it was fun. Oh, man, jacking off to that. I feel like they take jalapeno juice and just put it on their dick, and then, like, that's what they jack off with. Yeah, like Martin in Human Centipede 2 used the sandpaper. Yeah, that's right. Did they show the cock getting its skin ripped off?

No, they were supposed to. It was in the original cut. Oh, they had to take it out. They had to take out a lot of stuff in that movie. Oh, okay. Wow, that'd be interesting to see that director's cut. Yeah. It's a beautiful film.

Oh, yeah. It is actually a very good movie. Yeah. And it's, I mean, yeah. Highly underrated. I went back and listened to the old last podcast episode where you guys watched it. It's very entertaining and a bunch of horrible shit happens. And I was in the other room reading Game of Thrones.

Yes, you refused to come join us. I could not come in because it sounded like you guys were fucking each other whenever somebody would start getting hurt in that film. And yet, in that same episode, Ben says, and I quote, I fucking hate the name torture porn. It's ridiculous. It is a film. It is a work of art. And then cut to you

guys listening to it, and it was, oh! Oh! Oh! It was you, Henry, just, like, making the most gutturally sex-like noises. Yeah. Oh. Oh, I remember it well. Yeah, yes.

It was a good time. It's time for a segment from Old McNeely. P.S.A. Please say anything, Holdenators Ho. So this segment is a P.S.A. Marcus runs the government. He wants some new P.S.A.s to teach some kids some lessons, some adults some lessons. It could be forest fires.

It could be say no to drugs. But you have to come to me with a PSA and what it is and what it's about and what happens in the commercial. Okay? All right. All right. So I'll start it off. It's going to be a don't hang out with creepy men PSA. Don't get in the van.

And it'll be a little kid, and he's playing. His penis is itchy, so he's kind of playing with a lot in the playground. And everybody's like, oh, I don't want to hang out with you. And then a van pulls up, and it's a man in the big clown costume. And right next to him is this big ass in in the van and gummy worms are coming he's like hey kid you want some candy hey can you have some candy and the little kid's like yay my cock's been itchy i think i would love to go into the van and have some candy so he walks into the van right some cock cream yeah yeah it's the thing he's always like i got cock cream in the back

and i'm gonna feed you a bunch of candy that's coming out of this fucking gummy bear box. Right? Because it's coming out of her fucking pussy. Right? Yeah. So he gets in the van. White door slides shut, you know? And then it's just like goes back from the van, back from the van, back from the van,

all the way back until we see the earth. And then the whole earth just fucking explodes. Nice. And it says, fuck you. You're a little kid. You don't know shit. Wait till you get fucking older. Nice. It says, fuck you, you're a little kid. You don't know shit. Wait till you get fucking older. That's the slogan.

All right, wait till you get older. Yeah, it gets better. Amber? Oh, PSA, the government. All right. Oh, fuck. Mine is, my motto is, don't spend too much time online.

And it would have a bunch of kids and they're going to sing songs like, don't spend too much time online and it would have a bunch of kids they're gonna sing songs like don't spend too much time online because you'll wind up in a k-hole with people fisting and uh it's just gonna have a kid like looking on the computer like a young amber yeah like a young amber and like i'm looking on the computer and then cut to like five hours later and i'm like withered away i'm like a worm. Like one of those maggot worms

we saw coming out of that woman's pussy earlier. Oh yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Actually, the maggot worms were one of the least offensive things on today's show.

Well, you know, it really wasn't a clear video. It was a little blurry. It was. Yeah, and you really, like, I was sitting right next, I mean, really looking at it

and I, you know, really... You barely saw them worms. Yeah, barely saw the worms. Okay. But yeah, don't spend too much time online and then I'm like

withered away like a worm and then it cuts to like later, later and I'm like, kill me, kill me and then a big maggot comes out

like a giant human sized maggot with sunglasses and it takes, it's like a cool maggot and then it just like shoots me in the face. Is it like a slogan at the end or anything? Just blackout.

Just people are like, what? It's like an art film. Not bad. Not bad at all. Not bad. Let's see. Government PSA. Keep those nipples clean that's what I'd say

so keep your nipples clean campaign rub them in the shower, rub them in public rub them on the subway, rub them all day long a bunch of tits and a bunch of chicks rubbing on their titties keeping those nipples clean guys can do it too, any cup size is fine with me and everything cup size should be fine

with you because you might have a daughter one day and you need to love her regardless. So hold on, you're saying that people might not love their daughters because their tits aren't big enough? I'm not a father, Ed. I don't know. I don't know.

Keep those nipples clean because you never know who's going to be sucking on them. And this is for guys too. This is for guys as well. You know, guys got to keep those nipples clean and shaven. I hate when my fucking nipples clean because you never know who's going to be sucking on them. And this is for guys, too. This is for guys as well. You know, guys got to keep their nipples clean and shaven. I hate when my fucking nipples get filthy. Filthy, yeah. No, not filthy, messed with. I just don't.

It makes me feel. You don't like people to touch your nipples? Do your nipples get dirty? No, I don't think they do at all. Kissel? Mine? You shied away when I asked that. No, my nipples don't get dirty because I keep them clean because I listen to my own message.

when I ask that. No, my nipples don't get dirty because I keep them clean because I listen to my own message. So yeah, so keep your nipples clean, everybody out there, because you never know who's going to be licking them,

sucking them, and loving them. Okay. Jackie. Jackie. All right, government, my PSA is going to be titled Let's Stay in America.

So it's going to be a shot of a girl dancing in a club in Miami. And it's like, yeah, you're having fun. And she's like, oomph, oomph, she's dancing with a club in Miami. And it's like, yeah, you're having fun. And she's like, oomph, oomph. She's dancing with her girlfriends. And then a guy asks, like, come on my boat. And she's like, yeah, I'll get

on your boat. So she sexually dances and gets on the boat. All of a sudden, it cuts to, it just, like, flashes for the rest of the PSA. It's like, she's getting fisted. Worms coming out of her vagina. Flash, flash, flash. He's raping the shit out of her. All of the pirates are raping the shit out of her.

And then it cuts to her dancing sexily and obviously drugged and have been raped for weeks in a Thai strip club. And it's going to flash, your father is not Liam Neeson. And then it cuts back to her dancing and it's like, no one will

save you. Cuts back to her dancing and it's like no one will save you cuts back to her dancing just stay in America. Okay. Oh, very good. That's great. Yeah, yeah. Wow, those videos really stuck with you guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was sort of like the plot of Captain Phillips there for a second. No, no, no. Just stay in America. Stay here.

But Tom Hanks get fisted. Oh, that would be great. Yeah. Tom Hanks is a great person for a spokesperson for anything. Tom Hanks is one great person for a spokesperson for anything. Tom Hanks is one of the nicest people to be in time. I'll use him in mine.

Or Liam Neeson. I feel like Liam Neeson would be a great spokesperson. Maybe, maybe. Liam is nice. He's really passionate about those horses. He loves those horses. I mean, I guess he sort of hates the horses. It depends on your perspective.

What do you mean he hates horses? Does he beat them? No, he wants to keep the horses in time. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. All right. Well, mine's I guess anti women

getting torn to pieces. Anti women getting torn to pieces. What do you mean, man? I'm haunted. So we're going to show a screen. It's going to be a blurred out screen and it's going to be

a computer screen. It's going to be someone who looks just like Marcus. And he's going to be looking at the screen. He's going to be beaten off. He's going to be a blurred out screen and it's going to be a computer screen. It's going to be someone who looks just like Marcus. And he's going to be looking at the screen. He's going to be beaten up like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Barack Obama himself is going to come in the room and fucking shoot him in the head. He's just like, don't watch that shit. You fucking filthy

goddamn piece of shit. This is America. You can't act like that. You're not allowed to be seeing that kind of shit. All right. This is America. You can't act like that. You're not allowed to be seeing that kind of thing. Right, right. No, it's because we live in America that we are allowed to see that. It's because they live in Bulgaria that we're allowed to see that. It's funny that you're pitching this to Margus, but you're saying that the man in your video looks just like him. Gets his braids blown out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. By Barack Obama, yeah. Okay. By Barack Obama. Right. And then the cops come like, oh, this is all illegal. Everything's in check here. This guy got shot in the head. That close to a president?

The more you know, don't be involved in this type of behavior. Gummy worm porn. But the president's going to come and fucking shoot you in the brain. Worm porn. But the president's going to come and fucking shoot you in the brain. That's how high of a priority it is to keep this shit out of people's minds and out of the world. That Barack Obama takes care of it himself. No matter how small the case. We got to attach these videos somehow.

There's no way. You can't put those. I mean, just fucking Google gummy worms pussy. Really? No, it came out of her asshole. I'm going to make sure that... I mean, it was coming out of both holes. Yeah, just fucking...

All right. Don't click on it. It doesn't matter. I want to make sure that it's the same one. How many are there, Marcus? Enter. I watched the wrong gummy worm pussy. Are you kidding me? Okay. This content's for adults only. Enter. I watched the wrong gummy worm. Are you kidding me?

This content's for adults only. It's not for anybody. This content is even for fucking bears. I mean, really, the contents of the situation are actually for kids. I mean, it's gummy worms. Who won the contest?

I wanted to hear the music. I never got to hear the music. Now that I think about it, she's sort of just like a squeezy piñata. I wanted to hear the music. I never got to hear the music. Why do you want to hear the music? Now that I think about it, she's sort of just like a squeezy piñata. Fucking Pearl Jam. You won the contest, Marcus. Oh, it's a hard choice on this one. Go with me on this one.

Thank you. That's been the round table, everybody. He said no. He said no. I said no. You know, I think I'm going to go with Let's Stay in America. Let's stay in America. That's the racist one.

It's not racist. Let's stay in America. It's not racist. It's fucking racist. Yeah, you did that. You did that. Queens is the most multicultural place on earth. That's true.

All right, Eddie Holden, thank you for being here, Amber. Listen to The Brighter Side with Amber and Eddie. Get out. Yes, okay, listen to The Brighter Side with Amber and Eddie. That's a great show. Come to Dog Shit this week, Thursday, 9 p.m., but you can't get out. Yes. Okay, listen to the brighter side with Amber and Eddie. That's a great show. Come to Dog Shit this week, Thursday, 9 p.m. at the Legion Bar. Legion Bar. Murder Fist on Twitter.

Come get cummed on at my place in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I'm upset. Or you could come to our cowman show on Friday. At Trash Bar. At Trash Bar. And then afterwards, I'll take you to my dirty, naughty room. Friday at midnight. Friday, April 3rd or 4th at midnight.

Whatever this is coming for. I'll play Ariel. You'll play Flounder this Friday night. All right. Ben Kissel on Twitter. Marcus Parks on Twitter. What's next? And actually, very appropriate, Amber Smelson.

And then Jack the Worm on Twitter. Jack the Worm. I think you have to change that. Oh, no. They're going to come out of my asshole and my pussy! Don't put them in me, please! They're nothing but pictures

of worms coming out of pussy. You trump me, Marcus Parks. I am disgusting. I think this is my crowning achievement here. I am not sick. Go home, Hug your mothers. Call your

family members. We're Republican. They're all Republicans. I barely saw anything that happened in that video. I feel like a champion right now. I feel like a king among you. So do I. Marcus, you got a

demon's heart. Best thing anyone has ever said to Marcus. Thank you.