The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode: 209 The No Boys

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on Round Table: a Saudi man is killed by a donkey after trying to have sex with it, a pet-eating python gets caught in Florida, and a woman proves romance isn't dead by stealing a bottle of wine so she can see her boyfriend in jail. Joining us today: Chris Nester, Nick Turner, Lyra, and Mookie!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Dick, you have to play. Oh,ility. Thank you. You have to pray. Oh, God. Fucking white Jesus. It is Jackie. Thank you

for giving me into the 27th year of my life this weekend. Yeah, congratulations, Jackie. Happy birthday. I am bigger, I am drunker than I ever needed to be this weekend. That is for sure. Because I'm not 21 anymore, but who gives a fuck?

I have a whole glass filled with whiskey, but I put a lime in it. So that's going to cut the taste. So I hope I don't die this year. Fuck it. A lot of people died in their 27. Only really famous people. Yeah, so I'm going to die this year, and, yeah, I'm just like Janis Joplin. I feel like only skinny people died at 27.

Where did Mama Cass go? She was older. She was in her late 70s. She's a big, fat, old woman. Oh, yeah. The best kind of woman. Soon I'm going to be just wearing a tablecloth the way she did, up in the sky.

Fucking amen. I'm done. I'm out. I'm out. I don't remember dressing my angels like that. Yeah, I was too fat for clothes. I was too fat for clothes on earth. Just been dressed like that. Welcome to the Round Table of Gentlemen, everybody.

Jackie's here. She just prayed. Oh, yeah. I'm also here. What happened? What's going on, Jackie? I'm just drinking this horrible drink. It's a drink. It's all whiskey. Is it well whiskey? It was supposed to be a whiskey ginger. Yeah, it was just well whiskey. You asked for a double whiskey, but it's in a borderline shot glass.

It's a whiskey glass, but filled to the top. Yeah, so. You know what? Roundtable rule. No more complaining about too much whiskey. I've never heard that. It's the roundtable. What's wrong with you?

Apologizing in advance. You already did it. Ed Larson. How you doing? Holdenators, ho! Shout out to Andrew Parker for the fan page. Got 67 members on the Holdenator page.

The fan page that was unleashed the moment Robin Williams killed himself. It was, yes. People are referring to it as the day comedy died. But I am proud to say we have 67 members. I'm hoping to get it to 55 by Wednesday. So 67 is a good number for you.

Oh, man. You should see these ugly fucks posting shit. What's the perfect number? Perfect number to me? Two. Two, that's it. Me and my fucking dad on the fan page. And he's just like, oh, why don't you talk to me anymore?

And I'm like, hey, I tried to talk to you, fucker. Not your mom. I'm surprised you didn't say mommy. Nah, she's too precious for Facebook. I agree with that. I'll give her my own fucking Facebook later in the dark. All right, that's absolutely disgusting. The book is her pussy.

The face is mine. It's your pussy. I'm going to eat her pussy. You're right, you're eating it. I'm going to drown in her fucking bullshit. And you're going to eat your mother's vagina. Yeah. Yeah.

In a Boy Scout uniform. Right. In a Boy Scout uniform. And I get the mommy badge. I hope you have a feather in your hat while you do it, too. So you tickle her nose. Yeah, it'll be a long feather reach in between her breasts, up to her nose, and tickle away. Right, right. And they, yeah, and they thought, they were like, oh, you you know they voted me most likely to be a pedophile in high school but i have succeeded they got that backwards all right and then of course

that's not kevin barnett talking kevin can't be here tonight he's busy doing a bunch of different kind of kevin things nick turner sitting in for him kevin's busy being the jack Robinson of TruTV. What does that mean? I don't think he brought the color barrier of fucking TruTV. All right. Thanks for being here, Nick. How you doing, buddy? I'm doing real good. It's a real treat to be here.

I haven't been here in maybe two years. Too long. Yeah. This is his first time in the big room. Oh, wonderful. Well, thanks for being here, Nick. And we got Mookie Thompson and Chris Nestor here as well. We're each half a person at this point.

Oh, yeah. All right. Well, let me redo it. These real microphones, they feel real important. I feel terrible right now, to be honest. Why, Mookie? You're in the chuckle hut. I'm doing all right.

The chuckle hut gets treated like shit and sits there and enjoys it. That's not even true. The turner's sitting in for Kevin. I thought I was sitting in for Kevin. No, you broke this Mookie. Mookie's Mookie. Mookie can't be nothing but Mookie. You're sitting in for Nick Turner, who was supposed to be in the chocolate.

Oh, I get it. But then Kevin's not here. I get the black man intro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be eight times longer than all y'all. And the deli tray. You get to eat off the deli tray. Yeah, this is good.

Thank you. Hey, get your hand out of here. No problem. And Chris, you got the Brooklyn Comedy Festival coming up here. What is it, the 18th or the 24th? Yes. What is Mike Marcus? He's bitter, and he booked me on a Thursday.

When you said Riff Raff was going to be here, I didn't think you meant a dude that just looks like Riff Raff. Riff Raff? Yeah, Chris looks like Riff Raff was going to be here, I didn't think you meant a dude that just looks like Riff Raff. Riff Raff? Yeah, Chris looks like Riff Raff. It's a great topic because it's what he looks like, and no one will ever know. We'll put a fucking picture up. You can't even Google Chris.

That's the first time Holden's bomb. A picture of Riff Raff comes up. You can Google him. You can try. I want to say that's the first time Holden's bombed. What do you think? 30 episodes? What was the one?

He looks like Riff Raff. No one knows who Riff Raff is. Everyone knows who Riff Raff is. Who the fuck is Riff Raff? Jody Roller. Who?

That's his nickname. Jody Roller? James Franco's character in Spring Breakers. Pretty much, yeah. He based it off of Riff Raff. He's the guy with the UMTV raps tattoo. He's got a BET tattoo. What does he do? Is he just a personality? He Pretty much, yeah. He based it off a riffraff. He's the guy with the MTV Raps tattoo.

He's got a BET tattoo. What does he do? Is he just a personality? He raps, man. He's the hip-hop man. He's a rip-rapper. Yeah. Mookie, you know

who the rap is? That's him. You would make a great rip-rapper. Oh, you do look like Butterscotch Boss. All right, Mookie, describe T-Prince.

What are you guys, ever heard of this guy? Get into a riffraff, though, quickly, because I want to press this guy. He got famous by getting an MTV tattoo when he was like trying

to get on an MTV reality show and like they put him on and then he got- He got an MTV tattoo and they put him on the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how bad MTV is? Yeah, yeah.

And now he's- That was like years ago and now like he's like pretty popular like underground rapper, but the character in Spring Breakers was based off of him.

He's pretty- No, he's pretty- he's big on the Twitter. Yeah. His real name is Horst Simcoe. No. Horst. Horst. Horst Simcoe.

He's the Ned Holness of rap. All right. That's crazy. Well, speaking of social media, Marcus, before we get to our first story, we have to address something that's been happening to Jackie Zebrowski. Jackie, you've been sexually accosted via the internet. No, I just got a big throbby cock picture. I guess I've asked for a cock picture.

You have asked for it. I guess. But I have more. You asked for it. You can't get upset that you got it. I didn't say I was upset. I just said it was throbby. Oh, okay.

It was really throbby. And it had a satanic cock ring on it. And the man who sent it was Geeky Dad. How was Geeky Dad's cock? Throbby. It was big. Yeah, it was big. Yeah, he said he hurt himself the first time he put on the cock ring,

so he had to wait a couple days, and then he tried again. Wait, how do you know this? Because I was the one that forwarded the email to Jackie. Technically, people send me the dick pics, and then I got to disperse them. Yeah, he said the first this? I was the one that forwarded the email to Jackie. Technically people send me the dick pics and then I gotta disperse them. The first one he tried was actually too small. So he had to go back to the store and of course he asked Jody for some help

picking out the perfect size cock ring. And then, you know, you'd never guess, they ran out of bags. So he just put it in his pocket. But actually he got it on adamandeve.com because if you still use the CCR and the discount code thing, you get a percentage off.

How'd you feel when you got the cock pic, Jax? I was excited and then scared and then I got feverish and then I threw up and then I had a whiskey drink. Ah, totally that Chumbawamba song, but all different. Ah!

Top thumping? We're only at the whiskey drink. That's true. Wumba song, but all different. Top thumping? We're only at the whiskey drink. That's true. No one ever goes into what led you into the bar to get the whiskey drink in the first place. It turns out it was Geeky Dad sending a dick pic with a satanic cock ring on it. I don't want to say I was upset about it. I enjoyed it.

CapeCompanyRadioGmail.com. I don't recommend sending dick pics. Jackie still wants dick pics, then. You were trying to break the story. I'd rather ball pics. I want ball pics. I think balls are more fun to look at. I'm screaming for ball pics.

Yeah, we're screaming for it. Well, we got that taint pic. That was all right. The taint pic was great. It was disgusting. It had Holden's face on the fucking thing. Yeah, it was good. He didn't even know we had a mole until he took a picture of his taint and sent it to us.

And then he put a picture of Holden's face over the mole. Right, to make the picture mildly more disgusting. And then he went to the doctor and now he survived cancer. What do you think, Lyra? Holden, Lyra is also here, Nick Turner's girlfriend. And Nick literally only had her sit at the table because she could attest to Nick's large penis. Is this coming up? She's a liar.

Organically? No, not organically. But what do you think, Lyra? She could attest to Nick's large penis. Is this coming up? She's a liar. Organically? No. Not organically. But what do you think, Lyra? Nick sends out a dick pic to someone like Jackie. He's a big podcast fanatic. I mean, you've got to break up with him, right? She loves Jackie.

Yeah, I do love Jackie. Not to Jackie. Jackie can get whatever she wants. All right, all right. Let's say it's... If Nick is of his own accord sending out pictures of his private parts to strangers, I would not enjoy that. How would you describe Nick's dong? It's my favorite.

That's what I say about America. It's a disaster. Let's get one of those hands. Nick, your dick's a killer. You're a favorite. The fuck does that mean? That means she's seen bigger. That she's with right now, she likes your dong the best.

Yeah, she's tried them all, and now she's at the wall. Holy Lord. I don't want people to know how great. Right, right, right. Yeah, because then they'll come clawing for it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, great. Right, right, right. Yeah, because then they'll come clawing for it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Give me that.

Oh, yeah. All right, Lyle. You're a squeamish gal. Nick's great for you. How about you, Mookie? How's your dong these days? Oh, it's amazing. Big, huh?

You do a lot of Molly, Mookie. Stronger than ever. Molly hurts her dong, right? Oh, absolutely. When I'm on the wrong substances, it's useless. I know it was depressed a few years ago. Yeah. But it's finally come out.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys read about that in Variety? Yeah. After Robin Williams died, Mookie put out a whole thing about his dick being sad. Yeah, he's like, I've been choking it for years, you know? Yeah, it's doing a lot better now. My dick's having a great summer. That's great.

Congratulations. No, what are some names of some girls you fucked? Any comics? You're sitting in for one right now. Oh, shit. I saw you bomb miserably, actually, at Kevin's birthday, Mookie. You did not do well. What do you mean, bomb?

You didn't get a chick at all. You were talking to all of them. Yeah. Not one of them wanted you. Sometimes you put in overtime and it doesn't work out. Man, you don't even get time and a half after that. You know what I mean?

That's a work joke. Has anyone ever been as drunk as Mookie was that night? Kevin was. He got the Tyrannosaurus arms. That's when you know he's drunk. Oh, he's dancing around all prehistoric. Somehow that sounds a little racist, but I don't know how. It's not racist.

I can tell it is. See what they were called. It's not racist. You can't compare a black person to any animal. You're racist. It's ridiculous. Those T-Rexes keep moving into my neighborhood. All right, Marcus, what's a news story?

A Saudi sheik has died after trying to sexually abuse a donkey. Saudi police found the body of the sheik after he received a severe kick in the face and three kicks to the chest after he tried to sodomize the animal. The man died of his injuries, and the police found the donkey tied to the sheik's car. Can you relate to the sheik, Lyra? Because you're dating a man with a donkey dick.

That's a question. That's a fine question. Nick's not saying anything, because he's like, yeah, get into it. Yeah, I want to find the answer. That's a question. That's a fine question. Nick's not saying anything. He's like, yeah, get into it. Yeah, I want to find the answer. Yeah. Hold it. Give her the mic so she can answer.

I don't think she wants to. She's smiling. So this guy got chastised by his whole community, huh? He died. He died. He's dead, yeah. The donkey kicked him and stomped him to death. He should have taken the sheet off. And then the donkey tied himself to the car the donkey was tied to the car

He figured that'd be good enough to control a donkey. He starts railing the donkey donkey kicks him off kicks him in the head That's gonna be a bunch. I mean son a bear. I mean dad. Yeah, it's good thing It's a bad. How did you how could you his kids are you know be able to that down? It's a good thing Is what I'm saying I would rather I would rather die In that situation

Like I tried to Fuck this donkey And he's kicking The shit out of me It's over Don't fuck the donkey That's what you do Don't fuck the donkey

You've gone that far It's like you can't Listen honestly Why Why can't we fuck donkeys Yeah tie their legs together So they can't kick you What do you mean

Why I guess you can fuck donkeys You want to fuck donkeys It Yeah, tie their legs together so they can't kick you. What do you mean? Why? I guess you can fuck donkeys if you want to fuck donkeys. That's common sense. Hey, thank you. I think, Jackie, I think you're onto something here. How did he tie it to the car? He should have tied its legs together because you know they kick.

I can show you a picture. Oh, yeah, good. Oh, it's not really. Oh, it's not like tied down. That's a dead guy. It's like a couple of those lobster rubber bands. No, he just tied the donkey to the grill of the car. Was his dick out? His dick was definitely out.

It had to be. He wanted to have sex with it. Part of the fun though is like, I could get kicked by this donkey while I'm trying to fuck it. It's like autoerotic asphyxiation. I might die. You gotta have the thrill in there. Otherwise you're just fucking a donkey. You're right. Put lipstick on it.

I feel bad because I made a Robin Williams reference, and I think we need to give him a little bit of love. What? I haven't even heard you say that. No, that's fine. I heard him. Yeah, well, you know. We'll get to it.

It's part of the whole thing now. We could have done that at the end. I mean, going from donkey fucking into Robin Williams Memorial is not that honorable. It's not honorable. You can that honorable. It's not honorable? You can do better. That's not honorable? You wait until the end. You say whatever you want to say nice.

Speaking of fucking this donkey. I don't know. I disagree. This is the nicest time to bring him up. I got a big ass fucking dick. Yeah, you do. I was trying to do a memorial thing. Oh.

What are we going to do? You don't still bring it on, people. I sprung it. I know you did. That What are we going to do? You never did it. Bring it on, people. I sprung it. I know you did. That's not how it's done. I don't know. He was full of light.

He was. That's what I wanted to... Well, I felt like the donkey fucking story was going places. I don't want to do it. I loved him. I can't be emotional when Holden's around. Yeah. No.

I don't understand why we can't just be emotional sometimes, guys. What's going on with you? You're falling to pieces. Oh, man, Sarah McLachlan. Let's get her on the show. Fill this place with dog show come. Yeah, man. Fucking dog fucker

God Nick that voice of yours For a man with such a beautiful Dong Some people have it all Thank you They do Is the tribute over Alright I guess it's done now

I felt like we could have said something nice about it. Everyone's got to be children. Can I say that that was my favorite Robin Williams memorial I've heard? I think he showed us all to be fearless. I don't need some fucking more insincere bullshit. It's great. We all said it. He's the best.

It sucks. It's funny because. I'm not going to get tricked into talking in another podcast about fucking Robin Williams. I went to a live podcast with a pit the day after he died, and then we were forced to talk about it the whole time. Seriously. And it was a fucking nightmare. It makes no sense.

It doesn't sound much like a live podcast to me. You do it in your own fucking time. Seriously. You do it in your own time. If you had asked me to come talk about Robin Williams, I would have said, fuck no. Well, Nick, that's where we've come to your... Oh, my God. Mrs. Downfire.

I can't. He was an actor? He was a comedic. He was a comedic actor. Let's talk about his football career, though. Well, I thought he was wonderful in Mrs. Doubtfire. What happened? You are making me sick. Why?

I'm trying to do a tribute. Can't a man make a tribute? Remember Mrs. Doubtfire when he was like... I loved it. My God, that was my favorite part. Oh my God. When his fake tits were on fire. My father warned us all about cross dressing, how it was wrong before that

movie and before the movie Tootsie. And then both of my older brothers are gay and one loves to wear a dress, so don't do that, parents. After I went and saw Mrs. Doubtfire with my parents, afterwards, we went to go get pizza. My mom got the wrong pizza

and the parents almost got divorced over it. That was a relationship that was made to last. Robin's a little responsible for that, to some percentage. Yeah, my dad walked home

from the movie theater after he threw the pizza out the window of the car. What kind of pizza? Did your mother get a hamburger? None of us got a hamburger. What do you mean? And why are you laughing?

This is so every end story. You were physically abused as a child. You were physically and violently abused by your father. That's what I think of when I think of Robin Williams. That's not a good... I'm trying to do a tribute. God damn it. I wanted to do one nice moment of this fucking show,

and you ruined it with your own story, Eddie. All right. That's fine. They should have got divorced then. Everything would have been fucking peaches and cream. It would have been nice. For your parents. Wait, they didn't get divorced?

Not then. Ten years later. Oh, okay. They got it then, though. Oh, yeah. They got it. They understood they hated each other. Yeah, that was the day they started to hate each other, I think.

Yeah. Because she got the wrong pizza. What kind of pizza was it? How wrong could pizza be? By the way, it's still pizza. I will say this. If I hate mushrooms and olives, if my fucking bitch got a pizza

with mushrooms and olives on it, if you're who? My fucking ass bitch ass. Got the pizza with mushrooms and olives? There'd be a fucking pizza up a bitch's ass. I highly doubt that. I have a feeling you'd find a way to muster

through and eat the whole goddamn thing, you fat fuck. Are you kidding me? That's a joke. That's a McNeely squeal. That's a lie. By the way, vote for Lexi Holden's girlfriend for the Creek Awards for sob story of the year. Oh, yeah.

Poor girl got a whole pizza shoved up her ass. A whole pizza. God damn. What kind of pizza did your mother get? Do you know that, Eddie? She got mushroom, actually. My dad likes sausage and pepperoni. He's a creative. Oh, my.

So the guy fucked a donkey and died. Let's move to Florida for our next story. This is Port St. Lucie, actually. Hey! That place sucks. Four Port St. Lucie police officers on Friday captured a 12-foot-long snake,

which they believe is the culprit in the disappearance of a slew of neighborhood pets over the last nine months. Oh, yeah. Pamela Denola, who lost five of her seven cats, said it's the answer to so many questions. And also the answer to her prayers. She's got fucking seven cats. She can't feed all those fucking cats. So the snake ate five out of the seven.

Yeah, ate five out of the seven of her cats, and that doesn't even, you know, come close to the entire neighborhood body count, which was dozens. How long do you think it took her to notice? I mean, seven cats. I mean, this is the official number of a cat lady, right? What do you think, Jax? Yeah, which was dozens. How long do you think it took her to notice? I mean, seven cats. I mean, this is the official number of a cat lady, right? What do you think, Jax?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three. Well, yeah, I would say two, but, you know, I hate cats. Chris, you're going with two? I would go with ten. Two's okay. Ten? Then you're a cat lady.

I mean, this is a cat psychopath. No, I'm saying literally you have to have your life defined by it. If you have more than one litter box in your house, you are a cat lady. Yeah, if you have more than one animal, you're like that animal person. I don't know, because you could have two cats and still be a lawyer. I think two is pretty normal. You could be normal with two animals. Two lizards, you're a lizard guy.

I don't know. I think you can have one lizard and be a lizard guy. Oh, sure. If you're really into your iguana. If you have one monkey, you're the guy with the monkey. You're the monkey guy. If you're really into your iguana... You're the guy with the monkey. You're the monkey guy, there's no doubt about it. Once you get into primates, anything with opposable thumbs?

Anything that can fight back. That's true. So Holden, did you know any lizard men growing up? Well, I told you I went to my buddy Pat's all the time, man. He had a fucking house full of lizards. I told you about this shit. He had a python slept in a

cage to the head of his bed. Yeah, that's right. Bit his dad in front of me in the hand. We had to call animal control. Was it weird when every time you tried to leave, he would try to trap you? Yeah, he tried to keep me in there. Tried to keep me in there, but you have to get a special fucking lamp for me. But yeah, he had a room full of lizards.

What's the perfect temperature for a Holden McNeely lizard? 99 degrees. I like it hot in my fucking shit. But not 100. 100's too much. No, not at all. Sometimes I sleep in the shower and just turn the fucking water all the way up. All the way up?

I just turn it all the way up in the lever. Turn that fucker up all the way. And just sit in that water until I have a crispy fucker. Crispy fucker is what you're going for. I remember one time, because I'd go sleep over there, and then we'd go to the pet store for feeding day, and we'd pick up crickets and mice. And then we'd go back to the house,

and I'd watch him feed all the fucking reptiles, all the mice, and all the crickets and shit. He had a tarantula as well, but he was mainly lizards. And he had a little crocodile. Like, I say little, but it was still pretty fucking big. And I had to be there on cleaning day, and it was a nightmare. Like, his dad was, like, holding the crocodile down on the ground. He's like, get in there, boy!

Get in there! And he's, like, wiping down the cage. I mean, this is not fucking around. Like, I was scared for my life. Clean it, like very intense all the reptiles fucking hated being caged up there was no reason to have pets like that they're all mad me i want to fucking kill each other he'd be like when he opened up the cage like he'd be like open up throw the mouse in close it and then you hear a cuckoo of of the reptile hitting the wall trying to get out. I was like, why would you keep fucking reptiles like this?

They all hate you. Did he grow up to be a prison guard? No, no, no. Just an alcoholic. How many different reptiles do you have to own before you start feeding them your cum? You jerk at them, right?

Yeah, you got to. If you got eight, you're like, well, we might as well get into this. It's like little eggs. It's like scales on your dick, right? You would like scales against your dick, like a fish or something, like rub a fish. Like the wrong way against the scales? Yeah, to make it come up.

It's like for her pleasure. You know, when I was a kid, I used to whack off with shampoo, and once I whacked up with him You whack off with conditioner, which is the better option. Well, we didn't really have conditioner with that fucking boys Yeah, yeah, we're all just a bunch of dudes. It's a fucking boy. Yeah boys boys don't use conditioner. Yeah Standard not my back in Texas. Yeah, not in Texas. It's fine. You can't argue with these idiots all day. You got to get to a news story. Wait, what were you saying?

Did your dick got all scaly and peeled? Yeah, it got all scaly and peeled. Same thing happened to me. I used to use a hand soap. Yeah. And I'd peel my... I kind of liked it, though. Hand soap like out of the sink?

Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. Like antibacterial like dial. Well, I don't know what it was. It was in a fancy thing. It was when I lived back at home with my parents. It was in a little fancy container. My mom would pour it in.

Yeah, this is when we were younger. You would jack off with the hand soap that was somehow in your house like it was a ponderosa? In my bathroom. Wouldn't it set up? Why don't you use lotion? I didn't know, Luby. I didn't know lotion. We had hand soap.

Anything wet would have worked? Yeah. I mean. Just use your hand. It felt good. It was good. Either way, I used it. It must have burned. It's hand soap. Anything wet would have worked. I mean. Just use your hand. It felt good. It was good. Either way, I used it. It must have burned.

It's fine. No, but my whole dick would like, the skin, it would all crack off. Me too. Like the whole thing. It would shed like a snake skin. It freaked me out, man. I thought my dick was just done. I thought my dick was fucked.

Anyway, check out the eBay account for his skin dick shavings. This would be big. Well, either way, so this guy, a snake got on the loose and it ate five cats. So it's good your buddy kept them caged up.

I mean, they're hungry. They're dangerous. It was a 120-pound Burmese python. He had a Burmese python. How do they know that that snake ate the cats? Did they find... Well, they found cats

inside of the python. God, he had a room full of cats, too. And they also caught him strangling a cat to death. That's how they finally figured out that inside of the python. God, he had a room full of cats, too. And they also caught him strangling a cat to death. That's how they finally figured out that it was the python. Laughed his ass off. Did they say where the cats are now? Are they adoptable? Any cat that survives that mess, that's a cat for me.

I don't know of any cat. Do you think cats have ghosts? Cat ghosts? I would think so, Eddie. Yes, Ed. Go to bed, Eddie. Up there with Mama Cass and that guy who fucked a goat. Robin Williams, right?

That's who you're talking about. Oh, yeah. I forgot. God damn it, Mookie. One more slip up like that. Don't bring Robin Williams up like that, Mookie. Everyone's very sensitive. Do you want to be a Ben. I missed half the story. I thought you guys are saying Robin Williams fucked a goat Well, I guess you can't you can't have sex with a goat all their parts are sealed

Well, we got a new segment here on roundtable this week. Oh, I like this one romance corner a new segment here on Roundtable this week. Oh, I like this one. Romance Corner. Romance Corner. Ooh. That's a kissy-kissy. Ooh, newly in a relationship.

Hot stuff. Very hot stuff. Who's newly in a relationship? Kissel. Oh, that's right. Congratulations. Get out of town. Yeah, Chris,

I am marrying a donkey who killed a person I disagreed with in their politics. Very interesting. I don't think you should do it. So you just called your new girlfriend a donkey?

What's that? A murdering donkey? Who? What happened? No. This is still a tribute to Robin Williams. The whole goddamn episode is a tribute to Robin Williams. I'm doing improv.

All right, so in our romance story this week, a Texas woman allegedly stole a bottle of $3.99 wine to get arrested and see her jailed boyfriend. I only saw the headline of this. I didn't read it, but I thought to myself, was there some co-ed prison she thought she was going to? What the fuck? Now she's just in Orange is the New Black.

She's like, oh, that didn't work. Her boyfriend was sent to Porky's Penitentiary, so it all worked out. But $3.99, if you're going to steal wine for the person that you love, right? An expensive one, at least. A nice one. Or at least get one,

probably you would need one with a screw off top because you probably didn't have a cork in it. I think Mad Dog 2020 would work good. She wanted to get his favorite. Mad Dog 50-50 or 20-20? Mad Dog 2020. Of course, some Blue Nun, some Thunderbird. Or instead of stealing it and then they catch you and take it back, just start drinking it in the aisles.

You're going to get punished for the same crime, but at least you got to drink it. You get to wine, but she doesn't want to meet her boyfriend drunk because he always used to beat her when she got too drunk. That's why he's in prison. Police say Alice Willicki of Cedar Park stole a bottle of wine from a gas station Wednesday and arrested her. The gas station wasn't even real wine.

She went to the toilet and filled up a pitcher she brought in. You know what, Nick? She did actually do that. An arrest affidavit said police found the woman outside the business

and drinking the wine. The affidavit... Out of your fucking mouth. I don't the wine. The affidavit. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I'm fucking out here. You take me to my man. You take me to my baby.

Is it Sutton Foster? What's the name of the wine that they sell in gas stations? Francia. Boone's Farm or Francia? Wild Rose. I guess there's a lot of them. Yeah, yeah. We all know it.

There's Carlos Rossi. There's Boone's Farm. No, Carlos Rossi is good wine. That's like $5.99, bro. Yeah, yeah. It's in a jug. It's in a glass jug. We used to have jug nights in college.

We'd go get like three, four jugs of Carlos Rossi wine. Three jugs, man. We'd get jugged. Wear fucking Greek robes and just get fucking hammered. I love how he's reminiscing like this is not his life now. No, those are fancier days. No, they buy Yellowtail now. They buy the big bars.

Yeah, I get the yellow tail. I get the Australian one. Is that a kangaroo? It does have a kangaroo on it. Oh, shit. So you know it's good. That's what you pay for. So did she get arrested and like put away, put away?

The affidavit says she told police that she wanted to see her boyfriend who was arrested hours earlier and told them she wanted to go to jail. She was charged with misdemeanor theft and freed on $5,000 bond. Oh, she ain't got that. $5,000? Yeah. For stealing a bottle of wine? How many bottles of wine is that?

That's fucked. That's why she should have stolen a good bottle of wine. If you're going down. They don't care. Police in Cedar Park didn't immediately identify the boyfriend or say whether the woman saw him. But does she know that prisons aren't unisex? I don't think she does. She thought that she was just going to go. I mean, she thought this was a cheap way to move woman saw him. But does she know that prisons aren't unisex? I don't think she does.

She thought that she was just going to go. I mean, she thought this was a cheap way to move in with him. This type of woman. It's a kind of passion, man. You're not thinking straight. She just wanted to see her man. Yeah, it's just about love, man. Those few hours, she was probably all crunched up.

Her vagina's immediately getting all raisiny, you know? Thinking about him, being like, how do I get to him? Make my pussy a grape again. You want to re-grape the pussy? Yeah, because it turns into a raisin when he ain't getting the cock. That's probably exactly what she was saying. How many times has your pussy been raisined?

Oh, maybe once or twice, but not since I was about five or six. It's been a big, juicy grape ever since. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a big, it's a peeled grape at this point. That's someone we should talk to. At one point you pickled that shit, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Suck a bunch of eggs up there.

Oh, that pig's foot. Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck. Now, does the kangaroos, they stomp on the grapes and make the wine? I think so. Kangaroos? They make it in their, they brew it in their pouches. Oh, that actually makes sense. And that's where Franzia came from.

That wine's got hops. Nice. It does. Yeah. I like that. That was punny though, Nick. Yeah, yeah, thanks. That was a medium level joke.

I liked it. You're not Jewish. No, I, no! What's your, what's your know what's your excuse then I'm fucking just straight American G fuck yeah yeah man I'm just a fucking guy who rides a Harley, of the mind. Nick, what is your life story? Finally. Three sentences. All right.

I was wondering, did you ask me to do this podcast or not? From birth to death. So from birth to a couple of days from now. Yeah, I was born a scrote. Keep it going, Yeah, I was born a... What was this? Keep it going, though. Get there. I was born a scrote.

I lived a scrote's life. And I'm going to die a scrote's death. Wow. What's a scrote? A scrotum, I guess. That's a quote from The Wonder Years. Maybe you guys should get some education. There's a library.

Go watch some VHSs. Thanks. The washed up Fred Savage. What's the most annoying thing about that movie, comedian? Is it scrotum? Like a last name. Scrotum.

Yeah, like scrotum. Like a tiny scrotum? Yeah. Or like one scrotum? Like a scrotum. And scrotum is two. I mean, I believe it would be the scrotum is what the testicles

are contained in. Yeah, we know that. So it would be one testotum is what the testicles are contained in. So it would be one testicle or two testicle. Impossible for a man to have two scrotums, although that is not impossible. I have seen that before. Oh, shoot. They're definitely. I mean, if there's any body part, there's people that have two of it. I've heard that.

Arms and legs. Yeah. Where would the second pussy go? Eyes. All right. Well, thank you, Nick, for being located in between the second pussy go? Eyes. All right. Well, thank you, Nick, for... It should be located in between the breasts. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man, that would be fun. What's that? A pussy in between the breasts. Yeah. Well, people used to joke about it all the time, but in reality, I think it's terrifying. You could probably crack... Cut it open, though. Get through some ribs.

It'd be kind of fun, because you get like... You get like a vibration action on your dick, because it'd be be close to the heart so it'd be thumping on the heart. Your dick would get like a nice little groove. What about a pussy where nipples should be? You just fuck right in the center of that titty. Can I just say butthole where the eyes are? That's a nod. Maybe just one.

So two buttholes or one eye? Maybe why are you crying? Well, I guess you want one. Pull that eye patch out. That's not tears. Fuck that face butthole. Brown. Well, I'm the only one who's going to cry brown tears.

I mean, I can tell you what it looks like. Oh. Butthole eyes? Taylor Swift. Oh, that is Taylor Swift with butthole. I don't know a fact about Taylor Swift. Someone needs to send that to Taylor Swift. Oh, that is Taylor Swift with butthole eyes. I don't know if that's actually a butthole.

Someone needs to send that to Taylor Swift's father right now. How does he? Oh, God. All right, enough. I can't. This is a rough Google search. Butthole eyes? Yeah, just type in butthole eyes in Google.

And then go to the image search, and you're going to find a lot of weird shit. A lot of stuff. Yeah, just have fun with it. It really goes on forever. Have a good day. I agree. Is that Mary Kate Olsen? No.

Oh, here's a picture of a woman sucking a velociraptor's dick, but y'all can't see that. Let's move on to the next news story. Let's move on to the next news story. Police are investigating whether the dumping of a dead koala outside a police station in Victoria's southwest in Australia with $50 stuffed in its mouth is linked to a crackdown on drug crime in the region. Sergeant Jason Von Tunk, who discovered the koala's body, says he was working alone at the Haywood police station on Saturday night when he heard a thud outside. He said he went outside to investigate and found the animal dead in the driveway with money in its mouth. No, it's easy. Someone killed the koala, and then they put money in its mouth

because they wanted to pay someone to clean it up, but they didn't want to be there when it happened. $50 to clean up a koala? I think it's literally a ring of koala drug dealers. I agree. Where would you put it if you were trying to tip the koala removal people? Yeah, the mouth.

Like, put it under it? You know what happens? What, stick it in its ass? Don't they have pouches? No. Koalas? Come on, koalas have pouches. They have koalas.

Jackie, what do you think about this? I just wish the koala was, like, cut open and shoved full of drugs. Then you'd really know. Because that would be the cutest way to get drugs. Yeah.

There was another gal who was recently busted this week smuggling a bunch of cocaine in her titties. So she was busty busted? Nice. Marcus, Google that story. No one liked that story. I saw the bloody bags of silicone coke. Thank you. Cocaine titties, Marcus.

This is gross. Michael wrote about it. And yeah, Marcus. Michael wrote about it. And yeah, a gal. But the only reason she was caught was because they were like, they thought it was weird. They thought it was lumpy. But then as soon as they were feeling her breasts, she was just like, they're filled with coke.

And then everyone at the airport went to suck on them. I mean, that's hot stuff. So they were feeling up her breasts? They were so lumpy that they had to feel them. They probably came up in the x-ray. Well, yeah, the woman was caught trying to smuggle 1.7 kilograms of cocaine into Spain inside her breast implants. The customs officers noticed her breasts were, quote, in odd shape. And so they arrested

her coming from a flight in Colombia. The drug's at a street value of around $1.5 million. So much. Also, if you got lumpy-ass titties, throw a sweater on, bitch. You're the mule, by definition. Are you just wearing a bikini through there? What do you think about this? So they literally had the breast surgery to get the coke in there,

and she's going to have to have another one to get it out. I mean, would you do this? Yeah, of course I would. But I also wouldn't have let them touch my breasts. I'd be like, no, my breasts, my breasts. Sexual harassment, you know? And I would have just cried until they let me go. Yeah, I just came out with, like, a foolproof plan for this shit if you're trying to get some drugs across the states, right?

Okay, so say you're, like, in England or Zimbabwe or whatever. Love it. Yeah, same difference. England, yeah. You need to get, like, a bunch of drugs to Tennessee. Definitely. You find a fucking, you know, let's call her a bitch. Yeah, for this purpose.

Yeah, cool, cool, cool. You find a fucking bitch from Tennessee. You fucking murderer, put the drugs in her. They're going to ship her ass back to fucking Tennessee, right? Yeah. And you just make sure the dude working at the fucking morgue is in on it. No, they're going to fuck her corpse though. That's what they do over there.

That's how they get the drugs out. Yeah. That is actually brilliant. Yeah. That is actually the most intelligent thing. That's how they get the drugs out. Yeah. That is actually brilliant. Yeah. That is actually the most intelligent thing. I know Holden often plays a character. It was in a movie. Was it in a movie?

What movie? American Gangster. Oh, really? They did that shit? Kind of. Yeah, they shipped it. Yeah, they shipped it. Well, they shipped it in coffins, but not in a body.

You got fucked. No, in the body. No, in the body. You kill her. You put the drugs in her. Wait, is that before? How are you going to get it back after it goes through? How are you going to ask for the body back?

You got in with the dude at the morgue. He's part of the fucking plan. You have to get a dude at a morgue in Tennessee. Or a funeral home. Or a funeral home or whatever. The last second the parents switch is funeral home. He's got to open her up anyway. So he opens her up, pulls the drugs Gets some fucking distribution

Why does he have to You guys see Lucy Actually I would say This should all be perpetrated By the people who are Trying to honor the dead woman Do the drug that she loved the most I mean let's just say

She died of a heroin Or cocaine overdose Yeah get an overdose And then you get to do the drugs That was inside of her Yeah Well there is a very famous Urban legend

That kind of surrounds this There used to be this urban legend Where babies would be kidnapped in Mexico, and they killed the baby, stuffed the baby full of cocaine or what have you, and then smuggled it back across the border. Robin Williams. In the movie Lucy, they put drugs inside of Scarlett Johansson. Did they kill the baby?

Well, it's an urban legend. It's not actually true. No, these people should be found. Let's go to Mexico, guys. Legend or not, the crime has been committed. That's true. You'll know they perpetrated the crime if it's a Mexican family that only have one kid. You know, it's like, where did all the other kids go?

Nice. Yeah, good racist. That's racist. Haven't had a good Mexican one in there in a while. Yeah, not enough. Not enough. If you had to get drugs across a football field, you stuff a baby full of drugs,

paint it like a football, give it to a quarterback, he Hail Marys it across the field and then they can get the receivers in on it. You'd have to get an NFL calendar. But the ref's not going to notice the football has arms and legs and, like, eyes. No, you tape all that down.

You paint it. He does tape it. Yeah, you paint it up. Yeah, you probably wrap it up in a sheet or something. So, like, the coach is just like, yeah, we pumped the football real big. We pumped it up big. If he fucking launched it down the field. Yeah, as long as the receiver's in on it and they can perform a Hail Mary 100% accuracy.

And then the receiver does all the blow or he takes it into the tub? I mean, he can take it. As long as you have distribution, phone calls, people lined up. The fastest receiver and he just runs out of the stadium. Maybach. Right, right, right. He's never had kingpin. Yeah, like Forrest Gump.

He'll act all retarded, too. Just like Forrest Gump. Don't know. Don't know. Stop running. And he'll run out of the field and fucking go to the gangsters. Oh, it's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's it? I'd have to make a lot more money if I'm doing that. What are you going to be, the baby or the fucking quarterback? Man, if you could throw me, if you could Hail Mary me across the fucking field, fill me with drugs, you guys can have that. Jackie, what drug would you most like to be filled with? Ooh, I don't know. Probably Dimetap. Is it for seasickness?

Or what's Dimetap for? Dimetap, you know, it's like a RoboTrip kind of thing, but it's for kids, so you have to drink a lot of it. Oh, it's for kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. RoboTrip makes for kids.

This trip's for kids. No, the Dimetap is for kids. The Dimetap, it tastes like grape. It's artificial grape. I told you, I had Tri-Matic. Remember Tri-Matic? Yeah. I drank two bottles of shit. That was the second one. That was not on there. That's Dimetap. It tastes like grape. It's artificial grape. I told you, I had Tri-Medic. Remember Tri-Medic? Yeah. I drank two bottles.

That was the second one. That was not on me. That was the third one. That was not on me. Three beers. None of those were my fault. Tri-Medic, I drank two of those bottles

when I was four and a half years old. I slept for three days and I still love the experience. It's the Dimetap. Man, I used to get the Dimetap beers. It was like grape lollipops and I would eat 10 of them a day.

But my throat never hurt. Kids candy. Kids, yeah. I never coughed. Kids medicine is too good. It tastes too good. Oh man, there was, I typed in Diamond Tap overdose. This woman said her son drank an entire bottle of children's Diamond Tap

and another whole bottle of codeine. Hold on. She's not around her three-year-old long enough for her to open up two bottles of medicine and chug them? Apparently she was in the shower. She should be put to death. Kids are always getting, I drank two bottles of Tri-Medic. My mother is a great mom.

No, you got to bring that kid in the shower. Then you're a pederast. No. Oh, you are? That's what parents do. You can't just leave the kid running around willy-nilly. You bring the kid in the shower. You can't go master, but you have to bring the kid.

You made the decision. You had a fucking kid. Teach it how to shower. You used to teach it how to shower, but you should teach it how to shower alone. I'm saying this is an opportunity for two birds with one stone. One, you have to watch your kid. You can't just let a fucking three-year-old run around.

Two, you can teach your kid how to shower at the same time. He's not just going to figure out how to shower. You guys, this is Parenting 101. Yeah, and that's what this podcast is called from now on. You can think about that with the parenting. Like, I'm fine with teaching them how to fucking take dumps, but I gotta teach them how to shower? They're gonna wash it.

They don't know how to take dumps. That's where the stinky kid in school comes from. Their parents never taught them how to shower. My dad taught me how to shower, and he taught me a little bit too long, but I'll tell you one thing. I don't stink at all. Didn't you take showers with him up until you were like 12? He was European.

He was. He still is European. Now he's American. He wants to be. You don't just stop being European. You can be both, I think. Yeah, I'm actually both. But no, I did shower with the dad for

about until 9 or 10. We talked about it in one of the very... It was interesting to stare at. with the dad for about until nine or ten. Isn't that big old penis scary? It was interesting to stare at. Yeah, because you're like dick level. Dad's big dick

is scary when you're a little kid. You're just staring at dicks. You see them in the bathroom. You just never know if you're going to transform. Well, you don't even know

what balls are yet. Yeah, the whole thing. That's like your first introduction to balls. Right. Do you ever see your dad's dick? Because you don't have them yet.

Yeah, of course. Nine years old though don't have them yet. Yeah, of course. Nine years old, though? That would be eight. Jack, you ever see your mom's pussy? I have never even seen my mother without her shirt on. We are a very clothed family. I gotta.

Ooh, I just, in my head, I have no idea who old lady Zabrowski is, but I gotta. Oh, she's actually very attractive. She's got E-sized breasts. Hangers. They're E. They are. And the thing is, she always wanted me to date Jackie. Yeah.

She wanted me to date Jackie. Well, she wanted any man to date Jackie. But nonetheless. She's asking homeless dudes on the street to date Jackie. To date Jackie. I believe her quote was, anyone but Doug. Oh, stop it. Doug's a great guy. You need somebody bigger

because, you know, you're bigger than he is. Doug's a great guy. And we mentioned Chris, who is running the Brooklyn Comedy Festival. Doug, a great guitar player and singer for the Cowmen. You guys are going to be performing there Saturday night. Baby's alright. Let's go. Let's do it.

We're going gonna fucking do it We're gonna fucking bring All the people in And we're gonna fucking Have a good time And we're gonna get loaded Is this a riff raff thing? I don't know

We're doing the 1130 show right? Oh yeah Fucking A Let's do it 8ix9ine Fucking Calman Fucking Grenade Shit

Some mad people Playing music in it Yeah Fucking rock and roll. Murder for Stoops, Friday Night Knitting Factory. Yeah. Friday Night Knitting Factory. Who else is on that show?

Everybody, man. I'm talking motherfucking. You don't know who's in your post. I'm talking. You don't know. I know who's on it. Who's on it? Mike Lawrence.

Mike Kaplan. Okay. Motherfucking Jean Grey. You mean from the X-Men? The nerdiest white people that's ever existed. No. She's a rapper No she's a rapper She's She's a black woman A rapper?

Jean Grey Look her up Oh no Hold on Hold on Who else? Who else? Package deal

It's you man Yeah that is me When are you performing Mookie? When are you performing? I'm on What is it? August 23rd Baby's Alright

He's on the same show that we're on. Yeah, yeah. We're gonna rip it open. Yeah, Chris booked guys like Mookie, Kevin Barnett, and Jermaine Fowler.

Criminy the British Clown is gonna be there. Yeah, Criminy is gonna fucking bring the fucking heat. Criminy. Has anyone sung my praises? For what? What are you talking about?

For the last year's fucking comedy festival when I did Gutter and Destroyed after the Vietnam War. Oh, you fucking told jokes because that's what you do and you did a good job because you're supposed to do a fucking good job at what you do.

Thank you very much, Chris. That is a football coach way of putting it. Oh my God, it was just like Coach Taylor. That cabin show last year was epic. It was rad, man. Your fucking festival is way better. I'm going to have a kissing booth at Brooklyn Comedy Festival, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to set it up. I'm going to retweet it. BB's Alright, is that what it's called? Yeah, BB's motherfucking Alright. BB's All Rue. Hell yeah, yeah. It's French. It's German French.

R-E-A-U-X. Yeah. Rocks. BB's All Rue. BB's All Rock. What's happening here? If big ass tits Were a comedy festival They'd be the

Brooklyn Comedy Festival Fuck yeah Yeah And the funny thing is I saw Eddie Thinking about that sentence I figured I wanted to say it correctly

That was a good That was a good analogy If an old lady's gown Were a comedy festival If an old lady's gown Were a comedy comedy festival If an old lady's gown were a comedy festival It'd be the Brooklyn Comedy Festival That's fucking right Yeah, it's big

And it's patterned It's comfortable Yeah, it's comfortable You can wear it anytime Anywhere It's always right Alright, it's time for a segment from Hope McNeely Gangs, gotta love them

Gangs, can't get enough of them Gang time With a bunch of white people Tin Pen Alley tune There's no black people on the show So we're gonna talk about gangs And gang violence You almost come up with your own gang name

As I like to call it The name of your gang Sure And then you have to come up with the colors for your fun gang And your territory Talk about your beefs All the things that involve The game I love it man

Alright so I'll start What's going on we're good I'll start We're gonna be the no boys We only say no to things you ask If you want us to say yes to something You have to talk in a double fucking negative When we walk around we're the no boys

We never say we never say we never say it. We only say no, boy. So don't you go, boy. You know, we'll have some, we'll do some songs. But don't you feel like that's gonna hurt your chances of getting anything? Sassy gang. We're gonna be

in the heart of Compton. Gonna go around and we're gonna have a helicopter drop us off in the heart and the sweet delicious heart of Compton. We're going to go around and we're going to have a helicopter drop us off in the heart and the sweet delicious heart of Compton and be the no boys. We'll drink spritzer. So Ben, you can join if you want. I love a good white wine spritzer.

Absolutely. We'll drink spritzers. We'll say no to everybody's toes. If you have toes, you're getting a no. And our beef is against rape. And we'll beat up rapists. You can't be against your no boys, though. No means no, Ben.

No means no. That's not fair, though. We're beefing on rape up in our fucking bullshit ass. All our bitches get fucking ass. There's no way you can win. No, boy. No, boy. You way you can win. No, boy. No, boy. You're going to have to go, boy.

Stay off the Compton streets, boy. Because we're out here fighting rape. We're fighting rape. Gentrification has gone a little crazy. Give that pussy some tape. Because we're fighting our rape out here. And you guys rhyme. That's cool.

Yeah, tape the pussy close. Yeah, Mookie, what kind of gang do you want to do? Well, I didn't do my colors. Blue and aqua green. Such an asshole. That's like the same color. You can turn it on if you want. Why can't I just stand here?

You have to give your gang name. I'm so hot. My gang name is the fucking Tards. And that's short for retards. Because, yeah, I'm not afraid to say it. All right, you're done. Mookie, what's your gang name? My gang is the Mexican Coke Gang, man.

All right. Yeah, we sell Mexican Coke in a glass bottle, dude. Oh, you mean like Coca-Cola? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very cool. I mean, everyone loves Mexican Coca-Cola. That's great. We beef with high fructose corn syrup,

man. Okay. Fuck that shit. I can hear that. You don't need that. You need that natural cane sugar, bitch. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just trying to swear because it got laughs like holy cow. No, he's more obnoxious than you are. Yeah, I know. I could never obtain that level. You know, If I drink enough

Mexican coke I might get hyped up You know Arriba I got you That Mexican coke shit Baby I fucking dig that shit

You wanna make a bitch mad Call her a niche That fucking really pisses me off Does that work Alright A niche What do you think Chris Gang

I'm gonna start a gang And we're just gonna Call ourselves the cops Okay I was actually Gonna do that Really That's kinda cool gang. I'm going to start a gang and we're just going to call ourselves the cops. Okay. I was actually going to do that. That's kind of cool. That's kind of a cool thing. That's a brilliant idea.

Yeah, we'll just be called the cops and they'll be like, what the fuck's going on? The cops are after the cops and it'll cause confusion on social media. Very good idea. So when CNN fucking breaks the story, you hear me? You following me?

I got you. We roll in Ferguson, Missouri. Oh, shit. It's getting real. I'm from St. Louis, you guys, and I want everybody to know that I support Who do you support in St. Louis? Jesse Jackson. You support Jesse Jackson.

I support him,. I support him and I support what he does and, you know, the ACLU and the NAACP and, you know. All right. You're done.

That's not a thing. Another you're done? It's two. They failed. We're going to be called the cops. Our color is going to be navy blue.

My gang? And we roll with your gang. Ferguson, Missouri. My gang is called the Salsa Girls and they give me a bunch of fucking salsa whenever I want them to. It's not a gang. You're done. That's it. Next.

What are your gang colors, and what's your territory, you beautiful bitch? My house, and then that's the territory, and then they wear, like, I don't know, green, gray. The color of salsa. The color of salsa. The Salsa Girls The color of salsa. The color of salsa. The salsa girls. Give me some. I love salsa. My gang is going to be called

the Furries Down Under. It's going to be in Australia. And it's going to consist of me nude and I'm never going to shave any part of my body ever again. But I am going to wear a cape that takes the energy from the sun. It is a solar energy cape

that's going to give the electricity to the house that I will live in out in the middle of nowhere because my beef is with the sun and with scorpions. And so I will fight them all and if I get a tag team, rag tag team of fucking kangaroos

that want to band together with me because they're going to be scared of me because I'm a big fucking stick and I'm going to have my own pouch every once in a while and be like, I have a baby in here too. And they'll respect me because I'm nude and I have a cape on. So I will call myself the furries down under against the sun and against scorpions. And my color is, I mean, red because I'm going to be sunburned. Nice.

I like it. Ed Larson. Is it me or is it Lyra? Lyra. What are we doing? Ed Larson Is it me or is it Lyra? Lyra, what are we doing? I roll with the

Ombre A lot of Mexican themed We wear nothing but Pastel ombre And we like Flank out on the outside Of the no boys And help in the fight against rape

Wow They need help on the outside of the no boys and help in the fight against rape. Wow. They need help. Yo, if you guys want to fucking throw down with the cops, let me know. Maybe we can fucking... Yeah, man. They don't want to. I know you guys drink some Mexican coke, though.

First down, I'm going to work with nobody. No humans. We'll work with the cops on some rape-ass shit. Let's fucking... Let's figure this out. Yeah. Wait, what side are you on? No, we're anti

rape, man. Right. Good. I just wanted to clarify. Before you join their team. They're called the cops. Are the cops anti-rape? If you're asking me and my fucking cops, yeah, we're against rape.

We're cops, yeah. All right, Eddie. Can we ask a question? It's working. It's already working. Eddie D-Balls, what do you got for us? Um, my gang is the, um... You can be in the cops.

I was gonna do... I literally was gonna do the cops. You can be in the cops. You can be in the cops. I'm gonna be in the Allman Brothers. All right. And so, yeah, I'm in the Allman Brothers, and we're going to go on tour. So we're not in one spot.

We're always around, you know, dishing out the licks, dishing out the mushrooms. What's the colors? Tie-dye. Tie-dye, you know. And peach. Tie-dye is in peach. A lot of peaches. We're going to bring peaches everywhere.

We're going to love talking to girls. What's your fucking beef? My beef is with Dickie Betts and motorcycles. Dickie Betts comes around. I'm going to fucking shove a motorcycle up his goddamn dick hole. Who's Dickie Betts for the listeners at home? Dickie Betts was in the Allman Brothers, and he got fucking kicked out. And they don't play his songs no more.

Dickie goes on his own tour playing Dickie songs. So the Dickie boys, that's who you're fighting against. Fuck the Dickie boys. I like the Dickie boys. You would like the Dickie boys, you piece of shit. I like an individual who goes on his own way. Dickie Betts. He quit.

He didn't quit. He went on to win. He got kicked out for being a cocksucker. But anyway, I'm winning. I'm going to join the Allman brothers, man. Alright, there we go. Marcus, who's the big winner? I'm going to go with the No Boys and the Fombre Ombre.

Oh, Nick, you're back. Thank God. You're just pirate. Yeah, you know the whole fucking thing. Jackie, Chris, 18 know the whole fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jackie, Chris Neslin. 18 through the 24th, check out the Brooklyn Comedy Festival. It's on the internet, and you'll love it. The Cave Go First in the Creek.

The Sausage Fest. Yeah, the Cave Awards the next weekend. Vote for us. We're up for the best podcast. Not a lot of press. What's going on over there, Marcus? He's got a tape recorder and it's creepy. Not a lot of...

Yes, and the 31st is the Sausage Fest. Come in for that. I'll see you guys later. Hey, thanks for having me on, guys. Thank you. You're very great, Chris.