The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 220: A 12 Year Mulrennan

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on Round Table: a falcon enthusiast is barred from seeing a falcon exhibit on the grounds that he might be a pedophile, an Irish woman is denied a job in Korea due to her country's reputation for producing alcoholics, and a bull is being sent to the slaughterhouse because he is gay. Joining us today: Chris Laker and James Adomian!

Hey everybody, just a quick update for you. The Roundtable, gentlemen, is now brought to you by Audible.com. Go to audibletrial.com slash roundtable for your 30-day free trial. Hell yeah, let's kick this pig, you fuckers! The Roundtable. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen.

Gentlemen of the day, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Are we starting? Smoking butts! We're live. Yeah, we smoked a blunt. started smoking but Eddie you've never looked more like a trailer park boy in your life I feel great man yeah it's so weird I had such a great day but the Dolphins lost and I still had a nice time there's something about the winter

I'm learning how to be a humor that's great yeah take your jacket off I'm hot just looking at what's? I'm fucking cool, man. I'm rocking this out. Okay. I'm having a great time. I love this. I'm in a sweater. No one's fucking with him. I've been wearing this same sweater for about four days.

This exact whole outfit I've been wearing for four or five days. It's a great outfit. It's a good choice. That's what the early part of cold time does to you. You're like, I'll just hold on to this one. I don't know what's going on. It's been the same t-shirt under the hoodie all summer. Right.

There's no excuse for that except entropy. Yeah, exactly, man. What's been the same t-shirt under the hoodie all the time. There's no excuse for that except entropy. Exactly, man. What's entropy mean? That's because you're all... The slow decline of everything. All right, Jackie Pray. All right. Dear God.

God up there. I want to say today, I want to thank you. I want to thank everyone for being able to throw bows every once in a while. Throw bows? Yeah, man. I think that everyone should fight more often because it feels great. Oh, throw blows. Yeah, no, bows.

Like fucking elbows. Oh, I'm an idiot. Fucking give him the bows, man. You are an idiot. Throw in the fucking bows. Man, today I beat the shit out of my rug. It is dirt free and I feel fucking great. That's a statement though.

It's a prayer. No, no, I punch. I'm saying this. I'm saying you punch something, God. Giving us the freedom to punch whatever we fucking want. God gave us these fists. God gave us the punching right. Yeah, man.

So everybody punch. Fuck yeah, God. I'm out. So thank you for the punching meat. Yeah, man. Punching meat. That was some real shit, Jackie. Personally, I like to thank you for the punching meat. Yeah, man. Punching meat. That was some real shit, Jackie.

Personally, I like to grab it and just kind of screw it up, you know, with my fingers. Yeah, that's great. Whatever you want to do with your punching meat, you can do. As long as it's bad. People leave out the Bible stories too much. How much of a badass Jesus was. That's very true. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen, everybody. We just have to do this really quick.

That's Jackie. She's here. Eddie, you're here. I'm here. Ed, I say it for me. Oh, okay. We just have to do this really quick. That's Jackie. She's here. Eddie, you're here. I'm here. I say it for me. Oh, okay. Yeah, Ed Larson. Thank you.

And you say it so perfectly. All these contracts were negotiated separately. Can I go now, Ben? No, Kevin. Holdenators, ho! God damn it. I want to thank all my new fans to the fold. You're welcome.

What new fans? You have no new fans. You want to thank them to the fold. You're welcome. What? New fans. You have no new fans. Many, many. You want to thank them to the fold. Good God. Oh, my fan art. I appreciate it. And I recently received a cake made out of pills looking like my face. So that was really nice. Made out of pills?

Yeah, yeah. What kind of pills? Pill cake. Don't know. Haven't tried them yet. Gonna try them on my birthday. That's great. It's got a few months to sit there, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah, put it next to the dead goose. Someone sent him some fucking cyanide. I cannot believe it. Your poor, poor girlfriend.

A studio apartment with you. Absolutely. That was the first thing we did. We had a screaming contest. I won immediately. And, yeah. Now it's just like, you know, I just blindfold myself and I just touch pillows hoping to find her breasts. And it's harder now that Bed Bath & Beyond is releasing breast-like pillows.

Yeah, yeah. It's better for her, though, something to leave behind and go to the bars. Go to the bars. Kevin, you're here. Oh, yeah, I'm here. Kevin, how bad did Jermaine Fowler bomb yesterday on Jeffrey Ross? This has been a constant. I can't stop thinking about it. Jermaine Fowler bomb yesterday? This has been a constant. I can't stop thinking about it.

Jermaine eating a dick. I was trying to get him in today. I wanted to talk about it. I think he's back. Did he fly back? Yeah, he left. He was hiding in a chain. His ticket wasn't for today, but he bought one.

They were boarding his flight, and they were like all gold and platinum members. All people who bombed last night. I think I ever seen you there. You said third class. That plane ride must have been so dark for him. Six hours alone to just reflect.

Chris Laker, you're here. You saw that. Man, I don't want to say shit. I had to host the show. Laker, you were here. You saw the show. I saw the show, yeah. But I thought, no, I thought they were robbed.

That's the worst part about it was, is like Jermaine, right after their set, he texted me all caps DESTROYED and then all caps US. And I wrote to him, hey, man, y'all should have won in justice. And he was just like, I think he took it serious. Right. You were obviously joking because for those that don't understand, Jermaine Fowler, it was the worst comedic performance in the history of Gramercy Theater.

Arguably of all time. Maybe of all time. Out of all the theaters. He also has already written the definitive article in The Village Voice about it. Oh, absolutely. And I'll read it as soon as I look at all the hot indie gals in the back pages. But also in front of everyone he knew and also in front of a lot

of other people that he really should have done well. He also talked shit on the internet all week. All week he tortured Mark and Mark just sat there and wrote jokes and he was concentrating on torturing us. I was expecting Mark to get killed. It was unbelievable. Mark Norman, by the way.

I read the narrative of Mark Norman as like, well, the humble farmer out here just working his field. They tried to uprise, we smashed him

right back down. But I talked to him, he was shaken by the campaign. He was a mess before the show. I saw him on the street like an hour before the show

and he was like literally a mess. I've never seen him so nervous. He was very nervous. I thought he was like literally a mess. I've never seen him so nervous. He was very nervous. I thought he had good reason to be. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah.

No. Jermaine is very in shape, but I'll tell you, he was just so on funny last night. He's in shape. He's just malnourished. I know. He does sit-ups and stuff. It's the twin thing. God damn.

He's a twin? Yeah. He's a fraternal twin. Fraternal twin? What does that mean? They don't look the same. Oh, okay. One would have done better than the other.

What's the other one doing? Probably, you know, somewhere. Yeah, he's not really doing anything. Living that father life. You ever meet him? No, I never met him. What the fuck, man? You should do a show all about...

Twins? Yeah, never mind. I smoked a little bit of weed, everybody. All right. James Adomi and you're here. How could you be stoned when you know I'm going to be here? I don't know, James. I'm sorry I failed you so far,

but I'm going to make it up to you later on in the episode when I say something funny about a situation that I don't know what it is yet. That's a guarantee for showbiz, folks. Guarantee. I don't know what the situation is, but I'll say something funny, I promise. It's phenomenal.

We've got legs. We've got dancers. We've got Ben Kissel doing the best he can giving a curtain sit in good situation. I still do, God damn it. We're all doing great here. Yeah, man, no, I had a good day today. I rolled a blunt, and I brought it in.

Smoked half by myself, then brought the rest in for everyone else. Thank rolled a blunt. I brought it in. Smoked half by myself, then brought the rest in for everyone else. Thank you, Eddie. You said the Dolphins lost and that you were cool with that, which was your evidence for why you're evolving as a person. Yeah. It was great. I had a good day.

You do look like you should be warming your hands by a fucking garbage can. I know, man. You look like a dude who just, like, loves free soup. What is wrong with you right now? He does look like central casting for a guy who's okay with the Joker taking over Gotham City. But we're not casting that today. Oh, I'll be here no matter what. These are all new clothes. This is new outfit.

You guys can't see it. They were old to somebody. It's an army green, heavy winter beanie cap. Woodstock, three days of peace. There's a Woodstock t-shirt. It looks like if it wasn't destroyed previously. I don't understand how. It just looks so...

It's distressed. It's distressed. In several layers together, it looks like a couch in someone's cool party basement. It looks like you bought that shit after the fallout. I didn't buy any of it. Distressed shirts are not for you, Ed. Distressed shirts are for very attractive people that need to look like they're common. But you're common.

Wear nice shirts. I don't know if you guys can see, but I'm right next to him. He still has buffalo wing sauce. Also all over his face. He's covered in buffalo wings. Because he just stuffs his head in the trash can and bites. That's all here. The Ed Larson line of clothing available at Macy's. Barbecue sauce.

Buffalo wing sauce. All of it's touched his face at one point. He's got to put his face in the drip. Fucking sad shit if it is, though. Fucking Ed fucked last night, too. Man, like an animal. You have a hot girlfriend, Eddie. She's a nice lady that I hang out with a lot.

Listen to that. Wow. Wow. Laker, you're Chris Laker. What's up? Chris Laker, how are you? I'm good, man. Good, good, good. I love Chris Laker. Say something about? Chris Laker, how are you? I'm good, man. Good, good, good.

I love Chris Laker. Say something about Eddie that's accurate and disgusting about how he looks and stuff. High on. What, like an undercover transit cop or something? Like a big backpack? I'll take that, yeah. Yeah, undercover transit cop is perfect. You're going to give them compliments when they're supposed to be insults.

I like that. That was nice. That's a great job to have. It is, man. Those guys are hard as fuck. Yeah, there's a lot of shit goes on down there. You hard as fuck right now, Laker? Am I?

I'm hard as fuck. No, I'm not hard. All right. Well, Laker's got a great podcast this week. Should I have yes-anded on that? No, it doesn't matter. I fucked up. I'm sorry.

Is that blunt, man? Yeah. You're great at improv, Laker. Did you take level three or four? I saw an improv show with Chris and she just never did it. You never got in there. They were doing it. They were really doing it fine, man.

They got this. We're good. I was watching it backstage with Mike, and we were so thrilled. We were like, oh, Laker's doing improv. I stayed at the creek for an extra two hours. And then Laker goes up there, and he never gets in there. But it was an amazing performance because he didn't do as bad as Jermaine Fowler did at Grammar Seat. Tonight's top story, Jermaine Fowler bombed

at the Gramercy Theater the top the second and the last I mean every story is about it New York City comedy authorities are

asking for answers good lord they took down Mulaney though he had like that joke that was just about like John Mulaney

for no reason yeah no John Mulaney wasn't there was he not there no why would John Mulaney for no reason. John Mulaney wasn't there. Was he not there? No. Why would John Mulaney be a wrote? I mean, I don't know.

Was he calling Norman Mulaney? No, he was saying that Mark was as unfunny as the Mulaney show. Or he was saying he was like a Mulaney clone. I mean, a Seinfeld clone. It was a Seinfeld clone. Yeah, that's what it was. It was all tied up in a knot, though, from the sounds of it.

Like, just the whole. Right. I love watching my friends bomb, man. Yeah. It's so much fun. Oh, my God. Well, you just try to figure out if you can possibly distance yourself without hurting your career.

What was it? Kevin at the roast for. Marcus's roast. Yeah. Jermaine's was way worse than that. Thank God. This is great for you. Well, no.

I came in with nothing. I came in. I knew I was in with nothing. I came in. I knew I was going to bomb. I came in with literally nothing. Yeah. I mean, the first, like, 45 seconds I was saying, people were laughing. Then I had nothing else after that. But, like, Jermaine was prepared.

He had jokes for weeks. He had written jokes. He even looked at his phone and his notepad as he was saying them. Oh, no, really? Yeah. That poor bastard. He was like Orny Adams in the movie Comedian, but it was all just roast jokes. He was sitting there in that fucking pile full of notes and shit.

At a certain point, it's like, you know, our government is going to have to be held accountable for all the innocent people that Jermaine's jokes have killed in Iraq and Afghanistan and all these places we've been. Oh, if he goes and talks to our military, we're going to lose every war for sure. How uninspiring would that be? Oh, my... Well, I mean, I guess it would be inspiring

because they definitely want to go and kill something after they see it. Yeah, like, you get out of here. You could be a comedian. Yeah, yeah. Don't stop being a soldier. He was great, though. Jermaine was wonderful.

We're all just joking around here. Jermaine, we love you on the show oh yeah absolutely very successful guy but yeah sure ed looks like fucking marcus hasn't even been villain in the goonies marcus hello can you uh i mean the first news story it's obviously it's for kevin it's for kevin news, yeah, we're going straight to you, man. A bird enthusiast made a 25-mile trip to see a falconry display at a family leisure park, only to be told that single adults are banned for fear of pedophiles. That's exactly what's wrong with this fucking country, man. I agree.

It was England. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Them too. Yeah, fuck them as well. Married man Matthew Richards, 54, a father of three grown-up children, was staggered by the role at award-winning Puxton Park, a family-oriented leisure attraction near

Westin Supermarie. Puxton Park next to Westin Supermarie. If he sounds like that, he shouldn't be allowed in. He's probably a pedophile. Well, please, could I see the falcons? He says little boy dick. May I see the little boy dick? They talk so stupid.

Oh my god, Jim! Say something dumb with an accent that is British. Please, sir, the sun's almost half down. God, they're so dumb. Those fucking idiots. God, I fucking... Okay. Those fucking idiots. God, I fucking. Okay, so I was in Iceland, and I was there with two New York guys,

and they were like, dude, that dude fucking rolled up on you, bro. And these English lads were like, can you believe they sound like that? They were like upset at how the New Yorkers sounded. Unbelievable. See, I'm from England, and I'm a fucking idiot shit dick.

I'm from England and I'm an idiot shit dick. Yeah, you're a fucking idiot. Stop, stop. I think that's more Mary Poppins. That's great. Well, Mr. Richards, who also has three grandchildren, had previously visited the park with his family to admire the birds of prey. But when he returned on Thursday hoping to watch another falconry display. The falcons!

Of course to see the falcons! The football team? No. He was told he couldn't be admitted as a single man on child protection grounds. Puxton Park claimed the rule. Was he a kiddie rapist? No. He was told he couldn't be admitted as a single man on child protection grounds. Puxton Park claimed the rule. Was he a kiddie rapist? No. Not at all.

He just wasn't allowed in the playground? He was a falconry. He probably had a hard-on or something. He is creepy looking. For the birds. You can get a boner for birds. He shouldn't have made us think about this. This is totally exposing who he is.

Picture the young grandfather who enjoys watching birds by himself. I can see the confusion. Totally. I bet you check his computer. There's a long history of searching for gymnasts and shit. I think this guy is up something. It's a fine sport, gymnastics. All I have to say is when my dad said,

I'm going to go outside into the backyard and, quote, unquote, look for birds alone, I knew he was jimmying on little Tony or little Benny or one of the boys, one of the neighborhood boys. And I was just inside. I was just happy to get some Sega Genesis time. It's nice to go out and find the cardinals to feed your seeds to. Why are you British, Father? Everyone else is perfectly American. The sparrows enjoyed my seed, you see.

He always bursts into song. I don't understand that. I think it's upsetting. A man can't go to a goddamn falconry exhibit. It's a playground that has falcons in it. What's that all about? He should live in a world that allows him to go to any bird exhibit he wants to go to. It's a leisure park. In fact, Friends of the People

wrote a sketch very similar to this. Things just like that, man. Except this is with falcons. We should have wrote that. That's even more fucking current, man. That's like what the streets are talking about right now. Falcon injustice. I don't like it. This guy should press charges. He should

sue the entire operation and get in there and see those goddamn falcons. It's pathetic. I believe I have some right to see these falcons. If I served in the Foggin' Tour, I believe I deserve to see falcons. Sorry, sir. We can't let you see them. You may molest a boy. You may put your penis in a boy because of your bird interest.

I'm sorry my breasts are out. I apologize. I'll recover. I hope there's some official that thinks like his mindset is like, came to see Falcons? Might as well fuck. Might as well have sex with a young boy. They have nothing to do with each other. No, nothing at all.

Are they particularly horny? I mean, how do falcons mate? That's like saying, we're screening for income tax evasion at local baseball games. There's no connection whatsoever. Do falcons fuck in the air? Don't lot of birds fuck in the air?

Yeah, I think falcons might do that shit. But you mentioned local baseball games. That's a place I don't think a single dude should be allowed. What are you talking about? What? That's a high school, middle school, local baseball game. A single guy going there.

Yeah, I mean, that's disgusting. We should all go to a Little League game hammered and root for a team. That'd be so much fun. Just top the other team. Yeah, absolutely. Just pick a team. Yeah, just pick a team at random and just start loving them. Oh, this is cooly shit.

A pair of falcons mates for life and returns to the same nesting spot annually. The courtship flight includes a mix of aerial acrobatics, precise spirals, and steep dives. The male passes prey. It is caught to the female in midair. And to make this possible, the female actually flies upside down to receive the food from the male's talons. Yeah, but what does its penis look like? Like a bird's penis.

They have cloacas. That sounded so hot, I think we could slow that down and make, like, a silly point. So in the middle of the fall, she turns around and he... Love lived also where we belong. The courtship flight includes a mix of aerial acrobatics, precise spirals, and steep dives. And how big is a cloaca?

Yeah, does it have a tip or like, you know? Yeah, well, a cloaca, as we talked before, dinosaurs have these as well. A cloaca is an organ in which I believe they give birth and are able to receive semen. I think they shit and give birth out of the same hole. Is it brown? Oh, that must be so much easier then. Yeah, it simplifies the whole process.

Combination hole? I guess it's a combo hole, but I think that's wonderful. I mean, this has come up many times before. It serves as the only opening for the intestinal, reproductive, and urinary tracts of certain animal species. All amphibians, birds, reptiles, and monotremes possess this orifice. What's a monotreme? Monotreme. Amphibians?

No, those are like platypuses. Oh, yeah? Echidnas? Hedgehogs as a lizard as a lizard what's the best part of having a cloaca oh oh i think the most enjoyable part about having the cloaca is you hide it and you whip out your tail pretend that's the cock and really go to town on them ah and then you don't get to uh have them pray pray pregnant yeah yeah and they don't get pregnant off of my tail penis. Absolutely. And, you know, slime.

I think I could cover an entire falcon in my fucking goo. I think I have a falcon's worth of goo when I, you know, go. That's a good idea. When was the last time you went? Last time I went? A couple days ago.

Went what? Ugh. Shower town. Shower town. Yeah. How much did you go? I had some fun in the shower. Yeah.

You went a lot. Like I used to do when I lived with my Benny Ben. I know. I miss you. I no longer live with Ben. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The divorce.

Yeah. It wasn't a divorce. Well, I had issues. Yeah. Is that after Ben shit in the tub? I think it was a that after Ben shit in the tub? Oh, Laker, are you talking nonsense? Whoa, accusations that I didn't particularly enjoy hearing just now from Christopher Laker. I didn't shit in the tub, Laker.

And whoever did it, he was holding. Oh, no, he shit on the stage at Gramercy Theater last night. I'll tell you, Jermaine did so bad. Was it through one hole? It was also his fuck hole? Every single person in that crowd that has never done comedy left that place thinking that they could. Like, that's how bad he was.

Jesus. Maybe that's a silver lining here. Maybe he inspired the next generation. Yeah. It's a beautiful story at the end of the day. If he can do it, then a lot of other people can. As a matter of fact, Kevin, you have a very similar story. We won't name the fella's name, but you saw somebody do so poorly that you went up to

them and you're just like, oh, I know I can do this. Thank you. That's how I started, literally. Yeah. It was a guy who sucked so bad. Yeah, it was me. And I was just doing, it was coming to my college man and he was just bad it was real bad right so that's how i started doing it so jermaine is that guy for somebody yeah you should

have seen my act i used to dress up like scooby-doo right i get on stage my balls be out i'd be like hey how many fuckers are in here tonight All of them You fucking Fusses shit I take shit on the stage That is funny That is kind of funny In a weird way That was my ten minutes

And obviously Eight minutes To take shit I need a lot of cheese Before I I need a lot of cheese Fucking So it was a cheesy shit

Yeah Kind of a drippy cheesy Kind of a It was big and bad A stinkier one You can't run the light You know Yeah And I've got a story That. Kind of a drippy, cheesy. It was big and bad. Kind of a stinkier one. You can't run the light, you know? Yeah. And I've got a story that's kind of similar to that.

A mom called police after her three-year-old daughter found Tigger having sex in a public toilet. Uh-oh. According to the woman, the man was dressed as the children's character and, quote, having full-blown sex. Tigger was with a naked woman. Full-blown? That was her quote. She said he was having, they slammed the door in my granddaughter's face and caught her hand in the door resulting in bruising to her fingers.

No, this was just at a restaurant. This is also in southwestern England. The grandmother of the toddler posted about the incident. Is Tigger a wonderful thing about tickers. It's tickers are wonderful things. Yeah. If anyone's going to get caught fucking the toilet, it's going to be Tigger. Yeah, but it's a full costume though, isn't it?

Bumpy, bumpy, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I mean, he was in a Tigger costume. She was fully naked. Yeah, but the Tigger costume is a full head-to-toe costume. He had a slit. Do they have a cock hole? Yeah, but I mean, but the Tinker costume is a full head-to-toe costume. I mean, he had a slit. Do they have a cockle? Yeah, you gotta fuck. You built him in for fucking peeing

as a secondary, like, also thing. I saw a fun video recently of a couple in a McDonald's bathroom getting caught fucking in there. It was real funny. Like, the lady, the manager's beating on the door like, get the fuck out of here. She's like, if I walk in there, it smells like pussy.

I'm going to be fucking pissed. And then walk out with just this big, fat Asian dude putting his shirt on. Like, I don't know. Why did you not put your shirt on before you came out? Oh, if you're going to fuck in the bathroom. In a McDonald's bathroom in the middle of the day. Oh, wow. You got to keep that shirt on.

That's passion. That is hot passion. Just so gross. I've noticed some aphrodisiac qualities to the fish sticks and the French fries. Yeah, right. Yeah, of course. It gets me going. Oh, I mean, cheap hamburgers are always arousing.

There's no doubt about that. I just feel like if you're a fat dude and you're fucking in a McDonald's bathroom, let the girl feel like she's in Hawaii. Leave your goddamn shirt on. How many dudes have had sex dressed? Wear the Hawaiian shirt. Sorry. No, no.

How many dudes have had sex dressed as the Hamburglar? Oh, I mean, one. There's no dick hole in the Hamburglar costume. Oh, you make one. You just no dick hole in the Hamburglar costume. Oh, you make one. You just take your pants down. Hamburglar's got pants. Hamburglar would be a great Halloween costume. It's a great Halloween costume.

I was thinking about it as you said it, and I'm like, you said one, but I'm like, thinking about how good of a costume that is, it's probably been a lot. I found a picture here. Sexy Hamburglar. Yeah, but that's a woman. Why is it to be sexy? It's still sexy Hamburglar. He's a great why is it to be sexy it's still sexy hamburger yeah he's a great character leaker what do you think about fucking a mcdonald's is that

one of the uh the the worst places you can have sex or is it one of the better ones i mean you know it's a it's a cheap environment and you got a nice date there well you gotta pay you gotta buy something to use that bathroom so you really don't want to waste it right you know like you and they don't say what to use the bathroom for yes and they so homeless people don't really get in that bathroom that often it's not Starbucks there's probably a cleaner than Starbucks as far as a place to have sex I agree it's better than a heroin in the bathroom I agree I'd much rather catch someone having sex than doing heroin yeah Jackie ever been had sex in the bathroom?

Two heroin one? No heroin. Of course I've had sex in the bathroom. What's the purple thing's name? What's the one? The grimmest. The grimmest. The grimmest. The grimmest.

The grimmest. I'd fuck that. You'd fuck the grimmest? Yeah, I feel like he probably would be, I mean, he'd be so cushy, he'd be like fucking a pillow. Yeah, but I don't know if you can get to his dick, though. I don't think you can actually have sex. There's got to be a pee-pee hole in the grimmest. No, I know there's a a pillow. Yeah, but I don't know if you can get to his dick, though. I don't think you can actually have sex. There's gotta be a pee-pee hole in the ground. No, I know there's a pee-pee

hole, but I don't know if there's a big, long dick. Jackie, in a public restroom? Um, no, a bar or bars? That's a public restroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything outside of your apartment that you're shitting in is a public restroom. It's in the public, and therefore a public restroom. Everyone's had sex in a bar or bathroom.

Correct? Yes, I have. Yeah. All right. Great radio. James, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom sex. Yeah, but usually at someone's house or something. Right. Yeah, yeah.

Why would you choose to have sex in a bathroom at a house? Out of all the places. Yeah, yeah. What about the bathroom? In the shower. Like if you're fucking all over the hotel room. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of the shower.

Shower's great. I used to stay away from toilets. Shower's fantastic, man. I don't really get turned on by toilets. You don't get turned on by toilets? A lot of people do, and everyone has different sex. Jackie had a roommate who liked to get banged over a toilet. She walked in on her one time.

Oh, yeah, you mean my boyfriend's brother? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you were talking about, I meant Rachel. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. My boyfriend's brother with his first girlfriend, when we first started living together in college, we all lived together, and he would just bang her on the bathroom. They would just break the toilet seat all the time.

He is really dumb. Yeah. They enjoy it. You have your own room, too. How would you bang on the toilet seat? And he's like, I was taking a dump. And so she just sat on him while he was taking a dump? They were face to face.

She was like riding him because I walked in on it, riding him. And like, it smelled like shit in there. And afterwards he said, I was taking a dump. He took one and fucked? You know what? I used to think he was a super dumb guy and now he's the smartest human being that's ever existed because he was getting fucked well taking a dump at least he knows what he wants i just love both of those things that's not the only time

you've walked in on two horrible people in my own house yeah in your own apartment yeah that's not the only set of roommates i just walked in on fucking on a toilet. What is? In the least terms. That's for me. I'm going to be fucking in a toilet if that's cool. Yeah, I'm like, of course it's fucking cool. I hope I walk in on it.

Kevin, what would you do if you were taking a dump and a chick came and tried to sit on your dick? How do you even get hard during the event? Yeah, that chick's out of my life forever, man. I don't understand that shit at all. Yeah. Still my fucker, though. Can you get hard taking a dump? It smells like shit inside of the room.

Like you know that there's still shit on his ass. It's my shit. Right. Who cares? There's still shit on your ass. You're like, I'm the hypothetical person in that scenario, and I'm fine with it. I am. Can I point out that Marcus Parks is looking up hamburger porn,

and each time I look over, it's sexier and sexier, dirtier, dirtier. The first one is the Hamburglar fucking a black woman with a hamburger head. It's just huge tits on it. Yeah, huge tits, and he's also saying the Big Mac recipe while he's doing cheese pickles. Sesame bun. The next one

is... The next one is the Hamburglarette, which is a chick with a dick. She has a dick. And then there is the Hamburglarette, which is a chick with a dick. She has a dick. And then there is the Hamburglarette fucking a chicken woman with Wendy's hair. See, I thought that was Big Bird. I thought that's one of the McNuggets chicks. I think it's a McNuggets chick.

It's one of the McNuggets chicks. And there is a whole series of McDonald's Rule 34. Oh, there's Grimace with a dick. Marcus, tell our audience how to get there. Go to, wow, that's a long address, but it's rule34.paheal.net slash post slash list slash McDonald's slash one. So Marcus clicked on a Viagra link. Don't forget the apostrophe in McDonald's. Oh, yeah, there's an apostrophe in McDonald's.

Can you repeat that, please? It's not a legitimate website. Can you repeat that, please? To repeat that, that is rule34.p-a-h-e-a-l dot net slash post slash list slash McDonald's that's with an apostrophe slash one. Alright, for our listeners at home, can you say that one more time? That is rule34.p-a-h-e-a-l

dot net slash post slash view slash McDonald's with an apostrophe slash one. Yeah! Here's one of Ronald McDonald post slash view slash McDonald's with an apostrophe slash one. Yeah. Hell yeah. Marcus, can you- Ooh, here's one of Ronald McDonald fucking Harley Quinn. Who's Harley Quinn?

From the joke from Batman. He's got murder in his eyes. He looks great. It's disgusting stuff and people jack off to it. Ronald looks great. Wait, he had yellow balls like his suit and it looked like his dick was- Look, it looks like his dick is inside her but still inside the pants. I think she's giving him a lap dance. That's what it is.

It looks like it's penetration under cloth. It looks like it. That's fun. Good for her. It's hot stuff. A lot of people probably really enjoy it. Yeah. You know? We'll edit out the segment, Marcus. That's a Johnny Carson transition. Hot stuff. A lot of people have enjoyed it.

They do. I just can't believe how many pictures there are of the Hamburglar as a hot redhead with a giant cock. Yeah. That's a weird. Is it a new thing, Eddie? That's a weird fetish. I'll tell you one thing. Sexy mask.

Burglar mask. The hottest kind of mask. Internet's a strange and wonderful place. There's a trainee on Twitter I looked at a couple of weeks ago who is absolutely stunning. Yeah. And I didn't know that she had a dick until she was like, oh, you can't even see my dick in a picture of her like crouching it. And it was good stuff.

Okay. So I'm just going to say that. I forget her name. Can I tell you one thing? Thank you. The month of August. Mm-hmm. What is that?

That's the time for experiments. That's right. Really? Getting cold. Halloween's right What is that? That's the time for experiments. That's right. Getting cold. Halloween's right around the corner. Next summer, go for it. Yeah, Eddie Murphy it, man. Alright. I'll go on SNL. We'll get you a good one, too. Which one? Tranny. Oh, a transsexual woman. I'd take

one. Yeah. Let's do this. Jackie? There was such sincerity in those eyes wow there is one on Twitter that's pretty stunning let's be the first like round table like video we'll go on the streets we'll produce you know we'll get a bunch of who's good enough to fuck yeah we'll go to a hotel you're I thought you were in on it too man I thought you were doing it as well well I'm not gonna fuck it I was gonna help Ben get laid will you were in on it too, man. I thought you were doing it as well. I'm not going to fuck it. I'm just going to help Ben get laid. Will you sit in the corner and watch him beat off at least once?

Of course. I have to make sure she finishes the deed or I'm going to pay her. That's the rationale of the guy in the corner. Yeah. I got money in this. I got a beer. And if I'm in a beer, I might as well be fucking beating off. Look, I know if I get off, I'm making my nut back.

I'm not going to come unless she spoon feeds me mashed potatoes. Okay. So make sure you have some of those. Whatever you want, pal. Yeah. I love a good spoon feeding of mashed potatoes. Interesting. Wooden spoon.

Well, it doesn't matter what the spoon is as long as there's potatoes on it. Jackie, you're a woman. What do you feel about on it. Jackie, you're a woman. Jackie, you're a woman. How is your week in being a woman? Have you been catcalled? Oh yeah, it happens all the time. No, it doesn't happen to me. Turns out, it doesn't happen to me. I know that's shocking to everyone

here, but maybe, you know, I need more press. Have you been catcalling? Yeah, I've been like, give me a dick, give me a dick, give me a dick. And they love it. You should do it to women just to add into it. That's the thing is that I have been catcalled by lesbians before. Oh, yeah.

What do you think about that video, Jackie? I don't want to talk about the fucking video. Why not? She doesn't care. I think it's cool. Let's talk about it in just pure technical terms. It has a number of hits and views. We need to get on it.

Yeah, the Google AdSense numbers are hot. If we had made it, we'd be doing good right now. This fucking bitch is rich. Yeah, rich bitch. I don't know if she's rich. I don't think she's got a lot of money. You think she's got a couple grand off of this? Maybe.

That's just... She runs like an organization That gets money or something But she doesn't run the organization She's just an actress Oh okay Yeah I don't know It's cool that they waited

Until fall to start all this shit You know They gave everybody One last summer Of catcalling Yeah it did come really At the wrong time Yeah

It's kind of like Buying your summer shorts in October. Yeah, dude, by spring, everybody's going to forget this happened. So you can get right back to it. No one's really catcalling in the winter, right? What a great idea. No, not at all. They're going to be walking around like, man, this video was so effective.

No one's catcalling. Cover it up, man. It's perfect. What's that? Y'all want to rip on the Irish for a while? Fuck them. Oh, man. Marcus.

Hey, Moe's Junkie Moe's Junkie Neesh. I feel like we haven't made fun of the Irish at all recently. They've been doing it all themselves. Oh, man. I think it's just because they've been on top of their game. You know what? I think they've been doing well. Well, if you listen to this story, a teacher from the Republic of Ireland has been turned

down for a job in South Korea due to the, quote, alcoholism nature of the Irish people. What is it? Korea? Japanese? South Korea. They drink a lot in Korea. They really do. They drink a shit ton in Korea. Katie Mulrinen

from County Kerry had a part. That is a very Irish last name to be fair. That sounds like a whiskey. Katie Mulrinen. Hey, the Mulrinen 12-year. I have a 12-year Mulrinen. She had applied for a teaching job in Seoul, South Korea. She was told by an agency that their client did not hire Irish people due to their perceived drinking habits.

This is the actual email. Here's what it said. Hello, Katie. I am sorry to inform you that my client does not hire Irish people due to the alcoholism nature of your kind. Best of luck in the future. Of your kind. Yes. I will say they're also in no need of an English teacher.

If that's the kind of letter they're writing. Oh, man. You know what's so funny about this is they're not going to get in any trouble because they're in Korea. It's like, oh, yeah, no, she's Irish. You know what it so funny about this is they're not going to get in any trouble because they're in Korea. It's like, oh, yeah, no, she had this. She's out of shit. You know what it is, too? I think that South Korea can't get in any trouble because they're not North Korea.

So as long as they're just not North Korea, they get away with tons of shit. She said that she could not believe the email was real at first. And she does make a good point here. She said, usually when you apply for a job and they don't want you, they don't send a reply. Right, right. Which means that they specifically wanted to say, and we don't want the Irish.

Well, hopefully this is a wake-up call for her to sober up. You know? She's losing jobs. She's a violent drunk. We don't want the Irish. Sounds like a campaign song from the 1880s. That's right. But anyways, the teacher had emailed the application when a job was advertised on Listing's website, Craigslist, in September.

She told the agency that she had been teaching English for over three years in Barcelona, Oxford, and Abu Dhabi. Last week, she received the reply that said, I'm sorry to inform you that my client does not hire Irish people due to the alcoholism nature of your kind. She said it was disappointing because these employers did not even get to see me. They never spoke to me and didn't get a chance to hear what I sounded

like. The English teacher... Oh, it's a shocker. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Just give me a face-to-face interview. This chick is obviously wasted. Give me a face-to-face interview.

You know what? I've never agreed with a Korean before today. What? I almost feel like the South Koreans might be on to something here. What kind of English do you really want to be teaching? They're logical people, man. It makes total sense what they're doing. Yeah, they're logical people, man. It makes total sense what they're doing.

Well, they do prefer people from North America because they like the American and Canadian accent much more than they like Irish. Because they want to bang us. That's it. Look, they're tired

of being bothered by Irish people. Man, it's a waste of time reading all these Irish applications. They sent that to her like, tell your friends. There's no boxing in Korea.

To be fair, the application that she sent in was, like, covered in whiskey. Yeah. It had been vomited on. Wrapped around a baked potato or something. She wiped her arse with it. Of course she did. Yeah, this woman, she's obviously a borderline criminal who has a huge alcohol addiction.

And thank God she's not going to South Korea. She might have a future as a police officer. Maybe. Officer Morenon. Oh, and she's bitter and drunker than ever now. Oh, yeah. And then when she gets kicked out of the force for, you know, drinking and driving, she'll become a fireman.

You better hide your dogs when Officer Morenon's around. Oh, fucking steal your dogs. Oh, okay. She's going to have sex with you. And have sex with you. Officer Morinon is a great villain, Steve.

Yeah. I think it might be Officer Morinon. Is it her again? Nightmare has struck. Man, you go to her fucking Facebook page, and the first picture is of her drunk at a bar. Oh, she's a ranger. What is that?

Yeah. Is it definitely her? But can you imagine? Yeah, it's definitely her, because in the next post it says, one of the lovely messages I received this week, Dear Katie, we are gladly welcome you to teach English in Russia, not only because of alcoholic nature of Russian kind of people. Wish you all the best on your way. Oh my god. That's hilarious.

This is taken care of. The Russians swooped in. Yeah, they're like, come on over, it's fine. You know what, we prefer teaching with the shot in front of us. Oh yeah, you gotta teach drunk. I don't wanna go to Russia. A, B, C, D. Shot, shot, shot, shot.

That's it. The next picture is of her in a bar as D. Shut, shut, shut, shut. That's it. The next picture is of her in a bar as well. Yeah, all the pictures are of her in a bar. That's perfect. We sent all the Irish people to Russia. Yeah, get them out of there. They'll chill out a little bit. They'll get some laughs.

We'll colonize Ireland because Ireland's a beautiful country. Yeah, we could have that whole place. Who do we put on Ireland? Well, I mean, we could just make vacation houses there. Vacation houses? Yeah. I got to say, I never want to go to Russia ever in my life. I'll die a happy man if I don't hutch foot on it in Russia.

There's no really, yeah. Why would anyone want to go to Russia? I want to go to Russia. Really? I want to go to Russia. I want to go to Russia. Yeah, they drink vodka at dinner, so then when you do it, it's not strange. Just go hang out with some Russians in America.

Go to Toronto. Hell, go to Brighton Beach. We can hang out with Russians in 30 minutes. And if it's about vodka, man, vodka ain't hard to find. Oh, okay. All right. Never mind. I just want to feel the pain.

Yeah. Man, Russia is so bad that migrants from the Ivory Coast call it a living hell. Wow. Our friend Ragnar posted this on one of the last podcast pages. Yeah. He said that it is a living hell. Russians are happy at how racist they are. What's up?

Russians are happy at how racist they are. They're very happy. They're so fucking racist and terrible. Evolution was correct for our sense, we believe. So why do you guys want to go so bad? Well, because you want to have... I know why you want to go vodka dinner. No, I...

No. I also want to go steal the last loaf of bread from a supermarket. Yeah, it's like, man, the Moscow level on Tony Hawk 3 was fucking dope. I kind of think I want to go experience that. That'd be kind of fun. I want to just drive on a train across all of Russia. The Siberian Express. Yeah, I just want to get on the Siberian Express hammered.

Eddie, will you go with me? I don't want to go with you. Eddie. What are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa. That was a personal insult, Eddie. I don't like the way you look, and I don't like the way you just talk to me, and I don't like your sentence because it hurt my feelings.

On a Siberian train, everyone would think he worked on the train. Exactly. That's why I wanted to go with him because I always know where. On a Siberian train, everyone would think he worked on the train. Exactly. That's why I wanted to go with him because I always know where... It's my problem with trains. Everyone keeps trying to hand me their tickets.

God damn. Now, I want to go just because it seems like one of the weirdest, most bizarre places on Earth. You want to go, Marcus? Yeah. I want to go.

You're going to go with Marcus? Yeah, let's fucking go. Hell yeah. I want to take a naked picture on a Stalin statue. Yeah, you're just in love with Stalin. Oh, yeah. I want to fucking... I want to feel him. I want to take a naked picture on a Stalin statue. Yeah, you're just in love with Stalin. Oh, yeah.

I want to feel him. I want to be near him. I want to feel the pain that he caused. I want to go out to the fucking gulags, man, and fucking do the whole fucking thing. You're going to be there 9-11 if you do that to Stalin. He'll tear that statue down. Do you like young Stalin or just beat him? Or in the middle of fighting Hitler-Stalin or like cashing in Stalin?

Every bit of him. Every bit of him. He's so mean. No one has made a nice sex movie about Joseph Stalin. I would fuck the shit out of anyone that looked like Stalin. I am sure they're right. I'm on it. What are we doing?

That's why I got to go to Russia. To make a porn. Joseph Stalin porno. Stalin is really attractive at the age of like 25. He's really hot. Really? Oh, I just want to go out to Siberia and just hold his corpse. Just kiss his mustache.

He won't have one anymore. No, I'm going to put one on him. It's like dripped off. Yeah. I'm going to cum on a mustache. I'm going to just tape it right onto his corpse. I don't ever want to go to Russia. It's bizarro America. It's the weirdest

place. It's not America. It's the opposite of America. Putin took down that 6'6 iPhone statue at, what was it? St. Petersburg. Because he's gay. Because Tim Cook is gay. Tim Cook is the founder

now, or the CEO of Apple. Oh, really? He wasn't even in the closet or anything. He just first time he said it in an interview. Right. That's the thing is the public closet. I haven't bothered to come out yet kind of situation.

Right. But that doesn't make that iPhone. The iPhone 6 is the gay one that's not the statue they had probably it was probably like a 5 yeah that's a straight up that's a Steve Jobs that's a straight man's iPhone

so the 6 is really Tim Cook's iPhone oh yeah that's a big blow job given in a rest stop bathroom iPhone. iPhone 5 is a Christian iPhone. I agree. All right, Marcus.

I want to see the Russians tearing down statues of their boners. Like, we can no longer have this kind of boner. Tear it down like an evil statue. Right now I'm watching Stalin 3, which seems to be torture porn involving women in the gulag in Russia. Well, we better take a look. I like the one part when she was getting brutally washed off in the shower while the officer was just jerking off, watching her be upset in the shower. There it is.

She's getting hosed. He's hosing her. He's hosing her down in the shower. She's inosing her down. Russian porn is them beating women's asses and then making them do sit-ups apparently. Yeah. Squats. They're doing squats.

Where's the part where they have to eat like a gallon of mustard? Where does that come in? I think this is just gym class for high school. That's interesting. It's very interesting. It's hard in Russian culture to see where cruelty and generosity blend or distinguish themselves. Russian great gesture of love looks like stabbing evil in heart. That's amazing.

Yeah, Russian. I guess I've never seen it. What, Russian porn? Until now. That's some interesting stuff. Yep. I guess I've never seen it. What, Russian porn? Until now. That's some interesting stuff. Yep. I like that Solaris movie. It's the best Russian Soviet movie ever made.

It really is. It's so good. And it's also boring. That movie is my argument for why boring movies can also be good. I love boring movies. I love boring movies. Yeah, they're great. I'm going to go see Interstellar tonight. That looks real boring. You're going to see that tonight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When? I can't wait. I'll go. 9 o'clock. I'll gone movies. Yeah, they're great. I'm going to go see Interstellar tonight. That looks real boring.

You're going to see that tonight? I'll go. Rock and roll, man. So you're going to a movie with him and then with Marcus? Yeah, me and Eddie are going to Russia. Eddie won't do anything with me, huh? Right after Interstellar?

Yeah. They don't want to go to Russia with me. We're on a plane to Moscow. Kevin, Jackie, and I't want to go to Russia with you. We're leaving. We're on a plane to Moscow. Kevin, Jackie, and I are going to go to Russia and we're going to have a better experience than you guys. Kissel, I'll take a trip with you to zesty Mexico. Ooh, I'll go to Mexico. No, no, no. Just me and Kissel.

Let's go, Holden. It's going to be a wonderful time. Absolutely. I can't wait for our new secret vacations. What's that? Secret vacations. What's that? Secret vacations. No. I want to go on a secret vacation. No one invited you, Jackie.

No one invited you. Sign up for Ed Larson's secret vacations. It's just his fucking shitty bathroom. He's just in his bathroom for the week. He's going to blindfold you. Why know for sure. Why? No, for sure.

Club Med. When you could. There's a room service, you know, all the water you want. It's in the sink. And did you ever fix the light in your bathroom? Are you still pissing in the dark? No, it's you just got to figure out how to use the hand. Pissing in the dark sounds like a lost Bob Seger song.

Pissing in the dark. He hands you a lighter before you walk into the bathroom. Just hit the lighter. It's a powerful song. It's like a stadium rock. I've got another Ireland story.

All UK stories today. Is Ireland part of the United Kingdom? Not since 1922. Well, part of it is. Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bull named Benji is facing the slaughterhouse because his farmer believes the bull is gay.

Benji is a... So sad. I want to like... We'll get through this story, but this story, I feel like it's a call to arms... We'll get through this story, but this story, I feel like it's a call to arms. We'll get through this. Save the gay bull. We have to save the gay bull.

Save the gay bull! God damn it. Benji is a healthy breeding bull that has proved useless to the farmer who wishes to remain anonymous. The farmer bought the pedigree... Oh, but he exposes the the farmer who wishes to remain anonymous. The farmer bought the pedigree. Oh, but he exposes the bull. He wishes to be anonymous.

He calls out the bull. He gives the bull's name. By name. But I don't. I just do my bull. Is he wearing the Guy Fawkes mask as well? That's so funny. The farmer bought the pedigree Charolais bull last year and was recently disappointed to

find that none of his heifers were carrying calves despite Benji's presence. He told the Daily Mail Benji had everything that... Benji had already been tested and everything was normal. So Benji reads Jezebel and Salon.com and he's like, I know what the... I don't want to... I'm not going to just have sex with them without consent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said Benji had already been tested and everything was normal. So it became apparent that the problem lay elsewhere. Tested for gay. What? Didn't catch it on test. Says, at first, I didn't take seriously that the bull could be gay, but after seeking advice, I know this can happen.

He initially thought Benji was just a, quote, discreet chappy who preferred not to be doing the business in public, but upon closer observation, he found that Benji appeared to be interested in chasing around the other bulls instead. How awkward was it for this guy to ask for this advice? You know, like, what was the conversation? Like, I think Benji might be, oh, I don't know, one of those bulls. So what do I do?

Do I kill it? What do I do? He doesn't charge it red. He charges it pink. You know what I'm saying? Do you get what I'm saying? You can tell do? He doesn't charge it red. He charges it pink. You know what I'm saying? Do you get what I'm saying? You can tell when they're a calf, you know? I know.

I agree. We got to save Benji the bull. They knew. They didn't want to admit it, but they knew. They all knew. And of course he was the most attractive, the most chiseled. It's a gay bull. He's going to look the best for sure.

Yep. Actually, here's a picture of Benji. Ooh, yeah. He's a perfect bull. Muscular bull. Yes. That's all I'll get, Larson. He's combed.

Oh, yeah. But, you know, to be fair to the farmer, a gay bull is useless. Yeah, no, I was saying it. He's taking up space. He has to feed this bull. He has to feed the bull. The problem with advanced human agriculture is that we're not letting them evolve the way they need to. He's doing

great service to those other bulls. Yeah, if he maybe adopts another cow or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can they use him for meat? Can he be gay bull meat? You can't eat gay meat. No. I don't know.

He's too old to be castrated and to be turned into a bull because bulls are terrible. You don't slaughter bulls for meat. Oh, you never do? Yeah, you slaughter heifers because bulls are too muscular. They're too meaty. Bulls are only used. Generally, you only have one to three bulls in with a large amount of heifers. This belongs on Beef Talk with Marcus Parks.

No, this is actually a segment that is sort This belongs on Beef Talk with Marcus Parks. Well, this is actually a segment that is sort of understood. Beef Talk with Marcus Parks. Beef Talk with Marcus Parks. He's so knowledgeable. Well, actually, here's what my family does. Living in the middle of nowhere hour with Marcus Parks. We've been in cattle for 300 years. We know this shit.

I'm with you, man. I know, man. I used to live on some land. I fucking subscribed to Horse 300 years. We know this shit. I'm with you, man. I know it, man. I used to live on some land. I fucking subscribed to Horse Illustrated. You know. You know. Horse Illustrated. It's a real thing.

Yeah, I came upon an issue of Horse Illustrated. Is there a swimsuit issue? Let me tell you about beef, boy. All right. Beef news. Continue on. And the replacement bull has since successfully inseminated a number of the farmer's cows. I think that's putting a lot of heteronormative requirements on the animal kingdom and us by extension.

Yeah. Why not just set it free? I don't want to have meat that wasn't respected. I don't want to have meat that was gender bullied. Yeah. This guy's got to be brought out into the light, into the public, and so this doesn't keep happening to bulls. Well, we can't just go there.

I think we should slaughter this guy and see what he tastes like. Ed, do you agree? Is it dead? What do you mean, is it dead? Did they kill it? It doesn't say whether they killed it. They tried to, honey, but I'm still hoofing. They're never going to kill this bull.

This bull is amazing. Set it free. Put it in the forest. I mean, what would it do? Put a bull in the forest? Why not? Why can't you put a bull in the forest? Because they're dangerous.

To what? To humans. Everything was done in the forest. Bulls are aggressive animals. Bulls are aggressive animals. Bulls are aggressive animals. People go with animals for recreation. That's fair. You've been fighting for years. You're taking a choice. Yeah, I know you are.

You're like, I want to go into the woods because it's peaceful there. Can you imagine? Benji the gay fucking bull needs to be a horror movie. Sounds like a Pixar movie. What are you talking about horror movie? It's like a hopeful story of hope. It is, but then Benji remembers the torture. He remembers the horror.

And guess what? The bulls that suck his dick don't get slaughtered. That's what happens in the end. So it's a scale of victory and triumph. They team up. And teach each other how to sing and dance. Set him free. Benji the gay bull needs to be saved.

Put him in the ocean. Set him free. He's not a swimmer. He's a bull, Eddie. He's like you look just have one of the corral pins out there in town the bowls of certain persuasions are welcome to go to when they feel like it there's got to be other bulls yeah that farmer is a real screwball can you be homophobic oh my god imagine an all gay bull farm where they just like let

him fuck and just like they take care of him and shit. Oh that would be great. Steamed and everything. Well he was chasing after the male bulls. Yeah. That's a lot of animals do that. Yeah. But the male bulls didn't, yeah they didn't want to be a part of it. How do we know that? I want to see the footage of how much he got

action. Yeah I'm sure there was a couple of bulls be like oh I fell. My uncle Joe had a gay dog when he was a kid. Isn't that something? Yeah, yeah. His name was Bear. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. What do you do with a gay dog? Well, you treat it like it's a normal dog. You love it.

What do you do with a gay dog? You treat it completely normal. You're dressed exactly like a dude who would ask that question. Yeah, and then be like, oh, I would cook it. I mean, it's insane. It's like a Triplets would ask that question. And then be like, oh, I would cook it. I mean, it's insane. It's like a Triplets of Belleville cartoon where it's some guy and his gay dog.

Fucking dog's crazy, man. It's the exact conversation that all the people that hang out around Trash Fires have. Exactly. Trash Fire Larson. Ed's gonna go home tonight. Ed, Trash Fire Larson, these are insults, Ed. It's an insult.

He loves it. What is wrong with you? You're impossible to criticize because you think everything is just, oh, they're talking to me. He literally looks like the 1989 Batman where the Joker comes on TV and he's like, he's like, do you want to trust me or the Batman? And what do you say, Eddie? Watch these tights! Joker!

Joker! All right, now it's time for a segment from Holland McNeil. It's a football halftime show. Is it Super Bowl weekend? No, it is not, but I couldn't think of something else. Three bowl months, mother. I was going to do a Thanksgiving thing, and I thought that was too early of something else I was gonna do a Thanksgiving thing And I thought that was too early

So instead I decided to do a Superbowl based idea Alright Come up with your own halftime show I'll start I was gonna say get like a bunch All the different races and stuff out on stage Right All the different colors

What are the races holding Asian, black, Mexican, American, British. American? Is that a? Nope. What is the race? Jewish. Right.

You got it wrong. And Polish. You get them all on stage. Start singing this. Neighbors. Start singing this song. It's like, we are the colors of the's like We are the colors of the world We are the colors of the world

Honestly this would probably get picked up Black, brown, Asian Yellow, green We are the colors of the world This is the worst diversity I've ever heard of Yeah everyone's getting pissed off Right but they're about to get

That's the whole idea You kind of rub them down And then bring them up You know You get them covered in Fucking grease Your group too As well we didn't Really forget idea you kind of rub them down and then bring them up you know you get them covered in fucking your group two as well we didn't really forget one is doing better than another one maybe third world countries first world countries you know like show like water pumps and then like

rolex watches right yeah um and then it's and then you hear a guitar riff off in the distance right and you're like what the fuck is that is that hendrix could that be hendrix and then we And then you hear a guitar riff off in the distance, right? And you're like, what the fuck is that? Is that Hendrix? Could that be Hendrix? And then we dig up. We got Hendrix's fucking skeleton. Animatronic.

We put some robot things on it to make it move and stuff and play guitar. We hear When Cries Mary and Hey Joe on Hendrix, right? He fucking rips through those tunes. When Cries Mary at a halftime show? I love it. It's my favorite song. It has to be those dudes. When Christ Married, a halftime show? I love it. It's my favorite song. It has to be. Voodoo Child is a much better halftime show. I'll do Voodoo.

He does Voodoo Child three times. Well, you can't do five songs. You only get 15 minutes. He does it three times. There's Voodoo Child, and then all of a sudden, it's just like every dead rock star that I can't think of off the top of my head,

but you're thinking of. Yeah. Skeleton pops up, starts playing the music. Yeah, you're Kurt Cobain, you're Janis Joplin, you're Jim Morrison, you're Robert Johnson. And then we've got Bruce died this week. Yeah, he's in there. He's because he'll be fresh. We might actually have flesh on him and stuff.

Right. So then so then we pointed a section of the crowd like, are you ready for the ultimate challenge? Right. And get them all together and like, you know, get them, maybe give them, like, plastic shirts or something, but, like, short-sleeved shirts. And we bring out hot sauce hoses. And we just fucking rip through, like, heavy metal. And they spray, like, one section of the crowd down and just cover them completely with hot sauce.

We get them all together, man. We get them. And we take them to the spot. And we eat all these noodle bowls, man. Like a bunch of noodles. You don't know what the segment is. I think they heard the football show.

Half-time show. Colors the world. Yeah, dead rock stars. And then actually, you know, we get them all together, though, and we give them the noodles. Who is them? All the people You're going to give a crowd

Honestly, not having to sit through a halftime show And just getting to eat a nice bowl of noodles It's kind of an awesome halftime show How much does it cost to give 80,000 people A bowl of noodles? Probably less than it costs to hire Madonna or somebody. You telling me, son?

Where are you? Ha! I agree. Hey, the one millionth what you would pay Madonna, you'd get a lot of people out there. All right, so 80,000 people, is that... I mean, you could probably do that for like 50,000 bucks. Yeah. For ramen?

That's not bad. Totally. 50 cents a bowl, 25 cents a bowl. Yeah, I can hook you up with a dude. What's up? I can hook you up with a guy to get that. You got a wholesale ramen guy? Yeah, you get a good, not much, dude.

Gets you down to like 75 cents a head. Nice. I agree. We'd be at that mall of ramen, and then we'd say, all right, while you eat this, stand there, take out your phones, put in your headphones, and listen to your favorite artist. Oh, yeah. Give the people the choice. That's amazing.

You don't have to pay for any copyright. Yeah, I could sit there, eat some noodles, listen to some Primus. I could do that. It's all solid. Not bad. That'd be amazing. Yeah, not bad. What do they do before a game starts?

They sing the national anthem. At halftime, I think we should do public executions. Crimes against the government, crimes against people in general, probably if you're a Green Bay Packer, maybe somebody in Green Bay, Wisconsin, stole somebody's purse in Green Bay that's now punishable by death because Scott Walker's been reelected. Am I right about Wisconsin and his governorship?

It's bad. Public executions. Halftime show. It can be tailored to the biggest criminals of the area. And that's really what sports are lacking. Death. Everyone's just like, oh, people could get hurt. For a fact, we know. People will

die. They eat themselves to death. I mean, you can have fun with it. Lions might attack somebody. You get quartered. Maybe the Iron Maiden might occur. Definitely have fun with it. Oh, absolutely. It's got to take up that whole big middle of the field.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, there has to be a lot of people all at once. I mean, it's definitely like whoever got sentenced that week. And I think that that could be a powerful thing. Save it up for a whole year. Do 30 at a time. Or you can also do something with law enforcement. Maybe the law enforcement are the ones on trial.

You know, so the cops are out there. Crimes against humanity. Judgment immediately. A molten fire pit. That's right. Let a crowd of individuals, a stadium full of drunk folks, decide the fate of possible innocent or guilty people. So we could get... He says Rome. guilty people. So we could give them...

We could give them iPhone apps and they can vote. Yeah. Either a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Everyone at home can participate. That's right. There's a t-shirt launcher and then also there's a clown that has a dunk tank

that you can bring your kids to and try to throw little softballs at it. I like it. James? Yeah. I think now this is a showstopper of a halftime show, but I think I want to do something informative for the people of America, and I think I want it to be something like a public service. So I think

find the only good senator in the United States, which is Bernie Sanders of Vermont. The halftime show is Bernie Sanders. He's the senator from Vermont. You have him go out in the middle of the Super Bowl stadium with stacks of papers

and go over 100% of the top 10% of top 1% orders have owed over 40% of all the wealth in the country. It's just statistics about wealth inequality. For however long, what, like 25 minutes you go? 15? So you want just a Bernie Sanders on C-SPAN being as boring as possible,

but like a fucking pill that's boring and true that America has to take. That's what I would have for the halftime show. Okay, well, I mean, we're going to lose a lot of money on that, James. I mean, I like the idea. I've never been accused of a capitalist. No, you have not been. It's definitely going to get Bernie Sanders assassinated. He's not even powerful.

Let the one good guy keep... Shouldn't you let the one good guy keep going? That's why they gave him Vermont. He was getting rude so hard. Jackie? Alright, so the lights come up dimly and in the center of the field is a huge

is a huge replica of one of the pyramids in Egypt. And overhead UFOs come in and it says and come in and it says and like a chanting it says over the speakers you think they did it alone

but they had help from above and then lights go down onto the pyramids and then the top of the pyramid explodes and Primus is inside of the pyramid dressed as aliens. Now you're just playing the Marcus.

And they start playing the fucking Marcus. That's all the best ideas, though. As that's happening, huge, like, robotic teeth are chattering. It's still the best one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just a cherry. Yeah, man, you don't realize that these huge teeth can come up into the audience, so everyone starts getting scared.

And suicide girls start coming from the tops. With their breasts out? Yeah, breasts out. For all the nosebleed seats. So they're all happy because the teeth can't get to them, because all the teeth are on the bottom. And then all of a sudden, fireworks shoot up, and it says Texas forever and fireworks.

But what they don't realize is that it's not a firework, that it's made of spiders. And the spiders come down and get all over the people that fill the football field. He's not ABC. He's not HBO. He's got no money. He has no actual money to give you.

I mean, it still sounds pretty great. It sounds great. I mean, it sounds... I've fed people, man. Yes, she is pandering. Yes, we all know that. Yeah, but the spider thing, I mean, you can't... I am not a crook.

But the spiders... Well, I mean, you have no money. I mean, come on. Spiders, man. It can say anything, and it's still spiders raining from the sky. Yeah, but that's not good for a football game. Yeah, but who cares? Well, I don't know, but somebody does.

I swear to fucking God, if you get spiders all over my fucking noodles, man. Man, spiders all over them. Keep that in mind, Marcus. People were fed. You did. But you also fed people that were able to afford Super Bowl tickets. Who's to say somebody didn't win a golden ticket? That's right.

Everyone loves soup. Chris? All right. I got a simple one. Taylor Swift, Wu-Tang Clan, roast battle of Jermaine Fallon and Roe Martin. Jesus, that's more horrifying than the spiders. That's scary. Yeah.

Good God. That's fantastic. It the spiders. Yeah. Good God. That's fantastic. It is simple. Great idea. Eddie? Can I throw Beyonce into mine? I'm just tossing it into my idea to help get points. Don't let him do it.

Give me Beyonce. I give Beyonce. You know what? I'm giving Beyonce to Kevin. What? She hands out the noodles. They just eat noodles. Whoa.

She hands out the noodles. Yeah, Beyonce hands out the noodles. All right. that's fine. Yeah. I mean, I may not go for it, but I'm still giving it to you. Dude, you have to pay a lot of money for her hand out those noodles. Yeah. Noodles.

That's like more than her singing, probably. Well, we're going to pay her the money we save on the ramen. We're going to use it to pay Beyonce. All right. Eddie, what do you got to say, buddy? All right, so. For yourself as a person. Eddie what do you got to say buddy alright so 10 years ago there was an experiment

where they actually brought dinosaurs back to life where was that Costa Rica right they were training them to learn how to drive giant robots dinosaurs are driving robots

so it's going to be robot jocks basically driven by dinosaurs giant robots. Dinosaurs are driving robots? They're driving robots. It's going to be robot jocks, basically, driven by dinosaurs. And they're going to fight until the dinosaurs rip each other to shreds. What's to stop the dinosaurs from killing everybody? They're stuck in these robots. Oh, they're stuck in them.

Well, they're controlling the robots. Yeah. But not with intelligent brains. So the control is just like, do what I would otherwise do as a dinosaur. We have complete control. We could just pull the batteries out.

But it'll be a little bit of a cock block because I want to see a dinosaur chewing on another dinosaur. You will. You will. You will when we let them out. Yeah.

That's the end. They're going to get out. It's check fights. How do you protect the audience? Oh, there's a big net. There's a big net. But the football does have to follow afterwards, and you don't want that event to be overshadowed.

I feel like that's too big of a halftime show. I think we have someone going too high here. It's not really. It's just I need a venue, and it doesn't have to necessarily be a halftime show, but they're the ones with the money. So that's where we got to do this show. And there is some truth to what you're saying, and it may not be that expensive.

Like, I know there was a while ago where they found out a way to, like, reverse engineer chickens. Yeah. So they could take a chicken and make it grow a tail and grow claws and teeth and shit. Yeah, these might not even be dinosaurs as much as they're just these weird fucking mutants that we make. Bird mutants I would be fine with. That's the closest we might be.

Well, it's kind of like, that's like, basically basically it was, they could make a, they don't know what dinosaur to be making, but they just block in different genes from coming, like that evolved to start happening. Worst case scenario, there's the big net, but the net's got good holes. And, you know, everyone in the audience or the fans, they all get batteries. It's like a Philly game. So they can just start throwing batteries at them. So they're going to throw batteries at the dinosaurs.

Or at the robots. Right. And then, yeah, Charlie Daniels' band will be there. All right. Yeah! Yeah! Jesus Christ. Charlie Daniels' band is there. We're going to have to have the Super Bowl in Atlanta. Jesus Christ.

Charlie Daniels-Benn is there. We're going to have to have the Super Bowl in Atlanta that year. Yeah, no problem. Yeah. Is that where it is? Anyone? Anyone. Anyone.

We'll get hot dogs from the varsity. I mean, the spiders are great. The primus is great. I love it, Jackie. I love what you're doing. They didn't do it alone. They had help from above. Jackie, Jackie. I love what you're doing. They didn't do it alone. They had help from above. Jackie, you're here. Thank you so much.

AFC championship game. How do you like it? That's great. That's fine. James Adomian. Look, you might as well. If you've got Bernie Sanders, you've got Ray Charles on the halftime show. Isn't he dead?

Yeah. He's still on the show. Perfect. Hold him in. No. Kevin Barnett. Christopher Laker.altnators, ho! No. Kevin Barnett, Christopher Laker, like I said, Edward Larson. How you doing?

We have a new sponsor at Roundtable. Do we? It's going to start next week. But who is it? Fatflix.com. I'm very excited. And guess what, Fatflix? This one's for free.

Fatflix? We like you. Fatflix. They're going to be launching this. What's FAP? It's a porn site. It's a pornography site? They're going to be launching this. What's Fap? It's a porn site. It's a pornography site? They're going to be paying us money to talk about it. A smut site?

A smut site, yeah. I never look at it. You'll just cut this out, Marcus. Fap Flix with an X? Yeah, FapFlixWithAnX.com. Fap Flix with an X? Coming soon. You should love them.

They're giving us money. Yes. This is all called marketing subversive style. Oh, okay. So you say you don't like it because then people don't like what you don't like. I don't know. How is FAP's gay section? Nobody knows.

We don't know yet. It hasn't launched yet. It's going to be launching very soon. The website hasn't launched? The website, it's a brand new FAP site. It's a brand new jerk off site. It's better than Pornhub? I hope FAP has a great gay section.

Yeah. Here's my earnest advice as like a wise elder to a young upstart porn site. Make it powerful. Power dynamics. Really get in there. Up and down. Alright, well check out FAPflix.com

Yeah, well it's not launched yet, but when it is, we'll let you know. Get ready for it, man. Get ready for it. I mean, get primed up. Eat some new juice to fucking get your log gone. Good God. Are they paying us in porno? They're paying us in cash. They're paying us in faps. Ben's got his own

penis. I'm rich in faps.