The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 271: If Hitler Could Dance

Episode Date: December 21, 2015

Jason Seinz and Erik Bergstrom join the gentlemen to discuss being a cast away, horrifying Florida animals, and debate Michael Jackson's innocence.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Civility.

gentlemen, always civility. On the naughty list. Who's praying? I don't know, actually. I think it might be Ed Pair prayed last time. I believe. The last prayer was a real circle jerk of activity.

I think Amber technically prayed last time. So Jackie would pray this time. Why would I pray this time? Because she replaced you, but now you're here. No, she just replaced me, so that means it's Ed's turn. Alright, give it to Ed then. Yeah, technically she's right. I can't believe that word. You get a whole nother set of weeks. I can't believe that fucking

word. Yeah. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen. Dear Jewish God. That's the only one. Keep bringing that sweet, sweet money.

What? Keep it on the inside. Don't give it to no one else but us Jews. And we're going to take care of each other. And we're not going to give it to anyone else. You know that rent for Jews is free. I disclose that for everyone else.

It's true, yeah. If you get a Brooklyn apartment and you're Jewish you don't have to pay for it. Is that right? It is right. Huh. That's why there's so fucking many of them. Oh, I see. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Very little prayer in there. Oh, I see. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Yeah.

Amen. Very little prayer in there. Amen. All right. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen, everybody. Sometimes you just got to say thank you, man. But you didn't thank him. You blew up his spot. I said thank Jesus God.

For the money. Jewish God. That's right. All right. This is the round table. Jackie, your eyes are glazed over like a donut. What is happening? I've never seen this woman look

so fucking just dogged. Untrue statement. I've looked this bad before. She looks like a broken open bag from a bum's ass. Yeah, but that's still better than the fucking shit puddle she usually is. Yeah, but I'd rather be a glazed donut.

I like that. I want to eat a glazed donut. I want to be a glazed donut. I want to be a glazed donut. I want to be a glazed donut whole. Anything they got, I'll be. Is it glazed? I'll eat it. I'm having too much holiday. That's my problem.

I've had too much holiday. You're having fun, Jackie. That's great. Mommy didn't get us presents this year. She had too much holiday. Get me another drink, you fucking fat piggy. Oh, you're going to be such a nice mother, but even a better grandmother when your child has a kid at 13.

All right. So, Eddie, you're here. How are you? Happy holidays. Merry Christmas, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm back fresh from Africa.

Yeah. How was the safari? It was awesome, man. I saw all the cool animals. Now, did anybody try to hunt you? No one tried to hunt me in particular. It was offers on the table. That's a big-ass game.

Yeah, man, I love that game. What did you learn about the African people? The South African people. The South African people. The Afrikaners. You know what? It's wonderful. They're very sweet.

They're either the nicest people you ever met or they're just going to murder you for your shirt. Yeah, it was sort of a toss up as if they were going to use your blubber for oil or if they were going to revere you as a god. What was it closer to? It was closer to God. I had three bodyguards. Really? At all times. That's how big you are. Three bodyguards. Or just for you?

Well, no, for me and Jeff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or for Jeff. Or for Jeff. There you go. You were the shield. We lost one when Hannibal came to town. He took one of the bodyguards, but the bodyguard didn't like Hannibal as much as he liked us. Hannibal Burris. Yeah. Yeah, so you got to hang

out with a bunch of celebs out there. I mean, you know, it was South African celebs. Yeah. Yeah, so you got to hang out with a bunch of celebs out there. I mean, it was South African celebs. Yeah. They have their own Comedy Central. I didn't even know until I was out there. Yeah, we had Louisa Gola. He was on Top Hat. He hosts the South African Daily Show.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. Was District 9 a fair representation? It honestly was, man. Those fucking huts that I saw. I went to Soweto and where they had the aliens live

and that's true shit. Like people just live in those aluminum siding houses. They put rocks on their roofs just so they don't blow away. You should just get real houses. You can't. You get.

You saw poverty right there. You should get real houses. What's wrong? The whole town is made out of soda cans. Jackie, you should run for president of South Africa. Yeah, put me as the queen of South Africa. I'll fucking take it. The chief of police in Johannesburg was just suspended for murdering 41 miners.

Whoa. Like how minor, though? Like kids? No, no, no. Like they were miners on strike, like digging minors. Oh, that's true. Yeah, they have a real hard job there. The way we have like people who work at fast food restaurants here, they have actual coal

miners and things. You're probably under age two, though. Oh, man. All right. Jason Sines is talking. Cripplingly old. So I'll just say, Jason Sines, you're here. Happy holidays.

Yeah, he lives in LA. Check out his sign signs. They're really- Jingle balls, baby. They're punny. Technically illegal in graffiti, but I'm not going to get into that. Hey, don'tenz, you're here. Happy holidays. Yeah, he lives in L.A. Check out his sign signs. Jingle balls, baby. They're punny. Technically illegal in graffiti, but I'm not going to get into that. Hey, don't call the cops on me. I will. Eric Bergstrom, you're also here.

I'm here? Hey, how's it going? That's right. All right, let's go back to the round table. Holden, you guys- Holdenators, ho! It's time for some PlayStation. Shout out.

All right. Careful with that N. shout out careful with that end written work written work says Lucas is a cool dude is gay and he has the five gum to prove it rail decks is a piece of shit

let these people say whatever they want on our show Slade Porter is a wet ass muncher big fuck you to super Mally gone like Kong's wife is an asshole ex cougar 153 says Porter is a wet ass muncher. Big fuck you to Super Mally. Gone like Kong's wife is an asshole. Xcougar153 says Ben is a baby back bitch. I like that. Xcougar153.

But you know what? I've been to Chili's and that's the thing I always get. That's why we're such close friends. You always get the ribs. The baby back ribs with that little cinnamon apple cup. It's more for the baby back friends. You always get the ribs. The baby back ribs with that little cinnamon apple cup. The baby back bitch? I know, I'm the baby back bitch and bitch is hungry.

That's right. Bitch feels dirty and bitch feels hungry. There's got to be at least one mixtape called Baby Back Bitch. I'm sure that exists. Please, there's got to be a diss track or something at the least. Kevin, you're

taking... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Baby back bitch by Webby. What? Get it. Fucking commercials. That means it's real popular. Webby. Yeah. Kevin, you're here. Thanks for taking time out of your busy TV show schedule. I'm here,

man. Leaderless. Yeah? Yeah, man. What do you mean TV show schedule. I'm here, man. Leaderless. Yeah? Yeah, man. What do you mean? My fucking hero. My leader, man. Lupe Fiasco. He's under hot fire, man.

What happened? He just did this whole Twitter thing where he was like, it was like, hashtag, thank you white people. And black people really didn't like that shit. What? White people did good things for Lupe Fiasco. He was like doing this whole thing where he was like talking about like, oh, a white person helped these black people become this and all that, and now it's just a whole bunch of shit. He's like a coon, and everybody's going after him.

I don't know where that is. I bought his album. Wait, you're part of the problem, Signs. I think he's part of the solution. He's helping him out. No, that's the problem. Sounds like a good guy. It sounds like the solution.

Kevin, so black people don't want any white people to be praised for assisting anybody anymore. It's not that. I think what he was trying to do was like- Make money. Make money. No. That's a big demographic voice. Pray to the Jewish God of money.

It didn't backfire. He was trying to say something like, we need to stop hating each other. And he's giving examples of like a white person wrote that song, Strange Fruit. What was the poem first? That was like a big... He was saying shit like that. He wanted to talk about people getting together and working together.

But it went out. He did it on Twitter and people got real upset. Well, isn't that too bad? Lupe Fiasco, I love your music. He's great. I too bad? Lupe Fiasco, I love your music. He's great. I love you, Lupe Fiasco. See, what people don't understand is if a black

person whispers thank you to a white person in a secret room, he'll give them $100 in the spot. Oh, I didn't know that. The black guy gives the white guy $100? I'm forced to carry around an extra grand at all times. Oh, the white guy gives the black guy $100. If it does happen, around an extra grand at all times. Oh, the white guy gives the black guy $100. If it does happen, we have to do it.

It's true. As a white man, I've had money in my pockets just ready for that. $100 bills ready for this. I will say this. The Knitting Factory, Kevin Barnett and I participated in a roast battle, and I went on with my Make America Great Again hat and a Joseph A. Bang jacket. The DJ, and I was very pro-Trump, I was playing a character that will be voting in November.

And the DJ came up to me afterwards and whispered in my ear, Team Trump. He said Team Trump, and he really meant it. And then I bought him a drink. Yeah. So I was just that kind of excited.

So to your point, Holden, it is kind of true. Yeah. Thank you. That is the white man's burden. Team Trump. Yeah. He's ours to bear.

Was the DJ black? Of course. I didn't know. I mean, there's white DJs out there. Oh, yeah, but who wants to hear them? Good point. Lupe Fiasco. Should we do a new story?

I was also thinking we could do something fun for Christmas or go on and discuss why we love each other. Do we say hello to Eric Bergstrom? Yeah, I did this. Oh, we are. Well, we'll cover the Christmas stuff and saying why we love each other. Do we say hello to Eric Bergstrom? Yeah, I did this. We'll cover the Christmas stuff and saying why we love each other later. Let's get to some news stories. Real quick, though, I have a quick Africa fact

that I wanted to piggyback on your Lupe Fiasco thing. You know who they hate, who they're really racist against in Africa? Chinese. Chinese. They hate the Chinese. And why? At least they got something right. I could be the queen of South Africa.

Oh, Eric, leave it. Just because you have cancer, you can't be making fun of the They hate the Chinese. And why? At least they got something right. I could be the queen of South Africa. Oh, Eric, leave it alone. Just because you have cancer, you can't be making fun of the Chinese all the time. I got cancer. Cancer is its own ethnicity. You are the ultimate minority. That's great. It's the big C for Chinese. As a matter of fact, you hold on to that cancer, we'll kick Kevin out of here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? New token. No, I'm just being drunk. I was like, everybody hates everybody, though. That's the thing. I've said that before. My mom always told me not to trust Africans because it's very tricky.

All right? And she actually said. They do pull tricks. Yeah, they're very tricky people. And she said not to trust Chinese for the same reason. Isn't that something? Chinese are the ultimate cheapskates. Jews got a bad rap against them.

A lot of facts being said today. Again, we cannot edit this episode. Right, and you're going on record as saying that all those things that were just said were facts. Let's edit a little bit. Can we just do a small edit there? No, obviously. It's a satirical show. Okay.

Marcus, you have a news story. Uh-huh. The fisherman who survived for 15 months at sea is being sued for $1 million by the family of his dead colleague who accused him of eating their relative to survive. Salvador Alvarenga, 36, paid Ezequiel Cordoba, 22, $50 to accompany him on a two-day fishing trip off the coast of Mexico in November 2012 after a vicious storm pushed the boat out to sea. The pair survived by catching fish and birds and drinking turtle blood and urine. Mr. Cordoba eventually died after making Mr. Alvarenga promise not to eat his corpse

and to find his mother and tell her what happened. Mr. Alvarenga kept the corpse on the boat for six days for company until he realized he had lost his grip on reality and threw it overboard. He was found on a remote Pacific island after 348 days adrift, and the dead man's family are now demanding $1 million in compensation after claiming the man was a victim of cannibalism.

All right, a real-life castaway, Jackie. I'm a castaway. I don't go on boats. No, not you. All right, a real-life castaway, Jackie. I'm a castaway. I don't go on boats. No, not you. This man's a real-life castaway. In order to support a guy, $50 for two days of boat work? It's Mexico.

Yeah, all right. I just don't, I just like, man, the guy, oh, come on, a million. Are you Jackie Gleason? What happened? You're a wreck. You're a mess.

This intervention about to happen. I agree with Jackie. Yeah, I agree with Jackie as well. I know exactly what she's talking about. Yeah, Salvador Alvarenga, he paid a guy $50 for two days on a boat. He ain't got a million dollars. This is amazing, though, that this man, I remember this story when it happened. Everyone thought it was a fraud.

It was over a year, right? He was there for over a year. He? He was there for over a year. He was in the ocean. Almost a year, 348 days. It's unreal that he was able to survive. Why are we praising this guy? There needs to be a movie, the whole thing. He's drinking his own piss and turtle blood.

He was killing sea turtles. That's the bigger crime. That's not a crime. Cannibal Holocaust, one of the best movies of all time. It's a great turtle killing scene. Well, speaking to Jackie's one million dollar comment What comment? It was not barely words

Can you actually repeat what you said, Jackie? I got it, I totally got it Yeah, no, it was more like the feeling and the girth You know? Girth! It was subtle, but it was there But this lawsuit Was launched only days After Mr. Alvarenga got a book deal.

Ah, signs. You have a book deal for your sign signs. You're in the ocean for 340 days. That is not true. You don't have a book deal? I don't have a book deal. You know why? I got sued by a Mexican.

What? I got sued by, no, not you. But I wish that was the reason. No, no one's bought the book. That's the reason. No one bought the book? no one's bought the book. That's the reason. No one bought the book? Everyone's been talking about the science book deal.

That's the problem. Everyone's been talking about it. No one's to read it. That's what they're just talking about out there. So you have a book,

but there's no deal? There's no book deal, baby. This is exclusive news. So what do you have? No book deal. So you've got a bunch of loose leaf lying around. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

I mean, technically I could make a book. I guess it's all paper. You just glue it together. I could just glue it together and make a book. I could make you a book. We could do like the Wu-Tang Clan and just make one. One copy. Sell it for a million dollars to an asshole and fucking screw it over AIDS people.

Right, yeah, AIDS people. I just need to get stranded on an island and then I'll be able to sell the book. That's what I'm working on right now. That's why I moved to LA. We can fucking publish this shit through Roundtable Productions, man. We throw in $3 each, get this shit on a fucking composition book. Now we're talking, man.

I don't like the name Roundtable Productions, though. Can we change the name of the company to something like Dirty Ruckus or something? It really kind of makes us look hard and mean. No, Dirty Ruckus Produ something really kind of makes us look hard and mean. Isn't that what they take in, Dirty Ruckus? No, Dirty Ruckus Productions, absolutely not. Angry Chimp. No, that's too close to Chimp Mail.

I don't know, Ed. What are you talking about? There's no chimps in South Africa. Whoa, Jackie, what was that? Get back on it. Because it went to the zoo. Dirty Ruckus Productions does already exist. It's a Madison, Wisconsin company.

That's where I knew it from. I was signed with Dirty Ruckus Productions does already exist. It's a Madison, Wisconsin company. That's where I knew it from. I was signed with Dirty Ruckus for a little while. Yes, but they didn't like my album. I have a question, though, Marcus. Did he really eat the person? No. Because you said they threw him overboard. He said he threw him overboard.

He might have eaten him. He might not have eaten him, but he said that he kept him on board with him for eight days as company. Right. Until he finally threw him overboard. So it was six days and he started, you know, talking for the guy. And I mean, isn't that is there a problem?

With eating a corpse? Is there a problem with eating a corpse if you really need to? The folks in the Andes did it. Yeah. It's fine. You can't prove it. You gotta do it. You can't prove it. You gotta do it. You can't waste a good corpse. Yeah. Exactly. He's gonna go eat. But the thing is, this guy, I mean, if you don't eat him in the first day, I mean, you're getting sick. Yeah.

Obviously not that sick. He survived. Out in the sun. I think it's worse, exactly, to have the corpse out in the sun baking on the fucking boat. I think that's worse. You just have to dump it overboard. But how did they not fry it? Like, don't they get crazy burns?

I don't understand. We don't know that he kept them in the sun, though. I mean, they got plenty of barrels on them. Oh, I guess in my head it's like Life of Pi boat. Yeah, yeah. Is it a bigger boat than that? Speaking of Life of Pi, let's talk about being stranded on a boat for a year. At this point, speaking of that movie, is it a terrifying ordeal or a wonderful adventure?

Good idea. Good point. It's a good point, Kevin. Yeah, stranded on a boat for a year? Or I guess what? What's the alternative of being stranded on a boat for a year? Stranded on the Hindenburg for a year or something in the clouds? An airship.

You're comparing it to an airship. Yeah. In the friend zone for a year? That's awful. I love the friend zone. You kidding me? It's a great zone to be in. You should get someone to talk to.

Yeah, exactly. A friend. So much better than a relationship. What was his previous book deal? Because he's got something new to write about now. So, like, what was the last thing? Oh, no, this is just his current book deal. After his story came out, that's when he was contacted by an agent.

However, his lawyer said, quote, many believe the book is making my client a rich man, but what he will earn is much less than what people think. Yeah, these predatory schmucks, these agents, like lawyers who are ambulance chasers, they see a terrible story and they try to capitalize on it. The Chilean miners, for example, there's a movie about it, and they had to fight tooth and nail to get any compensation for it. Yeah, here's a picture of our man. No one went and saw it. I love the guy. That's Dan St. Germain. It is Dan St. Germain.

A great stand-up comedian. I got ranch in my beard. Oh, gosh. I had to eat him. I'm hungry. People doubted his story because he's so fat. But I think he ate relatively well while he was on the boat. He did eventually land on a tiny island.

It's kind of fun. He did. Yeah. So he wasn't at sea the whole time. No, he wasn't at sea the whole time. He was found on a remote island in the Pacific after being adrift for 348 days. Yeah, not bad. Holden, what would you do first couple of days on a remote island?

Are you finding a tribe and trying to become their king or maybe their gimp or something? Okay, there's a tribe on the island. I would assume so. Don't all islands have a tribe? No. Most of them don't. Well, they should. I mean, I think the main thing, right, is you immediately have to figure out how to get food. Coconuts. Yeah, right?

I mean, I've seen Castaway, so I pretty much just live that whole situation. I'd find some FedEx boxes. I'd pull some volleyballs out of them. I'd open up a coconut. Every island does have FedEx boxes on them. How quickly before you build a sand girl? A sand woman.

And have sex with her. Like The Master, another great movie about island survival. I'm going to give that a couple days. The thing is, the sand penis situation, though. A couple of days. Absolutely. You get horny as hell on an island. You're like, I'm chilling on an island a couple days. The thing is, like, the sand penis situation, though. A couple of days. Absolutely. You get horny as hell on an island. You're like, I'm chilling on an island.

It's spring break. What do you name it? Sandy. There you go. That would make sense. Bog. I name her Bog. Yeah.

And what's your favorite thing about Bog? She's got crow's feet She does Yeah I make crow's feet Out of the In the sand Crow's feet

Like the eye crow Like the Like the crow's feet Wrinkles Like a talon You mean Oh you mean Like a harpy

Yeah he ripped The feet off The crow that he ate Yeah So you're making a harpy That'd be fun To go crow hunting I mean what are we doing first

We're figuring out How to fish right Or are we trying To find animals on the island? Befriend a tiger, probably, to be your protector. How do you befriend it, though? Play a flute at it. It's true.

It's true. So the first thing you got to do is make a flute. Oh, but that's easy. I've already been doing that on the boat. I took a piece of the boat. Because I know that we're about to get to the island where you play it for the tiger in order to befriend it so it protects you from the evil spirits of the island.

Well, the life is not a fucking RPG, man. It could be. Well prepared. You know what happened in Life of Pi? I never saw it. I never saw the movie. No, there was no flutes in that movie, man, which was a mistake. More flutes.

I just saw a Marshall Tucker band. Great flute. Oh, yeah. How was the Marshall Tucker band? Fun. Fun little show, man. It was a good little time. Yeah.

Yeah. Rock and roll flute, baby. Can't you see? Hurting in a love song. Rambling. Yeah. Highway song. It sounds like old man music.

It is. It was just a whole bunch of old people. And then young people are like, play the song from Blow. Yeah. Well, I only listen to Lupe Fiasco. I love him. He's over, man. Is he done?

The community has spoken. I mean, Drake's still around. Drake's still doing great, man. He's half white. He's already in. He's Canadian. Yeah. And he just beat a woman.

Drake beat a woman? Oh, no, Drake. I'm thinking about Chris Brown. He's that fuddy-duddy. Yeah, that fuddy. But he's also around still. He's still doing fine. Dancing is undeniable, man. A lot can be forgiven for good

dancing. God, you just dance so good. I wish I could dance to my problems. Dude, you fucking can't. You never will be able to, man. And the body on that, man. You know what I'm saying? People don't want politics in their dancing. James Brown got away with it for years. Yeah, yeah.

Great dancing. You can beat the shit out of whoever you want. As long as you can fucking rock that shit, man. Wait, look at Michael Jackson. Yeah. He didn't beat up anybody. I mean, internally. He didn't fuck kids.

He did not fuck kids. Internally. He did not fuck kids. Michael Jackson was Yeah. He didn't beat up anybody. I mean, internally. He didn't fuck kids. He did not fuck kids. Internally. He did not fuck kids. Michael Jackson was totally innocent. He just gently caressed kids. He didn't fuck them. I mean, innocent in the eyes of the law. He definitely kissed them.

You don't sleep with somebody in your bed for weeks and you don't fuck them. You didn't sleep with them for weeks. This is ridiculous. We're not going to get into it. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? That's what we do on this show. We get into the innocence of Michael Jackson.

He had sleepovers. At the most, a light fondling. At the absolute most. If we can forgive Chris Brown for beating a woman half to death for his dancing, then we can forgive Michael Jackson, the man who wrote

Thriller. He did write Thriller. He did write Thriller. He did write Thriller. Can you guarantee a digit didn't go anywhere? No digits. No digits. He was a victim of racism. That's a thing I haven't heard before, Ed, that they fucked him. Yeah, but you never know.

There were no digitals involved in Michael Jackson's bedroom. So Michael Jackson didn't bang the kids in his bed for days on end. Who is he, Gandhi? Good point. Gandhi did bang kids, didn't he? He did. He did. Really?

He hit his wife, too. Yeah, Gandhi was a piece of shit. He was a terrible person. Yeah. Gandhi, piece of shit. You heard it here first. Bergstrom, you have cancer. Yeah, bloated with cancer.

Yeah, how's that going? He's in remission. He's doing great. It's okay. The chemo sucks, but yeah, it's okay. When do you think your eyebrows are going to come back? Oh, you lose your eyebrows and look at you. They're very thin. Yeah, like a lizard burn victim. How are the pubes? Oh, the pubes are healthier than ever.

They're gone. You'll lose it all, huh? Yeah, you really just get rid of it. Michael Jackson would love you down there. Leave signs you're off the show if you say anything about MJ again. Oh my God, I'm just talking the truth here. He's dead.

He'll never go to jail. Keep it up in my nether regions. No more Michael Jackson. Just keep it up in my headless balls. What was the funnest place that you lost hair on? You know, I have a terrible piece of chest hair I would love to see go away. You should try chemo. I'll take it.

Get in there. Go in tomorrow. You're saving a lot of money on razors anyway. Yeah, I was going through a ton of money with razors. It was really just dragging me down. Cancer, worth it or not worth it? Want your money back? Shouldn't have

signed that contract, Eric. Yeah, I saved a ton. It's worth it or not worth it. Want your money back? Shouldn't have signed that contract, Eric. Yeah, save a ton. It's worth it. You're right. You heard it here first. No reason for shaving cream. That's great. You guys want to hear some Hitler news?

I can't believe there's more Hitler news. There's totally new Hitler news? I do want to hear. I can't believe there's more Hitler news. There's new news. There's totally new Hitler news. He's back, baby. Oh, he's back. A German historian claims to have discovered written proof verifying the myth that Adolf Hitler had only one testicle.

So he didn't have it or he didn't? He only had one testicle. I don't know why people are clapping, number one. Because he's a freak and he should be ashamed of it. You hear that, you one testicle people? Go hide in the closet. You just insulted Mike Tyson.

He's only got one testicle? He's got one nut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One testicle. I'm a one nut kid. My dad has one nut. I was born out of one nut kid you have one test my dad has one nut I was born out of one nut

that explains a lot thank you yeah I'm half developed mentally that's great is your dad like strong as fuck

in the dick he must be I have been beaten up by his dick his dad's dick it's true another thing

I know a guy with one nut he's strong as shit beats the fuck out of everybody. He's got Tyson. Overcompensates. It's a mule thing.

Maybe it gets strong when they castrate or whatever. I think it was something like it grew too big, and then they had to get rid of one of them. Does he take testosterone treatments? No, I don't know what's going on. No, you don't need to. I think one ball's enough. One just kind of pumps through.

Yeah, it overcompensates. If you lose one, then you're still good. Super ball. Well, I thought one of them is like the my left nut comment is like the left one's useless, but the right one's got the goods in it. I don't think that that's true. That's why you say like I could give my left nut. I think that's just something you don't have to say that Michael Jackson may or may not

have molested like hundreds of children. I disagree with all of that. Thousands, maybe. Hundreds of thousands. Did Hitler have one ball before he started World War II? Absolutely. In a new book published on Friday, Professor Peter Fleischman of the University of Erlangen.

Actually, I got to find out what the name of this book is. Where'd the Jews hide his ball? Find out what the name of this book is. Where'd the Jews hide his ball? This guy, he found proof of the German dictator's undescended testicle in a file from Landsberg Prison where Hitler was jailed after the abortive Beer Hall Pusht in November 1923. This was in, he was writing Mein Kampf. The file contains the report of a medical examination conducted on Hitler after his arrest by Dr. Josef Brinsteiner, Landsberg Prison's medical officer.

The report records Adolf Hitler, artist, recently writer, as being, quote, healthy and strong, but suffering from right side cryptorchidism. All right. Cryptorchidism. All right. Cryptorchidism is a testicle that hasn't moved into the bag of skin below the penis before birth. So he's got both nuts, but one nut is just hiding in the attic. Hiding in the attic. And he ain't coming out.

He's got an empty, wrinkly bag. Where is the ball? Show me the ball. Where is it? Can't you just squeeze it down there? No, you're hiding it. You know what? I think it's a power to just have one nut. I mean, the double nut thing, I mean, you can sit on them.

You can get them hit very hard, very easily. Testicles are a terrible thing. Why do they ever drop? Stay up. Jumping jacks. Jumping jacks. That's why they jump. It's because of jumping jacks.

He was in the Army in World War I. He would have had plenty of time for that thing. If it was, you know, Jiglin that brought it down, it would have happened. Jackie, you're exploring downstairs of a gentleman. You find out he only has one testicle or, dare I say, zero testicles. What do you do? Do you turn him in? No, I feel like I would just play with it.

Like it's like a beanbag, like a baby. Like a beanbag baby. A beanie baby. Beanie baby. But there's nothing. So it's like a beanie baby. A baby. A beanie baby. A beanbag baby. A beanie baby. That's how. But there's nothing, so it's like a beanie baby. A baby. A beanie baby.

A beanbag baby. That's how you play with a beanbag baby? I play with it like a baby. I just feel like I would squish it. But you can't really, I mean, it's more like a rub in between your forefingers and your thumb. I would try and probably knock them out and slice a little hole in it and keep it like a change purse that I couldn't get to all the time so I could save my allowance in it. So you want his nuts to be replaced with your petty change? Yeah, my petty change. Feedback, baby.

I have a question. Do you think that if Hitler was a really, really, really, really, really good dancer... Like the best dancer? really, really, really, really good dancer. Like the best dancer? Like the fucking best dancer you've ever heard. Writes his own hits. The best dancer you've ever heard. I mean, scene. He's your tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

But that's part of it. Back then they would listen to dancing. That was the weird thing back then. They could only listen to it and imagine it in their minds. Right. If he was that good, would people like him more? Yeah, definitely. He was not known as a good dancer. He was known as actually being stodgy.

If he was a good dancer, he would have had a Jew manager. Good point. So we're not going to edit this one? No, no, that's fine. Ed is Jewish, Or close enough anyway. I love the idea of the Nazis dancing into Poland, just like a big production, like the end of Blazing Saddles or whatever Mel Brooks movie that is. Ed, don't you have a good Polish joke about the Nazis?

About the Nazis? About walking backwards? I don't think I do. I got a Polish joke about Jesus. You want to hear that one? Let's hear it. What did Jesus say to the Polacks when he was on the cross? What's that, Ed? Play it dumb till I get back. This is

Christmas after all. Isn't that nice? Lupe Fiasco. Lupe Rodriguez! Lupe Rodriguez! Batting eighth for the fiascos. Okay, that makes sense. I like Lupe Rodriguez! Lupe Rodriguez! Batting eighth for the fiascos. Okay, that makes sense. I like Lupe Fiasco a little bit more.

So how good of a dancer does Hitler have to be to say forgive? Let's not even say... Gregory Hines. You can say Gregory Hines level? That's the only dancer you know, right? That's not true. Because that's the only dancer I know. I know. I know.

There is also the fella that dated J-Lo for a little while. Mark Anthony. No, her background dancer, Chris something. Chris Jimmys. Chris Jimmys. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Kevin Federline, he was a dancer.

He was a dancer, and he bone zoned Britney Spears a bunch of times. Al Jolson. And wasn't he a great dancer? You're describing some real hitlers here. Alfonso Rivera. Danny Kaye. One of the better dancers. Phenomenal.

You should watch some Danny Kaye videos. What about Dean Martin? He was more of a crooner. He was a dancer. He kind of just swung his shoulders a little bit. What about the guy that had the vacuum commercial a couple of years ago? Hoover? Herbert Hoover. No.

You're thinking about Gene Krupa. He's got all those commercials. You're thinking of Ginger Baker. No, wait. No, Ginger Baker was in the Who was the dancer? Ginger Baker was in the Jimmy Hendrix. Fred Astaire. He was in the vacuum commercial. Yeah, Ginger Baker was the dancer of Gregory Hines? Ginger Baker was in the Jimi Hendrix experience. Fred Astaire? Fred Astaire. Fred Astaire.

He was in vacuum commercials. Yeah, Ginger Baker was the drummer for Cream. Mitch Mitchell was in the Jimi Hendrix experience. Jimi Hendrix drummer. And then Ginger Rogers. Baker. Baker. Ginger Rogers. There was Ginger Rogers.

Wasn't there a Ginger Rogers? I don't know. Let's find out. It sounds familiar. So the question is, how could a dancer this well have to be? Absolutely, Ginger Rogers used to dance with Fred Astaire. Oh, yeah. look at her. Ooh, Ginger, huh?

Now, Ginger Rogers is Hitler. Would you fuck her? She's not that pretty. Not that attractive. I was just trying to give her a little extra, you know, internet. No, she's got it. No, she don't got it. I wouldn't buy her a fucking dog ball.

She's a handsome face. All right, she's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful woman, fucking dog bowl. She's a handsome face. All right. She's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful woman. Jack, he's right. She's a handsome woman. She's handsome. I think she's very pretty. Very lovely.

She's got hair. I'd buy her a sundae. If I could dance for a while, I'd give her a couple of jabs. Oh, she'd love that, Holden. Kevin, best dancer. Usher's up there, man. People forgot about Usher. Yeah, that is true. He's coming back in a big way Usher's up there, man. People forgot about Usher. He's coming back in a big way.

He hasn't left, man. He's been on The Voice. What about Swayze? Oh, Patrick Swayze? It's too dirty. Swayze versus Usher in a dance-off. I would pay for it. I would pay for that. Bring Swayze back. You're talking like 1988 Swayze?

Travolta or Swayze? I'm talking in the prime. Swayze back. You're talking like 1988 Swayze? Travolta or Swayze? I'm talking in the prime. Swayze. Swayze meant it. He actually wanted to have sex with the women. Yeah, John Tra is just he's dancing with Olivia Newton-John, but he's got his eye on the boy in the corner.

Old Mr. Scientology. The boy in the corner. The old boy in the corner That's right He killed his kid Who did? Travolta No he didn't

Travolta didn't kill him Scientology killed the kid Scientology didn't kill the kid The tub killed the kid He was just trying to take a nap While he was in the tub And that won't end well He's not Whitney

That's what happened to his kid His kid fell in a tub Yeah and that won't end well. He's not Whitney. That's what happened to his kid. His kid fell in a tub. He wasn't taking a nap. He was playing grab ass. He was horse playing. He wasn't playing grab ass in a tub. What is wrong with you? Whitney Houston's last movie was Sparkle,

but what she needed was a snorkel. What the hell is happening? It's hard to play grab ass in a tub. It's always slipping out your hand. It's all slippery, that. All right, well, Bobby Christina, get better. She's dead! What are you doing?

She's dead! You asshole! You asshole! I thought she was still in a coma. I don't keep up with the... Bobby Christina's gone, huh? She died a good two, three months ago. That was a while ago, man.

I always loved her. I loved her mother's music. Yeah, because she fucking mattered. Why were you so upset about her? Because she's a human being. She's a girl. Lots of human beings. It was interesting. The way it all happened. It was an interesting story.

As you want to say, Eddie just took off his Dolphin sweater. He is wearing a reddish shirt that has an afro and a mustache on it, and it says, hug me, I'm Harry. Very nice, Ed. Very nice shirt. Thumbs up, man. No, thanks. It was a gift.

I like that. That's very good. I only wear gifts. I don't buy stuff for myself. Good, Ed. Good, good. Yeah, that's why you're always wearing wrapping paper. You idiot. Good, Ed. That's why you're always wearing wrapping paper. When you go out.

You idiot. Good joke, Holden. I'm fucking sleeping in a bag. Rolling with it. Wrapping paper. That's nice. Alright. So, uh, is there another news story? There is.

Police arrested a 24-year-old Sturbridge man in connection. What is that place? It's in Massachusetts. Sturbridge. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Police arrested a 24-year-old Sturbridge man in connection with a reported vandalism to a vehicle

after linking him to some nacho cheese and jalapeno peppers left behind at the crime scene. Every time. Oh, wait. Oh, no. Not jalapeno poppers. Peppers. Not poppers. Peppers.

It's on the nachos. You got the peppers. Not the poppers. But I love jalapeno poppers. Oh, we all love jalapeno poppers. A popper on nachos might be the greatest thing that's ever happened. The popper on the nacho? Too much.

No, it's not. Yeah, man. I don't think so. Nah. Well, we'll agree to disagree. Yeah, Marcus. Speak for yourself. You don't think so. No. Well, we'll agree to disagree. Yeah, Marcus, speak for yourself. You don't speak for the world.

I do not. I do not, Kevin. And thank you for bringing me back down to earth. Thank you. Same. Robert M. DeBusk, 24, of Main Street, Sturbridge, was arrested Friday and charged with breaking and entering into a vehicle at night for a felony, malicious damage to a motor vehicle, and destruction

of property. Police were flagged down on Main Street by a man who reported his car had been vandalized. The car, a 2005 Ford Focus, had smashed windows and four-flash slashed tires, but it was the nacho cheese and jalapenos smeared onto the roof that gave police the hot lead that broke the case open. I love this. It's great reporting. Oh, yeah, it is great.

Officer Adam Zymanski went to a nearby convenience store at 501 Main Street, knowing that it sells nachos with melted cheese. Surveillance video from the store showed DeBusk portering an order of nachos with cheese and jalapenos at about 1 a.m. the night before. The man who owned the car said he and DeBusk had engaged in a text messaging spat earlier in the evening

and that DeBusk had gone to his house and pounded on the door at about midnight. And so therefore, Robert M. DeBusk was fingered as the nacho cheese vandal. This is a setup. Why? This is a setup. Because if you eat nachos

Do you smell a rat? No, I mean, you don't suck the cheese off your fingers, you're an idiot and a monster. And this man can't get very far with half a cheese all over his balls. And so I think. I think he dumped the cheese on the top of the car. On purpose.

Yeah, I think he slashed the tires, took a break to eat some nachos, and then decided, oh, I'm going to put the cheese on. He took a nacho break? That's what I think. It's tough to vandalize a car. I think it was a waitress. I blame a waitress. Throw a rock at it.

Is that right? It wasn't a waitress situation. This was at a convenience store. Ew, nachos at a convenience store. That's how they traced it back. This is some of the best detective work we've ever talked about on this show. Sounds like white trash Sherlock. Yes.

That's right. Slunk. We gonna figure out how your darn windows got smashed in there, George. Let me smell your breath. Uh-huh. Thoughts of jalapeno all the way. This is where a sort of a slow, dim-witted Deputy Dewey type comes in handy when he licks the nacho cheese off the top of the car

and knows exactly where he's tasted that before. Those are from the Piggly Wiggly. There ain't no movie theater nachos. You would know. They probably call them in specifically for food-related crimes. I love it. We rarely have good detective stories, but this is a true, this is a caper that was, you know, solved.

I'm still on the reporter. All these facts, just facts, facts, facts. I love this guy. I think he deserves a promotion. I mean, MassLive, actually MassLive is a pretty good site. Who wrote it though? It doesn't have a name. It doesn't have a name? Patrick Johnson. Patrick Johnson.

Let's get this guy a promotion. Click on another one of his articles. What else is he reporting? Fundraiser planned at high school basketball game for Turner's Falls assistant principals. Cancer fight. I'm a fan. Oh, but he's got lung cancer. Boring. He can go to hell.

I agree with Jackie. Is there an inner cancer? Thank you, Holden. I think it was the waitress. I'm not saying the waitress is worked there. I'm saying that there was a waitress in the convenience store. You ever see a movie, It Could Happen to You? It Could Happen to You?

That's a real waitress. Fucking robbed by a person eating nachos? Yeah, no, it was like a lottery ticket and Nicolas Cage was in it. I love that movie. And they fall in love. Oh, my God. They fucking fall in love. I love Nicolas Cage

I just really want a jalapeno popper now yeah they serve them here at the creek in the cave you know they're great in theory but I feel like

I always burn my burn my whole mouth up on the first one and then I don't enjoy the rest of them you gotta blow on it buddy poke a hole in that shit it's hot on the inside

it's the molten core poke a hole poke a hole in that shit poke a hole blow on the inside. It's the molten core. Poke a hole. Poke a hole in that shit. Poke a hole, blow on it like a flute. And then you bake a friend tiger. No, no, no, no. You fucking play no science class? Huh?

You go no science? Go no science? You go no science? Me not no science. Me no mathematics. You got poke hole. Me no mathematics. If you play the wrong song to the tiger, though, it will get aggressively horny.

Aggressively so. Aggressively horny. It will be a bit of a Michael Jackson if you. Okay, so not full, not all the way, not full penetration, but uncomfortableness. Yeah, just he'll take you to a secret room in his house behind his bed, and he'll read you bedtime stories. That's pretty much what he'll do. Yeah, you've got to go on a roller coaster.

And you've got to sit on his lap while he does it. Nothing too much. You just feel a little... It's enough. It's weird. You thought it would be a good time, but it's weird. Eric, what's the least sympathetic form

of cancer? What cancer patients do you just hate? Oh, you mean the cancers? Yeah, lung cancer. You just shit on like the real... Look, Eddie can make fat jokes because he's large. I can make tall jokes because I'm tall. You can make cancer jokes because you're... Like the lazy cancer.

Yeah. That's probably... Okay, let's see. It's not breast cancer. I'll go with breast cancer. Bold choice. I like it. Come on, man with breast cancer. Bold choice. I like it. Come on, man.

The right choice. Well, I don't know because all it takes to check for breast cancer is to rub on the tits a little bit. Sure. And if you're not doing a regular tit check, that's a little lazy. Checking. How you doing? Checking. Checking.

Cancer free. I think both testicular cancer as well super lazy because all you gotta do is check your balls which feels good

just touching yourself and why aren't you gonna do something that feels good already those are just perv cancers constantly checking for cancer

yeah constantly all the time what about that little bump that little clump of veins in your nuts

you know what I'm talking about I know that's normal. That's fucking fun. What do you do with the net? You tie it into a nut? You squeeze it a little bit and it makes you a little weird.

It is super. It does kind of... You're probably like blocking off. It's like the funny bone of your balls. They're called the vas deferens. It's true. Is it like putting your finger too far into your belly button? No, no, no, no, no. That is rough.

It's like using a Q-tip in your ear. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, it feels good. I leave it alone, man. You got to get in there. I'd say all types of cancers are pretty lazy. Yeah?

Yeah. They're just not good people. Have you been able to use your cancer for your own benefit? You getting free sandwiches at Subway or anything? I get free sandwiches here. Oh, isn't that nice? That is nice. Worth it.

But so do I. So you can either be a station manager for Cave Comedy Radio or get cancer, and the benefits are the same. Yeah, about the same. Isn't that nice? We're equal. Marcus, you made the wrong choice. You have so much more work to do.

Yeah, I do. He literally sleeps all day. Yeah, I do. He literally sleeps all day. Yeah, I do have a shitload more work than you do. We both get free sandwiches. That's pretty cool. It's not fair is what it's not. Marcus, man, why are you desperately trying to make this about you? Eric has cancer, man.

Once again, Kevin, thank you for bringing me back down to earth. I appreciate it. Let's have some popper nachos. You are my rock. Yes, we'll have some poppers afterwards. So what's this guy's face for eating the nachos and slamming them on the car there and breaking all the windows and slashing the tires? That's a pretty big offense.

Felony. Full-on felony. You get dosed to trace years in jail for nacho crime. Oh, yeah, man. Malicious damage to a motor vehicle and destruction of property. Both, huh? Mm-hmm. All right.

All right. Yeah. Okay. Eddie? Yeah. How was your experience in South Africa? Are you more or less racist now that you've been to South Africa? You know what's interesting?

Over there, they have the mixed race. It's its own race. What is it? What's it called? Colored. Oh. It's really weird, and it made me uncomfortable. What, they call them colored? They call themselves that. They love it. It's like a specific

pride ethnicity type thing. Yeah, they're not white. They're not black, they're colored. It's really like, it's, it's interesting how they, that, I'll say,

uh, that made me kind of open my eyes a little bit. In which way? Well, you know, the new super race that's eventually going to form. That's right. These people are going to run the joint.

Stronger. They're all beautiful too. Oh yeah. Beautiful women? Oh yeah. South Africa has a lot of beautiful women. Yeah. Did you, beautiful men too. Oh, yeah. Beautiful women? Oh, yeah. South Africa has a lot of beautiful women. Yeah. Did you...

Beautiful men, too. Everyone looks... You got to be in shape there because, you know, the constant threat of theft. That'll do it. How long would Holden survive in South Africa, Eddie? How many... Man, they would love to kill you. Everyone, the animals.

I'll bring my mini chimes when I go in order to greet them all. Do you greet them with every person that you greet? Do you only greet them the first time you meet them or every single time? Oh, greet them when you meet them. Greet them every moment you see them. Oh, so it's just a constant ringing. I just put all my chimes in a single bag, and I throw the bag on the ground every new person I see.

So if it's a busy street, then you'll be hearing it. You are reckless with your chimes. You're going to get all dangled, man. I like branking all my chimes. Yeah. I got chimes, as many chimes as I got dimes. That's been my phrase. That's been my phrase every day of my life since I was, I want to say, like, 11.

Oh, so you got into chimes at 11. I got into chimes at 11. A guy, I look like Bob Dylan, his name was Milk Boy. He showed me how to create and use chimes. You sound like you own a store in New Haven. Yeah, so chimes are my thing. If anybody wants to tweet at me, I don't have a Twitter. But if you want to ask me questions about chimes, I don't know, man.

Follow you on Twitch. Ask a guy, get my number, and text me about it. I'll answer only four questions about chimes, though, to one single person. Does anybody in here have any questions for holding about chimes? Wood or metal? No! No! Makes me furious!

What makes you... Just the question? Did you see her when she said it? Did you see what she did when she said it? No, I didn't. I was checking for lumps. Oh, my God. Oh, so she was touching herself.

Right, and she was asking questions about chimes. This is going to be the last thing I say when I choke you to death. Checking for lumps. Through clenched teeth. I'm checking for lumps. Through clenched teeth. I can check for lumps. Honestly, I can't be checking myself for lumps. That would take a day and a half for me to do that. You serious?

You can't just do it once a month? It takes so long to do that. Just once a month. One Saturday a month. You've got one Saturday a month. If someone says you have to definitely check for lumps, I'm jumping off a bridge. Isn't that why you've got a girlfriend? So you could, you know, help with the lump.

You would think that, but her skin's so greasy, her hand slides right off. See, you're assuming she has physical contact with him. I am. I usually assume that, yeah. Yes. With girlfriends, yeah. Love works in many, many ways is what Lexi tells me. I usually assume that, yeah. With girlfriends, yeah. Love works in many, many ways is what Lexi tells me. Love is a different thing

for different people. Can't she poke you with a chime or something? No, it makes me too horny. We tried that. I shot everywhere. We were at dinner at a public restaurant. Which restaurant? What kind of food?

What was it like? Seafood? I think it was a... Hamburgers? Cindy's Galapagos Island delicacies. So we ate a lot of Gila monsters. Turtles. And turtles.

They sold turtle shells. They sold ninja turtle shells. They put little different colored bands around them. We'd eat them. Okay, and so you've been there, Jason. Yeah, yeah, it's great. I used to go when it was private, but now they opened it up. It's public now.

And then the manager called and he told you to be manager. I forgot about it. We used to work as a manager there. Yeah, I used to manage the place. I don't know where this is going. You were the one that decided to put a barbershop in the corner of the restaurant, which everyone thought was gross. Yeah, we had a lot of good clienteles.

We had Michael Jackson and Hitler. Yeah, Usher came in a couple times. Magic Johnson. Magic Johnson was in there for a few years. Mace as well. Puff Daddy came in with Mace twice. Mace, Chris Brown. His name's Magic Johnson.

I mean, I never really... Like a magical dick that would give people AIDS. Oh, shit. I never really put that in there. Well, shit. I never really got AIDS. I never really put that in there. Well, that's how he stole a lot. One could argue that his AIDS is what is magic. Yeah.

His name is Irvin. Irvin. Yeah. The nickname is magic. Irvin. It's Irvin. Irvin. Magic Johnson. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Irvin. But he's Magic Johnson. Yeah, he's Magic Johnson. Oh, okay. No one's calling him Irvin. It's Irvin. No, it's Irvin. But he's Magic Johnson. Yeah, he's Magic Johnson. Oh, okay. I thought it was Irvin. No one's calling him Irvin. It's Irvin.

No, it's Irvin. Irvin. Irvin? That's not a name. Irvin. That's a name. It's a name. Magic Johnson's not a name.

That's why he went by Magic. Yeah, you get a magic. Yeah. It's like, you know, like, you don't know Anfernee Hardaway, you know Penny Hardaway. Yeah, a guy named Irvin doesn't get his dick sucked or fuck in the butt. Neither does Anfernee. Man namedaway. Yeah, a guy named Irvin doesn't get his dick sucked or fuck in the butt. Neither does Anthony. Man named Magic. Yeah. Could you imagine, though, like, trying to be

doing comedy and having a confidence to call yourself Magic as your first name? Like, if I went around as Magic Barnett. Oh, man, I want you to do it now! There's two guys in L.A. named Magic. Comedians? Yes, absolutely. There's two guys in L.A. named Magic. Comedians?

Yes, absolutely. No, they're stand-up comedians. Are they equally magic? Are they equally magic? Well, they're equally bad comedians if that's not magic. Oh, and Science would know. He does a thing called Science Science. Thank you for the plug.

Thank you so much. Go to ScienceScience.com. Have a laugh. It's going to be a book. Science Science, it started on the round table, right? It did. Absolutely. That's right.

You're welcome. I'm back. Thank you. Thank you for my life and my career and everything I've gotten. Happy holidays. Yeah. Come on down to Galapagos Island. This is Tuesday.

We're going to be having some good food with Holden and his family. Sandy's, yeah. Sandy's. Sandy's or Cindy's. You can call the restaurant whatever you want. It's a new kind of restaurant where you get to call whatever name you want. Sandy's, Sandy's. They don't really have a sign.

They don't have a sign on the... You see whatever you think the name is. Shitties. It could be Shitties if you want it to be Shitties. Shitties will appear on the sign because it sees what you... In your mind. Cool. But if you come down, you have to admit that Michael Jackson touched kids.

I'm not going to go then. Okay. Well, I'm not. You're misunderstanding my argument. It's just a weird time. It's just a weird time with him. If you're a little kid and you're with him, it's weird. It's a weird time.

It's not a good memory. No, it's not. It's not. It's a good memory. They all became rich penis. Michael, shut up, Jason. There's no genitals involved whatsoever. You don't pay millions of dollars if you don't touch a kid's dick.

Jason, you're a racist? He only fucked up your kids. No, he did not. Michael Jackson was a front man of the most successful band in the country when he was eight years old. They all fucking raped him. They all took turns on his little ass. He did get horribly

woofed. Michael was asexual. We've talked about this before. He did not have sex with anybody. I mean, except for that white woman there. Lisa Marie Presley. No, he never had sex with Lisa Marie Presley. It was Liza Minnelli.

Liz Taylor. It's squirting in and out. No, it was Eliza Minnelli. No, it wasn't. It was Liz Taylor. Liz Taylor. It was a large moment. No, Liz Taylor. No, Diana Ross. Yeah, Diana Ross is also there. No, they did the whiz together. Yeah, then he started fucking pretending to be Parker.

Aretha Franklin? No, not Aretha. Not Aretha. Moron. Schmucks. Macaulay Culkin. I will seriously throw you off the show. In hindsight. Debbie Rowe. For Christ's sake.aulay Culkin. I will seriously throw you off the show. In hindsight.

Debbie Rowe. For Christ's sake. It was Debbie Rowe. That's who he was. Lisa Marie Presley. That's the mother of the children. No, not the children. You're right.

Lisa Marie Presley's the mother of the children. Oh, yeah. No, she's not. She wasn't in it. Do I have to be right about everything all the time? Debbie Rowe wasn't in The Wiz. Nah, whatever. No, I know Debbie Rowe wasn't in The Wiz.

Diana Ross was. Yeah, that's right. He never had sex with Diana Ross. I remember seeing that kiss with you, idiot. Happy holidays. She wasn't in the whiz. Nah, whatever. No, I know Debbie Rowe was in the whiz. Yeah, that's right. He never had sex with Diana Ross. You idiot. She wasn't in the fucking whiz. Jackie, what you need to do is continue on being you.

Debbie Rowe is white. There were no white people in the whiz. Debbie Rowe is the one who mothered the children. Exactly. You said she was in the whiz. No, I said Diana Ross

was in the whiz. They used to call her Debbie O because she could shoot in two seconds if you were laying it on her. Happy was in The Wiz. They used to call her Debbie O because she could shoot in two seconds if you were laying it on her. Happy Merry Christmas, everyone.

Happy holidays. No, Debbie Rowe. And the kids are doing great. The kids are doing great and they love their father, Michael. The Wiz is a fantastic black production. You had no kids

with Lisa Marie? No. That was a sham of a marriage. Yeah, that was all. Yeah, that was a big sham. That was fun, though. I'm here with you. I mean, it was a weird music video. It's nice.

She was naked. Oh! Sorry. Knowing what you know, if you were a 12-year-old boy, would you spend four hours in a room alone with my new cat? Yes! Number one goal. Beautiful.

God damn. You fucking roll the dice. There's nothing in the room. I would hope for it or else that means I'm ugly if he doesn't touch me. I'll tell you what, for one solo song from Michael Jackson, acapella, you take one.

Take it. And it's not even a molestation. It's just an uncomfortable time. He was found innocent in a court of law. It's an expensive concert ticket, but you take it. Listen, I say this, man. You have way more chance in your life of dying in a horrible car crash

than you do being fucked by Michael Jackson. And people still drive every day. Happy holidays. At least Jacko had two balls. Yeah, that's a good thing. Exactly. I mean, think about this.

You either get molested or you learn how to moonwalk. Or at least get a lesson. Oh, is that him? Is moonwalking a metaphor for him not getting molested? Dude, that seemed like back in the day. Whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, I'm going to get out of here. Yeah, it's ass first, though.

No, you don't turn your back on them. That's when they get you. Gotta get out of here. Yeah, the old Italian exit. Dude, I'm going to dedicate the rest of this winter to learning the moonwalk, man.

I'm doing it. I'm fucking coming back with a fly-ass moonwalk. Then you can do anything you want with it. Did we say May 1st you can moonwalk? By May 1st? I'm going to find a fucking perfect moonwalk by Then you can do anything you want with it. So we say May 1st you can moonwalk? By May 1st?

I'm going to find a fucking perfect moonwalk by then, man. All right. All right. Bergstrom doesn't have long. So what is your final assessment of Michael? I am a doctor. We have to just solve whatever you say about Michael Jackson, I will go with. If he's not fucking kids, where's he putting all his cum?

Good point. Good point. Where's the cum? Maybe he's like a spider. He's making webs out of it. All the cum. Well, you're saying yes. It's a valid question.

He seems most interested in kids. Right. Where's the cum? He's asexual. Yeah, he's asexual. I love the monkey, too. Rocks are asexual. He loved the monkey too. Rocks are asexual. I forgot about the monkey. Humans aren't. There is the monkey.

Bubbles was the name of Michael Dex's monkey. It was a great friendship. Bubbles had a wonderful life, okay? Whatever happened to Bubbles? He died of old age. It's a shit name for a monkey. I'd name my monkey goggles. Goggles? Absolutely. Way better name than Bubbles. Why?

Because those help you see when you're swimming. No, nipples. Oh, yeah. And by the way, assholes, Bubbles is still alive. Fuck yeah, Bubbles. So he knows the truth. We find him, we get the key. He only knows sign language.

Lucy knows fucking Apple. Yeah. They all know Apple. If he can sign molest. Molest. We'll know. Liam Bubbles are the same age. And IQ.

Shut up, Jason. Don't make fun of Marcus Parks, you fucking punny piece of shit. Go put up a sign. Good God. Talking isn't the strong suit, I'll tell you that. Good Lord, why are you after me? Because he made fun of Marcus. I can handle it.

No, you can't. I'm going to put up a Kissel poster. Yeah, see, actually, Jason, that was fine, but you were just hurt. Thank you. Kisses from Kissel will just put you in jail. You put you in jail. You kiss me, you kiss me, you kiss me. Kisses from Kissel, yeah. Kisses from Kissel will just put you in jail. You put you in jail. You kiss me, you kiss me, you kiss me.

Kissel's from Kissel, yeah. Kisses from Kissel. Yeah, Omar on the chat says, wow, Ben comes with a strong hand. Yeah. Thanks, Omar from the chat. Yeah, see, again. Why don't you find me not like Omar? Is that our Omar?

No. It's Omar from Lubbock. Well, then I take that as a compliment. I have two strong hands. Ben, it from Lubbock. Well, then I take that as a compliment. They're all Omar's. I have two strong hands. Ben, it's a new year. We've got to bury the hatchet to submit that Michael Jackson touched kids' penises and we can let this all go. Did not touch.

Me and Bubbles, around the same age. Isn't that something? Where's Bubbles now? And you know what? Also around the same intelligence. Wow. Just like the Titanic. Stunned. Kind of a funny joke there if you think about the intelligence of Bubbles.

That was bad. A monkey. Go kiss him. Marcus. Take it easy, science. Is he in hiding? Yeah, it's Bubbles the monkey in hiding. Wow, we really don't know about what went on with Bubbles.

Did he molest? Did he inherit the entire estate? Oh my god, is Bubbles the fucking lunatic? Maybe the middle man was Michael Jackson. And he's bringing kids to Bubbles. Bubbles is the richest monkey prince of all.

This is a theory I could get behind. I like this. He's just the dealer. Bubbles has been in the Great Ape Preserve for quite a few years now. Oh, okay. Where's the Apes? He don't belong there, man.

I don't have to check. He's just a Jerry Sandusky. No, no, no, no. And this is what the monkeys do. They traffic in. They put the gorilla costume on the little boys, and they traffic them into that preserve. Yeah, and then they mate, mate, mate. Yeah, and war on each other.

Do you think Bubbles is a rape enabler? No, Bubbles shouldn't be in the fucking, listen, Bubbles did what he had to do. He's got those opposable thumbs. And he shouldn't be sitting there in some fucking great ape exhibit like he's just some other monkey. Right. You know what I'm saying? It's like that's not who he is. Yep.

He probably used to fuck Michael Jackson. You know what type of shit you can say to the other chimps when you used to fuck Michael Jackson? He shouldn't be in that place. Yeah, any monkey that can use a bidet should not be in a preserve. He has fallen from grace. They can take off his little overalls and use that bidet. Yeah. He rode roller coasters every single day.

She was in his backyard. Most humans can't say they had roller coasters in their backyard. Bubbles can. This monkey should be living at the fucking White House. Here's an interesting little fact about Bubbles. This is the last thing we know of him. This is from five, almost six years ago. Latoya Jackson visited him a year after Michael Jackson died at the Great Apes Preserve in Florida.

That's all we know. Monkey jungle? That's all we know. Wait, which Great Apes Preserve? Like you're off the hook. The Center for Great Apes in Florida. I know Monkey Jungle exists. Yeah?

That's in Miami. Wasn't there a situation where there was a great escape? No, parrot jungle got blown away, and now all the parrots inhabit South Florida. Ah. It's wild down there, man. Isn't that wild? There's a new animal in South Florida. And fuck, which one was it?

It's always a new animal. Skink? A gregal? Skink? Skink. What's a skink? Skinks are weird. What are they? They's always a new animal. Skink? Agricle? Skink? Skink. What's a skink? Skinks are weird. What are they?

They're like snake lizards. They're like coyotes now. Oh, they're down there now? No, I want to know what a skink is. It moves like a snake, but it's got legs. It's a lizard, and it's got weird colors on its back. It's brown and blue and purple and kind of red, but then it also has a tail that curls up like mad, like a cinnamon roll. Is it a new species

entirely? Is it new? Tampa? Yeah, it lived by my mom's house. Oh, wow, it's awesome looking. Yeah, they're pretty cool looking little animals. Look at those little arms on them. They're weird. They move like a snake. They got legs. Guys, look under your chairs. You all got one for Christmas?

Skink. So that's kind of evolution, huh? Do you think snakes are going to get feet in the future? Who knows? Skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink.

It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink.

It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink.

It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. It's a skink. There's this one part of... Inside their little penises, their little vaginas.

There's a neighborhood in Davie, Florida, where they released all the monkeys from the old Tarzan movie they filmed there in the 50s. They just released them to Florida? They just let them go when the movie was done filming and now this part of Davie, Florida just has monkeys.

Yeah, Florida's fucked up, man. There's monkeys running all through that shit in the Everglades. And iguanas are not like a big thing in South Florida. Iguanas are a big problem in Boca. Yeah, they're all over the place.

They weren't there. Now they're getting hit by cars left and right. 20 years ago, there was no iguanas. Now they overran Florida. What happened? They grow like six feet.

People release them. They're monsters. And anything can live in Florida because it's so fucking hot. Even my parents. I remember a couple years ago. That was a good one. I'm not going to let that one go. Your parents are really modest.

Thank you so much. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. 2016. Kissel's kisses. It's coming. It's going to be big.

He came out of nowhere like a monster. He attacked me. I was on the train. I was just trying to peacefully play Candy Crush, and he just kissed me. I'm going to kiss you. I'm going to kiss you. My comedy goof is a felony?

He said it was for a book deal. Oh, yeah. Filthy book deal. All right, now it's time for a segment from Holden McNeely. What wackadoo Christmas time. I hate it. We all hate it. I like it.

I'm ready for it, actually. I like Christmas, but I'm stressed out these days. Why? Because I've got to put all these Christmas decorations on Marcus' house. Oh, my God. No. It's the 20th and all. We're bare. because I gotta put all these Christmas decorations on Marcus's house. Oh my God, no. It's the 20th and all, we're bare. My horrible apartment is bare.

As we all know, Marcus lives in a tiny hut, but behind a giant facade of a house. And we need to put Christmas decorations on that cardboard, or it's more like an old-time Hollywood set piece. It's like a Western set. Yeah, so let's do that. What I'm going to do is I'm going to make the front of your house look like

Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Which I think is a pretty boring brick building. So we'll just paint it up to look like that. The slat. And then on Christmas Day an inflatable elevator is going to shoot out from it. The slat.

That's technically the second book. That's not like the first one. What the hell are you talking about? The movie. Your gibberish has to be book-ed. I'm painting it to look like the movie. We can't make it look like the book. What's in the books in your imagination?

You're painting it to look like the end of a movie? Yeah. We're going to paint the front to look like an everyday market. What's this it to look like the end of a movie? Yeah. No, no, no. We're gonna paint the front to look like an everyday Marcus. What's this got to do with Christmas? Yeah, Willy Wonka isn't a Christmas movie. It's a chocolate movie. What does it not have to do? It's got candy inside. No, it's about... Candy is the

blocks of belly. That's not true. I agree. Easter is... And so I go home every day and get sick on chocolate. Yeah. No, but I don't have any chocolate at home. Yeah, you're right.

Inside is very barren. I just walk inside through what looks like. With a cane until you get to the door and then you do a flip. But that's not when I go inside. That's when I come outside. And then on Christmas Day, an inflatable elevator. It goes into what is the worst part of the chocolate factory. The lobby.

The lobby is super. Yeah. It looks like this. So all the kids would be like, what's inside, Papa? And then Papa would be like, oh, you. I don't know if you've ever seen the movie before. Oh, me brandy, me brandy. You know?

Right. That sucked. I thought it was really positive. I would love to be willy wonka and you're all hypocrites and criminals if you don't want to be willy wonka i don't even get to be fun willy wonka i get to be fake cripple willy wonka Yeah, he rules. He knew about bands before they got big. What's the premise of this one again? Say what?

What are we doing here? We're decorating the house. The fucking elevator will be green and red. Jesus Christ, that help all you people? It's not even a decoration, that's an elevator. It pops out on Christmas Day. And it's inflatable, it's not even a functional elevator. It's just a big inflatable thing.

So everybody can look at it and wonder if it's about Christmas. When you go home this Christmas, I want you to never come home. I feel like Kevin fucking McAllister up in this bitch. And if I get home alone, you'll all be upset. You'll all be sad.

We wouldn't notice. You are always home alone. you'll all be upset. You'll all be sad. We wouldn't notice. You are always home alone. I think we should have a new segment. New segment. No. It's a good idea. Holden is starting off with. Holden, you know what we didn't talk about, though?

How I made you 20 minutes late to work for an audition we did this week. Oh, my God, man. We'll talk about that later. I can't believe it. That almost got fired for it. Thank you. Oh, good. Okay.

Well, at least there was some karma involved. Oh, both of you guys almost got fired because of Ben this week? Somebody was late, and the audition later was like, I'm sorry, somebody's late, you know. I don't know what to do. And I'm like, well, it's really fucking me over right now, so I hope he gets here soon. And then in walks Kissel. I'm like, had it. He's actually

hilarious. I would have started smoking cigarettes, and I know I could have wasted some more time. But did both of you at least fail the audition? I crushed it. Oh, it was hilarious with Ben. It was supposed to be like not mean and he was super mean.

We signed confidentiality contracts, by the way, so we shouldn't talk too much about the content. But remember, you were really mean and she was like, okay, you don't want to be like aggressively mean. Yeah, and I was like, I'll just do it the way I want to do it. Yeah, we went in together.

I'll do it the way I want to do it. That's how you book gigs, man. That's how you book gigs. It was supposed to be like, here, I'm here to help you. No, that's not true. It was like, all right, here, person, have this. Ben, didn't you not get Bigfoot? Like the part you were born to play?

Well, Marcus, it's so funny that you mention that. Politics are strange. And in Hollywood, there is a lot of sizism. funny that you mentioned that. Politics are strange. And in Hollywood, there is a lot of sizism. And they're really unfair about being incredibly late. Yeah. Oh, who gives a flying fuck? I don't want a goddamn commercial.

Gavin? Oh, alright. No, that just reminded me though of commercial shit. I just remember a couple years ago, it was a time when you still had to go on commercial auditions but it was a couple years ago we went to one and it just happened to be that like a ton of comedians were there all at the same time it was like me jermaine and josh was there like joe mandy was there no god like all these people all these comedians are there and they told us it ended up being apple commercials but they told us it was for like bnh

photo and we get there and i guess josh had had like a cut or like a pimple or whatever it was on his face and so he tried to like cover it up with makeup but then he was going to audition he wanted them to see that so he covered up the whole face but he got the wrong color and he basically black faced himself and we were all shitting on him and And we were just going in on him. Every comedian just destroying Josh about it. And then he booked the commercial. I'm going to book it, Holden. I crushed you in that commercial.

That's a powerful message about racism in Hollywood. And I'll tell you what, Ben. If you want a different segment, you can do this one. You have to name Marcus's horse, okay? But, Kevin, it's decorate a Christmas house. All right, decorate a Christmas house. All right. Marcus has a horse?

Decorate Marcus's horse. In this scenario. I'm probably going to ride a horse on Tuesday. Yeah, it's not... So we got to name it. Dad's, you know, cow vaginas. Spooky. So what are we doing?

So are we naming Marcus's horse? We're decorating houses. I'm just giving Ben the option. Ed wants to name the horse, too. I'm just giving Ben the option. Spooky. Name a are we doing? Are we naming Marcus? We're decorating houses. I'm just giving Ben the option. Ed wants to name the horse, too. I'm just giving Ben the option. Spooky. Name a horse. Is that kind?

Spooky's a good name for a horse. Spooky. If it's a white horse, like it's a ghostly horse. If it's a black horse, it's creepy horse. It's bad if it's a black horse, right? I don't think so. That's different. Spooky can be spooky.

Oh, it's bad. Yeah. You don't want a horse to buck. I don't know. All right, Kevin, how are you decorating Marcus's house? All right, Marcus's house is going to be decorated as such. Decorations in front of a house during Christmas time is basically obstacles. So we're going to make this a whole bunch of obstacles.

You start off, right? You're in a fucking canyon, right? I built a canyon, right? Oh, cool. But it goes around it goes around your yard you gotta run through some shit call it a stampede then you get into all these fucking thorns and shit you gotta fall through these thorns it's the only way you get through is falling through every day you fall through these thorns you end up in the elephant graveyard you're also falling through that completely denying the laws of frictions and shit and then after that you end up in a lust jungle. And people are mad because it took so long to get to your house as a guest. But then they realize they just relived the fucking exile of Simba from Lion King.

I was going to ask. There's no Christmas in that either. That's Christmas, man. How fucking joyous is Lion King? It's sad. And when do you watch it? When you go back to your parents' house where your VHS of Lion King is located? God damn, Lion King's so good.

It's great. So is Willy Wonka in the... Fuck you! Yeah, it's not that... No, that's great. There was a Lion King poster on the L train subway, and someone just wrote the word racist over it, and I'm sure it was a white person.

I think they were confused. There was, you know, there's... How is it racist? There's African stuff. Right, so somehow that was racist. Oh my God.

I would say I'll just recreate the end of Dead Alive. Your house will look just like that. Oh, cool. So it'll be a large... I can kick ass for the Lord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not going to name the horse? Yeah, you're not going to name the horse? Name the horse? Yeah. Albert Finney. the actor uh a name for a horse horses have hooves hooves support uh people I'm gonna call it uh well I'm not very good at these things. Beeple pooper. Herbert Hoover. No.

That's a good one. Let's call it Herbert Hoover. Hoover, Herbert Hoover. Reference I've had today. Herbert Hoover. Herbert Hoover. He's a president. No, he was never a president.

Well, yes, he was. Yeah, Herbert Hoover. He was responsible for the Great Depression. Ben Hoovervilles. Oh, the Hoovervilles. Yeah, I remember that. Just so that it'll be a racing horse, I'm naming it Big Spender. Big Spender, okay. That's kind of fun.

Maybe, um... Big Hoover. No, shit name. Maybe, uh... Big Herbie. The colostomy baby. Say a fucking name! Colostomy boy? There we go.

I like it. Sure. How about... No, that's the name, Eric. No, I don't like that one, though. Just think about it. We'll come back to you, Eric. Come back to me.

Thank you. Okay, you start out by decorating the outside of your house, lights and tinsels, the whole shebang. Then you start decorating the inside of the house. Fill it up. Keep filling it up. Fill it up more until there's nowhere for you to live inside. No space. Okay.

Then you're forced to be homeless. You become a cripple. Demand of incise, because that's what happens to cripples. You just start shrinking. And then you become that little boy, was it Tiny Tim? From then to Christmas Carol. God bless us. This sounds like a horrifying month.

It will be great. Sounds like your autobiography. My future. A Berks to Christmas. Think of your past, present, and your future. Why, thank you. And then a horse. Yeah, what would you like to name the horse?

By the way, I'm changing mine to If Hitler Could Dance. If Hitler Could Dance. I'll name the horse... Fucktron 2000. Fucktron 2000. I like that. Fucktron 2000. I like that.

I like that. Because it's... It's very, like, 90s sounding. A very peaceful horse. Oh. I didn't see that coming. Are you done? All right, good.

Signs, signs. Signs, signs. Here, trademark it. Trademark it before you do. I'm going to do an Ed Gein Christmas. An Ed Gein Christmas. I'm playing to the audience. I like it.

Okay. Fan of the last podcast. Here we go. So you're going to have a Christmas tree made out of human skin. Right. Right? Ornaments are going to be nipples. Right?

Different nipples. Colorful nipples. All the nipples of the rainbow. All the nipples of the world. Beautiful. Good. Shiny. We grease them up. Make them real shiny.

Diverse taste. Then we get a chocolate starfish for the top. Like a limp biscuit? No. It's a butthole. It's a butthole. That's a limp biscuit. Well, that's the joke of a limp biscuit? It's a butthole. It's a limp biscuit. Well, that's the joke of the limp biscuit. It's a butthole.

Chocolate starfish is a butthole. Isn't that right? That's the whole joke. Yes. You got it. Chocolate starfish and a limp hot dog, right? Wasn't that what the limp biscuit album was? I don't know anything about this.

That was a bad album that came out years after their big hitters. You know what? We put the album up there. We put the limp biscuit album at the top of the tree. We put the limp the album up there. We put the Limp Bizkit album up there. We got a wreath made out of... Break stuff! We should do another Woodstock. What else can we have?

Oh, a wreath made out of teeth. Oh, a wreath made out of teeth. Teeth wreath. Right, right. What else you got? Stockings made out of foreskins. Just one long foreskin. No one's enjoying this.

And then at the end... And at the end... I was waiting for the name of this horse. Oh, so that's it. That's the Ed Geinsmith. And then the name of the horse is Star Wars The Horse Awakens. Very timely.

I like that. I like it when people are timely with stuff. Yeah, that's a record-breaking horse right there. I like it. Can I call my horse Hug Me, I'm Harry? Yeah. That's right. I read it off a head shirt.

Oh, it's my shirt. Yeah, I'd bet on that horse. Hug Me, I'm Harry. 14 to 1 to place. Now you're getting it, Marcus. All right. I know. I changed the name of mine to A Weird Time with Michael Jackson.

All right. Jackie? Jackie Girl. Jackie Girl. to a weird time with Michael Jackson. All right. Jackie? Jackie girl.

So I had this weird awakening from a friend of mine. And we were listening to Grandma Got Run Over by Reindeer. And we realized that fucking grandpa killed grandma. Of course. Which I didn't know that. Why? In the whole thing. Because the whole thing Is that like Oh as for me and grandpa We believe in Santa Claus

I even brought up the lyrics Where it's like Now we're all so proud of grandpa He's been taking this so well See him there watching football Drinking beer And playing cards With cousin Mel

So he fucking killed The fuck out of grandma Set it up As if Santa were real And so I want to have Your whole apartment building be set up like a murder scene. So also you get a bunch of the people to move out.

Right. Your rent goes drastically cheaper. I don't want that to happen anyway. I mean, and so you could just knock down walls and make it bigger afterwards. So I think that you have to set up the whole thing with the body being dragged, like hoof prints everywhere, and have the whole thing be set up as a murder scene.

But I'm worried that I think over time you are going to start to believe in Santa Claus just like Grandpa. And probably eventually murder all the homeless people that live in that homeless shelter across the street. So I think that that would actually be a fun way for your life to end. And I think that this is how it could begin. Well, that's all I want for my life. Yeah, I got to tell you, it's kind of like the other day when I realized it was Bob Marley who shot the sheriff. But he didn't shoot the deputy.

I just realized that. I thought I was the president. Boo! All right. Are you naming that horse? Slushy. Slushy is a great name for a horse. Slushy is a real good horse. I'm not betting on it, though.

Nah, it's fine. He's tromping around. He's all covered in mud. Slushy's a junkie. Slushy'll drink his own piss for fucking a nickel. Your name is Ed Larson. We've been friends for a long time, but I forget your name sometimes, which is scaring me medically.

Ed Larson. Yeah. What are we doing there? Did you forget Ed's name? Maybe. Yeah. Ed Larson. Yeah.

You are an enigma. Some would say you are a brat. Wow. Brat. The chubby behemoth. The chubby behemoth. Others would say How

How Yeah Why And What would you like to put on the On the Christmas front of his house I was thinking we could get some lights Yeah

That's cool Like the blinky ones Or the icicle Like the icicle ones Or like the regular ones I don't like the icicle ones I like the regular ones I don't like the icicle ones I like the colorful ones I like the trashier ones

Me too The big bulb ones Yeah we'll get the big bulb Colorful ones I like it We'll put those out there We'll get I don't know

An inflatable swimming pool Get a little Santa With a Wearing shorts Yeah Good sartetry Yeah

Yeah yeah yeah Yeah man And then And then inside the house I think we get We'll get Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah And then So then inside the house I think we get We'll get a Tree Tree

We'll get a tree Like a real one No a Christmas tree No no I mean like a real Christmas tree Or like a fake one It depends on whatever's closer Yeah

What is real yeah Yeah yeah yeah So it's like If you're closer to the apartment store You just get the fake tree If you're closer to the apartment store, you just get the fake tree. If you're closer to the other one, you get the real tree. I mean, we live in New York. It doesn't really matter.

I get a little reindeer headband for the dog. That's fun, right? I don't have a dog. But if I did, I'd love that. We can get you a good yellow dog. Get me a good yellow dog. You need a good yellow dog. It's like in Funny Farm, right?

I love Funny Farm. Sheep balls. Funny Farm's good. And then I guess after that, we'd just get a life-sized Jeffrey Dahmer, put a Santa suit on him. Dildo out the front. I think- As a decoration there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm naming the horse Spooky. All right. There it is. Marcus, make your choice. Oh, yeah. Kevin, what are you naming the horse? What am I naming the horse spooky. All right, there it is. Marcus, make your choice. Oh, yeah, Kevin, what are you naming the horse? What am I naming the horse? Yeah.

You love horses. This is a big moment for you. Wait, what happened to... When did the horses become a part of this? There's just... I also got... I was the bee segment. There's a bee segment.

Yeah, it's the bee segment, yeah. I was peeing for a while. That's the name of the horse? Actually, yes. I like it. I'm still going with the ad package. All right. With the horse, I feel like the horse name is uncreative at best.

Spooky? It was the Santa with the shorts. Spooky's a great name for a horse. Spooky's a pretty good horse. He also gets credit for Herbert Hoover. Yeah. Double credit. Double credit.

All right. Well, that feels good to be a winner. You're doing so well, Ed. We'll call him Spooky Who. Oh, whatever you like, buddy. Happy holidays. That's it. So that's the final roundtable of 2015.

It might be the final roundtable of all time. You never know. You never know. We have to decide to do it every week. Yes. We have to choose to do it. week. Yes. We have to choose to do it. It's becoming less and less possible. Jackie Zabrowski, New Year's resolution.

Ugh. Perfect. Eddie? What? Jackie didn't go. No, that was it. That's all of the segment. Ugh.

Ugh. Me? I mean, I guess I... Perfect. I'm going to a doctor. Nice. Kevin. Yeah, man.

Absolutely. I'm a ooh. And Eric. Pretty cool. Great. And signs. Sure. All right.

We're ready for 2016. 2016, here we come. Thank you guys so much for listening And supporting the shows here on CCR Merry Christmas Happy Holidays Whatever you're celebrating Have a wonderful time

We love you here Make sure to watch Kevin on TruTV Give me a kiss Michael Jackson was a Kisses 2016 I'm gonna floss more Kisses, kisses, kisses. 2016. I'm going to floss more.

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