The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 289: Eight Time Tony

Episode Date: May 23, 2016

The gang is joined by Nate Fridson to discuss a fatal cemetery brawl, Jim Jong -Un's creepy new reality show, and come up with their best Game of Thrones plot twists.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Ladies and gentlemen, a little more watch. Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility.

Civility. All right, we're good to go. Alright, Nate, pray then. Pray then, alright. Alright, dear Lord, thank you so much for getting us here together. Thanks for Eddie. You know, Eddie used to, he was flying around.

I'm happy the planes didn't crash. That was nice, Ed. Thank you. It's good to have you here. That's good. I said I'm happy the planes didn't crash. That was nice, Ed. Thank you. It's good to have you here. That's good. Jesus, man. That's good. It's morbid. I said I'm happy the plane didn't crash.

It's morbid, but it's positive. It's something my mother would say. Oh, thank God your plane didn't crash. Yeah, you're huge. I'm surprised the damn thing could take off. So that's good. So Ed's here. Holden, thank you.

Thank God for you. Oh, is this the introduction? No, this is the prayer. I'm thanking God for you. Hold, is this the introduction? No, this is the prayer. Holdenator Ho will happen very soon. You know what? Scratch it, God. You made a massive mistake with that. Whatever he is. Jackie, you're here.

Praise God. This is still the prayer. It's still the prayer. Don't introduce yourself. Just be a part of the prayer. Kind of melding the two together here. Praise God. And now it's time for a story from Marcus. No, no, no, no, no. All right. I have some shout out.

Are you going to say amen? And thank you for me. What about Nate? And thanks for Nate. He's Jewish. Amen. And we love Nate. All right. So that's the prayer. I noticed I didn't get one. Thank you for Marcus Parks. That eight. All right. So that's the prayer. Boy, I noticed I didn't get one. Thank you for Marcus Parks.

That's an important one. Probably the most needed one. Yeah, probably the most important one. One would say the cornerstone of all of our success. But, you know, thanks. Who would say that? One. One. Okay.

The word success is negotiable. The word success, yeah. What does that even mean in the grand scheme? Negotiable. Yeah. Oh, absolutely negotiable. Amen. Welcome to the Round absolutely negotiable. Amen. Welcome to the Roundtable of General Motors.

I am Ben Kissel. Thank you for your prayer. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you, Ben. Thank you for thanking God for me. No problem. Yeah.

All right. So, Jackie, you're here. You look great today. It's very weird that you keep saying that. He said that outside of the podcast as well, and I never trust it. It means I must look awful. But I do think that the prayer has something to well, and I never trust it. It means I must look awful. But I do think that the prayer has something to do with the blazer is back.

And it is hot and summery outside. I don't understand why the blazer is back. You've been on fire. You've been on fire in here. Now the blazer is back? Yeah, it's my blazer. What is this, a beige? Yeah, it's beige.

It's summertime. That's not a beige. It's like a tan khaki. I mean, it's close to a cream as a beige. It's like a tan khaki. I mean, it's close to a cream as well. Yeah. What about camel hair? Cloudy cum colored. Yeah.

Cloudy cum or camel hair. We've got a couple different. Cloudy cum. Yeah, like a sick man's cum. Sick man's cum blazer. An ill man. Yeah. Well, I'm happy he got to do it one more time.

Fuck yeah. Eddie, you've been all around the world the past few months. America. Okay. And that's the world, let's be honest. It's part of the world. Yeah, it is part of the world. Yeah, I went on a nice road trip.

Yeah, where'd you go? And then I went to Buffalo after that. Buffalo was not part of the nice part of your road trip? No, it was a separate own adventure. Yeah, what'd you do in Buffalo? I went to Niagara Falls and I ate chicken wings and I went to a wedding. Oh, okay, good. How's that? Great wings. You would've thought.

Yeah. Good football team too. No, no, no. Wait, do you think that the wings are better than other wings that you could get other places? You know what? They were really fucking good. Where'd you go? I went to Anchor Bar, the originator of the Buffalo Wing. And they had a Miami Dolphins thing there. There's Anchor Bar and there's Duff's and then there's one called Gabriel's Gate.

And people, it's like Crips and Bloods and Latin Kings there. If I lived in Buffalo, I'd work at anchor bars. I've seen almost like a full fist fight break out in Buffalo for that shit. What makes a good wing, Ed? What are the five points of a good wing? Healthy chicken. Healthy chicken. Happy chicken.

When we say healthy chicken, we're teaching the chicken or the chicken's learning? Healthy mind. No, just feed it well and give it some space. Teach the children well. And then cut its arms off. Yes. Yeah. Aren't they legs?

No, no, no. The legs are legs. Oh, wings. Those are wings. Oh, yeah. They're not arms. Yeah, you call them what you call them. No one eats chicken arms. They're not arms. Well, yeah. You call them what you call them. I don't know.

No one eats chicken arms. They eat chicken wings. If you could fly with your arms, they'd be wings, but you wouldn't have more appendages. That's true. There you go. They were great. Also, buffalo sauce helps. A good sauce. A good sauce.

A good sauce. Not too much butter. Now, I like good old, normal, regular sauce. Everyday buffalo sauce. I bought some of it. It was good. Okay. Yeah.

Went home with a souvenir. Went to Niagara Falls. Food. You went home with food. You bought food. Sauce for food. Yeah. I don't just, I can't, you know, eat the sauce.

I don't know if it's a souvenir. You're going to consume it. Yeah. It's a souvenir. No, it's a temporary souvenir. I see. He could keep the bottle. That's a good point.

Yeah. All right. If you keep criticizing it, I'm not He could keep the bottle. That's a good point. Yeah. All right. If you keep criticizing it, I'm not going to invite you over. Oh, what? You haven't invited me over in months. How many times has Ben come over to your pool? Never. Not one time.

Have you ever seen the interior of his whole apartment? No, I had to help him move in, and that was it. Oh, my God. I haven't been back since. And the Mayweather Pacquiao fight, but I think that was your lady's place at the time. You didn't help me move in. Oh, I didn't? No, but you think that was your lady's place at the time. You didn't help me move in. Oh, I didn't? No, but you did ask me.

No, actually, you offered, and then I was like, hey, Ben, and you're like, oh, no, I can't. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Yeah, but don't forget who offered to help you. It doesn't matter if you don't actually help. No, I'm going to say no. Alright, so I'm Ed Larson, and

Buffalo was great, and go to Niagara Falls. Alright. Holdenators, oh, no great, and go to Niagara Falls. All right. Holdenators, oh, no. When does he go? He goes right now. PlayStation shout-outs, everybody. A lot of people chimed in. They said, we want them to stay.

We need more shout-outs. No one said that. Yes, they did. They were like, I feel bad for you. A lot of people. Yes. Define. Define.

Six of them. That's a lot. Yeah. Yes, define. A lot of people say that. Six of them. That's a lot. Yeah. The Dank Bank has a shout out to AJ for being a greasy cock gobbler.

Rowan LSWS Jr. says, bring back Brain and the Beast. Wow, very nice. We will, yeah. And Holden's Train Talk. Penetrate Christ says, William Bigos of any films can suck the nastiest pussy fart through his nose. Also, Ben Kissel is his man crush and he wants to live inside of you. Christ Penetrator. Man, that's great.

$1,500 a month. Sly. The cost to live inside of this Greek god. Sly Cooperman can smell Ed's farts from across the country. I was traveling, so maybe I was closer than you thought. Marcus deserves his throne of bones as the pickle prince. He would live

in Jackie's Hollow Squirty Bird for free. Wow. But I would charge him $3,000 a month. Oh, I thought you were going to say pickles. Nah. I got enough pickles. Stubwolf Stubwolf. Jesus Christ.

Now it's a pickle. Stubwolf says Marcus's eyes creep him out. Yeah. That's a good point. A lot of people tell me that. That my voice is chocolate silk. Lucas is a homo. I don't know Lucas, okay?

That's fine if he is. He's saying that Lucas is a homo, which is completely fine. What's wrong with that? And he farts on his pillow every night. Well, that's a problem. CC podcasts are the bee's knees, bitches. That's your week's PlayStation shoutouts. I think it was a pretty 100% perfect one.

Pretty 100%. All right. I would give it that rating. That's fine. All right. Nate Fritzson is sitting in for Kevin Barnett. Kevin's gone. Nate, how are you doing, buddy?

I'm doing great, man. Good. I feel like a million bucks, man. This is great. That's great. Don't ruin the show. You got it. Don't ruin it.

It's a blazer. Take off the blazer. I have to take it off? You're antagonistic. Yeah, you're being a businessman. So is that a Nixon pin? Yeah, you look like such a businessman right now. The Nixon pin.

Oh, my God. I am wearing a Nixon pin. Huh. Oh, my God. I just took it off. I feel a lot better. Why are you wearing a Nixon pin? It was given to me by a fan.

You feeling less belligerent now? Yes. We gotta get you off Fox News, man. I am still being recorded, though. This is ridiculous. Fox News is just such a great network. Number one. Number one in cable.

Not even news. Really? Just all networks. Fox News is number one in cable? Yeah. It's the best. Over AMC? Over everything.

It doesn't make any sense. CLC, AMC. Over ESPN? Over ESPN. Absolutely. How? No way. Because they're number one. I don't think that's true. Well, there's a huge, huge poster when you walk in a news corps that says they're number one. Yeah, he's right. Yeah. Good God. So anyway, so I am Wait, about the poster or the ranking? Both. Both. Okay. Yep. The absolute most popular channel on cable TV. That's fucking disgusting. It's wonderful. It's a great nation. How many families just have it on all day?

It's like my family will just have it on on one television. They just have it on. Airports. Yeah, my grandma keeps it on 24 hours a day. I love your grandmother. She sounds very informed. She is.

She's fair and balanced. All right. So let's see. Do we do a news story, Marcus? Let's do one. Okay. Three people have been killed and 23 taken to the hospital after a massive brawl at a Moscow cemetery, apparently sparked by a dispute about jobs.

Russian news reports that up to 200 people took part in the brawl at the southwest Kovanskaya cemetery. Police said two of the victims died after being run over by a car as people escaped from the scene. Police spokeswoman Sofia Kotina said the three people in the car who were armed with pistols were arrested. The brawlers fired guns and fought with shovels, shovel handles, steel bars, and baseball bats. Just, you know, normal funeral stuff.

You know, just anything you would bring to a cemetery. To a graveside burial. A baseball bat in Russia. Why not? I'm not putting anyone on the ground unless I'm having a fucking shovel fight. Yeah, yeah. I love it. I'm putting a nail through a board and then that through someone's face.

Man, if I go to a funeral, you best believe. Well, police believe the brawl was caused by a territorial dispute between two different groups of cemetery workers. Ooh, I see.

Gravedigger fight. Yeah. Gravedigger fight. This is fucking cool. A 200-person gravedigger fight. Man. With shovels.

You know, Tom Petty was a gravedigger. Is that right? Yeah. Back in Gainesville. Really? But we're talking about Russia. Oh, different.

And I guarantee you they don't play music. Last Dance with Mary Jane is about 69ing. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. It's about marijuana. It's about learning how to 69. I don't think that's true.

I think that's Summer of 69. Oh, right. Yeah, Summer of 69. Yeah, you can tell because it's got 69 in the title. Right. We used to say Summer of 99 when I was a junior in high school. Very fun. Holden is lying.

Yes, it is about marijuana. Oh, wait, I'm sorry I didn't yes and there. I apologize. Yes, it is about marijuana. It's all about weed. Jackie Zebrowski, Cemetery Brawl. What you carrying with you? A shovel, a stick, a gun, or a car? Ooh, all about weed. Jackie Zebrowski, Cemetery Brawl. What you carrying with you? A shovel, a stick, a gun, or a car?

Ooh, all of it. I just want to be mounted atop a car. You could just, like, I don't know, nail me into the top of a car. Like Mad Max? Yeah, like Mad Max. And I'd just be like, yeah! I'm just slamming people like I'm in a rugby game. The blood bag.

As I go through. Yeah, I'm the blood bag. I don't need a blood bag. I am the blood bag for other people. But what I think that is interesting is that, so do, at that point, do you just dig up a grave and throw them in a grave, right? Just bed people everywhere? Well, I think if you kill somebody in a cemetery, you still got to remove them at some point

and bring them back. I mean, the whole system is really flawed. I think it's flawed. At that point, if you are dead in a cemetery, you get buried where you are. Yeah, wherever you lie, that's where your grave is. I mean, I guess it would make for an odd-shaped cemetery. Yeah, but what if where they die,

there was already a grave there? I mean, it's a grave on top. Yeah, a grave on top of bodies. Just like the plague. Well, people were doing that regularly. There was just a cemetery scandal a few years back. They were stacking five, six, seven bodies on the same corpse. I mean no one were pissed No one's checking right what happened was two people went to mourn they they met at the same cemetery the same gravesite

And then there was quite a feud do they have two tombstones? Yeah, no there was just the one tombstone But I guess like a bunch of asterisks on it is so I'm really sure the exact and Sean and Bill and... I'm fine with that. Half a Long Island. Because then I would feel like a human or bone lasagna. Well, you know what? I mean, you drive...

We are losing some space in New York City specifically. And you go through Queens. They have mass plots for cemeteries. Is it useless land? Should we get rid of the cemetery? I was thinking about this recently. It doesn't make sense. You know, it's just like, why do you need it?

And they're charging these people rent. I mean, getting the cemetery business is remarkable because you charge corpses a bunch of cash to just do nothing. All you have to do is mow. I knew a guy who bought two extra cemetery plots because there was a sale. Really? Yeah. A fire sale?

He's like, I got three for the family, and then I got these two extras. You know, I don't know extras just in case they murder people I guess or they get married hopefully they have two kids who die you know fingers crossed

Marcus what do you think I know you love cemeteries but at the end of the day rent is extremely expensive in New York City shouldn't we free up some more land let's build a new

apartment building Fox News is the number one cable network on television. Wait, how did we get there? You can't move cemeteries. If a cemetery is there, a cemetery is there. What if you just move the headstones and not the bodies? Yeah, move the headstones but not the bodies.

It'll work. It'll work and put a big condo on there. Why not? And people, honestly, at this point, people will pay to live in a haunted condo. I would live over a cemetery in a heartbeat. Aren't a lot of the parks in New York City built atop cemeteries? I'm sure. The whole city is covered in corpses.

Yeah, for a while there, they were building parks on top of slave cemeteries, but they put an end to that. They did? I mean, it's slave cemeteries. I mean, at the time, they were... No, I'm not saying it. It was like, they didn't give a fuck at the time. At the time. At the time, they didn't give a fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of Irish under Prospect Park. I like walking around downtown, like, every square of sidewalk. Think about how many people were murdered right there. Yeah. It's a bunch. Dozens. Sure.

Lower East Side, I would say every... What do you think? For every square of sidewalk, three corpses? Probably. Ten. And in Central Park park the whole place man oh my god well i wouldn't do murders if i was walking through central park i would do how many times has somebody jacked off you know and just scared stared at somebody through peepholes in a

newspaper which do you think is more jerking off in central park definitely jerks because the guy might be gone you know he might be an eight-time t out in the park that day. An eight-time Tony. Oh, yeah, jacking eight times before his fucking dick starts fucking shooting little blood droplets and going to the hospital. Man, I don't think I've ever made eight times. No. No. But these guys do.

I'm no eight-time Tony. I'll tell you that. I don't even think that eight-time Tony is eight-time Tony. I think he fakes it four times. I think he's four-time Tony. You think he lies about masturbating? He got the nickname, and he just stuck with it. Anthony, what are you doing in your room, Anthony?

Eight times, mom. Eight times. In my prime back in like middle school I probably did six in a day. Really? I think I did four or five. I might have done four maybe. Tops. Yeah, there was just so much time. Just a horny little

boy. Pre-cell phone? Are you kidding? You know, what are you going to do? Use your imagination. Well, I mean, I think the kids are jerking off more now than they were then. I mean, we had our imagination. But again, we didn't have life experiences to fill up a spank bank. The bank was empty.

It was all fantasy. Now with the cell phones, I mean, kids are looking at porn on their way to school on the bus. And it's so easy to get off, too. I had one of those playing card decks with all the naked women on it working out. I was like, oh, I'm naked in the gym. I'd jack off to that. I had a gigantic pornography collection. You did? Yeah. How did you acquire?

Well, this one kid, his name was Randall. Randall's dad ran off. We broke into his shed and we found that his dad had two huge black garbage bags filled to the brim with porno mags. Why does it make it so much more disgusting that they were in garbage bags? Yeah, they were in garbage bags.

Not organized in maybe just like boxes or whatever. He was a trucker. What, he was on the plastic still? Well, yeah, I mean, definitely. He was a trucker. He'd buy them on the road, and then when he got home, he'd just throw it in the bag. So we divvied it. I had literally a duffel bag full of porno magazines.

And they were full of Trucker spunk. I mean, that was the thing about the magazine Pornhub. What did that bag smell like? Oh, God damn. Trucker underwear. Disgusting. But that was the thing. Back in the day when you had to share porno,

actually touching tangible magazines, very unique to our time. But now every time you touch somebody's cell phone or their laptop, you're touching a bunch of cum. A whole bunch of cum. It depends. It depends. What, you're coming on the computer? No, but you're coming on your hands.

I always hit the screen. Always. You do? Every time. Every time. That's going to break the computer. They're not going to fix that at the Apple store. Man, I don't care.

It's how I finish. I was thinking maybe get a little residue on your hands, and you still got to turn off the video. You hit all the light switches in your apartment. This is one thing I know for a fact. I probably touch homeless man cum every day because I put my hand on the subway pole. So you know what? You just got to get used to it.

Man, we were throwing around. Most people don't use subway poles. Oh, they use the pole, yeah. What do you mean they don't use subway poles? They sleep on the ground. Yeah, but they touch the poles. They got to get to the ground somehow. They use subway poles? They sleep on the ground. Yeah, but they touch the poles. They got to get to the ground somehow. They touch the poles to get down on the ground.

Yeah, like Gandalf. He has this big stick, but they just use the subway poles to stand up. I saw the My Eyes guy yesterday. Really? I haven't seen him in forever. Looking good. All right. Nice new shirt.

Looks in shape. Looks like he's been working out. That's why I don't even feel bad for not giving anymore. You know, like I used to feel bad for not giving. He's doing fine. He's looking great. He's dressed really well. Is this the Burned by Acid guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that guy has had a new basketball jersey every year I've been here. When I moved here, he didn't have the hair yet. You know, he's got hair now. Does he? Yeah, he's got hair. He's got nice sunglasses on to cover his eyes. He's got sunglasses on to cover those freakish eyes.

And then he's got. Well, there's no eyes. Right, exactly. And he's got designer jeans on, like fancy jeans. He has like a last year. Yeah, but if you don't know that you're wearing designer jeans, you can't see him. Are you wearing designer jeans? Last year he had a brand new Kyrie Irving jersey.

Brand new, stitching, authentic. Yeah. This guy's doing well. I don't have a new basketball jersey. He doesn't have her eyes, Eddie. He's still eyeless. I mean, he's killing it. We're just saying he's crushing it.

We can hear that. Poor guy who's eyeless who begs on the subway. I've seen this man grow. You know what I mean? I think it's the laminated article about him getting burned by acid. Yeah.

I think that's really what... That was a good step. That's what... He has evidence, you know? I was like, you know... You know he's always spilling drinks on it and shit. Exactly.

I can't believe I was ever disturbed by it the first time I saw it, you know? Because I'm so used to my eyes now. Yeah. Because when he comes in, it's like a family reunion. It's like, my eyes. Yeah, it's so good to see you.

Give him a hug. Yeah. I don't ever touch him, but yes. You don't touch him. No. He's got homeless man cum on him. Oh, right, right. Everybody on the subway.

His donkey skin. Yeah. I had a first today. Saw a hobo blowjob. Yeah. I had a first today. Saw Hobo Blowjoe. What? I fucking told you guys. I told you guys that when we were in Chicago, homeless dudes blow each other all the time. I saw my first Hobo Blowjoe.

Yeah. Where was it? It was over, it was in Bedford area. It was like over by the water. Are you sure it wasn't just hipsters? No, no, no, no, no. It was Hobo Blow Joe. And then I keep thinking, let's make a reality show.

Hobo Blow Joe. Because I was so fascinated. In fact, there was a man across the street from them eating his lunch. No, I want to show you guys. I want to prove it. He was eating his lunch, staring at them because it was such a sight. He was doing a good job? Because it was so upsetting. No, he wasn't doing a good job? Because it was so upsetting.

No, he wasn't doing a good job. And I just had to look. How do you not look? Well, you just kind of turn your neck and look away. It was the middle of the day. Well, then you got to look. Don't you ever, like, leer at someone you're attracted to? You got to.

You just do that. I was attracted. You know, you'd give them one of these, like, side of the eye, you know? One of the guys was on his knees, visibly sucking off the other one, or were they lying down? No, all right, so they were in, they were, like, one of them was leaned up, sitting down in a doorway. Oh. Face out to the street. The other one was pumping up and down, like, in between.

But in my head, I mean, you could see the dick, you could see his balls were out, but they didn't take the clothes off. But, like, what was the transaction? Is it five bucks? Is it a pull of whiskey? No, no, no. It's you do me, I do you. Is that all? I think that's all it is. And then you just get off and everything's great? Yeah, everything's great. You go back to being

a homeless guy who just got blown on the street. Well, it's much better than one who didn't. It's a thing that you get to do that day. I'm going to think about it for days, though. Now it is in my brain. Were you aroused at all? No, not at all. Not even the passion of it?

No, there was no passion. I think that's what upset... It was like more... It was laborious. The passion of the Christ. Yeah, it was that penetration of the Christ guy. It was just like him, just, like it was grunting. Grunting?

And not good grunting. Oh, he wasn't like, ugh. Exactly. It was phlegmy, guttural sounds. We've all been there. Yeah, oh yeah, for sure. You're sick, you're giving a blowjob, you can't breathe out of your nose, you're trying to breathe out of your mouth as you give a fucking suck off.

But this was, it was straight up upsetting. But good for them. I'm glad, you know, in the city of sin. I've never seen New York. New York is not the city of sin. Yeah, isn't that Vegas? Yeah, it's Vegas, I believe. That street was the city of sin.

The street of sin. The neighborhood of sin. Neighborhood of sin. Corner. Corner of sin. More of the doorway, I guess. Yeah, the crotch of sin. The street of sin. The neighborhood of sin. Neighborhood of sin. Corner. Corner of sin. More of the doorway, I guess. Yeah, the crotch of sin. I've seen a couple hobo J-offs.

Yeah? Sure. Sure. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a time-honored tradition. That's like first week in New York. Yeah, absolutely. I really, honestly, I feel like there's something.

I saw some of the worst shit ever, like my first couple weeks in New York. I think you just train yourself not to see it. Yeah, I guess so. And it's just always happening around. Because it seems like everybody's first couple weeks is always they all have crazy stories. The sound though, the sound is what attracted me.

What was the sound like, Jack? A zombie attack. Like strangling a frog? Yeah, and it was just because it was by warehouses and it was so quiet around there. It's all you could hear as you walked. Oh, it's just bouncing off the walls? Yeah. And I didn't know what it was to a point that I just had to look around to find out what it was.

I also was worried that a woman was getting strangled. Right. In part of me, I was just like, is someone dying? Do I have to go beat the shit out of somebody? Would you have had a different reaction had you seen a woman getting strangled, or would you have just sort of stared in awe? I mean, I probably would be crying for the next two weeks, but I would at least attack the man, yes. Oh, good, yeah. Yeah.

There we go. What would you do? How would you attack him? Throw rocks or something? No, no, I would just go over. I mean, I've got, I have weapons in my purse. I got my little stabby things that I would probably just try and jab

them in the neck. Now you got to slap them in the butt and then hit them in the nuts. Slap them in the... Yeah, go for the eyes. Slap them in the butt and hit them in the nuts. Slapjack would be good for you, Jackie. It's a slapjack. Oh, it's a... Like a flapjack? A flapjack?

No, that's pancakes. Pancakes. Like that. Oh, that's homeless people blowing. It looks like Robert Durst. Yeah, that's Anno. Thank you, Anno, for giving me the picture of two homeless dudes

blowing each other. I gotta say, the guy getting blown doesn't look like he's giving consent. He looks passed out. That's the number one issue with the picture. That's my number one issue.

I guess I'm just sex positive. I don't know, you guys. Good for you. A slapjack is a piece of leather with lead inside. I want that. I thought it was like you slap a guy and then jerk him off. That's a slap-in-jack. Give him the old slap-jack. Slap-in-jack. Or slap and jack. Give him the old slap jack.

Slap and jack. Slap and jack. Or slap him while you're jerking him off. I mean, that could... It's a really angry handy. All right, there's a bunch of different things that we could talk about. Marcus, what is it? So we were in Russia.

Let's go to Ireland. Let's go to Ireland. Yeah. Disgraced Irish entertainer Rolf Harris has been passing time in prison by making didgeridoos out of toilet rolls. The disgraced entertainer, who was jailed for indecent assault against four girls, has been reportedly crafting his version of the aboriginal instrument with cardboard tubes and matches. And although the guards continually confiscate them, the 85-year-old keeps collecting the rolls

so he can play the makeshift instrument in his prison cell. A source told the newspaper, he joins the tubes together with matchsticks. It's driving everyone mad. Because didgeridoos are absolutely annoying. But you would think if you were a prisoner, you would want some music in your life. I mean, that's the sound. It's such a hellacious sound that it's driving people who are already in a hellacious situation to live in worse hell. Yeah.

And Irish people can't sing unless they're hammered. That's a good point, but you know they're drunk in jail. No way. Oh, they have to be. They have to be. Right? Bruno? Toilet hooch.

Yeah. Yeah, this guy, Rolf Harris, he wrote a song. He had a hit in Australia, the UK, and the US with a song called Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport. Yeah, I remember that song. You know that song? Yeah, Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport. Tie Me Kangaroo Down. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, kangaroo down.

That's pretty much it. Didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo. And he loved to eat his dinner, but then he was blessed dead by 14 pirates then. 14 pirates then. That's actually it. It was so much easier to have a hit in the 60s. It was really whatever you sang. Just say words, you know?

Where was this guy during In the Name of the Father? It really would have spunk that movie up. Spunk the movie up? Spunk is the word. What's In the Name of the Father? You ever seen that? No, it seems like a totally random reference. No, it's so good. Oh, my God. Spunk the movie up. Spunk is the word. What's in the name of the father? You ever seen that? No, it seems like a totally random reference.

No, it's so good. Oh, my God. No, Daniel Day-Lewis. So good. What's it about? It's about a guy which you left in jail. Irish jail. Is Daniel Day-Lewis Australian or Irish? He's Irish, right?

I think he's a man without a country at this point. I think you're right. He's kind of like an empty vessel. Well, it's so good when you's so successful and so talented that yes you know no national bounds What's his name? Sergio Higande He can play anything He's a bad guy. He makes action movies

Sergio Higande That is not his name Gigantic Sergio You're talking about Danny Trejo? No, he plays He can play like he plays Alaskan. He plays Mexican. He plays like, uh, he's a big action star.

Pequeño Danny? Yeah, Pequeño Danny. That's who I'm talking about. Antonio Banderos. I mean, I did find a guy on Twitter named Sergio Gigante. Hey, he's everybody's favorite movie. He's got one follower. That guy could play anybody, man. Look at that guy. Sergio Higante.

Man, three followers. That is brutal. Not bad, but he's only following one, so it's actually quite a good ratio. As long as you're three times as many followers. Yeah, yeah. That's all you want. You don't like watching old Irish movies? No.

I don't like watching new Irish movies. I don't like watching old, new, future Irish movies. I stay away from Irish movies in general. What's the problem with the Irish? They're brutal. I don't like watching new Irish movies. I don't like watching old new future Irish movies. I stay away from Irish movies in general. What's the problem with the Irish? They're brutal. I love it. Okay, I saw that movie. Was it good? Yeah, I saw it in the name of the father. Oh, it's good. It's too Irish. It's too Irish. I just can't get it right. It's way too

like, oh, I'm Irish. Everything's sad, but oh, let's make everything kind of cute. Yeah, they're just constantly killing cats. Oh, no, wait, no. I'm thinking of a totally different Irish movie. Yeah it's like it's not cute at all. With something with the father in it. Yeah yeah yeah. It came out a couple years ago.

Dude where's my father? That big red faced guy that was in Gangs of New York. Oh yeah yeah yeah. The Crucible or something like that. Yeah yeah. Yeah that was a light hearted movie. I can't deal with Irish movies. The accent starts to drive me nuts.

Check that fucker out. That's a sad bastard. Yeah. Tom Barringer me nuts. Check that fucker out. That's a sad bastard. Yeah. Tom Barringer. Okay. I'll check it out. Yeah. Tatar Tate about the cartoon race car.

What? What the hell is that? I may or may not be on edibles, all right? I'm going to nail you to the ground. I don't want to be here anymore. All right. Now it's time for a segment. No.

No, it's not, is it? No, it's not. We could do it early and then go back to the show. What? You want to do it early? Is that a rule? No, we always talk about it. We can't do it.

Can't change it. Well, Marcus won't allow us. No. So. No, I got to say. He's a stickler, man. Look at him. He lets the PlayStation

shout-outs continue. That I can't stop. No. You got six of them, Eddie. Ed cut his hair and I'm devastated. Yeah, I think it looks great. Thank you. Thank you, Nate. I like You got six of them, Eddie. Ed cut his hair and I'm devastated. Yeah, I think it looks great. Thank you. Thank you, Nate.

I like a high tie. No, I said I'm devastated. It is a great haircut. I just, I mean, you know, you're not Jesus Christ anymore. Go see Bronwyn Carl for all your haircut needs. I won't. I will not do that. I already got a guy.

Yeah, I already got a guy. Yeah, I already got a guy. Yeah, everybody's got a guy. You know, we're all on our throats. We're all guys. I got these Polish people around the corner from me. They have a barber shop. I got a Creole gentleman. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Yeah. It must be very difficult to understand him. Does he have stinky hands? No, no. He's like, no, he speaks a lot of languages. Yeah, they're extremely smart. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. He's like covered in tattoos, you know? Ooh. Who is this man?'re extremely smart. He's covered in tattoos. Who is this man? Is he young? He's married. I'm sorry. Got a wife and kid. That's true.

I'm ready to be a mother. Right. That's the thing. I'm ready to wreck this home. Yeah, let's do it. At least hobo blowjob. Cray-ole, man. Yeah, so the didgeridoo, the person was in Irish prison.

I get shit for that, I get shit for the cartoon race car, what's going on here? I said cray-ole man, that's fine. I didn't go further. I didn't go further. I wanted to and I didn't. It's a Saturday day. You know what? I don't get it. I don't know what you're talking about. I made up a movie about a cartoon race car. See, no one was following me. That exists. Cars.

Cars? Cars! Also, there's a cartoon race car on Roger Rabbit. That would be the love bug. Not a cartoon, but it was a race car. Oh, you're right. You're right. Taxi, man. Taxi.

You're right. I love Roger Rabbit. What a movie. All right. So, the didgeridoo guy, he's staying in prison, and he's going to continue playing in toilet paper rolls. How does he use the matchsticks? I don't know exactly how he puts it together.

I would imagine he pokes them through to connect. Oh, to make the sound to come out through? They've got to wiggle. Yeah. In 2014, Harris was said to have carved a wooden didgeridoo for materials he found in the jail garden at his former prison. It reportedly took a month for him to create the instrument, which was about three feet long and has been decorated on the outside with figures and images, but it was later confiscated by guards.

I mean, you know what? And then they beat him with it. What else are they supposed to do in there? I feel like the guards should let him have the didgeridoo. He can play it quietly. No, you can't. You can't. No, you can't.

No, but the guards should let him have it because that seems like something that would take care of itself, right? If all the other inmates hate this thing. Lord knows the Irish love to kill each other. Right? I mean, why don't they just kill each other? You know? Just kill this guy.

I cannot imagine being in prison and having the sound of the didgeridoo be the worst part of my day. I think at some point, once you just adapt your ears and start to like the melodic melodies of the terrible TV sound. I feel like eventually it would make me have to shit.

Yeah. It would coax that out of you.. Well, that's a good thing. It would coax that out of you. Yeah, but that's not bad. You were in prison. What else do you got to do? If I got to poop three hours a day when I was in prison, I'd be thrilled. Three hours a day?

Three hours a day. But you're not constantly shitting. If you're three hours dumping, then you're going through a lot of pain all throughout. Oh, I don't think so. I ate Domino's pizzas this week. You're not getting that in prison. You're not getting eight Domino's pizzas in prison. Eight-time Tony.

That's not happening. All right, good point. You're getting mush. I'm just saying, I feel like I could make up a jig to the didgeridoo. I could do something with the didgeridoo that would make— You can't make up a jig. It just doesn't have a beat. Why is it a musical instrument?

Yeah, I think it's not. It is. I think you could debate whether or not this is actually an instrument. No, it is. By definition, the didgeridoo is a musical instrument. Yeah, I think it's not. I don't think it is. I think you could debate whether or not this is actually an instrument. No, it is. By definition, the didgeridoo is a musical instrument.

No one seems to like the sound it creates. I mean, it's more of a spiritual thing. It's more about the person blowing into it than it is for the person hearing it.

Yeah, because they start to meditate. Yeah, it's almost like incense. I know how to do it. I know how to didgeridoo. It's a musical version of incense. Yeah, no, it's

Aboriginal music. It's Australian Aboriginal music. It. Yeah, no, it's Aboriginal music. It's Australian Aboriginal music. It's music. That's what their music is. Look, this is what happens. You blow into the thing. Someone gave him a guitar and they threw out the didgeridoo. They didn't throw out the didgeridoo.

This guy made it out of toilet tissue. 1,500 years the didgeridoo's been around. So that's what I'm saying. So why have we decided all of a sudden the sound is so repulsive? It was obviously loved by millions. Have you heard one? Yes, I have. Yeah, I mean, they're terrible.

It's also known as the drone pipe. Right. I like the drone pipe. The drone pipe is a better name and more accurately described. It's great if there was like an actual drone pipe full of weed that people would fly around and smoke. It just comes to your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, does that get some nerd to drive that down? Work on it, Amazon. The what? Amazon should work on that. They do the drone deliveries of packages so they can start doing drone deliveries of weed. I just feel like the didgeridoo has had a terrible rap ever since I've heard about it,

and somebody must like it somewhere, and I think it's bad that this man's being punished for artistic... I've been trying to explain this. It's for the person blowing into it, because what you do is you get that circular breathing going, and you're blowing, and you get high. You get high from the oxygen that you're using up and stuff it's very spiritual so it's also not only is it a just a a single tone that's very just entrancing but you're also

just depriving your your brain of oxygen after a while and you start to kind of see god and stuff the drone bong there you go the amazon drone. That'd be fun. The Amazon drong. Yeah, that'd be wonderful. I agree. You gotta condone the drong if it happens. Condone it? Yeah. Condone the drong.

I'll condone the drong. Thank you. Sure. Oh, man. Then you get your own. You can name it. You can call it Kim Drong Ill. That's a good one.

Yeah, but that one always crashes. Kim Drong Bong. Kim Drong Bong. You know, Kim Yong Il is starting a new... Kim always crashes. Kim Jong-bong. Kim Jong-bong. You know, Kim Jong-il is starting a new... Kim Jong-un. Kim Jong-un, excuse me. He's starting a new contest in North Korea to find a husband for his sister. Oh, isn't that exciting?

No way a bunch of people are going to die during that process. A contest? Wow. I thought it was all about, like, you know, it's like she needs to marry into money. No, no, no. They have all the money.'s like she needs to marry into money. No, no, no. They have all the money. How are you going to marry into money in North Korea? You could maybe marry into a protein bar.

You can marry into rice. Yeah, maybe. Pretty much it. No, it should be like feats of strength and like, you know, a fight to the death. Feats of strength and then being able to like, you know, smash a grape with their palm or something. Or make a bomb. Yeah. Yeah.

Make a bomb. Make a bomb. Yeah, you can make a bomb. You can win the hand of this lovely lady. Make a bomb. Make a bomb. Yeah, you can make a bomb, you can win the hand of this lovely lady. Make a bomb and win the hand. This fair maiden. God, that is a terrifying idea

in North Korean reality show sponsored by Kim Jong-un himself to wed his sister. Oh my, I would never want to do that. Who would the judges be, Ben? Oh my God. Dennis Rodman.

Oh, that would be amazing. Dennis Rodman would be an incredible judge. Dennis Rodman. I want to say like an ex-beauty pageant star. So Vanessa Williams. Vanessa Williams. They would have to be washed up but still famous in North Korea.

Right. Exactly. So yeah, Vanessa Williams, Dennis Rodman. And probably like Godzilla or something they think is real. Sure, Godzilla. I was thinking maybe Sean Young. The last unicorn. The last unicorn.

Sean Young. Sean Young, the woman who wanted to be Batgirl so bad she got blacklisted from Hollywood. Oh, what's this? Sean Young. She wanted to be 1991's Batman and went to Michelle Pfeiffer. She went on, I believe it was the Oprah show, dressed as Catwoman and petitioned the director on national television. She got blacklisted shortly after, being completely mentally incompetent.

She had a few things. Oh yeah, massive problems. There was a couple Am I thinking of someone else? Somebody also stalked James Woods but I think that's someone else. This woman is still at it. In April of this year

she again mentioned Sean Young. She's like, yeah, I'd love to play Catwoman still. She's gotta be 55 years old. Yeah. Michelle Pfeiffer was so hot. So good. My God. That is like, that is really holds up too.

I was looking at that recently. I had the Michelle. She was like crazy. She like bit him. Oh, she was so perfect. I had the Catwoman doll. It was such a hot figurine. It was very curvy.

And she had a whip after that. Do you rub your hog off to that? I don't recall not. I don't recall a time when I didn't do that. Nothing makes me bone up harder than leather tits. Plastic ones, I guess.

Leather, leather tits. This is so difficult because Halle Berry looked really hot, but the movie was so awful. The show was much hotter. It was hotter, but she still looked good in that leather fucking suit. Halle Berry's overrated. She's from Wisconsin. Halle Berry? Yep, not a lot of people know

that. She's from outside of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. They got black people in Wisconsin? They have Halle Berry. Jeffrey Dahmer killed almost nothing but black dudes. Oh, okay. Dwindled the population by half. That's kind of sad but my god

yeah Sean Young terrible huh yeah no absolutely awful but take a look at Kim Young-un's sister bit of a skeleton head wow

oh no she's fine she just has a big forehead it's the nose that makes her look like a skeleton oh it is she has a fucked up skeleton nose she's not bad

she's not all, you know, she looks like she's in shape and stuff. She's buff. How do we vie for the second season of this show to be Henry siphoning me off with the same judges, though? But I would have all new different games they have to play.

Doug has to be one of the judges, though. Yeah, Doug has to be one of the judges. But it's all about how great you can cook meat and how high you can jump, even though it doesn't make it. I don't give a fuck about how high you can jump. What's your final obstacle course to be your husband? I would say the final obstacle course, oh, man. We know where it ends.

Oh, my goodness. Yikes. No, it's got to be a car wash. What's it a spoon for? You don't want to know. It's a car wash, but they're the car? They're the car, and I'm riding on them while they go through it. So they have to get through the whole thing.

And they got to keep you as dry as possible. As dry as possible because I am the effervescent. I am the number one princess atop their hind mountain. Maybe a queen. Yes, I would say. I'd just slap a garbage bag around you. You can't. Eddie, that's not appropriate. It's a rule. Yes, I would say. I'd just slap a garbage bag around you. You can't. Eddie, that's not appropriate.

It's a rule. You would lose the competition. You would definitely lose. She tries a goddamn boat. She's got to look the part, though, at the same time. I have to look good. She can't be in a garbage bag on national television. It would have to be fitted, like a fitted garbage bag.

You could, exactly. You could fashionably. That's a poncho. A tailored garbage bag. Designer garbage bag. Designer garbage bag. Yeah. It's a poncho. That's pretty much a poncho. Eddie, you just said you're going to put her fashion a garbage bag. A tailored garbage bag. Designer garbage bag. It's a poncho. Eddie, you just said you're going to put her in a poncho. No, ponchos have holes.

This is going to be form-fitting. It will kill her. Alright, I got it. It's fine. Wrap her in a tarp, maybe. That sounds like fun and I can pretend I'm a human slip and slide. Roll out the red carpet. That's right. We wait for it to rain, then we roll you out. Yeah.

Baseball field. The blue carpet. Well, back to this North Korea story. The candidates must be, if you're going to compete for the affections of Miss Kim Yo-Young, you must be at least 5'10". You must have at least... In Korea? Honestly, North Korea, the average height I I think, is like 5'4".

Good for her. She's shooting large. Wow. She's in charge. I don't think she is in charge. I think she's not in charge. She's not in charge at all. I'm not convinced she is.

I think no one has been less in charge than Kim Jong-un's sister. Well, no. She's had a propaganda. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's got some clout. She's in charge of propaganda as well as promotions and appointments for Kim Jong-un. And you'll love this. She is also said to have played a part in the friendship between her brother and Dennis Rodman.

Well, that makes her un-murderable. For sure. Yeah, yeah. She's the one that set up the play date. This is the guy who killed his uncle, right? Maybe that's why she likes tall men. Could be. Could be.

That's why Dennis Rodman can't come back to North Korea. No, that that's why Dennis Rodman can't come back to North Korea. No, that's not why Dennis Rodman can't go back to North Korea because he got so drunk in the hotel he vomited and shat all over the walls and Kim Jong-un was embarrassed to be friends with him. But maybe he also fucked his sister. No, I guarantee you. Maybe he banged his sister. I do not think Dennis Rodman had sex with Kim Jong-un's sister.

Were there pictures of the shit and the vomit on the wall? I don't recall seeing any pictures. I think that was just the story. Sounds like someone was jealous that someone was banging his sister. Watch Dennis Rodman's Big Bang and Ping Yang, and I think you'll understand why he'll never go back to North Korea. I loved that documentary. So drunk the entire time.

Hammered. Just a broken, shattered man. I mean, he's still drunk now. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, he's in the revolving door of just constantly full of shame, so he has to get drunk on something. The worm. I love the worm.

Oh, God. Dennis Rodman is one of the most, I really wish he didn't have the alcohol problem, because I think he's one of the funniest people on earth. Yeah. He's so charming. He was a phenomenal basketball player. He was an incredible basketball player. So good.

So good. Very good at rebounding, right? Great. You got it, buddy. Yeah. That's right charming. He was a phenomenal basketball player. He was an incredible basketball player. So good. So good. Very good at rebounding, right? Great. You got it, buddy. Yeah, that's right. Look at you. He would jump out of bounds to get the ball. And everyone knew he was gay, but no one said it.

He wore a dress. He married himself. Then he fucked Madonna, so. A bunch. I don't think he's, I think he's like above, he's like outside of sexual. He's gay. He's not Prince. He's not the symbol formerly known as Dennis Rodman.

No, he is gay. He had quite a run. My brother, he hangs out in Miami a lot in the nightclubs there. My brother knows the tall gay scene, and Dennis Rodman's all over it. The tall gays? Yep, constantly. Maybe he's down for both. Yeah.

I think that he is down for both. I think he is literally down for anyone that he can hold for a night. That's what I'm saying, like outside of sexuality, you know? Yes. I think it's great. I think that's great. I think it's wonderful. I think it leads to a life of sadness and overall loneliness. He seems fine. He's not fine.

He's a raging alcoholic who got kicked out of North Korea. He's got lots of problems. In January, he participated in the let's see what it's called here, the Wing Bowl. He ate chicken wings? He ate a bunch of chicken wings. Dennis Rodman did? At the Body Wing Bowl Eating Contest in Philadelphia

in which it is a chicken wing competition in which the participants are flanked by scantily clad women at all times. Kissel, you gotta fucking get in on this. Should I be one of the scantily clad women? I've never seen a human being though, in all sincerity,

eat the hottest wings I've ever known with such a ferocity. I mean, I've done it. Twelve supakoo wings in about two minutes. I beat Tim Dean, a friend of ours, who has now moved away. Did not have to go to the hospital. Did not. Should have. You remember, I remember we were all getting wasted afterwards.

Laughing. And you just kept going to the bathroom and coming out covered in sweat. Oh, yeah. It was either coming out one end or coming out the other end. You're just like, I've never seen you that white. My girlfriend at the time was miserable the whole night. He never stopped drinking beer, and that is the sign of a true leader.

Also an idiot. Yes. Also a sign of an idiot. You're not supposed to have that kind of acidic beverage after you have such a hot sauce. No, not supposed to. Milk is supposed to be good. Milk.

Or like Bailey's would have been good. But the thing is, the sad thing is, I got no respect for it whatsoever, and the video evidence was erased. So like Dennis Rodman in North Korea, no one will know what I truly did. And then the man versus food went in there. Adam Richman, that piece of shit. Yeah, and he ate less wings than you, and he called himself the... And he didn't eat the seppuku wings. He ate the suicide wings, which are not as hot.

And that is where the whole fucking thing's about. Well, the whole thing, it's like, can we have an eating competition that doesn't have to have a dude from Yale in it? Yeah. That dude went to an Ivy League college. Get out of here. That's not your lane, man. This is a true story about Adam Richman.

I know someone who went to theater school with him. He fell asleep on stage during a performance. He was supposed to be on stage the entire play, and his character would perform towards the end. He fell asleep, missed his mark, and people mocked him for years. Wonderful. So anyway, that's Adam Richman. Well, maybe this guy should be doing food competitions.

Yeah, I think that's all he's got. You know, that's all right. And massive heart problems now. Great. Yeah, this is how Wing Bowl 24 went for Dennis Rodman. This is from CBS Philly. They wrote, Dennis Rodman said he got in at four in the morning from Las Vegas,

and it showed. The Hall of Famer's eyes were half-masked. He spoke in a hushed tone as if anything excessively loud would crack his head, which must have felt like eggshells. He looked tired, worn out, though something happened when he walked out to the Wells Fargo arena floor

Friday morning as the celebrity guest for Wing Bowl 24 that had the impact of a 12-megaton alarm clock. His eyes lit up. Rodman, his 15 minutes of fame stretched beyond belief, has been to his share of strange worlds in his amazing and sometimes turbulent NBA career. However, he's never been to anything as bizarre as Wing Bowl. There's no way that's the weirdest thing he's ever done. I think it might honestly, the way that they wrote that up, the Hunter S. Thompson of Wing Bowl.

I mean, who the hell did this? This is the campaign fear and loathing on the campaign trail, Wing Bowl. Jesus, the drama of the writing. I can't even find out what's going on with what Wing Bowl is. What happens at Wing Bowl? He wings a Wing Bowl. How many did he eat? Wait, did he fly at Wing Bowl?

He wings. Well, who knows? You could fly at Wing Bowl. But why are they saying it's so bizarre and so weird? It seems like it's just a, I mean, in Philly, it's not even the weirdest thing that goes on in Philly. Hot girls massage you while you eat wings. Well, who knows? You could fight But why are they saying it's so bizarre and so weird? It seems like it's just a, I mean, in Philly, it's not even the weirdest thing that goes on

in Philly. Hot girls massage you while you eat wings. Yeah, Philly's fucking weird. Ew, why would you want to be massaged

while you're eating a bunch of fucking wings? I'm just like, don't touch me. Always massaged. While you're eating? I've never had a

massage. I haven't either. I haven't either. What? They're only 20 bucks in Chinatown. I'm so uncomfortable with a massage.

I'd rather not. Uncomfortable? Uncomfortable. Yeahatown. I'm so uncomfortable with a massage. It's ridiculous. Uncomfortable? Uncomfortable. Yeah, I'd rather just like not. Yeah. Even a lady? Even your lady? I would prefer a big, strong dude who could really get in there.

It felt a little weird for me, too. What about, wait, Nate, so why don't you like it? I just, yeah, I don't know. I just don't. You don't like hands on you? No, I like skin to skin contact. I just like, I don't know, something about it just seems weird. Like, I'm supposed to like, how good am I supposed to feel?

And also, it's like, what if it's... You moan too much, now it's a felony. It's like, what if they're like, I don't know what to tell them to do. So your body just feels good all the time? No, of course not. Your shoulder ever hurt? Yeah. You tell them to fucking go after the shoulder. We're going to go to the doctor for that.

Yeah, they don't know what they're doing. Yeah. Go to Chinatown for 20 bucks. That's not a doctor. Yeah, but your shoulder's fine. All Chinese people are doctors. Let's get that out of the way right now. All right, good.

Oh, yeah. I'm happy we settled that. Well, this is what Dennis Rodman said about the Wing Bowl. The question they asked him, they said, what are you doing here? I've been asked that question so many times. The same as David. How many times a day do you think Dennis Rodman hears? What the?

It's probably what wakes him up every day. Why are you in this baby changing room? Why are you, yeah. He said, I have no idea. They found me up in the graveyard and said, come up here and join us. A lot of people don't see me too much these days. I'm down in Miami, South Beach, or whatever, hanging out, trying to live life. I thought this was something like the hot dog contest, right?

It's a wing contest, and who can eat that much wings, especially at 7 in the morning? I can't take down no wings, man. Wait, hold on. Hold on. What was he doing at a cemetery at 7 in the morning? Actually, we have to edit that out. We don't even ask. We don't ask.

We don't ask why Dennis Rodman's at a cemetery. Dennis Rodman at a cemetery at like 6 a.m. People go to cemeteries to think. Mark, is it true or false? Absolutely true. I used to spend a lot of time in cemeteries. Yeah, and to talk to ghosts. But who scheduled this goddamn thing for 7 a.m.?

I mean, well, it's a morning zoo thing. Oh. Yeah, yeah. It's a whole morning zoo thing. That makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the morning zoo was just hanging out at the cemetery. Yeah.

Just, uh. Yeah, and he, this whole thing is. Dr. Bomb and the gator. This whole thing is one continual stream of consciousness. He said, I can't take down no wings, man. I've had my share of women, over 2,000. But damn, that's kind of cool, right? I like wings every once in a while.

At 4 or 5 in the morning when I'm hungover. This is nuts, man. People tailgating at 3, 4 in the morning. I've been to some tailgating. These guys are already lit up. I'm going to get my helmet on, put my mouthpiece on, and suck it up, baby. I'll take this in for a minute.

There we go. Put your mouthpiece on. Okay. What's he doing with a mouthpiece? He's ready to play. Yeah, he's ready to play. It's a weird analogy because he plays basketball. Not football, but okay. 2,000 women?

Oh, he throws that into everything he says. Oh, man, I don't know why I'm at this airplane convention. I've been with 2,000 women. I want to fly some airplanes right now. You know, ever since Will Chamberlain claimed to have slept with 20,000 women. Was it 20,000? I heard it was 100,000. 100,000. Marcus?

100,000 what? Women Will Chamberlain claimed to sleep with. I think 10,000. I'm saying 10,000. I'm going 20. I'm sticking with 20. I'm going to go 100,000. 20,000.

20,000. Yeah, he $20,000. I'm sticking with $20,000. I'm going to go $100,000. $20,000. $20,000. Yeah, he claims $20,000. So I think ever since that, other NBA players who have been cocksmiths. So they throw that number around. Yeah, but then $2,000 is much smaller. I don't think that $20,000 number is appropriate. Well, you know, it's like Will Chamberlain at the time was much like the competition on the court. They'd never seen anybody like him.

Dennis Rodman came around in the 90s. I mean, Scottie Pippen has like, you know, a legendary hog. Really? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. A big one, huh? Yeah, they were teammates, you know, so they were like fighting for women. I don't think they were fighting for them. Well, they were like, you know. He was the Pistons forever. He was on the Pistons, yeah.

He's got five championships. Five championships. Five-time NBA champion Dennis Rodman. Yeah, two with the Pistons, three with the Bulls. And his numbers are tired of the Pistons. And it should be with the Bulls, number 91. All right, so for Will Chamberlain to have slept with 20,000 women, and if he lost his virginity at the age of 15, and then claimed that he slept with 20,000 women at the age of 55,

then that means that he would have had to sleep with 500 women every year for 40 years, 1.4 women a day. No way. No way. It seems difficult to do. Difficult? Especially on road trips, I would say. How do you find the time of the day? He was just taking down a stewardess every flight.

I think that he put into, I think he counted women that were there. Because I think he did a lot of orgies and things like that. Everyone was in the 70s. You know what I think he did? I think he didn't count, and he just said a number in an interview. Can you just count? Oh, that's possible. I think that might have been.

Or in the book. Can you just count the people who are in the room when you have sex? Well, that's what I think he did. Also, if you're in an orgy with like 100 people and you're just like, oh, so that fruit, I know I'm going to write a book about this, just quick dick each one, just dick one chin each one.

Yeah, let me grab a tit here. Let me go down to this one. That's a good point. So if he just like, you know, once a month did a 50-person orgy, poked in each one, then boom, you have your quota. One scoop a lady.

One scoop a lady. One scoop a lady. Yeah, it's like you try all the ice cream, you know? I had my 10th birthday party at Will Chamberlain's. Did you fuck 20 girls? No. Well, then you're not on pace. Will Chamberlain showed us all his cock. Isn't that exciting?

That's kind of fun. Will Chamberlain. The big dipper, man. He was something else. It was like a sports bar with an arcade. It was right across the street from Pete Rose's, which was exactly the same thing. Wow. Those two guys should be hanging out.

That's great. I love Will Chamberlain's dad. I know that. He died? Will's gone? Oh, yeah. What did he die? He died in 99.

He did? Yeah, we were in high school. There was a big visual for him outside of Will Chamberlain's. AIDS? AIDS? No. Heart failure. Oh, heart failure.

Fucking too much. No, he was a big, tall monster. I thought it was a sword fight. They failure. Oh, heart failure. Fucking too much. No, he was a big, tall monster. I thought it was a sword fight. They don't last long. Sorry. It's fine, Nate. All right, now it's time for a segment with Paul McNeely. Whoa, Game of Thrones, everybody talks about it.

Everybody gets silent. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones, what's your plot twist? Because you know what? At this point, we've seen everything. We all watch Game of Thrones, and we all love Game of Thrones. That's not true. But the problem is that we've seen it all.

So what can you possibly do? Well, they need to turn the franchise around. It's starting to struggle. Everyone knows it. Everyone's talking about how it's not doing as well, and that people aren't watching it. That's not true. That is true. I thought it was doing better than it was.

I think bars are making all their money off this. They fired the entire writing staff. They fired the entire writing staff. You got hired. Maybe. You have to come up with the next big plot twist. I will start

Arya and Sansa. Arya finally gets done with her spirit training or whatever. start Arya and Sansa. Arya finally gets done with her spirit training or whatever. She meets up with Sansa. No one knows the show here. I do. I know the show. We all know the show.

You read the books? I guess I just don't know the show. I read the books. I read the books, too. There's dragons. I'm a fucking nerd. I read the books twice. Oh, God. All right.

So anyways, Arya and Sansa, they finally meet up. Thank God, right? They finally meet up in this field. They're looking at each other. Arya and Sansa, they finally meet up. Thank God, right? They finally meet up in this field. They're looking at each other. Arya and Sansa, two major characters. Everybody wants to see them meet back up. All I want to see is, yeah, they're sisters of the Stark family. And then we hear beep beep.

Like what? That sounds like a car motor, right? Oh, Tim Trey. Right? They turn. It's a cartoon car and he speaks Irish talk

he speaks Irish talk I think we gotta cancel the episode I don't think it's releasable I really don't I actually love this movie

thank you so much Tim Ture Tim Ture enters the cast turns the whole thing around makes it way more

about a cartoon talking about why is that the Irish name Tim Ture Tim Ture everything's named Tim Why is that the Irish name? Tim Ture. Tim Ture. Everything's named Tim Ture in Ireland. Tim Ture.

Tim Timity. Tim Tim Ture. It's your turn. Oh, my turn? Yeah. Someone's got to fuck one of these dire wolves. You know? They got these.

There's only one left. They got these big white wolves. You know? Yeah. And it's like, when are they going to get some action? When's Ramsay going to torture that guy? Fuck a dire wolf. I like it.

Ben? I never saw the show. There's dragons in the show. Yeah, well, I want Jon Snow to win a chicken wing eating competition. Okay. That sounds great. I don't think he's fucked enough women. Yeah.

No, that would be an amazing plot twist. Sure. So he just wins the chicken eating competition and then... I'd just be happy to see everyone get a good hot meal. Yeah. And Ben, you knew a character name. You know the game. Jon Snow. You know the show.

He's the most famous one. He died, but now he came back to life. I don't think he's the most famous one. He is the most famous one. Jackie. He is the most famous one. I don't think he's the most famous one. Jackie.

Dragons come through, burn everybody away who gives a fuck about all the people anymore. Fuck them. Now it is about the dragons however they killed everybody but the only thing that they did find was Oscar Isaac they picked him up out of he's not in the show but they went and they found him

out in the middle of nowhere so now he is their sex slave so the entire rest of the show is about the dragons can speak people now and it is about dragon life and oh i'm free but we have this man sex slave that we gotta fuck every once in a while and he's in so much pain every time he fucks them yeah this turns you on yeah sure and they're just so like they love him so much Because like they're totally into it

But And they're so happy That everybody else is dead Right Is he into it? Sure He's more of a sex slave But he's also a sex prince

And he's the prince of their new world That they're creating It's kind of dynamic It's interesting It's got layers And he's a great actor Oh my god He's a fantastic actor

He looks like he enjoys it Yeah Ed Larson Yes Game of Thrones expert One might say I would say Oh my god, he's a fantastic actor. Ed Larson. Yes. Game of Thrones expert, one might say. Knower, seer, seeker, lover, friend. Ed Larson.

What would you say would be the next perfect plot twist for Game of Thrones? Winter didn't come, and it was sunny. Ed wins. All right. So that's the round table. It's always sunny in Westeros. But Jackie gets the fan favorite from the chat. Thank you, Jackie. I appreciate it.

I just want to watch. Global warming is going to fuck this whole show up. No, it's in a never time. You don't understand. Fox News. Al Gore is going to show up. Yeah. All right. Does anyone's going to show up. Yeah. All right.

Does anyone have anything they want to plug? Why are you looking at your phone? Are you plugging stuff off your phone? I wanted to find my Instagram name. What is the name of the action star? Huge action star. Bronk Bronson. Hugh Jackman.

Vin Diesel. No, the other one. Paul Walker. The one that can be any nationality known to man. Oh, Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal is the answer? That is who I've been thinking of this entire podcast.

He was Sergio Agante. He was terrible. I can't think of anything else. I can't remember his fucking name. He can't play anything other than Steven Seagal. He's only Steven Seagal. Thank you, Steven Seagal. I'm out.

That's the answer? Holdenator's on Twitch. Also, send Andrew Parker your Holden Talks, Holdenator's Talks clips, and he's going to put them all together. Just ramble like me for five minutes, and then send it in to Andrew Parker on Facebook. I forgot to plug that last time. Holdenator's on Twitch.

Bitch. What do you got going on, Nate? You can follow me on Twitter at Nate Fridson. You can follow me on Instagram at Fridskins. That's F-R-I-D-S-K-I-N-S. Do you take some fun pictures? I take some fun pictures and some visual jokes. And you try to make it light and nice for everybody.

And I have information about all my shows there on all those things. And, you know, go to all that stuff. And when Ross Parsons finally finishes my website, you can go to that. Kind of dissed there on Ross Parsons. When that drunk fuck finally finishes my website. He's a great guy. Ross is a great guy. Big pistol on Fox News.

You can see me on Fox News. I'm going to be at Varney this week sometime at 10 o'clock in the morning. It's Varney and Company. It's a business show. It's on Fox News. Jim Varney. Is that Ernest? Stuart Varney.

Is he related? He's British. Ernest died? Ernest is also a business guy. Oh, yeah. Ernest, yeah, he Varney. Is he related? Ernest died. Ernest died? Ernest is also close to him. Oh, yeah. Ernest, yeah, he's dead. How about Vern? Is he with us?

He was a method actor, and he was doing Ernest Coast. He hated that he could do Ernest Coast. Honestly, follow me on Twitter. No one uses Twitter, but I still use Twitter. Follow me on it. And listen to my interview with Gary Johnson. I will follow Ben. I'm doing great.

Ed Larson, Instagram, Eddie Tunes. What else? June 11th, Murderfish Show at the Pit Loft. Come check it out. Ten Years at the Pit. Skulk the Hulk is going to play. Going to be fucking doozers. And listen to Brighter Side.

Bit of a dozer. All right, Marcus, anything you want to say? Yeah, Twitter, Instagram, at Marcus Parks, and go listen to my music show, The Lucky Bone Show, at mixcloud.com slash Marcus Parks. Oh, shit. What happened? Nothing, I was just backing him up.

Thank you. I'm kind of giving him, I'm like a soundboard for him. Oh, shit, no shit. All right, talk to you soon. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.