The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 243: Man in the Tuna

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

Today on Round Table: a new drug called Flakka sweeps the nation and a Bumblebee Tuna gets cooked along with 12,000 pounds of the fish he most likely despised.

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. I had to tell the driver when we were having a shoot, I'm like, because there was a person missing. I had to retell the driver when you were shooting, like, because there was a person missing. I guess it was an extra. I'm like, well, if it's an extra, we can just grab anybody. But there were some

extras in the car that were just like, ha ha, aw. You said it in front of the camera. He said it in the van. I was just like, damn, man. They were makeup people. They weren't extras. No, no, no. There were a couple that were extras, because I think they were there for the later scene. We were extras, too. the van. I was just like, damn, man. They were makeup people. They weren't extras. No, no, no. There were a couple that were extras because I think they were there for the later scene. We were extras too.

I mean, I was in it. Yeah, I was in it. It's like they just get treated like dirt. They got to eat last. Dude, I swear to God. I was waiting for it too that time. I was like, if someone makes me fucking eat last, I'm going to freak out. When we talked about that, it was the first sentence he mentioned was about if he had

to eat last. You should never eat was about if he had to eat last. I'm sure he never ate last. Anybody makes me eat last. I'm going to be so bad. Hey, on the chat, somebody's name is Sad Holden. Hey, there we go. Accurate Holden. Why accurate?

Using the homeless for your own purposes. That's great, though. That's good, though. I believe we're good to go. Okay. You're praying. Let's hold off though. It's good, though. I believe we're good to go. Okay. You're praying. And we'll... Let's hold off.

Maybe we have a couple of minutes. Okay. Here's to... Wait, is this the prayer? I think so. Here's to... Here's to... Here's...

It's the beginning of a song. Yeah. Here's to the sadness's to. Here's. It's the beginning of a song. Yeah. Here's to the sadness of Holden's life. Sure. Amen. Amen. All right. I'll pray to that.

That's great. That's the first time I ever prayed a day in my life. That's good stuff. Dear God, please make Holden sad. I don't care how. Oh, my God. Mission accomplished. That's great all right well welcome to the round table of gentlemen everybody thanks so much for tuning in jackie zabrowski isn't here because she's in toronto celebrating her older brother henry zabrowski's

birthday so happy birthday uh henry zabrowski yeah you're here though ed i'm here you know i got nowhere to be. I was going to go to Toronto, but then, you know, I didn't. Very interesting story. Thanks for sharing that one, Ed. Is that because, hold it in your toe, is that because of, like, money problems or? It's because, you know, bad lifestyle in general. Bad lifestyle in general.

I was thinking about your hernia. My hernia. The other day. It's still there. I mean, well, it's, you know, it's packed in there with the metal screen. I was thinking about, I don't think you want to talk about it, but when it popped out in a very uncomfortable situation. We've told the story before.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was having sex in the back of UCB with a large lady. It was one of the saddest moments of your life. I was okay with it. Really? You seemed depressed about it. It's better than trying to... You had sex with a large gal in the back of UCB.

She saw your D. The whole thing sounds really romantic. But he couldn't finish. I couldn't finish because I was trying to be aggressive and I picked her up and my hernia popped out. And I was like, oh, it's done. We're done. We're done. Most people get my hernia popped out. And I was like, oh, it's done, we're done, we're done. Most people get the hernia when they're trying to move

a piano. I already had the hernia, but then it shot right into my nuts. What is the hernia? I got a hernia from picking up a thing filled with water. What possessed you to pick her up? I was excited.

When he gets excited, he picks up the woman. We all know this. I didn't know that was a thing. Well, lucky gal. It's romance. She is lucky.

I made it up to her. I think it's a beautiful romantic story, man. I think it's nice. I'd do it all over again. Real quick, for my Naders out there, if you want to post up

pictures of your kids, put your Nader tots on the Facebook page. What the fuck is going on? Put your Nader tots on the Facebook page. Very good. Thank you, Holden. People really appreciate what you do for them. And if you've committed a crime, let me know about your crimes.

Okay. Kevin, you're here also. You're doing really well. You're successful. Yeah, I got this taco shirt. Yep. She's dope, man. I always know it's going to be a good show when you got the taco shirt on. You're doing really well. You're successful. Yeah, I got this taco shirt. Yep. She's dope, man. I always know it's going to be a good show when you got the taco shirt on.

Oh, yeah, dude. It's only for festive occasions, man. Kevin wouldn't come out to Queens to watch the fight at Eddie's girlfriend's house last night. Queens wasn't good enough for you, huh? It was unreasonably far away. It's very close. It took me 25 minutes to get home. How did that...

No. I caught the trains. Perfect. Yeah, when you catch them, it's real fast, but when you don't, it's real long. Yeah, no, exactly. So it's one or the other. Ask the people on the chat if they watched that Mayweather Pacquiao fight. If you did, what do you think?

I thought it was a great bout of sportsmanship and dance. I feel like we shouldn't even be allowed to talk about it. Someone on the chat, Sad Holden, said, I think Holden can make a web series about giving up on his dreams. There you go. There it is. Did he say web series or documentary?

I also just want to say on the chat, if you ride trains regularly, let's have some train talk. Train talk with Holden McNeely sounds amazing. You'll never want to stop to come quicker. Oh, man. Just talking about trains today. I feel like it's a very NPR vibe today. I feel NPR-ish. Yeah, Top Hat was a little NPR-ish, too.

A little bit. I like that. So boring. Pleasant, kind, boring. It's not boring. It's nice. It's interesting. It's nice.

See? Engaging. Engaging. Today we're talking with Robert Duvall. Ooh. I love Robert Duvall. Hey, you fucking dickheads. No, Robert, this is NPR.

How is the shoot going? How is your show, Friends of the People? True TV, Kevin. Oh, it's been, you know, fucking, I'm dying, man. Good. But that's straight. We were on set. People are mean to you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a constant attack. It's fine. I've got no confidence left. you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a constant attack. It's fine. I don't got no confidence left. But it's all good, man. What do you need that shit for? I don't know. I never had it. Yeah, it's good.

It's been like all week I've been getting home at like 2 in the morning or some shit. Eddie was the lead singer of a band called the Tennessee Roosters. Thank you so much, Kevin. You had Holden, myself, and Eddie, and then Doug, of course, the great guitar player from the Cowmen. We got to go be on set.

And as soon as we got into the car, the first sentence Holden asked was, or first statement he made was, if they make me eat last, I'm walking out. The first time I was on a shoot. You fucking pig. To the people They said Oh you wait You wait You should wait

Until the lighting boy eats Wait wait Hold on That's disgusting They were trying to do We had to eat Not the It was back when you guys

Had the different name It was the first pilot Oh The original OG pilot That was like Yeah When I was again A Klansman

You're a great Klansman dude Yeah hold on What have you been cast in A Klansman A country singer A Klansman a Klansman. You're a great Klansman, dude. Yeah, hold it. What have you been cast as? A Klansman, a country singer? A Klansman, a Klansman, and a country singer. That's great. Eddie, how about yourself? What we're trying to do is make sure for the rest of your career you can't do anything else.

Eddie, what have you been cast as? I've been a Klansman, a country singer, and a guy at a funeral but cool a white guy with a black friend nice step up for me

he was the only friend of the black dude wow not bad I was a Klansman a Klansman I was a Klansman yeah

and let's see I was in a country I was in a country band that was exciting I loved that role. Because white man, he plays the country music, and he joins the Google Exclave. At what point do we get to call your show racist? I was a police officer.

I was a police officer. And then my all-time favorite. He's got the best. He's got the best role. My all-time favorite, human backboard. It was a basketball hoop. He just had to hold an entire basketball hoop and get dunked on. No lines.

He was there for eight hours. He just had to hold the shit. But again, at no point did I think about the food as much as Holden did. Well, you can, yeah. I mean, I will say, thank you. I got to ride the Staten Island Ferry. I love to do that. But if I have to eat last in the line, I get mad.

Those were delicious meatballs. I hate waiting for food. I get it. I can't stand waiting for food. All right, relax. Chris S. from the Chad says, a guy on a lawnmower got hit by a train a mile from his house a few weeks ago. Oh, okay.

And they had to pick him up off the tracks. Isn't that something fun? Eventually, yeah. He died. He died. I used to see this band called... And it's the Blow Your Brains Out Hour. Not the Mentors.

The Dementors? The Dementors? The Mentors, but not the... It was the band that opened for the Mentors, Pigeon. All right? So this band called Pigeon in Tallahassee, they had this song about how his friend was hit by a train,

and in the middle of it during a breakdown, like a weird solo, he's just like, I found the thumb! I found the thumb! I found the thumb! It was the worst music ever. A doctor who showed up. Oh my god, it sounds great!

With any luck, we can revive it. Yeah, it was a metal band any luck, we can revive it. Yeah, it was a metal band called Pigeon that opened for the Mentors. I would love if they reconstructed the human based solely on the thumb. Build from there. That would be great. Well, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you lost that friend of yours, person who got their friend hit by a train who was on a lawnmower. No, it wasn't a friend, was it? No, no, no. It was just a guy who... I think it was the neighborhood lawnmower guy. Like, you know the guy in the neighborhood that just rides around on his lawnmower all the time

not really mowing any lawns just riding around on the side of the road? Like the country singer did? Nah, don't. You guys didn't have that guy? Not really. There was a country singer who got pulled over. It was George Jones. He got pulled over for driving his lawnmower drunk. Yeah, so that wasn't

a thing in your town where there was a guy that just rode around in his lawnmower all the time? No, it was in a car. Yeah, you have a... You grew up in a weird place, Marcus. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

Yeah. Kevin also grew up on a farm. Yeah, he grew up in a... I didn't see none of that shit, but you also just have random skeletons and bones that you purchased from the internet in your home. So, I mean... There's some right here. Yeah, I mean... There's some right here. Yeah, I mean, what you lack is perspective.

That's interesting. I don't trust your opinion on shit. Did you buy that head from the internet? I bought it from a flea market. Ten bucks. Ten bucks. That's pretty cheap for a head. Yeah, it was real cheap.

So, apparently, in Marcus' hometown, if you tape turtles to your feet, you call them rollerblades. Oh, absolutely. Really slow-moving ones. I love turtle blades. Let's see. Now, there's not that many news stories this week. We got a few. First one's out of Fort Lauderdale.

All right. It's got a bit of a lead-up to it. It says, one man ran naked through a Florida neighborhood, tried to have sex with a tree, and told police he was the mythical god Thor. Another ran nude down a busy city street in broad daylight, convinced a pack of German shepherds was pursuing him. Two others tried separately to break into the Fort Lauderdale Police Department.

They said they thought people were chasing them, and one wound up and paled on a fence. The common element to these and other bizarre incidents in Florida in the last few months is Flocka, an increasingly popular synthetic designer drug also known as Gravel, and readily available for $5 or less a vial. How is this still happening? Well, Flocka's new. It's rampant, Ed. There's no way to stop it.

Every time that they make a drug illegal, they just change the formula a little bit and they can keep selling it for legal. It's like the drug they took in Harley Davidson, the Marble Man. It's just like that weird. It's like Nuke in RoboCop 2. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. We talked about this on the cast before, right, where we've been recording our album, the corner store there. They sell that synthetic weed stuff.

I've never seen a bunch of zombies like I've seen outside of that corner. Oh, they're crazy. There's always cops there trying to, like, scrape dudes up off the street. So should we do it? Not to do it. If we want to be cool, we better. Yeah, I saw a guy getting scraped up off the street by paramedics the other couple weeks ago. And then I arrived.

He was just rolling around going, For some reason, when I think of somebody getting scraped off the street, I can't stop thinking of Ren from Ren and Stimpy. It's a lot like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scraped up with the old thing there. I couldn't watch that show, man. I couldn't do it.

You couldn't watch Ren and Stimpy? Well, no, I'd watch Stimpy I'd get fucking I was mad squeamish when I was a little guy that brought me and my father together really it nearly tore

my family apart yeah my parents fucking hated I used to watch it as soon as I got home from church with my dad really

yeah it would come on at 1130 and we would go to 930 mass by the time we got home I could catch Ren and Stimpy get a donut live life great Yeah. I don't think so. Because it would come on at 11.30 and we would go to 9.30 mass. Right. By the time we got home, I could catch Ren and Stimpy, get a donut. I can live life great.

Different parenting. It was weird. I just remember I would watch it. I actually loved the shit out of the show. I loved it. But I literally turned it off a bunch of times. I couldn't. Let me guess.

The one with the teeth. The teeth. And then it's weird. The nerve ending thing. I just remember, yeah, the nerve ending shit. And then there'd be a lot of butts and quivering. The booger table. Powdered Toastman.

Yeah, Powdered Toastman. My mother cried one time. I went to the store, went to a Kmart, and I bought the Stimpy doll, and if you squeezed it, it farted. Yeah, it's still got a bite. And I was laughing and laughing, and my mom started crying, and I had to return it.

That made her cry? Yeah, she was so gratifying. And I was laughing and laughing and my mom started crying and I had to return it. That made her cry? Yeah, she was really upset I liked such a thing. Oh, that you liked a farting cat. I mean, it was a great cat. My parents... Anyway. My parents...

How about a gun? My mom wouldn't let me wear a t-shirt out of the house because it was of Rin throwing up and it just said in huge letters blowing chunks. Isn't that so? She was like,

you can't wear that away from... Man, I used to, my parents used to buy me the dirtiest t-shirts just to make me wear it because they found it to be hilarious. Like Big Johnson shirts?

Yeah, Big Johnson shirts. I definitely wore all those but like, I had like shirts with like seagull shit all over it. Like,

same shit, different day. Did they know you were a human? I feel like that's the type of shit I would do to my kid, though. You put some shit on him, I look at him, he don't even know where he's at. What an idiot.

We're in court right now. I'm trying to get visitation rights. My dumb kid is showing up in a Dookie Field shirt. Luckily, I was big enough for adult's clothes at such a young age. That's great. You were just a little prop in your parents' sketch. That's fun. Flaca, a derivative of the Spanish

word for a thin, pretty woman, is usually sold in a crystal form and is often smoked using e-cigarettes, which are popular with young people, and give off no odor. It can also be snorted, injected, or swallowed. Waka Flaca. Future president of the United States. He's running for Waka Flocka. Future president of the United States.

He's running for him. He's running for the presidency of the United States. Let's all support Waka Flocka. You had that great Waka Flocka joke forever ago. What was it again? Oh, I don't know. It was a tweet. It was a tweet?

Waka Flocka. I forget it. I love Waka, though. But I didn't realize Waka Flocka. Flocka means beautiful gale, huh? Yeah, Flocka. Isn't that something? I don't think he knows that.

No, okay. I don't know. I didn't know that Flocka meant beautiful. I thought it meant just skinny because they used to call me Flocko all the time in high school. But you were very handsome in high school. I was very skinny. Yeah. Yeah.

So Waka Flocka for president. I think the round table has to endorse Rock. I remember now. He got caught with a gun and you said, Waka Flock is the big deal. Waka Flock is the big deal. Waka Flock is the big deal. That sucks. What does?

What does? Oh my god. Eddie butchered the joke. Ben, what's the joke? Don't make it too bitty though. I'm not going to make it too bitty. What's the joke? What's the joke? Don't make it too bitty, though. I'm not going to make it too bitty. What's the joke? Joke, give it.

What's the joke? You have to set me up for it. Flaka Flaka Flame had a gun in his hand. He shot a man down. Shot a man. Murdered a man. What the Flaka's the big deal? See how that works, guys?

Flaka Flaka's the big deal. You can actually say that on your show. They can't even censor it. Every television show, if you ever want to say what the fuck, just say Waka Flocka, the big deal. And then boom, the whole thing's going to work out. Oh, God, that is a funny... It's Snoopy.

Snoop... It's not... Snooki! Snooki? Alive baby in the dumpster. Geez, there's an alive... What's the difference between Snoop... It's not... Snooki. Snooki? Alive baby in the dumpster. She's got... There's an alive... What's the difference

between Snooki and a dumpster? In Atlanta. In Atlanta. There's an alive baby in the dumpster. This is when she was pregnant. Yeah. Right.

So you have to take into account... Years ago. It was like two, three years ago. Snooki is... Snooki's a great life. How is she doing? All she is doing is crushing. She wrote a book.

She's a multi-millionaire. She is so much smarter than... She knew what she was doing on that journey. She just got paid to party. What's funny is my old college agent is her manager, and it's the only person that he manages. He only is an agent for people. But that dude was just like...

It never made sense to me that he was her manager, but apparently he was great. She's still, like, years later doing awesome. She owns he was their manager, but apparently he was great. He's still like years later doing awesome. She owns his clothing line that's fucking killing it. He was just so mean to me, man. Oh, he was? I remember one time we were like in Pennsylvania and

I remember the entire ride over, I'm talking about how excited I was, whatever area this was where all the Amish people are at. I'm like, oh, I came here one time with my dad and he took me to this place where all the Amish people work and you can get whatever food you want, blah, one time with my dad, and he took me to this place where all the Amish people work, and you can get whatever food you want, blah, blah, blah. And I was so excited about it, and I was saying how I wanted to go to that place. He's like, oh, yeah, we'll go, we'll go, we'll go.

And then when we got time for lunch, he was like, oh, yeah, just get in this. Clearly trying to get rid of me. Just get in this van with these people. They're going. And I get in the van with them, and I end up at Ruby Tuesdays. He just fucking left me. And then later on, we go to the airport, and I'm up at Ruby Tuesdays. He just fucking left me. And then later on we go to the airport and I'm talking to him,

I think I'm bonding with the dude finally. I don't ever email with him. I think I'm finally bonding with the guy. We had a layover, wherever it was, and his flight was six hours later. Mine was like five hours later. And he's like, yeah, let's get some food. I'm like, all right, cool.

We go to the Burger King in the terminal and then he's like, all right, see ya. And he just goes to his terminal and leaves me sitting there by myself. It'm like, all right, cool. We go to the Burger King in the terminal and then he's like, all right, see ya. And he just goes to his terminal and leaves me sitting there by myself. It's like six hours that we have till our flights.

Wow. He did not like you, Kevin. No, not at all, but he's cool. Yeah, nice guy.

Snooki? Snooki, I found out what she's doing. She's making stuff on Etsy. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

and she's super excited about the Heroes reboot that Henry Zebrowski is going to be starring in. Heroes Reborn. I hope she's in it. Honestly, Henry is the perfect... Snooki's got to get a divorce. Henry and Snooki should be together.

Let's start the campaign. Hashtag Henry... Hashtag Henry loves Snooki. Henry fucks Snookopy's little bitch. Snoopy. Snoopy rides Snoopy. Henry loves Snoopy.

Henry and Snoopy sitting in a tree. Hashtag K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Hashtag. No, I think it's E-A-T-I-N-G. Henry and Snoopy sitting in a tree. E-A-T-I-N-G. Because they both have a love for food.

Then she also, a couple days, she said, I miss Creed. I used to sing their songs on the phone to my boyfriend in middle school. That's good for the middle class, though. People like that in the Midwest. So she likes Creed and Henry's show. Wow. Isn't that something? She's got great taste. She likes the Satanists

program and then Scott Stapp. Marcus, can we get a train chat check-in? A train chat. Anybody on the chat? Oh, actually, the guy that did talk about the guy in the lawnmower that got hit by the train, he said he actually had two kids. Oh, the guy?

Oh, yeah. Did they get hit by two smaller trains? Yeah. Does that be funny? Yeah, I mean, what was your... I was mowing the track. I mean, what are you doing with the lawnmower on a railroad track? There's no grass on it.

I just don't get what the guy was doing. It's a good bet to kill somebody. You say, hey, Earl, you know, because you hate him. Like, I bet you can't ride that lawnmower on that active train track. don't get what the guy was doing. It's a good bet to kill somebody. You say, hey, Earl, because you hate him, I bet you can't ride that lawnmower on that active train track. It's the job they give the person who's like, yeah, go mow the train track. You all need some employment?

Yeah, why don't you go mow the train track, you big dummy? Did you see the Allman Brothers thing? No. Oh, yeah, they were making the Greg Allman documentary and the director was being all haphazard and they weren't allowed to shoot on the train track so they went and the director was being all haphazard and they weren't allowed

to shoot on the train tracks so they went and shot anyway and then train came and fucking killed one of the people on his set. Oh my God. Those Ullman brothers?

That was a couple years ago, right? It was a couple years ago but he just got sent to prison. Yeah. He got two years. Yeah, he got two years for that shit. Oh.

Wow. Yeah, it was some chick. It was some girl that got hit, right? Yeah, they were on a bridge and the train started coming and they couldn't get off the bridge in time. Yeah, it was some chick. It was some girl that got hit, right? Yeah, they were on a bridge, and the train started coming, and they couldn't get off the bridge in time. Yeah, I thought that was just a couple of months ago. I mean, no, he finally went to jail, but it happened two years ago.

Oh, my God. But now the hairstylist on set is suing him as well, because he got a fractured arm. So apparently the train hit quite a few people. They had a hospital bed, and they had William Hurd on a hospital bed. And then they were, because he was playing Greg Allman dead, I guess. And then the fucking train started coming. They tried to get the hospital bed off. And this girl, she tried to save the hospital bed at the last second.

She tried to save a prop? I don't know what happened, man. It was literally like, they could have just abandoned it, but they didn't. And then that fucking girl died. So this guy's going to jail. Well, I'm happy the guy's going to jail. But Bryan Singer, the director for X-Men, should also go to jail because he's a pedophile. And it's true.

All right. Okay. Is that true? Oh, my God. Yeah. He's a huge pedophile. He's part of a whole underground sex ring in Hollywood. It's disgusting.

The Corey Feldman one? That one and every single other kid. Bieber's probably involved. Bieber's been taken care of. Hopefully. Bunch of pedophiles in Hollywood. They're all disgusting. Ben Kissel, who in Hollywood has been molested? Every child star

that you know. I don't know if that's true. Every single child star. That's a big ass number. Except for Raven Simone. Okay. You think Raven Simone. That's a big ass number. Except for Raven-Symoné. Okay. Yeah. You think Raven-Symoné's okay? She made it through.

Yeah, she's strong. She does the molesting. She's molested? She does seem strong enough to be a kid who molests other kids. No, honestly, it's because she's a girl. Every male. All the young boys. That would make sense what happened to Kenan and Kel.

Kenan and Kel both molested. Kenan didn't get molested. Kel did. There we go. Also, it's what happened to the poor boy from that movie Sidekicks, Jonathan Brandis. Jonathan Brandis.

Molested. Yeah, absolutely molested. Yeah, it was in Sequest DSV and then fucking killed him. And he killed himself. Yeah, never-ending story, kid. Lady Bucks. River Phoenix.

Molested. Well, that was drugs. Yeah, but why was he on drugs the drugs the drugs the molest i mean the money you get you're living in hollywood i'd buy drugs at 13 you fucking kidding me all shocking head all no one's gonna molest you doug funny molested i know that's patty mayonnaise molested they're all gone. Where are they now? Who's Doug Sonny now? Who's the last time you heard about Patty Mayonnaise?

They're all either dead or bloated somewhere. Change your name to Patty Mustard. She's a mean bitch now. She's fucking spicy. And I love mustard. Yeah. I like the seeds. Can we do the rest of the show about mustard? I could talk seeds some people can we do the rest

of the show about mustard I could talk about mustard for a long time this just reminded me of a summer camp I had to go to as a young good

Christian boy and we had to make mustard and we had to that sounds great oh it was so fun and you had to muddle the mustard

seeds and stuff like that I fell asleep on a park bench you fell asleep on a park bench I fell asleep on a park bench because I was asleep on a park bench? I fell asleep on a park bench because I was up all night the evening before shaking all the tents.

Oh, you were going around shaking everyone's tent? I was the only one doing it. Because you're a big guy that looked like Bigfoot? Yeah. I wasn't shaking the tent. I was shaking the bunks. I'm so glad I didn't grow up with you because you clearly have a lot of more control now, shockingly,

than you used to. You used to be a monster. For example, I could wait to eat last if I'm an extra on set. It's the principle of the thing, Ben. It's the principle. And what is the principle? No, that is the principle. I had the line.

Yeah, exactly. That is the principle. I understood my role as I was just there to have a few snacks and get 60 bucks and hang out with my friends. The extra contracts that Ed had to sign looked exhausting. I wanted to save

my left hand from the soreness I would have had from signing my name that many times. Holden had the audacity to be like, on the way home, he's like, if they ask me to be an extra again, I'm just going to say no. Well, that's going to definitely convince them. Let me tell you a story. When I first got there, you all were sitting on this one table, completely filled the table.

So I had to go sign my contracts. I sat down at an empty table, and a lady walked up to me and tried to say, I'm sorry, could you go sign your contract over there? No, I get it it was for the constant people but I looked around and I was like that table's

completely filled I was like I stood up and started signing it against a wall and then another lady walked up

and was like he can sit there it's not a big deal here's the thing about extras you get treated like an animal you forget that they're people

they're human beings oh it's obvious you treat them like shit that's why I was like oh no I can't do it I'm sorry they're earlier than everybody else so they gotta stay there later and it's just like they're just like literally the other day

it was like we had these girls and some were supposed to be like they were supposed to be hot music video girls, and people get all dressed up, and then we're looking at them, and two of them literally don't look like music. We gotta tell these girls, listen, you gotta go back and just wait, because they weren't hot enough to be. It's brutal. It's a horrible, horrible industry.

People gotta do that. Then it's, yeah, the whole, that people gotta do that then it's yeah the whole that shit and then like you gotta you gotta let these people who are they're people

just like everybody else you gotta let them they gotta eat last I remember one time it was like I went and I was like the first in line

and there was this girl who was extra who I guess she doesn't know what the protocol was and nobody was there to stop her and she was right next to me in line behind me

and then she was like reaching over me to grab food and as much as I'm like, I don't ever think of like no class as shit, but I'm looking at her like, who the fuck is this girl reaching over me? Who do you really want at a buffet?

You're supposed to, but still I was just like, why? Wait, you sit there and you sit there. Kevin might have been hovering over the potatoes a little too long at the same time, let's move, it's a buffet. So you're saying that it's like, I never I always try, like I'll talk, that's supposed to be cool.

But even then, even then in that moment, I was still like, well, you're supposed to be standing over there in the dark. Who do you think you are? Oh, my God. That's the study of the professor who broke up the students into corrections officers and prisoners has to be changed from extradat to a principal. Oh, yeah. Well, that's why I was like, when I said that, I was like, oh, are y'all free?

Do you feel like doing it? Because I just thought it would be cool to have y'all as a thing. And then I emailed them. I was like, just make sure they're not treated. Don't treat them like extras. Because otherwise they would have been like, they would have put y'all, y'all would have had to get there like six in the morning. Yeah, it was funny.

We were like special. I wish I could. I seriously do wish I could have come. We, it was funny. We were like special. I wish I could. I seriously do wish I could have come. We were like special extras. We were like treated. But yeah, I just made sure to stick with the cool guys. I felt like, you know, you got to hang with the cool kids. Be like, yeah, yeah, Kevin.

Yeah. You know, you're like, hey, yeah, kind of prop them up and stuff. And then you get to eat first. Oh, my God. You ate first. I never saw somebody dive so hard into a bunch of almond, whatever the fuck you ate immediately. Good ass meatballs. Six of those meatballs.

Great. Damn. Oh, my God. Just the meatballs, dude. I could have just eaten the meatballs. You did just eat the meatballs. Oh, no. I had the chicken, too.

And I don't even like olives. And it was smothered in olives. And I just picked them off. Anybody wants to talk about buffet talk on the chat. Oh my god, I love buffets. The rules of the buffet, you know, maybe the different kinds of what your favorite buffet, what's your

buffet go to? My favorite buffet I've ever been to, Isle Morada. Great seafood buffet, $24.99. Go check it out. It's expensive. Isle Morada. All you can eat wonderful seafood, $25 for a buffet? I'm gonna go it can't be more than $8.99. Go check it out. That's expensive. Almerada. All you can eat wonderful seafood. $25 for a buffet. I'm going to go.

It can't be more than $8.99. Oh, you're never going to enjoy your life, my friend. That's probably true. Where can we find this great buffet? Almerada. Where Bloodline takes place. In the Keys. So it's a seafood buffet.

It's a seafood buffet in the Keys. It seems sketchy. It's wonderful. Out. It's a seafood buffet in the keys. It seems sketchy. It's wonderful. Out of all the foods that should be buffeted, I would say seafood is the last one. It's on the ocean. Seafood is generally very expensive. $25. $25.

All you can eat. Well, that's pretty good. Snow crabs, fucking shrimp. Yeah. I will say this. I don't know why I've never brought this up on this show, but like a month or two ago, we were shooting. We were out in Forest Hills.

We go to this China buffet that like, you know, they were all talking about, oh, let's go to this China buffet for lunch. We go there, and it's all confusing. Half the people don't really speak that much English. And then I go there, like, oh, pay first, which didn't make any sense. So we go to the front of the place to go pay first. And then I go, they're like, oh, pay first, which didn't make any sense. So we go to the front of the place to go pay first.

And then I get to the front where I'm supposed to pay. And the lady at the front is just bleeding, squirting blood out of her hands. She's bleeding? Blood is squirting out of her hands. And I'm watching her, and she's like trying to wrap up her wound. It's a wound. It's not a cut. This is a wound. It's not a cut. This is a wound.

She's trying to wrap her wound up. And she's not doing a good job because it's still squirting everywhere. And you would assume that someone who was in this position would either leave or be like, at least wait until I'm done with this. But I go up to the front. She's like, $8.95. And I'm like, what? She's like, $8.95. And I'm like, what? She's like, $8.95.

And I didn't want to give her the money, but I had to. So I gave her this $20 that I had. Did you take care of your hands, lady? She bled all over my money. She gives me back this change with blood all over it. And then I got to go eat after that. Oh, that wasn't. Disgusting.

No way. Yeah, the food was horrible. And I left like a $10, $11 tip off of the $8, $9, $11 because I just didn't want to touch the money after that. I just had this money covered in blood sitting on the table in front of me as I ate. That's a great strategy. I mean, it was a positive reinforcement for her bleeding all over the money. She thinks that that's just how it's done

here in the States. You bleed all over the cash and you get a huge tip. That's great. I love it. I got kicked out of a Chinese buffet one time and I still think they were wrong. Too much food? Well, they put in the fine print that you can only be there for two hours and you can only eat so much. Who wants

to stay longer than two hours? It was a BYOB. It was a BYOB. So you set up shop. You brought your own TV too. Oh my god. I put a little sunscreen on my nose. I had a visor. I was watching a Baltimore Orioles game. I was having a great time. Turns out they don't want

to have people enjoying themselves in their restaurant. Where was this? This was in Wisconsin. The nominee, Wisconsin. Do you remember the name of the establishment? $4.99? $4.99? For two hours of food?

To be fair, it was mostly pizza and chicken nuggets. Okay. And I slammed a bunch of those nuggets. It was great. I love that Pizza Hut buffet with the dessert. Holy Christ. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're talking about like $5. Remember Tallahassee, they had like CC's was like $3. CC's was garbage. It was garbage. I got sick every time I ate it. Shit, it was so good. It's garbage, but I ate it quite a bit. That Pizza Hut buffet was the best thing that ever

happened to lunch. I couldn't do it, man. I couldn't do it. What do you mean you couldn't do it? Too much potatoes. God, who's this? People just putting nasty pictures up on the post. Let's move on. No one wants to hear our buffet talk.

Well, that's not so bad. That's just a cat fisting a dude. With mustard. It's a lady. Oh, it's a cat fisting a lady? It's a cat fisting a lady. With the mustard there. Well, it's a guy fisting a lady and someone photoshopped a cat on his body. So it's a cat fisting a lady. With the mustard there. Well, it's a guy fisting a lady and someone photoshopped a cat on his body.

So it's a cat now. Yeah, no, I get it. It's not that bad. I think she likes mustard too. I don't know. Out of all the things to be fisted anally with, I guess mustard is a...

I don't like the mustard that's just all mustard seeds. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Fuck those guys. It's just all... It's not even a... What do you call it?

A paste or a condiment. It's just all... It's not even a... What do you call it? A paste or a condiment. It's just little balls, tiny balls, right? This is fun. When did we turn into 30-year-olds? Three years ago. Yeah, three years ago. Two and a half, actually. I don't like the mustard with the seeds.

I was researching... In our heads, we're like, this is a conversation that we're having. I was researching baby car seats, you know, just because I might have one one day. Are you going to have a baby soon? No. Your friend? No, just maybe a car.

Yeah, a car first, then a baby. So you buy the car seat first, and then hopefully build up to the car. That's understandable. Sensible. Do you know babies just die easily? Yeah, they really do. If you don't take care of them, they're just going to fucking die. Caught death, they call it.

Caught death. Caught death. Caught death. Caught death. Yeah, SIDS. SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Crib death.

Caught death. Yeah. Caught, crib, either one. Yeah, what, did you grow up in a cot, you poor? Yeah, come on. Jesus Christ, you didn't have a crib? Yeah. Caught.

You slept on a cot as a baby. I didn't know I slept on a crib. My parents were fine. It's fine. My dad used to deliver beer. No, my dad was delivering beer.

He was having a great time. Grew up on a plague quarantine. No, it was fucking Amarillo, Texas. It was fine.

Yeah. I slept on a cot once for a summer. A summer? A whole summer. That's exciting, Ed. It was. It wasn't bad. All right.

So this guy had a lawnmower, and he was trying to go over the train tracks. He got hit, and he got killed. Yeah. That's not even a news story. That was just a guy on the chat. Yeah. Apparently, he was wearing headphones, so he didn't hear the train coming. Train talk.

We're going to talk about trains. That's exciting. Chew. Chew. Hand write us a letter if you would like to, you know. If you want to chug along some fucking train talk. Hand write a letter. Mail it snail mail to Creek in the Cave.

What's the address? 1093 Jackson Avenue. Long Island City, New York, 11101. Hit us up at 121101. 11101. And you will let us know about your train story. But no, the original news story was what, Marcus? Flocka. Oh, Flocka. It's about F train story. But now the original news story was what, Marcus? Flocka.

Oh, Flocka. I have a great joke about this. Oh my god! He murdered a man! He's murdered a man in cold blood! Flocka is the big deal. See how well that works? That's really amazing. Yeah, it really

does flow. You can't hold on to the ball. You got to keep it in the air. It's groundbreaking, dude. That's why those career-changing jokes. Yeah, I feel good. A different trajectory. Once the streets hear about that shit.

Yeah, it's like Eddie Murphy with Goonie Goo Goo. Oh, I love that joke. This is your Goonie Goo Goo. Isn't that fun? It's going to go great for me from here on out. All right. So let's do another news story. I was thinking, I think I might propose an entire TV show about talking about trains.

Oh, yeah. Someone pitch into Comedy Central. I'm pitching to FX. I'm pitching to TruTV. I've got an in. You do so well in the room. It's going to work out great. You don't sweat profusely and blow it all the time.

I'm going to start working out. Then, if I get the TV show, I'll start working out. You're going to start after you get the show. Yeah. I'll run. Every day I'll run, Marcus. I know. I'll run with you.

If I was to invest in your show, how do I know that you're going to change the way you look physically if I give you a bunch of money? Okay. I will wake up at 10 a.m. That's late, though. Is it? Oh, yeah. You're supposed to be up at like 7. I'll have an entire pot of coffee to get my bones running.

Unhealthy. And then I go on a run. I'll run for four hours a day, man. Train for a marathon, Ben. Four hours a day. You get up at 10. You start running. I assume 10, 30, almost 11.

You start at 11. It's already 3 o'clock. Day's half shot. Yeah, well, what else am I doing? I got a TV show. I'm supposed to write it and star in it. I love that the only thing that's keeping you from this horrible body is a TV show. That's all it's going to take. All it's going to take is somebody body is a TV show. That's all it's going to take.

All it's going to take is somebody giving you a TV show. That's what happens to everybody. They get their Hollywood pod bodies. They put your brain and your organs into your Hollywood pod body and you get to have a fucking career. That's what I was told by my

manager. He won't call me back or email. What was the last time you spoke with your manager. He won't call me back. What was the last time you spoke with your manager? I'm pretty sure he does not represent me anymore. I don't know. He won't return my emails. Let's bleep his name. It's been about two years, three years since he's returned my emails. He's not your manager, though.

He's working with Henry, and I am a part of Henry. Okay, we'll bleep the name. But I do not think we have to bleep his name. You gotta bleep the name. Trouche! You are not helping yourself. I'm just gonna keep saying his name all throughout the rest of the podcast so it's impossible to bleep it.

And then I'll just, you know, just let your career be ruined. Because you made that choice. He's not gonna ruin my career. Well, he's certainly... No, everyone has great managers, and we all respect the industry very much. I have no managers. Do you have a manager?

No. I mean, yes and no. I don't know. I don't want one. I have a manager. You do? Yeah, it's Ben. Oh, okay.

Yeah. What kind of deals have you got going with Marcus? Well, yeah. You know? I have a bunch of different ideas for him. Okay, so what kind of meetings are we setting up? What are we doing here? I've helped Marcus out quite a bit with different meetings,

and I've told him. What are some of the meetings? I don't actually go to the meetings. He goes to the meetings for me. You go to the meetings for him? A lot. Okay, so what do we got going for Cave Comedy Radio? A lot of things are falling through.

Okay. Ed, did you know that Ben was Marcus' manager? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you're so broke. Do you want a manager? No, I'm good with nobody. I could manage you.

Thanks. I won't mention you in the meeting. Thank you. No. Yeah. I could manage you no thanks I won't mention you in the meeting thank you no yeah yeah he doesn't mention me at all in the meetings that he has he says that he's going on

he said that he'll bring me up when the time is right yeah yeah yeah but I still but I still pay him like I pay him because I believe yeah yeah yeah

it's gonna pay off gotta believe man gotta believe yep well keep on believing I will that's what I always say to my people that i manage i'm very excited you know being a manager sounds like a miserable job i would never want to

do such a thing yeah it seems insane man i don't even understand why they're all human calendar thieves just making money off of fucking nothing got no talent all you have all you have is a bunch of phone numbers that's all that's all a manager is someone who goes you have is a bunch of phone numbers. That's all a manager is. Someone who goes out and gets a bunch of phone numbers, and then you give them a lot of your money. Yeah, it's all phone calls, dude. It really is. I'm going to do a thing called Real Talk.

Facebook ruined. The idea of being a manager right now, it's you... Turn the microphone the right way, Ben, so the people can fucking hear you. It's real talk. They need to hear it. I was going to give real talk, and then I was silenced. Facebook ruined it. No, I'm done.

Facebook ruined the manager. No, it's... Yes. Why? Because you're a step away. Friend them, and then message them. Ah. And it's pretty easy. Well, that's the thing, but no.

Real talk... are you real talking you need to change your microphone it's like cause you can always like you know I'll say the same shit like oh what's the point

but at the same time it's like for example like whatever it was like two weeks ago three weeks ago where I had to take an Uber to fucking

Pennsylvania it was like 400 bucks that's right the entire time I'm going through that fiasco the whole like six seven hours

I'm trying to get a car this dude who is he's a manager's assistant he's nice so he's making no money sucks

he's calling up every car agency and emailing all these people on a Saturday and this dude is making like no money

and this is just me and the entire time I'm doing it I'm barely even like I'm like not even that I'm going to places but I'm not like doing shit when I'm walking. He's like, I'm checking this place, checking this place, got your car here. He's doing all that shit.

That's just me. He's dealing with 30 people probably having the same type of shit all the time. There is a little bit of, but at the same time. But he failed though. He did fail. Yeah. He tried. He tried.

I did take an Uber to Scranton, Pennsylvania. He got you. Sc, that's okay. He tried. He tried. I did take an Uber to Stratton, Pennsylvania. He got you. That was one of the most amazing stories. I can't believe that happened. I can't believe the guy said yes. I feel like you have to. Yeah, no, that was the craziest part about it. Like, he gets there, like, I call him, I'm like, just to make sure.

I'm like, there's no way this guy's going to do it. He was the coolest Uber driver ever. He was like, I was him just to make sure. I'm like, there's no way this guy's going to do it. He was the coolest Uber driver ever. I was like, hey, look. I was like, my bad, man. Can you take me to Scranton, Pennsylvania? He's like, yeah, of course. Let's go. And then he's like, yo, you're late somewhere, right?

I assume you're late. Out of options. I was like, yeah. He's like, all right. Try to take shortcuts. Drive fast. And then I put in music and it didn't speak to him. That's wonderful. It was great. It was fucking awesome, music and it didn't speak to him. That's wonderful.

It was great. It was fucking awesome, man. I didn't know that was an option. You gave him five stars, right? Well, of course. What if I fucking didn't, though? You gave him two stars? He did all that shit.

It's almost too funny to not do. He drove me all the way to Scranton. No questions asked. The best part about it was like it was me I was doing a show with Nicole Byer was there and Pete Davidson

and I hadn't you know Pete's a I'm good friends with him but I hadn't spoken to him in forever and I had texted him the night before

like yo you still doing the show but I didn't want to like I wasn't thinking of driving with him I was like yo you still doing the show tomorrow y'all off cause it had been scheduled from like six months ago and he didn't respond

till the next day and all he wrote back was, who's this? But then that day up. But finally I was like, oh, it's Kevin, whatever. But all that happened like after I got the car. But the whole time he'd be like, why didn't you call me, man? And I'm like, no, I didn't fucking call you because he wrote back, who's this? Who called you?

That would be the saddest shit ever. I was like, Pete, man, pick me up. It's me, man. He should have picked you up, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, we drove back together after that, but it was just like. I was going to ask about that. It's how you got back.

Yeah, no, we drove back. Another option is you could have taken the train, Marcus. Is there any train talk? Another option is you could have taken the train, Marcus. Is there any train talk? Well, the man did send me a link to the story of the train incident. It was in Fall Creek. God damn it, man.

Wisconsin. Oh, so this is Bend territory. And that is Bend territory. Mm-hmm. And that is in America. On April 10th, 2015, at 7.46 a.m., the Fall Creek Police Department was notified of a crash in Fall Creek involving a lawn tractor and a train from Union Pacific Railroad. I think most would agree with me when I say that all of our fans should be hurt emotionally in some way.

Should be destroyed. Yeah. I feel like this guy's fine from this incident, though. From what? The train when it hit the lawnmower man. It was in Wisconsin, Ben. You might have known him. Who was he?

Fall Creek. I know it. The operator of the lawn tractor. What's Fall Greek like? Oh, it's great. Cold. Yeah? Yeah.

It is a picture of snow, and it's April, so. Yeah. Oh, wow. The operator of the lawn tractor was 29-year-old Dustin Keith of Altoona. I know Altoona. Man, he was just starting his lawnmower career. I mean, the kid didn't have a future. How is Altoona?

Oh, my God. It's full of people who dumb. Who dumb? Wakaflaka is the big deal. I'm on fire. I'm on fire over it. Put me out. Holy Lord.

You can't be saying stuff like that, man. Oh, my goodness. You know how many people you're hurting? And it's Sunday. Oh, my God. Well, he was mowing the train tracks. And that is a typical Altoona resident. Isn't that the Urkel Aunt Tuna from Altoona?

Is there an Aunt Tina from Altoona? Yeah, something like Aunt Tina from Altoona. Altoon was a great Jets wide receiver during the 80s and early 90s. Altoon? Altoon. Altoon. And cartoon? Altoonon. Al Toon. Al Toon. Cartoon? Al Toon.

So he was animated. No, he was, you know, yeah, I guess you could use that because he danced a lot. Every child Hollywood star has been molested. Molested. Aunt Una from Al Toon.

Aunt Una. From Wisconsin. Yeah. Isn't that something? I loved her. Molest him. Oh, man. It's. Yeah. Isn't that something? I loved her. Molest him. Oh, man. It's a girl.

She's older, obviously. She's an aunt, so. Steve Urkel, molested. Oh, probably. Yeah, they tore him up. Probably. From the bottom up. Yeah, man.

I love what... He seems fine. He's great, right? He's a very handsome... Jaleel White. Jaleel White. Jaleel is a really bad name. I like Jaleel. I think it's the coolest fucking name.

Really? Jaleel. Jaleel. I feel like in real life, he is Stefan Urkel, man. I believe he's Stefan. I once saw him in, I think it was an interview during the Macy's Day Thanksgiving parade. It was in the... Behind the Family Matters.

He was smooth as shit. I hated it. It fucked up my entire perception of him. He loved playing Stefan. Yeah, no. That's who he is. We had him on the show

last year. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. We had him on the show and he was cool. He was hung out. He was cool as shit. Did you guys go out afterwards?

No, no. I think he was in and out and he's got a daughter and shit, so they're fucking up his vibe. But he's still rich. He's rich as shit and he deserves to be very wealthy. Hopefully saying he's got a daughter and shit, so they're fucking up his vibe. But he's still rich. He's rich as shit, and he deserves to be very wealthy. Hopefully, he's got a good contract and the family matters.

I hope Carl Winslow's doing well. What do you prefer, him and that or him as the cop in Die Hard? It's the same character, I think. I know, man. I believe it's the same. I like to believe that he went home and Steve Urkel bothered him. From the diehard. Didn't he die?

And then at one point he goes to New York and he works at prison. Just say, Ghostbusters. Mayer wants to see it. Goes back to Chicago on some sort of weird officer exchange program. And you know, if Holden was on that set, they'd be eating last together. Isn't that sad? That's true. Mr. Winslow. Man, Carl Winslow was taken care of.

Are you kidding me? I hope so. He was a hero, man. He is a hero. But he's still alive. Yeah. Reginald Vell Johnson. Yeah, Reginald Vell Johnson.

Great. Let's get him some more work. He's only 62. Yeah. He's got some career left. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, Queens guy. He's in Queens now? He's from Queens. Oh, shit. We got to get him on the podcast, man. You should got some career left. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, Queens guy. He's in Queens now?

He's from Queens. Oh, shit. We got to get him on the podcast, man. You should get Carl Winslow. We should. Oh, we got to fucking get him. Yeah, he wrote anything about Carl Winslow. What's he doing these days, Marcus?

The last thing he did, he was in The Real Husbands of Hollywood Season 2 as himself. Oh. He's doing a reality. No, it's not a reality. It's like a fake reality. Oh, that's the Kevin Hart thing. Yeah. Okay, that's doing a reality? No, it's not a reality. It's like a fake reality. Oh, that's the Kevin Hart thing. Yeah. Okay, that's good.

That show is a good show. The last acting job that he had was in a TV movie called The Mistletones. Oh, isn't that fun? He was Holly's dad. But then he was in General Hospital as Reverend Love. Oh, I love it. And he played Ed in Bold and the Beautiful. There, I love it. Honey play Ed in Bold of the Beautiful.

There's always a Holly. All the girls are named Holly in these Christmas movies. Yeah, well, you know, you get it. I can get into shape. How are you going to get into shape? You're not going to run for it. Four hours a day. I'll turn it down to a

burger a week. Just give them a TV show. Give me a TV show holding a burger. I'll turn it down to a burger a week. Just give him a TV show. What else? Give me a TV show. Holden's Holes. Yeah. Or something like that. Holden's Holes. Holy Holden.

I died and gone to heaven or something. Yeah. There is no way you're ever going to be skinny again. That's true. You're going to be fat from here on. I said into shape, but I could have an Italian's body. When I met Holden, he was so skinny that he couldn't wear a belt. Well, now, Murder Fist.

His pants would just fall off him all the time because the belts didn't work on him for some reason. I beat off at that sometimes. Just because you're too slippery. You beat off to the thought of you being too small to wear a belt? I was so tiny. It fit me in a little pocket. I haven't seen pictures. It's hilarious.

I feel like I was in Ratatouille or something. I've watched you gain so much weight. Eddie, correct me if I'm wrong. For 13 years, we've known each other. Murderfist, still the best sketch group of all time. Murderfist is the greatest sketch ever. Maybe not all time, but we're doing all right. Well, you know,

don't throw... All time's big words. All time's tough. I can name at least five to ten sketch groups that are better than us. Well, what I'm trying to do is encourage.

We're trying. Yeah, but you're overshooting. You can't overshoot. Yeah, she's way too all time. I'm going to say of some time. Murder Fist is the greatest group of some time.

Pretty fucking good. On occasion, they're great. We were good if a bunch of other sketch groups didn't happen. Yeah, if we'd be the best good if a bunch of other sketch groups didn't happen. Yeah, if we'd be the best if like, yeah, 10 sketch groups didn't exist. Can we just say Murder Fist does sketch? Yeah, we can do that.

So we all write a sketch comedy group, yes. If you want a title, buy grenades. Holden used to be the sex symbol. No. No. I was told he was. By who? Women. No, no, they called me the candy. That's the sex symbol. No. No. I was told he was. By who? Women.

No, no, they called me the candy. That's a little different. Okay, what's the difference? I'm fun to suck on, but not to stick around. When I get sticky, it doesn't get fun anymore. You know what I mean, Marcus? Oh, God. Yeah, strangely enough, I do.

I very much know exactly what you mean. I want to fucking leave. I was also known as the cock of the group. Right, why? I have the thickest rod of the group. Ben Kissel. Who do you think was the sexiest? Me.

No! Always me. No. I'm the sexiest. We were just... Kellen. Yeah, he's more... A little inside baseball.

Kellen does the sound. He's never been on stage. Obviously, Eddie was making a joke when he said he was the sexiest. Oh, no, I'm great looking. You're not. I am. You're not. I mean, I am.

Okay, we could do this all day. You're not. I'm great. You're not. You're not. You're not? You're not. Gandolfini's dead.

I am the sexiest big man alive now. You're not. Yeah, on the chat, if am the sexiest big man alive now. You're not. Yeah, on the chat, if you can think of a sexier big man than Eddie, just think of any big man. Let us know. We asked Jackie, man. Who's the... Yeah, Jackie. Jackie is here.

Who is the sexiest outside of me? I mean, of course. Hold on, Kevin. No, you can't ask the question. Jackie is here. Now Jackie's a Browski. Once again, she's with Henry for his birthday. But Kevin's girlfriend, Jackie, is here with us.

And she's about to come to the microphone. And I'll tell you one thing. This is going to be wonderful. Jackie, who is the most attractive member of me? Of this group. Yeah, not Kevin. Not Kevin. Hey, Ben, you win.

Ben! Jackie! All right. That's really great. Ben's been getting some smoking hotties lately. You literally could have picked anyone else and I would have liked you. No, that's fine. It's obvious she has tastes that are good I know my teeth are weird

It's my smile It's my smile that's bad Women always like you until they talk to you Marcus always has this emptiness in his eyes I can see Chick's just being terrified Most of them are It takes a special kind of woman

To see past the emptiness and the grayness. Who says I want to date the bad guy from Roger Rabbit? I watched that last night and I was just saying how Judge Doom is one of my favorite villains of all time. I think he's great.

He's the best. I killed your brother. I just like this. Yeah, love it. Judge Doom. Women love to talk to me and I just like this. Yeah. Love it. Judge Doom. No women love to talk to me and I like to talk to them. Only member of the round table that does not have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Who's that?

Bing Kissel. Oh yeah I can't be dating right now. Can't be dating? I can't be dating right now. I don't understand these women that try to have sex with you. I don't get it man. I'm not emotionally stable enough. I can't be with a girlfriend right now but I don't understand these women that try to have sex with you. I don't get it, man. I'm not emotionally stable enough. I can't be with a girlfriend right now, but I will find my love one day. I'm running for city council

in 2017, so who wants to be my bride? You don't have to be married to run for city. You do. Otherwise, they think you're a closet. Ladies on the chat, if you'd be interested in being Ben Kissel's bride, or you have a fun little train story for us,

chime in on the chat. Those actually go together sometimes. Yeah, a little bit. If you're a woman who likes trains, but also likes Ben Kissel, please hit us up on the chat. All right, please do. Marcus, another news story. Can we?

I mean, we could go straight for the segment, but we could also go for one more news story. I want one more. All right, a news story. Can we? I mean, we could go straight for the segment, but we could also go for one more news story. Quickie. I want one more. All right, a quickie. We barely talked about any news stories. Two managers at a Bumblebee tuna plant in L.A. were charged Monday in the death of a worker

who was literally cooked an industrial oven along with 12,000 pounds of tuna. Oh, my God. Did they throw out the tuna? I believe they threw out the tuna. They did? 12,000. Yeah, you got to.

There was a human being cooked in with it. I don't know. We talked about on Top Hat, the person who was killed in the kiln of the paper factory. That paper was printed. It was used because they found it after they drained it. So we were holding the man's flesh in our hands. It's amazing. I think you got to sell the tuna.

Yeah. Well, there was a lot of rumors going around. People saying there's flesh in our hands. It's amazing. I think you got to sell the tuna. Yeah, well, there was a lot of rumors going around. People saying there's, you know, there's human in the tuna. But no, there wasn't human. No human in the tuna. God dang it. Los Angeles prosecutors say the men and the company itself violated safety regulations, which resulted in the tragic death of Jose Molina in October of 2012. He was 62.

of Jose Molina in October of 2012. He was 62. He was performing maintenance in a 35-foot-long oven at the company Santa Fe Springs Plant before dawn when a co-worker who mistakenly believed Molina was in the bathroom... Believed he was a bunch of tuna. Oh, my God. Now, what's that tuna doing walking around and sweeping? I better turn this oven on.

Let's cook it! Oh, my... Have you ever seen a tuna like that? It looks like a Mexican. I think that's a Mexican man. Well, let better turn this up. Let's cook it. Have you ever seen a tuna like that? It looks like a Mexican. I think that's a Mexican man. Well, let's turn it up. I've never seen no tuna hold no mop before. Isn't that crazy? Turn it on to 600. Yep. He fell

the pressure cooker with 12,000 pounds of canned tuna and turned it on, cooking the man to death. Whoa. I feel like my question, my proposition is, is there a pussy eating joke to be

found in this story? Kevin? No, man. He's dead. Way dead. Way dead. I don't see it. You'll never see another one again. He died doing what he loves. Swimming in a bunch of tuna. Why?

What a way to go. It's over for him, man. The thing is, you feel like you shouldn't make fun of people who died or whatever, but if there is an afterlife, his afterlife sucks. Everybody's like, yo, that's the nigga that fell in the tuna. He fell in the tuna. Your one job is to not become tuna. That'd be great if there was a layer of heaven

that was just for like the people who died embarrassing deaths. There's a layer of heaven that just all black comedians that just shit on the people that died in the stupidest ways. Jose's in the tuna. He's like, yeah, I know. I'm the tuna. I fell in the tuna.

I mean, what a ridiculous way to go. So you just drowned in it, huh? Oh, he cooked. When a supervisor noticed Molina was missing and an announcement was made in the intercom, an employee frantically searched for him in the facility and parking lot. His body was found two hours later

after the pressure cooker, which reached a temperature of 270 degrees, was turned off and opened. So his intestines were also probably squeezed from his body. 270 isn't really that hot. No, but it's the pressure. He was probably alive for a little while. When they say pressure cooker, do they mean pressure chamber or something like that?

Is that the point of it? How does a pressure cooker work? I don't know. I'm not sure. Why is the term pressure there? It's really not that hot. It took this guy a while to die. He was in there with the tuna screaming for a while.

Hey everybody, I'm in the tuna! Yeah, because it was filmed. It would have been in Spanish though, so no one understood. Yo soy en el tuna! Yo soy, I'm in the tuna. Yo soy, I'm in the tuna. Yo soy en el tuna.

Yo soy, I'm in the tuna. If you don't speak English, the one sentence he should have learned in English, I would assume he learned a lot in English, but theoretically, I'm in the tuna. I'm human, not tuna. I'm human, not tuna. Yeah. Wow.

I say all these. Human. I'm a human not tuna. Yeah. Wow. I say all these. Tumen. I'm a human, not a tuna. Well, what a way to... How'd dad die? With the tuna. He was with the tuna, man. Yeah, he died with the tuna.

That's a way to go. They have a lot of dolphins in the tuna. They don't care about that. I think they should have served the tuna. I really think that no one would have known. No one would have known. And then all these tunas died for no reason. All right.

So a man's dead in tuna. Another dude tried to lawn, brought his lawnmower, tried to mow the grass of a railroad track. I'm still trying to get a job in comedy. All right. How's that going? Failure left and right.

You just worked last week in comedy. What? For Kevin. When I stood there? Yeah, you did great. You did eat the most. You ate the most for sure. I stood there yeah you did great you did eat the most you ate the most for sure

I got food out of it yeah um uh I'm gonna go ahead and say hold on let's do five goals what are your next five goals

five goals I wanna write three screenplays this year wow and how far are you now I am halfway through the first one perfect when does the clock start

when does the clock start for a year of writing three screenplays. Did you start the clock today or you started it like a month ago? Actually, I probably would start the clock more like March is when I really started. March.

Okay, all right. So we have until March. So we're a month in. Yeah. We're a month and a half in. And I have the other two screenplay ideas. Okay. And I have already been kind of

have them in the back of my head. I know basically What the story is Alright The first one I'm halfway through The rough draft Okay Three pilots

Really Yeah It's a lot It's easier Two goals Pilots dumb Okay double goal Pilots for morons

Is that six goals Or is that two No no Those are two different goals Buy a PlayStation 4 And Bloodborne No You're not going to do

The first two If you do the third one. He does kind of have a point there. You should not... That's my reward system. No, no, no. Can I count Quit Smoking? Because I did it already.

No, you can't. What, did you do it in March? No, I did it in... Yeah. If you did it in March, you can count it. Okay, I quit in March. But you don't know because the year's not over. So you might not have quit because you might break. I quit, Eddie.

Okay. So you quit smoking. I'm free from the slavery of nicotine addiction. You're going to write three screenplays, three movies. You're going to buy a place. No, no, no. Three pilots. Three pilots.

Screenplays are movies, Ben. Welcome to Hollywood, brother. Oh, cock so fucking tasty. And what's the fifth one? Big number five? Screenplays are movies, Ben. Welcome to Hollywood, brother. Ooh. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. All right. Cock so fucking tasty. And what's the fifth one? Big number five? Big number five is learn how to moonwalk.

That's four. Dance with a Jew. You can do those together. It could be the same thing. You can't moonwalk with somebody. Moonwalk is a solo dance. Okay. So you're going to dance with a Jew. Five goals, Ben.

Okay, good. Perfect. Is this the segment? That was it. This is the segment. Five goals, Ben. Five goals. Five goals. My five goals.

Keep a cleaner room. From March to next March. From March. From March to March. From March to March. Five goals. When was March? That was the second month of the year? Yeah, the third. The third to March. From March to March. From March to March. Five goals. When was March? That was the second month of the year?

Yeah. The third. The third, okay. Yeah. Every year. Dance with a Jew is taken. Okay. Okay?

I mean, you can do whatever you want. I guess you could repeat. You could also say three screenplays if you want. No, I don't want to do three screenplays. Three screenplays. Goals. I would like to clean my room. Okay.

That's a pretty good one. I want to do... It does more for you than you think it would. Oh, it's cute. I had to move an entire apartment to clean it. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to find love. What?

From now until March? I'm going to adopt... Never put a time limit on love, baby. Never do it. I'm going to eat more jelly. How much more jelly? You can't just say eat more jelly. I don't eat any of it, really.

Jelly. You eat none? I eat no jelly. Any jelly is more jelly. Well, zero times anything is still zero. Get a cat. You're going to get a cat? Why?

I want to get a cat. You don't know if you have the lifestyle to get a cat. I think it would starve. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, but that's a good way to get him to change his lifestyle. I have a very stable lifestyle.

You could get a cat, though, and it could die, but you would still meet the quota of what you wanted to do that year. You said you wanted to get a cat. You didn't say I wanted to help it live. I want the cat to help me live. Live or die, I feel like the cat teaches them a lesson about being a human being. That is true. Having something there that you care about.

Let it die. This is sacrificial cat. Clean that microwave. Thank God. Eddie, five goals from March until next March. March of 2015. For some reason,

our arcane rules is making it so that it could be from March until March, which means, you know what that means? If you've already accomplished one of your goals. Okay. I want to go hang out.

I thought you already went. I haven't, man. You've never been to New Orleans? I've never been to New Orleans. I went for one day. I want to go to New Orleans. Right before Katrina, I went for one day. Dude, let's go this summer, man.

Please, let's go to New Orleans. Yeah, you look like New Orleans. I would love to. Oh, my God. Oh, it's the best city in the world, man. Jesus, I want to go to New Orleans. Let's do it. Let's my God. That was the best city in the world, man. Jesus, I want to go to New Orleans. Let's do it. I want to go, too.

I've been actually, Lexi and I have been talking about that actually for a while now. I want to go to New Orleans. Let's go to fucking New Orleans. Don't bring your girlfriend. Okay, I won't bring her. Ooh, yeah, leave her here. That's my sixth wish. Hang out with Lexi for a week.

I want to... I don't really have any I guess I want to go to Denver Just places you want to travel to I want to go on five vacations You want to go on five vacations I want to have five vacations this year That's a lot of vacations You're already going to Bonnaroo and Lollapalooza

Lollapalooza is a vacation Bonnaroo is not Lollapalooza. Are we counting those in the goals? Lollapalooza's a vacation. Bonnaroo's not. Bonnaroo's work. Okay. Yeah, Lollapalooza's vacation. Gotcha. So that's three. That's three.

So that's three. Chicago, Denver. I would like to keep it open. You can stay with my brother in Denver. You can't just keep it open. I would like to keep it open because I like, you know, you keep that cheap flights thing coming in. Like, oh, you know, here's $20 out of Miami.

And it's the segment. You got to give five scores. I'm just going to do cardiovascular goals. Maine and I want to go to Mexico. Maine? Yeah, I want to go to Maine. With seafood? Alright, so that's where Ed wants to go. I want to go on vacation. Okay, good. You want to go on five vacations. You want to go on

five vacations. It's such a New Jersey answer. What do you want to do? I want to go on five vacations. That's wonderful. What are your goals? That's fine. That's his goals. I have a happier disposition than you. Ignorance is bliss are your goals? That's fine. That's his goals. I have a happier disposition than you. Ignorance is bliss, Eddie. I love vacation. Thank you. Kevin's five goals

starting last March. Let's go to New Orleans. Don't do anything with Eddie. Don't make any of the goals with Eddie. Honestly, and I think I'm gonna do it. First goal, go back to New Orleans. I'm gonna go there for a couple days. I'm going. I'm gonna do it. First goal, go back to New Orleans, man. I'm gonna go there for a couple days.

I'm going. I'm bringing my girlfriend. I'm gonna find out when y'all are going. I'm gonna show up with my girlfriend. We're gonna get a po' boy all full of sick. Dude, they're so fucking dope. That's the first goal. Second goal.

Goal number two. It started last March, so maybe you already accomplished something. Damn. You have a television show. So that's fine. But it could do something. Do you want it to reach a certain amount of something? Do you want to win an Emmy?

No. All right. One of your goals is to not win an Emmy. Okay. Maybe become more attractive to me because Jackie did say I was the most attractive person here. I mean, granted, you weren't allowed to be spoken about, Kevin, but that was solely to save your feelings. Dude, I'm beautiful, dude. Don't even think about that type of shit.

What I have is no confidence. But, that's good. Goal number two, confidence goes lower. Oh! Very interesting. Very good. Yeah, confidence goes lower.

Look how much money That one What was it The police OK computer there Radiohead Radiohead Lack of confidence

Big seller Nirvana That's what it's all about dude Nirvana People love that shit They love it Who's even heard of Vulture magazine

Before they started Talking about you Dig myself Into the fucking dirt dude Yeah I can help you with that By the way How come we're not In the Vulture article bro Dig myself into the fucking dirt, dude. I can help you with that. By the way, how come we're not in the Vulture article, bro?

How come Roundtable gets no love in the Vulture article? Yeah, shots fired! My goal is to get people I'm on shows with to mention them, mention us in articles on Vulture magazine. That's goal number one. Goal number one. Goal number one for me.

There you go. By the way, that was the most aggressive interview ever. Dude is clearly trying to do a point. You know, the first, I just kept, like, that was the thing. I just kept trying to, like, dissuade what he was saying. That's what everybody was. People who got cut out of it that were interviewed. Yeah.

Saying the same shit. Where I kept being like, he kept being like, yeah, what's this new black? And we were like, well, I don't really know if it's new as much as, like, you know, it I kept being like, he kept being like, yeah, what's this new black? And we were like, well, I don't really know if it's new as much as like, you know, it's kind of like, you know,

there's executives that kind of, you don't really see it. But what about, yeah, that was the first thing he asked. Like, he's clearly trying to do

this whole shit of like, he's trying to start a black civil war. So, the first thing he says, he's like, yeah, I saw this thing

when you were on this youtube thing talking about the worst you ever bombed and how you got booed and everything and he's like it sounded to me like dad was at a black room what's the main difference that's so funny like created the entire interview in his head before he you know it's like, hold on. It's so funny. He created the entire interview in his head before he, you know. It's like one of those where you imagine the fight you have with a bully or a girlfriend or something the day before. And then you have the conversation and they don't say anything like what you thought they'd say. Kind of sounds like that.

Yeah, I mean, clearly he was like a nice dude and shit. And granted, this will probably, I shouldn't be saying this because it'll probably reach him. Oh, yeah, obviously there's no way this show exists. Yeah, apparently. But, you know, there's a chance it could. Call him a bastard. Call him an asshole. I don't get it.

Why does he know the show exists? Why do you think he's such a bastard? Oh, because Kevin didn't mention it. What the fuck is the big deal? Listen, man, I was trying to. Well, if you want to know about the new black, maybe you should hear the old white. I do a show with four of them. Yeah, it's called Men Table with Knob Nibble.

I love Men Table with Knob Nibble. It's the new name of the show. We're ending this. It's called Men Table with Knob Nibble. We're not here to talk about inner circle rivalries, which we will discuss for an hour after we stop recording. But, Kevin, we have goals to discuss. I believe we're on goal three or four. I can't remember. I think

one of them was one of the ones I said was dance with a Jew. One of the ones Ed said was go to Denver, which is ridiculous. I know what you're going to do, man. It's not a goal. That's a vacation. Anyways, Kevin. Eddie just said five vacations. Yeah, five vacations. Going on five vacations is a hell of a goal. That's a vacation. Anyways, Kevin. Vacations are goals. Eddie just said five vacations. Yeah, five vacations.

Going on five vacations is a hell of a goal. Yeah. It's a vacation. That's pretty fast. I mean, that's lofty. I doubt you're going to be able to do weddings count as vacations. No. How many of those are you going on?

I'm going to go on. I'm doing one wedding this year. Okay. And I don't want to go. Who's getting married? My girlfriend's cousin. I mean, I'll go. You don't want to go to your girlfriend's cousin's wedding?

I don't want to go to any wedding. I hate birthday parties. I hate weddings. I hate celebrating other people. You should, man. I'm with you, dude. See, that's a good goal, Ed, for this year. To stop celebrating people?

To not go to anybody's birthday. Yeah, no birthday parties. No birthday parties. No birthday parties. So I can't go to Chase? I mean, he anybody's birthday. Yeah, no birthday parties. Boom. Birthday parties. No birthday. So I can't go to Chase? I mean, he's four times around here with a year. No.

Oh, and it's sold out. It's sold out immediately. Oh. It costs $20 to go to our friend's birthday party. Oh, God. Think you can go to Chase's fucking birthday party. Just show up. You sneak in, but you don't celebrate him.

That's the strategy. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. You're like, but you don't celebrate him. That's the strategy. You're like, this is about Ed drinking these shots and my problem that I have with my vices. That's right. Actually, yeah, I'm going to take back four vacations, no birthday parties. Yeah, cut Maine out of there. I don't know why you're trying to go to Maine in the first place, you idiot.

Yeah, I've never been to Arcadia National Park. Maine's got the best drinking water in the entire nation. It's the type of place you show up and be like, well, been to Maine, and then you turn around and you fucking ride right back out. Dude, you should look at National Parks. I still have your Ken Burns

National Parks. If you saw the Acadia National Park one, it seems very beautiful. It'd be easier for him to see it if you gave him back his DVD. I would never. Yeah, it would be easier. I don't even have a DVD player. You bastard.

All right, so Kevin, you're- No, we're not done. He's a bastard. Shay's birthday party. We're all going to Shay's birthday. I mean, that's fine. Oh, you remember the other shit I said. Oh, this is something I thought of a lot.

I could ride a Komodo dragon. And I don't know what that entirely entails because they're only about a foot and a half off the ground, so I feel like my legs would have to be kind of... It's like a go-kart. Yeah, it's like a go-kart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that.

But I think there's a certain amount of taming that is involved with riding one of those, and I feel like I'd feel really good. Yeah, either one. Or just tie its mouth shut. I just want him to run around, and I'll ride him and have my legs up. That's fine.

I like that. That's pretty good. You know, honestly, it is a sign of success. Like, you have to be successful enough to ride a Komodo dragon. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. You don't find them everywhere. No, definitely not.

Komodo dragons are relatively hard to find. Ever since you said Komodo dragon, there's been multiple hoes on the fucking... What? Man, all right. I understand reptilian and shit, but why are there so many lost people in this world? It's just odd. It's one of those strange things.

All right, so that's four, and then the last one, Kevin, is to make sure... Swim in a swimming pool full of Dr. Pepper, man. Oh, my God. That would be amazing. That sounds interesting. All right, Marcus, I know you're judging, but I'm going to need at least two goals from you. Oh my god. That would be amazing. That sounds interesting. Marcus, I know you're judging, but I'm

going to need at least two goals from you. Oh, okay. Three goals. Three? Alright, that's cool. Let's do seven goals. Five. Twelve? Alright, do five. Five. Alright, cool. We'll tell you. You start naming goals. We'll tell you when you can start. Alright, cool.

First, get off nicotine completely. I haven't had a cigarette in a week. I'm still doing the vape, but eventually I want to get off nicotine completely. A little realistic. Two, I want to get... That's realistic. I quit a March is Great. You're saying four vacations isn't fucking realistic?

No. No, it's not. You know what it is? It's just not goals. I bet I do it. I bet you do it. Of course. If I could say fucking play video games for fucking five hours a day and accomplish it.

Oh, my God. I can't wait for vacation. I wish I could just go back in time and tell your dad not to dress you in the pigeon shit shirt. What it is is you accomplish goals and then you go on vacation. Like, you're making goals. His goal is the vacation. I know. He's the vacation.

I wake up, ear to ear grin on my face. Vacation. Uh-huh. All right. You're a dog. It's just his parents didn't raise him right. You're a dog. Remember that?

Your mom didn't let you go outside with the bad shirt. His parents encouraged it. Yeah, yeah. But I also had to spend time in the closet with all the lights out getting licked by God knows who. I had no one to talk to. Holden had no one that would talk to him. Exactly.

That's the difference. Thank Christ we were on two completely different parts of the fucking continent. That's just so bad. Because that would have been a nightmare if they had put us together. Different parents. I'd have been like, I like to kiss. And I'd have been like, I like to punch. And then we'd be like kissing and punching over and over again

until we both went unconscious and ended up in the emergency room. Marcus, four more goals to leave so you're divorced from the show. I'm going to get to the bottom of 9-11. Oh! I was there at the museum. It's fucking terrifying. Yeah. It's intense.

You're going to slide down the memorial. Whoa! Like, I went to, like, the fountain. Look up a picture of the Memorial. Yeah, you ride the subway. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's going to be great. Okay.

I'm going to harvest that hog's head that my dad's got hanging from the tree back home. Yeah. No one knows what that means. All right. Harvest a hog's head. No, I can show you. Here, I can show you all pictures. It doesn't matter.

Like, we don't care. No, no, no. How pictures. It doesn't matter. We don't care. No, no, no. How do you harvest a hog's head? You harvest corn. You rip its cheeks off and all that kind of stuff. No, no, no. I'll show you guys exactly what I'm talking about. See, look.

This hog head is... Oh, yeah. It's ready for harvest. Yeah, it's hanging from the tree. That's the first thing I can think of looking at that is that it's ready for harvest. Not let's keep driving. That's what I would think when I saw that. I mean, it is Texas chainsaw shit, man.

What is happening? Dad knows what, I mean, we're all very good at digging the bones in the family. My mom makes planters out of them. Digging the bones in the family. There's a reason people bury the bones. No, you don't. Make planters out of the pelvises. It's fine.

Planters? Yeah, planters. Oh, planters. I thought you meant like planters. Like put paper in there and use it to keep your dates. Nope, nope, nope. That would be ridiculous. Yeah.

All right, Marcus. All right, Golda. I mean, I can't believe we have this can of worms. Two more goals. Two more goals. Two more goals. Keep my room clean. Hey.

I got that from Vince. Joining up on each other, even though we did say earlier you couldn't have the same goal. Well, we did say, actually, we did say that we could have the same goal. Oh, okay. So we said that before or after we said we couldn't have the same goal? After. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we could have the same goal. After. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we could have the same goal. And also to make three new bone mechanisms for cowmen stuff. Now, wouldn't that be connected to the- Two of your goals have bones in them. I don't get the bone thing. I mean, it's fine. It's my hobby. What's wrong with that?

It is a hobby. Yeah. A hobby is good for a person. You should get a hobby. I have a bunch of hobbies. What's my hobby. What's wrong with that? It is a hobby. Yeah, a hobby's good for a person. You should get a hobby. I have a bunch of hobbies. What's your hobby? Not bone related. I don't have any hobbies.

You guys need to get some hobbies. Hobbies are very good. Video games. Yeah, video games. Whatever I think about you, like just objectively, I think of the Gravekeeper from Zelda Ocarina of Time. Oh, thank you. The guy that, yeah, where he's like, follow me and you can get the hook shot.

Yeah! That was hard. That was a hard little minigame. It was, but yeah, very satisfying one. All right, so Marcus, you won. Thank you. What? You did win, I believe.

I'm giving Marcus the big victory. Yeah, we're not giving him the guy who's just going to use his goals to go on vacations. Oh, no vacation. Yeah, I mean, you don't deserve a vacation, we're not going to give him the guy who's just going to use his goals to go on vacations. I love vacations. Yeah, I mean, you don't deserve a vacation. You've done nothing to need a vacation. I'm tired. That's just, I mean, that's just bad diet.

That's just unhealthy living. So, Marcus, you're the big victor of tonight's game. Hey! I hope you're ready for me, Maine. I'm coming up. I'll tell you what, all you roundtable trivia experts, let's try to get a read on how long it's been since Marcus has won

a segment. He's never won. He never wins? So he chooses who wins. Yeah, I'm always the judge. No, no, I mean, maybe we, I don't know, back in the day, did we maybe won once? No, we didn't. Alright. That's amazing. Okay, that's this week's roundtable. Congratulations, man. Yeah, this is like a hallmark episode. I'm happy for you, man. Oh, next month.

Thank you. I'm happy for society. I'm feeling it. I think society's starting to become more accepting of people like me. Also, this Sunday, it's Mother's Day, so call her. In June, we hit six years, guys, by the way. Our last episodes will be in June. Isn't that crazy?

We're canceling the show in June. Yeah, is that exciting or is that upsetting? It's good. This is the final count down what do you think Eddie 12 more episodes fine then it's all done so tune in to the next final

episodes of the round table of gentlemen nobody literally no one wants to talk to each other anymore the roast of Kevin July 5th oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's happening. We're doing that here.

It's official. Yeah, it's official. Oh, my God. I can't wait. Kevin. July 4th weekend. Kevin's so tall. You know, I can't wait.

Then I'll come up with a joke with that. You got so many tacos on your shirt that your girlfriend's Mexican. She might be a Mexican. So you want to kind of take it easy With the girlfriend material Latina Latina gal That's politically correct Is it?

Yeah Alright so that's the round table Everybody you make sure to go To the round table page On Facebook Thank you so much And Eddie Toons on Twitter That is at Murder Fist

And you can find Kevin At Fatboy Barnett Post some pictures Of your Nader tots This Thursday at the Grand in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Come on out for the show

that Eddie and I do called Too Fat. It's at 9 p.m. It's going to be very fun. I can't. My band has practice. Your band... My band has practice, too.

It's mostly Marcus's band holding her... No, no, no. We're in the band together. Yeah. So we have practice. We can't make it. Yeah, we can't make it.

Sorry, guys. Okay, well, all right. So that's great. I'm not going to be there. I'm at Ben't make it. Sorry, guys. Okay, well, all right. So that's great. I'm not going to be there. I'm a Ben Kissel. Holden, you should get out of the band. Get out of the band. You can give that advice to any of them.

Yeah. Well. Yeah, well, yeah. We could get out of the band. Stop doing the band. Hey, we should promote. Oh, yeah. Speaking of getting out of the band, record release party.

Oh, okay, never mind. Bar Matchless. It's hosted by me and Jackie. How am I not hosting that? Because me and Jackie are doing it. Oh, isn't that fun? I'm out of the hosting game now. I mean, apparently.

Why is this turning into this? What? This isn't about you, Ben. This isn't about you. I'm just doing a bunch of shows. I'm not worthy anymore to do it, so that's fine. The thing was, the show was over. This one?

Yeah, man. Jackie is the guitarist's girlfriend. Of course it had to be Jackie. It was over. I was getting kicked out of all the hosting gigs. Jackie and Ed perform with us regularly on stage, Ben. On stage in the show, yeah. Yes!

Now they're going to be hosting it, too. Yes! So you'd almost argue you run a host that isn't a little bit separate from the... But, you know, it doesn't matter who you guys ask to do whatever. I haven't done anything for you guys. I can't wait to do it. I'm so excited. I'm sure you are.

I'm going to be hilarious. Yeah, I'll pay. I'll pay to watch it. It'll be good. You almost wonder why Kevin and I came up with this whole show, you know? Which show? This Roundtable of Gentlemen show. Roundtable?

You and Kevin? Yeah. Or you just needed Kevin to do something with you? Well, I mean, I love Kevin. All right, that's this episode. Goodbye. Talk to you soon. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

go to cavecomedyradio.com.