The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 192: Pinch a Lip

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on Round Table: an African Grey tries to commit suicide after being locked in a garage for three years, a student in Ireland has a heart attack from a testicle tug, and a dwarf has an adventure on the road that none of us will soon forget. Joining us today: Amber Nelson and The Reformed Whores!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay on, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Civility. Yep, we're in the new time. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, the Reformed Whores. Hello! Nice introduction. Jesus, I hope you enjoy the songs for you.

Kind of, not really. There never seems to be enough hours in a day And we tend to spend those hours mixing work and play True, the modern human is quite good at multitasking But some things should be done on their own This is all we're asking There are two things better than anything else One's a nice spicy meal

The other's pleasure in yourself But don't try both at the very same time Or you'll find yourself a victim of a self-inflicted crime If you want to choke your chicken If you want to rub your bean First make sure that your hands are clean I know you live a busy life But take the time to run one out.

Self-loving shouldn't make you want to scream and shout. It should not be painful, people. Unless you want it to be. Oh, yeah. There are two things that I always thought. A nice thought. One is cleaning up your room. Yeah, there's tickle in your twat.

But don't try both simultaneously. Because a broom in your butt is a real emergency You can stretch a snatch or you can yank your dickie But don't use a vacuum hose or you'll get a bad hickey No, you're just trying to kill two birds

with one stone But the Lord knows there are better ways to get blown Or sucked You know, in high school my nickname was Dyson Oh, that explains a lot.

Yeah, it does. Oh, people always tell you not to do it all the time. Remember, one of these days you're going to go blind. But the saying's only true if you're not being careful. If you're jerking off distracted, then you're going to get an eyeful. There are two things I'm sure that you should always do. One's calling up your mama. You're the shooting out your goo.

But don't try both Even if you make it quick If you keep thinking about it Then it's gonna make you sick If you wanna try your pearl If you wanna pack your palm Please don't do it While you're calling up your mom

Do we really gotta tell you why That's just freaking wrong I guess that's why We had to write this song If you wanna milk your midget If you want to slap your slid Give yourself enough time to enjoy it Stop and smell the roses

But not while you're in Kama Sutra poses And please don't text while you're busy having sex Reform Tours, everybody! Welcome to the round table of gentlemen Please don't text while you're busy having sex. The reformed whores, everybody. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen. All right, let's go through who's around this round table. We're missing Jackie Zebrowski. Yes.

Which is not good. But Amber Nelson is filling in. Yeah. Jackie. Woo. Oh, yeah. Good racist, Amber. Well, let's not.

That's one of the benefits of her not being here. I'm Albed Larson, and I just feel the racism in my heart. Very good. Holden McNeely, Holdenators ho! Where are my Holdenator fans at? Hello, you're welcome. Holdenators are welcome,

and you're welcome. Listeners are pieces of garbage, but Holdenators are fantastic. I'm here today to bring the fuck. So shut up. And he's naked. Thank God he's not naked. This podcast wouldn't be going on because we'd all be gone. The artist formerly known as Kevin Barnett, Bird Luger, get hard, by that I mean way hard and of course we got the reformed whores here

ladies before the podcast started you guys were regaling us with a great story of from the road you've seen a lot of penises and things like that that's great a man was just wagging it in Mississippi all the important things to see in Mississippi.

The Bible Belt, huh? It was below. Yep. He took off his belt. So you were driving and what? He just swung open the van door? No, no. Well, he was driving.

Well, he was driving behind us and swerving and that sort of stuff. And I was a little guilty. I might have been egging him on a little bit of just like, shut the fuck up, motherfucker. Then he pulled off on an exit and opened a door. And he actually stopped in the middle of the exit. He didn't pull over. He just stopped in the middle, opened

the door, and he was not wearing pants and just wagging his little limp dick. What kind of pickup was he driving there? Because I know in Mississippi they got two kinds, red and white. Was it a red one or a white one? Actually, maybe white. I don't know.

It was a white pickup. It was a white dick. Definitely a white dick. That sounds good. All right. I'm Ben Kissel, of course. And then we got Marcus Parks with some news.

It's kind of a funny joke. I mean, it is a little bit funny. Your reaction, were you appalled? Were you enthralled? Were you aroused? They were like, give us that guy's number. We got to find him.

But he took his license plates off, so we're never going to know who it is. Yeah, he does this a lot. Really? He's good at it. He is. And he was physically shaking his penis at you. Oh, he was wagging it. It was like a little like, hi, how's it going?

I have to be honest. I didn't see his dick. I had my eyes on the road. And he was like, oh my God. But I did see his bare legs. Did you hear him? Was he just like... I mean, I couldn't hear him.

Was it Ed Larson? In other words, was it Ed? It was Ed. We're like, oh, there you are. We're so glad we found you. I love Mississippi. It's so nice down there. It's so nice.

It's arguably what he did is kind, man. It's just like, yeah, maybe there's a dick being thrown at you and his clothes is horrifying. But far away, that's a treat. It's arguably what he did is kind Yeah maybe there's a dick being thrown at you And it's up close it's horrifying But far away that's a treat It was like being in an art installation Totally free If it was Ed though he wouldn't wave his dick He'd drum his balls

That's what Ed did He's got huge nuts this guy That's the thing about Ed Larson Not a big dick though It's a nice, it's a hog. He's got a fine hog. All right. Nothing to be whabbing.

This guy seems like he had a fairly large one to wag in the wind like that and to be seen from a distance. Well, yeah, it was, you know, it was a decent size. Tell us more. He was missing a couple teeth, too, so. Oh, sure. Like a whole package, you know. The whole Mississippi bachelor.

That's great. I like him. All right. That's great. I like him. I love him. That's beautiful. I like that he's like, I don't got a good smile, man, but I got a good dick. Big dick.

I wonder if it's ever worked. Chick just like pulls over immediately. Must be. That's why he's doing it still. Happened once. Let's turn around and get it.

We gotta get home, girl. Yeah. We have 18 more hours. Well, yeah, speaking of you guys playing on the road, I want to give a real quick shout out to Roundtable listeners Soren Markwart and Kyle Orr for going out to see the Reformed Whores in Dallas. Yeah. We love Dallas.

They're huge fans of ours and ours, and it was just lovely meeting them. Oh, yeah. That's fantastic. Thanks for coming out, guys. Thanks. All right. First story up today. A teenager is in a coma after another lad tugged his testicles as part of a prank that

went wrong. He's in a coma? He's in a coma. Oh, man. Man. That's one fucking hell of a ball pool, man. The 17-year-old from Dublin suffered a suspected heart attack while joking around with other youths.

He passed out after the incident, which happened during his lunch break on Thursday. The boy was on his way back to St. David's CBS off the Malahide Road when he came across people he knew. It is believed the fifth-year student was joking around with the others when somebody jerked his scrotum.

A source... The fifth- year student? A fifth year student. Of a high school that has four years total? No, no, no. They start in junior high. They start in like sixth grade. So fifth year, he's...

Sophomore. Something like that. Sophomore, junior, somewhere around there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A source close to the family revealed they hope there's no permanent damage. He's going to call me and he had a huge heart attack. There's a bunch of permanent damage. That's like his...

It's permanent as it gets. It's Dick's dead. Yeah, it's Dick. That's going to totally change the way I go on dates now. Yeah, you're going to stop talking to me. Can you handle this? No, I'm really scared. Yeah.

I don't want to kill a guy. That's your go-to move. Start tugging on the balls. It is. Just tug on the balls. Parachute pops up behind him and now he can free fall. That's nice. So they were playing around

and this happened? Like, now guys, like when you're joking around with your buddies, do you just kind of grab each other's dicks and pull your balls? It depends on who you're hanging out with. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a freshman, sophomore in high school move. I could see, I could see a good grab on the balls. This guy, Brad Houston, I used to work with the Dairy Queen. He used to always hit you in the dick every time you fucking walked by.

Hate that shit. And then one day you have to fight him. You know, like, it's just like, he's like, stop hitting me in the dick, stop hitting hitching the dick every time you fucking walk by hate that shit and then one day you have to fight him you know like it's just like he's like stop hitting me in the dick

stop hitting me in the dick you know then you fight him and then you don't talk to him ever again I used to do that

at lunch time like I'd wait a while until they forgot about it again we just like we always went to this same bench I remember

Jesse Stockton man I was sitting next to him on the bench I'd do this all the time to him

and we'd just be talking and then I'd just fucking boom I'd sitting next to him on the bench. I do this all the time to him. And we'd just be talking. Then I'd just fucking boom. I'd just punch him hard in the dick. Literally fucking hard and just start running. See, I like to run from people back in high school. It's like my favorite thing to do. I mean, the strange thing is...

I just met with a fear of God in me. I just feel like you were put here by the devil. But I guarantee you that was like a better feeling than having a conversation with you. Yes. You know, he's like, why doesn't Holden just punch me in the nuts already and run away? Yeah, he doesn't say that. It's just like, oh, it's lunch again at the high school. We do this every day.

Do you want to talk about eggs? Let's talk about fucking eggs. Yolks and eggs. You can make scrambled eggs. You can make fried fucking eggs. Yeah. So is that or punch your ass in the fucking balls you can chase me for 15 minutes as a kid did you sleep right by the heater

yeah man fucking absolutely slept by the heater man are you kidding me that's where fucking mom made me sleep yeah in the oven some evenings yeah yeah i that. I liked hot tub Tuesdays. I could just sleep in the hot tub. Yeah. They were just trying to kill me. Yeah, yeah. Did not work at all. But it didn't fucking work, Mom and Dad. Is there a good way now?

It's your ass going to go before me. And guess whose funeral is going to be fucked up? Your fucking ass. Oh, yeah? Theirs is, okay. What are you going to do at their funeral? I don't know. I'll go to like a petting zoo and fucking bury them there.

Let's let little kids around crying and shit. They went to go pet some fucking lambs and shit. See what? You're not even going to get them coffins? Dead woman in the... You're not going to get them coffins or anything? No, I'll put them in a fucking... You know those giant condoms and naked gun? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll put them in that and just throw them in the ocean. This is a pedicure with the ocean. Yeah, whatever. I'll build one. I'll put one on a plank in the middle of the fucking ocean. It seems like it's going to be a lot more expensive than if you just... My America's the fucking greatest. They just let me do what I need to do,

but Obama doesn't write my ass fucking back. Does he now? Keep on writing and keep on sending letters. I'm sure he'll get back to you sooner. Some of his associates will pay you a visit. I'm sure. Is there an equivalent to the male ball tug in the lady world? Oh, we grab each other by the pussies.

Do you? Oh, yeah. Fuck you. Shut things up in there, you you. Pinch a lip. The pinch a lip game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like when you're hanging out with a bulldog and you just want to hold on to it and kind of tease him a little bit.

He's like, yeah, yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. That's exactly what we do. Yeah, you pinch a lip. See, I feel like we're saying anything else. I don't know why I get more mad about titty twisters than I do about, like, any kind of ball penis punching or grabbing.

Oh, yeah. Titty twister was a terrible thing. Titty twister sends, like, an electroshock rage to my brain. Well, the weird thing about it is when it happens, like, you feel it in your asshole. Yeah.

You feel it in everything. You feel it in... Yeah, it's true. I don't know what that is. What? Y'all don't like a titty twister? I don't like it. What? I mean, I actually don't mind it, but I'm a different kind of guy. No, it's more. I don't know what that is. What? Y'all don't like a titty twister? I don't like it. What?

I mean, I actually don't mind it, but I'm a different kind of guy. No, it's more like when a dude does it to you. It's like during sex. You can do whatever you want. Well, even that. Rip it to shreds. Anything. Sure.

Rip it to shreds. I picture your penis just being a chainsaw. Yeah. It's like a tiny chainsaw. I gotta go get some gasoline or we just can't do this. But you ladies, you're protected from the titty twister. And then you don't have the balls. You guys had it good. With the bra.

No. You can still get to the nipple through the bra? Have you ever seen a bra? I've never seen one without a bunch of padding because I've never been with a good woman. Oh. I have some gay men friends. Gay men friends.

And they grab the... I hate this about the gay man culture. They're always pulling on my titties. I don't allow it. I know you don't like... You don't want to sleep with my vagina, but, like, what's that about? I had a friend of...

Everyone loves titties. Everybody. I know. We've got to write that song. I had a friend of... Everyone loves titties. Everybody. I know. We got to write that song. I'm sending the memo. You know, gay guys, you can't just grab titties. You can't. I had a gay guy.

I was over at my brother's party once with a gal that I was dating at the time, and he kept on grabbing her tits. I about knocked him out. It's very offensive. You can't just go grabbing titties. That's a memo to the gays out there. Titties or not, you can't just grab them because they don't make you hard.

Is that like your political platform? Like if you run for governor of Brooklyn? You want equality. That's equal. Lesbians aren't out there grabbing fucking dicks and laughing. Stay away. It's a waste, man. It's a waste.

That could be funny, though. It would be funny. If a lesbian grabbed my dick, I'd still get hard. That's the irony. Yeah. But you're not getting wet when a gay guy grabs your titty. Maybe. You guys like different things than I do.

I took a bath with a gay man once. How was that? And I was in love with him at the time. How old were you? I was in college. We took a bath, and I felt a soft penis brush against my back. Oh, that's gross. Yeah.

So he was like behind you like pretty much in style. Yeah, yeah. There's the moon and candles lit. Oh, so close to being perfect. That's how I lost it. The noise that you two just made. And then he was like, under the sea. Under the sea. And you're like, wait the sea. Under the sea.

And you're like, wait a second. Was it a lobster? A lobster dick. No, it was very soft. More like a squid, you know. This is the thing. Feeling a soft penis must be disgusting. I mean, ladies are terrified of hard penises a lot of times.

But I think a soft penis is more scary. What experience do you have? I've never been soft. Never. Never. I'm terrified of my own dicks. No, not mine. Not mine.

I've never been hard. But I want to be one day. I'm thinking something. What do you mean? You know. Dicks are terrifying. All around, huh? Breasts could win wars, you know, if we just slashed more people.

Soldiers would put down their guns. Yeah, yeah. At least stop fighting for two seconds and then get shot, and you can win the war that way. That's a good point. Well, I think they just tend to rape you. I think almost literally it's like every situation. Oh, tits. Just like a big bum bum.

And like, why is that? I don't fucking get it. It's like that scene in Up when the dog sees a squirrel. You know, you hear the dog, squirrel, as soon as, I'm going to kill you, tit,

tit. Yeah, honestly, there was a girl, we were just hanging out outside out back, there was a girl out there that I was attracted to not at all,

not in the least, but she had a low cut shirt and I'm just keep looking at her tits and I'm just like, I don't even, I can't even help it. It's weird,

I don't know why, man, it's like, I don't fucking, I like a bunch of other stuff. I like whales, but if I had It's like, I like a bunch of other stuff. I like whales. But if I had to ask myself if I could live without whales or live without tits, I'd fucking choose whales every time.

I'd start whaling right there with you. Hell, as a matter of fact, I feel like every Friday night we go out, we call it whaling. That's a whole different kind of thing. The old Wisconsin land whale. Oh, yeah. That's the old secretary whale. And there's the dental assistant whale. I love a good teacher whale.

Either way, they're all real thin and hot. And horrified of your big hard dick, apparently. Well, I don't know. On to the hills. God, I just feel bad for that poor girl outside that you were slobbering over. Oh, I don't know. On the hills. I just feel bad for that poor girl outside that you were slobbering over. Oh, I know. And she's looking at me just like, why do you keep looking at my tits, man?

I know it was written on her face. I'm just like, I can't fucking... I'm not even trying to look. And every time I looked up, I just straight to the tits. It's like a sonar or something with bats. You know, they have sonar. That's why I always cover mine. Because I want people

to look at my face. Right. I mean, they're not like, boarded up like a, you know, closed down karate studio. But you know,

enough so my face is present. Of course people are going to look at your tits. That's where the milk and the life comes from. Oh, it's wonderful. It's like the sun, but you can't stare

at the sun too long, but you can stare at tits for the rest of your fucking life, brother. Damn right. That's true. But you can't stare At the sun too long But you can stare at tits For the rest of your Fucking life brother Damn right In this room They're all looking At our tits right now

Trying so hard They're trying to be A child I'm trying not to Even look in that Direction man I can smell them Cause we know

At this moment There are six tits In this room Right now Between Ed and I There's fucking eight We both have one Large tit Because we know at this moment there are six tits in this room. Absolutely. Right now. Between Ed and I, there's fucking eight. We both have one large tit. I've just been staring at Ben.

I'm getting off on that. Hot stuff. Hot stuff. Kevin's got nice tits, too. Well, he used to, but now he's lost too much weight. Get them titties back. That'd be good. But if you're feeling really lonely,

you can just wear a low-cut shirt and sometimes you like the attention, huh? Who doesn't? Of course. I love that you looked at me. Definitely. Okay, yeah, I just throw on, when I'm feeling really bad and depressed, I just throw on a low-cut shirt

and get on the subway and feel good about myself again. You know that, but straight news. Perfect storm. I'll tell you what, I remember that shit when we went and saw you guys open for Les Claypool and that dude kept screaming, show us your tits, and you fucking ripped him a new asshole, Marie.

You fucked him up. You were like, I'm gonna kick your ass out of this fucking arena. It was badass. Oh, thanks. We try to respond a little nicer now. Because generally at our shows, because these people are wasted, and they come and what do they say? Show us your tits.

Is that still, that happens like every time? Show us your dick. Yeah, sometimes. Call them faggots. I think it's funny to call them faggots. I'd be like, give me your social security number. It'd be great to take that guy's bad credit on. Why not? Let's do his identity.

Do it. That would be good. Where are they bad? Where are audiences? I felt like that was just specifically like New York audiences can be like rougher. Are there like harder places? New York is like the hardest. Right? That's like the worst, right? I would say so. I was kind of nervous about Philly because it was like a late night show and it was like a

big, big rock show. And they're fucking animals. Yeah, but that wasn't... It was good. They were cool. Yeah. New York's the worst and that's where we grew up.

Glad you knew it. You've never shown your tits. Just that one time. If you see the horse, they're already new ones. With our new dresses, we can't even like... I can't even get our tits out. You should just explain to them, like,'t even like either. I can't even get

our tits out. You should just explain to her like, sir, I would. It would take like an hour to get the tits to you and then you'd be asleep because you're obviously hammered. I won a dance contest in New Orleans years ago. It was like in high school because I used to live

around there. And my key was I was just dancing around with my clothes on and all the other women immediately took their tits out. And they got grosser from there. And they're like fucking shoving cans in their pussies on stage. And how old were you here? Maybe like

16. And what kind of cans were there? Just like bottles. Bottles. And they lubed them up. They peed on up. I mean, they peed on them. There you go. They took them

out of the ice chest. I mean, do you know that, Ed? Were you there? No, it's New Orleans. This is how they party. Nice. But at the very end,

I flashed my tits and I won. Even though girls were doing much more lewd stuff. See, you gotta save it to the end. So the girl that

flashed her tits was still the classiest one there. Yeah. That's the more of it. Wow. And when they put the bottles in their pussies,

was it like the thin part first? They took the cap off, right? Oh, yeah. They're like bottles people already drank out of. You know, they're empty. Oh, there were bottles people already drank out of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they grabbed them off the tables and just jammed in there. Were you having like a fantasy session over here? No, I'm just trying to wonder how life

is over there. He's getting hard. I'm telling you, I've never been hard today in my life. You girls ever play fill them up? You can open the bottle

with your pussy. You know, you put it in there. It's like a bottle cap opener. Yeah. Oh, I see. That's the worst thing I've ever heard.

Marcus, tell Kevin a story he's going to like. Oh. I don't know. You might like this one. You might like it. You might not. It's parrot news. Oh!

Hello, hello. He's the murderer. Kill him. And specifically, African gray news. What? Those are the best ones, man. A parrot has been put

on antidepressants to recover from a state of manic trauma after being trapped in a garage for three years. Wow. I can't believe it lasted so long. They usually commit suicide before that. Really? Here's what happened. Oh, yeah, they peck themselves to death.

No. Yeah, parrots are very emotional. Oh, my God. Isn't this right, Bird Looker? Oh, you're absolutely right, man. You just told a story about chicks shoving glass in their pussy. This is too sensitive for Amber. People get real touchy about birds.

Roy was locked in a dog cage with little food and water. You don't name a parrot Roy. Yeah, Roy the African Dre. Or Chuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Dick.

Prick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You name him Chad. These are all better names than Roy. Name him fucking Roster. You know, just give him Chalkboard. People named Roy should just fucking cut their own goddamn legs off, you know? Yeah.

People named Roy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck everyone. Yeah, any Roys out there who listen to the podcast, stop fucking listening. That's not true. We got one, Roy McBacon. Yeah, we got a Roy.

Roy McBacon? McBacon, yeah. That's not a real name. Well, it's his name on Facebook, so. I don't know, man. Ding dong, go fuck yourself. Fuck that Roy. McBacon. You want to start shit,

I'm starting shit immediately right now. Come to my fucking apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. We'll give you the address. PM me. We'll fucking give you the address like no one bids there. And please do let them know that I'm there because I would love to watch people just beat the shit out of you.

Like just, yeah. I'm bad. You know what I'm saying right now? Any listener who wants to come over and beat the fuck out of me, I would love for you to do that. I won't fight back. I'll let you just go to town. I'm a fucking addict. Man, man.

Yeah. I'll just, I'll just, as soon as you think, oh man, maybe I should stop punching this dude, I'll just keep making annoying fucking noises until you fucking, until I'm gargling on my own bullshit. Just fucking come beat the shit out of me.

Hit me up. And send me your fucking pictures of your balls. I'm sick of this. We've got a dick pic. We've gotten dicks. We've got pussy. We've got tits. We've never gotten balls. There was a beautiful gal on the round table page that wanted to send me a picture of her bosom. Why is that, man? I don't know because she's gorgeous and she loves me.

I gotta have a nice voice. She singled you out and said, I want to send you some titties. Just for me. She was very attractive. She's one of our more attractive listeners. How old? I made sure she was old. She's in college.

So you saw them? No, I haven't seen her breasts yet, but I'm excited. She's most likely a lot of weight. She seems like a gal of my ilk. Did you just say she's old? She's in college? No, she's old enough. We have a lot of young listeners.

Yeah, that's the thing. We got to make sure we're getting... I mean, who knows? But I don't think so. No, we definitely old enough. We have a lot of young listeners. Yeah, that's the thing. We got to make sure we're getting... I mean, who knows? But I don't think so. No, we definitely have not. Okay. We definitely haven't. But we may, maybe.

We definitely haven't. Maybe there are images saved on your mail. None whatsoever. Or just for the government. Zero. Zero. We're getting close to an edit point there. We'll take her easy.

Well, Roy the Parrot was locked in a dog cage with little food or water as he kept screaming the name of his owner's dead wife over and over again. Where was she kept? Why is this story about the parrot?

Right in the dog cage with him, probably. This was after the widower's new partner had moved in. In captivity with little cage with him, probably. This was after the widower's new partner had moved in. In captivity with little food or water, the Congo African Grey was driven to near insanity, pecking off all his feathers.

Here's a picture of Roy. Oh, no, man. That's sad, but he has all of the feathers. It's so weird, he still looks kind of cute, though. It's adorable. It's adorable,

these animals are. That's a picture of him with his psychiatrist. Oh, a psychiatrist? Yeah, or a parent psychologist, Elaine Henley. Oh, my God. She has a home? So, I mean, I guess these birds become emotionally attached, huh?

He must have loved the ex-wife. Yeah, it was the only person who ever loved him. Your whole fucking life is a parent psychologist? That's all you do? That's compared to what I have to say. Think about how awesome that shit is, though. You fucking hang around all day and talk to fucking birds? Think about what you just said, man.

Think about what the fuck you just said. Better than talking to Tony Soprano, I'll tell you that much. So the woman died, but the man left it in the basement for three years? He put it in the garage for three years until they moved. They just recently moved. And when he moved, he figured, all right, it's finally time to get rid of the parrot. So this happened in the UK. He called the UK Parrot Rescue Foundation to come and pick him up.

Did they beat the shit out of them when they showed up? Yeah, well, they're not happy with him. No, they shouldn't be. He should go to jail and get sodomized. I would just sodomize him and forget the jail. Yeah, that's the thing.

Do you think one sodomizer would be good or a couple of sodomizers? I'm thinking like three sodomizers a day. Yeah, Tuesdays at three. Three a day? Tuesdays at three, yeah. That's a lot. Tuesdays at three, five, and eight. It is a bird. Yeah, Tuesdays at 3. Three a day. Tuesdays at 3, yeah. That's a lot. Tuesdays at 3,

5, and 8. It is a bird-friendly, it's an animal-friendly podcast. Yeah, we love animals. My family killed a couple of birds. That's kind of weird. I just, I gotta be honest. We had like an ice storm in Tennessee, like in the 90s, and my parents were so cheap we all just like kind of huddled together in

the main room with like the fireplace and we'd move the birds into that room to try to warm them but two finches froze to death and died. Oh that's not your fault. I don't know what's going on with that. It was very sad. I don't like what I just heard at all man. The fuck is that type of shit man?

I'll tell you a very opposite story. I had two finches at one point and we were playing basketball in my fucking backyard. And then the finches were in point, and we were playing basketball in my fucking backyard, right? And then the finches were in this cage. It was a little-ass cage. And I threw a basketball. I hit the cage, broke the cage.

The birds flew away. People thought it was an accident, but it wasn't. I was setting them free, baby. That's the nicest thing I've ever heard in my life. I just can't believe your story took place in the 1990s there, Marina. In the 90s? What? In the 1990s. I mean, how'd you grow up there?

In Tennessee? Oh, in Tennessee. Yeah, Tennessee. That's where I'm from. Nice. Did the birds have, like, scarves and, like, Nirvana t-shirts? Haha, yeah. Yeah, for fucking yeah.

Do you ever think about those birds, Kevin? Do you ever think about what those birds are up to now? Yeah, I hope they're out there fucking slamming all that puss, man. They in Miami, man. Oh, they are, though. Just a bunch of Cuban girls telling them to get away from them and stuff. Yeah, dude. That was my experience, anyway.

Well, they've been giving this parrot Prozac. Oh, what? He's on antidepressants because, you know, the bird's just going crazy. They're trying to nurse him back to health and to a nice mental state. But the vet, well, the parrot psychologist, took him in and now

the parrot has picked up her Scottish accent. What? Get off her fucking soapbox. Why, anyway? This parrot psychologist bitch, you should see this picture. She's just standing next to this gross parent, smiling like, I saved it. I'm the one. She did, though.

No, no, no, no. Fuck this. Why are you mad at her? All she's doing is saving parents. She's a good woman. You seem irrationally angry right now. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. That's my gig, all right?

I'm still not over the fact that you brought your birds outside to play basketball. Yeah, man. At that time, I kept them with me at all times. Until the moment I decided they should fly free and get them Cuban bitches. That's what I'm talking about.

My roommate in college had a bird and he was so bad at taking care of it that we just let it go. There was a storm and I was like, hey taking care of it that we just let it go. That's good. It's like there was a storm where it was like hey, Valenski, we let your bird go. Oh, this is Valenski? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, of course. Tell him anything. So you let it go. Not me, but

we talked about it and someone went outside and let him go and we're like, that is the best decision. I'll tell you this guy, Frank Valenski, I'm just going to say his full name because he's that dumb. I was there with Jason Kephartard our ex roommate and uh we were at a miami dolphins game and we sent him out uh to get five tickets to to get us uh into the game he came back three hours later with a girl no one had their money given

back to them but he only got two tickets and he just thought that that was normal he went to the game with his girl and we're just like, did he give you your money back? And they're like, no, I don't think that. I think that was it.

He's just notoriously stupid. He's one of those friends, right, Eddie? Yeah, he's great. Oh, no, he's a beautiful wife, you know, always got laid.

Oh, she yells at him. Oh, man. Well, he was great. I mean, his main thing was eating pussy. He didn't even like fucking necessarily. Yeah, Well, he was great. I mean, his main thing was eating pussy. He didn't even, like, fucking necessarily just eat pussy. Yeah, he was reeling to eating pussy.

Oh, my God. Women would just... I used to live with them. Women would just scream in his room. What? Oh, yeah. No, like, seriously. Every once in a while, me and my roommate would come out.

It's like, Jesus Christ, Blinsky. Be careful. What's the turn in that? Yeah. Be careful. Good God. It's too much. Well, ladies like it when you eat their pussies, I've heard.

Apparently. Why did this bird story turn into a pussy eating story? We called him Bird. That was his nickname. Yeah, full circle. Because he has Tourette's Syndrome. And every time he would get high, he'd go, Bird, bird, bird.

The theater's not yet. Probably why he's so good at eating pussy. He's talking around down there. Oh, I'm sorry, Marie. Do you need to go back and reassess what I just said about the bird man? His mother's maiden name was Bird, so it just all worked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a real mental health issue.

Then he won the Pathfinder Scholarship. They always give it to the person with autism who's the best in the school. We're like, you don't deserve this. You're a normal person. You just make bird noises when you get high. You don't deserve the retard scholarship. Autistic, Ed, please. The retard scholarship.

Go get them schooling. Go get them. Holden, did you qualify for any scholarships at the university? No, man. Principal hated me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. No way.

Yeah. Seems crazy. That's the thing. Why did he hate you so much? What did you do to him? Set his car on fire. Set his fucking garage on fire. It's a bunch of fucking bullshit.

Yeah, it sounds dangerous. I played paintball in his house when he was fucking gone. Kissed his wife and pretended to be dressed up like him and came home and was like, let's play the blindfold game she put it on, right? And I just kissed her a bunch and stuff.

Just shit like that. He was such a fucking piece of shit about it. Every single time. He was such a dick about it. Yeah, he got mad at you for kissing his wife there. Yeah, man. Yeah, just bullshit like that.

Don't get me started on the fucking bus driver, man. Yeah, we'll talk about that later on. Yeah, absolutely. I'm sorry. Don't throw fucking Molotov cocktails out the fucking bus window. That's a fucking law, apparently. It is, though. Yeah, I agree with you.

Yeah. All right, next story up. A dwarf raced for over 18 hours in his car after arranging to meet a 14-year-old girl online. Oh, all right. Christopher Lanning, 40, who has dwarfism, arranged to meet a 14-year-old girl online for sex. The Kansas native drove for 18 hours straight to meet the girl,

urinating in a Pepsi bottle so he wouldn't have to stop. Is that a part of the news? I can't believe he divulged that detail. Peeing in the Pepsi bottle? I feel like the whole 18 hours, he might have peed like four times. I still can't see more than eight ounces coming out of him. You know, just always half fill there. Not a lot of pee going through these little people.

Well, here's how they knew. However, the arrangement was a sting and undercover officers arrested him when he arrived at the meetup location. Arresting officers who searched his vehicle said there was an overpowering smell of urine in the car. He missed a lot. Longwood Police Department spokesman Kevin Tuck told the Orlando Sentinel, quote, it was pretty bad. I don't piss in...

I've never... You've talked... You've pissed in bottles before. Oh, God, yes. I do not. I could not imagine controlling that and not spilling it everywhere. Gatorade bottles. Yeah, you put your whole cock in there.

Yeah, you just fucking put it in there like you're pumping up a gas tank. I've done all types of different bottles, man. I mean, you've got to be good. If you're moving along like a Pepsi bottle, it's not impossible. Like not in the hole. I mean, I guess your Closer. Closer. I guess your penis isn't that small. Well, I'll tell you what I mean.

All you have to do is just get the hole, as long as the hole's on there. Yeah, right? And you're fine. The urethra. I got fucking steady hands, man. I get in the bottles all the time. I've pissed in a Tabasco bottle.

What? Wow. I mean, not really, but... Imagine how amazing that would be if you did. That's one of the benefits of being a guy, huh? We get twazzed in the nuts and our balls be pulled, but we can pee in bottles. Yeah, that's really good.

I just pee in bowls. It's fine. Don't get Ben. He's peeing in some bowls on this fucking day. Definitely. It doesn't matter. No, I think at the most I had four piss bottles in my room. In your room?

You don't throw them out? Yeah, in my room. It was a bad time for me. I mean, it sounds like you were having a great time. I've been saving these. Oh, Marcus. Yeah, that's nice. It's so good to be here. I missed you, buddy.

They're all mine. Marcus, you can borrow one if you like, but you must return it by the end of the week. Mind if I mix this whiskey with this sour mix you got in your room here? Go ahead. Bring it to the Antiques Roadshow. Just your piss bottles. And they've got to look at it.

And what if it's worth a lot of money? You never know. No, this is my oldest piss jar. It's a month and a half old. You can't let them go for more than two months, because then the smell starts seeping outside of the bottle. No, this is my oldest piss jar. Yeah. It's a month and a half old. You can't let them go for more than two months because then the smell starts seeping outside of the bottle. Oh, no. Is that a real thing?

Yeah. Oh, my fucking Christ. Because the ammonia starts going and it's, yeah. I've been immediately sick. Dude, I remember like in high school, we played in like this pit orchestra and you had to be down there for like three hours. Ironically, I mean, I don't like puns,

but we played and the show was whiz that we were playing you had to be down there for three and a half hours and like you you couldn't leave so every we just pee in bottles all the time I remember one time I went back there and I was in the complete dark and I tried to pee in the bottle and I just peed all over everybody's jackets. All over the jackets. Everybody was, I said not a word. I just went and sat back down. You can't say anything at that point.

When I went to Bonnaroo, I peed in a tent in a cup and I tripped and fell and spilled it all over my friend's stuff. Did you tell her? Yeah, I was like, Ellen, I'm so sorry. I just totally

dropped yeah i spilled the pee she's like oh it's cool that's katie's stuff not this katie but another katie and i was like okay well let's just not tell her and we did she just smells like piss the whole time it's bonnaroo so i bet it was like a dehydrated piss those that smell real fucking bad yeah the other thing i was when i bad. When I was in LA last, at one point I had peed in a glass bottle. I was trashed the night before, just completely dehydrated. And I peed in a bottle and I forgot that it was glass.

And I went to go throw it down, like, you know, the chute. I'm trying to be very, like, respectful when I do things like that, but I threw it, forgetting it was glass, and it just immediately hurt and shattered. It fucking stunk, man. It was some straight up.

But that's the reason why I was saying that story from the Wiz was because we had all those piss bottles in there and at one point, you know, we can't,

we probably forgot half of them because they're in the dark and we came back like a year and a half later and the shit was like, there was stuff floating in it. Oh, wow. It was like,

I don't know what the fuck. Stuff will grow. No one cleaned the green room in a year and a half? of shit was like there was stuff floating in it oh wow floating in it no one cleaned the green room in a year and a half it's the pit orchestra man people don't give a fuck

oh my lord so it was like in the dark back in the corner what instrument did you play saxophone and piano oh

that gets you going you should play the saxophone on our next album yeah I haven Yeah I haven't I haven't been practicing Alright Marie I see what you're doing here

Yeah I see what's fucking going on Yeah I haven't touched it In a minute but Well You got some time How'd you get Poison Ivy On your ass

What are you talking about What's She got Poisony on her ass. Someone pooped in the woods. On the poison ivy? There were fucking porta-potties. You can't use a porta-potty. You're just so wasted.

I was a guy tripping nuts in the bottom of it too, just screaming for more. Yeah, you're like, oh, what are you doing down there? Ed Larson. Are you talking? No, we've had plenty of stories on here where guys hide out in porta-potties for more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah-Day, man. All those vegetables. Yeah, exactly. If you want to get dumped on, that's a perfect dump. Veggie granola dump.

Smooth. Yeah. Creamy. I don't know. For real? They would have a trap door and just get dumped on? These guys. This one dude. Yeah, this one guy.

It happens more than you would think. Yeah. Always go and talk to the door. I'm finding at least three different stories here. Feces stain Colorado man. Shit covered man hides in porta potty tank at yoga festival. Oh. Yoga festival is real good.

Oh, no. This is the same guy. He got arrested twice for this. Three years. Yeah. He's cute. He's cute. Let me see him.

He's cute. Oh, my God. He's cute. His name's Luke Crisco. Luke Crisco. Crisco. Interesting. Amber said she shit on him.

I'd shit on his face. You would dump on a guy's face like that if he was good looking and really wanted it. But could you date him? No. No, you can't marry him. You can't kiss him after that. You can't go out for a mudslide after. No, no.

Well, you don't want to be redundant. Alright, Marcus, where are the stories I don't want you to get Into another hole Where is that even I got a happy one For everyone I want to avoid

You getting into An internet vortex On this episode God man Fucking send me We're close with this Poop stuff I'm telling you

He's got his eyes You know They're Bombing They're beaming This is a happy one. I wish you people could hear his fucking evil smile. Well, he likely would have preferred a can of tuna,

but 14-year-old Hamish McHamish, the cat, certainly isn't complaining about the $8,000 cast bronze statue erected in his honor last week in Scotland. What did he do to get the statue? Lovingly referred to as the collective pet of St. Andrews, Scotland, and this has been bringing joy to the people of his small town for more than a decade. What the fuck is this?

I don't like this story. What is this? I fucking hate cats. Someone built a statue of a cat in Scotland? Such a waste of money. They could have fed hungry kids. Or kittens. I just bought a shirt the other day with a big cat on it.

I was really high and I was like, I'm going to get a cat shirt. Well, according to the Scotsman, the beloved stray has been spending his time in various shops, houses and buildings around town since he ran away from home at the age of one. Fucking ran away from home. He's a piece of shit.

Why are they fucking... I can't deal with this. Eight grand on a statue of a cat? Of a fucking cat? Who gives a shit? It's a small statue. I mean... It's the size of...

Yeah, but who... Eight grand for a statue of a cat? They like the cat. They want the statue. Get books for the kids. They can't read in Scotland? They can't read in Scotland. Get meat for the pies, then.

I don't know what they do. Probably going to use the cat for that. Well, the woman who put together the whole campaign, Flora Selwyn, said, our statue is a way of saying thank you

to Hamish for being so purr-fectly adorable. This is the most annoying one we've had. The thing that's annoying about that is the cat doesn't give a fuck

at all. Yeah. He doesn't even know. The shithead alley cat. That's so stupid. They got this thing in a fucking convertible and a red carpet. This is a 20 grand affair. Where did Scotland

even get 20 grand? Oh, he's got his own Twitter too. Oh yeah, what's he fucking type? Stupid piece of shit cat. Hamish St. Andrews because his name is Hamish McCamish. Oh, okay. If Jackie was here, she'd love this.

It was a good story. Well, she ain't, man. Amber, as sitting in for Jackie, do you want to give Jackie's response to this story? Oh, I'm so racist. Where's Jackie? I just heard her. All right, well, I can get to some weird fetish stuff then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck them. Fuck them hard. Punch in the butt. Yeah, that's a good story. That was a nice... Yeah, we had a bit of a video. Yeah, I tried doing something nice for you people,

and I just get silence. I liked it. I mean, I enjoy all animals, and I think they all need to have little statues built for them. Yeah. It's a different kind of story. It went from pooping to kitty cats and parrots.

Yeah. I don't ever want to hear about this fucking cat until it's dead. Maybe they made the cat inside of the statue. That could be kind of creepy. Yeah, that's a good idea. Crack it open. Fucking sew it in there forever, all the time. Yeah.

You know every time you pass by it's just a bunch of fucking bones. Yeah. Meows and stuff. Did you ever wish like you could be like humans were more like caterpillars? You could get up in a cocoon of human skin and then break out of it and have like some wings or shit? All the time.

Yeah right. That's some bullshit that they didn't fucking God didn't give us that shit but they gave it to some fucking little worm. Fuck that. Yeah, man. That is one reason to be angry with God, you know? All right. That's true.

Mickey Rooney's dead. A lot of deaths this week. All right, that's fine. We had the ultimate warrior, Mickey Rooney. We also had someone else passed away as well. I don't know. I haven't been paying attention. John Panette. Very, very funny comedian. Your dog?

No, dogs are still alive. That was an older situation. That was three weeks ago. Wounds aren't healed. Hold on. Just take it easy when it comes to Gidget the Chihuahua. She bit everyone in this room. Everyone that ever met her.

And she was great. She's a horrible dog. She died? I hate a terrible dog. She had tumors all over her fucking body for years. All over. And you know, she's the only body. She bit everybody.

She's a piece of shit dog. You made a statue of her, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. After bones. Absolutely. Yep. I actually just painted her gold. Yep.

But it's great. I still have it in the freezer today. She isn's great. I still have it in the freezer today. She isn't great. Tufted. It's not the normal, it's not the fridge, it's the dog freezer. It's the freezer that's shaped like a dog. It's not, yeah.

She's worried. Feel free to have the ice. If there's fur in the ice, it wasn't from that dog. That's Holden shaving. Holden has to shave in the freezer, because his skin melts if he sees it. Yeah, exactly. If it gets in the heat. It's very tough, yeah, to be in.

If I get in hot water, my whole bullshit, you're just looking at a skeleton person. It's not good, yeah. My whole skin just falls off of my fucking whole body. Like there's that meme where the Easter Bunny and the blow dryer, you know, that's kind of... Right, right. Instead for me, if I touch hot water, my skin literally falls off my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which has been rough.

That's my kryptonite. Hot water? Yeah. We're the only house that's ever ran out of cold water, as a matter of fact. Yeah, usually people run out of hot water, but we're running out of cold water. That and parades. And if I'm around a parade, I go into berserker mode and I just start fucking fighting clowns

and fucking anything at the floats. Yeah, hell yeah. Good for you. Good, yeah. Very good, Marcus. I love parades, so it's so nice to know that you'll just never be at one. Yeah, if you want to avoid holding,

go to a happy place. Alright, now it's time for a segment from Old McNeely. Saddest country songs. What's your saddest country song? Mark is a multi-million dollar producer in Nashville. He's going to give somebody a big fat record deal. Get their single

out there. Kevin, I realize you weren't here for when I explained this. You can get a bypass until a couple people down if you want a second to figure it out. I'm just hearing this for the first time. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. So I'll start. My country song's called I Am Holden McNeely's Son.

It's essentially just like you know, I mean it's the fucking worst, man. It's just like he pisses, he sh mean, it's the fucking worst, man. It's just like, he pisses, he shits, he's a piece of shit. He's a total piece of fucking,

he's a garbage person. Sounds human. Nothing rhymes in the song. Okay. Oh, nothing rhymes. Nothing. None of it. Like if there's a rhyming word,

yeah, it's all just like, he dresses me up like his mother. We go on dates and then he fucking just, I don't know what happens because I get knocked out at some point. Your son gets knocked out.

Yeah, it's sad. The song's about your son? Yeah. So your son, you dressed up your son then like... He showed up the first day of my fifth grade class and he called me a faggot in front of the other kids. You know, just shit like that. It's called I Am Holden McNeely, just shit like that. It's called

I Am Holden McNeely's Son. It's really sad. Well, the name of my song is I Am Holden McNeely's Roommate. It's very, very similar, but unfortunately, he didn't have to wipe my ass for a couple of years.

So I didn't get that honor. I'm not wiping my kid's ass. What are you, crazy? What? You have to. You spray him down. No, you throw him in the pool. One time he's got it here. You don't have a pool.

Throw him in the pool. Like a public pool. Well, throw him in the pool. Send the dog in. Pull him out. Yeah. Anytime he takes his shit, toss him in the pool, throw the dog in. Dog pulls him out.

Why have your parents picked this up? That's fucking idiotic. But what if the dog doesn't pick him up? I mean, there's other ways. You could also get a big bowl of Jell-O and just dip his ass in it, and the Jell-O will kind of pull the shit out of his ass. Maybe if it was glue or something. The Jell-O, I think that would kind of stick.

But anyway, the roommate, yeah. Yeah. That's self-explanatory. Yeah. I feel like that's right. Yeah, it's just your life. It's about you and why you're so sad Kissel came out to take a piss this morning

I'm just sitting in the living room smoking a cigarette by boxers Screaming on the phone with Henry On the speakerphone, but there's no conference I don't understand the point of the speakerphone It was just you and Henry talking I just didn't want to hold it anymore

I wanted to hold the cigarette It made no sense Last night I was trying to play with it. It made no sense. And then last night, I was trying to fall asleep, but they decided, the roommates decided to have a very, very in-depth conversation about Satanism versus Catholicism. And I'll tell you one thing, neither

won because they were both retardedly stupid. I was saying good stuff. You said religion should be about love and freedom. Yeah, that's true. And you were for Satanism? Is that true, though? Should religion not be about love and freedom? I mean, I just...

I was for Satanism. It shouldn't be religion. I was for Satanism. It was really... It was a huge nightmare. You were for Satanism? Yeah, of course. I mean, of course.

My girlfriend's very Catholic. Oh, okay. Yeah, so you gotta go against the girlfriend at all times in order to keep me up long. Oh, so you were talking to Lexi about it? Lexi and little Leah. Yeah? We were talking about, yeah. We were talking about religion.

Why would you stick up for Satanism? I think Satanism needs to be stuck up for, Marcus. I agree completely. I agree, but not in that situation. You're hanging out with your girlfriend. Whatever. The whole thing. This is why you like my song.

I have no lyrics for it other than trying to sleep. Just trying to fall a fucking sleep. So that's been interesting. Good. Thank you Holden. It was sad. You're welcome.

It's been sad. It's been sad. Anyway now Katie you have something? How about the ballad of Stanley Skidmark and it's the story

of Holden's son who never learned how to wipe his ass. You would name his middle name. He just doesn't know how to wipe his ass because his dad never taught him.

So he just lives the life of Skidmark's and can't get a girlfriend. I'd never name him Stanley though. I'd probably name him like

Fuck House or you know. I'd never name him Stanley, though. I'd probably name him, like, Fuckhouse. Okay. I'll change it to the ballad. Stanley's his nickname. Yeah. Stanley's his nickname. Bad Dick or, you know, Creepy Crawly McNeely.

Do you want to procreate? Yeah, I mean, definitely. I'd love to create more of this. You know, I want an army to fucking, you know, like of Nightcrawlers versions of me to fucking cover the earth with the fucking vile shit.

As soon as you do procreate, we all have to start procreating just to keep your spawn in check. Yeah, because I'm going to battle my child. He's going to battle your kid. Well, my kid's going to win. I don't know. My kid and your kid, that'd be a pretty good fight. That'd be fun.

You're going to be so scrappy. Yeah. Real scrappy. Just so annoyed. Yeah, no, it's bad. We want to get pregnant at the same time, so then when we tour, it's really funny because we're reformed hearts and we're pregnant. And our hormones are going to be fucking crazy.

That's a good idea. You should definitely go through it together though. Yeah, absolutely. We'll hold each other's hair. That's hot stuff. Marie, what do you got? Saddest country song. Honey, have you seen my hook hand? It starts with like, it talks about

his nubs And how he lost He lost his hand in the war And then he had some nubs And then he couldn't Finger bang her properly Because he lost his hook hand Yeah yeah So he was fingering her with the hook

Yeah She likes the hook Instead of the nub Yeah and then she sings harmony to it And ironically she actually really gets off Yeah it's like Do you want the hook Or do you want the like do you want the hook or do you want the no? I want the hook, I don't

want the no. Does it turn out the hook is stuck in her vagina? Yeah, well there it is. There it is. But at least we'll be together forever. And they were pregnant but then She sort of ends up doing a happy song. Yeah. Alright Amber, what do you got?

Oh, my song is called My Cat Died of Human Aids. I try to make it better with a bowl of mayonnaise. A soda monates quilt, but it didn't know what to do.

So he just used the quilt like a box for poo-poo. I said, my cat died of human AIDS. I'm sorry, but we're totally going to have to steal that song. I think Les Claypool's fans are going to love that. Come on the road with us. Fast forward five years in the future and you guys are rich as shit singing that song. And like Amber's

huddled in the square singing I love that song. Alright, that was sad. The saddest country song ever. It has to almost be just an inappropriate thing for like a country singer to sing about. So we're going to do

Amistad the country song. You know, so they try to do the chain gang stuff but it's just really bad because they're all white and then, you know,

it's just like, oh, you know, I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm white, I'm white, I'm a slave, you know, it's just like, oh, you know, I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm white, I'm white, I'm a slave. You know, it's really sad and really horrifying. All right.

I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm white, I'm a slave, I'm a slave. It's really sad. I love any time Amistad is mentioned, man. All right, Berluger, what do you got? My song is called Everything is Great, I'm the Best. That doesn't sound too sad, Berluger. Oh, but it makes everybody who fucking listens to it sad.

Because they realize that they ain't me. He plays the saxophone. All right. That's great. There it is. Well, as a big country music fan myself, I'd say the song out of all these that I'd most like to hear, I've already heard My Cat Died of Human Aids.

How'd you hear that one? But I want to hear Honey, Where Have You Seen My Hook Hands. Oh. Okay. Oh, well, it'll be on our next album. Okay. Whore Whisperer. There you go. Whore Whisperer. Whore Whis next album. Whore Whisperer. There you go.

Whore Whisperer. Whore Whisperer. Whore Whisperer. All right. By the way, I am just going to pay them to steal your song. Yeah. That's not right, Marcus. Sure.

And that was Ed Larson, Nellie, Kevin Barnett. Thank you guys so much for being here. Thank you for having us. Do you guys have a show coming up? We're going to be at Galapagos Art Space for the Floating Cabaret on Saturday night. This coming Saturday, the 20th.

So the 19th? The 19th of that. Oh yeah, 420 is on Sunday. 420 is on Easter. Enjoy that. Yeah, it's a good time. Get some eggs. Eat some chocolate. It's a good day to be high. Jesus probably got high.

Oh, you know he did, girl. He fucking had to. If he was really alive, yeah. There's all new reports where Jesus had a wife. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was fucking all up and down that town, man. Of course he was. He's Jesus. We should go. Do you think he smoked weed?

No, I mean, if someone gave it to him, I mean, he drank wine. 420 Jesus. 420 Jesus. Alright, everybody. No, I mean, if someone gave it to him, he drank wine. 420 Jesus. 420 Jesus. All right, everybody. Yeah, I guess that's it. That's it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, bye.

At rtofgentleman.com, right? No, as a Twitter thing? I don't know how this works. At rtofgentleman on Twitter. Yeah, we should do that. We should get a post to follow the RT of Gentleman. Yeah, no one wants that one, but we don't post, so. Yeah, but join the Facebook page. There's a ton of people there. That's the big thing. That's where the people go to follow the RT. Yeah, no one wants that one, but we don't post, so. Yeah, but join the Facebook page.

There's a ton of people there. That's the big thing. That's where the people go to do the stuff. Send Holden some more donuts so he gets fatter. Yeah, I can't. I got to get bigger, boys. I've been trying to get big. It's been great, man.

Everybody in my life's like, get bigger. I'm fucking loving it, man. How big are you? How fat are you now? I eat two to three cheeseburgers a week. I like that bacon chicken ranch slice. Two to three a week? We got to bump up those numbers.

Yeah, definitely. But I like it getting big. Eddie, this is on you. I mean, I'll get you a cheeseburger. I don't understand why people like beef then, because I love being big. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Rock and roll.

Beautiful. Big life. That jerky was fantastic. Whoever sent that. Send more jerky. And send that tit pic. The chick there. She was real. Whoever sent that. Send more jerky. And send that tit pic. The chick there. She was real hot.

And balls. I want to see your tits. You should really be getting some balls. I don't want balls. Holden, I want some nostril pics. Send me your fucking nostrils. Don't be scared. Give me anything.

Give me just a fucking body part. I'll fucking jerk off to it. Whatever you got. If you have a bird, send a picture. Yeah, yeah. Send a picture of you hanging out with your bird and stuff like that. It'll only help, man. Butts, too.

Oh, yeah, butts. If you're a chick with a big butt. Combine them. Butt and bird. That is a beautiful combination. That's something I want to see. That would be very good. All right.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.