The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 296: Butterfly Kisses

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

Jake Young, Julia Johns, and Trey Galyon relive PeeWee Herman's glory days, learn about why you shouldn't let dogs drive cars, and hear about an attack beaver named after a young heartthrob.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility.

Alright, so who is praying? Not me. 1, 2, 3, not it. 1, 2, 3, no pray. Not it. No, that's not how it works. Ben is praying. There is an order. 1, 2, 3, Ben prays. I don't think it is my turn to pray. I prayed last time. Oh, you did? I think so. Okay, so

Baruch Hata, it's your turn, Jake. Oh, no. I don't like being the first person here. You have to. Jake Young is with us from Nerd of Mouth, just to clarify that. And from the upcoming Wizard and the Bruiser. Oh, are we live? It's called Wizard and the Bruiser? It's called Bruiser and the Wizard.

I thought it was Wizard and the Bruiser. Wizard and the Bruiser might be better. Who the hell is the Bruiser? We switch it every time. Oh, my God. Who the hell's the bruiser? We switch it every time. Oh, my God.

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech haolam Asher G'dishanu b'mitzvotav Florida bullshit Marcus has the shit Amen That's very painful. That was beautiful. Amen. It's very painful. That was beautiful. I tell you, dude, well, you know I had an incident the other day at our band

rehearsal. I had some really bad shits. Yeah, you were gone for about 20 minutes. I was in there for 20 minutes and my guts were pushing against my nuts. Ben Kissel? Thank you, Holden. Good segue. That's how we start off every show from now on.

Jackie, how are you? This is the round table of gentlemen. I like your shirt, Jackie. It says boy inspector. Boy inspector. Better watch out. I'm here to discover who is the men and who is the boys. I'm a tiny boy boy.

Get over here. You sit on my lap. I'm a tiny boy boy. Get over here. You sit on my lap. I'm going to... Ooh, inspect me. Yeah, no. I just feel like boy inspector is more for slave trade. Like, it's like,

oh, yeah, no, he's a good stuff. He'll be good in, yeah, in the outside. Yeah, or you throw him down the chute. Kind of a sad reality there, but yes. Julia, you're here. Yes.

You're sitting in for Ed Larson. Yes, good to be here. Julia Johns, tell us about yourself. No. Classic Julia. That is a tough thing to do, Julia. It's sort of a yes and is what we need to do. You gotta roll with it. Yeah, you gotta

keep it going. Get it going. One secret you've never told anybody else except for your pillow. Secret. You've only told to your pillow only told to my pillow maybe you love i like i like to eat cheetos with yogurt is that true yeah wait actually that is true but i do know yes like vanilla yogurt strawberry yogurt wait marcus has he's having issues all right forget it no it's knows, but I do know. Like vanilla yogurt? Strawberry yogurt. Wait, Marcus is having issues.

Alright, forget it. It's fine. It's out the other end. It's out the other end. It's out the butt, not the mouth. You're not going to make my butt throw up. That's creamy yogurt. Draygal, you want to sit in for Kevin Barnett, by the way, if you're hearing his voice.

That's him. Oh, when am I supposed to be Kevin Barnett? Never. After me, but that's fine. Oh, okay. Haltnators, ho! Nobody knows. What? No, I don't think I have any shout-outs this week.

You don't have any shout-outs? How is your Twitch stream getting worse? I have shout-outs, I just don't know if I wrote them down. How don't you do this? Maybe I haven't said these out loud yet. Just do them. Aaron Rodriguez is a huge fan of Roundtable. Mr. Obama, screw Larson.

PS4 shout-out should be twice as long. Witcher contracts ain't going to do themselves. Okay, good. Okay. Poncho993 says he loves Eddie and his hate for the PS4 shout-outs and appreciation to Marcus for all he does no one says it enough Make it death 23 long live RT and Henry Kissel is as big as he is funny

He challenges ed to a weed off Holden if your GF and your mom switched bodies which one would you fuck to save them both and I? Don't suppose you making's like a paradox. My mom. Fuck my big fun mom. Just the worst magic terrorist I've ever heard. That's the thing. I'll fucking Eiffel Tower my mother.

Alright. Decrepit Whale says Parks is my personal lord and savior. Parks and Biff. What does that mean? A-M-B-Y-T-H? Is that a thing?

Parks and Biff. Yeah, man. Parks and Biff. Parks and man. Parks and Biff. Parks and Rec? I forgot about that. That's a decent show. A-N-D-B-I-T-H? That's bitch.

Am Biff, it's that. I don't know. It might be a misspelling. Yeah, it might have been an autocorrect situation. I get those a lot. Maybe it was and Ben. Oh, and Ben. Probably not.

Probably it was. Well, I mean, Savior not. Probably it was. Randy. Savior and Plyzer's just won. I thought it was some chaos magic hoobly goobly is what I thought. That's exactly what it is. Randy4422, Benjamin, you are a cock bag and shout out to Kevin. What the hell did I do to Randy? I don't know.

Randy with three A's, so he's obviously. Hit a nerve, obviously. You're being a cock bag today. I think that is a good way to describe it. I do to Randy? I don't know. Randy with three A's, so he's obviously. Hit a nerve, obviously. You're being a cock bag today. I think that is a good way to describe it. I agree with Randy. I love being a cock bag. It's a bag full of cocks. That's a party.

Yeah, why not? Forget about it. Kevin's gone. He's in Montreal. So Trey Galeona's sitting in for him. Yeah. Thank you, Trey. You're welcome.

All right. Now, I want to know more about this show that Jake and Holden are working on. Oh, shit. What's it called? The Crimpler and the Crumpler? It's called The Wizard and the Bruiser. The Wizard and the Bruiser or The Bruiser and the Wizard. I guess we've got to go check in about the name afterwards.

Okay. Who? So I have a feeling you're the Bruiser and he's the Wizard. Jake Young, that is. Maybe we'll find out through the course of the show, will we not? It's a journey of discovery to discover which of us is a wizard. And which of us is a bruiser. A brawling bruiser.

A scary, mean, muscle boy. This sounds dork-tastic. It is dork-tastic. It is dork-tastic. And we got some really fun episodes coming your way. I learned a lot about Gundam. And I'm really excited to not have to know about it anymore. Is this a podcast about

video games and other things like that? Every week we will take a single subject in the world of geeking, whether that's anime or cartoons or video games or comic books, and we will break it down and explain why it's popular. Spoiler alert, usually it's because of Asperger's Syndrome.

We'll try and make it as fun and entertaining as possible. I'm going, usually it's because of Asperger's Syndrome. Great. And we'll try and make it as fun and entertaining as possible. And I'm gonna throw it out there. We took a big note from last podcast on the left. We're gonna do our fucking research, and we're gonna bring you some real thoughts to the show, and not just yimmer-yammer off the top of our fucking domes. That's great, and that'll be right here on Cave Comedy Radio.

That's right, Cave Comedy Radio, premiering here in a couple of weeks. Wow. Don't miss it. Ooh, spooky. Spooky wizards and mean, mad bruisers. Wow, that show is going to take off. And by the way, on Twitter or wherever you want to go talk your snark, I'm calling it now Wizard and the Loser.

Oh, it's hilarious to change our name to Wizard and the Loser. Well, fuck your ass. What about Pisser and the Loser? Oh, so brilliant. Pisser and the Loser. All my fans can get fucked. I want you all to get wrecked on alcohol and do something dangerous and hurt yourselves. Wizard and the Weenie.

Holden and the Weenie. Hold me, weenie. Oh, smart. I've never heard that one before. Actually, I haven't heard that one before. Yeah. You've got to project in there. I think people will really like it. They won't say anything bad about it.

This is disdain for the people who listen to this show. I've never made a secret about it. So, yeah, there you go. That's a good point. Jackie, speaking of other cave comedy radio shows, we did page seven together. Marcus Parks, myself, and Jackie. That's so fun.

Yeah, it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. Yeah. What are some topics you covered? Travolta. Oh, yeah. Stranger Things. Always Travolta.

I feel like every single... Travolta is a pretty consistent topic. Breaking news. Old gay weirdo still old gay and weird. Is he weird? No, he's the weirdest man.

Marcus, have you caught up? Let's do a little page seven right here. Have you caught up on Stranger Things? I'm done. You finished it? You really did? I finished it last night. I finished it last night. You did?

Yeah. I have no idea what's going on. Get out of here. You've got to watch Stranger Things, Trey. It's on Netflix right now. I'm three episodes from the end, so don't spoil it for me. I won't spoil it for you, but you're going to love it. Trey, if you haven't seen Stranger Things, then Netflix just punked you.

You need to get on it. Get on it. I watched the whole Ip Man trilogy recently. We're not talking about that. No, no. Mike Tyson's in that one. That's pretty cool. That's been very good to me.

Yeah, Mike Tyson's is in the third one. That's right. Like, how is it? Okay, roll with it. They're great, awesomely bad kung fu movies. He's got one testicle. Does he? Yeah, Mike Tyson.

He was born that way? No. He was Lady Gaga? That's why he's so angry? No. No, he's very nice now. He's nicer. Yes, he's focused and in love with random Buddhist thoughts. How'd he lose his testicle? From raping? No. No, he's very nice now. He's nicer. Yes, he's focused and in love with random Buddhist thoughts.

How'd he lose his testicle? From raping? No. Well, I don't know. You should. I'm sorry. Allegedly raping. No, no.

He went to prison for it. He was convicted. You're allowed to say it there. There you go. Absolutely. Still, this is a show on Adult Swim, though. All right, Marcus. Maybe we should do a news story.

Let's do it. If you think you have one that you really love. I got one. I love this one. Oh, I'm scared already. An aggressive rodent named Justin Beaver. That's good. Has been attacked.

Good night, everybody. Thank you for listening to Roundtable. All right. Jake's closing us out. He's been attacking swimmers and pets at a popular swimming hole all this summer. It's caused quite a stir among residents with many fearing for their safety theona gibson who was once charged by the beaver said he's got some pretty big ferocious claws and teeth he came at me i was surprised it's not something you expect from a beaver and if the beaver were to come at you

marcus you might say something such as i'll just kick it don't come at me with If he was gonna come at me, I would say don't come at me with And then I'd kick him. Sorry, I've got the shits. I'm not on top of my game I know I can't think of like a more just existential horror than just like a fucking beaver with those like incisors Oh, just straight through the bone straight straight through the flesh, just on you. That's terrifying. I mean, a beaver is only useful if you have a big staple stuck in your arm and you don't have pliers around you. Get a beaver.

God made something for every occasion. Yeah, apparently Justin is well known in the area so much so that he's caught the attention of conservation officers. He's known to attack anyone who ventures onto his property, which appears to be the entire riverfront area. Four years ago, he attacked a dog named Max, leaving the animal with a gash on its stomach. I love it. I mean, man, protect your territory. To really just, you know, wipe his slate clean is that you just need to, like, record him and do a remix of, like, and say, I'm sorry.

And just, like, have him, like, attacking people. But they make it into a viral video. Everyone will love the beaver. He won't want to attack anybody anymore. Do beavers have a gut? Like, can they understand the concept of internet fame? Yeah. Absolutely.

Beavers understand virality. Their eyesight is based on motion like a T-Rex. Right. And guys, we should like fucking Scooby-Doo gang this fucking mystery. Turns out it's Dave Coulier with a fucking puppet the whole time. Cut it out. Cut it out. Of course, I met Dave Coulier.

Very nice guy. Yeah, you met him? Yeah, he was a great guy. Super, super nice. Of course, I met Dave Coulier. Very nice guy. Yeah, you met him? Yeah, he was a great guy. Super, super nice. He wrote a book for children. Oh. Yes. How does he take his coffee?

He likes it wet. Wet. Dark. Like a big wet. Do you guys know about like a beaver castorium? No. I don't even know what a castorium is. Yeah, what is a castorium?

Is that a spell wizard? So beavers have like a scent gland in their butts, and for like the longest time in the early 20th century and the late 19th century, it was like a valuable ingredient in patent medicine and perfumes, and it gave you pep, and it was like an aphrodisiac. People eating beaver butt? People ate beaver butt. Really?

Like, oh, so much money for that primo beaver butt. Really? Yeah, it was like the goji berries of old timey times. Yeah, you gotta love the beaver. They got a bizarre flattened pineapple for a tail. I mean, they are a bunch of fun critters, and they're dangerous. Yeah, the castoreum is, according to Wikipedia, the yellowish secretion of the castor sack.

The castor sack. That's interesting. I think the beavers are actually one of the more underestimated rodents or creatures when it comes to the sheer fright. When you see a beaver, you don't even realize you're scared of beavers until you're confronted with one, and then they're horrifying. They're shockingly large. Have you seen them in real life? I've never seen them. Have you guys seen a beaver in real life?

Trey, what's the size of a good beaver? A beaver's leg. Two feet long. It's an audio podcast. That's like two feet long without the tail. I mean, you're talking like a good 30, 40 pound thing. What's that big ass tail? It's like a cock bag.

A bag filled with cocks that does a weekly podcast. About as big as Ben. Huge. That's fine. Beaver versus, what's the other one? It's the beaver and the badger. You go for a badger definitely because beavers on land are quite fat

and slow, but when you get it, they're like yeah, you get them into the water. Get them in the water. Oh boy, they'll fuck you up man. Really? They're like crocodiles. You gotta run in a zigzag. They can't follow you. Man, let's get him to fight another viral video man I'm pumping this shit out right now you're smart thank you yeah

yeah boy inspector let three out in the middle of the high line and just film what happens give me your balls Jake I want to see how much of a boy you are today please don't expect me. I'm a tiny boy. I need to look at it seven point seven Penalties there what was I penalized for don't worry about it? Report I do I'm not I'm looking at the shirt okay, so when we did the shirt is glittery by the way Yeah, we explained that Jackie is wearing a shirt that says Boy Inspector. It is purple. It's sleeveless on her own. She made that shirt sleeveless.

But now that I think about it, that shirt, if you were not wearing it as a woman of age, I think it's really disturbing. Yeah, yeah. You imagine an old man wearing the shirt Boy Inspector? Honestly, I would be more afraid if I sent my boy to elementary school and another boy was wearing a t-shirt called boy inspector. Most people wearing it actually I think it's fairly creepy. I bought it at a dollar store.

There you go. There you go. Put it on a dog. See what happens. Dogs love boys. Boys love dogs. Is it only me? Throw it on a donkey. Marcus with the runs sounds like an old man,

like Clint Eastwood in Get Off My Law. Greetings. I am the boy inspector. Oh, my God, that's horrifying. Sounds like Levon Helm on a bad day. Say that, Marcus. I've got a room. It's all set up

for you. This is like fucking Bill Clinton. What's behind that curtain, daddy? Sounds like Emilio Estevez as old Billy the Kid. You know what? As long as you guys are wearing body cams, I trust you. It's fine.

I respect the uniform. Oh, us boy inspectors. You got to have body cams, Marcus. Wizard and the Bruiser. Coming to you live. We're going to talk about movies. Lizard and the Loser. What are we talking about here?

Loser and the Boozer. Oh, everybody thinks it's hilarious to shit on our show. You know what we did? We sat down and we said we're going to do it every damn week. And you come in here and you call us loser and you call us snoozer. Well, you're the snoozer because you go back to school and you learn how to talk. All right. No one called you a snoozer.

But I like snoozer, too! I like bruiser in the snoozer. It doesn't make you fall asleep. Unless that's what you want it to do, and then it does. Yeah, bruiser in the snoozer. Back to beavers. Yes, please. This is not the only serious beaver attack in recent history.

A few years ago, a 60-year-old fisherman was killed by a beaver in Belarus while he was attempting to photograph the animal. Apparently the rodent bit the man on the leg, severed an artery and the man bled to death. There you go. Horrible way to go. I should have

worn my beaver inspector t-shirt. He was just trying to get a staple out of his leg. Perhaps. They just don't have the precision. It's like, at least though, when he was dying, he said, oh, shit, beaver ate me out. Isn't that weird? But in Belarusian.

Sounds much more beautiful. Yeah, it's much more eloquent. Lizard and snoozer. That pelt's worth some cash. No, that's what I call some angry beavers. Beaver's revenge. What does that mean?

It means, oh shit, the beaver ate me out. In what language? Belarusian. I mean, what a good credits roll line to die on. I actually wrote, oh shit, the beaver at me out. If you say ate me out, it totally fucking changes. Changes it. Of the unknown.

Bubba, the zoo, me honey. Do you have any idea if you're saying that right? How did you read that? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I'm totally saying that right. It's a poor old. Yeah, it looks like just shapes.

No, it's. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They actually. Yeah, they help you out. Google Translate, it looks like just shapes. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They help you out. Yeah, they help you out. Google Translate, they just don't throw Cyrillic at you. They actually help you out.

He's my husband, my poor husband. What for his last words? Hey, Jake, don't worry about it. Don't come at him with that. Just know he's funny. He's a funny guy. I made a reference to a movie on a last podcast on the left, and for those listening to both, you'll love it.

You know Barbra Streisand, right? I'm aware of her. Yeah, remember that movie Yentl? Yes, I know that movie Yentl. Thank you. Have you ever seen Yentl? No. Give me the plot to Yentl right now.

Isn't that where she dresses up like a sexy boy? Okay, yeah. Yes! Thank God! It's Jewish Mulan. I'm pretty sure it's Julan. Julan! They should have called it Julan.

Thank God. All right, so beavers revenge. The guy, everyone's fine. The beaver's doing great. Leave the beaver alone. Leave the beaver alone. In fact, that's what they're doing. They're saying,

we're not moving the beaver. You move for the beaver. The beaver's in his home. Don't go to that swimming hole. Find a different swimming hole. It's Canada. There are swimming holes everywhere. Oh, it's constant swimming holes.

Why can't you just shoot the fucking beaver? It's not like beavers are dangerous. You put the scuba tank in the beaver's mouth, and then you shoot it with a rifle. Right. Yeah, because we all know beavers have black eyes, like a doll's eyes. I'm sure there's a beaver season up there. Smile, you son of a bitch. There's no beaver season.

All right, Marcus. Yeah, let's go for a history lesson. Ooh. Yeah. Today. I refuse to learn anything on this podcast. Yeah. You're not going to learn something.

This is a trip down memory lane for all of us today marks the 25th anniversary of peewee herman's arrest for exposing himself inside a triple x theater in florida where were you when peewee was caught jacking where were you for the days of the internet you had to go to a theater to jerk off yeah it was avidges he was at a jerk off theater jerking off it would have been rude had he not done it they completely derailed his career he never touched children he wasn't a pedophile they didn't mention anybody else yeah everyone thought he was a sexual abuser absolutely not no way i think there was like a second defense that like kind of that's what did that's what did him in. Yeah, according to a Sarasota County Sheriff's Office report, a detective watched as Rubens, quote,

exposed penis with left hand and began to masturbate at 8.35 p.m., and then he started again 10 minutes later after a verbal warning. I mean, it's a jerk-off theater. Who doesn't get off to a verbal warning? He was in a jerk-off theater. Who doesn't get off to a verbal warning? Whose job is that in the jerk-off theater? I went to see. He was in a jerk-off theater, but apparently they had brought the detective in to keep people from jerking off, say, hey, buddy, knock it off, and then he thought he could get sneaky with it. Did McGruff the crime dog come in and be like, hey, hey, it's not cool to jack it?

Take a bite out of crime. I went to see Lights Out. It was a fairly good movie recently. Yesterday! And everyone was on their damn cell phones the whole time. I would rather the entire front row be jerking off than checking Google and on Twitter. I don't think you did anything wrong. There's a gypsy curse where that's going to come true and you're going to be like,

I was wrong! I seriously would have no problem with it. Did you jerk off in Lights Out? No, I was wrong. I seriously would have no problem with it. Did you jerk off in lights out? No, I did not. It was too bright. Everyone was on their phones. It was awful. But this ruined his entire career. It ruined Pee Wee forever.

I mean, it was a show where he used to talk to a talking, he used to have a conversation with a talking chair. Everything was crazy and all of a sudden he's jerking off in a movie theater made to jerk off and that was too much for us? That was a sad time for America. Everything was crazy. And all of a sudden, he's jerking off in a movie theater made to jerk off in. And that was too much for us? That was too much. That was a sad time for America.

It was very sad. Yeah, I mean, as far as criminal charges go, he only was charged with misdemeanor, a misdemeanor, and was sentenced to community service in order to pay a small fine. But after that, CBS stopped airing his show on Saturday mornings. Toys were removed from store shelves. of course every single late-night comedian had at least one peewee punchline every night every night Do you guys remember that like fucking creepy PSA that peewee had in like the early 90s kids crack cocaine isn't cool

No, it was doing the peewee voice But it was like just understated where he held up a vial of crystals and was like, This is quack cocaine. It's deadly and it will kill you. It was terrifying. I've never seen that. He didn't make a comeback until the movie Blow. It was like the early 2000s before they let him on the screen again.

He was also in Mystery Men. Yeah, Mystery Men was before that. Mystery Men bombed. Yeah, it did. Mystery Men was what, 97, 98? He was also in Buffy. But it took at least five years for his... But he also had a really bad mugshot.

Like, this is his mugshot. Yeah, I remember that was... He was drunk. I remember as a kid, like, finding out he was arrested, and I didn't really know what the reason was, but I remember seeing... Like, I think my mom said he had his pants down. I was like, peewee.

And then I saw that picture and it was like, that's not peewee. That's not peewee. It's not peewee. No, that's Paul Reuben. I will say, though, I understand why all of us thought it was that he was a pedophile. That's why he was arrested, because that's one of the most pedophilic headshot or mugshots I've ever seen in my life. And of course, he had been working with kids for such a long time. But actually, once you think about it,

he never actually worked with kids. A kid show for adults. He worked with Lawrence Fishburne. It started as a sketch show. In the Groundlings. Yeah, it wasn't for kids. Yeah, it was the Groundlings. It was Catherine O'Hara.

It was that whole gang. Yeah, and he had an HBO special. Yeah, he had an HBO special. And it was like, when they would do it live, it was really blue. Like Pee Wee was like a disgusting, weird-ass adolescent kid that was like super creepy. And then, but he had a lot of enemies, Mr. Rubens, because he cut them all out. And he said that he invented Pee Wee. He took all the money.

And a lot of people hated him in Hollywood. So I would be surprised if the Groundlings set it up. It was a conspiracy. It could be. What's the name of the father from American Pie? Eugene Levy. Eugene Levy did it. Queen Bono.

You need to answer for your sins. But, you know, all those people, they buried him. They forgot about him. You know who came out in Paul Reuben's defense? Who? Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby. Paul Reuben's was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This was 1991. That was actually the best endorsement you could get in 1991. He said, whatever he may have done, he hasn't done that to children. That's weird. I was talking like a true scumbag. Sometimes it's LA, you're drunk, it's an isolating city, like the highs, the lows, and yeah, you just wander into a theater and get a little mecca-lecca-hi, mecca-hiny-hiny dance.

This was not Hollywood, this was Sarasota, Florida. He was visiting his parents, he said he was a little bored, because he has talked a little candidly about it. He said he was visiting his parents in Florida, he was kind of bored, he went to this strip club, or to this XXX theater that was right next to the Red Lobster. It was to this triple-x theater. That was right next to the Red Lobster It was right next to the red For 50% off ticket price, I would love to see the germs on the seats of that Red Lobster Yeah, it was between a Red Lobster and the Dutch family family the Dutch Valley family restaurant

And reportedly he was either masturbating. There were two movies shown that night. It was either Nurse Nancy or Catalina Tiger Shark. That's a good one. Catalina Tiger Shark is pretty solid. What theater was he in? Either one of those. They don't know?

It was just called Adult Movie and Video. Oh, no, wait. Excuse me. It was called the South Trail Cinema. Wow. But shame on him after the warning. You get the warning, you gotta be done.

What's he supposed to do? It would be like yelling at a crowd for laughing at a stand-up show. It's a jerk-off movie theater. I completely agree with you. It's completely ridiculous, but you get the warning, you gotta go. Remember when Fred Willard was caught like two years ago? Yeah.

That was just forgotten completely. Well, he's much beloved. He is beloved. That was in public as well. That's right. Oh, yeah. And he stayed in good graces with Eugene Levy. That's a great point.

Very good point. Holden has like a cork board board with pins and strings connected to everything. Eugene Levy, you need to answer some questions. I want to see some affidavits. I want to see some subpoenas and some penis. All right. Wizard and the Bruiser. Check that out.

Happening tomorrow. Wizard and the Accuser. Eugene Levy, you need to answer for all of your sins. And you know what? Everyone jerks off. I don't care who you are unless you're a woman and then you rub off or whatever it is. Jackie, clarify. Rub off.

Rub off. Rub it off. So maybe you're the sinner, sir. Maybe you're the dinner. All right. Well, Levi's got an answer to that. There's no way that he won't. He's gonna hear about it very soon.

Hold'em McNeely has called him out. Hold'em McNeely, I have a hundred followers on Twitter. The hottest beef in all of comedy right now. Eugene Levy versus Hold'em McNeely. I'm going to him right now. I'm making a rap song about it. I'm gonna drop the rap diss track on him. Eugene Levy. Nothing rhymes with Levy versus Holden McNeely. I'm going to him right now. I'm making a rap song about it. I'm going to drop the rap diss track on him.

Eugene Levy. Nothing rhymes with Levy. It's really hard to rhyme. Heavy. Levy. Heavy. Heavy. Eugene Levy getting heavy.

Not working out as much. Need to work out more. Good advice. That's my advice. He's like a good Revy. Holden, you rap as well as Holden McNeely. Eugene, you mean. You might want to get some writers for this one.

I might want to get some writers. Is Snoop Dogg available to write this diss track? Well, he is, he is. Go Ice Cube. Go Ice Cube. Ice Cube does better diss tracks for sure. Who does the best diss tracks? I always like, I like Lil Bow Wow.

Lil Bow Wow. It's just Bow Wow now. He's not just Bow Wow? Jackie can't inspect him. He's no longer Lil. Big Bow Wow. Big Bow Wow. Jackie, how are you feeling? What are you thinking about?

I'm hot. You're hot? Yeah. There's a little stuffy in here. You're just thinking about? I was thinking about, and then I was also thinking of other things that rhymed with Levy. Anything else?

No, that's what's going on in my brain. Bevy. Bevy? Bevy. But that's what are you going to say? Chevy. How are you going to say something with Chevy? Oh, Eugene Levy.

You're as dumb as a Chevy. Yeah, in the trunk of the Chevy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You always got a threat to murder the person in the distraction. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to shove you in the trunk of a Chevy. Eugene Le't drive a Chevy. You always got a threat to murder the person you distract. I'm going to shove you in the trunk of a Chevy. Eugene Levy. It's an open truck bed.

Chevy trucks. Blood's going to flow. Going to break the levy. Heavy. We know heavy. That was the first thing we said, Marcus. Your runs are destroying this podcast. I was trying.

I was looking up the child pornography accusation. Don't look that up. It's all moving on. The child pornography accusations against Pee Wee Herman. There were some. I know. Anything proven. He didn't get in trouble for that. No, he did not have sex with

children. No. Nothing was proven. He paid a $100 fine. Oh, right. Wait, did anyone watch the new Pee Wee Herman special? Am I the only one still? The Broadway special? I loved it. No, the Netflix movie.

The Netflix movie. I haven't seen that yet. Is it good? I think I'm the only person ever that has watched it. Is it good? You watched it? Yeah. Is it good?

It's weird. Not only did they make his face try to look like he did in the late 80s, but they also digitally enhanced it, so his face looks young. Did you see that crazy photo? They actually, behind the scenes photos showed that he had this tape bandage apparatus on

the back of his head to stretch his skin. I swear to God, Google Paul Reuben's neck tape. Paul Reuben's neck tape. Paul Reuben's neck tape. It's fucking freaky looking, man. It's real gross. All right, let's take a look here.

It's really how they make a Whopper look good in a Burger King commercial. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you can see it there. Neck tape. Neck tape. Should I be doing that? I'm going to do that, yeah. No, Jackie, you're not even 30 yet.

I'm going to do that. Beauty Secrets. Yeah, I'm going to do that. That's the one. All right, Beauty Secrets. I'm going to do that. No, Jackie, you're not even 30 yet. Beauty Secrets. Yeah, I'm going to do that. That's the one. All right, Beauty Secrets pulls it back there. Beauty Secrets. That's great. Kind of exciting.

All right, Marcus, any other stories that you want to talk about? Maybe about- Or should we just discuss how is your bowels doing? Do you feel comfortable? Your grimace is really endearing in a way. I'm very uncomfortable, but- It comes and goes, right? It comes and goes.

Is it like an airsoft gun gun or is it just straight water? Well, let's not get into great detail on that. Airsoft gun? Yeah, just like those little tiny like pip-pip-pip-pips. Oh, pip-pip-pip-pips. No, I would say it's more of a, I don't know, like a soccer field after a rain. Because right now, the donkey hasn't left the casket, right? I mean, so we don't know what it's going to be like.

Yeah, we're not really sure, but if I had to guess, I'd say I got a soccer field coming. They're not canceling the games, but it's a mutter. All right. Very good. Donkey hasn't left the casket. This just makes me have to shit. I want to shit. Now I got to shit.

My bounty for a shit right now. All this shit talk getting me going. I got a donkey in a casket. You do. It's the bark to get out. I got to get it out of the casket. I got to get it into the ground. The problem is you can try to pull on it with a string all you want,

but it ain't moving until it's ready to go. It ain't moving. They are stubborn, even in death. Even in death. And you can die with a boner, and it will stay. Good point, Holden. Donkey in the casket. All right.

So. Let's go to another story. Should we do one more? Let's do another one, yeah. A church organist is facing an indecent exposure charge after he allegedly shoved his penis through a bathroom divider wall and waited for a response from the man occupying the adjacent stall. In the church?

Yeah. No, no, no, no. This was in a restroom at a rest stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, and one of my favorite headlines in a while, church organist busted in glory hole gambit. Whoa. 75 years old, this man was.

He's 75? Yeah, he's 75. Does he look good for his age? He's got a red face. He looks like a high school. Oh, wow. He looks like he's trying out for varsity. That is the most intense looking person.

Yeah. You have to put the microphone to your face, Jake. I'm sorry. Let me share my opinions about this old man's penis. That's got to be the saddest feeling. Just like your dick through a hole and just nobody sucking it up. No, because you're working yourself up. I'd say 10 seconds of like, oh, shit, I'm actually doing it. Oh, I can't believe it.

I feel so alive. And then like 15 seconds, they're like, hello? Oh no. I think it just sounds horrifying. I mean, I wouldn't put my hand in a random thing. I mean, they just stick their penises anyplace willy nilly. Did they cuff his cock and then they let him know he was busted? I don't get the whole thing.

They should have a designated area. A glory hole area. Yeah. I mean, I think there was. There was a hole there unless you brought a drill bit into the bathroom with it.

You can't just put a glory hole anywhere. But it's weird to expect that somebody is going to be willing to do that, to just see a loose, strange penis coming out and be like,

I'm going to do something to that. Well, I mean, obviously. It's a truck stop, man. There are no laws. That's true. It's like opposite, Dan. The stalls with the red doors

are the glory hole stalls. Men are monsters. So if you go in there, just be prepared. You might get a little dick in the cheek. Knock three times, say the secret password, then stick your dick through the hole.

Yeah. Oh, if women had holes, if they had things that they could stick through holes, you guys could, you would stick things through holes. I've seen some certain porns with women who like just stick their tits through the holes. If they had things that they could stick through holes. You guys could, you would stick things through holes. I've seen some certain porns with women

who like just stick their tits through the holes and then the guys fuck through the holes and then it's, they kind of get, it's really cool. And if it's in a porn

it has to be real. No, it's really cool what they do is because they've just got like the, you know, they see, they get the board

in the middle but then you've got the woman on one side and man on the other and they don't know what the other one looks like. I think the South Pacific Jews also make babies.

No, that's the only way I would fuck through a hole is through a Jew sheet. Just to try it out. Like that children's movie. Holes. With Shia LaBeouf? Shia LaBeouf. All right, so now this guy is in a bunch of trouble. Uh-huh.

According to cops, a worker operating a street sweeper on July 12th stopped to use the restroom at a small park in Brooksville, a Tampa suburb. While in a stall, the man told police a man entered the restroom and went into the adjoining stall. In short order, cops say the victim was confronted with the private parts of Jerry Childress, 75, who shoved his penis through the divider wall and waited. Yellow. Agitated victim subsequently confronted Childress, who promptly exited the restroom and fled

the scene on foot. Though cops responding to the 911 call were unable to locate the suspect, the victim, who returned to working in the vicinity of the park, subsequently spotted Childress exiting a wooded area. When Childress got into his car and drove away, the victim began following him, apparently while behind the wheel of the street sweeper. After tailing Childress to the Faith Evangelical Presbyterian Church, the victim called it He just kept walking through the church and was like, sanctuary!

You know what, though? I'm going to say... Safe place. Base. It was a little extreme on the part of the person who was confronted with the penis. The victim. A very loose term in this situation. He was agitated.

Let me ask you, Ben. You're taking a shit. Someone puts a cock through it? Someone puts a cock through it. Literally, I already know my exact response because I'm chill about 90% of things. Don't come at me with that. Don't come at me with that. I would just be like, no, bro.

No, no, no. And just like get it out. But I really would never tailor them. I would not be that offended. This is what you do. You put the toilet paper roll on it. He comes to the toilet paper roller. You're getting something out of it.

And then he's getting a little something. He's getting that roll. He's going to get a toilet paper roll He's going to get a toilet paper. That's some freak shit there. It's how amazing. What a different picture. His face in the mug shot looks like he's like, don't tell my kids. And if you're angry, just give the dick an Indian burn and be done with it.

Don't fucking. No Indian burn. Don't have to Indian burn it. Thump it. Yeah. Get out of here. I would take my keys and slap it. Thump it. Yeah. Thump it. Get out of here. I would take my keys and slap at it with my keys.

Right, right. And then you get the idea, and maybe he likes it, and if that's what's going to get him off, I'll do that. It's the pursuit in the street sweeper. Like you try to get a fly both hands. Wa-pa. And it's that oops, sorry, sorry, sorry that you get in return from the man on the other end. Everyone loves a good oopsie moment.

Yeah, I would not jump straight into Bronson and start tailing these people. In a street sweeper though. In a street sweeper. In my entire life, he must be brought to justice. I kind of missed the part. This was a street sweeper. The guy was driving

in a street sweeper. His buddy hopped in a fucking little street roller. Oh, my God. Well, Childress has been the Faith Evangelical Presbyterian Church's organist for the past decade.

On his LinkedIn page, Childress notes that, quote, I am the principal organist for the church, which is a paid position. They could have said keyboardist,

but the crime, they have to go with organist. He calls himself an organist. He said, but I do it because of my love of playing organ. Or he said, of playing organ music and giving my gift back to God. Sometimes I like to give my gift through a hole in the back of my heart. There it is. Julia Jones.

Julia Jones. Stick my organ through the hole. Stick my organ through the hole. Stick my organ through Nate Hogan. Every organist I've ever met has been a creepy, creepy weirdo. It's a weird sound the organ makes. Right? I think so. They all have those bad glasses.

They all wear bad glasses, and they're gross. None of them are married. None of them are married. They have hair in weird spots. Some of them are in the doors. None of them are married. None of them are married. They have hair in weird spots. Some of them are in the doors. Some of them are in the doors. Well, Childress, he was divorced in 2008, but remarried in 2013, according to his Facebook page, which includes the profile photo that you will see now.

There you are. Bad glasses. He's got more glasses. Bad glasses. That guy likes his dick sucked by dudes. Yeah, the guy with the black and white, the black shirt with the music. Piano key tie. Piano key tie. Excuse me, organ tie.

Organist, please. I prefer the term gannist, please. Wait, what's the guy's name? Jimmy Childress? No, no, no's the guy's name Uh Jimmy Childress No no no His name is Jerry Childress The private parts

Of Jerry Childress Is my favorite Ben Folds song Well the church Has deleted Childress' Photo and a short Biography from It's website

A cached version Remains online The musician Quote Leads worship On Sunday morning And his bio notes his prelude pieces

mark the service with dignity and splendor as the gathering worshipers prepare their hearts for corporate praise. What the hell is that? What the hell is corporate praise? I think we just unlocked a cult. Corporate praise They all just like start

humming loudly and looking at a Walmart logo And it's jingles they hum jingles Wait where is this at This is in Tampa Why doesn't he just shove his dick into the tubes Of the organ And then like play The vibration

Also a dick sucking organ is like Super expensive So pricey And then like you gotta get The vibration. Also, a dick-sucking organ is, like, super expensive. Expensive, yeah. They don't have that in Florida. That's the thing. And then, like, you got to get a dancing monkey while you do that. Why doesn't he just, like, find some little boys like the rest of the church? Because the boy inspector has been with us all around.

And I'll say, where's your organist? Because I think he's got something for me to inspect. Oh, God. You know what it is? He's so old and, like, that, like, clearly that rest stop used to be the fucking, like, what's the creep spot? Yeah, go ahead. And he wanted to, like, reclaim some former glory, but, like, glory. Glory.

But times have changed, old man. Yeah. We're not about that anymore. Glory holes are everywhere now. You do not have to go to the public park to get your dick sucked anymore he could just go out on a tuesday night to just a random restaurant and say hey buddy who wants to suck my dick come over here and suck on my fucking rod for a minute all right i want the shrimp no you know what your mouth his his old his old buddy from back in like the swinging days is, listen, Jerry, I get it. You're frustrated.

Here, try Grindr. And he's just like, I don't get these newfangled apps. I'll do it myself. And that's Obama's America. That's what Obama's done to America. Love that Michelle, though. She has the best arms. Arms.

I'm voting for Michelle Obama. Yeah, writing it in. 2018. I'm with Michelle. There's no presidential elections in 2018. There might be. What if some switcheroo happens? I'm calling shenanigans on the whole situation.

Shenanigans! Arms! Shenanigans, shenanigans, shenanigans. Arms! What's that shenanigans alarm sound? I mean, we gotta switch it up! Uh-oh, I'm upside down! Shenanigans, shenanigans, shenanigans. Arms. What's that shenanigans alarm sounds? I mean, we got to switch it up. Uh-oh, I'm upside down. Shenanigans.

Arms. My shoes are on my hands. Hey, Ben, welcome back. Arms. This is what happened when you left. Shenanigans. Arms. Is that what happened?

She's got great arms. Holden decided to start talking politics. Yep. Oh, you did? Talking about Michelle Obama. She's got great arms. Holden decided to start talking politics. Yep. Oh, you did? Talking about Michelle Obama. She's got great arms. Shenanigans. Holden thinks that the 2016 election is just a big switcheroo,

and it's actually going to be in 2018. And that's when Michelle Obama's going to run. Trey says he's voting for Michelle, and I thought. I'm voting for Michelle. Yeah, because she does steroids. I'm totally voting for her. Add Y to the end of what she's got and you get army.

She can lead the troops into the war of the dragons because that is happening too, by the way. Game of Thrones is predicting. No, you can't flap into that. So we'll flap into it. Oh, I can't say war of the dragons. We agree that Holden is actively experiencing

a fever dream live on the podcast, right? Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Let's do one more story before we get to the segment. This one's for you, Ben. All right. Shoppers couldn't believe who was behind the wheel after a car crashed into a Walmart on Friday. I hope it's a monkey.

That's a check. A witness tells WSAZ, that's W-S-A-Z, that she was standing in front of the store when she noticed a car moving from its parking space at the front of the lot in her direction. The woman says the car slowly moved straight towards her. She at first guessed the driver was someone she knew who was messing with her. Jackie, I do want to say she has her fingers crossed right now. She is so happy. You wanted to be a monkey. Jackie, you wanted to be a monkey? All right.

That is until she noticed the face of the driver was a beaver. Wait, wait. Should we all guess? What do you think, Olden? I'm going to go with a dog beaver. I already know the answer. Jake? Child with autism.

Monkey. Child without autism. It was a dog. Because it was for Ben, and Ben loves Marmaduke. Oh, Marmaduke, all of them. Corgis, Pomeranians. And the woman got out of the way, and the car crashed into the store, and she says a second dog was in the passenger seat.

Oh, my God. The dog's in party. And after the wreck, that dog somehow managed to roll down the window and jumped out. What? There's no way this is true. They've done this before. There's no way. Is this the first wave of a war towards a horrifying planet of the dogs?

No, that's impossible. This reporter says yes. My God. What's that? There's a movie about dogs taking over and, like, fighting back. Oh, wait. No, you're thinking of that Rick and Morty episode. Nah, nah.

No, Ed loves this movie. Eddie, where are you? Oh, I'm right here. All right, Eddie, what's the name of the movie? It's called Me Doggy, Me Boy. Yeah, they all like escape and run together, right? Yes. Me Doggy, Me Boy.

Why are we doing an Adam Sandler impersonation? Are you talking about White God? White God? Yes. No, no, no. You're talking about Good Boy. No. Well, either way, dogs should take over.

Oh, no, no. Good Boy is... The fox and the hound. Good Boy is when an intergalactic dog pilot from... That's it. No, no, no. Juliet? I'm sorry.

Intergalactic dog pilot from Sirius. Do you guys know what Sirius is? The planet. The dog star. Oh, good Christ. He visits Earth to verify the rumors that dogs have failed to take over the planet. It's kind of like that, right? You could make a strong argument.

Dogs have taken over the planet. We clean up their dookie. We walk them. Or do they walk us? Don't get me started on that. We pamper them. We take care of them. They have almost as many laws as humans do to protect them.

I feel like dogs are winning. Yeah. In this movie? We feed them. They don't even buy their own food. Then explain pugs. Pugs are unbelievably adorable. What happened was Westminster, they started breeding them all wrong, and they have excess

skin down their throat, so they have to have surgery so they can breathe. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Starring Molly Shannon and Kevin Nealon as Mrs. and Mr. Baker. It's like that children's movie, Holes. I have not thought about Molly Shannon in a very long time. What happened to her? You don't need to.

She's in fucking Good Boy. Yeah. Good Boy. When was this movie made? 13 years ago. 13 years ago! Was there a dog hitting the gas pedal? Were there

thrice dogs? I don't understand how many dogs were in the car. The cruel irony is that means the driver had the keys in the car and left it running so the dogs wouldn't get hot. Nice. That is exact. How do they repay that kindness with open rebellion?

That is exactly what happened. The dog, they paged the owner of the car who turned out to be a woman in her late 70s. The car owner said she left the car running while she went to the store so the dogs could stay cool and the dog had managed to get the car out of park. An employee with the store said the dogs could stay cool, and the dog had managed to get the car out of park.

An employee with the store said the dogs were fine, and there was minimal damage done both to the building and the car. That's amazing. Wow, cute dogs driving. I wonder if those were her children that she had murdered, that their souls went into her dogs, and they were trying to kill her. Sounds like a spooky case for the boy inspector. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, I'll inspect anything you got, as long as it's got balls on it. Why do we keep sending our children to it? Why do we let her see it? Gimme, gimme, gimme. All right, it's time for a segment from Old MacNeil. Oh, no. It's like that movie Holes.

Eugene Levy, you green levy, you're new at this and you're bad at this. It's a terrible diss track. No, it was pretty good, actually. I mean, it's getting better. It's true. Got to admit. I'll have some Beatles samples. Okay.

So, weed. Everybody's smoking it. It's like the new fun thing to do, right? This is the hot new street drug I've been reading about on Twitter? Right? It's not gonna kill ya but it's gonna try. We're gonna try today. Name a weed

strand. You're creating your own weed strand and you're gonna name kind of maybe the effect that it can have on the body. You know, we can talk getting to edibles and vapes. Marcus moving to Seattle, has billions of dollars. He's gonna hire on the body. We can talk getting to edibles and vapes. Marcus, moving to Seattle, has billions of dollars. He's going to hire one of us to be his first big weed strand that he's going to develop and put out there.

Is weed legal in Washington? And remember, I don't smoke weed, so I'm selling this weed to unsuspecting customers. Keep that in mind. I think they're very suspecting, aren't they? They're extremely suspecting, but they are unsuspecting, possibly because of one of the answers you may give. You may give something sinister. You may give something fun.

Who knows? I'm excited to find out, Trey or Holden. Mine's called You Green Levy, right? Easy, right? Writes itself. And I'm free. I'm a free bird now because I finished

my segment essentially because I know what else I'm going to say. It makes you mean. It makes you drive a Chevy. It makes you drive a Chevy. It makes you listen to diss tracks.

And it makes you be upset about the diss track that is written for you, sir. And it makes you be upset about the diss track that is written for you, sir, and it makes you a conspiracy boy person. So you do those all the time, and you mess with people's lives, and you mess with their minds. It's a shitty weed.

Don't let me win. It's a bad weed. Wow. Trey, how are you going to top that bag of bananas? Yeah, you're a weed guy here. Elephant stampede. Ooh. Yeah. Top that bag of bananas. Yeah, you're a weed guy here. Elephant stampede. Ooh.

Yeah. You smoke it and it feels like an elephant stomped on your head. Whoa. Yeah. It's horrifying. No, it's in a good way. It's like an indica, right? Yeah. This is an indica.

This is a fucking melt-into-the-couch kind of weed. What kind of cartoons am I going to want to watch on this? Ren and Stimpy Okay, yeah, alright, that's a good one That's a real good one I like where you're going with that The whole MTV catalog would be good Beavis and Butthead, Ren and Stimpy Liquid Television?

Yeah, Liquid Television Eon Flux, baby You can throw a little bit into that Sparingly, though, sparingly You want to stick with the Ren and Stimpy and Beavis and Butthead heavy. Whatever you do, do not watch the Max. I urge you, do not watch the Max. Oh, I love the Max.

Oh, so good. Chum. So good. So this is just a weed strand. It doesn't have to be smokable, right? Pizza. Right? So you just want me to open a pizzeria?

Yeah. The pizza's full of weed get that high right yeah it gets you high it's high it's it's edible and so it's an edible can you can you do that yeah put weed on pizza well can you but i mean but i mean you can't just eat weed and get high you have to have an activated thc right yeah. You got to heat it up enough to where it'll release the THC. Yeah, release the THC. Like, we can do, like, butter. Like, put butter on pizza.

Put butter on pizza. Oh, I got it. What we can do. No, I know what it's pizza. Yeah, I know it's pizza, but Papa John's garlic sauce? You make weed Papa John's garlic sauce

for dippins. Hey, buddy, why don't we make weed Papa John's garlic sauce for dippin's that's a great idea Vaped weed because vaped weeds been heated up enough to release everything so just dump a bunch of vape to eat on the pizza Could be like oregano. Oh, holy oh man. Yeah, I'm gonna make it with the oregano. I'm gonna name my bong Michelle Obama I'm going to name my bong Michelle Obonga. Jake?

Well, now we're dealing with two. All right. Well, if. Okay. So the thing with weed strains is that they have like two different naming conventions. It's either like really like soft and friendly, like blueberry whisper. You're too smart for this. Or they're like terrifying. And I'm going to go terrifying.

Okay. This is guaranteed panic attack. This is a sativa above all sativas this will just rock your ass in a single puff it's like the ghost pepper of weed yeah it's like hyatt's just it's just gonna it's this is a guarantee like you you see this name and you're like i know what i'm getting into and i'm gonna call it daddy's belt oh i get whacked in your ass get scared not exactly that but similar boy inspector you can serve it by doing hot knives

and then like you take it to a cold stone creamery and they chop it into ice cream ooh there we go no I have had some scared back when I did there's like white widow AK-47 the one that spooked me the most was called Nuclear Holocaust. There's one called Irish Marriage.

That one was dangerous. Trump 2016. Jackie, it should just be Boy Inspector. It's not going to be Boy Inspector. I got a whole other thing. It's going to be a hybrid weed. It's called Butterfly Kisses. It's all going to be about the song Butterfly Kisses.

So what it's going to do... I don't know that song. Butterfly Kisses. It comes all gonna be about the song Butterfly Kisses. So what it's gonna do... I don't know that song. Butterfly Kisses. It comes with a mini disc. It's all about a father fucking his daughter. But it's not about that. In reality, it's more about the love of a father to a daughter.

My sister danced to it to her father-daughter dance at her wedding. It's all about just like, walk me down the aisle, daddy. It's my first time. And it's like all that kind of stuff where it's like this weird sexual kind of relationship between them.

Isn't she lovely? May I read from Butterfly Kisses? Yes. There's two things I know for sure. She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl as I dropped to my knees By her bed at night She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and I thank God for all the joy in my life

But most of all for butterfly kisses after Fucking Amy Grant Sticking little white flowers Fucking Amy Grant song. After bedtime breath. You know, it's funny. Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair. Walk beside the pony. Daddy, it's my first ride.

I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried. This was a song written by someone who wasn't imprisoned. Overall, he's done wrong. Oh, yeah. He must have done something right. Sweet 16 today, she's looking like her mama a little more every day. Oh, my God. Who sang that song?

Bob Carlyle. Bob Carlyle needs to be investigated. It's going to be great for people that have got daddy issues. So anytime you're smoking it, you can look at your partner and be like yeah you could be my daddy tonight yeah you know it's like and it also helps with daddies that want to fuck their babies and it's like oh but i smoke this and then it's like oh then i'm chill enough to fuck a full-grown woman yeah everyone so like you bust this out at a party and like everyone's like feeling real bad and like crying and awful but like 20% of them are going to be like having the time of their life

having a great time yeah like really ready people who enjoy a woman who is one part woman the other part girl to perfume and makeup from ribbons and curls so my sister father daughter

that's a whole we could do the whole episode on just that song alone. So that's my strain. And so it makes you feel, it's like there's a lot of weed out there that like makes you feel a little uncomfortable, but you're feeling good. Yeah. You're feeling good. Actually, that's one of my favorite feelings is like feeling good, but like a little uncomfortable. A little out of your skin. Yeah.

A little out of my skin. Butterfly kisses. Butterfly kisses. There you go. Julia Johns. You're on Twitter. You're on Instagram. You're on the internet. You can be found by putting your two names in. What do you think

this weed strain should be? It's one name. Julia's one name and Johns is the other name. It's one name. Well, no, Julia's one name and John's is the other name. But it's one name. But you can't look up fucking Julia. It's going to million fucking girls are going to show up. He's just trying to describe my woman's name of all time.

Wow. Barbara. Wow. 544 million hits for Julia. You're not special. Yeah. How about Julia Johns? Oh, so many. That's like a

Clark Kent. It's like an alter ego game. Oh my god, the computer just exploded. It's got so much. 1.4 million results. Less, less. I mean, the first picture that comes up is you with the fish. Yeah, it is. That's a shark. That's me holding a shark.

If you're the first person... Then there's another one. That bitch has to get off on my... That's a good thing That's me holding a shark. If you're the first person. Then there's another one. Ooh. Yeah, that bitch has to get off on my. Y'all are going to look the same. That's a good thing. At least all Julia's look the same. Even if it's a picture of someone else.

Julia Johns. Yes. You're on Facebook. All right. You have a Gmail account. Okay. My strand is, it's called Lime Skittles because I miss them so much. And it's. So it's hard to find. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's called Lime Skittles because I miss them so much. So it's hard to find.

It's a terrible way to run a business. You hallucinate anything that you want. It's kind of like a make your own virtual reality. So you're saying that it's like lucid dreaming in

weed form. If you want to hallucinate a slide that you take into a bunch of pillows or feathers or Skittles, you do it. You only hallucinate in Skittles, though. But how cool, yeah, yeah. There's always Skittles involved. The brand tie-ins are enormous. That is big brand tie-ins.

You want to hallucinate your celebrity crush, boom, he or she is there. You can do it. They never have genitalia. That's the caveat. It's a weird issue. Oh, wait, multiple genitalia, if anything. Okay, so everyone is guaranteed to have at least four sets of genitals on their body. Yes, right.

But it doesn't matter. But it's like both man and woman. Like say you could get like Angelina Jolie, but she might have like four dicks on her. It's a roll of the dice. Or you could like, I don't know, get like Jennifer Aniston and she's got like three vaginas and one penis. Yes. Are there testicles involved? Yeah guys you know we. The testicles are always

their side. This is a side effect? Well it's a caveat. I don't think it's a side effect territory. Sometimes it's kind of like a glitch if you will. Yeah. But normally everything's the way you want it. Normally. Just the genitalia issue. That's the only problem.

Can't iron out that butt Sometimes you take that slide Into that bunch of Skittles And then you're like Ah there's a couple penises in here But Right Whatever

You can still suck in her tits Yeah She's always They're always gonna have tits Yeah but But our Sometimes those genitalia Is gonna be on the tits

It could be on the tits But then you just dream up A different person Or inside of the mouth Technically my answer Is the best one. What are you talking about? Mine's so you can hallucinate anything you want. Mine's just pizza.

What if Angelina Jolie opens up her mouth and a dick comes out like it's an alien? Oh my god, dude. Dog tongue. We have a movie idea about a guy with a dick for a tongue. You shouldn't say it on this. Tongue for a penis. It's out there now, you idiots. It's a dog's tongue, but

he's also got testicles. But he's got like a dog's tongue. It's long. It's like long. There's a filter. You can see that right now. But he's got the penis in his mouth and the penis works like

a regular penis. It actually sticks out of his mouth, and the penis works like a regular penis. When it gets hard. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. It just comes out. Like it actually sticks out of his mouth, and he can't hide it. It's just sticking out. And like when he has to pee, he has to just lean over the toilet and like just. No, no, no. It's just a regular penis, so he doesn't make any noise unless he wants to.

So it just dribbles out. You're listening to another classic segment from Holden McNeely on the round table of gentlemen only on Cave Comedy Radio. And the weird thing is that he has to direct it with like two fingers on each side of his mouth because if he doesn't get it right the stream is going to hit the back of his teeth and he's just going to get a mouth full of piss.

Thank you for that nightmare vision. Alright, so that happened. Oh wait, plug, plug. We're not done yet. We're not done yet. Get your.com, we're not done yet. We're not done yet. Get your plug in. Don't let him stop you.

Well, hey, see, plug him on mover marijuana strain. An online quiz. Take it now. How much do you know? There you go. It had to do with the segment. That's why he was plugging it now. We still have to know what the answer is.

Yeah. Actually, out of all of these ideas, I mean, I'm going to go ahead and say that the pizza idea is the best idea. Pizza is the best idea. Just take me to eat pizza. It's not a wheat strain. It's a delivery. No, Holden actually did say edibles as well.

And I got to say, I mean, really, the garlic sauce, the garlic butter was my idea. That was your idea. I know. It's the best idea. It's by far the best idea you know what they say invest in yourself believe in yourself

and that's what I'm gonna do loves that garlic sauce I'll tell you do one better for you inject a little of the weed stuff in the pepperoncinis so that you

chomp on a pepperoncini not everybody eats a pepperoncini I love a pepperoncini not everybody eats I don't know anyone's gonna eat the pepperoncini once it gets you highoncini. Not everybody eats it. I don't know. Yes, everyone's gonna eat the pepperoncini

once it gets you high off your nutsack. That's true. All right, so that's this episode of Roundtable. Jake, you had something

you wanted to plug. No, we already plugged it. I plugged it. I'm great. You know, I just want to say Julia Johns

is on Facebook. You can search for her Twitter. Hey, Julia Johns. I'm on Twitter. Hey, Julia Johns. I'm on Twitter now, too, apparently. At Holdenators. Oh, but you're also on there as...

Julia Johns. I never started it. Somebody else started it. Oh, that's not you? No, and somebody's being me. I don't even want to talk about it. Maybe that person is me. No one's...

At this point, they're done, right? No one's listening anymore. People are listening. Yeah. All right, everyone. We'll talk to you soon. Goodbye. Bye.

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