The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 292: Do NOT Get Into Me!

Episode Date: June 28, 2016

The gang is joined by Rich Templeton do discuss the country's legal system, hear stories about cats holding their owners hostage, and learn about the fruit related incident that resulted in Ben's enormous height.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Ladies and gentlemen, a little more watch. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Civility. gentlemen, always civility.

Hello! Brokha, Tyler, and I praise Jesus. Let's all take the sacrament, y'all. Inshallah, motherfuckers. It's time to break it off. Let's do it. Roundtable of gentlemen. Amen. Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. Hell yeah. Rip Rap Ramadan.

Alright, welcome to Rappy. Rippy Rap. rap ramadan that was great cena thank you thank you that was good happy to help it wasn't that all right so this is the round table of gentlemen thank you guys so much for tuning in jackie you're here and i'm sorry you said i looked through you earlier and it was just because you're so beautiful yeah that's what it was. I think it was all about the cock and roll, motherfuckers! Yeah, new catchphrase. I got it in my fucking head. And also

I'm starting to realize the more I look at Marcus, we have the same hairstyle right now. So I'm feeling pretty good about it. Yeah, I think we're finally really getting there, you know. It's not, it's, I wouldn't say it's good, but I wouldn't say it becoming one. Yeah, I think we're finally really getting there. You know, it's not, I wouldn't say it's good, but I wouldn't say it's bad.

Party in the back. He definitely dressed the same. No, he doesn't wear cut-off sleeves. Yeah, and also don't wear shorts. Marcus looks like the guy who never fucked the hottest chick at summer camp, but he is her best friend.

That's not true at all. Yeah, that hair thing. Marcus always bangs the hottest chick. Don't say the hair. No, those are the ones that they end up banging. Because they're like, you're so good. The jock was so bad. Oh, can we just kiss for a while?

I was the hottest girl at camp, and Marcus had sex with me. He was a gentle lover. All right. Ed, you're here. How you doing? What's going on? I'm fine. I had lots of cute friends.

All right. Now, at summer camp, what was summer camp like for you, Ben? Oh, it was one of the worst experiences I've ever had in my life. I don't believe you. I went to Lutheran summer camp. This is a true story. I fell off the second. Were you at the summer camp?

Yes. Good Christ. And I was so fat. Were you at the boat? No, but I was hot. Kind of a funny joke up top here. No, I fell off the top bunk on the first night. I slept on my suitcase, and I couldn't sleep all night because I was eating a bunch of sugary snacks.

Why would you be on the top bunk? Your side's always on the bottom. A boy with pimples fucked a chick. Or he didn't fuck her, but he kissed her. So in seventh grade world, that is having sex with her. And I was very upset that he had sex with the woman. He kissed the woman I wanted to be with. And summer camp was a really bad experience.

So he got the bottom bunk? He had a different bunk, and he was hanging out with other cool, fun people. And I was just alone in the weird one. And you know what I thought? Don't change my underwear. Why would I? That's what it was like in jail when I went to jail.

Yeah. You know what? That was jail. Well, you can't change your underwear in jail, right? Do they give you underwear? Yeah, they give you underwear. Oh, that's nice. You got to wash your own, though.

At least we did. In the toilet? I saw Eileen's underwear in New Orleans. They have a museum of death, and they got Eileen Woodrow's death row underwear. It's Wernos? Huh? Wernos. Wernos and they got Eileen Woodrow's death row underwear. It's Ornos? Huh? Ornos. Really? Her death row underwear? Were they stained?

They had like a little bit of a pee pee stain. Oh. Don't you shit yourself when you get electrocuted, Marcus? Well, it all depends on the manner of your death. Usually most people's bowels void when they die, but that's only if there's anything in there. Alright, hold it. So there's a bunch.

I fingered an owl in summer camp. Holdnator's hoe. It is like the one ring. It is my burden. I must now do another round of PlayStation Network shoutouts. So buckle up because there's several. There are several and none of them are short.

You just give them what's up? No, they have full things to say. Corey Griffin says... You know what? No, let's redo it, Holden. Give a ho. Holdenators, ho! Sorry, I'm brutally hungover today. Yeah, how about something from the diaphragm this time?

Something from deep down? Let's do it one more time, man. Let's all do it. Holdenators, ho! I will not do that. That's the last of me. That was the last of me. PlayStation Network shout-outs

every day for the rest of your life. I love my fans. Corey Griffin, tell... I love my fans. Angel just lost its wings. Marcus just threw his headphones across. I'm dying. I don't know what to tell you.

Is this sponsored by Sony? It might be. I don't know, man. Last Guardian. Pick it up. 2017. Corey Griffin says to tell Kissel to bring back Chow Time. What was Chow Time?

I don't remember Chow Time. It was one of his catchphrases. It was Chow Time. Remember? Chow Time? Yeah, Chow Time. You brought it back. Yeah, there was Chow Time. There was I'm Liking It. I'm Liking It. It was chow time. Remember? Chow time? Yeah, chow time. Hey, you brought it back. Yeah, there was chow time.

There was I'm liking it. I'm liking it. I'm liking it. Yeah, but he asked me to bring back chow time. Holden, say your next thing. Chow time. Chow time. Noah Dragon says, give me a shout out on a round table.

My N-word, he said with the soft R. I don't know if he's black, so I don't know if that's legit. There is soft R. Yeah, yeah. There is no R. No R. Yeah. So that's legit there is soft R no R AFK werewolf I'm not saying it AFK werewolf says bring

Kissel to justice everyone thinks you're a serial killer or something you did look right through me before as if I wasn't a person Fredo Two Wheels gives a shout out to Claire for shaving her pussy cool

cool thing to do. Uh-huh. Cool, yeah. I hope that she's okay with that. Muskrat 118 says, Chicken Marsala master hates to porn. I don't know, something about porn. All right, the segment is actually over now.

So Amber Nelson is also with us. You can listen to her on the brighter side. Thanks for being here, Amber. Hachi machi. What's shaking it, world? Thank you. Today I danced with a bunch of Puerto Ricans on the streets. I had a great time.

That was wonderful. What prompted that? I don't know. Just walking through. Walking through what? Puerto Ricania. A restaurant. Hold in any other shout outs? I don't think so. I think I should be finished Shoutout to your liver

Shoutouts to my liver for putting up with me for my whole goddamn life Good god, man I just can't drink like I used to Anything you want to say to your liver right now? Apologies, bro High five Okay We got Cena Jonas with us

Happy to be the blackest man on the round table here tonight Yeah It's always Eddie He's got high cholesterol Yeah I actually have great cholesterol Do you have good cholesterol? Surprisingly enough

How? I don't know It doesn't make any sense Genetic? Blood pressure too Isn't that wild? True And Rich you're with us here too

Yes And it's Towelson? Templeton Templeton Towelson You made up a Templeton. Towelson. Towelson. You made up a name. You made up a name. I don't know.

I have been drunk for 30 years. What do you got to say to your liver right now, Ben? Is that an Icelandic name? Towelson? Towelson? That name does not exist. I can find it. Well, my liver loves me.

Just towels on sale. Is that what you're trying to say? Towels on sale? Towels on sale? I don't know. Come on down to Rude 80. You can get some towels in there. You can't get it with your son.

That was my life. Rich Templeton is with us. Although Towelson, It's a good name I might go with that For now on I might name my son that Holden Towelson No just Towelson McNeely

Yeah God you should never procreate But that's fine Sina you're on your phone What's that? My girlfriend is texting me What are you doing? He's doing doctor lawyerlawyer stuff, man.

Marcus, how are you feeling? Hungover. Brutally so. Is everybody hungover? What the hell is wrong with you, Geron Weekend? What's wrong with you? Start drinking again. I am drinking. What did you forget, Eddie?

My gay pride pin. Your gay pride pin? Yeah, I bought one. We got markers. You bought one? Yeah, I bought one yesterday. I forgot to wear it today. You understand that goes to a conservative schmuck somewhere who hates gays. All the profits from gay pride pins go to the owner of Chick-fil-A.

What? What are you talking about? That's a fact. How is that a fact? I bought it from a homeless man. Look it up. Infowars.com. Yeah.

You bought it from a homeless man? Look it up. Infowars.com. You bought it from a homeless man? He seemed homeless. He definitely stunk. I got two separate high fives from two separate group of drunk gay men just because they thought I was a lesbian walking down the street. Fuck yeah. I have been wearing this cut off Metallica shirt for two days though, so it has definitely something to do with it.

One day a year, it pays off for you. Yeah, man. Yeah, just finally on me. I can be me. I forgot. I went to a rich apartment last night, and they had this robot system in their house, and it was like, Alexandra, lights on.

And the lights would come on. Oh, the Alexa thing, huh? Alexa, yeah. Alexa, yeah, Amazon. I was trying to make the music, and it'd be like, Alexa, Finn Morrison, Alexa. Like, she wouldn't. I was trying to make the music, and it'd be like, Alexa! Finn Morrison! Alexa! Like, she wouldn't.

Anyways. We're sharing stories, right? We're sharing stories. Yes. I cut people off for that shitty story. I would like to apologize. No need to apologize. You've done great.

There should be a character you have called sharing stories. He just interrupts people and tells bad stories. Sharing stories. It wasn't nothing to do withs people and tells bad stories. That's a good idea. Share in stories. It wasn't nothing to do with gay people either. Well, it was a really non sequitur there. Not really good on any level, but at the same time fun because you had a good voice.

You have a great voice. Okay, Marcus. You have a good voice too, and we always do stories on this show. So we should do one. Is this the relationships episode? Yes, this is actually about Marcus and I. Last night, we got drunk together in a hotel. Yeah, we got drunk together in a hotel.

Do you touch each other? Ben? Yeah. The answer is yes. Okay, happy pride, y'all. Happy pride. We're all gay today. Nothing's wrong pride We're all gay today I touch you I'll touch you

Although my cab driver Did call me sir on the way over here But that's also another story Fiddling all about it Fiddling all about it I think you just told the story That's the story. And he said, I'm sorry, mem.

I was like, no, it's all good. I identify with both. And then I could see him cringe. What bathroom do you use, Jackie? Man, whatever one I can fit my fucking pussy through the door. Like an octopus escaping through a boat. And I'm just like, no, no, no. Into the door. Like an octopus escaping through a boat. And I'm just like, no, no, no, into the door, come on. Powerful stuff, Jackie.

Jackie's pussy always tries to leave her body. It's always running away from her at all times. Projectile. Okay, so Marcus, let's do our first news story. We have a sucker fish down there. Yeah. Wild. That's true. news story. All right. Suckerfish down there. Yeah. Wild. That's true.

Good stuff. Air tight. Cleaning the walls of the tank. Help me. Help me. If your pussy had a voice, would it be like screech? Or what would it sound like? Or like Barry Manilow?

No, I think it would be a lot of- We're moving on to a story from Marcus. I want to hear what a pussy sounds like. I want to go back to it later in the show. Okay. Is that the segment? What does everybody's penis or pussy smell like? That's going to be the segment. What does your penis sound like?

Hello? Hi. What's going on? Now you've got to come with a different voice. Yeah, now you have to come with a different voice. Hey, hey, Eddie. Jackie, what you have to come up with a different voice. Wait, wait, Eddie. All right, Jackie, what does your vagina

sound like? Oh, stop on that. Oh, you could slip on it because we got lots of goo for all. It screams every three seconds. Okay. All right.

So it's not the segment? Do I have to come up with a new voice? Yes, you'll have to come up with a different voice for your pussy at the end of the show. Eddie! Eddie! Please, do touch me. Disgusting. I love that you think every woman's vagina has a bad butler accent.

Okay, Marcus, let's do one news story. Alright, a superior court judge in Georgia last week told a defendant during a hearing that he quote-unquote looked like a queer and challenged him to masturbate in front of him in the courtroom after the defendant threatened to kill members of the judge's family.

Can you go over that one more time? Alright. There's a lot going on here i will agree that there's quite a bit going on both parties were bad yeah both everyone's bad everyone's being everyone's being bad in this story it's like an american tale yeah so a judge in georgia last week told a defendant during a hearing that the defendant looked like a queer and challenged the defendant to masturbate in front of him in the courtroom after the defendant threatened to kill members of the judge's family. Sina, you're a lawyer.

Have you ever seen something like this in the courtroom? I've never. I've never. I've done a court thing. Never done a court thing. I mean, it's not that uncommon. Back a few hundred years ago, if a woman wanted to divorce her husband in the courts, she'd have to go and he would have to prove impotency.

She would have to say he's impotent, and he would have to try to masturbate in front of the courtroom. Really? Wow. That sounds like fun. Where was that? That's like England a long time ago. What made the judge so offended that he wanted... Sorry, yeah. Well, let's get to it. That's actually a very good question, Sina.

Is that a good question? That's a great question. I'll ask it. He's a lawyer. So what made the judge... What made the judge try to want to get to the jerk-off with the guy there? Because he's trying to kill his family. Well, let's...

See, Amber, you did bad. Oh, I'm sorry. Marcus, it's hard for him to criticize people. You actually must have done horrible. So, the incident occurred June 17th as defendant Denver Fenton Allen, who was accused of beating... That's not a stoppage.

Don't be silly. Denver Fenton. He was accused of beating a fellow inmate to death last August, and he was trying to get a different public defender because he didn't like the one that he had. Things turned ugly quickly between the defendant and the judge. During the hearing, the defendant told the judge that he would murder his whole family, saying, I'll cut your children up into pieces. I'll knock their brains out with a fucking hammer and feed them to you. The babies will be going, Daddy, Daddy, help me.

Sounds like Trump. That's elaborate. The sonographer was on point. On point. That's actually a really exciting case to write about. And then when the judge told the defendant that he didn't have any children, the defendant said, then I'll get your nieces, your nephews, and your sisters. And when the judge said he didn't have any of those either,

he told Alan, you're going to be in jail so long you won't have the chance. If you kill somebody in jail by beating them to death, isn't that on the jail? Aren't there supposed to be corrections officers who stop other people from killing you in jail by beating them to death, isn't that on the jail? Aren't there supposed to be corrections officers who stop other people from killing you in jail? You can't be there all the time. Why? Let them fight to the death. Who gives a fuck?

Where are the tigers? It's not a movie from the 80s. Jean-Claude Van Damme isn't running the goddamn place. Rome was right. Let them fight. And it wasn't built in a day, Jackie. That is true. Sina, you're a lawyer.

You've been in the courtroom. You're a filthy fucking dirtbag lawyer. Leave him alone. Guys, let's be very clear on when you guys call me. You guys call me about like, is this illegal what I'm about to do or ingest? Is this illegal? Two, can you

look at this agreement where I'm going to sell my comedy sketch for $5 to a mega media corporation? $5? You assholes are holding out on me. These are the two ways that I am a lawyer for my friends in America today. A little bird told me you once defended a child molester in court.

What do you have to say about that? Every American is afforded the right to counsel and a vigorous defense. What? The words of a slime bag. Lawyer slime bag. Our country was built on slime bags, sir. John Quincy Anderson. That's true.

Absolutely. So in this case, at the outset of the hearing, when the judge told the defendant that he couldn't have a lawyer of his choosing, the defendant said that he'd represent himself. But the judge told the defendant, quote, that would be the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life. And within minutes, the defendant told the judge that he would, quote, hold myself in contempt. And the judge said, listen to me.

And Alan told the judge fuck you i'm gonna defend myself you know after found and then after durham found alan contempt alan responded with i don't care durham then sentenced alan to 20 days for contempt instead if he said anything else he'd add another 20 days for everything else he said. Alan said, fuck you. The judge said, 40 days. Alan said, fuck you again. 60. Go fuck yourself. A year. A year.

Your mama. 10 years. Suck my dick. Who's on first? It's a bizarre. It's amazing. Everything that was edited out of the, edited out of whose line is it anyway? Basically just said.

It's kind of great though. I mean, imagine being in court that day and just watching it from the back. Just love it. Wow. I got it. So, you know, people mock people who defend themselves. But if you know you're guilty, I mean, why not put yourself on the stage? Have a day.

Have a day. Why not? Did Manson defend himself? No, no, he did not. No, no, absolutely not. No, he wouldn't have done a great job. But I feel like defending yourself is a really fun thing to do. I mean, when was the last time you had to stare at 12 people who could decide your fate

and you have to convince them that you're not a murderer? God knows what it might be. Wednesday. It happened to me on Wednesday. That was Wednesday? How'd you do? I'm here. You got off.

Also, just how liberating to give up. You know, and just be like, I'm a piece of shit. Fuck you. You give me 10 years, fuck yourself. Yeah, fuck yourself. Because this guy's going to be, I mean, he's going away forever anyway. He killed someone. Yeah, he can't.

It doesn't matter. He beat a man to death. Yeah, and he's like 20 days. While he was already serving another sentence. Yeah, while he was already in prison, he went for another. What was your original crime? Do we know? I don't know.

Yeah. Can I see the picture of this guy? All right. Rich, I have a question. What do you think? John Quincy Adams, he defended the Brits after the revolution. What do you think about him? I mean, when you think about it, the fact that he was able to defend a bunch of conservative pieces of shit.

There it is. Taking what they thought was theirs and they wanted it. Preach it, sister. Is done. You can't do that. Wow. You can't do that. You're talking about our boys. Oh, sister. It is done. You can't do that. Wow. You can't do that. You're talking about our boys.

Oh, man. You know? I have no idea. Good answer. We lost about a quarter million just in Yorkville alone. I learned that from Hamilton, all right? Oh, you watched Hamilton? Half of it.

I walked out. I walked out. I walked out of here. That's your real American dream. More of an Aaron Bur walked out. I walked out. I walked out of here. That's your real American dream. More of an Aaron Burr guy, I guess. Matt is a rich man. I don't like it.

That's good. Well, I'm sorry for ruining the show, Marcus. It's quite all right, Ben. We can handle it. Okay. Well, the back and forth. Hamilton. My name is Hamilton.

You saw it too. Now he's ruining it. Now you're being bad. Eddie, did you see it? Yeah, I saw it. You saw the play? Yeah, I saw Hamilton. It was phenomenal. It was a great play.

I've only heard the music, and the music, honestly, it sounds like a bunch of nerds. It is nerdy. It is a little nerdy. But it's a history lesson told in hip hop. But it's fun. I had a great time. I had a great time. I had a wonderful time. It's a great play.

You should go see it. Is Nas in it? Nas, he's not in it. Is Ice Cube in it? He's a producer. I think Nas is a producer. Is Ice Cube in it? Ice Cube?

Ice tea. Is ice tea in it? No, you can drink it, though. Is Dr. Dre in it? Dr. Dre, he's a ghost. Is Snoopy Dog in it? Dr. Pepper's in it? Dr. Dre, he's a ghost. Snoopy Dog in it. Dr. Pepper's in it? Dr. Pepper.

Can we move on? No, I actually want to see how much worse this can get. Well, that back and forth continued between these guys for a little while until Alan started talking about parts of the judge's anatomy and how he liked to have sex with boys. The judge told him, oh, of course, you know, you look like a queer. And Alan said, okay, so now you're calling me a queer in the courtroom? The judge said, I didn't call you one.

I said, you look like one. And then Alan then asked Durham if he could get a court order to have sodomy performed on him. And Durham said, you're so cute. I know all the inmates love you to death. I'll bet everyone enjoys fucking your ass. The judge said that? The judge said that? It got emotional.

Isn't it a little bit crazy though that a judge is just sitting there being like, I know wherever I send you it will be another layer of hell and you will be raped? There's one thing I've learned about judges though. When you go into their courtroom that is it. It is like the terror dome.

It is their battle zone. They own everything. They can get a phone. They'll call whoever they want. They'll get police to go put someone on the phone just to talk to them. They can do whatever they want inside those chambers and try to reach out and grab anyone at any time. Is there any more ego? Are there any?

The egos of a judge. Is there anything larger than the ego of a judge? Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator. Thumbs up, thumbs down, bitches. Let them fight to death. I love the idea of just like, yeah, I just want to get rid of prisons. Let them fight each other to death. Let them fight each other to death.

Yeah, like all the same sentences. Yeah, yeah. Let's just do it. Battle it out. I'm saying the get rid of prisons. Let them fight each other to death. Let them fight each other to death. Yeah, like all the same sentences. Yeah, yeah. Let's just do it. Battle it out. I'm saying the bad ones. Right. And then, you know, it's like, oh. What do you do with the good ones?

The good ones, then they can go rot. We can only go put them in a cell, go, you know, bury them up to their necks. Sounds worse. And let the ants get them. But I think that. This is a lot worse. Way worse. No, no.

For the good ones, you get buried alive. So you're not buried alive up to your neck with honey on your face and then there's ants. But, and then it just bites. You know what I mean? And then you eventually get able to get out. They'll eat your brain. They go through your nose. They eat your brain.

They eat your brain. That's kind of cool. Sina, what is the scariest judge you ever defended a pervert for? In the courtroom. That's a great question. Judge Lancaster of Yorkville. Oh, okay. I heard they lost a quarter million of them.

A quarter million little boys because of me. Well, during this trial, the trial went on, and as Durham wrapped up the hearing, or actually later on in that trial, Allen said that he was going to start jerking off an open court to which the judge said, why don't you do that right now? Do it now. Do it now.

He didn't do it. He did not do it. He didn't do it. He called his bluff. Yeah, he called his bluff. He's like, do it. Fucking do it. So what's up? Is this judge in trouble or is he just a badass? Well, while provoked, the judge could be in hot water with the state judicial ethics agency, not only because of the vulgarities, but because he said it was his guess that he'd find Alan guilty and that Alan would find out just how nasty he really was.

So that's actually what I love. I'm sorry. This is what I love most about the law is that you could say all the stuff like, you look like a queer and you should jerk off. But if you're like, I think you're guilty because I don't like you, they stuff like, you look like a queer and you should jerk off. But if you're like, I think you're guilty because I don't like you, they're like, you've crossed the line! You've crossed the fucking line! Right now. It's gotta be crazy to be a judge.

It's a 9 to 5. It's just a job. You make your own hours. You make your own hours, you go home, you do your own things, you go out, and as soon as you get to work, you sentence human beings to time that is almost unfathomable yeah 10 years imprisonment this guy gave him 10 years 10 years for being an asshole for being an asshole to have that kind of power how doesn't it corrupt someone's mind how old do you have to be to be a judge i imagine you can be 18 17

no i think it's like 45 if you go through the schooling but yeah there's no there's no age restriction yeah you gotta be at least 24 you imagine if you're super smart and you can get through law school you even need a jd to be a judge no you need a jd you need to admit it into that bar oh but how weird is it to wake up in the morning and be like have your coffee you don't know what the day is gonna uh you know lead to and then you can just uh you know send someone away for 40 years. Fucking badass shit. It's so cool.

I would love to be a judge. I think I'd be a nice, fun judge. Yeah, you would. You'd be a good judge. Fair and just. Yeah. In Texas, you've got to be 25 years old and have four years of experience practicing law before you can be a judge. 25?

If I had a 25-year-old judge, I'd be so fucking pissed. I'd be really mad. Yeah. A criminal appeals court judge, however, must be 35 years old and have 10 years of experience. Is there a federal rule on that? Yeah, that's federal. Oh, thank you. I want to be a fudge.

What's that? Chocolate. That joke. That's a good point, Eddie. I would eat you. Here, here. I sent you to a full tummy. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Strange court system you. I sentenced you to a full tummy.

Strange court system over here at Ed Larson. If I was a judge, my thing would be I'd have a big stack of books, and whenever I sentenced you, I'd throw the book at you. I'd hit you in the head with a book. That's fun. Ten years in prison, you fucking piece of shit. I'd throw a book at him. What book would you throw in? Catcher of the Rye.

Yeah, obviously. Catcher of the Rye. Yeah, obviously, Catcher the Rye. It would have to be, right? It would have to be. Soft cover or hard cover? Hard cover. It's got to make that bonk noise when it hits them in the forehead for maximum laughs. Good point. Now, Ben, what was the worst judge you were in front of ever in your life?

Because I know you've been in front of some judges. You know, as a person who has a... You know, legal experience. You know. I have been in front of a few judges, I will admit. And I did love every experience. The worst judge... I think there was a...

You know what they were? Lackadaisical. Yeah. They were going through the motions. And they were like, oh, you're not a threat. You can go. I was like, are you fucking sure? I wanted them to be meaner.

What is that gavel thing, by the way? The gavel is everything. You throw that gavel down. As soon as that gavel happens, it is the end of the lap dance. The song is over. What if you're hungover and you're like, I don't know, fucking life. Then you're like, it is the end of the lap dance. The song is over. Well, because what if you're hungover and you're like, I sent it to you, I don't know, fucking life, and you go, gav-gunk.

And then you're like, oh, wait, I meant like a day. No. Really? You can't talk after the gavel. No speaking after the gavel. Is that real? Is that true? Xeno.

Is that real? Xeno? This is real. Marcus, Google it. Marcus, Google it. Xeno. I swear to God, as soon as the gavel hits, no talking. I don't even know how that's even possible.

What happens before the gavel, that's official. After the gavel. Is there a stenographer that would be like, gavel, and then just take the paper and just throw it away? Off the record. Throw the whole time right away. It's all off the record. That's off the record. That gavel is huge.

It may be, but I don't think you're telling the truth on this one. I think you're telling a fib. I think you're fibbing. They just hit the gavel and tell people to shut up and stuff, too. Order in the court. Bang, bang, bang. Willy nilly. Yeah, they, I mean, I'll tell you, the judges loved me, and

it was very fun. We love looking at the exhibits of where you peed on the street. Yeah. A couple of, you know what, what is a bathroom? Are you a registered sex offender? No. No, you just shit on a bunch of cars.

I didn't shit on cars. You shit on cars. He just peed on a car. He just peed on a kindergarten class. That's all. What the hell? You guys are off the rails. Chevrolet 87.

Leave it alone. It's a good car. But if you could go to jail forever, what would it be? What crime would it be? I'd say I would take the meanest old lady in town and shoot her in the face. That's murder. Yeah, murder's the crime. I guess murder would be my crime, too.

Yeah, kill somebody you hate. Yeah. Yep. Treason. Treason. Yeah, kill somebody you hate. Yeah. Treason. Yeah, I would go with treason. I would go with attempting to green slime Donald Trump or something. And then probably go to jail or prison for attempted terrorism or something.

Yeah, that could be it. Cena's thinking lofty. Wouldn't it be great to slime him though? I guess. Like a helicopter? Like Nickelodeon slime? Yeah. Jackie, what are you thinking about right now?

I was thinking about how hard it would be for me to actually learn how to counterfeit money. I think it would be pretty hard, but then I was thinking of, like, what if you came up with your own counterfeit soda company? Like Mountain Dew, and, like, you sell that in, like, Hollywood and stuff like that, and you're like soda company, like Mountain Dew, and you sell that in Hollywood and stuff like that, and you're like, oh, no, no,

it's like Mountain Dew, but it's better, and it'll get you more money. Hence the counterfeit money. Hence the Mountain Dew, and that's what I would be put away for forever. That's what they drink in Fiddle on the Roof. Isn't that something? If I were a witch Jew, right? Is that what he says? What? If I were a witch Jew Right is that what he says

If I were a witch Jew Yabba dabba dabba Yabba dabba dabba dabba Good point You'll be there They're all witch Jews Okay Next story Ben

You asked me what I was thinking about That's why I was silent That's why my mouth was closed. Wait, is Mountain Dew already kosher? Because I know there are certain soft drinks that are kosher, not kosher. Mountain Dew is the bottom of

the barrel of drinks, of soft drinks. I love Mountain Dew so much. I had a Mountain Dew for breakfast this morning. It was amazing. Marcus wouldn't even drink on the plane with me. He was drinking so much. I had a Mountain Dew for breakfast this morning. Marcus wouldn't even drink on the plane with me. He was drinking so much Mountain Dew. I drink a lot of Mountain Dew. By the way, I did get on the plane. It is party

row. We know that, Marcus. We know it. Party row. Party row. And the Sky Waitress came up and she was like, what do you want to drink? And I said, I'll have some orange juice and then three vodkas. And she looked at me like I just said something horrible against the government. It was the most judgmental look I've ever seen in my life.

What time was it? It was like two o'clock. Oh, that's not bad. So they gave me two vodkas. Fuck them. You know you have to pay with a card now because when you do with cash, they can't track how many alcohols you've had. Yeah, but I'd rather put the tip

inside of her bra. Yeah. Well, Delta didn't make me pay. I didn't pay. Actually, you didn't pay. I did not pay. They just gave you two bottles of vodka and just did not want to have any more interaction with you. Different kind of business.

You got to bring it with you like Keppard does. No. He buys the little bottles. You can travel with them. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God, my world is blown. You can go?

Because they're under three ounces and then he puts them all in a Ziploc bag and he brings them on and he just gets hammered. Get the fuck out. Can you do that still? Yeah. Marcus, let's do another story. We can't talk all day about booze.

I'm flying to New Orleans next week. I'm going to fucking do that. Because you're not going to get enough booze in New Orleans. We've actually, this next story, this is a bit of a repeat story. This has actually happened once before. I think we covered this a couple years ago, but it happened again. A couple in Wisconsin called upon local police after their cat's wild behavior left them feeling like hostages in their own home. Oh, I remember that story.

Yeah, it happened again, and this time in Wisconsin. in their own home. Oh, I remember that story. Yeah, it happened again, and this time in Wisconsin. Police responded to the home in Greenfield when a woman called to report that her pet cat had attacked her husband and sought help in having the animal removed. The woman said,

this is going to sound like a strange question, but we have a cat and it's going crazy and it attacked my husband and we're kind of hostage in our house and we're just wondering who we should call to do something, get rid of the cat or help us. Kill the cat. Kill the cat, you think? Yeah, yeah, it's kill with a golf club

Is there anything more emasculating than being caught trapped in your own home by a cat okay old? They're not I don't think they were old I have a thundercat. It's not a Throw I would I would let Chitara sit on my face. Rich, favorite Thundercat. No, no, no. Female Thundercats? No. I would be lying if I said I knew any of the names.

I don't know any of the Thundercats. Panthro? Lion-O? What are Thundercats? Yeah, I don't know. I never saw it. You know the Thundercats? They're the original hoes. Thundercats ho!

Yeah. You stole it from, Thundercats, they're the original hoes. Thundercats hoes. Yeah. Holden, you stole it from the Thundercats. I hope everyone out there knows Holden did not originate the hoes. Right? Everyone knows that, right? Am I on fucking trial here? Lawyer.

Take him to the bridge. Points of order. I had nothing to do with those boys. Jack off Did you admit to a crime no no one did you admit to a crime? I'm gonna do it not it. Did you do it? I do actually wish you ran the world Child. One, two, three. Not it. Not it. Lawyer pedophile. Actually, I never said that.

Make him deny it. I'm it. Oh my god. What a horrifying idea that is. Now, if you masturbate when you're underage, is that molesting yourself? No, it's not, Amber. Thank you for the question.

Good god. I have for the question. Good God. I have molested myself. Yeah. You know when you go too far when you're masturbating? Why am I even masturbating anymore? I'm too drunk. I gotta just stop. At that point, you're molesting yourself. Yeah, put a clock on it.

Chow time. Chow time. I'm liking it. Uh-oh, chow time. Chow time. I'm liking it. Uh-oh. Chow time. Cock and roll. That's yours. Hey, now I got a new catchphrase. Don't come at me with that.

I mean, that's a little... I don't know. It's a little defensive. Yeah, it is. Because people are constantly coming at me with shit. So it's like, don't come at me with that. It's a long one, though. A lot of times you want to shorten it or something.

It's just a sentence. Yeah, it's a short sentence. Yeah, man. Shout time. I think mine's going to be, you're the fucker. You're the fucker? Good idea. Ed, don't come at me with that.

You're the fucker. I'm actually going to say Marcus's wins. Don't come at me with that. Yeah, because you can't come at him with anything. You're the fucker, though. Tina, because you can't come at it with anything. Tina, your big catchphrase? Ugh. Oh, you're a pedophile. A pedophile.

Okay, so the cat attacked the family. That's it. Did they shoot the cat? Did they kill it or what? Neither the woman nor the husband were seriously injured by the cat, which was ultimately captured and placed in custody of the Milwaukee Area Domestic Animal Control Commission, otherwise known as the MADACC.

It was cat-churred. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't come at me with that. Don't come at me with that. No, no, no. That was fun. That was fun.

Don't cat at me with that. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Don't come cat me with that. Don't come cat me with that. Don't come cat me with that. Don't come cat me with that, man't come cat me with that, man. Meow time.

There we go. Was this their own cat? It was their cat, yeah. So was it an okay? Did it have an okay existence before that? I think it was a turn. I think it was a turn. It was a turn.

It was a turn. To be Rick Hulk Hogan going Hollywood. Tug and heel. Yeah, it was a turn. I think it was a turn. It was a turn. It was a turn. To be real, Hulk Hogan going Hollywood. Hulk and heel. Yeah, it was a heel turn on the cat. Heel turn. Gotcha. Gotta get that heel turn. Probably get like a worm in its brain or something.

Yeah, rabies, I would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be a great opportunity to kill a cat, though. Absolutely. And not like everyone would think you're a psychopath. No, do it with a hoe. You can just kill that one. Do it with a shovel.

Yeah, but that's the problem, though, is that I had a cat that I was terrified of, and no one believed me. And then you seemed like the fucking crazy person. I was like, I'm going to kill this cat. I'm going to throw the cat against the fucking wall sometime too hard. What did you do? I have scars all over my stomach. Really? She only had one eye.

She was feral. My landlord made me take her, and she would hide in the middle of the night because she was mad because I had broken up with my boyfriend, and she only feral. My landlord made me take her and she would hide in the middle of the night because she was mad because I had broken up with my boyfriend and she only liked him. And I would be walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night just like a broad. It was an awful street cat. Yeah, and she would just come out and dig her claws and then just like drag them down my stomach.

Pips, right? Pips, pipsqueak. I have scars all over my stomach. Because she would just grab and just like drag her claws. She was an evil cat. If you were over there and you weren't paying attention it would just scratch your ankles. What happened to her? I sent her away.

You threw her out the window? No, I really wanted to. What I wanted to do was just... She went to Hogwarts? What the hell happened? I sent her to a kill shelter because no one would ever want her and no one should have had her. She was like the one cat that didn't get killed, right? And they just kept it as the office? Yeah, and then they sent her to a farm.

Oh, okay. She's living a great life. She needed to be free. They said they'd send her to a farm. I don't think they actually killed her. But I think that they actually sent her to a farm where they rehabilitate animals that they can't assimilate to city life.

Did they rip out the ute? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there was no ute. That wasn't the issue. She was just fucking mean and fucking smart. And that was the kind of cat that I was like, I was worried that I was going to slam the cat against the wall and kill it. Sounds like you needed a cat daddy.

Oh, cat daddy. Oh, cat daddy. Oh, my God. No one's cat daddy. No one oh cat daddy oh my god do you know when no one's cat i don't know jackson galaxy you guys don't know jackson galaxy the cat yeah yeah cat it's not a bad cat it's just he's got a whole band and then he comes out he's got a bunch of cat toys in a guitar case and then he opens up a guitar case. He's like, and then what he does to get down, so he stares at the cat eye to eye. And you have to blink slowly. And then you have to get them to blink with you.

And once they're blinking with you, you're basically saying, cat, I love you. Cat, I love you. You have to blink really slowly while you say it. Here's the cat daddy. Jackson Galaxy. Yeah, Jackson Galaxy. He's going to do the Beacon Theater. Isn't that right?

I love Jackson Galaxy. What's he going to do at the Beacon? I don't know. What the fuck does this guy do? What does he do? He just waves to everybody and fucking leaves. He's a god among men, Jackson Galaxy. He's got a band. He plays out. He's a cool guy. He's a god among men, Jackson Galaxy. Mm-hmm. Yep, he's got a band.

He plays out. He's a cool guy. He's got tattoos. Do you guys think you would cry if you were like, you rage killed your feral cat? No. No, I would have felt safe.

I'm glad that you've said this, Jackie, because I had a hell cat named Calvin that I was forced to live with, my girlfriend at the time, who's since cheated on me and left me. Now, why did she cheat on you?

Do you think? I think it was absolutely because I was not pleasing her in bed. Real talk. I had a hard time with this cat and I also was worried because I would throw it and I felt bad as a person for doing it. When I was away

in study abroad, it ran away. So luckily I didn't have to deal with it ever again. But I'm glad. It was looking for you. But honestly, these cats, kill them. Kill the cats. Let's revisit the story because it's been two years since this happened. The first

cat, you know, this first bad cat story that we ever covered was a 22 pound cat that trapped a familypound cat that trapped a family of three in Oregon. What happened is the cat scratched an eight-month-old baby. The father kicked the cat, and then the cat charged him. And he actually trapped them in a bedroom for quite a while. Even on the 911 call, you can hear the cat screaming in the background. Can we hear the 911 call?

We can't do it. We can't. No, no, no. That would take a lot of preparation. It sounds like a nightmare. It was an awful situation. We remember it. I think we've heard it on a previous episode.

Go back and find it. My old that cat used to run outside and grab the biggest cockroach it could find and bring it inside and not kill it and just keep it alive and not kill it and just keep it alive and just play with it all over my rug it was disgusting why didn't you like that cat that actually sounds like a super fun cat no it's bad it's for a gift that's what they do they go kill and they go bring it to you it's a huge gross cockroach and then and it would do the same

shit it would hide and jump out at you and fucking scratch you are you trying to relax or masturbate sick when they eat cockroaches. You figure it would make you sick. Eating a cockroach. You eat lobster and crawfish. Yeah, but that's different. Butter. You can eat a roach. You can eat a roach and be justified. You can eat

any bug pretty much that's not poisonous. And lots of people do eat bugs all the time. I've eaten plenty of bugs. They crawl in poo-poo. I mean, that's the thing. You got to clean it off first. You don't just grab it from the floor. Like, you're not going to drop a pork chop behind a furnace or behind a fucking radiator and pick it up and eat it.

You got to rinse it. Yeah, when you get strawberries from the store, you got to give them a rinse. Or, yeah. Yeah, give it a rinse. Or grapes. Grapes, you must also rinse. Yeah, because they're dirty hands. Rinse your roaches before you eat them, everybody.

Kind of a fun produce segment we're doing. Yeah. What's your favorite fruit to rinse? You know what? I've never been asked that. But I have to say, I will say, I used to wash all of my fruit with dishwashing soap. Lies. No.

No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. Why did you? My mother did it. Did all fruit just taste like dishwashing soap. Lies. No. No, you didn't. I did. Why did you? My mother did it. Did all fruit just taste like dishwashing soap? No, you wash it off. But it's not like permeated into the skin? My mom cleaned.

No way. I swear to God, this is true. I don't think I've, five years of podcast. You've never talked about this. This is bizarre. This is the most, some of the most. Maybe this produce segment is good. Maybe it is.

Maybe. I really think your mom just poisoned you for a while. She was trying to. She was probably maybe six foot seven. Dish washing soap. She would put dish washing soap on all of the fruits we would buy and then strain them. And the vegetables as well? Strain the soap? Well, you have to spray the soap.

Oh my god. Oh my god. That's the wrong choice. I had a friend of mine that lived in Africa and she put a cup of bleach in with her fruit, but you wash it off. Yeah, you wash it off. You have to clean it. Yeah.

This is not that crazy. This is weird. This is really crazy. You don't have to clean the fruit. No, you do. I mean, it's disgusting what happens with the fruit. You can wash it off. Everyone's sneezing on it and whatnot. You brusquely wash it.

Snakes piss on it. I don't think snakes pee. They do. Of course they pee. Yeah, they pee and they poo. Snakes pee pee. Tough to say. Snakes have tiny poopoo.

But yeah, the favorite. You can't deny that. That's not a denial thing. You know what it was? Kiwi. But you eat the skin of the kiwi. I love a kiwi. Okay, that's a fun fruit to rinse.

My favorite fruit to rinse. There you go. It's a wonderful one. Because it's furry? Yeah. And then if you chop it up, I mean, it is a fun fruit to eat. With dishwashing detergently outside of it? Well, yeah, you got to clean the dishes.

It's good. I'm checking out WikiHow, and they've got three different methods of cleaning fruit. None of them involve soap. What do they say? They say water. They say water, or you can soak it in salt, or you can soak it in vinegar, or you just soak it in water. Put a bunch of soap on it. It's a nine-step process to rinsing produce with water.

That is so disturbing. What? It's gross. Yeah, that's terrible. Peaches? That's probably why you don't eat healthily, because you thought it tasted, everything tastes like dishwashing detergent. No, it doesn't. You wash it off.

All right, Marcus, another story. All right, another story here. A family mother feeds the kids soap-laden fruit. It didn't taste like soap. Kids grow nine feet. That did happen. Found on Easter Island. It's possible, man.

When we took in Michael, my foster brother, he was in the one percentile of size. He was so tiny, you couldn't even see the kid, and now he's six foot four, so maybe there is something with my mother's idea of putting soap on fruit.

Yes, put soap on everything. Put soap on it. That's a new catchphrase. Put soap on it. Put some soap on it. Put some soap on it. Don't come at me with that. Okay, I'm coming at you.

Don't put soap on it. Get some soap on it. Don't come at me with that. Okay, I'm coming at you. Don't put soap on it. Get real. Oh, I like that. Get real. I like that a lot. Get your ass real. He's pointing out. That is a good one.

I like that one a lot. Yeah. All right, last story today. Last story. A family argument over whether the earth is flat or round became so heated that one of the participants threw a propane cylinder into a campfire, prompting an intervention by firefighters.

Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Police said a 56-year-old Brockville man was at a campsite with his son and his son's girlfriend when the woman began insisting that the earth is flat. The older man insisted the earth is flat. The older man insisted the earth is round. Police said the man became so enraged he

started throwing objects into the campfire including a propane cylinder which exploded. And by the time police arrived at the scene, the man had run off. I love that chaos lifestyle to end an argument. It's like, oh, you're right. Fucking propane to the fire argument. He's like, oh, you're right. Fucking broke into the fire.

Now who's right? Now who's about to die? Wait, so which one threw it into the fire? Was it the flat or was it the round? The round. The man,

the older man, he got so mad at this woman insisting that the earth was flat that he started throwing random objects into the fire.

Whatever he could find. I would do that. Yeah, he gets so mad at how wrong they are. Yeah, Insisting that the earth was flat that he started throwing random objects into the fire whatever They're never gonna know she's more convinced that the earth is flat and she's anything in her life Yeah, you're gonna act like that, but it's definitely flat isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Yeah It's better that he does that than like beat the shit out of her That is true. I feel like would be my first instinct at that point of drunken revelry. What is more legal? Throwing a propane tank into a fire at a party or beating a woman? Propane. Got to be propane.

Propane, yeah. Well, I mean, propane, that's reckless endangerment. As long as it doesn't get the house on fire, right? That's fine. But assault and battery, that's a felony. I don't know. Is reckless endangerment a felony. It depends on the effect.

Pedophile. Right? So if it explodes and there's a bunch of people in the house, I think that you quickly upgrade that. No, no one got hurt. There were no injuries here. So I think, yeah, I think you're okay. But then if you really, with hack, with the, you know.

Are you thinking about boys right now? I heard he wants. I heard he wants. Everyone's saying he's a pedophile. By virtue of that, does defending pedophiles make one a pedophile? Everyone is afforded a vigorous defense. Where'd you get that mustache from, Cena? He just grew it over the course of the show.

That's a nice Dodge Ram you got outside. Cena John, pedophile lawyer. Holdenators, ho! Dead real! Don't come at me with that. Dead real! Shout out. I'm liking it.

Holy! This is good. What is it? Do not get into me do not don't don't come at me Wow That's good. Lousy wowsy. Don't get into me. Don't get into me. Not get into me.

You have to say it like that. Don't crawl up there. Oh, I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. May I borrow that? Of course, of course. And I'm sorry I booed lousy wowsy. It's a weird instant reaction. Wowsy wowsy.

Boo! It is actually a reaction. I can't not do it. It's so bizarre. I've never had anything like that. What is it? Don't crawl up in it. Don't crawl up in it.

Don't crawl up in it. Don't crawl up in it. Don't crawl up in it. Don't crawl up in it. For real. My catchphrase is a hoo-wee. Oh, yeah. That's a good one.

Hoo-wee. It's a hog call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do a good one. Oh, yeah. It's a hog call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys might question, why do people think Flat Earth exists? There was a couple of YouTube videos and Tila Tequila's all about it. Tila Tequila? Oh, there it is. She's also a Nazi.

Nazi sympathizer. Really? Yeah, yeah, totally. Oh, yeah. Which is weird because, you know. And a porn star. Yeah. Yeah.

Like a very poor porn star. Very bad. She's not good at it. It was a C-minus effort. Yeah. Yeah. She's not like us. Yeah. Like a very poor porn star. Very bad. She's not good at it. It was a C-minus effort. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Okay.

So, let's see. Chow time. Let's do... You throw to the segments to hold it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't done that yet. I haven't done that yet. So, is it a story time?

Let's go ahead and say it's time for a segment from Omineli. Get real. All right, everybody. You already heard. I haven't done that yet. So is it a story time? Let's go ahead and say it's time for a segment from all of Manali. All right, everybody. You already heard. We did a little foreshadow. Oh, we're still doing that segment? Oh, absolutely. What does your penis sound like? Or vagina.

Or vagina. Could you do less work on these segments? This is what my penis sounds like. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie was her name. Maggie. Oh, right.

Maggie was her name. He says what he's done. Nice. That's some sweet action. Yeah, that was... That's great. Oh, what our genitals would sound like? Yeah.

Mine is like... Oh, I smell like a 9-11 garbage dump. Your vagina roasters itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Ben Kissel, you have a penis? Yep. It just says...

Well, I don't know what my... Got something like that, like... Is that an ostrich? Yeah, kind of like I'm exhausted to be here, but I'm forced to be aroused. You know, like I don't want to wake up in the morning, but at the same time, you know, duty calls. This is the first time you've ever gotten into a segment.

It is. This is what we need to do. Richard Towelson, what does your penis sound like? What does my penis sound like? I think it sounds something like, Daddy, won't you take me to the soup store? Daddy, won't you take me to the soup store? It's either that or,

The last I checked, the United States Constitution. And then it's just an ellipsis from there. Constitution and then it's just an ellipsis from there Cena John pedophile Legend alleged oh, can I take a guess? Yeah sure is the sound like Step right up. Step right up. I think it would be more like remember that old commercial with the dog and he was the bacon bits?

Bacon, bacon, bacon. Bacon, bacon, bacon. Bacon, bacon, bacon. Just running around and then slowly stopping and saying, hey, where am I going to put it? I like that a lot. and say, hey, where am I going to put it? There we go. I like that a lot. I figure you found a Japanese war criminal

hiding in the woods in your pubic hair. And he's just like, where am I? The war's still going on. Remember that? I don't know, Amber. You haven't made a lot of sense for a while. That's not true. Is that basically the synopsis of Unbroken?

Maybe. There was an actual guy hiding out in the woods. We're not doing it. Okay. Jackie, Jackie, lesbian in every way except for sexual preference,

what does your vagina sound like? You already heard what my actual vagina sounds like, so this is take two. I feel like in general, I'm more like the Mufasa, and I'm just like, Simba, everything you see, everything the light touches is yours.

And then my pussy is Simba. And he goes, Daddy, Daddy, I'm going to put my lips around a bird and a groundhog, I think, and a warthog. And I'm going to find other lions and I'm gonna fuck them I need a daddy and then he grows up and he gets hot and he turns into fucking Matthew Broderick and then my pussy is just like pert and ready for

Nala to get erp in erp pert so the sound it makes? Daddy. It's Daddy. Oh, I saw that. I need a daddy.

Yeah, it's called I Need a Daddy. I Need a Daddy version. 11-year-old Matthew Roger. I see. No, he was in his 20s or 30s at the time. I'm not talking JTT, Simba. Ed Larson, what do your balls sound like? Whoa!

You can't change this segment. I flip it, dip it. It's bonus rules. I'm allowing it. You're giving bonus rules? I'm giving bonus rules to him. We've totally had bonus rules. Absolutely. Hey there, how you doing?

Oh, it's so nice to see you. I missed you too. You funny, man. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, you funny too. Yeah, that's really good. That's great. That's nice.

They talk to each other. Of course they do. Yeah. They're like conjoined twins. What else would they do? They're like conjoined twins. What else would they do? Marcus. They're like the, from Nothing But Trouble, the two fat twins. Yes, yes.

Lil' Devil. And it's Lil' Devil. Oh, it's so gross. What did they play by John Candy and Dan Aykroyd in makeup? Beezix. Is it Beezix. Yeah, John Candy is the girl, right? Is it Beezix? Yes.

Bobo and Little Devil. Little Devil. That movie is so good. Great name for your nuts. Oh, my God. They went on a weekend vacation, and all they found was nothing but trouble. That movie is so fucking good. It's so good. It's so amazing.

It's not bad. It's got two and a half. It's a 4.8 on IMDb. It's a tough watch. I'm going to say that. It's a difficult watch. It's actually bad. It's not a bad watch. It's actually bad. We'll talk about it after the show. Marcus, who gets their own mansion? Oh, who gets their own mansion? Oh, who gets their own mansion?

I kind of want to know what's going on down at the soup store. Get real! Rich Templeton, first time interactor, first time winner. You know, I've never won. You've won.

You've won. He's just vicious. Mark has vicious. Although, you never won. You won. He's just vicious. Yeah. He's just vicious. Although, I gotta say, Gissel, this is the first time you've made me laugh in a really long time. Wow. That's an insult.

Thank you, Jackie. He looked right through me. Yeah, nothing but trouble. 9% on Rotten Tomatoes. I love that movie. Go fuck everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go fuck.

All right. So, anything to plug? Do something. July 9th, Murder for Show at the Pit, 930. Come see it. Be a part of it. You love it. Jack the Worm.

Jack that Worm. I'm new on Insta, and I'm fucking blurring it up. You're blurring it up? Yeah. It's supposed to be. It's a picture site. Yeah, I know. I'm blurring it up.

It's all blurry. Can't get and crawl in it. Holdnatorso on Twitch and send Andrew Parker you talking like me for 30 minutes or five seconds. Nice. He's putting together a Holdnator's talk for 30 minutes. That's great. Good luck, Andrew. Are you going to talk on it?

I haven't sent him anything yet. Good. Good endorsement. That's it. And listen to the brighter side. Brighter side. Let me see anything yet. Good. Good endorsement. That's it. And listen to the brighter side. Let me see you, Nan Amber. I'm also the headliner of the club out in Philly in a couple weeks. I forgot the date and what the club is, but check my Twitter.

Come on down to Philly. We're all doing great. Let her know where she's performing. Rich, the scientist? Scientists, we're off for a bit, but I'm doing a solo show in the nook of the pit, the physical attic of the pit. Okay. And the only description of the show is one word, and it's called Tickle, and that's it. Can I hear the soup song one more time?

Daddy, won't you take me to the soup store? Daddy, won't you take me to the soup store? Take me to the soup store. I can't get enough of it. It's pretty great. It's pretty much the show about an hour and 45 minutes of that with Wagner in the background. For more shows like the one you just

listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.