The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 286: Blow-Up Angel

Episode Date: May 3, 2016

Reid Faylor joins the gang to talk about the best day of their lives, try to help catch a serial outdoor pooper, discuss sexual innuendos in music, and learn about a sex doll that was mistaken for a real woman.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Ladies and gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility.

Yeah, we civility. Are we good, Marcus? Yeah, we're good. But what about... Yeah, I don't know if I can hear myself. I can't hear myself. Bunch of horny dogs today. They can't hear myself. Knife saver, reed saver.

It's a good way to start the prayer, though. Yes. Reed... Velo... Velo... It's a good way to start the prayer though Yes Read Fela Life Save us Start praying Go ahead Start praying, read

Oh, I'm the one that starts the prayer? You have to pray Read, Fela Life Save us You have to pray. You're sitting in front of Ed. Oh, no. Oh, Ed. Read, fail, lie, save us. Oh, my God. That's unlistenable. Okay, go.

Everyone, please bow your heads and make a little hand cocoon. I refuse. Like a vagina? Like a hand vagina? Like a thing you would show a friend and say, look at that stinky little pink in there. And then you would wiggle your fingers and it would look like a vagina. This is not the way I meant to start. Is that where the steeple is?

Yeah. No, it's where the people are. You know, make the steeple, open the doors, look at that stinky little pink. So on this day, we pray to the O Lord to let us stink that pink. Woo! Yeah, wow. That was really nice. There you go.

You are a lifesaver. You have to technically say amen to close out a prayer, I think. Hallelujah. Yeah. All right, so this is the round table of gentlemen. Ed's not here. Reed's sitting in form. Reed Fahler, one of our personal favorites.

Some people say I'm Ed-like. No, not at all. You're so much smaller. I feel so much less caved in. Ed-light. I think it's more what it is. Ed-light. I kind of like to think I'm all of Ed just in a compressed form.

Like if you cut out all of the fatty tissue and the scar tissue. You wouldn't be a man at all. I'd be nothing but bone alone. Yeah, bone alone, which is a great porno about home alone. Jackie, you're here. Yeah, actually, speaking of stink, I've been coming up with a new Teletubby stinky winky. How'd you come up with that? Because I was talking about my stinky winky, my asshole.

Talking about chocolate bow ties coming out of my stinky winky. The all-seeing eye. Eye of Sauron down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a big, bloody, cummy Sauron. Kind of a chocolate bow tie, you said. Yeah, chocolate bow ties coming out. Not eclairs.

There's nothing inside of them. They're just, you know, a nice pastry. Cadbury egg. Yes. No, Cadbury egg has goons on the inside. Toys and stuff. So that's why I think stinky winky is a new fun one. Okay. Stinky winky. Yeah, Cadbury has goons on the inside. Toys and stuff. So that's why I think Stinky Winky is a new fun one. Okay.

Stinky Winky. Yeah, yeah. So you guys can call me Stinky Winky if you want. They call us Stinky Winky. Oh, my God. Don't even joke. I want to say this, though. I bought a bow tie yesterday.

I had to do a show, and I went to Prada. 15 seconds or less. 50 seconds or less? I went to Prada. I walked in. I said, bow tie me. Immediately, they were scared because my neck is so big. Guy comes out with five boxes of bow ties.

I said, how much are they? He said, $295. I said, no way, Prada. I left the store in a huff, and you know where I went? Three, two, one. I went to Kooples, and Kooples, $95. Wait, you spent $95 on a bow tie? For a thong for my throat.

Whoa. No, it's not that expensive for a bow tie. $95. It was $300 at Prada. I went to Kooples, and it was $95. To be fair, we're talking like five meters of fabric. It's a lot to cover that dead snap. It's a bikini thong for your neck.

I mean, it wasn't a lot of fabric. You should have gone to the Russian Kooples, gone to Skruples. It would have been five. Skruples. There are the bows tie you. Thanks, you read. Scruples, we have some. Yes, you want some bow ties for your thick neck, man big? Yes, can I please?

Oh, yes, you have it, but you need to kiss my daughter. Sir, you're going to need to put your pants back on or I will have to exit your school. I am hard for your bow ties. I see. The name of his penis is his daughter. Holdenators, ho! What's that, bird friend? It's time for some PlayStation Network shoutouts!

I hate it. PlayStation Network shoutouts. Doody Strack is mad at Ben for unfriending him on Facebook. Who did I unfriend? I don't know. A guy whose PSN tag is Doody Strack. Oh, Brent Strezak. Oh, is that what it is?

Yeah, of course I unfriended him. He was being grumpy with me, and I have 5,000 people. Everyone wants to get in. He's being grumpy with you? Everyone wants to get into my Facebook. I'm up to 5K. You fucking say some snarky shit, you're out. You're the key master.

Yeah, fuck off. And the gatekeeper. Yeah, fuck off. And the gatekeeper. Yeah, he's listening on acid right now. Good, Brent. Nice. Hey, everything you feel is real. Jump. Nick Jasper of Ocean County is a dirty period rag from God's anus.

This is also from this guy. He wants to suck Henry off and he wants to drink Marcus's sweat because he finds you to be very sexy, Marcus. Cool. Psycho Reaper Man wants to suck Ed's dick for some E, which I believe stands for ecstasy. That's it! That's the end for the week of the

PlayStation Network shoutouts! Is that the bird saying that or is that you saying it? That's me! Alright, so Kevin can't be here. He's busy working on something. Jordan Temple sitting in for him. Kevin, Kevin Jr., I guess. Better Kevin.

That's the way. Better Kevin. Kevin, Kevin, we did a college show. He bombed miserably. I did great. Everyone remember that. We were talking a little bit before the show. I hope that I can bring this up about the gay friend that's in town.

Yeah, yeah. And he was discussing how gay people have the same plight as black people. It reminded me of this little picture that I saw on Facebook. Did you see this? The fat acceptance? This is amazingly funny. There's a sizeism movement going on.

I just want to read. This is fat people. As a former fat person, I can tell you that we need to be shamed to lose weight. Fatism isn't really a thing. So anyway, this was just, there's a woman, she's giving a presentation to her class. She is, she's a thick one. She's hefty. Anyway, so there's a five point thing and I want to get your thoughts on this, Jordan.

Okay, number one, awareness of sizism and how it operates as a system of oppression and its intersections with capitalism, white supremacy, and patriarchy. I am oppressed. Thinness is a beauty standard that's actually about the hatred of fatness. I am oppressed. I'm a monster because of this. By their standards, I am a monster because I am thin. I am contributing to the hatred of fat people.

You're the bony man that comes to ruin us. Number two. This is her number. Oh, also, John, you're here. I'm so sorry. You were quiet bony man that comes to ruin us. Number two. This is her number. Oh, also John, you're here. I'm so sorry. You were quiet for the first time in your whole life. I didn't hear you. John Marino, five best days of your life. Christmas when I got the Ghostbusters.

Fifteen seconds or less. No, that's good. We'll go back to you. Number two on the bullet point. Fatness has little to nothing to do with health. Marcus, any truth to that? There is zero truth to that. Okay. Number three, health is not a moral obligation, nor is it entirely within our control.

You're right. We do not control what we put inside of our body. It is the oppression that puts the mac and cheese on my spoon, chumming it in my mouth. That's right. People are sitting in class and paying, like, what do you think, 10 grand to sit there and watch this PowerPoint presentation? I go to Chick-fil-A because I have no moral compass. You know what I mean?

Chick-fil-A is good. I want to be fat, you know? That's right. Okay, so number four, address fat phobia in our spaces, especially in food justice slash sustainable food. Just taking off all the spaces. Slash sustainable food movements. Jordan, as a black person, do you relate to this?

No, because black people are the fattest people in the world. There's plenty of fat in Hispanic people. I mean, I don't know. I don't believe in sizeism. Jordan, you are black. Yes. I'm very black. All right.

Number five before I end this. Not very black. You're black right. Number five before I end this. Before I end this. Not very black. You're black enough. I'm black. You're fat as hell, Holden. I'm fat. I'm fat.

Wait. I'm working the fuck on it. Ah, yo, got five chins and fat feet, you goofy bitch. Ain't got no diabetes. Ain't got no diabetes. All right, finally. Fat eyeballs. Nose.

Big old Junos. You are being sizist and I have to stop you because number five is work to combat sizism and prioritize fat liberation as a part of radical liberation. We're already pretty free. You don't have to stop eating. You don't have to choose. You can put whatever you want in your body. That's pretty free.

It's remarkable. Free as hell. Anyway. All right. So, John, number two greatest moment? We should round up all of the fat people and put them in camps. That's not a moment that you had in your life, but that was a thought. Yeah.

But as long as we can eat. So we already have fat camps. Fat camps. Yeah. But you get to bounce on the big bounce thing. Like, John, answer this next one very properly because I'm never going to go to you again if you don't do it right. Number three.

Favorite moment. Favorite day. Favorite day. I'm sorry. Hold on to you again if you don't do it right. Number three, favorite moment. Favorite day. Favorite day. I'm sorry, Holden. Very different. Favorite day. You can even just say the name of the day of the week.

Wednesday. Okay, good. Good enough. Cool. I've had a lot of good Wednesdays in my life. Wednesday, no. I've had some good Wednesdays. Wednesday is actually a very productive day. You got your Monday hangover gone.

You don't remember the weekend after Tuesday. No, you're like Tuesday. You're just like, oh, now Wednesday. I'm in the hump. Best day. I'm going Thursday, friends. Because you're through. You're like on the other side of the week.

What are we doing? Let's go around. What's the best day of the week, Jordan? Sunday roundtable. Ben, best day of the week. Best day of the week. I got to go. Oh, man, this is tough.

This counts as a segment. Oh, does it? Yeah. You lazy bastard. Okay. Sunday is a very fun day. You know what I got to do? Well, maybe, I mean, obviously, the correct answer is Saturday, right?

We all know that to be true. I don't know. I like Fridays because I get to be productive during the day, but I have fun at night. And let your fang out at night. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boogie on it a little bit. You got that energy from, you're like, eh, it's free, I'm free.

Saturday, you're hungover. Sure. You're thinking about how you didn't make certain phone calls you needed to make. Maybe you made one too many phone calls. Maybe one too many. In Ben's case, legalities you gotta deal with. Legalities, the things you did the night before. Favorite day of the week, read.

I'm gonna go with my birthday. It's not every week that it happens, but one of those weeks in the year, one of those days of the week is my birthday, and that's always my favorite. Okay, we're going birthday. Jackie, favorite day of the week? Oh, man. Any day that I wake up.

That I wake up in the morning. That's very nice, Jackie. You know what? I want to say Monday. I actually like Mondays. Really? You're a Monday boy. What are you, an anti-Garfield?

What are you, fucking nervous? I always said that about Ben Kisly. He's a Monday boy. I'm a Monday boy. Start working for Fox and just turn to the man. You know what? Honestly. Monday putting people in the little furnace.

You're a little furnace. Republicans get to work. You're a delethrac. That's right. We start the week hard. That's what good, hardworking Republicans like is working. Getting to work early. The Fox News calendar, it goes Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday.

Oh, God. It goes Thursday, Monday. He kept throwing around Monday, Thursday, Monday? Yeah, it goes Monday, Monday, Monday, Thursday, Monday. Yeah, so every day you're feeling good. Yeah. He kept throwing around his Fox News lanyard at a very liberal wedding we were at this Ben Kissel's Fox News. Fox News's Ben Kissel.

And he had the lanyard with his dumb fucking face on it. Yeah. He kept fleshing it. Well, Marcus, yousel. And he had the lanyard with his dumb fucking face on it. Yeah. He kept flashing it. Well, Marcus, you have a funny joke about the lanyard. Yeah, because the lanyard, they had to make a bigger one for you because your head's so big. So big. Yeah, that was a funny wedding joke. $95 bow tie. Yeah, $95 at Kooples.

I love Kooples. What is Kooples? I've never heard of Kooples before. K-O-O-P-L-E-S. It's Kooples. What is it? Like a department store? Well, yeah.

A model was working there. She didn't like me at first, but she liked me after a little time. It's a boutique. You could also go to Kooples Blook. Yeah. Kooples. Kooples is like the Western beef of boutiques. I love Western beef.

It's the Kooples. Uh-oh. What was that? Hello, Kooples. There they are. I'm the guy. Those kids just got back from Coachella. We're looking at the models on the Kooples page.

Go to Kooples.com to see what we're staring at. I'm the guy. So basically, the bow tie was the only thing in that store that would have fit you. That's correct, Jackie. So is this bow tie store the same as the band that did the All the Young Dudes song? Mott the Hoople. Mott the Hoople. Oh, Mott the Hoople.

It was that clothing brand that made that song. Yeah, the Kooples. This is Kooples. Anyway, I loved it. I also went to an Applebee's this week, but we should get to a story. Oh, it doesn't hold up. Oh, yes, it does. It does.

What do you need to get there? I went to the Black Applebee's off of the DeKalb stop. I had a tablet water, a handful of iceberg lettuce, and the ketchup was fresh. I like to call them Blacklebees. Okay, Marcus. I'll give it to you, but it wasn't very good. Apple Blacks. That's better.

Okay, that's funnier, Jordan. Good work. Now we're getting there. Okay, so I went to Applebee's off the DeKalb stop after doing Red Eye on Fox News. Check it out, Marcus. Perfect. Okay, and so I sit down, I order a Bud Light, and it comes, and it's frozen, you know,

which is very good. And then I get a shot of whiskey, and from then on, what am I? Johnny Cash. Immediately called Johnny Cash, and for an hour and a half, I was Johnny Cash, and it was a great Applebee's experience until the server got into a fight with a customer. And then that got violent.

And then I left before somebody brought a gun back. I don't know. But I had to leave because the server was fist fighting with the customer. What was the interaction? What was being said? Screaming. And then a lot of the N word. Black obese.

I like black obese. I like black obese too. Yeah, yeah. Black obese. I got a black obese right next to my house. Yeah, yeah. John's fourth favorite day of your life. I have this one ready.

What's your fourth favorite day of your life? I have this one ready. The day that I finally unlocked the Knights of the Round Final Fantasy VII. Chocobo breeding. Chocobo breeding. It was a bastard. Chocobo breeding. And it was so rewarding.

You get the gold Chocobo. You get all those black Chocobos. So we're bringing her back around. Got to win the races to level them up. A lot of work. I'm sorry, Marcus. I shouldn't have gone to him. Yeah, I know. It's fine. I'm sorry, Marcus. I shouldn't have gone to him. Yeah, I know. It's fine.

I was trying to be, you know, I'm trying to accommodate. Get ready. We're definitely coming back. You got number five coming, buddy. So you got the entire Ghostbusters just showed up at your house on Christmas. No, no. It was specifically like the firehouse. The firehouse.

Oh, I never had the firehouse. You could get the goo. You could drop it through the grate on the top of the firehouse. Mine was Technodrome. We had the firehouse. We just get the goo. You could drop it through the grate on the top of the firehouse. Mine was Technodrome. We had the power pack. All right. You guys had a very nice childhood. Yeah.

Okay, Marcus, let's get to a news story. Wanted for nothing. Yeah. Absolutely nothing. Yeah. I wanted also to say I call Panera Bread White-topia. White-topia. Or, you know, White Town.

Whitesville Spencer Spencer Town Something Because they call a lot of guys Spencer What? You know nothing about white Alright Jordan

White people love going to Panera Bread I don't like Panera Bread Everyone likes Panera Bread But yes I don't go there Jordan am I a backy? No Okay And I've been white my entire life

And I've never known a Spencer No yeah I know like five Yeah it's a black? No. Okay. And I've been white my entire life and I've never known a Spencer. No, yeah, I know like five. Yeah, it's a black name! No, everybody knows a Spencer. You know a white Spencer. I don't know a white Spencer. I know a white Spencer. Oh, absolutely not. I only know a white Spencer and he's a whitey. He plays Ultimate Frisbee for a living. Spencer?

The, uh, yeah, the guy I know. That is the whitest thing you could do. That is the whitest thing you can possibly do. My friend Spencer, growing up, he used to sell me a lot of dirty birthday cards. No. A lot of funny beer koozies. No. And t-shirts that were too goofy for me. Did they have dick gifts?

It was a... I absolutely love Spencer's gifts. I tell this story a little bit on stage, but I never really elaborate. You remember the trifold cards where it's always a really large woman on the beach? And she's rolling around and it's always for like a 50th or 40th birthday. And what does it say? What does it say? You're never going to get pussy again, you old fart.

You know, something like that. It's rude. I thought they were like legitimately hot. Yeah. Like my friends were all laughing at him and shit. I'd be like, I'm kind of turned on on by this because I didn't see a naked woman before even if she was 500 pounds no I didn't jerk off to the sizes of masturbated to it I did you beat off your yes I did

completion absolutely I did finish And what did you finish in? A sock? No, I finished on bullet point number three, where I realized that we have no control over our own weight. Very good. And I felt that was quite ejaculatory. New story? Yes, let's do one.

Yeah. People... Let's hear it! Marcus, do you have the ability to mute mics? Yeah. Okay. Good to know. People who live in Ohio City, Ohio, are complaining about a cereal pooper. Yes. Another one? Another cereal pooper. Many told News Channel 5 in Ohio City that they're having to clean up their yards, areas close to their home even walk walkways to local businesses and ohio city local known only as libby said i have found wads of poop and i have had to clean it up myself what is a wad of poop i mean it's exactly i can handful

yeah well it's not quite a handful it's a child's handful child's hand to find the measurement of wOD? Or have one pick it up. Essentially. I mean, do you think there's like a detective, like a Columbo, but only works poo-poo called like Colum-poo or something like that? Like a monk or like a dump or like a detective, like something like that? I mean, is there somebody who is just specifically on

poo-poo patrol? I mean, there has to be. There's so many of these. There's so many of these. Maybe they ought to do some sort of like federal thing. Well, News Channel 5 went to check it out. Signs lined the streets in Ohio City warning residents to pick up after their dogs, but none of them mentioned a different breed of cleanup, the humankind that's troubling people who live here. An Ohio City resident known only as Mark said,

you call 911 and say, hey, man, I see somebody in somebody's yard. They're taking a trowel or a dump or they're taking a urine. By the time police come, they'd probably be gone. Oh, hey, guys, I'll be right back. I got to take a urine. Oh, trowels are fine. Please don't take a urine. Oh, I always have a trowel whenever I have a urine.

I can't have a trowel without having a urine. I feel like isn't the phrase drop trowel? I don't think you can just have a trowel without having a urine. I feel like isn't the phrase drop trowel? I don't think you can just have a trowel. Have a trowel. Taking a trowel or a dump. Yeah, he wanted to really clarify that. Taking a trowel or a dump or they're taking a urine. A trowel is

a poo-poo with pants on. A dump is it with over the pool edge. This is an act that has to occur in places where the residents have lawns. Right? So it's sort of an upper scale crime. That's not an upper scale. Most places have lawns.

Yeah, almost every place has lawns. New York doesn't have lawns. Well, New York is not the entire country. Yeah, there's a lot of places. I have lawns. I'm from the projects. We have a lustrous lawn. You have lawns in the projects?

A lustrous. They got a big one. Big lawn. They got one big one. Big lawn. They got one big lawn. Is there a wall around it? It's a prison. Oh, it's a prison yard. It always confuses me because I call my bush my lawn.

And do you want someone to trow on it? Yeah, essentially. I've seen the videos. They exist online. I'm going to take a urine. I didn't realize. So you had a lawn your whole life? I mean, it's not like a lawn you'd be proud of, but there was grass and a fence.

You know what I mean? I consider that a lawn. Yeah, technically that's a lawn. Anyone ever drop trow on it? Oh, all the time. Really? Humans? Yeah, drop trow, drop deuces.

Human deuce and baby deuce. That was kind of the cool thing to do in the projects. Oh, yeah, yeah. I keep finding human poos by my trash cans because they're enclosed in a space. So I think that the homeless dudes that are exchanging the cans across the street, they have a little coverage. So now it's their personal toilet. And you know what? Human de's smell much

worse than a doggy do. Yeah, especially a homeless man's do, because they're not gonna be eating healthy. They're not drinking enough water. Because I know, because of their do. It's just too solidified. It's crusty. Oh, yeah. Black? Yeah, usually, yeah. Or like swirls. You want to be

safe out there. Mostly diarrhea. I've seen some diarrhea, but mostly it's those dehydrated hard pellets where you knew it took them a second to get it out. So how do they know it's a cereal dumper? Maybe it's a movement. Ooh, a poovement. Could be a poovement. An underground trowel society. Yeah, like the Underground Railroad.

Baby Deuce would be a good rap name. Baby Deuce? Yeah. Baby Deuce. There's probably, there's a rapper named. You think there's a rapper named Baby Deuce? Baby, like, Deuce? Deuce?

D-E-U-C. Anyone, Marcus? Nope. All right. Moving on. Next. That's not taken. Yeah.

Well, yeah, I guess we got to get on it. Copyright it. Yeah. Now, you're Baby Deuce. The closest is, I'm Baby Deuce? Yeah. Ooh, that's not taken. Well, yeah, I guess we got to get on it. Copyright it, yeah. Now, you're Baby Deuce. The closest is, I'm Baby Deuce? Yeah. Ooh, that's very exciting. I can wrap up on my experience at Applebee's.

The closest looks like a shit baby. Ew, shit. This is shit baby. Is there a rapper named Shit Baby? Maybe. I don't know. You can arrest it for searching that one. The closest we've come is Baby Bash.

He's a Mexican dude. Ah, all right. Never mind. He's a rapper. Scratch it. Whenever I take a urine, I have to take a bash. Oh, absolutely. The Vice has a comprehensive guide to Lil Wayne's poop references. He has a bunch.

Does he talk about poop a lot? He talks about himself as the shit and shit references. I take a shit on this. I take a shit on that. Do you think he has? i take a shit on this i take a shit on that do you think he had a shit on money talks he constantly talks about wiping his ass with money here's some of them i am the shit i stay away from the poop scoop he says man i'm the shit and y'all are janitors he said haha old ass rappers i'm still the shit old ass pampers okay i am the, hear the commode cry That's the only weird one here Put a little stink In my stink pink

I'm a stink pink berry I don't know what that means That's sexual I guess rip rap's pretty funny now I love that they call it rip rap now too Dear Mr. Toilet, I'm the shit Dear Mr. Toilet, I'm the shit. Dear Mr. Toilet, I am the shit. Yeah, this is good if you want to teach your children how to use the bathroom properly.

And hide at the same time. Yeah, the toilet is your bitch, let it know. Toilet's your filthy little bitch. You want to take a big shit in that bitch's mouth. Okay. What do you name your toilet? Do you have a name for your toilet? Oh yeah She has lipstick on the rim of the bowl And I call her filthy grandma

Ew Ew and her stockings are down around her ankles Yeah nasty grandma Grammy Grammy Time for some more food Okay grandmothers are very good Very good people I just call mine chugger

That's good How did it earn the nickname? It's a big hoss Some others are very good, very good people. I just call mine Chugger. That's good. Whoa. How did it earn the nickname? It's a big hoss. It just loves to drink my little drop drops. Yeah, your dripping. Your muscle milk. Does it suck it up real fast?

Does it twirl it around and kind of savor it? Oh, it takes its time. It aerates it and it says, ooh, Reed, you've been a little stink-making baby. And, well, I have to agree with that. I'm going to drop on a couple stinks. Yeah, you can't disagree with chugger. I hate to hear stinks so much.

Oh, my goodness. Fifth favorite day, John. Third, actually. We're at third. Third favorite day. When I got Nintendo with Mario Bros. 3. That was a good. That's it.

Okay, we move on. That was a good day. 64. That's it. No Okay, we move on. That was a good day. 64. That's it. No, no. Regular Nintendo. Getting gifts as a child. Oh, I have not had many happy days.

My favorite Christmas is the Christmas I got a Game Boy. I don't remember anything about family or love. I just remember seeing the box and being so happy. I'm getting my child me. I'm just coming in a bow tie, and this is all you get. You're coming in a bow tie? $95. Kooples.

On the bow tie or coming while you're wearing the bow tie? Just the bow tie. Just jerk it off into the mirror. Merry Christmas. Yeah, we've had fun here. Daddy, daddy, don't make me squeeze the bow tie. Here comes four teaspoons of daddy. Four teaspoons?

Good lord. It's concentrated. Yeah, chugger. It's like condensed milk. I don't know why I'm continuing. No, it's too sweet. Oh, that's true. Evaporated, it dries real fast.

It makes the bow tie all crusty, crusty. $95. All right. Let's go back Evaporated. It dries real fast. It makes the bow tie all crusty, crusty. $95. All right. Let's go back to the toilet. We're on the pooper. Any more Lil Wayne reference? Yeah. Loose bowels, this shit's so easy.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could get your stomach out of your back. I could make you shit better. Do you know my favorite Lil Wayne song? It's called Pussy Monster, and I love that song. It's a great song. It's called Pussy Monster, and it's all about how he's called a pussy monster and it's a love that song it's called pussy monster and it's all about how he's like a vampire but for pussy juice yeah and it's like it all up yeah I think the course is I'm a pussy

monster I'm a pussy monster and you gotta feed me pussy yeah he's about how he needs the pussy to live Love that song I got a sweet tooth I got a sweet tooth Now can I eat goo? Now can I eat you? I don't think that's a vampire It's just a cookie monster for pussy

You're right It's more of a cookie monster than a vampire It is an adult version for badge You just put the pussy in your mouth and go And the way he says that It by the way, it's like, I got a sweet tooth, I got a sweet tooth. Like, it's real uncomfortable. So can I eat you?

And it's at that point, you're like, ah, no. Girl, you're like a hot bowl of hot stew. I just stood over my stew and just blew. And when there's no more of you in the soup I'll remove my spoon and drink your juice Yeah I ate a girl's pussy to that song Fuck yeah Did you put it up

She did not cum Oh my goodness You got to dude Didn't even cum Then I ate her butt And then I went back to the puss And then she got a huge UTI Yeah you're not supposed to flip-flop, man.

So I did a great job. I did a great job. You never flip-flop. It's kind of a big thing, though. Because I know that that's a big thing, that black people are afraid of dogs and do not like to eat pussies. Oh, I eat a bunch of puss. I don't know. I've never heard that.

Really? Because I make up eating all the pussy I eat for all the black, all the black people who say they don't eat pussy. Civil rights hero. Civil rights hero. Jordan Temple, everybody. I am a champion. He's doing his own right. I am a champion.

Powerful. February 69 is when they celebrate my day and during Black History Month. This week in Black History Month, Barack Obama was elected president. And Jordan Temple ate enough white pussy to stop a black stare. White and black. And a whole bunch. A whole bunch of Mexicans, Filipinos, Japanese. Oh.

All right. Very good. So would you say that you are the, as Lil Wayne says it, the worm in your apple butt? Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's me. Smack it up. butt. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's me. Smack it up. Flip it like a spatula.

Yeah. I like that. All right. Catfish, dat fish, dat cat, dat tuna. Let's move on. He's very rich. Lil Wayne is very rich, by the way. I just think that, like, stew is a weird reference for a pussy.

I love that, though. If it smells like soup, that's when you know it's good. What kind of soup? Are you talking a clam chowder? Are you talking a manhack clam chowder? Pussy soup. Get Spacho so it's cold. So it's a cold soup.

All right, well, we have a lot of female listeners. And it warms it up. And then it becomes tomato soup. Yeah, chunky tomato soap. I'm fairly certain our female listeners are I don't know if they're dry or what's happening with them. I don't know.

If I were a female listener, I'd imagine I'd like hearing a bunch of men talk about pussy. I am a woman. I am also a woman. Are you a woman? Sometimes. Is she a woman? I gotta hold. But you weren't talking about eating pussy as much Are you a woman? Sometimes. Is she a woman? I got a hole. But you weren't talking about eating pussy as much as you were preaching about pussy. You're right.

I'm preaching the puss. Reverend Jackie over there. Jackie, what should men know when they do such an act? What should we do right? What did we do wrong? Just know how to fucking do it. Just do it. You get down there.

Just do it. Sam Kinison said do the alphabet, and I have used that. He was drunk. Oh, he said it a lot. I guess he was the alphabet, and I have used that. He was drunk. Oh, he said it a lot. I guess he was drunk a lot. I feel like that would work. Yeah, you do the alphabet. You don't do the alphabet.

Yeah, with your tongue. How could she hear it over her pussy? Are you saying lick it or say it? Lick the alphabet. Lick the letters. Oh, I've been doing it wrong. I just get down there. I'm like.

That would work too. Oh, I've been doing it wrong. I just get down there and I'm like... Right, and then the clit's graduating kindergarten and you're like, okay, that's fine, but... Now you're just getting patriotic. What song would you sing, John, if you had to do it while you did a girl's pussy out? Twinkle, twinkle, little star. There you go. Yeah, so you have the first grader. See, I would like to do the, um, Why, oh, why, she followed the fly.

Well, perhaps, oh, God. I want to play Ronald Reagan's speeches. I want to play Neil Young, like a, Down by the river, I shot my baby. That's actually kind of accurate if you think of it as a euphemism for sex. Yeah, down by the river. Yeah, she be in the river. Is that what that's about?

No. I shot my baby is just sex. That's gross. Maybe. You shot a big fun load on her down by the river. Yeah, but that didn't really work that well. Some of those songs about sex, like Jeremy by Pearl Jam, that's a gross sex song.

Is it? It's a 69 song. Jeremy spoke in class. It's gross. What do you mean? It's a 69. It's about 69. You didn't know that?

No, it's not. What about Jamie's Got a Gun? That one's about butt stuff. No, it's not. I can prove that Jeremy's about 69. Listen to this. At home, drawing pictures of mountaintops. Like titties.

Like titties. Big fun, yeah. With Bob Ross. With him on top. Lemon yellow sun. Arms raised like a V. What's a V? Vagina.

Pussy. Lemon yellow sun is a penis peeing. Yeah. No, this is not about splat porn. Lemon Yellow's son is what you call a penis that's peeing when you're 69. Well, then why does he just orgasm for the entire last half of the song? Well, because he likes his own voice. Hail, hail, hail, hail.

Oh, lord. Is that standing up? Yeah. Is that standing up 69? If that's about 69? It could be. I mean, Daddy didn't give attention, you know? No, that's just 69 It could be I mean daddy didn't give attention You know No that's just a tombstone pile driver

You can't stand up 69 That's a pro wrestling move Jeremy is a bit Of a pussy monster Oh my god You gotta do the stand up 69 As they call him King Jeremy the wicked

I think my favorite song about sex Is probably P.O.D.'s Youth of the Nation Oh Very good Very good That one's about that How is that one probably pod's youth of the nation stairs liquor ooh yeah no I'm saying anymore no I like your read mine is American Idiot by Green Day yeah I thought he was gonna say some field is a birth a Nation. I was like, what? That movie is also one

six-hour metaphor for sex. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't fuck my daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bad things happen. Yeah, bad things happen. But good things, great things. Alright, so

Birth of a Nation, interesting. Interesting feature. Really, the beginning of cinema. Yeah. So, all right, Marcus. So now we're in Ohio. We're done with Ohio. We're done with Ohio? I got no more cereal pooper stuff.

Let's move on to goats. Okay. All right, we'll move on to goats. John, fourth best day? Second best day. No, we're on to the fourth best day. No, we're on the fifth now. Probably one of my last days of college in Tallahassee. It must have been

June because the weather wasn't quite hot yet. So I had the door open and the screen door closed so I could get a breeze. But not get the bugs in. Yeah, not get the bugs in. And I had a six pack of beer and I'd smoked a bowl and I was reading Hemingway

listening to Peace Peace by Bill Evans. Later on that evening, I made love to a girl and I went smoked a bowl, and I was reading Hemingway, listening to Peace Peace by Bill Evans. And later on that evening, I made love to a girl, and I went to bed. And that was... You still have a girlfriend now, don't you? I do. You guys have been together for a while. Yeah, three years.

Wow. That's a long time. All right. Long time to be with a woman. That is a long time. Going strong. Yeah. Yep.

It's going great. Happiness can happen in love, Ben. I'm telling you. No, I know. You a long time. Going strong. Yeah. Yep. It's going great. Happiness can happen in love, Ben. I'm telling you. No, I know. You can find it. You can search it. Oh, I know. I'm busy.

I'm seriously. You gotta break them like a horse. Huh? That's what you do. You break them like a horse. No, I don't want to break them. You say, nay, nay, and you chop their mane. I got this.

And you put a saddle on them. I got this. I'm getting into the relationship stuff. It's not your fault, Ben. No, it's not my fault. Don't worry. I got this, guys. It's not your fault, Ben. No, it's not my fault. Don't worry. I got this, guys. It's not your fault, Ben.

It's the bowtie's fault. A lot of things are your fault. No, no, no. Holy fuck, Marcus. I swear to God. I will defend myself until the day I fucking die. Okay. One thing that has ever been my fault, but let's get to this news story first.

Not your fat, that's for sure. Is anyone going to bring up the Lusitania? Yeah. Lusitania? The Lusitania. Lusitania. The Germans?itania. Lusitania. The Germans? Yes.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Where were you, Ben? Oh, my God. Tell me where you were that day. The advancements that the Germans made with technology that we all currently enjoy, we all have blood on our hands, and it's all called an iPhone. Wow, that is deep. Listen to it.

Fat oppression is real. Fat liberation must happen. News story? Please. It will take around two weeks to a month to finalize the investigations on the carcass of a baby goat found in Malaysia that was said to resemble a human infant. Yes. Johor State Agriculture and Agro-Based Industry Committee Chairman Ismail Mohamed said then they would be able to find out the possibility that it could be an offspring produced by a human and an animal. Judge for yourself. That's a dog.

That's a dog. Okay, so Marcus is now showing the picture. We'll put it on the roundtable page. And as a matter of fact, maybe the last podcast page as well. Marcus, can you keep the picture up there for a second? If I had to write a word poem about it to describe what it looks like. It's back up there. It's back up there.

I would say it's like a big-eyed, fuzzy little Chewbacca that's real dead. And no teeth. Okay, but look at the eye. For those that are listening, go to the roundtable page. Marcus is going to put it up. Look at that right eye. That's a human eye. That's a big eye.

Don't you think? I mean, it looks just like, you know. There's no eye. It's only fur. No, the one on the right. That eye right there. Oh, up there. I wasn't looking up there.

Oh, it's a goat. Oh, man. That's why. I was looking down further like it was a baby or a dog. It's a goat-man mixture. No, that's just a goat. It's just a deformed goat. That's rough, man.

That image is definitely seared into my mind. No, it's those religion people, and they want to believe that, oh, these things can hybrid. No, it's not. It's just a fucking deformed goat. They said, now we cannot confirm or deny anything. Right. As we have never received such a case. Ismail Mohammed.

Yeah, big suspect. Big suspect. He says, we will have to wait for the results and findings to be finalized. And that takes somewhere between two weeks and a month. He said, instructions had been given out to the Kota Tingi District Veterinary Services Office to hand over the carcass of the goat to the State Veterinary Services Department Laboratory for tests to be conducted. He said research would be conducted on the goat's carcass to find out the reasons behind its human looking features. This included investigating the possibility that the mother goat was violated by a human.

You know what I love the most about this, though, is that people are like, there is a structure to it, but everything they're doing is pure madness. Almost like when you're tripping on mushrooms with a bunch of friends and you're trying to figure out how to get cigarettes. You know? Everyone's ideas are just sporadic. That or that time when we tried to get the music to start and you guys just unplugged it. Remember that? Oh, my God. And we just unplugged it.

So how do we make the music come out? First, we have to declare ourselves pictures of ourselves. Second. And then you know what happened? What happened? I showed up and fixed it. You did?

I showed up and fixed it. You almost punched Ben and then you showed up and fixed it. I almost punched Ben. So a little context. I almost punched Ben. He called and apologized and I came and fixed it.

I didn't call and apologize. You did call and apologize. Thank God. What a good guy. Mushrooms. Honestly, Kissel, I'm going to say on mushrooms you're a call and apologize. You did call and apologize. Thank God. What a good guy. Mushrooms. Honestly, kids, I'm going to say on mushrooms, you're a better human being. You should be on mushrooms all the time. I am.

No, so what happened was we were doing a 420 show, and Murder Fist had to perform on mushrooms. I had to perform a sketch. I had to perform stand-up. We all went to my house. Yes, Marcus and I got into a small fight because Marcus was acting a little bit erratically on the street. So I did try to call him. I was acting erratically on the street. I believe what it was is that I was

speaking and Ben said, Marcus, no one cares about anything you have to say. Well, you were being bad. Yeah, but I will say what he was saying nobody cared about. No, no, no, no. You can't. No, I'm going to go ahead and say that you were being bad. I would say I didn't care about it. Did he come and save us?

Yes. He still came and saved us after you said that mean thing. But isn't that the lesson? No one cares what he says, but we care what he does. And are not actions greater than words. You only care about what I can do for you. I care about what you have to say. Thank you, Jackie.

I do, too. I'm just saying it's a metaphor for man. Are we bringing up an old fight right now? I think he was a little sensitive that night. No, I think you're a bad man. Well, I had already been yelled at all night because no one told me I was supposed to do tech and they yelled at me and I was on mushrooms and I was

already not feeling very good. And you know what? You made it worse, Ben. I'm sure I did. And you know what you did? You came and you saved the day! Because we couldn't get the music to play, so I unplugged everything, including the DVD player. You unplugged everything. I put the TV out the window. Like a monster. Anyway.

I could not figure it out, and everybody would try one after the other, but we were all tripping really hard and much. So everyone would try for about two seconds and then get freaked out and then stop trying. But Marcus, you were a hero that day. Thank you very much. You're a hero every day. Yes. You know what? I'm a hero to myself, and that's trying. But Marcus, you were a hero that day. Thank you very much. You're a hero every day. Yes. You know what? I'm a hero to myself, and that's what matters.

That does matter. People do care what you say. Thank you, Ben. Wow. This is a big day. I'm going to say this is my number five top moment. Wow. So you just took John's best day.

Because it's not about fucking video games, John. It's something about material things. It's about people coming together. It's about people coming together. It's about receiving gifts. And what does not make a man better than receiving gifts? People are always like, oh, giving is so great. Giving is you give to get. I always say that.

You give to get. I give a gift so I can get one. It's an investment to receive a gift later. Do you purposely give kind of a worse gift expecting a better gift? I slowly kind of upgrade the gifts as we go, for sure. I don't necessarily agree with that. Really? I've had a lot of days that I don't think I've received a gift that I still think are really good,

and those are the days I receive money. Money is key. I love money. Or an Amazon card. Money in itself is kind of a gift. Money allows you to buy all the gifts of the world. No, money buys temporary happiness. Yes.

So if you have enough, you're just happy forever. You'll be temporarily happy for the rest of your life. You're a $95 bow tie. That's true. Good point. Money does buy temporary happiness, but if you're never out of it, you're always happy. Always happy. But empty.

Who cares? Who cares? What's the matter if you're happy? Yeah. Why does emptiness matter and happiness is... Good job, Holden. Oh, no. He broke.

We hold him literally dead. Now he's crying. Okay. Put on your human mask. Find it. Human mask. Find it. I found it.

Find it. It's on you. Welcome back. It's on you. Welcome back. It's on you. To the table. Well, here's an interesting thing about this goat. Born without an umbilical cord. What does that mean?

It's not a baby. It's not a baby. Well, all mammals have umbilical cords. Yeah, but that's why it's probably fucking dead, because it probably starved in there. Well, I mean, it grew enough. Is it possible? Am I totally stupid? Yeah. I can't. there. Well, I mean, it grew enough. Isn't it possible? Am I totally stupid? Yeah.

Why can't... No. No, it is. Chromosome numbers for one. Is that why... Well, read it. Yeah, read it. Read as much.

Read as an actual scientist. I'm just EverymanUSA. Why can't you get a human-goat hybrid? All right, well, let me tell you, Everyman, Mr. Sir. Thank you. Spit out your tobacco juice, you idiot. First up, they might have different

sperm. I don't know a lot about the goat, but the kind of sperm you got, the kind of egg you got, not all sperm can break through all eggs. It's called a pre-zygotic barrier. That's before you even combine the egg and the sperm. Sometimes you can't make a little baby baby. But then, after they join, sometimes the chromosome numbers aren egg and the sperm. Sometimes you can't make a little baby baby.

But then after they join, sometimes the chromosome numbers aren't even the same. So you got a chromosome that says make legs. And you got another chromosome that says no more legs. You're a little slippy snake. But you don't know where to follow. And then the fetus, it dies. Or it forms a little bit and it pops out. And dumb people like you. Yes, you, sir.

You ruin the science for the rest of us and shame be upon you. I spit on your family and one day I'm going to burn down your house and when your family's choking there on the fumes, I'm going to say to them, because I'll be making a squirt right then. I just don't like the way you talk to me.

That's just good science. That's great science. That is solid science. That's solid science. That's hard science. Can you be a teacher because I would listen to you and I would learn from you? They said I could, but I'm not allowed close to the school, so I just can't even get in. Yeah, you got to do it out on the lawn.

Legals. Very informative, but I'm still not out on the lawn. Legals. Very informative. But I'm still not certain if you love the goat enough. I want to actually defend Ben on this. Thank you. I'm going to go with the Jurassic Park theory that life finds a way. Life does find a way. It's not.

It's a goat. I'm going to actually say it probably just looks human because most, like, embryology is one of the things we are like, that's how we prove evolution is kind of true. It's like everyone kind of looks the same as an embryo. Mm-hmm. Goat, bird, butthole, little bandits. Yep. Little butthole bandits.

Little butthole bandits running around just stealing buttholes. And we all look the same sleeping, too. Yeah. I disagree when it comes to cum. Different cum. Everyone's cum looks different. That's not true. It's like a fingerprint. My cum is chocolate.

There you go. Chocolate cum. Chocolate man. Chocolate cum. That's just science. That's not right. My cum looks the same, but it smells way worse. Yeah, I don't think it's cum, guys. I think you guys

are doing it wrong. You can judge the man by his cum. It's actually chocolate mousse slash like gillette like foam shaver. It comes out all mushy and mashy. Could you shave with it? No, that would not be a good idea. Why? It's all, huh?

Because it's like acidic. It's like acid. A girl tried to drink it once, put a hole right in her stomach. It was awful. Oh, my gosh. Yes, please. Yeah. Mine, I don't.

That's what you call acid reflux, you know? I don't get it, Jordan. A little cum in the stomach. I don't know what mine is. It's because you never swallowed cum. You're not a good man, you know? I'm busy. I drank this cum, but I got to go.

I got to go to work. Someone's going to put cum on the table? I don't know what mine smells like because it always runs away from me. All right, so Marcus, any other news stories? Please, God. Yeah, yeah, I got another news story. Okay, let's do it. A small village in Indonesia was excited after what they believed to be an angel from heaven

was found on a beach at Bengali, only to find out the human figure they fussed about was a sex toy. The life-sized inflatable sex doll was found by a 21-year-old fisherman on March 12, three days after the solar eclipse that engulfed Indonesia, so they were a little spooked. three days after the solar eclipse that engulfed Indonesia, so they were a little spooked. For many in the world's most populous Muslim-majority country, the solar eclipse was viewed as a spiritual experience,

and large numbers flocked to mosques to say special prayers. Thinking it was an angel, the fisherman took the doll home to his village, where it was taken care of like a real human being. The village buzz caught the attention of local police, who then went to visit the so-called angel. Only then did everyone discover it was an inflatable doll. The area's police chief, Heru Pramunkaro, said, it was checked by one of our team. It was a sex toy.

They're morons. Here's a snickered man who checks. It's an obvious sex toy. I do like that it is a Muslim sex toy. It has the... Yep. It's an obvious sex toy. I do like that it is a Muslim sex toy. It has the... Oh, it's a Muslim sex toy. Well, the guy said that the parents of the fisherman changed the doll's clothes every day

and was given a blouse and a hijab, a way to care for it as it slowly deflated. He was fucking... Oh, my God. Yeah, as most of the women in the marriages do. Slowly. Slowly get sadder and sadder and sadder as they realize their plight. I wish this would be made into a Disney animated film.

Could be. It's like, there's kind of a Lilo and Stitch quality to it. A little mermaid in there. Man finds a sex toy, they bring it home, it slowly dies as they treat it. I mean, it reminds me of that movie The Gods Must Be Crazy, where a pilot dumps the Coca-Cola. With the Pepsi, yeah. With the Coca-Cola, yeah. That was a Coca-Cola? Must Be Crazy, where a pilot dumps the Coca-Cola. With the Pepsi, yeah. Oh, definitely a Coca-Cola. It was a Coca-Cola.

It became a god. But you know, it's 2016. It's really hard to imagine that we have people on this earth who would look at a sex doll and think it was an angel and take care of it the way that they did. It's a pathetic bunch. You sound small-minded, Ben. They thought a doll was an bunch. You sound small-minded, Ben. They thought a doll

was an angel. They're small-minded. Just because they haven't heard of inflatable sex toys doesn't mean they're unfortunate, Ben. All can't be as unfortunate. I'm Fox News' Ben Kissel. Yeah, we know. You're making it very clear right now. Oh, you're gonna

defend me? They don't treat real women as well as they treated this sex doll. Well, the guy that found it, his name is Pojak Satu. He described the angel as being quote, shining white with round eyes with red eyebrows. This angel child also was found face

down, crying and naked, covered only in a white cloth. If you could invent a sex toy that cries, you would be a billionaire. Okay? Oh, that is true. They must have that already. With some kind of tubing system so it cries in the bucket.

But they only liked it because it has a perfect female form in a weird way. Oh, my God. Definitely. And it doesn't speak. That's why they treated it with respect. Huge breasts. Those are some big, fun breasts. Huge breasts. But an angel would have

big breasts. Look at these fat bastards. They are disgusting, sweaty, dickless men. They have dicks underneath their stomachs. He's got to lift his stomachs. I mean, really, Americans might have fucked it. They didn't fuck it. I bet they fucked it.

You think they fucked it? It's a sex toy. Do you think have fucked it. They didn't fuck it. I bet they fucked it. Technically, they had to fuck it. Of course they fucked it. It's a sex toy. Do you think they fucked it after they found out that it was a sex toy? Like before when it was just an angel? Or do you think they fucked it when it was an angel and then when it was a sex toy it wasn't sexy anymore? How lonely are these men? I feel like they asked for its consent and the angel gave its consent the same way their women do.

By not saying anything and shaking kind of. By not saying anything and just laying there. So they just like, oh no, give me a go in there. What the hell of an accent, Jackie? Give me a go in there. Give me a go in there. Give me a go in there.

What the hell happened? Oh, you give a go. Now you're putting it in there. Her grimps. The grimps on her are very grim. They are smiling at me. Very nice. No food for the week.

I didn't feed her, obviously. I think this is definitely they definitely fucked that sex toy when they knew it was an angel. You gotta do when they knew it was an angel. You got to do that. You got to fuck an angel. You got to fuck an angel.

I wish there was a close-up of her vagina. Yeah. Because I would like to see the wear and tear on the vagina. Well, you can actually see it. I mean, when I put it up on the screen. No, it's just a white hole. It's a hole, and it's not where a vagina should be. It's up above.

It's where you want it to be. It's more near the belly button than where an actual vagina is. Maybe she's part whale. Is that possible for a man to have sex with a whale and make a whale? It's possible for a man to have sex with a whale. Would you be with a woman that the top half was a whale and make a whale possible for a man to have sex with a whale would you be with a woman that was the top half was a whale sure yeah if she liked a brunch like a small whale or like a like a blue she's really good at parties small whale petite whale but a whale all the same how big is the orca uh oh the hole that shoots the water yeah yeah that's where you fuck um is that where you'd fuck?

If it's just the top half of your vagina? Nice. Oh, I definitely have to fuck the hole. Nice and tight. That's where she breathes. Ah, no. Yeah, that is where she breathes. I guess, yeah, we get fucked in our mouths.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the holes. Yeah, but a blowhole? Can you fuck a blowhole? It would just be like if a girl was choking, like, on your dick. You guys know, right? Yeah. Scrogging on it.

I never know. Guys, guys. I am a born-again virgin. One of those, huh? Yeah, I am. So is it an orca or a sperm whale? Up top. Because orcas are more attractive than sperm whales. It's a sperm whale, though, because he's a spermy sperm.

Yeah. All right, now it's time for a segment from Old McNameon. Oh! The segment's already done. No, we, it, no. The day of the week thing was a ruse. It was a lie?

Yes. I'll do it. That'll be a segment. All right, we're gonna pick a day to be every day of the week. Oh, my God. No, is it just, they all just all have similar

names or is it like that day becomes... Every day, if you pick Friday, every day is Friday. Every day is Friday. You have to describe how that would pan out. But there's only so many people We already did it. We already did it. That was your favorite day of the week. This is different.

I don't think I could do Friday every day. Exactly. We would just turn into the same thing as a week. I am picking Tuesday. I don't know. Tuesday every day. There's seven people in this group. He's gotten dumber.

He's gotten thinner, but then dumber. No, there's six. There's six. So there's going to be, because I choose which day is the day. That's true. That's very true. So there's going to be a day left. There's going to be a day left over.

I thought it was going to be something with the cowman. Did you have a cowman idea? No, no, no. Tuesday is my day. Every day is Tuesday. It's good because the week is still showing promise, but you got through the Monday blues. So every day is that day. You go in to work.

You're ready for the week. Well, Reed's just going to have to say whatever day is left, Jordan. No, because we're going to go with Reed next. Oh, my goodness. We're popping around. Popping around. Yeah, we're popping around. You rarely improv like this, Marcus.

You're really going crazy. Reed, what day would you have to every day be? Every day is this day. I'm going to have every day is Sunday because it's the Lord's Day. And if every day of the week is the Lord's Day, well then you got a Lord week. And if every week of the year is a Lord week, then you got a Lord year. And if every

year of your life is a, well I'm just gonna say you got a Lord life. If you live a Lord life, then aren't ye the Lord? Wow. How do you top it? Well, you're gonna have to, Jackie, because John is next. There's only so many days. There's only so many days.

There's only so many days. Who will be after John? I'm kind of excited. And I'm going to take the steal on Monday. Fly Monday. Bit of a villain choice. There's a lot of good holiday Mondays. Okay.

You've got the summer holiday Mondays. And also, Monday is the day after Sunday, which not only is the Lord's Day, but it's also Game of Thrones Day. And John Oliver Day. And if you missed those on Sunday, you can watch them on your premium app on Monday. No, no, no, no, no. See, that's not going to work. Why? Because now that every day is Monday, you only get Monday programming.

But it's always the day after Sunday. Oh, you never get Oliver. But if you call bonus rules, you only get Monday programming. But it's always the day after Sunday. Oh, you never get Oliver. But if you call bonus rules, you'll get the programming. Bonus rules. Got it. We don't know if that's true. I think Mark got the programming. He got bonus.

Before I was able to veto bonus rules, he was able to call bonus rules. Oh, I think that should be vetoed. No, I mean, no. That's the rule is that I have to veto it before he says bonus rules. Well, now I know. I have to say specifically no bonus rules. Yeah. Jackie.

I didn't say it. Jordan will be next. What? Jordan? I go. You're going to make me go last. I say I want to make every day Wednesday. Okay.

Wednesday. Hump day. Nice little hump day. Just like to just start it off nice every day Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. Hump day. Nice little hump day. Just like to just start it off nice every day, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, you know, because it's like almost Thursday, not yet Friday. Close, you know. Yeah, right in the middle. It's nice smack dab in the middle.

I don't know why it's called hump day. I never fuck on that day or ever. Get over the hump of the week Yeah yeah I know it's that But I feel like I should be fucking Right in the middle of the week You can fuck on a Wednesday

The hump tea hump day A great man You never fuck on a Wednesday Nah I never I don't fuck at all You just eat the pussy And get out of there I rarely fuck

I just eat the pussy I just jack off a bunch On a hump I think it might just be A couch Maybe a couch cushion Yeah Squeeze two That's your method For getting off You squeeze two couch cushions jack off a bunch on a hump. I think it might just be a couch. Maybe a couch cushion. That's your method for getting off. You squeeze two couch cushions

between each other and you squirt into that. Put a flashlight in there. Stationary. Yeah, yeah. Bin. I don't know. I would never call a woman a couch cushion. What do you think Jackie's answer will be? I think that Jackie's answer, she wanted to do do Wednesday but Jordan took it

Because he's a thief Not because of any reason Superthug What do you think Ben's answer will be? He didn't choose what he thought my answer was going to be Well what I think What your answer has to be Would be a Saturday or a Friday

And I would say on those two. Or a Thursday. Or a Thursday, son. Yeah, but I don't see you as a Thursday person. Yeah, you're not really a Thursday dude. I would say that you would choose Saturday. Okay. Kissel and Jackie will choose.

Jackie would choose a Thursday. She is a Thursday dude. I was going to choose Thursday. Say yours at the same time. One, two, three. Thursday. Friday. What you said, you just chose the other time. One, two, three. Thursday. You just chose the other one.

Friday, why? Because people can get fired on Friday, so they don't come back and injure anyone. Only day people can get fired. So Friday is kind of a fun day. And, you know, Friday is the day where, you know, it's like you have this relief that the week is almost done, You know, it's like you have this relief that the week is almost done, but there's always something that happens at the end of the day on Friday that makes it like, is John Hughes writing my life? You know, like, do I have a flight to catch? What's going on? Is it Thanksgiving weekend? You know, there's a certain anticipation for the weekend.

And it would be Thursday, which is my day. Well, actually, Jackie, I'm going to say three words. And those three words are no Thursdays rules. Yeah, he is right. It is a no Thursdays rule. What do you mean? We're not allowed to have Thursdays? I'm not allowed to do Thursdays? I already chose Thursdays.

I already chose Thursdays. I don't want a Saturday. I hate a Saturday. You can't make me choose Saturday. I'll never choose a Saturday. Fuck on. I hate a Saturday. Hold on. You can't make me choose Saturday. I'll never choose a Saturday. Fuck everybody. I'm a Thursday

a thousand percent. I guess it's not allowed that they just said it wasn't allowed to do Saturday because Marcus hasn't chosen. No, Marcus doesn't choose.

I choose. Yeah, I'm the chooser. I choose what you choose. I choose the day. So Jackie's Saturday fun in the sun. But you didn't want a Thursday. I hate a Saturday. Yeah, I mean, fun in the sun. But you didn't want a Thursday.

I hate a Saturday. Yeah, I mean, she has to work really early, but, you know, the rest of us just have a full day to, you know, maybe go to Coney Island. Okay, you know what? I'm going to say the power rule here. No brunch ever again. Brunch is eliminated Saturday every day. That's fine. You fuckers can't have your day fucking drinks.

I hate brunches. Jackie just made up this rule. I don't think this was a rule before we all met up. I think we can toss that out. I think we can have brunches. No, you have to say, Marcus has to say no power rules before I say power rules. Power rules, no more brunches. No bonus rules, and that's actually a bonus rule, and so you can't do that.

It's a bonus rule. She did say power rule. She said power rule, but we're can't do that. It's a bonus rule. It's a bonus rule. She said power rule, but we're not playing power rules. We're playing bonus rules. Jackie's Thursday. Jackie's Saturday. No, I'm Thursday. I'm Thursday because remember Thursday lineups?

Good Lord. We're going back in time. Oh, no. You want me to say this? We actually don't remember Thursday lineups because there is no Thursdays. So it's impossible for me to remember something I never experienced. So that every morning we're going to have to go back to old school Saturday morning cartoons. I love that.

Every single day. They start at 6 a.m. and they end at 8 a.m. I love Saturday morning cartoons. If you want to wake up and watch them, you can. You can wake up and watch them. Stay up all night to watch them. You can stay up all night. You can wake up and watch them.

You go back to fucking sleep. Eat your fucking five bowls of cereal and then go back to sleep. And you can just fuck the rest of the day. There you go. I guess I'm a fucking Saturday now, even though I'm anti-Saturday. Marcus. You got to work. Whoa.

All right. Oh, man. Very good. Ben's showing horny pictures. Ben is showing me pictures with girls. Look at the horny pictures. You have never seen them. All right.

Leave it alone, Jordan. Tattoos. Now you have to show everybody the horny pictures. Do not say. No, no. Okay. I want to see the horny pictures. All right, leave it alone, Jordan. Now you have to show everybody the horny pictures. No, I want to see the horny pictures. I had to choose Saturday because of you, and now I get to see the horny pictures. No, there wasn't a horny picture. It was a picture of my cock. There's no bad tattoos on your cock because you work for Fox News.

Marcus, what is the winning day? I think we're going to go Domingo. The Lord's Day. But we have to call them Domingos. I'm okay with that. You cool with that? We go for the Spanish version? Oh, it's Domingo.

I just thought you were making up a funny name. I don't know this other language you speak of. You're a scientist. I thought you automatically know all languages when you're a scientist. Scientists technically only believe English is the real language. Oh, good for you. And a little Latin. Let me sing you a song that's other than the Pussy Monster song, okay?

All right. It goes, this is Baby Deuce. Lunes, martes, miércoles, jueves, viernes, sábado, domingo, theness, weirdness. Sabado, domingo. The days of the week. All right, so that's the roundtable. Check out Jackie and read anything you want to plug. I'm at Jack the Worm. Yeah, do the Twitter.

Everyone plug themselves if they want to. Plug, plug, plug. I'm at Jack the Worm. I'm the best. You fuckers. I hate Saturdays. All right, I'm at Ben Kissel. Read your read best. You fuckers. I hate Saturdays. All right. I'm at Ben Kissel.

Reed, you're at Reed Failor. Nah, I don't do that anymore. I put up comics at Twitter. What don't you do? You don't do it? Nah. I'm always tagging you. Really?

I never do it. He's always tagging you, whether you want it or not. Those tags just going nowhere. Why don't you like it? I just don't really like jokes. Oh, yeah. I don't make jokes. Yeah. Why don't you like it? I just don't really like jokes. Oh, yeah. I don't make jokes. I don't know. I put up comics at jimhickory.com. And his comics

are fantastic. I'm a huge fan of Reed's comics. Holden Anderson on Twitch. Get it! Jordan Ploy on the Twitter. So Marcus Parks, you can find him on Twitter as well. And John?

At NotSoMoreno, which I have like three followers. Because his red means brown. Because he says NotSoMoreno. I'm NotMoreno. He's white. John, you look depressed. No, I feel great. Is it because your five days were all about getting gifts?

Marcus, doesn't John look depressed? No, he looks like he always does. Yeah, he looks great. I think you're projecting. I'm not depressed. Well, I didn't get to do my last day, which is going to be today later on when I watch Game of Thrones. Yeah!

That's a round table related thing. Alright, we'll talk to everybody soon then. Good night, or good morning. If you're watching it in the morning. Or listening to it, because you're probably not watching it. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to