The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 245: War Goat

Episode Date: July 16, 2015

Today on Round Table: a famous Canadian World War I goat is being immortalized in film, a sock fetishist is caught in a bizarre sting operation, and a Korean teacher eats a guinea pig in front of his class to teach them a lesson. Joining us today: Jordan Temple!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Oh my god, y'ility. Oh my God, y'all. Oh my God, y'all. I'm ready to go, man. I got my voice back. I'm feeling strong. Everyone on TLC is a pedophile. No, I'm not.

Jordan Temple, you gotta pray. Okay. Are we doing it? I would love it. Yeah, do it, man. I would love to pray. Alright, do it then. Shout out to the chat. I mean, don't... You gotta start now, Jordan. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me think the chat. I mean, don't. You've got to start now, Jordan. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me think of a prayer.

No, you have to just, dear God. Dear, okay, welcome. Oh, I got it. Let him do it. Dear God, everyone first bow your heads and close your eyes. Oh, my God, we did it already. Let's go. Thank you for the world so sweet.

Thank you for the food we eat. Thank you for the birds that sing Thank you God for everything Amen And thank you All the beautiful woman In the summertime With your tits out

And your nips out And the shits out And the rips out Got the lips out Got the lips out And the lips out Pussy lips out And the lips out

Two lips out This is naked women We're just talking about Naked ass women walking around the street. All that hot puss. The street puss that's out. The city is alive. Amen.

Well, isn't that fun? Amen. Amen. Each family has a different traditional prayer. Thank you for sharing the temple family. Full of prostitutes, my family. Now, when you say they're shits out, you just mean dookie logs are just hanging out of their butts? No, I mean they just got out of the hospital

and they got one of them shit bags attached to them. What is it called? Welcome to the Roundtable of Gentlemen, everybody. It's going to be a very, very fun week with us. Jackie Zabrowski. Jackie, you're drinking your jizzies. How are they going? They're doing very well.

I just took a straight sip of straight gin, man. That's great. It gets right into your gullet, man. I feel like a beautiful seagull. I was watching a documentary yesterday with Sina John from The Brighter Side. It was called Fed Up and you know what? I'm fed up once again. And we are fed

up with the sugar. Shut the fuck up. Jackie, do you feel like you're more alive, you're more awake, you're more alert because you're jizzy diet? Yeah, man. I feel like I'm number one. I cut sugar out pretty much, as Ahmed Larsen. I cut sugar out pretty much except for beer.

I even went cold turkey. I switched to black coffee. There's sugar in beer? You fucking... I'm fed up. Well, now I'm fed up! Holden Nader's home! Long polling it today, boys and girls.

I'm long polling it. I want to thank the fans. Jackie, please, I have to thank the fans. You don't have any fans. I would like to thank my Naders hitting it home, hitting it hard, hitting it right hitting it raw tots came hard nato tots giving me some great nato tot pictures i got him hanging up

in my secret room and uh you got one room i moved you and your girlfriend and your girlfriend's like maybe this is a bad idea oh my. You got one. She's fine. We have sleeping masks and earplugs to deal with each other, and it works just fine. No, it's going good. Mainly, my naders need to learn the magic, the secret word, which you're going to get it. Hit me up on Facebook, on the FB, as I like to call it. All right. All right, moving on.

Damn it. In the chugging. You're done. Marcus, cut the microphone. Stunt woman extraordinaire and a wonderful actress. She is very successful

in the horror film genre. Natalie Jean, thanks so much for being here, Natalie. You're quite welcome. All right. Very good. Now we're on fire.

Okay, so there was a story that Marcus and I discussed before the show, but we didn't actually officially discuss it in our story list. But now this is the story that makes Jackie the most uncomfortable on Earth, so we was a story that Marcus and I discussed before the show, but we didn't actually officially discuss it in our story list. But now this is the story that makes Jackie the most uncomfortable on earth, so we must discuss it.

It just makes me want to throw up. What about this dentist? There's a dentist, and what is he doing? He's eating people. Oh, is he fucking Jacksonville? Okay, what happened in Jacksonville, Florida? A Jacksonville dentist who was under investigation by the state attorney general after several claims of abuse has relinquished his medical

license. The allegations came to light after a mother took her young daughter in to have one tooth pulled and the girl allegedly came out of the office bleeding with scratches on her face and nine teeth missing. Do you have a picture of the

little girl's mouth? Oh my god, yeah. Okay, so what is this now? Was this a sexual of the little girl's mouth. Oh, I don't want... Her mouth. Oh, my God, yeah, no. You tore her little ass up. Okay, so what is this now? Why is... Was this a sexual thing for him? He got off on pulling these teeth out? What's the deal?

Or was he just overachieving? No, he's just evil. He's like a Laurence Olivier type. He's claiming it's for money. There's no way. We were just saying, it's like, you want to get more money

out of the insurance? Do extra x-rays. Sure. There's a lot of other things you can do besides pulling children's teeth. It has to be a fetish. He unnecessarily placed 16 crowns in a little boy's mouth after shaving his teeth down without telling the mother at all.

Wait, is this the one that, there's one of the stories too where the boy was blind in one eye and the mother was deaf and she didn't hear her son screaming her name over and over again because she was fucking deaf. That is an adorable So many fucking teeth out of his little fucking mouth. Oh, listen to this. This is the boy that got the hammer to this guy's fucking head.

Well, yeah, you got to do something. The boy that got the little boy that got the crowns, the 16 crowns, they were all silver. So when he smiled, he just had a big mouthful of silver that he showed the entire world. Sometimes that money is expensive, baby. You know, in Jacksonville, he probably has a lot more friends than he did before. That's true. He should be grateful, you fucking piece of shit.

He probably had no friends before. Now he's got tons of friends. If he was white, now he's got black friends and he's cooler for it. And he'll probably be the next great If he was white, now he's got black friends and he's cooler for it and he'll probably be the next great white rapper. Oh, that's awesome. So he should be grateful for that bling and that weird ass dentist who knows

he wanted to be a great rapper but the kid never had the guts to say it. So sometimes you gotta have people interject in your life. The problem with that is that actually if this guy was the next great white rapper, we would have known about it by now, because that little story happened 20 years

ago. That kid wasn't rapping hard enough. He also has to learn how to rap. That would help. You got the teeth first. If you have all your teeth are filed down, doesn't that make it? Where is your fucking ambition? You know what I'm saying? I have many of them in my mouth.

Who raps the hardest? Eminem raps the fucking hardest. He really is 100% every time. He's insane. He's so good. Does Eminem have any crowns? Do we know, is he crown free? He's probably crown free.

He grew up very poor, so he probably didn't have dental work until he got his first million dollars. He probably got his first million and was like, I don't want to spend this on dental work, but I got to do it to make up for the poverty that I had when I was a kid. But this kid, he needs to get his life together. Jordan, why do black people like too much dental work? Like too much? Yeah, why do they want too much dental work? Like extra crowns and gold teeth

and it doesn't make any sense. This is Ed's new corner. Ed talks to black people about their teeth. I'm curious. And Ed's really excited. You know, slavery, man. Slavery? Slavery is your answer to everything. How's that sandwich taste?

Tastes better than slavery. A lot of extra. A lot of extra. Of course it does. A lot of things. There's food in it. Of course. It's not scraps. There was food in slavery.

There was pig feet. Pig feet that came out of slavery. Chitlins came out of slavery. Chicken wings as well. We made all the best. Black people made all the best things out of slavery. They did. We made the best out of a good thing.

Jazz and rap are the most American forms of music. And yeah, there's the black people corner. Are you saying you wanted to be brought back? No. That's what he sounded like. Wow, that sounds terrible. Sounds like you're talking very positive. I'm just saying we know how to.

I don't need to feel so bad about it. I don't know if I can get behind this. Unbelievable. Hey, man. whoa. I don't know if I can get behind this. Unbelievable. Hey, man. You put me on the spot. You heard it right here, folks. Holocaust denier Jordan Temple speaks about the slavery. Wait, huge Holocaust denier.

First of all, I'd like to say, yes, I am. I am. Whoa. All right. Big shout out to the Jews and all my ex-Jewish girlfriends and the Falasha, the Ethiopian Jews. Those are the black ones. I want to shout out some fucking Jews.

Shout out to all my Jews. I don't know, man. You did it. You're a very Christian following, I think. Super Christian, dude. They all want to fucking suck on the reborn's fucking toes. Reborn him. He's got magic toes, man. He never has to touch the ground. He's fucking hanging up there on the reborn's fucking toes reborn him he's got magic toes man he never has to touch

the ground he's fucking hanging up there on the fucking sticks yeah man i'll tell you what though man you tell me where the egg came from i'd say it's from the jesus's god that makes a lot of sense my juice thank you i thought he said juice at first i was gonna be like tangerine, pomegranate, I love a good juice. I had a bad dentist experience when I was a kid. You did? Yeah, they were drilling on the wrong side. They did? They numbed me on the right side and they drilled

on the wrong side and didn't believe me when I was screaming and didn't give me more Novocaine. They never fucking believe you. Yeah, and then he made a cavity and so he had to fill the cavity that he made and then fill the other cavity and so my mouth was just swollen for a cavity, and so he had to fill the cavity that he made, and then fill the other cavity, and so my mouth was just swollen for a fucking week and a half. And he went to the Dolphins game, I couldn't eat no goddamn

bagels at the tailgate. Why do you eat bagels at a tailgate? What's wrong with Florida? That's the most offensive thing I've ever heard. Bagels at the tailgate? It's an early game. It's a one o'clock game, we show up at ten. We've got bagels, lox, cream cheese. Oh, my God.

What are we talking tailgate food, Ben? What are we eating here? We got bratwurst. We got beer. We got beer soaked bratwurst. We also have bratwurst. I'm going to Ben's tailgate. Thank God.

That sounds like a much better tailgate. Fucking bagels and lox. It's like a motherfucker. Oh, my God. I bet it did. You got a roasted lip of a prostitute. That's the Temple family. Well, whatever.

It's still cheaper than lox. I'll tell you that much. Oh, yeah. Anything is. Yeah, the idea of lox and cream cheese just baking out under the hot Florida sun

is so disgusting. You eat it before it bakes. Marcus, can you? Creepy Texas barbecue. What do we do? Or tailgate. What do we do? Oh, creepy.

Well, there is one dude who has a fucking awesome grill that just looks like a big gun. Yes, I've seen that on the Travel Channel we doing? Oh, creepy. Well, there is one dude who has a fucking awesome grill that just looks like a big gun. Yes, I've seen that on the Travel Channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made it himself. Yeah, it's just a big sick shooter.

It's very cool. That's amazing. And the smoke comes out of it. I made it myself. And he did, too. Yes, okay, yeah, sure. Very cool. They said I'd never be nothing.

I showed them. Yeah. I'd never be nothing. I showed them. I mean, in Texas, that is a very big deal. It was quite the accomplishment. Yeah, the gun grill guy. Gun grill guy. My girlfriend had a Dennis nightmare story. She's from Jacksonville.

She's from Jacksonville, Florida. Could be this guy. Nah, it was up here. It was up here. She got it. Just missed that opportunity to be something. She threw down a bunch of money flat fee up top to fix her teeth. And the guy just made it worse and worse and worse. She kept going back because she already paid the money.

And he just kept making it worse and worse. And it was the pain. Pain got worse and worse and worse. She was constantly in mouth pain. This guy was a quack. He was a fucking idiot. I kind of enjoy. I've been watching a lot of these different sort of body

modification photos. I've seen some and a lot of people are going with the shark tooth look. I kind of like it. Shave it down. Why not? What the fuck are you talking about? Rappers are doing it as well. Shark tooth or snake tongue? What are you doing? If I had to do one, and Natalie, you can speak to this. You know some of these interesting people.

I would have to go with shark teeth because then you can be like, and then people are like, oh my god, is he a shark or a person? I'd be like, I'm both. I'd go with legs for arms. That wasn't an option. If you would have given me legs for arms, I would have taken... Well, there's always a secret option. I didn't know there was a secret option.

There's the added fun if you split your tongue that they move separately. You can isolate the sides. Really? I would like snake tongue because I need more ways to keep my girlfriend. I imagine it would help. It seems like mostly women do the snake tongue thing. Well, I guess that's not

maybe not, that's not true. I like to make my ears my nose. I love your secret option, Ed. I didn't know that there was an option for the secret option. So now you can smell what you hear instead of hearing what you smell. I just have shark teeth because I didn't know I could have more fun with it. What? Shit? Again?

All right. What's a shit sound like? Hey, how are you? Marcus, let's move on to a shit story, I think. Oh, yeah. It's time for a shit story. This one's great. What if we don't want a shit story? Well, it's time for one. A man has been caught sneaking into women's

toilets in China and says that he's been eating poop for eight years now. Earlier this week, an unnamed man was caught sneaking into a women's restroom inside a shopping center in Pingjiang District in Jiangmen City in China's Guangdong province.

Jack, do you need to laugh? Oh, man, it's sad. We just heard their real names and laughed. I think it's a great name. It just always makes me think of my dad. Hey, man, there's not enough anti-Asian sentiment in America. I think we've been up. Their names sound like sword fights.

Which is great. And who doesn't love a sword fight, Ed? That's a compliment. So let's not take that the wrong way. According to reports, the man was eating excrement found in the toilets. A security guard at the shopping plaza said he's been spotted visiting the toilet since early this year. The guard said he goes to the second floor ladies room to find feces

to eat. He usually comes between 8am and 10am during the first half of the day and then comes in again at around 3pm. After lunch. Both the times you poop by yourself. I say hire him.

Get him cleaning out the bathroom. Get the shit out of there. Why aren't they flushing down the dookie? He walks in before they're able to finish flushing the toilet. He's charging in on them. He's giving them a shoulder and getting them off the fucking toilet.

He's like, get out of the way. I don't want to rape you. Wow. That's kind of a relief though for the women. They thought they were getting raped and you're like, you just want to rape you. Give me your shit. Give me your shit. Wow. I don't want to rape you. That's kind of a relief, though, for the women. They thought they were getting raped, and you're like, you just want to eat my poop? Go ahead. Cool.

Yeah, sure. Right. A local female resident told Guangdong TV that reports... It is a funny name because... Hey, welcome to Guangdong. Yeah, Guangdong is... It's funny. It's exclusively poop news.

I know that. Guangdong TV, a female resident told them that reports of the man wandering into the public restrooms have left her feeling incredibly uneasy, especially because he's been seen lurking in another female toilet nearby. A reporter from Guangdong TV caught him in action and actually got an interview with the poop eater. Ooh, let's hear it. The reporter said, what are you doing here? He said, eating shit.

The reporter said, what? What's in your hands? He said, it's shit. She asked, why would you want to do that? He said, I eat it when I'm hungry. She asked, but why do you choose to go to the ladies' room?

He said, it's more tasty. She said, isn't your family worried about you? He said, they're all dead. Street facts. Wong, dong, dong. Set this man free. Set him free. Set him free.

Let him eat shit, man. It's like the sucker fish in a tank. Exactly. Why not? The reporter said, don't you know this behavior isn't good or healthy? And he said, I've eaten shit for eight years and I feel better after eating it. This guy would have ruled the Oregon Trail.

I mean, everybody in his opinion was just a little slushy machine. Every time he goes into a bathroom at the 7-Eleven, this guy's just having a great time. He's so non-threatening. I think it's beautiful. I think it's nice for a man to stop raping women

and start eating their shit well this could be a punishment that's the kind of feminism I like yeah man and this is a picture of the guy right here

he's really thin maybe we should go on his diet yeah they blurred out his eyes they blurred out his eyes you know we're one of the few countries

that don't do that to people like people that are suspected of crimes usually they blur out their faces. Right, right, right. Damn. America, nope. Always on. All the time. You wonder if you watch the documentary Fed Up. He got fed up

about big sugar, went on to poopy. I was living a healthy lifestyle. There's no sugar in poop. If you're eating sugar and then it goes through you, why wouldn't there be sugar in poop? Sugar gets turned into fat. You don't shit fat. It's in Jim's house and Bill's house. It's in Nate's house.

It's in Frank's house. It's in Laura's house. I would feel bad if he nudged in on my shit. I'd be like, maybe you really shouldn't do this. Well, you do wonder if he looks at certain amounts of dookie and is just like, that's a great one. Or if he's just upset sometimes if it's too wet or solid. He must have a taste for it at this point and very specific

ones. I would just shit into a napkin and give it to him. Maybe he's just really like, he can't afford a certain food from a restaurant and the girls go to that food and he's like, man, I really want to taste that food. I can't afford it. And they shit it, and he's like, man, I really want to taste that food. I can't afford it.

And they shit it out. And he's like, I don't know. I don't really like this shark. It's okay. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's okay. Eats the shit and fucking leaves. That's a good plan. He might be doing the Lord's work.

We don't know. Well, I found an article on clinicalchemistry.com. Okay. This is an actual report. This is very much an academic report. Feces is made up of fat, nitrogen, starch, sugar, and something called fecal water. Oh, it's like Ben's? Then I can figure out what that is.

Ben, does this mean you're going to stop eating ass? Oh, wow. Ed? No. I thought you were fed up. I am fed up. No. Jesus, Eddie, that's ridiculous.

If you lick the jar of mayonnaise, it's not like you ate the jar of mayonnaise. I started a petition. People, you can sign it after this ad. Get Ben to stop eating ass. Many prominent councilmen have signed the petition. Yay or nay on the Facebook page. Should Ben keep eating ass even though it has

sugar in it? What are your thoughts on the Facebook chat? Fucking jackasses. What are some of the councilmen that are against it? Who signed on? Republican Frank Willis. Democrat John John. John. Yeah. John John John? Yeah. Republican

Brown guy. Browntown? No, it's just one word. It's just Brown. Frank Obama signed it. Frank Obama? Frank Obama. It's his white brother. A dog signed it. A dog signed it. A dog signed the petition.

One of the dogs that you walked signed it. That would be the least impressive way to get diabetes. Oh, yeah. I mean, you're going to get it one day maybe. Me? It's possible. I might be a toffee. Thin on the outside, fat on the outside.

Wait, thin on the inside, fat on the outside. Wait, I'm fat on the outside too, but nonetheless. We got some votes on the chat. Rowan says, vote for Ben to keep eating ass. Thank you, Rowan. Josh Duggar said, when in doubt, eat ass, Ben. What about molesting the girl? Josh Duggar.

Josh Duggar, he's got it on line somehow. So we have Josh Duggar from 19 and counting. That's so crazy. I'm mol counting. I'm a lesser. Good luck, buddy. We hate to support Josh Duggar. We're just giving him good luck. We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes.

If you're a Christian counselor, everything's fine. He was a kid. Come on. Sometimes you molest your sister. Listen, brother. My votes are wild as shit, man. But I ain't diddling the little ones, okay? I diddle the fucking big ones. We all know you diddle the large ones.

I don't want to go diddling tonight. Who's coming? I'm not going anywhere with you. No, I don't want to diddle with you. You have to bring like a cat and a fiddle to do that, though, right? Something like that. Thank you, Jackie. Kind of an innocent joke.

Kitty cats on the prowl. Yeah, I'm kind of PG today. Yeah, the whole show's been fairly PG. I thought it was a dick and a fiddle. That's why I said fiddle. Let us know on the Facebook, especially on Ben's main page, whether or not you think he should be eating ass or not. Yeah, and where is a good place for Ben to go diddle? Gay Robert says, eating ass is amazing and feels great.

Leave Ben alone. That's an all caps, no punctuation. Thank you, Gay Robert. I really appreciate your support. And we are, if you ever want to hang out sometime. Oh, yeah. Okay. And Josh Duggar says,

My sister's reading a book to me. Oh, Jesus. All right. Thank you, Josh Duggar. Get rid of him. Oh, Lord. What a fan base. That is devastating Thank you, Josh. Get rid of him. Oh, Lord. Get rid of the jet. What a fan base.

That is devastating. That's devastating. The FBI's most wanted list. My sister's reading a book to me. It's kind, but I don't trust her. How old is she? Is she a younger sister or an older sister? You need to know.

It's probably the Velveteen Rabbit. Oh, Gay Robert and Josh Duggar are getting together. Oh, very nice. Well, that's cute. All right, keep him around. Stick around. You have a love connection. I love that.

Take the name back. It doesn't belong to pedophiles or molesters. It belongs to you, Josh Duggar, the real Duggar. All right. Next news story? Yeah, we're done with the guy who ate all the perms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. More diddling?

I mean, more diddling? Do you want to do another diddle, yeah. Or more diddling? I mean, more diddling. You want to do another diddle thing? Is there more diddling? Do you have any other diddle things to say? Diddling, piddling. I gave a girl a UTI one time. You gave a girl? Yeah, you gave a UTI from eating her butthole first.

You're a fucking idiot. You need to fucking learn to listen. She's letting him. She let me, and I ate her butthole first, then I ate her pussy. Oh, no, when you're in the heat of the passion. You can't go back to front. I went back and forth, Jackie. You got to let a brother live, you know?

Can I live? You're being racist, Jackie. Yeah, racist. And then she fucking has, like. She went to the doctor, and then she gave me a reminder, a way to remind me, like, how to eat the pussy and the butt. She was like, pee before B, but never, or B after P, but never before. Well, you can't be doing math about the whole thing.

Yeah, I know. I'm not trying to remember shit. I'm just trying to eat that butt. I'm trying to taste what your lunch is like and what your dad's and mom's cooking is like. Be careful. Trying to taste what your lunch is like. I want to taste that lunch. Another reason why I wish I had two mouths.

Or two parts of your tongue. That's correct. You think that's what happened to Patrice O'Neal? Too much ass eating? It could be. I mean, I think the unchecked type 2 diabetes really is what got him. Elephant in the room eating all the butt. I got an eating story.

Okay. That's got to go. Yeah, we can stay in the eat realm. Sure. Pizza? And staying in Asia. Oh. Police Monday investigated an instructor at a rural South Korean boarding facility who

bit a hamster to death and swallowed it in front of seven children. See, South Korea's where it's at. Yeah. I bet they all fucking learned their lesson, whatever it was. Well, absolutely. I mean, this is the kind of teacher I would have loved. If you remember a couple of episodes back, we talked about Shane Totten. Have you seen the 30-pointer?

The 30-point buck? Remember that schmuck? Yeah, yeah. He was playing guitar during class. This guy's eating random rodents. This is my kind of teacher. I need to learn, man. He was driven to madness by, yeah. He was playing guitar during class. This guy's eating random rodents. This is my kind of teacher. I need to learn, man. He was driven to madness by these children.

He was forced to do it. The instructor named Mr. U, 44, did so because he said he was afraid of rats. After finding out that some children were teasing hamsters, U bit one to death and swallowed it to teach them quote, how dear life is. I don't fully understand. And he also used very abusive language in front of the children. He swore in front of them. And that's wrong. Oh fuck!

Oh god! Oh fuck! But this is kind of exciting. You know, put a laser light show around this guy. Get some explosions. Put somebody who knows how to, you how to play mad sick guitar. He's the next Ozzy Osbourne. This is a very fun, sort of an early Marilyn Manson move.

He was quoted as saying, I couldn't control the situation and I couldn't stand it. While watching the hamsters die from teasing, I thought I should teach the children it was wrong to make light of life. So the hamsters were dying because they were being made fun of in English? The kids were killing the hamsters, and so he's like, oh, you're gonna kill some hamsters? I'll fucking show you how to kill a hamster. And he bit it one in half, and then he tried

to swallow it, and then he cursed. That's a bad idea. That's a lot. Yeah, that's tough to do. How do you bite clear through it? You just gotta want it. Maybe he went to that dentist and got the shark teeth we talked about earlier, and he was all ready for it. They say he bit it to Oh, you just gotta want it. Maybe he went to that dentist and got the shark teeth we talked about earlier and he was all ready for it.

I mean, they say that he bit it to death. Meaning, you know, he just... Holden, what would be your favorite animal to bite in half? To bite the... Oh, to fully bite in half? No matter... So my mouth could be as big as I want it to be. Whatever you want, buddy. No, I mean, I feel like it has to be little bites.

That changes stuff, right? Because I could eat a fucking duck Then you gotta live with this huge mouth For the rest of your life It can get bigger but it can't get smaller The biggest animal, an elephant Then I get to have a mouth that big Yeah, a fucking dinosaur

Blue kind of get in the way People would think of you kind of like a freak I'll be king of the world with a mouth that big You think so? I'll eat you, dude, if you disagree with me. Like a Pac-Man thing. It's only going to help him scream. Scream so loud.

And make all the women's fucking pussies quiver. I'm not sure if that was in the work. They call me the diddler. Well, I do believe that's probably true. Diddle me this, Ben. No. You're like the diddler. Well, I do believe that's probably true. Diddle me this, Ben. So you're like the riddler. Can my fingers be as big as my mouth in this scenario so I can get from me diddling and going good?

I want to diddle the world's largest woman and the world's smallest man. Kind of confusing there for the guy, yeah. That'd be fantastic. All right. Now I'm just obsessed. I'm thinking about how big my mouth could be It could be very big And then I have to find a woman with as big of a mouth Or I eat women

I don't know Think about it If I eat women does it make me more powerful in this scenario? It makes you a murderer Do I get their powers? I'm just trying to figure out the scenario You get the protein, the calcium And the nutritional things that they provide

I have magic powers I have a giant mouth like I'm fly I'm lord-like, I'm lordish But it's still gotta be like a human-like mouth Right You're a freak and they're gonna probably kill you in the town square Who's gonna do that? I'll eat them I'll eat everything

But you have a normal sized stomach So we have to take that into account. Now, when you say world's largest woman, do you mean fattest? Tallest? Yeah. Or widest? Both. That's a good, that's interesting. Heaviest? What do you think?

Maybe the smartest? Because the world's tallest woman and the world's fattest woman are definitely two different people. They should just be the same person. I want, yeah, I want like wide throat, deep throat, tallest woman. I was watching an episode of My 600-lb Life the other day, and that was kind of exciting. You never watch that show.

I watch that show quite a bit as well. You know what I love so much is when you get so fat that the sensors don't have to blur any of your private parts out because you can't see them. You're wearing your own clothes, but you're just wearing skin. Kind of fun. Kind of like a flesh dress, but it's your body. You guys gotta check out these pictures Marcus found

of the world's tallest woman meeting the world's smallest man. It's the world's tallest woman meeting the world's smallest man meeting the world's tallest woman, meaning the world's smallest... Yeah, it's the world's smallest man, meaning the world's tallest woman. Why is that baby crying? What's her height? God, look at those legs. Now, she looks to me like that.

She doesn't look that tall. No, she's actually... She's not the world's tallest woman. She's got the world's longest legs. Oh. How long are they? Nice legs. She's six foot seven.

The tallest woman is 7'6". 7'9". Oh, Lord. 9. Yao Defen. Ooh, let's see her. Why are they all named Yao? Yao means cousin.

Yao means tall in Chinese. That's not true, Marcus. That's not true. What did you say, Marcus? You're wrong. I'm the one with the fucking computer here, so good luck. That's a good point. Alright. That's the world's

tallest woman. Oh, she's dead now. She's dead. Well, they don't last long. They actually don't. Yeah, yeah. Well, everybody knows that. Heart's the size of pumpkins. Yeah. Well, what happens is they are so tall

that the human brain receptors aren't made to have to travel information that far, so they get these boils on their legs, they get these infections, and they end up dying from the infections. Yeah, the world's tallest man, his name is Harry something. The nine-footer, right? Yeah, the nine-footer. That's how he died.

He had to have braces on his legs. He got an infection. He didn't fucking know about the infection for days, so by the time they found it, he was already on the way to death. I don't know. He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't feel anything in his feet. The receptor has to go...

The pain receptor is so hard to get all the way up there. How do your feet feel, Ben? I don't know. I know I hit myself with a hammer two weeks ago. Maybe I'll feel it tomorrow. The saddest part of my giant was when Billy Crystal asked a bunch of people, I said, did you ever know an old giant?

Everyone said no. It's not nice, man. Giants have had it very rough for far too long. I'm a big Goliath fan, and I think he was demonized in the Bible, and Giants are wonderful people. BFG. They're not freaks. Big fucking Goliath.

Do you know a tall person? Do you know a tall person? Natalie, are you directing that to anyone? I was saying Natalie because I feel like she knows a tall person. Natalie, do you know a tall person? Natalie, are you directing that to anyone? I'm saying Natalie because I feel like she knows a tall person. Natalie, do you know a tall person? I'm 6'7", by the way. I'm 5'10", and I'm actually taller than most actors and actresses in the film industry. Yes, that is very true.

Actors are very tiny. But working in horror movies, you must have worked with some freaks, right? Or is Ben still bigger than them? I've never worked with any tall freaks, I guess, but I did meet the chick from American Horror Story. Oh, okay. See, being associated with freaks, everyone thinks that I am very short

because Ben's such a monster. And most pictures are taken with us together, and since you're so tall, everyone thinks I'm like 5'5". I'm short. I'm like 6'0". No, you're not. You're like 5'5".

I'm about 6'0". 6'0're not. You're like 5'5". 6'0". You jerk off. You're not 6'0". 5'11 and a half. You are 5'9". Me too, man. It's so sad. It's so aggravating. Marcus and I are about the same height. I'm almost 6'0". I'm 6'1", and when I get mean, I turn green.

Alright. So, yes. Well, no, I look... Yeah, anyway, let's move on here. So this guy ate a hamster in front of his class to teach them about love, life, and how painful it is to lose. And what a great teacher he was.

Ooh, let's go to goat news. Goat news! Goat news! You fuckers! Bleep, bleep. Saskatchewan's most famous goat. A decorated hero. Which means, by the way, most famous implies there are other goats that are vying for the position.

In Saskatchewan? Yeah. Unbeknownst to them because they're not in a fucking halal cart. Very good, Temple. Thank you. Saskatchewan's most famous goat, a decorated hero from the First World War, is about to get another 15 minutes of fame. Sergeant Bill, a spirited critter who fought bravely alongside Canadian troops

in the trenches of France, is the subject of a new movie to be filmed in Saskatchewan. Saxon de Cook, a Saskatoon-based filmmaker, became enamored with Sergeant Bill after he first heard the legends of the horned mammal. Bill's incredible war stories inspired him to add the goat's backstory to a movie script he is writing. I love it. The only thing that sounds worse than war horse is war goat.

War goat sounds awesome. If I see a horse in war, I'm like, oh, typical army. I've seen this before. But if they have a bunch of goats just being all goat dumb and goat strong running at you, I'm terrified. This is a pretty good story. As the story goes, Bill was grazing in rural Saskatchewan near the town of Broadview when a soldier passed by and asked his owner if he could adopt the goat as a mascot, a common practice at the time. The soldier smuggled the goat to France

where he was placed on the front lines as a part of Canada's 5th Western Cavalry Battalion. As legend has it, Bill saved the lives of three troops by headbutting them out of a shells path. He was wounded in the line of duty, promoted to the rank of sergeant, and after the

war, he was returned to Canada and reunited with his owner. This is all real! That's Canada's army! It is so Canada! By accident story, the goat was in a gunfight. It flipped out. It knocked over

the first three people it saw. It got shot, and they lived. What do we do? I guess we gotta promote it. I guess we gotta make a movie about it. You're a sergeant now. It deserves an award. The saddest thing about this story is

we'll probably not achieve as much as that goat. There's no way we will. We just got a fucking movie getting made. For, I believe, the second time, it sounds like. This is the reboot of this goat's career. Oh, the reboot. The reboot. After he died, the goat was stuffed and placed at the Saskatchewan legislature.

And he was eventually brought to a museum where he resides today. Put him in a field. It's a fucking hero. Bury him. He's a hero. Yeah, that's true. Treat him like a field. Bury him. He's a hero. Treat him like a soldier. It's what Canada does with their greatest soldiers.

Stuff them and bring them to a museum. I like that idea more, actually. I'm a big fan of that. If we had a stuffed Washington or a stuffed Lincoln over there at Mirror Hall. That would be pretty awesome. Just stuff him and put his body next to a halal cart and make people feel guilty for eating goats in the first place. You are loving this halal cart thing. That's my shit, man.

I love Times Square. It's the best part about it. Going to Astoria, eating halal food. He's right. That's what we did with War Horse. We fucking ate him when he died. Show respect. Circle of life. Ken Bell, a tour guide for the museum

where Sergeant Bill is housed, said Bill was very popular with the troops. He said he had a certain fondness for canteen beer and would eat pretty much everything. He was a goat after all. He's now more than a century old. The stuffed goat is on display

behind a glass case along with other memorabilia from the Great War. I love this goat. I'm just going to say, you know, Air Bud, move on over. We got to go. Here's the goat guy. No, the goat couldn't play fucking baseball. You know a dog can't play baseball either. Or football.

What are you fucking talking about? That's why they made all those movies about him. Oh, okay. Bud was amazing. And the movie that's coming out That's why they made all those movies about him. Oh, okay. Bud was amazing. And the movie that's coming out, it's called The Invincible Sergeant Bill. It's a quirky rom-com goat romp. It's 15 minutes long. He wasn't invincible.

He died. 15 minutes long. It's Canada. It's a rom-com. He's going to be, what, are we going to watch a goat make it out with Julia Roberts? Yeah, with a hot girl. He's like, we can't do this. You're a soldier. I'm a nurse.

Get that can out of your mouth, you crazy fucking sexy goat. Benet! Sounds like he's starting to talk words now. Are you pissing on me? It gets wild. Fine! Oh my god, he can talk. It's just holding the hole.

Kill me! Kill me! That's what my last husband said too. That's so sad. Rob Cobb is good though. It blends historical facts with a plot involving a brooding young man who inherits a mysterious gift

from his late grandfather, the stuffed and mounted Sergeant Bill and the filmmaker said, without giving too much away, it's revealed that this goat actually has mystical powers. No! It's not true.

No, it's a fucking gypsy goat. Put it back into fucking Romania so you can go marry a prince. Back in the mountains with your goat. Huh, and this guy, he ordered a goat head from Georgia because he's having to do his own like bill animatronics, and he's enlisted a man named Emerson

Ziffel who worked on Wolf Cop. Oh, wow. Wolf Cop is amazing. Did I not have this idea and never acted on it? You totally had this idea. Oh, so mad. No, I won't watch it. It was so mad. Very good.

It's a werewolf, but he's a cop and he uses his gun and says Wolf Power is such a great idea. Well, yeah, we had a whole episode on it. It was called Lobo Cop. Lobo Cop. That's right. Out of South America, right? Or Mexico. Next time you have an idea, Eddie, get it done. Do something about it. It was called Lobo Cop. Lobo Cop. That's right. Out of South America, right? Or Mexico. Next time you have an idea, Eddie, get it done. Do something about it. It's my own fucking fault.

Obviously, it was good enough to be made a movie. You could have one and a half stars on Netflix right now, Ed. Is it really going that low? Oh, yeah. It's like one and a half. I would have made it at least three stars. I think you would have. Fuck! Those are all Canadians, remember? Those are Canadians! At least three stars. I think you would have. I think you would have. Fuck! Whoa. That's right. All right. That's why.

No, those are all Canadians, remember? Those are Canadians. Yes, they're Canadians. Everyone's Canadian who made that movie. Okay, well, that's why I told you a week ago you needed to start writing fart fuckers. Or it's not going to fucking get written, dude. It's fart suckers. Yeah, and fart suckers will be coming out on Netflix getting all the fucking one and

a half stars in the world ahead of you, man. This is about vampires who only achieve arousal through farts? Don't talk about it on air. I'm just saying, they find out that instead of blood, it's farts. That's what the vampires have wanted. All right, well, just kiss it goodbye, Ed. Fart suckers. That's going to be big, Ed, So let's start working on the screenplay.

Someone just sent a picture of a gaping asshole. They fucking fooled me. They said, hey, here's a picture of the goat. But it was Goat C, you see. Very clever. That reminds me of my friend Richard Melendez. We were in about 6th or 7th grade

and he brought me over to his house. We were hanging out Playing video games Having a great old time This story's gonna turn gay But he used to hang his asshole He used to pull his pants down Put his asshole next to his dog His dog's food

His dog food And he sucked Sucked the fucking air Out of the dog food And then fart A dog food fart Weird How do you suck up air Into your ass Some people can do it It's a fresh one fucking air out of the dog food and then fart a dog food fart. Weird. How do you suck up air into your ass?

It's a fresh one. Some people can do it. Where was this at? In the Bronx. In the Bronx. That seems like more of a southern story. My father had this story where he was

in college, they were all lighting their farts on fire. And then this one guy, his farts sucked in the fire and then the inside of his asshole was all burnt up in a good shit for weeks. Oh, like a dark man. I could never have gay sex. But that heals itself though, right? I guess. On the inside?

Do we know for a fact that he sucked up the essence of the dog food or did he eat the dog food and then he just farted and kind of created a lie there? He sucked up the air and the essence of that dog food. I don't understand. And then he moved to another room. He was in the kitchen, sucked up the dog food. Did you try anything but dog food? I would have tried tuna fish or something like that. We got to know.

The cat food, too. He had a dog and a cat. He had a Siamese and he had a golden retriever. And he said, golden retriever, eat the dog food. But wait, first, let me get a second. Let me suck up this fucking pedigree first from my asshole. And then he brought out the friskies for the cat. Poor dog thinks that's how food gets made.

Yeah, bad dog. Poor dog. Jordan, just say his full name again. Richard Melendez. Isn't that something? So find him. English fellow. How do you suck in your ass?

I don't know. But what I'm wondering is... Okay, I know exactly how you suck farts in your ass. What I'm saying is, can you survive? Do you get oxygen from it? Can you have your butt hanging out in the water? You're totally under water. Well, yeah, if you got butt lungs.

But I don't know who's got butt lungs. I don't know. Does it go to the lungs? No, it does not. In fact, this is how they do it. Because I knew about a guy. His name was La Pretemaine. Oh, yes.

Which means fucking fart sock. It's in Blazing Saddles or something. Yeah, actually. And what Petemaine means in French, fart-o-maniac. Oh, man. That's such a fucking joke. Yeah, William J. La Petemiac. Oh, man, that's such a funny joke. Yeah, William J. Le Petit May.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The French have one word for fart-o-maniac? Well, petère means to fart with men, which is a suffix, and you put... Yeah, but they were like, oh, we're just saying this sentence so many times, we need one word to just get to the point. I mean, it was his stage name. His real name was Joseph Pujol.

He was a French man. And he... You just make noise and call it a French last name. That's it, really. Well, what he could do is he could inhale or move air into his rectum and then control the release of that air with anal sphincter muscles. In fact, he was a famous stage star in France in the late

1800s where he would perform and people would listen to him fart symphonies and shit. Certainly not helping the stereotype that things fucking smell like shit. Yeah. Well, what happened, how he figured it out is that

he was swimming. He put his head underwater and held his breath. He felt a bunch of water shoot up his asshole. And then he ran back ashore and then found that his butt was pouring seawater. And then he went to the doctor. The doctor said, no, you know what? There's nothing wrong with you. In fact, you're special, kid.

I see you sucking up seawater at Carnegie Hall. That's what happens when you go to those French show busy doctors. Oh, man. And when he was in the army, he told a bunch of other soldiers about it. And so he would suck up water from a pan into his asshole and then shoot it across the room. And this is why they didn't do jack shit to stop the Nazis. They were too busy. This was the 1800s.

They were part of Battle of the Bulge. They're still doing it. They're still doing it. Man, Mel Brooks. What a genius. What a great reference. He could play the ocarina with his asshole. Mel Brooks?

No, not Mel Brooks. Not Mel. He could also blow out a candle from several yards away. I guess I can't even imagine. Oh, but then you have to eat the cake that the candle's on? But does that mean that he never died? There's not always a cake on a candle. That's 21 feet away.

Several yards. Seven times three. That's at least 21 feet away. God, I love you doing math. Yeah, look at you doing math. It's seven times three. That's at least 21 feet away. God, I love you doing math. Yeah, look at you doing math. It's seven times three. It's not that hard. What's eight times four?

Let's shout. Eight times four. 32. Six times three. Six times three. Oh, 18. No, you can't do it. Five times 22.

Five times 22. What are you, an asshole? You can't get it. I didn't say seven yards away. I said several yards away. Several. But several is like seven. In my opinion, when you say several, it's more than that.

Seven? Wait a second. So when someone says seven or higher. Several is seven or higher. No way. No. It's two or more. Three is a bunch.

A few. Three is a bunch. Three is a few. Three is a few. Three is a few. Two is a few. Three is a few. Three is a few. Jackie, eight times two. Oh, no.

A thousand percent. Is it nine? Jackie don't know math too good. Seven times four. I don't know my name no more. By the way, a bunch is five. A bunch is five. A bunch is five.

So I'm right. No, no, several is four. I said five was a bunch and several is... Look up what several is. And all this argument. You look up a bunch and not several? Seven or more? No, more than two, but not many.

Yes. What's up with all the seven references? What's many then? Seven or more? No, more than two, but not many Yes What's up with all the seven references? What's many then? I'm fucking checking it out Also, a grouping of geese over ten Is a bitch fucker Many is defined in Webster's As a large number of

So it could be like a hundred It could be a thousand It could be ten. Talk about bananas. I have many bitches. I have many bananas. It's ten bananas. It's a bunch of bananas.

I was born with many balls. And then I got the operation. A bunch of bananas. And then I had several. A grouping of bats is called a fuck horse. Yeah, because you're always going to get fucked if it got that many bats on his ass. You know what I mean?

I never really thought about these words before, so it's kind of nice. Do you think bats shit in their ears when they sleep? Oh, yeah, they always do. It's science corner right now. I just like different kinds of words, like house or bread or fucker or brown or town or any words is fine. Salamander is a good word.

Dog or salamander. So is chameleon. I like chameleon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your favorite word? Favorite word. What a great... Is this a segment?

Yeah, let's hold on to this, because this is a segment. Yeah, because you never said anything about a segment. I didn't say anything about a segment. This is the segment. I think my favorite word's... No, no, no. This will be the segment. This will be the segment.

Ed Larson's my favorite word. That's not one word. We will get to that. Your one ultimate word. Ed Larson, by the way, is two words, you piece of shit. It's a proper noun. You piece of garbage. It's a proper noun, so it could be one word. Ed Larson, by the way, has two words. It's a proper noun. It's a proper noun, so it could be one word.

A grouping of dogs is called a drog. No, it's not. One more story. We're going to do it by vote. We can either do a story about eggs or a story about socks or

secret extra story about sharks talking. Sharks talking! Sharks talking! Alright. Sharks talking. I like socks. Let's see here. Sharks

talking. News. Reports. Sharks talking. Report. Sharks talking to Oates about coaching gig. No, that's the San Jose Sharks coach. Oh, I thought Sharks talking to Oats about coaching gig. No, that's the fucking San Jose Sharks coach. Oh, okay. That's not what I meant. Oh, I thought Sharks were talking to the Oats.

Hey, listen. You know, we need more food. Why don't you guys come to the ocean? You can kind of knock up the water. That's going to be the Oats. That's a great story, guys. Is it eggs or socks? Socks.

Socks. I'm going to go with socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks.

Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks.

Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks.

Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks.

Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks.

Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. Socks. I'm going to go with socks. I like socks. Why did we pick socks? What kind of socks? I can't believe Holden picked socks over eggs. I'm not giving you any fucking... It's either socks or eggs, and then you find out which one it is. I vote eggs. Can we do eggs next week? No. I like how socks...

I pick eggs. I just like how socks... Socks, socks, socks, socks. Yeah, everyone's going socks, Eddie. Eggs, eggs, eggs. Well, it doesn't matter, Ed, because you've been outvoted here. All right, that's fine. I lost, but, you know...

Fuck your eggs, Ed. A thousand eggs, man. I'm just saying. Well, you know't matter, Ed, because you've been outvoted here. All right, that's fine. I lost, but, you know. Fuck your eggs, Ed. A thousand eggs, man. I'm just saying. Well, the socks. They were stolen. That is what, I mean, there is a story about a thousand stolen eggs or a story about socks. I think the sock story is better. Socks is better.

Socks is for men. All right. The city of Belleville, Indiana has got a sock offender. And he has struck again. James W. Dowdy, 43, whose fetish for women's socks has gotten him arrested more than a dozen times, which charged Tuesday with burglary. He was arrested on Monday after allegedly taking socks from a police bait car. The vehicle had been set up with a basket full of laundry to snag Dowdy after a resident reported finding socks in her yard,

and police recognized the discarded socks as Dowdy's method of operation. I don't even understand what the fuck you said. All right. So the guy's out there, he's stealing a bunch of socks. Yeah, there's a guy out there that he's not necessarily, he's stealing socks, he's leaving socks. A lot of times he leaves socks for a cum. Calling cum.

Belleville Police Department has had numerous incidents with James Dowdy of taking socks from residents and other types of sock-related incidents with his using socks in an inappropriate and obscene manner. I don't know if that's an inappropriate use of socks.

Didn't you guys all do that with socks? What's that? Didn't you guys all do that with socks? Exactly. The sock is the go-to ejaculate ring. It's tubular. It's tubular and long and it's like the length of a puss. No, it's the length of a vagina.

Oh, the length I like Okay Ben How long a tube sock What are you kidding with I like them deep But do you like human beings Because it doesn't seem human That's like an alligator

I fill a Tupperware up with mud Fuck it I put oatmeal in the sock It feels great. I feel right at home. Anybody else excited about Jurassic Park 4? Yay! Woo!

Dinosaurs. Gimme, gimme, gimme. People. The dinosaur eating a shark. Did you see that? I got it. I got it. That shit looks amazing.

I can't wait. But women sell their socks online for lots of money. I have a couple of Dom friends who actually sell their dirty underwear and socks for a lot of money. Can I do that? Can just anybody do that? I think if you put yourself out there as willing to do it, sure. Actually, I think lots of people would totally buy your dirty socks online. Yeah, right?

I agree. Let's skip from the chat and see if anybody would buy Jackie's dirty socks. Yeah, shout out. Or Natalie's for that matter. Well, I think definitely Natalie's would probably go a little bit faster. How much are we talking? I'm going to throw that out there. How much are we talking Natalie? Your friends are getting...

Enough that they don't have other jobs. $75 a pair. You wear them around the city for a day then you fucking send them out. $75 a pair. What do you do with these socks? Those girls are doing other things too. They're walking around.

They're going to the park. Yeah, but they're doing it all nude. No, no, no. They just wear them until they're smelly, and then they send them out. Oh, my God. Why are you going to a gym class and just fucking let it rip? I'm going to start selling my socks. You might be able to find your audience.

I could find a couple. You go into hot yoga one time, or maybe three times a day, three different pairs of panties make $300. That's amazing. I almost smoked on a YouTube thing, like film myself smoking cigarettes because someone was into that. They were going to pay me a bunch of money, and then I backed out of it because I was like, ah, that's kind of creepy.

I used to get requests for foot stuff all the time when I used to do more modeling. Really? Yeah. See, I piss on my gloves. I sell those. It's not a bad way to go about it. $30,000 a pair. Have you sold any yet?

You should do it again. Not at all. Winter? Winter? Yeah. No, not even during winter. I put gloves on. I take a piss on them.

I wipe my ass with them. I sell them. Oh, my God. Thank you, Holden. That's amazing, Holden. How much are your socks? How much are they selling them for? Actually, I mean, it looks like the bottom has fallen out of the sock market.

There's only one parent that's selling for $6.99. That's pretty good. Is eBay anybody bidding on them? No, it just says, well, it's just buy it now. But you've got to market yourself. You have to sell your brand. It just says seller notes soiled, worn,

and holes in one heel. And then, yeah, I don't know. I just don't know. They don't know who's attached to the socks, right? There's no photos. It's just a photo of gross ass socks. There's gotta be a specialty site for this. eBay might not be where to go to get your proper dirty socks. Oh, so it could be a person. There's got to be a specialty site for this. eBay might not be where to go to get your proper dirty socks.

Yeah, what's the specialty site? I don't know. Natalie knows. I have to ask around. I never really went that far into it. Usedsocks.net seems to be a pretty good place for it. That don't make sense. Let's see here.

Oh, sold, sold, sold. Yeah. I mean, It looks like It's been Oh she's also A webcam girl Yeah you gotta be Something else

Yeah She's got her schedule up But to prove she's a real girl You can buy a webcam show With her teasing you With her feet While she's wearing The socks

That you purchased Send your dirty socks girl A message That you'd like To watch me on cam and we will find the best time for the both of us. So she proves, she gets the whole, she does the whole thing.

We're like, yes, these are the socks you're buying. These are the socks that I'm wearing. Well, you have to have that emotional connection to the socks. That's the whole point. This is a young lady who knows how to keep a schedule. She's doing great. She's doing great.

There's a whole new market that the internet revealed. Webcam girls, they make a lot that the internet revealed. Webcam girls, they make a lot of money these days. Webcam girls are doing wonderful and they never have to leave their room, which is so nice. And it's funny. It's weird because they used to have to

be strippers and get groped on and shit. Now you only have to leave your fucking house. I feel terrible for strippers. Yeah. It's a very difficult job to be around all those boner-filled men. Webcam's really broken. These people can have normal lives now.

It's true. That's amazing. But isn't that nice? I'm going to find a boner-filled men. Webcam's really broken. These people can have normal lives now. It's true. That's amazing. But isn't that nice? I'm going to find a way to eat, baby. You know what I mean? Oh, toe socks. But those are more expensive. No, they're still $30.

I hate toe socks. Oh, it's so gross. All of them are $35. You can climb in each individual toe, and that costs just like $1,000 a pop. $35. Yeah. $35 per sock, per pair. That buddy of yours who sucked up

all the dog food essence with his butthole should probably do some sort of cam thing and then he can regurgitate the odor into a bag

seal it up and send it over whatever they want him to suck up I haven't heard of cam guys yet I don't know if that's a thing yet

cam guys? I don't know oh I'm sure it is it's gotta be I'm sure there's cam guys obviously more cam girls than

cam guys there's a lot of people who love watching couples just go at it there on the webcams. I don't know. Cam couples. I think Kellen would be a great cam guy. Kellen Maloney from the Murderfist. Our tech guy, yeah.

We should force them to at gunpoint. Different kind of cam. Kind of an 8mm thing going on there. Well, yeah, the panties are a whole other thing. Oh, yeah, I mean, those are probably more expensive. Oh, they're much more expensive. Yeah, this one's got, this one's just full of pussy juice,

and it's 100 bucks. Oh, yeah. Is it really? But is it actually? Well, that is, that can't be real pussy juice. Panties for the true lover. I feel like that's some special effects right there.

I don't know. I feel like if you're buying it, you know the difference. Oh, yeah, you can get her cum on anything for $10. Yeah, you add it for $10. Well, I'm going to say this. That's a lot of cum. I've had a couple of experiences.

It's soiled. That's five rounds of cum. What are the different categories, Marcus? Was it worn? No, not with those kind of low riders. No way she's producing that much. Purple silk pull-me gowns? There's worn, but... Okay, I get it. No way she's producing that much. Purple silk pull-me-downs? There's worn but...

It's just... Okay, I get it. Worn but washed one day. I mean, that's the $100. One day, that's worn but washed. Two days, that's an extra $20. Three days, an extra $25. My cum, $10.

Or other scent. My underwear would be going for $300,000 right now. Are you kidding me? Other scent's probably shit. I'm wearing $300 at going for 300 grand right now. Are you kidding me? Other scent's probably shit. I'm wearing 300 bucks at least worth of underwear right now. I got all three of those things in there. Why are they being modest about the shit smell? Why is it called other scent?

Oh yeah, that's a good one. That's just dookie. I don't know. I mean, it might turn off people that look at it. They look at it and they're like, oh, I was thinking about it and now I'm thinking about that girl pissing and shit. I'm going to start one called Streaks, and it's going to be huge. Get Ben Streaks. 50 bucks a fucking pair.

I got my food poisoning back. Thank you, Ed. If you want a peanut in it, that's an extra 25. If you want a Skittle, that's an extra 50. Exactly. I'm a high-flax diet. Chew your Skittles. Edit all this out.

Edit it all out. You should be that gummy worm thing like in the video. I'll shove a bunch of gummy worms up inside my pussy, puck them out back into the panties, and I'll sell that for an extra $250. Your screen name should be Squirmy Worm 3232. I like that.

I like that a lot. This is ownmypanties.com and actually I was given this by listener Emio on the chat. Thank you, Emio. And she says in her bio status, yes, I have a boyfriend, lol. No, he doesn't

know about my secret panty life. Lol. That's going to be great. That is laugh out loud. This truth this about me Truth be told Lol I've never liked Wearing panties

My whole life Even as a little girl I would take them off Lol So my mom says Lol I would rather be naked As soon as I walk

To the door I've worn a pair For my lover So he could take them off To fuck me Lol She is laughing a lot Look at that

Sounds like a lot of fun She might be 12. Right, right. With all those lols. Yeah, I mean, if she's laughing that much, I'd like her to come to Too Fat on June 4th. Nice crowd members out there. That would be really wonderful. Well, that's awesome.

So this guy was coming in some socks. He was busted in the world's most ridiculous police sting, and now he's in jail for no reason. Yes, he is. All right. And now it's time for a segment from Old Man Neely. Oh, God. Yeah, you did poorly today. You did poorly today, Holden.

You got to make up for it, Holden. Jackie, seven times seven. Uh-oh. I don't know. It might be my feet. I'm a so-and-so. I'm so bad at math. Jackie's so bad at math. Somebody much sucks but I'm not even wearing any

flip flops on now it's time for a segment with Holden McNeely and I think the most important what are we looking at it's just like Holden found a I mean Marcus found I'm sorry about that Marcus by the way

this is from onmypanties.com and she's got a little it's called her foot and sissy corner and it's guys that have ordered

her her fucking panties and they're like wrapped around dicks one guy came on them and took a picture of it

one's wearing her panties like a little hat on his dick yeah one's wearing a little panty one of them like panty girl like a bandana.

Oh, it's just having it. That's somebody's dad. That's an old man. Oh, yeah. These are all somebody's dad. They're all old men. This guy's wearing her panties, and it says, I worship Tessa. And it's written on his stomach.

And he's tucking, too, by the way. Yeah, a lot of these guys are tucking. Is that a banana or a dick? Well, that is. One guy's completely... Is it a banana or a dick? Fucking eating a banana with her fucking panties with period blood on it. Oh, God!

No, he's putting his fist in his mouth. He's putting his entire fist in his mouth. Oh, no, he's putting... That's someone else's foot! Yeah, I think it's somebody else's foot. See, there's jeans. Because at first I thought he was wearing a jean's putting that's someone else's foot. Yeah, I think it's somebody else's foot. See, there's jeans, because at first I thought he was wearing a jean jacket. He's obviously not wearing a jean jacket.

I said that's too much wood in the mouth. Alright. Favorite words! Favorite words! Hell, can you tell me everybody's favorite words? Worst segment ever. Is that the segment? Favorite words?

Mark is a multi-millionaire. He's going to make the best word, the word of the year. Word of the month. Actually, not word of the year. I'm a word man. Yeah, you can go first, buddy. My word is skunt.

Why you got to fuck everybody else up with a good ass word, Mark? There's no definition, I guess. It's just the word, from what I understand. So, okay, skunt is it. Skunt is it. We don't need definitions. Okay, no definitions. Skunt.

Yeah, skunt. Next. Mine's fucking loads. Loads is your word? Yeah. That's already a word, though. But that's already, loads is just a word? That's already a word, though. But that's already... Loads is just a word. Yeah, you're gonna kill poor fat edit. What is wrong with you, Holden?

Jordan, mine was loads. Ed was skunt. What's your favorite word? Mine is, um... Snickerdoodle... Cum. Okay, well that seems like two words. Snickerdoodle cum. That's one word in this game. Oh, yep.

Ben? I'm going to go with burblergerblurgutter. Burblergerblurgutter. Very good. It's not a word, but we'll see. All right, I'll move on. Burbler. No, I wanted to say.

How do you fuck this second up? It's a word, dude. Oh, I have to say a word? Yes. Oh, I thought I had to trail off. No. All right. Let's see.

That's the opposite. What you did is the opposite of saying a word. It's actually... Oh, I see. I didn't know. This is the simplest segment I could imagine. Well, you know what? Exactly.

You say any word. Any word. You don't even lie to us. The only thing we won't accept is just absolutely a non-word, which is the word that you said. All you had to do. You could have said cat. You could have said bag. He only gave his word.

That's the same word. No, I'm going back on it. And Marcus, any suggestions? My favorite word is tongue fart. Tongue fart. Is that one word? Yes. T-U-N-G-F-A-H-R-T.

That's my word. All right. Tongue fart. Very good. Thank you, Marcus. I think my favorite word is done because that means I don't ever have to look at a salt and pepper goateed man fisting a foot ever again. All right.

Very good. Done. And with a little definition there. Absolutely. Jackie? Rapist. Okay. That's your favorite word?

Ed, what was your word again? Skunt. Marcus! And the skunts have it. Yeah! I chose your word, Marcus. Yeah, I know. Skunts.

I like skunt more. Where are the Knoxville skunts? Come and watch us play hardball. All right. Well, I don't know how I lost that one. I'm confused about what a skunt is because it sounds like a stinky cunt. You could just say cunt. No, no, no, no.

Jordan Temple, you are being offensive. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Yeah, well, he also wants slavery to come back. Oh, yeah, there you go. Skunt with a K. What is skunt? It's a word.

It makes me think of like scat. It's like a bitch that's scatting. Urban Dictionary. It's a Guyanese version of the British term of cunt that is passed in from the colonial period. Never mind Jordan, you actually just got that right. I also really like rapscallion. Rapscallion's a good word.

No, I've said this before. I hate the word ointment. Ointment? Ointment? You know, it's funny. People hate the word moist. That same sound is in the word ointment. Is that oink?

Oink. That reminded me of one of my better tweets that got many faves. Don't tell us what it is. We don't need to hear it. Save it. Let him discover it. What kind of medical cream would a pig use? Maybe some oinkment?

No. We got to go. I'm done. Jackie, four times four. Oh, no. My breasts are lactating. Good job, Jackie. Oh, no. My breasts are lactating. Good job, Jackie. Oh, no. Am I a mommy now?

Am I a mommy now? Very kind of funny there. Jordan Temple, thank you so much for being here. Natalie Jean as well. Thank you. Follow all of us on Twitter. Follow Murder Fist at Murder Fist. And, of course, we're RT of Gentlemen. I'm at Ben Kissel.

Go plug the show.issel Plug the show We're on the show together There's a show here at the Creek in the Cave Saturday, this Saturday At 10, Murderfist is on It's called Dark Spots What about the Kelman fucking album release party I was patiently waiting

For my turn The theme is childhood trauma. I'm going to be telling my darkest jokes. My jokes about dead on armed black men as a trading card game. And you just got to come to hear the rest because it's going to be a lot of fun and dark. And Murder Fist is on. They're going to love it. They're going to love it, Jordan.

Cowmen, a very fun group. That ain't happening. All right, it, Jordan. It's going to be great. Cowmen. Cowmen. A very fun group. That ain't happening. All right, it's canceled. Yeah, we're done. That's perfect. The 29th, though, I'll still be at Maxwell's hanging out, you know. Good. Ed will be at the place.

No, we got together a couple nights, jammed together a little bit. A couple nights. We fucking threw it down on some fucking plastic. Now you can listen to it. That's all it is. Yeah, man. We're finally going to be able to listen to the cowmen. Download it. Listen to it.

Yeah, Matchless, Ed and I are hosting the show. Jackie's the reformed horse. Jackie's hosting? With Ed. Are you sure? The two of us. I mean, that's what I heard. Do I have the night off?

Do I have the night off with Ed? All right. And the reformed horse will be there also. And the album is officially released also on Friday. And you can buy that on Bandcamp. What's the name of the album? It's self-titled. Oh, Cowman Cowman?

Cowman Cowman. I like it. Cowman Cowman. Cowman Cowman. I'm having fun. All right, everyone. Natalie, what do you got going on? Oh, you know, this and that.

You can follow me at TheNattyGene at all the things, all the social media. Cool. Rock and roll. Perfect. All right. We'll talk to you all soon. And I don, all the social media. Cool. Rock and roll. Perfect. All right. We'll talk to you all soon. And I don't even know what else to say. Buckle up.

I'm loving it. Holding Nader's. I'm loving it. Hold back. One last thing. Don't suck ass and then suck pussy. You'll give him a... Well, you should suck either.

P-T-I. No B and then the P. No B and the P, but never before the E, the I and the puss. And then you fucking eat a hamster. What's that Marcus? Josh Duggar pre-ordered his copy of the

Cowman album. Woohoo! Molastic. Molastic. You never turn down a fan. And it's gonna come with the socks

that Holden wears during that performance on May 29th. I'll be selling them for I pay you five dollars. To suck them, eat them, and wears during that performance on May 29th. I'll be selling them for... I pay you $5. To suck them, eat them, chill them, live them,

kill them, whatever you like. Whatever you fucking want, dude. Adios. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to