The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 254: Shitzthree

Episode Date: August 10, 2015

Today on Round Table: a homeless man is arrested for giving a four year old a Wet Willie, a Staten Island Lawyer challenges a plaintiff to trial by combat, and a Texas judge forces a man to marry his girlfriend as punishment. Joining us today: Rob Cantrell and Myka Fox!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay down, gentlemen! And let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen.

Gentlemen of the round table! What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Okay, I ain't going back to that bar anyway. And you embarrassed me at the white bar I took you to. I didn't embarrass you at the white bar. Yes, you did. You accused him of racism.

No, it was just too much guitar music. It was perfect. What did you want? A steel drum? Yeah, he wanted to listen to trap music. Good God. Alright, welcome to the round table, everyone. Let's go through the names. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He tried to steam it.

God damn it. All right. I got to pray. Dear Jesus Christ in heaven who is black, thank you so much for your hashtags and everything you do. Amen. How do you know he's in heaven, man? Well, that's where he lives.

You sure? I have no idea. He's make-believe. All right. Welcome to the show, everyone. This is the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Who's around the table of gentlemen? Man, you're trying to walk all of us, aren't you, Kissel?

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Jackie, leave me alone, Jackie. He's sensitive today, everybody. Absolutely. Yes. Yes, he is. Thank you, Ed. All right.

Moving on. Holden, you're also here. Holden Anderson! You're done. No, no, no. Wait your fucking turn. Eddie, you're also here. Holden, there's who? You're done. Oh, no, no. Wait your fucking turn. No, Eddie, you boo your turn. Holden just got no.

I am Ed Larson. Hello. Thank you for having me, everybody. Boo. All right, I'm going to do it again. When you do that, when you stop me up, I do it twice, which is doubly annoying. Kevin Barnett's here. Holden, there's who?

Wonderful. Thanks so much for being here, Kevin. How was your trip? You just got back from Los Angeles. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was cool. It was fun. I like it, Kevin. How was your trip? You just got back from Los Angeles. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was cool. It was fun. I like it, man. It was dope. And he just had a birthday! Happy birthday, Kevin.

Yay! Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Because you don't like your birthday. Kevin, did you take any meetings with the industry? Holden, are you here? I heard if you go to LA, you get to take a bunch of meetings.

What's industry, exactly? Industry is big, strong men who can take you really far, but you gotta do naughty favors for them in the dark times. In the night. I think all your pictures though, Barnett, were just you and your hot girlfriend in hot tubs.

So I think maybe you had a bit of a better time than all of us. She went out there for a couple of days. It was fun. I did do meetings, though. Beautiful, Kevin. All of them. He's going to be super successful. I did have, there was one in particular I went to.

And normally you go and they just offer you water. But they were like, oh, you want water? I was like yeah like you want regular or salsa? I was like oh shit y'all are sexy. You must have a show on True TV Kev. I know what they're doing. They're trying to find out if you're a Jew. Oh my oh that's a good point. Micah

Fox is with us as well. Thank you so much Micah for being here. Yeah everyone looks great. Nice haircuts. Good job. Wonderful. And Rob Cantrell. Hello. Hola. Kevin, what sign are you? Leo. Leo.

You're going to be a big star. Leos are all stars. I'll tell you what, a lot of comedians are Leos. Tom Cruise is a Leo. Lions, right? Is that what they are? I like lions, man. I'm a Leo, if anyone wanted to know. I'm also a Leo. Lions, right? Is that what they are? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like lions, man. I'm a Leo, if anyone wanted to know.

It's good in Hollywood. I'm also a Leo. Yeah? Yeah, but I was born on Napoleon's birthday, so. What does a Leo mean? What is that personality trait? Big assholes. Physically, not emotionally.

Oh, I see. Yeah, it whistles when I walk. He's a really large asshole. Well, the next girlfriend I have is going to be a Leo. All right, Marcus. She's not one. You'll make her one, right? Can't change astrology, my friend.

By the way, according to your horoscope. Trans is astrological right here. I'm trans Leo. Trans Leo. By the way, according to your horoscope, both of you should learn something new today. Learn to respect Ben. Good God.

Your chest hair is showing. I can't respect anyone's chest hair. I see your chest hair. You do now, man. It is running away from you. I'll button up. Alright, let's do a news story, I think. Police have arrested a homeless man who was

accused of giving a wet willy to a four-year-old boy in the waiting room of a Connecticut business on Tuesday. Michael Magani, 34, was arrested Tuesday afternoon and charged with second degree breach of peace and second degree reckless endangerment. Oh, come on. I disagree with the breach of

peace. Isn't this, this is the most peaceful thing you can do in Little Wet Willie. It's very peaceful, but at the same time, you have to understand, homeless people shouldn't be touching people. It's too funny, man. That's really gross.

Finger in ear with saliva. You're lubing up your fucking finger. Kids gotta learn, man. No way, that's rape culture. That's a good point. You got the finger in the ear, that's a digit in an orifice, that's the legal definition of rape. I say is rape culture.

Yeah, what specialist was that? Just some lady. The victim. Yeah, the victims. I think wet willies might be the worst thing to happen to you, though. I hate wet. I'd rather get a wedgie than a wet willy. I'd take all of it over a titty twister.

Nothing puts me into a rage faster than a titty twister. Nothing puts me into a rage faster than a titty twister. Or when someone grabs your armpit hair. Who does that? Who's ever done that? I've never had that. You never had that? That's a fucker move, man. I give it to you. There's somebody who... Nut punches and shit? I'm sure that there's somebody in this world who has immense

orgasms if you pull their armpit hair. Oh, yeah. I would assume that probably exists. Of course it is. Are you looking for a match? Yes. How do you even get under there? I've never heard of that. That's what I'm saying. It seems inaccessible.

It seems like, well, Florida, you're not wearing sleeves all the time. I'm surprised Kevin hasn't dealt with this. Nobody's grabbed my armpit hair, man. But I also feel like I'm black, and it's different. You have different armpit hair. It curls up. Y'all just hang it all over the place. I don't think I've ever seen your armpit hair before. Yeah, and I never wear deodorant. Let's see it, Kevin. It curls up. Y'all just hang it all over the place. I think I've ever seen your armpit hair before.

I never wear deodorant. Show us. Oh, yeah, that's difficult to grab. Oh, wow, that's nice. Another biological advantage. That's a good point. You have to work that into your stand-up. White people have armpit hair like this.

White people have armpit hair like this. Black people have armpit hair like this. It is, yeah, for some reason, it's actually hilarious. Well, from isitnormal.com,

I love plucking my armpit hair. Is it normal? And a hit to you, that user says, I also love to do this. I do not tell anyone about it, of course, except for my partner.

I relate the feel of it being pulled out to a release kind of like an extremely mini orgasm of sorts. Alright, so this guy gave the kid a wet willy. He wasn't trying to make him cum. No, no, no. He wasn't trying to make him cum at all. Police said he allegedly approached a

four-year-old boy playing with his mother in the waiting room of a business, stuck his finger in his mouth, and then put it in the boy's ear. It's so funny. Let him go. He's hilarious. He should face no charges, man. He's just out of touch. He's homeless. That's the reason why he's homeless. It's bad ideas.

It's funny. Meanwhile, that homeless guy gave that kid a story for the rest of his life. He drove off when confronted by the child's mother and employees of the business. Wait a second. Homeless people don't have cars. There's plenty and employees of the business. Wait a second. Yeah. Homeless people don't have cars.

There's plenty of homeless people with cars. They live in their car. Well, then they're not homeless. Dan? They're not fucking turtles. You know, you should have more than a car. What? Yeah, they're called car mutants.

The people who live in their car. Or jewels. I love the picture of this guy. Yeah, look up at the screen for a picture of this fella. He's the coolest guy around. He looks like he's about to sell you a car. Or Jules. I love the picture of this guy. Yeah, look up at the screen for a picture of this fella. He's the coolest guy around. He looks like he's about to sell you a slice. He's obviously been crying.

Yeah, if you can't see, his eyes are puffy and red. He's made another, as Kevin said, he's just made another bad decision. But what if he was just going to be the kid's new father? He is right in the fact

that he did it. It's like our first DNA test. He did it because he wanted to be funny and it was funny to everyone except for the kid's mom, it. It's like our first DNA test. He did it because he wanted to be funny and it was funny to everyone except for the kid's mom, unfortunately. She needs to fucking loosen up and start enjoying the chaos of life.

No one's more joyless than a child's mother. I mean, honestly. They all lose it as soon as they have that kid. Oh, it's the best thing that ever happened to them. And they all become fucking monsters. What do you think your mom would have done if somebody wet-willed you oh fucking send me send me away you know how many people she's tried to send me away to like if somebody touches a bird and now it can't go back in the

nest she'd always for halloween i was always a a package you know with an address on it she tried to put me on the front steps of every parent like garfield like garfield did to normal's like, oh, we're going to the post office for a trick or treat. And I'm just like, wow, I love it. They never have candy for me, though. She's always like, get in there, get in there. Put me through the chute, yeah. Yeah, Rob, you have a kid. How would you react if somebody wet-willed her?

Oh, I would flip out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely gets a punch in the face. I think he should have gotten publicly, he should have been beaten. Oh, yeah. I would have to do that, don't you think?

Right now he's facing up to two years in jail for this. It's too much time for a wet willy. Public beating. I mean, we've been advocating it for we've been advocating the public beating for a while now and the public beating I think is something that America needs. He was probably just looking for a home for the next two years

and was like, what's the least offensive thing I can do to get in jail? And he found it and he's a model citizen for homelessness. I agree. Marcus, you were saying you think we need public beatings. Yeah. We've been saying it on the show for a while now. Public beatings for dumb crimes. I love it. Yeah, it changes everything. No jail time.

He just gets the shit kicked out of you and everyone gets to watch. You just want to go back to the stocks. Throw tomatoes at people. I'll tell you what, watching someone get the shit kicked out of them is more effective to watch. You just want to go back to the stocks. That's right. Throw tomatoes at people. Dad tell you what, watching someone getting the shit kicked out of is more effective than them going to jail for 30 days.

I would also love to watch you in the stocks, Eddie, where you just catch all the food they throw at you in your mouth and eat it. I don't need my hands. You just love your life

eating rotten tomatoes. I wouldn't eat the tomatoes. They give me ajna. What's that? Ajna. It's in my chest area. It. They give me angina. What's that? Angina. It's in my chest area. It gets a little... Angina.

I thought it was angina. I got a hyenal hernia. No, it's how Jews say it. Angina. Angina. Oh, come on. It's angina and we know it. Angina.

It's angina. I'm going to have to agree with Micah. I think it's angina. I've always called it angina. I'm pretty sure it's angina. Well, youina. I'm going to have to agree with Micah. I think it's angina. I've always called it angina. I'm pretty sure it's angina. Well, you know,

I'm not changing. Two years in jail for this guy. So you're in jail and you tell people what your crime is. This guy has to admit to wet willing

a four-year-old. I'd say ear rape and just let it go. Oh, then they think you're tough. He'll probably just get probation. It's either up to two years in jail, a $1,000 fine, and probation.

Right now, he's out on $500 bond. Let's raise some money for this guy. That's really low. If you'll remember last week, the guy that fucked the Bush, he got $50,000 bond. Yeah, and you'll have to pay 10% of the bond. Yeah, so this guy's out, what, $50? $50, that's it. That's not bad at all. Yeah, okay. Yeah,000 bond. Yeah, you'll have to pay 10% of the bond. Yeah, so this guy's out, what, $50? $50, that's it. That's not bad at all.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, fuck it. You ain't getting two years. Nah, nah. You're letting him off. He didn't end up on the sexual predator list? I thought I read somewhere this guy ended up. Pull his pants down and slap him.

I feel like it's just the world, it's all the world just being politically correct, man. We gotta think about context Team Trump He put his finger in his kid Trump is right Those girls that I walked to the bar last night I was talking about Team Trump I'm sure of it

If they left because you were saying Team Trump I mean that's definitely on them Team Trump But I don't think that's what he said It's funny every time. It's like talking to those fluff dolls you punch in the face. Just watch it makes them bored. Yeah, but the clown keeps coming back every time you punch him.

You can't deny that Trump is the realest nigga in the game, man. I agree. He's a real fella. I love that. He's a real human. I will say that. That's a fact. That's a big story. So two years. He's a real human. I will say that. That's a fact. That's a big story.

Yeah. So two years for this guy with the wet willy. I mean, he is due in court on August 19th, and it is not clear if he has an attorney. Probably doesn't. I would imagine he doesn't. But I would say if you want to do, if you are an attorney, this is the greatest pro bono case of all time. Be a hero.

Yeah. Go defend this man. Please, sir. Your honor. It's just a wet willy, sir. That's right. And then give the judge a wet willy. The judge will love it and laugh and then the guy's off. Who amongst us has not given a wet willy in our time?

I think I did it at some point. I feel like this is, you know, if he is, he doesn't have to register as a sex offender. I hope not anyway. No, there isn't any sort of sex offender. I've checked a few. No, there isn't any sort of sex offender. I've checked a few different articles, and there's no mention of any sort of sex offender status. It's one of those dumb Facebook headlines that makes you go, ew. It was like the mail you just got.

Yeah, it was like, oh, man, give us some long lines for Wet Willie. Now he's on a sexual predator list. It's the fear mongering of the media. If you're a four-year-old, or let's just say you are the age that you are would you rather have a wet willy or a small tap on the nuts here's the thing about being four years old the kid lay down the law yeah he doesn't even know where he's at right let alone that it's a wet willy he doesn't understand what happened a guy touched him and he liked it probably and why he doesn't know he doesn't it's not like the guy wasn't trying to be

He's not a predator He just did it and the kid probably laughed Yeah and why does Willie have to be Wet Willie one of those sloppy Steve It's a great name Sloppy Steve doesn't work I'm giving you a sloppy Steve That's if you put your finger in your butthole and put it in a kid's ear

Ed would you rather be Molested by the president or receive a wet willy? I mean, molested by the president, that's special. Everyone gets wet willies. That's true. Alright, Marcus.

Yes, let's do another story. Micah, any final thoughts? I had one, but I just lost it. Wonderful. All right. It's one thing to be caught having sex with your pet dog. It's another thing altogether for an unsuspecting person to hear the whole thing play out.

Russell Joseph Myers gave someone a right earful win while allegedly having sex with his German shepherd. He managed to dial them up. Fortunately, the anonymous recipient of the call didn't answer, but they were left with a particularly graphic voicemail when they checked their messages.

That's it. Police. Literally. God, that's terrifying. Who was giving it to who? he was giving it to his german shepherd in the butt or in the vagina in the vagina because they did check over the dog and the dog is fine oh i mean it's a hole made for dick right yeah yeah so you have no problem with the dog sex man thing i think i feel like a german shepherd is the most it's's a pretty sexy dog. It's a sexy dog. I would say it is the most human of a lot of the dogs.

The Germans had it coming. Don't bring the Germans in. The Germans had it coming. Nobody gets it back. Oh, leave him alone. You ever see a German Shepherd in a tuxedo? It looks good. It's cute.

Dress him like a businessman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it backs into you, it's not rape. What about a Beethoven? What's the name of the Beethoven? St. Bernard. I love St. Bernard. Yeah, but their tongues are too big and sloppy and that's too dog. Rob Cantrell,

favorite dog to have sex with if you had to? I would say a poodle. A big one? A poodle would be probably pretty sexy. That's like the sexiest dog that's out there, but I don't know if I could do that. Well, of course.

If she dressed up that night, we took it serious. I'd hate to be boring, but I think I'd have to go Golden Retriever. Really? They're so friendly. Bulldog, for sure. Absolutely. I'd go with the one I had as a child.

Issues are there. Issues are there. Very good. By the way, this happened in Alabama, and this man is the very first person in Alabama to ever be tried on a bestiality charge. It just became illegal a week ago, right? Yeah, it charge. It just became illegal a week ago. It did. It just became

illegal very recently. Gay marriage was illegal, but animal sex was legal. Until recently. Slippery slope, Ben. It's the reverse of the slippery slope. Everyone who says the slippery gay is getting married. Then people are going to have sex with dogs. It's literally the reverse. There's a lot of people

in Brooklyn who hate you. It doesn't matter they're not on Team Trump. He's getting married. What's next? You can't fuck dogs? Please, Team Trump. Slippery slope. The law was in place for a year and a month before the first trial. And this guy, by the way, also

former carnival worker. Oh, naturally. But that's the crazy thing, though. you can call me on the phone, leave a voicemail. I hear all types of sounds. The last thing I would think is, oh, he's fucking a dog, right? He's like, who's my dog? Who's my dog? I feel like that's the thing, right? It's just like, oh, yeah, I'm fucking a dog right now.

Like, is that the voicemail? It was FaceTime. The guy was a former carnival worker. Yeah, he was a carny. So he was just straight on meth. I think a lot of meth dudes want to fuck dogs. It's like a side effect of meth. He was, when the cops showed up,

he also got charged with possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. Oh, well. After cops raided the shed he was living in. Oh, well, come on. That's got to be grosser. Yeah, and he didn't just have one dog. He also had a chihuahua.

Oh, he was playing favorites. I like this one. She's just to watch. I mean, but this dog, right? Like, it's going to go to a pound. Everyone knows it's a rape dog. Who's adopted it? Oh, this dog's right? Like, it's going to go to a pound. Everyone knows it's a rape dog. Who's adopted it? Oh, this dog's getting killed for sure.

Right? I mean, isn't the guy who has sex with a dog better to just... I mean, at the end of the day, he's taking care of an animal. Nah, they take it out back, feed it a bunch of bananas until it explodes. That's one way to do it. That's the only way you can get rid of a dog like that. Was the dog unhappy? Was that a trial and error thing?

How do you know that? It's a scientific fact. Liar. Oh, man. Liar. Does it go into detail, though, of what the voicemail is? Because that's what I really don't understand.

If you just hear sex noises... We gotta hear it. But I'm sure it's subpoenaed. I would assume... I don't know if it's subpoenaed. I just made up that word. That's the right word for it, right? That is the right word,

but I don't know if it's subpoenaed. Angina. Angina. Angina. But, you know, your butt dial... He only says that to. That's the right word for that, right? That is the right word, but I don't know if it's subpoenaed. Angina. Angina. Angina. But you know, your butt dial. He only says that too, Ed, by the way. Thank you. This is one of the most embarrassing butt dials I've ever heard of.

Man, I like it, though. Imagine getting that message. It must have been so blatant that he was fucking a dog. Eddie, would you call the cops if you got a message like that? At the same time, I feel like I would listen to it, laugh a little. Depends on who it was. And then you put it on YouTube. Yeah, YouTube it. Make a star out of yourself. I'll tell you what, Ben. If it was you, I wouldn't call the cops.

I would never have sex with a dog. I'm just saying it's okay if you did. I wouldn't tell anybody. Thanks so much, Ed and Mike. Bulldog. Corgi. Leave the corgis alone Their legs are so small This man should be sentenced to death if he touches a corgi Yeah that's the thing it also depends on the dog

If you hear a corgi on the other line You call the police you call the military That's the queen's dog You gotta fuck a corgi they're dick shaped Oh leave him alone Micah If you can fit an entire corgi inside your pussy, I guess you have that.

Well, then I got something. Beautiful. By the way, this is not... Actually, I misspoke. This is the first man in his county in Alabama to be arrested on bestiality charges.

The first man in Alabama to be arrested on bestiality charges tried having sex man in Alabama to be arrested on bestiality charges tried having sex with his wife's... Why? Good joke, Eddie. Funny joke about the unattractive wives. His wife did catch him

fucking their shih tzu, Buster. Oh, man. Shouldn't have named it Buster. She was like, go to bigger dog, you asshole. Yeah. And his wife made the discovery while spying on him for fear he was sleeping with another woman. Isn't it worse when he's sleeping with the dog?

Do you feel, actually, I don't know. Is it worse? No, I say better with the dog. You think so? Yeah, absolutely. It's like, no way. If the woman I am with left me for another- You could write a book.

Yeah. No, just fuck that. Oh another... You could write a book. Yeah. No, just fuck that. Oh, he never could have wanted me. Exactly. If the woman I was with cheated on me with a woman, then it's like, oh, well, I can't be a woman. No matter how hard I try, no matter how big I try to pull it off of me.

So you were equating dogs to women. Yeah. No, I'm equating dogs to, you know... Women. To gay people. Now I understand. Slippery slope, Kevin. Gene Trump.

Well, Geneva Police Captain Ricky Morgan said about this new guy that had sex with a shih tzu, he said she actually thought he was having an affair with another woman and hid a recording device. She learned that he was, in affair with another woman and hid a recording device. She learned that he was in fact molesting the dog. He said that the husband was upset because his wife paid more attention to the dog than him. So he molested the dog? So he fucked the dog. The dog suffered injuries that police initially thought might lead to his euthanization, but a veterinarian later said that Buster is recovering.

Sewed up. Sad. God damn. Thank God he didn't have a child. Shit's two, shit's three. Am I right, everybody? The dog. Good one.

That's pretty great. Micah's on fire. He is. Micah Fox is on fire. We can all agree Micah's on fire at this rate. Let's all agree. Let's all agree. Check out Micah Fox's podcast, Mike of Fox and Friends.

You got to pay for it, suckers. Oh. You know, it's a different network. All right. He was held on, and this guy was only held on $500 bail as well because bestiality is only a misdemeanor charge in Alabama. As it should be. You know, I think it depends on what animal you fuck.

You can't fuck a bear, but a bear will... That's just logistics. Yeah, but what if the fucking results in the death of the animal? Say a ferret. You're like a ferret. I say we fuck them all until we're dead. Those things are disgusting. They're like space snakes.

They are space snakes. Ferrets are space snakes. They smell really bad. But they don't live in space. They're like space snakes. They are space snakes. Ferrets are space snakes. They smell really bad. But they don't live in space. They get in tubes. There are not snakes here either. Just picture them in space and now it makes sense. You don't know that they don't live in space. Yeah, that's true.

We haven't been out there enough. We don't know. We haven't found that planet. We haven't tried to blow that planet up yet. I bet it stinks, though. Ferret cops and shit. I once saw a ferret put its butthole outside of its cage to shit on the ground. Those things are vile. Nasty.

Kill them. So what's like a high... I'm down with ferrets. All right. You love a ferret? I'm with you. I'm with you. I think they're kind of cool.

Favorite thing about the ferret? If I saw one, I'd be psyched to be seeing a ferret. You've never seen one before. You'd be an astronaut, I'd be psyched to be seeing a ferret. That would mean you'd be an astronaut. I'd be in outer space flying around. Adam Wertz used to have an albino ferret

and it was disgusting. It was fucking gross looking. People think it's cool to have a ferret, you know, that people who practice magic and shit like that. What's the coolest animal

to have? Monkey. Oh, yeah. I think Gill? Monkey. Oh, yeah. The Indiana Jones monkey. I think Gillimonster. Oh, man. The Indiana Jones monkey. The one that's a thief and poisons the dates and shit.

You get a monkey when you're done with your face. Jesus Christ. Good. You know, then if you're ready for it to rip off. Exactly. They rip off. She makes a point. A valid medical point.

Yeah, I don't know about monkeys. Yeah. I like a fun monkey. I would love to get an alligator to love me. That would be don't know about monkeys, yeah. I like a fun monkey. I would love to get an alligator to love me. That'd be... It doesn't happen. Jesus Christ.

That would be the coolest thing ever. That's a really interesting metaphor for his whole romantic life. Yeah, it really is. We don't talk about how I made people

love me last night at the bar and I didn't walk with my team. Trump? Henry always said when he got really rich, he'd buy an alligator and rip out its teeth and its

nails so he can hang out with it. And the memorial for Henry is this Sunday at 7pm. Come down to the creek and the cave. Rest in peace. I just want to see Henry get really rich because it's just going to be the most insane mansion. It's going to be like the jerk. Yeah, it's going to be like the jerk. It's going to be the most insane mansion. It's going to be like the jerk.

Yeah, it's going to be like the jerk. It's going to be the most insane mansion. Every room is going to be ridiculous. Adam Wurtz is a great director. Google Adam Wurtz and look at all of his work. Do you know what's almost crude and unforgivable? The fact that we haven't even mentioned one person in this room who goes by the name of... Lupe Rodriguez!

Lupe Rodriguez. Batting 11th for the Miami Heat. Oh, that's not bad. That's a difficult part of the game. That's where he's a fan. He pays for a ticket. He brings a baseball bat and beats up the whole team. Gets arrested and goes to jail for his whole life.

You never know what's happening with Lupe. Speaking of people going to jail, I got the mugshot of the guy who had sex with the Shih Tzu. What do you think? Regrets or no regrets? None. Doesn't care at all. The Frank Sinatra of dog fuckers. He's only 5'2". No regrets. He's like, I'm glad everyone knows about this. I

fucking got her. Can we say that we're all surprised it was a black dude? Yeah. Legitimately I was and oddly enough, I didn't want to say anything. This is the kind of honesty that walks women from bars. Team Trump?

Yeah, when you say carny, I immediately think white person. No, the carny was white. No, the carny was white. Here's a picture of the carny. The carny looks like the guy who got his face bitten off. Right.

What's his name again? The guy who had his face bitten off? We can't forget these people's names. The guy from the Miami Zombie? Never forget. Oh, and Lumpo or something like that. It was a very funny name. Lugo, Lumpo, Umpo. Rudy Eugene! Yeah, Rudy Eugene.

That's the biter. Yeah, Rudy Eugene was the biter. What is his name? I swear it was a funny last name. Comical. He had a good name. We got to keep these people in our minds and our thoughts forever. His face, though, is just...

It's a gross face to start with. I can only remember this or the Twin Towers. What's it going to be? This is our 9-11. Ronald Poppo. Poppo! Yeah, Poppo. And for those that want to go back, they said this man was on a whole series of different

drugs, the man who ate Poppo's face off. It turns out the toxicology reports came back totally sober, which is even more terrifying. Whoa. Just weed. Just weed. Kind of a munchie situation. Next story? Sure.

All right. We're going to go local for this one. Yeah, Staten Island. That's not local. Yeah, go local for this one. Yeah, Staten Island. That's not local. Yeah, dude, don't lump us in with Staten Island. You got to take a ferry there, but it's local. Get over that. A Staten Island lawyer with a penchant for bow ties and closely cut beards is apparently

channeling his inner Game of Thrones by asking a judge to sanction a trial by combat. Yeah! Awesome! Yeah, to resolve a civil suit. What are you guys talking about? It's what you want. This is trial by combat. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, to resolve a civil suit. What are you guys talking about? It's what you want. This is the public beating. Yeah.

Yeah, I love this. I mean, not necessarily because a trial by combat is a fight. If you win the fight, then. Yeah, no, a beating's a beating. A fight's a fight. Well, are you not allowed to fight back during these beatings? No, we tie you down and we beat the shit out of you. We maybe tie you down.

I don't even know if we need to tie you down. He wet-willed a four-year-old. He should be beaten. He should be wet-willed by a four-year-old. This guy in Staten Island, he said he seeks trial by combat, which is a fight to the death by the disputants or their stand-ins in the event that the case against

him, which is a civil suit in which he's accused of helping a client fraudulently transfer assets, is not dismissed. He maintains that trial by combat has never been outlawed in the United States or in New York State. Therefore, he is allowed to request it. I saw a dude on the A train with a sword the other day. How'd that go for you? Yeah.

What happened? He was just hanging out with a sword. I just sat down. Was it sheathed? It was sheathed, but it was across his lap. It was a real sword. I was like, did you get a number? This is over here.

I'll tell you what, I was in the subway today. I saw a dog sucking a camel's dick. That's not true. I'm thinking camels are the turnstiles. Yeah, yeah. All the old ladies. Why would he do? Why would he do?

And I'm like, I don't know, man. Welcome to the city, you fucking bitch. They loved it. Yeah, it was cool. Is this guy going to fight for himself or have somebody else fight for him? Well, first he has to get it approved in court. Here is a picture of the man. Is that the man or the lawyer?

That's Jesse Jones. The man and the lawyer are the same person. He's a big fat guy wearing a powder blue suit and a powder blue bow tie. I will fight anyone for my freedom. That is such a badass thing to say. It's kind of cool.

I feel like he made a suit out of five bridesmaids dresses. That guy's a mistake. He's huge. Very chubby guy. We're all mistakes, Micah. No, not me. I was planned. Fertility drugs.

By definition, planned. Alright, so this guy is going to defend himself, huh? Yep, he's going to defend himself in a trial by combat. Is that a good idea? No. Right? I mean, who No. Eddie or Rob, whoever the fuck, how do you defend yourself? Trial by combat?

Yeah, I mean, whatever. You gotta get a trash can. You gotta get a shield. Right. But you have to find someone that would die for you. A sellsword. Yes. Or you find someone who wants to make a name for themselves as the most badass man In the world

Right Call up Brock Lesnar Or something Good point Or Dwayne Johnson No he wouldn't do it He's too noble Oh I love The Rock

He's too good He's too pure It's surrogate against surrogate You're not even in it Technically See that's the thing About trial by combat Is that you can either

Fight yourself Or you can choose a champion That's fucking bullshit That's like Jango Unchained. The gods decide. I don't think that's appropriate. No, no, no, no. Here's where the gods decide, man.

I feel like Star Wars had it right. You throw him in a fucking Sarlacc pit or you throw him in the goddamn Rancor pit. That's the thing. The big monster. You fight and it's like, yeah, we'll sit down in the Rancor. It's like, all right, listen, he's probably going to die 99% chance, but if he gets out, who are we to kill the guy that can kill the Rancor? That's perfect logic.

You don't just say, oh, I'm going to fight surrogate shit. I'm sorry I'm passionate about this, man. No, no, you're right. You're right. No, I can keep wet-willing kids because this dude beat some other dude up. No, you can't. Nope. What's America's big Rancor?

What's America's monster? Jesse Ventura. Everyone on the chat says that America's big rancor? What's America's monster? Jesse Ventura. Everyone on the chat says that America's monster is Chris Christie. That's America's rancor. I was going to make the joke. Team Trump. That's what we're all talking about. Not with that haircut.

Next. Chris Christie is morbidly obese. He's disgusting and should never be elected president. He's like bacon salt of the earth. Oh, my God. It's blood types marinara. I know. It's a fad show.

Micah's on fire. Oh, my God. I was going to Twitter it out. Micah Fox. I held it. Micah Fox is the single funniest comedian in the world. Team Trump, Chris Christie's blood,

is marinara. Holy fuck. God damn it, comedy is good. Fucking shit. How much money am I allowed to pay to listen to your podcast? Can I pay $100? You can pay as much as you want,

Holden. There's no limit. That's right. You can pay unlimited amounts of money to listen to Mike and Fox and Friends. That's right. God knows they deserve the money. They've treated their fans so well.

Don't drag me down. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Is Micah leaving the bar? I think Micah's leaving the bar. God damn it, I've done it again. Did you say it again? Can I just keep a woman in the room?

This inflated doll keeps coming back. If you are your own lawyer, do you sit on the stand and then get off the stand and ask yourself questions? How does that work? I never understood how that actually looks logistically in the courtroom.

I think you should be allowed to walk around. Well, I think you are. Because Ted Bundy represented the courtroom I think you should be allowed to walk around Well I think you are Because Ted Bundy represented himself I think you just do a monologue That's the whole thing Yeah where you just go up and you just say This is my defense of myself And then the other person can cross examine you I see

Because it seems so It is literally the definition of bipolar To be your own lawyer and your own client? Split personality. Split personality, yeah. Oh, and by the way, there was an attempt to abolish the practice of trial by combat in the 13 colonies. It was blocked by Parliament in 1774, and there is no mention in the Constitution of not allowing trial by combat. So technically, it has been the law of the land in America for as long as, you know, white people have been here. Isn't that since America?

Yeah. All right. Very good. Great, great historical thing. Jackie, how you feeling? Feeling awesome. Feeling great. Yeah, you have nice eye makeup on today. Thank you.

God damn it, can I keep a woman in the room? Because you just never sound genuine. This is why women are leaving the bar. I'm sure I just said something nice. It's always suspicious when you're nice.

Why is he doing it? You gotta tuck your sociopath tag nice. It's always suspicious when you're nice. Why is he doing it? You've got to tuck your sociopath tag in. That's the problem. It's sticking out. Oh my God. We were there until closing. They turned the lights on. Probably 20 people left in the bar. Every one of them hated it.

That's ridiculous. It's because it was a racist bar. I swear to God. Which one was this? I don't know. It's called Tender Trap and Bushwick or something. Green Point.

Green Point, yeah. Bunch of terrible whites acting stupid, inappropriate. I'm sure I just told everyone that what they were doing was wrong, and they left, and I think I got my job done. Mission accomplished. What is your job what's your job walk them walk them i'm done with them you're the best at it why you at my bar i'm paying on kevin's tab why the fuck are you here you ain't kevin

next story rid of them yeah a texas man was sentenced to marry his 19-year-old girlfriend, write down Bible verses, and attend counseling by a judge as punishment for punching another man in the jaw. The court case stemmed from a February altercation between Jostein Bundy, 20, and the ex-partner of his girlfriend, Elizabeth Janes. He told the TV station, KLTV, that he hit the man twice. During his sentencing, Judge Randall Rogers told Bundy

he would have to marry his girlfriend within 30 days as a condition of his probation. Bundy said that Rogers gave him the option to sit behind bars for 15 days instead. Bundy asked if he could call his employers to tell them he was going to jail, but the judge declined. Bundy and Jane said they feared Bundy would lose his job, so they applied for their marriage license and scheduled a date with the justice of the peace and got married. So can we say this is the least romantic wedding proposal ever? The judge made me do it. It's fucking bullshit.

Honey, I can't go to jail, so you have to go to. For life. For life. Life with me, bitch. So what happened to this judge? I mean, this is obviously illegal. No, this is legal. No, this is totally illegal. He's the judge, bitch. So what happened to this judge? I mean, this is obviously illegal. No, this is legal. No, this is totally illegal.

He's the judge, Eddie. Yeah, forcing a couple to marry. Texas. Damn it. Oh, you said that, but I didn't listen. That's okay. Forced the couple to get married? Yeah, it's illegal.

Of course it's illegal. And the sentence likely would have been struck down by a higher court, but I don't see Jostein Bundy appealing this thing. Yeah, I think it's kind of romantic, though. Jackie, you fall in love with the man. You guys are about to get married. He punches somebody out. Finally, some motivation to do it. I would love him even more. Yeah. I love a man that's violent.

And especially, I would want to get forced to be married. Isn't that what all women want anyway? Please, yeah, make it legal, man Get him in that fucking chair For life, I'm the electricity Fucking just seeping the fucking soul from his eyes

Ben, you opened a door When we open a door, we get scared, right? So that's what just happened just now Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, it's kind of sweet, I guess Nice eye makeup Beautiful eye makeup. I can't tell compliments.

No one trusts me anymore. I don't understand what's happening. All right. So, yeah, so they're going to get married and have a beautiful wedding. Yeah, they're going to get married. The woman said, Elizabeth said, it just felt like we weren't going to be able to have the wedding we wanted. It was just going to be kind of pieced together,

and I didn't even have a watt dress. Can you imagine, though, if this guy didn't want to be able to have the wedding we wanted. It was just going to be kind of pieced together, and I didn't even have a watt dress. Can you imagine, though, if this guy didn't want to marry her? He also has an out, which is kind of nice. You know, chooses prison over her or jail. That would be quite a slap in the face. He chose prison. He chose prison first and then was like, hey, baby, they're not going for this prison thing.

What do you say you and me get hitched? What did he do again? He punched a guy in the face. Oh, this is crazy. You do it. You gotta be able to fight, right? I miss the good old days where you can just get into a fight.

Yeah, he punched his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend in the face. Understandable. I bet the ex-boyfriend was fucking being annoying as fuck. I know, the judge is like, hey, obviously your ex is a loser, you should marry this guy.

I'm telling you, honey, I'm giving you a fucking out here. What do you think, Holden? What do you think the punishment should be? Should this even go to court at all? I mean, punching the ex-boyfriend in the face, isn't that a human right? Isn't that in the Constitution? It goes down every Friday night, doesn't it? That's what you get for fucking somebody. Yeah, I kind of feel like just make him give

like, make him finger like like, four nuns. And that's it. There you go. Then you go home. You're happy to be with your lady. You don't have to get married. You finger. I mean, the nuns.

I mean, I know it's upsetting to finger that many nuns. I've been there. I've done that. Their vaginas are probably just so crusty. Yeah, they put it to, like, under the guise, like, oh, hold on. You're going to go to a Harry Potter-like magic school. They don't shave. Hello.

I bet their vaginas are pretty hot. Or fresh. No, they can't masturbate or anything. No, they don't know how to clean it. They don't care. Yeah, they don't care about it. They clean their vaginas. Nuns clean their vaginas. Yeah. And he said it. They're prey. There's a lot of washcloths. Have you been in there? Have you ever seen like...

In the monastery, there's a lot of washcloths. Micah, do they clean? A lot of fresh water. No fucking way. They're wearing those habits. Let me tell you something about wearing a tunic. You give it up. Oh.

Giving up. No, yeah. It's like an old library. It's like full of... It's all cobwebs and dust. No way. They're not washing those vaginas. I guarantee you they don't even go there.

I guess you're... Oh, yeah. You would know. I just don't understand, you know, like... I don't think it's bread. I just don't understand, like, why does that conversation happen? It doesn't matter, Kevin. That's why you're not walking women from bars,

because you don't know how to go there. Team Trump. Listen, we could get somewhere where we can save some nuns, Kevin. This conversation needs to happen. If you're a nun and you're listening to this show, clean your pussy. Yeah. Use a rag. Not a sin, no matter what they tell you.

A clean vagina is not a sin. That's true. I didn't say it. Now, cleanliness is next to godliness, right? Yeah, there you go, Jackie. I know that. Dress me up like a nun. I'll get in there and teach you. You don't have a vagina, Ed, just because you dress like a nun. I do.

The new sequel to Sister Act. You dress Ed up like a nun. He's running from the mob. He teaches all of them. He teaches all of them how to clean their brother. We can get Whoopi on the phone right now. More like Sister Fat. Holy Christ.

I'm on fire. Oh, man. That's exactly what you're saying. God damn it. Mine's got the shades on, and I feel like I can't even, I want to hang out in her posse, but I don't think I'm going to be allowed. Micah Fox, it costs money to hang out with her. Hang out with Henry.

Get a couple bucks from him. We'll talk. Holy, he's spending it all on fucking nerd shit. This is nerd shit. Those are glasses. Nah, I mean the person behind it. I know this doesn't make any sense, but I mean, if we do that, I think we should write this movie where you are in the sister act, but then we just call it six to act nigga.

And there's no, it's the same cast and it's just you in addition to the same cast. If you want that to be the name of the show, you have to write it. I'll write the fuck out of it. I'll have a draft by tonight. You can do it at the creek tomorrow. Am I going to have to learn how to breakdance? You just got to learn how to be

wonderful, Ed. Does she breakdance in that film? Sister Aunt? Who is that, Rosie O'D Sister Aunt? Who is that? Rosie O'Donnell? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that?

And Kathy Najimy That's who I was thinking of Yeah And I love that movie Nuns on the Run Spectacle statistical Lauren Hill was in the second one What's that?

Sorry about that No that's okay Lauren Hill was in the second Sister Act I think we can all agree that both Sister Act movies are fantastic Phenomenal films This is the one that's better

than the first one I like Nuns on the Run better. Nuns on the Run's good. Nuns on the Run's great. Oh, dude, it's one of the best. Is that the third one, or is that a totally separate thing? That's the dudes. It's the dudes.

They were nuns on a run. They committed some major crimes, and they were in a lot of trouble, and they had to go become nuns in order to escape the law, and they were so funny about it. Who's is that? Eric Goldberg? Eric Idle. And Nuns on the Run? And Robbie Coltr it. Who's is that? It was great. Whoopi Goldberg? Eric Idle. Oh.

And Nuns on the Run. And Robbie Coltrane. That's right. Robbie Coltrane. The fat one. Yeah. Yeah. I love that movie.

I saw it at the theater. Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet and Watch. Wallet and Watch. They started the movie off with a good saucy nun shower scene. That's right. So they do clean their vaginas. Now we know. According to their Nuns on a run, they're incredibly clean. And that's the definitive

version. That's the definitive knowledge about nuns. There were two, actually Nuns on the Run was one of two cross-dressing nuns on the run movies released within three months of each other. The other one was We're No Angels. Oh, I saw that!

Yeah, featuring Robert De Niro and Sean Penn. Nuns on the Run won. I don't know if it did. Definitely won. The De Niro one was pretty good. We're No Angels? What the fuck is that about? What was the Paul Hogan one? Nuns with the Runs. Nuns with the Runs.

Woo! I'll tell you, there was nobody funnier than Micah Fox. Micah Fox. Doc, come. Check you tell me you, Doug. Micah Fox. Doug, come. Check her out. Where can we see more? Where can we hear more? I'll tell you, Holden, one thing about Micah Fox, she has a podcast on a network you have

to pay for. Micah Fox and friends. Check it out. Pay for it. Who are the friends? They're just my friends. A bunch of stuffed animals. Listen.

They listen. They've been there for me They're covered in cum Wait Yeah that's right Wait how long have you been Wearing sunglasses I don't know Who cares

You know what I mean She's visibly drunk Micah became visibly drunk As soon as the sunglasses Went on It took over It took it over the top When Sylvester Stallone

Turns his hat backwards Just because I'm wearing This bow tie and top hat Doesn't mean I'm wasted. Michael Fox, the roundtable drunk test is Holden unattractive or super unattractive? Nine. Oh, Jesus.

Well, you added that Nazi shit in, so super unattractive. Whoa, she's sober. She's still sober. Perfect. Bill Cosby raped over 60 women, I think. 61? I haven't spoken out. Easily.

Easily. Alright. Holden's whole body is like a throat. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. It actually kind of looks like Freddy Krueger's tongue. Sweating more and more. I wore the bad shirt that you can see all the sweat. I should have worn my black shirt because you can't see all the sweat.

Oh, man. Damn it. Yeah, you are sweating a lot. And speaking of, it's time for a segment from Holden McNeely. Oh! All the dead little girls in the happy man's hands. Alright, so. Marcus Parks. Marcus Parks

is in a very successful band that has an album called The Cowmen, but he wants to strike out on his own. Create a new sound. A little bit. You know? A little bit of a kind of an independent sort of thing.

We all need to come up with a name for his side band, and maybe a little bit, if you want like a brief description. The Vaginas. The Vaginas. Well, wait a sec. Micah. Hey. Micah's got it.

You're jumping the gun hard. I think we've got to jump the whole sec. Micah. Hey. Micah's got it. You're jumping the gun hard. I think we gotta jump the whole segment. Micah won. Yeah, I guess Micah won. Well, no. I'm just, alright. I mean, you're welcome. So I will go first.

Name of the band and maybe a brief description of the sound. I'm gonna just throw it out there. You're the fucking bone lord. Right? It's the bone lord I think it's a one man band It is you You know how the drummer of the Grateful Dead Had a sort of insanely intricate drum set

That maybe certain drums He'd only hit a couple times Well you've got just sort of an insane clustering Of bones right Every different kind of bone from every different kind of animal And you've got little tongs and sticks and stuff. You're just kind of hitting the bones and making animal noises.

You know, do what you do. It's called the Bone Lord. It's for Satanists, and it's for molesters. Yeah, I've already got like a little corner in my room that's already kind of like that. Your audience would be molesters. That's fine.

They need somebody. Kevin, what do you think with Marcus's new band? All right, so here's what you got to do, man. You're going to call yourself Fact Check. That's the name. It's Fact Check. That's a nerdy high school band name. No, it's not.

It's dope. And what you do is you play Hitler speeches to trap music. Wow. Thumbs up. That's pretty great. All right, you listen to this band called German Oak. It's like psychedelic music with some Hitler speeches dubbed over. Fantastic stuff. You know, sometimes you don't...

But it's an art project. They're not Nazis. fantastic stuff you know sometimes you don't but it was it's an art project they're not Nazis it's like they've got this one song called like Raid Over Dusseldorf it's really good

yeah you just definitely convinced me there weren't Nazis that's for sure so what are we doing Kaleidoskrot and I have no idea

what you're singing about but either way you just you show your scrotum there during live performances and and everyone loves you. Oh, like Lenny Kravitz. Well, that was on accident. You do it on purpose.

Cool. All right. He did it on purpose. No, he did not, Jackie. I think he should be called Flapjacks and Leafblowers. And you just fucking go up there, and you just make a bunch of flapjacks. You have one dude just making flapjacks on stage and another dude rocking a leaf blower. And when I say, I mean, he's just fucking killing it.

He has it strapped up and cranked up and he can blow the, yeah, he's just, that's it. So far, three out of the four is more performance art than bands. But that's a lot of what you get. But I like it, I like it. I mean, I think that's where my future lies for the most part. All we want is for you to find yourself.

I know and I appreciate that. I see you leaf blowers. You've got to call yourself Ball Sweat and Tears. You just do improv comedy. One minute improv comedy. First album, can I have

a suggestion? Nice album name. We got an album name there. Ball, Sweat, and Tears, can I have a suggestion? It's just me doing improv. Solo improv. How does that go? It goes terribly. It's improv.

It always goes terribly. It's improv. Could you show me? No, you could show me. No, I can't. Oh, you can't say no. It's true. It's the first roll of improv, Marcus. I just fucked it up. Marcus, I don't think that you're worthy of the

thing. I am not. All right. Follow the fear, Marcus. Yeah, follow the fear, buddy. Improv is very important, man. Yes, it is. Jackie. The band is going to be called Maze Some Hell.

Maze like the Indian corn, and you're going to be dressed like a big Indian chief, also covered in bones. The thing is, you're going to use your fake Indian magic and make all of your clay creatures, like all your goblins and all that stuff, come to life, and they will be your band members. So you're going to play a bunch of music that only can be heard by demons to maze some hell. Nice. Wow.

Wonderful. And I can do all that in my room. I don't even have to leave the house you don't have to be in front of people if you don't want to or you can do it in front of people

I can do that tonight yeah a thousand percent cool you just need to get like a feather headdress or whatever those are really expensive

yeah but you I mean use your magic you can get one yeah that is true good point and uh punk trio

uh it's gonna be uh it's you but the the drum good point and uh punk trio uh it's gonna be uh it's you but the the drum you'll be on drums yeah and then uh

it's a three piece you know you're just gonna have the bass drum the snare and the uh what's the the short

a ting tong the tingy tang and a hi hat yeah that's all you're gonna have yeah it's a good setup you're not gonna have anything else than that

and you'll have uh a bass and a uh kinda like it's all you're gonna have it's a good setup you're not gonna have anything else than that and you'll have a bass and a kinda like a I wanna do like a morphine type of deal oh hey you know like

so we'll get a saxophone player okay and we'll have some fun and it'll be real creepy and weird and circus like for you what's the name Ed? um

it's the basically it's they're called The Shoot and uh it's just all about um it's all about every time Marcus has ever came. Every song is like two minutes long.

And it's just about every time you've ever come. There's going to be some weird songs. Exactly. Yeah. And you guys are called The Shoot. Ah. That's, I mean, well, Ed's the only. That's disturbing.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, well, so is Marcus. Oh, right, right, right. All of the ideas were disturbing. I can't believe you gave away the idea for your band to Marcus. That was so... Good point, Marcus. Yeah, I could have done that.

I don't know. Well, Ed is the only one who actually incorporated drums into the band. Which is... Delighted a scrote. Disgrace the drum. Which is the instrument that I play. So I got to go with the shoot. I actually want to be in that band.

Alright! You can play a leaf blower. That's so fucking stupid. You can make flab jacks. But I could actually but I could also be in fact check like by the end of the night as well. I like fact checking the leaf blower one personally. Yeah.

Well Marcus, thank god you don't decide the fucking winner. Yeah, thank fucking God I don't. I'm the champion today, fuckface. All right, that's been the roundtable. Jackie, you're here. Eddie, thank you so much. Holden McNeely, Fatboy Barnett, check him out on Twitter. I'm at Ben Kissel.

Rob Cantrell, you're on Twitter? Yep, I'm on Twitter. This worked last time. Oh, sorry, Rob. Sorry, I totally cut you off. No, it's all right. What's your name? At Rob Cantrell. Twitter, hit me Rob. Sorry, I totally cut you off. No, it's all right. What's your name? It's at Rob Cantrell.

Twitter, hit me up. Follow. Yes, and of course, Michael Fox. M-Y-K-A, motherfuckers. That's right. Damn. Wow.

It's the sunglasses. She is so much cooler since she's put them on. She's a pretty cool gal. You can listen to her. Fox and Michael Fox and Friends. We're on this fucking network at This Week in Jacking. We can listen to like half the people in Fox and Friends And we're on this fucking network At This Week in Jack

And we can listen to like Half the people in here What they masturbate to So how about that I lied on that show No you didn't What do you mean you lied I lied

I told half truths You're a liar Marcus I spoke completely the truth Me too Yeah What do you jerk off to Listen to the episode Damn

This Week in Jack And check it out Cave Comedy Radio Find Marcus Parks on Twitter Yeah. What do you jerk off to? Listen to the episode. Damn. This week in Jacket. Check it out. Cave Comedy Radio. Find Marcus Parks on Twitter and follow Cave Comedy Radio, actually, too. Yeah. Yeah, why not? August 22nd, goodbye Rubitalia and Murder Fist.

Back at the old pit. Oh, awesome. The treehouse. Yeah, come and check it out. Nice. August 20th. I'm on Red Eye on August 18th. Holden.

There you go. Fun. PlayStation Network tag catcher 6945. People actually... Oh, my God. What happened? That's so nosy. I'm playing games with my fans.

Are you really? Yeah, I'm playing games with my fans. Catcher 6945. I hate all of you. I mean, at some point, they're not your fans. You're just peers. Hit me up. They want to hang out.

Let's play some fucking Bloodborne co-op, you dick fucks. Good Christ. Are you serious right now? Yeah, let's do it. How many fans have you played video games with? Six people hit me up in the last episode, man. We're fucking rocking and rolling, dude. Oh, my God.

I got a rap album out, too. Let's throw it down right now. Is it called Nuns on the Run? It's called Nuns on the Run. It's on Spotify. No, Dreams Never Die on Spotify. And it's seven tracks. Awesome. Rob Cantrell is unbelievably talented and amazing. And the

Cowmen, we also have an album on Spotify. You can go check us out on Spotify. The Cowmen. In fact, Whiskeyjack79 on the chat said, time to listen to the Cowmen on my front porch and polish off my bottle of of scotch fuck yeah man drink that scotch listen the cowman album you can find it on spotify that is that bottle's real shiny yeah that's actually the best i'm very jealous of that man's life right now that is a porch whiskey and the cowman yeah we say goodbye yeah we can say goodbye i think probably the market's not recording. Probably going to be picking up Mortal Kombat X this weekend.

So if you want to fight your favorite player on that. Goro. Let's do that. 69 catcher 6945. I just picked up Rock Band. You just got Rock Band? Yeah. It's a fun game.

Has the show started or is it ending? Call it, Ben. Tell me you hit four. I play Subway Surfer on my phone. I love Subway Surfer. Hold on, Holden, favorite character in Mortal Kombat? Favorite character in Mortal Kombat. I'm going to have to go with Cyclops. How is it not Korra?

Scorpion, man. How would you beat Holden at Mortal Kombat, Kev? What do you mean, how would I beat him? I don't know. He's a cheater. You teleport. You fucking throw scorpion. You teleport. You fucking throw your spear. Scorpion's the coolest,

but Sub-Zero, you can cheese it with the fucking ice, so I'm going to go with Sub-Zero because I like fucking, I like cheating in my fighting games. Sub-Zero is a motherfucker, man.

Yep. Good point. Goro! All right, that's the episode. We'll talk to you soon. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

go to CaveComedyradio.com.