The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 224: Top Clams

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

This week on Round Table: a Furry convention is attacked by chlorine gas, a monkey is on the loose in Florida, and a man assaults his wife with a McChicken. Joining us today: Jared Logan!

Hey everybody, just a quick update for you. The Roundtable, gentlemen, is now brought to you by Audible.com. Go to audibletrial.com slash roundtable for your 30-day free trial. Hell yeah, let's kick this pig, you fuckers! The Roundtable. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay on, gentlemen, and let them go watch what?

Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the day. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. All right, yeah. Anytime we're ready to go.

We're going to go live? We're already live. We're live. Yeah, someone already said, shut up, Ben. You're too tall. It's a podcast. That piece of garbage, that piece of nonsense. You are so big.

Remove that guy from the website. Get him off the internet. Get him on the show. Someone said, hold and go fuck yourself. Why don't we do it? All right. Jared, you're praying. I'm not praying.

I don't want to do it. I'll make a prayer. I pray that that dude dies. Hey. No. No. It is the Christmas season. It could be the president.

It's not. It could be Obama. Yeah. It could be Obama right now. Yeah. All right, guys. Well, then what I just said was a felony, and I apologize. And for those of you who are listening later, we are testing live streaming right now.

So we may be getting some comments from listeners throughout the show. Genius. Our biggest faggots. Take it easy. What's wrong with you? Edit that out. You can't edit it out anymore. I can't. This is so much fun.

And he's on the record as a homophobic slur using piece of garbage. Oh, a prayer. Yeah. I need some solemnity, please. Okay. Solemnity?

Solemnity. Okay. Dear God who art in heaven and his son Jesus who was incarnated in the flesh through a transubstantiation. Amen. From spirit to corporeal form and the Holy Ghost whose form is never corporeal but is always incorporeal please bless this gathering science of please never interrupt a prayer okay boogie boogie holden's allowed please uh bless this gathering of friends as we think about the baby Jesus and his birth in Nazareth sometime in the spring. Not anywhere

near December 25th. And not in a manger. Actually in a very nice palace. He was a girl. A lot of people think that it was a boy. Are you praying still or are you just giving it like a He was black. Jesus was a black girl. He was a black girl.

Jesus was a black girl. Jesus was a black girl. Jesus the black girl, thank you for bringing us here. Oh my God, Jesus is Beyonce. You got it. I believe it. Jackie broke the code. Jesus is Beyonce.

Yes, I fucking knew it all along. I heard that. You sound like an inside out cock. Jesus. That's right. That's right. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen, everybody. This is the round table, and we're all gentlemen except for Jackie.

She's a man. Jackie, what's going on? I got a halo. My halo. Oh, my God. What are you talking about? I just want to be Beyonce so much. I just love everything about her.

She had that video, and she's dancing, and she's got so much. I just love everything about her. She had that video and she's dancing. And she's got so much money and now she's Jesus. And I just want to say thank everybody for making Beyonce Jesus. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. That's right. Jackie, what are some of the differences that you have with Beyonce? What are some differences between Miss Zabrowski and Beyonce? Well, there's not a lot.

But I would say she's taller than I am. That's true. And she has a more slender nose. But other than that, it's not a lot, but I would say she's taller than I am. That's true. And she has a more slender nose. But other than that, it's virtually nothing. Yeah, I got a cute button nose. I don't fuck to shit. You want to fuck my nose? You want to fuck my nose?

If you put a picture of Beyonce next to a picture of Scooby-Doo, you can't tell the difference. You go fuck yourself. I don't know what that means. I don't know if it's racist or not. I'm so confused. I hate Beyonce, but you just confused the shit out of me. Scooby-Doo isn't black. I think Holden just thinks everything looks like Scooby-Doo.

I think it seems like you put a burrito next to Scooby-Doo, you can't tell the difference. It looks like Scooby-Doo. Look at that cloud. It looks like Scooby-Doo. It's that cloud and that cloud. It's all Scooby-Doo. What does he eat? He eats Scooby snacks.

He eats anything. That's the problem. So what's the difference between Scooby and Garfield? Garfield's a dog. Garfield's a cat. And he hates Mondays. On Mondays, Scooby goes to work and he solves crimes. Yeah, he's not a fat, lazy, fucking,

piece of nonsense cat. I feel like what's the difference between Garfield and Ben Kissel? Not a whole lot. Not a whole lot. Right, guys. Ed, you're here. You do have an owner named John. I know that much.

That's right. And I will say this. My boss's name is John, but he's not a boss as much as he is an accomplice in my life. And Lily is dead.ice in my life. And Lily is dead. The Maltese. I just got word. She died in her sleep last night. Beautiful Lily, my Maltese, who I took

care of for seven years. Beautiful is a strong word for her. Well, it's an accurate word. She was cute. Cute's a good word for Lily. She's passed on. So let's remember that when we're making fun of me all day. Should we have a moment of barking? Hey, I'm Beyonce.

I'm Beyonce. I was literally about to cry. Ed, you're here. I'm here, Ed Larson. What's up? I've been listening to Jay-Z, so me and Jackie are quite the pair. Very good. I'll be Beyonce, you be Jay-Z. I'm early Jay-Z. I and Jackie are quite the pair I'll be Beyonce you be Jay-Z

I'm early Jay-Z I wanna fuck whores that's great I'll be like Solange that'll be exciting Solange is beautiful in her own right Hope Naders Ho! thank you once again to all my fans minus

the Croatian ones please stop listening to me. Please stop following me. Just want to say, yeah, if everybody wants to get down on the volcano jam or meeting up next week at a volcano, somebody's going to get tossed in, probably the ugliest girl. So we'll see what happens, though. We'll kind of figure it out once we get there after we we eat the fucking roasted pig, and we have our screaming session, and we fucking roll.

We're going to have a doobie rolling competition. We'll smoke it afterwards, but one doobie will have just rocks in it. Very exciting. Just to dick fuck somebody over, because that's how I feel about my fins. You're my fins now, boys. They're your fins? No, it's 13-0,

bitches. Shut up. He doesn't care about football. Shut up. Out of all the genocide the white man did to the Native American, that was worse. That was awful. F-L-O-R-I-D-A-S-T-A-T-E. Florida State, Florida State, Florida State. Woo!

And then you're enrolled. They say the name. They spell out the name of the university. I never went to the school. You're an idiot. I was not smart enough for this. Well, you nailed it. You know what?

You were close by. I lived across the street. Walking distance. Kevin, you're here. I'm here, man. I'm tired. Good. I didn't really participate in all that stuff, but yeah, man.

FSU was dope. Sure. You're good. Kevin threw the ball down the field. It went into the zone. It needs to go in. Did he catch the ball down the field Went into the zone Did he catch the ball in the zone? Both times But there's a rapist on the team

Correct? He's not a rapist Alleged rapist He's a lover A forceful lover I just recently I saw it right before I came over here, that someone was like,

it's like someone that had consensual sex with Jameis Winston had to have therapy afterwards. Oh, wow. What does that mean? How good was it? That sounds like fun. What kind of sex is that?

Like, I want to try that. Good Lord. I want sex so hard that I have to go to therapy afterwards. Got to go get a diagnosis and some prescription drugs. Holy Christ. Alright, I'm Ben Kissel, so I'm also here. Everyone knows it. I don't think Kevin ever said

that he was actually here. I thought I was here. Yeah, Kevin said he was here. Oh, I'm sorry. It was that. Who's Ben Kissel? Me. Cool. Marcus, you're Old Navy Big and Tall. Oh, that's right. The man who prayed Jared Logan is here with us Welcome back Jared

It's been a long year Jared We miss you I'm in town because I'm a college recruiter Is that why you have the tweed jacket on? I'm looking at some guys who have Really a lot of rapes right now I kind of base it on how many Rapes they have

He's banging like Four or five rapes right now. I kind of base it on how many rapes they have. This guy, he's banging like four or five rapes a week, so let's get him on the team. Oh, I see. That's how you're recruiting. That's how you're drafting. For football, yeah. Blue 40 rape. It's like a hike. Oh, I see. Rape is their hike.

Well, I'll tell you, it's such a funny subject. You're here and you have a news story for us. Chlorine gas sickened several people and forced the evacuation of thousands of guests from a suburban Chicago hotel early Sunday, including many dressed in cartoonish animal costumes for an annual furries convention who were ushered across the street to a convention center hosting a dog show. Dog show. A furry is people who dress in plush outfits and fuck each other, right?

Absolutely. They don't necessarily have to have sex with one another, but they definitely rub on each other until they come inside of their individual suits. That's fun. That's sort of the method. It's very Andy Kaufman-esque. Yeah, I'd say so. Do they clean it?

We're going to assume they don't. It just gets filled up. They're nerds who dress like animals. I'd say every 12 you clean it. Every 12 loads? Every 12 loads. Yeah. Yeah.

What a sight that must have been to just watch them all get courted over across the street. I mean, it must have been a bizarre time to be stuck in traffic behind them. 19 people who became nauseous or dizzy were treated at local hospitals

and at least 18 were released shortly thereafter. Within hours, emergency workers decontaminated the Hyatt Regency O'Hare and allowed people back inside. Six foot tall rabbits, foxes, and dragons poured into the lobby chatting and giving each other high paws. Dragons

would make me mad. I'd be like, what are you doing here, man? We're doing like animals. I don't want to fuck a dragon. I want to fuck a bunny rabbit. I want to fuck like a raccoon. But it's a furry dragon. I don't care. That's way out of line.

You're saying the inaccuracy of the outfit should be a scaly dragon. Does that feel sexy to you? Like a made up thing? It should be a zoo animal, right? To me, I don't mind it. Like the Philly Fanatic with tits. Isn't that what they described you as as a child? Yeah, Eddie Larsen.

I don't know him. He looks like the Philly Fanatic with tits. Oh yeah, Eddie, of course. I feel like Puff the Magic Dragon, I would fuck the shit out of though. Really? Sure. Especially if he was fur.

I will tell you this is true my friend was looking through my computer one time and he found I had like cartoon pornography on my computer who are you beating off to like Peter Griffin's wife or I don't like like Simpsons or like Family Guy that's disgusting Aladdin I looked at some yeah I

looked at there was some there was some Disney princesses probably and then you know I mean a little bit in the furry category, but I don't really get off on the fact that they're animals, but it'll be like, you know, big tits, but then like a fox head. But look, here's my thing on that, which is that I think that actually in some ways that's less gross than just photograph pornography.

You think so? Oh, yeah. Because sometimes you get done looking at like photograph pornography and like, wow, she took a lot of drugs before they made her do this. Well, they didn't make her do it. The rent made her do it. Whatever you want to say, she's a victim of a system.

Whereas the guy that's drawing the fox-headed chicks is just another loser like me. Who's to say he's not modeling that fox off of a living fox who's now subjugated on the internet with tits. Kevin, he has to draw naked ladies. He has no access

to anyone who will hang out with him. I would never jack off to anything that was drawn by a man. It would have to be drawn by a woman for me to jack off to it. Really? That's the rule. There's actually one comic book. I'm not going to get into too much detail. What's the comic though? I'm not going to tell you. Holden's got

He's got Cherkov comics. What Cherkov comics? The one with the girls. Oh yeah, the Alan Moore Lost Girls. Oh Lost Girls, but that's arty. That's erotic. That's considered art. So is this your main form of masturbation? Is it animation? No, it's not my main form of

masturbation and in fact I don't really look at porn that much anymore. Right. You do kind of grow out of it. My girlfriend will have sex with me, and then hopefully I'm busy. Hopefully I'm not just sitting at home all day, like, waiting for something to happen. So that's it. I mean.

I think the cartoon porn stuff, I mean, it's pretty interesting. I'm not sure what it says about a person, and I'm not sure if I like what it says about the person that I don't even know who they are and I don't know what it means. Why are you judging? I don't know. I just feel like it's a little bit odd but then again I can't really judge because I just watched a chick get fisted by another chick who was then giving her an enema five minutes later.

So I can't be judgmental but I just don't get it. You know what's odd? When someone you porn searches the word love. Oh I never did that. I've never done that. That or the, what is it? It's like the XX porn. Sure.

The ones that are like for women that like have the storyline in it. Well, that's porn for women though. Yeah, but porn for women is pussy. TV for women is pussy as well. What's one of the main differences between women-friendly, because they have on Pornhub, like female-friendly versus non-female-friendly? I can answer this. It's very much so a more genuine relationship.

Like the porn the guys like is like over-the-top. Ram and Young Kicks. Doctor. Bam, bam, bam. Bully and Nenner. Whereas I feel like woman porn, correct me if I'm wrong, Jackie, is like a man and a woman who seemingly love each other having very sensual erotic sex. At the very least, they like each other. They like each other.

Massage porn is big with the women, like a masseuse, a sort of very sensual, slow-moving. I like the other way around. I like the slow-moving part. The women massage. It's so weird. I've never gotten a jerk-off massage, but I love watching the porn of the jerk-off massage. It's the slow moving part. The women massage. It's so weird. I've never gotten a jerk off massage but I love watching the porn of the jerk off massage. It's the dream of it.

Of course. It's weird. I've thought about it. Okay, this is interesting to me. You just watch a dick get jerked off by a female hand but you're still looking at the cock. I like the ones where they get fucked more. I love that lesbian stuff. It's more of just imagining that immense relaxation yeah

you can have that experience if you want it i know but it's free on the internet yeah 20 bucks in real life it's more than that more than that oh 25 no it's not that expensive to get a jerk off rub and tug absolutely not 60 bucks minimum because you're already paying 60 bucks for the massage in the first place. I want the shower and I want the oil. I'm not going to pay less than 60. I mean, what kind of quality are you getting?

It's 60 bucks plus the guilt of knowing that the girl is a slave. That's what you're doing. As far as a human sex slave trade is going on. She's at least in a dentured service. She's got a car. I feel like a lot of times the jerk-off

lady is like some old Chinese woman. Yeah, exactly. And your point is... She's not covered in fur. Oh, yeah, you'll come in three seconds and not have any idea what happened to you. They sort of work you into it they start

you know they start with the normal size but then they start rubbing on the buttocks and getting up in your chaff the butt is where it's crazy you ever get a massage when they start massaging your butt oh man there's a lot of meat so bad and then it's like the best do you get all wet and stuff when they start massaging you dude is there a female version of the rubbing tug i guess the rubbing of course you ever watch that porn? I like that porn. I had an ex who had a bit of a clit rub happen to her. Leah, yeah. Yeah.

I remember her. She was very attractive. How was it? She was a little weirded out, but also kind of enjoyed it. How do you not let it happen? I would let it happen. Was it a male masseuse or a female masseuse? A male, right?

And you were getting the massage right next to her. No, no, no. This was not the couple's massage. It was a different instance. Oh, that's so sexy. Oh, wow. So you wouldn't mind that, Jackie, if you were lying down on the massage table. Let's just say it's an elderly Asian woman. Of course, I don't care

who it is. You don't care. If they're rubbing on it, you're going to like it. If I'm in the middle of a massage and you want to go there, that's fine. I'll tip you extra. I'm going to be like, I don't know you and mace you if you try to do that to me. What's more, do you go for the clit first or the tits first? What do you rub first if you're a masseuse?

I think the woman is on their stomach, right? Don't you get your massage while you're lying on your tits? I feel like clit. How many times has a masseuse detected cancer? I feel like there has to be. They don't have an education.

Am I being paid enough to notify them of this? That's the thing. cancer. They don't have an education. Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being paid enough to notify them of this? That's the thing. They're all fired firemen. I can give you the tug or I can let you know you probably have prostate cancer. You know, one of those two. Marcus, what are the fans saying? Have they been getting

beaten off by these girls? Well, Johnny Krug says less than $60 and you're leaving with ringworms. Ringworms? What are you going into a junior varsity wrestling, amateur wrestling match? No, you don't get ringworms. Abby Normal says tits.

Jake says tits. Callum says clit rubs. This is why we do the show. These are the hot issues. I actually, I actually, I actually, I forgot. I know a girl who used to do that. She used to do the rub and tugs. Oh, really?

Yeah. Was she a nice girl? Yeah, she was. I bet she's a sweetheart. Yeah, she's a marriable woman. Incredibly. Can you imagine being with a chick who's just going to massage the shit out of you and then fucking immediately turn you around, jerk you off?

That's great. It's interesting because waiters and stuff like that, they're trained. Turnover is all that matters in a restaurant business. Turnover. You've got to get that person fed. You've got to get that person out of there as quick as humanly possible. So if you're doing the rub and tug, did she develop a technique that she was like, Oh, I jerk it just like this, and this dude's done in 95 seconds, guaranteed.

She loved it. She was like, yeah, I do it, and I was efficient. Efficient? Yeah, she was like, sometimes guys would come in, and they'd be kind of weird or smelly, but those are the only times that it sucked. Efficient? Is that an adverb? We can't take you back to seventh grade.

Yeah, why are you asking those questions now? I'm trying to figure this out. I need to work on my vocabulary. But I feel like on the other end, that is the fantasy, right? The idea that you could go into a place and have a specialist just fucking knock it out of the park.

I mean, you want sex to not last a very long time and feel a little bit assembly line-esque? Yeah, dude, I got fucking Xbox to play, dude. I'm going to say it's impressive because most ladies can't give a handjob to completion. That's the thing.

It's more of a it's very impressive. But no guy wants a handjob. If you're amazing at it. If it's like that type if it's like next level handjob.

I love a specialty act. I love a handjob. Massage bland. Like you're already hard. You're already right there. I feel like it's fucking easy to get somebody off if you're in the middle of a massage.

I don't want to go watch people race go-karts, but if someone's really great at it, I'm going to go check it out. Yeah, sure. I didn't even get the analogy necessarily. No, it's perfectly what he's saying. Did I get it? Nobody gave a shit about swimming. Michael Phelps, everybody's

talking about it. It's like a magic trick. It's like, wow, sperm in like 20 seconds. Well, back to the furry story. Let's get to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kip McCready, 28-year-old from Madison, Wisconsin. He said, I think we'll recover from this. His fur fox tail was swinging behind him as he's headed back inside for

the last day of the Midwest Fur Fest. He said, people are tired, but they're still full of energy. The source of the gas was apparently chlorine powder left in a ninth floor stairwell at the hotel. Investigators believe the gas was created intentionally and are treating it as

a criminal manner. This is unbelievable. And was it because of the furry convention being there? We don't know. Someone wanted to smoke out these furries. Very intense stuff. What about the guy from the Charlotte Hornets who just wore a green suit or a turquoise suit? Hugo. Is he allowed?

Is it Hugo? Hugo the Hornet. Yeah, Hugo the Hornet. Is he allowed at the furry convention? No, he's not a furry. He's wearing spandex. But he's a mascot. It's not an animal.

It's not mascots. It's not about mascots, Ed. Here, let me pull up a picture of some furries for you so you can get some context here. It's people who... Is it like The Shining where the bears give them the... Yes, absolutely. Yes, that is it. That's furries. Yeah. Oh, they're weird looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'll put this... I want to be like the Georgia Bulldog or something. So if you were at the furry convention, you would come home and be like, oh, that sucked. No Georgia Bulldogs there. I'd bang anyone. No, exactly. A yellow jacket or. You're just having sex with the Iowa Buckeye.

Exactly. In this picture. The Iowa Buckeye raped me. In this picture that we're looking at here, there is actually one mascot over here on the left. It's a husky. Yeah, the Washington Huskies. Yeah. That makes sense.

I was always a husky, you know, when I was a kid. He got his suit secondhand from a guy that didn't want the husky suit anymore. Right. I like all the girl outfits are very like diva. Oh, yeah. Now, if you put a dog in a furry outfit,

can you fuck it? No. No, you've got to shave the dog and put it in pants and then you can. That's the thing. It's got to be the reverse of whatever it is

and then you're allowed to have sex with it. No, yeah. It has to be like four dogs in one outfit and then you can say, yeah. This isn't the strangest sexual fetish

that's ever existed. I mean are we ever going to live in a world where Sounding is weirder than this. Fucking dead people I think always wins. What's sounding Marcus? Sounding is when you shove a metal rod into your dick hole and then you hit it with another metal rod and it vibrates.

In your dick hole. No I don't like it. Yeah it sounds terrible. You put a metal. Now you hear about sounding before? No, I don't like it. Yeah, it sounds terrible. You put a metal... Now I know about that, you asshole. Now you're going to research it and jack off to it and the whole world's going to end.

You want to see it? No. We could, though. I definitely don't. We definitely could. Yeah, we could. Can you sound a pussy? No, it has to be a thin space,

like a dickhole. It has to be, by definition, sounding dick hole-centric. What if you get a big rod? A big cylinder. A big rod and a monkey wrench. Forget the wrench, I'll take the monkey. Clang, clang. Ooh, I got a monkey story.

Oh, monkey news, monkey news. Get the bananas. Ooh, Florida authorities vowed on Friday to capture a monkey last seen running through a Tampa neighborhood that they described as, quote, three foot tall, brown, and fast. It was Henry. Uh-oh. Henry Zebrowski. A resident initially reported seeing a fleet-footed monkey running through a yard in the middle

of a sunny Thanksgiving day afternoon. It was sunny. Jackie was just there. Yeah, you were there on Thanksgiving. Is this popular news down in Tampa? No, no, no. All they ever talk about on the news there is our teachers' fucking kids. All they do is talk about teachers' fucking kids, man.

They got bigger fish to fry. It's great. Monkeys escape there every day. Especially around Busch Gardens, which is probably where the fucking monkey came from. They got monkeys galore up in that shit, man. They got hippos. They got cheetahs. They got that big ass crocodile, man.

Oh, man. They have a bunch of crocodiles. Ooh, mama. I think it was 13 feet. What's the name of the crocodile? It has a name. I don't remember it. Oh, there's a 26 foot crocodile at Busch Gardens? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was just a 13 footer, I believe, that was shot in Florida as It has a name. I don't remember it. Oh, there's a 26-foot crocodile at Busch Gardens?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was just a 13-footer, I believe, that was shot in Florida as well by a fella. I mean, that was when I was a kid. It might be dead by now. Probably. Oh, maybe. I hope so. I mean, they live forever, those things, don't they?

Yeah, they live a long time. Crocodiles go... I mean, this thing was in a tiny cage, too. I felt kind of bad for it. She does have really big chests because their lungs and their heart are so big. That's why they run so fast I bet that alligator's name is Jungo Crocodile

They have a whole pit for alligators Isn't that something? And you can literally just jump in it if you wanted to It's kind of frightening You can jump in it? They allow you to jump in it? It's a very small fence You definitely could just leap in

You'd be dumb to do it There's It's a very small fence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You definitely could just leap in. It was no problem. Yeah, but you'd be dumb to do it. Yeah, you'd be an idiot. There's not like a slide leading, escorting you down to it. They tell you not to do it, but you could if you wanted to. Well, sure. I mean, you could also jump in front of a subway every time it comes down the goddamn You're also not supposed to throw popcorn at the fucking flamingos, and I'm watching these kids throwing popcorn at the flamingos.

Flamingos are eating the popcorn. I was like, please stop throwing popcorn at the Flamingos. They're supposed to eat shrimp. They're supposed to eat shrimp. I think, I think I, I want popcorn and then dies.

I may have brought this up before, but I think it was like a similar thing, like, because I live right by this place called Lion Country Safari. Like, I'm like right in there.

That place is great. I've been there a bunch. Yeah, but it used to be that you just drive and then there's like lions around you. You can get out

if you wanted to. Yeah, my dad went pissed by a rhinoceros. I started crying. Well, yeah. Well, now that shit is over, because some dude got out in the middle of the lion's den and just got ate by all the lions right in front of his six-year-old son.

Rightfully so. I bet the son learned a really good life lesson. He did. I think he did, too. I've never learned a goddamn lesson from my father, and he's still alive. This kid knows exactly what not to do when he's around lions. Yeah, he knows what time it is. That was the thing, though.

There was, like, every once in a while, the lions would get out. And I remember I would, like, you know, just, I had to walk, like, three miles from the bus stop to my house. And your life story is very interesting. Yeah, there was also some dude In a neighborhood who had tigers And his tigers got out Imagine getting killed by a tiger And you had no idea that a tiger was loose

You're just walking through the floor That happened after Hurricane Andrew The tiger got loose after Hurricane Andrew Yeah, I remember that They killed a couple people That's why I always carry a handgun on me at all times That's so smart. Yeah.

It's so smart, man. Man, I never have gone into it. In my hometown, there's like this place, I think it's called Monkey Hospital USA, where big, like apes of all sizes go to heal. And apparently my niece volunteers there, so I went to see it. Go to heel like they had trauma. Yes, but they're just loose. They went to the wrong rub-and-tug place,

or they had sex with Jameis Winston. There's just loose monkeys everywhere that she feeds. She's an eight-year-old girl. Sometimes does the monkey pretend to be a doctor? No, they never pretend to be doctors because they're only monkeys. Somehow when you said loose monkeys, it just made me think about monkeys that fuck a lot. They must.

Man, they must be gaping. Why would you let children in there? If you're a furry, is there a sexual attraction to something like a gorilla or an ape or a real life? I mean, it's different. No, you're attracted to other furries. Well, right. But I'm saying, I mean, what's more perfect to furry than the thing that God made a furry called the gorilla? Coco's friendly.

Coco the gorilla? I mean, if we have any furries out there, please, at cavecomedyradio at gmail.com, let us know if you're attracted to animals themselves. You guys know Coco the gorilla, right? Everyone knows Coco the gorilla. Coco wouldn't let anyone fuck her. You could put it in Coco. I doubt it.

Coco would be signing no the whole time if you tried to fuck her, Eddie. Oh, jeez. What do you think? Do you think you could throw it in Coco, Jared? I think Coco was a very modest and nice person. I'm going to say person. No, they tried to set her up, man. I was literally reading about Coco like yesterday.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. They tried to set her up like twice. They brought in some fine-ass gorilla, and she wouldn't fuck him. She was like, no, I'm into kittens. Exactly. She wants a furry to go in there. All right, I found out as far as how furries are attracted to animals or not.

They're not attracted to animals. Like, say you have a hedgehog versus Sonic the Hedgehog. Sure. to animals. Like, say you have a hedgehog versus Sonic the Hedgehog. Sure. They want to fuck Sonic the Hedgehog because Sonic the Hedgehog is an anthropomorphized version of the animal. So they

are attracted to... Man-animal. Man-imals. And also fuck Dr. Robotnik. Yeah. He's a good doctor. Eggman. That's who I'm sexually attracted to. Are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles included in this? I would imagine they would be, yes.

Maybe Splinter more. However, furries are mostly mammals. You don't really get into the lizard kingdom on that. That's why I was calling bullshit on that dragon. And I agree with you. I just remembered this in college. We used to use Dr. Robotnik

we would use that as a classification of like body type and we're like nah I ain't gonna try to talk to that girl man she's got Dr. Robotnik body

and it was any chick that was like huge but had like really tiny legs that's Henry Henry has the Dr. Robotnik body oh my god Henry Zabrowski does the Dr. Robotnik

for sure god if there's ever a Sonic the Hedgehog movie, just make it. Like, let's get Henry like $20,000. Oh, it'd be so perfect, man. Someone please draw

Henry's Dr. Robotnik. Yeah, why not? Or Jackie as it. No, no, no. We're not shaped the same. No. No, no. Henry's much more

unattractive than you are. You're a beautiful woman. Oh my God. It's the old Navy shirt, than you are. You're a beautiful woman. Oh, my God. It's the old Navy shirt, guys. Yeah. I just want to say real quick, thanks for all the shout outs on the chat. It's been really nice. You're not getting any.

Yeah, no one's shouted out to you one time. No one likes you. Marcus, what do you think? You have an orange shirt on. Yeah, he's been getting a couple of shout outs. I figured. When he asks for them. I haven't seen them.

Who's been getting the most? Holden? Of course. Well, a lot of people have been saying I hate... They're saying they hate me? They said they hate Ben. Yeah, good. Welcome to it, buddy.

What about the return of Jared Logan to Cave Comedy Radio? What are they saying about me? Please do not react to my presence at all. There's been a couple people saying Bird Luger. What are these shitheads saying about me? Someone said I want to fuck Jackie's nose Wow Someone said Ed is hot

Someone said that I was fat by association Oh, that's weird I wish Kevin's fat by association Oh, and Ben, by the way, Callan is there The hot girl that you requested They went and got her She has now showed up Well, thank God damn, Callan is there. The hot girl that you requested, they went and got her.

She has now showed up. Well, thank God damn Christ. Callum, you suck. Callan, you're hot. Everyone on that goddamn list should be doing something different. So there's two different Callans? Callum and Callan. Callan and Callan. Yeah, yeah.

So they went and found her? They all know each other? I guess so. I don't know. Yeah, everyone talked. People actually talked to each other. Yeah, they're like friends. I'm surprised I didn't see you.

Well, I just want to throw it out there. It's a fun little thing for the chatters. Any criticisms you have about the show or anything that you wish could be improved, please let us know now. Please be completely honest. Yeah, do that. Please be very honest about how you feel

about how the show could be better. Do not spare Ben's feelings. Oh, it doesn't matter. They're just going to be a bunch of schmucks and they're going to be laughing. Do not spare Ben's feelings. Oh, it doesn't matter. They're just gonna be a bunch of schmucks and they're gonna be laughing. Everyone loves me and everyone knows I'm the best at everything I do. Is Lupe doing this? No. Lupe's unfortunately stuck in transit right

now. Stuck in transit? Yeah. Damn. Marcus, it seems like you're just making this up. You're like, Lupe? Uh, she had to be at her job. Which is making birthday cake. Lupe's a boy. Yeah, what the fuck, man?

You didn't reference anything? You didn't break icons at all? Where did this info come from? He texted me earlier. I can read you the text if you want. We don't want to hear the text. Marcus, you don't got a fucking phone, man. It doesn't matter.

All right. Marcus hits bones on the ground and listens for responses. He's a bastard. He must be underground. My bones are across the room. Someone would have to get them for me. You get new bones? No, they're the same bones.

That's okay. They last a while. Let us know how the show could be better. Get you off of it. All right. Good God. Let us know how the show could be better. Get you off of it. Alright. Good God. I'm upset with the negative comments. I'm not happy one bit and everyone's driving me nuts.

Someone does say their grandpa was also in the German military during World War II. Well, then your grandpa was a Nazi and I want nothing to do with you. Was he also a Jew that was trying to be a Nazi? My grandfather was a Jew. He was a traitor. He was not a traitor. A traitor to do with it. Was he also a Jew that was trying to be a Nazi? My grandfather was a Jew. He was a traitor. He was not a traitor. A race traitor. Yeah, he was a Jewish Nazi. It's Christmas holiday. Not yet.

The Advent read has been lit. Yes. It's begun. It's begun. It was upon us. Someone said that we're all Nazis. Whoa, hey, fuck you. Please.

How dare you. All right. Only genuine criticisms of the show, please. Let's not entertain these people any longer, Marcus. All right, next news story. An Iowa man with... You faggots. Well, now you sound like a Nazi, Eddie.

That's a Nazi thing to say. What else you got, Eddie? What else you got? We'll call him Jerk-Off. We'll call him Jerk-Off. I can think of one way to improve the show. It's to not say the F word anymore. I agree with that, Jared.

I never enjoy the F word. I don't like any of the words that you can't say. You mean fruit? Guys, I said it. I'm just trying to make up for my rape joke. Oh, hey, I'm a listener of Roundtable, gentlemen. Oh, I suck dicks all day. Dude, that is funny. Fucking idiots.

That was funny. Good for you. The listeners of the round table. Put him in their place, dude. I put a lube in my butt because it's Friday night. Oh, yeah. I didn't say night like that, you jerk. Pathetic and sad.

Good God. Bunch of dummies. We got you, you fuckers. We got y'all man We got you like now My fucking girlfriend Dragged me to this Gay party last night

I asked them How do y'all spend Your Monday afternoons What did they say Listening to round table Your lives aren't going As well as they possibly could If you did the things

You should have done To make your lives better Excuse me greeter At Walmart Where's the KY Jelly aisle I was in the round table the things you should have done to make your lives better. Excuse me, greeter at Walmart. Where's the KY jelly aisle? I was in the red table. I don't know.

That teetered off to the end. I'm a grown man. Oh, my God. All right, Marcus. What's another news story? An Iowa man was jailed without bond after he allegedly assaulted his pregnant wife with a McDonald's McChicken sandwich. Oh, those are long. This is a hot story.

No, you're thinking of Burger King. Those are long. The McChickens. Those are good. McChickens are the best sandwiches that McDonald's offers. You're out of your mind. They're disgusting. They're horrible.

And I eat McDonald's and they're disgusting. I can't tell. It's like elbow meat that they put in. It's not fine. It's elbow meat. Who gives a fuck what kind of meat it is? It's fucking garbage chicken meat. It's better than the elbow meat. It is. It's not a fight. It's elbow meat. Who gives a fuck what kind of meat it is? It's fucking garbage chicken meat. The tip meat's better than the elbow meat?

It is. It's all meat. Breast meat is wonderful. Yeah, McChicken is an awful sandwich, dude. Yeah. I love it. There's no denying it. I'm with Ben on this one.

That's insane. The McChicken is the best sandwich that McDonald's offers. You can't afford the best sandwich. It's like a dollar and you get cheated. It's like a dollar and you're like, oh, I got scammed. It's like playing blackjack in Vegas, you know? I like... How?

Is it like playing black... You put a dollar down and then you get cheated. But what... Okay. You've never been to Vegas. What, are you going to the jerk store after work? Get out of here. What are you doing?

All right, so this guy with the wife and the chicken sandwich. A report from police said Hill had called... How do you abuse her? What's that? How do you abuse her? Well, I'm getting to that. I'm asking about it. A report from police said Hill had called police claiming his wife had assaulted him.

Police said Hill's wife had mayonnaise on her shirt and face when they arrived and that Hill had allegedly thrown the sandwich at her and smashed the bun from the sandwich into her face. Hill's wife woke him up and handed him the sandwich at about and smashed the bun from the sandwich into her face. Hill's wife woke him up and handed him the sandwich at about 1 p.m. and Hill admitted to police that he threw the sandwich at his wife, quote, because he doesn't like them. This lazy

fat piece of shit dude. This is exactly what we're talking about though. What? These sandwiches suck. They're not good sandwiches. He sucks. She had to wake him up at 1 p.m. He didn't want the sandwich, so you mushed the sandwich into her face. It's common logic.

No. For the 100th time, I don't like it. It's a bad sandwich. Wake up at 1130 and go to McDonald's by yourself. This woman would have a clean face if McDonald's made a decent McChicken. Yeah, this sandwich is so bad, I agree with a domestic abuser. 100%. It's insulting.

Yeah, and McChicken's a dollar. You know what else is a dollar? McDouble. It's delicious. It's so good. McDouble's fine. $1.39, you get the snack wrap. That's fine.

Yeah. You know, I shouldn't know all the exact prices on the McDonald's menu, by the way, Eddie. Have a little class. I get the McDouble and the McChicken.

I double it up, and I do both. I would put the McChicken get the McDouble and the McChicken. I double it up. I would put the McChicken on the McDouble. Why wouldn't you do something like that? You can do whatever you want. It's McDonald's and you spent $2 to do it. But you can get two McDoubles at the very bottom. That's what we call Marcus Park's surf and turf.

The McChicken and the McDouble. You know what I do? I go across the street and get a Mountain Dew, which they don't have at McDonald's. Unfortunately. You guys know Chicken Swim? I'm stunned about this McDouble news,

but I'm more stunned about this McChicken. I can't believe people don't like the McChicken. Someone already made it. Henry is Dr. Robotnik. Let's see it. Oh, perfect. Dr. Eggnorski. What's the shout out?

We got to get a shout out. So basically, somebody sent us a picture with Henry's head on Dr. Robotnik's body. It really looks superb. It's supreme. It's a wonderful picture. Thank you so much for creating it. You're a great person with a good heart. His head totally makes sense on that body.

Oh, no. The Dr. Robotnik body will take you far. Right now, I can see Henry coming down in a blimp. It's like... I see it, man. Like mechanical arms coming out of it. That would be Callum. Callum.

Shout out to Callum. She is hot. Boy, Callum. Callum has an N. Callum. She is hot. Boy Callum. Callum has an N. Callum. Has an N. Well, let's not be racist, please. The letter N isn't.

Dr. Robotnik looks like he could dance real well. Dr. Robotnik. Yeah, he could probably kick up the heels. Yeah, yeah. Some river dance. He's very cute. He probably has heart disease, though. Oh, yeah.

Do you do what the furries have done with adapting animals? Are there people who dress as animated cartoon characters or video game characters like a Dr. Robotnik and have sex with each other? I mean, I could imagine there are plenty of people that do role playing with video game characters. Plenty of guys dress up as Mario, fucking Princess Peach. There was actually a famous Loveline caller who called in who masturbated to Sonic the Hedgehog just straight up from the video game. Oh, my God.

There is so much Sonic the Hedgehog porn and fan fiction and slasher. Who's the most popular? Jessica Rabbit's the most popular, right? Jessica Rabbit? Come on. I always loved that shoe. 1989? Come on.

I thought that shoe that, what was the name of the doctor there that Christopher Lloyd played? Oh, I don't know. He drowned. Judge. The judge. The judge. When he drowned in that little shoe that was screaming before it went into the ooze.

Hot noise. You jerk off to that shoe. Yeah, it was a great noise it made. Yeah, well, that's because you masturbate to death. Right, right, right. I like the other Jessica Rabbit. The one they thought was Jessica Rabbit was just like the fucked up woman

I like her the ugly version oh man and she was just trying to blow him yeah I like that one god

who framed Roger Rabbit completely holds up yo watch it if you haven't seen it in a while watch it

it's awesome yeah and well actually the listeners have reminded me what you're looking for ben is cosplay oh right yeah yeah although some people do it just to dress up to go to conventions and whatnot a lot of other people do dress up and cosplay fuck each other

that's great now ben if you were to fuck a video game character which one would you fuck oh i always loved um king hipp. He's great. Hit him in that belly button. Whenever he opened his mouth, he punched him in the face until he dropped his shorts and then he punched him in the face. Kevin, of course, your mind went immediately to Chun-Li.

Tell us again about Chun-Li. Chun-Li is the black man's dream. Every day, man. I tell you right now, dude. That's a fucking cheesy archetype. I'm never going to find a woman like her. What is it about her that's so unbelievably black? She got the legs.

She got the legs. She hiding all that butt. But you can't hide the love in that butt. It's there. We see it. She's versatile. She got like the energy. She can jump off walls. Yeah. She can jump off walls. Yeah, she can jump off walls.

How about that movie? Did that do anything for you? No, no. They fucking casted that chick. She didn't have the fucking legs, man. She didn't have the legs. She didn't have the legs. You're right.

I was offended. Who would be a good Chun-Li for you? A good Chun-Li? I mean, you got to know Asians. I mean, that's the thing. I think anybody could look Asian. I think Miley Cyrus could do it. No, what the fuck?

No way. I love Miley. She might make a good cami. Katy Perry, maybe. No, Katy Perry's far too a top. Kylie Minogue already did a perfect cami. That's true. There you go.

Who? Kylie Minogue. I don't know who that is. Think about it, Kevin. She was great. Think about who would be the perfect Chung Li. Holden, who is your video game? Tifa from Final Fantasy VII.

Boom. Ooh, you know what I would actually say is the chick from all the Resident Evils. What happened, Marcus? Jill. Just keep going. Jill from Resident Evil. Yeah, she's way hot. Tifa, man, got big ass tits.

She just fucking fights real hard and strong. Take down a dragon. Yeah, not bad. Not bad. Let's see. So what story are we on, Marcus? Is there like a fox with tits? We were talking about that earlier.

Well, there's tails. Tails, but tails don't have tits. I feel like there's like a sexy fox from one of the video games that I'm trying to remember. The fox from Fox and the Hound. Jackie, you're the only woman here. And dare I say you're the most masculine one of the video games that I'm trying to remember. The Fox Room Fox and the Hound. Jackie, you're the only woman here. And dare I say you're the most masculine one of all of us. I don't play video games. I know nothing of this whole entire world.

I don't really either. I played them as a kid. Yeah? What was your favorite video game? But Mufasa I fucked the shit out of. POW? I love POW. POW?

POW was fun, man. It was a child's game? What, did you just sit there for eight hours and the game ends? You escape from Vietnam prison, yeah, and you just gotta fight all these fucking... No, you cannot. You are listening to this podcast. No, you're not. Yes, you are.

You completely did that. Hey, when it comes to the Vietnam War, you and... No, you can't. It's just not what you're talking about. No, I'm not going to allow it. When you're talking about World War II, you can say ****. You can say ****. You can say ****.

That's Japanese-American princess. Just because the two of you are teaming up against this doesn't make any of this true. You are referencing the Vietnam War. No, no, no. You cannot use the nomenclature of the time that is racist just because you referenced it. I think that's ****. Okay. All right.

I don't think it's right. Marcus edited all that out. What do the fans say? It's a historical reference. Too late. Marcus edited all that out. What did the fans say? It's all been heard. It's live streamed. Good God. You guys are going to have to understand that we're on a tight... It was historical reference. It's the same thing.

It's not the same as Charlie. It is. Charlie with a military designation for the enemy. Marcus, what are we going to do with these people? with a military designation for the enemy. So is that. Marcus, what are we going to do with these people? I don't know,

but all I know is that most people didn't hear it because the live stream, we have run out of the trial version. We're going to have to... And we ran out of... Thank God. We did everything they just said.

All that. So bleep out all the gooks. Yeah, yeah. Well, now you can say it a thousand times over. I think you guys only created about another, I don't know, half hour of work for me tomorrow. So that's fucking awesome.

Thank you for that. It's funny. We're done with the bleep out fun. Guys, guys, just in the future, if you want to say the word, just say Snooks. Oh, that's stupid. Because they're sneaky. Alright, let's move on.

Do you really have to bleep out that word? You have to bleep out that word. Of course you do. Are you insane, Jackie? Do you not? Yes! You can't say that! I'm not looking at you in a hateful way saying the word.

We are using it as a historical reference. I'm saying this is my favorite video game. Yeah. Yeah, but they're just going to do it in executive Ben Kissel order. That wasn't in the instruction manual. It didn't say, like, destroy all the G words. It didn't say that. I feel like my father would probably change it in all the manuals.

Your father would change it to the most racist thing possible. They still openly say that word constantly. Because your dad is a racist. But not in a hateful way. How don't you be a racist in a hateful way? No, he just says it. All right. So that happened

well how much is the fucking premium streaming fee gonna run us I'll buy it it's fine we've got money we do so much alright Marcus what's the next news story we do some snacks next time

no no a judge oh I'll get some cocktail shrimp I would love some shrimp No, no. A judge... Oh, I'll get some cocktail shrimp. I would love some shrimp. That would be nice to get some cocktail shrimp. You know who likes shrimp? Don't go back! Alright.

A judge is issuing an arrest warrant for a 77-year-old Utah man who police say was sunbathing nude in his backyard next to a church parking lot. What? The Farmington man is pleaded not guilty to seven misdemeanor counts of lewdness for involving a child. Police say Kip's Myron Lee Kip's neighbors reported he was sunbathing nude in his backyard on March 5th. His yard has a chain-link fence with no privacy slats.

His yard has a chain link fence with no privacy slats. Police say several parents said their children could see him, but Kip told an officer he could do whatever he wanted on his property. He's right. I kind of agree with the guy, yeah. I agree with him, too. What's wrong? Does he own the land?

When I would go and visit my home in Germany, we used to go to the beaches and to the pools and stuff all nude, and it was very foreign to me. But the idea of a bathing suit, they would make fun of people who were wearing bathing suits. They'd be like, oh, I must have a small dick or something like that. And I was a little bit stunned. But what is it about the American culture that's so taken aback by a dude

nakedly sunbathing? I don't think it's that big of an offense. I have a differing opinion with you. What is it? Well, of course you're allowed to do whatever you want to, but some things that you do are fucking rude. If you know you're going to upset a bunch of people, don't fucking be naked in front of

them while they're trying to have church. They're not trying to have church. Wasn't it a church parking lot? It was across the street. It wasn't just across the street. It was the adjacent property. Yeah, you're antagonizing people. It's the donuts after church is what he's messing with. They can look

the other direction. I agree. No, you can't. There's a big wagon dick. You're not looking the other direction. It wasn't a big wagon dick. It was just a dude lying down sunbathing. He would piss people off. He's fucking lonely. He's like, someone come talk to me. I don't care if it's cops.

Someone pay attention to me. He's a loser. How about this? How about this situation? This scenario. This is a true story. When I was about in ninth grade, right? I'm at my house.

I'm alone. It's my house. Confused. Parents paid for it. Not me. But I live there. But you're inside the house. I'm in the house.

I decide, you know what? I'm just going to get naked and're inside the house. I'm in the house. I decide, you know what? I'm just going to get naked and sprint around the house outside twice. Just going to run naked around the house. You by yourself? I'm by myself. Run naked around the house. Were you drunk?

No. This is like 2 p.m. on like a Saturday. What's your man of ages? What's your age? What age are we talking about? About 15, 16. I'm like, I'm just going to man. I've done shit like this. What's your age? What age are we talking about? About 15, 16. I'm like, I'm just going to run naked around the house sprinting until I get tired. Maybe there could have been a church passing by on a bus or something at the time.

Were there friends there who were laughing? No one was there. I did this entirely for myself, and I don't think I've spoken about this until today. I never heard of it. Good for you. I love it. So what happened? Was I wrong for doing that? No this till today. I never heard of it. Good for you. I love it. So what happened? Was I wrong for doing that?

No, nothing happened. Nothing. He just ran. Well, I say you should bleep this out as well. You weren't directly next door to a church that was in session, dude. But there's fucking families around, animals. I find your argument to be very ironic because you hate the church. You hate the Pope.

You hate evangelicals. What's wrong with a man being nude? Because it's not about God. It's about are you antagonizing people for no reason? How is he antagonizing? All he's doing is laying there. No, he's antagonizing them.

This is classic Kissel. How is he antagonizing them? He's waving is laying there. No, he's antagonizing him. This is you. This is classic Kissel. How is he antagonizing him? How is he antagonizing him? Because he's waving his dick out. He was laying there trying to get his balls tanned. He could wait a half hour until they're all gone. Nah. I don't think it's that big of a deal.

I think it's very European. You're being a real bloke right now. What's the definition of a bloke? It's a Ben Kissel that fought in the Vietnam War for the bad guys. He's not a bad guy, man. I don't think it's that. He's gotta get his balls

tanned. Where is he gonna do it but his own land? Exactly. Also, yeah, you ran around the house twice. Yeah. Then you went inside and put your fucking clothes on. Yeah. This guy's like, get a good look. Well, to be fair for Kevin,

he doesn't need to get a tan. Get a good look, everybody. Yeah, I didn't need to get a tan. Someone please notice me. That's this guy. Yeah, if you want to lay out naked in your backyard, put up the blinders, man.

Right. Well, yes, put those little, what is the green slips that they usually put in there. Yeah, he didn't do that. Yeah, he didn't do that. I agree, you know,

but at the same time, I think as a culture, as a society, we don't have to be that appalled by the naked body if it's sunbathing on their own individual property. We are a very private culture. That's how it is. That's how America is, and that's it. A lot of naked bodies are gross. It doesn't matter if they're gross or not. It's just, have you ever been to a sculpture class or a painting class in college?

No. Fuck no. Because I'm not a fucking disgusting piece of shit! I mean, you're talking about, you know, it doesn't matter if they're gross or not. You want to see a picture of this man? Let's see him. Look at a picture of this man. I mean, you can tell he used to be a stud.

Yeah, but that junk, man, ain't looking so good no more. He was a quarterback or something. That is not a face that is considerate of others. No, he's a piece of shit. His name is Myron Lee Kipps. Oh, I've never known a good Myron. But what's he mean?

My only concern is this. If the criminal charges against him are extremely serious, I think it's total bullshit. What's he being charged with? He is being charged with, let's see here, lewdness. Seven misdemeanor counts of lewdness. Seven? Every single person.

They're probably taking all those four involving a child. Because the kids. There's kids. But if it's a kid, you just tell your kid. All right. How about this? That's what an adult male looks like. It's fucking.

Kid walks into your house. You pull out your dick. Is that a crime? Yes. But. That's your house. You can do whatever you want into your house. You pull out your dick. Is that a crime? Yes, but... That's your house. You can do whatever you want in your house. Yeah, but the kid... The kid came into your house.

Your dick's out. You're pulling your dick out when the kid comes in. That's a crime, right? Well, you gotta stir the coffee. This shit is getting... I mean, real. But it's madness, though,

that this man has seven misdemeanor crimes going against him and four against children. I say one misdemeanor. I say one misdemeanor. And this is also Salt Lake City, Utah. Remember that. So it was a Mormon church.

Now how do you feel? I mean, I disagree with the Mormon church, but you know. Well, you seem to agree with him on this one. Why are you bothering them? I don't think he was. Marcus, was he bothering? He was lying. Yeah, I think he was picking a fight. I don't think so was. Marcus, was he bothering? He was lying. Yeah, I think he was. He was lying. I think he was picking a fight.

I don't think so. Dude, for sure. He was not. You don't go out and go, I'm just going to get naked in full view of this Mormon church where people are going right now. Then I would put up slats. If they bother, I'm making money in my own business. It's like when your big brother's like, I'm not touching you.

I'm not touching you. And I always agreed with him because I was like, you're technically not touching me. Stop it, Robbie. No, I was always like, absolutely you're not touching me. Thank you so much for not touching me. I really appreciate it. Yeah, you're an inch away, but yeah, you're technically right. My question is, how

do you tan the balls? How do you get that even? You gotta flip them up. You gotta hold your dick up. Yeah, lay on your belly. You lay on your belly and you flip the balls up over your dick? Let them drip. How do you get the top of the balls then, though? I mean, I feel like it hurts so bad just to get the back of your knees burned. I feel like you want to tape the sack out like in a square or like a triangle.

I don't know what a sunburn on my dick would be like. But a real nice tan ball sack looks real good. Does it? And women really appreciate it. That's what I'm looking for. I feel like my ball sack's naturally tan. My ball sack's definitely darker than my dick. Well, yes, that's a thing. That's a known thing. The pigment of your

skin is darker on your cock and balls than it is on the rest of your body. Kevin, black dudes are supposed to have bigger dicks. I think technically they do for the bigger balls too. Here's something about balls is that the, the skin around the balls is thin and delicate around the scrotum. So it will burn much easier than skin on the,

you know, say on your arm or such. Did not know that. You looked that up. You didn't just decide. I looked it up on go ask Alice.com. Well, why not know that. Now you looked that up. You didn't just decide. I looked it up on goaskalice.com. Well, why not? I actually, can I just share?

I have like very large balls. Me too. Eddie's one of you. You guys should hang out like once a week. I have balls really large. I got small crescent shaped balls, man. I have tiny balls. Yeah, they're tiny, man.

Do ladies, but Jackie,? I have tiny balls. Well, half balls. Yeah, they're tiny, man. Yeah. Do ladies, but, you know, Jackie, you're the lady here. Do some women, any girlfriends that you know, enjoy a guy with a big set of rocks? Is that a turn-on? Because, I mean,

had you been Siemens-created there, you would... I honestly think that, like, on the whole, most women don't give a fuck. It's like, if you want me to suck on them, I'll suck on them. You don't want me to suck on them, I'll suck on them.

You don't want me to suck on them? I love it. I won't suck on them. I feel like. I think that's it. It's like, that is the extent of the ball love. Because it doesn't fucking matter. Unless it matters of how hard are you going to fucking get me pregnant.

That's where it matters. I mean, Lord knows. I mean. I don't want it. I'm not getting anyone pregnant. See, now I'm just looking at Jared thinking about his big old fucking balls. Look, if you want a woman to suck on those balls, they got to be tan. And that's why.

You got to get them out there. You got to wag them out. That's the thing. You got to get clothes pins. Hit them up with some rubbing alcohol. Oh, yeah, for show. Get some alcohol on them. That's right.

show, get some alcohol on them. That's right. That and also if you want to just shave it down with a whittler. Yeah. Most women appreciate that. A shave down set of balls. Oh, what was that, Mark? That was three balls. That is a picture

of a man with three testicles. Oh yeah, I saw that before. It looks like a little foot. Is that painter's tape around his dick? No, some guys have two balls. Some guys have three. Yeah, he's blocking away his penis. And it's okay. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Well, very interesting, though. Guys with none, how do you feel about that? Couldn't give a fuck. You want me to suck on your empty sack, I'll do it. Wow. I feel like it would feel like bologna in my mouth. Yeah, they call that the turkey. It's like big green chew.

Yeah, yeah, like giblets. Like, set them on giblets. Put some cheese on it and some white bread, and you got yourself a little lunch. Oh, man, put mayonnaise on it, and I'll suck anything. I'm constantly covered in mayonnaise. Comes with a corny comic strip. Yeah. Just suck it, not eat it, Jackie, please.

No, I'm not eating. I'm just sucking. I'll suck the mayonnaise off anything. Or ranch. Yeah. You know, ranch is mostly mayonnaise. Jackie please no I'm not eating I'm just sucking I'll suck the mayonnaise off anything or ranch yeah you know ranch is mostly mayonnaise yeah that's why

I love it that's why I fucking love it alright if you want me to suck on something just put a nice vinaigrette on it

yeah I love it suck your shit out of it shrivel it up nice little vinaigrette and now it's time for a segment from Holden McNeely.

Oh, you snooze, you lose today. Question mark? What happens in your head when you have a sentence? I'm tired of these segments, ass. Should we end the segment? Eddie, let's do a segment from you, Eddie. No, it's a segment from Holden McNeely. Next week, by the way, we'll be announcing the round table

of the year nominations. That's right. Some surprises this year. I'm very excited. Are you going to be nominated? I don't know yet. There's still coming in, but there's some people ahead. Right now, I mean, Che's looking good.

I have a feeling Michael might stop showing up for those. He'll be here if we need him to be here. He's like a Batman. Alright, back to the segment, please. Man, fuck these segments. I don't know, man. We got three

hoes and two screes for the segment. Oh, we're back on? We never stop. The sound quality is really awful. But there are a few diehards. They heard us say all that stuff about Asian people. Yeah, they still heard it.

But just not as many people heard it. How did they feel about it? How many people are still on? Like eight. Oh, okay. Seven. But the sound quality is terrible? The sound quality is terrible, but they're pushing through.

Hell yeah. A shout out to all my segmenteers, as I call them. That's all you guys out there, you seven or eight fuckers right there. Ed, give a shout out. That's good. Marcus loves it. Fucking segment time. I'm sorry, Marcus. I didn't realize you had to bleep out that word.

You have to bleep out. How don't you realize that? Why would you have to? We are in a dating age. You've had to bleep that out since 1983. I say we're in a new generation, and you can say whatever you want. That's right, man. If this was a documentary about the past, we would have been fine.

About the past? Come on. I'm changing the segment. Holy shit. Wow. This is so exciting. Speaking of bleeped out words. I've never had such a nice time.

Speaking of bleeped out words, what word would you have eradicated from the English language? Ointment. Market. We haven't gotten to that. Well, that's his word, ointment. That's his word. Fucking ointment. That is a good one.

All right. Okay, ointment. That's a great. Yeah, that's a great one. You own Webster's Dictionary. You just bought it with your billions of dollars. I can strike something from the English language. I would like to get rid of

boyfriend. Oh. Why do we have to label it, girl? Would you be labeled as significant other? Chubby hubby. That's two words, though. What if you're not chubby? What if you're Marcus?

What would you refer to Marcus as? Scrubby hubby. Scrubby hubby. Scrubby hubby. I like that. I like that. I hope you're muscular like me. Count Dinaro.

I love it. So there's subsections. Count Dinaro. Yeah. Kathy's a fancy lad. With some good muscles. Always has to wear a tweed jacket. Wonder Woman.

Someone send me a picture of Wonder Woman. Can I say pussy? Is that still allowed? It depends. If you're talking about cats, you can't. You can say pussy. You fucking pussy. All right.

My word, we heard. Kevin? I'll get rid of the word the because I believe in chaos. That's a good one. That's a good choice. Potentially the most used word in the English language. We don't have an exact count, but I believe it's the most used word. Getting rid of the would make things hard for world.

Right. People would just talk like cavemen. They'd be like, I like bulls team. They'd talk like Russians. Yeah. I like bulls team. I like bulls team. They win championship.

Chaos, man. I like it. That was really good. Yeah. Why not? I would get rid of the word pugnacious. What is this word? I've never heard it.

I love that word. Yeah, it's one of my favorite words of all time. What does it mean? I'm going to get rid of your favorite word. I don't know. But, because's one of my favorite words of all time. What does it mean? I'm going to get rid of your favorite word. I don't know. But, because I think my dog Lily is dead. No, pugnacious. I believe. Are you really bringing it down?

No, Ben, I believe pugnacious. My Maltese is dead. Pugnacious, I think. I'll have to look it up. But I think pugnacious means like a willingness to fight. I know. Like a pugilist. That's most of the dogs that he looks after. That's true. Yeah, the dogs you look after are all terrible. P pugnacious means like a willingness to fight. I know. Like a pugilist. That's most of the dogs that he looks after.

That's true. Yeah, the dogs you look after are all terrible. Pugnacious. Although I haven't brought it up yet, I do want to throw it out there that I did receive a very good Christmas gift that says it's a vest, and on the side of it it says Bah Humpug, and on the other side of it there is a pug with a Santa hat on. So you guys will see it in the future, but Baham Pug to you.

Oh, man, I love Baham Pug. Oh, man, Lily is dead. She's a Maltese. She's dead, man. Listeners, can we get some shout-outs to Lily, some rips? Yeah, let's see what Lily looks like dead. Let's see her face in heaven. I know what she looked like dead.

She actually had lumps similar to yours. Did you see the body? Yeah, I know what she looked like Dad she was She actually had lumps Did you see the body Yeah I saw her when she was Still alive I mean yeah I know that's so nice No she died without me

Being there And that's what really Hurts the most Oh man Well this was You literally just got A text about it right I just got the news

Like right when you Were sitting down Four o'clock today Oh boy What was it suicide Yeah She listened to Ozzy Osbourne's

whatever, Blizzard of Oz album. I can't take kids until one more time. She got the gun and she shot her fucking brains out. I'm not saying it was years of sexual dog abuse,

but she was complaining about something. Very sad, though. So Ben chose pugnacious. Pugnacious. Jared, I'm sorry for your loss. Very sad. So Ben chose pugnacious. Pugnacious. Jared? I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you. This is a good time to bring it up.

Can I get rid of a phrase? Yeah. I hate it when people sincerely go, you got this. I like that. I hate that. But you got this. What if you're about to jump off of a building? Yeah, you got this. That's the one time it's good. Hey, bro. You got this. What if you're about to jump off of a building? Yeah, you got this. You got this. That's the one time it's good. Hey, bro.

You got this. You got this. Well, I feel like people probably say that to you if you hear that it's right before you're about to go on stage, right? Is that essentially? I don't think I, yeah, or I don't know. It's more like something that's on the internet now. People tweet it to each other, Facebook each other, like, ooh, gonna run a marathon.

You got this. I haven't run across this. You don't know a lot of people that have just played around. You don't know you got this? No, I don't know you got this. I mean, I've heard it. I've heard it. You got this.

I've heard this, but I didn't know it was an epidemic. Oh, yeah. It's just a lame thing. Lame people say. It's a pain in the ass. If you say it, you're a stupid piece of shit. Well, kind of like for me, what would you replace it with? I mean, you're a stupid piece of shit. What would you replace it with? I mean, you have this?

You are capable of this. I think it's slap in the ass. You're going to succeed in the endeavor that you are about to undertake. Marcus, can I change my word to cray? Cray? No, don't let him change it. I think it should stay pugnacious. Pugnacious is such a fun word.

I think you should eliminate your favorite word. Ben, I will say, though, I fucking hate the word cray. Cray is the worst, so let's take it into consideration with my pugnacious. I do hate also hella, which apparently is a Northern California term. Is that the word you're getting rid of? No, it's not. I just don't like it. The word I'm getting rid of is breasts. I hate the word you're getting rid of? No, it's not. I just don't like it. The word I'm getting rid of is breasts.

I hate the word breasts. What? What? I don't even like tits. What about chicken breasts? No, I don't like it. I don't like the word breasts. So what are we going to replace it with?

Patty wagons. Chicken patty wagons? Chicken patty wagon sandwich? I have large patty wagons. I have a C-sized patty wagon. Who's got the time to say patty wagon? I feel like patty wagon, it's like you can get all the patty wagon sandwich. I have large patty wagons. I have a C-sized patty wagon. Who's got the time to say patty wagon? I feel like patty wagon, it's like you can get all the vans. Pull out your patty wagons.

That's pretty great. I feel like patty wagon is really the way to go when it comes to anything that is circular and bulbous on the top of a man or woman's body. But then you're going to have people going, knick-knack, paddy wagon, give a dog a bone. As he comes all over my breasts. Which is fine. You can't say breasts. So what's he coming all over? See, I ain't saying paddy wagons.

I'm saying top clams. Sure, anything else. I'm getting rid of the word breasts. You got your bottom clam, you got your top clam. You call it whatever. You got your top clams. They're open. It's an open and shut case. I sucked on her top clams, then I fucked her bottom clam, you got your top clam. You call it whatever. You got your top clams. You got my top clams. They're open. It's an open and shut case.

I sucked on her top clams, then I fucked her bottom clam. And I covered it in butter sauce. Yeah, covered it in couch. Fuck, my top clams are covered in butter sauce. I'm having a good, and she was like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Top clam. Just fucking call them chest sacks, man. I don't like chest sacks. Anything besides breasts.

That sounds better. I like shit fuckers. I just call them butter caves. Butter caves? Butter caves. Yeah, but that means that they're caved out. Oh, I see. The pussy can be the butter cave then.

What's the thing you hold wine in? A carafe. No, the leather pouch that you hold wine in. Wine skin. Wine skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So wine in. It's wine skin. Wine skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just, yeah, just breast skin. Ooh, if I had breast milk inside of...

Titskin. If you had tit milk inside of your paddy wagons, then I would refer to my paddy wagons as a wine skin as I squirted out my human wine. For those that can't see, she is currently squirting out her boobs and the wine is coming out. And now I'm drinking it.

Yeah. It tastes good. I'm not trying to set you up or anything, Jared, but you used to have a joke where you said that tits used to be called dugs. Well, no. I mean, yeah. My brother and I called them dugs. As in

jugs? Yeah. I don't know why we called them that for a real term. I've heard the reference to Dugs in medieval times. Dugs, yeah, big, any kind of big, swingy, kind of huge, but not in a good way, breast. Like older women. Like that used to be a D, but now they're a double D because they're sad. Yeah, that's a set of Dugs. My mother has Dugs. I love your mom. Eddie, what's a set of dugs. My mother has dugs. I love your mom.

Eddie, what's yours? I would... Ointment. No, it's ointment. No, we can change it. You can't. Well, then I get mine to change to cray. I blurted out it wasn't my turn.

I was going to say get rid of terrorist. All right, stick with ointment. So, why are you doing this to him? What? Terrorist? Get rid of terrorist? How are we going to describe everyone we disagree with politically? Shit head is run. I think if you call them shit heads,

they won't do it as much. I think terrorist is an empowering word. Alright. Terrorist it is. Terrorist, I get it, but, you know, I mean, obviously, I'm going to go with getting rid of thee. That's going to be fucking great. That's going to be fun. I mean, obviously, I'm going to go with getting rid of the. Like, that's going to be fucking great. That's going to be fun.

I mean, press. No, everyone likes that. Yeah, I like press. All right, everyone. Well, this has been Roundtable of Gentlemen. And that is Jackie Zebrowski and Ed Larson. Was that your last name? Is this the end of it?

It's been Roundtable of Gentlemen? No. I can't say the, you fucking chubby fucker. Excuse me? I don't fuck chubbies. I just am one. I think you're beautiful. Thank you.

Shout out to Jeff the Joe. Shout out to fucking Loose Pranks. You're not supposed to say the word the anymore. Who's still listening? Still listening, we got Anno. We got Johnny Crew. He has a very beautiful stomach. Ask Anno what race and ethnicity is.

Who the fuck is this guy? I don't know. Tight, man. I don't get it. Ask Anna what's... Well, I guess I'm asking. Anna, what are you? Please write in your race and ethnicity so we know who to delete.

That's how you got your stomach so tight? What's your whole bullshit, bro? I don't get it. We got Abby Normal. We got Brett. We got Callum. Anno is Mexican. I like Anno. And it's Anno. I like saying Anno.

Is that right? Anno or Anno? Is it Anno? Abby Simpson. Anno Sionis is Mexican. He wrote it twice. Oh, Ron Pertees listed it still. Yeah, Ron Pertees out there.

Of course. He's got a murder picture. Oh, and Ron asked me a question on Facebook. What? And I didn't get back to him. Ron, I think you're a great interviewer, and you're doing a wonderful job, so keep up the good work. Oh, look at that.

Yeah. And Jake Treat is also listening. Anyo says, it's a nickname. We don't know his real name. Oh. I know we don't know his real name because no one would be dumb enough to name their child a name that doesn't exist.

Maybe think of Anyong from Arrested Development. Anyo means year, doesn't it? But there's no N-Yay over it, though. There is an N-Yay. Is there an N-Yay? I thought it was just an accent. It's not an N-Yay. It is umlauts. Do you think his real name starts with a G?

It probably is Gerald. I don't know. So do we start calling him Gerald now? I would call him Gerald from here on out. His real name is Gay-Ass-Fucking-Dude, man, because he listens to the vlog. What the hell is that? That's not the reference word. Kevin, run out of track.

You said he'd hold in. Stupid fucking jerks. Listen, you assholes. Thank you. I'm a whole native. Shout out. I love it.

There's less people listening than actually doing it. Well, that's sad. Well, that's our whole life. How long do you think we'd have to go to get rid of everyone? And I don't mean tonight. I mean,

permanently. Some of these people are I don't mean tonight. I mean permanently. Someone's been trying for a year. These people are going through horrible static to listen to us. So thank you everyone who stuck it out to the end to help us test out the live stream next week. We're going to be opening it to

all of our listeners out there. So be sure to go to the Roundtable of Gentlemen Facebook page. Are all the shows going to be doing it? We're going to start with Roundtable. And we're going to go from there. But go to the Roundtable of Gentlemen Facebook page. Are all the shows going to be doing it? We're going to start with Roundtable. And we're going to go from there. But go to the Roundtable of Gentlemen Facebook page. We're going to be announcing exactly where the live stream can be listened to. And I want to thank

everybody for your votes for Roundtable of the Year. And you got one more week to get them in. We don't know who's running yet. We're getting the nominations coming in. Next week we'll have the nominations. We've still got another couple days of voting. Pretty cool.

All right, Jared Logan, thank you so much for being here, buddy. And Jared, you've got some shows coming up this week. Anything you want to talk about? You know, buy my comedy album, My Brave Battle. It's on iTunes and Amazon. It's great, by the way. I listened to it on Rhapsody. Thank you.

Jared Logan's phenomenal. But buy it to it on Rhapsody. Thank you. Jera Logan's phenomenal. But buy it, though. Rhapsody's good. Yeah. Let's do this. You get paid money when it's on Rhapsody. I do? Yeah, not much. I gotta call those assholes. Marcus Parks on Twitter. Holden's not on Twitter. It's Rap Boy

Barnett. That's What's Next Ed. That's Jack the Worm. That's Jera Logan on Twitter. 1220 Murder Fist Christmas Show at the Pit. 11 o'clock. Come on out, man. That's What's Next Ed. That's Jack the Worm. That's Jared Logan on Twitter. 1220 Murder Fist Christmas Show at the Pit, 11 o'clock. Come on out, man. It's going to be a lot of fun. There you go. All right, we'll talk to you soon.